Original subtitles

- Hey, how's it going?

- Another day, another unanswered email request

to remove my naked image from Google Earth.

- What? Still? - Yup.

You just type in our address,

and there's me sunbathing on the roof

with my "Rubyfruit Jungle" on full display.

- Uh--

- What's all the dinging? - Uh, the press release

for "Marriage Vacation" went out yesterday,

and Diana keeps sending me updates.

It looks like every major news outlet is running a story.

- Mm, working with the boss' wife.

How's that going? - Weirdly, good.

She's smart and funny,

and we're on the same page about the book.

- Good.

Just beware of gorgeous, sunny, without a cloud in sight,

'cause that's how I ended up

taking my clothes off on the roof.

- * Na, na, na, na *

* Na, na-na, na, na *

* Na-na, na, na-na *

* Na-na, na, na *

- Well, the press release for "Marriage Vacation"

has made a big splash.

"Page Six" is already calling it

"one of the most anticipated reads of the summer."

- Wait, summer? We're not gonna make summer.

- Is it feasible to rush the pub date?

- I think we could.

Pauline and I are almost done editing the first five chapters.

- Uh, when can I see them?

- She's coming in today. I'll ask her if she's ready.

- It doesn't matter if she's ready.

Uh, I am going to have notes,

so the sooner, the better.

- Of course.

- Thank you.

- You know, Liza, I take on many roles at this office,

and one of those, if I'm not mistaken,

is as a mentor.

- To? - You.

- Oh, yes, of course, definitely.

- You are editing a tell-all book

about the dissolution of your boss' marriage.

The stakes are very high here.

You could blast off or explode.

- I know this is a tricky situation,

and I'm trying hard to navigate it properly,

without exploding. - Good.

Since I've met you, you've been kind of boy crazy.

It's nice to see you focusing on your work

for a change.

- As a whole, I think the first five chapters

are in good shape.

- But?

- I never said I was in love with Donna Tartt.

I said I loved her writing.

This is fiction, Charles,

and at the time, I was obsessing over it, so...

- So this is an amalgamation

of real people and your imagination?

- The emotional truth is in there,

what it feels like to be married to a powerful publisher.

- Yes, playing hostess to brilliant writers

and not writing myself.

That's all true.

Look, I'm not demonizing you.

I'm putting you on a pedestal. - Putting me on a pedestal

or the fictional character on a pedestal?

both: Both.

- Hey. - "Hey"?

What? Just "hey"?

Have you not been following my Instagram story?

- All right, sorry for not checking your every update,

but I'm at work.

- Okay, well, I am at The Nest.

- What?

Oh, my God, is that Zoe Kravitz?

- No, no, it's a barista named Summer,

but if you look in the deep background, dude,

you can see Greta Gerwig.

- Wait, I thought The Nest was, like, super exclusive.

How did you get in?

- It's all about who you know, Kels,

and that is why I'm calling, to let you know

that there is an open networking event tonight

that non-members can attend.

So be your best self and get down here.

- Text me the address.

- I already dropped a pin, lover.

- I'm not sure if it's-- - Hey!

We're all going out tonight. - Ooh.

- Oh, I don't think so.

Now that they've rushed the pub date,

I really think we should stay and work.

- Oh, this is work.

We are going to the most exclusive women's club

in New York City.

- Are you talking about that place The Nest?

- Yeah.

- All right, apparently it's like Soho House,

but no boys allowed. - Yeah.

And the women who belong there have enough Instagram followers

to double the initial print of "Marriage Vacation."

- Okay, I'm in.

- All right. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- No, no--come on! - Oh, wait, wait, look!

- Ah! - Ah!

- Okay, I don't know how they do it in Ireland,

but here in the States, it is frowned upon

to distract your opponents.

I'm so sorry, but see that little rock wall

right behind your corpse? - Yeah, I do.

- That was my idea. - Really?

- Mm-hmm. - That little wall?

- Mm-hmm. My bosses who designed the game

were looking for something unassuming

that they could hide the key to level four in.

- So there's a key to the next level hidden in that wall?

Whoa. - I'm so sorry.

- Hey, Kels, what's going on? - Hey.

- Check it out. You see that little wall right there?

- Uh-huh. - Clare designed it.

- Oh, cool.

- All right, next game, that key is mine.

- Hey, has anyone seen my makeup bag?

- Mm. - Oh, I-I put it in the drawer

along with your brush and hair dryer.

Oh, and I put your hair products in the press--

uh, cabinet, and I washed your towel.

It's hanging on the back of the door.

