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1
00:00:01,033 --> 00:00:02,867
-(GASPS) Oh my God! Peter!
-Sweetest.
2
00:00:03,283 --> 00:00:05,117
What?! Who is this?
3
00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:07,492
I'm sorry, I should have grabbed
a bigger towel.
4
00:00:08,450 --> 00:00:10,701
My wife slept
with somebody else today.
5
00:00:10,784 --> 00:00:14,158
-WOMAN: Oh boy,
go write some jokes.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
6
00:00:14,450 --> 00:00:15,617
Great live comedy tonight.
7
00:00:15,701 --> 00:00:16,784
PETE:
I'm going through a divorce,
8
00:00:16,867 --> 00:00:17,909
I'm kind of floating around.
9
00:00:17,992 --> 00:00:19,158
-Oh, you're homeless.
-No--
10
00:00:19,242 --> 00:00:20,617
-Do you have a home?
-No...
11
00:00:20,701 --> 00:00:22,117
ARTIE LANGE: Don't put your face
in this pillow,
12
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,617
bad shit happened
to this pillow. (CHUCKLES)
13
00:00:23,701 --> 00:00:25,867
PETE HOLMES: So much of my life,
I was afraid of God.
14
00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:27,784
-Maybe I missed out.
-Really? You?
15
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,283
I could use a drink, yeah!
16
00:00:29,742 --> 00:00:31,367
I think you should take me home.
17
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,158
(LAUGHS)
18
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:35,492
Mmm!
19
00:00:35,575 --> 00:00:37,367
You're the second person
in my entire life
20
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:39,867
-I've ever made love to.
-Oh my God.
21
00:00:40,283 --> 00:00:41,200
I feel like I sinned.
22
00:00:41,492 --> 00:00:44,325
Ooh, sounds to me like
you are expanding your mind.
23
00:00:44,409 --> 00:00:45,575
The whole point of New York
24
00:00:45,659 --> 00:00:47,492
is you can like bounce around
to different spots.
25
00:00:47,659 --> 00:00:50,242
-He's funny, right?
-He'll be funny in three years.
26
00:00:50,992 --> 00:00:52,450
I'm trying to get
into the college market.
27
00:00:52,534 --> 00:00:54,075
I just submitted a tape to NACA.
28
00:00:54,158 --> 00:00:56,951
NACA changed my life.
I book 80 colleges,
29
00:00:57,033 --> 00:00:58,033
I haven't had a real job since.
30
00:00:58,117 --> 00:01:00,450
-NACA! (CHEERING)
-Aah! (CHEERS)
31
00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:02,325
You've got six so far,
and I'm working on more.
32
00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:03,409
You're my new show pony.
33
00:01:03,492 --> 00:01:05,242
(AUDIENCE CHANTS)
Roast! Roast! Roast!
34
00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:08,117
News flash, Pete.
Jesus isn't coming back,
35
00:01:08,325 --> 00:01:10,617
-and neither is your wife.
-Ooh!
36
00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,283
I don't know
how I walk away from that
37
00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:13,325
and just forget it.
38
00:01:13,409 --> 00:01:15,283
What kind of comedian
can't take a joke?
39
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,242
-I don't want to date.
-Nice.
40
00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:21,367
I packed up my stuff,
I can't go back to Artie.
41
00:01:21,450 --> 00:01:23,117
I can't go back to my roommate.
42
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,367
You know what you need to do.
You gotta go back to your life.
43
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:27,367
Seriously, dude.
You gotta get outta here.
44
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:29,409
-It's time.
-Yeah.
45
00:01:35,575 --> 00:01:38,867
♪ ♪
46
00:01:44,617 --> 00:01:47,492
(as Al Pacino):
I'm Al Pacino here to tell you
47
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:51,826
to take exit 5-0-0.
48
00:01:51,909 --> 00:01:53,409
5-0.
49
00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:55,784
♪ Get free from the middleman ♪
50
00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:58,992
♪ You got no time
for the messenger ♪
51
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:02,575
♪ Got no regard for the thing
that you don't understand ♪
52
00:02:02,909 --> 00:02:04,575
I, uh, I'm not a big ladies man.
53
00:02:04,659 --> 00:02:07,117
I don't even have sex
in my dreams-- that's true.
54
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,242
-I can't seal the deal
in my dreams.
-(women laugh)
55
00:02:10,325 --> 00:02:12,033
I hit on women
in real life, they're like,
56
00:02:12,117 --> 00:02:14,200
"In your dreams,"
I'm like, "No."
57
00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:15,409
(laughter)
58
00:02:15,492 --> 00:02:17,242
"Not even there."
59
00:02:18,617 --> 00:02:20,826
♪ ♪
60
00:02:21,992 --> 00:02:23,283
(vocalizes):
Eh!
61
00:02:25,242 --> 00:02:28,033
♪ ♪
62
00:02:28,117 --> 00:02:31,033
You ever just been
in your dorm room,
watching a movie alone?
63
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:33,242
It gets really funny, and you're
kind of locked in the movie
64
00:02:33,325 --> 00:02:34,867
and you forget that
you're by yourself
65
00:02:34,951 --> 00:02:36,617
and you have that
first little laugh--
66
00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:38,200
just you, just like...
(chuckles)
67
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:42,033
And then you turn to the friend
that should be there.
68
00:02:42,117 --> 00:02:45,117
And you're just...
(guffaws)
69
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,784
"I'm so alone."
70
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,200
Hi. Miss Tyree.
71
00:02:49,283 --> 00:02:50,951
-Oh, hi!
-I'm one of
the administrators.
72
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:53,701
-So nice to meet you.
-You were funny, really funny.
73
00:02:53,784 --> 00:02:55,158
Well, thank you.
74
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,701
What do you do now?
75
00:02:56,784 --> 00:02:59,492
(vigorous moaning)
76
00:02:59,575 --> 00:03:02,325
(as Al Pacino):
♪ My milkshake brings
all the girls to the yard ♪
77
00:03:02,409 --> 00:03:04,575
♪ And they're like,
"Hey! It's better than yours" ♪
78
00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:06,158
♪ They're like, "Whoo-ah!" ♪
79
00:03:07,659 --> 00:03:09,450
♪ ♪
80
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,283
When you bring me up,
would you just make sure
81
00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:14,283
"Pete Holmes"
is the last thing you say?
82
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:15,575
Just like,
"Yadda, yadda, yadda,
83
00:03:15,659 --> 00:03:17,117
clubs and colleges...
Pete Holmes."
84
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,701
Then I'll come out.
That's important.
85
00:03:18,784 --> 00:03:20,784
-Okay, but I'm not
introducing you.
-What? What do you mean?
86
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,367
Last month,
we had a student
comedy competition
87
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,701
and first prize was
opening for you.
88
00:03:26,575 --> 00:03:28,242
(stammers)
I have an opener?
89
00:03:28,325 --> 00:03:30,784
(audience murmuring)
90
00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:37,534
(quietly):
What's up, man?
