Original subtitles

["Caught Up in You" by 38 Special playing]

[gasps]

♪♪ I never knew ♪

♪♪ There'd come a day ♪

♪♪ When I'd be saying to you ♪

♪♪ Don't let this good love slip away ♪

Where's the-- Oh.

♪♪ Now that we know that it's true ♪

♪♪ No, said I'd never fall in love again ♪

♪♪ But it's real and the feeling comes shining through ♪

♪♪ So caught up in you, little girl ♪

♪♪ And I never did suspect a thing ♪

♪♪ So caught up in you, little girl... ♪

- [Evan] Bongiorno. - [Gwen] Guitar, yes.

- [speaks Italian] - Oh, I can't believe it.

- Hello. - We are gonna sing

"You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals

this year better than we ever have before.

- I can't believe it. It's an anthem. - Fourth year in a row.

Mr. Marquez, Becca's being such a bitch.

Oh, I-- what? Whoa, now.

She said I have no ass.

Tiffany, I did not say that.

- I said it could be bigger. - [Tiffany] Yeah, you literally did, though.

I'm just saying it could be bigger.

I-I'm sorry, I truly cannot comment on this.

I can. You're good.

Becca is your best friend.

Just literally go talk to her. Figure it out.

Whatever.

Oh, it is flat. [sucks teeth]

- [whispers] Gwen. - [megaphone feedback whines]

Attention, everyone.

Students, teachers, parent chaperones,

for the most memorable weekend of the school year,

the junior class field trip.

Oh, g-give it up, yes, yes.

- We're very excited about that. - Whoo!

All right, and so, we've got 90 minutes,

90 minutes to get there, we don't want to waste any time.

So, if you have to pee, pee now

or forever hold your pee.

[Rick] Look at this shit. "250 calories,

contains soy and tree nuts."

Boy, I'm-a be yoked after this thing.

Well, I hope you don't plan on eating those

out in the wild, man. I mean, I'm a black bear?

I'm smelling that from a thousand miles out.

- You're a black bear? - The wilderness

takes no prisoners, Rick.

That's the first thing we learned in ROTC.

- R-O-T-C. - Didn't you get kicked out?

I guess that's why I only remember

the first thing they taught us.

And I didn't get kicked out,

I was honorably discharged.

I'm not a fucking pussy.

Nick and I had sex last night for, like,

the first time in forever. In, like, months.

In months? What?

It's fine, it's fine. Sometimes, he jerks off and I watch.

Is that it? Is that what being straight is like?

I'm making a point.

So, we found, like, a latex-free brand of condoms--

Condoms?

You know I'm allergic to latex, right?

I feel like you're losing that-that thread.

Gwen, how long have I known you? I know you're allergic to latex.

Sorry to interrupt. Hi, I'm Sharon,

- one of the parent chaperones. - Hey.

Were you guys talking about condoms?

Did the kids bring condoms?

I don't know. We don't know what the kids brought.

Okay, well... [laughing]

- What? - [laughs]

Right. [laughs]

- Sorry. I-I'll keep it down. - [Sharon groans]

Yeah.

This whole trip,

these kids are gonna be trying to get into all sorts

of wicked little sexual games.

Very... specific games.

- Okay. Well, we'll keep an eye out. - Yeah.

- You know about "Stone Face"? - What?

- [Gwen] You-- What'd you say? - It's a new sex game these kids are playing.

You know how they play?

Do we know how they play? No, we've never heard of this.

You know, I don't even want to say. [laughs]

That's how deviant it is.

Ah.

[Sharon] A bunch of boys sit around a table,

and one girl-- God help her--

gets under that table and gives one of them...

- A blow job? - Shh!

And then the young man on the receiving end,

he has to keep a straight face, like this.

A stone face.

And then they guess who the lucky boy was.

I don't understand, who guesses?

Everyone.

[Rick] Why you keep looking back there?

- What? - Something's going on with you.

