All language subtitles for The Batman s02e08 JTV.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,774 Sorry! It was a onetime offense, man. 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,961 Won't happen again. 3 00:00:11,609 --> 00:00:14,009 Come on, man. All I did was jaywalk. 4 00:00:14,245 --> 00:00:19,148 Stop! No, please! No! No! 5 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,848 I'm the Batman. 6 00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:03,679 Tonight, all of Gotham again finds itself terrorized by Joker. 7 00:02:05,256 --> 00:02:08,783 Only this time, instead of breaking the law, he's enforcing it. 8 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:13,556 Donning the costume and mocking the methods of his constant rival, the Batman... 9 00:02:13,731 --> 00:02:18,134 ...Joker has inexplicably turned to fighting crime. The crazed catch? 10 00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:22,830 It seems the offenses he targets barely qualify as crimes at all. 11 00:02:23,007 --> 00:02:26,408 And as Kimberly Smith, the 78-year-old grandmother of 10... 12 00:02:26,577 --> 00:02:30,775 ...learned after absent-mindedly driving for three blocks with her turn signal flashing. 13 00:02:30,948 --> 00:02:36,614 ...while the crimes may be minor, Joker's punishment of them is anything but. 14 00:02:38,055 --> 00:02:40,819 Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... 15 00:02:40,992 --> 00:02:43,483 ...but why do you suppose the tribute, Master Bruce? 16 00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:46,092 Cheap knockoff is more like it. 17 00:02:46,264 --> 00:02:51,133 But what troubles me most is that my antidote failed to cure Joker's jaywalker. 18 00:02:51,302 --> 00:02:56,399 A new strain of Joker gas. How very ghastly indeed. 19 00:03:09,253 --> 00:03:11,813 - Joker? - Where? 20 00:03:14,191 --> 00:03:16,853 I don't know what you're after, but you will be stopped. 21 00:03:17,028 --> 00:03:20,725 The only thing I'm after, mayor, are the bad guys. 22 00:03:21,098 --> 00:03:25,728 Then how do you justify what you did to three of Gotham P.D.'s finest today? 23 00:03:25,903 --> 00:03:29,703 And for what? Speeding? It was a police chase. 24 00:03:29,874 --> 00:03:32,206 No one's above the law. 25 00:03:35,446 --> 00:03:40,577 �Bill for services rendered. One million dollars?� What? 26 00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:44,016 Crime-fighting ain't charity work, you know. 27 00:03:44,188 --> 00:03:49,490 - And if the city doesn't comply? - Then Gotham pays dearly. 28 00:03:52,730 --> 00:03:54,220 Sorry. 29 00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:59,566 I must say, mayor, of all the scum I've taken down so far... 30 00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:04,065 ...it was your wife who disappointed me the most. 31 00:04:04,475 --> 00:04:06,375 My wife? Sheila? 32 00:04:06,544 --> 00:04:08,273 What have you done to Sheila? 33 00:04:08,646 --> 00:04:13,083 Eleven items at a 10-item grocery checkout. She had it coming. 34 00:04:19,056 --> 00:04:20,614 Sheila. 35 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:21,780 Sheila! 36 00:04:30,735 --> 00:04:33,067 Well, well, well... 37 00:04:33,571 --> 00:04:34,970 ...graffiti! 38 00:04:35,439 --> 00:04:38,272 That's a pretty serious offense, girls. 39 00:04:38,442 --> 00:04:40,672 But that's why I became a crime-fighter. 40 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:43,575 To take out garbage like you. 41 00:04:48,452 --> 00:04:50,784 The costume party's over, Joker. 42 00:04:51,222 --> 00:04:52,883 Joker? Didn't you hear? 43 00:04:53,057 --> 00:04:55,719 The clown prince of crime has checked out. 44 00:04:55,893 --> 00:04:57,656 He just couldn't take any more. 45 00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,659 Couldn't take the Batman... 46 00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:02,230 ...always there to thwart his latest scheme. 47 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,062 Well, it was really starting to drive him mad. 48 00:05:05,936 --> 00:05:09,235 But then Joker thought it he couldn't beat the bat... 49 00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:12,308 ...he'd be the bat. 50 00:05:13,077 --> 00:05:15,170 Then Gotham has one Batman too many. 51 00:05:15,346 --> 00:05:18,110 Which means one of us has gotta go. 52 00:05:18,282 --> 00:05:20,341 My thoughts exactly. 53 00:06:24,682 --> 00:06:29,176 New and improved Batman beats original recipe. 54 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,245 But that doesn't mean our rivalry has to end. 55 00:06:32,423 --> 00:06:34,687 You see, the Batman needs a Joker... 56 00:06:34,859 --> 00:06:36,759 ...someone who gives him purpose. 57 00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,757 Which means if I'm going to make it as the Dark Knight... 58 00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:43,058 ...I'm going to need a Joker of my own. 59 00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:47,260 And who better a foil than you, old friend? 60 00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:56,076 Joker venom. 61 00:06:56,247 --> 00:06:59,944 Just the thing to inject a bit of humor into you. 62 00:07:04,555 --> 00:07:07,752 Don't fret, Batman. You'll soon make a great Joker. 63 00:07:07,925 --> 00:07:10,951 Just don't forget to smile. 