91
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,242
-Hey. Pete.
-Hey, what's up?
92
00:03:39,325 --> 00:03:41,575
Yeah. Jaboukie.
I saw your YouTube stuff.
93
00:03:41,659 --> 00:03:43,450
-You did?
-Yeah, you're
super funny.
94
00:03:43,534 --> 00:03:45,617
-Oh, I'm so glad
we're doing this.
-Yeah, I'm super excited
95
00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:47,325
that this was able
to, like, work out.
96
00:03:47,409 --> 00:03:50,075
-I don't know if you
had a say in anything.
-No, this was a surprise.
97
00:03:50,158 --> 00:03:51,450
But this is a good surprise.
98
00:03:51,534 --> 00:03:53,951
I've been on the road
for weeks and weeks.
99
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,409
-Oh.
-I'm like just--
I mean,
100
00:03:55,492 --> 00:03:57,450
it's great to do a show
with another comic.
101
00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:59,784
I'm not, like, a professional
comedian or anything.
102
00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:01,117
I'm still kind of new.
103
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,200
-How old are you?
-I'm 20.
104
00:04:03,283 --> 00:04:04,158
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
105
00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:07,617
Jeez, man...
that's awesome
106
00:04:07,701 --> 00:04:09,826
I'm 33.
107
00:04:09,909 --> 00:04:11,534
Cool.
108
00:04:11,617 --> 00:04:14,992
I feel like more straight
people should use Grindr.
109
00:04:15,075 --> 00:04:17,367
(laughter)
110
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:20,701
If you don't know
what that is, that's
a gay dating app.
111
00:04:20,784 --> 00:04:23,992
Uh, just because, like,
gay people get a lot of,
112
00:04:24,075 --> 00:04:28,033
like, consent talk
out of the way, up top,
on Grindr, like,
113
00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,492
"What are you into?
114
00:04:29,575 --> 00:04:31,158
When was the last time
you were gonna get tested?
115
00:04:31,242 --> 00:04:32,909
Are you the top or the bottom?
Blah, blah, blah."
116
00:04:32,992 --> 00:04:34,659
We, like, establish
a lot up top.
117
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,158
But for straight people
on dating apps,
it's just sort of like,
118
00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:40,409
-"Mmm, I like
pizza and memes."
-(laughter)
119
00:04:40,492 --> 00:04:42,701
Or like, "Here's a picture of me
holding a fish," like...
120
00:04:42,784 --> 00:04:44,659
(laughter)
121
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,492
It took me a while
to come out to my family,
122
00:04:46,575 --> 00:04:48,033
just because
my parents are Jamaican
123
00:04:48,117 --> 00:04:51,492
and homophobia is our
second-best Olympic sport, so...
124
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:53,742
that definitely
took a minute, um...
125
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:57,158
But I feel like parents always
kind of know that stuff, though.
126
00:04:57,242 --> 00:05:00,075
And I could tell, because my dad
would give my brothers advice,
127
00:05:00,158 --> 00:05:02,158
and my dad would
tell my brothers,
128
00:05:02,242 --> 00:05:03,992
"Find a gal that
makes you feel
129
00:05:04,075 --> 00:05:07,701
like you don't deserve her,"
which is beautiful.
130
00:05:07,784 --> 00:05:09,701
He would just tell me,
"Don't do cocaine."
131
00:05:09,784 --> 00:05:11,409
(laughter)
132
00:05:11,492 --> 00:05:13,951
And I have, so, like,
133
00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:16,409
what's up, Daddio?
You know? Um...
134
00:05:16,492 --> 00:05:18,575
But also, like, me and my
brothers were just, like,
135
00:05:18,659 --> 00:05:20,867
so different from each
other growing up, like,
136
00:05:20,951 --> 00:05:23,033
both my brothers are,
like, taller than me,
137
00:05:23,117 --> 00:05:24,367
they're fitter than me,
138
00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,867
they carry themselves
with confidence, you know?
139
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,325
But I'm like small, pale,
140
00:05:28,409 --> 00:05:31,409
I carry myself like
an inbred European prince.
141
00:05:31,492 --> 00:05:33,033
(laughter)
142
00:05:33,117 --> 00:05:35,367
But I know I'm not ugly.
143
00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:36,701
(laughter)
144
00:05:36,784 --> 00:05:38,325
I know that.
145
00:05:38,409 --> 00:05:40,701
Like, on a one to ten scale,
I don't think I could, like,
model,
146
00:05:40,784 --> 00:05:43,534
but I could definitely end
a Republican senator's career.
147
00:05:43,617 --> 00:05:45,742
(laughter)
148
00:05:45,826 --> 00:05:47,826
Pete:
That was a fucking great set.
149
00:05:47,909 --> 00:05:49,909
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
150
00:05:49,992 --> 00:05:51,701
Thanks, yeah,
I appreciate it.
151
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:54,325
Dude, what are you
doing in Maryland?
152
00:05:54,409 --> 00:05:56,200
Going to college.
153
00:05:56,283 --> 00:05:58,158
-Yeah, but...
-(chuckles)
154
00:05:58,242 --> 00:06:00,951
You're three hours from
the greatest comedy scene...
155
00:06:01,033 --> 00:06:02,575
-In the world.
-...in the world.
156
00:06:02,659 --> 00:06:03,742
Orlando, Florida.
157
00:06:03,826 --> 00:06:06,992
(laughing)
No, no! Manhattan!
158
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,826
You're three hours
from Manhattan, you should--
159
00:06:08,909 --> 00:06:10,534
How often are you getting up?
160
00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:13,575
-Like once or twice a month.
-That-- that's what I'm saying.
161
00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:15,867
So you're this good
going up that infrequently?
162
00:06:15,951 --> 00:06:19,701
Imagine how good you'll get
when you're really doing it.
163
00:06:19,784 --> 00:06:21,492
It's all who you know.
164
00:06:21,575 --> 00:06:23,158
You know, you ever
get to the city, look me up.
165
00:06:23,242 --> 00:06:25,659
I-- I can save you
five years of bullshit,
166
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:27,283
get you in the right places.
167
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:31,117
-Anytime, really.
-I'm serious.
168
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,659
So am I.
169
00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:34,617
I'm not doing shit here,
like, truly.
170
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:37,659
I'm majoring in Philosophy,
like, I don't fucking do
anything.
171
00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:42,659
-I made three Pringles bongs
this week, alone.
-That's kind of impressive.
172
00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:45,367
Thank you, I feel
like I'm in prison.
(laughs)
173
00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:48,242
I'm leaving tomorrow morning.
You want a ride, you can--
174
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,409
I have a place.
You can crash at my place,
we'll do spots.
175
00:06:52,784 --> 00:06:55,325
-Okay. Yeah, I'm down.
-Really? Are you serious?
176
00:06:55,409 --> 00:06:57,117
-Yeah, no, I'm serious.
-I'm fucking serious.
