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1
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,208
Stupid, useless waste of time.
2
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,756
Have a seat.
I'll be right with you.
3
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,593
I don't mind saying,
I really hate these checkups.
4
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:37,179
If it weren't part of the police physical,
I wouldn't be here at all.
5
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,806
Oh, come now, Commissioner.
6
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,684
What in the miserable world
is more beautiful
7
00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:44,312
than a nice, big smile?
8
00:01:50,359 --> 00:01:55,406
Naughty, naughty. Jump around like that,
and doctor won't give you a lollipop.
9
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,743
You little-
10
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:04,290
Mmm-hmm.
11
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:07,251
My, my. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
This doesn't look good at all.
12
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,961
I'm afraid
13
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,172
everything will have to go!
14
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:24,894
It was an easy hint, Joker.
Sloppy, predictable.
15
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:32,151
- You're losing your edge.
- Excuse me, but the teeth were my idea.
16
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,653
So is this.
17
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:43,204
That's a real gasser, huh, Mr. J?
18
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:47,541
I give the punch lines around here.
Got it?
19
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:48,751
Yes, sir.
20
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:54,131
Well, Batsy, it's been a hoot, as always.
21
00:02:55,132 --> 00:02:57,218
But I really must run.
22
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,053
May the floss be with you.
23
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,821
I really hate these checkups.
24
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,572
Go away. I'm busy.
25
00:04:01,073 --> 00:04:05,536
Aw, come on, Pudding.
Don't you wanna rev up your Harley?
26
00:04:05,786 --> 00:04:07,371
Vroom, vroom.
27
00:04:12,209 --> 00:04:16,505
Oh, sweetie. I got the whoopee cushion.
28
00:04:19,633 --> 00:04:23,929
Batman was right.
That setup today was corny. Old hat.
29
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:29,268
It's time I capped off our feud
with his ultimate humiliation.
30
00:04:30,644 --> 00:04:34,148
Followed by his deliciously
delirious death.
31
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:38,694
Why don't you just shoot him?
32
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:44,283
Just shoot him? Know this, my sweet.
33
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:48,287
The death of Batman must be
nothing less than a masterpiece.
34
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,207
The triumph of my sheer comic genius
35
00:04:51,373 --> 00:04:54,627
-over his ridiculous mask and gadgets.
- Ow!
36
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,131
Phew.
37
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,467
Well, hold the phone.
38
00:05:02,843 --> 00:05:06,514
Here's one I forgot.
The Death of 100 Smiles.
39
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,518
I'II lure Batman to a secret lair,
then bang!
40
00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:13,312
Plop him into my
specially-prepared piranha tank.
41
00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:18,150
The last thing he'll see
are all those beautiful, hungry smiles
42
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:19,527
as they rip him to...
43
00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:21,028
To...
44
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:25,241
Oh, wait, wait.
Now I remember why I scrapped this plan.
45
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:29,912
Piranhas can't smile.
Even my own Joker toxin
46
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,039
couldn't get a giggle out of them.
47
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,628
I know how to make some smiles, Pudding.
48
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:45,553
Face it, Harl. This stinks.
49
00:05:45,719 --> 00:05:48,556
You're a certified nutso
wanted in 12 states
50
00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:51,642
and hopelessly in love
with a psychopathic clown.
51
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:56,105
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes?
How did it happen?
52
00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:59,650
Who's to blame? Batman, that's who.
53
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:06,115
Batman! It's always been Batman!
Ruining my life, spoiling my fun,
54
00:06:06,323 --> 00:06:11,161
coming between me and my Pudding
from the very beginning.
55
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:23,090
Harleen Quinzel? I'm Joan Leland.
56
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:28,512
Hi, Joan. Call me Harley. Everyone does.
57
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:32,224
I must admit, I was surprised
you wanted to intern here at Arkham.
58
00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:35,394
Well, I've always had an attraction
for extreme personalities.
59
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:39,148
- They're more exciting, more challenging.
- And more high-profile?
60
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,484
You can't deny there's an element
of glamour to these supercriminals.
61
00:06:42,651 --> 00:06:45,738
I'II warn you right now,
these are hard-core psychotics.
62
00:06:45,946 --> 00:06:47,698
If you're thinking about
cashing in on them...
63
00:06:49,074 --> 00:06:51,160
...by writing a tell-all book,
think again.
64
00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,252
They'd eat a novice like you
for breakfast.
65
00:07:25,819 --> 00:07:28,155
Care to tell me
how this got in my office?
66
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:29,740
I put it there.
67
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,494
I think the guards would be interested
to know you've been out of your cell.
68
00:07:33,702 --> 00:07:36,956
If you really were going to tell,
you already would have.
69
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:41,502
You know, sweets, I like what I've heard
about you, especially the name.
70
00:07:41,710 --> 00:07:43,879
Harley Quinzel.
71
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:46,632
Rework it a bit, and you get Harley Quinn.
72
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:51,387
Like the clown character Harlequin.
I know. I've heard it before.
