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1
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♪ It seems today that all you
see ♪ ♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV ♪
2
00:00:04,792 --> 00:00:08,332
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values♪
3
00:00:08,333 --> 00:00:11,541
♪ On which we
used to rely?♪
4
00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:14,582
♪ Lucky there's
a family guy ♪
5
00:00:14,583 --> 00:00:17,958
♪Lucky there's a man who
positively can do♪
6
00:00:17,959 --> 00:00:21,624
♪All the things
that make us ♪
7
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:23,165
♪Laugh and cry ♪
8
00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:24,750
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
9
00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:36,833
Peter, come on.
10
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:38,207
- What?
- We're starting.
11
00:00:38,208 --> 00:00:39,624
Oh, is this, uh, a new one?
12
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:41,124
I thought it was a rerun.
Okay, here we go.
13
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,416
Line?
14
00:00:43,417 --> 00:00:45,541
: What are those guys
doing over there?
15
00:00:45,542 --> 00:00:47,958
Hey, what are those guys
doing over there?
16
00:00:47,959 --> 00:00:49,833
I added a "hey."
17
00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:51,874
Here we go, Patriots!
18
00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:54,165
All right, now let's go
miss the urinal
19
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:55,958
with half a whiz
and get out of here.
20
00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:57,833
- Right on!
- Hey, why you guys leaving?
21
00:00:57,834 --> 00:00:59,958
We're taking a party bus
to the game.
22
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,958
A bus for partying?
23
00:01:01,959 --> 00:01:03,749
Aw, that sounds awesome.
24
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,124
Like a pair
of Pete's Headphones.
25
00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:07,124
♪ Oye como va ♪
26
00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:09,582
♪ Mi ritmo♪
27
00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:10,958
♪ Buena pa' gozar ♪
28
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,332
♪Mulata ♪
29
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:14,332
♪ Ba, ba-da ba-da-da ♪
30
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,541
♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da♪
31
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:17,959
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-
da-da-da... ♪
32
00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,582
Mom, can we eat?
33
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,165
@My stomach is starting to sound
like Arnold Schwarzenegger
34
00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:28,958
gasping for air at the
end of Total Recall.
35
00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,958
My eyes are
36
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,958
popping out
at the end of this movie!
37
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,791
Well, I'd like to wait
for your father.
38
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,749
L-Let me send him another
infuriating check-in text.
39
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,791
Hel-lo!
40
00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:44,124
Yes?
41
00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:45,749
Peter, where the hell
have you been?
42
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,582
On a magical journey to
Gillette Stadium and back.
43
00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:50,165
You remember last night
when you called me
44
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:51,958
the lowest-class alcoholic
in the world?
45
00:01:51,959 --> 00:01:54,457
Well, I found one rung lower.
I'm a party bus guy now.
46
00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:58,040
That's got to be way better
than when I drove a Fiat.
47
00:01:58,041 --> 00:02:00,958
Hey! You cut me off!
48
00:02:00,959 --> 00:02:03,374
What? Turn down your radio.
49
00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:05,332
I can't. My stomach's
pressed up against the dial.
50
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,749
You want to go?
51
00:02:07,750 --> 00:02:09,875
Get me 17 shoehorns and
some canola oil, and we'll go!
52
00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:13,542
Get back here!
53
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:18,958
Okay, guys, now this is a
busúfor a fireman's bachelor
party.
54
00:02:18,959 --> 00:02:22,124
So just follow my lead
and we'll fit right in.
55
00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:24,666
All right!
56
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:26,666
9/11! Boston Strong!
57
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,749
Never forget!úHow about
this guy? You forget?
58
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:31,624
@No way. You're too Boston
Strong to ever forget.
59
00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:34,958
Let's roll!
60
00:02:34,959 --> 00:02:37,040
Uh, I mean... civil servants
with hero complexes!
61
00:02:37,041 --> 00:02:40,791
- Boom!
- All right!
62
00:02:40,792 --> 00:02:42,541
Welcome, other firefighters.
