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1
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:06,241
Having a party. It's my birthday,
I can choose the food
2
00:00:06,361 --> 00:00:08,281
and the songs, can't I?
And the music we put on?
3
00:00:08,401 --> 00:00:09,521
Can I choose my presents?
4
00:00:09,641 --> 00:00:12,161
Well, no, cos then
it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?
5
00:00:12,281 --> 00:00:13,801
I know what you want
for your birthday, mate.
6
00:00:13,921 --> 00:00:16,121
- What?
- Wanna pop your cherry, don't ya?
7
00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:17,241
- What?
- I say,
8
00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:18,321
I know what he wants for his birthday.
9
00:00:18,441 --> 00:00:19,761
He needs to pop his cherry,
don't he, boys?
10
00:00:19,881 --> 00:00:21,201
What's that? What's "pop your cherry"?
11
00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:22,561
- Think.
12
00:00:22,681 --> 00:00:24,321
What've you got
that looks like a cherry needs popping?
13
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:27,801
End of your knob, mate!
Looks like a cherry, don't it?
14
00:00:27,921 --> 00:00:30,441
Needs popping, up a woman. Innit, boys?
15
00:00:30,561 --> 00:00:33,681
The end of his knob looks like a cherry
needs popping up a woman, yeah?
16
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:36,761
I've got an old walnut
if anybody's interested.
17
00:00:38,241 --> 00:00:41,001
Suddenly, like, Derek's 50.
18
00:00:41,121 --> 00:00:44,401
He's older than me.
Do you know how much older?
19
00:00:44,521 --> 00:00:49,081
Ten years. He's ten years older than me.
You'd n... You'd never guess.
20
00:00:49,201 --> 00:00:51,761
And that niggles away at me a little bit.
21
00:00:51,881 --> 00:00:54,841
He's ten years older, but he's younger
in the head, you see. No stress.
22
00:00:54,961 --> 00:00:57,681
- Music...Robbie Williams...
- Yep.
23
00:00:57,801 --> 00:01:00,441
...jLS, Susan Boyle, Stacey Solomon.
24
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,521
That reminds me.
Erm, sausage rolls, vol-au-vents,
25
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:05,481
chicken kievs, mini quiches...
26
00:01:05,601 --> 00:01:08,121
Hang on a minute, Derek,
slow down a minute. Sausage rolls...
27
00:01:12,161 --> 00:01:13,601
Eurghg
28
00:01:13,721 --> 00:01:15,321
just shat myself.
29
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:16,441
Meeting's over.
30
00:01:16,561 --> 00:01:17,801
- Fucking hell.
- You're disgusting.
31
00:01:17,921 --> 00:01:21,601
- Fucking dis...
- Let me have the keys to the flat.
32
00:01:21,721 --> 00:01:23,121
Change the old trousers.
33
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,441
See you, GUYS-
34
00:01:28,561 --> 00:01:31,961
interesting circle of friends,
haven '2' I, eh?
35
00:01:32,081 --> 00:01:35,281
It's weird, cos I'm not proud of me,
you know, me own life.
36
00:01:35,401 --> 00:01:37,401
I haven't done anything special.
37
00:01:37,521 --> 00:01:41,481
I haven't sort of achieved anything,
but I can say, on me mother's life,
38
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,201
I have never shat me pants.
39
00:02:04,361 --> 00:02:07,001
There's a new lady starting work
here today.
40
00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:08,881
Well, she's not starting work here,
41
00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:12,121
she's got to do community service
cos she broke the law.
42
00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:16,401
Nothing bad, she didn't hurt a baby
or an animal or anything like that,
43
00:02:16,521 --> 00:02:20,721
but now she just has to work here
to say sorry...for what she did.
44
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:23,601
Li...
45
00:02:23,721 --> 00:02:25,401
Lizzie, why are you standing there?
46
00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:26,801
Where?
47
00:02:26,921 --> 00:02:29,881
- There.
- Where?
48
00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:32,721
There, where you're standing,
you're standing there.
49
00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:34,161
'Am I?
50
00:02:34,281 --> 00:02:38,121
Yeah. Go and sit down, Lizzie.
Go and sit down.
51
00:02:42,641 --> 00:02:43,641
That's it.
