Original subtitles

- Hey! Go back to bed.

You don't need to be up for me to stretch canvases.

- Oh, please, some of my best art

comes from my worst hangovers.

Here, wait. Let me have this.

Shit!

Never drink absinthe from a food truck.

- How about I staple

and you tell me about Josh?

- Josh?

- You know, super-hot tattoo guy.

Wait, his name is Josh, isn't it?

He would've corrected me

if I said the wrong name during sex, right?

- Wha--Please, tell me you didn't.

- Why?

- He's Liza's ex.

- Wait, Liza, like your roommate, Liza?

What?

- Hey, good morning. What you up to?

- I banged your ex-boyfriend. I'm sorry.

- Okay.

- She really didn't know.

- Of course not.

- Oh, it's fine, really.

Bang away...

like a screen door in a hurricane.

- Okay. - Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna go to work now.

Have a great day.

- Oh, shit.

- If no one has anything else,

I have an announcement to make.

After a successful early run,

including a pair of best sellers,

Millennial has quickly established itself

as a major player.

And while it is already in excellent hands,

we think its growth potential is going to require

another executive.

So it is my great pleasure to announce

Millennial's new associate editor...

Liza Miller.

- Oh, you guys.

Did you do this?

- We all agreed, you're ready.

- Oh.

- Congratulations, Liza,

and here are your new business cards.

- Ooh. - Thank you.

This is unbelievable.

- What's unbelievable is the work you've been doing

on an assistant's salary.

- I am just happy to work here

in whatever capacity you'll have me.

- We are so glad to hear you say that.

- There's a bit of a catch.

We're thrilled to give you a raise

and a title bump, but we can't afford that

and a new assistant for Diana.

- But for today, we celebrate.

- Yes. We'd like to have you join us

for our yearly wine and dine with Belinda Lacroix.

1:00 okay?

- Of course.

- Call the restaurant and change the reservation to 4:00

and make sure they know about my dairy allergies.

Congratulations.

- Associate editor, that's wonderful.

We should have champagne.

- Why don't we work on our sidecar first?

- Always he scolds me about drinking too much at lunch.

Didn't bother you when you were 15

and stealing sips of my whiskey.

- 15? Belinda, how long have you been at Empirical?

- Many, many years.

- Many prolific years.

Belinda's been writing a book a year for Empirical

since the early 1970s.

- Her romance novels kept the lights on for a long time.

Before Edward L.L. Moore,

she was our biggest earner for over a decade, right?

- And I outlasted that old pervert

with his tales of dragons and incest.

Where's my Netflix deal?

- No one can get past the romance stigma.

Snobs.

- And that kind of snobbery is just sexism in a tweed jacket.

Men decide romance is silly,

and women feel embarrassed about reading it.

- What's so embarrassing about a woman being a hero

and having great sex?

- You should be a feminist icon.

- Feminists! Oh, goodness.

They don't want anything to do with my books either,

at least not in public.

- We're working hard to change that.

That's why I had Liza join us.

We are hoping to introduce your novels

to a new generation of readers.

- And I can't wait to hear all about it,

but might I have an escort to the ladies' room?

I can get down just fine,

but the--the getting up can be melodramatic.

- Why don't we have our new associate editor do that?

And then you two can get to know each other better.

- Of course.

- Wonderful, but we--

we--we--we should go quickly.

- Right. Okay.

- Uh, Diana and I have some really fun ideas

about this upcoming book tour,

if you're up for it.

- Of course I am.

My fans have become my friends.

Men come and go,

but those women in pink hats,

they've gotten me through a lot.

- Yeah, I hear you.

I don't know where I'd be without my girlfriends.

I mean, I wouldn't have this job,

and--and I wouldn't be in New York.

- Don't let all the unrequited lust fool you.

My books are about women coming together

to control their lives.

- Hmm.

- Men...

Are just candy.

Oh.

- Belinda?

Belinda? Oh, my God! Belinda!

Oh, my God!

Shoot.

She was fine. She was joking.

And then she was just gone.

- I'm so sorry, Charles.

I know what she meant to you and your family.

- Did she--did she say anything before she...?

- The last thing she said was,

"Men are just candy."

- It's a great book title.

- Zadie Smith just bummed gum from me in the ladies' room.

- I just saw Danielle Steel icing Janet Evanovich.

It's like the who's who of publishing here.

- I hate wearing pink. It's like Barbie's dream funeral.

