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"Me, Myself,
and O" skyrocketed to number three
4
00:00:17,752 --> 00:00:18,747
on Amazon last night.
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- Oh, my God. Really?
- Yes.
6
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This Aubrey Alexis mystery is
causing a social media frenzy.
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"My Perfect O" is trending right now.
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Can you imagine how many
orgasms she's had a hand in?
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- She?
- Oh, right. Ew.
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This is causing quite a stir.
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I never expected this
book to actually sell.
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00:00:37,042 --> 00:00:38,711
"The Today Show" called.
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00:00:38,736 --> 00:00:40,396
Charlie Rose personally called.
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Everyone wants to
interview Aubrey Alexis.
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I'm afraid that's impossible.
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This is absurd.
17
00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:46,637
It's time she dropped the nom de plume
18
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and reveal herself, at least to me.
19
00:00:48,887 --> 00:00:50,816
Diana, I signed a strict NDA.
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Charlie Rose is just going to
have to use his imagination
21
00:00:53,225 --> 00:00:54,519
like everyone else.
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Trust me,
you do not want to know what is lurking
23
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inside the imagination of Charlie Rose.
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Oh, wow.
25
00:00:59,771 --> 00:01:03,556
Aubrey just got invited to read
at the Ladies Who Lust benefit
26
00:01:03,581 --> 00:01:04,906
- tomorrow night.
- What is that?
27
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The literary icons of
the sexual revolution
28
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throw it every year.
29
00:01:08,293 --> 00:01:09,759
What are they raising money for?
30
00:01:09,784 --> 00:01:10,947
Next year's benefit.
31
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,322
Well,
clearly Aubrey can't read at that event.
32
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The bigger this book becomes,
the more dangerous it is for us.
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Can you imagine if her fans
found out that this young woman
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that they've been identifying with is...
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Him?
36
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,911
And that's photoshopped.
37
00:01:36,936 --> 00:01:40,181
If the truth gets out,
it won't just kill the sales
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00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,322
of "Me, Myself, and O."
39
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It'll endanger the entire
"Crown of Kings" franchise,
40
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which would be a
disaster for the company.
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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To Aubrey Alexis.
43
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Whoever she is.
44
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Yeah!
45
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Whoo.
46
00:02:00,865 --> 00:02:03,065
Elizabeth Gilbert has
been tweeting so much
47
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,257
that "Vulture" thinks
she's Aubrey Alexis.
48
00:02:05,282 --> 00:02:07,967
I'd like to eat, pray,
strangle that woman.
49
00:02:07,992 --> 00:02:09,890
"Jezebel" thinks it's Gillian Flynn.
50
00:02:09,915 --> 00:02:11,504
She denied it a full 24 hours
51
00:02:11,529 --> 00:02:13,977
and 20,000 new Instagram
followers later.
52
00:02:14,002 --> 00:02:16,744
How many more people are
gonna take credit for my work?
53
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,326
Consider it a good thing.
54
00:02:18,352 --> 00:02:19,754
It's only boosting sales.
55
00:02:19,779 --> 00:02:21,873
Right, and it's your name on the check.
56
00:02:21,897 --> 00:02:24,167
Plus we've had so many
celebrities offer to read
57
00:02:24,192 --> 00:02:26,249
for Aubrey at the
Ladies Who Lust benefit.
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00:02:26,274 --> 00:02:27,362
Really? Who?
59
00:02:27,387 --> 00:02:28,486
Well, three choices:
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00:02:28,511 --> 00:02:30,778
Sarah Silverman, Tavi Gevinson,
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00:02:30,803 --> 00:02:32,006
and Gwyneth Paltrow.
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Gwyneth Paltrow?
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00:02:33,527 --> 00:02:34,960
That could be huge.
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00:02:34,985 --> 00:02:35,943
You get Gwenny,
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00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:39,192
You. Me. Turks. Caicos.
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Oh.
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00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,549
Great.
68
00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:48,621
I couldn't put it down.
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00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,052
Except for, like, eight different places
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00:02:50,076 --> 00:02:51,725
where I needed both hands free.
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00:02:51,751 --> 00:02:53,901
Who is this writer,
and why does she understand me
72
00:02:53,926 --> 00:02:55,026
better than I understand myself?
73
00:02:55,051 --> 00:02:56,631
She's definitely tapped into something.
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00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,382
- Mm.
- And at the right moment.
75
00:02:58,407 --> 00:03:00,514
No, it's not about swiping
right and sniffing poppers.
76
00:03:00,539 --> 00:03:02,273
It is about owning our own pleasure
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00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:03,133
without a man.
78
00:03:03,158 --> 00:03:04,765
Wait, people are still doing poppers?