No, man. I...

- I think I got a shot with Gwen. - [Rick scoffs]

Wow, dude.

I'm pretty sure you don't.

She's, like, a bombshell.

- What, are you crazy? - So?

You saw the guy she's dating.

Nick.

- He's a friggin' Adonis. - [scoffs] No.

An Adonis? He's 140 pounds soaking wet.

Can't shovel dirt to save his life.

I think guys that are thin are often considered attractive.

Gwen needs a real man, all right?

A man that can protect her, who can provide for her,

who can, who can chop wood in nature.

I think women care more, like, if a guy's got a cute face

and good personality, so you might be fucked.

Wrong.

[Sharon] And if you don't know

what a "power cuck" is already, I can guarantee

you'll see it in action before the weekend is out.

I highly doubt that.

Yeah, again, I don't think

you have to worry about these kids,

you know. You could just have fun this weekend.

-"Fun." - This is, like,

you need a B average to get on this trip.

Oh, okay. And I'll just say that Liam Drake

invented tip-licking,

and he's at Georgetown. So, there's that.

Tip-licking?

No one wants just the tip licked.

- That can't be real. - It's a game. Okay? It's a game.

[Evan] Okay, well, you know what?

We're gonna keep a-a good eye out for any

tables or boys

- sitting down situations. - Yeah, tables and chairs.

Thank you. And, please,

if we can just keep a close eye on my son.

The girls are just trying to eat him alive.

Puberty has hit him like a truck,

and he is just a little boy in the body of a man.

Which one's your son? Sorry, I forget.

[chuckles] The cutest one here.

Josh? Or not Josh?

- Gwen. - James.

- Pearson. - [Gwen] Oh, James Pearson. - [Evan] Oh, yeah.

No, he is in the...

- I see why you're worried. - Yeah.

This is off axis, here.

I never knew this system where you put the stuff

- in the tent and then you build the tent around it. - [Gwen laughs]

Oh, Gwen, did you find my Spurs hat?

I can't find it still. It's MIA.

[groans] I didn't, I'm sorry. I looked everywhere.

- I'm so sorry. - [chuckling] Wait, what?

Wait, why would you have his hat?

- The pool project. - Yeah.

Markie helped Nick with, like, digging last night.

[Evan] W-What?

[Markie] Yeah. Nick needed someone

with big muscles to come over and do all the man work,

you know? I-- She asked, I obliged.

Do you have big muscles?

[scoffs] The biggest.

- [Gwen] Rick was there, too. - [Markie] Yeah.

It wasn't, like, just Markie or anything. Oh, my God,

it'd be so weird if it was just Markie.

- Would it? - Wait, Rick was there, too?

Why is this such a big deal?

[Evan] I mean, I-- You, like...

Don't make me say it.

What are you trying to say?

Like, everyone was hanging out without me.

Oh, no, no. No. Oh, my God.

We weren't hanging out, you're totally misunderstanding this.

It was, like... It was like, help.

Nick needed help digging the pool

- and it wasn't, like, fun. - I thought it was fun.

But this is not the kind of thing

that Evan would've found fun.

You would've hated it.

- It's fine. I'm... It's fine. I'm fine. - Are you?

- [Evan] This does not matter to me. - It does not matter,

- I promise you. - It's fine. [laughs]

Yo, can one of you guys take a look at my tent?

- [Markie] I got you, bud. - No, I'll help you.

[Rick] Nice.

What was that?

It's fine. This looks good.

[Markie] Eh. Damn right it does.

- This is too long. - I know.

- I'm trying to arch it up, it's too long. - Pissing me off.

But it is starting to look like a tent,

so whatever you're doing, just, like, keep doing that.

Where you going?

I'm gonna smoke.

[whispers] You're smoking fucking weed?

Dude, I have to. These kids are, like,

ten seconds away from making me cry.

Yo, actually, can you light this lighter for me?

My thumb's all fucked up.

