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Damn it.

What the goddamn?

Shit.

Anybody in there?

You a crashed astronaut or somethin'?

Whoever you are, you blew up my truck!

You gonna get me another truck,

and I'm gonna run your ass over with it.

I didn't mean that.

We're good.

TERRORDACTYL

Subrip: Pix

Dude.

Want to give me a hand?

Jonas, how long do you think

I can keep doing this job by myself?

Dude, I'm taking my break.

I was mowing.

Yeah, mowing what?

The lawn.

With what?

Where's my lawn mower?

Relax. It's right over there.

God damn it.

Thought I finally got it working this time.

You know, I probably

just need to change something here.

Break's over.

Man, thought I had it this time.

You know, if you spent half as much time on real work

as you do with your things,

you might actually make some good money.

Just saying.

Lars, you've got a business degree

and you're planting shrubs all day.

Well, I mean, shrubs don't crash on my couch

for months on end,

shrubs don't beg me for a job after college,

and shrubs definitely don't drink all my beer.

I like shrubs.

Well, shrubs don't drive you home after a long night at the bar,

they don't help you get over your latest and greatest breakup,

and they don't fix your truck for you when it's not working.

All right, fine, you got me there.

All right, cool. Fertilizer time!

So I know that was my shovel,

but, what is it now?

-Dude, this? -Yeah.

This is my shov-brella.

Check it out.

Stay the hell away from my leaf blower.

Hey, so, five o'clock.

Happy hour at the old Watering Hole?

No, dude, I just want to have a few beers and pass out on my couch.

But it's friday night.

We always go out on friday night.

Yeah, well, I want to try something different,

like sleeping.

Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.

You know, you're probably getting too old

for that kind of stuff anyway.

Fine.

But you're buying and driving.

Deal.

Wait till you see my latest catch.

Biggest, baddest, meanest river son of a bitch you've ever seen.

Evenin', Sampson.

Don't you "evenin'" me, sonny.

I'm a marine.

This ain't just any evenin'.

This is a goddamn celebration.

And what'd you shoot this time?

Shark!

Right there in the river.

It was much tougher than that grizzly that I shot up in the Yukon.

And he had me in his jaws most of the time.

Yeah, and what river would this be?

The L.A. River, you damn civvy!

Put ten slugs in him.

Tired him out till he went belly up.

Just like the women in my bed.

You know, one day, Sampson, you're gonna sober up

and hopefully not be such a scumbag?

Yeah, sad day that'll be.

Nuts.

Dude, I got to be honest. I hate this place.

What? I love it.

I mean, the seats are old as hell.

The beer tastes like it came out of the faucet.

Come on.

I don't even want to think

about what these stains are on this table.

Dude, they wipe off.

And that smell is absolutely disgusting.

Tell me what there is to like about this place.

Besides the obvious.

What can I get you boys?

How you doing, Candice?

Hey, Lars, how are you?

Hard day on the job?

Yes, ma'am. That it was.

What about you, Jonas?

Well, I'm doing okay.

You know, hardest day of work ever, with, the...

The sun.

And we had the dirt and the shovel and the shrub,

and, you know, we got sweaty with the work, and so...

Yeah.

Yeah, you're still sweating.

Well, you know me. I'm always sweating.

Working! I'm always work... Always working.

So, how are you?

'Cause it looks a little slow tonight here.

-You okay? -Yeah.

Everything slow? Everything okay?

Yeah, it's a slow one.

What can I get you guys?

Two IPAs, please.

All right, coming right up.

-Man. -Bro.

-That was magic. -Yeah?

I could feel the sparks coming off that.

I think she's really starting to dig you.

Really, you think?

The signs were all there. I mean, think about it.

When you started talking about how much

you sweat and the shrubs you plant...

come on, man, why didn't you propose?

Yeah, I'm a gentleman, okay?

Take my time, picking my moment,

getting to know her a bit.

Dude, you do know her.

We come here every friday night,

and every friday night, it's the same thing with you.

You sit there, and you stutter, and you get all jittery like a little teenager.

No, don't eat that!

Disgusting.

Just ask her out.

I'm working on it.

Bro, if you don't say something,

she's gonna end up with that drunk Sampson.

It ain't that hard, Jonas.

Guess your balls just aren't as big as that brain of yours?

Lars, have you looked at us lately?

Come on, man, I'm dirty and sweaty and, let's see, poor too.

I mean, I can't ask her out like this.

I don't even have a dollar to my name.

It ain't respectable.

Hard honest work, that's respectable, Jonas.

Why, because it's hard? I mean, come on, man.

There's got to be a better way of making money

than sweating our asses off in rich pricks' lawns all day.

Dude, as much as you may think, money ain't always the answer.

Sure as hell would solve a lot of my problems right now.

I mean, come on, man, I want to do something big.

I want to, you know, do something great,

live the dream!

While you do that, I'm gonna dream

of cheap drinks and cute waitresses.

Here you guys go.

Feeling better, Jonas?

Yeah, I always feel good around you.

You can, throw these on Jonas' tab.

All right, will do, hon.

It's gonna be ten total.

Man.

Dude, I'm gonna need to borrow ten bucks.

Are you kidding me?

Hey, sweet cheeks!

When we gonna split a bottle and a bed?

I told you, Sampson, I don't date customers.

Honey, after a couple drinks,

you won't care who I am.

Sampson, all the drinks in the world couldn't do that.

Well, it was worth a try.

We will report more as we follow this story.

Watch your heads tonight.

