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1
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:06,922
PHOEBE: Oh, hey, you guys, look.
Ugly Naked Guy's putting stuff in boxes.
2
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,757
ROSS:
Oh.
3
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:13,595
Huh. I'd say from the looks of it,
our naked buddy is moving.
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,683
Ironically, most of the boxes
seem to be labeled "Clothes."
5
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,353
Aw, I'm going to miss that big
old squishy butt.
6
00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:24,773
And we're done
with the chicken fried rice.
7
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:29,153
Hey. Hey, if he's moving,
maybe I should try to get his place.
8
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,696
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah.
JOEY: Good idea.
9
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,948
It would be so cool
to live across from you guys.
10
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,284
Yeah, hey, then we could do
that telephone thing...
11
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:38,120
...you know, where you have a can,
we have a can...
12
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:40,539
...and it's connected by a string.
13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,127
Or we could do
the actual telephone thing.
14
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,762
Oh, my God. I love this apartment.
15
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,305
Isn't it perfect?
16
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:42,142
I can't believe I never realized
how great it is.
17
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:45,062
That is because your eye
immediately goes to the big naked man.
18
00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:47,689
PHOEBE:
It's amazing.
19
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,901
You better hurry up and fill out
an application, or I'll beat you to it.
20
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,028
Oh, heh.
21
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,660
Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm
gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.
22
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,876
Oh, look. There's Monica and Chandler.
Hey!
23
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,753
Hey, you guys! Hey!
24
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:14,883
Oh!
25
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,761
Aah! Aah!
26
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:22,683
Aah! Chandler and Monica.
Chandler and Monica.
27
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,309
Oh, my God.
28
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,437
- Chandler and Monica!
- Oh, my God!
29
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,523
Oh, my eyes! My eyes!
30
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,608
- Phoebe. Phoebe.
- Ow!
31
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,026
It's okay. It's okay.
32
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,195
- No, they're doing it!
- I know.
33
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,364
- I know. I know.
- You know?
34
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,825
Yes, I know, and Joey knows,
but Ross doesn't...
35
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,493
...so you have to stop screaming!
36
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,078
Hey, what's going on?
37
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,913
[YELLING]
38
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,541
- What?
RACHEL: Nothing.
39
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,752
Oh, God, we're just so excited
that you might get this apartment.
40
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,631
- Actually, it looks really good.
- Aah! It looks pretty good!
41
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:56,800
Get in here! Come on!
42
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,760
[ALL YELLING]
43
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,186
You mean whenever
Monica and Chandler were, like...
44
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,564
...doing laundry
or going grocery shopping?
45
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,901
All that time Monica spent on the phone
with sad Linda from camp?
46
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,445
Uh-huh.
Doing it, doing it, phone doing it.
47
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,281
I can't believe it.
48
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,950
I mean, I think it's great. For him.
49
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,660
She might be able to do better.
50
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,248
- Hey, you guys.
- Joey, come here. Come here.
51
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,792
Phoebe just found out
about Monica and Chandler.
52
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,545
You mean how they're friends
and nothing more?
53
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,299
No. No, Joey, she knows.
54
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,677
We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment
and saw them doing it through the window.
55
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:44,806
Actually, we saw them doing it
up against the window.
56
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,978
Okay, so now they know you know,
and they don't know Rachel knows?
57
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:53,232
Yes, but you know what?
It doesn't matter who knows what.
58
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:56,610
Now enough of us know
that we could just tell them we know.
59
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:59,821
Now all the lying and the secrets
will finally be over.
60
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:03,825
Or we could not tell them we know
and have a little fun of our own.
61
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,037
Well, what do you mean?
62
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,373
You know, every time they say
they're doing laundry...
63
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,166
...we'll give them laundry to do.
64
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,462
- Oh, I would enjoy that.
- No, no, no.
65
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,757
Wait, Rach, you know what would be
even more fun? Telling them.
66
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,761
- Yeah, no, I want to do Phoebe's thing.
- I can't take any...
67
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:26,098
You don't have to do anything.
Just don't tell them that we know.
68
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,600
No. I can't take any more secrets.
69
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:32,062
I got your secrets, I got their secrets.
I got secrets of my own, you know.
70
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,733
- You don't have any secrets.
- Oh, yeah?
71
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:40,529
Well, you don't know about Hugsy,
my bedtime penguin pal.
72
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,702
So, ahem, um...
73
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,245
How are we going to mess with them?
74
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,621
[JOEY GROANS]
75
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,291
Well, you could use your position
as the roommate.
