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1
00:00:11,207 --> 00:00:13,214
This week, the world
lost a great man,
2
00:00:13,215 --> 00:00:15,222
and I lost a mentor.
3
00:00:15,912 --> 00:00:19,924
For nearly 60 years,
Professor ringmaster Al Uzielli
4
00:00:19,925 --> 00:00:24,308
helped young hopefuls like me
find their clown persona.
5
00:00:24,319 --> 00:00:25,336
"Professor ringmaster"?
6
00:00:25,337 --> 00:00:28,297
It's a very prestigious title
at clown college.
7
00:00:28,298 --> 00:00:31,406
One step below
piemaster general.
8
00:00:32,208 --> 00:00:33,215
Where's Lewis?
9
00:00:33,216 --> 00:00:34,228
Who knows?
10
00:00:34,229 --> 00:00:36,229
Okay, guys, it's just us.
11
00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:38,029
Lift on three.
12
00:01:08,429 --> 00:01:19,190
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru
13
00:01:20,192 --> 00:01:23,123
Hey, how come you guys haven't
accepted my friend requests?
14
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:24,989
I didn't know
you were on Facebook.
15
00:01:24,998 --> 00:01:26,373
Yeah. You said it was
only for teenagers
16
00:01:26,404 --> 00:01:27,702
and people looking
to have affairs.
17
00:01:27,738 --> 00:01:30,191
Well, I figured if you
can't fight it...
18
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,008
Not the having the affair.
That's still bad.
19
00:01:32,238 --> 00:01:34,512
No. Not that, but there's
nothing wrong with catching up
20
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,537
with a few old friends, right?
21
00:01:35,538 --> 00:01:40,502
Or doing a little social
networking with by B.F.F.s?
22
00:01:40,503 --> 00:01:41,507
Mm.
23
00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:43,891
Social networking
or social not-working?
24
00:01:43,974 --> 00:01:45,493
Oh! You know what we gotta do?
25
00:01:45,611 --> 00:01:47,272
We gotta get a picture of us
all together on a boat.
26
00:01:47,272 --> 00:01:48,612
I think that's a thing now.
27
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:51,891
So what do you say?
Accept my friend thingy.
28
00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:54,534
Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get
a friend thingy from you.
29
00:01:54,630 --> 00:01:57,599
Yeah, you know, they have
a lot of blocks on there
30
00:01:57,599 --> 00:01:58,637
to protect kids from weirdos.
31
00:01:58,638 --> 00:02:01,615
Mm. Okay. Good, good.
I'll send it again.
32
00:02:01,616 --> 00:02:03,636
Great. Please do.
33
00:02:03,637 --> 00:02:05,599
Please don't.
34
00:02:05,599 --> 00:02:07,606
We got her request
the first time, but ignored it.
35
00:02:07,607 --> 00:02:09,597
I can't have her on there
snooping around
36
00:02:09,598 --> 00:02:10,614
seeing what I'm doing
at parties.
37
00:02:10,615 --> 00:02:12,608
Or posting pictures of us
on family vacations
38
00:02:12,609 --> 00:02:15,623
wearing old, dorky clothes.
39
00:02:15,624 --> 00:02:18,623
What?
What's wrong with this?
40
00:02:18,624 --> 00:02:23,607
Dad, check it out.
I made one giant oreo.
41
00:02:23,608 --> 00:02:26,595
Luke, what are you doing?
42
00:02:26,595 --> 00:02:28,055
You gotta eat it
like it's an ear of corn.
43
00:02:28,138 --> 00:02:29,791
- Genius.
- Aw.
44
00:02:29,837 --> 00:02:31,180
Wow. New suit?
45
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,527
New everything.
46
00:02:32,591 --> 00:02:35,598
Kids, gather 'round.
It's time for a life lesson.
47
00:02:35,599 --> 00:02:37,607
Aren't we already gathered?
48
00:02:37,608 --> 00:02:39,607
Let me tell you something.
49
00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:44,590
Hard work, determination,
and perseverance always win out.
50
00:02:44,591 --> 00:02:48,608
I am living proof
that nice guys can finish first.
51
00:02:48,608 --> 00:02:49,614
Today I have a chance
52
00:02:49,615 --> 00:02:51,603
to get the biggest listing
of my career.
53
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:53,632
Oh, I have never seen
this man so focused.
54
00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:56,599
I'm like a boxer
before the big fight.
55
00:02:56,599 --> 00:02:58,612
That's why I didn't have sex
with Claire last night.
56
00:02:58,613 --> 00:02:59,623
Sorry, honey.
57
00:02:59,624 --> 00:03:01,594
Mm. It's... it's okay.
58
00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:03,595
But as soon as I get
this listing... ding!
59
00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:06,612
Let's just stop. Stop.
60
00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:11,598
I see you.
61
00:03:11,599 --> 00:03:13,623
What? I'm scratching.
62
00:03:13,624 --> 00:03:15,608
Hey, mom?
63
00:03:15,608 --> 00:03:17,629
Is it okay if I have a friend
come over tomorrow?
64
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:21,616
Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one
that gets the nosebleed?
65
00:03:21,616 --> 00:03:22,624
It's Griffin Cooper.