52
00:02:46,081 --> 00:02:49,441
Yeah, when there's
a lot of community service people...
53
00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:50,801
Why are you filming her now?
54
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,161
I was talking.
55
00:02:52,281 --> 00:02:54,121
What?
56
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,081
I'm not talking to you.
57
00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:59,481
- Who?
- You. It's ridiculous.
58
00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:01,881
I'll show her round, I'll show her round.
I'll show her round.
59
00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:03,841
- OK, this is Derek...
- Hello. Hello.
60
00:03:03,961 --> 00:03:05,641
- ...Vicky. This is Vicky.
- Hello, Vicky. Hello.
61
00:03:05,761 --> 00:03:07,361
OK, you show her round and introduce her
to some residents,
62
00:03:07,481 --> 00:03:08,401
then I'm going to show her
63
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,041
- some proper work to get on with.
- Yeah, I'll show them round, yeah.
64
00:03:10,161 --> 00:03:12,601
He loves showing
the community service workers around.
65
00:03:12,721 --> 00:03:16,601
I got caught nicking shoes
from the shop I worked in.
66
00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:21,521
Nah, there's definitely
nothing to nick here.
67
00:03:21,641 --> 00:03:23,321
It smells funny as well. I'll go round
68
00:03:23,441 --> 00:03:27,441
spraying my Intimately Beckham everywhere,
stops you feeling sick.
69
00:03:27,561 --> 00:03:29,601
That's Victoria Beckham's perfume.
70
00:03:31,041 --> 00:03:34,881
I think it's funny, like, she's called
Victoria, I'm called Victoria,
71
00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:37,201
and we both turned out posh, like...
72
00:03:37,321 --> 00:03:40,241
And hair and handbags and that,
you know what I mean?
73
00:03:40,361 --> 00:03:43,881
This is Kev, my mate.
He's not a resident here, too young.
74
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:47,001
Arthur...and jack.
75
00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:50,041
Jack, he likes jokes, don't you?
He likes jokes.
76
00:03:50,161 --> 00:03:54,481
And if you likes jokes with swearing
and what are racist,
77
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,881
then Arthur's your man.
78
00:03:57,001 --> 00:03:58,401
All right?
79
00:03:58,521 --> 00:04:00,601
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Come on, next.
80
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,761
This is Joe and Silo.
81
00:04:04,881 --> 00:04:07,561
- Is he asleep?
- I hope so.
82
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:08,681
All right, Derek?
83
00:04:08,801 --> 00:04:09,841
- What?
- Want a joke, mate?
84
00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:11,041
- Go on.
- Right.
85
00:04:11,161 --> 00:04:13,881
- Bloke walks into the doctor's...
- Who?
86
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:14,921
- What?
- What bloke?
87
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,521
It doesn't matter what bloke,
it's just a joke.
88
00:04:16,641 --> 00:04:19,761
Bloke walks into the doctor's, said, "I
keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains..."
89
00:04:19,881 --> 00:04:21,721
- Is it a stroke?
- What?
90
00:04:21,841 --> 00:04:23,121
Sometimes with a stroke,
you think things that aren't there,
91
00:04:23,241 --> 00:04:25,161
like, "Oh, I can smell burning toast."
There isn't any toast...
92
00:04:25,281 --> 00:04:26,201
It's not a bloody stroke, mate!
93
00:04:26,321 --> 00:04:27,481
- Go on.
- Focus, please, on the joke.
94
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,521
- Bloke walks into the doctor's...
- Yeah.
95
00:04:29,641 --> 00:04:31,121
...says, "I keep thinking
I'm a pair of curtains."
96
00:04:31,241 --> 00:04:33,441
And the doctor says,
"Pull yourself together, then."
97
00:04:33,561 --> 00:04:34,761
Nervous breakdown?
98
00:04:34,881 --> 00:04:35,921
- Forget it.
- Alzheimer's?
99
00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:37,401
- Forget it!
- Alzheimer's.
100
00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:40,721
- Forget the joke, mate.
- No, he means pull yourself together...
101
00:04:40,841 --> 00:04:42,041
Yeah, like a pair of curtains. Yeah.
102
00:04:42,161 --> 00:04:44,721
I pretend to not getjokes
cos it really annoys him.
