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1
00:00:05,069 --> 00:00:09,266
Come on, boys!
It's leap day, not sleep day!
2
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,588
I love leap day!
3
00:00:13,589 --> 00:00:15,394
It's kind of a big deal
in the Dunphy house.
4
00:00:15,395 --> 00:00:17,029
This year, we even
got Manny involved.
5
00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:19,685
You're given this gift
of 24 extra hours.
6
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,445
You can't waste it
at work or school.
7
00:00:21,446 --> 00:00:23,188
You have to do
something extraordinary,
8
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,998
- something shocking.
- Mm.
9
00:00:25,237 --> 00:00:28,754
This year, the entire family
is taking a trapeze class.
10
00:00:28,755 --> 00:00:30,049
How extraordinary is that?
11
00:00:30,050 --> 00:00:30,996
It was my idea.
12
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:32,172
How shocking is that?
13
00:00:32,173 --> 00:00:34,514
I can be spontaneous every four years.
14
00:00:34,515 --> 00:00:35,751
I can't wait.
15
00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:37,449
Leap day is stupid.
16
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:39,625
You're not understanding
the logic behind it.
17
00:00:39,853 --> 00:00:43,711
A year is actually 365.25 days.
18
00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:45,926
Every four years, we gain one day.
19
00:00:45,927 --> 00:00:48,568
If we didn't adjust the
calendar in, say, 40 years,
20
00:00:48,611 --> 00:00:51,216
February would almost be January.
21
00:00:51,450 --> 00:00:55,187
That's not my problem, and
it's definitely not your problem.
22
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:55,822
Look at this.
23
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,696
The housekeeper turned
another one of my whites pink.
24
00:00:58,736 --> 00:01:00,684
I can't wear this to a sports bar.
25
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,797
Mm, they're to going to
be looking at you, Jay.
26
00:01:02,798 --> 00:01:04,536
Somebody's feeling pretty
good about herself.
27
00:01:04,537 --> 00:01:06,447
They're going to be
watching the match.
28
00:01:06,873 --> 00:01:08,425
You meant you a little bit.
29
00:01:10,012 --> 00:01:11,247
Okay, put it in there.
30
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:12,872
All right, very quietly,
31
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:16,426
we're gonna go to daddy's
bedroom, open the door,
32
00:01:16,427 --> 00:01:17,770
and-- Aah!
33
00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:20,988
Happy Birthday to me.
34
00:01:20,989 --> 00:01:23,536
I'm 10! 40!
35
00:01:23,597 --> 00:01:25,109
I was born February 29th,
36
00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:26,659
and there have been
ten of those...
37
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:29,250
In my lifetime, therefore I'm 10!
38
00:01:29,251 --> 00:01:30,165
It's fun.
39
00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:31,976
It's so much fun.
40
00:01:32,137 --> 00:01:34,415
Anyway, I-I've spent
the last four years
41
00:01:34,416 --> 00:01:36,543
trying to figure to what kind
of party to throw this one.
42
00:01:36,544 --> 00:01:37,852
Oh, honey, you know I'd be fine
43
00:01:37,853 --> 00:01:39,921
with just a nice casual
evening at home with you.
44
00:01:39,922 --> 00:01:41,275
Don't--don't even.
45
00:01:41,363 --> 00:01:43,455
No. No! That's what he said last time.
46
00:01:45,161 --> 00:01:47,559
Okay, birthday boy, what's it gonna be--
47
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,200
rom com or horror?
48
00:01:49,201 --> 00:01:51,446
Or we can do both and watch
"maid in Manhattan."
49
00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:52,703
Whatcha doing?
50
00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:54,354
Canceling our baby.
51
00:02:08,037 --> 00:02:10,672
Okay, love to dad. Bye! Mwah!
52
00:02:13,562 --> 00:02:15,214
Daddy, what are you doing?
53
00:02:15,215 --> 00:02:16,922
Yeah, daddy, what are you doing?
54
00:02:17,507 --> 00:02:20,226
Snooping for hints about
your birthday? Wow.
55
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:21,363
No, I-- come on.
56
00:02:21,364 --> 00:02:24,041
No, I'm just excited,
and I wanna be helpful.
57
00:02:24,042 --> 00:02:25,858
I know party planning isn't your thing.
58
00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:26,912
Wow.
59
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:29,042
Y-you need to trust me, cam.
60
00:02:29,043 --> 00:02:30,624
I know, and I do.
61
00:02:30,719 --> 00:02:32,736
It's not like you're
gonna do anything tired,
62
00:02:32,737 --> 00:02:34,481
like appletinis or ice sculptures.
63
00:02:34,482 --> 00:02:36,117
Or synthetic napkins
or anything mylar.
64
00:02:36,118 --> 00:02:37,312
Cam, that's enough!
65
00:02:37,313 --> 00:02:39,600
I've been paying for your
last party for four years.
66
00:02:39,601 --> 00:02:41,418
And I find it a little insulting
67
00:02:41,419 --> 00:02:43,171
that you don't think
I can pull this off.
68
00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:44,111
You know what?
69
00:02:44,989 --> 00:02:46,840
I trust you. I'm letting go.
70
00:02:46,841 --> 00:02:48,401
- Okay.
- Okay?
71
00:02:48,914 --> 00:02:50,041
You know orange is over, right?
72
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:51,839
It's a simple party. I can do it.
73
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:52,969
Simple.
74
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:54,855
Perfect.
