Original subtitles

CHARLOTTE LOVES MIKKEL

CHARLOTTE AND MIKKEL 4EVER

CHARLOTTE IS A CUNT WHORE WITH A ROTTEN PUSSY

RITA IS FUCKING THE PRENCIPAL

RITA IS FUCKING THE PRINCIPAL

THE IDEALIST

ISLEVGÅRD SCHOOL

- Morning. - Morning.

- Morning. - Good morning, Rita.

- Good morning. - Remember I told you about Hjørdis?

- Hi. - Straight out of teacher's college.

She'll be part of the team in your 4th and 9th grade.

Would you show her around? Introduce her?

- Of course. - Right.

- Morning. - Morning. I'll be right there.

Have a nice day.

Lisbeth...

- Did Rasmus fill you in. - Yes, I think so.

Forget what he said. He's nice, but he's never been a teacher.

Are you coming?

- Hi, Rita. - Hi, Albert. Behave yourself.

Yes, I will.

That's the principal's office. Rasmus and his secretary.

This is the common area where we have assemblies.

The café, the computers where the weird kids hang out.

- Hi, Jeppe. - Hi, Mom.

- Jeppe's my youngest. - The youngest?

Yes. The other two, Molly and Ricco, are out of school.

- Do you have children? - No, but I want three.

Reinulf, Laga and Hildur. I'm really into Norse mythology.

Of course you are.

The book depot is in the basement. Hi, Svend.

Here's the library, the counselors, the nurse.

And that is Helle's office.

- Helle? - Helle is head of placement

and CCW teacher .

CCW?

Conduct, Contact and Wellbeing. Helle is very understanding,

Unfortunately she doesn't understand a whole lot.

Coming?

- Rosa, tell the class I'll be late. - What about my poem?

- It might have to wait. - But I've prepared.

- You're always prepared. - Isn't that the point of school?

Mom says you should spend your time on pupils who want to learn.

She's right. We'll just throw out the others.

I hope my pupils are just as diligent.

Listen, if you want to survive here: Remember those girls we just saw?

The ones with piercings and eyeliner? They're not the evil ones.

Evil doesn't look evil. Evil has a pageboy and does its homework -

- so that it can attack you when you least expect it.

4B, let's go. Let's go to the classroom. This way.

No running.

Good morning, class. Take your seats.

Take your seats and be quiet.

This is my friend Hjørdis. She's your new teacher.

Tomorrow I'll ask her how it went, and for your sakes I hope it went well.

- Is that understood? - Yes.

- Good. Welcome. - Thanks.

Hi. My name is Hjørdis. I'd like to tell you...

"The Birds of Passage: The time has come for me to go.

I hear the winter brawling For I am just a passer-through.

Afar my home is calling"

"I've known for long that I can't stay."

Thank you, Kasper.

- You were to choose a poem yourself. - I did.

You chose "Birds of Passage" by Steen St. Blicher?

- Yeah. - Who chose it for you?

My mom.

Okay, Kasper. What does your mother say the poem is about?

- About death. - It seems to be about birds.

What do they have to do with death?

They migrate. It's a metaphor for life.

Kasper, you say it's about death. I say it's about...

... fuck-buddies. I mean it.

Two people who enjoy having sex, but one of them is married.

"The time has come for me to go. My home is calling.

I'd like to stay, but I'm stuck in my cage." They're having an affair.

And now it's ending. That's my interpretation.

Why do you think it's about death?

- Blicher was a priest. I doubt... - You don't know what a priest thinks.

My mother says I should participate in class.

- Rosa, it's not your turn now. - She says I should participate.

I don't care what your mother says! This is about Kasper.

- But he doesn't get it! - Rosa!

Winter brawling.

- Go on. - "I hear the winter brawling."

- That's when things wither and die. - Very good, Kasper!

That's enough for now. And Kasper...

...next time choose one yourself. Okay?

- Yes. - Good.