73
00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:55,265
It's a name that puts a smile on my face.
74
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,147
It makes me feel there's someone here
I can relate to.
75
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,859
Someone who might like to hear my secrets.
76
00:08:09,321 --> 00:08:11,865
It took me nearly three months
to set up a session.
77
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:16,328
I studied all his tricks and gimmicks,
and felt I was ready for anything.
78
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:20,666
You know, my father used
to beat me up pretty badly.
79
00:08:20,874 --> 00:08:22,167
Anything except that.
80
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:26,046
Every time I got out of line, bam!
81
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:29,008
Oh, sometimes I'd be just sitting there,
doing nothing.
82
00:08:29,216 --> 00:08:30,259
Pow!
83
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,845
Pops tended to favor the grape, you see.
84
00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:34,096
Uh-huh.
85
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:38,434
There was only one time
I ever saw Dad really happy.
86
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,270
He took me to the circus when I was seven.
87
00:08:41,645 --> 00:08:46,400
Oh, I still remember the clowns
running around, dropping their pants.
88
00:08:49,319 --> 00:08:52,489
My old man laughed so hard,
I thought he'd bust a gut.
89
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,907
So the very next night,
90
00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:57,327
I ran out to meet him with his
best Sunday pants around my ankles.
91
00:08:57,494 --> 00:08:59,705
"Hi, Dad. Look at me."
92
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:00,914
Zoop!
93
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:05,252
I took a big pratfall and tore the crotch
clean out of his pants.
94
00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:15,596
And then he broke my nose.
95
00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:20,517
But, hey, that's the downside of comedy.
96
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:24,521
You're always taking shots from folks
who just don't get the joke.
97
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:28,275
Like my dad. Or Batman.
98
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,652
It soon became clear to me
that the Joker
99
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:34,448
so often described as a raving,
homicidal madman
100
00:09:34,656 --> 00:09:38,660
was actually a tortured soul
crying out for love and acceptance.
101
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:43,457
A lost, injured child trying
to make the world laugh at his antics.
102
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:51,256
And there, as always,
was the self-righteous Batman.
103
00:09:52,549 --> 00:09:55,511
Determined to make life
miserable for my angel.
104
00:10:00,265 --> 00:10:01,475
Yes, I admit it.
105
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:05,854
As unprofessional as it sounds,
I had fallen in love with my patient.
106
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:09,441
- Pretty crazy, huh?
- Not at all.
107
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,111
As a dedicated, career-oriented
young woman,
108
00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:15,781
you felt the need to abstain
from all amusement and fun.
109
00:10:15,989 --> 00:10:19,493
It's only natural you'd be attracted to
a man who could make you laugh again.
110
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:22,913
- I knew you'd understand.
- Anytime.
111
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,666
Then there was that horrible week
when he escaped.
112
00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:28,794
The poor thing was on the run,
alone and frightened.
113
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,003
I was so worried.
114
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,421
They've got him.
115
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,915
Hey!
116
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:46,330
Knock-knock, Pudding. Say hello
to your new, improved Harley Quinn.
117
00:11:57,007 --> 00:12:00,344
It seemed like we would
live happily ever after.
118
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,392
But that'll never happen as long
as there's a Batman around
119
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:09,436
to torment my Pudding.
120
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:12,064
Hmm.
121
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:21,865
If this tape reaches Batman, I hope
it's not too late for you to help me.
122
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:25,077
It's no joke.
Mr. J's gone off his nut for real.
123
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,037
Because you stopped him
from killing Gordon,
124
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,039
he said he's gonna take out
the whole city.
125
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:32,334
I've seen the plans
the gas bombs, everything!
126
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:36,672
I finally realize
this isn't funny anymore.
127
00:12:36,838 --> 00:12:40,342
I can help you get him
if you promise me protection.
128
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,067
Open it.
129
00:13:00,904 --> 00:13:03,490
- Okay?
- I want Gordon to see these.
130
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,659
If what you say is true, the police will-
131
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:06,910
Traitor!
132
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,871
No one turns stoolie on me
and lives!
133
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,390
Sweet dreams, sucker.
134
00:13:50,537 --> 00:13:53,623
- Quinn.
- Oh, you're awake finally.
135
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:56,543
The Joker. Where?
136
00:13:56,752 --> 00:14:01,506
It's just me, B-man.
No Joker, no gas bombs, no city in peril.
137
00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:03,842
Just you, that tank and me.
138
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:05,344
Why?
139
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,555
To show Mr. J
I could really pull off one of his plans.
140
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:11,224
See, he could never get
these fishies to smile,
141
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:14,936
but then I had the bright idea
of hanging the victim,
142
00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:16,772
that's you, upside down.
143
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:20,650
That way, to you,
it'll look like they're smiling.
144
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:23,320
- Clever?
- Brilliant.
145
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,867
Yeah, yeah, I can tell
you're less than thrilled.
146
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:34,539
You know, for what it's worth,
I actually enjoyed some of our romps.
147
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,626
But there comes a time
when a gal wants more.
