Original subtitles

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- Hi, Mom. - Ah, Mama's happy!

- Nice to see you. - Good to see you.

Hi, oh, you shouldn't have. How sweet.

- Hi. Good to see you. - You too.

- Oh, my. Look! - Yeah, I saw them.

- I thought you'd moved out? - Funny.

- Hey, Jones. - Hi, sis.

- The Secret Life of Plants. - Plants, yes.

Beautiful title.

- Hi, Kristoffer. - Hi, Liv.

- Do you know this one? - Peter Tompkins.

- Is it any good? - Dinner is served, boys!

- Please wait until the others get here. - Right.

- Dig in! - Cabbage rolls, delicious.

- I was dreaming of Mom's meatballs. - Me too.

- Then I'll make you some tomorrow. - I thought we were barbecuing.

- There's always lunch. - Already on to the next meal. Love it!

- Where's the dressing? - Here you go.

Noticed how much weight Liv lost?

- You lost weight? - Did she lose weight? It's amazing.

- Are you dieting? - Sure. I have a dietician from hell.

So do I.

- Aw, poor you. - Hey!

- Hi. - There he is!

- Hi. Come sit. - You got off early after all?

- Yeah, they didn't need me. - Wonderful.

Yes. Hi, honey.

- I brought this. - Oh, is it one of yours?

- No. I just bottled it. - You bottled it!

- You're in gardening, too? - I'm a gardening apprentice, yes.

- Sebastian specializes in wine. - So you two can take over the farm now.

Well, our neighbour already has two grandchildren!

- Really? - Yes. I'm just sayin'.

Shut it.

Looks great.

It must be lovely to have toddlers around.

- How about we taste the cider? - Yes.

I pretty much still have all your toys in the attic.

- Dad, hand me... - A big glass for me.

- Baseball! - Caroline Wozniacki!

You could tell by her technique. It was clearly a racket.

Mom, don't.

The bum...

- Dumbo? - Donald Duck!

- We need to step up our game. - We'll beat them.

- Come on, Gitte! - Alright, but they're hard!

- You don't get to choose! - I can't read this without my glasses.

- You have to mime something! - I am!

- You can't do letters. - I'm not!

Is it a woman? Oh! Mona Lisa!

Yes! Yes!

THE VENUS EFFECT

- Do plants eat soil? - Yes. You could say that.

They eat light, water and soil. But mostly they need nourishment.

- They need a lot of soil. - Yes, that's right.

- I made one! - Yes, well done.

- All done! - There you go!

I'll fill it up.

Now stick your index finger halfway into the soil. Like this.

Do you see the little hole it makes?

Great. And now we get each our bean.

Here you go. Good job.

- Then you cover the bean. - I already covered it.

- Me, too. - And then it needs water.

- And we go 1... - 1...

- 2, 3. - You're so good.

- I gave it water. - Good job.

- And now we just wait. - Yes, and then the plant...

Excuse me, can I ask you something? My car broke down, you see.

I'm in a rush, and it broke down, and my uncle isn't answering his phone.

I'm like, really in a rush.

- Where's your car? - In a field.

- I can help you when I'm done here. - I really can't be late!

My girlfriends are getting married in Copenhagen, and it sucks if I'm late.

Is it a costume wedding?

No, it's a bachelorette party.

Did you think I was going to a wedding as a big pink pussy?

- No, no. - It's a pussy party.

Try turning her on.

Won't she start?

You're out of gas.

No.

- It died. - Yes. You're out of gas.

She didn't give me any warning.

Argh!

God, how I hate myself.

I can check if we have a gas can somewhere.

Or you could lend me yours. We swap ladies now and swap back tomorrow.

Okay.

I carefully pull it out. Do you see what that is?

- Yes. - What?

- Roots. - Almost as big as the stem.

And what we can learn from that is -

- that the bigger the space we give the plant inside the pot -

- the bigger the plant grows. Yes. Okay?

- Is he your dad? - Yes, I'm afraid so.

- And this plant, let me show you... - I know how to make mud with water.

That's great. But roots are great, too.

- That's pretty. - Thanks. It's old.

- It looks good on you. - You must be careful when you repot.

