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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:11,640
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Peter, come on.
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- What?
- We're starting.
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Oh, is this, uh, a new one?
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I thought it was a rerun.
Okay, here we go.
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[CLEARS THROAT] Line?
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[QUIETLY]: What are those
guys doing over there?
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Hey, what are those
guys doing over there?
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- [MEN CHEERING]
- I added a "hey."
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ALL [CHANTING]: Here we go, Patriots!
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All right, now let's go miss the urinal
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with half a whiz and get out of here.
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- [CHEERING]
- Right on!
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00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:00,230
Hey, why you guys leaving?
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We're taking a party bus to the game.
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A bus for partying?
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Aw, that sounds awesome.
27
00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,140
Like a pair of Pete's Headphones.
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- ["OYE CÓMO VA" PLAYING]
- ♪ Oye cómo va ♪
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♪ Mi ritmo ♪
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♪ Bueno pa' gozar ♪
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♪ Mulata ♪
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♪ Ba, ba-da ba-da-da ♪
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♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da ♪
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♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da... ♪
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[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
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Mom, can we eat?
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My stomach is starting to sound
like Arnold Schwarzenegger
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gasping for air at the
end of Total Recall.
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STOMACH [AS SCHWARZENEGGER]:
[SHOUTS] My eyes are
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popping out at the end of this movie!
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00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,740
Well, I'd like to wait for your father.
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00:01:38,770 --> 00:01:41,859
L-Let me send him another
infuriating check-in text.
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[SINGSONGY]: Hel-lo!
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Yes?
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Peter, where the hell have you been?
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On a magical journey to
Gillette Stadium and back.
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You remember last night
when you called me
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the lowest-class alcoholic in the world?
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Well, I found one rung lower.
I'm a party bus guy now.
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00:01:58,260 --> 00:02:00,960
That's got to be way better
than when I drove a Fiat.
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00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:03,430
- [MUZAK PLAYING OVER RADIO]
- Hey! You cut me off!
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00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,600
What? Turn down your radio.
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I can't. My stomach's pressed
up against the dial.
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You want to go?
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Get me 17 shoehorns and some canola oil,
56
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and we'll go!
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- [TIRES SCREECH]
- Get back here!
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[CROWD CHEERING]
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Okay, guys, now this is a bus
for a fireman's bachelor party.
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So just follow my lead
and we'll fit right in.
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- [EXCITED CHATTER]
- All right!
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00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:28,790
9/11! Boston Strong!
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Never forget!
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How about this guy? You forget?
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No way. You're too Boston
Strong to ever forget.
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00:02:35,010 --> 00:02:37,060
Let's roll!
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Uh, I mean... civil servants
with hero complexes!
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- [CHEERING]
- Boom!
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- All right!
- Welcome, other firefighters.
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- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- Bring us the man of the hour.
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Come on, Smitty!
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[WHOOPS] To my last night as a free man!
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[ALL SCREAMING]
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Hmm. Unfortunate timing.
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Now, which one of these scumbag firemen
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will go after his fiancée?
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Already happened. We're very happy.
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[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ Firemen are not good friends ♪
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♪ They'll bang your wife
when you are dead. ♪
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Peter, this sucks!
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What are we doing out here?
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_
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00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,060
[ALL GRUNTING]
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I'm beginning to think
those vodka cranberries
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may have had alcohol in them.
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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Wow, partying on the bus to prom.
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Doesn't get much cooler than this.
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00:03:54,090 --> 00:03:56,260
None of these lame kids is drinking.
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00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,120
Eh, I think I know what's going on.
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00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:02,720
Hey, how many of you kids
are on the horny drugs?
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00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,430
I'm a cop.
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[CHUCKLES]: But I'm not a narc.
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[CHEERING]
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[CHANTING]: Cool cop!
Cool cop! Cool cop!
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- [SNIFFS] Did you dook yourself?
- [CHANTING CONTINUES]
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Just listen to the chant, Peter.
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Listen to the chant.
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- _
- ♪ ♪
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Close dancing, 12 o'clock.
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Hey, arm's length, dirty porno lovers!
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So, going stag tonight, Meg?
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00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:37,000
Oh, no, I brought someone.
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[HIGH-PITCHED]: Hello.