- Oh, my God, Clare,

I'm so sorry if my stuff was everywhere.

- Oh, no, no, I was just tidying up.

- Thank you.

- Hey, you didn't have to do that, babe.

- Well, I want your friends to like me.

When have friends ever not liked the girlfriend

and it worked out?

- Aww.

* You want us to work out *

- Hello, Ethan. - Hey.

- Is this your girlfriend?

- It's not my girlfriend. Dave's.

- Is there a trick to flushing that thing?

- It's pretty straightforward, Dave.

- Uh-- I'll take care of it, Tony.

No, no, no, uh, this is Dave, sweetheart.

- We're out of here.

- They, uh, just stopped by to kill some time

before a buddy's party.

- Don't you think they'd be more comfortable

killing time in Ethan's apartment?

And when is he getting one of those?

- We were just talking about that.

- Oh, looking would've been better.

- Soon. I promise.

But first, there is something

that I've been thinking about all day.

- Are you serious?

- Yes.

- You are just trying to shut me up.

- Is it working?

- Oh! Wow, this place is really...

- I know. I know. These are hand-painted peonies.

No two are similar, just like the women here.

- Except they're all really young,

so similar in that regard.

- Uh, actually, no.

There are quite a few Mares. - I--

- That's what they call the members over 35.

You mostly see them at the Restorative Yoga nights.

- Uh, what's Pinx?

- Ah, those are period panties that make you look slimmer.

They're sponsoring tonight's event.

- Huh. Okay, well, is anyone sponsoring a bar?

- Of course.

Bloody Marys. JK.

- What?

- Pinx? - Oh...

- Uh, su-sure, thank you.

- Pinx? - Thank you.

This is just like a sexy diaper, right?

- More like a girdle with a drip tray.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, my God, Louise Wexford founded Pinx?

She inspired a character in "Marriage Vacation," Lois,

the one who's always bragging about going to business school.

- You changed Louise to Lois?

- Oh, my God, Pauline?

- I heard you were back in New York.

- Yeah, yeah, I--here I am.

- What is this?

- Mm, most mortifying leak story wins a year of Pinx.

What do you think, the volleyball game leak

or the bloodstain on the boat?

- Is this it? - What--what--what do you mean?

- I mean, I thought there would be cool, interesting women here

talking about how they climbed the corporate ladder.

- Not unless someone holding the ladder

saw their period stain, apparently.

- Oh, totally. Hi. Kelsey Peters.

- Cece Jones. I know you.

You work at Empirical, right? - Yes.

- I was a segment producer at the "Today Show."

I was there for Kiko Kagami. I work at "GMA" now.

- Mm, Kelsey runs her own imprint now.

It's called "Millennial."

- You're publishing "Marriage Vacation."

- Yeah.

- That book is getting a lot of buzz.

Can I see a galley? - Soon.

- We should get dinner

and talk about getting the book on the show.

I think it'd be a great fit for us.

- Oh, my God, yes, I would love that.

Here you go. - Cool, I'll keep in touch.

- Great.

- Well, you networked.

Happy now? - Yes.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

You know, I'm gonna go with bloodstain on the boat.

That was a real whodunit...

- Mm. - For about ten minutes.

- Pinx has changed my life.

Having an income and a purpose,

using my degree-- I went to Wharton, you know.

- Oh. - But then I met Teddy,

and we got married, and I got pregnant--

well, I don't have to tell you.

- Nope, I get it.

- Apparently you wrote the book on it,

which I can't wait to get my hands on.

Anyone in there I might recognize?

- Well, you'll just have to buy it and see.

- Oh, smart.

You know what?

Teddy and I are having some people over

for cocktails tomorrow night.

Why don't we make it a book party?

- Oh, the book's not gonna be out for months.

- So let's generate some buzz for both of us.

- Okay, sure. - Wonderful.

I will have my assistant take care of everything.

Mwah. Mwah.

Bye. - Bye-bye.

- Oh, my God, you have to come to that thing with me.

- Oh, I will stick out like a sore thumb

in that crowd. I can't. - No, no, no, no, no.

I don't fit in either. Please.

Oh, Liza, please come.

Please come. Be my one friend at the thing.

- Okay. - Ah-ha! Thank you.

Thank you.

God, I am so glad that Charles didn't take you off the book.

- What do you mean? - Oh, no, it was nothing.

He just mentioned it to me.

I'm sure it's because we're getting along too well

and he feels outnumbered.

- Yeah, that must be it.

- Hey, is that your Google Earth nudie pic?

- Yeah, I blew it up.