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00:03:04,790 --> 00:03:06,171
- Oh, yeah.
- You know, it's interesting
80
00:03:06,196 --> 00:03:08,342
how scientists are now
challenging the theory
81
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that the female orgasm is
designed for pair-bonding
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only so women can get attached
and form stable partnerships.
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Ugh, finally.
84
00:03:15,047 --> 00:03:16,330
I mean, some of the
best orgasms I've had
85
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were with the most unstable partners.
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00:03:18,015 --> 00:03:19,659
- Until you.
- Aw.
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00:03:19,684 --> 00:03:21,885
Seriously, I've had way
better sex with guys
88
00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:22,979
that I've hate-banged.
89
00:03:23,005 --> 00:03:23,871
What about you?
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00:03:23,896 --> 00:03:25,608
Oh, well, you know me.
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00:03:25,632 --> 00:03:28,474
The more unattached,
the more uninhibited.
92
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:29,418
- Oh.
- Right?
93
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,376
Get me off twice then call me an Uber.
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00:03:31,402 --> 00:03:33,505
Get me off three times and
you can call me anything.
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00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:37,902
Something's vibrating.
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00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,865
Yes, and it is not what you
left in my call room bunk bed
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00:03:40,890 --> 00:03:41,998
last weekend.
98
00:03:42,023 --> 00:03:44,027
This is Dr. Horowitz. I was paged.
99
00:03:44,052 --> 00:03:47,505
Okay, um, can I make, like,
a "Me, Myself, and O" confession?
100
00:03:47,530 --> 00:03:48,583
Mm.
101
00:03:48,609 --> 00:03:51,338
Max is the first man that's
ever made me orgasm from sex.
102
00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:52,940
Both: Ooh.
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00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,932
Yes, I mean, as a doctor,
he really understands the depths
104
00:03:55,957 --> 00:03:57,654
of our complex female anatomy.
105
00:03:57,679 --> 00:03:59,010
Like lesbian sex?
106
00:03:59,035 --> 00:04:00,595
Yes, but with much less talking.
107
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:02,827
Okay, can I make a confession?
108
00:04:02,852 --> 00:04:03,939
Oh, yes.
109
00:04:03,964 --> 00:04:06,164
Every time I go to...
110
00:04:06,189 --> 00:04:07,595
- Beat around your bush?
- That.
111
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:08,545
Mm-hmm. Yep.
112
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:10,066
I think about Thad
113
00:04:10,091 --> 00:04:11,827
and then I remember that he's dead,
114
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,256
and I feel like I...
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A necrophiliac.
116
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No!
117
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No, I... I lose my...
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Lady boner!
119
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Yes.
120
00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:21,433
I have to get back to the hospital
121
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:23,212
and extract a LEGO sheriff
from someone's rectum.
122
00:04:23,237 --> 00:04:24,642
- Ooh.
- Yes.
123
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,962
Okay, but you better text
us if that's someone famous.
124
00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:27,891
- Absolutely.
- Great.
125
00:04:27,915 --> 00:04:29,123
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
126
00:04:29,148 --> 00:04:31,318
People are really into
butt stuff these days.
127
00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:35,816
So who exactly was that in there?
128
00:04:35,841 --> 00:04:39,332
Was that 26-year-old
Liza or 40-year-old Liza?
129
00:04:39,357 --> 00:04:41,017
Definitely the 26 year old.
130
00:04:41,042 --> 00:04:43,427
Good. Had me worried for a minute.
131
00:04:43,452 --> 00:04:45,486
Yeah, the 40 year old has
a very limited resume.
132
00:04:45,511 --> 00:04:46,501
Oh, yeah?
133
00:04:46,526 --> 00:04:48,106
How limited are we talking about here?
134
00:04:48,132 --> 00:04:50,498
I lost my v-card freshman year to my TA,
135
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:53,040
then I met David, and now you.
136
00:04:53,445 --> 00:04:55,012
Wait.
137
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,812
You only slept with three dudes, right?
138
00:04:57,837 --> 00:04:59,833
That's what you're saying? Like, three?
139
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:00,717
One less than four?
140
00:05:00,742 --> 00:05:01,983
That's the three we're
talking about here?
141
00:05:02,008 --> 00:05:03,893
Yeah, I got married
right out of college.
142
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,619
I guess I didn't have those
years of sex-ploration.
143
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,500
Until now.
144
00:05:10,525 --> 00:05:11,543
All right.
145
00:05:11,568 --> 00:05:13,260
Yeah. Mm.
146
00:05:13,285 --> 00:05:15,199
And that... that doesn't
bother you at all?
147
00:05:15,224 --> 00:05:16,500
Like,
you don't feel like you need to make up
148
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,756
for lost time or anything?