75
00:02:55,637 --> 00:02:57,705
Yeah, just a simple party.
76
00:02:57,738 --> 00:03:01,227
I'm simply taking Cam's favorite
movie, "The Wizard of Oz,"
77
00:03:01,228 --> 00:03:04,362
and turning our house into
an Oz-themed extravaganza--
78
00:03:04,363 --> 00:03:07,827
yellow brick carpet,
waitstaff in full costume,
79
00:03:07,828 --> 00:03:10,036
and custom-made Ruby slippers for Cam.
80
00:03:10,079 --> 00:03:11,515
Whazzup?!
81
00:03:11,773 --> 00:03:13,233
So is this safe?
82
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,100
It's a trapeze.
83
00:03:14,101 --> 00:03:17,145
Relax. More people are killed
by knife-wielding strangers
84
00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:18,859
than from trapezing.
85
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,823
I'm thinking about going home now.
86
00:03:27,296 --> 00:03:28,736
Honey, are you okay?
87
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,163
I'm fine.
88
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:31,682
I'm watching...
89
00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:33,349
It's so sad.
90
00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:37,689
Oh, no. Not today.
91
00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:38,967
What's wrong?
92
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,931
Nothing. No, your mom's just, uh...
93
00:03:41,424 --> 00:03:42,264
Feeling emotional.
94
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:45,225
She was like this last month
and the month before
95
00:03:45,311 --> 00:03:46,458
and the month before.
96
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:48,200
What?! I could kill someone!
97
00:03:48,201 --> 00:03:49,749
No, I can't hear you!
98
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:53,226
This stupid phone gets no reception
in this stupid house! Aah!
99
00:03:55,339 --> 00:03:56,348
Dear God, no.
100
00:03:56,648 --> 00:03:57,985
I'd heard rumors.
101
00:03:58,340 --> 00:03:59,977
Yeah, we all had,
102
00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:02,705
that females living or
working in close quarters
103
00:04:02,706 --> 00:04:05,542
could eventually get on the same... cycle.
104
00:04:05,543 --> 00:04:07,408
But I always assumed that
was a story designed
105
00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:09,390
to keep women out of submarine corps.
106
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:14,326
This isn't milk.
What's wrong with me today?
107
00:04:14,327 --> 00:04:15,996
My brain's not working right.
108
00:04:15,997 --> 00:04:17,043
No.
109
00:04:17,422 --> 00:04:18,751
I can't focus...
110
00:04:19,936 --> 00:04:21,319
Three legs?
111
00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:22,841
It's not fair.
112
00:04:22,842 --> 00:04:23,865
I know.
113
00:04:23,866 --> 00:04:25,351
Oh, no! It's sad.
114
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,864
Oh, my God.
They're gonna ruin everything.
115
00:04:27,865 --> 00:04:30,697
No. We--we just need to be extra sensitive.
116
00:04:30,698 --> 00:04:32,387
Phil, honey, when do we need to leave?
117
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:34,767
Whenever's good for you, sweetie.
Maybe 20 minutes?
118
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:36,159
- 20 minutes?!
- Then which one is it, Phil?
119
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,493
Is it whenever it's good for
me or is it 20 minutes?!
120
00:04:39,494 --> 00:04:40,775
Whenever you're ready!
121
00:04:41,326 --> 00:04:43,848
It happened-- Satan's trifecta.
122
00:04:51,214 --> 00:04:52,572
They're gonna ruin trapezing.
123
00:04:52,573 --> 00:04:53,973
I bet they don't even catch me.
124
00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:56,839
Why are you so afraid of them?
They're reasonable.
125
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,399
Why don't we just suggest they stay home,
126
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,408
- considering they're all on
their menst-- - Shh!
127
00:05:00,622 --> 00:05:02,578
The first rule of dealing with the cycle--
128
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,073
you never mention the cycle.
129
00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:05,445
You tiptoe around it.
130
00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,087
The woman's actually taken great pains
131
00:05:08,088 --> 00:05:10,371
to hide the monster she's become.
132
00:05:10,372 --> 00:05:13,499
But if you acknowledge it,
that brings the monster forth.
133
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,845
My God.
134
00:05:15,051 --> 00:05:16,590
And there's three of them.
135
00:05:16,591 --> 00:05:17,670
It's okay.
136
00:05:18,489 --> 00:05:19,806
I have a plan.
137
00:05:20,746 --> 00:05:23,391
It's kind of traditional
for people to lean in
138
00:05:23,392 --> 00:05:25,227
when somebody says, "I have a plan."
139
00:05:26,976 --> 00:05:27,783
Okay...
140
00:05:27,784 --> 00:05:32,031
Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja!
141
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,150
Ooh! No!
142
00:05:33,151 --> 00:05:35,216
Si! Si! Si! Si!
143
00:05:35,217 --> 00:05:37,530
Goal!
144
00:05:37,531 --> 00:05:39,969
Goal!
145
00:05:39,970 --> 00:05:42,431
You should call your
country "the never-lands"
146
00:05:42,432 --> 00:05:44,626
- because you're never-- - Ja, because
we are never going to win.
147
00:05:44,627 --> 00:05:46,112
You said that a billion times.
148
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,349
Just go home.
149
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:49,719
Why don't you Dutch people go home?
150
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,013
Someone should shut your Colombian mouth!
151
00:05:52,014 --> 00:05:54,427
- Okay, I wanna see you try!
- Uh, is there a problem over here?