I'm in love with Meg.
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00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:42,010
Well, now I'm very sorry I asked.
107
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,430
Wow, the end of high school.
108
00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:47,170
Tonight, we pass around Stifler's mom,
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and in the morning, it's off
to die quick in Vietnam.
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Peter, I think you're getting
your movies mixed up.
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Attention, students.
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It's time to announce this
year's prom king and queen.
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PETER: Natalee Holloway!
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[CHUCKLES] Now, now.
115
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And the winners are...
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Connie D'Amico and "Kermit Legs" Kyle!
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Ah, so close.
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Hello, gorgeous.
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- How old are you?
- 18.
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00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,780
All right, and I just
recorded you saying that.
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And hi. I am Glenn Quagmire.
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Courtney. Nice to meet you.
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You don't look like
you're in high school.
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I got held back. You
like getting held back?
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Sometimes.
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[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
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All right, youngins.
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I dragged this piece of dirty
cardboard in from the alley
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to show y'all how to get down.
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Peter! Let's boogie!
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[SCREAMS]
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["APACHE (JUMP ON IT)" BY
SUGARHILL GANG PLAYING]
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- ♪ Ho! Ho! ♪
- [CROWD CHEERING]
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♪ ♪
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Aah! There was a staple in the box!
136
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Where's the nurse's office?
137
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,390
Hey, you want to get out of here?
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00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,650
Yeah. Let's go.
139
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,480
You take requests?
140
00:06:25,490 --> 00:06:27,660
What are you looking for?
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00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:30,240
♪ A-hunga, hunga, hunga, hunga... ♪
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[MUSIC STOPS]
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[SINGING ALONG TO MUSIC]: ♪ It's been
one week since you looked at me ♪
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♪ Cocked your head to the
side and said I'm angry ♪
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00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,330
♪ Five days since you laughed at me... ♪
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I know all the lyrics.
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00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:42,550
- I just don't know them fast!
- ♪ Three days... ♪
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- And initial here.
- What is all this?
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00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,390
Oh, these just say if anything
should happen to you,
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I'm not responsible, blah-blah-blah.
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00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:52,560
I'm-I'm just boring myself.
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I had a lot of fun with
you tonight, Courtney.
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Me too.
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[MOANS]: Oh, Courtney.
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Oh, Glenn.
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00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,360
Oh, oh, giggity!
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00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,920
Wait. Did you just say "giggity"?
158
00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:07,420
Yeah. Sorry.
159
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,920
Sometimes I just blurt that
out when I get excited.
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Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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_
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00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,060
Here. Rub this up and down
on the inside of your cheek.
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- BOTH: Giggity.
- Aah! Stop saying that!
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- _
- [DEVICE BEEPS]
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What is it, Glenn? What's wrong?
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You're... you're my daughter!
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Oh, my God!
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Wow.
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00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,100
I guess this means I have
a phone call to make.
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00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,000
Hey, it's Glenn Quagmire.
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00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:41,800
Would you tell Andrew that
he is not the father?
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00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,659
MAURY POVICH: Andrew,
you are not the father.
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[CROWD CHEERING, ANDREW
SHOUTING EXCITEDLY]
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00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:50,140
["APACHE (JUMP ON IT)" BY
SUGARHILL GANG PLAYING]
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00:07:51,030 --> 00:07:53,660
[ANDREW CONTINUES SHOUTING EXCITEDLY]
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00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,730
Courtney, there's something
I just got to ask.
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00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:07,260
What the heck was the
theme of that dance?
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00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,680
- What do you mean?
- I mean, like,
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00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:10,930
there was palm trees like it was Hawaii,
180
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:13,240
but then there was a suit
of armor in the corner.
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00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,480
There was a big banner
w-with fish on it.
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00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,020
Can we get back to the
fact that you're my dad?
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00:08:18,070 --> 00:08:20,350
Yeah, you're right.
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,450
Well, let me ask. What's
up with your mom?
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00:08:23,490 --> 00:08:25,700
Actually, I never knew my mom.
186
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:28,740
I was hoping that you
could tell me about her.
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00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:31,330
Uh... of course I can.
188
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:32,830
Your mom...
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00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:36,340
your mom... was really...
