Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,290 --> 00:00:04,720
Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond
2
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,080
to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?
3
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,890
Uh, I haven't been elected yet.
4
00:00:09,890 --> 00:00:12,150
Come on, kids! We gotta vote!
5
00:00:12,150 --> 00:00:14,480
- Honey, come on. Please stop filming. - I'm just excited!
6
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,940
After today, you are going to be a councilwoman,
7
00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:20,310
and I am going to be a first husband.
8
00:00:20,310 --> 00:00:21,440
And if you don't stop filming,
9
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,430
you're going to be my first husband.
10
00:00:23,430 --> 00:00:24,670
All right, everybody, come on!
11
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:26,190
Do you know what you're doing, kids?
12
00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:28,390
You guys are manning the phone banks.
13
00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:29,520
Alex, you're in charge of that.
14
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,150
Wh-why is she in charge? And what's--what's a phone bank?
15
00:00:32,150 --> 00:00:33,420
That's why.
16
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:34,640
- Phil. - I got it.
17
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:37,730
I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls,
18
00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:39,880
assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them.
19
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,600
- Where you at? - High-five.
20
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,600
Old people occasionally forget things.
21
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,140
Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go.
22
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,370
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick!
23
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:48,900
Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there.
24
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,050
I just want to say how proud of you we all are.
25
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,440
You're an inspiration.
26
00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,320
Who would have thought that 20 years ago
27
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:56,930
when you were still in the bloom of your youth--
28
00:00:56,930 --> 00:00:58,610
Okay, I'm gonna go start the car.
29
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,640
Claire likes to win.
30
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,720
When she was 8, a little girl scout friend of hers
31
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,780
bragged she could sell the most cookies.
32
00:01:04,930 --> 00:01:06,880
Damn if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood
33
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,270
till she got blisters on her feet and won by ten boxes.
34
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:11,510
Best part is
35
00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:13,780
Claire wasn't even a girl scout.
36
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:17,480
The choice is Claire!
37
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,560
Vote Claire Dunphy for town council.
38
00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,510
Aw, I love it!
39
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,070
- What do you think, huh? - I love it.
40
00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:27,890
We got it on Craigslist.
41
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,150
Came off a taco truck.
42
00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,100
- It did. - I love that you're doing this for me.
43
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,870
- Thank you! - You're welcome.
44
00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:38,100
I know how important winning is to Claire.
45
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,800
And I love to festoon things.
46
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:40,970
We're her dream team.
47
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,890
So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school,
48
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:44,200
and voted first thing.
49
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:48,260
Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation.
50
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,050
Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad?
51
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:52,530
Oh, sure. No problem.
52
00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:55,570
Just wanna look in here. Just--
53
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:09,950
Thank you. Thank you.
54
00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:11,170
- Bye! Bye!- Thank you, guys!
55
00:02:11,170 --> 00:02:15,560
I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone.
56
00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:18,860
Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh.
57
00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,750
Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go.
58
00:02:20,750 --> 00:02:21,960
Good luck today, Claire.
59
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,590
Oh, Laurie, thank you.
60
00:02:23,590 --> 00:02:26,310
Hey, by the way, we have some really good news.
61
00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:28,520
- What's that? - Becky got into the University of Oregon.
62
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,290
Oh, congratulations!
63
00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:31,430
Any news, Haley?
64
00:02:31,430 --> 00:02:33,020
Uh, uh, no, not-- not yet,
65
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,870
but, you know, super psyched!
66
00:02:35,290 --> 00:02:37,540
This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare
67
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:39,300
since the very first letter.
68
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,900
I'm too nervous. I can't do it.
69
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,810
"Dear miss Dunphy,
70
00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:47,680
we regret to inform you..."
71
00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:52,550
What?! Don't leave me hanging!
72
00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:56,630
After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news.
73
00:02:57,470 --> 00:02:58,920
I have one school left,
74
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,410
and the only good news I've gotten
75
00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:01,660
is that my annoying neighbor Becky
76
00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:03,590
is moving back east to Oregon.