Astronomers at Griffith Observatory

are preparing for a surprise meteor shower.

The meteors, which are expected

to come down in the greater Los Angeles area...

-Here's your change. -Thanks.

...which brought the planet a near miss

with a meteor the size of a six-story building

that by all accounts seems to have burned up on entry

when it disappeared from astronomers'...

Love to get my hand on one of those rocks.

Make a bundle.

What do you mean?

Meteorites, meteors.

You know, pretty cool.

Stuff's been floating around our galaxy for ages

just collecting space dust.

Then they just hit our atmo and burn up

like glittery diamonds.

Yeah.

You know, they hit Earth on a regular basis.

There's all kinds of different rocks:

irony rocks, stone rocks, stony iron rocks.

Irony ones are the ones that are worth the most

and easiest to find, I guess.

Other ones just look like regular rocks.

-But yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, the mete...

The mete... meteoroids

and the... The glistening rocks

and the night highway.

I-I can't get... I love them. I love them.

I can't get enough of them.

I mean, you certainly seem to like them.

Yeah, my cousin works at the science museum.

She says people pay top dollar for space rocks.

Really, that so?

Some guy had one crash into his living room a year ago.

He was pissed as hell until he sold it.

Bought a brand-new house.

Good to know.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Come on, come on, come on.

We got work to do.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on, come on, come on, here you go.

I'm not done with it!

Right, left.

You got this. You got this.

Look at you. You tiny dancer, you.

-Okay. -Leave me here.

I can't leave you.

Tomorrow's gonna be awful.

What! Tomorrow's gonna be awesome.

Let's get you some coffee.

All right, buddy. Come on, come on.

Almost, yep. Close. There. Okay, nice, nice.

Meteor shower is impressing thousands

all across Southern California.

Authorities have reported meteor impacts

in the Angeles National Forest

as well as Joshua Tree National Park.

In other news, there are a growing number

of disappearances in the high desert area

which local sheriff's departments attribute...

So let me get this straight.

You want to go digging up space rocks

in the middle of the goddamn night?

Dude, they're worth a fortune!

So is a good night's sleep.

Jonas, just promise me this is not gonna turn out

like the jackrabbit scheme; remember that?

It would've worked if somebody hadn't gotten angry.

Besides, man, I told you, rabbits spook easy.

Candice told me these things are worth a ton of money.

Candice told you. Great, yeah.

We're gonna find one of these things,

we're gonna sell it,

and we're gonna split the profit 60-40.

Wait, and why would you get 60%?

Because it was my idea.

Yeah, and it's a half-assed idea,

so you should get half.

Fifty-fifty.

You know what? Fine. Fifty-fifty.

But that's only because I'm your friend.

And, we're using my truck.

I thought this was our truck.

I mean, it's got my name on it too.

No, no, no, that's only 'cause I'm your friend.

Dude, where the hell are we, anyways?

Here, hand me the map.

Thanks. Nice.

-Got it. Got it. -Jesus.

God damn it.

Sorry.

So violent.

No, man. Look.

Dude, what is that?

All right, you know what?

If we go...

if we go about 20 more miles...

Jonas, look out!

Jesus Christ!

Ohhhhh, man.

I told you to keep your eyes on the road.

Man.

Holy goddamn.

Jesus!

Is that an electrical tower?

Sure looks like it.

How the hell did that come down?

Hey, man, whatever it was, we're not getting around that mess.

Come on, let's go.

Jonas.

Jonas, let's go.

Something must have hit it.

Yeah, what, one of your meteorites?

-No. -Yeah.

Yeah. Grab the flashlights.

Sure.

Goddamn, I hate you sometimes.

Yeah, well, you can hate me after we're rich.

Dude, what are we even looking for out here?

Dude, I already told you, a space rock!

A space rock, okay.

And how does a space rock

look different from a regular rock?

I don't know, probably like

it came from space or something.

This is crazy. I'm crazy.

-I can't believe I'm doing this. -Me neither.

You're not exactly the adventurous type.

-Hey, neither are you. -Hey!

And this ain't an adventure.

It's a wild goose chase.

I mean, shit, Jonas, there ain't nothing out here

but dirt and more dirt.

Lars, you saw that tower back there.

There's something out here. Keep looking.

Dude, it probably fell from a quake or something.

I mean, come on, man.

I do not want to spend all night out here.

It's cold, dark, and I feel ridiculous.

-Come on. -Ridiculous? Ridiculous?

You know when I feel ridiculous is when I'm planting shrubs and shit all day.

You don't see me complaining.

I don't see you complaining?

That's all you do!

Come on, man, take a chance!

I mean, think about it.

We could get rid of the yard work thing.

How bad would that be?

I like the yard work thing, Jonas.

Man.

It's simple, honest work

that happens during the day.

And you know what it doesn't do?

It doesn't leave me wandering through the goddamn desert

in the middle of the night looking for space rocks!

You know what? Screw it.

-Lars. -I'm out of here.

I'm going back to the truck.

Lars, come on, man.

Good luck chasing your miracles.

Lars!

God damn it.

The truck's back that way.

Shit.

Lars!

Holy crap!

This is exactly how I wanted to spend my friday night.

Dude, give me a hand.

It smells like rotten eggs down here.

What are you looking at?

-That's it. That's a space rock. -I'll be damned.

God, this thing's got... Thing's got some heft.

It's still warm.

-Yeah. -I wonder what it's made out of.

Probably something valuable.

So much for the wild goose chase?

Shut up.

All right, let's get this thing back to the truck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, man, let's go!