66
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:24,599
Griffin Cooper?
67
00:03:24,599 --> 00:03:26,344
Griffin Cooper is, by far,
68
00:03:26,344 --> 00:03:27,681
the coolest kid
in Manny's grade.
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00:03:27,681 --> 00:03:29,605
He's a terrific athlete,
he's confident.
70
00:03:29,624 --> 00:03:32,632
Manny's a great kid, sure,
but he's not exactly cool.
71
00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:35,624
He can't even open a door cool.
72
00:03:35,624 --> 00:03:37,637
Salutations, Wyatt.
I'm so glad you're joining me
73
00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:39,624
for an afternoon of mirth.
74
00:03:40,624 --> 00:03:42,616
Ah, good evening,
Reuben-San.
75
00:03:42,616 --> 00:03:44,591
May I ask you
to remove your shoes?
76
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,590
Tonight, we are going Japanese.
77
00:03:46,591 --> 00:03:50,615
Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley
lai mubay rumboo.
78
00:03:50,616 --> 00:03:52,615
I invented a new language
this morning.
79
00:03:52,616 --> 00:03:54,612
When did you guys
become buddies?
80
00:03:54,612 --> 00:03:56,276
Was it a football game
in the yard?
81
00:03:56,276 --> 00:03:58,466
- You made a great catch?
- No, that didn't happen.
82
00:03:58,603 --> 00:04:01,608
But the librarian told me
one day I'll be a great catch.
83
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:06,599
I'm really not getting
that relationship.
84
00:04:06,599 --> 00:04:08,620
Why can't you just be happy
that Manny's making new friends?
85
00:04:08,621 --> 00:04:10,607
No. 'Cause
it doesn't add up.
86
00:04:10,608 --> 00:04:12,591
Cool kids like
Griffin Cooper...
87
00:04:12,591 --> 00:04:13,957
they don't hang out
with kids like Manny.
88
00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:15,505
Manny's very cool.
89
00:04:15,595 --> 00:04:18,590
Maybe those kids are finally
catching up to him.
90
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,620
Wait a minute. I get it.
91
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:21,637
Couple of days last week,
92
00:04:21,638 --> 00:04:24,628
I took Manny to school
on my motorcycle.
93
00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:27,594
Griffin must think
I'm pretty boss.
94
00:04:27,595 --> 00:04:30,598
Yes, Jay.
It's all because of you.
95
00:04:30,599 --> 00:04:32,598
Kids are looking
for role models.
96
00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:34,608
Why do you think fonzie
was so popular?
97
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,344
He told people
that they were rich,
98
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,942
but really took their money
with his scheme?
99
00:04:39,157 --> 00:04:40,556
No, that's a...
100
00:04:40,629 --> 00:04:42,590
Yes.
101
00:04:42,591 --> 00:04:44,624
Those people were victims
of a fonzie scheme.
102
00:04:44,624 --> 00:04:46,599
Mm.
103
00:04:53,595 --> 00:04:54,608
It's showtime.
104
00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,623
Hey, Dunphy.
105
00:04:58,624 --> 00:05:01,590
You gettin' ready
for your one-woman show?
106
00:05:01,591 --> 00:05:02,607
Mitzi.
107
00:05:02,608 --> 00:05:04,632
Mitzi Roth...
a notorious poacher
108
00:05:04,633 --> 00:05:07,632
in the world of high-end
residential real estate.
109
00:05:07,633 --> 00:05:10,607
We call her
the "nightmare on elm street,"
110
00:05:10,608 --> 00:05:13,615
because she sold a lot
of houses on elm street.
111
00:05:13,616 --> 00:05:15,608
What are you doing here, Mitzi?
112
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:17,189
I have an appointment.
This is my listing.
113
00:05:17,198 --> 00:05:19,813
Oh, I didn't think that was
dotted line yet, jazz hands.
114
00:05:19,813 --> 00:05:22,702
No worries. I may have
an interested buyer.
115
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:24,603
- I'll bring him to you.
- Really?
116
00:05:24,603 --> 00:05:25,703
Okay, but could you
come back later?
117
00:05:25,703 --> 00:05:27,585
I really need to have them
to myself right now.
118
00:05:27,592 --> 00:05:29,615
Oh, yeah, okay.
I completely understand.
119
00:05:29,616 --> 00:05:31,611
Okay, thanks.
You're welcome.
120
00:05:31,612 --> 00:05:33,637
Wait. What?
121
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:34,637
What are you doing?
122
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,607
Watch this.
123
00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:37,935
- Hello?
- Oh, it's Mitzi Roth.
124
00:05:38,229 --> 00:05:39,727
And Phil Dunphy.
125
00:05:39,785 --> 00:05:41,544
I may have a prospective buyer
for your beautiful house.
126
00:05:41,628 --> 00:05:43,619
- I was wondering if maybe I could come in...
- Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti!
127
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:45,591
And just have a look
for a little while.
128
00:05:45,592 --> 00:05:47,598
- We've got a lot to talk about.
- Come on in.
129
00:05:47,599 --> 00:05:48,632
Um...
130
00:05:48,633 --> 00:05:50,607
Hey, guys. Yeah.