If you break it, the plant will struggle to survive.

- That's not her car. - Hi!

I'm sorry... listen.

- I told you to come yesterday. - I know. Sorry. Sorry!

- If everyone's here, then let's start. - And the songs?

- We already know them by heart. - You're the only one we can't control.

Two perky pussies met each other

and Anna and Dina will be Dianna.

Oh, Dianna are two perky pussies in love with each other.

And Anna and Dina will be Dianna.

Oh, Dianna!

Dianna!

Dianna!

- Cuckoo! - Cuckoo!

- Bow chicka bow wow! - Stop it.

- Ding dang dong, gimme some schlong. - You're so lame.

Seriously. I'll die if I don't get laid soon.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Argh, Katja...

- Hi. - Sebbe!

- Hi. - Hey there.

- Hi, honey. - Hi.

- All set? - I hope they ditched the live band.

- I think it's a DJ this year. - Cool!

There's a little hair in that one.

- Just take it out. - No, don't take all of the pussy.

You're so greedy.

- JJ, did you make a playlist? - Yes, it's called 'Chill'.

- I made a bachelorette party list. - Can't we start with 'Chill'?

- I spent hours making it. - Yeah, so did I.

Let's start with...

No, please just check out what I picked. Click on it.

- Might we start... - No, start here.

Take it and do your couple's thing. Jesus Christ.

- Let's start with this one. - No.

- Okay. - We'll listen to yours after.

Nice.

But I really think so.

- Sweetie, is that all you're drinking? - Yep.

Probably a good thing. You're a party all on your own.

- Where are you staying? - On a couch.

- Okay? What couch is that? - Yours, I think.

I think so, too.

Great.

Hi! A yellow Breezer, please. And two beers!

That crap is full of hormone disruptors.

- But they don't spray trees in bloom. - Come on, Henning, it's science.

The thing is, bees lose their sense of direction. They don't die.

- Can we bum a cigarette? - Well, my bees always come home.

- Do you extract honey? - No, I can't reach.

Just say the word, I've been learning about bees all summer.

Sebbe? Do you have a light?

- Did you hack the DJ? - We're not old enough.

- He did play Rasmus Seebach. - That's as young as it gets.

Liv?

- Tell him about that pussy girl. - Andrea?

- She's Henning's niece? - I know.

- You never mentioned that. - Who's Andrea?

- The girl staying in the apple orchard. - Why do you call her a... genital?

- Because she was dressed up. - Andrea is a very special girl.

- 'Woman', Henning. Unless she's 12. - People get older.

It tastes different from anything we've ever made.

- It's smokey. - Yes, it's odd.

Liv?

- That pussy girl is asking for you. - Pussy girl?

- Thank you for being a lifesaver. - You're welcome.

- I mean... It was nothing. - Nah, it was something.

Sunniva makes them. My friend.

- The key chain I mean. - Thanks.

- I'd like to buy something. - Yes?

- Something I can't kill. - A plant?

Yeah. As long as it can't die.

Most things can. Indoor or outdoor?

Uh, outdoor, I think. Or indoor, or...

Something you can take with you... I live in a camper. Do you know Henning?

- Yes. We make cider from his apples. - Okay. Cool.

I've never tasted it. Of course, you know Henning. Everybody does.

- Or I don't know. Do they? - Most people, I guess.

These are all house plants. Those over here, too.

The succulents are fairly strong. No need to worry about killing them.

- These ones? - Yes.

They don't need much, but don't like being alone.

They should be where you are or together with other plants.

I can relate to that.

Presence is a form of nourishment too.

This one is easy. It's a paradise tree. Most manage to keep it alive.

If not, you'll just have to come and help me.

This is kinda cute.

- Do you have my keys? - Oh, right.

Thanks again.

- Don't forget to fill it up. - Yeah, the plant, right?

- See you. - See you.

- So, are you friends now? - She just wanted to buy a plant.

- I doubt she came for the plant. - No, she came for her car.

Why do you think her license plate says 'Venus'?

Because 'Pussy' was taken.

- So, Klaus. Still a vegetarian? - Yes, you know... Gitte... yes.

- Where is Mom? - She had a class.

In what?

Something... Something to do with food.

