Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,420
Previously on Black Monday...
2
00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:09,640
I came across some Georgina documents.
3
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:11,659
Yeah, I think that maybe we purchased
4
00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:12,860
some Georgina shares
5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,040
- back in the day.
- Oh, my God!
6
00:00:14,060 --> 00:00:16,240
- Who the fuck are you?
- We're with the SEC.
7
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:18,100
- We'll be in touch.
- We've had some threats,
8
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,519
uh, with Tiffany,
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,020
e-ever since Calvin Klein's
daughter was kidnapped.
10
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,360
Mo and I dated a very long time ago.
11
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,280
Mo! Damn it.
12
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,540
So this is it? You're
gonna stay here with him?
13
00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:32,619
I tried everything to make
this work because I love you.
14
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:33,920
Do you even want to get married?
15
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,660
Those aren't cops.
They're fucking actors.
16
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,539
Brendan books a pilot every year.
17
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:39,290
Dawn, I'm really confused right now.
18
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,320
_
19
00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:52,890
So no matter how drunk I get tonight,
20
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:54,539
wake me up, because remember,
21
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,359
we're meeting my folks
downtown at nine a.m.
22
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,099
to look at that apartment
on the Upper West Side.
23
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,379
And remind me, what's the difference
24
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:01,519
between the Upper West
and the Upper East?
25
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,240
My mom made up a mnemonic device
26
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:04,289
for me as a kid.
27
00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:07,379
"Upper West, West, West
is best, best, best.
28
00:01:07,380 --> 00:01:10,000
Upper East, East, East is Jewish."
29
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,959
Is Nair supposed to burn my
eyes from this distance?
30
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,619
Yeah, baby.
31
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:16,759
Tiff, you know, I've
been doing really well
32
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,499
at work lately, and we could
afford a place on our own
33
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:23,829
if we were willing just to move
a little bit more downtown.
34
00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:26,180
"Downtown is brown, brown, brown."
35
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:30,789
Blair, every newlywed's parents
buy them an apartment. Duh.
36
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,539
The only thing you should work on
37
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:34,320
is letting yourself be happy.
38
00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:35,699
Everything's perfect.
39
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,439
Is it? Because we still
haven't really talked
40
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:39,490
about the engagement party.
41
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,100
- What about?
- It was crappy.
42
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:42,749
Well, you know what they say.
43
00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:45,180
"Crappy engagement, happy marriage."
44
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,949
- No one says that.
- Well, I do.
45
00:01:47,950 --> 00:01:51,580
How about the fact that I...
didn't come home that night?
46
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,940
I just assumed you were
busy with work junk,
47
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,819
and if I assumed correctly,
cross your arms.
48
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:59,260
Oh, perfect.
49
00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:00,949
I just think,
50
00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:03,120
in light of the last couple months,
51
00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:06,199
maybe we should think about...
52
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,879
- ... postponing the wedding.
- No.
53
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:08,959
There's that P word again.
54
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,900
We were in The Times
Vows section, Blair,
55
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,240
not the disavows section.
56
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:13,719
We are getting married,
57
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,519
we are getting a place
on the Upper West Side,
58
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,539
and I am getting sozzled at my
goddamned bachelorette party
59
00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,460
wearing a goddamned penis crown.
60
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,620
And if you agree with all that, blink.
61
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,579
Oh, God.
62
00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:32,740
Perfect. I love you.
63
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,240
Just a minute.
64
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,400
Who is it?
65
00:02:43,410 --> 00:02:44,999
Oh, my God!
66
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,060
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
67
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,329
All those fair-weather
68
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:52,249
Halley's Comet fans from last year
69
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:53,600
don't know what they're missing.
70
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,179
1987 is the year of the comet.
71
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:57,949
There's gonna be 11 visible tonight.
72
00:02:57,950 --> 00:03:00,439
- Eleven!
- Ooh, is that a lot?
73
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,100
Only the most since 1912.
74
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:05,539
The only person I've seen more excited
75
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:07,370
about burning rocks is Lawrence Taylor.
76
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,539
- Who?
- He's a Giant.
77
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:10,620
Crackhead.
78
00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:13,119
We all have our hobbies.
79
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,660
Mine is astronomy. Yours is lying to me.
80
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:20,359
All right, how about tonight,
we snuggle up on the couch
81
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,610
with a bottle of wine
and watch your comets?
82
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,100
And then maybe you won't
sleep on the couch anymore.
83
00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:28,240
I don't know if I'm ready for that.
84
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,449
Babe, come on. I said some things.
85
00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:32,039
You said some things.
86
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,059
But don't you miss these things?
87
00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:35,659
Let's "comet"
88
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,100
to ending this fight.
89
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:38,280
I love you.