103
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:51,081
Right, let's get you all sorted.
104
00:04:51,201 --> 00:04:52,201
Oh, nice.
105
00:04:55,641 --> 00:04:57,561
It's not that bad.
106
00:04:57,681 --> 00:04:59,241
What do you do normally, then?
107
00:04:59,361 --> 00:05:00,761
What do you mean?
108
00:05:00,881 --> 00:05:02,521
For like a job?
109
00:05:02,641 --> 00:05:06,521
I ain't got a job, have I?
I got...caught nicking shoes.
110
00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:08,521
Well, is this something you'd like to do?
111
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,881
I thought I had to do it?
112
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:11,881
No, I mean for like a career or something?
113
00:05:13,361 --> 00:05:14,681
Nah.
114
00:05:14,801 --> 00:05:17,721
Well, what would you like to do, then?
115
00:05:17,841 --> 00:05:21,041
Dunno. Kardashians and that.
116
00:05:25,081 --> 00:05:29,041
Brilliant. Right, let's get you started.
117
00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:40,481
Why've you got
a haircut like a paedophile?
118
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:43,641
Good point.
119
00:05:45,481 --> 00:05:47,561
When are you
opening your salon again?
120
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,241
Oh, why is everyone weird in here?
121
00:05:52,321 --> 00:05:55,161
I know it's not a great hairstyle,
it's not a style,
122
00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:58,041
I don't style it like this.
This is how it is.
123
00:05:58,161 --> 00:06:00,721
What I find strange is the way
it's never come into fashion.
124
00:06:00,841 --> 00:06:02,921
You know, when you think
of all the different things
125
00:06:03,041 --> 00:06:04,761
that have come and gone - platform shoes
126
00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:08,361
and long sideburns, dungarees, this...
127
00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:11,641
this has never been picked up.
No heart-throb in a Hollywood film
128
00:06:11,761 --> 00:06:15,441
has ever had this,
and I just feel like that...
129
00:06:15,561 --> 00:06:19,161
that just sums it up, don't it?
That's... I'm sort of unlucky in life.
130
00:06:19,281 --> 00:06:22,801
I've got a shit haircut, forget it,
you're not gonna get anywhere.
131
00:06:22,921 --> 00:06:27,641
Yeah, I'd shave it off
or...wear a wig if I was you.
132
00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:29,681
And what difference
would it make to me life?
133
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:32,081
Seriously.
134
00:06:32,201 --> 00:06:34,481
Your head would be warmer.
135
00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:36,401
Good point.
136
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,681
Well, the bedrooms are just
through this way.
137
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:40,281
You're gonna help me make some beds.
138
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:43,081
Oh, that's nasty!
Do you have to touch anything?
139
00:06:43,201 --> 00:06:45,641
Well, yeah.
140
00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:47,161
Do you wear gloves?
141
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:48,601
What? To change beds?
142
00:06:48,721 --> 00:06:51,161
Yeah, but old-people bed, though.
143
00:06:51,281 --> 00:06:54,641
Well, I... I think it's better to save the
gloves for when you're doing the urinals,
144
00:06:54,761 --> 00:06:56,921
otherwise you don't really
feel the benefit.
145
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,081
Fuck's sake!
146
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,601
Do you answer your parents back like that?
147
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:04,281
Nothing to answer back to,
we don't talk too much.
148
00:07:04,401 --> 00:07:08,281
Well, did you used to talk
to your teachers like that, then?
149
00:07:08,401 --> 00:07:10,441
Yeah, all the time - dickheads.
150
00:07:11,481 --> 00:07:13,481
Except for Mr Matthews. He was quite fit.
151
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:17,201
But...I didn't really go
to school much anyway.
152
00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:19,161
Well, I didn't do that well at school,
really, you know.
153
00:07:19,281 --> 00:07:22,001
You can learn loads of stuff
outside of school.
154
00:07:22,121 --> 00:07:23,561
You're never too old to learn something.
155
00:07:23,681 --> 00:07:25,441
Do you read?
156
00:07:25,561 --> 00:07:27,161
Yeah.
157
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,801
Wh... What do you read?
158
00:07:28,921 --> 00:07:30,001
Twitter.