149
00:05:17,781 --> 00:05:19,281
Well, what do you think I'm doing now?
150
00:05:19,306 --> 00:05:22,170
Babe, that's a lot of
responsibility for one person.
151
00:05:22,195 --> 00:05:23,987
Well, you know what they say:
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00:05:24,012 --> 00:05:26,605
third time's a charm.
153
00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:29,579
Hey, wait. What's your number?
154
00:05:29,604 --> 00:05:30,534
What?
155
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,320
Uh...
156
00:05:32,345 --> 00:05:33,598
it's, like, you know, like,
157
00:05:33,623 --> 00:05:34,933
a multiple of three.
158
00:05:36,116 --> 00:05:37,474
It's, like...
159
00:05:37,499 --> 00:05:38,660
What, like six?
160
00:05:38,685 --> 00:05:39,654
Yeah, sure.
161
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,124
- Hey.
- Hey.
162
00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:53,612
"The Kosher Butcher's Daughter"?
163
00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:55,467
Are you sleeping with her too?
164
00:05:55,491 --> 00:05:57,801
No, I'm making Friday
night dinner for Malkie
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00:05:57,826 --> 00:05:59,134
and her friends.
166
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:03,028
It's sort of a Shabbat/apology
for polluting the mikveh.
167
00:06:03,053 --> 00:06:04,786
Yeah, we definitely
should not have crashed
168
00:06:04,811 --> 00:06:06,242
an Orthodox woman's bath.
169
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:09,311
That's why the brisket needs
to be really, really good.
170
00:06:09,542 --> 00:06:12,651
Hey, how many sexual
partners have you had?
171
00:06:12,878 --> 00:06:14,373
At the same time?
172
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:15,497
Never mind.
173
00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:24,597
Oh, hey. Good morning.
174
00:06:24,622 --> 00:06:25,509
Good news.
175
00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:27,772
I just got word that
Gwyneth is in for tonight.
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00:06:27,797 --> 00:06:29,465
That's great.
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00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,990
She's gonna "goop" it and everything.
178
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,606
- Oh.
- "Who Is Aubrey Alexis?"
179
00:06:33,631 --> 00:06:35,749
The question everyone is asking.
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00:06:35,774 --> 00:06:37,841
"Is she an MFA student
at the New School?
181
00:06:37,866 --> 00:06:40,011
"A Midwestern housewife
who hides her vibrator
182
00:06:40,036 --> 00:06:41,368
in a Lord & Taylor bag?"
183
00:06:41,393 --> 00:06:44,109
Well, tonight she's going
to be Gwyneth Paltrow.
184
00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:46,080
She's reading for Aubrey?
185
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:47,501
That's wonderful.
186
00:06:48,404 --> 00:06:50,740
Radha is going to be thrilled.
187
00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:53,309
Don't we all love just
love to thrill Radha.
188
00:06:57,997 --> 00:07:00,190
Do you think I made too much food?
189
00:07:00,215 --> 00:07:01,531
Are you kidding?
190
00:07:01,556 --> 00:07:02,556
These are Jewish women.
191
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,423
They would eat Lebanon
if it would just separate
192
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:05,490
from the continent.
193
00:07:05,515 --> 00:07:06,713
- Hello, hello.
- Hey!
194
00:07:06,738 --> 00:07:07,934
Wow.
195
00:07:09,752 --> 00:07:11,686
Hi. Oh, my God.
196
00:07:11,711 --> 00:07:13,077
Hi. How are you?
197
00:07:13,102 --> 00:07:16,587
Talia, Estie, this is my Maggie,
198
00:07:16,612 --> 00:07:17,999
and you've already met Sarah.
199
00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:19,624
Welcome. Shabbat Shalom.
200
00:07:19,649 --> 00:07:20,717
Both: Shabbat Shalom.
201
00:07:20,742 --> 00:07:22,622
Here we have sweet potato latkes
202
00:07:22,647 --> 00:07:24,947
and lox crostini to start.
203
00:07:24,972 --> 00:07:27,849
Wow. Usually someone has to
die to get food this nice.
204
00:07:28,674 --> 00:07:30,654
Oh, and here. Israeli wine.
205
00:07:30,679 --> 00:07:32,287
Uh, I shouldn't.
206
00:07:32,312 --> 00:07:33,854
All right. Just a teeny tiny drop.
207
00:07:33,878 --> 00:07:35,365
- Okay.
- It's fine, right?
208
00:07:35,390 --> 00:07:36,834
- Totally.
- Yeah, more than that.
209
00:07:36,859 --> 00:07:37,385
Yep.
210
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,886
So how do you all know each other?