90
00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:41,329
Oh, me too.
91
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,470
Especially when you get
all astronomical with it.
92
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,749
- Ooh.
- Super hot.
93
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:48,680
It's a date.
94
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,449
Okay, I'll pick up a bottle
95
00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:52,219
on my way back from Tiff's bachelorette.
96
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,739
What? Are you serious?
97
00:03:53,740 --> 00:03:55,579
You think I want to go?
98
00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:58,829
I told you, the Georgina play
only works if they get married,
99
00:03:58,830 --> 00:04:00,359
and they're not in a great place.
100
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,160
We are not in a great place!
101
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,539
I worked too hard on this.
102
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,079
And it's a lot of money, baby.
103
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,419
Twenty minutes.
104
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:10,829
I'm not even gonna stay for a drink.
105
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,960
I promise.
106
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,909
- Go.
- Thank you, thank you.
107
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:17,699
Thank you!
108
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,789
Wakey, wakey.
109
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:27,300
Oh, there he is.
110
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,909
- Surprise!
- What the fuck?
111
00:04:29,910 --> 00:04:33,860
Wha... in what world is it
okay to kidnap someone?
112
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:35,750
Oh, people kidnap each
other all the time
113
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,190
for these bachelor party joke things.
114
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,579
You know, it's called "kidding-napping"
115
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:40,040
- for a reason, Blair.
- No, it's not.
116
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,619
And you used chloroform.
117
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:44,219
- Well, that's the napping part.
- Who uses chloroform?
118
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:46,079
Uh, Colonel John Hannibal Smith,
119
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,999
Faceman, Howling Man Murdock...
120
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,880
Now you're just listing the A-Team.
121
00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:52,289
- You changed my shirt?
- Blair, they used to...
122
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:53,440
- What the fuck is this?
- ... chloroform Mr. T
123
00:04:53,450 --> 00:04:55,519
all the time, okay? He was
always fine afterward.
124
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,890
Just because something works
on TV doesn't make it okay.
125
00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,199
Will you just try to have fun?
126
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,460
- Chad, stop the car!
- Nope. Don't stop shit.
127
00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:03,900
Come on, Blair. We got a whole
night of surprises planned.
128
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,909
You're just pissed off about
your engagement party,
129
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:06,919
- but to be honest, you...
- I'm not pissed
130
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,079
about the engagement party.
131
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,399
I am pissed that you
never say "I'm sorry"
132
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,539
for anything ever.
133
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,579
Well, I'm sorry...
134
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,909
that I have a policy about
never apologizing...
135
00:05:16,910 --> 00:05:18,300
to white people.
136
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:22,000
Why? Because Sting won all
those Grammys over "Thriller"?
137
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,960
Because of slavery, Blair. Slavery.
138
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:27,400
Sorry.
139
00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:29,749
Man, I thought grabbing you
and going all grand gesture
140
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:32,100
would make it up to you in
a two birds, one stone,
141
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:35,120
three eight balls, four scores
of Scores girls kind of way.
142
00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:37,199
It doesn't even matter.
143
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,079
I don't think I can marry Tiff anymore.
144
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,079
You don't what?
145
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,789
Thank you. Good night.
146
00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:45,460
Good ni... hey, why are we stopping?
147
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,449
- What the fuck?
- Everyone out of the car!
148
00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,219
- Oh, God.
- Now!
149
00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:50,230
Another prank?
150
00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:51,449
Mo, I would've thought
151
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:52,540
you would've learned your lesson,
152
00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:53,990
but, no, you got to double down.
153
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,239
This isn't a fucking prank, kid.
154
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,240
What are you, Thug One and Thug Two?
155
00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:59,699
"Oh, the places you'll go.
The things you will do!"
156
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:03,019
Hey, open your mouth again, and
I'll shit up your ass, bitch.
157
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,399
That sounds complicated.
158
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,300
- Oh, I'll make it work.
- Oh.
159
00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:08,789
Hey, let's go Last Dragon
on these motherfuckers.
160
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,880
Really?
161
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,400
You son of a...
162
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:20,840
Sweet. What's the next surprise?
163
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:30,140
So first it was your anniversary.
164
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,420
Then your daughter's birthday.
165
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,740
- Then your son's quincea�era?
- Then your aunt died.
166
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,579
- Then your uncle died.
- Then your car died.
167
00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:37,279
Then your wife dyed her
hair the wrong shade,
168
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,699
so you had to rush her to the salon?
169
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,329
How is that even an excuse?
170
00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:42,920
Well, what can I say? I'm a busy guy.
171
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,289
I'm a busy, important,
law-abiding, super-cool guy,
172
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:51,160
but I'm here now, so let's get
this m�nage on the trois.
173
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,159
- Keith, we don't want you.
