Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(traditional Italian music)

(gun clicking)

(cylinder spinning)

(gun cocking)

(gun firing) (sirens wailing)

(thunder clapping) (tires screeching)

(tires screeching) (sirens wailing)

(upbeat groovy music)

(engine revving)

- Come on, Frankie.

I asked you not to smoke in here.

You're gonna ruin the new car smell.

(Frankie laughing)

- Dude, you know what smells about this car

is that you got 30 grand.

- Hey, I know a guy, all right?

(Frankie laughing)

- How do you do that shit before breakfast anyway, huh?

- Whoa! - Hey!

(Frankie laughing)

Oh, you're a riot, Alice.

- There's the exit. You gonna get off or what?

- Watch me speed through there.

(tires screeching)

- [Taxi driver] What, are you crazy?

What the hell are you doing?

(taxi crashing) (horns honking)

(both laughing)

- Pretty neat, huh?

- Come on. Now go through it, man.

We're gonna be late for work.

- All right, but you pay the ticket.

(tires screeching) (horns honking)

- [Frankie] I shouldn't of had all that coffee.

Think it'd ruin that new car smell

if I took a piss in your ashtray?

- (chuckles) It couldn't reach that far.

(car crashing) (alarm ringing)

Ah, shit. (Frankie laughing)

(horn blaring) (alarm ringing)

(wire snapping) (alarm stops abruptly)

Now watch the leather with that, huh?

- Yeah, yeah. Hurry up.

(upbeat groovy music)

Ugh!

(upbeat groovy music)

Isabella said they had another fight last night.

- Mom and Pop?

- No, Mom and Holyfield. Jesus.

- She hates him, you know?

- Yeah, it's called marriage.

- If parents can't get along,

it's the children who suffer. (Frankie laughing)

- Is that another NY-fuckin'-U?

- You know, I can't believe we're from

the same gene pool.

They must've dragged you out

of the shallow end or something.

- There's the truck. Come on, let's go to work.

(upbeat groovy music)

You remember to bring everything?

- Of course. I'm a professional.

Here.

(Frankie laughing)

(upbeat groovy music)

- Please get the fuck outta the truck.

(gun cocking)

- My brother said please, asshole.

- [Driver] Yes, sir.

- [Donnie] Get outta here! Go on! Run!

- [Driver] Take the fish! Don't hurt me!

- That's right.

- [Frankie] Come on, man. (both laughing)

Go! (tires screeching)

- [Both] Perfection!

- A gift from Mother Mary to the Leoni brothers!

- The fish hijacking racket.

- That's the sweetest racket in the world.

(mimics gun firing) (both laughing)

Like Pop always said,

you can get more with a kind word and a gun

than you can with a kind word alone.

(tires screeching) - Whoa, hey! Hey, hey!

- What? Hey!

(thug yelling indistinctly)

(tires screeching) (thug yelling indistinctly)

- What?

- Fuck! Get the fuck outta the truck, man!

I'm freezing my balls off here.

Hurry up. - [Thug] Come on, let's go.

- [Frankie] All right, all right.

Hold your water, huh? - [Thug] Let's move it!

Woo! Assholes!

- He didn't say please.

- Put your hands down, huh?

(solemn organ music)

- We go to too many of these things, Tomaso.

- Too many, Don Vito.

- It's like we should make a move into mortuaries, Don Vito.

(doors clattering)

- Where is he? Where? Where? Where?

There he is. Over here.

Over here. Vito. Vito.

Hey, Pop.

- Don't you cafones see what's going on here?

- Yeah, but fuckin' DeMarco hijacked another truck.

We gotta call a war council.

- Can't you see we're putting Tommy the Rope

in the ground today?

- Sorry, Pop.

We see you was burying somebody.

We just didn't know it was Tommy.

- Show some respect.

That's the Rope's widow over there, for Christ's sake.

- Sorry, Pop.

(widow sobbing)

- Get a load of her.

Maybe the Rope arranged for his own hit.

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

- No respect for Sicilian tradition anymore.

- None, Don Vito.

- Without respect, what the hell is there?

Chaos. - Total chaos.

- That time is over. Makes me sad.

- It's a sad thing, Don Vito.

- Tomaso, you got suckin' up down to a science.

- It's a science.

(Don Vito speaking quietly in Italian)

(horn honking)

- [Goon] Afternoon, Don Vito. (Don Vito grumbling)

(lighthearted Italian music)

(knuckles rapping)

- Tell me again, who hired you to be my driver?

- Frankie. - Frankie.

Didn't he tell you to open the door

for the Godfather.

- No, he didn't say nothin' about it.

- Ah, now you know, though, right?

- Yeah, sure. Now I know.

- Okay, then let's start again from the beginning.

(lighthearted Italian music)

Tondini, you learned something today, eh?

It's important to learn somethin' every day.

(knee thudding) - Oh!

(Tondini thudding) Ooh!

(kick thudding)

- Get your ass outta here!

You're fired! (Tondini whimpering)

(door slamming)

- Oh, you're home.

- Where the hell were you?

- [Victoria] Hmm.

- Tommy the Rope was my friend.

- He was a cheap thug.

A vicious lowlife with a foul mouth.

Naturally, he was your friend.

- No respect. (clock chiming)

- Didn't you wear that shirt yesterday?

- It was a funeral, not a fashion show.

- I've rented the apartment over the restaurant.

I'm there all the time anyway.

From now on we can hate each other from a distance.

- What time you comin' home?

- You don't get it, do you?

I'm leaving you.

Aren't you gonna say something?

You've always been a great conversationalist, Vittorio.

You know the number. Try not to use it.

I'm from Venus, you're from Mars.

That's all there is to it.

- I'm from Brooklyn, and so are you!

(suspenseful dramatic music)

- But those are our stolen fish and DeMarco knows it!

Pop, DeMarco only understands Sicilian.

We gotta whack the fuck.

(group laughing)

- That's funny, Anthony.

It's not worth the war.

It's better to have a sit-down,

let the Don reason with him.

- [Frankie] No more talk. We go to war!

- Yeah, right now there's two tons of herring

somewhere in a chop shop in Queens.

(both laughing)

- Salvatore, what are your recommendations?

- I say we let 'em take the next load, too.

But we maybe let it sit around a couple of days.

When the civilians got it comin' out of both ends,

that's that.

Pfff.

He's outta business. (laughing)

- Pop?

Um, I think it's time for you to have

a sit-down with DeMarco and negotiate a trade.

Our fish for one of his unions.

- What, is this the U-fuckin'-N?

Maybe we should levy trade sanctions.

- Stop! Enough!

- Don Vito.

- Pop?

Pop, are you all right?

(warbling dramatic music)

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

I'm all right.

Vinnie DeMarco is not gonna be comin' after us no more

because we are not gonna be here no more.

- [Salvatore] Where we goin', boss?

- What? Atlantic City? - Miami?

- No.

We're gonna stay in New York City.

I'm deciding right here and now,

the Leoni family is going straight.

No more illegitimate enterprises.

- What, are you nuts?

- Yeah, maybe I'm nuts, but that's my decision.

And it's final.

(door slamming)

- This is some kind of fuckin' joke, man.

- I don't think so, Frankie.

- It's gotta be! He's the godfather!

How the hell does a godfather go straight?

(upbeat country music)

- [Patron] All right, honey! (laughing)

- Hey, honey. Another hundred in singles, please.

- What would Isabella think if she knew

you came here all the time, huh?

- What, I can't take in a show?

Besides, we're having a problem,

and this is where I do my best thinkin'.

- Here you go.

- Check out the gazondes on her! Look!

- Would you stop that?

It's degrading to the broads.

- Here, I'll upgrade her. (laughing)

- Listen, can't you tell they're fake, huh?

- Big deal.

So are the hundreds I've been giving the waitress.

- Can we get back to Pop, please?

I'm worried about him, Frankie.

I think he's having some kind of breakdown or somethin'.

- [Patron] You're beautiful!

- Yeah, yeah, I say we whack 'em.

- We can't whack him. He's our own father!

Last time I checked our name was not Menendez.

- [Patron] You're beautiful!

- Hey, it's called early retirement.

Strictly a business decision.

And Pop would completely understand.

(patron wolf whistling)

- Maybe we should run this by Ma, huh?

Come on. Let's go, Frankie.

Come on, Frankie. Let's go.

- All right, all right, all right.

Let's go. - [Patron] Ow!

- Yo, Frankie!

Come here.

- Shit. Nicky Tits. - Come on.

- [Nick] Hey, where you goin'?

Come here. Come here!

- Hey, Cousin Nick. How you doin'?

- You forget you owe me money in that Knicks' game?

- Don't get your bowels in uproar, Nick.

I remember.

- I thought maybe because Frankie is the Don's son,

he thinks he doesn't have to pay his first cousin Nick

the 38 large he owes!

- Looks more like 54 large to me, Nick.

- That's a good one, and very amusing.

Just remember, Uncle Vito told me to personally

kick your ass if you ever welch on a bet.

- Get your hands off me, you fat pig!

- Yo, yo, Nicky, Nicky, lay off, huh?

We got a very important appointment

we gotta go to with Ma.

Capiche?

- Aw, ah, wittle wankies.

Still being saved by his mommy!

Makes me wanna choke with so much fuckin' nostalgia!

I wanna sit on your face and cut a big, fat fart

like we did when we was kids!

Remember? 38 grand.

By the end of the week!

And by the way, Frankie, there's a late penalty.

Asshole.

- Hey, Nicky Tits! (Nick grunting)

Are those real or implants?

- Eh! (Frankie laughing)

(tires screeching) (horns honking)

- He hates when you call him that, you know?

- Fuckin' Knicks.

- [Owner] All new shows.

- [Donnie] You smell that?

- [Frankie] Geez, you're right, man.

It stinks in here. You step in somethin'?

- [Donnie] No, I didn't step in nothin'.

- [Frankie] So much for that new car smell, huh??

- You know what bothers me?

If we listen to Pop and take him seriously,

things gotta be crazy.

But if he's crazy,

that means that he says crazy things

and we shouldn't listen to him.