177
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,701
-I'm down to go.
-I could use some
fucking company.
178
00:06:58,784 --> 00:07:00,575
You can drive?
Can you drive?
179
00:07:02,367 --> 00:07:04,409
-Candy is the best.
-It really is.
180
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:07,158
-It's made by science.
-Yeah, to be fucking
delicious.
181
00:07:07,242 --> 00:07:11,283
Someone with a PhD was like,
"What does the mouth want?"
182
00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:12,867
-(laughs)
-We've got it.
183
00:07:12,951 --> 00:07:15,158
-Pete: Skittles?
You ever have a Skittle?
-Skittles.
184
00:07:15,242 --> 00:07:17,158
The rainbow kingdom.
185
00:07:17,242 --> 00:07:19,283
Pete (laughs):
Yes.
186
00:07:19,992 --> 00:07:21,492
Can I ask why you
got into comedy?
187
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,826
-You seem...
you seem pretty normal.
-(laughs)
188
00:07:24,909 --> 00:07:26,367
-I mean, you know
what I mean.
-Yeah.
189
00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:29,200
-Like, we're-- we're
a bruised people.
-Yeah.
190
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,325
-What happened to you?
-Um...
191
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,617
I feel-- It was just, like,
a result of my surroundings,
kind of?
192
00:07:34,701 --> 00:07:37,158
I grew up in this, like,
low-income, black neighborhood.
193
00:07:37,242 --> 00:07:40,158
I went to this, like,
rich, white school,
194
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:43,450
and... I just felt, like,
I don't know, growing up,
195
00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:46,617
like, "funny" was
a more stable identity
196
00:07:46,701 --> 00:07:50,784
than whatever I had to do
to, like, go back and forth
between that.
197
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:53,367
So I just, like, was, like,
"Okay if I'm the funny kid,
198
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:56,158
then I'm the funny kid
no matter where I am."
199
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:59,033
'Cause, you know--
And it's also, like,
nobody funny-bashes.
200
00:07:59,117 --> 00:08:00,492
-You know?
-(laughter)
201
00:08:00,575 --> 00:08:02,075
Like, no one is
gonna attack you
202
00:08:02,158 --> 00:08:04,325
for doing bits
in a conversation.
203
00:08:04,409 --> 00:08:06,325
I wish there wasn't
any bashing.
204
00:08:06,409 --> 00:08:10,033
That'd be ideal, but then
I might not be a comedian, so...
205
00:08:10,117 --> 00:08:12,033
Have you ever been
to The Cellar?
206
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,200
Um, no, I've seen,
like, videos of it.
207
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:16,742
That's where, like, Schumer
goes up with, like, Madonna.
208
00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:18,492
-Yeah. Right?
You never know.
-Right.
209
00:08:18,575 --> 00:08:20,033
You never know
who's gonna go up.
210
00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:22,158
Sometimes it's Schumer,
you might follow Chappelle,
211
00:08:22,242 --> 00:08:24,033
Rock--
it's all the best ones.
212
00:08:24,117 --> 00:08:26,492
Like, even getting
an audition at the Cellar?
213
00:08:26,575 --> 00:08:29,409
I mean, it's huge.
It's a really, really big deal.
214
00:08:29,492 --> 00:08:32,784
-Wow.
-So somebody vouched
for me, I get to go up--
215
00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:35,867
even that, it's like,
it's just an honor
to be nominated.
216
00:08:35,951 --> 00:08:38,075
But if I kill,
and everybody kills,
217
00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:41,283
you get in-- now I'm doing
two-to-three spots a night,
218
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:42,784
instead of two-to-three
spots a week.
219
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:44,492
-Wow.
-The right people
see me,
220
00:08:44,575 --> 00:08:47,367
I get a late-night spot,
maybe I get a half-hour,
221
00:08:47,450 --> 00:08:49,117
maybe I get an hour,
maybe I tour,
222
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,701
maybe I open
for somebody, I mean...
223
00:08:51,784 --> 00:08:53,575
-Dude, that's awesome!
-It's incredible.
224
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,659
-That's really cool.
-I mean...
225
00:08:55,742 --> 00:08:57,409
I don't want to say
New York's my town,
226
00:08:57,492 --> 00:09:00,242
but it's kind of, you know,
it is, it's my town.
227
00:09:00,325 --> 00:09:02,784
♪ ♪
228
00:09:02,867 --> 00:09:05,450
-♪ Can I kick it? ♪
-♪ Yes, you can ♪
229
00:09:05,534 --> 00:09:06,992
Okay, come in.
230
00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:09,992
Okay.
Pretty nice.
231
00:09:10,075 --> 00:09:12,826
Yeah, I'm never
here as you can tell.
232
00:09:12,909 --> 00:09:14,617
It's basically
just a crash pad.
233
00:09:15,409 --> 00:09:17,951
-♪ Can I kick it? ♪
-♪ Yes, you can ♪
234
00:09:18,033 --> 00:09:19,450
♪ Can I kick it? ♪
235
00:09:19,534 --> 00:09:21,492
Obviously,
that's The Cellar.
236
00:09:21,575 --> 00:09:22,784
Uh-huh.
237
00:09:22,867 --> 00:09:24,617
-Around the corner
is The Boston.
-Uh-huh.
238
00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:26,409
It's in New York,
but they call it The Boston.
239
00:09:26,492 --> 00:09:27,951
That's where I started out.
240
00:09:28,033 --> 00:09:29,992
That's where a lot
of the greats start out.
241
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,951
(audience laughing)
242
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,617
-Hey!
-Ho! Petey!
243
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,409
-What's going on?
-Hey, buddy!
244
00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:41,617
-Back from the-- back
from the college tour, right?
-Yeah. Oh my God!
245
00:09:41,701 --> 00:09:44,283
It's so good to be back!
How are shows, selling?
246
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:47,158
Oh, it's great! Yeah!
It's, um... It's actually
doing well, you know?
247
00:09:47,242 --> 00:09:49,784
-Good!
-You know this Comedy Cellar
around the corner,
248
00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,534
everybody's showing up
to see whether or not
249
00:09:51,617 --> 00:09:53,200
one of the disgraced
comedians are gonna
250
00:09:53,283 --> 00:09:54,867
come back and make
an appearance, and, uh,
251
00:09:54,951 --> 00:09:59,325
they fill up, people find their
way over here. Overflow, baby!
252
00:09:59,409 --> 00:10:01,826
-That's great!
-Yeah, it's cool.
We're selling some tickets.
253
00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,826
-Good.
It's good to be back.
-Yeah.
254
00:10:03,909 --> 00:10:06,075
-This is Jaboukie.
-Jaboody?
255
00:10:06,158 --> 00:10:08,450
-Jaboukie, with a "K."
-Jaboukie.
256
00:10:08,534 --> 00:10:11,617
- Star Wars?
-He opened for me
on my coll--
257
00:10:11,701 --> 00:10:13,283
-well, one of
the college shows.