Jesus, Klaus, she's studying to be a nutritionist.

- I can't keep track of all her plans. - Is she gonna get a new job?

No, no. It's... a hobby.

Dad!

Hi.

- Hi. - I brought cider if you want a taste.

Does it contain alcohol?

Yes.

- I don't drink alcohol. - Oh. Okay.

It's made from the apples you live with.

Ingrid Marie, Elstar, Cortland and Bodil.

Okay. Are those their names?

Yes, it's pure nature.

Well, if it's pure nature, it probably won't fuck me up.

Behind the blue elephant there's a door.

That's where they are. Do you see them?

Yes.

- I have nature on prescription. - Prescription?

Yes.

- For stress. - Oh. I didn't know you could get that.

My doc is cutting edge.

- Okay! Not bad at all. - Do you like it?

- What's this? - An instrument.

It registers the electromagnetic vibrations of the leaf -

- and down to the root system and translates them into music.

- So it's the plant playing? - Yes. It's the plant playing.

Cool.

Do you think plants have sexual orientations?

I don't think nature has the same perception of gender.

But plants have sex, too, don't you think?

Sure. It... It's probably more constant.

How do you mean?

The bee tickling the flower or...

... the wind brushing against the tree.

I'd like to photograph you.

- For what? - Art.

You're an artist?

Ah... I'm afraid I'm not that exotic.

- Okay. - Okay? Okay.

Stay there. Don't go anywhere.

Would you mind taking off your shirt?

- This? All the way off? - Yes.

And that one too, maybe.

Yes, and then... Try to relax. Like really relax.

- Could you bend it? - Yes.

Come down here, please.

Open.

Wanna come to a wedding?

My ex is getting married, so I could use someone who reminds me -

- of the birds and the bees and the wind and the trees and...

Yes, that was weird. Was it weird? A little?

It's maybe a bit weird to go to a wedding with a total stranger.

That was nice.

Inhale, exhale and let go. Yes, and again.

And lengthen your body.

And release.

Arms above your head and while exhaling, melt your spine over your heart -

- down, drop your head and slowly roll back up and release.

And one final time.

The hips can circulate, chest, neck.

And again with the soft breathing.

- Release any tensions in your back. - Liv, back to the centre.

And stretch your right arm above your head.

Return to your natural breathing.

Observe your natural breathing -

- as it moves in and out of your body.

Shavasana.

See you Saturday.

- Your dad insists on barbecuing. - I have... plans with Sebastian.

He's invited, too.

- We're going to Katja's. - Just bring Katja along.

- No, there'll be others there. - I see.

Alright, so it's just me and the barbecue king.

Say hi.

Hi, everyone. Excuse me?

If I might have your attention.

Yes, yes. As the newly-weds have requested no speeches -

- and other embarrassing tributes, I found it appropriate -

- that someone gave tonight's perhaps only speech.

When I look at you...

... I understand what love is.

I understand that it is unconditional and arises between all living things -

- regardless of disposition, height -

- size, colour, upbringing, age and gender.

It is shining and vivid -

- ever-changing, sensitive, strong and absolute.

You two, as a couple and as individuals -

- girlfriends... family...

... my beloved...

... pussies.

Your love is a beacon in the world.

A beacon for those of us who struggle to see the light -

- or who too often get burnt or blown out.

Thank you for existing.

And thank you for sharing your wonderful love -

- and throwing this gorgeous party. I love you.

- We love you. - I know.

- Cheers! - Cheers.

What am I?

- A tree shaken by the wind. - Yes!

A worm.

Is it an animal?

An alien!

Nope.

What is it?

I'm not telling you.

It's a finger figure.

What?

Who the hell mimes a finger figure?

- But I can't guess what it is. - No...

You'll just have to sleep on it.

Oh, my God, I'm still drunk.

Go ahead.

Soap.

Just a little something Hugs Mom

- Hi, Mom. - Hi.

- Did you see I stopped by yesterday? - Yes, I did.

Where were you?

At Katja's.

Did the dress fit?

- Yes, thanks. - Is it a good fit?

- I haven't tried it on yet. - Oh.

I just thought the sleeves were really pretty.