- Please? - You shouldn't be smoking weed

on a camping trip with children.

Who cares?

How'd you mess your thumb up?

Oh, my God, it was so fucking stupid.

When we were all hanging out at Gwen's house last night...

I was trying to plug my Nintendo Switch into their

HDMI cord behind the TV and did this weird move

when I was, like, trying to plug it in. [chuckles]

You guys played Nintendo Switch at Gwen's house last night?

Dude, we played, like, eight rounds of Mario Kart.

This was after you guys did the pool stuff?

Yeah, we were up till like, 2:00 a.m. [laughs]

I was so tired this morning, I almost didn't even come.

♪♪ Frenemies ♪

♪♪ Who when you're down ain't your friend ♪

[both] ♪♪ Every night... ♪

- [clears throat] - ♪♪ We smash a Mercedes-Benz ♪

- [both] ♪♪ First we run ♪ - ♪♪ But then we laugh ♪

- ♪♪ Till we cry... ♪ - Hmm, good harmony on that one.

Good. Okay, and then we do this together?

- [both] ♪♪ But when ♪ - ♪♪ The night. ♪

I think that's... Are you flat there?

- ♪♪ When. ♪ - Okay, but it's not Broadway.

You don't have to be like... ♪♪ But when. ♪

You could just be like, "But when..." It's like talk-singing.

♪♪ When. ♪

It's like you're in Dear Evan Hansen.

- It's not like you're in... - Oh. Okay.

...Hello, Dolly.

- ♪♪ But when the night... ♪ - It's sounding

completely flat to me. I mean...

That one was good, I feel.

Let's go to the chorus, all right?

- Okay. - Let's go to the chorus.

♪♪ You've got the music in you. ♪

Can-- just wait for me to hit the...

♪♪ You've got the music in you... ♪

You're jumping in. You're jumping in.

- You're jumping in. - Sorry. Two, three.

- ♪♪ You've got the... ♪ - You...

No. You didn't even let me hit the chord.

Something is going on.

- With us? - Yeah.

Nothing is going on. I'm fine.

- Okay. - I'm just--

I want the song to be good.

- Gotcha. - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

What can we do for you?

Just making sure no one is playing Stone Face.

Okay. We are both teachers in our 30s.

There are two of us,

I am gay,

she has a boyfriend.

So, for that reason and 100 other reasons,

we're not playing Stone Face, Sharon.

We couldn't fit a table in here if we tried.

Someone is playing it somewhere. I know that.

Okay. No, but thank you. That-- It's...

And that song you were playing.

Ooh, God, you were a little pitchy.

But it really brought me back.

It was before I was married.

You can imagine the trouble I got into.

- I bet, yeah. - Right. Thank you. Thank you.

- [Sharon] Please... - Okay. We'll keep an eye out

for any-anything like that.

- [birds singing] - [girl] I'll help you.

- She looking? Mm-hmm. - Gwen?

[Rick] Nah, she's busy, dawg.

[Markie] Get her to look, man.

My package is looking loco in this harness.

Look at it.

It looks like you went to a dumpster

and stuffed it with trash, dawg.

She's looking kind of. Get her to look fully.

- Gwen! - [groans]

[Rick] She's still not even looking.

My neck is actually tweaked out

by those tents.

Did you sleep okay?

Are you mad at me?

You are mad at me.

- I'm not mad at you. - [scoffs]

I'm mad at my own feelings

and a stupid situation.

Come on, this is our favorite trip.

I miss my buddy.

Talk to me.

I mean, w-w-w-why-why would you all hang out without me?

Do you guys hate me?

[chuckles] No. We definitely don't hate you.

It's, like, everybody acts like they're my best friend

until I just find out you all

kind of think I'm, like, a weirdo and that

I can't come to your normie hang

and play video games or something.

I can play video games. I grew up playing video games.

We know you can play video games.

So then why wasn't I fucking invited?

It's 'cause you just don't like helping people, Evan.