But it's what Belinda wanted, so I--

- That guy seems to be pulling it off pretty well.

That's Zane Anders.

Rivington brought him in to run their company.

"Esquire" did a profile on him.

He has a clothing allowance.

- He's really attractive.

- Yeah. He knows.

- Stop ogling the competition.

Barbara Walters.

Barbara.

It's Lachlan Flynn.

- The spy novelist? - Yeah.

I tore through all of his books in high school.

Is it weird if I go introduce myself?

- Diana's pretty much on Barbara Walters' lap,

so go for it.

- Yeah, okay.

Mr. Flynn. Hi, Kelsey Peters with Millennial.

- Hello.

- I don't mean to fangirl at a funeral,

but I read your entire Grant Stone series twice.

- Really?

Now, I didn't realize girls even knew

my books existed.

- You might want to mention that to your publisher.

We're a huge part of the market.

- Good afternoon, everyone.

Thank you all for coming,

and thank you all for showing your pink.

Belinda would be sorry she missed that.

I want to say a few words...

- We should probably take our seats.

It was lovely meeting you.

- The Empirical family for decades.

- So we just buried a woman in a hot-pink coffin.

I need a drink.

- What, dressed like this?

It looks like we bailed halfway through a breast cancer 10K.

- Come on, shouldn't that scare you

into living life to the fullest?

You're 40.

- 41, actually.

Last week. Kind of flew under the radar.

- What? - Well, I mean,

we weren't in a good place, so...

- Right.

- So are we in a good place now?

- Yeah.

You did what you had to do for your kid.

I would like to think that my mom would do something crazy

like that for me.

We're good.

- Thank you.

- Don't thank me. Come out and get some birthday ass.

- Birth-- I-I'll pass on the ass.

- Josh is moving on, and so should you.

That's what you do after a nasty breakup.

You got to clear the pipes. - Ugh.

- As long as he's the last person you slept with,

he'll be clogging your drain. - That is disgusting.

- Come on, it's not bothering you

that he's screwing a girl that's working in your loft?

- Okay, fine, one drink.

But no weird hipster places

where you have to walk through a fake barbershop

to get to the bar.

- Don't worry, we'll go to one of your places.

- What does that mean?

Old, that's what you meant.

- They're only old to Work Liza.

That guy at the bar,

he's perfect for Real Liza.

He is hot.

And he--he's totally hitting on you.

- Well, I'm not gonna hit back. - Why?

- Because I'm not getting involved with anyone right now.

- Who said anything about getting involved?

You don't have to go collecting an engagement ring

from every guy you sleep with. Just smash and dash.

- Okay, I think I'm too old for both of those verbs.

- Hi, you guys. Sorry I'm late.

Let's get this girls' night lit!

Oh, what's with all the pink?

- Funeral. - Oh, cool, cool.

Slam those drinks. Let's go blow it out.

- It's Tuesday.

- No, I know, I know. Okay, listen, I need this.

I am boo'd up, and I am bored.

- Lauren, Max is great.

- Um, is he?

You guys, I've been tracking my emotional journey

through this relationship,

and my sticker system shows it has been grim.

- You have a sticker system?

- Mm-hmm, I do, yes.

On the days Max makes me happy, he gets a gold star.

- And the red dots are for when--

- When he repulses me and I want to rip off his beard.

- Okay. - Come on!

Don't make that face at me.

Listen, Max's dull normalcy was cute at first.

It was, but, you guys, it has chipped away at my edges,

and now I'm dull and I'm normal.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry. Is this an assisted-living facility?

- Shh. - What?

What are we doing here?

Come on, I need to party with some guys

who aren't afraid to get weird, okay?

Let's go to The Cock. Uh...

Liza? Liza, hello?

- Oh, no Cock for me.

- No, no. It's Cock, like rooster.

It's--it's a dark, filthy bar.

- Oh, no. I-I'm gonna go home.

Kels, come on.

- No, I'm not in the mood for a gay sleaze bar either.

- Okay. Well, you're dressed like a drag queen,

so you're perfect.

Let's go, come on.

- Ah. Oh, my God, okay.

- Liza, hop up front.

We'll drop you off at the L on our way downtown.

- Oh, no, it's okay. I'll get home on my own.

Thanks.

- You don't have to go home on your own.

That guy at the bar was totally checking you out.

- Let's go! - But you know

because you were checking him out.

Go get some birthday cake.

- Uh, champagne, please.

- So where'd the other pink lady go?