- Oh, well.
174
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,440
You don't know what you're
missing, 'cause I go downtown.
175
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,480
We want Maurice Monroe
176
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,999
for all the illegal shit the
Jammer Group's been up to,
177
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,119
and you are gonna give him to us.
178
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,909
And why the fuck would I do that?
179
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:08,340
The SEC has taken down
exactly... uh, what is it?
180
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,700
Oh, zero people?
181
00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,700
Okay, by the time you build a case,
182
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:15,040
Reagan... hallowed be thy
name... will make it legal.
183
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,439
Well, we're about to change all that.
184
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,449
We got an open-and-shut
case of stock manipulation.
185
00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:22,119
So either you cooperate, or
you're gonna go down with Mo.
186
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,880
You want to go to prison, Keith?
187
00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:28,909
All right, what do you got?
188
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,240
This? F.A.T.?
189
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:49,079
That's all you got? Well,
uh, I hope you like
190
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,740
your nothing burger with nothing on it,
191
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:53,239
because this is nothing.
192
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,289
Then how do you explain
193
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,539
the highly abnormal
one-day trading pattern
194
00:07:56,540 --> 00:08:00,369
for Federal Allied Titanium
on October 20th of last year?
195
00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:04,699
It was a prank. A fucking
goof. This is rich.
196
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:08,499
To think that we were afraid
of you two Columb-hos.
197
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,219
Columbos, but with "ho."
198
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:11,540
- We get it.
- Bullshit.
199
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,279
Call MoStan, okay? Call Ty Daverman.
200
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,949
And he will set you two
chicks straight, okay?
201
00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:19,140
- Speaking of straight...
- Deb.
202
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,700
You're gay.
203
00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:24,360
No, I'm not.
204
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,380
You're gay, and we know it.
205
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,950
So why don't you have
a seat, Colum-homo?
206
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,360
Thought so.
207
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,740
Someone?
208
00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:52,340
- Thank you.
- Dawn? Come on in! Hi!
209
00:08:52,350 --> 00:08:54,340
Hey, uh, sorry I'm super late.
210
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,540
Or am I super early? Why is no one here?
211
00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:59,420
Let's drank. Waiter! Get
my girl some dranks!
212
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,259
- I'm so glad you came.
- Of course.
213
00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:02,799
You know I had to come celebrate
214
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,339
the world's strongest couple.
215
00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:05,379
Well, second strongest
216
00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:08,119
behind Sylvester Stallone and
Brigitte Nielsen, right?
217
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,409
- Those two are yoked.
- You're hilarious.
218
00:09:11,410 --> 00:09:12,739
And you're gonna love my girlfriends.
219
00:09:12,740 --> 00:09:13,840
They're always joking around
220
00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:15,499
and running at least 52 minutes late.
221
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,579
I mean, this is, like, so them.
222
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:20,409
Dickcessory?
223
00:09:20,410 --> 00:09:22,909
Oh, uh, actually, I'm good.
224
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,700
You're dangerous. No,
I'm good, actually.
225
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:26,839
No... no white dicks for
me after Labor Day.
226
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,620
- Oh! Boom! Again.
- No, it's...
227
00:09:28,630 --> 00:09:30,780
Dawn Rickles.
228
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,619
You should charge a two-drink
minimum for yourself.
229
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,919
Get my girl two drinks! Sit.
230
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,600
More pi�as coladas, ma'am?
231
00:09:38,610 --> 00:09:40,040
Call me ma'am again.
232
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,790
I want you to.
233
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,579
And for you... miss?
234
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:47,279
Um, I'm-I'm actually good.
235
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,289
I just came to say a quick hello.
236
00:09:48,290 --> 00:09:49,829
No, don't leave.
237
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:52,910
I mean, I just... I want you to hang,
238
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,759
'cause I really want to
get to know the woman
239
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,540
that stole my Care Blair away.
240
00:09:56,570 --> 00:09:59,839
Wait, Tiff, I-I don't know what
you think is going on, but...
241
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,199
I mean, just 'cause you're his boss
242
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,860
and you make him work late and stuff.
243
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,300
What did you think I meant?
244
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,619
That I am his boss and always
making him stay late, working.
245
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,960
Can I have a Scotch?
246
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,999
Oh, this is so scary, Mo.
247
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,500
The car fire's a little
on the nose, though.
248
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,079
It's not a fucking prank, okay, Blair?
249
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,199
We're lost in goddamn Little Beirut.
250
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,960
And I lost a
quarter-of-a-million-dollar car.
251
00:10:21,970 --> 00:10:22,999
Oh, come on.
252
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,079
Okay, it's a quarter of a
quarter-of-a-million-dollar car.