131
00:05:50,608 --> 00:05:53,607
I'm wondering if maybe we
shouldn't be alone for this.
132
00:05:53,608 --> 00:05:54,636
I'm in.
133
00:05:54,637 --> 00:05:57,636
Go back to condos, Dunphy.
134
00:05:57,637 --> 00:06:01,623
Oh, my God! This place
is absolutely gorgeous.
135
00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:03,623
Stunning. Stunning.
136
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:07,594
- You are in such good hands with Phil.
- Hey.
137
00:06:07,595 --> 00:06:08,616
How are you guys?
138
00:06:08,617 --> 00:06:10,590
I mean, fingers crossed,
though.
139
00:06:10,591 --> 00:06:12,215
You know, so many new companies
go belly-up.
140
00:06:12,278 --> 00:06:14,628
- Terrible.
- Well, good to... good to see you, Mitzi.
141
00:06:14,629 --> 00:06:16,636
- Guys, how are you?
- Oh, no. No, no, it's fine.
142
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,590
- It's fine. Come and take a look.
- Yeah.
143
00:06:19,591 --> 00:06:21,611
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Mitzi, please!
144
00:06:21,612 --> 00:06:23,607
Mitzi, please! Please!
145
00:06:23,608 --> 00:06:26,602
- What are you doing?
- Oh, my God! He shoved me!
146
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,628
- What?!
- He shoved me!
147
00:06:27,629 --> 00:06:29,628
- For God sakes!
- Phil! Oh, my God!
148
00:06:29,629 --> 00:06:32,602
I thought you had your
anger problem under control!
149
00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:34,619
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- I don't have an anger...
150
00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:35,620
I don't... anger problem.
151
00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:38,594
I don't have an anger problem.
152
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:41,802
Whoa. Hey. It's over?
What the hell?
153
00:06:41,831 --> 00:06:42,837
You're an hour late.
154
00:06:42,838 --> 00:06:44,810
Huh. Good to see you, too,
chuckleberry.
155
00:06:44,811 --> 00:06:47,830
Look at that. Your oversized
pants are starting to fit.
156
00:06:47,831 --> 00:06:50,809
Hello, Lewis.
157
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,838
Hello, Fizbo.
158
00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,838
For several years,
I was one half
159
00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,809
of the renowned clown duo
Fizbo & Lewis.
160
00:06:57,810 --> 00:06:58,817
We were huge.
161
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,810
In children's parties.
162
00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:02,835
Anyway, I disbanded the group
shortly after I met Mitchell.
163
00:07:02,836 --> 00:07:06,797
It's hard to have a relationship
and a clown career.
164
00:07:06,797 --> 00:07:08,808
That's the reason there are
so many single clowns.
165
00:07:08,809 --> 00:07:09,835
Just one of the reasons.
166
00:07:09,836 --> 00:07:12,804
Anyway, um, Lewis
hasn't spoken to me since.
167
00:07:12,805 --> 00:07:14,835
He's still bitter,
and I don't blame him.
168
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,814
It's kind of like
I broke up The Beatles.
169
00:07:16,815 --> 00:07:19,822
Of children's parties.
170
00:07:19,822 --> 00:07:20,835
What do you say we hit a bar?
171
00:07:20,836 --> 00:07:22,805
Tip a few back to Al, huh?
172
00:07:22,805 --> 00:07:23,831
I heard you were in jail.
173
00:07:23,832 --> 00:07:26,793
Yeah? I heard you're still doing
that lame giant scissors bit,
174
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:27,805
you blue-haired hack.
175
00:07:27,806 --> 00:07:28,813
Who's in?
176
00:07:28,814 --> 00:07:29,834
- I'll go.
- I'll go.
177
00:07:29,835 --> 00:07:31,801
- Yeah, sure.
- Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips.
178
00:07:31,802 --> 00:07:32,818
- All right.
- Cerveza.
179
00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:35,818
What about you, fizzy?
180
00:07:35,818 --> 00:07:38,419
You gonna come or you gonna
break up this party, too?
181
00:07:40,831 --> 00:07:42,814
Hey, shotgun, bitches!
182
00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:46,792
I should, you know,
probably go.
183
00:07:46,793 --> 00:07:48,491
- You know, for... for Al.
- Oh, yeah, no, of course.
184
00:07:48,531 --> 00:07:50,187
But, hey, listen, don't let him
get to you, all right?
185
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:52,750
No. It's fine. It's all
seltzer under the bridge.
186
00:07:52,797 --> 00:07:54,805
Just one drink,
and then I'll be home.
187
00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:55,824
Okay.
Just drive me home first?
188
00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,801
No, you, uh, you... you take
the car.
189
00:07:57,802 --> 00:08:00,800
I, uh, I'll go with the guys.
190
00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:03,810
In that tiny car? How are you
all possibly gonna...
191
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:06,797
Forget I asked!
192
00:08:14,332 --> 00:08:17,318
It's 5:00 in the morning.
193
00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:19,310
Daddy's juggling!
194
00:08:19,311 --> 00:08:21,323
Lily, honey,
what are you doing up?
195
00:08:21,323 --> 00:08:23,833
- Are you just getting home?
- Yeah, things got a little out of hand.
