Original subtitles

- All right, the taquito train is pulling into

coffee table station.

- Okay, Carl.

They've added every episode of Ray Donovan.

So we are good to go.

- Well then let's get our Donovan onavan.

- Okay.

- Please select your ad experience.

Brought to you by Chompsky's Kettle Chips.

The chips that go chomp.

- Oh, cool.

If we watch a five minute ad now,

we can watch the entire show without a single commercial.

- We should do it.

I hate commercials.

- Hold on.

Or we can watch a one year ad

and never have to watch another commercial

for the rest of our lives.

- Oh yeah, sounds good to me.

- Okay.

Let's try it.

- Your one year ad experience

brought to you by Chompsky's will begin momentarily.

And remember, say nothing bad about the product.

- That last part was extremely specific.

- Beginning in three,

two,

one.

- Okay, I guess it didn't work.

- Or did it?

Ow.

No.

Okay, that didn't work.

I don't know what I thought would happen there.

I'm dumb.

Naomi?

- Carl!

Carl!

- Naomi?

Naomi, where are you?

Who's there?

- Yeah!

Banter, enter, banter.

- Watching the big game with my best bros,

plus a big bag of Chompsky's Kettle Chips.

What could be better?

- Maybe a six pack of brew dogs.

- That's what I'm talking about, y'all.

- I'm sorry, what is happening?

- Game night, Carl.

And no game is complete without Chompsky's,

and they come in three delicious flavors.

Original, salt and vinegar, and barbeque.

- Mmm, BBQ for my BFF's.

- Oh, hell no!

- Yeah, but I thought we were supposed to be,

you know, watching a commercial.

- This is the commercial, Carl.

An artificial reality to let you hear all about

Chompsky's delicious snack crisps

for one full year.

- Enough with the science lesson.

Less chat, more chips!

- Don't worry.

You'll have 12 full months to get used to it.

In the meanwhile, enjoy what really matters.

Football, friends, America, and Chompsky's.

- Carl.

- Oh, Naomi!

- Uh oh.

Wife alert.

- What's going on here?

- Oh we're just eating some delicious

Chompsky's Kettle Chips and we're...

watching a chick flick.

- Carl.

Are we really stuck here for a whole year?

- Hey, hey.

It's all going to be worth it when we're

watching Ray Don's ad free, remember?

Come on.

- This is weird for two reasons.

- Sorry.

Didn't mean to scare you.

I just moved in upstairs.

Thought I'd come down to say hi.

- Hi.

I'm Naomi.

- I'm not bothering you, am I?

- No.

Actually, it's kind of nice to talk to someone,

you know, normal.

This place is kind of weird.

- I shouldn't be telling you this,

but I have a secret.

- About this place?

Yes, what is it?

- What if I told you...

that Chompsky's are low in fat?

- Oh my god.

- It's okay.

It is a sinful little secret for us ladies.

Try one!

- No, I don't want it.

I don't want it!

I don't!

- Chip?

Follow @Chompsky's on Twitter!

- Carl.

I think I just killed...

Wait.

Where is everyone?

- I...I don't know.

- Banter, enter, banter.

- Watching the big game with my best bros

plus a big bag of Chompsky's Kettle Chips.

What could be better?

- Maybe a six pack of brew dogs.

- Sorry.

Didn't mean to scare you.

I just moved in upstairs.

Thought I'd come down and say hi.

- It's a sinful secret for us ladies.

Try one.

Ooh, try one.

- Uh oh.

Wife alert, wife alert.

- Have you guys seen Carl?

- All right.

Got a fresh bowl of Chompsky's for my football bros.

- Oh snap!

- Shut up.

- Oh snap.

- Whoa, whoa.

Sweetie, what's wrong?

- I just, I can't really do this anymore.

It's just the relentless advertising is really

getting to me.

- That is some good sports.

- Hey, hey.

It's almost over, remember?

Before you know it, we'll be back home

with what really matters.

Our friends.

Our family.

America.

And of course, Chompsky's.

- Look at you, Carl!

- Hey, hey.

Watch the chips.

- You're becoming like one of these three.

You let this place get to you.

- That is not true.

You're hysterical.

Have some potato chips and relax.

- Screw potato chips.

I hate Chompsky's!

- Naomi, sweetie, remember what the commercial guy said.