76
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:56,128
And then I would use, you know,
the strongest tool at my disposal.
77
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,088
My sexuality.
78
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,967
- Hello, children.
ALL: Hey.
79
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,428
Okay. Watch, learn,
and don't eat my cookie.
80
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,057
- Hey.
- Hey.
81
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,643
Ooh. Wow, that jacket
looks great on you.
82
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,688
- Really?
- Yeah. The material looks so soft.
83
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,690
Oh, hello, Mr. Bicep.
84
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,319
You've been working out?
85
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,571
Well, I try to, you know, squeeze things.
86
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,573
[LAUGHING]
87
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,412
Are you okay?
88
00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,497
Well, if you really wanna know...
89
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,541
Oh, I can't tell you this.
90
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,210
Phoebe, it's me,
you can tell me anything.
91
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,630
Well, actually, you're the one person
I can't tell this to.
92
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,425
And the one person I want to the most.
93
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:47,346
What's going on?
94
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:51,892
I think it's just, you know,
that I haven't been with a guy in so long...
95
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,478
...and you know how sometimes
you're looking for something...
96
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:58,565
...and you don't see that it's right there
in front of you, sipping coffee...
97
00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,068
Oh, no. Have I said too much?
98
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,782
Well, just something to think about.
I know I will.
99
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,285
Ooh. Ha, ha.
100
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,130
- You are so cute.
- Heh.
101
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:24,132
How did you get to be so cute?
102
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:27,135
Well, my grandfather was Swedish.
103
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,971
And my grandmother was actually
a tiny little bunny.
104
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,017
Okay, now you're even cuter.
105
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:38,230
You know, that is a popular
opinion today, I must say.
106
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,439
What?
107
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,234
The weirdest thing happened
at the coffeehouse.
108
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,069
I think Phoebe was hitting on me.
109
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,030
What are you talking about?
110
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,282
I'm telling you,
I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.
111
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:55,122
- It's not possible.
- Ow.
112
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,962
I'm sorry, it's just Phoebe's just
always thought you were charming...
113
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:04,256
...in a sexless kind of way.
114
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:07,384
Oh, well, you know,
I can't hear that enough.
115
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,929
I'm sorry, I just think
you misunderstood her.
116
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,765
No, I didn't misunderstand, okay?
She was all over me.
117
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,268
She touched my bicep,
for crying out loud.
118
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,019
This bicep?
119
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,148
Well, it's not flexed right now.
120
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,906
Hey, Mon, what are you doing?
Want to come see a movie with us?
121
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,910
Uh, actually, I was going
to do some laundry.
122
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:40,208
- Chandler, you want to do it with me?
- Sure, I'll do it with you.
123
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,879
Okay, great. Hold on a second.
124
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,966
Unh. Here you go.
125
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,220
You don't mind, do you?
That would really help me out a lot. Thanks.
126
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,057
Ha, ha. You know what?
I don't think I have enough quarters.
127
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,101
PHOEBE:
Oh, I have quarters.
128
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,691
- Hey.
- Hey, Ross, any word on the apartment yet?
129
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:08,528
Well, I called over there, and it turns out
Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself.
130
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:10,572
And he's already had like 100 applicants.
131
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:12,866
ALL: Oh.
- No, no, I've got the edge.
132
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:15,827
I know it's not exactly ethical,
but I sent him a bribe...
133
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,205
...to tip the scales in my direction.
134
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,373
Yeah. Check it out,
you can see it from the window.
135
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,838
Oh, is it that pinball machine
with the big bow on it?
136
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,173
No.
137
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,592
That new mountain bike?
138
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:31,968
No.
139
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,013
Well, what did you send?
140
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:38,058
A basket of mini muffins.
141
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,603
There's a whole table
of mini muffin baskets.
142
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,522
Which one did you send?
143
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,815
The small one.
144
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,903
What? You actually thought that basket
was gonna get you the apartment?
145
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:51,446
Well, yeah.
146
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:56,326
Someone sent us a basket at work once
and people went crazy over those muffins.
147
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,203
It was the best day.
148
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,664
Your work makes me sad.
149
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:05,210
Oh, man, I want that place so much.
150
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,129
And I was so sure
that was going to work.
151
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,466
There's 12 bucks
I'll never see again.
152
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,761
All right, we'd better go
if we're gonna catch that movie.
153
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,097
- Bye.
- Bye.
154
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:20,225
Bye, Chandler. I miss you already.
155
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:28,316
Okay, did you see that?
With the inappropriate, and the pinching?
156
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,651
Actually, I did.