77
00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:06,580
- Manny, write this down. - I didn't bring a pen.
78
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:09,630
Election day is America at its finest.
79
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:12,090
The people speak, and the government listens.
80
00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:13,360
I don't know what they do in Colombia.
81
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,630
No one does, and don't ask.
82
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:16,150
I mean, we know that voting's a privilege,
83
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:18,170
but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot,
84
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:19,800
it just means so much more--
85
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,390
You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later.
86
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:24,660
What? Where are you going?
87
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:26,210
Ah, the line is too long.
88
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,640
It's only three people! And nobody has a gun!
89
00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:34,230
We're here, we're Claire,
90
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,790
get used to it!
91
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:38,500
You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking.
92
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:39,780
Here, let me try one.
93
00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:44,120
You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for.
94
00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:46,680
Vote Dunphy for town council.
95
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,690
Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy.
96
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,870
Uh, C-Caire's her first name.
97
00:03:50,870 --> 00:03:53,170
I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire.
98
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,560
Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there,
99
00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:59,330
and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk.
100
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,640
Hey! You in the yellow jacket.
101
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,100
Pick it up and put it in the trash.
102
00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:10,340
- Oh, my God. He did it. - Yes, he did.
103
00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,500
Ooh, here. Let me try one.I'll try...
104
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,400
Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking!
105
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:17,660
oh, my gosh.
106
00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:19,520
This is an instrument of power.
107
00:04:19,850 --> 00:04:21,690
How could they not sell tacos?
108
00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:23,260
You know what we could do with this thing?
109
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,760
Cam, we could really make a difference.
110
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,320
We could be the voice of change.
111
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:28,610
Ooh, I got it!
112
00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:31,100
Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt.
113
00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,360
Come on, gang.
114
00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:37,840
Today is the Dunphys at their best.
115
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,340
I'm from the "Weekly Saver." Mind if I ask you
116
00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:44,730
- a couple questions about the big election? - Not at all.
117
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:45,920
Fire away.
118
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,410
Who are you voting for today?
119
00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,560
Claire Dunphy.
120
00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:51,600
Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name.
121
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,560
Why?
122
00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:55,080
Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy.
123
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,000
Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales.
124
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,020
We take turns reporting.
125
00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,710
How do you feel about your chances today?
126
00:05:00,770 --> 00:05:02,740
Not as good as I did a few minutes ago.
127
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,080
No, she feels great.
128
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,850
Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high.
129
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:08,660
- There's your headline. - Phil, no.
130
00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:09,900
Uh, how about a photo of all of you?
131
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,930
- Yeah. Sure. Yes. - Mom, mom, mom. Tag.
132
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:12,880
- Tag's still on. - Oh, my Goodness.
133
00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:13,420
Thank you.
134
00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:16,150
That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay.
135
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,160
No!
136
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:20,910
What is that?
137
00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:21,930
Is that a tooth?
138
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,310
- Ew! - Awesome!
139
00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:24,570
How old are you? No!
140
00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:26,260
- Do it again! - How does that even happen?
141
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:29,050
It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury.
142
00:05:29,050 --> 00:05:30,990
- It just fell out. - Oh, my gosh. Why today?!
143
00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:32,240
- What about the... - Let's not overreact.
144
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,300
- Let's--let me see it. - Okay. All right.
145
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,110
Got it. Thanks.
146
00:05:45,730 --> 00:05:46,900
What happened back there?
147
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,810
Line was too long. I couldn't wait.
148
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:51,730
I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet!
149
00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,660
Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay?
150
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,120
That place I take you
151
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,700
has the greatest sherbet on the west coast.
152
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,530
They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet.
153
00:05:59,530 --> 00:06:00,670
Why are we talking about sherbet?
154
00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:02,010
He's clearly changing the subject.
155
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,120
Why aren't you in school?
156
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,370
He's doing it again.
157
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,160
Manny's right. You're being very ardilla.