It's what's called a paradox. (Frankie laughing)

- 58 large so you can go to college

and learn to stick your head up your ass.

- Aw, so what, Frankie.

You lose 50, 60 large on the Knicks in a month.

- [Doorman] Welcome to Finocchio.

- [Frankie] Yo, man, you are hard to hang.

- [Doorman] It's hanging good.

- [Frankie] Keep it in your pants, huh?

- [Hostess] Hi, boys.

Take your coat there? - Hey, how you doin'?

- [Donnie] Frankie'll take care of you.

- Well, well, well, well.

Look what the cat drag in.

Do you have reservations?

- You gotta be kiddin' me. - I don't a-kid.

I am afraid that there is 45-minute wait.

- We just wanna talk to Mom.

- She's very busy. - Screw you. Come on.

- Very well, but you follow me.

Quickly, quickly, please.

Keep-a you head down.

- [Frankie] Oh, that looks delicious.

- Keep your hand in front of you face.

- How you guy's doin'? - [Patron] What? Who's?

- Quickly, quickly!

And don't a-scare the clientele, eh?

- There goes your tip, ya rat bastard.

I hate 'em, I hate 'em, I hate 'em.

- Everything's fine.

- [Patron] Yeah.

- Were those guys really in jail?

- [Patron] Yeah.

- Hey, Mom, why we always have to sit in back

by the kitchen, huh?

- Yeah, we're not good enough for your fancy,

fuckin' restaurant? (hand smacking)

- Aw.

- You just answered your own question.

When you were a kid and talked like that,

I washed your mouth out with soap.

- Well, I didn't mind the soap.

It was the Brillo that bothered me.

- Today I suggest the bronzino.

The fish is very fresh.

- Fish? Where the hell did you get fish?

- I have sources.

You don't bring your mother no fish,

she can't run a restaurant.

So what'd you want to talk to me about?

- We came to talk to you about Pop.

- Don't talk to me about your father!

- We gotta, Ma. He's losing it.

- Let me put it a way you can understand, Ma.

Pop's a couple tortellinis short of an entree.

- Frankie, come on.

Mom, Pop's been in a very, very bad mood lately.

- He's been in a very bad mood for the last 25 years.

- It's not like that, Mom.

I'm talking serious depression here.

He's talkin' about gettin' us outta the rackets.

- What? He can't do that!

- I know.

We gotta whack 'em. (hand smacking)

- I told you since you were a kid

you don't whack your own father.

- Told ya, Frankie.

- She's always taking your side, man.

- So what are you gonna do?

- Well, if this is some kind of mental breakdown,

we gotta fix his head.

I say we get him a psychiatrist.

(Frankie laughing)

- A head shrinker for the godfather?

- Yeah.

- What, are you outta your fuckin' mind?

(hand smacking)

Maybe you need one.

- Well, that's what civilians do when this

kind of shit happens. - Okay, Donald.

I put this in your hands.

You'll do the right thing. - Thanks, Mom.

- Donald's a smart boy. Do what he says.

- Whackin' him was a good idea, too, Ma.

- Anyway, I'm tellin' you. That's what Pop needs.

- You didn't see John Gotti goin' to a shrink

after he whacked Castellano.

"I done two ex man.

I'm so consumed with guilt."

Let's just forget about her and go the garden.

Besides, where are we gonna get a shrink

who we can trust, anyway?

- Holy shit. Check it out.

(bright angelic music)

- A convention full of shrinks.

It's a sign from Mother Mary, man.

Bless you, Mother! (laughing)

- [Announcer] Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,

and congratulations to our new president, Dr. Moe Roy.

- You didn't vote for me.

How could you not vote for me?

I know I'm not the best choice, but I'm your husband.

I mean, isn't there something in our marriage vows

about you having to vote for me?

- Look, we both know you'd make

a lousy association president, Julian.

I mean, the position requires a strong leader, a doer.

All you do is talk. All we do is talk.

- Seems totally natural.

Two analysts talking things through.

- Well, it's just driving me crazy.

We don't seem to resolve anything anymore.

I mean, there always seems to be some new issue.

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.

- You want a new issue, hmm?

How about this for a new issue?

I think you enjoy arguing more than you do having sex.

Oh, yes.

In fact, it's my theory that to you arguing is sex.

- Oh, that's absolutely ridiculous.

- Really?

Why is it we were just arguing

and now you're gonna have a cigarette?

Oh, I can't breathe.

Put that out, please.

There's no air in here.

Is this place hermetically sealed?

- Look, Julian.

It's just not working out between us.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

We can talk about it later.

I know what it is.

I'm just nervous about giving this speech

to 300 psychiatrists.

I mean, you know what lousy listeners they are.

- Ah, there you are, Susan dear.

- Oh, congratulations, Lowell,

or should is say President Royce?

- Hmm, it does trippingly off the tongue, huh?

- It certainly trips, that's for sure.

You'll forgive me if I don't sing "Heil to the Chief."

- Julian, shouldn't you be in the Oak Room

venting on obsessive-compulsives?

- Why don't you stop by?

You might learn something. - Yeah, well, stick around.

You're about to learn something.

Did you tell him yet?

- I hardly think this is the time, Lowell.

- Time for what? To tell me what?

- Susan wants a divorce. - What?

- You really shouldn't have, Lowell.

- Ah, but this is the fun part.

And she's moving in with me.

If it's all right with you, Julian.

- You vicious, sadistic bastard!

- Repress it, Doctor!

Oh, excuse me.

I've got some congratulations to receive,

and I will beep you at bedtime, darling.

Bzzz, bzzz, bzz-bzz. (Susan laughing)

- You're leaving me for Royce?

Are you crazy?

You can't do this.

First of all, it'll never work.

He's a Jungian, you're a Freudian.

You can't do it.

- Look, look, Julian.

We've analyzed this to death. What can I say?

I'm a very strong woman and Lowell's a very strong man.

Lights attract. - No, no, no, no.

I'm telling you, you're making a mistake.

Please, just reconsider. (Susan sighing)

- Eh.

- Today's speakers.

Cohen, Hurwitz, Steinberg.

Jesus, they're all Jews.

- Would you keep your voice down?

For Christ's sake.

Yeah, look at this. Who's this here?

- Riceputo.

Bingo, a paisan.

(mimics a gun firing) (Frankie laughing)

- [Announcer] The rejection seminar

has been canceled until further notice.

- All right, don't panic, don't panic.

She's in a view for a moron.

That's all, don't panic, don't panic.

I'm having a panic attack.

Oh, yes, I am.

Breathe right, breathe.

What is it? What do you want?

- Um, my card. - Yeah, thanks a lot, doc.

Thanks.

Next time wash your hands, huh?

- [Announcer] Dr. Julian Riceputo to the information desk.

- What? What?

Oh, god. Oh, god.

How?

Did my wife put you up to this? Is that it?

I mean, her and Lowell want me dead

so they can live off the insurance money.

That's it, right? - No, no, no, no, no.

It's nothing like that. - Well then what?

- Let's just say you're making a house call, huh?

- House call? - [Donnie] Yeah.

- Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.

You're making a terrible mistake.

I'm not that kind of doctor.

I don't know anything about removing bullets from gangsters.

I'm a psychoanalyst.

- Well, we got a psycho that needs analysis.

- Oh, god. Who? Who is it?

- His name is none of your fuckin' business, that's who.

Now enjoy the ride.

- And don't try countin' potholes

or listenin' for train whistles, 'cause we saw that movie.

(Julian sniffing)

- What's that strange odor?

- Smells like a dead body in the trunk to me.

How about you, Donnie?

(Frankie laughing)

(opera singer singing in Italian)

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

(Don Vito crying)

- Ah.

Don Clarente Leoni.

My god, what a man.

You were like Julius Caesar, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Vinnie. My best friend.

We were like brothers.

And then the wine turned to vinegar, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, Frankie.

My first-born.

You were born to be a capo

and you turned out to be a cavone.

What happened?

Vicki. You were the Virgin Mary.

Now you're Mary Magdalene.

You betrayed me. Mama Vicki, why?

Why did you do that?

- Excuse us, Pop. (record scratching)

Uh, me and Frankie thought that maybe you could

work out some of your problems with a professional analyst.

So, meet Dr. Julian Riceputo.

- We even got you a paisan,

which ain't so easy in psycho land, Pop.

- Are you two out of your fuckin' minds,

bringing a stranger into my house?

- You're absolutely right. - You shut up!

- Come on, Pop.

You got a problem, we got a fix.

- Hey, you two geniuses in here.

Get him out of my sight!

- You better wait outside, doc.

- [Julian] Yeah, I'll be out here.

- Geez Louise!

What the hell you doing?

You bring a stranger into this house?

Mama mia capone.

And another thing!

- Okay, you probably have some master plan

about how to wrest me from the company of violent criminals.

And if you have this plan,

now would be a really great time for it to kick in.

- Hey, hot stuff. Who you talkin' to?

(Don Vito yelling in Italian)

- [Don Vito] I'm not gonna see no god damn shrink!

Not now, not ever!

I am not-

- See, I told ya, Frankie, but do you listen to me?

No, you listen to your little shit brother.

- Should I tell him about the time

you put the anvil on the congressman's suit?

And we all get to see it on CNN?

Or maybe you, genius!

What should we do about you?

Should we tell him that you thought it was

a good idea to whack the mayor's wife?

- Can you imagine the Don seeing a shrinker?

- Absolutely not.

- I mean, what does a shrink know about

how the Godfather's mind works?

Nada, am I right?

- Well, in this case you couldn't be more right.

- So who are you, anyway? - Me?

I'm the shrinker. - No shit?

- [Julian] Yep.

- I should just keep my foot in my mouth.

That's where I'm always puttin' it.

Well, take us all in, doc.

We're certifiable here.

I mean, the only sane one was Vito,

but now he's joined the circus too.

- What am I? A clown? No!

I'm not a clown for anybody!

(Don Vito yelling in Italian)

Now throw that fish back in the ocean

before I really get pissed off!

- Okay, okay.

(Don Vito muttering in Italian)

- All right. All right, already.

We'll get rid of him.

You and your big ideas.

- I can't help that Pop don't know what's good for him.