152
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:57,109
Yes. There is a problem,
and you're married to her.
153
00:05:57,110 --> 00:05:59,368
Really? Well, let me make a suggestion.
154
00:06:00,269 --> 00:06:02,416
Why don't you sit down,
I send you over a beer,
155
00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:03,929
my wife and I watch from over there?
156
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,824
That way, everybody enjoys the game--
157
00:06:05,837 --> 00:06:08,802
except me, 'cause I prefer a
game where something happens.
158
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,364
Gloria, let's go.
159
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:12,464
Let's go.
160
00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:16,981
I thought you were going to
punch that guy back there.
161
00:06:16,982 --> 00:06:18,786
Ah, I got 60 pounds on the kid.
162
00:06:18,787 --> 00:06:22,798
Yeah. It's just that I've heard so
many stories about you fighting.
163
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,342
And-- it's not worth the trouble.
164
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,033
Yeah, and he has all those friends and...
165
00:06:27,034 --> 00:06:28,533
Well, his friends had
nothing to do with it.
166
00:06:28,534 --> 00:06:30,593
I mean, sometimes it's better
to take the high road.
167
00:06:30,594 --> 00:06:32,714
Yeah, it's better that you walked away.
168
00:06:33,964 --> 00:06:35,127
Gloria, I get-- I get the impression
169
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,572
- you're disappointed I didn't
punch that guy. - Of course not.
170
00:06:37,573 --> 00:06:41,486
Who needs all that manly,
protect-your-woman stuff?
171
00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:43,453
- No, see, like, right there.
- You're saying one thing,
172
00:06:43,622 --> 00:06:45,198
but it feels like you mean the opposite.
173
00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:46,912
- No.
- That's a "yes."
174
00:06:47,192 --> 00:06:49,523
Look, Jay, I just came to watch the game.
175
00:06:49,524 --> 00:06:51,415
- I don't want to fight.
- Neither do I.
176
00:06:52,353 --> 00:06:53,309
I know.
177
00:06:54,495 --> 00:06:56,016
So in keeping with the film,
178
00:06:56,017 --> 00:06:57,655
this area will be in black and white,
179
00:06:57,656 --> 00:07:00,810
and then an explosion of technicolor.
180
00:07:00,977 --> 00:07:03,312
Best part--as the guests are coming in...
181
00:07:03,538 --> 00:07:05,780
Auntie em! Auntie em!
182
00:07:06,571 --> 00:07:08,103
A simulated tornado.
183
00:07:08,104 --> 00:07:09,571
Yeah. Oh, he's gonna love that.
184
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:11,564
- So the appletinis are canceled...
- Yes.
185
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,334
The little Toto dog is ordered, and...
186
00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:16,127
Please tell me that you are
not mixing punch in costume!
187
00:07:18,503 --> 00:07:21,100
Oh, no! W-what is Cam doing home?
188
00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:23,517
- Hey.
- Hey.
189
00:07:23,518 --> 00:07:24,012
We're the monkeys.
190
00:07:24,013 --> 00:07:26,488
Yes, hi. Hi. Come on inside.
Quickly, quickly.
191
00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:28,770
Hi. Okay, one second.
192
00:07:29,254 --> 00:07:30,851
Hey! Whatcha doing home?
193
00:07:30,852 --> 00:07:32,319
Are you checking on me
and the party again?
194
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,975
No, no. I left my cell
phone in your car
195
00:07:33,976 --> 00:07:35,096
and I gotta be in touch
with mama today.
196
00:07:35,097 --> 00:07:37,253
She's talking to the insurance
agency for the first time
197
00:07:37,254 --> 00:07:39,466
to see if they're gonna
rebuild grandpa's farm.
198
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:40,449
Rebuild the...
199
00:07:41,356 --> 00:07:42,749
Because of the tornado.
200
00:07:43,489 --> 00:07:44,965
I totally missed the connection.
201
00:07:44,966 --> 00:07:46,989
A month after the
most devastating twister
202
00:07:46,990 --> 00:07:50,423
to ever hit Cam's hometown,
I throw a party
203
00:07:50,424 --> 00:07:53,292
based on gay cinema's
most famous tornado.
204
00:07:54,602 --> 00:07:56,768
Yeah, you know, it's been a month,
205
00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:59,595
and she hasn't heard anything,
and she's just beside herself.
206
00:07:59,596 --> 00:08:01,131
And then you know what else?
207
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,623
Lily succumbed to her injuries.
208
00:08:02,624 --> 00:08:05,038
- Your aunt Lily died?
- No, the family pig.
209
00:08:05,089 --> 00:08:06,141
Aunt Lily was a...
210
00:08:06,273 --> 00:08:07,660
We named our daughter after a pig?
211
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:10,361
Could you just witness
my pain instead of criticizing?
212
00:08:10,362 --> 00:08:12,494
I just want to be in touch
with my family today,
213
00:08:12,495 --> 00:08:15,613
get all this tornado stuff
behind me so I can enjoy...
214
00:08:15,614 --> 00:08:18,618
The fabulous party
you're planning for me!
215
00:08:18,619 --> 00:08:20,032
Yeah! You gotta get outta here!
216
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,561
- Okay. Hey, listen. Hey, Cam?
- Yeah?
217
00:08:21,562 --> 00:08:24,102
You just call your family,
tell them I said "hi."
218
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,367
And don't worry about being
back at 6:00 on the dot.