211
00:07:39,911 --> 00:07:43,079
Well, Sarah was formerly
engaged to my brother.
212
00:07:43,104 --> 00:07:46,338
And I milked Talia's honey in
the Bedouin Tents on Birthright.
213
00:07:46,363 --> 00:07:48,096
You could've just said that we dated.
214
00:07:48,121 --> 00:07:49,395
I could have.
215
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,956
But now I'm married to Deb,
who couldn't make it.
216
00:07:51,981 --> 00:07:53,245
But you're gonna meet her.
217
00:07:53,270 --> 00:07:54,814
Maggie, you made all this?
218
00:07:54,839 --> 00:07:57,174
We all cheat and go to Zabar's.
219
00:07:57,199 --> 00:07:59,400
Some of us even go to Trader Joe's.
220
00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:01,546
That was during a
fricking hurricane, Sarah.
221
00:08:01,651 --> 00:08:03,786
Do you know how many times
I wanted to be Amy Irving
222
00:08:03,811 --> 00:08:04,810
in "Crossing Delancey"?
223
00:08:04,835 --> 00:08:06,235
Oh, I love that movie.
224
00:08:06,260 --> 00:08:08,017
Except for the pickle man.
Reminds me of my ex.
225
00:08:08,042 --> 00:08:10,389
'Cause she could only
climax from a pickle claw.
226
00:08:10,414 --> 00:08:14,049
Ah, well, the true test of a
sustainable relationship is
227
00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:15,739
"does it give me carpal tunnel?"
228
00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:16,906
That is a good one.
229
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,041
That's really good.
230
00:08:21,847 --> 00:08:23,379
_
231
00:08:23,404 --> 00:08:24,260
_
232
00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:24,768
_
233
00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:25,793
_
234
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,394
Why does each writer's nametag
feature a dirty phrase?
235
00:08:29,419 --> 00:08:31,748
It's their literary
erotic claim to fame.
236
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,380
Oh. A hummer.
237
00:08:34,405 --> 00:08:36,123
Silver balling.
238
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:37,665
You'll understand when you're older.
239
00:08:40,747 --> 00:08:43,728
Mm-hmm. There's Daphne Merkin.
240
00:08:43,753 --> 00:08:46,078
Ooh, and Eve Ensler.
241
00:08:46,102 --> 00:08:48,468
It's a very impressive group.
242
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:49,892
I agree.
243
00:08:49,917 --> 00:08:51,859
What's Liza doing here?
244
00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:54,463
Aubrey Alexis is her author.
245
00:08:54,488 --> 00:08:55,234
Ooh.
246
00:08:55,259 --> 00:08:57,152
Well, you must tell me
who Aubrey really is.
247
00:08:57,177 --> 00:08:59,131
Or at least a subtle
hint in her direction.
248
00:08:59,156 --> 00:09:00,234
If only I could.
249
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,598
Pam Pam!
250
00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:06,323
Now "Gawker" is claiming
Lena Dunham is Aubrey Alexis.
251
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:09,601
We've already seen her
slippery oyster on HBO GO.
252
00:09:09,626 --> 00:09:12,195
Don't they know the woman
has nothing left to hide?
253
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:13,652
Edward, what are you doing here?
254
00:09:13,677 --> 00:09:16,199
I'm not gonna miss the
inaugural public reading
255
00:09:16,224 --> 00:09:17,040
of my book.
256
00:09:17,065 --> 00:09:19,699
Oh, you mean Aubrey's book.
257
00:09:19,724 --> 00:09:21,838
Well, of course I do,
but that doesn't mean
258
00:09:21,863 --> 00:09:24,354
I'll tolerate others
stealing my thunder.
259
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:26,084
Ooh, Toni Morrison.
260
00:09:26,109 --> 00:09:27,142
Toni!
261
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,666
Excuse me. Hey, girl!
262
00:09:29,907 --> 00:09:32,358
- Excuse me for one second.
- Oh, okay.
263
00:09:32,383 --> 00:09:33,582
Did you know he was coming?
264
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:34,807
No, I had no idea.
265
00:09:34,832 --> 00:09:35,667
Will this be a problem?
266
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:36,724
No, I don't think so.
267
00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,170
Everyone's attention will be on Gwyneth.
268
00:09:38,195 --> 00:09:39,394
What are you two whispering about?
269
00:09:39,419 --> 00:09:41,521
- Uh, nothing.
- Nothing.
270
00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:46,255
Can I get a quote on tonight's event,
Ms. Peters?
271
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,465
Sorry. Have we met?
272
00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:49,900
Colin McNichol.
273
00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,659
I did a piece on
"The New Yorker"'s Page-Turner blog
274
00:09:51,684 --> 00:09:53,084
about what makes a book millennial.