196
00:08:23,833 --> 00:08:25,241
Somebody had a flower
that squirted Tequila.
197
00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:28,318
What do you mean "somebody"?
I want full credit.
198
00:08:28,319 --> 00:08:29,331
What up, red?
199
00:08:29,332 --> 00:08:30,340
Really?
200
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:31,344
Teach me to juggle!
201
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,310
It's very simple.
202
00:08:33,311 --> 00:08:35,351
The key is to be aware
of where everything is
203
00:08:35,352 --> 00:08:37,332
at all times.
204
00:08:37,332 --> 00:08:38,344
Oh!
205
00:08:40,332 --> 00:08:43,310
And don't forget
the importance of balance! Oh!
206
00:08:43,311 --> 00:08:45,310
- Whoa!
- Okay. Okay. Come on.
207
00:08:45,311 --> 00:08:46,914
I think I cracked my eggs.
208
00:08:48,311 --> 00:08:50,319
We're out of eggs?
Are you yolking?
209
00:08:50,319 --> 00:08:53,311
And I haven't eaten
in five days!
210
00:08:54,328 --> 00:08:56,327
Five days! Are you cereal?
211
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,332
Whoa!
212
00:08:58,332 --> 00:09:02,340
Lily, don't ever do that.
213
00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:09,339
Okay. You two are deliberately
not confirming me.
214
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,335
Everybody else has accepted
my Facebook requests...
215
00:09:12,336 --> 00:09:15,310
Your father, Uncle Mitchell...
216
00:09:15,311 --> 00:09:16,327
Adele.
217
00:09:16,328 --> 00:09:18,351
That's right. Adele has
agreed to be my friend,
218
00:09:18,352 --> 00:09:20,315
and my own daughters haven't.
219
00:09:20,315 --> 00:09:22,770
Yeah, you may just be
a fan of Adele, and...
220
00:09:22,776 --> 00:09:25,312
What is so private
that I can't possibly see it?
221
00:09:25,319 --> 00:09:26,343
Nothing.
222
00:09:26,344 --> 00:09:29,351
Nothing. You just don't
want to be my friend.
223
00:09:29,352 --> 00:09:32,331
Great. I can see
my next status update...
224
00:09:32,332 --> 00:09:34,327
"My daughters are monsters."
225
00:09:34,328 --> 00:09:37,335
You're not gonna believe this.
Mitzi got the listing.
226
00:09:37,336 --> 00:09:39,340
Oh, no, honey.
That's awful.
227
00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:41,334
She cheated, she lied,
and she won.
228
00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:42,357
Kids, gather 'round.
229
00:09:42,358 --> 00:09:44,343
Again, we are gathered.
230
00:09:44,344 --> 00:09:46,356
You wanna get ahead?
Don't play by the rules.
231
00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:48,335
Turns out nice guys finish last
232
00:09:48,336 --> 00:09:51,335
in this cold,
dog-eat-dog world.
233
00:09:51,336 --> 00:09:53,351
It's not fair.
Why don't you play dirty, too?
234
00:09:53,352 --> 00:09:55,335
You could take her down.
235
00:09:55,336 --> 00:09:58,322
Honey, 'cause your dad
is a better man than that.
236
00:09:58,323 --> 00:10:00,003
- He has values and morals and...
- Shh.
237
00:10:00,006 --> 00:10:01,241
You. Keep talking.
238
00:10:01,315 --> 00:10:03,351
Well, just off
the top of my head,
239
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,319
you could take my spy pen
and record her
240
00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:07,326
admitting what she did.
241
00:10:07,327 --> 00:10:09,350
And then you could play it
for those people
242
00:10:09,522 --> 00:10:11,059
so they realize
what a jerk she is.
243
00:10:11,066 --> 00:10:12,076
Your dad is never gonna
do that...
244
00:10:12,115 --> 00:10:13,569
You're a regular
chatterbox today!
245
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:14,720
Get me that pen!
246
00:10:18,297 --> 00:10:21,328
- I got it!
- Remember, pal, keep it simple.
247
00:10:23,319 --> 00:10:24,322
Hey, Manny.
248
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:26,356
Griffin... legendary creature
of Greek mythology
249
00:10:26,357 --> 00:10:29,344
with the head of a lion
and wings of an eagle.
250
00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:30,344
What'd you say, Jay?
251
00:10:30,345 --> 00:10:32,319
Never mind.
252
00:10:35,336 --> 00:10:37,322
Jay Pritchett.
Nice to meet you.
253
00:10:37,323 --> 00:10:39,322
Nice to meet you, too.
254
00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:42,331
You know, I, uh, I saw
a little of that basketball game
255
00:10:42,332 --> 00:10:45,314
of yours last week.
You were lightin' it up.
256
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:46,327
Thanks.
257
00:10:46,328 --> 00:10:48,327
I was lighting it up, too, Jay.
258
00:10:48,328 --> 00:10:50,314
Who's hot? We're hot!
259
00:10:50,315 --> 00:10:52,327
Mustangs are hot!
260
00:10:52,328 --> 00:10:53,335
Hey!
261
00:10:53,336 --> 00:10:54,348
Hey!
262
00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:57,352
Hola, Griffin.