Our next contestant is... Sofus.

- Did you choose it yourself? - Definitely.

(Danish pop song) "Boing, boing Her ass goes up and down

Like a spring Boing, boing, she's going to town"

Rita?

- Hi. - So. How did... Hjørdis manage?

- She's a natural. - She'll be alright.

I'll be working late tonight in case you... You know.

Ricco thinks I should meet his in-laws, so they're coming to dinner.

Oh, well. Call me later, if you need to... you know. Unwind.

How sweet of you to consider my needs.

That's the kinda guy I am.

What are you doing up there? You should be in your basket.

Behave yourselves when you're home alone.

That goes for you, too.

- Do you really have to talk to them? - Yes, actually I do.

- Hi, sweetie. - Hi, Mom.

- You've lost weight. - No, I've gained weight.

No, you haven't!

You look great. Where's Kim?

- He's sick. Is Jeppe home? - Yes. Try to make him come down.

He's embarrassed because I found his jerk-off sock.

- Can I come in? I showered. - Go away.

Don't! I just made my bed. Get off!

- Take it easy. You're so anal! - Am not!

You're awfully glad to see me.

- How long are you home for? - I don't know.

Why don't you wave to him?

- I don't know him. - His name is David.

- His sister works at the gas station. - Yes, but I don't know him.

- He's gay. - Okay.

Come on. Isn't it about time you came out?

- This is my girlfriend. Trine. - Yeah, right.

- Your hairdo tells a different story. - Don't touch my hair.

Let's go. Ricco's in-laws are coming.

- Rita hates me. - She can't be that bad?

- No. - But she is!

She really is. You're immune, Ricco.

- We'll survive, Bitten. - Last time she asked how often we...

You know... together. And everyone was there.

As if it's a normal thing to ask your son. It's not funny.

- It will be an experience. - It will.

It's funny how there are some areas you never visit. Like this one.

- It looks nice. - It is. Shall we go in?

Coming?

- Will someone get that? - Just come on in.

- Hey, man. - Hi. Good to see you.

- Ricco! - Hey.

- Hi, Bitten. - If you'll come this way...

Oh.

- Hi. You must be Jeppe. - Yes, that's me.

- And you're Molly. - Yes.

- My name is Jette. - Tom.

- Can I leave this here? - I'll take it.

Hi, Bitten. Hi. My name is Rita.

Hi Rita.

These are for you. You should put them in water right away.

You must be Jette.

Tom?

Rita.

- Do you two know each other? - Yes, we do.

- I'll say. - We dated when we were young.

- Hi. - Many years ago.

- Of course. - Your last name wasn't Madsen.

- No, I married and then... - Okay.

So...

Okay. Have a seat outside. I'll get the salad.

Thank you.

- Here. - The salad arrives.

- I'll start. - You have a lovely house.

It's a dump. But it's close to the school.

And the rent is low.

I mean it's a rustic house.

Or a modern house. It's modern when it... has a soul.

- I'll have some. - Help yourselves.

- Cheers. Welcome. - Cheers.

Bottoms up.

Oh. Sorry, Jeppe.

I'm not... I told you I'm not gay.

Right.

- You had Ricco at a young age. - Not long after we broke up.

God! You might be brother and sister.

It was a joke. I was 19 when I had Ricco.

- So don't worry. - I won't.

- I can't picture you two as a couple. - Me neither.

Without offending anyone I can say we weren't good together.

- Was she also weird back then? - She smoked and drank.

And collected trolls with orange hair. It was a bit weird.

- She still does. - Drinks and smokes?

- And collects trolls. - I did that too. As a child.

- Do you also name them? - Yes, the short one is called Jette.

- Pass the cheese around, Jeppe. - Would you like some?

Yes, please.

- What's what? - There's a Manchego.

And another cheese and a Brie.

Jeppe, have some Brie. Tastes kinda like cock!

I told you I'm not gay. Mom, say something!