219
00:08:26,368 --> 00:08:27,482
There's a little breathing room.
220
00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:29,156
Oh, what, are you kidding me?
221
00:08:29,277 --> 00:08:30,604
- Mnh-mnh.
- The sooner I can start to party,
222
00:08:30,605 --> 00:08:32,212
the sooner I can start to forget.
223
00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:33,304
But then again,
224
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:36,279
hey, if you keep running from
every reminder of the tornado,
225
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,720
doesn't the tornado win?
226
00:08:37,721 --> 00:08:39,799
Mitchell, my grandpa runs to
his pickup truck every morning
227
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,023
because he thinks the pitchfork
is gonna come back down.
228
00:08:42,024 --> 00:08:44,037
The tornado always wins.
229
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,197
Okay, well, it's gonna
be so much fun tonight!
230
00:08:47,198 --> 00:08:49,159
I know! The big 1-0!
231
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,292
4-0!
232
00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:51,514
Hey, Mitchell!
233
00:08:52,229 --> 00:08:54,531
- I'm over here! But you didn't!
- I could've hit you!
234
00:08:54,532 --> 00:08:55,782
I'm doing my "I love ya" dance.
235
00:08:55,783 --> 00:08:57,835
Okay, I'm doing
my "I love you" car dance.
236
00:08:57,836 --> 00:08:59,102
Look at you!
237
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,863
- I do the best moves!
- Stop that! Okay! Go!
238
00:09:01,864 --> 00:09:02,697
I got-- this is dangerous.
239
00:09:02,698 --> 00:09:03,528
Okay, okay. Go.
240
00:09:03,529 --> 00:09:04,387
Get out of here, you. Out!
241
00:09:04,388 --> 00:09:05,961
It's my birthday!
242
00:09:07,786 --> 00:09:10,313
All right, guys, come here.
We need to talk.
243
00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:16,061
- There they are.
- Stop rushing us!
244
00:09:16,546 --> 00:09:17,856
Buddy, what's wrong?
245
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:20,648
Yes, you've been
a little off all morning.
246
00:09:20,649 --> 00:09:22,933
I've been feeling
a lot of stress lately.
247
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:25,334
My head's all foggy, and
I'm kind of emotional.
248
00:09:25,335 --> 00:09:27,453
Oh. Well, I sure hope
you feel better soon
249
00:09:27,454 --> 00:09:30,228
'cause you really need your wits
about you when you're trapezing.
250
00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:33,238
This is weird because the three of us
251
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,847
haven't exactly been feeling
our best today either.
252
00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:36,611
- Really?
- Mm.
253
00:09:36,612 --> 00:09:38,130
I can't find my other sock!
254
00:09:38,131 --> 00:09:39,873
Try looking under
the one you have one.
255
00:09:39,874 --> 00:09:42,575
I am not you. I don't do that. See?
256
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,102
Oh, God, I am you.
257
00:09:46,303 --> 00:09:48,679
Would you mind if
we sat out trapezing?
258
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:49,338
- Really?
- Yeah.
259
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:50,662
Are you sure? Okay.
260
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:52,303
Why does he do that?
261
00:09:52,304 --> 00:09:53,438
Every month.
262
00:09:53,439 --> 00:09:55,543
Yeah, I get a little moody,
263
00:09:55,544 --> 00:09:57,208
but unrelenting physical discomfort
264
00:09:57,209 --> 00:09:58,755
will do that to a person.
265
00:09:59,238 --> 00:10:00,217
Doesn't he know
266
00:10:00,218 --> 00:10:02,507
that tiptoeing around
someone like they're crazy
267
00:10:02,508 --> 00:10:03,770
makes them crazy?
268
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,260
All right, you and Manny go ahead.
269
00:10:05,261 --> 00:10:07,443
- Luke can just stay here with us.
- Wait. What?
270
00:10:07,444 --> 00:10:09,040
Luke's actually looking better.
271
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,220
- I am better.
- Well, let's not take any chances.
272
00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:13,693
- He can stay here. You go ahead.
- Dad?
273
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,418
- Um, I...
- Daddy?
274
00:10:15,429 --> 00:10:16,797
See you later, buddy.
275
00:10:17,453 --> 00:10:18,519
What are we going to do?
276
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,202
We leave no man behind.
277
00:10:20,335 --> 00:10:21,766
I think I'm just gonna go home.
278
00:10:23,866 --> 00:10:24,595
We have time.
279
00:10:24,596 --> 00:10:27,049
Just take down the decorations
and have a normal party.
280
00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:28,573
Yeah, and throw a boring
party in our house
281
00:10:28,574 --> 00:10:30,586
that looks like I just threw
it together this afternoon?
282
00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:32,438
- Think!
- Okay, we have a few options.
283
00:10:32,439 --> 00:10:34,289
I can get you
the back room at Amelia's.
284
00:10:34,290 --> 00:10:35,586
Spilled juice on the owner's white rug
285
00:10:35,587 --> 00:10:37,164
and almost killed her toddler. Next.
286
00:10:37,165 --> 00:10:37,861
Bowling alley?
287
00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:39,446
Not classy enough.
What have you got?
288
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:40,856
- Uh...
- You're no help. You.
289
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:43,073
Well, last weekend,
I did a party on a boat.
290
00:10:43,448 --> 00:10:44,866
You said you were visiting your parents.
291
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:45,739
Shh! You're suffocating me.
292
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:47,255
What's this boat? Tell me about the boat.