How are you?
263
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:01,356
Oh. 13.
264
00:11:01,357 --> 00:11:03,351
I'm fine.
265
00:11:03,352 --> 00:11:06,315
So what do you boys
have planned for today?
266
00:11:06,315 --> 00:11:08,051
Well, it's kind of
a surprise for Griffin,
267
00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:10,414
but let's just say
it involves decoupage.
268
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,332
- Oh, jeez.
- Come on. Let's go.
269
00:11:13,436 --> 00:11:15,407
Good-bye.
270
00:11:17,336 --> 00:11:19,318
Oh, no.
271
00:11:19,319 --> 00:11:21,310
- What?
- You were right.
272
00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,331
This boy is not here
to see Manny.
273
00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:25,339
I told you. You see
the way he looks at me?
274
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:28,318
No, fonzie,
the way he looks at me.
275
00:11:28,319 --> 00:11:31,318
He couldn't talk.
He kept staring.
276
00:11:31,319 --> 00:11:33,347
He was just like
my teachers back in school.
277
00:11:33,348 --> 00:11:35,343
Gloria, you're very pretty.
278
00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:37,340
But the kid idolizes me.
279
00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:38,357
Really?
280
00:11:40,311 --> 00:11:41,344
Griffin! Manny!
281
00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:44,315
Do you want to go with Jay
to ride his motorcycle,
282
00:11:44,315 --> 00:11:46,309
or you want to go with me
to the supermarket
283
00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:47,334
and buy a couple of onions?
284
00:11:47,335 --> 00:11:48,344
Motorcycle rides!
285
00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:51,310
Onions sound good.
286
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,332
Huh.
287
00:11:53,332 --> 00:11:56,319
Guess he has a thing
for you, too.
288
00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,314
Hey! We're back!
289
00:11:59,315 --> 00:12:01,319
Hey, I-I just finished
cleaning the kitchen,
290
00:12:01,319 --> 00:12:03,014
so if anyone has to do
a spit take,
291
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:04,238
please do it over the sink.
292
00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:07,319
We felt really bad about that,
so we got you a present.
293
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:08,755
What... what's the deal
with this?
294
00:12:08,808 --> 00:12:10,495
I open it up and snakes
fly out, or a fire?
295
00:12:10,495 --> 00:12:12,494
No, we just know
that you like to read.
296
00:12:12,588 --> 00:12:13,283
- Yeah.
- So open it.
297
00:12:13,352 --> 00:12:15,351
Aah! Got him!
298
00:12:15,352 --> 00:12:18,311
No. No. That's exactly
what I expected.
299
00:12:18,311 --> 00:12:19,350
'Member, when I told you?
300
00:12:19,351 --> 00:12:20,350
Okay. Look,
it's almost go time,
301
00:12:20,351 --> 00:12:22,344
so we should have a shot
and go white up.
302
00:12:22,345 --> 00:12:24,347
I'm sor... excuse me.
"White up"?
303
00:12:24,348 --> 00:12:27,015
Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do
a birthday party this afternoon,
304
00:12:27,064 --> 00:12:28,304
so we're gonna put
the old act back together.
305
00:12:28,324 --> 00:12:31,315
Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis,
together again.
306
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:32,328
And they said
it would never happen.
307
00:12:32,329 --> 00:12:34,315
Said. Hoped.
308
00:12:34,315 --> 00:12:35,328
Could I talk to you
for a second?
309
00:12:35,329 --> 00:12:37,314
Uh-oh.
Trouble in queer-a-dise.
310
00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:41,311
Okay, look, gonna go out
to the car for smokes.
311
00:12:41,311 --> 00:12:43,177
Please tell me "smokes"
is not another clown,
312
00:12:43,177 --> 00:12:45,181
'cause I don't think I could
handle another one of him.
313
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:46,315
Oh, Lewis is not that bad.
314
00:12:46,328 --> 00:12:48,328
Well, what do you see
in that guy, cam?
315
00:12:48,328 --> 00:12:50,317
I don't know. Maybe the fact
that he doesn't roll his eyes
316
00:12:50,318 --> 00:12:52,311
every time I talk
about the art of clowning...
317
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:53,331
Like that.
318
00:12:53,332 --> 00:12:56,319
He may have had his faults,
but we were great together.
319
00:12:56,319 --> 00:12:57,336
We had an unspoken language.
320
00:12:57,337 --> 00:13:00,339
We finished each other's
balloon animals.
321
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:02,314
But you would never know,
322
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,336
because you have never been
to one of our performances.
323
00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:06,357
Birthday parties.
324
00:13:06,358 --> 00:13:08,356
You hate my clown side.
325
00:13:08,357 --> 00:13:11,331
No. No.
No. I don't hate it.
326
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:14,322
Just admit it. I basically
already know you do.
327
00:13:14,323 --> 00:13:16,356
Okay. Okay.
Cards on the table.
328
00:13:16,357 --> 00:13:19,343
- It's not my favorite thing that you...
- Oh, how dare you?
329
00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:22,318
I am a clown.
It's who I am!
330
00:13:22,319 --> 00:13:24,310
If you squeeze me,
do I not honk?