159
00:07:32,121 --> 00:07:34,081
Well, OK...
160
00:07:42,561 --> 00:07:43,761
She's not a bad kid,
161
00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:46,081
you know, she's just never been told
she'd amount to anything,
162
00:07:46,201 --> 00:07:50,961
she's never had any role models,
like teachers and authority figures.
163
00:07:51,081 --> 00:07:54,041
It's all celebrities now, innit,
and footballers' wives?
164
00:07:54,161 --> 00:07:58,481
Still, you know, I wouldn't mind
a bit of David Beckham,
165
00:07:58,601 --> 00:08:00,481
so long as he didn't speak.
166
00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:04,201
Wouldn't want him to speak. He'd be mute.
167
00:08:05,321 --> 00:08:08,361
A mute Beckham would be lovely.
168
00:08:11,801 --> 00:08:12,961
Oh, fuck...
169
00:08:14,921 --> 00:08:16,441
They're having a laugh, in't they?
170
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,641
That is disgusting!
171
00:08:19,761 --> 00:08:22,121
Looks like
it could still bite me hand off.
172
00:08:32,641 --> 00:08:36,041
Well, where do you get your nails done?
173
00:08:36,161 --> 00:08:38,081
Did 'em myself.
174
00:08:38,201 --> 00:08:39,801
Really?
175
00:08:39,921 --> 00:08:41,161
Yeah, duh!
176
00:08:43,121 --> 00:08:44,201
You're cleverer than me.
177
00:08:44,321 --> 00:08:46,761
Well, you can't be very clever, then,
cos I'm thick.
178
00:08:46,881 --> 00:08:50,041
Don't think a thick person could do art.
179
00:08:58,441 --> 00:08:59,761
TQa?
180
00:08:59,881 --> 00:09:02,441
Oh, yeah, how do you want it?
181
00:09:02,561 --> 00:09:05,481
No, I meant do you want a cup of tea?
Sorry, you're busy.
182
00:09:05,601 --> 00:09:08,281
Oh, yeah, please.
183
00:09:08,401 --> 00:09:09,481
How do you take it?
184
00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:11,161
- Er, two sugars.
- OK.
185
00:09:32,961 --> 00:09:35,721
- Have you got a boyfriend?
- No, not at the moment.
186
00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:37,521
Not at the moment, no.
187
00:09:37,641 --> 00:09:39,041
- Have you?
- No.
188
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:40,881
Anyone takes your fancy in here?
189
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:42,321
Not really, no.
190
00:09:42,441 --> 00:09:44,321
Really? Oh, I dunno.
191
00:09:44,441 --> 00:09:46,921
No, my husband died
when he was quite young,
192
00:09:47,041 --> 00:09:51,921
and I never really found anybody else,
you know...
193
00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:13,241
Oh, hang on, Lizzie, let me...
Let me...
194
00:10:45,681 --> 00:10:49,521
50 years old. I can't believe it.
I can't believe I'm 50.
195
00:10:49,641 --> 00:10:53,441
Well, 50's young.
I mean, 50's the new 40.
196
00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:54,841
Yep.
197
00:10:54,961 --> 00:10:56,401
- 60's the new 50...
- Yep.
198
00:10:56,521 --> 00:10:58,201
...and 70's the new 60.
199
00:10:58,321 --> 00:10:59,721
What's so?
200
00:10:59,841 --> 00:11:01,401
80's still 80, you're fucked.
201
00:11:01,521 --> 00:11:03,201
What about 90?
202
00:11:03,321 --> 00:11:05,081
You don't have to worry about that.
203
00:11:05,201 --> 00:11:08,281
Lizzie's 80, ain't ya?
204
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,361
Lizzie?
205
00:11:10,481 --> 00:11:11,841
You're 80.
206
00:11:11,961 --> 00:11:13,201
Am I?
207
00:11:13,321 --> 00:11:15,401
Yep.
208
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,561
Oi, why don't you take Derek
down the library now, a bit early,
209
00:11:24,681 --> 00:11:25,721
so I can make his birthday cake?
210
00:11:25,841 --> 00:11:27,921
- Now?
- Yeah.
211
00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:29,281
What?