63
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:44,582
Bring us the man of the hour.
64
00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:47,125
Come on, Smitty!
65
00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:50,583
To my last night as a free man!
66
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:56,999
Hmm. Unfortunate timing.
67
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,332
Now, which one of these
scumbag firemen
68
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:01,249
will go after his fiancée?
69
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,959
Already happened.
We're very happy.
70
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:08,417
@♪ Firemen are not
good friends ♪
71
00:03:08,959 --> 00:03:12,959
♪ They'll bang your wife
when you are dead. ♪
72
00:03:19,291 --> 00:03:22,791
Peter, this sucks!
73
00:03:22,792 --> 00:03:24,875
What are we doing out here?
74
00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:38,958
I'm beginning to think
those vodka cranberries
75
00:03:38,959 --> 00:03:41,000
may have had alcohol in them.
76
00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:49,374
Wow, partying
on the bus to prom.
77
00:03:49,375 --> 00:03:51,958
Doesn't get much cooler
than this.
78
00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:53,958
None of these lame kids
is drinking.
79
00:03:53,959 --> 00:03:55,958
Eh, I think I know
what's going on.
80
00:03:55,959 --> 00:03:58,959
Hey, how many of you kids
are on the horny drugs?
81
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,959
I'm a cop.
82
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:06,542
But I'm not a narc.
83
00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:09,958
Cool cop! Cool cop! Cool cop!
84
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:12,124
Did you dook yourself?
85
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:14,749
Just listen to the chant, Peter.
86
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:16,834
Listen to the chant.
87
00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:26,666
Close dancing, 12 o'clock.
88
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,958
Hey, arm's length,
dirty porno lovers!
89
00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:31,791
So, going stag tonight, Meg?
90
00:04:31,792 --> 00:04:33,958
Oh, no, I brought someone.
91
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:36,958
Hello. I'm in love with Meg.
92
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:39,165
Well, now I'm very sorry
I asked.
93
00:04:39,166 --> 00:04:41,958
Wow, the end of high school.
94
00:04:41,959 --> 00:04:44,332
Tonight, we pass around
Stifler's mom,
95
00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:46,958
and in the morning, it's off
to die quick in Vietnam.
96
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:49,833
Peter, I think you're getting
your movies mixed up.
97
00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:51,999
Attention, students.
98
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,958
It's time to announce
this year's prom king and queen.
99
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:56,958
Natalee Holloway!
100
00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:58,624
Now, now.
101
00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:01,124
And the winners are...
102
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,750
Connie D'Amico
and "Kermit Legs" Kyle!
103
00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:08,959
Ah, so close.
104
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:11,958
Hello, gorgeous.
105
00:05:11,959 --> 00:05:13,541
- How old are you?
- 18.
106
00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:15,541
All right, and I just
recorded you saying that.
107
00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:17,332
And hi. I am Glenn Quagmire.
108
00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:19,749
Courtney. Nice to meet you.
109
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,582
You don't look like
you're in high school.
110
00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:23,791
I got held back.
You like getting held back?
111
00:05:23,792 --> 00:05:26,792
Sometimes.
112
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,124
All right, youngins.
113
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,666
I dragged this piece of dirty
cardboard in from the alley
114
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,999
to show y'all how to get down.
115
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,333
Peter! Let's boogie!
116
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:45,959
♪Ho! Ho!♪
117
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:14,332
Aah!
There was a staple in the box!
118
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,624
Where's the nurse's office?
119
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,791
Hey, you want
to get out of here?
120
00:06:18,792 --> 00:06:20,958
Yeah. Let's go.
121
00:06:20,959 --> 00:06:23,457
You take requests?
122
00:06:23,458 --> 00:06:25,165
What are you looking for?
123
00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:27,417
♪A-hunga, hunga,
hunga, hunga... ♪
124
00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:31,416
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me ♪
125
00:06:31,417 --> 00:06:34,541
♪ Cocked your head to the
side and said I'm angry ♪
126
00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:36,958
♪Five days since
you laughed at me... ♪
127
00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,792
- I know all the lyrics.