331
00:13:24,311 --> 00:13:25,319
Eye roll!
332
00:13:25,319 --> 00:13:27,348
Oh, like I had a choice!
333
00:13:31,319 --> 00:13:32,336
Knock, knock.
334
00:13:32,336 --> 00:13:33,344
What are you doing here?
335
00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:36,327
Hey, um, I-I brought you
some... soup.
336
00:13:36,328 --> 00:13:39,335
You know, I thought about it,
and maybe I did push you.
337
00:13:39,336 --> 00:13:41,351
So... how's the ankle?
338
00:13:41,352 --> 00:13:45,323
Oh, come on, Dunphy.
You know I flopped.
339
00:13:45,323 --> 00:13:47,315
Haven't you ever seen
an nba game?
340
00:13:47,316 --> 00:13:50,331
Oh, I'm sorry.
In your case, WNBA.
341
00:13:50,332 --> 00:13:52,311
So that was all a ruse?
342
00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:53,338
The oldest trick in the book.
343
00:13:53,339 --> 00:13:55,336
You need to step up
your game, son.
344
00:13:55,337 --> 00:13:58,327
You know what? I almost
feel sorry for you.
345
00:13:58,328 --> 00:14:01,343
Come here. Give me a big hug.
346
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:03,351
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
347
00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:05,314
No hard feelings, huh?
348
00:14:05,315 --> 00:14:06,327
- None at all.
- Good.
349
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:08,344
Because I just recorded
your entire confession...
350
00:14:08,345 --> 00:14:10,327
Right here on my...
351
00:14:10,328 --> 00:14:12,343
Spy pen?
352
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:14,351
Second-oldest trick
in the book.
353
00:14:14,352 --> 00:14:16,318
Um...
354
00:14:16,319 --> 00:14:20,318
Oh, God. A real man would have
just poisoned the soup.
355
00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:22,314
Are we... done here?
356
00:14:27,770 --> 00:14:28,861
Ah. Thank you.
357
00:14:28,862 --> 00:14:30,794
Hey, mom. Guess what?
358
00:14:30,812 --> 00:14:32,816
Griffin invited us all
over to his house
359
00:14:32,816 --> 00:14:34,793
for a pool party
and barbecue tonight.
360
00:14:34,794 --> 00:14:35,802
Pool party, huh?
361
00:14:35,803 --> 00:14:37,785
Yeah, and he said
bring your swimsuits.
362
00:14:37,786 --> 00:14:38,816
He was pretty adamant about it.
363
00:14:38,817 --> 00:14:40,294
It's 50 degrees outside.
364
00:14:40,342 --> 00:14:41,342
Sounds fun.
365
00:14:41,342 --> 00:14:42,359
Great. I'll call him.
366
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:46,456
You know, you're basically
agreeing to a date
367
00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:47,256
with a 13-year-old boy.
368
00:14:47,351 --> 00:14:50,341
Jay, we use this go get us
tables at restaurants,
369
00:14:50,342 --> 00:14:52,342
why can't we use this
to get Manny a friend?
370
00:14:52,342 --> 00:14:54,127
Because he's not really
getting a friend.
371
00:14:54,199 --> 00:14:55,540
Oh, but when you thought
that he was trying
372
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:57,287
to ride your motorcycle,
it was okay.
373
00:14:57,351 --> 00:14:59,366
Maybe now I don't like
what he's trying to ride.
374
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:01,334
Manny likes Griffin.
375
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,361
Maybe someday, if they spend
enough time together,
376
00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:04,372
Griffin will like Manny.
377
00:15:04,373 --> 00:15:08,333
What? Griffin doesn't like me?
378
00:15:08,334 --> 00:15:10,341
No, no, no, papi.
He loves you.
379
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,351
But you just said
someday Griffin will like me.
380
00:15:12,351 --> 00:15:14,332
That means
he doesn't like me now.
381
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,430
You know what, kid?
382
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:20,345
We think that Griffin
might be hanging out with you
383
00:15:20,346 --> 00:15:23,350
because he's got a little crush
on your mother and me.
384
00:15:23,351 --> 00:15:26,333
- On you?
- Wow. I can't believe it.
385
00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:28,350
- Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine.
- Okay? I'm sorry.
386
00:15:28,351 --> 00:15:30,372
Are you kidding?
It's fantastic!
387
00:15:30,372 --> 00:15:31,430
How is it fantastic?
388
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,351
I'm only hanging out with him
389
00:15:33,351 --> 00:15:35,344
because I have the hots
for his sister Chloe.
390
00:15:35,345 --> 00:15:37,334
You've met Griffin.
The kid's a doorknob.
391
00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:39,429
So you're just using him?
392
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:42,372
Yeah, and I felt really guilty
about it until now.
393
00:15:42,372 --> 00:15:43,430
Now it's a win-win.
394
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:45,346
Not for me!
395
00:15:45,346 --> 00:15:46,349
Just suck it up, mom.
396
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:48,342
I've done a lot for you
over the years.
397
00:15:48,343 --> 00:15:50,371
Jay, you, too.
This girl could be the one.
398
00:15:50,372 --> 00:15:52,430
Then I'm out of your hair
forever.
399
00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:54,367
Pool party, mom.