158
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,150
- "Ardilla"? - Yeah, you know, the--
159
00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:10,820
The one that--that--
160
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,150
- Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y? - No, another one
161
00:06:12,150 --> 00:06:14,100
- With the cheeks and the tail and... - Chipmunk?
162
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,160
- Possum? -Okay, obviously she means squirrel.
163
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,260
You were being squirrely then,
164
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,380
- You're being squirrely now. - Better than being a rat.
165
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,360
Manny, give us a minute.
166
00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:23,900
Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter.
167
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:28,900
What?
168
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,260
All right, it's no big deal.
169
00:06:33,150 --> 00:06:34,650
There was a woman working there.
170
00:06:34,650 --> 00:06:35,830
I didn't want her to see me.
171
00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:37,710
- Who is she? - Her name is Dottie.
172
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,010
She's the first woman I dated after my divorce.
173
00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:42,280
You dated a Dottie after Dede?
174
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,800
Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here.
175
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,860
The--the point is it ended badly.
176
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,290
I tried to let her down easy, but, uh,
177
00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:50,210
she didn't take it too well.
178
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:51,630
Actually, I don't know how she took it,
179
00:06:51,630 --> 00:06:53,080
'cause I wasn't there.
180
00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:56,180
We dated a few weeks, then after we... You know,
181
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,790
I slipped out of her house before she woke up
182
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:00,090
and never called her again.
183
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,800
Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral,
184
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,710
let it roll down the driveway, lights off.
185
00:07:04,710 --> 00:07:06,410
Hey, I can't talk about this anymore.
186
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:08,730
So because of this woman,
187
00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:10,670
you didn't vote for your daughter?
188
00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:13,080
It's Claire! We need her to win!
189
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:16,290
I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled.
190
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:17,360
I'll figure out something.
191
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,130
Maybe those poll workers take shifts.
192
00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:21,840
Stop hiding in your little cave like a--
193
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:25,170
Like, you know. Like the-- the--the--
194
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,460
- I really don't wanna do this again. - No, the--
195
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,750
No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one.
196
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:32,740
Ay, why can't I remember any animal names?
197
00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:36,560
Climb aboard the Dunphy Express.
198
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,030
Next stop--democracy.
199
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,270
- Well--no, no... - Please don't go.
200
00:07:40,270 --> 00:07:42,010
I won't do that anymore. I promise.
201
00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:44,780
Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop.
202
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,070
I gotta pick up my new glasses.
203
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,660
No can do. I, uh...
204
00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:50,480
I got a lot of people waitin', so...
205
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,250
It'll just take two minutes.
206
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,830
I can't even see the ballot without my glasses.
207
00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:57,170
I mark the wrong box,
208
00:07:57,170 --> 00:07:59,220
next thing you know I'll be married to a guy.
209
00:07:59,220 --> 00:08:01,790
Yeah, I-- I don't think it's mandatory, Walt.
210
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:04,740
I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me.
211
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,600
Oh, yeah.
212
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,630
They will break all your buttons...
213
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:10,710
and say you brought it in that way.
214
00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:11,990
Okay, go, go, go!
215
00:08:12,370 --> 00:08:14,950
Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind.
216
00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:18,290
And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us.
217
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,300
Do not see that movie!
218
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,720
You will neither laugh nor cry!
219
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,840
"Best pizza in the city"?
220
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,920
Not even the best pizza on this street.
221
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,180
They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures!
222
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,780
"Totally free checking"?
223
00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,160
Don't bank on it!
224
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,710
Okay, that was really fun,
225
00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,870
But now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire.
226
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,230
We've been saying that for two hours.
227
00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:40,100
Yes, but now I-I really mean it.
228
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,340
- Oh, my god, there's Sandy! - Sandra Bullock?
229
00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:43,590
Yeah, Sandra Bullock.
230
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,530
We're such good friends, I call her "Sandy," So...
231
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,780
No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool.
232
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:48,670
- Right there. - Oh, yeah.