253
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,179
It was mostly, you know, Fiero
254
00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:27,419
with a little Town Car thrown in there.
255
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:29,740
- But still, it stings.
- No, I mean, "Come on,
256
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,219
I don't believe you."
257
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:33,850
Look, no offense, but I'm just
gonna get a cab and go home.
258
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,219
I got to figure out what
I'm doing with Tiff.
259
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:36,760
You know, this is the second
time you've said this shit.
260
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,409
Figure what out? Spill it.
261
00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:40,839
I just feel like me and
Tiff, it's just not...
262
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,460
it just is not...
263
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:45,580
Wow. You thought of everything.
264
00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:47,579
The "cops" are here.
265
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,869
No, no, I didn't set this up.
We should go this way, man.
266
00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:51,499
- Let's go this way.
- No. No, no, no.
267
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,860
I'm gonna go talk to the fuzz.
268
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,249
- No, don't go talk to the...
- Yeah.
269
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,829
... fucking fuzz! Hey!
270
00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:57,279
- Officers!
- Blair!
271
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,680
Officers!
272
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,879
Hi. I was just wondering
273
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,399
if either of you T.J.
Hooker extras had a chance
274
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,449
to try the canap�s at
my engagement party
275
00:11:05,450 --> 00:11:07,019
before you fucking trashed the place.
276
00:11:07,020 --> 00:11:08,639
What? Who the fuck are you?
277
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:09,719
Mo!
278
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,599
Next time you call Central Casting,
279
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:12,779
you got to be specific.
280
00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:14,900
Don't just say "big." You
should've said "tough."
281
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,300
They sent the fucking Fat Boys.
282
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:17,959
Please, do not shoot my dumb-ass friend.
283
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,540
Shut the fuck up!
284
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:21,409
Come on, you got to try to
sell that punch better.
285
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:22,659
Who'd you boost this
watch off, huh, bro?
286
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,499
Listen, we're not gonna
say anything, okay?
287
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:25,869
We didn't see anything! Just let us go!
288
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,960
Okay, look...
289
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,399
- I'm tired.
- Blair.
290
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,869
I want to go home. What
are we supposed to say?
291
00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:34,619
"Time out" or "olly, olly, oxen free"?
292
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:36,019
Fucking actors.
293
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,879
- Oh!
- Shit, that felt real.
294
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,779
Whoa. It is real, you dumb fuck.
Point it at the dirty cops.
295
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,329
- Okay.
- Get-get on the ground.
296
00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:44,520
I'm just backing away. I'm sorry.
297
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,039
Sorry about this. Thank
you for your service!
298
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,099
Get back here! I'll fucking kill you!
299
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,619
- Get the fuck back here!
- Get back here!
300
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,909
Oh, shit.
301
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,039
Give us a case,
302
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,690
or we'll tell everyone
you're more flaming
303
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,830
than Fire Island, which
works on two levels.
304
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,999
- Come on, Deb.
- We'll tell your wife.
305
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,539
We'll tell Mo.
306
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:20,199
We'll tell your son.
307
00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:25,260
Okay.
308
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,779
Nice. Told you he'd be in.
309
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:30,680
No, no, I meant "Okay, go for it."
310
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:34,080
Tell the world that I long for schlong.
311
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,199
Agent Fox isn't fucking joking.
312
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,679
I mean, there was a joke in
the way that she said it.
313
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,659
I'm not joking either, okay?
314
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,619
You know, God's a funny fuck, isn't He?
315
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:45,579
Maybe this is the final
push I've needed, you know?
316
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,040
I've been wanting to
tell my family forever,
317
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:50,199
and Mo only cares that
I'm gay for money, so...
318
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,960
do it.
319
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,249
Now, if there aren't
any further questions,
320
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,879
your ho-nors... that's "your
honors" but with "ho"...
321
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,289
- Not your best work.
- No, we, uh...
322
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:00,859
we got another ace up our sleeves, so...
323
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,940
- Mm-hmm.
- We will be back.
324
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:05,249
Time to break out the big guns.
325
00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:09,449
I'm telling you,
326
00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:11,620
every girl is caught
between a Jake and a Ted.
327
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,320
- Who?
- From Sixteen Candles.
328
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,659
- I haven't seen it.
- What?
329
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,439
- No.
- No! You haven't seen it?
330
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,469
- Uh-uh.
- Okay.
331
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:19,679
So Jake Ryan is this super-hot badass.
332
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,879
- Mm-hmm.
- And Ted is this dweeb.
333
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,289
- Oof.
- And I'm marrying a total Ted,
334
00:13:23,290 --> 00:13:26,329
which is crazy because all I'd
ever been with are Jakes.
335
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,829
- Oh...
- I lost my virginity
336
00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:29,539
- to a real bad boy.