Mom, you don't need to unpack any more of my boxes.

I just wanted to help you.

Yes, but I think I'd like to handle the rest of it myself.

- Hello! - Hi.

Something smells delicious!

- Are you expecting company? - Yes, my Mom's coming.

Oh, how nice.

We were hoping you'd come mini-golfing.

Shouldn't you open the door for your mother-in-law?

- Hi. - Hi.

- Isn't this Liv's place? - Yes.

- Hi. I'm Andrea. - Hi. Katja.

- And a proper hi to you. - Hi. Sebastian.

I didn't know this was a double date.

How nice.

Royal porcelain and everything.

- You're the girl from the orchard? - That's right.

- Okay. What do you do out there? - Well...

- I have a little art workshop. - So you're an artist?

No. I'm actually a teacher. I just needed a change. How about you?

- I'm... - You're a teacher, too?

- No, I'm a wine apprentice. - Oh, sorry, okay.

- Shall I put out more plates or...? - Yes.

- Do I set a place for your mom, too? - No. That's okay.

God, how delicious. I love moules frites.

I actually love anything you eat with your fingers.

- Would you like some? - No, thank you.

- So, how long have you been together? - Seven or eight months.

Great. Good for you.

Sebastian and I aren't together if that's what you think.

Oh? So who are you together with?

As far as I know, I'm together with Liv.

Okay... So who am I on a date with right now?

- Hi, sweetie. - Hi, Mom.

- Coffee? - Yes, please.

Are we having cake? Awesome!

- I ran into Sebastian in town. - Okay...

- Here you go. - Thank you.

- He said you're not together anymore. - Yes.

Were you having problems?

No.

I couldn't figure out if it was him or you who ended things.

Well, sometimes it's good to take a little break to see if...

I met someone else.

Oh?

Someone we know?

Yes... maybe a little.

Is he from around here?

- His name is Andrea. - Andreas?

Andrea. It's Henning's niece.

That's... wonderful.

Yes.

- Mom, you don't need to... - I'll just rinse it.

- Thanks for the cake. - Yes. Bye.

Sweetie, I was thinking... Maybe you should take the spare key.

You don't need me to come over all the time...

- See you. - See you.

'The Yoga of Eating'. Who's reading this?

- Who do you think? - You do yoga while you eat?

- Or is it about colon cleansing? - That's disgusting.

- Read it and find out. - Yeah.

There are no more fig trees this year.

- Why would anyone buy them in the fall? - That's their business.

If I can sell someone a fig tree, I don't care when they plant it.

- No, but I do. - Yes, you do.

What is that?

Is it a rose?

- It's not exactly a rose, Klaus. - What then? An orchid?

- Jesus, Klaus. - What?

- Andrea gave it to her. - Oh.

What do you think it is, Liv? A rose or a pussy?

- Nynne! - That's what it's called.

- What else would you call it? - There's no toilet paper, Dad.

- There's loads in the cupboard. - How about... a Venus?

- Did you want the red rhododendron? - The blue.

- No... Gitte! The lights! - Sorry!

Hey!

- Was it fun? - Yeah!

- Always pick it with the stem. - How?

You do... Yes, that's fine.

And then you twist it. Like this.

- Aw! - They're good this year.

- Have you tasted them? - No. I haven't actually.

Not really.

An apple picker in action.

Nice catch.

You're so annoying.

- They look good together. - Yes, they do.

So, Henning, it doesn't look like it's gonna rain after all.

No. It'll stay dry, it seems. That looks really good.

Thank you.

This looks great.

- Here you go. - Delicious.

You did great today.

- The harvest is looking good this year. - Yes.

- How many rows did you pick? - Five.

- What did we skip? - Spartan.

- But they really sell. - We'll get to them.

- I love those Starlight... no... - Elstar.

- Elstar. Most beautiful name ever. - Starlight.

Gitte wants a divorce.

Sorry, what?

Yes, well...

You weren't supposed to... find out like this.

- She had a tarot reading, you see. - I didn't have a tarot reading!

Are you serious?

We've been together since we were 20, and it's time we found new interests.

So take a Spanish class. You don't need to get divorced.

Your mom wants grandchildren.