275
00:09:53,109 --> 00:09:54,731
Right.
276
00:09:55,232 --> 00:09:57,730
You said my imprint had
yet to prove itself.
277
00:09:57,755 --> 00:09:59,221
No, I said you had the potential
278
00:09:59,246 --> 00:10:00,652
to be a notable influencer.
279
00:10:00,677 --> 00:10:03,633
Well, then I will potentially
consider thanking you.
280
00:10:03,961 --> 00:10:05,251
What's your next piece on, Colin?
281
00:10:05,276 --> 00:10:06,865
It's a "Talk of the Town."
282
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,378
My first in the print
magazine, actually.
283
00:10:08,403 --> 00:10:10,146
- That's a big step.
- It is.
284
00:10:10,171 --> 00:10:11,870
You could make it even bigger
285
00:10:11,896 --> 00:10:14,164
if you unveiled the
identity of Aubrey Alexis.
286
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:19,305
Points for being so direct,
but I'm sworn to secrecy.
287
00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:20,682
You don't mind direct questions?
288
00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:21,705
I prefer them.
289
00:10:21,730 --> 00:10:22,602
What about secrets?
290
00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:24,019
It depends on what kind.
291
00:10:24,044 --> 00:10:25,975
Well, this club is brimming with them.
292
00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:28,602
If you'd like,
I could show you one of my favorites.
293
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:29,953
Hmm.
294
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:34,144
That was the juiciest
brisket I have ever eaten.
295
00:10:34,169 --> 00:10:35,182
Mm-hmm.
296
00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:36,825
Except for that one time in Tulum.
297
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:37,621
Please don't.
298
00:10:37,646 --> 00:10:39,980
I'll email you the recipe.
299
00:10:40,005 --> 00:10:42,128
We should host every
Sapphic Shabbat here.
300
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:43,239
Right?
301
00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:46,239
Let's make a toast to our Sabbath queen.
302
00:10:46,264 --> 00:10:46,926
Yes.
303
00:10:46,951 --> 00:10:48,076
Alll: Maggie!
304
00:10:49,179 --> 00:10:50,694
Oh, Maggie,
305
00:10:50,719 --> 00:10:53,605
you should to come to our
self-renewal retreat at Kripalu.
306
00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:54,535
Yes!
307
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,248
What are you doing
for the High Holidays?
308
00:10:56,274 --> 00:10:58,313
We have the most amazing Cantor.
309
00:10:58,337 --> 00:10:59,737
She's family.
310
00:10:59,762 --> 00:11:01,676
Oh, and you have to sit with
us at the Rainbow Jews Gala.
311
00:11:01,701 --> 00:11:04,166
And don't...
don't forget my baby-naming party!
312
00:11:04,191 --> 00:11:05,520
Oh, you can name the baby.
313
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:07,093
- Are you okay?
- Where are you going?
314
00:11:07,119 --> 00:11:09,259
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I just... too much Kosher wine.
315
00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:10,473
Excuse me.
316
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:29,061
Mm.
317
00:11:29,086 --> 00:11:30,864
Hold on! I'm just...
318
00:11:31,305 --> 00:11:34,355
I feel like this little guy's
doing just donkey kicks... ugh...
319
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:35,698
On my bladder.
320
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,889
Oh, wow.
321
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:41,141
This bathroom is just as funky
as the rest of your apartment.
322
00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:43,236
- I like your vibe, Maggie.
- Isn't it great?
323
00:11:43,276 --> 00:11:44,863
Hey, did you make that one, babe?
324
00:11:44,888 --> 00:11:47,139
- Oh, is that you?
- Uh, no, no.
325
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,660
I got that one at a
flea market in Greece.
326
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:49,935
When did you go to Greece?
327
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,601
Why don't I tell you in the kitchen.
328
00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:53,100
I'm gonna go pour some more wine.
329
00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:55,436
- Any... anyone?
- Yes!
330
00:11:55,461 --> 00:11:56,464
Kidding.
331
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,985
Where are you taking me?
332
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,510
You'll see.
333
00:12:13,563 --> 00:12:15,567
Here we are.
334
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:18,550
What is this place?
335
00:12:18,575 --> 00:12:21,549
This is where they house all
their secret archival treasures.
336
00:12:22,397 --> 00:12:23,729
And how do you have a key?
337
00:12:23,754 --> 00:12:25,428
I'm doing research for a piece.
338
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,659
Oh.
339
00:12:26,683 --> 00:12:29,124
This is the last love
letter that Keats wrote
340
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,683
to Fanny Brawne before
he died at the age of 25.
341
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,121
Wow.
