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1
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,427
We've waited weeks for reservations.
2
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:45,980
- Name?
- King, party of one.
3
00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:50,693
King, King. No, I'm sorry,
I don't show that reservation.
4
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:54,488
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
show you something, fruitcake.
5
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,533
Ahh!
6
00:02:00,786 --> 00:02:02,288
Hands up, chowhounds.
7
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:08,711
Drop your forks and prepare to cower
before the uncanny Condiment King.
8
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:11,464
- Who is that?
- Some kind of nutcase.
9
00:02:11,547 --> 00:02:14,592
- Just ignore him.
- Someone will call security.
10
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:20,681
Hey. Hey! I don't believe this!
I say cower, and you're still eating?
11
00:02:21,098 --> 00:02:22,892
Well, all right then.
12
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,318
Now, see here, you.
13
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:40,534
Hot sauce.
14
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,954
Anyone else want to be a hero?
15
00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:46,332
Then take out your wallets,
cash and jewels
16
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:49,085
and toss them here on the table.
Come on. Right now.
17
00:02:52,546 --> 00:02:54,882
Disturbance reported at
the top of the Crown restaurant.
18
00:02:55,132 --> 00:02:59,011
Suspect is a male, costumed extremist
armed with what appears to be
19
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,262
a ketchup gun.
20
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,015
It's gonna be one of those nights.
21
00:03:08,604 --> 00:03:13,693
So long, suckers.
Parting is such sweet-and-sour sorrow.
22
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,411
What's this?
23
00:03:23,869 --> 00:03:26,997
Ah! The big, bad Bat-guy.
24
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:31,377
I knew you'd catch up to me sooner or
later. How I've relished this meeting.
25
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:37,675
You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me,
the conceptual Condiment King.
26
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:39,093
Come, Batman.
27
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,888
Let's see if you can cut the mustard-
28
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,098
Quiet.
29
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,353
- You hit me.
- Now, listen, Mustard Man,
30
00:03:49,603 --> 00:03:51,272
or whatever you call yourself.
31
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,192
You're obviously new at this,
so I'm willing to go easy on you.
32
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,863
Provided you give back the loot and
never even think about doing this again.
33
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,156
Deal?
34
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,160
- Horseradish!
- This is your last warning.
35
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,746
Let's go, Batso. You and me.
36
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:10,124
I'm the prince of pickles,
sultan of sauce.
37
00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:13,335
You don't stand a chance. You hear me?
38
00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,755
Later, chump.
39
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:21,469
Hang on.
40
00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:34,857
Harvey, call an ambulance.
41
00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:37,568
I know this man.
42
00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,696
He's that TV comic, Buddy Standler.
43
00:04:42,406 --> 00:04:44,074
Still no clues in the mystery
44
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,826
behind comedian Buddy Standler's
45
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,828
one-man crime spree last night.
46
00:04:48,078 --> 00:04:52,041
A rampage that ended with a trip
to the hospital for the famed TV comic.
47
00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:55,419
Though Standler himself is unable
to account for his actions,
48
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,922
his manager had these observations.
49
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:02,510
I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown
his entire career away.
50
00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:04,887
The network's canceling his show
51
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,681
and the restaurant's suing him
for a million dollars.
52
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,601
Why'd he do it?
It just doesn't make sense.
53
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:14,522
That's too bad. I watch Standler's show
all the time. He's great.
54
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:17,483
Any idea what would have caused him
to go off the deep end?
55
00:05:17,858 --> 00:05:20,361
No, but talk about bad timing.
56
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,404
He was supposed to be one of the judges
57
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,573
for the annual
laugh-off competition tonight.
58
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,700
Alfred and I bought tickets.
59
00:05:27,284 --> 00:05:29,286
By the way, where is Alfred?
60
00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:42,216
- One side, mac.
- I beg your pardon.
61
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,140
Ooh. Pretty. I want it.
62
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,979
- Hey, you can't do that.
- Sure I can, lady.
63
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:57,189
I'm the Pack Rat,
64
00:05:57,439 --> 00:06:00,693
-and your trash is my treasure.
- Hey!
65
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:04,947
Mmm. Shiny.
66
00:06:06,323 --> 00:06:07,366
Security!
67
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,914
Oh, no, you don't.
68
00:06:26,802 --> 00:06:29,013
Whoa, dibs on the dummy hand.