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00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,920
thing hanging on the
bulletin board behind you.
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00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,720
That's so nice to hear. Tell me more.
192
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:44,760
Oh, gosh, she was, she was just so...
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00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:46,740
word on the bottom of your coffee cup.
194
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,540
I always knew she would be! What else?
195
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:51,730
I just have some great
memories of her...
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00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:53,980
numbers to call in case of emergency
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00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,400
or accidental poisoning.
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00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,480
It's like she's here with us right now.
199
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:01,150
So you don't know your mom?
Who do you live with?
200
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,340
Well, right now I'm on a futon
201
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,000
in the rafters of my friend's garage.
202
00:09:05,010 --> 00:09:07,340
Oh! Actually, I better get going.
203
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:09,480
I have to feed their
ferrets. They breed them.
204
00:09:09,490 --> 00:09:11,870
It's pretty terrifying. [GIGGLES]
205
00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:15,140
Anyway, thank you so
much for being so nice,
206
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,420
and let's talk soon?
207
00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:19,919
Wait, hold on. You can't
live in a ferret garage.
208
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:20,930
You need a home.
209
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,610
You know, you could move in here.
210
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,340
I have an extra bedroom,
and the bed has a bunch
211
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,070
of different-sized pillows on it.
212
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:31,300
Hmm. I do love dealing with
those pillows every day,
213
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,060
but are you sure?
214
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,410
I don't want to be a burden.
215
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:37,370
No, it's no problem.
Hey, you're my daughter.
216
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,540
I want to make sure you
have everything you need.
217
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:42,370
Thanks. That's sweet.
218
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:46,000
Um... okay! Yeah. I'll move in.
219
00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:47,460
That's huge for me.
220
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,880
Hey, is that an Instant Pot?
221
00:09:49,930 --> 00:09:52,770
- No, it's a Crock-Pot.
- You got to get an Instant Pot.
222
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,630
You can make short ribs
in it. It falls right off...
223
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,280
Yeah, yeah, falls right
off the bone. I know.
224
00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:57,860
I've had this conversation five times.
225
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,470
[KNOCK ON WINDOW] Hey, Quagmire.
226
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,740
I hear you're considering
an Instant Pot.
227
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,980
[SIGHS] Courtney, that's
Joe, my neighbor.
228
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:07,280
Hey, Courtney. You getting
this guy on board?
229
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:13,660
So, I think I had a wet
nightmare last night.
230
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,960
Is that possible?
231
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,000
- Hello, fellow daddios.
- Did you bang your kid yet?
232
00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:20,590
Okay, Peter, can I talk
to you for a second?
233
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,680
I'm sorry, but I am not going
to stand for any misogyny.
234
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:25,560
Stop acting like a Neanderthal pig.
235
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,510
Those sound scary.
236
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,690
What were you two ladies talking about?
237
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,070
Joe, can I talk to you for a second?
238
00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:35,540
It's 2019. Time-tested jokes like that
239
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,280
are now offensive and not funny at all.
240
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:40,030
Okay, I got to go.
241
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,620
I'm taking Courtney to
her first WNBA game.
242
00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:44,290
I got courtside seats.
243
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,660
They're way in the back, but
I'm sitting next to Courtney.
244
00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:49,040
[LAUGHS] I-I got dad jokes now.
245
00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:51,080
See you, friends.
246
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,920
Yes, 911?
247
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,470
Someone has stolen the old Quagmire
248
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:59,300
and replaced him with a
respectable man. [LAUGHS]
249
00:10:59,350 --> 00:11:01,800
OPERATOR: Sir, this line is
reserved for emergencies only.
250
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:03,350
Please end your clammy joke.
251
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:05,140
- Okay. Sorry.
- [BEEP]
252
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:14,520
- You remember what I told you?
- I'm the best around.
253
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:16,320
Nothing's gonna ever keep me down.
254
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:18,740
That's right. I made that up.
Now go get 'em, kiddo.
255
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:20,740
I'll be watching with the other moms.
256
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,290
Here's all the usual suspects.
257
00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:27,580
[CHUCKLES]: Oh, you're doing a video.
258
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,040
Turn it... G-Get it off.
Glenn, I look terrible.
259
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,090
Glenn, Courtney's up!