342
00:12:33,146 --> 00:12:35,315
"How I applied this to you, my dear;
343
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,374
"how I palpated it...
344
00:12:37,677 --> 00:12:41,307
"how the certainty that you were
in the same world with myself,
345
00:12:41,332 --> 00:12:44,810
and though as beautiful,
not so talismanic."
346
00:12:44,835 --> 00:12:46,852
"Not so talismanic"?
347
00:12:46,877 --> 00:12:48,535
He's saying she had magical powers
348
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,036
that turned men melancholy.
349
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,060
Oh.
350
00:12:51,085 --> 00:12:53,035
- Sounds like me.
- Oh.
351
00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:57,326
Well, I think you turn
men far from melancholic.
352
00:13:02,177 --> 00:13:04,120
Oh, no. Oh, God.
353
00:13:04,145 --> 00:13:05,265
I... I got to go.
354
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:06,710
Come and find me later.
355
00:13:08,927 --> 00:13:10,493
Gwyneth had a what?
356
00:13:10,518 --> 00:13:12,682
A vagina-steaming incident.
357
00:13:12,707 --> 00:13:15,639
No, I heard you.
I just wish I could un-hear it.
358
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:16,820
Why would she steam it?
359
00:13:16,844 --> 00:13:19,388
The vagina is already self-cleaning.
360
00:13:19,492 --> 00:13:21,349
Is it too late to find a substitute?
361
00:13:21,374 --> 00:13:22,263
I'm already on it.
362
00:13:22,288 --> 00:13:23,319
No, no, no, no!
363
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,105
Enough with everyone claiming credit.
364
00:13:25,130 --> 00:13:25,887
I want to read it.
365
00:13:25,912 --> 00:13:28,486
I want to come out as
the real Aubrey Alexis
366
00:13:28,511 --> 00:13:29,510
once and for all.
367
00:13:29,617 --> 00:13:30,514
Edward...
368
00:13:30,539 --> 00:13:32,537
Don't try and talk me
out of this, Charles.
369
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,447
Easy, easy, easy, easy.
370
00:13:34,472 --> 00:13:36,660
Wait, Edward, Edward,
Edward, Edward, Edward.
371
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,320
I understand your frustration.
372
00:13:38,345 --> 00:13:39,330
I really do.
373
00:13:39,355 --> 00:13:42,229
It's... it's difficult to keep a secret.
374
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:45,522
Especially when you pretend
to be someone else in order
375
00:13:45,547 --> 00:13:47,638
to be taken seriously
in your profession.
376
00:13:47,663 --> 00:13:48,982
But your book...
377
00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:54,094
Your book has helped so many
young women unlock their desire
378
00:13:54,119 --> 00:13:58,166
and discover their bodies and
enact their sexual freedom.
379
00:13:58,191 --> 00:13:59,791
And what's more important?
380
00:13:59,816 --> 00:14:03,694
Exposing the truth or
allowing your readers
381
00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:07,644
to enjoy the collective fantasy
that Aubrey Alexis is the voice
382
00:14:07,669 --> 00:14:09,342
of women everywhere?
383
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:12,605
Then you should read
it, Princess Pam Pam.
384
00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:13,509
Wait, what?
385
00:14:13,535 --> 00:14:15,469
I want you to read for Aubrey Alexis.
386
00:14:15,494 --> 00:14:17,371
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I... I can't.
387
00:14:17,396 --> 00:14:19,636
I... I'm not good at...
I don't public speaking.
388
00:14:19,661 --> 00:14:23,123
Either Pam Pam reads or I will.
389
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:32,028
Now we will end with our newest author.
390
00:14:32,053 --> 00:14:37,153
Though we can't say who she is,
"Me, Myself, and O" has awakened
391
00:14:37,178 --> 00:14:40,218
a new generation of young women.
392
00:14:40,243 --> 00:14:43,044
Please welcome Gwyneth Pal...
393
00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:48,800
Nope, Liza Miller,
reading for the enigmatic sensation,
394
00:14:48,825 --> 00:14:50,792
Aubrey Alexis.
395
00:15:01,849 --> 00:15:04,130
"I lay on the bed quivering,
396
00:15:04,155 --> 00:15:08,120
"my hands lingering over my panties.
397
00:15:08,145 --> 00:15:12,129
"I could feel my woman pulse
throbbing through the lace.
398
00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:15,495
"And as I slid my fingers inside...
399
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:19,905
"towards the place no man
could ever fully penetrate,
400
00:15:20,114 --> 00:15:23,717
I felt my flower begin to blossom"...
401
00:15:23,742 --> 00:15:25,118
Both: "To release."
402
00:15:25,143 --> 00:15:26,910
"To burst open.