- Isabella, what the fuck are you here for?

Don't you got other things to do?

- Yeah, I was just about to do him,

but then you showed up.

- You should go home and get in the kitchen

where you belong, huh?

Let's go, doc.

Fuckin' wives.

- Hold on a second. (door slamming)

Come over here.

You know who I am?

- No. Why would I know who you are?

- Maybe you saw my picture in the New York Post

or on the 10 o'clock news.

- No, don't think so.

I mean, if I did,

you probably had a big coat over your head.

- Don't fuck with me. - No, sir.

- You know what happened today?

- [Julian] Just what they told me.

- Forget what they told you. - Forgotten.

- I'm gonna say this slow so that you can memorize it, okay?

- Mmm-hmm. Yes.

- Nothin' happened.

- Nothin' happened. Got it.

- You weren't here.

- I'm not here now.

I don't know who you're talkin' to.

- Get this asshole outta here.

- Come on, doc.

- It's easy to get rid of me. I'm not here.

You know, easy. (door slamming)

You fellas okay if I take the blindfold off, yeah?

- Yeah, go ahead.

Well, you can't say we didn't try, huh?

- Yeah.

- Now we gotta figure out how to whack 'em.

- Wait, wait. Oh, no, no, no.

I thought I wasn't there. I don't know anything.

- Not you, jerk off. My father.

- Oh.

Oh.

Amazing. Pure Oedipus.

- Hey, knock it off back there with that psycho shit, doc.

- It's from the Greek play "Eedipus Rex," Frankie.

It means you want to kill your father.

Isn't that correct, doc?

- It's quite correct, Donald, yes.

Although it's "Oedipus Rex." (Frankie laughing)

Actually, could also pertain to wanting

to sleep with your mother.

- Now you're gonna die! - Hey, hey!

- [Frankie] Let me at him! You're a dead man!

- Frankie, sit! - Oh!

Oh! (horns honking)

- Would you calm down? - Watch it!

Watch the fuckin' road, man.

- It's my new car!

Anyway.

Pop's wife just walked out on him,

and all his old friends are dyin'.

He's not eating well. He don't sleep.

He's very depressed.

- Clinical depression.

I concur with your diagnosis, Donald.

- Thank you.

- But I gotta tell you, fellas.

He seemed like a very strong man.

I mean, there's a pretty good chance

he'll just snap right out of it.

- Ah!

God, please! Help me!

(tires screeching) (dramatic music)

Jesus, why me?

Nothin' makes sense to me no more!

- Don Vito, what happened?

Tomaso called.

He said you're howling at the moon

like some kind of sick dog.

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

- If I was a woman I would cry. (sobbing)

- Don Vito, you are cryin'.

It's okay. Come on.

(wind howling)

- [Julian] Actually, anywhere along here is fine.

Thanks for the lift, fellas.

- Hey, just remember, asshole.

We know where you live. - Eh.

(tires screeching)

- Come on. Come on, open up!

(playful Italian music)

Okay, so nothing to worry about.

Mmm-hmm. (lock clicking)

They know where I live.

(loud thudding)

(playful Italian music)

Oh, Sus. Thank god it's you.

You're not gonna believe what just happened.

Where are you going?

- I'm moving in with Lowell, remember?

- [Julian] Oh no, not tonight.

Can't you wait till tomorrow?

- Please, please, Julian. Spare me the guilt.

- If I've ever meant anything to you,

wait one more night!

I mean, I was just kidnapped by two mafia gangsters.

They want me to begin therapy on the Godfather.

- I see. Now it's hallucinatory delusions.

Well, congratulations.

You're not just a neurotic anymore.

- You gotta believe me.

I'm in a lot of trouble here.

I'm in a lot of trouble.

Ha! I'll call the police.

No. No, no, no, don't call the police.

They'll kill me.

Oh, god. I've gotta calm down.

Uh, where's the cognac? - Oh no! No, no, no!

That was given to me by my father

and I'm taking it with me.

Besides, you don't even drink.

- Yeah, well, I just started.

- Well. - I need a drink, okay?

I'm starting to drink now.

- Julian, "Color Me Barbara" is mine.

I am taking it with me as well.

Goodbye.

I'll be back for the NordicTrack in the morning.

And you know what you should start doing?

You should start seeing Lowell.

- I thought you were seeing him.

Isn't one in the family enough?

- Look, I know that you don't like him,

but he's had tremendous success with this liquor stuff.

And if it'll make things easier,

I will speak to him about you.

- Why don't you just go?

They know where I live now.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

- You're really serious about this mafia stuff, aren't you?

- Oh, yeah.

It was like right out of a movie.

I mean, they grabbed me and they put a gun to my head

and shoved me into this car.

And then when I began to protest, the dumb one says,

"Hey, if you don't shut the fuck up,

you're not gonna get out of this alive."

- Oh, shut up.

They don't really talk that way.

- They do.

And don't tell me to shut up. You shut the fuck up.

- Oh no! (laughing)

Oh, yeah? Well, what if I fucking don't?

Then I'll fuckin' blow your head off.

- That's the most ridiculous. (laughing)

- That's not all.

I got another idea.

I'm gonna pour you a fuckin' toast here

for all them great fuckin' times we had.

- You know, I'd like that, Julian.

- Fuck you, Sus.

(glasses clinking) - Fuck you too, Julian.

(thunder clapping) (wind howling)

- [Isabella] Vito, what was goin' on out there?

- I keep yelling to God for help,

but I don't get an answer.

(thunder clapping)

- You don't want the cannoli?

- Even cannoli tastes bitter to me.

(thunder rumbling)

- Don Vito, what's the matter, huh?

You're usually such an optimist.

And with you the gun is always have full.

- Victoria deserted me last night.

- Ah.

- She don't give a shit if I live or die.

- Maybe it's for the best, huh?

I mean, you two don't get along so good

for some time now.

I had to move out on Frankie.

- Don't say that. Marriage is a sacrament.

- Well, now we're both depressed.

Maybe we should both see that shrinker.

- What are you talkin' about?

I'm the Godfather.

How the hell am I gonna spill my guts to a shrink?

- He can't say nothin' to nobody, Don Vito.

They're like confessing to a priest,

but without all the hail marys.

(thunder clapping)

- Get rid of 'em, bring 'em back.

How many fuckin' times we gotta go

back and forth with this thing here?

What's the matter with you now?

- I found that sardine you put in the car, Frankie.

- Oh, yeah?

I thought that was one of those fancy options

you paid extra for. - It's not fuckin' funny!

- What are you talkin' about? It's a fuckin' riot.

- Oh, yeah?

Well then maybe you should go on Letterman

and do stupid asshole tricks.

(thunder clapping)

- I'm sorry. That never happened to me before.

- Are you kidding?

That was absolutely incredible.

- Yeah, I'm sorry. It never happened before.

Maybe we'd still be together.

Should we try again?

- Again?

We just did it three times.

That's two times over the old record.

- No, no, no.

You and me. The marriage.

- Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, Julian.

I'm moving in with Lowell.

That just wouldn't be right. - Oh.

Well, at least you're faithful

with the guy you're cheating with.

(door opening) Huh?

What was that?

(thunder clapping)

- [Donnie] Anybody home?

- [Frankie] Yeah, come out, come out, wherever you are!

- [Julian] What are you guys doing here?

- He wants to see you now.

- You're kidnapping me again?

This isn't fair.

- Is that the mafia?

- And make it snappy.

I'll take care of the chick.

Here's a C-note, honey.

- I'm not a hooker! I'm his wife!

- What a dummy.

He's payin' some hooker to play his wife.

- Fellas, maybe I give you the beeper number,

you make an appointment. (gun cocking)

- We're making an appointment. Let's go.

- Oh my god!

Julian!

- You wanna start therapy now?

- [Don Vito] Yeah, now.

You gotta get my head out of the crapper.

You got a problem with that?

- No, no, no, no. No problem.

- All right.

Come and sit down. - Yeah, sitting's good.

I'll sit down.

Okay. All right.

Then I'll sit here and you'd be over here, please, sir.

Lying down would be good.

- Are you out of your fuckin' mind?

You stay in front where I can see you.

- Yes, but that's the method.

I'm a Freudian. - And I'm Sicilian!

Nobody sits behind me.

(thunder clapping)

- Okay, well.

You know what?

Maybe I'm not the right person for this.

I mean, I have a lot of personal problems.

- Personal? You fuckin' baby.

You do your job. - Okay.

- Eh.

- Okay.

- Now what the hell are we gonna talk about?

- Well, we could discuss some of the issues

that's causing the depression.

- Why? So you can turn state's evidence-

- No, no!

- Now let's see what we got here.

(Julian coughing)

You're wearing a wire then aren't you?

- No, I'm sworn to secrecy, sir.

I've taken an oath.

Maybe we'll just leave the names out

if you feel comfortable, and all the aliases.

We'll just talk in general terms about your family.

- My family? Fuck my family.

- All right, we'll start there.

- Selfish! All of them!

(Don Vito yelling in Italian)

Vicki and that god damn restaurant.

Frankie with the Knicks.

Donnie with the stupid cars.

Me, I had to work my ass off.

When I was 17 I was a hit man for the Rossetti mob.

- Oh, no names, please. - The Jones mob.

And before that I was a driver for

Tony Two Fingers Montecaro.

Smith. What the fuck is the difference?

In those days there was tradition.

There was respect.

They all had it too easy.

I handed everything to them.

You know what I think my problem is?

I think my time is over. I'm finished.

(thunder rumbling)

- Uh, you know, it's possible that you have

a fear of dying. - No.

It's just that I'm the end of the line.

But my father's father gave him

what my father gave me.

It all ends with Vito Leoni.

- So then your sons would be a disappointment?

- Hey, you met them.

They couldn't steal a pencil from a blind man.

So I'm taking the family out of the rackets.

If I turn the business over to them,

they'd be dead in half an hour.

- That's good.

That's a genuine concern for your family.

- Yeah, and how do they pay me back?

They all run out on me!

- Feelings of abandonment.

- That's it, Jesus Christ! That's it!

I give everything to my family and they abandon me!