293
00:10:47,256 --> 00:10:49,777
Okay, we did an elegant dinner
party on a luxury yacht
294
00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:50,763
for about 25 people.
295
00:10:50,764 --> 00:10:53,461
It takes you around the harbor,
dancing under the moonlight.
296
00:10:53,462 --> 00:10:56,381
Okay, okay. Uh, maybe we can--
we can make a theme out of this.
297
00:10:56,382 --> 00:10:58,384
You know, Cam's life
is like a long voyage.
298
00:10:58,385 --> 00:11:01,380
Sometimes choppy but--but
always forward, ever forward.
299
00:11:01,381 --> 00:11:02,930
- We have two hours.
- Book it.
300
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,669
Hey, you survived trapeze class, huh?
301
00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:08,538
Didn't happen,
302
00:11:08,539 --> 00:11:10,964
and common decency prevents
me from telling you why.
303
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:12,728
How was the soccer match?
304
00:11:12,729 --> 00:11:14,544
Thrilling. 1-1 tie.
305
00:11:14,730 --> 00:11:16,292
One of the goals was an accident.
306
00:11:16,293 --> 00:11:17,645
I'm sure my mom was happy you went.
307
00:11:17,646 --> 00:11:19,260
I don't know
what to make of her today.
308
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,511
She got into it with this guy,
309
00:11:20,512 --> 00:11:22,955
and I swear she was pushing
me into a fight with him.
310
00:11:23,444 --> 00:11:24,737
Now is that something she'd want?
311
00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:25,726
I don't know.
312
00:11:25,826 --> 00:11:28,332
I always thought of women
as the more evolved sex.
313
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,587
But after today... I've seen things, Jay.
314
00:11:30,588 --> 00:11:32,449
'Cause, you know, I had
my share of fights in my time.
315
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:33,431
You know that.
316
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,239
Mmm! Mm. Mm. It's too warm for me.
317
00:11:37,477 --> 00:11:39,655
Yeah, I remember this time I was
crossing the street with Dede,
318
00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:41,872
and some jackass almost clipped her.
319
00:11:41,965 --> 00:11:44,243
I had the guy on the ground,
my foot on his neck,
320
00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:45,821
before the car stopped moving.
321
00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:47,678
Yeah, we've heard all those stories.
322
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,945
Maybe my mom wouldn't mind
a glimpse of that Jay.
323
00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:52,123
That's her.
324
00:11:52,124 --> 00:11:53,937
She wants me to help
pick out Cam's gift.
325
00:11:53,938 --> 00:11:56,207
I'm still that guy, you know. 100%.
326
00:11:56,517 --> 00:11:58,685
What the hell?
How do you cut your finger on a cracker?
327
00:11:58,686 --> 00:12:00,455
Anyway, if I thought there
was a fight worth fighting,
328
00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:01,493
I'd fight it.
329
00:12:01,494 --> 00:12:04,270
Ow! Now I got salt in this.
That stings!
330
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:11,480
Next time, don't scream at your boss
331
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,472
so that he doesn't make you
work during the weekends.
332
00:12:13,473 --> 00:12:16,269
And you can come to see your son!
333
00:12:16,298 --> 00:12:17,513
Si. Adios.
334
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,333
Hey, mom. Who were you yelling at?
335
00:12:20,729 --> 00:12:22,172
Your father, baby.
336
00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:24,335
He cannot make it this weekend.
337
00:12:27,503 --> 00:12:28,919
Okay, I admit it.
338
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,888
I wanted Jay to kick that little
Dutch man's ass at the bar.
339
00:12:33,266 --> 00:12:35,354
But two seconds
on the phone with Javier,
340
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:39,405
and I remember what that stupid
hothead behavior gets you-
341
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:40,651
Nothing.
342
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,048
It's better to be calm like Jay.
343
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:44,794
Like Jay and me.
344
00:12:46,008 --> 00:12:47,121
Like Jay.
345
00:12:49,325 --> 00:12:50,552
I'm back!
346
00:12:50,774 --> 00:12:53,779
Wouldn't you know, I forgot
my ding-dang sunglasses.
347
00:12:56,070 --> 00:12:57,385
Luke, could you give me a hand?
348
00:12:57,386 --> 00:13:00,494
What were the chances that Phil
had come back to apologize
349
00:13:00,495 --> 00:13:01,876
for all the game playing
350
00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:03,847
and have an open conversation with me
351
00:13:03,848 --> 00:13:05,369
about what I was feeling?
352
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:08,482
Okay, I got a bottle of fake blood
out of the Halloween supplies.
353
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,804
Put a dab on your finger,
say you cut it.
354
00:13:10,805 --> 00:13:13,314
I say I need to run you by the doctor.
Easy trapezy.
355
00:13:13,315 --> 00:13:14,018
Got it?
356
00:13:14,019 --> 00:13:15,651
See ya on the other side, brother.
357
00:13:16,577 --> 00:13:20,179
Just once, I would like Phil
to have a little empathy,
358
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:23,215
give me some sense
that he understands
359
00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:24,603
what women go through.
360
00:13:24,742 --> 00:13:26,672
- You feeling any better?
- Mnh-mnh.
361
00:13:26,724 --> 00:13:29,036
Hate to see the whole team on the D.L.
362
00:13:29,037 --> 00:13:30,285
Ow! My finger!
363
00:13:30,357 --> 00:13:32,643
I don't like the sound of that.