233
00:08:48,670 --> 00:08:50,770
- You know, she got engaged. - No!
234
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,880
- To the gay boyfriend? - Totally.
235
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,780
Oh, how does she not see it?
236
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:55,880
If I was with somebody that gorgeous,
237
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,360
I'd overlook a few quirks, too.
238
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,620
First of all, thank you.
239
00:08:58,620 --> 00:08:59,910
Second of all...
240
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:01,140
point well taken.
241
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,110
I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her.
242
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,050
- Well, it's better than being alone. - Is it?
243
00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:07,340
She's looking over here.
244
00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:09,330
- Oh, my god. - Mitchell, you're sitting on the button.
245
00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:11,030
What? No--no, I'm not. No, I'm not!
246
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,390
The--it's stuck!
247
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,300
And you're the one that had it last
248
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:15,110
- when you were talking to the cheese shop! - Because you know what?
249
00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:16,490
If you advertise truffle cheese,
250
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,950
- there are certain expectations... - Hi, Sandy.
251
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,920
Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy.
252
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:25,820
- What a beautiful name. - She used to be a citizen.
253
00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,770
I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council.
254
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,500
All right. How about this?
255
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,190
if you vote for Claire Dunphy...
256
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:34,970
You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life.
257
00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:36,250
Vote for Claire!
258
00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:38,940
Luke! What are you doing?
259
00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:39,850
You can't say that!
260
00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:41,980
Oh, like she'd be the first politician
261
00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:43,700
to make a promise she can't keep.
262
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,130
Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either.
263
00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:48,240
Maybe you are the one that is bothering me!
264
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,610
How do you like that? Eh?
265
00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:53,280
Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you again
266
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,930
to please stick to your script.
267
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:57,610
But everybody's saying no to me!
268
00:09:57,610 --> 00:09:58,670
I don't get it.
269
00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:00,500
Usually when I ask someone to do something,
270
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,500
they just do it!
271
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,810
Maybe it's because these people can't see you.
272
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,020
I don't like it.
273
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,570
Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera?
274
00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:10,610
Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote.
275
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,880
Okay. Bye-bye.
276
00:10:14,270 --> 00:10:15,290
Here's your seat.
277
00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:18,360
Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me.
278
00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,980
I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before.
279
00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:22,100
Don't worry about it.
280
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,550
- Just think of it as a conversation. - Okay.
281
00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,830
Here are your headphones. Volume control.
282
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,810
- Don't get too far from the mike. - Okay.
283
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:30,300
Make sure your cell phone's off.
284
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,780
Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um...
285
00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:33,140
And you're not chewing gum, are you?
286
00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,540
No, I'm not. I just had some temporary
287
00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:36,250
dental work done.
288
00:10:36,250 --> 00:10:37,550
The last thing I need--
289
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,510
And welcome back to "A matter of record."
290
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,420
I'm Cecil Van Gundy.
291
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,840
Joining us now in studio is district 43
292
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,410
town council candidate Claire Dunphy.
293
00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,170
Thank you, Cecil.
294
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,710
It's a pleasure to be here.
295
00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:59,000
So... You're a first-time candidate.
296
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,610
Tell us what got you involved.
297
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,790
It all started with a, um...
298
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,250
With a stop sign.
299
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,350
I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood
300
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:13,060
and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall.
301
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,570
What's wrong with mom?
302
00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:15,750
Oh, this isn't good.
303
00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:17,500
She sounds drunk!
304
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,990
That's not her drunk voice.
305
00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:21,550
Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town.
306
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,810
Where do you stand on the city's
307
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,810
sewage and sustainability initiative,
308
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,310
the so-called S.S.I.?
309
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,140
One cannot really talk about
310
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,450
s-s-sewage and sustainability
311
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:35,800
without first discussing... recycling.
312
00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:37,780
This city can do more...
313
00:11:37,790 --> 00:11:39,350
- What the hell's wrong with her? - with the recycling program...
314
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,430
She sounds drunk!