Who the fuck (thunder clapping)

are they to abandon me?

The rotten bastards! I hate 'em!

I hate every fuckin' one of 'em!

(dramatic music)

(rain pattering)

Hey, Jesus Christ.

This feels good.

This therapy shit works.

- Okay, you don't wanna lose control though, huh?

- That's it, control.

Gotta regain the control of my family.

And I know exactly how to do it.

(dramatic music)

(thunder clapping) (horn honking)

- Vicki!

Vicki!

Get your ass down here!

Vicki!

You better do what I tell ya!

Get down here!

- Quiet, Vito. You're on the Upper East Side.

- I don't give a shit!

You're my wife! You're comin' home with me!

- Finocchio is my home now.

- Bullshit!

You're comin' back with me!

- I'm staying right here.

- I bought this place!

I paid for all of it! You remember?

- You think that means you own me?

You barbarian!

Here, you own this!

- What the hell? (knickknack shattering)

You bought this, too!

- [Don Vito] Hey! (knickknack shattering)

- Feel better? - This isn't over!

I'll be back!

- Go back to Brooklyn, you bum!

(plate shattering)

- Oh, right in the god damn head!

(horns honking)

This isn't happening!

She wants to kill me. She should've shot me.

(playful Italian music)

(engine revving)

- [Isabella] Nice offices, huh?

- [Don Vito] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Come on.

So you want me to wait in the car?

- Yeah, keep it out front where I can see it.

- Don Vito, this is therapy, not a bank job.

- Come on.

Come upstairs and wait for me there, okay?

- Okay, I'll stay with ya.

Don't be such a baby.

It's not like he's gonna stick

his finger up your ass. - Jesus Christ.

Don't even say that. - Okay. (laughing)

- He's gonna stick it in my head.

That might be even worse.

(playful Italian music)

- I'm the Godfather's analyst.

What if he says something I'm not supposed to hear?

I mean, I could be subpoenaed

or shot in the eye like Moe Green.

Did anything like this ever happen to you?

(playful Italian music)

(doorbell ringing)

All right, wish me luck.

(Don Vito grumbling)

- See, Don Vito, you lost a little blood.

- Blood? Oh, no.

The Godfather's been shot?

- No, his wife hit him with a plate.

- The only breakthrough I got last night was on my head.

- Oh, I didn't get a chance to explain.

Therapy can be a very long process.

- Okay, okay, come on.

Let's get started. - Yes, of course.

One second, Don Vito.

Maybe you should stay.

You know, in case the Don needs you.

- Oh, in case the Don needs me, huh?

Okay, it's a little stuffy, a little dusty, but cute.

Just like you, doc.

- [Don Vito] Cut the bullshit. Come on, lets' go.

- Have a good time, boys.

(Don Vito grumbling)

- I want some coffee.

- Oh, all righty. How about a cappuccino?

- Espresso.

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

Black, no sugar.

Strong, always.

- [Julian] I'll remember that.

- So I'll be here and you'll be there.

- Yes, that's right.

- That's good.

I gotta face the door.

- Here you are, sir. - Thank you.

Good coffee.

Grazie.

- You're welcome.

Now, Don Vito, I'd like you to think of this room

as your own special place.

Whatever you say here stays in this room.

So whatever you wanna talk about, whatever you feel, okay?

- You wearin' a wire under your nuts?

- No.

No.

- Maybe I better check, huh? - No, I assure you.

- [Don Vito] Uh-huh. (laughing)

- Maybe we should talk about your wife, Victoria.

How's your sex life?

- Fuck you.

How's my sex life.

Where do you get this crap?

- Actually, it's all according to Dr. Freud.

- Yeah, well this Freud fuck has got his head

so far up his ass he can't see the trees

for the shit between his eyes.

- That's a colorful description.

Why don't we table this till later,

get back to your wife.

- Yeah, my wife.

The fuckin' queen of Manhattan, you know?

- How did you meet your queen?

- That's a long time ago.

Long time ago.

I was 16.

(soft gentle music)

It was back in Brooklyn.

Oh.

She had the face of a Madonna.

When she smiled, all the angels would sing. (laughing)

And could I make her smile.

She'd laugh at my jokes.

It was like I was Bob fuckin' Hope or somethin'.

That fella loved so hard I was on Dream Street.

Only sort of my best friend, Vinnie DeMarco.

He was always trying to get her to go for a ride

on his old, beat up Schwinn.

But she points to this guido riding by on a Harley,

and she says to Vinnie,

"Ask me again when you get one of those."

Vinnie and me was always competin' for everything,

and now we're both after Vicki, too.

I tell ya,

she was one beautiful gal.

Yeah.

So I ripped off Vinnie's Schwinn

and I used it to ride down every street

in Bay Ridge lookin' for that Harley.

(motorcycle revving)

Boosted the bike, got the girl.

That's the only way I know how to play it, for keeps.

Yeah. (Susan moaning)

(onlookers cheering) (engine revving)

And she was mine from that moment on.

- She was mine from that moment on.

- Well, that's the whole story.

And Vinnie still hates my guts.

That miserable bastard.

He had to start his own mob

just to show me how tough he is.

Jesus Christ almighty.

Hey, wait a second.

How come I'm doin' all the talkin' around here?

- Would you like me to talk?

- Yeah, say somethin'.

- What would you like me to say?

- You gettin' wise with me?

I'll bust- - No, no, no, no.

You stay there. - Right in the fuckin' chops.

- Stay there.

There's just a lot of information to process, that's all.

And we're getting to some of your issues.

Your sons, your wife.

I mean, how does all that make you feel?

- I feel better. - Yeah?

- Yeah.

I like the memories.

So what'll we do? We just keep talkin'?

- Yes.

Yes, we just keep talking.

Only not now. Oh, the hour's up.

I'm afraid time is up.

(bright Italian music)

- What do you mean the hour's up?

It's only 50 minutes.

- Yes, well, that's what we call an hour here.

Welcome to therapy, Don Vito. (Don Vito laughing)

- You keep Sicilian time, huh?

Just enough of an edge to wipe the beak. (laughing)

All right.

We gotta do this again.

The sooner the better. - Yes, fine. Um, good.

I can see you on Tuesday at 4:40.

Or Friday at 10:20.

- You can shove that book up your ass.

I'll be here tomorrow.

- Tomorrow's good.

Is there a time tomorrow that's particularly good for you?

- When I show up, that's the time.

- [Julian] Mmm.

(bright Italian music)

- You be on time.

- [Isabella] You done already? - [Don Vito] Let's go.

- [Isabella] Not even an hour. (door slamming)

- You bet I will. (bright Italian music)

(Julian sighing)

(horn honking)

- [Goon] There's the restaurant.

- [Goon] Nice place. Pull around back.

(door clattering)

- Fuckin' Leonis.

Now I'm gonna start gettin' some respect

form the DeMarco family.

- Yeah, Mr. DeMarco's a very nice man.

- [Goon] Morning, Mr. DeMarco. - Mmm.

(soft Italian music)

- Vincent.

I didn't think you were still making deliveries.

- Only to my preferred customers, Victoria.

- Well, it's my customers who will be most grateful.

- No, no.

I won't accept your money.

- No, but this is business.

- No, this is pleasure.

- You always were such a gentleman.

- Ah, we go back a long time, don't we, Victoria?

- You were still riding your bicycle.

- Well, I could never get you to ride with me.

- Truth.

- You know, I used to play handball

outside your parent's apartment,

and sometimes I would just stop

and listen to you sing opera

while you and your mom were cooking.

- Oh.

- Aw, the sound of your voice,

the sight of your face against the window.

(Vincent inhaling)

Mmm, the smell of your sauce.

(Victoria chuckling)

Oh, I don't know, I was in heaven.

- Careful! Watch it! (box clattering)

Oh, come on.

- Excuse me.

(punch smacking) - Oh!

(hand smacking) Ah!

(punch smacking) Ooh!

- Now who's gonna eat this? - Nobody.

- I say somebody. Maybe you.

- Oh! (Victoria laughing)

- [Vincent] Clean up this mess.

(goon spitting)

- Vincent.

- Now where were we? (Victoria laughing)

- Back in Brooklyn, about 40 years ago.

- Ah, Brooklyn, right.

Look, uh.

I own a piece of the new puccini

that's opening at the Met this week.

Uh, what do you say maybe, uh,

one night you and I, you know, we go together?

(soft Italian music)

- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I, uh, maybe so.

- Well, that's, that's good.

You check your schedule.

Get this alley spotless, shit heads.

(Victoria chuckling)

- [Both] Bye, Mr. DeMarco.

(Victoria chuckling)

- Yes, will do. All right.

And, uh.

Gentleman are required to wear ties,

but then that does not apply to you, does it, eh?

- How would you like to wake up in a chalk outline, huh?

- Eh, follow me. Usual table awaits.

- I want you to relax. Enjoy yourself.

- Yeah, relax, doc.

- They're gonna treat you with respect in here.

You're with us.

You're a connected guy.

- I, it's just that I'm getting a little tired

of being dragged all over New York by you guys.

- My mom wants to meet ya.

- Uh-huh. Is she having a breakdown, too?

- Nah, nah, nah. She just wants to check you out.

- Oh, okay. - Sit down, doc.

- Victoria.

- Good evening, Donald, Frank.

- Hi, Ma.

- Ma, this is Pop's psychoanalyst, Dr. Julian Riceputo.

- Riceputo. That's not exactly a kosher name.

- No, Sicilian. - Oh.

How did a nice, young, Italian boy like you

wind up in a profession like that?

- Oh, well, actually I was raised in a Jewish neighborhood.

This is a lovely restaurant you have here, Mrs. Leoni.

- It's Victoria. Thank you.

Tonight I recommend the Chilean sea bass.

Very fresh, doctor.

- Chilean sea bass?

Where the fuck did you get that?

- Chile, and watch your mouth.

- Ma, you can't sell someone else's fish

in Pop's restaurant.

- How is the therapy going?

- Well, we're just getting started, really.

- I suppose he's blaming everything on me.

- I really can't tell ya.

It's all very confidential.

- But he talks about me, right?

- Well, you're his family.