157
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,404
So now do you believe
that she's attracted to me?
158
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:37,450
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
She knows about us.
159
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,702
Are you serious?
160
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,204
Phoebe knows,
and she's just trying to freak us out.
161
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,790
That's the only explanation for it.
162
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:51,381
Okay, but what about my pinchable butt
and my bulging biceps?
163
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,133
She knows.
164
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,015
Joey.
165
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,725
Yeah?
166
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,312
Phoebe knows about us.
167
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:07,272
Well, I didn't tell them.
168
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,358
Them? Who's "them"?
169
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:14,112
Uh, Phoebe and Joey.
170
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,198
Joey.
171
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,825
And Rachel.
172
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,995
Look, I would have told you,
but they made me promise not to tell.
173
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,747
- Oh, man.
- I'm sorry.
174
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,665
But, hey, it's over now, right?
175
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,751
Because you can tell them
you know they know...
176
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,337
...and I can go back to knowing
absolutely nothing.
177
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:35,967
- Unless...
- No, not "unless." This must end now.
178
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,846
Oh, man, they think they are so slick
messing with us.
179
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:43,224
But they don't know
that we know that they know.
180
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,603
- So...
- Ah, yes.
181
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,689
The messers become the messees.
182
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,276
[WHINES]
183
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,987
Oh, Ross, honey,
you gotta stop torturing yourself.
184
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:58,239
Why don't you just find
another apartment?
185
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,326
I've already looked at
like a thousand apartments this month.
186
00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,870
None of them even compares
to that one.
187
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,747
You know what you should do?
188
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:10,126
You should find out what his hobbies are
and then use that to bond with him.
189
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,295
Yeah. Like if I wanted something
from Joey...
190
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:16,675
...I would strike up a conversation
about, say, um, sandwiches...
191
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,762
...or, uh, my underwear.
192
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,139
I'm listening.
193
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,017
See?
194
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,603
That is a great idea.
195
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:33,400
And I know Ugly Naked Guy because
we've been watching him for five years.
196
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:37,362
So that gives me back my edge. Ha, ha.
197
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,031
Let's see now. He had the trampoline.
198
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,534
- But he broke that.
- Well, he had gravity boots.
199
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,036
Yeah, he broke those too.
200
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:48,415
So he likes to break stuff.
201
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:54,879
Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben,
but I will figure something out.
202
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,923
Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
203
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,843
I wouldn't bring that up.
It would probably just bum him out.
204
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,929
Poor cat never saw that big butt coming.
205
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,056
[PHONE RINGS]
206
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,058
Hello?
207
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,937
Oh, yeah, hey.
Hold on a second, she's right here.
208
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,230
[WHISPERS]
It's Chandler.
209
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,982
Oh.
210
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,402
Hello, you.
211
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,947
Hello, Phoebe,
I've been thinking about you all day.
212
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:22,949
Huh?
213
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,912
Well, you know that thing you said before?
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
214
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,497
Really?
215
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,332
Yeah. Listen, Joey won't be here tonight.
216
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:35,336
Why don't you come over
and I'll let you, uh, feel my bicep.
217
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,630
Or maybe more.
218
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,427
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Okay, bye.
219
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:48,099
Oh, my God. He wants me to come over
and feel his bicep and more.
220
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,435
- Are you kidding?
- No.
221
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,062
I cannot believe
he would do that to Mon...
222
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,616
Joey? Do they know that we know?
223
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,327
- No.
- Joey?
224
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:10,038
- They know you know.
- Ooh, I knew it.
225
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,291
Oh, I cannot believe those two.
226
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:17,253
They thought they could mess with us?
They're trying to mess with us?
227
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,675
They don't know that we know
they know we know.
228
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,304
And, Joey, you can't say anything.
229
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,431
Couldn't if I wanted to.
230
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,357
Good evening, sir.
My name is Ross Geller.
231
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,734
I'm one of the people
who applied for the apartment...
232
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:44,531
...and I realize that the competition
is fierce, but...
233
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:51,663
I'm sorry, I can't help but notice
that you're naked and...
234
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,251
I applaud you.
235
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,379
Man, I wish I was naked.
236
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,049
I mean, this looks so great.
237
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:06,052
That is how God intended it.
238
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,808
- Look at them. They're panicked.
- Oh, yeah, they're totally gonna back down.
239
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,476
Oh, yeah.
240
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,521
All right, if he wants a date,
he's going to get a date.
241
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,356
- I'm going to go in.
- Okay, okay.
242
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,024
Be sexy.
243
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,652
Please.
18977
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