Come on, man, we're almost there!

I wonder if they pay by the ounce.

Here.

Hey, you mind if we tell Candice I found the rock?

I don't care.

Go impress your lady friend.

Dang it.

My God.

My God.

Hello.

This is, Jonas from...

The guy from the bar.

From friday, you know, every friday.

Right, hey.

You know, when I gave you my number,

I didn't expect you to call me at 7:30 on a saturday morning.

Are you drunk?

No, no, no, why?

Why... why... why would I be drunk? I mean, I just...

No, I just... I...

You know, I called to just, you know...

Yeah?

-Remember those space rocks? -What?

We found a meteorite, a space rock.

We found it all by ourselves.

I mean myself. I found it.

Well...

-Good. -Yeah I...

I... I... I, wanted to know

if maybe we could stop by and, you know,

you could take a look at it and, you know,

just kind of give... give us your expert opinion on it.

Now?

Sure?

Hell, I'm already awake, so...

meteors!

It's one way to start the day.

-Are you still there? -Yeah, yeah, still here.

Still here, always here for you.

All right, let me give you my address.

God.

Well, what crawled up your butt and made you so happy this morning?

I just made a phone call.

About the rock?

Yeah, you could say that.

Your phone got GPS?

Can I use this? I'm gonna use this.

Yes, go for it.

So where are we headed?

Candice's.

No shit. How'd that happen?

Just lucky, I guess.

How do I look?

-Good. -Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, you look lively.

-All right. -Sure.

I can do lively. Yeah.

Hey, buddy, you smell that?

Something in the... Something in the air?

Yeah, actually.

What is that?

That's the smell of change, my friend.

Lars, I wasn't being serious.

You can't actually smell change.

Jesus.

Come on, man, you look like a dog with your head in the wind right now.

-Stay with me here. -Shut up for a second, okay?

Smells like rotten eggs.

God.

-Shit. -What?

I don't want to smell shit. Roll up your window.

What the...

-What the hell is that thing? -I don't know.

Looks like a goddamn mutant pelican.

Pelican?

Like a bird or something.

Yeah, well, that's one angry goddamn bird.

Whoaaaaaa.

God damn it.

Jesus Christ!

My god!

Get it off the truck. Get it off!

Get it off.

Shake it loose. Come on.

-My arm! -My god, are you okay?

Come on, get off.

I don't think it likes us very much.

Yeah?

Well, let's see how it likes sudden stops.

My baby.

He tore up my baby.

Shit, he's still going. He's still going.

Should I turn around?

No, screw that.

Drive.

I think we got it, man!

I think we got it! I think we...

We got it!

-My baby. My baby. -My God. My God.

What did he do to you?

My truck was fine before today, Jonas.

Sorry.

Hold your horses. I'm coming.

Val?

Mornin', roomie.

Christ, Val, do you have any idea what time it is?

It's saturday morning. Does it matter?

I lost my keys again.

But I had another adventure last night.

What was his name?

Rodriguez.

Val, I work in a bar

and I don't drink as much as you do.

It is not my fault that you don't know

how to relax or get shit-faced for free.

Well, sorry I'm never in the mood to be felt up

by some douche bag just to get some cheap drinks.

Don't knock it until you try it.

Speaking of knocking.

Excuse me, I have a date.

On saturday morning?

God, you're such a prude!

Well, good morning, Cand-ass.

Hi, Vince.

Is Valerie here?

She just got in.

That's your date?

Shut up.

Valerie, my little concubine.

Hi, Vincey.

Now, Valerie, don't start playing hard to get.

Vince, once a month.

That's as easy as it gets for you.

Well, that's why I'm here, actually.

I wanted to renegotiate your lease.

I was thinking, twice a month.

Are you sure you could even last that long?

Vince, can you please go perv up our apartment some other time?

I'm waiting for a friend to arrive.

She's got a date.

On a saturday morning?

God, you're a prude, ain't ya?

Val, you really got to get this one laid.

That's what I've been saying.

All right, I'm going.

But think about my offer, Val.

I'll even throw in free utilities.

And if you ever want to make alternate payments,

I'm always open to suggestions.

I suggest you leave.

If you want to "renegotiate your lease."

You are unbelievable.

I'm extraordinary.

That's one word for it.

I really need a shower.

I can't believe you're still sleeping with our landlord.

Well, I can't believe that you're still paying for rent.

Barely.

Christ!

-What else do you want? -Hey, how's it going?

Hey, we got attacked by a bird on the way over.

It was a really big one.

I think it was some kind of a mutant...

Some kind of a mutant bird, really freaked us out.

All right, look, this thing's kind of heavy, okay?

This pansy's afraid of elevators.

You live on the tenth floor.

Can we come in, please?

Yeah.

-Okay, thanks. -Hi.

-Don't move. -All right.

You need to stop moving and dancing in your seat.

Okay, okay.

Now you're just wriggling. Stop it.

You said a bird attacked you?

Yeah, I mean, that's what they look like.

Tell you what, though: they're way less friendlier

than they are on the Discover Channel.

We totally badassed it, though.

KO'd that son of a bitch.

Knocked him right on his ass. Boom.

And how did you slay

this mighty beast, O brave knight?

I ain't no knight.

But, you know, at one point, he's right on top of us,

and then, bam, I hit the brakes.

Sucker must've flew 50 feet.

Saved both our asses.

What? I did!

I did. Go ahead, ask Lars.

-Please don't. -Sounds dangerous.

You getting into the monster slaying business now?