-Oh yeah?
258
00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:14,909
I just wanted to show
him the old haunt,
that's all.
259
00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:17,158
(laughing):
"Old haunt."
All right, hotshot.
260
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,325
Nah, listen, it's good
to see you. Come on in.
261
00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:21,909
Comedian:
I had to call for a cab
to the airport and I said,
262
00:10:21,992 --> 00:10:23,909
"Uh, hey, can I get a taxi
263
00:10:23,992 --> 00:10:26,992
to LaGuardia at noon tomorrow?"
264
00:10:27,075 --> 00:10:30,534
And the guy goes,
"Okay, bye!"
265
00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:32,617
(laughter)
266
00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:37,158
Hey, maybe don't hang up
the phone just yet.
267
00:10:37,242 --> 00:10:38,867
(laughter)
268
00:10:38,992 --> 00:10:42,409
Aren't you supposed
to ask me for my address,
269
00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:46,033
tell me how much this is going
to cost, or, I don't know,
270
00:10:46,117 --> 00:10:47,534
do anything at all
to convince me
271
00:10:47,617 --> 00:10:50,867
a transaction has just been
made over the telephone?
272
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,200
(laughter)
273
00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:55,242
Here's the weirdest part:
he showed up!
274
00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,200
(laughter)
275
00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,283
Pretty popular guy.
276
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,033
I, uh, I gotta
say hi to somebody.
277
00:11:01,117 --> 00:11:02,409
Real quick.
I'll be right back.
278
00:11:02,492 --> 00:11:03,951
Comedian:
I'm in a relationship now.
279
00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:06,909
I have a girlfriend who is...
(continues indistinctly)
280
00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:09,701
Hey.
281
00:11:09,784 --> 00:11:10,784
Hey.
282
00:11:12,951 --> 00:11:15,450
Okay.
Good to see you.
283
00:11:16,450 --> 00:11:18,367
That was weird, sorry.
284
00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:21,075
I'm, uh, I'm back.
I'm back.
285
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,158
-In the flesh.
-Yeah.
286
00:11:24,158 --> 00:11:25,951
It's good to see you.
287
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:27,242
Mmm-hmm.
288
00:11:27,325 --> 00:11:29,242
How are you?
289
00:11:29,325 --> 00:11:31,992
Well, I'm
at The Boston, so...
290
00:11:32,075 --> 00:11:35,409
It's not so bad.
I was in Maryland
this morning.
291
00:11:35,492 --> 00:11:36,492
Mm.
292
00:11:37,117 --> 00:11:39,492
I bet they didn't
pay you in fries.
293
00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:43,826
I'm, uh--
294
00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:46,450
Yeah, I'm done with
colleges for the summer.
295
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:49,242
I'm excited to get back into
the New York scene, you know?
296
00:11:49,325 --> 00:11:52,534
I'm nervous, but, I mean,
I'm excited, too, I think.
297
00:11:52,617 --> 00:11:54,951
Um, hey, Pete, uh,
298
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:57,909
I'm not trying to be
callous, but...
299
00:11:57,992 --> 00:11:59,867
I don't care.
300
00:12:00,701 --> 00:12:02,409
Comedian 2:
Hey, what's up, everybody?
301
00:12:02,492 --> 00:12:04,075
Clap your hands, right?
302
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,659
I'm sorry.
303
00:12:07,075 --> 00:12:08,826
I'm sorry...
304
00:12:08,909 --> 00:12:11,867
about, I-- the whole
thing, I mean...
305
00:12:11,951 --> 00:12:14,158
it was shitty.
306
00:12:14,242 --> 00:12:15,701
I didn't mean
to break up with you
307
00:12:15,784 --> 00:12:18,534
on a street corner,
after a show.
308
00:12:19,242 --> 00:12:21,367
Okay.
309
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,575
I really am sorry.
310
00:12:26,450 --> 00:12:29,701
Hmm, I kind of
felt it that time.
311
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,367
Congrats on being
a human being.
312
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,367
Hey, thanks.
313
00:12:36,826 --> 00:12:38,951
What's happening here?
What is this?
314
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:41,075
What the fuck is
that jacket?
315
00:12:41,158 --> 00:12:42,701
I'm trying something new.
316
00:12:42,784 --> 00:12:43,784
It's G-Star.
317
00:12:43,867 --> 00:12:45,992
Are you sure you should
be wearing that?
318
00:12:46,075 --> 00:12:48,492
You're neither
a G nor a star.
319
00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:51,158
(laughing)
320
00:12:51,242 --> 00:12:54,075
♪ ♪
321
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,158
Is this it?
322
00:13:01,242 --> 00:13:02,659
-This is it.
-Okay.
323
00:13:02,742 --> 00:13:03,992
Crazy, right?
324
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,242
This is my--
Uh, Kev!
325
00:13:06,325 --> 00:13:07,909
-Hey! What's up?
-What's up, man?
326
00:13:07,992 --> 00:13:09,075
This is, uh,
this is Jaboukie.
327
00:13:09,158 --> 00:13:10,409
Jaboukie, this is Kevin,
my manager.
328
00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:11,492
-Hey, what's up?
-What's up?
329
00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:12,701
Nice to meet you.
330
00:13:12,784 --> 00:13:14,409
You want to head in?
I'll meet you down there?
331
00:13:14,492 --> 00:13:17,033
-Yeah, just, uh--
-Yeah, the white one.
332
00:13:17,826 --> 00:13:19,117
-What's up, man?
-How you doing?
333
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,325
-I feel great.
Thanks for being here.
-Yeah?
334
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:22,867
-You ready?
-Yeah.
335
00:13:22,951 --> 00:13:24,742
Do you have
your set list?
336
00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:26,367
Yeah.
337
00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:28,200
You sure you're ready?
338
00:13:28,283 --> 00:13:29,701
Yeah.
339
00:13:29,784 --> 00:13:32,617
Good, because if you fuck
this up, the door closes.
340
00:13:34,617 --> 00:13:36,367
-Yeah, I'm gonna--
-Yeah, have fun.
341
00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:38,117
-I want you
to have fun.
-Okay.
342
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,283
-Oh, hey!
-Hey!
343
00:13:49,367 --> 00:13:50,742
What's going on?
344
00:13:51,784 --> 00:13:53,367
Uh, just did a spot.
345
00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:54,409
Here?
346
00:13:54,492 --> 00:13:55,867
-Yes.
-Holy shit!
347
00:13:55,951 --> 00:13:57,575
-Yeah!
-I didn't know
you were passed.
348
00:13:57,659 --> 00:13:59,784
-Oh, I mean...
-Wow!
349
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:03,701
I do, like, one spot every,
like, two weeks or something.
350
00:14:03,784 --> 00:14:04,867
That's crazy.
351
00:14:04,951 --> 00:14:07,784
(stammering):
I, uh... it's my audition.
352
00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:09,742
-I'm auditioning tonight.
-Cool.