212
00:11:29,401 --> 00:11:31,521
Just saying, maybe go down
the library a bit early.
213
00:11:31,641 --> 00:11:32,561
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
214
00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:33,761
Yeah, get some books out.
215
00:11:33,881 --> 00:11:34,721
See you later, then.
216
00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:35,761
- See you later.
- Bye.
217
00:11:35,881 --> 00:11:37,881
- We need Kev.
- We don't need Kev.
218
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:39,401
- What?
- We don't need Kev.
219
00:11:39,521 --> 00:11:41,361
You should never say that.
We don't need Kev for anything.
220
00:11:41,481 --> 00:11:44,121
He's never needed for anything.
It's a sentence that should never be said.
221
00:11:44,241 --> 00:11:45,921
- Kev?
- Kev isn't needed, leave him!
222
00:11:46,041 --> 00:11:47,681
Kev, coming to the library?
223
00:11:49,641 --> 00:11:50,881
We're going to the library.
224
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,321
Take some books back,
get some books out.
225
00:11:53,441 --> 00:11:57,001
Once a week, and then read them,
bring 'em back,
226
00:11:57,121 --> 00:11:59,161
take 'em back out again, innit?
227
00:11:59,281 --> 00:12:02,281
Dougie takes us
to the library, don't you?
228
00:12:02,401 --> 00:12:03,921
It's just to get them out the home,
really.
229
00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:05,961
Some of them don't even bother
getting a book.
230
00:12:06,081 --> 00:12:09,401
Hannah says, you know, "Get 'em out,
give 'em a bit of fresh air."
231
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,841
Which is funny, really.
232
00:12:12,961 --> 00:12:17,161
When you're stuck on a bus with Kev,
you're getting very little fresh air.
233
00:12:20,521 --> 00:12:21,841
Wait, wait, wait.
234
00:12:21,961 --> 00:12:24,721
Wait for everyone.
235
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,761
Old people here.
236
00:12:32,841 --> 00:12:35,081
Some of them get books,
some don't.
237
00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:37,601
Some just come here
to sit down and nod off.
238
00:12:37,721 --> 00:12:39,681
They might as well be back in the home.
239
00:12:42,081 --> 00:12:44,321
But then again, you know,
240
00:12:44,441 --> 00:12:47,801
when you're their age, are you
really going to start reading books?
241
00:12:47,921 --> 00:12:50,201
They might not get through it.
242
00:12:50,321 --> 00:12:54,001
Anyway, I don't know what's...
if there's any books aimed at the old.
243
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,561
It's all autobiographies, innit?
244
00:12:56,681 --> 00:12:59,561
Justin Bieber's just brought one out.
You know him?
245
00:12:59,681 --> 00:13:03,041
Only about 12.
Got an autobiography out.
246
00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:05,161
Full chapter about how
he blow-dries his hair.
247
00:13:05,281 --> 00:13:08,841
Cooking books.
How many cooking books do we need?
248
00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:12,121
You go into WH Smith and look
at the book charts -
249
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:13,881
every one of them's a cook book,
250
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,241
and they wonder why
the country's getting fat.
251
00:13:19,281 --> 00:13:22,601
Kev comes along,
I don't know what he comes here for.
252
00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:25,201
Well, I do know what he comes here for.
He's looking for nudity.
253
00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,401
If there's a book in here
with nudity in it, he finds it.
254
00:13:27,521 --> 00:13:30,841
Amateur photography. I can guarantee
255
00:13:30,961 --> 00:13:34,881
she'll be in black and white
with her kit off by page ten.
256
00:13:35,001 --> 00:13:37,721
Tits. Bingo.
257
00:13:40,201 --> 00:13:43,041
Hello, love. Can I get that out, please?
258
00:13:43,161 --> 00:13:45,681
You can't take magazines out, I'm afraid.
259
00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:48,081
OK. Well, you got a toilet?
260
00:13:48,201 --> 00:13:49,561
Upstairs.
261
00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:50,601
Smashing.
262
00:13:50,721 --> 00:13:52,121
No shame whatsoever, has he?
263
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:57,761
Now look at Derek - I'll bet you
he's looking at a book with cats in.
264
00:13:57,881 --> 00:14:00,641
Every time he comes here,
the same book, the same cats.