148
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:42,714
And now all this gal wants is to
settle down with her loving sweetheart.
149
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:46,009
- You and the Joker?
- Right-a-roony.
150
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:52,641
I've never seen you laugh before.
I don't think I like it.
151
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,520
Cut it out. You're giving me the creeps.
152
00:14:56,770 --> 00:15:01,191
You little fool. The Joker doesn't love
anything except himself.
153
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,776
Wake up, Harleen.
154
00:15:03,151 --> 00:15:07,656
He had you pegged for hired help
the minute you walked into Arkham.
155
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,367
That's not...
156
00:15:10,575 --> 00:15:12,744
No. No!
157
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:16,123
He told me things,
secret things he never told anyone.
158
00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:20,794
Was it his line about the abusive father?
Or the one about the runaway mom?
159
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,588
He's gained a lot of sympathy
with that one.
160
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:26,716
Stop it! You're making me confused!
161
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:30,262
What was it he told that
one parole officer? Oh, yes.
162
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,766
"There was only one time
I ever saw Dad really happy.
163
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:37,769
"He took me to the ice show
when I was seven."
164
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:41,523
Circus. He said it was the circus.
165
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,608
He's got
a million of them, Harley.
166
00:15:46,486 --> 00:15:50,490
You're wrong.
My Pudding does love me! He does!
167
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,576
You're the problem.
168
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:57,289
And now you're gonna die
and make everything right.
169
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,834
Except he'll never believe you did it.
170
00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:02,210
Huh?
171
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:03,837
Sure he will.
172
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,590
How's Joker gonna know I'm really gone?
173
00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:09,593
All those fish will leave
are scraps of bone and cloth.
174
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:11,178
Anyone can fake that.
175
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:15,056
True, you've got my belt,
but it's not the same as a body.
176
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,309
He'll never buy it.
177
00:16:20,353 --> 00:16:23,648
Boring. Lame. Not funny.
178
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:27,402
Been done. Too Riddler.
179
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,070
What?
180
00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:30,572
Harley?
181
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:33,408
Oh. Where the heck have you been, huh?
Ah. Uh-huh.
182
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,286
Yeah, yeah. Batman, eh?
Well, you don't say.
183
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:39,164
You have who tied up where?
184
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,753
Well, nerts to you,
Mr. Smarty-Bat.
185
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,963
When I told Mr. J what I was doing,
186
00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:50,383
he was so thrilled he could hardly speak.
187
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,886
Harley!
188
00:16:53,136 --> 00:16:56,223
Hi, Pudding.
You're just in time to see the-
189
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,895
Excuse me, I'll be just a minute.
190
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:06,233
But, Pudding, I don't understand.
191
00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:09,110
Don't you wanna finally get rid of Batman?
192
00:17:09,277 --> 00:17:11,112
Only if I do it, idiot!
193
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:14,616
But it's still your plan, see?
Everything just like you said.
194
00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:16,618
Except I hung the guy upside down
195
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,287
so he'd see their little frowns
as little smiles.
196
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:20,789
Now it all works.
197
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,458
Except you had to explain it to me!
198
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,670
If you have to explain a joke,
there is no joke!
199
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,923
Now, calm down, Pudding.
200
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:33,510
You've forgotten what I told you
a long time ago,
201
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:36,096
one of the painful truths of comedy,
202
00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:40,642
you always take shots from folks
who just don't get the joke!
203
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,946
And don't call me "Pudding."
204
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:04,291
My fault. I didn't get the joke.
205
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,878
I really have to
apologize for the kid.
206
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:11,298
No respect for tradition. Ha!
207
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:15,093
Let's just pretend the whole thing never
happened and do this some other time.
208
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:17,053
Okay?
209
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:27,397
Then again,
this is a rather rare opportunity.
210
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,942
Heh. You know what they say,
211
00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,528
"A bat in the hand is worth
two in the belfry."
212
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,531
I guess you're going out
on a laugh after all.
213
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:50,045
Real funny, Batman! Aah!
214
00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,145
Made you look.
215
00:19:13,568 --> 00:19:15,654
She almost had me, you know.
216
00:19:16,404 --> 00:19:19,991
Arms and legs chained,
dizzy from the blood rushing to my head.
217
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,078
I had no way out other than
convincing her to call you.
218
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:27,290
I knew your massive ego would never
allow anyone else the honor of killing me.
219
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,960
Though I have to admit, she came
a lot closer than you ever did,
220
00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:33,004
Pudding.
221
00:19:47,143 --> 00:19:48,186
Ha.
222
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,045
Though the Joker has been notorious
for resurfacing when least expected,
223
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:17,882
it seems unlikely that he has survived
his latest brush with Batman.
224
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,431
Never again. No more obsession,
225
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:29,561
no more craziness,
226
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,150
no more Joker.
227
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,452
I finally see that slime for what he is,
228
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:50,081
a murderous, manipulative,
irredeemable...
229
00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:58,256
Angel.
230
00:21:29,704 --> 00:21:30,705
English - SDH
231
00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:35,305
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