I'm kidding.

I'm glad you're okay.

You know, you're cute when you blush.

And last night, we... I mean Jonas

found this.

What is that?

Only the biggest damn payday you've ever seen.

It's warm.

Yeah, it's been sitting

in the back of my truck all morning.

I've never seen anything like it.

Yeah, I don't think anyone has.

Thing fell out of the sky last night.

I fished it out of the desert.

Dude, what?

It's bad enough you have us bring it to her.

Now you're gonna tell her where to find more?

She ain't interested in the money.

Besides, she thinks I'm cute, man, come on.

I want 20%.

God damn it.

Jonas, you're about as dumb

as a bowling ball when it comes to women.

What for?

Call it a finder's fee.

Okay. But you didn't find it.

And you wouldn't have if I hadn't

have told Jonas it was worth looking for.

Really?

All right, fine, 20%...

Out of his share.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute. That ain't fair.

That ain't fair, really?

What's the count at now?

How much money do you owe me?

-Twenty percent. -Deal.

Let me call my cousin. She works at the museum.

What about that damn bird?

What about it?

It's dead. You killed it.

Exactly! You owe me your life for that.

And don't think that's worth any less than what I owe you.

All right, fine.

Ten percent from each of our shares.

Does that work?

Deal.

But I don't want to hear any more about

that "lazy son of a bitch Jonas" ever again.

All right, all right, all right.

I admit it. You did good here.

And you even managed to call her.

Guess you just needed a push in the right direction.

Thank you.

Doesn't make you less lazy.

Just more respectable.

I like respectable.

Guys.

Something's wrong.

My God.

Maybe we shouldn't be so close to these windows.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, I'm getting the feeling

this one's staring at me.

Is that weird?

Can, I'm taking your shorts again.

Valerie, shut up for once.

You're taking them again?

We got to distract it.

How?

Lars. Lars.

Your lighter.

Toss me your lighter.

What are you doing?

Trust me.

Hey, hey there, Big Bird.

Take it easy now.

No need to go all Cookie Monster on us.

Run.

Run!

Got him.

Come on! Let's get out of here!

Did you see that shit?

I did that. I did that.

My truck's in the alley. Let's go!

-The elevators! -God, not the elevator.

You know it's not gonna get here

any faster if you keep doing that.

Would you stop that?

We're not taking the stairs.

We're all sticking together.

This elevator sucks.

Blame the landlord.

What the hell is all this noise?

Who the hell are you?

Who am I?

I'm the building manager. That's who I am, sonny Jim.

Who the hell are you, Huckleberry Finn?

We... we were just on our way out, sir.

What's that smell?

You've been smoking in that apartment again.

-Haven't you? -With the...

I told you before, it's grounds for eviction.

Give me five minutes.

I'll do the paperwork right now.

Turn! Turn!

Go, go, go!

God. God.

So... so that guy was...

An asshole.

And you are?

-Valerie, my roommate. -Okay, okay.

This is exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend.

-Right. -You're telling me.

You gonna be okay?

Shit.

How am I gonna pay my rent now?

What?

No! No!

Out the back! Out the back!

-There it is! -I missed it.

My truck!

-Our truck! -We'll take my car.

Come on! Let's go!

-Bitch. -Come on, dude.

-Come on! -Bastard!

You guys, my car is on the other side of the garage.

I'm gonna kill them.

I'm gonna kill all those freaking birds.

They're not birds. They're lizards.

Val, hurry up!

-Lizards, like toads? -I'm gonna kill them.

I'm gonna kill all those freaking lizards.

Toads aren't lizards.

Didn't you guys ever learn that in school?

Hey, I went to school.

Mostly.

Lizards, like dinosaurs.

I'm gonna kill all these freakin' dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs died out, like, a million years ago.

That's impossible.

I used to love them as a kid.

They looked so pretty in the drawings.

What kind of dinosaurs are these?

I can't be sure for certain,

but they kind of look like pterodactyls.

Terror-dactyls.

Ptero-dactyl.

Fitting name, at least.

Well, whatever they are, they're everywhere.

-We need to get somewhere safe. -Can't we just kill 'em?

What, with rubbing alcohol and matches?

Because that worked so well last time.

Hey, saved your ass, didn't it?

-I killed one. -With your brakes.

I could do it again.

Look, guys, can we hide back at the bar?

I mean, a drink's always made me feel better.

-What? -No.

We need to go somewhere where we can defend ourselves,

somewhere that they can't easily get into.

You got something in mind?

Yeah, but you're not gonna like it.

Great, it's Mr. Barbecue again, wonderful.

Wherever it is, I'm gonna like it a lot more than here.

Drive.

Christ, it's a madhouse out here!

My God, there are monsters all over Hollywood!

It's not much different than usual, then.

If I said that we've got company,

would that be too clich�?

Candice, you're probably a good driver and all,

but now would be a good time to exceed posted speed limits.

Hold on to something!

-The freeway? -Are you insane?

It's the fastest way.

Yeah, yeah, fastest way to sudden death.

-We have to get downtown. -Why are we taking the freeway?

Why would anyone take the freeway?

Shut up and let me drive!

It's still behind us.

Jesus, just the one?

-Not anymore. -Great, great.

We get stuck here and we're dead.

I am not dying on my day off!

Damn!

My God.

My God. My God.

Today was supposed to be a spa day.

-What? -Up here. Up here.

-Take the next exit. -Jonas, shut up.

All right, Candice, you stay on this road.

Do I get a say in any of this?

No!