364
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,314
I said a little bit!
365
00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:39,544
The cap fell off.
I decided to just go with it.
366
00:13:39,545 --> 00:13:41,086
Okay, we gotta get you out the back.
367
00:13:42,019 --> 00:13:44,652
- God, what happened?!
- Oh, it's just a little cut.
368
00:13:44,653 --> 00:13:46,306
But to be safe,
I'll run him by the doctor.
369
00:13:46,307 --> 00:13:48,656
No, are you crazy?! Call 9-1-1!
370
00:13:48,657 --> 00:13:49,923
No, no, they're so busy.
371
00:13:49,924 --> 00:13:51,904
Where's the wound?!
We need to put pressure on it, right?
372
00:13:51,905 --> 00:13:53,130
- I'm gonna be sick!
- My--my finger.
373
00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:55,092
Oh, he needs a tourniquet!
Where do I put it?!
374
00:13:55,093 --> 00:13:57,590
- On my finger. - Stop!
There is nothing wrong with h..
375
00:13:57,823 --> 00:13:59,837
- Luke, what's going on?
- I cut my finger?
376
00:14:01,059 --> 00:14:02,386
- Dad?
- How crazy is that?
377
00:14:02,387 --> 00:14:04,226
They were in my pocket the whole time.
I'll see you.
378
00:14:04,227 --> 00:14:05,227
Phil!
379
00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:07,154
What is going on, Luke?
380
00:14:07,155 --> 00:14:08,312
Dad staged the whole thing
381
00:14:08,313 --> 00:14:10,558
so we could go on the
trapeze without you three.
382
00:14:10,718 --> 00:14:11,630
Why?
383
00:14:11,631 --> 00:14:12,823
Because...
384
00:14:13,032 --> 00:14:14,339
B-because...
385
00:14:14,677 --> 00:14:17,452
Because of this! You're all monster-ating!
386
00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:20,048
- Luke, no! - Are you kidding me?!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my lord.
387
00:14:20,049 --> 00:14:22,390
Sorry! I know you told me
not to say it, but I...
388
00:14:22,391 --> 00:14:23,632
Phil!
389
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:25,394
Is this what you've
been teaching our son?
390
00:14:25,457 --> 00:14:27,747
That--that women are some
kind of unclean lepers
391
00:14:27,748 --> 00:14:30,323
that should be hidden away
under sheets for a week?
392
00:14:30,324 --> 00:14:32,088
Do you have any idea
how offensive that is?
393
00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:33,502
I do, honey.
394
00:14:33,503 --> 00:14:35,480
And from the bottom of my heart,
395
00:14:35,481 --> 00:14:36,914
I am so...
396
00:14:37,023 --> 00:14:39,135
S-s-scared.
397
00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:40,941
- Ugh!
- Oh, no!
398
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:43,513
Oh, my.
399
00:14:48,865 --> 00:14:50,055
Okay.
400
00:14:50,118 --> 00:14:52,415
3, 2, 1!
401
00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:54,025
Surprise!
402
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,019
Oh, my gosh! Oh, it's amazing!
403
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,776
- Yeah, it's a boat party.
- Oh! Because?
404
00:14:57,777 --> 00:14:59,172
Your life is like a voyage.
405
00:14:59,173 --> 00:15:01,349
Oh! Well, everyone's is, but I love it
406
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:03,497
because none of our other
friends have ever done it.
407
00:15:04,461 --> 00:15:06,435
Aw. That's so sweet.
408
00:15:06,436 --> 00:15:10,402
Oh, it must be easy with no dirty,
broken woman in the relationship.
409
00:15:12,856 --> 00:15:13,944
What are you laughing at?
410
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:16,843
Okay, everybody follow the birthday flag!
411
00:15:16,844 --> 00:15:18,775
What'd you call me?
Oh. Uh, oh, yes.
412
00:15:18,776 --> 00:15:21,644
Oh, my gosh. It's so elegant.
I'll bet Pepper is dying.
413
00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,298
Oh, you know, actually,
Pepper couldn't come
414
00:15:23,299 --> 00:15:25,684
because he hates boats.
You know, after the Navy.
415
00:15:25,685 --> 00:15:26,901
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
416
00:15:26,902 --> 00:15:29,939
I guess longinus got over
his fear of--of water?
417
00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:30,482
Mnh. No, no.
418
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:32,228
Why don't we just focus on
the 30 people who are here,
419
00:15:32,229 --> 00:15:33,928
having a great time!
420
00:15:34,186 --> 00:15:37,009
Ew! It smells like somebody's dead.
421
00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:38,622
Ugh! What is that smell?
422
00:15:38,655 --> 00:15:41,555
That faint odor is-- is
a tiny, tiny blue whale
423
00:15:41,556 --> 00:15:44,236
who apparently has indeed died, uh, nearby.
424
00:15:44,237 --> 00:15:45,208
But...
425
00:15:45,309 --> 00:15:47,636
Si, but it's getting all over my coat.
426
00:15:47,637 --> 00:15:48,965
I don't smell anything.
427
00:15:49,308 --> 00:15:51,863
Maybe that's because you smell
like a bouquet of flowers.
428
00:15:52,492 --> 00:15:54,296
Oh, yeah. Watch out for that.
429
00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:56,876
Ugh! It smells like puke married poop
430
00:15:56,877 --> 00:15:59,046
and had the ceremony in my nose.