69
00:06:30,764 --> 00:06:32,016
Good heavens.
70
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:42,109
I've been looking everyplace
for one of these.
71
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,663
- Yes?
- Master Bruce?
72
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:55,873
Alfred?
73
00:06:55,956 --> 00:06:58,250
I think you're needed at Mayfield's
right away, sir.
74
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,252
There's a man with a gun running amok.
75
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:01,503
He's-
76
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:05,758
A word of advice, mac.
Never rat on a rat.
77
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,185
Alfred?
78
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,357
Alfred!
79
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:37,539
You'll get oatmeal and like it.
80
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,544
Listen, Eddie, if they expect me
to judge that stupid laugh-off again,
81
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,755
they'd better be prepared to pay.
82
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,968
Hold on, I got somebody at the door.
83
00:07:54,723 --> 00:07:56,642
- Yeah?
- Pizza delivery.
84
00:07:56,850 --> 00:07:58,727
I didn't order any pizza.
85
00:08:00,604 --> 00:08:04,608
- But I'll take it. How much?
- It's on me.
86
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,902
Hey!
87
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,247
Okay, everybody, empty your pockets.
88
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,918
I want gum wrappers, loose string,
those little balls of lint.
89
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,630
None of that cash stuff.
90
00:08:27,214 --> 00:08:28,465
Hey!
91
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,051
What?
92
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:35,723
So it's the rat versus the bat
and the brat.
93
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:39,977
Only one will survive,
and that's gonna be me.
94
00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,395
Everybody, clear out.
95
00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,592
Come on out.
96
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,848
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
97
00:09:52,007 --> 00:09:53,258
It's Harry Loomis.
98
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:55,052
Another famous comedian.
99
00:09:55,302 --> 00:09:56,428
Look at his neck.
100
00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:05,979
A microchip?
101
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,482
Mind control.
102
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:12,945
This is beginning to point toward
our old friend, the Mad Hatter.
103
00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:29,044
Wake up, Jervis. We have to talk.
104
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,714
Come on, rise and shine.
105
00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:41,765
Wow, he's really out.
106
00:11:07,082 --> 00:11:08,208
Here's what we know.
107
00:11:09,459 --> 00:11:13,380
Someone implants the Mad Hatter with
one of his own mind-control devices,
108
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,799
then does the same thing
to two comedians.
109
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,217
But what's the connection?
110
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:19,720
Looks like it's three comedians
now, sir.
111
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:24,391
"TV personality Lisa Lorraine
was abducted
112
00:11:24,474 --> 00:11:26,310
"from her apartment early this evening."
113
00:11:26,518 --> 00:11:30,397
And here's our common link.
This comedy competition.
114
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:33,400
Sure. Buddy, Harry and Lisa
judge it every year.
115
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,444
Remember, we taped the last one.
116
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,112
Right here, Master Dick.
117
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,114
And I've cued it
to something you should see.
118
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:47,206
Well, that's it for our contestants.
119
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:50,542
Now our panel of distinguished judges
will choose
120
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,670
the funniest person in Gotham.
121
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:05,390
Not so fast, chuckles.
You haven't introduced me yet.
122
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:07,643
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
123
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,228
Ba-dum-boom.
124
00:12:11,563 --> 00:12:12,856
Come on, already.
125
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,526
Good evening, ladies and germs.
126
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,738
Hey, did you hear about the guy
walked into a doctor's office
127
00:12:19,821 --> 00:12:21,990
with a frog on his head? Doctor says,
128
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,868
"That's the weirdest looking wart
I've ever seen." Frog looks up and says,
129
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,955
"Yeah, I woke up this morning,
there was a big bump on my butt."
130
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,463
Hey, then there's this guy who buys
a new dog.
131
00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,340
He takes it for a walk
and the friend says-
132
00:12:38,423 --> 00:12:39,633
Huh?
133
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,095
Sorry, pal.
We've already made our decision.
134
00:12:43,303 --> 00:12:47,266
And for your information,
registration closed days ago.
135
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:50,519
I'm not leaving until I get that trophy.
136
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,314
Oh, yes, you are.
137
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,696
You can't do this to me!
138
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:02,781
I'm the greatest comic in Gotham!
139
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:06,910
I'll get even. I'II ruin you all.
140
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:09,079
Freeze it right there.
141
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,626
I think I see what you mean, Alfred.