64 00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:28,435 That is quite a nasty bite, sir. 65 00:07:28,612 --> 00:07:30,239 Really, Alfred, it's nothing. 66 00:07:30,614 --> 00:07:34,573 Nothing? Who knows what chemical concoction that madman cooked up for you? 67 00:07:34,752 --> 00:07:38,813 Look, if the snake's venom was harmful, I'm sure I'd know it by now. 68 00:07:39,156 --> 00:07:40,817 And to tell the truth, Alfred... 69 00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:42,356 ...I feel great. 70 00:07:42,526 --> 00:07:44,494 Even a bit chipper. 71 00:07:45,196 --> 00:07:48,654 Even so, we should let your lab results inform us whether... 72 00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:52,030 ...anything dangerous is currently coursing through your veins. 73 00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:54,603 I think the only dangerous thing you're gonna find... 74 00:07:54,772 --> 00:07:57,002 ...are my cholesterol levels. 75 00:07:57,675 --> 00:08:01,907 - Sir? - Nothing, Alfred. Just a bad joke. 76 00:08:02,079 --> 00:08:04,547 Well, I'd better get to the hospital and see about... 77 00:08:04,715 --> 00:08:07,479 ...sneaking a blood sample from Mayor Grange's wife. 78 00:08:07,651 --> 00:08:10,518 Sir, all things considered, until we know your results... 79 00:08:10,688 --> 00:08:12,952 ...I must insist you remain in the Batcave. 80 00:08:13,123 --> 00:08:17,184 Sorry, Alfred. Right now, I'm the only hope of Joker's victims getting an antidote. 81 00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:20,592 And besides, Mayor Grange could probably use some support. 82 00:08:20,898 --> 00:08:23,958 Seeing an old friend might bring a smile to his face. 83 00:08:29,974 --> 00:08:32,738 I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, mayor. 84 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,375 It's been a real tough stretch, Bruce. 85 00:08:36,614 --> 00:08:39,082 Your arm. You hurt yourself? 86 00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:41,179 Cut myself shaving. 87 00:08:43,354 --> 00:08:44,821 Kidding. 88 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:51,528 Yes, well, I am glad you came, Bruce. I was hoping I could get your advice. 89 00:08:51,695 --> 00:08:54,755 Joker's demanding a large ransom, and the city, well... 90 00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:58,231 ...just doesn't have that kind of money available. 91 00:08:58,535 --> 00:09:01,129 If it means helping Gotham and easing your burden... 92 00:09:01,305 --> 00:09:03,273 ...I can write you a check right now. 93 00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:05,541 You... You'd do that? 94 00:09:06,076 --> 00:09:07,509 No. 95 00:09:09,146 --> 00:09:10,738 Yes. 96 00:09:11,181 --> 00:09:12,910 I'm not sure that's funny, Bruce. 97 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:16,746 No, I'm being very serious, sir. 98 00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:20,319 Ale you sure everything's all right? 99 00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:26,788 Maybe I am a little bit out of sorts. 100 00:09:27,631 --> 00:09:29,792 Why don't we see how Sheila's doing? 101 00:09:31,735 --> 00:09:35,102 I wanna warn you, it's pretty shocking. 102 00:09:38,275 --> 00:09:40,903 Oh, that's terrib... 103 00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:49,048 Bruce, please! 104 00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:52,313 Sorry. Oh, I don't know what's come over me. 105 00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:59,524 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 106 00:10:02,032 --> 00:10:03,556 Hey! 107 00:10:04,969 --> 00:10:06,197 The Joker venom. 108 00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:16,774 The results of the lab analysis are grim, Alfred. Very grim. 109 00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:19,848 It seems Joker's new venom attacks the nervous system... 110 00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:24,317 ...and forces the body to gradually increasing fits of laughter, until finally... 111 00:10:24,488 --> 00:10:29,357 Joker said he wanted an archenemy, but he didn't say a pulse was required. 112 00:10:30,127 --> 00:10:32,595 That's rich. 113 00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:35,095 You crack me up, Al. 114 00:10:38,369 --> 00:10:40,303 So I devised this antidote. 115 00:10:40,471 --> 00:10:43,872 All I need is a sample of Joker's original venom in older to complete it. 116 00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:46,202 Which would require finding Joker. 117 00:10:47,011 --> 00:10:50,708 And soon. At the poison's current rate of progress, I have an hour left to live. 118 00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:56,815 And now only 59 minutes, 39 seconds. 119 00:10:58,088 --> 00:11:01,854 Fifty-nine minutes, 27 seconds. 120 00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:05,726 Things can't get any worse now, can they? 121 00:11:37,361 --> 00:11:38,919 Pull yourself together, sir. 122 00:11:39,363 --> 00:11:40,990 I'm sorry, Alfred. 123 00:11:41,165 --> 00:11:44,430 This venom is driving me batty. Batty! 124 00:11:48,238 --> 00:11:50,103 The Batwave. 125 00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:54,633 - Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art. - Joker? 