- What?

Oh, no, these aren't costumes.

We were at a funeral.

- Ooh, so you were mocking a death.

- No! It was in her will.

- I'm just teasing.

You know, like you and your friends over there

making fun of the old guy sitting alone at the bar.

- We weren't making fun of you.

- Oh, that's okay.

I did the same thing when I was your age.

You never think you're gonna get this old.

- I'm 41.

And I was flirting with you.

- Really?

Diego.

- Liza.

- Very nice to meet you, Liza.

- I cannot believe that you sat for over an hour

with a hot Argentinean architect

and you didn't even give him your number.

- He doesn't even live here.

He's from Connecticut.

He renovating this old bank building in Greenpoint

into condos.

I mean, look at this place.

- Oh, my God. That's gorgeous.

- I know. - Wow.

Maybe you should swing by there on your way to work.

Maybe he'll be there.

- No. I'm not gonna see him again.

It just felt fun to flirt with someone I didn't have to lie to.

- You know what's more fun?

Sex in a construction zone.

Maggie.

- Maybe he'll loan you his hard hat.

- * Find a boy, settle down *

* Not the same without you around *

* You mean the world to me *

* Steal a kiss, make a dream *

* Holding hands became a theme *

* You stole the sun for me *

* It's a game, and you're on top *

* Kiss and tell, take a shot *

- Lachlan Flynn wants to meet for coffee.

He is not thrilled with his publisher,

his contract is up, and we just--

- Buried one of our best-selling writers.

Way to pounce.

- Oh, speaking of, how did it go with the hot old--

the hot guy?

You saw me head home.

- I saw you head back inside.

- One drink. He's great. I didn't get his number.

- Whatever. We can stalk him online when I get back.

- That's creepy. - No, no, no.

That is dating. Get used to it.

- He's about to say he's not coming.

Zane Anders. Lachlan Flynn's editor.

But you already knew that.

- Sorry.

- Don't play dumb, Kelsey. You're too smart for that.

I'm actually a fan of Millennial.

It's a cute imprint.

- Is "cute" code for "girlie"?

I mean, we do skew female, but young women still read books.

Young men think they know everything already.

- Well, let me tell you what I know.

Empirical lost one of its biggest repeaters,

and your boss sent you to steal one of mine.

- No, Charles doesn't know I'm here,

and we're just having coffee.

- You did not put on that sexy little skirt

just to get coffee.

Nice legs, though.

- You know, not everyone in publishing

has a wardrobe allowance.

This was all I could put together.

Nice jacket, though.

You know, I could be mad about this

but you failed so spectacularly

that I'm willing to let you make it up to me somehow.

- I could teach you how to market your authors to women

so they don't go looking for new editors at a funeral.

- I'll tell you what.

I need a plus-one for this boring book party tonight.

- Is that my punishment? A party?

- Who said anything about a punishment?

Text me. I'll send you the party info.

Just keep your hands off my authors.

Deal?

- Liza, I realize you're in a transition period,

and with your new responsibilities

you might not pick up every one of my calls,

but I don't remember saying I would pick up yours.

- Oh!

Hello, this is Liza.

Oh, oh, shoot. I think this is one of yours.

- Line three.

Hello, this is Liza.

- Hola. Me llamo Diego.

- Oh, wow, hi.

So I was kicking myself

for not getting your number the other night,

and I'm glad to see you felt the same way.

- What?

- Well, my security camera spotted a tall,

beautiful 41-year-old woman

from Empirical Publishing

peeking into my windows this morning.

Now, if you wanted to see the place,

I'd be happy to show it to you.

- Oh, that's-- - How about tonight

after work?

- Um...

I mean, I'm not sure what time I'll be done here.

- Liza, you don't need to make a down payment.

It's just a tour.

- Sure.

That sounds great. Why not?

- All right, perfect, then it's a date.

- It's a tour.

- Whatever you say.

- I have never felt more productive.

You know, before you started,

I usually made these things sometime around noon.

- Happy to help.

- I was thinking maybe we could knock out

the gold leafing tomorrow.

- Mm-hmm.

- Are you okay?

- I can't be your assistant anymore.

I'm so sorry.

I've had so much fun,

and I've learned so much.

I just--I need to focus on my own work and--

- And you feel bad about Josh and Liza.

- I feel terrible whenever I see her.

She's so jumpy around me.

Do you hate me?

- Of course not, but don't hate me

'cause I can't pay you till after my show.