I just don't know them fast!
-♪ Three days... ♪
128
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,749
- And initial here.
- What is all this?
129
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:47,416
Oh, these just say if anything
should happen to you,
130
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:49,124
I'm not responsible,
blah-blah-blah.
131
00:06:49,125 --> 00:06:50,749
I'm-I'm just boring myself.
132
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:52,249
I had a lot of fun
with you tonight, Courtney.
133
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,541
Me too.
134
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:56,416
Oh, Courtney.
135
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,207
Oh, Glenn.
136
00:06:58,208 --> 00:06:59,749
Oh, oh, giggity!
137
00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:01,959
Wait. Did you
just say "giggity"?
138
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:05,582
Yeah. Sorry.
139
00:07:05,583 --> 00:07:06,958
Sometimes I just blurt that out
when I get excited.
140
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:09,458
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
141
00:07:11,625 --> 00:07:14,958
Here. Rub this up and down
on the inside of your cheek.
142
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:17,625
- Giggity.
- Aah! Stop saying that!
143
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:25,958
What is it, Glenn?
What's wrong?
144
00:07:25,959 --> 00:07:27,958
You're... you're my daughter!
145
00:07:27,959 --> 00:07:30,958
Oh, my God!
146
00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:32,541
Wow.
147
00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:33,958
I guess this means
I have a phone call to make.
148
00:07:33,959 --> 00:07:36,958
Hey, it's Glenn Quagmire.
149
00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:38,582
Would you tell Andrew
that he is not the father?
150
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,375
Andrew, you are not the father.
151
00:07:57,625 --> 00:08:01,541
Courtney, there's something
I just got to ask.
152
00:08:01,542 --> 00:08:04,416
What the heck was the theme
of that dance?
153
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,457
What do you mean?
154
00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:07,958
I mean, like, there was
palm trees like it was Hawaii,
155
00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:10,416
but then there was
a suit of armor in the corner.
156
00:08:10,417 --> 00:08:12,791
There was a big banner
w-with fish on it.
157
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,958
Can we get back to the fact
that you're my dad?
158
00:08:14,959 --> 00:08:17,666
Yeah, you're right.
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
159
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:19,833
Well, let me ask.
What's up with your mom?
160
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:22,958
Actually, I never knew my mom.
161
00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:25,124
I was hoping that you could
tell me about her.
162
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:28,165
Uh... of course I can.
163
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:30,958
Your mom...
164
00:08:30,959 --> 00:08:32,457
your mom... was really...
165
00:08:32,458 --> 00:08:35,958
thing hanging on
the bulletin board behind you.
166
00:08:35,959 --> 00:08:38,249
That's so nice to hear.
Tell me more.
167
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,958
Oh, gosh, she was,
she was just so...
168
00:08:40,959 --> 00:08:44,249
word on the bottom
of your coffee cup.
169
00:08:44,250 --> 00:08:45,999
I always knew she would be!
What else?
170
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,833
I just have some
great memories of her...
171
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:51,165
numbers to call
in case of emergency
172
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,249
or accidental poisoning.
173
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:54,958
It's like she's here
with us right now.
174
00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:57,958
So you don't know your mom?
Who do you live with?
175
00:08:57,959 --> 00:09:00,582
Well, right now I'm on a futon
176
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,666
in the rafters
of my friend's garage.
177
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,249
Oh! Actually,
I better get going.
178
00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:06,582
I have to feed their ferrets.
They breed them.
179
00:09:06,583 --> 00:09:08,958
It's pretty terrifying.
180
00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:11,332
Anyway, thank you so much
for being so nice,
181
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:14,541
and let's talk soon?
182
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:16,958
Wait, hold on. You can't
live in a ferret garage.
183
00:09:16,959 --> 00:09:19,207
You need a home.
184
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:20,249
You know, you could
move in here.
185
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:22,958
I have an extra bedroom,
and the bed has a bunch
186
00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:25,749
of different-sized
pillows on it.