He's very concerned about his family.

- He's talkin' about us to you?

You believe this shit?

- Well, the bonds between family members

can be very powerful.

Isn't that right, doc? - That's right, Donald.

- Did you cure him yet?

- You know, Frank, it's more of a process

than it is a pill.

- Yeah. How long?

- Months, maybe years. - Years?

What the fuck do you do for years?

- One more time with the F-word and I get the Brillo.

- Excuse me, doc.

What exactly do you do for such an extended period?

- We talk. - Talk? That's it?

- Well, it's called a talking cure, Frankie.

Isn't that correct, doc?

- Right again, Donald.

- So, doc, how much you make sittin' around

listenin' to a bunch of losers whine?

- You know, I don't think I've ever referred

to them as losers.

That's interesting, Frank.

I guess $125 an hour's pretty standard.

- Are you shittin' me?

$125 an hour? For years?

(soft classical music)

(upbeat groovy music)

Here, psychoanalyst.

Jesus, the section's two inches thick.

- We're in the neurosis capital of the world.

- Central Park West is where they all are.

- Yeah? How many?

- Two, 300 maybe.

- 300 times 125 is

37 1/2 large an hour?

And all they do is talk?

There's no trucks, no equipment, no nothin'.

- These guys are definitely in need of protection.

- Definitely. - Yeah, here it is.

- This guy's the top rooty-tooty combo.

Name's Lowell Royce.

I think we should make an appointment for tomorrow.

- I concur.

(Frankie imitates gun firing)

(both laughing)

(knuckles rapping)

- Dr. Lowell Royce?

- Ah, you must be my four o'clock, Mr. Rosensweig?

- How'd you guess?

- I'm his significant other.

(Frankie laughing) (knuckles cracking)

(muffled screaming)

- So, we'll be by every week to pick up the cash.

- In fact, let's make a regular appointment.

- Good idea.

- Say Thursdays at 4:30? (Frankie and Donnie laughing)

All right, who's next?

- [Donnie] Dr. Schweigert, I presume.

- [Doctor] Can I help you? - I'll take that.

Here you go. - Thank you.

(gun firing)

- That was for nothin'.

- So you could imagine, doctor,

if it ever had to be for somethin'.

- Come on, the money. (fingers snapping)

Let's go. Let's go.

See ya next week, doc.

Oh, and keep your head down.

- [Donnie] Nice putter. - [Frankie] Keep it.

Happy birthday. (laughing)

- [Julian] How does all that make you feel?

- [Don Vito] My mom-

- [Julian] Did you ever want to black your father?

- [Don Vito] Vicki.

I did everything I could to please that woman.

- [Julian] Sounds like a lot of very powerful feelings.

- [Don Vito] Cares more about her restaurant

than she does about me.

♪ Show us the money ♪

♪ Money ♪ ♪ Money ♪

(phone dialing) (phone ringing)

- [Receptionist] Dr. Felick's office.

- [Frankie] Yeah, we'd like to make an appointment.

- Who the hell are you guys? (patient gasping)

- [Frankie] Special delivery!

Sit down, doc. The session's over, honey.

Come on. (patient gasping)

Hey. - [Patient] Help!

- Woo-hoo! - Whoa!

- Peekaboo. - [Patient] Call 911!

- Give it up for your boy here.

- Ah! No! - Do it.

(statue cracking)

- [Frankie] Come on, come on. The money, huh?

- [Donnie] Just think of it as some new kind

of medical insurance.

- [Frankie] Yeah, so nothing gets broken.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

♪ We're just trying to be friendly ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

- Wow.

And you haven't been able to eat

the flesh of anything that flies?

- [Worker] About the chairs?

- Yeah, over there against the wall.

Geez, you sound pretty fucked up.

Let me give you an appointment tomorrow, yeah.

How is 9:30? (phone ringing)

Okay, we'll see you then.

Hello, Dr. Riceputo's office.

Mwah. How may we help you?

- Looks great.

- Hi, Mrs. Renciliere.

Yeah, three. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I think you'll be safe.

Those hoodlums don't come in till Thursday.

Okay, we'll see ya. How am I doin'?

- Perfecto.

- [Designer] Really makes the whole room sing.

Just comes alive.

- Well, Don Vito, I'll see you, uh,

whenever you show up. (Don Vito chuckling)

- You're a good boy, Julian.

Really good boy.

If you were my son, I would be proud of you.

- Grazie. - Yeah.

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

(lighthearted music)

- Yeah, and then I set up

you're entire patient database here.

It'll handle all your billing,

send out reminders, even birthday cards.

- That is amazing.

I've never been this organized before.

Thank you. - My pleasure.

Beats sittin' at home watching "Married to the Mob"

for the 40th time. (Julian laughing)

- Hey, where did you learn to do all this?

- I keep Vito's books.

For sex. Been doing it for years.

- Ah, I see.

That's something I don't need to hear, yeah.

- But you gotta stay state-of-the-art.

Speaking of which, your computer here could use

a lot more RAM. - A lot more RAM?

- [Isabella] Yeah. - Really?

- I love it when you listen to me, Julie.

- Well, I love listening to you.

You're a breath of fresh air around here, you know?

You're funny and brash and smart

and obviously very pretty.

And married to a hitman, so what am I thinking?

(Isabella laughing)

I'm gonna end up in the end zone at Giants Stadium.

- Come on, Frankie won't kill ya.

He needs ya to cure his father.

- You see how smart you are?

I hadn't thought of that.

- You really think I'm smart?

- Yes, I really think you're smart.

- Ah, I never went to college like Donnie or nothin'.

- Oh, please.

They don't teach ya how to be smart at college.

Just tell ya what books to read.

- Mmm, yeah, well.

It's been a real learning experience around here.

Not to mention fun. - Yeah.

Yeah, a lot of fun.

All set against the backdrop

of extreme personal violence to my body.

Time to punch out.

So, uh, have a nice weekend.

- Yeah. - And, uh.

Thanks for everything, really.

I mean, you've just done a great job,

and thanks.

- Oh.

Hey, Julie, what are you doing tomorrow morning

around five o'clock?

- 5:00am? - [Isabella] Yeah.

- This is tomorrow. - [Isabella] Yeah.

- Uh, let's see.

Probably just finishing up my paper route, I think.

- Yeah. (laughing)

No, really.

It's just the most fun I've had lately

is when Victoria asked me to go

to the vegetable market for her.

I love being the first one there, you know?

Just when they start unloading the crates,

and some are from Italy, some are from California,

some from upstate.

You ever been? - No.

- Oh, doc, this is opportunity knockin'.

- Isabella, you asking me out?

- Hey, last time I looked this was the '90s.

A girl can ask a guy out,

even if they're both married other people.

- Yes, of course.

- So you wanna go or what?

- What am I? A schmuck?

(boat horn blaring)

- [Isabella] Calm down. Frankie's still in bed, okay?

- What if he wakes up and sees you're not there?

- Yeah, well, I didn't say he was sleepin' in my bed.

- Ah, well, what am I worried about anyways, right?

I mean, how often do you need your thumbs?

(Isabella laughing)

- Take a deep breath. - In New York?

(both inhaling)

- Oh, sometimes I come down here just to smell the air.

Makes me feel so free, you know?

Out of his grasp. - Yeah.

- Look at this arugula here! - Is that good?

- This is excellent!

Victoria should give me her cashmere jumpsuit

for scoring these kind of goods.

Ah, look at that.

Have you ever seen anything so soft

and firm at the same time?

- Only in my dreams.

(horn honking) (tires screeching)

- [Driver] Moron! (horn honking)

- He caved like a condemned building.

- He was shaking in his Guccis.

- How much we got? - Uh, eight and change.

- Eight and change?

Shit, man. We've been doing this a month.

We're just breakin' even. - We need more shrinkers.

- No, we need to be more creative.

(therapist screaming)

- Hey, Frankie! Make a wish!

- [Therapist] No! No!

- Is this the sweetest racket or what?

- Sure beats the hell outta fish!

- There you go, Nicky Tits!

Get it, you fast bastard!

- [Therapist] Here! Take my money!

- This is no way to do business, man!

Ah!

(therapists arguing)

- You're being naive, Lowell.

These people are overgrown bullies.

They only understand one language.

We have to go to the police.

- No, we can't, Aaron. I'm begging you.

They threatened my family.

- Family? You live with Brian.

- There's all kinds of families.

- You have got to confront them, Lowell.

You're our president! - [Therapist] That's right!

- They're only pushing us 'cause we don't push back.

- The Leonis have tapped into

a primordial collective unconscious.

- You're a Jungian putz!

- Freud couldn't hold a candle to you!

Well, he could, but he'd call it something else.

- Freud was a genius. - Genius? Ha!

He was a Viennese couch potato.

(therapists gasping)

- It's impossible to do good work under these conditions.

The situation must be ameliorated!

- All right, all right. - [Susan] Just relax, Lowell.

Breathe threw it.

- We try to divert their attention to some easier prey.

Chiropractors, say.

(therapists murmuring) - I like that.

- You have got to confront them, Lowell!

- [Therapist] That's right. Come on, Lowell.

(Lowell whispering)

- [Therapist] What's he saying?

- [Therapist] Huh? - [Therapist] Eh?

- [Therapist] Huh? - What dear? I can't hear you.

- Mommy? Mommy, I'm so scared, Mommy.

I'm scared. (buzzer buzzing)

- [Announcer] Ooh, look at that pass.

- Okay, the game's on, but we should go out.

Shouldn't be here.

Out we're safe. In here it's very dangerous.

- What are you so nervous about?

- I don't know.

Maybe the fact that your husband

could pop in at any moment.

He doesn't exactly understand buzzing.

- Hey, I wanna cook for you. I can cook for you.

- Yes, of course. I'm happy you are.

- Consider it a thank you for the job.

- You don't have to thank me.

- Like I told ya, if I didn't get outta the house,

I was gonna do something crazy.

- Mmm-hmm. You don't want that.

(crowd cheering) (soft piano music)

- Maybe you're not nervous.

Maybe you're just excited.

- No, no, no. I'm very excited.

You're right.

You'd make a great analyst.