403
00:15:26,935 --> 00:15:28,953
To explode."
404
00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:31,913
I am Aubrey Alexis!
405
00:15:31,938 --> 00:15:34,304
I am Aubrey Alexis!
406
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:35,721
Yes!
407
00:15:35,746 --> 00:15:38,153
I am Aubrey Alexis!
408
00:15:40,562 --> 00:15:42,000
I am Aubrey Alexis!
409
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,136
No.
410
00:15:43,161 --> 00:15:44,920
I am Aubrey Alexis.
411
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,952
I am Aubrey Alexis!
412
00:15:46,977 --> 00:15:48,416
All: I am Aubrey Alexis.
413
00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:49,322
No!
414
00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:51,147
All: I am Aubrey Alexis!
415
00:15:51,172 --> 00:15:51,953
No!
416
00:15:51,978 --> 00:15:53,515
All: I am Aubrey Alexis!
417
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:56,120
I am Aubrey Alexis!
418
00:16:00,473 --> 00:16:03,264
My friends loved you.
419
00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:05,791
Yeah, and I... I really liked them.
420
00:16:06,307 --> 00:16:07,823
But, um...
421
00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:10,200
you know, I just don't
think I can do this.
422
00:16:10,225 --> 00:16:11,552
Do what?
423
00:16:11,577 --> 00:16:13,760
This. Us.
424
00:16:13,785 --> 00:16:17,080
Them. I... I don't understand.
425
00:16:17,105 --> 00:16:18,334
You know, Malkie, I realized tonight
426
00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:19,413
that I don't know if
I'm ready for, like,
427
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,521
a real relationship
and all it comes with.
428
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:23,620
The new food, the new friends.
429
00:16:23,645 --> 00:16:25,078
I mean, they booked up my weekends
430
00:16:25,103 --> 00:16:26,394
for, like, the next three years.
431
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,802
I know they can be a lot.
432
00:16:27,827 --> 00:16:29,511
No, that's the thing. It's not them.
433
00:16:29,536 --> 00:16:33,186
It's just that I don't
fly in a lesbian flock.
434
00:16:33,211 --> 00:16:34,889
I'm more of a lone owl.
435
00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:37,013
Well, I... I wouldn't
want you to pretend
436
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,434
to be someone you're not.
437
00:16:40,228 --> 00:16:41,561
So what now?
438
00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:45,055
Well, we always have our tomato patch.
439
00:16:45,891 --> 00:16:48,064
Come here.
440
00:16:51,493 --> 00:16:53,224
Was it the bathroom?
441
00:16:53,306 --> 00:16:54,966
That didn't help.
442
00:16:55,969 --> 00:16:56,792
Got to be honest.
443
00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:03,672
Liza, thank you for stepping in
444
00:17:03,697 --> 00:17:05,703
and being so game tonight.
445
00:17:06,189 --> 00:17:09,136
If it means keeping L.L.
Moore in the Empirical family,
446
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:10,194
it was worth it.
447
00:17:10,219 --> 00:17:12,796
We, uh, we are a family.
448
00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:16,751
A dysfunctional one sometimes, but...
449
00:17:16,776 --> 00:17:18,480
All the best families are.
450
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,470
Oh, you two again.
451
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,960
Hope you don't mind that
I'm taking him home.
452
00:17:22,985 --> 00:17:24,141
What? Me?
453
00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:26,265
No, no, he's yours to take.
454
00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:28,304
It was, uh, it was
good to see you again.
455
00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:30,096
Always a pleasure.
456
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:39,624
Hey. Who you looking for?
457
00:17:39,649 --> 00:17:41,083
Well, I met someone tonight.
458
00:17:41,107 --> 00:17:42,919
This cute "New Yorker" writer.
459
00:17:42,945 --> 00:17:44,663
- They make those?
- I know.
460
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:45,865
Like, a rare breed.
461
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,296
I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me,
462
00:17:47,321 --> 00:17:49,295
but then he never
asked me for my number.
463
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,983
Hm.
464
00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:52,080
I'm already sick of being single.
465
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,488
It gets better.
466
00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:56,183
That's what they say to kids
who are severely bullied.
467
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,601
Come on.
468
00:18:07,858 --> 00:18:10,268
Imagine my surprise when I opened my
"New Yorker"
469
00:18:10,293 --> 00:18:12,272
this morning...
A ritual I enjoy every Monday...
470
00:18:12,297 --> 00:18:13,603
And I saw your name.
471
00:18:13,776 --> 00:18:14,909
Me?
472
00:18:14,934 --> 00:18:16,692
Your self-obsessed millennial antics
473
00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:19,753
are splashed all over
my "Talk of the Town."