353
00:14:09,826 --> 00:14:12,575
Yeah, I would love it
if you could, uh, stay.
354
00:14:13,117 --> 00:14:16,325
Uh, yeah, I'll try
to stick around and watch.
355
00:14:16,409 --> 00:14:17,951
-I mean, great!
-Yeah!
356
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:20,450
-I would love that! Yes!
-All right, well have fun!
Yeah, yeah!
357
00:14:20,534 --> 00:14:22,867
-Right. Bye-bye.
-Okay, see you later.
358
00:14:22,951 --> 00:14:25,534
-Peter! How are
you, brother?
-Pete!
359
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,575
Oh my gosh,
you both made it!
360
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,909
-Jess: Yeah.
-I'm so glad.
361
00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:30,409
It's so good to see you.
362
00:14:30,492 --> 00:14:32,534
We just got back
from two weeks in Tulum.
363
00:14:32,617 --> 00:14:34,492
-Tulum?
-It was magical.
364
00:14:34,575 --> 00:14:35,867
-Tulum?
-Yeah.
365
00:14:35,951 --> 00:14:37,909
We swam with baby tortugas.
366
00:14:37,992 --> 00:14:39,701
-Wow!
-Leif: Oh God, Peter,
367
00:14:39,784 --> 00:14:41,450
it took us
to the next level, man.
368
00:14:41,534 --> 00:14:43,534
-Without putting
any labels on it.
-Yeah.
369
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:46,283
So you-- you guys are,
like, together now?
370
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:48,575
-Oh, I mean...
-We are.
371
00:14:48,659 --> 00:14:49,701
We just are.
372
00:14:49,784 --> 00:14:52,367
But are... are you
dating other people?
373
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:54,742
-No, I'm not.
-No, me too.
374
00:14:54,826 --> 00:14:57,575
So you guys are--
that's great-- you're together!
375
00:14:57,659 --> 00:14:59,075
That's how you see it.
376
00:14:59,158 --> 00:15:03,283
Leif:
Peter, don't put us
in one of your boxes.
377
00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,992
-But you look good!
-Yeah, are you excited?
378
00:15:06,075 --> 00:15:07,409
-I am, yeah.
-Okay.
379
00:15:07,492 --> 00:15:09,784
I feel like I've been
training for a marathon, so...
380
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,325
Not that I've ever run
a marathon, but, you know--
381
00:15:12,409 --> 00:15:15,367
Yeah, I do know.
I have run a marathon.
382
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:18,450
Well, not a marathon,
26 miles. Just because--
383
00:15:18,534 --> 00:15:20,951
that's the road that
was in front of me.
384
00:15:21,033 --> 00:15:24,409
-You're gonna do great.
-Man: Artie! Hey!
385
00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:27,283
I just saw somebody that
I'm very excited to see.
386
00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:29,367
-I'm gonna--
Thank you for coming.
-Cool.
387
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,534
-I'll see you after.
-Leif: Yeah.
388
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:33,826
Artie!
389
00:15:33,909 --> 00:15:35,158
Hey, hey, hey!
390
00:15:35,242 --> 00:15:37,575
-What's up, man?
-Hey, buddy, good
to see you.
391
00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:38,826
Jeez, look at you!
392
00:15:38,909 --> 00:15:40,951
Hey, it's good to see
you guys! This is fun!
393
00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:42,826
Yeah, Pete, is that
a camouflage jacket?
394
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,200
Yeah, it's G-Star.
395
00:15:44,283 --> 00:15:45,826
-What, were you in
the Cupcake Wars?
-(chuckles)
396
00:15:45,909 --> 00:15:48,867
-Thank you for your sacrifice.
-Estee, I'm-- I'm Pete.
397
00:15:48,951 --> 00:15:50,117
-Who?
-Pete Holmes.
398
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,575
-I'm auditioning
for you.
-Pete Holmes,
399
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,742
the guy I was
telling you about.
400
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,158
The tall drink of milk.
Funny kid.
401
00:15:54,242 --> 00:15:55,784
-Artie vouched for me.
-I did.
402
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:58,075
-You're going on after Elon.
-Okay.
403
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,742
Five minutes, light at four.
Don't go over.
404
00:16:01,826 --> 00:16:03,492
-I aim to please.
-Artie: Just like sex.
405
00:16:03,575 --> 00:16:05,575
Yeah, yeah.
It's really great
to meet you.
406
00:16:05,659 --> 00:16:07,659
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
407
00:16:07,742 --> 00:16:10,492
-All right, Pete. We got it.
-Thank you again.
408
00:16:10,575 --> 00:16:12,617
-Take a walk.
-All right.
409
00:16:13,283 --> 00:16:15,283
-Okay, see you.
-See ya later, Pete.
410
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,909
♪ ♪
411
00:16:26,659 --> 00:16:29,409
♪ ♪
412
00:16:31,242 --> 00:16:33,283
♪ ♪
413
00:16:35,742 --> 00:16:38,200
-I had a stroke, man.
I had a stroke.
-(laughter)
414
00:16:38,283 --> 00:16:40,367
No, that's not funny.
Don't laugh at that shit.
415
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,117
Who's fucking laughing?
416
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,951
And one thing I learned
about having a stroke
and being in New York:
417
00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,742
Nobody gives a fuck
about your stroke,
418
00:16:46,826 --> 00:16:48,242
that's for sure.
419
00:16:48,325 --> 00:16:50,450
You walk down the street, they,
"Get the fuck out the way!"
420
00:16:50,534 --> 00:16:52,325
"What the fuck, man?"
421
00:16:52,409 --> 00:16:53,534
"Get the hell
in the stroke lane!"
422
00:16:53,617 --> 00:16:56,534
"What the fuck is
a stroke lane, man?"
423
00:16:56,617 --> 00:17:01,283
(laughing)
And then... and then you
gotta cross that street!
424
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:03,033
That long-ass street
with the countdown--
425
00:17:03,117 --> 00:17:04,492
the light with
the countdown on it.
426
00:17:04,575 --> 00:17:06,909
It starts counting down,
and my heart starts racing.
427
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:10,075
Oh, shit!
What the fuck!
428
00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:13,450
-17... 16...
-(laughing)
429
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,450
All of a sudden, I'm in a race
with an old bitch in a walker.
430
00:17:16,534 --> 00:17:18,909
15...
(panting)
431
00:17:18,992 --> 00:17:20,575
(laughter)
432
00:17:20,659 --> 00:17:23,033
All right, man. Y'all ready
to keep this show going, man?
433
00:17:23,117 --> 00:17:24,534
Let's hear this shit, man!
434
00:17:24,617 --> 00:17:27,575
-(cheering)
-Come on, man,
we got more show.
435
00:17:27,659 --> 00:17:30,492
Got a special guest spot
coming-- stopping past.
436
00:17:30,575 --> 00:17:31,701
Very funny guy.
437
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,867
Clubs and colleges
all around the country.
438
00:17:33,951 --> 00:17:37,951
Give it up for Pete Holmes!