260
00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:35,380
Okay, okay, here we go. Please.
261
00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,180
Let's go, Courtney!
262
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,420
Ah, perfect! That's a ten!
263
00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:50,560
9.2? 9.2?!
264
00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:52,540
9.2?!
265
00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,150
9.2?!
266
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,630
9.2?! I'll give you a 9.2.
267
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,200
On the Richter scale!
268
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:10,330
Courtney, let's go.
269
00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:13,040
I get to go again. We do it twice.
270
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,960
Oh.
271
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,350
Let's go, Courtney.
272
00:12:33,190 --> 00:12:35,440
So, you liking Take Your
Daughter to Work Day?
273
00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:36,780
Uh, yeah!
274
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,420
I can't believe my dad knows
how to fly this thing.
275
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,600
- You want to try?
- Me? I don't know.
276
00:12:42,630 --> 00:12:43,779
Come on, it's easy.
277
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,110
You don't even need a college degree,
278
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,950
which is a very scary
true fact. Go ahead.
279
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,800
You're doing great. Now roll it.
280
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,000
[CHUCKLES]: What? No way.
281
00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:56,470
Don't worry, you're a
Quagmire. It's in your blood.
282
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,420
- Grip it and rip it.
- Okay.
283
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,080
[PASSENGERS SCREAMING]
284
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,880
QUAGMIRE: Attagirl. Perfect.
285
00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:05,579
N-No. No, no. We're not doing that.
286
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:07,680
I got my daughter with
me today, you perverts.
287
00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,700
PILOT: He's not doing it today.
288
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:11,100
- PILOT 2: Aw, shoot.
- PILOT 3: Another time.
289
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,680
PILOT 4: Probably got his kid with him.
290
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:19,279
I'm glad you guys could
finally come over for dinner.
291
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,100
Sure thing, Lois. Thanks for having us.
292
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,800
See, Meg? That's a thigh gap.
293
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,580
Now, Courtney, I'd like to
awkwardly introduce you
294
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:27,840
to someone your own age.
295
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,680
Courtney, this is Megan.
296
00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:31,519
Maybe you listen to the same music.
297
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,540
- Hey.
- Hey.
298
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,070
Yo, Courtney, what's your Instagram?
299
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,979
I just got on there and
need some interesting peeps
300
00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:38,920
- to follow.
- Oh, you'll have to ask my dad.
301
00:13:38,930 --> 00:13:41,110
He approves all my follow requests.
302
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,730
Denied! Nice try, ass.
303
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:46,070
Hey, have you guys seen
the Wonder Woman film?
304
00:13:46,110 --> 00:13:48,110
- Yeah, no.
- Oh, you have to.
305
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,440
It's a triumph.
306
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:51,219
Courts and I have seen it five times.
307
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:52,919
It's an important movie, Peter.
308
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,340
You should watch it with
Meg. It's a masterwork.
309
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:57,170
Oh, I've been wanting to see that.
310
00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:58,670
Okay, we totally will.
311
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:02,350
Hey, Dad, I just checked the weather,
312
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,760
and it looks like sunny
skies all weekend.
313
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,420
You guys have big plans?
314
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:07,720
Yeah, we're going camping.
315
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,139
Hey, you and Meg should
come with us, Peter.
316
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,300
We'll make it a father-daughter
bonding weekend.
317
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,460
- Oh, that's a great idea.
- Yeah, let's go, Dad.
318
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,680
Y-You know who you should
take instead of me?
319
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,260
Uh, Stewie or-or Chris or Brian.
320
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,600
May-Maybe Lois.
321
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,760
Or Seamus is fun.
322
00:14:23,810 --> 00:14:26,019
Carter Pewterschmidt,
Babs Pewterschmidt,
323
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:28,220
Bonnie, Joe, their son Kevin,
324
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,000
Cleveland, Jerome, Bruce, Opie, Carl,
325
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:33,850
the "phony" guy, the
ostrich, Al Harrington,
326
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:37,190
Billy Finn, John Travolta
from one of our cutaways,
327
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,340
uh, all of our characters
as Star Wars characters,
328
00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:42,099
everybody from The Cleveland Show,
329
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,580
Cherry Chevapravatdumrong...
330
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,910
that's how that name is pronounced...