I'm just... I mean, the whole point was, like,

to get together and help my boyfriend build a pool.

I'm just saying... it's like physical labor,

and-and I asked the people who...

You know, the whole point was to be helpful,

and you just don't do that.

You know, you don't bring anything to the party

'cause you think you're such a delight that you don't have to.

- Thank you. - This is feeling very intense.

Yeah, it kind of is.

Helmet?

- My dad says that you're really jealous of me. - Really?

When did you start wearing blue? Like, as soon as I started

- wearing blue. You literally don't even like blue. - Okay.

But I'm wearing a different-- I'm wearing baby blue.

You-you, like, hang out without me.

And then you take that opportunity to then tell me

- that you don't like major aspects of my personality? - [Gwen mutters]

- [Tiffany] I'm prioritizing my peeps. - Am I right?

Literally the worst decision I've ever made

was coming on this field trip with you.

Do you think I'm a bad friend

after all the stuff I do for you?

Like, listening to you talk

for hours about your boyfriend who's losing his mind

- and building a pool by hand? - [scoffs]

Or, I don't know, like when I got you this job?

Oh, you got... oh, you got me this job?

You didn't get me an interview?

'Cause I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

That's how you get somebody a job.

I can't believe I'm friends with you, like, honestly.

You're lucky you're friends with me.

- [Evan] ...probably not. - [Gwen] I mean, you think

you got me the job. That tells me

everything that I need to know about what you think of me.

- What do you think that I think about you? - That you think I'm,

like, the stupid girl that's just kind of waiting and hoping

at home just waiting for you to call me, like

- you're just my only friend. No. - [indistinct chatter]

No. You are not giving this--

And if anyone's listening to anybody

fucking bitch all the time,

it's me listening to you.

- Oh, my God. - Let me just take this opportunity to say,

I'm not your therapist. I should be paid

for the amount of shit I have to talk you through.

"Is Malcolm my boyfriend?

I don't know if I should make my boyfriend."

"Oh, my God. No, don't text him anymore.

He's not my friend anymore."

"Oh, my God, I fucked him last night." I cannot keep track.

[Tiffany] Mr. Marquez, you have to send Becca home.

Just cut her out of your life!

- Okay. I'm right here. - Whoa. I didn't say

I wanted to cut her out of my life.

Yeah, but you guys wouldn't be arguing all the time

if you actually were friends.

You know what, Tiffany? Mr. Marquez thinks

that conflict is the end of a relationship,

which is why he's unable to engage in healthy conflict,

which is, ironically, a quality that can end a relationship.

Maybe we're just realizing

- we're not a match, actually. - Oh, my God.

Why is that vein bulging out of your neck like that?

I don't know, Tiffany! Just ask Gwen.

She knows everything that's wrong with me.

Actually, you are fucking insane.

Fuck through this tunnel. God!

Hey. Hey! Ss, ss. Uh, uh.

- Up. Up, up. - What?

- Why? - You know damn well why, perverts.

Thank you. Thank you.

Just disgusting.

I don't think they were doing what you think they were doing.

Ooh.

You don't know the half...

of what I think they were doing.

Yeah, I just made this pretty cool decision,

which is, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore.

Bye!

[owl hoots]

And the ghost turns out to be...

her brother.

Who was... who was dead.

Why? Why was he haunting her?

Because...

[loudly] Because...

- she didn't vote! - Mm.

- Oh. - Oh, that's pretty scary stuff, right?

- So good. - [Grant] So, let's vote.

[Rick] Why are you wearing those night vision goggles?

'Cause it's nighttime, and they're badass.

[Grant] All right, now,

we have a little tradition. You're in for a little treat.

Come on up, Mr. Marquez and Ms. Sanders.

Give it up!

Hello.

One, two, three, four.

[playing intro to "You Get What You Give" by New Radicals]

♪♪ Frenemies, who when you're down ain't your friend ♪

♪♪ Every night we smash a Mercedes-Benz ♪

♪♪ First we run, but then we laugh 'till we cry ♪

Here you go.