315
00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:42,380
- ...currently... - It's a tooth thing.
316
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:44,180
What's wrong?
317
00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:46,130
Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy.
318
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,400
Is that serious?
319
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,580
Is oxygen serious?
320
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,940
You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses.
321
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:53,200
I'm just gonna drop you at home.
322
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,410
You can get your air. I can drive other people.
323
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,570
I don't have any more tanks at home.
324
00:11:57,570 --> 00:11:59,550
Why? That seems like bad planning.
325
00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:01,020
Well, I forgot to order them.
326
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,330
My pills make me forget things.
327
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,690
Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill!
328
00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:06,970
Please tell me you have it with you.
329
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,230
Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food.
330
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,100
- Don't I? - Are you asking me?
331
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,990
Uh, yes! I do take them with food!
332
00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:15,300
Ooh. I don't feel so well.
333
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,050
Okay, I'll get you whatever you want!
334
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,170
I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food.
335
00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:20,850
Then I'll vote for your drunk wife.
336
00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:22,760
That is not her drunk voice!
337
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,900
Thank you so much for voting.
338
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,230
We appreciate it.
339
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,920
Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett.
340
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,770
Uh, can I get in-- in and out really quick?
341
00:12:35,770 --> 00:12:36,530
Thank you. This is all I needed.
342
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:38,090
Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
343
00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,870
All right. Claire, Claire, Claire.
344
00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:44,060
Claire, Claire-- ahh, ahh. Here.
345
00:12:46,910 --> 00:12:48,700
I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
346
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:51,480
Hello, Dottie!
347
00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:58,810
Jay! It's so nice to see you!
348
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,280
- Is it? - Oh, why wouldn't it be?
349
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:05,080
That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge.
350
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,910
- We're good. - Oh, that's great.
351
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:09,320
Thank you so much for voting.
352
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,350
You remember my daughter Claire. She's--
353
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,870
She's running for town council.
354
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:16,050
- Oh, isn't that neat? - Yeah, I'm so proud.
355
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:19,080
So you're gonna put it in there, huh?
356
00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:21,530
Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely.
357
00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:23,690
cause every vote counts, you know.
358
00:13:23,690 --> 00:13:25,770
Thank you so much for voting.
359
00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:27,620
- You know... - Yeah.
360
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,790
Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sight
361
00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:32,520
of my vote... counting.
362
00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:35,230
Why would I say I'd do something and not do it?
363
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:36,840
That would make me a liar...
364
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,910
instead of a trusting widow
365
00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:40,920
Who fell asleep in the warm embrace
366
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,030
of a man who promised to make breakfast.
367
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,610
Okay, here it is.
368
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:46,880
Look, I am so sorry.
369
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:50,780
You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex--
370
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:52,110
35 years.
371
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,380
I panicked.
372
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,940
An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty naked
373
00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:57,000
or anything like that.
374
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,610
I'd have run from Angie Dickinson.
375
00:13:58,610 --> 00:14:00,440
- Oh, lucky her. - Dottie--
376
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,060
- Good-bye, Jay! - Dottie, Dottie, please.
377
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,760
I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box.
378
00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:05,340
oh, yeah, that sounds familiar.
379
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:07,080
Yeah, but you don't have to do anything.
380
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,590
Just let me put it in!
381
00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,070
Uhh. Shouldn't have said that.
382
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,240
We are so sorry.
383
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,180
We did not mean for you to hear any of that.
384
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:16,810
Yes, and you know what?
385
00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:18,800
We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place.
386
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:19,690
But what if you're right?
387
00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,850
What if Gregory is gay?
388
00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:23,580
When my mom said it, I didn't believe her.
389
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:24,330
She lives in Iowa.
390
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,630
But coming from you two!
391
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:26,800
- Means nothing. - No.
392
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,640
We barely know your fiance.
393
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,660
- If he says he's straight, he's straight. - Mm. Straight.
394
00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:33,120
We're getting married in a month.