Hey! No teasing your gay brother!

- I'm going upstairs. Trine is coming. - Sorry, sweetie.

- Nice to meet you. - I'll get dessert.

Jeppe, I'm sorry.

Good Lord...

You know you could tone it down in front of my in-laws.

- Have I ever asked you to change? - No.

- But I would if you asked me to. - Who cares what she thinks?

- Because we're getting married. - Forget it! You're only 22!

No one gets married at your age.

- Bitten kinda said yes. - What?

Ricco! Congratulations! Why didn't you tell me?

- It's still a secret. - I won't tell anyone.

- What's up? - Ricco is getting married.

Sorry. He's going to his room.

- Congratulations. - Thanks, Jeppe.

- Congrats. - Thanks.

You know what I think? I think I'm ready.

Are you sure?

- I mean, first time is a big deal. - I'm sure.

- Aren't you? - Yes.

- I'm just tired after... - I'll wake you up.

What turns you on?

Breasts and... stuff.

- What an awful woman. - I told you so.

- Are you sure you want to stay? - Rita wants us to stay a few days.

- I'm glad I don't have to. Right, Tom? - What? Yes, absolutely.

Sleep tight, little Bit.

- See you, Mom. - Bye.

Bye, Dad. Safe journey.

You bet.

- Good morning, Rosa. - Morning.

- Hi, Svend. - Rita.

You're probably excited to hear how my first day went!

How did it go?

It went well. Really well. It was interesting and educational.

And I don't have any questions. Just one question.

Yes?

What do you do if the pupils throw things at you?

- Did they do that? - It's purely hypothetical.

- What did they hypothetically throw? - It could be anything.

A pencil case with sharp edges.

Hjørdis, if they throw sharp objects, then you crack down on them at once.

- Show them who's boss. - Yes.

- And that is me? - Yes.

Yes!

- Rita? - Yes?

In the Icelandic sagas the hero always has a bard.

Yes?

- I'd like to be your bard. - Thanks, but that won't be necessary.

I'm going that way.

Rita? Rita?

- Morning, Helle. - I talked to one of your students.

- Isn't that confidential? - A pupil of yours feels left out.

- I wonder who that could be. - Now you've been warned.

She ridicules the others for not being as clever as she is.

Rosa's feels there's no room for her.

I feel Rosa is a brat.

Rita, dear.

If you expand your vocabulary, maybe you would see the nuances

in the world. Like Eskimos. They have 22 different words for snow.

And 16 for incest, but it's still wrong, isn't it?

I have a class.

No running here!

PRINCIPAL

Don't answer it!

Hello? No, it's fine.

I was in the hall. What can I do for you?

Yes.

I see.

I understand. Does she feel it's a recurring problem?

WITH LOVE AND KNOWLEDGE SHOULD LIFE BE BUILT

I see. I understand.

I'll have a talk with her.

Yes, we could set up a meeting.

Let me take your number. Thanks. No, I was talking to someone else.

Thank you. Fine.

I'll take care of it. Bye.

Okay, let's go.

That was a complaint. About you.

Okay.

- See you tomorrow. - It was Rosa's mother.

- Rosa feels you're on her case. - What a load of crap.

You said "Birds of Passage" was about fucking?

I wanna make them think. It's not my fault that Nazi-kid doesn't get it.

- You know there are rules here. - Says the principal, who fucks me.

- Then we'll have to stop. - Okay.

- Fine. Consider it a warning. - See you.

At a nice parent-teacher meeting.

- Hi. - I'd like this.

DANISH BRIE

- Hi. - Hi.

- You're Jeppe, right? - Yeah.

I don't think we've met. David.

Hi.

- What's that smell? - I don't smell anything.

It's... sour.

- I should be heading home. - Can I walk with you?

- I'm going that way. - Weren't you heading that way?

I was? I didn't get much sleep last night. I was with my date.

A girl.

Her name is Trine. We had sex.