But if you want to start praying,

now would be a good time.

-Candice, do you mind? -What are you doing?

No! Yes, do it! Do it!

No, they're coming back!

Everybody get down!

They think we're one of them.

What?

They can't tell that it's dead.

They think we're one of them.

Camouflage.

Well, if we're gonna be attacked by monsters,

I'm sure glad they're dumb as shit.

My God. My God. My God.

This is your idea of safe?

Yeah, do people still get mugged during times of crisis?

No.

Wait, wait. Do they?

Come on.

What?

-Whose place is this? -I don't know, dude.

Let's just say I've been handed this address

enough to know it by heart,

even if I didn't want to.

This isn't a drug dealer's place, right?

No, worse.

-Your boyfriend's? -I don't have one.

-And I wouldn't bring... -What?

The sexy little spitfire from the bar

come to see old Sampson, did ya?

Glad to see ya came to your senses.

And you brought company.

Well, haven't played for that team in quite a while.

Well.

More, the merrier, I always say.

What the fuck is that?

So...

you slew a dragon.

It's not a dragon.

It's a pterodactyl.

Ptero-what?

Is that scientific for dragon?

No.

The great hunter.

Yeah. Surprised?

Are you sure it's dead?

It's dead, all right.

That's the second one I've killed today.

It is now.

What are ancient flying reptiles

doing in Los Angeles of all places?

I used to do this guy who did promotions for movies.

Maybe it's something like that. Yeah?

They've been dead for over 65 million years!

And how do you know all this?

I read.

You know, books.

She's kind of a nerd.

Nerds.

I used to shove nerds into lockers in high school,

trunks in cars, toilets, walls, concrete floors.

You name it.

How am I a nerd?

Come on, you take over the DVR

with your Discovery Channel crap.

I-I kind of like nerds.

And you boil leaves in your coffee.

-It's really weird. -It's called a French press.

Val, I taught you how to use it last week.

-It's still weird. -I'm weird? What about you?

You drink vodka first thing every morning.

Hey, I drink it with orange juice.

All right, enough! Look.

What I want to know is,

where the hell is the damn military?

-Yeah. -You know, the tanks, the jets.

All that crap our taxes pay for.

That right there, I just might have an answer for ya.

That looks like military.

Where the hell did you dig that up?

Well, let's just say when I left the marines,

I took a few souvenirs.

Yeah, speaking of which, how did you leave the marines?

Well, you know how alcohol explodes

when it's stored next to gasoline?

No.

Well, it does. Quite a lot.

Fortunately I've still got some friends at Vandenberg.

Marines never forget their own.

Yeah, this guy's got a lot of friends.

Vandenberg Alpha, this is Lone Hunter.

Do you copy?

You sure that thing still works?

I repeat, Vandenberg Alpha, this is Lone Hunter.

Do you copy?

It's probably not even plugged in.

Please.

Waste of time.

Vandenberg Alpha, this is Lone Hunter.

Do you copy?

Anyone who can get this, we are under attack.

I repeat, we are under attack.

Monsters coming from the sky.

Too many to count. We're getting slaughtered!

Wait. What's that?

It's enormous!

Send everything you've got! Send...

Shit.

This is worse than I thought.

Now I'm sober.

No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, these things, these things,

they were extinct before, right?

-Yeah. -Okay.

Okay, so all we need to do

is just, you know... We'll figure out

what killed them all off last time,

and, you know, we'll do that again.

-Dude. -Yeah.

Jonas, they were killed

by a giant meteor 65 million years ago.

Am I the only person that knows this?

-What I don't get is... -I'm in science class.

These pterodactyls, right, they just happen to show up now?

Maybe they've been waiting all this time,

just now hatching from their eggs.

I-I don't know.

Yeah, well, how are there so many eggs?

I mean, is there some giant dactyl just laying these things,

like, on a big conveyor belt, you know?

But here's the other question. How are they making eggs?

Good question! Nobody's yelling at him.

Maybe you're just all wrong.

Maybe your ancient massive meteor

didn't kill 'em after all.

Maybe it just flung 'em

out into the cold, dark infinite of space.

And that's where they stayed.

Circling around in the void, biding their time.

Getting more and more pissed off.

And now they've returned with a vengeance.

Maybe they just want their home back.

Our home.

Maybe what they really want is our freedom.

Maybe they're just itching for a fight!

Yeah.

Okay, okay, so, assuming nobody here

in this room has a giant meteorite somewhere,

what's plan B?

Bullets.

Yes!

Dude, it looks like Rambo in there.

Guns.

Freedom you can hold in your hand.

Is that a bomb?

Yeah.

Forgot I even had that thing.

Parting gift from an old girlfriend.

Navy SEAL, sweet lass.

Sweet ass too.

Isn't that dangerous?

Yeah.

Never sleep with a woman

who has a shiv in her bra.

Hey.

Those'll cost you, sweet cheeks.

What was all that BS about freedom just now?

Well, freedom's free. The guns ain't.

Does it look like we grabbed cash this morning?

How are we supposed to pay you?

-No way. -Dude, dude.

We divided this up enough.

Dude, Lars,

we need weapons.

Yeah, and I need a new truck.

Just don't...

Truck, weapons.

All right, fine.

What do you want?

I want the dragon.

The pterodactyl?

Yeah.

You didn't kill it.

So? And Columbus didn't discover America.

-Pfft! -Dude, come on.

Do we have a deal?

-Seriously? -Who cares?

Jonas, yeah.

Now, who's gonna help me move this thing?