265
00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:02,241
He's fascinated by it.
266
00:14:02,361 --> 00:14:07,521
It's kittens, my favourite.
I loves 'em, I wants to...
267
00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:10,041
But you've got to be careful,
cos you want to squeeze 'em,
268
00:14:10,161 --> 00:14:11,441
but you've got to be careful.
269
00:14:11,561 --> 00:14:14,521
And I likes old cats, I likes all
the ones in-between. Look, it's all cats.
270
00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:15,921
Boss-eyed!
271
00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:19,441
I loves boss-eyed cats. Er...
272
00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:23,921
Look, that's what
a cat looks like...inside.
273
00:14:24,041 --> 00:14:26,321
I've seen that in the road before.
274
00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:28,721
Except that wasn't... It was over there.
275
00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:40,641
# Happy birthday to you
276
00:14:40,761 --> 00:14:44,481
# Happy birthday to you
277
00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:49,521
# Happy birthday, dear Derek
278
00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:54,561
# Happy birthday to you. #
279
00:14:54,681 --> 00:14:56,281
Thank you. Hot. It's hot.
280
00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:58,081
Go on, blow them out.
281
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,601
- Yeah!
282
00:15:03,721 --> 00:15:05,961
- Is that my presents?
- Yeah.
283
00:15:06,081 --> 00:15:07,521
- Shall I open them?
- I'll get a knife for the cake.
284
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,041
Yeah. Everyone's got to have
a bit of cake.
285
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,761
# Let's just get back together
286
00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:14,841
# We should have never broke up
287
00:15:14,961 --> 00:15:18,521
# They're telling me
that my heart won't beat again
288
00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:21,081
# We should have
stayed together... #
289
00:15:21,201 --> 00:15:24,241
- Spot Garden Birds.
290
00:15:24,361 --> 00:15:26,361
Long-tailed tit.
291
00:15:26,481 --> 00:15:28,721
He's only saying that to say "tit".
292
00:15:28,841 --> 00:15:30,801
Thank you.
293
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,321
# If I died
294
00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:38,121
# Yeah, would you come to my funeral?
295
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,481
# Would you CW7?
296
00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:44,041
# Would you feel some regret
that we didn't try?
297
00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:47,201
# Or would you fall apart
the same as I?
298
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,201
# I... I... I...
299
00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:54,761
# And would it always haunt you, baby? #
300
00:16:27,561 --> 00:16:29,321
I've just been filling in
your assessment form.
301
00:16:29,441 --> 00:16:31,921
So how do you think you're getting on?
302
00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:36,641
- Yeah, it's all right.
- Yeah? I put,
303
00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:38,201
"Victoria is a real asset,
304
00:16:38,321 --> 00:16:41,241
"she learns quickly
and she gets on with everyone,
305
00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:42,721
"and the residents love her,
306
00:16:42,841 --> 00:16:45,681
"and she's clearly a smart
and conscientious young lady.
307
00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:47,481
"Ten out of ten for effort."
308
00:16:51,161 --> 00:16:52,801
Oh, what's the matter, darling?
309
00:16:52,921 --> 00:16:56,841
Oh, I've just never got
ten out of ten for anything before.
310
00:16:56,961 --> 00:16:58,881
Oh, that's silly.
311
00:16:59,001 --> 00:17:01,401
Everything's not a test.
312
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,241
I'll bet you're brilliant
at loads of stuff!
313
00:17:03,361 --> 00:17:05,201
No-one's ever been
this nice to me before either.
314
00:17:05,321 --> 00:17:08,441
Oh. Well, you're rubbish, then
How's that?
315
00:17:10,081 --> 00:17:11,521
That's...better.
316
00:17:13,081 --> 00:17:14,521
It's not just you, it's everything.
317
00:17:15,641 --> 00:17:16,561
Just...
318
00:17:16,681 --> 00:17:18,081
It's just nice being here.
319
00:17:18,201 --> 00:17:21,721
I don't think I've ever been
in a nice place before.
320
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,041
Well, how does that feel?
321
00:17:26,681 --> 00:17:27,881
Yeah, I like it.
322
00:17:29,401 --> 00:17:31,761
Oh, come here, don't be silly.