- Who?
337
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:32,160
- Bill Laimbeer.
- Ah! The Piston?
338
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,579
More like the noodle.
339
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,299
We went to theater camp together.
340
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:38,039
I hope he was a better actor back then.
341
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,909
- It's a basketball joke.
- Mm.
342
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:43,439
'Cause...
343
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,240
Anyway, I hear you, honestly.
344
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:47,249
You know, I was all Jakes,
345
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,659
and then I married a real fucking Ted.
346
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,829
I told you, I told you.
347
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,409
- Oh, God, Dawn.
- Hmm?
348
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,409
Am I making a huge mistake?
349
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:57,320
- No, no!
- Tell me.
350
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,119
No, I promise you.
351
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,899
Blair... Blair's great.
352
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:03,840
Like, really great. Tiff,
you are a lucky girl.
353
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:05,700
And you and I, we both know, you know,
354
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,340
bad boys are just bad.
355
00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:08,799
Yeah. Except Jake Ryan.
356
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:09,820
He had a heart of gold.
357
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,249
- Mm.
- When he found out
358
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,289
all Ted wanted was to
lose his virginity,
359
00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:16,240
Jake let him have sex with
his passed-out girlfriend.
360
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,479
- What the fuck?
- I know. Wow.
361
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,749
And that was in movie theaters?
362
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,219
- Yeah.
- And white people were just
363
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:24,940
like, "Cool"?
364
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,289
Oh, my God.
365
00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:29,519
I guess that is super fucked up.
366
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,289
Yeah, yeah.
367
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,159
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
368
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,119
What's happening? What's happening?
369
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,680
I'm pretty sure Blair tried to
call off the wedding tonight.
370
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,999
And it's gonna be super embarrassing,
371
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,699
but I think I'm gonna... just
gonna take him up on it.
372
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:52,020
- No. Why?
- 'Cause we're cursed.
373
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,740
We're cursed.
374
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:57,239
I-I... no, no. Just drink your penis.
375
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,119
It's gonna be okay. I promise.
376
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,159
What a fucking night, right?
377
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,439
- Oh!
- Oh, you handled that gun
378
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,960
- like a champ.
- Shit!
379
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,850
Sorry, I thought it was fake, Mo.
380
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,299
And I am sorry for kidnapping you,
381
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,520
but that was fresh.
382
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,659
Yes!
383
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,789
Ooh! What a team, right?
384
00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:14,579
Brains and beauty, witty and pretty,
385
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,419
and, hey, you bring some
shit to the table, too, kid.
386
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:20,179
Oh, my God, we're alive
in a stolen cop car.
387
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,829
- Yeah.
- We cheated death.
388
00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:24,659
- We fucking did.
- What do we do now?
389
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,829
- Let's drink till we die!
- Yes!
390
00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:28,499
Hey, there's a spot right over here.
391
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:29,740
- All right.
- Okay.
392
00:15:32,370 --> 00:15:34,039
Who breaks up before their wedding
393
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,360
and still ends up happy together?
394
00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:38,619
Lots of people. Uh...
395
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,019
yeah, O.J. Simpson and that
blonde girl he just married.
396
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,360
- Yeah.
- Robert Wagner
397
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:43,999
and Natalie Wood... I mean,
they married each other
398
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,329
twice and were so happy until...
399
00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:48,690
they drifted apart... literally.
400
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:51,539
And the engagement party
was such a disaster.
401
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,399
Not to mention he was out all night
402
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,880
with some prostitute probably.
403
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,600
No, no, probably... not.
404
00:15:57,610 --> 00:15:58,829
I tried to talk to my minister,
405
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,890
but I'm only an Operating Thetan IV,
406
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:02,839
and he won't discuss it
until I go up the Bridge,
407
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,410
but that's, like, another 100 grand.
408
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,159
Trust me, Tiff. You are not cursed.
409
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,860
Yeah? Really?
410
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,699
Then how come no one showed up
411
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:14,159
to my bachelorette party, Dawn?
412
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,719
Maybe they got caught
in the park and killed.
413
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,499
You're sweet.
414
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,249
But I think this is the final sign.
415
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,899
- Check, please.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
416
00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:24,449
Maybe it's a good thing your
fake-ass friends didn't show.
417
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,869
- Why?
- Well, you've outgrown them.
418
00:16:26,870 --> 00:16:30,829
Okay? You have new,
sophisticated friends like me.
419
00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:33,579
Right? Now, who needs those skanks?
420
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,199
All we need are drinks.
421
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,020
Haven't you ever fallen
out of love, Dawn?
422
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,949
You know, you keep holding on,
423
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:43,659
hoping to get that feeling back, but...
424
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:46,579
the tighter you grip it,
the further away it gets.