126 00:11:54,812 --> 00:11:57,280 The crime clown has a different m.o. these days. 127 00:11:57,448 --> 00:12:01,077 Isn't the museum hosting a collection of priceless Faberg? eggs this week? 128 00:12:01,418 --> 00:12:04,854 - You don't think...? - Penguin. 129 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:08,690 As much as I hate to suggest it, Oswald Cobblepot... 130 00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:12,727 ...will have to get a free pass tonight, as your focus must be on finding Joker. 131 00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:16,263 If Joker's playing Batman, he'll be there to take down Penguin. 132 00:12:16,433 --> 00:12:18,264 I can hit two birds with one stone. 133 00:12:18,769 --> 00:12:21,329 Get it? Birds! 134 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,275 Good one, sir. 135 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:29,170 Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art. 136 00:12:29,346 --> 00:12:31,280 This looks like a job for... 137 00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,678 ...the Batman. 138 00:12:51,602 --> 00:12:56,301 Oh, these precious eggs are gonna hatch me a fortune. 139 00:12:56,607 --> 00:13:00,509 The perfect crime. No fuss, no muss... 140 00:13:00,677 --> 00:13:03,510 -...and no. - Penguin. 141 00:13:04,948 --> 00:13:07,007 ...Batman. 142 00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:30,306 Joker? 143 00:13:30,474 --> 00:13:32,169 I'm the Batman. 144 00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:34,901 You see, the thing is... 145 00:13:35,078 --> 00:13:36,477 ...you're not! 146 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,342 The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you. 147 00:13:39,516 --> 00:13:40,915 Are you out of your gourd? 148 00:13:41,084 --> 00:13:42,711 I'm in the middle of a heist. 149 00:13:42,886 --> 00:13:47,323 You don't see me barging in on your gas-all-of-Gotham schemes, do you? 150 00:13:47,491 --> 00:13:49,925 It is called professional courtesy. 151 00:13:50,093 --> 00:13:53,426 Sorry, Pengy, but bringing down Gotham's second biggest criminal... 152 00:13:53,597 --> 00:13:56,031 ...means my biggest bounty yet. 153 00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:58,462 Second biggest? 154 00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:00,603 Says who? 155 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,800 - Joker . - Batman? 156 00:14:33,136 --> 00:14:37,266 If it isn't dumb and dumber. 157 00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:43,477 Okay, now you two are starting to creep me out. 158 00:14:43,647 --> 00:14:46,445 This is no longer funny, Joker. 159 00:14:47,985 --> 00:14:50,510 Hand over the venom. 160 00:14:52,756 --> 00:14:56,419 But you're so close to completing your evolution. 161 00:14:56,593 --> 00:14:59,255 Well, it seems you two have something to settle, so I'll... 162 00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:02,489 - Not so fast, Penguin. The eggs. - The eggs. 163 00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:28,415 Yes. 164 00:15:30,427 --> 00:15:33,590 That is one expensive omelet. 165 00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:40,797 Since I can't leave here empty-handed... 166 00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:46,866 You do not want that, Penguin. 167 00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:51,640 If you want it, Batman, I want it. 168 00:16:20,877 --> 00:16:23,675 Comedy is timing, you know. 169 00:16:42,699 --> 00:16:47,102 Well, now, what could it be that you want so badly? 170 00:16:47,904 --> 00:16:49,997 No. That is not a good idea. 171 00:16:50,207 --> 00:16:51,606 Says you. 172 00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:58,471 Priceless. 173 00:17:10,827 --> 00:17:14,820 Well, guess I'll just hang out here. 174 00:17:16,032 --> 00:17:18,557 That's a good one, Pengy. 175 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:35,145 You know, it's funny. This situation reminds me of a joke. 176 00:17:36,019 --> 00:17:37,646 A doctor told his patient: 177 00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:41,018 �I have bad news and worse news.� 178 00:17:41,191 --> 00:17:45,355 �Oh, dear. What's the bad news?� asked the patient. 179 00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:49,461 The doctor replied. �You only have 24 hours to live.� 180 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:55,466 �That's terrible," said the patient, "but how can the other news possibly be worse?� 181 00:18:01,812 --> 00:18:03,473 The doctor replied, "Well... 182 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:07,515 ...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!� 183 00:18:19,496 --> 00:18:21,896 That joke always slays them. 184 00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:44,282 You really know how to squelch a laugh. 185 00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:51,886 Stop me if you've heard this one before, Joker. 186 00:18:53,497 --> 00:18:56,193 A man walked into a bar... 187 00:18:58,401 --> 00:18:59,993 ...and said: 188 00:19:09,913 --> 00:19:14,407 Good one, Batman. Said: 189 00:19:16,987 --> 00:19:19,751 Who knew you had it in you? 190 00:19:22,058 --> 00:19:24,219 That's the Joker I know. 191 00:19:31,668 --> 00:19:33,863 Hey, what's so funny? 192 00:19:33,913 --> 00:19:38,463 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 15126

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