395
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,350
People are flying in.
396
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,840
He signed us up for dance classes.
397
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:36,900
Oh, my god!
398
00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:38,630
No. No, no, no. Hey.
399
00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:39,950
- This is what gays do. - Yeah.
400
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:41,060
- We gossip. - We gossip a lot.
401
00:14:41,060 --> 00:14:42,270
He gossips!
402
00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:44,480
No. No. You're missing the point, okay?
403
00:14:44,660 --> 00:14:46,300
We see a great-looking guy like Gregory,
404
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,130
and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay!
405
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:51,110
- Really? Really? Are you sure? - Yes. Yes.
406
00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:53,300
Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars.
407
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:53,740
Okay.
408
00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,070
You know? Hugh Jackman-- he sings, he dances,
409
00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:57,350
He's dreamy!
410
00:14:57,350 --> 00:15:00,410
So obviously we would want him on our team!
411
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:01,790
- Yeah. - But he's straight.
412
00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:03,720
Trust me, I know.
413
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,570
I said hello to him once in a restaurant,
414
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:08,240
and there was absolutely no chemistry.
415
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,130
Well, if that isn't proof...
416
00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:12,840
Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married,
417
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,050
and everyone said the wedding was beautiful.
418
00:15:15,050 --> 00:15:16,860
Gregory did the flowers....
419
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,210
Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy.
420
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,970
The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb!
421
00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:27,710
All right. Let's go vote.
422
00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:30,450
Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway?
423
00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:32,170
You heard her. She wanted to put up
424
00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:33,870
a stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf,
425
00:15:33,870 --> 00:15:34,780
But then she ran into--
426
00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:35,520
Wait, wait, wait!
427
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,020
That's near where I live!
428
00:15:37,030 --> 00:15:39,230
Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go!
429
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,110
No way I'm voting for that!
430
00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:42,910
Too much government already.
431
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:44,920
I didn't fight a war so some politician
432
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,520
could tell me where I have to stop my car.
433
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,100
You don't even drive!
434
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,710
That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away.
435
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,920
I don't think he was involved in the decision!
436
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,810
I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife.
437
00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:58,020
I'm not going home with zero.
438
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,440
The least you can do is walk right in there
439
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,790
and punch a hole for the woman
440
00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,610
who drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday!
441
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,220
I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in.
442
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,100
Really? A stop sign?!
443
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,430
But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid.
444
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:13,580
And I had a nice day...
445
00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:16,210
till you started yelling at me.
446
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,080
So sorry. Thank you.
447
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:20,500
Here you go.
448
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:23,620
You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too.
449
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:25,070
Okay. Let's just go vote.
450
00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:28,670
That's veteran political reporter
451
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,250
Walter Shapiro.
452
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,090
Hi, everyone!
453
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,290
- Any news? - Not yet, not yet,
454
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,290
But even if I lose, at least now I know
455
00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,180
I have a future in radio.
456
00:16:38,570 --> 00:16:41,120
I couldn't. People need to see me.
457
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:44,090
Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all
458
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,240
for everything you've done for me.
459
00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:50,810
Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all day
460
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,560
in your little Claire-mobile.
461
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,240
- It's the least we could do. - Yeah.
462
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,260
Literally.
463
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:57,110
We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career
464
00:16:57,110 --> 00:16:58,560
than we did for Claire's.
465
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,410
And, Manny and Gloria,
466
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:04,200
thank you for making all those phone calls.
467
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,340
And, dad...
468
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,970
for all your support.
469
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:09,800
I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire.
470
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,510
I don't think I even voted.
471
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:13,690
And my husband...
472
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,390
who drove around
473
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:21,130
I don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls.
474
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:23,100
One.
475
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,520
And my beautiful children,
476
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,420
whose faith has given me the confidence
477
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:30,560
to believe that I can do this.
478
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,460
I can--oh.
479
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:33,060
- Somebody else answer it. I lost. - Mom. Mom.