- That's not all I make good.

- Wow. - [Isabella] Oh!

Spilled some on your shirt.

Better take that off. (shirt ripping)

- Oh, really?

Well, I think you got a little on yourself, too.

(dress ripping)

(slinky jazz music)

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh! (Isabella laughing)

(Isabella yelping)

Get this off now.

(Isabella laughing)

(Julian growling)

- [Announcer] And Davis scores tumbling.

Ewing to Mason. He's got the ball again.

He knows what he wants and he has come to get 'em.

- [Announcer] Boy, the kid is physical tonight, Bob.

- [Announcer] He's got the killin' gulp.

He's on him like a pogo stick.

There's the shot! (Isabella speaking in Italian)

It's up! It's in!

Slam dunk! - [Isabella] Oh, Julie!

- [Announcer] It counts!

- [Announcer] Oh, he's the big stripper, Marv.

Great inside move! (buzzer buzzing)

(both laughing)

- [Julian] Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

- What?

- I, I just knew it could be like that.

I knew it, I knew it. - Like what?

- Oh my god, weren't you there?

My god. It was wild and passionate.

It was raunchy and romantic. (Isabella giggling)

And it was, well, it was- - Really great?

- Yes, really great. - Yeah?

- Really great, oh!

I mean, normally at this point I'm asleep.

But I'm not! Look at me!

I'm a nutbar, yeah.

I'm on fire here.

Come on, Isabella.

Dance with me in the rain.

That's it! I feel like dancing.

Come on, Isabella.

- Well, it's not raining, Julie.

- I know. (Isabella laughing)

Come on.

Oh, god.

Mmm, you're so beautiful.

- I feel beautiful with you. - Oh, good.

Love the sound of that.

I'm just so ridiculously happy right now.

- You are? - Yes.

Mmm.

- So, I guess it wasn't like this with your ex, huh?

- [Julian] Mmm.

- You two have any kids together?

- No. No, no.

Something about it never being the right time.

- Ooh. - What about you?

- Oof, I wouldn't want a kid of mine

to have Frankie for a father.

It would be like being raised by a meat grinder.

(Julian chuckling)

- Yes, how is it that you two knuckleheads

ended up together?

- Okay.

I was workin' in the men's fragrance department

at Alexander's in Queens, you know?

- Uh-huh.

- I was one of them spritzers.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- So in walks Frankie,

lookin' all tough with that animal thing

he's got goin' on.

- Yeah, yeah, I noticed the animal thing.

- So I spritz him with my High Karate,

nearly blinded him. (laughing)

- Nice shot. - I know.

Had to rush him down to the store nurse.

He's cryin' like a baby.

"Oh, I can't see nothin' here.

Can't see nothin'."

And anyway, the rest is history.

Yeah, I didn't see his dark side till later.

- Took a couple months, huh?

- No, later that afternoon.

He took me out on his collections route

and pistol-whipped the dry cleaner.

- Nice date. - Yeah.

- It's the same old story.

Smart women, dumb choices.

- Very smart.

- Mmm. Thank you.

So, is half-time over? - Absolutely.

- Oh, yeah?

- Give me that neck. Where's the neck?

Oh, god.

- Uh-oh. - What?

- Oh no.

Game's over. Frankie will be headin' home.

That's why we put it on, remember?

- Wait a minute. Isn't it the playoffs?

- Yeah, so?

- So I wanna take you someplace special tomorrow night.

- You did take me someplace special, twice.

- Aw, shucks, ma'am.

Come on, I mean it.

I wanna take you to someplace you've never been before.

- Well, that's easy.

Just take me someplace that's not all mobbed up.

(big band music)

- You look marvelous.

Absolutely stunning. (Isabella laughing)

You smell good, too.

(beeper buzzing)

- Oh, I think your beeper just went off.

- Are you sure it's my beeper?

- Seriously, your waist is buzzin'.

- Oh no. Not tonight.

Oh, let 'em take two Prozacs and call me in the morning.

- Thank you so much for bringin' me here.

Look at this view. It's spectacular.

- I'll say.

- I wish time could stand still.

You know what I'm sayin'?

And we'd be stuck here until they got

some gigantic clock somewhere fixed.

- Where do you come up with these incredible ideas?

It is getting late, though.

The Knicks game is probably over.

- Fuck the Knicks.

- Please don't make me. (Isabella laughing)

- [Isabella] Oh my god. - [Julian] What?

- It's Victoria.

She's dancin' with Vincent DeMarco.

Vito's gonna go nuts!

- Oh, god. Come on.

Come on, come on!

(big band music) (flames crackling)

- All right. Vito, we gotta relax now.

Where is your anger? Where is it?

- I'm gonna whack the fuck!

There's my anger!

- Okay, but how is whacking the fella gonna make you feel?

- Better.

- Better how?

- It will, uh, it will, uh,

resolve my feelings to the god damn scumbag

and it will give me closure.

- Well, you're obviously very frustrated now, Vito.

- That's right! Frustrated!

I wanna whack Vinnie.

I wanna whack Vicki!

I wanna whack 'em both!

(Don Vito mumbling angrily)

I can't sort it out.

I'm unresolved.

- That's exactly right.

What you're experiencing are classic

unresolved feelings of rage,

but they must be neutralized.

- Neutral?

Where the hell are we? Switzerland?

I'm fightin' a war here!

And if you try to stop me, I'll whack you first!

(intense dramatic music)

(smooth jazz music) (patrons chatting)

- Can't believe you wore that dress.

- What? This is an original Versace copy here.

- If it gets any skimpier,

I'll be able to see your versace.

- Hey, come on, Frankie, lay off.

She looks nice.

- Hey, who told you you could look, huh?

See what that dress is doin'?

It's pittin' brother against brother.

- Oh, brother.

- Well, I guess it's, it's showtime.

- Thank you.

- Oh, well. So exciting.

(crowd chatting)

- [Guest] Excuse me. (ring clinking)

- Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention.

As you know, we're here tonight to honor

an extraordinary woman.

In today's society of depravity and violence,

Victoria Leoni truly stands apart

as a creature of civility.

And I raise my glass to Finocchio's

on its 15th anniversary. - [Guest] Hear, hear!

- To this bastion of social and culinary sophistication

and to the woman who truly taught

the city of New York the meaning of the word cucina.

Victoria Leoni.

- [All] To Victoria!

- [Victoria] Thank you very much.

(crowd applauding)

- Now, Victoria, I'm sure we'd love to hear a few words.

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you all for coming,

especially our honorable district attorney.

And my maître d' for 15 years, the great Gino.

Take a bow, Gino.

No offense. (Don Vito singing in Italian)

- Hey, Donnie boy!

- Oh my god.

- [Donnie] What are you doin'?

You weren't supposed to come.

- Yeah, where's your mother? - Over there.

- Oh, yeah. (speaking in Italian)

- Vito.

Don't do this.

(Vito speaking in Italian)

- In case you don't know who I am,

my name is Vito Leoni,

and I am married to this beautiful hostess

of yours, Victoria Leoni. - Stop it.

(Vito speaking in Italian)

- And I would like to propose a toast

to the 15th anniversary of Finocchio!

To Finocchio!

- [Group] To Finocchio!

- That's right, that's it. Tante to Finocchio.

What a great restaurant.

Ciao. Ciao. Ciao. (glasses clinking)

All right, and now I would like to propose

another toast to my wife of 36 years,

my loyal and faithful wife.

To Victoria.

- [Group] To Victoria!

- And to all her snot-nosed friends.

That's you, everybody.

To all her snot-nosed friends.

- [Group] To all her snot-nosed friends.

- Bastard.

- And who the hell do we have here?

It's the health commissioner I bribed back in '83.

Have you seen any good rat shit lately, Commissioner?

- Uh. - Nah, nah.

Of course not.

How the hell would you see any rat shit?

You get paid not to see it.

(Don Vito laughing)

I should know.

Cost me 50 grand for him not to see the rat shit

right here in Finocchio's.

How about that? - [Guest] Rat shit?

- [Guest] Oh my.

- Hey, and look.

Congresswoman DeSalvo.

What do you say, Carmella?

Did the 100 grand I laid on your winning campaign

make ya happy?

How come you never said thank you?

Could I have a little thank you kiss right now?

- [Security] All right, take him down.

- How about it? - Leave her alone. Let's go.

(punch smacking) - Piss off!

Just gettin' started here.

(gun firing) (guests screaming)

(guests murmuring)

- [Guest] Don't hurt us.

- Now that I got all your attention.

(gun firing) (statue shattering)

(glass shattering) (Victoria gasping)

Clowns. I hate clowns. Ugh!

Maestro, a little travel music.

- Give me that!

(guests panicking)

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

(Victoria speaking in Italian)

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

(Victoria speaking in Italian)

- No, I want a divorce!

- A divorce? - Yes!

- No! - You come to my party-

- [Don Vito] Not now, not ever!

- It's nice to see Mom and Pop talking again, huh?

- Just like old times.

(Vito and Victoria arguing in Italian)

(soft Italian music) (horns honking)

- Victoria? - We're closed.

(footsteps crunching)

Vincent.

It was the most embarrassing night of my entire life.

- I only wish that I was here to protect ya.

(Victoria and Vincent speaking angrily in Italian)

- That bastard.

(Victoria and Vincent speaking angrily in Italian)

- I'll spit on his grave. - We'll spit together.

- I never wanna be humiliated by him ever again.

- You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that.

- I'm ready now. - So am I.

- What do we do?

- Leave everything to me, my angel.

(soft Italian music) (Victoria moaning)

- Gino.

Lock the front door.

(soft Italian music)

(antacid fizzing)

(Don Vito grumbling)

- I feel like death warmed over today,

but last night was the time of my life.

- [Julian] Was Victoria angry with you?

- Oh, all I remember was the look in her eyes. (laughing)

(Don Vito speaking Italian)

I'm too hung over to lay down today.

Come on. Let's get some air.

I wanna take you for a ride.

- Take, take me for a ride?

- Mama mia, I can't believe the old neighborhood.

It's all changed. It's all different.

I wanna show you something, if it's still there.

All right, let's walk.