You ever fire one of these?

Only when I was a kid.

You?

No, Mom didn't believe in guns.

Said I could build my own, though.

-Did you? -Yeah.

Turns out dried cow shit makes great gunpowder.

Nice.

That just might be a little bit too dangerous for a...

What? A woman?

What other surprises you hiding?

I wasn't always a bartender.

Do tell.

Maybe later when there aren't man-eating reptile everywhere!

Yeah? Yeah.

I think I need to teach you how to hold a gun.

Or shoot one.

-The hell no. -Hey!

Val, in this case, I think it might be

too dangerous for a woman to have a gun.

Fine.

Then I'll just go find my own weapon,

like a sword

or some scissors.

Got it.

All right, so this is the tricky part.

Once this mainspring is in, sits right there,

then this can slide the rest of the way.

See here?

You're really good with your hands.

I'm sorry. Sorry...

Scary day, right?

Nah.

They're just big animals.

You know, just teeth and claws.

Nothing really to be afraid of.

They've killed thousands of people.

Right, exactly.

So we need to even the score.

Nothing fazes you, does it?

Nope, nothing... nothing at all.

Really.

All right.

Try sliding that in.

Okay.

Like this?

Dang it. Sorry. Sorry.

Brave monster slayer?

Yeah, well, monsters are easy.

And women are complicated?

Look, I just... I suck at sweeping women off their feet.

We don't want to be swept off of our feet.

We want someone who can keep us on our feet.

Yeah, well, not every woman is like you.

Sounds like it's getting personal.

You know, I keep getting told

that I just don't get personal enough.

Damn it.

Here.

You know, when I was a little girl,

I kept being afraid of monsters in my closet.

Couldn't get out of bed,

go to the bathroom, nothing.

You go running into your parents' room?

Nah, my dad wasn't the kind to say,

"Don't be scared. They ain't real."

Instead, he'd tell me to toughen up.

Show 'em how to be scared.

That work?

Eventually.

One day, I just had enough, you know?

I just marched right up to that closet,

opened the door, and saw there was nothing there.

I was afraid of nothing.

I just needed to face it and figure it out.

Your dad sounds pretty smart.

Yeah.

He also gave me a nine-millimeter

for my tenth birthday.

So that definitely helped too.

Dad was big on self-reliance.

Could I try again?

Ain't so scary now.

That was good.

You got it.

Is anyone there?

No, nada, zip, zilch, nothing!

It's like end of the world around here.

You could say that again.

Almost out of scotch.

So about the guns...

Hey, fair trade for fair trade.

I'm not the government. I'm not a charity.

I'm military.

You know, it's times like these

that really make a girl think about what she wants.

Yeah,

And you know what I want

more than a big strong man to protect me?

You must have so many guns

just begging to be used.

So you think you could loan me just one?

Yeah, I'm certain we can come up with something.

So what'll I get, a rifle

or a pistol

or a bazooka?

What's wrong?

Shit.

No, no!

You reptilian asshole.

I was about to get laid. It's been years.

It's been years, you son of a bitch!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Out of the way!

Shit.

Maybe Sampson got away.

You know, he could've survived.

Here's his flask.

Shit.

How did it find us?

I mean, they're just animals.

How the hell can something like that

track us across a whole damn city?

I don't know.

Wait a minute. I think I do know.

It's this thing.

What do you mean?

Dude, think about it.

The minute we picked up this rock,

those things have been on us like fleas on a dog.

They want the rock back.

But that's our cash crop.

We can't just throw it away, man.

I mean what about the business? What about your truck?

It doesn't matter if we're already dead.

Lars, keep your voice down.

No, I will not.

Just think about it for a second.

This whole damn thing wouldn't have happened

if Romeo here hadn't talked us into going along

on this prehistoric joyride through hell.

Christ, Jonas, I mean,

people are getting killed over this thing.

So it's all my fault now.

Yes, it goddamn is.

The same as it's been, what, the last dozen times

I've gone along with one of your schemes?

-Hey! -Guys...

Just because you don't want to dream, man,

don't try to bring me down because I've got one.

Your dream is my nightmare, okay?

And this one's gonna end up with us

up to our necks in prehistoric pigeons!

Guys!

Can you work this out some other time?

Looks like the bullet theory works.

Jesus.

How about you guys stow your drama,

drop your dicks, pick up your guns,

and kill some reptile?

Move, move, move, move, move.

Well, this is a fine mess.

This is not my fault.

Yeah?

Well, this is the kind of thing

your schemes always get us into.

My schemes? My schemes?

When have my schemes ever gotten us into anything like this?

Guys, will you shut up and shoot something?

This is crazy!

They're like a goddamn army!

Why are you laughing?

Dude, I just took out, like, four of them.

Well, keep it up!

All right!

We got them on the run!

Shit.

Nice shot.

Goddamn, I'm happy to see you.

Don't be too happy. I'm all out of bullets.

Well, shit, let's stock up, then.

And get the hell out of dodge.

There's got to be somewhere where these things ain't.

I locked one in the armory.

Just one?

That ain't so bad.

God damn it.

You okay?

What a goddamn horrible day.

Jesus.

What?

Barbecue.

God, how hard is it to kill this asshole?

Hey, you oversized iguana!

Goddamn, that's hard to throw.

Crap.

Lars!

-Lars, no! -Lars!

Help!

Put me down! Put me down! Jonas!

-God, I'm gonna kill you! -No, no, no, no!

What do you mean no?

Let's go after him!

Come on!

Put me down!