323
00:17:31,881 --> 00:17:33,041
There you are.
324
00:17:36,521 --> 00:17:38,521
Oh, I feel like a right div now.
325
00:17:40,081 --> 00:17:45,281
Um, I was wondering if maybe I could,
I dunno, come back next week?
326
00:17:45,401 --> 00:17:47,001
What, as a volunteer?
327
00:17:47,121 --> 00:17:49,761
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that'd be brilliant!
328
00:17:49,881 --> 00:17:51,641
- Yeah?
- Yes!
329
00:17:51,761 --> 00:17:53,601
- All right.
- Excellent!
330
00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:16,201
# Let me entertain you
331
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:23,801
# Let me entertain you
332
00:18:27,281 --> 00:18:28,481
# Life's too short for you to die
333
00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:30,801
# So grab yourself an alibi
334
00:18:30,921 --> 00:18:33,561
# Heaven knows your mother lied
Mon cher
335
00:18:33,681 --> 00:18:36,321
# Separate your right from wrongs
336
00:18:36,441 --> 00:18:38,361
# Come and sing a different song
337
00:18:38,481 --> 00:18:40,521
# The kettle's on so don't be long
Mon cher
338
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:47,081
# So come on, let me entertain you
339
00:18:50,241 --> 00:18:55,761
# Let me entertain you
340
00:18:57,441 --> 00:19:01,081
# Look me up in the Yellow Pages
I will be your rock of ages
341
00:19:01,201 --> 00:19:04,921
# Your see-through fads
and your crazy phases, yeah
342
00:19:05,041 --> 00:19:07,401
# Little Bo Peep has lost his sheep
343
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,641
# He popped a pill and fell asleep
344
00:19:08,761 --> 00:19:12,601
# The dew is wet
but the grass is sweet, my dear
345
00:19:12,721 --> 00:19:15,601
# Your mind gets burned
with the habits you've learned
346
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:20,241
# But we're the generation
that's got to be heard
347
00:19:20,361 --> 00:19:22,881
# You're tired of your teachers
and your school's a drag... #
348
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:24,281
Derek,
are you going to throw up?
349
00:19:24,401 --> 00:19:25,841
- Yeah.
- Come on.
350
00:19:31,081 --> 00:19:32,401
Kev gave me some Special Brew.
351
00:19:32,521 --> 00:19:35,721
He did what?!
What did you give him that for?
352
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,201
- Look at the state of him, you idiot!
353
00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:50,041
Uurrgh! Ohh... Oh...
354
00:19:50,161 --> 00:19:51,241
You all right, babe?
355
00:19:51,361 --> 00:19:53,801
- No, I wish I was dead!
356
00:19:53,921 --> 00:19:55,041
What's up with him?
357
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,561
What'd you give him Special Brew for?
358
00:19:56,681 --> 00:20:00,081
I didn't force him, did I,
like some kind of bloody foie gras goose?
359
00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:03,321
Look at the state of him!
What are you doing?
360
00:20:03,441 --> 00:20:05,121
What do you think I'm doing?
361
00:20:05,241 --> 00:20:06,801
Oh, for fuck's sake!
362
00:20:09,961 --> 00:20:11,401
Unbelievable.
363
00:20:17,681 --> 00:20:18,681
Prostate.
364
00:20:24,001 --> 00:20:25,521
- My life.
365
00:20:50,201 --> 00:20:54,521
# I don't want to be
crippled and cracked
366
00:20:58,401 --> 00:21:03,281
# Shoulders, wrists, knees and back
367
00:21:06,881 --> 00:21:11,561
# Ground to dust and ash
368
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:18,441
# Crawling on all fours
369
00:21:22,561 --> 00:21:28,801
# When you've got to feel it
in your bones
370
00:21:30,881 --> 00:21:37,881
# When you've got to feel it
in your bones
371
00:21:38,001 --> 00:21:47,401
# I-I-I-I used to fly like Peter Pan
372
00:21:47,521 --> 00:21:55,081
# All the children flew
when I touched their hands
373
00:21:55,201 --> 00:22:01,321
# They say you've got to feel it
in your bones
374
00:22:03,441 --> 00:22:09,841
# They say you've got to feel it
in your bones... #
28359
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