Come on, man! Pete Holmes!
439
00:17:38,033 --> 00:17:39,992
-Pete!
-(cheering)
440
00:17:42,909 --> 00:17:44,325
Thank you!
441
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:47,158
Wow, Keith Robinson!
Keep it going for Keith.
442
00:17:47,242 --> 00:17:49,033
(cheers)
443
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,075
Wow, look at this.
Look at that.
444
00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:55,033
I don't know.
I don't know Comedy Cellar,
445
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:56,742
you know, if I'm gonna--
446
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,826
You might have to put
in a skylight for me.
447
00:17:58,909 --> 00:18:01,242
This isn't right.
448
00:18:01,325 --> 00:18:02,701
You guys pee in the pool?
449
00:18:02,784 --> 00:18:04,283
Clap your hands
if you pee in the pool.
450
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,242
-Don't be afraid.
-(applause)
451
00:18:06,325 --> 00:18:09,617
Pee. No pee.
Pee. Pee. No pee.
452
00:18:09,701 --> 00:18:12,575
All the no pee-ers,
you gotta pee in the pool.
453
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,784
It is one of the truest
acts of freedom
454
00:18:14,867 --> 00:18:16,534
you can do as a human adult.
455
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:19,992
To stand up to here in water,
three feet away from a stranger,
456
00:18:20,075 --> 00:18:21,826
just like, "What's going on?"
457
00:18:21,909 --> 00:18:23,909
(laughter)
458
00:18:25,951 --> 00:18:28,075
(laughter continuing)
459
00:18:29,951 --> 00:18:32,075
"Let's get closer."
460
00:18:32,158 --> 00:18:34,409
We used to pee so much
in the pool when I was a kid,
461
00:18:34,492 --> 00:18:37,742
they actually went so far as
to put a chemical in the water
462
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,325
that would make the water
turn red if you peed in it.
463
00:18:40,409 --> 00:18:42,575
Anybody else have a pool
that did this?
464
00:18:42,659 --> 00:18:44,283
We used to try
and frame kids.
465
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:47,367
We'd swim up to them real
close, pee, then swim away.
466
00:18:47,450 --> 00:18:49,701
They'd get kicked out.
467
00:18:49,784 --> 00:18:51,909
But the best thing to do was
to go on the high-dive,
468
00:18:51,992 --> 00:18:53,784
the highest diving board
they had,
469
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:57,242
run off, pee your pants
in mid-air.
470
00:18:57,325 --> 00:18:59,659
When you hit the water,
do the dead-man's float.
471
00:18:59,742 --> 00:19:02,367
-The water turned red.
-(laughter)
472
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:04,659
Everyone thought you exploded.
473
00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:08,033
-(laughter and applause)
-Thank you, guys, very much!
What a thrill!
474
00:19:08,117 --> 00:19:10,367
Comedy Cellar!
Woo! Thank you!
475
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,617
(cheers and applause)
476
00:19:13,242 --> 00:19:15,117
♪ ♪
477
00:19:15,909 --> 00:19:18,325
Keith:
All right. Give it up
for Pete Holmes, man!
478
00:19:18,409 --> 00:19:21,367
-Woo!
-Audience: Woo!
479
00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:24,283
-Jaboukie!
-Dude, that's so good!
480
00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:25,867
-Man!
-Like, for real,
you killed it.
481
00:19:25,951 --> 00:19:28,200
I fucking--
They're right there,
they're right there.
482
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:32,033
-They're so good!
That was amazing!
-Yeah. Yeah, great job!
483
00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:33,450
Thank you!
484
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:38,283
What's going on?
What are you--
What's going on?
485
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:39,867
Oh! Uh, um...
486
00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:42,617
I actually hit up the person
that I knew in New York,
487
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:44,659
and they ended up
getting me a spot.
488
00:19:44,742 --> 00:19:47,158
You-- here? Here?
489
00:19:47,242 --> 00:19:50,033
Yeah, I'm shocked, too. Yeah.
490
00:19:50,117 --> 00:19:52,200
Oh my God!
Dude, who?
491
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:53,701
Michelle Wolf.
492
00:19:54,242 --> 00:19:57,909
She's, like, college friends
with my sister, and I saw her.
493
00:19:57,992 --> 00:19:59,617
You hit up
Michelle Wolf?
494
00:19:59,701 --> 00:20:00,867
Yeah, uh, she--
495
00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:03,242
I, like, saw her last
Christmas or whatever.
496
00:20:03,325 --> 00:20:07,575
Dude, that's amazing.
You should have told me.
497
00:20:07,659 --> 00:20:09,909
I want to meet
Michelle Wolf.
498
00:20:09,992 --> 00:20:11,283
-Yeah, she's cool.
-Right?
499
00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:13,158
-Yeah, she's cool.
-She's cool!
500
00:20:13,242 --> 00:20:15,409
It's just a guest set,
but they're amazing.
501
00:20:15,492 --> 00:20:16,534
You're gonna fucking kill.
502
00:20:16,617 --> 00:20:18,283
-Yeah? They're good?
-It's amazing!
503
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,659
Yes! Look at us, man!
504
00:20:21,784 --> 00:20:23,450
Yesterday morning,
we were at Goucher College.
505
00:20:23,534 --> 00:20:24,951
Now, big-time.
506
00:20:25,033 --> 00:20:28,283
-This is what I said
we'd do-- lighting it up!
-Right. Yeah.
507
00:20:28,367 --> 00:20:30,117
I'm proud of you.
I'm happy for you.
508
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,575
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up
for Jaboukie Young-White!
509
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:37,701
(cheering and applauding)
510
00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:40,534
Come on, man! Jaboukie!
511
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,617
Jaboukie:
What's up? What's up?
512
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,117
Michelle fucking Wolf.
513
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:51,200
What's up? I'm multiracial.
Anybody multiracial?
514
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:55,158
-Anybody? Yeah, yeah!
Awesome!
-(cheers)
515
00:20:55,242 --> 00:20:58,450
Um, I am, and it's
kind of weird, though,
516
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:01,325
'cause, like, I've noticed
that my race changes
from city to city
517
00:21:01,409 --> 00:21:03,659
in, like, a weird way.
Like, when I'm in Chicago,
518
00:21:03,742 --> 00:21:05,659
people just think that
I'm half black, half white.
519
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:08,951
When I'm in New York, people
think that I'm Puerto Rican.
520
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:12,200
But when I'm in CVS,
everyone thinks I'm stealing.
521
00:21:12,283 --> 00:21:13,951
(laughter)
522
00:21:14,033 --> 00:21:18,367
Which is, like, really
frustrating, 'cause I am.
523
00:21:18,909 --> 00:21:21,826
I don't know how to drive.
I can't drive,
524
00:21:21,909 --> 00:21:24,992
so I just gotta,
like, Uber everywhere,
like, if I need to drive.