Dress accordingly.
400
00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:02,341
Can you help me
reach that box of cereal?
401
00:16:02,342 --> 00:16:03,366
Ugh.
402
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:05,358
Hey. You're Mitzi Roth.
403
00:16:05,359 --> 00:16:07,341
I recognize you from your ads.
404
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,334
Smokin', right?
405
00:16:09,334 --> 00:16:10,332
I'm Luke Dunphy.
406
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:11,351
My dad's Phil Dunphy.
407
00:16:11,352 --> 00:16:13,334
I'm sorry.
408
00:16:13,334 --> 00:16:14,363
Why do you hate him so much?
409
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:17,358
It's just business, kid.
It's not personal.
410
00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:20,354
Well, it's personal to us.
411
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:23,341
I've never seen my dad
so worried before.
412
00:16:23,342 --> 00:16:25,334
I have this spy pen,
413
00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:26,367
and I heard him
talking to my mom,
414
00:16:26,368 --> 00:16:30,354
and he's scared about paying for
my sister's college next year.
415
00:16:30,355 --> 00:16:33,333
And I guess he's nervous
about some kind of party,
416
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:35,358
because he said
there's a big balloon payment.
417
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:38,425
Anyways, he's like
the best dad ever,
418
00:16:38,426 --> 00:16:43,334
so maybe you could be
a little nicer to him.
419
00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:44,351
There you are, buddy.
420
00:16:44,352 --> 00:16:47,362
Check it out. They're giving
away free jelly beans.
421
00:16:47,363 --> 00:16:48,362
Hey, Mitzi.
422
00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:50,341
Dunphy.
423
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,350
You have a very nice kid there.
424
00:16:52,351 --> 00:16:55,333
He's mine.
425
00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:57,371
Thank you. Thank you.
426
00:16:57,372 --> 00:17:01,342
Hey, so I was thinking
after, uh, little Fizbo,
427
00:17:01,342 --> 00:17:02,616
we could do the ladder bit.
428
00:17:02,616 --> 00:17:04,682
Ah, crap.
I forgot the ladder.
429
00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:06,663
You know what?
I'll remember it next weekend.
430
00:17:06,663 --> 00:17:07,971
What's next weekend?
431
00:17:08,338 --> 00:17:10,366
We got a town fair
in thousand oaks
432
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:12,367
and a birthday party
in Pasadena.
433
00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:14,122
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I-I can't do that.
434
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:15,266
W-what do you mean?
435
00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:17,342
I'm the one with outstanding
warrants in Pasadena.
436
00:17:17,343 --> 00:17:19,358
We're taking Lily
to the aquarium next weekend.
437
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:23,334
You know, Lewis, this was
just a onetime thing, right?
438
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:25,367
What happened to "we're putting
the act back together"?
439
00:17:25,368 --> 00:17:28,333
Well, that was just for today.
440
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:30,537
Oh. Oh, sure.
441
00:17:30,626 --> 00:17:32,350
- I'm... I'm sorry if you thought...
- No, no, no.
442
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:33,429
I get it.
443
00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:35,430
You're a family man now.
444
00:17:37,351 --> 00:17:40,350
Hey...
445
00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:42,355
Let's go out there
and make this the best show
446
00:17:42,355 --> 00:17:44,334
Fizbo & Lewis have ever done.
447
00:17:46,338 --> 00:17:47,430
You got it, partner.
448
00:17:47,431 --> 00:17:51,333
Ladies and germs,
boys and girls,
449
00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:53,372
say hello to my good friend...
450
00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:56,367
Little Fizbo!
451
00:18:00,355 --> 00:18:02,372
Hello, big people!
452
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,346
Hi!
453
00:18:06,355 --> 00:18:08,426
Let's get this party started!
454
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,429
Wow, all this dancing
sure has made me hungry!
455
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,426
Wish I had something to eat!
456
00:18:18,426 --> 00:18:20,355
Heh! Oh!
457
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:24,334
Oh, forgot I had
that fish over there.
458
00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:25,344
Don't know why
he's so mad at me!
459
00:18:25,345 --> 00:18:26,430
He was fine just a minute ago.
460
00:18:26,431 --> 00:18:28,350
Ohh! Okay!
461
00:18:28,351 --> 00:18:30,345
Somebody's
a little punchy today!
462
00:18:30,346 --> 00:18:31,371
Oh. Hey.
463
00:18:31,372 --> 00:18:33,238
What's the frying pan
doing here?
464
00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:34,383
When did we add a frying pan
to the act?
465
00:18:34,383 --> 00:18:36,368
We don't need...
Nope! Don't need the frying pan!
466
00:18:36,627 --> 00:18:37,341
Ow! Oh, gosh!
467
00:18:37,342 --> 00:18:39,351
Why are you doing that?
Stop doing that.
468
00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:40,372
Screw you, you traitor.
469
00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:42,342
Ow! That hurts!
470
00:18:42,342 --> 00:18:43,340
Seriously, stop it!
471
00:18:43,341 --> 00:18:44,363
Know what hurts?
Abandonment.
472
00:18:49,342 --> 00:18:51,351
Listen to 'em laughing.
We could have been something.