- She feels the future is a bit foggy. - I never said that!

You said that without grandchildren, there was no need to keep it together.

And now it looks like we'll never have any.

No! I...

We have no control over whether you want children or not.

- Gay people can have children, too. - Of course.

We talk about kids all the time. We do.

- That's not what this is about. - She doesn't feel it would be the same.

That is just mean, Klaus!

Mom!

This divorce has absolutely nothing to do with you.

No, it's me who isn't exciting anymore.

- So sell the farm and get a hobby! - Your Dad won't do that.

- You can't sell the farm! - Apparently, we can.

We've been together forever, and I always know what you'll say next.

- Because you keep correcting me! - You always say the same...

A lot of couples get divorced when the kids leave the nest.

I can't believe she wants to sell the farm.

Then you can move to the city with me.

Shouldn't you do that?

Maybe.

- And what about Christmas? - You can celebrate it with me.

- Who are you celebrating with? - My family.

- Right, but with whom? - Dianna.

They're not your family.

I haven't talked to my mom since she married alco-Holger.

And my dad has so many kids he can't remember my name.

That doesn't make Dina and Anna your family.

- You can choose your own family. - It's not the same.

Why does it only count with relatives? Why don't my friends count as much?

It's a contract you make when you're born by your mom and meet your dad.

Or... your other mom.

Look.

Isn't it great?!

Do that again.

- Hi, Liv. - Hi.

I'm just going to a pussy lunch.

We thought we were going bathing, but we haven't got the nerve.

- Hi, Katja. - So, shall we go?

- Yes. - Yes.

- See you. - See you.

Dina's first crush?

Who is... what's her name...

Got it! Who is Meryl Streep?

- Wrong! Wrong. - Cate Blanchett.

- 'Who is' Cate Blanchett! - Wrong again.

- You're way off. - Can I answer?

- Who is Russell Crowe? - No way, Dina. Who is Russell Crowe?

- Out of everyone? - He's got warm eyes.

- You're so old, Dina. - He does have warm eyes.

- See? - Okay, new category.

- I choose politics. - Nice choice.

- Rainbow child. Youngest head of state. - I know that!

- Who is Sanna Marin? - Is she a rainbow child?

Yes, she has two mothers. I knew that.

Astro. We haven't had that yet.

How many in this room have fire in their ascendant?

- Interesting. Fire. - Who knows the answer?

- No cheating. - What says the astro pussy?

- I need to think. - I told you, no one here knows.

What is 3?

- How do you know that? - I called it.

- How about you, Liv? - What are you?

- You don't know your ascendant? - I don't know what it is.

Really, honey? Oh, honey...

- Oh, my God! Stop it! - You stop!

- What time were you born? - I don't know.

- She doesn't know that either. - My turn. Movies.

You pick movies again, okay. This is easy.

Blue hair.

- What is 'Adèle's Life'? - No.

- Sure. It's fine. - It's 'Blue Is the Warmest Colour'.

It's accepted! Correct.

- Well... - It's exactly the same.

- Next question. - It's a fine reference.

- It's a fine movie. - A super movie.

What?

I just said that 'Adèle's Life' is your only sexual reference.

- Well, it's not. - Honey...

You're so adorable. You're just adorable.

- Next question. What category, Liv? - She chooses politics!

- Politics, politics. - Okay?

- Anna's crush... - Wait! What's the category?

- Politics. - Okay! Uh... No!

Who is... stop! Who is Helle Thorning?

- Correct. - The suspense is killing me!

I know it's a bit corny. It took forever to light the candles.

- Dianna live downstairs. - Is it their flat?

No, it's ours. I rented it.

- Did your prescription run out? - Prescription?

- For nature. - Oh.

You shouldn't believe everything I say.

- You watered it too much. - You said it couldn't die.

Everything can die.

- Think I'd stay at my uncle's forever? - No!

But I don't think I can live here.

Okay... You're not ready to leave home.

- I don't live at home! - You almost do.

- Why would I move away from everything? - I'm pretty sure you're moving closer.

- I don't have family or friends here. - Oh, my God, you're so young.

What about you? You're moving in upstairs from your ex!

I can't see myself in your rainbow fantasy...