Okay.

Oh, well... Bye.

Crap.

- What are you going to celebrate? - It's Ricco's. It was in the basement.

He used to hide firecrackers, and now he's getting married... to her.

It's what he wants.

- She's changed him. - Maybe he wants to change.

Why can't he have your good taste?

Is Kim coming today?

- No. I broke up with him. - What?

- Or he broke up with me. - Are you alright?

Of course I am.

What happened?

Who cares? Screw him.

I'm thin and horny. I'll find someone else.

- Can I stay here for a while? - Of course.

Thanks.

- I want you to apologize to them. - For what?

- Rosa's mom has a spoiled kid. - Helle thinks you go too far, too.

I don't care what Helle thinks.

Hi.

If it were up to Helle, you wouldn't work here.

She doesn't want me fired. She wants to save me.

The school board loves Helle, just so you know.

Okay, okay. I'll listen politely to Rosa's parents.

For your sake, not because they're right.

No, of course.

Oh, there it is.

Go ahead. I'll be there in a minute.

What's up?

- Are they out of control? - Well yeah, but that's not...

- Are they bullying you? - I've always been bullied.

The other kids called me Hjør-piss and Turdis.

I'm used to that, but I've never been accused

of not being prepared. And I was. I had practiced all night.

- But she asked all kinds of questions. - Who?

Rosa. And then she said I was unprepared and a bad teacher.

It won't happen again. I have a meeting.

- Rita the Ruthless, off to war... - No bard, Hjørdis.

No.

Coffee?

- Yes thanks. - No thanks.

- Looks nice and strong. - That's good.

So Rosa feels I'm picking on her.

- It's not just something she feels... - Did she say she made a teacher cry?

- We're here to discuss your behavior. - Which is determined by Rosa's.

Rosa is very mature. She says so constantly. So that's how I treat her.

She says she's mature, but still wants the rights of a child.

- We won't put up with this. - Of course.

Whether you like it or not, you have a very annoying child.

I'm sure there's a fancy pedagogical term, but we won't solve the problem

until we call Rosa what she is: Precocious. Arrogant. Annoying.

- Let's go. - Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

Does Rosa have any friends?

Didn't she visit the neighbor's kid?

Sofie? Fiona?

Rosa is unique and mature. That's why she struggles with making friends.

Wouldn't you like Rosa to have some friends?

Say something!

Well, she can be... a bit irritating.

You know... sometimes. We've talked about that.

If you were 14, would you want to be Rosa's friend?

So what if she's difficult at times?

That doesn't give you the right to come after her.

She says she's an adult. But adults who behave like that are very lonely.

- But it's not your job to raise her! - Will you tell her then?

Or be the nice mother who lets her cry on your shoulder?

Fine.

Fine.

Hi.

- Why are you still here? - I'm doing homework.

Of course you are.

Eating isn't allowed in the library.

- Why don't you like me? - You're like my daughter-in-law.

- What's she like? - She's fucking annoying.

- I know I'm annoying. - Do you?

- Don't you get sick of it? - Yes, but I don't know how to stop.

Forget homework. Make out with boys. Do toilet graffiti.

I only use the toilet at home.

- Come with me. - Why?

- Here. Write something. - What?

Anything.

LIVE WELL

Jesus... Write something indecent! Write 'dick' or 'shit'.

Write: "Rita is an idiot."

RITA IS

- I don't want to. - You act like you're 40!

- That's why other kids don't like you. - And you act like you're 14!

Maybe that's why other grown-ups don't like you.

RITA IS

RITA IS ALONE

RITA IS FUCKED UP

RITA IS A WHORE

RITA IS A BAD MOTHER

RITA RUINS EVERYTHING

RITA ISN'T WORTHY OF LOVE

RITA LOVES TOM!

RITA IS

What's going on?

What's she doing?

I'm gay.

I told you so.

Well...

Subtitles: Karen Margrete Wiin