Come on!

Where is he?

God damn it!

There! Come on!

God damn it, Jonas!

Come on!

-Lars! -Jonas!

Put me down.

No, on second thought, don't put me down.

You stupid lizard, bird, reptile.

Jesus, look at this.

It's a slaughterhouse.

I mean, where's the police, the national guard, anyone?

Anyone who's smart's hiding right now.

Yeah, what does that make us?

Jonas! God damn it.

-Come on, this way, come on. -God damn it!

I'll be there this sunday,

'cause I'm kill Jonas, and it's gonna be his funeral.

Jonas!

Through here. Through here.

Come on, come on!

Get down. Get down. Get down.

It's coming. It's coming.

It's coming.

What's that sound?

A swarm!

Sorry.

God damn it!

Lars.

Come on.

God, this is worse than flying into LAX.

-Come on. -I'm coming.

Did we lose him?

I don't know.

God damn it!

Not as long as he's got air in his lungs

and curses on his tongue.

Come on!

Jonas, I'm gonna kill you!

-Christ on a stick! -No!

That's got to be their nest.

Jonas, we can't just go cowboying into there.

We can't just leave him in there.

They're gonna tear him to shreds.

If we go in there, they'll tear us to shreds.

I got him into this.

That's Lars up there,

and I'm gonna do something about it.

What kind of hangover is this?

What the...

Hey there, Barbecue.

Take it easy.

Hope you're still not sore about, you know...

It's not as bad as what Jonas did.

I mean, he burned your face off.

What?

God damn it.

God damn it.

God damn it!

I'll be damned.

Those weren't no meteorites.

They were eggs.

They were you falling from the sky.

My God.

Yes.

What are we doing back here?

I thought you wanted to help him.

I am.

Jonas, we need to call the cops, the military,

somebody who knows what they're doing.

Have you seen any cops lately?

And we know what happened to the military.

Jonas, it's suicide.

You go back in there, you're not coming back out.

Damn it, Jonas, you can't do this.

I don't want you to die before I...

Before what?

Before I get the chance to really know you.

I spent my entire life making nothing of myself.

Just making things.

I thought being clever was enough, but it ain't.

I can't just let him sit there.

I've got to do something.

I owe him that.

Well, if that's how it's gonna be,

then you're gonna need someone to keep you on your feet.

They brought the fight to us.

I say we bring it back to them.

You sure you want to do this?

You think you even have a say in that matter?

Those goddamn flying lizards better watch out.

'Cause we're gonna make them extinct again.

Hey, don't worry.

I ain't moving after that last hit.

Jerk.

Sweet mother of God.

Why are you going toward that building?

Hi.

Hey.

Where am I? What is happening?

Lars. Lars Wales.

Johnny. Johnny Dean.

Well, Johnny Dean,

to answer your first question,

we're in the middle of a shit storm.

Yeah, these ugly bastards

have taken up shop in this apartment here,

which I believe belonged to a couple of artist types.

I'm gonna be honest with you, Johnny.

I don't know a damn thing about art.

But I got to say, I mean, it's pretty good.

How can you stay so calm?

Look, there's no reason in panicking, okay?

Just take it easy.

Come on, haven't you ever been in a fight before?

All we got to do is stay calm, look for our opening,

and then we give them a real fight.

Bastards.

What are they doing now?

Why don't they just eat us?

I think that's because their young like their food fresh.

You ready to do this?

Yeah.

Let's kick some past.

How high up did you say that nest was?

24th, 25th floor, probably.

You know, I was thinking

I could totally use the exercise.

No?

Damn it.

Shit.

What's he doing?

Why is he looking at me like that?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please!

No, take him! Take him! No!

No, no, no please!

I pay my taxes! I'm a good person!

No!

-Little help here. -I'm trying.

I didn't really have time to test this stuff.

How about that?

Burn that bastard!

God.

Well, that wasn't so bad.

You just had to say it, didn't you?

You are one big ugly mother...

Jonas.

Jonas!

Come on. Come on!

I feel like I should say something patriotic.

You coming?

Take it easy, Barbecue. Come on, man.

You're awfully calm.

All right, fine. This is it?

Come on!

Come on, you son of a bitch!

Come on! Come on, then.

-Lars. -Lars.

Son of a...

Lars!

Jonas.

Take it easy, Barbecue.

Sorry about burning your face.

You're even uglier than the big ones.

Lars!

Jonas!

Lars.

Light 'em up.

-Reloading. -Got it.

Ready.

Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em all!

Not now. Shit. Come on.

You again.

Back.

Go on.

Bring it.

All right, let's see if you can fly.

Not so lazy now?

I'm sorry, buddy.

I'm glad you didn't quit on me.

Never, man.

Was that my new leaf blower?

It still works.

Always nice to see a little man love.

How's it going, Lars?

A lot better now that I'm no longer on the menu.

Crap, that's right.

Guys, we got bigger problems than fishing me

out of a dino's digestive tract.

There's your 20%.

They're breeding.

Yeah, but not here.

They're bringing them from somewhere else.

Hey, hey, guys, guys.

Does that look like Sampson to you?

Looks like he wasn't

the only one that collected trophies.

-What? -Poor bastard.

What a way to go.

What is that?

Where am I?

Jeez.

My God.

Leather-skinned bastard drove me through a wall

and still couldn't kill old Sampson.

And now you kids are here to rescue me?

We'll show them reptili-birds what's what, right?

Now, who's gonna help me get out of here?

I don't suppose anyone thought

to bring my flask with them, did they?