331
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,040
the Orville... the ship, not the cast...
332
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,670
um, me... Aw, damn it!
333
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:51,420
Okay, fine. I'll go.
334
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:52,590
- Thank you.
- Cool.
335
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:55,020
I heard my name, too. I'm in!
336
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,840
No? I'll drive, buy snacks?
337
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,720
No? Okay.
338
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,760
Everyone else is out here, too.
339
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,430
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
340
00:15:10,190 --> 00:15:12,810
Oh, my God, it's literally everyone.
341
00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:15,680
That can only mean... show ghosts!
342
00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:17,940
♪ ♪
343
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:24,780
[GRUNTS]
344
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:33,480
♪ ♪
345
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:37,460
_
346
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,139
I'm really glad you decided to bring Meg
347
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,219
on this camping trip, Peter.
348
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:44,820
- It's gonna be great.
- Because we're in the...
349
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,810
Because we're in the great outdoors.
350
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,270
[INHALES DEEPLY]
351
00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:50,890
[EXHALES]: Ah.
352
00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:53,400
You don't get air like this
back in Quahog, do you, Pete?
353
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,930
Uh, I don't know. Some places, probably.
354
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:59,780
Hoo-ah! Gosh, being in nature
gives me such great energy.
355
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:02,030
Hey, Courtney, you ever see
a yellow-headed warbler?
356
00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:04,370
That's the only warbler I haven't seen.
357
00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:05,950
Not for long it's not.
358
00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:08,040
[WHISTLING BIRD CALL]
359
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,520
Don't answer that. We're eating.
360
00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:12,599
They're probably eating.
361
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,039
Okay, we're gonna have a
fun camp competition.
362
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,580
And the first event, worth five points,
363
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:19,300
is a race down to the lake right now!
364
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:21,600
Last one there is a stinky poo-poo egg!
365
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,660
Come on, Dad!
366
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:26,510
What Meg didn't know,
what none of them knew,
367
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,390
is that I already was
368
00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:30,770
a stinky poo-poo egg.
369
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:36,500
Boy, you don't get stars like this
370
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:37,770
back in Quahog, do you, Pete?
371
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,070
Stop calling me Pete.
372
00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:41,650
I know what'll cheer you up. Skits!
373
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,780
[TO "CHARGE" FANFARE]:
♪ Skits, skits, skits, skits ♪
374
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:45,910
♪ Skits, skits, skits, skits ♪
375
00:16:45,950 --> 00:16:47,990
♪ Skits-skits-skits-skits, skits-skits ♪
376
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,500
♪ Skits! ♪
377
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:53,739
[WHISTLING A TUNE]
378
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:56,290
Well, isn't this a
perfect bench for a sit.
379
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,730
Say, Dad, what are you doing?
380
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,930
Oh, just sitting on the invisible bench,
381
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:05,200
reading about those
North Korea jokesters.
382
00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:09,110
But, Dad, they moved the
invisible bench last week.
383
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,070
Oh. It's over there now.
384
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,080
Whoa!
385
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,080
[MEG AND COURTNEY LAUGH]
386
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:20,170
Ladies and gentlemen, "The
Invisible Bench" skit.
387
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:22,680
Peter, you're up.
388
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,940
Okay, here's one. I call
it "The Invisible Noose."
389
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,130
First, I throw a rope
over this tree limb,
390
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,630
put the noose around my neck.
391
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,640
Now I'll just step onto this rock
392
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:34,430
and jump off into the
sweet relief of death.
393
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:41,440
Peter, would you mind
flattening your rod?
394
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:43,900
Fine. I'll Tootsie it between my thighs.
395
00:17:43,940 --> 00:17:46,900
Yeah, okay, whatever gets it
away from my daughter's face.
396
00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,580
Are you eating an apple with a knife?
397
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:56,450
God, that's always so forced.
398
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,040
Hold on. We've been here already.
399
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,910
Yeah, she's right.
400
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,799
That's where I graffitied that rock.
401
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,340
_
402
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:08,170
We've changed our minds.
We're going on record.
403
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,860
We're not lost, all right?
404
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,880
We're just two dads bonding
with our daughters,
405
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:13,680
and getting lost is
not part of the plan.