425
00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:48,319
And then one day you wake up,
426
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,659
and you're two totally different people
427
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:54,419
and you wonder how you even got
together in the first place.
428
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:58,289
Haven't you ever felt that, Dawn?
429
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:03,249
No.
430
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,120
I've never felt that.
431
00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:10,949
- We're like Miami Vice.
- Exactly.
432
00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:13,040
- Tiff? Dawn?
- Blair?
433
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:14,659
Are you crying?
434
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,200
Are you okay?
435
00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:19,219
I don't think so. What
are you doing here?
436
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,329
Jesus Christ, this night
can't get any crazier.
437
00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:23,579
We almost got killed, okay? Twice.
438
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:25,590
And then we come in here
randomly to get a drink,
439
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:26,609
and then you two are here.
440
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,869
If this isn't a sign that these
two kids are soul mates,
441
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:31,249
I don't know what is, right, Dawn?
442
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,619
- Right, Dawn?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
443
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:36,239
Ye... "yeah, sure"? More
like "hell, yeah, sure."
444
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,520
Hey, waiter, listen,
445
00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:39,249
a bottle of your finest champagne
446
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,619
will not cut it.
447
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,079
We need four of those motherfuckers
448
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,500
and then tequila shots, 'cause
we're getting crazy tonight.
449
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:47,540
Oh, man, can you believe
this coincidence?
450
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:48,909
No.
451
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:51,940
Ok... huh? No? Ah, wha...
452
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,289
Ugh, smug Chia Pet motherfucker.
453
00:17:55,290 --> 00:17:58,080
There's got to be something we missed.
454
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,119
The only other thing we found was this.
455
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,339
They've been buying up
Georgina Jeans like crazy.
456
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:04,949
What? When I went through
their quarterlies,
457
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:06,579
they weren't holding
any major positions.
458
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,380
They were up to 40%.
459
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,999
They must've gotten spooked
and sold it off or something.
460
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,700
Or they hid it to throw
off the Street...
461
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:16,800
and us.
462
00:18:16,820 --> 00:18:18,160
Captain's log.
463
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,140
Captain Keith T. Shanker
reporting for duty.
464
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,329
This planet is full of assholes, a...
465
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,300
- Feet off the table.
- Fucking touch me again,
466
00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:27,369
- and I'll sue.
- So we know you don't care
467
00:18:27,370 --> 00:18:29,539
if we tell your son
about your boyfriend,
468
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,339
but how would you feel
if we told your son
469
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:33,379
and your boyfriend that
they're going to jail
470
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,619
for illegal share parking?
471
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:36,560
You know, I think your son's
gonna have a really hard time
472
00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:39,099
getting into Brandeis with
that on his permanent record.
473
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,289
Believe me, Brad's
gonna have a hard time
474
00:18:40,290 --> 00:18:41,579
getting into any college.
475
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:42,879
Well, I bet your boyfriend's gonna have
476
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,960
a real hard time in prison...
actually, he might like it.
477
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,039
Can we cool it with the
gay panic stuff, Deb?
478
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,920
- My cousin's a fairy.
- Bullshit.
479
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,289
I don't have any idea what
you're talking about.
480
00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:57,300
Liar, liar, jeans on fire.
481
00:18:57,830 --> 00:19:00,159
Nice. See? That was a good, clean one.
482
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,580
Thanks. How do you feel now, Keith?
483
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,920
Fuck me.
484
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:14,420
Okay. What do you need me to do?
485
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,749
Be honest, Mo. You didn't
know they were here?
486
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,000
And, Dawn, you didn't tip them off
487
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:19,540
- that I was getting cold feet?
- Wait a second.
488
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:20,860
- Why do you have cold feet?
- You're getting cold feet?
489
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,680
- Because you are!
- I'm-I'm just confused.
490
00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:25,139
Don't you love me anymore?
491
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:27,560
Yes, he loves you anymore.
This is insane, guys.
492
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:29,249
Cold feet is normal. It's very normal.
493
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,999
- Right, Dawn?
- Cold feet are normal.
494
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,659
- See that?
- But you got to listen
495
00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:33,660
- to your heart.
- I know.
496
00:19:33,661 --> 00:19:35,940
- What the fuck?
- Mo, shut up!
497
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,219
Listen, find the person
you want to be with
498
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,020
based on who they are,
not who they aren't.
499
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,839
Trust me, if you pick a Ted
just because a bunch of Jakes
500
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,869
broke your heart,
you're gonna be lonely.
501
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:47,829
W-wait, wait, wait.
W-who's Ted and Jake?
502
00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:48,940
- Sixteen Candles.
- Sixteen Candles.
503
00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:50,479
That movie's fucked. Long Duk Dong?