Don't say anything bad about the product.

- I don't care.

It's a garbage chip.

This whole ad is garbage.

It's the same poorly written, tone deaf crap

that made me hate commercials in the first place.

- Negative product talk detected.

Ad experience compromised.

- Who are you talking to?

- Customer account number 122684.

You are guilty of spreading unpleasant brand association.

- What are you gonna do?

Kill us?

Good.

I want to wake up.

- Wake up.

Oh, Naomi.

That's not how things work here.

- Oh my god.

If you die in the ad, you die in real life.

- Close.

The ad reloads.

- Another year?

I barely even made it through this.

I can't do that again.

- Prepare to reload ad in three,

two,

one.

- Wife alert.

All of your wives are here.

- Where are we going?

Naomi.

- Hey, stop them.

They're not permitted to enter other ads.

- Don't worry.

I'm here to save you.

- Oh, thank god.

Should we hide?

- Save you from razor burn.

With the new Quantum Seven razor,

now with the built in cooling strip.

- No!

- Hola, amigo.

Are you paying too much for your car insurance?

- Come on!

- There's no escape!

- Oh my god.

We're animated.

- And we're a...blobs?

- Do you feel depressed?

Tired?

- Run, Carl.

- I'm going as fast as I can.

- Like you should just give up?

Turn yourself in.

- To the nights I'll never remember,

with the jeans I'll never forget.

- I'm so confused.

- Yeah, totally.

Like, what does that have to do with jeans?

- We can't let you leave.

Without viewers, commercial archetypes like us

would have no reason to exist.

- Besides.

I don't think Carl even wants to go.

He's a Chompsky's man now.

Isn't that right, Carl?

- Carl?

You saved us?

Why?

- You kidding me?

I don't want to exist anymore.

All I do is say racist one-liners written by some

digital marketing employee who doesn't know

anything about how real black people talk.

- Well, you have a new purpose now.

You're getting us out of here.

- Let's get jiggy with it.

What?

Come on, let's go.

We got to get out of here!

Go, go, go, go!

Out the way!

Go, go, go.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

- Is it safe?

- Shut up.

All right.

Let's go.

- Where are we?

- The new Titan Telesto.

Muscle forward.

- Okay.

All we need to do is stay absolutely quiet,

and they won't know we're in here.

- They're in here.

- Go, go, go, go go!

Back in the trunk!

Back in the trunk!

No!

We're stuck in here.

Damn.

- Don't be so sure.

I have a plan.

We just need to stay alive a couple seconds longer.

- Okay.

Yo.

As long as I'm here, ain't nobody gonna hurt you.

- Carl?

What's going on?

- I'm sorry, Naomi.

I can't let you do this to Chompsky's.

- They're just a potato chip!

- They're all I know.

Every, every happy emotion.

Every memory.

They're all tied to those potato chips now.

- That's sick.

- No.

That's advertising.

- Okay, cool it.

We know you took a semester in philosophy.

- Don't come any closer.

- I know you're still in there.

Underneath all that cringe-worthy commercial slang.

- They're on fleek.

- You still know what matters.

- Ray Donovan.

- You're right.

Naomi, what's your plan?

There's still 15 seconds left in the ad.

- Exactly.

You know what happens when there's

15 seconds left in an ad?

- Of course.

The Skip Ad option!

Okay, we give up now.

Yeah.

- Prepare to reload ad.

- Sorry.

We will watch this commercial. - Three, two, one.

- Advertise this.

- We're back.

- I'm sorry, Naomi.

I should've listened to you all along.

- The important thing is...

- Ow.

- Is that we made it out and we aren't slaves

to the whims of advertising.

Now let's watch Ray Donovan.

Sundays at 10, only on Showtime.

- New episodes coming 2016.

- This whole thing has been an ad

for Ray Donovan.

Next up, it's the best Superbowl commercials ever aired.

And be sure to check out other content

recommended just for you,

like an episode of Suits, with branded integration

from Office Depot, and a deodorant ad that's so crazy,

it now counts as entertainment.

High quality content is at your fingertips.

So make your viewing complete with new

Chompsky's no grease potato chips.

The only chip that leaves no residue on your fingers

or your remote control.

This voiceover-based Chompsky's ad

is brought to you by Ray Donovan.

Oh god.

What's happening?

It never ends!