187
00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:27,457
Hmm. I do love dealing with
those pillows every day,
188
00:09:27,458 --> 00:09:30,249
but are you sure?
189
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,958
I don't want to be a burden.
190
00:09:31,959 --> 00:09:33,958
No, it's no problem.
Hey, you're my daughter.
191
00:09:33,959 --> 00:09:36,874
I want to make sure
you have everything you need.
192
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:38,958
Thanks. That's sweet.
193
00:09:38,959 --> 00:09:41,667
Um... okay! Yeah.
I'll move in.
194
00:09:41,959 --> 00:09:45,374
That's huge for me.
195
00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:46,958
Hey, is that an Instant Pot?
196
00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,249
- No, it's a Crock-Pot.
- You got to get an Instant Pot.
197
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:51,958
You can make short ribs in it.
It falls right off...
198
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,958
Yeah, yeah, falls right off
the bone. I know.
199
00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:55,624
I've had this conversation
five times.
200
00:09:55,625 --> 00:09:57,040
Hey, Quagmire.
201
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,874
I hear you're considering
an Instant Pot.
202
00:09:58,875 --> 00:10:00,958
Courtney,
that's Joe, my neighbor.
203
00:10:00,959 --> 00:10:03,250
Hey, Courtney.
You getting this guy on board?
204
00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:09,833
So, I think I had
a wet nightmare last night.
205
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:12,833
Is that possible?
206
00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,207
- Hello, fellow daddios.
- Did you bang your kid yet?
207
00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:17,124
Okay, Peter, can I talk to you
for a second?
208
00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:19,958
I'm sorry, but I am not going
to stand for any misogyny.
209
00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,958
Stop acting like
a Neanderthal pig.
210
00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:24,958
Those sound scary.
211
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:26,749
What were you two ladies
talking about?
212
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,999
Joe, can I talk to you
for a second?
213
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,457
It's 2019.
Time-tested jokes like that
214
00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:34,541
are now offensive
and not funny at all.
215
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,749
Okay, I got to go.
216
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:39,332
I'm taking Courtney
to her first WNBA game.
217
00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:41,874
I got courtside seats.
218
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,666
They're way in the back, but
I'm sitting next to Courtney.
219
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,958
I-I got dad jokes now.
220
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:48,249
See you, friends.
221
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,666
Yes, 911?
222
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:52,332
Someone has stolen
the old Quagmire
223
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:54,874
and replaced him with
a respectable man.
224
00:10:54,875 --> 00:10:58,666
Sir, this line is reserved
for emergencies only.
225
00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:01,040
Please end your clammy joke.
226
00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:02,542
Okay. Sorry.
227
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:10,958
- You remember what I told you?
- I'm the best around.
228
00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:13,749
Nothing's gonna
ever keep me down.
229
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,207
That's right. I made that up.
Now go get 'em, kiddo.
230
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,959
I'll be watching
with the other moms.
231
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,374
Here's all the usual suspects.
232
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:24,791
Oh, you're doing a video.
233
00:11:24,792 --> 00:11:26,958
Turn it... G-Get it off.
Glenn, I look terrible.
234
00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:30,374
Glenn, Courtney's up!
235
00:11:30,375 --> 00:11:32,374
Okay, okay, here we go. Please.
236
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,625
Let's go, Courtney!
237
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:42,333
Ah, perfect! That's a ten!
238
00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:46,542
9.2? 9.2?!
239
00:11:46,709 --> 00:11:49,959
9.2?!
240
00:11:51,417 --> 00:11:54,667
9.2?!
241
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:02,541
9.2?! I'll give you a 9.2.
242
00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:05,750
On the Richter scale!
243
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:07,958
Courtney, let's go.
244
00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:09,582
I get to go again.
We do it twice.
245
00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:12,166
Oh.
246
00:12:23,959 --> 00:12:27,250
Let's go, Courtney.
247
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,416
So, you liking
Take Your Daughter to Work Day?
248
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:34,332
Uh, yeah!