504
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,199
Talk about a goddamn
minstrel show right there.
505
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,040
All right, the point is, if
you marry the wrong person,
506
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:56,869
you will regret it every day.
507
00:19:56,870 --> 00:19:59,330
Well, just 'cause Dawn should've
married her bad boy...
508
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:00,500
- This isn't about you.
- Oh.
509
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,880
This isn't about Spencer.
This is about me.
510
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,419
This me. Tiffa-me.
511
00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:08,039
Well, you used "me" as a metaphor.
512
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,779
- No, I didn't.
- Uh, I'm pretty sure
513
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,949
- that you did.
- How am I a Ted? I am a Jake.
514
00:20:11,950 --> 00:20:13,380
I've always reminded myself of a Jake.
515
00:20:13,390 --> 00:20:15,629
You're Ted tip to tush. T-E-D, Ted.
516
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:16,639
You're a little Teddy bear.
517
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,519
Tiff and Blair are
perfect for each other.
518
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,119
You don't know that,
and I don't know that.
519
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,499
Only they know that.
520
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,440
Guys, it's really fucking simple.
521
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:25,000
- Are you in love?
- Yes.
522
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,740
Are you in love? Hmm?
523
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,020
- I...
- Hey, slut!
524
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:34,449
You came!
525
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,329
Sluts.
526
00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:38,559
Sorry we're late. We were
pre-gaming at Bunny's
527
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,480
with a new Bartles & Jaymes flavor.
528
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,329
And long story short, we ralphed.
529
00:20:42,330 --> 00:20:43,409
It was a prototype!
530
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,699
And if we're being honest,
531
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,909
after your whole
engagement party fiasco,
532
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,990
we just thought you might
call the whole wedding off.
533
00:20:55,660 --> 00:20:58,409
Call off the wedding?
Call off the wedding?
534
00:20:58,410 --> 00:21:01,800
Call off... off the wedding?
Call off the wedding?
535
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,039
Okay, as if, slut!
536
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,099
- That's so ghetto.
- Oh, okay.
537
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:07,539
Blair and I are stronger
than ever, right, Blair?
538
00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:09,519
- Ooh!
- Thank God!
539
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,390
'Cause for a second
there, I was like, "Ew."
540
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,099
- Ew!
- Now let's go to Danceteria!
541
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:15,619
This place is so last weekend.
542
00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:17,000
They're letting anyone in.
543
00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:18,200
No offense.
544
00:21:18,290 --> 00:21:20,399
- Are you trying to get Jap slapped?
- I will fucking knock
545
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,640
this Barbie bitch's head
off the fucking neck.
546
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,820
- Dawn, thank you so much for the talk.
- Bye.
547
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,119
You made me realize that Blair
548
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,829
and I are perfect for each other.
549
00:21:27,830 --> 00:21:29,179
Bye, Care Blair.
550
00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:31,060
Bye, guys.
551
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,940
- Oh.
- Wait for me, girls!
552
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:34,840
Have fun, ladies!
553
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:38,180
What was that bullshit?
554
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,940
It wasn't bullshit.
555
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,340
I got to go.
556
00:21:48,910 --> 00:21:50,539
Okay, well, good night.
557
00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:52,869
Fuck you, Mo.
558
00:21:52,870 --> 00:21:54,880
Eh, pbbt! Chicks, right?
559
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:56,980
- You know what we need to do?
- I can't marry Tiff.
560
00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:00,240
What do you... what do you
mean you can't marry Tiff?
561
00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:01,329
Of course you're gonna marry Tiff.
562
00:22:01,330 --> 00:22:02,829
- You're not the boss of me.
- Technically...
563
00:22:02,830 --> 00:22:05,079
At work, yes, but Tiff is not work.
564
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,739
I mean, yes, she can be
very trying at times,
565
00:22:06,740 --> 00:22:09,040
but-but why are you so
invested in my relationship?
566
00:22:09,060 --> 00:22:11,740
Because I am literally invested.
567
00:22:11,780 --> 00:22:12,829
What?
568
00:22:14,580 --> 00:22:16,980
Okay, I'm gonna confess
something to you.
569
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,079
I know.
570
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,900
You fucked with the
toothbrush in my desk.
571
00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:21,760
But that is just a decoy,
572
00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:23,920
as is the toothbrush
in the supply closet.
573
00:22:23,940 --> 00:22:25,949
- My real toothbrush...
- Is in a Ziploc bag
574
00:22:25,950 --> 00:22:28,199
in the bathroom in the
ceiling tile, second stall.
575
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,040
- Oh, dear God.
- That's not the thing.
576
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,159
Listen, Blair, I...
577
00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:38,039
Okay, when I said we were friends,
578
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,319
that was real... I meant that.