431
00:15:59,047 --> 00:16:00,371
You paint with words.
432
00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:01,789
Okay, don't worry, everybody.
433
00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,861
Soon we'll be way, way out
at sea, bouncing on the waves
434
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:07,553
with all of his sweet-smelling
brothers and sisters. Okay?
435
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,843
- Mitchell Pritchett?
- Oh, yes. Hi.
436
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:10,877
Hi. I'm your captain tonight.
We've got a problem.
437
00:16:10,878 --> 00:16:12,407
I can't fit this many people on my boat.
438
00:16:12,408 --> 00:16:14,225
No, no. I was--I was
told you could take 30.
439
00:16:14,226 --> 00:16:15,462
I have exactly 30 guests.
440
00:16:15,463 --> 00:16:17,589
Plus six in help.
You gotta drop a few people.
441
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:20,281
Come on. There--there must be
something that we can do here.
442
00:16:20,282 --> 00:16:21,399
Well, we have bigger boats,
443
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,523
but this is the best I could
do on two hours' notice.
444
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,665
- Please, um...
- What is the problem?
445
00:16:25,695 --> 00:16:28,505
Apparently, Mitchell started planning
my birthday party two hours ago.
446
00:16:28,506 --> 00:16:30,631
Mnh-mnh. No. No, I-I did not.
447
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:33,418
Uh, apparently, we have too
many people for his boat.
448
00:16:33,419 --> 00:16:35,032
So... that's crazy.
449
00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:37,977
I've seen more people
clinging to a floating door.
450
00:16:37,978 --> 00:16:39,617
I'm sorry, lady. It's a safety issue.
451
00:16:39,618 --> 00:16:41,714
Oh, no. You're going
to have a safety issue
452
00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:44,140
if you don't take me away
from this whale.
453
00:16:44,141 --> 00:16:46,020
Okay, little too much finger,
little too much attitude.
454
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:46,821
What's all this?
455
00:16:46,822 --> 00:16:49,480
Uh, two hours of Mitchell's
hard work going down the drain.
456
00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:52,719
Look, I can't fit more than
30 people on the boat,
457
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,344
as I was just explaining to the lady here.
458
00:16:54,345 --> 00:16:56,312
Well, first of all,
that "lady" is my son.
459
00:16:56,313 --> 00:16:57,877
He wasn't talking about me.
460
00:16:57,878 --> 00:16:59,194
I was talking about her.
461
00:16:59,195 --> 00:17:00,941
Oh. Her. Oh, it's "her" now.
462
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,083
Well, "her" happens to be my wife.
463
00:17:03,252 --> 00:17:05,610
You got a problem with her,
you got a problem with me.
464
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:07,063
- No, no, Jay...
- You know...
465
00:17:07,064 --> 00:17:08,752
- Calm down.
- I didn't have a problem before,
466
00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:09,632
but now I'm starting to.
467
00:17:09,633 --> 00:17:11,896
No, your problem's about
to get a lot bigger.
468
00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:14,478
No, Jay, I know you think this
is what I want, but it's not.
469
00:17:14,479 --> 00:17:16,201
- I've got this, Gloria.
- No, Jay.
470
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,401
I was just being stupid today.
I like that you're calm,
471
00:17:19,402 --> 00:17:22,069
that you think first, and you act second.
472
00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:23,966
I need that in my life.
473
00:17:24,015 --> 00:17:25,552
Yeah, so walk away, grandpa.
474
00:17:25,553 --> 00:17:26,364
You know what?
475
00:17:26,947 --> 00:17:29,081
Nobody call him "grandpa"!
476
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,271
I do.
477
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,059
Okay, that's it!
478
00:17:32,158 --> 00:17:35,068
No boat! Everybody off my dock,
or I'm calling the cops!
479
00:17:35,069 --> 00:17:36,444
Wait, w-wait. So no party now?
480
00:17:36,445 --> 00:17:38,217
No! No, of course! Just...
481
00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:39,697
Just... just give me a minute okay?
482
00:17:39,698 --> 00:17:40,939
Oh, we, after what
you did with two hours,
483
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:43,772
- I can't wait to see what
you do with a minute. - Cam!
484
00:17:44,839 --> 00:17:46,758
Poor Cam. He seems so upset.
485
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,036
Oh, is that hard for you, Phil,
486
00:17:48,037 --> 00:17:49,606
that he's have a feeling around you?
487
00:17:49,607 --> 00:17:51,293
- I'm so sorry.
- Too many emotions?
488
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,599
Okay, okay, I give up!
489
00:17:54,452 --> 00:17:56,912
- Yeah, I made a mistake today.
- Mm.
490
00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:58,898
But only because the three
of you ganged up on me
491
00:17:58,899 --> 00:18:01,094
like when the wolfman,
Dracula, and frankenstein
492
00:18:01,095 --> 00:18:02,775
show up in the same movie,
493
00:18:02,785 --> 00:18:04,349
except this wasn't awesome!
494
00:18:05,393 --> 00:18:07,940
I have been on an emotional
roller coaster all day today.
495
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,457
I'm afraid. I'm mad.
I'm mad because I'm afraid,
496
00:18:10,458 --> 00:18:11,303
and now I can't even think straight
497
00:18:11,304 --> 00:18:13,768
because I'm in so much pain from
what just happened over there!
498
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:16,310
And the whole thing makes me so
sad, and I'm not even sure why,
499
00:18:16,311 --> 00:18:19,030
and I'm nauseous from that
smell but I'm so hungry.