525
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:27,909
And for the first time,
the other day,
I had an Uber driver
526
00:21:27,992 --> 00:21:31,659
that had a 3.8 rating.
527
00:21:31,742 --> 00:21:34,117
Like, are you murdering people?
528
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,200
(laughter)
529
00:21:36,283 --> 00:21:37,742
What's going on?
530
00:21:37,826 --> 00:21:40,325
I, like, got out the car,
like, zig-zagged into
my apartment,
531
00:21:40,409 --> 00:21:42,742
just in case
he, like... (blows)
532
00:21:42,826 --> 00:21:45,909
-Just like, "Aah!"
-(laughter)
533
00:21:46,033 --> 00:21:48,158
Just, like, blow-darts me,
takes my phone,
534
00:21:48,242 --> 00:21:49,867
gives himself five stars.
535
00:21:49,951 --> 00:21:51,659
(laughter)
536
00:21:51,742 --> 00:21:53,534
These drivers be thirsty.
537
00:21:53,617 --> 00:21:55,450
(laughter)
538
00:21:55,534 --> 00:21:58,992
♪ I just never took the time ♪
539
00:22:01,992 --> 00:22:07,117
♪ You were always on my mind ♪
540
00:22:08,367 --> 00:22:12,283
♪ You were always
on my mind ♪
541
00:22:18,617 --> 00:22:20,450
Hello. Pete.
542
00:22:21,742 --> 00:22:23,242
Thank you.
543
00:22:29,992 --> 00:22:31,826
-Thank you.
-Sure.
544
00:22:37,575 --> 00:22:39,784
(in Italian accent):
Pellegrino.
545
00:22:41,450 --> 00:22:42,701
So...
546
00:22:43,826 --> 00:22:44,826
So.
547
00:22:46,992 --> 00:22:48,951
You're not ready.
548
00:22:49,992 --> 00:22:53,617
Really?
I... I thought I killed.
549
00:22:53,701 --> 00:22:56,617
I mean, they...
I killed.
550
00:22:56,701 --> 00:22:58,283
No.
551
00:22:58,367 --> 00:23:02,826
A strong bomb is better
than a weak kill.
552
00:23:03,367 --> 00:23:08,617
Is there... Sorry.
What? What?
553
00:23:08,701 --> 00:23:12,701
Who are you, why are you,
and why now?
554
00:23:13,242 --> 00:23:16,158
I have plenty of white guys
talking about nothing.
555
00:23:16,242 --> 00:23:20,742
Is it-- is there
something, I mean--
556
00:23:20,826 --> 00:23:24,325
Look, it didn't
do anything for me.
557
00:23:24,992 --> 00:23:27,951
-Estee!
-Oh hi, Greer!
558
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:31,242
-How are you?
Sit down, sit down.
-Good. Good.
559
00:23:31,325 --> 00:23:33,117
-How was it?
-Oh, it was fantastic.
560
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,909
-Wanda Sykes stopped in.
-Estee: Really?
561
00:23:34,992 --> 00:23:39,659
-Yeah, she did well.
-Estee: I don't expect
anything less from her.
562
00:23:39,742 --> 00:23:41,701
♪ ♪
563
00:23:53,033 --> 00:23:54,909
Jaboukie:
My go-to. The only thing
that stays the same
564
00:23:54,992 --> 00:23:58,450
is the fact that I get followed
in like every CVS, basically.
565
00:23:58,534 --> 00:24:00,075
And every city
has a CVS.
566
00:24:00,158 --> 00:24:02,826
-Exactly! So it works.
-Hey, man.
567
00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:06,534
-Uh, what's going on?
What's up?
-Hey, what's up?
568
00:24:07,158 --> 00:24:11,033
-Uh, Estee, this is,
uh, this is Jaboukie.
-I know.
569
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:14,742
He, um, he's my opener.
I mean, one time.
570
00:24:15,325 --> 00:24:18,992
So, um, send me your avails.
You can e-mail them,
571
00:24:19,075 --> 00:24:21,659
-or you can
text me, okay?
-Okay.
572
00:24:21,742 --> 00:24:25,826
-My number is 917...
-917.
573
00:24:25,909 --> 00:24:27,784
-439...
-439.
574
00:24:35,784 --> 00:24:40,158
Okay, you're gonna-- Okay.
575
00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:48,242
Ali:
Actually, it's
pretty good pizza--
576
00:24:48,325 --> 00:24:50,492
Oh, hey! Pete!
577
00:24:51,617 --> 00:24:52,826
Hey!
578
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:55,200
♪ That was a good set! ♪
579
00:24:55,283 --> 00:24:57,450
Are you fucking with me?
580
00:24:58,826 --> 00:25:01,701
No, it was really good.
Why? What'd she say?
581
00:25:01,784 --> 00:25:04,200
She said no!
582
00:25:04,283 --> 00:25:06,409
She said a bunch
of fucking riddles,
583
00:25:06,492 --> 00:25:08,450
and then she said no.
It's a no.
584
00:25:08,534 --> 00:25:10,283
Oh, I'm really sorry.
585
00:25:10,951 --> 00:25:12,867
-What?
-This must be a big
moment for you.
586
00:25:12,951 --> 00:25:14,951
This is your
I-told-you-so, right?
587
00:25:15,033 --> 00:25:17,575
-What?
-Everything you said:
I'm fucking corny,
588
00:25:17,659 --> 00:25:19,992
I'm not an artist, I'm not one
of the cool kids, right?
589
00:25:20,075 --> 00:25:22,033
What the fuck are
you talking about?
590
00:25:22,117 --> 00:25:25,200
I'm not rooting
against you, okay?
591
00:25:25,283 --> 00:25:28,659
I hate to break it to you,
but I'm not invested
in you on that level.
592
00:25:28,742 --> 00:25:32,409
I just wanted to tell you
that you had a good set,
because you fucking did.
593
00:25:32,492 --> 00:25:35,242
So relax, and quit being
a fucking little bitch.
594
00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:38,575
-Well, clearly I didn't have
a fucking good set. I didn't.
-You did! I watched you!
595
00:25:38,659 --> 00:25:41,659
So what, you didn't
get passed, it's fine!
596
00:25:41,742 --> 00:25:43,826
This has been six months,
do you understand?
597
00:25:43,909 --> 00:25:46,242
-It kept me fucking--
-Oh my God!
Six months! Ha!
598
00:25:46,325 --> 00:25:47,867
You don't know what it's like.
I'm on the fucking--
599
00:25:47,951 --> 00:25:50,075
-I don't know
what it's like?
-Yes, you don't!
600
00:25:50,158 --> 00:25:54,826
I fucking wasted, like,
half the year for this! I...
601
00:25:55,659 --> 00:25:58,158
-I'm sorry.
Thank you for coming.
-I'm-- I really am sorry!
602
00:25:58,242 --> 00:26:01,492
You were great.
I think you got screwed.
603
00:26:03,951 --> 00:26:07,701
I appreciate...
I appreciate the support.