249
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:35,874
I can't believe my dad knows
how to fly this thing.
250
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:38,457
- You want to try?
- Me? I don't know.
251
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,457
Come on, it's easy.
252
00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:42,874
You don't even need
a college degree,
253
00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:44,515
which is a very scary true fact.
Go ahead.
254
00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:49,207
You're doing great. Now roll it.
255
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:50,874
What? No way.
256
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,833
Don't worry, you're a Quagmire.
It's in your blood.
257
00:12:52,834 --> 00:12:55,417
- Grip it and rip it.
- Okay.
258
00:12:58,750 --> 00:12:59,958
Attagirl. Perfect.
259
00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:02,958
N-No. No, no.
We're not doing that.
260
00:13:02,959 --> 00:13:04,666
I got my daughter
with me today, you perverts.
261
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,999
He's not doing it today.
262
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,541
- Aw, shoot.
- Another time.
263
00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:10,125
Probably got his kid with him.
264
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:15,749
I'm glad you guys could finally
come over for dinner.
265
00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:18,040
Sure thing, Lois.
Thanks for having us.
266
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:19,958
See, Meg?
That's a thigh gap.
267
00:13:19,959 --> 00:13:22,958
Now, Courtney, I'd like
to awkwardly introduce you
268
00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:25,666
to someone your own age.
269
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:27,040
Courtney, this is Megan.
270
00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:28,624
Maybe you listen
to the same music.
271
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,249
- Hey.
- Hey.
272
00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:31,457
Yo, Courtney,
what's your Instagram?
273
00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:32,874
I just got on there
274
00:13:32,875 --> 00:13:33,958
and need some interesting peeps
to follow.
275
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:35,833
Oh, you'll have to ask my dad.
276
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:37,958
He approves
all my follow requests.
277
00:13:37,959 --> 00:13:40,124
Denied! Nice try, ass.
278
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:42,958
Hey, have you guys seen
the Wonder Woman film?
279
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:45,207
- Yeah, no.
- Oh, you have to.
280
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,958
It's a triumph.
281
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,249
Courts and I
have seen it five times.
282
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:50,040
It's an important movie, Peter.
283
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:51,958
You should watch it with Meg.
It's a masterwork.
284
00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:54,165
Oh, I've been wanting
to see that.
285
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,959
Okay, we totally will.
286
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,749
Hey, Dad,
I just checked the weather,
287
00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:01,124
and it looks like sunny skies
all weekend.
288
00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:03,958
- You guys have big plans?
- Yeah, we're going camping.
289
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:06,624
Hey, you and Meg should
come with us, Peter.
290
00:14:06,625 --> 00:14:08,958
We'll make it a father-daughter
bonding weekend.
291
00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:11,416
- Oh, that's a great idea.
- Yeah, let's go, Dad.
292
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,624
Y-You know who you should take
instead of me?
293
00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:16,791
Uh, Stewie or-or Chris or Brian.
294
00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:19,207
May-Maybe Lois.
295
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:20,749
Or Seamus is fun.
296
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:22,874
Carter Pewterschmidt,
Babs Pewterschmidt,
297
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:24,958
Bonnie, Joe, their son Kevin,
298
00:14:24,959 --> 00:14:27,040
Cleveland, Jerome,
Bruce, Opie, Carl,
299
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:29,874
the "phony" guy,
the ostrich, Al Harrington,
300
00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:32,666
Billy Finn, John Travolta
from one of our cutaways,
301
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:36,124
uh, all of our characters
as Star Wars characters,
302
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,958
everybody from
The Cleveland Show,
303
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:40,958
Cherry Chevapravatdumrong...
304
00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:42,416
that's how that name
is pronounced...
305
00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:43,958
the Orville...
the ship, not the cast...
306
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:45,958
um, me... Aw, damn it!
307
00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:48,666
Okay, fine. I'll go.
308
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,457
- Thank you.
- Cool.
309
00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:51,666
I heard my name, too. I'm in!
310
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:54,207
No? I'll drive, buy snacks?