Then fuck out of my damn fantasy! You have nothing to lose, do you?

My whole family has disintegrated since I met you!

Awesome, Liv. Just what I needed to hear.

That your little nuclear family has fallen apart because of me.

- I thought we had more than that. - We do!

Take off the pussy before you leave, please.

It's grown through the years.

And you have everything. Pots and fertilizer and... wow.

We have to have it all.

And this is my daughter.

Hi. I'm Susanne.

- Hi. Liv. - And Nynne.

She's in charge of the outdoor plants and is an excellent decorator.

- Hi. - All decorations are in Nynne's hands.

- The Pansy, AKA stepmother, is here. - Oh, I love it.

- So... you're a viola girl? - Yes, you could say that.

Dad? Who was that lady?

The lady was Susanne, and she's my new girlfriend.

What the fuck, Dad?!

- And if Mom has second thoughts? - I don't need your mom.

- So Susanne made your lunch? - No, I did.

It's the best thing that's happened to me in years.

Kinda sexist to think your dad can't make meatballs.

- We're taking dance lessons. - Great. I told you you'd like it.

- So you met her at senior dancing? - At dancing.

I invited her for Christmas.

I met Kasper at a rattan weaving class, but he's not exactly proud of that.

Let your hands be a meeting with yourself.

A loving gesture to yourself.

Deep and steady breathing expanding you from within.

Feel how your breathing expands your body towards your hands.

Why don't we get a bite together? It's been so long.

Take my credit card and buy whatever you feel like.

So you don't care that Dad has a new girlfriend?

I'm happy for him.

- I won't celebrate Christmas with her. - No, why would we?

He's invited her.

Oh.

Isn't that just too much?

We can't control who Dad invites for Christmas.

No, but I just think...

Listen, I completely forgot that I have tons to get through for my exam.

- So we're not having dinner? - Some other day, okay?

Sure.

See you.

- Watch the gravy. - Where did he put the cutter?

- What cutter? - The poultry cutter!

Beats me.

Hey, hands off.

You should expect it to be a mess when you're not around.

I'm sure it's not that bad.

Mind the potatoes, sweetie.

Like this.

- She's coming. - Where's Klaus?

- I thought she'd be on the chubby side. - Jonas!

- We don't talk about people like that. - We were fed that stuff.

- Are we talking about the gravy? - Wow, Dad.

- Time to clean up. - I didn't know you had nice clothes.

- Hello? - Your lady friend is here.

- Merry Christmas. - You, too.

- My, what a beautiful tree. - Will you light the candles?

Yes, they're very decorative.... Gitte and Liv.

Hi, Susanne. Merry Christmas. How wonderful that you could join us.

- Thank you. It's so nice of you. - I'll go pop the wine.

- May I take your coat? - Thank you.

- It's beautiful. - Thank you. Well, it is Christmas.

- Dad, it's a screw cap. - Oh, right. Yes.

- Susanne. - Jonas.

- And we've already met. - Yes.

- It's such a delicious meal. - You nailed it, Gitte.

- We usually have goose. - Goose? On Christmas Eve?

- Isn't that really dry meat? - That depends on how you cook it.

Klaus is right. I'm not a good cook, so the goose is always dry.

- Good thing that Klaus can cook, then. - I doubt the children agree with you.

- You know how to barbecue. - I haven't had that pleasure yet.

- But you've served excellent meatballs. - Yes. Gitte's recipe.

So perhaps it wasn't my dad's dance steps that you fell for?

- We probably shouldn't go there. - Hey, hey.

You're a beast on the dance floor.

Jonas, could you pass me the greens?

This? I need more gravy.

Hand me the gravy, please. More gravy?

Klaus told me you're both homosexual.

Oh? What else have you said, Dad?

Yes. It is what it is.

- Is she feeling sick? - Well, she can't be pregnant.

- I hope it's not the food... - No, no.

Liv sometimes throws up when she's tense.

- Thanks for dinner. - You're leaving, too?

Desertion.

- More wine, Susanne? - Yes, please.

- Let's drink. - Cheers, honey.

Yes, cheers...

Let's find a present.

- It's very romantic. - Doesn't that look nice?