604
00:26:08,409 --> 00:26:11,617
Keith:
I haven't seen that
type of look in her eyes
605
00:26:11,701 --> 00:26:14,242
since '92 when
Chappelle went on stage.
606
00:26:14,325 --> 00:26:17,534
-Jaboukie: Yo!
-Yeah, no bullshit, man.
607
00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:20,325
And she had that look
like, "Oh!"
608
00:26:20,409 --> 00:26:21,617
You know what I mean?
609
00:26:21,701 --> 00:26:24,117
And it pissed me off,
to be honest with you.
610
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,409
Jaboukie. Jaboukie!
611
00:26:26,492 --> 00:26:28,158
Let's go, man,
I called the Uber.
612
00:26:28,742 --> 00:26:32,367
-All right. No problem, man.
-Yeah, thanks, man.
613
00:26:39,575 --> 00:26:42,492
You definitely should've
gotten a spot, too.
614
00:26:42,575 --> 00:26:44,158
Like, I don't know what
615
00:26:44,242 --> 00:26:47,242
was going on with that lady
or whatever, but...
616
00:26:47,659 --> 00:26:50,742
No, man, you were great.
That was a great set.
617
00:26:50,826 --> 00:26:55,158
-You're really fucking funny.
-Um, thanks, but like, I mean,
618
00:26:55,242 --> 00:26:57,492
that was, like, a fluke,
you know, I probably couldn't
619
00:26:57,575 --> 00:27:00,200
-do that again
if I had to.
-Don't.
620
00:27:00,283 --> 00:27:04,409
Don't downplay it.
You'll kill next time.
621
00:27:04,492 --> 00:27:05,784
I'll be fine. You did--
622
00:27:05,867 --> 00:27:08,450
I just want to get
the fuck out of here.
623
00:27:10,992 --> 00:27:15,158
-Come on.
-I'm actually gonna
hang back if that's cool?
624
00:27:15,242 --> 00:27:17,909
It's just, like, I'm never
really in New York, so like...
625
00:27:19,826 --> 00:27:21,117
-Yeah. No, okay.
-Yeah.
626
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,659
-I really appreciate it.
-Have fun.
627
00:27:33,283 --> 00:27:34,534
Fuck.
628
00:27:34,617 --> 00:27:37,784
♪ ♪
629
00:27:39,951 --> 00:27:41,701
-Artie--
-I saw the set.
630
00:27:41,784 --> 00:27:45,200
Motherfucker, don't fuck
with me right now. I'm serious!
631
00:27:45,283 --> 00:27:47,534
I can't fucking take this
right now, okay?
632
00:27:47,617 --> 00:27:51,325
Okay, you're clearly upset.
Let's work through this.
633
00:27:52,951 --> 00:27:55,283
♪ ♪
634
00:27:57,784 --> 00:28:00,283
♪ Psycho therapy,
Psycho therapy ♪
635
00:28:00,367 --> 00:28:01,575
♪ Psycho therapy ♪
636
00:28:01,659 --> 00:28:03,992
♪ That's what they
want to give me ♪
637
00:28:04,909 --> 00:28:06,992
Ooh!
(chuckles)
638
00:28:07,784 --> 00:28:09,158
So what'd she say?
639
00:28:09,242 --> 00:28:11,742
She said I don't do
anything for her.
640
00:28:11,826 --> 00:28:13,992
The kid's done it,
like, five times!
641
00:28:14,075 --> 00:28:15,951
It's aggravating,
but just get over it.
642
00:28:16,033 --> 00:28:18,033
He fucking
jumped the line, okay?
643
00:28:18,117 --> 00:28:20,659
I've been grinding
it out, it was my turn!
644
00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:22,492
He can't just swoop
around me!
645
00:28:22,575 --> 00:28:23,534
This is the game.
646
00:28:23,617 --> 00:28:24,992
You gotta get over
this mountain,
647
00:28:25,075 --> 00:28:26,909
and especially
in New York City,
it's important.
648
00:28:26,992 --> 00:28:30,075
I mean, look, the booker thinks
you're a hack, I'm sorry.
649
00:28:30,158 --> 00:28:31,409
You vouched for me!
650
00:28:31,492 --> 00:28:33,575
I've been know to make
a lot of bad decisions.
651
00:28:33,659 --> 00:28:36,617
-Look at these goggles.
-Artie, I thought I was helping
him, he didn't need me at all.
652
00:28:36,701 --> 00:28:39,742
Welcome to life, man. You picked
the wrong kid to mentor, dude.
653
00:28:39,826 --> 00:28:41,617
You mentor somebody
who stinks,
654
00:28:41,701 --> 00:28:43,117
and you let him
sleep on the couch.
655
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,283
-Thanks. That's-- that's nice.
-Is that all right?
656
00:28:45,367 --> 00:28:48,283
Ah, I know it's bullshit,
but, honestly, I'm sorry buddy.
657
00:28:48,367 --> 00:28:51,450
There's ups and downs.
And look at me.
658
00:28:51,534 --> 00:28:54,951
Is there any more proof
that things can get better?
659
00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:56,492
♪ ♪
660
00:28:56,575 --> 00:28:57,951
Ha!
661
00:28:58,033 --> 00:29:00,534
♪ ♪
662
00:29:04,075 --> 00:29:06,909
♪ All I am is all I need ♪
663
00:29:06,992 --> 00:29:09,992
♪ These city boy blues
and these suicide queens ♪
664
00:29:10,075 --> 00:29:12,951
♪ And I said what I said
'cause I love you so much ♪
665
00:29:13,033 --> 00:29:16,409
♪ Now I'm pulling these wires
on the cross city bus ♪
666
00:29:16,492 --> 00:29:19,951
♪ 'Cause tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight ♪
667
00:29:20,033 --> 00:29:23,033
♪ Yeah, tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight ♪
668
00:29:23,117 --> 00:29:25,992
♪ All I want is
what I can't take ♪
669
00:29:26,075 --> 00:29:30,033
♪ But tonight, tonight
tonight, tonight ♪
670
00:29:30,117 --> 00:29:32,075
♪ ♪
671
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,742
♪ All I am is all I know ♪
672
00:29:38,826 --> 00:29:42,117
♪ And it's drugstore love
for these drugstore girls ♪
673
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,659
♪ And I just
want to feel ♪
674
00:29:43,742 --> 00:29:45,158
♪ What can
never be sold ♪
675
00:29:45,242 --> 00:29:48,492
♪ And I don't
wanna die in
a nuclear war ♪
676
00:29:48,575 --> 00:29:51,992
♪ Tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight ♪
677
00:29:52,075 --> 00:29:55,283
♪ Tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight ♪
678
00:29:55,367 --> 00:29:57,826
♪ Every fire,
the fires inside ♪
679
00:29:57,909 --> 00:30:01,325
♪ But tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight ♪
680
00:30:01,409 --> 00:30:04,117
♪ Tonight, tonight,
tonight, tonight ♪
48835
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