311
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:56,958
No? Okay.
312
00:14:56,959 --> 00:14:58,667
Everyone else is out here, too.
313
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:08,999
Oh, my God,
it's literally everyone.
314
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,834
That can only mean...
show ghosts!
315
00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:38,958
I'm really glad
you decided to bring Meg
316
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:40,999
on this camping trip, Peter.
It's gonna be great.
317
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,500
- Because we're in the...
- Because we're in
the great outdoors.
318
00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:48,457
Ah.
319
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:49,958
You don't get air like this
back in Quahog, do you, Pete?
320
00:15:49,959 --> 00:15:52,582
Uh, I don't know.
Some places, probably.
321
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:54,958
Hoo-ah! Gosh, being in nature
gives me such great energy.
322
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:58,791
Hey, Courtney, you ever see
a yellow-headed warbler?
323
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,958
That's the only warbler
I haven't seen.
324
00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:03,333
Not for long it's not.
325
00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:06,749
Don't answer that.
326
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:08,749
We're eating.
327
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,749
They're probably eating.
328
00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:11,958
Okay, we're gonna have
a fun camp competition.
329
00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:13,958
And the first event,
worth five points,
330
00:16:13,959 --> 00:16:16,207
is a race down to the lake
right now!
331
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,249
Last one there is
a stinky poo-poo egg!
332
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,332
Come on, Dad!
333
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,875
What Meg didn't know,
what none of them knew,
334
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:25,541
is that I already was
335
00:16:25,542 --> 00:16:27,250
a stinky poo-poo egg.
336
00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:33,249
Boy, you don't get
stars like this
337
00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:35,332
back in Quahog, do you, Pete?
338
00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:36,958
Stop calling me Pete.
339
00:16:36,959 --> 00:16:38,207
I know what'll cheer you up.
Skits!
340
00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:40,833
♪ Skits, skits,
skits, skits ♪
341
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,958
♪ Skits, skits,
skits, skits ♪
342
00:16:42,959 --> 00:16:44,958
♪Skits-skits-skits-skits,
skits-skits ♪
343
00:16:44,959 --> 00:16:46,959
♪Skits! ♪
344
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,375
Well, isn't this
a perfect bench for a sit.
345
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:56,999
Say, Dad, what are you doing?
346
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,749
Oh, just sitting on
the invisible bench,
347
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,874
reading about those
North Korea jokesters.
348
00:17:01,875 --> 00:17:04,041
But, Dad, they moved
the invisible bench last week.
349
00:17:04,417 --> 00:17:07,959
Oh. It's over there now.
350
00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:11,125
Whoa!
351
00:17:13,041 --> 00:17:15,959
Ladies and gentlemen,
"The Invisible Bench" skit.
352
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,332
Peter, you're up.
353
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:21,749
Okay, here's one.
I call it "The Invisible Noose."
354
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,958
First, I throw a rope
over this tree limb,
355
00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:26,999
put the noose around my neck.
356
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,541
Now I'll just step
onto this rock
357
00:17:28,542 --> 00:17:30,542
and jump off into
the sweet relief of death.
358
00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:37,749
Peter, would you mind
flattening your rod?
359
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:40,124
Fine. I'll Tootsie it
between my thighs.
360
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,750
Yeah, okay, whatever gets it
away from my daughter's face.
361
00:17:47,542 --> 00:17:51,249
Are you eating an apple
with a knife?
362
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:53,374
God, that's always so forced.
363
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,332
Hold on.
We've been here already.
364
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,958
Yeah, she's right.
365
00:17:57,959 --> 00:17:59,792
That's where I graffitied
that rock.
366
00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:04,332
We've changed our minds.
We're going on record.
367
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,165
We're not lost, all right?
368
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:08,582
We're just two dads
bonding with our daughters,
369
00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:10,332
and getting lost
is not part of the plan.
370
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,541
All right, nobody panic.
371
00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:13,541
We just need to get
our bearings.
372
00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:14,958
Hey, here comes a hiker.