♪♪ When the night ♪

♪♪ Is falling ♪

Come on, Gwen. Just...

♪♪ When your dreams are dying ♪

- That's your part. - ♪♪ Hold tight ♪

♪♪ You only... ♪ Just sing the song, Gwen!

No, no, I think you've got this.

So, I guess you're not the helpful one now.

You can't help me sing this song?

It's better solo, right? He doesn't need me.

I don't think you need me.

I don't think we're a match.

[whispering] Keep going, keep going.

Show must go on.

[Evan] Okay, it is not a duet.

[strumming tune]

♪♪ You've got the music in you ♪

♪♪ Don't let go ♪

♪♪ You've got the music in you ♪

♪♪ One dance left ♪

♪♪ This world is gonna pull through ♪

♪♪ Don't give up, you've got a reason to live... ♪

- [laughter, chatter] - Hey, put him down. Put him down!

- ♪♪ Can't forget ♪ - I got it.

♪♪ We only get what we give... ♪

- Go on. - Guys, guys, stop. Please.

- [strumming] - [Gwen speaking indistinctly]

♪♪ Health insurance, rip off lying ♪

♪♪ FDA, big bankers buying ♪

♪♪ Fake computer crashes dining ♪

♪♪ Cloning while they're multiplying ♪

♪♪ Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson ♪

♪♪ Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson... ♪

- I think she's insane. - This is great.

♪♪ Come around, we'll kick your asses. ♪

[Grant] That's it.

Okay, that's great. That's great.

[Rick] Fuck! I burnt another one.

Yeah, Gwen and I are fine, I think.

Or if we're not fine, it's her fault.

- I don't know. - Mm-hmm. Let it out, buddy.

I'm a great listener, you know.

Yeah, look, I got your back, man.

And if it comes to us picking sides,

it's nothing personal. I just...

I really prefer her company to yours.

- You prefer Gwen's company? - Yeah.

Thank you.

[Grant groans]

- [laughs] - Help.

- Is that your safe word? - Help.

I think Grant needs help.

- Hey, Sharon? - Huh?

I think I saw some boys sitting by a makeshift

- picnic table by the restroom. - Are you serious?

Yeah, and I think... Now that I think about it,

there might have been a girl over there, as well.

[gasping]

I'll be right back.

That was good.

- Oh, thank you. - You okay?

Yeah, yeah, every time suburban moms

come to the wilderness, and, I don't... something happens.

Yeah.

They make cheaper night vision goggles,

but they're not the real McCoy, you know?

I mean, and check this out. You fire 'em up.

- I mean, come on. - Yeah. They're so cool.

Seriously. Every time I watch Zero Dark Thirty,

I just pop these bad boys on.

It's like I'm right there.

You watched Zero Dark Thirty more than once?

You know bin Laden had five wives?

That's messed up, right?

You only need one person in life, you know?

What are you talking about?

Sorry. I just, like...

I just... I just need to be alone right now. I just--

I mean, is that what any of us really want in this world?

- What? - Give 'em a test drive.

That's all. Just try 'em, you know. Just--

They'll really freak your bean.

- You know? - Oh, my God. My bean.

Oh, right there, right there. Yeah, yeah. Right there.

- [beeps] - Ooh. - Yeah, right?

- Oh, they're so cool. - Yeah.

Oh, I want to take these. I'll talk to you soon.

All right. Watch it, though.

You might see things you didn't know were there,

and that changes everything.

[Gwen] What?

The crazy thing is I didn't even start smoking weed

till I was 32 to help deal with my imposter syndrome.

32? How old are you now?

[scoffs] I know, right? Exactly.

[Grant] You're okay. Just breathe.

Just breathe. You'll be fine.

You'll be fine. Is anyone here a doctor?

- Gwen? - [Grant] Parent doctor? Parent doctor?