474
00:18:25,132 --> 00:18:26,464
Oh, my God. Here it is.
475
00:18:26,489 --> 00:18:27,552
"I am Aubrey Alexis."
476
00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,624
"In a climactic moment, Kelsey Peters,
477
00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:32,731
"the talismanic beauty who runs
Empirical's Millennial Press,
478
00:18:32,756 --> 00:18:35,734
led the 'I'm Spartacu" rallying cry."
479
00:18:35,759 --> 00:18:37,403
Talismanic beauty.
480
00:18:37,428 --> 00:18:39,274
Is this the cute "New Yorker" writer?
481
00:18:39,299 --> 00:18:40,413
- Yeah.
- Ooh!
482
00:18:40,438 --> 00:18:42,433
And he's flirting with you in
"The New Yorker"?
483
00:18:42,458 --> 00:18:44,877
Who needs texting when you have
"Talk of the Town"?
484
00:18:44,902 --> 00:18:47,067
Scroll down. I want this guy's email.
485
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,171
Uh-huh.
486
00:18:49,448 --> 00:18:50,908
_
487
00:18:54,879 --> 00:19:00,350
_
488
00:19:05,418 --> 00:19:09,266
_
489
00:19:17,152 --> 00:19:19,196
- Hey.
- Hi, hi, hi, hi.
490
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,034
Oh, no. Not you too.
491
00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:25,138
What? Oh, yeah.
492
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:26,122
Yeah. I read it.
493
00:19:26,148 --> 00:19:27,180
It's good.
494
00:19:27,205 --> 00:19:29,387
It's so dirty, but...
495
00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:31,267
I... I liked it.
496
00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:32,874
Made me really think about you.
497
00:19:32,899 --> 00:19:34,539
- It did?
- Yeah.
498
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:37,522
This woman, she had to explore the world
499
00:19:37,547 --> 00:19:42,557
and bang a bunch of dudes to
finally find her perfect O.
500
00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:45,734
See, I read it that
she had it all along.
501
00:19:45,759 --> 00:19:47,361
She didn't need to go anywhere.
502
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:48,553
No, she did.
503
00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:49,985
She did.
504
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:53,304
I mean, she learned orgasmic
meditation from Raul,
505
00:19:53,329 --> 00:19:55,779
and circular breathing
from Karim, and...
506
00:19:55,804 --> 00:19:57,775
Wow, you really studied that book.
507
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,623
Yeah.
508
00:19:59,648 --> 00:20:02,393
I don't know.
I think experience is important.
509
00:20:03,044 --> 00:20:04,314
You know?
510
00:20:04,339 --> 00:20:09,030
I wouldn't want you to regret
511
00:20:09,055 --> 00:20:12,384
jumping into this relationship
too soon after your marriage.
512
00:20:12,542 --> 00:20:14,202
I could never regret you.
513
00:20:14,227 --> 00:20:17,817
Maybe you haven't experienced
enough to know that.
514
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,541
Which is why...
515
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,390
I got you this.
516
00:20:23,493 --> 00:20:25,445
- A present?
- Yes.
517
00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:26,797
Just open it.
518
00:20:31,865 --> 00:20:34,538
"Free pass for number four."
519
00:20:34,563 --> 00:20:36,095
You want me to sleep with someone else?
520
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,766
No. No.
521
00:20:37,892 --> 00:20:39,741
I want you
522
00:20:39,766 --> 00:20:43,834
to have the chance to explore, you know.
523
00:20:44,163 --> 00:20:48,203
But it's good for one night only,
524
00:20:48,228 --> 00:20:50,571
and I never want to hear about it.
525
00:20:50,662 --> 00:20:51,619
Ever.
526
00:20:51,644 --> 00:20:53,523
Ever, ever.
527
00:20:54,090 --> 00:20:58,166
Well, I don't plan on
cashing this in anytime soon.
528
00:20:58,191 --> 00:20:59,619
Great.
529
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,294
Unless...
530
00:21:01,319 --> 00:21:03,291
Oh. Yes?
531
00:21:03,316 --> 00:21:06,184
I pretend you're somebody else tonight.
532
00:21:06,209 --> 00:21:08,875
And who exactly would I be?
533
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,882
Oh, let's pretend that
you're really the 40 year old
534
00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:14,953
and I'm really the 26 year old.
535
00:21:14,978 --> 00:21:18,049
Like, so some kind of,
like, older man fantasy?
536
00:21:18,074 --> 00:21:20,763
Oh, no. Just a little age reversal.
537
00:21:20,924 --> 00:21:22,483
Yeah, I think I can roll with this.
538
00:21:23,636 --> 00:21:25,482
I mean, I learned from the master, so...
37311
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