373
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:16,124
Excuse me, sir, we're lost.
374
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:18,165
Ha! Then you must be
my car keys, right?
375
00:18:18,166 --> 00:18:20,958
It is so nice
to get out of the city
376
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:23,749
and meet friendly people.
377
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:25,541
You're not helping, Dad.
As usual.
378
00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:27,958
Well, at least
I didn't get us lost.
379
00:18:27,959 --> 00:18:29,749
We're not lost! We're just...
two dads in the woods,
380
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:33,124
who love our daughters
very, very much.
381
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:35,958
Okay, so maybe it's not
the life we chose.
382
00:18:35,959 --> 00:18:38,374
Well, you chose it. I didn't.
That's for damn sure!
383
00:18:38,375 --> 00:18:40,958
- Dad, will you help him?
- Shh.
384
00:18:40,959 --> 00:18:42,541
I've been waiting for this.
I knew it was fake.
385
00:18:42,542 --> 00:18:44,541
Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't...
386
00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:46,124
I'm not Dad! I'm Quagmire!
387
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,374
Glenn Quagmire!
388
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:49,958
Giggity giggity!
389
00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:51,374
I don't want to be out here!
I hate camping!
390
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:53,541
And what the hell was the theme
of that stupid prom?!
391
00:18:53,542 --> 00:18:55,874
All the cups said,
"Oh, What a Night!"
392
00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:57,749
I mean, if it was,
"Oh, What a Knight" with a "K,"
393
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,958
that would've made some sense,
394
00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:01,124
'cause there was
a suit of armor there.
395
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:02,791
What was that about?
Answer me!
396
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,958
I-I think it's possible
to overthink these things.
397
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:07,749
Ugh, what a mish-mosh.
398
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:09,332
Damn it, I just want to be home,
399
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:10,958
not here, lost in the woods,
looking at this stupid map
400
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,541
with a magnifying glass.
401
00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:15,208
Aah!
402
00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:23,958
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
403
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:26,165
I don't know.
404
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,332
- Help!
- Dear God, someone help us!
405
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,999
You know when this
would never happen?
406
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,958
If I was sitting on the couch,
watching TV,
407
00:19:31,959 --> 00:19:33,999
ignoring you completely.
408
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,958
Courtney, I'm sorry
for what I said earlier.
409
00:19:35,959 --> 00:19:38,999
You mean when you completely
ripped my school dance theme?
410
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,833
No, no, there was no theme
to rip.
411
00:19:41,834 --> 00:19:43,624
That's the point.
I stand by all of that.
412
00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:45,749
If anything, I'm more angry.
413
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:47,124
No, I'm-I'm talking about
being your father
414
00:19:47,125 --> 00:19:49,124
before I was ready.
415
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:50,749
I promise, if we make it
out of here,
416
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:53,457
we can start again.
417
00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:55,041
- Deal?
- Deal.
418
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,833
9/11!
419
00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:06,332
Boston Strong!
420
00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:08,541
Oh, it's Smitty.
421
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:10,332
We're saved!
422
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:12,173
But we should warn the birds
the fire's coming.
423
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,541
All right, stay calm.
424
00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:18,959
Grab the pictures.
I'll get your mother's ashes.
425
00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:27,541
Wow, Peter, that was
a close call with that fire,
426
00:20:27,542 --> 00:20:30,416
but I'm glad you all
made it back safe and sound.
427
00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:33,040
Yeah, me, too.
428
00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:34,457
What the hell?
429
00:20:34,458 --> 00:20:35,958
Oh, I hope it's okay.
430
00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:37,750
I bought some more pillows.
431
00:20:41,625 --> 00:20:42,958
I mean, what is the deal
with women and pillows?
432
00:20:42,959 --> 00:20:45,958
Has-has anyone else
noticed this?
433
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:47,416
No.
434
00:20:47,417 --> 00:20:49,541
No one? But I-I got
threeúminutes of material on
pillows.
435
00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:53,166
We don't want to hear it.
32160
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