I figured it's an angle that I can't get myself.

So eat your heart out, Cindy Sherman.

- Where are you off to?

- Uh, I'm going to a party with Pauline.

- Oh, you two seem to be getting along.

- We have a lot in common. - Yeah?

- Yeah, we both found ourselves stuck in lives

we wanted to change, and now we're changing them.

- Yeah, but the difference is that

hers was Upper East Side wealth.

Yours was Central Jersey gambling debt.

- Yeah, and she still loves her husband.

- You still love her husband.

- I mean, I'm not sure if it's--

Ooh, Liza! Hi.

Oh, I want you all to meet my wonderful editor,

Liza Miller. - Hi, Liza.

- Hello.

- I actually thought about a career in writing,

but that's not why you go to work, hmm?

- Well, I think what you're doing is really brave, Pauline.

- Same, and I hope you and Charles work it out.

- Oh, Cindy Vannice.

- Oh.

- I wrote a book

about the year I lived with that Botox lump

in the middle of my forehead.

It's called "Woman, Horned."

It's a Kindle single.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

These women's approval used to mean so much to me,

and now I don't care.

- That has to be a good feeling.

- Oh, you have no idea.

God, Liza, this book is really changing everything for me.

Charles and I are even talking about

my moving back into the town house with the girls.

- Wow.

That's great. - Yeah.

- There you are. - Oh, hi.

I--do you wanna-- - I'll just--I'll grab a drink.

- Okay. I-I-I-I'll catch up.

- Okay.

- So give me the dirt on "Marriage Vacation."

The estranged wife just shows up,

says, "I've got a book. It's about my marriage.

Will you publish it?"

- I mean, it wasn't so straightforward,

but basically.

- There's gotta be drama.

- How could there not be?

Oh, my God, there's my friend.

Lauren!

Lauren!

Can you give me a sec? - Sure.

- Lauren!

Hey.

- Oh, Kelsey, hi, hi. It's you. Wow.

- Are you hiding from me? - That's a weird thing to ask.

- Okay, well, you're acting a little weird,

and it looks like you're wearing

the same thing you had on last night,

only turned inside out.

- Yeah, well, that's because I am.

- Okay, is there some sort of "Grey Gardens"-themed mixer here

that I'm unaware of? - No, but that sounds fun.

Okay, Kelsey, look, the truth is,

I've been at The Nest since last night

and the night before that and--and the night before that.

- I'm confused. Are there rooms here?

- No, no, there are not.

I have been sleeping here in a closet at night,

standing straight up like a horse.

- What? - Yes.

- Why?

- Because--because I was fired from Hector and Dorff.

On Tuesday, Lindy, Hector and Dorff's VP,

asked me to lunch.

Lindy's insufferable and talks so much

that Hector calls her Fat Lindy, even though she's not fat.

That's just his put-down for everyone.

Anyway, I settle in for a long, boring conversation,

when Lindy looks at me, and she says...

- You're fired.

We need your work phone.

- Quick and to the point

for the first time in Fat Lindy's life.

- Oh, my God. Lauren, I'm so sorry.

- It's fine. I'll be okay.

You know, I was outgrowing the company anyway,

and I told that to Hector,

which, in hindsight, is probably why this whole thing happened.

- Okay, look, everything is going to be fine,

but you need to leave The Nest.

- No! I can't leave here, Kelsey.

I'm not a member. They'll never let me back in.

- Oh, Lauren, give it up, okay? This place isn't that great.

It's like living in a giant dollhouse.

It's over-curated, it's far too flowery,

and it's a little infantilizing.

- Yeah, well, you know what's infantilizing?

Being unemployed and living with your parents.

I'm not leaving here until I have enough contacts

to start my own PR firm.

Failure is not an option. - I get that. I do.

But neither is sleeping in a closet, okay?

You're coming to stay with me at Josh's, okay?

- Okay. - Great.

There's not a shower here, is there?

- No. - Mm.

- Oh, my gosh, Jay. What are you doing here?

- Well, nice to see you too. - Sorry, hi.

I-I--uh, I was just surprised.

- Oh, I've known Teddy and Louise for years.

In fact, I love to come to these parties

and try to find out which book

opens up the door to the secret bondage room.

Nope.

- Nope. Ah.

Hey, congratulations on, uh, editing "Marriage Vacation."

I'm hearing great things. - Thank you. I'm excited.

I-I think it has a lot of potential.

- And let it be known that I may not have been

the first person to see your talent

but I was the first one that tried to poach it.

- You never forget the first.

I was actually hoping

that I would run into you tonight.