480
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:33,690
- I can feel it. I-- - Mom.
481
00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:35,620
You can do it. Mom. Answer the phone.
482
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,340
Hello?
483
00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:40,820
This is she.
484
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:45,960
Thanks so much for calling.
485
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,260
Bye-bye.
486
00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:53,180
I have some bad news.
487
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,990
Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman?
488
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,170
No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing.
489
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:06,290
- I really lost. I lost. - Ay, no.
490
00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:10,050
I'm so sorry. But you know what?
491
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:14,430
We are still just so proud of you.
492
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,620
Yeah! I-- I don't know about you,
493
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:21,500
But, um... I could use a glass of wine.
494
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,190
Ohh. Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice.
495
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:32,830
Mom?
496
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:34,730
You okay?
497
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:36,590
Yes. Fine. I'm good.
498
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:38,550
I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win,
499
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:41,500
And... and I'm so embarrassed.
500
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,640
I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me,
501
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:48,620
and they believed in me,
502
00:18:48,950 --> 00:18:50,190
and I let 'em down.
503
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:54,580
Oh, honey.
504
00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:56,810
Oh, sweetheart.
505
00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:00,370
Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie.
506
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:01,770
Really, I am.
507
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,240
Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better.
508
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,330
No, I got four rejection letters
509
00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:10,370
I never told you guys about.
510
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:13,520
What?
511
00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:18,470
I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin...
512
00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:19,840
- Oh, no. - And Northwestern.
513
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,140
Well, we were overshooting on that one.
514
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:23,860
What about, uh...
515
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:27,030
It came today. My last chance.
516
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:29,590
I'm too scared to open it.
517
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,620
Whatever it says in there,
518
00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:34,660
your father and I are crazy proud of you.
519
00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:35,830
Okay?
520
00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:37,750
I did start trying this year.
521
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,620
I know you did. You did.
522
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,420
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
523
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:44,630
Neither do you.
524
00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:47,990
It's a little bit different.
525
00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:50,940
No, it's exactly the same.
526
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:53,870
Except you tried really hard the whole time,
527
00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,220
not just at the end.
528
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:58,230
You're right.
529
00:19:58,370 --> 00:19:59,510
It is the same.
530
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,740
We have nothing to be ashamed of...
531
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,040
So let's open that together.
532
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,010
Yeah, open it.
533
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,930
What? No! What are you doing here?
534
00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:10,100
No. Come on, haley. We believe in you.
535
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:10,950
Do it!
536
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:12,730
You can always work for me.
537
00:20:12,890 --> 00:20:14,500
Come on. You can do it. You can do this.
538
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,390
- Come on, Haley. - All right.
539
00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:16,960
Open. Open, open, open.
540
00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:22,870
"Dear Miss Dunphy,
541
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,100
We regret to inform you..."
542
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,290
Oh, honey.
543
00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:29,120
"While we cannot offer you admission at this time,
544
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,300
"You are a promising candidate, and therefore
545
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:32,880
We would like to place you on our wait list!"
546
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,520
Oh, my god, I got wait-listed!
547
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:35,920
We will take it!
548
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,600
Yeah!
549
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:39,780
Congratulations! Congratulations!
550
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:43,550
Our daughter might be going to college!
551
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:50,660
Phil, look.
552
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:53,230
A stop sign.
553
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,100
It's addressed to you.
554
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,860
"Dear Claire, I won. You lost.
555
00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:04,530
"Here's your stupid stop sign.
556
00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:06,030
"Next time you think about bothering me,
557
00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,800
"Please take its advice.
558
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,150
Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey."
559
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,090
Honey, you did it!
560
00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:14,070
I did it.
561
00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:16,330
I made our neighborhood a little bit safer.
562
00:21:16,330 --> 00:21:18,620
I may have even saved life.
563
00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:25,070
You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read?
564
00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:27,370
we need speed bumps.
565
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:30,490
No, no. No! Honey!
9999
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:02,300
www.tvsubtitles.net
41094
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