- You really do not have to pay me anything.

This was such an incredible experience.

- We'll figure something out.

I mean, if I sell enough pieces.

- Trust me, you are gonna sell all of these.

- You think? - Oh, my God.

I wish I could afford one of your pieces.

I'm gonna be missing spending time

with my little warrior nymphs every day.

- Hey, why don't you take it?

- Stop. That-- Don't tease me.

- No, no, no. I insist.

You've done such a great job here and--

You know what? It's a gift.

- Aah!

Thank you!

- You're welcome.

And just so we're on the same page--

- You do not have to pay me!

I'm gonna miss you.

- This is so nice. I never want to leave this room.

But I got surgery.

Missed you.

- Ah!

Hmm, whatever.

- Missed you again. - Aah!

Oh, my God, hi. - What's this?

- Nothing. It's my stupid bullet journal.

I don't know. Audrey Gelman was doing it.

It doesn't even--I don't really even get it.

- You've been grading me?

- It's nothing. Honestly, Max, it doesn't mean anything.

It's just a silly, neurotic exercise.

- Look at all these red dots.

You've been miserable

and re--repulsed!

I repulse you?

- No. No, you--no.

Okay, listen, this is about me. Okay, this is not about you.

- That's what people say when they want to break up.

- Well, you said that, not me.

- Got ya.

- Oh.

- Wow, it's so beautiful.

- Oh, thanks.

- And very unique.

- Yeah, a lot of the new buildings around here,

they're like shiny hotels.

- Ha. - I wanted to do something

a little more old-school.

You know, that's more my style.

- This bedroom's a little big for its britches.

Yeah.

No, sometimes when I'm too tired to drive back to Connecticut,

I just crash here.

Plus, the view is not too bad.

- Ooh, the old pencil factory.

- No, no, no, no, you got to be at the right angle.

Come here.

Trust me.

- Can you see it?

- Uh, almost. - Almost.

Oh! - Aah!

- Oh, my goodness.

- Did you mean to do that?

- Nah.

Yeah.

Did you mean to do that?

- I'm not even really cold.

I just really like this jacket.

Exactly how much is your clothing allowance?

- Now, that is so sexist.

You would never ask a woman that question.

I had fun tonight.

- You sound surprised.

- Not surprised. Staggered.

Shocked, stunned.

- Oh, stop flattering me.

- I'm this way.

Let me call you and my jacket a lift.

- Oh, no, here.

- I'll get it next time.

- Next time?

- You went a whole night

without trying to ruin me professionally.

You win another date.

If you'd like to, I mean.

- I'd like to.

- All right, let me get you a car.

- You know, "Esquire" was right about one thing.

You are a gentleman.

I can get my own car.

- All right.

Good night.

Try not to be so obvious watching me walk away this time.

If I can be a gentleman, you can try to be a lady.

- Go.

- What?

- Come on, are you sure you're over 40?

'Cause last night sitting in the bar, I could have sworn

you and your friends were just giggly young girls.

- It's just the perks of a pink dress.

- Well, you're not wearing anything now.

- Hmm.

- Mm.

Come here.

- Can you keep a secret?

- I can try.

Okay.

I don't usually tell people this, but...

at work, my bosses think I'm 27.

- And why do they think that?

- Because it's what I told them.

- Hmm, interesting.

That and your youthful beauty.

- No.

That was the only way I could get a job--

lying about my age.

Now everyone at work thinks I'm a millennial

instead of a... almost-divorced mother

of a college student.

- "Almost-divorced"?

- It's--

Long story.

It's all over but the paperwork.

- Yeah, if you say so.

- No, I'm serious, we're done.

- No, I believe you.

Besides, it would be hypocritical of me

to be upset.

- You're married?

- You're married.

- Mine's over. Is yours over?

- Uh...

- Oh, my God, please tell me you don't have kids.

- What?

I don't see what the big deal is.

You're 27 at work, and I'm single in New York.

- Hey, what's going on?

- Oh, we needed a girls' night.

How was your date?

- Ugh, I don't want to talk about it.

- Oh.

- Lauren, are you okay?

- She doesn't want to talk about it either.

- You know what? We'll get back to reality tomorrow.

Come on, sit, we're gonna watch "The Crown."

- * Oh, oh, oh *

* So many times I chose to run *

* So many times I held my tongue *

* I held my tongue *

* I fell down but I got right back up *

* And now I'm stronger *

* I've got the heart of a hero *