- [Bum] Hey, you got spare change over there?

- Eat yours.

What the hell happened?

Jesus Christ, I don't believe it.

This used to be Angelo's candy store.

Used to bring the kids here all the time.

Little Donnie would sit over there, read a comic book,

and me and Frankie would play make believe whack.

(laughing) The barber shop,

Beto's Clam Bar,

Crazy Joey Gallo played all the big rub outs.

(Don Vito laughing)

- That must've been fun.

Listen, Don Vito, I do have another patient

later this afternoon.

- Trust me, nobody's gonna notice.

You never say a god damn thing anyway.

This used to be a newsstand.

Me and Vinnie used to hang out here

and make book for the boombahs and play the horses.

Now look at it.

It's a pigsty.

Come on. Let's get the hell outta here.

(bright Italian music) (school bell ringing)

Bring back a memory or two.

I went to school with Vicki.

- Those kids there must be memory lane, huh?

- Yeah. That's amore.

My father,

God rest his soul,

used to say that love is like a clove of garlic.

When it first hits the olive oil,

the smell of heaven.

But if you turn up the heat too much, it burns.

It becomes bitter.

It turns to poison.

And that's the way it is with me and my family.

It's all poison.

Maybe I should just whack myself and get it over with.

- Don Vito, you wanna whack yourself?

- Huh?

I was just talkin'.

- Well, maybe you're more than just talkin'.

- What do you mean?

- Okay, remember before when we said

we wanna try to stay open and say anything?

- [Don Vito] Yeah. - All right, here it goes.

I think it's possible that secretly

you're happy Victoria left,

and you don't wanna whack anybody.

- Except myself?

- That's right. Except yourself.

If you're brought up with a certain set of values,

a certain code of behavior,

well, what do you do when your feelings betray that code?

- But you don't kill yourself, doc.

- No, no, but I'm talking figuratively.

You can't allow yourself to have these feelings.

It's not permitted.

So by choking off these feelings,

by refusing to live with them,

in effect you're killing yourself.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I never saw it that way.

You would've made one hell of a (speaking in Italian).

- That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

(Don Vito chuckling)

- Come on. I'll take you back.

(tires screeching)

Been a beautiful afternoon, doc.

I can't thank you enough.

- [Julian] Take care, Don Vito.

- [Don Vito] You take care. (speaking in Italian)

- [Goon] Come on. Let's go.

- Let's go, doc.

- Again with the kidnapping? Wait a second.

- Come on.

- Where's Frankie and Donnie?

What, are they subcontracting?

Come on. Let me just check my machine.

I'll take that as a no.

(tires screeching)

- Oh my god.

(horns honking)

- So, you're the big shot shrinker, huh?

Not feeling so big now, are you, shrinker?

- Am I the special of the day?

Is that the idea? - Maybe.

Just tell us what you and Vito talk about

that's so god damn important.

- Oh no, I can't do that.

- Oh, yeah? Why?

- Well, because it violates the patient-doctor relationship.

- Oh, I see.

Well, if you don't start talking about it,

I'm gonna violate your ass.

(gas hissing)

Now, does he talk about me?

- No, he talks about me, doesn't he?

- I really shouldn't say.

- Tell me what he says about Victoria.

- Well, well- - Tell me!

- Wait, wait, wait. I'm your bargaining chip.

- He's right, Vincent.

He's right.

- Oh, I wish I could just rip ya.

So you're my bargaining chip.

He hates me, doesn't he?

- Do you feel he hates you?

- You bet your ass I do, and I'll tell you why.

That son of a bitch has got an ego the size of Manhattan.

When we were kids he had to have everything his way.

Everything!

We were great pals at one time.

But I don't know, his head got so big,

I don't know who the hell he is anymore.

- I told all of ya to quit your businesses.

Nobody did.

- We tried, Don Vito, but it's against our nature.

- The leopard don't change his spots so easy, Don Vito.

- Tomaso, didn't I tell you the day we put

Tommy the Rope into the ground to get out of the rackets?

- Don Vito, you gotta understand.

The life is all we know.

- The life is all we know, Don Vito.

- Well, you gotta find a different life.

You're gonna get out of the rackets

and we're gonna do it together.

- But do I gotta include the pumpkins?

That's a once a year thing, a couple of grand.

- Yeah, the pumpkins, the funeral parlors,

the laser printers, everything.

(door slamming)

- DeMarco snatched Julian!

- What?

- I saw it.

His goons were waitin' right out front

when you dropped him off.

- Vinnie DeMarco, that dirty rat bastard.

He takes over my rackets, I don't give a shit.

He makes out with my wife, no problem.

I'm better off without her.

But he kidnaps my shrink before I complete my analysis,

this is war!

- Yes, the Don is back!

- Oh, Don Vito, it's so good to see you again!

- So what are we gonna do?

- What are we gonna do? Turn the mattresses!

- The mattresses!

- But remember, this isn't business!

It's personal! - Personal.

(Tomaso speaking in Italian)

- Oh!

- Hey, tell me, does this mean I can do the pumpkins?

- Fuck the pumpkins! We're men again!

- See, that was my fuckin' Schwinn.

My bicycle! Mine!

He had no god damn right to it.

You know what I'm sayin'?

- Maybe this is about something other than the Schwinn.

- What do you mean?

- Well, it's possible the Schwinn is just symbolic

for some bigger issue.

- What the hell are you talkin' about?

What's he talkin' about?

- He took away the bicycle, he took away your manhood, hmm?

- My bicycle, my manhood.

My bicycle, my manhood.

Don't be ridiculous.

My bicycle, my manhood.

- Okay, well, maybe this is a good time to stop for today.

- Sit down!

We ain't done talkin' yet.

- Hey, boss.

- What?

- They're goin' to the mattresses.

- All the fuckin' Leonis are after us.

- You must be pretty important

if Vito is ready to go to war over ya.

- It's a therapy thing.

You develop a dependency. - Hey, DeMarco.

He wants to meet tonight.

- Oh, is that so?

- What's up, doc?

- You better stay here, Ma, just to be safe.

You too, Julian.

- I'll stay here, too.

- [Vincent] Get the car. Come on.

Let's get this over with. - [Goon] You got it, boss.

- [Vincent] It's showtime.

- [Goon] Yeah, let's kick some Leoni ass.

- [Goon] Yeah, let's kick some ass.

- You want some pasta? (chains clattering)

- Come on. Let's do what we gotta do.

(jazz noir music)

(basketball bouncing)

- So why'd you wanna meet here, Vito?

You didn't graduate the first time.

(goons laughing)

You know, the word is on the street, Vito,

that you're all fucked up in the head.

No, no, no, no, no.

Maybe it's old age.

Maybe you're just fuckin' senile.

And impotent. (goons laughing)

Come on. Come on.

- Vinnie.

Today we're the worst of enemies.

- You bet your ass.

- But

back in 1946,

we was the best of friends.

(suspenseful music)

- Wait a minute.

Where are the violins?

Because I'm fuckin' cryin' here.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

(goons laughing) (picture frame shattering)

- State your issues around all this, Vinnie.

- My issues?

Hey, Vito.

I think you're spending too much time

with that shrink of yours.

Now he tried to do a number on my head, too.

He tried to tell me that my bike was my dick.

(goons laughing)

(Vito laughing)

- What are you feeling right now?

- I'm feeling that I would like to take you

and your whole family and wipe you off

the face of the map.

Those are my feelings.

- That's right, to get at me.

- Yeah, yeah. To get at you.

- Victoria, my wife, to get at me.

My shrink to get at me.

- So what's your point?

- Hey, you don't see your dumb shit?

I'm your issue.

Me.

- You're fuckin'-a right you're my issue.

You always had to be the big copo, right?

- Hey, Vinnie. I don't wanna fight.

- You always had to have all the power,

all the glory.

- Hey, come on, Vinnie. - Top of the fuckin' heap.

Well, that's all over. No more.

As of now, you're done.

It's Vito Finito.

(punches smacking)

- Come on! - [Vincent] Ah!

- How long have you held this anger, Vinnie?

- Watch the plugs, asshole!

- I gave you the old knobby trick! (laughing)

- Go ahead, laugh.

You always had to beat me in everything, didn't ya?

The bicycle seat racket when we were seven.

- Yeah.

- That fuckin' Harley.

- I remember, yeah. - Victoria.

(punch smacking) - Oh!

(goons yelling indistinctly)

- What's the matter?

- Kick his ass!

- I got an arthritis that goes down

the whole left side of my body.

- I got the same thing on the other side.

Come on, Vinnie.

What do you say we sit down and talk?

- Yeah, well.

Yeah, yeah, maybe that's a good idea.

- Get Pop a chair, come on.

Here you go, Pop. Sit down.

Here you go, Pop.

- [Don Vito] Son of Martha. - You want another beatin'?

- No. - Then get me a fuckin' chair.

- Come on. Everybody, sit down!

- [Vincent] Yeah. - Sit down!

- Yeah, sit down. Everybody.

Ugh.

(Vincent exhaling)

- We're gettin' old.

- You're tellin' me.

- How's your prostate, Vinnie?

- Meds are meds.

- How many times a night you gotta get up to piss?

- Two, three, if I'm lucky.

- Yeah.

(Don Vito and Vincent speaking Italian)

- Look at this. Look where we ended up.

Back in our old high school,

still talkin' about our dicks.

(Don Vito laughing)

- Vinnie, you remember one time The Rope

wouldn't let you play kick the can?

You were 16. We was 12.

I took the two by four and I smacked him

right between the eyes with it.

- You cracked his skull in three places.

(Don Vito laughing)

- Holy shit.

I did that 'cause I loved you like a brother.

Come on, Vinnie. Let those feelings out.

I'm right with ya here.

Come on. I love you.

I've always loved you.

- Hey, you're a, you're not getting weird

on me now, are ya? - Come on.

This is my heart to your heart.

- I love you too, pal.

(Vito and Vincent sniffling)

I'm sorry things got so fucked up.

What can we do to fix everything?

- All right, come on.

This is my proposal.

I'm gonna give Victoria the divorce.

And you are gonna give me back my shrink.

Then we're even.