579
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,580
But the truth is, I've
been playing you, kid...
580
00:22:44,620 --> 00:22:46,329
from the beginning.
581
00:22:46,330 --> 00:22:49,520
The coke, the arrest,
it was... it was a con.
582
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:51,499
I was trying to make sure
that you worked for me
583
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,319
so that I could, you know, work
on getting those sweet, sweet
584
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,219
ungettable Georgina family shares,
585
00:22:56,220 --> 00:22:57,940
but that was before we were boys.
586
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,909
Now just listen. Before
you say anything,
587
00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:01,470
I want you to think, 'cause
if there's one thing I know
588
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,870
about you, it's that you're smart.
589
00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:06,380
Now, you just said that you
cannot marry Tiff, right?
590
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,159
So you're gonna break her heart anyway.
591
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,240
I mean, why not give her the
wedding of her dreams first?
592
00:23:12,330 --> 00:23:15,449
Let's run the Georgina
play... me and you,
593
00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:17,039
together, as a team.
594
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,579
It makes sense.
595
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:20,279
I mean, it makes more than cents.
596
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,540
It makes dollars. It makes
tens of millions of dollars.
597
00:23:22,550 --> 00:23:24,409
For us. For two guys who were never
598
00:23:24,410 --> 00:23:26,869
handed a fucking thing
their whole goddamn lives.
599
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,240
Let's do it.
600
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,700
What do you say?
601
00:23:39,830 --> 00:23:40,860
Fuck you.
602
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,619
I'm gonna tell Tiff everything.
603
00:23:43,620 --> 00:23:46,219
And, Maurice...
604
00:23:46,220 --> 00:23:47,780
I quit.
605
00:24:01,620 --> 00:24:03,659
Oh, hey. What's up,
man? Good to see you.
606
00:24:05,580 --> 00:24:08,840
Oh, well, well, well. Welcome, welcome.
607
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,830
Mm. Sorry I'm late.
608
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,119
- I, uh, I got caught up.
- Hey, hey, no problemo, Kiki!
609
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,329
Hey, um...
610
00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:18,699
I, um...
611
00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:20,949
Can I... can I give you something?
612
00:24:20,950 --> 00:24:23,440
- Uh, yes?
- Okay. I'll... just hold on here.
613
00:24:23,470 --> 00:24:24,480
Okay.
614
00:24:24,490 --> 00:24:27,000
This, um, is very special to me.
615
00:24:27,060 --> 00:24:28,600
- I want you...
- Mm!
616
00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:29,869
... to have it.
617
00:24:29,870 --> 00:24:31,659
- Oh, here, just... okay.
- What is happening?
618
00:24:31,660 --> 00:24:33,300
All right, yeah.
619
00:24:33,380 --> 00:24:37,039
Yeah! Here, take a look. Take a look.
620
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,659
- Oh!
- You like it?
621
00:24:39,660 --> 00:24:41,460
Yeah, I love it.
622
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:46,699
I want you to know that no
matter what goes down...
623
00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:50,579
... I will always love you.
624
00:24:50,580 --> 00:24:52,079
And you say I'm the dramatic one.
625
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,359
- Well...
- This is like a scene
626
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:55,119
from "Steel Fagnolias."
627
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,520
I would've said "Terms of Enqueerment."
628
00:24:56,550 --> 00:24:58,120
- How dare you?
- Oh, come on.
629
00:24:58,140 --> 00:24:59,199
Oh, here, drink your juice, Shelby.
630
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,819
Oh, okay, yeah. "Help my daughter."
631
00:25:00,820 --> 00:25:02,380
- Okay.
- Oh!
632
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,659
Bingo.
633
00:25:15,330 --> 00:25:17,949
Listen, Spence.
634
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:20,789
- I'm sorry.
- No, baby, I'm sorry.
635
00:25:20,790 --> 00:25:23,199
You know, I've been
sitting here, annoyed
636
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,289
that we missed a night together.
637
00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:27,719
But work's a big part of who you are,
638
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,449
and I love who you are.
639
00:25:29,450 --> 00:25:33,600
And I'll take however
much of you I can get.
640
00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:36,949
Hey, at least you made it
back in time for the comet.
641
00:25:36,950 --> 00:25:39,720
I want a divorce.
642
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,040
What?
643
00:26:06,750 --> 00:26:08,940
Tiff?
644
00:26:08,950 --> 00:26:11,039
- Oh, my God! Aah!
- Tiff!
645
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,789
Help me! Help me! Get your hands off me!
646
00:26:13,790 --> 00:26:15,329
Oh! Ah!
647
00:26:15,330 --> 00:26:17,659
Blair, call my dad!
648
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,199
Tiff!
649
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:29,440
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
47749
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