406
00:18:13,690 --> 00:18:14,709
All right, nobody panic.
407
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:15,930
We just need to get our bearings.
408
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,420
Hey, here comes a hiker.
409
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,380
Excuse me, sir, we're lost.
410
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,940
Ha! Then you must be my car keys, right?
411
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:25,110
[LAUGHS] It is so nice
to get out of the city
412
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,570
and meet friendly people.
413
00:18:26,610 --> 00:18:29,140
You're not helping, Dad. As usual.
414
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,740
Well, at least I didn't get us lost.
415
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:34,380
We're not lost! We're just...
two dads in the woods,
416
00:18:34,390 --> 00:18:36,830
who love our daughters very, very much.
417
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,540
Okay, so maybe it's not
the life we chose.
418
00:18:39,580 --> 00:18:42,139
Well, you chose it. I didn't.
That's for damn sure!
419
00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:43,670
- Dad, will you help him?
- Shh.
420
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:45,580
I've been waiting for this.
I knew it was fake.
421
00:18:45,630 --> 00:18:47,340
Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't...
422
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:49,460
I'm not Dad! I'm Quagmire!
423
00:18:49,510 --> 00:18:50,880
Glenn Quagmire!
424
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,520
Giggity [BLEEP] giggity!
425
00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:54,680
I don't want to be out
here! I hate camping!
426
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:57,040
And what the hell was the
theme of that stupid prom?!
427
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:58,960
All the cups said, "Oh, What a Night!"
428
00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:01,360
I mean, if it was, "Oh,
What a Knight" with a "K,"
429
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:02,499
that would've made some sense,
430
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,000
'cause there was a suit of armor there.
431
00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:05,940
What was that about? Answer me!
432
00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:08,960
I-I think it's possible to
overthink these things.
433
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,400
Ugh, what a mish-mosh.
434
00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,030
Damn it, I just want to be home,
435
00:19:12,070 --> 00:19:14,980
not here, lost in the woods,
looking at this stupid map
436
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,450
with a magnifying glass.
437
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,620
Aah!
438
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:22,300
♪ ♪
439
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,660
Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?
440
00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:28,680
I don't know.
441
00:19:28,690 --> 00:19:31,200
- Help!
- Dear God, someone help us!
442
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:33,090
You know when this would never happen?
443
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,420
If I was sitting on the
couch, watching TV,
444
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,060
ignoring you completely.
445
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:40,470
Courtney, I'm sorry for
what I said earlier.
446
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:43,060
You mean when you completely
ripped my school dance theme?
447
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,940
No, no, there was no theme to rip.
448
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,690
That's the point. I
stand by all of that.
449
00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:48,270
If anything, I'm more angry.
450
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,470
No, I'm-I'm talking
about being your father
451
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:51,780
before I was ready.
452
00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:54,570
I promise, if we make it out of here,
453
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,320
we can start again.
454
00:19:56,370 --> 00:19:58,780
- Deal?
- Deal.
455
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,460
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
456
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,500
9/11!
457
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,710
Boston Strong!
458
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,460
Oh, it's Smitty.
459
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,800
We're saved!
460
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,970
But we should warn the
birds the fire's coming.
461
00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:16,700
[WHISTLING BIRD CALL]
462
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,050
All right, stay calm.
463
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:23,520
Grab the pictures. I'll
get your mother's ashes.
464
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,900
Wow, Peter, that was a
close call with that fire,
465
00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:34,230
but I'm glad you all made
it back safe and sound.
466
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,570
Yeah, me, too.
467
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:36,950
What the hell?
468
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:38,920
Oh, I hope it's okay.
469
00:20:38,930 --> 00:20:40,740
I bought some more pillows.
470
00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:43,480
[JAZZY BASS RIFF PLAYING,
CANNED LAUGHTER]
471
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,300
I mean, what is the deal
with women and pillows?
472
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:48,800
Has-has anyone else noticed this?
473
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,500
MAN: No.
474
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,660
No one?
475
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:54,659
But I-I got three minutes
of material on pillows.
476
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:56,540
- MAN: We don't want to hear it.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
477
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,770
[SCATTING JAZZY BASS RIFF]
478
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:03,009
[SINGS ENDING FLOURISH]
479
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:07,960
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
35475
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