Just breathe, breathe, breathe.

- Was it something I said? - [Grant] Gwen, if this is

drugs, we need to know. No shame, no judgment.

- We just need to know. - [wheezing] It's not drugs.

It's stupid--

- It's not drugs. It's not drugs. - [Evan] Can you call 911?

Sorry.

- Evan, do something! - [Gwen wheezing]

Oh, my God.

Hey, where's your bag?

- [wheezes] - Excuse me.

Stay with me, please. Please stay with me on this.

[continues wheezing]

- [man] Oh. - [hissing]

[gasps wheezily, exhales]

Good. Breathe.

[Gwen sobs, inhales]

- What happened? - Latex.

- [sighs] - The goggles. She's allergic to latex.

I didn't know.

I'm so sorry.

I was so fucking stupid.

- You're my favorite person in the world. - [Gwen laughs]

[Gwen] You're my favorite person.

Oh, my God.

You okay, baby?

Is she dead?

[Rick] Guess how many bites

- I can throw this down in. - [boy] Two!

- Two? Three? - [boy 2] Four?

- Wrong. - [Gwen] Look at him.

- Look at him. - [Evan] Every time.

It's disgusting how he eats.

You should've seen him with the pizza

at my house the other night.

Pizza?!

- I know. - Oh, my God.

I keep discovering levels

to this incredible hang you all had.

It's fine. I'm fine. I'm kidding.

You know, actually, we-- everyone is coming over Sunday

if you want to help mix concrete.

We can order pizza.

I cannot even believe you don't want to come.

- I don't want to come. - I knew it!

- I knew it! - I want to be invited!

So, that-- Look, we did it. That's--

All you had to do was invite me.

- You're always invited. - Thank you.

Thank you for the invite. Maybe I'll come by

when the manual labor is over.

Becca? Go sit next to Tiffany.

- No, she's toxic. - Everyone is toxic.

She's your best friend.

- Go sit with her. - Just go sit with--

She told me it was offensive to learn Mandarin.

'Cause you're not Japanese.

- That's the wrong country, bitch. - You're best friends.

It's not about you anymore. At this point,

- it's about us. - [Evan] Best friends sit together.

What's life if you don't have

- your best friends? - Go.

You will miss each other when you graduate.

- I promise you. - That's... that's good.

- All is right in the world. - [Gwen] You...

Classic damsel-in-distress moment, and I biffed it.

Dude, she practically died.

I don't think she was gonna, like,

bounce back to life and hook up with you.

- I should have been a doctor. - I agree.

You should have been a completely different person,

and then, I think that this would have worked out.

- Okay, this is you. - Yo, what up, Teach?

Oh, my God. Sharon, where'd you come from?

What are you guys up to next week?

We're just teaching, you know?

- Yeah. - Just work. - [Sharon] Yeah?

Me?

Got to investigate this new thing I've been hearing about.

- Okay. Yeah. - Well, good luck.

I'm sure it'll be interesting.

Have you heard of a "No Loads Refused Cum Dump"?

- Okay, well, it was so nice to meet you. - I've got a fish to--

But we didn't exchange numbers.

[Evan] You got to go home, Sharon.

[Gwen] You have to go home, Sharon.

♪ So caught up in you, little girl ♪

♪♪ And I never did suspect a thing ♪

♪♪ So caught up in you, little girl ♪

♪♪ That I never want to get myself free ♪

♪♪ And baby, it's true ♪

♪♪ You're the one ♪

♪♪ Who caught me, baby, you taught me ♪

♪♪ How good it could be ♪

♪♪ Little girl ♪

♪♪ You're the one that's got me down on my knees ♪

♪♪ So caught up in you, little girl ♪

♪♪ That I never want to get myself free ♪

♪♪ And baby, it's true ♪

♪♪ You're the one ♪

♪♪ Who caught me and taught me ♪

♪♪ You got me so caught up in you. ♪

♪ ♪