142
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,421
Without the hat...
143
00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:21,049
And different hair...
144
00:13:21,508 --> 00:13:22,843
The Joker!
145
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,900
I tell you, Maury, I'm dying here.
146
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,277
I got a full house,
147
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,572
and all three of my celebrity judges
are either missing or in jail.
148
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:46,033
You gotta find me
some replacements quick.
149
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,453
Ask and ye shall receive.
150
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,580
What in the...
151
00:13:52,497 --> 00:13:57,127
Permit me to introduce Judges
Knuckles, Vinnie and Kowalski.
152
00:13:57,544 --> 00:14:00,297
They'll be presenting me
with the trophy tonight.
153
00:14:00,797 --> 00:14:03,842
Listen, you
can't just walk in here and take...
154
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,011
Oh, but I already have.
155
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,394
These little microchips are a wonder.
156
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:18,982
Remind me to thank the Mad Hatter
if he ever wakes up.
157
00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:22,736
Hey, start the show already.
158
00:14:23,111 --> 00:14:26,156
- Let's go already!
- Start the show!
159
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:31,286
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the 10th annual Gotham Laff Off.
160
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:35,415
And now, it is my deepest honor
to present to you
161
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:40,170
the evening's first and only contestant,
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
162
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,507
Hey, folks, you're beautiful.
163
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:46,510
Funny thing happened to me
on the way to the theater last year.
164
00:14:46,593 --> 00:14:50,972
It seems three no-talent hacks
tried to stop me from winning.
165
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,516
But guess what!
166
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,521
I'm back.
167
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,614
Oh! Such unhappy faces.
168
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,200
Judges, let's cheer them up.
169
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:18,667
My high-octane laughing gas
will have you rolling in the aisles.
170
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:35,976
It's just you and us, Joker.
171
00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:38,353
Not quite, Batman.
172
00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:42,774
I've got a new girl, and she'll
really sweep you off your feet.
173
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:48,405
Lisa Lorraine?
174
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:54,870
Call me Mighty Mom.
175
00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:56,371
Ain't she sweet?
176
00:15:57,622 --> 00:16:01,001
My very own happy homemaker.
177
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,378
But I don't do windows.
178
00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:06,006
Not bad.
179
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,301
Honey, why don't you show our pals
how you clean house?
180
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:12,345
In other words, mop 'em up.
181
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,440
Who's first to get dusted?
182
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,609
Think you can get
the brain patch off her?
183
00:16:25,817 --> 00:16:26,818
No problem.
184
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:37,120
- Hey!
- Naughty boy. Mama spank.
185
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,755
What did I tell you about playing
with your toys in the house?
186
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:49,674
- Get rid of it!
- You're the boss.
187
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:02,729
No! Not on my nice clean floor.
188
00:17:02,812 --> 00:17:05,565
- Just hold still.
- Ow!
189
00:17:05,815 --> 00:17:07,150
That hurts.
190
00:17:09,986 --> 00:17:13,490
- Don't worry. I'm back to normal.
- Who can tell?
191
00:17:37,889 --> 00:17:41,142
- Stay back.
- You've hit a new low, Joker.
192
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,105
Only you would ruin three lives
for a silly piece of tin.
193
00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:47,691
You're dumber than you look, Bats.
194
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:53,822
It's not the trophy that matters,
it's the title.
195
00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:58,660
I am the greatest clown
this dismal burg has ever seen.
196
00:17:58,868 --> 00:18:02,414
What would the common folk do
without my pranks and antics?
197
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:04,207
Let's find out.
198
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:12,048
Up, up and away!
199
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,318
Quit rocking the boat!
200
00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:45,707
Oh! Too bad, Bat-sap.
201
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:48,001
But you should have remembered
the old saying,
202
00:18:48,251 --> 00:18:51,588
"Dying is easy, comedy is hard."
203
00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:04,934
Mind if I join the party?
204
00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:14,653
Ow! You miserable brat.
205
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,869
Get this stupid thing off me.
206
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,377
Oops!
207
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,962
Watch it.
208
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:36,424
I think I'm getting airsick.
209
00:19:56,069 --> 00:20:01,491
I'll get you for this, Batman!
No one upstages me and lives.
210
00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:06,830
Is there a problem, officers?
211
00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:18,174
What's so funny?
I'll give you something to laugh about!
212
00:20:18,224 --> 00:20:22,774
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