- Getting up with the birds... - Is that Italy?

Yes, it is! Well spotted.

Yes, I've travelled a great deal in Italy.

To Susanne from Gitte.

- No!? - It's just a little something.

That's so sweet of you. I love presents.

- My! Is it a tablecloth or...? - A scarf, but it could be a tablecloth.

Oh, a scarf! I don't wear scarves much, but I really love it.

- You can exchange it. - I'd never do that! It's so pretty.

Look... It fits perfectly. What do you think, honey?

- Kristoffer says hi. - Oh, tell him hi back.

Let's see here. This one is beautiful and big.

It's from your mom.

- Wow... - Oh, lovely...

- This wasn't on my list. - Oh, my, how gorgeous.

- Very cosy. - What's that other thing?

- It's a scale. - A scale?

- It's your turn to pick a present. - Yes.

- Did you give him my present? - Yes. I don't know if he opened it yet.

Ask him how far along they are.

Aha! For me!

- Who's it from? - It... thank you.

To Dad from Liv.

Aw.

It is... It is an iPod.

No?

It's a device that translates the vibes of plants into music.

Oh! Can we listen to it now?

It's almost as if the plant somehow expresses its personality.

- Well, it's just an algorithm. - Where did you get it?

Online.

Andrea has a device that does the same thing.

Andrea is Liv's girlfriend. You know Henning?

- Andrea is his niece. - Oh, I see.

How long have you been together?

- Liv? - What?

- Susanne asked you a question. - I don't know.

- Since late summer, right? - Maybe.

- Is she interested in plants, too? - Isn't she a teacher?

- I'm not together with Andrea anymore. - Sweetie. Why didn't you tell us?

- Why do you think? - Sorry. I don't know your relationship.

No! You were only interested in my relationship with Sebastian!

Beer, anyone?

When Jonas brought a guy home, it was oh-so exciting!

No, I don't meddle in your sexuality. Liv, you misunderstand...

And how could you sell a farm that's been in Dad's family for generations!?

- You should be ashamed of yourselves! - Liv...

No, Jonas!

And why would you give me a scale!? And a fucking bathrobe!?

- Come. Give me the keys. - Don't. Stop it!

- Give me the keys. - Get out! You don't control me!

No, but I love you. And I won't let you kill yourself in an accident.

You don't love me! You're a lousy mother!

You think I'm all wrong!

Liv, look at me. Liv.

I may be a lousy mom, but I love you just the way you are.

If I hadn't left Sebastian, you wouldn't have left Dad.

Liv...

Do you honestly think I'd put my whole love life in your hands?

I just... I really don't want you to get divorced.

No.

No...

I don't really want that myself.

So why are you?

Because there are things in my life that aren't about being a family.

But I want us to be a family.

We still are.

It's just a little bit different now.

And now it has a new leaf called Susanne.

- I hope she sucks at miming. - She probably rocks at it.

- Not at guessing Dad's mimes. - No, and that gives us a leg up.

Were you very fond of this?

Nah, it's all just stuff you buy.

I know you think it was easy for me back then.

But it was really difficult.

So, I think I know how you're feeling.

I just don't think I'm gay enough to be gay.

You don't have to assume an identity just because you love a woman.

But I do like girls.

You can still just be Liv.

Ouch.

"My dear Liv."

"When the plants vibrate and the trees sing, I hear you."

"Your living, shining being."

"I used to only hear myself."

"I know you're not mine, although that's how I start the letter."

"You cannot own each other. Only nature owns us."

"Earth, Venus, the solar system, the universe own us."

"When we cut down the rainforest, we cut down ourselves."

"And presence is a form of nourishment, too."

"I wish there was a 'we'."

"That I could be the wind softly blowing in your crown -

- instead of a tornado tearing you from your roots."

"If I could only move you as you have moved me -

- I would let you grow wild. As nature would do."

"And as love does when I'm with you."

"Thank you for..."

Don't read that.

Sorry. My mistake. It's a therapy thing. You're not supposed to hand it over.

Why are you here?

I want to know what this is.

You don't know, do you?

I'm sorry.

THE VENUS EFFECT

Subtitles: Goldberg & Kristiansen Dansk Video Tekst