- Victoria for your shrink?

Just your shrink?

- Hey, come on. Then everybody's happy.

(Vincent speaking in Italian)

- You gotta deal. (Vito speaking in Italian)

- [Vincent] I love ya, pal.

(goons cheering and clapping)

(bright Italian music)

- Oh, what the hell is he doing in there?

- I don't know, Frankie.

- Don Vito is-

- What's the matter, talkin' to yourself?

- Don Vito.

(spoon clinking)

- Okay, it's time to play the big mafia giveaway.

How do you feel, Don Vito?

- How do I feel? I feel great.

- All right, Isabella. - Wonderful.

- Then let the game-a begin!

- Hey, Tomaso! Bring in Nappo.

- Don Vito- - You're crackin' up.

- Nappo.

- Don Vito, it's an honor for me to be here.

- Sit down, Nappo.

Nappo, I'm gonna give you the Leoni gas tax racket.

Hmm?

- Don Vito, I'm overwhelmed.

I don't know what to say.

- Well, just say thank you.

That's plenty. - Thank you, Don Vito.

- You're welcome. (laughing)

All right, bring in Stingo.

(bright Italian music)

- Stingo. - Oh.

Don Vito, it's an honor for me to be here.

- Stingo, it's an honor to see you.

Sit down.

The Leoni Waste Management Corporation is yours!

- I don't understand.

- What part didn't you get there, Stingo, hmm?

The management? The waste? What part?

- It's a gift?

- Yeah, gratis.

That means free.

- I get toxic waste, too?

- Yeah, one thing, though.

You gotta expand into recycling, keep up with the times.

- Sure, you got it, No problem.

(Don Vito and Stingo speaking in Italian)

(group laughing)

- [Julian] You having fun now, huh?

- I'm having the time of my life, mama mia.

Come on, let's have a drink.

- Oh, good, good. And a cigar.

- I'll have one, too. - Oh, yeah?

Here you go. - Reminds me of you, Julie.

- [Julian] Hmm.

- Isabella, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, you know?

- I'll drink to that. Keep pourin'.

- He's giving away the whole god damn store!

- Avioni, you get the Triboro Bridge racket.

- And you, you get the JFK International cargo racket.

- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

- Bonus! That's a bonus round!

What does he get? Tell him what he gets.

- The aqueduct raceway. Congratulations.

- Whoa! That's gotta sting, huh, Vito?

(all laughing)

- Oh, deal!

- [Isabella] Congratulations, Don Vito.

You are out of the rackets.

- [Don Vito] Yeah. (speaking in Italian)

I got a new life.

(knuckles rapping)

- Hello, Julian.

It's so nice of you to see me on such short notice.

Do you mind if I sit?

(playful Italian music)

Julian, analysts all over the city are getting beaten up.

They're being forced to pay protection money

to some hoods.

And they have asked me if I could come

and talk to you because I told them

that you are now, um,

what do you call it?

- Connected. - Connected, yes.

Well, Beuker has his arm in a sling

and Erinhouse can't talk his throat is so sore.

- What about what's his name?

- [Susan] Lowell?

Well, Lowell's pathetic.

He just bursts into tears for no apparent reason.

- You know, this is the first time

you've come to me for help.

- Well, I've been extremely busy.

- Had you come to me before with your friendship

or your loyalty, then your enemies would become my enemies,

and then they, trust me, would fear you.

(Susan laughing)

- It's Brando, right?

"The Godfather"?

That's very funny, Julian.

Very funny. (laughing)

You know you could always make me laugh.

I miss it around here.

And I miss you, too, Spanky.

I don't suppose if I slipped into something

a little more provocative-

- Tell your doctor friends I will do everything

within my power to see that this harassment ends.

Please let them each know that when I do this thing,

they will all owe me a favor.

As for you,

you are nothing more but a moth to me now,

an insect who flies towards the brightest light.

- Could I take that as a maybe?

- I signed the divorce papers yesterday.

Closure.

(birds chirping)

- I like spaghetti, I love meatballs.

I like spaghetti, I love meatballs.

(Don Vito singing in Italian)

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

- Oh, yeah.

Pomodori, my first crop. How do you like it?

- Beautiful.

- You gave me a chance to grow,

I'm doing the same thing for the tomatoes.

- That's wonderful.

Uh, Don Vito, I haven't really had an opportunity

to tell you how much this time together has meant to me.

- [Don Vito] Uh-huh. - You know?

I mean, the truth is, my folks and I,

we never really had.

It's just tough for me to find the words.

- It's all right.

It's written all over your face.

God bless you. I love you.

Come on. They're waitin' inside.

(spoon clinking)

All right, I brought all of yous here today

because the Leoni family is in deep shit.

We got a lot of problems to deal with,

and that's what we're gonna do today,

with the help of Dr. Julian Riceputo.

You got the floor, doc.

(Isabella clapping)

- Oh.

(family clapping) Thanks.

Uh, well, the idea of family therapy

is that we all share our feelings

and open up without any inhibitions.

And remember, please, I'm not here to judge you.

I'm just facilitating.

- Hey, doc, I know it's group therapy,

but everybody's hungry.

Come on. Dive in.

But you continue. Let's eat.

- All right, well, the key really is communication.

With it the family lives, without it dies.

- This is bullshit.

- Hey, come on, Frankie. Listen and grow.

- Well, you're breaking the ice there, Don Vito.

That's good, but it's definitely a tough room,

so we'll just see how far we can go with this, okay?

If anyone has anything they wanna share

or anything you wanna get off your chest, per se,

now would be the time.

Anybody at all?

(utensils clinking)

Donnie, good.

- I think I'm a homosexual. (Frankie coughing)

- Okay.

Well, the truth is, Donald,

that everyone, male or female,

has homosexual tendencies at one point in their life.

The question is why do you think these feelings

are so dominant now?

- I'm in love. - Wow.

Well, that's great.

- Well, I'm in love with you, Julian.

(Frankie laughing)

- Congratulations, Pop.

The daughter you never had. (laughing)

- This is your fault, Victoria.

Always babying the kid.

Now look what happened!

- Too bad he isn't more like Frankie, right?

- Oh, right. At last a little credit around here.

- Don Vito. - Huh?

Oh, hold it a second.

I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be judgmental.

We should allow Donnie to express himself

and accept him for the man that he is.

(family clapping)

(Don Vito laughing)

- Thanks, Pop.

- Wonderful. And that was very courageous, Donald.

So if anybody wants to go next.

- Well, wait a second, doc.

Um,

I mean, how do you feel about me?

- Yeah, how do you feel about him?

- Yeah, doc. How do you feel about him?

- Well, I'm very fond of you, Donald.

Just not in a physical way.

At all.

Whatsoever.

And I hope you can accept that.

- Well, I guess I have to, huh?

- That's right.

- My love is unrequited.

Isn't that the word, doc? - That's the word.

- Well, I certainly have something to say.

May I? - Please.

- Vito, were you really going to firebomb my restaurant?

- You're damn right and I should've done it 10 years ago.

- You're a savage. (Don Vito grumbling)

You're a primitive beast.

- And you're an ungrateful bitch.

- You're a crude, obnoxious man.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Doc, can I say something here?

- Absolutely.

- It hurts my heart

to see the two people who I love most in the world

have such contempt for each other's guts.

What I'm trying to say is, um, why can't?

Look, I'm not good at this, doc.

- Vinnie, you break my heart.

- You're right, Vincent.

This is beneath me. - Absolutely.

I wish both of ya all the happiness in the world.

- Vito.

- [Don Vito] Eh, come here.

- Thank you, Vito.

I wish you likewise.

(Julian clapping)

- Wonderful.

- Oh, and, um.

I want everybody at this table to know

that this woman is a queen.

And she deserves to be loved

like the queen that she is. (Don Vito laughing)

- [Tomaso] Ah, salute!

(Tomaso speaking in Italian)

(Don Vito speaking in Italian)

- Frankie, I want a divorce.

- Never happen. - Victoria's gettin' one.

- Give her a divorce, Frankie.

- [Frankie] Ma, this is personal.

- Frankie, we both know there's no love between us anymore.

- Good work, Freud.

My wife wants a divorce and my kid brother

comes running out of the closet into your arms.

You're really pulling the family back together.

(fists pounding) - Shut up, Frankie!

I got a proposition.

You give Isabella a divorce,

I'll forget about the Knicks.

Just forget about it.

- Get outta town. Are you shittin' me?

- I mean it, Frankie.

But you gotta stop calling me Tits.

I got an eating disorder, see?

And you keep hurting my feelings.

(light playful music)

- Damn, you got it!

Bye, Isabella! (Nicky laughing)

What a deal! What a deal, huh?

(family clapping)

- [Julian] Tomaso, Tomaso.

- I'm not really Italian. I feel better now.

(family laughing)

- Yeah, and we feel better too.

All right, everybody.

Saluti alla mia famiglia.

- [Family] Alla Famiglia!

(Don Vito laughing)

- [Donnie] Leoni!

(bright Italian music)

- You know, did I ever tell ya how my mother

always had to dominate?

- Oh, yeah, well my old man could displace

his anger with the best of them.

- Hey, Tony! Displace this, huh?

- Nicky, go sublimate yourself.

(family laughing)

- [Donnie] Guys, I got a sensitivity I never knew you had.

- [Don Vito] Your eyes are open.

- [Frankie] Nicky! Oh, a-yo!

(bright big band music)

♪ You're nobody till somebody loves you ♪

♪ You're nobody till somebody cares ♪

♪ You may be king ♪

♪ You may possess the world and its gold ♪

♪ But gold won't bring you ♪

♪ Happiness when you're growin' old ♪

♪ The world still is the same ♪

♪ You'll never change it ♪

♪ As sure as the stars shine above ♪

♪ You're nobody till somebody ♪

♪ Loves you ♪

♪ So find yourself somebody to love ♪

(bright big band music)

♪ The world still is the same ♪

♪ You'll never change it ♪

♪ As sure as the stars shine above ♪

♪ Well, you're nobody till somebody ♪

♪ Loves you ♪

♪ So find yourself somebody to love ♪

(bright big band music)