I wanted to see you again, but I wasn't sure how you felt.

- I think you're terrific.

- Terrific. Well, I think you are terrific too.

- Excuse me.

- Yeah.

Terrific.

- Charles. Hi.

- I didn't know you were coming.

- I didn't know you smoked.

- Yeah, um...

only when I'm stressed.

- It must be hard for you,

working with Pauline every day,

reliving the past.

- The hardest part is, I can't get you out of my head.

- In order for me to do my job,

I've, um--I've had to build a relationship with Pauline,

and...

The truth is, I like her.

And I love your girls, and I am not going to be the one

to stand in the way of this family getting back together.

- You are confusing the book with reality.

- She said you were talking about

her moving back into the town house.

- Well, she tells you way too much,

and that is not exactly accurate.

- Is that why you wanted to take me off the book?

Because she tells me too much?

- I don't wanna throw away what--

what we could be for this.

I think that we are making a mistake.

- I don't think it's a mistake.

This book could be a huge success for the company

and for Pauline and for-- - For you.

- Yes.

- Well...

Let's make this book a huge success, then.

- Hey there.

- This is sipping tequila, Richard.

An entire bottle, guzzled.

- You think it was Ethan?

- Yes. He's like a Gremlin,

just pillaging the place at night.

I'm sorry.

- Richard, what is the plan, hmm?

The three of us can't live in this one-bedroom apartment

together forever. - I know.

I'll figure something out.

He just needs a little support right now.

- Struggling in your 20s is what you are supposed to do.

- Ethan is struggling.

He doesn't wanna live here either.

- Oh, are my Turkish towels too lush for him?

No, I'm sorry, Richard, but Ethan is your kryptonite.

I know what your kryptonite is.

- That is not my krypton--

Richard, I know what you're doing.

I-I know--Richard!

You have one week.

- Hello!

I wanna thank you all so much for coming

to celebrate our dear friend Pauline.

She came back.

May all of our stories have happy endings.

- Aww. - Cheers!

- And, uh, I-I-I just wanna say thank you

to Louise and Teddy for this incredible party.

And I wanna thank my publisher and husband

for being so brave.

None of this would be possible without him.

- Aww.

- Cheers, everyone.

- Liza? Hi!

Julia and Bob, Bob and Julia,

Rose's parents. - Oh, yeah.

- Your daughter's best friend. - Yes, of course, I know.

I love Rose. Such a special girl.

- We heard Caitlin had appendicitis.

- She did.

Yes, and Rose was such a big help.

I meant to email.

- Oh, well, how do you know Louise?

- Uh...I don't, not really,

aside from her period panties?

- Who are you here with? - She's here with me.

- Uh! - Jay!

- Bob, how are ya?

- Wait, you two are dating?

- Yeah, we are. - Mm-hmm.

Yep, it's very new.

- That is a crazy small world.

Bob and Jay went to Princeton together.

Who didn't go to Princeton?

Louise, she went to Wharton.

- I thought you didn't know Louise.

- Everyone knows Louise went to Wharton.

- Oh, God, that is so true. - Ha.

Honey, we're gonna be late for our dinner reservation.

- We should head out, sweetheart.

- All right, well... - It was nice seeing you.

- Good to see you, Bob. - Oh--okay.

- All right. - That--wow.

- Oh, my God, you saved my life,

the 27-year-old one at least.

- Well, I am happy to be your old beard.

- Now is not the time to get busted.

- I owe you. How 'bout a drink?

- I thought you said we were gonna have dinner.

- I'd like that. - Come on, come on.

- Hey...

I thought you were coming over before your shift.

What happened?

- I was, but then I got some bad news.

- What? What is it?

- The company I'm interning for,

they're not gonna offer me a job.

That sucks.

Hey, it's okay.

You're talented. You'll find something.

- No, you don't get it.

The internship only lasts six months.

That means I have to move back to Ireland.

I can't stay in this country without a work permit.

- When is the six months up?

- In a week.

Okay, wait,

you were at the Random House Y2K party?

- Random House is where I started.

- Ah...in your "past life."

This is me.

God, you must think I'm the craziest person you've ever met.

- I've been waiting a long time to meet someone crazy like you.

Okay, so I was gonna go for the lips.

- I'm sorry.

I chickened out and rerouted

and ended up kissing your hair,

so I'm gonna walk into traffic now.

Okay, before you do...

Good night.

- Good night.

- * Cover your eyes *

* We kiss and collide *

* We'll be crashing all night *

* Let me take you for a ride *

* We kiss and collide *