No.

Must've slipped my mind.

There's got to be something to drink around this place.

Hey, what's wrong?

The eggs.

Why are they bringing them here?

They're building a new nest? It makes no sense.

Unless they're all males,

but then where are all the females?

Wait, how do you know these ain't female?

I mean, did you look?

Maybe they're waiting for something.

Maybe... maybe they're like ants or bees.

How so?

There's always a queen.

God damn it.

Move.

-Move! -Yeah.

Hey, guys, I'd say right now is a great time to retire

from the monster-hunting business?

No, no, no, we need to end this.

Jonas, we can't just stay here.

We need to kill it, here and now.

-This may be our only chance. -Yeah?

And how do you propose we do that?

With that? No, no way.

That is not enough explosives.

Come on, man, look at that thing.

It's, like, a half a dozen stories tall.

Then we need something that's gonna make a bigger boom.

Yeah, like what?

Great news, everyone.

I found the liquor cabinet!

What?

How many more do we got?

How many more do you need?

No! Wait! You don't understand.

What are we doing? This better work.

They can't use that one.

Listen, it's not fair! Please!

All I wanted to do was have a drink.

Just a drink.

Come on!

Is that so much to ask?

-No, no, no! -Will you hurry up, please?

-All right. -Now...

we just got to get its attention.

How are we gonna do that?

I think I know how.

Okay, maybe a little too much attention.

It's coming. Pull the pins.

Pull the pins. Pull the pins. Pull the pins.

Pull the pins!

Sit tight, kiddo.

It's my turn to kill one of these bastards.

In the name of my forefathers

and alcoholics everywhere!

Have a drink!

Say it, Lars. You know you want to.

Goddamn...

Good one, Sampson!

Never thought I'd actually say this,

but I think I'm gonna miss him.

Hey, guys, I think it's still alive.

Jeez!

Sampson!

My God, yes!

Yes!

I'm okay.

Just a little juicy, I guess.

Shame about the head.

Would've made a fine trophy.

It's okay, the bitch probably

wouldn't have fit on the wall anyway.

Hey, look! The cavalry's arrived.

Screw 'em!

I got this one fair and square.

Not so scary now, am I?

Let's just say I'm allowed to sweep you off your feet a little.

Hey, Lars, you gonna be ready for work on Monday?

I think I need a break from the yard care business.

What do you have in mind?

I need a vacation.

Man, one hell of a way to spend a weekend?

I need a drink.

Good evening, and welcome back to "Tonight with Tommy Killingsworth,"

the talk show that has the interviews you want

with the subjects that matter most.

Today we're talking about the so-called terrordactyl invasion.

Now, the remaining pterodactyls

have been rounded up and sent to an uninhabited island

in South America where they're being closely watched by the military.

The question I have is, what's gonna happen next?

Now, all the pterodactyls, if I'm not mistaken...

Scumbag.

Look at you, Rico Suave. Very nice.

Well, I figured I had to step it up

since you came with the Elmer Fudd line.

-Very nice. -Funny, funny.

Fashionably late, I see.

That's what happens to a man

when he gets caught out front signing autographs.

Wait, where's Candice?

Stuck at her book signing. Should've seen the line.

-Shut up. -Wrapped around the block.

Check it out.

How's he doing?

-Same as always. -That bad?

With me tonight are two pterodactyl experts:

Sampson McLain, who has been hailed as one

of the heroes of Los Angeles after a cell phone video

of him helping defend the city against the beasts

went viral in the days after.

Dude... shit.

We also have Teresa Quinn,

a biologist and astrophysicist with Columbia University.

Now, Sampson, I'm interested in your thoughts

about this pterodactyl relocation project.

Relocation?

Listen, junior.

The pterodactyls have had their day.

They're history.

Actually, they're prehistory.

It's now the day of the human being,

and it's our job to make sure that it stays that way.

As Americans, we will never again

be afraid of things from the past.

Listen, kiddo.

I've seen things that would really curl your hair.

So did you ask her yet?

Come on.

What? Come on. Don't be so worried.

It's not that I'm worried.

It's, like, you know, timing, all that stuff.

Well, whatever. Let me see it.

-Now? -Yeah, come on, whip it out.

All right. Careful, though, okay?

-Careful. -Careful, careful, careful.

Nice.

Just one thing, though.

What? What? What? What's wrong?

Did you have to get one so big?

I mean, you're not compensating, are you?

What, 'cause my balls ain't as big as my brain?

No, I'll admit, you got that one figured out just fine.

Listen, slick, I shot sharks in the river.

I've wrestled grizzly bears.

And for the pterodactyls,

I've been in the belly of the beast.

Crap. I think we're up next.

I think somebody's coming over here. Shit.

They're ready to mic you guys up.

-All right, thanks, man. -Thanks, bro.

We'll be ready.

You can bet your sweet ass on that, kiddo.

Hey, Lars. You coming?

Can't keep doing this goddamn job all by myself.

God damn it.

Grizzly bears, you say.

Well, thank you, Sampson.

That was very insightful.

Ms. Quinn, let's turn to you now.

What are your thoughts?

Well, since the beginning of time, mankind has asked

if anyone else occupies the stars.

And now we know.

Our own past is up there,

waiting to return.

Containment is only the first step toward

preventing an attack like this from happening again.

We can learn much from the pterodactyls,

but we also must keep in mind

this may have been the first wave of these beasts.

Who knows what other dangers lurk in space,

Waiting to fall into our backyards?

Who knows what's next?

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