500
00:18:22,805 --> 00:18:23,856
Yeah.
501
00:18:25,952 --> 00:18:28,381
Cam, the--the boat wasn't
even part of the plan.
502
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:29,271
No, it's fine.
503
00:18:29,272 --> 00:18:31,971
It's my fault for letting my
expectations get too high.
504
00:18:31,997 --> 00:18:33,594
- I'll get over this one, too.
- No, no.
505
00:18:33,595 --> 00:18:36,128
I had this whole "Wizard of Oz"
party planned,
506
00:18:36,129 --> 00:18:38,079
only today I realized that it might be
507
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,007
a-a little too tornado-y.
508
00:18:40,028 --> 00:18:40,948
- Today?
- Yes!
509
00:18:40,949 --> 00:18:43,042
I'm sorry I-I didn't make
the connection, okay?
510
00:18:43,043 --> 00:18:45,112
Probably 'cause I've been
planning for months
511
00:18:45,113 --> 00:18:47,413
so that you could have
the perfect party and be happy,
512
00:18:47,414 --> 00:18:49,584
which now I don't
even think is possible.
513
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:51,175
Oh, I'm sorry that I would like to have
514
00:18:51,176 --> 00:18:53,286
a nice 10th birthday party.
515
00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:54,765
Well, you can't have it, Cam!
516
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:57,140
You wanna know why?!
Because you're 40!
517
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,806
You're a 40-year-old man!
518
00:19:02,873 --> 00:19:03,965
I am 40.
519
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,569
- I'm 40.
- Yes.
520
00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:12,807
Oh, Cam, stop it.
521
00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:16,384
I'm 40 and I'm--I'm on this
stupid--wait, what is that?!
522
00:19:16,385 --> 00:19:17,628
Oh, it's this...
523
00:19:18,348 --> 00:19:19,081
Thing!
524
00:19:19,082 --> 00:19:20,978
Suddenly, it all made sense.
525
00:19:20,979 --> 00:19:23,955
Cam's craziness all day
wasn't about a party.
526
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:25,726
It was about turning 40.
527
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:29,488
And once he realized that,
everything got much worse.
528
00:19:29,639 --> 00:19:32,372
- I've done nothing with my life!
- Oh, w--stop it.
529
00:19:32,373 --> 00:19:34,028
Come on. How--how can you say that?
530
00:19:34,029 --> 00:19:36,897
You're--you're a wonderful father. You...
531
00:19:36,898 --> 00:19:39,145
You--you graduated from clown college.
532
00:19:39,146 --> 00:19:41,027
You've been to France.
533
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:44,064
I don't want to be 40. It's not fair!
534
00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:45,371
- I know.
- Nothing's fair.
535
00:19:46,206 --> 00:19:47,776
2 Miles from here is an amusement park
536
00:19:47,777 --> 00:19:50,394
full of happy families
swinging on a trapeze.
537
00:19:51,485 --> 00:19:53,879
That's all I wanted for
my special bonus day.
538
00:19:57,855 --> 00:19:58,824
What?
539
00:19:58,913 --> 00:20:00,121
I'd been trying so hard
540
00:20:00,122 --> 00:20:02,266
to figure out what Cam
wanted for his birthday.
541
00:20:03,581 --> 00:20:05,290
He'd been telling me all along.
542
00:20:06,262 --> 00:20:07,506
He wanted to be 10.
543
00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,336
Seriously? There's nothing you can do?
544
00:20:20,488 --> 00:20:22,479
I'm sorry. You just missed the cutoff.
545
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:23,766
How about we see you next time?
546
00:20:24,326 --> 00:20:27,733
How about you make an exception
and strap him in there?
547
00:20:27,734 --> 00:20:30,049
Yeah, we're, like, ten minutes
past your deadline, anyway.
548
00:20:30,050 --> 00:20:31,823
And you don't want
to make us angry today.
549
00:20:31,824 --> 00:20:33,746
- Ladies, uh, I really can't
make any exceptions. - "Ladies"?
550
00:20:33,747 --> 00:20:38,577
- Seriously, Pete?
- No, I don't think "ladies"...
551
00:20:38,578 --> 00:20:42,044
And that was
how they apologized to me.
552
00:20:42,052 --> 00:20:44,294
- Whoo!
- Come on, Phil!
553
00:20:44,295 --> 00:20:47,150
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ohh!
Oh, God, Phil!
554
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,635
Aah! You did it!
555
00:20:49,687 --> 00:20:52,651
At least, I-I think it was.
I could never ask them.
556
00:20:57,616 --> 00:20:58,976
This is so satisfying!
557
00:20:58,977 --> 00:21:00,673
Best I've felt all day!
558
00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:05,848
Can I rent one of these on a monthly basis?
559
00:21:07,150 --> 00:21:09,119
Ohh, ha ha! Yes!
560
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,902
Oh, yay!
561
00:21:12,117 --> 00:21:13,853
Best 40th birthday party ever.
562
00:21:13,854 --> 00:21:16,206
No, no. 10th.
563
00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,908
- Really?
- Yeah.
564
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:19,829
In fact, you're still that
sexy little 8 year old
565
00:21:19,830 --> 00:21:21,213
I fell in love with.
566
00:21:24,260 --> 00:21:26,287
Oh, um... no, just go.
567
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:29,500
Sync by YYeTs, corrected by susanaLC
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9999
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,500
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