473
00:18:51,352 --> 00:18:54,367
We could have been some...
I can't do this bit by myself!
474
00:18:58,363 --> 00:18:59,426
Uhh!
475
00:18:59,426 --> 00:19:01,367
Somebody! Somebody!
This isn't pretend!
476
00:19:01,368 --> 00:19:03,359
Someone grab an adult, please!
477
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:09,366
Mitzi.
478
00:19:09,367 --> 00:19:11,358
Your kid forgot his cereal.
479
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,371
There's a surprise
in every box.
480
00:19:13,372 --> 00:19:16,333
Spoiler alert...
it's diabetes.
481
00:19:16,334 --> 00:19:18,366
You drove all the way
over here for this?
482
00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:20,338
Okay, look, here's the deal.
483
00:19:20,338 --> 00:19:22,700
- You can have that listing if you want it.
- What?
484
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,341
Yeah, the couple
are a real pain.
485
00:19:24,342 --> 00:19:25,611
I'm too old
for that kind of headache.
486
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,285
Just keep your mouth shut
about it.
487
00:19:27,352 --> 00:19:30,337
- Thank you so much.
- I just said "zip it"!
488
00:19:30,338 --> 00:19:31,362
- Oh. You did.
- Unbelievable.
489
00:19:31,363 --> 00:19:33,358
I'm so sorry.
But thank you.
490
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,334
Bye!
491
00:19:36,334 --> 00:19:37,367
Kids, gather 'round!
492
00:19:37,368 --> 00:19:39,429
- We are right here!
- Oh.
493
00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:44,345
Let me tell you something...
people are fundamentally good.
494
00:19:44,346 --> 00:19:47,337
The key is, you find
that goodness deep within 'em.
495
00:19:47,338 --> 00:19:48,350
Twist it,
496
00:19:48,351 --> 00:19:50,371
and turn it to your advantage.
497
00:19:50,372 --> 00:19:52,341
Hello. Psh!
498
00:19:52,342 --> 00:19:55,355
And... there she is.
499
00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:56,365
What are you gonna hit?
500
00:19:56,366 --> 00:19:58,996
College, balloon payment,
greatest dad ever.
501
00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:00,360
Nice. Do you want me to squirt
some tears in your eyes?
502
00:20:00,427 --> 00:20:02,341
Dad, please.
503
00:20:02,342 --> 00:20:04,359
I was fake crying
before I could walk.
504
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,367
How do you think I got out
of eating all those salads?
505
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,355
Can you help me reach
that box of cereal?
506
00:20:15,356 --> 00:20:16,354
Ugh.
507
00:20:16,355 --> 00:20:18,362
Oh, hey.
You're Mitzi Roth, right?
508
00:20:18,363 --> 00:20:20,354
I recognize you from your ads.
509
00:20:20,355 --> 00:20:22,341
Smokin', huh?
510
00:20:22,342 --> 00:20:24,429
I can't believe
you got that listing back!
511
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:27,333
- Sweetheart!
- Honey! Oh.
512
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:28,350
- Honey?
- Mm-hmm?
513
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:29,425
Ding?
514
00:20:29,426 --> 00:20:33,333
You sure you
wanna ding a chatterbox?
515
00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:34,371
- Mnh-mnh.
- Oh. Uh...
516
00:20:34,372 --> 00:20:36,350
Honey...
517
00:20:37,275 --> 00:20:38,181
Buddy, quick...
518
00:20:38,246 --> 00:20:39,274
What's the trick
to those fake tears?
519
00:20:39,297 --> 00:20:41,290
The three stooges are all dead.
520
00:20:41,291 --> 00:20:44,265
Yeah, that's good.
521
00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:50,943
Well, it looks like
somebody likes Coldplay.
522
00:20:50,943 --> 00:20:51,968
Mm. Right. You saw.
523
00:20:51,969 --> 00:20:53,034
Uh-huh.
524
00:20:53,035 --> 00:20:56,034
Did you see the pictures
I posted from Thanksgiving?
525
00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:57,863
Totes adorbs.
526
00:20:57,930 --> 00:20:58,905
- I'm going to kill myself.
- Hmm.
527
00:20:58,976 --> 00:21:01,975
You gotta check out my wall.
Right there.
528
00:21:01,976 --> 00:21:04,034
"Spring break, 1990,
New Orleans."
529
00:21:04,035 --> 00:21:05,975
Is that you?
530
00:21:05,976 --> 00:21:07,951
What?
531
00:21:07,951 --> 00:21:09,964
Some guy from your college
tagged you in a picture.
532
00:21:09,965 --> 00:21:11,971
What is "tagging"?
What is "tagging"?
533
00:21:11,972 --> 00:21:14,942
Why are you drinking
out of a funnel?
534
00:21:14,943 --> 00:21:16,950
And why is his hand on your...
535
00:21:16,951 --> 00:21:17,951
Untag it!
536
00:21:17,951 --> 00:21:18,981
Oh, my goodness!
537
00:21:18,982 --> 00:21:21,943
Un... untag it!
Girls, I'm serious! Untag it!
538
00:21:21,943 --> 00:21:22,951
Tear down the wall!
539
00:21:22,976 --> 00:21:29,439
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