Original subtitles

(Shell) -Two Hills meet beloved girlfriends,

The two Hills of the Seed Keepers are waiting.

In a couple of moments the game will start -

Who is faster, she will show stronger.

Our love will shake the earth.

Two Hills!

Two Hills!

-Greetings in traditional Guardian Games!

Copters from all over Mother Earth flocked, to cover this event.

(applause)

(light music)

Meet Dirk van Dyck!

Great master, great champion!

Dirk ran out of mother Holland a few days ago

to bring us selected dutch seed

especially for the opening of the Guardian Games!

Guardian Games are open!

The only day of the year when is it legal to compete

and cheer for the participants.

Go, Two Hills!

Forward, Mother Russia!

And now a word to the Supreme Mothers:

Mother Russia and Mother Holland.

- Glad to see you at Two Hills, friend.

(in Dutch) - And I'm glad to visit Mother Russia.

(in Russian) Hmm, delicious!

Am I speaking Russian?

- This is the latest development of our students.

Loaf with nanorobot translators.

-ABOUT!

- Now meet - Guardian Games participants!

Team of Dutch Guardians!

They represent our city-sister Dve Herrings.

What a purple steering wheel they have on the flag!

And now - the team of Two Hills!

-Yes! -Yes!

-The uniform of the Two Hills team

made by famous designer Marina Batmanova.

It's amazing!

So where does she get her inspiration from?

And finally - for the first time in the history of the Guardian Games -

third team, Moscow team.

And, as we see, Muscovites are performing under a neutral flag.

(Jadwiga) - Friends and Keepers!

See you at the competition

and, of course, traditional seed exchange.

(quiet) Why change seeds?

Is yours missing? -It's an old tradition.

Back in the Oil Age athletes from different countries

came to the Olympic Games and enriched the local gene pool.

-Hi friend.

- Hello, Yulik.

Who do you have there?

- Glad, hi.

We urgently need to meet.

Call me.

-Imagine, in Two Hills roe deer passed. So I decided to release it.

-Wow! And I'm a deer only seen in pictures.

Can you pet her? - No, it's not worth it.

Well, she's just... poisonous.

Yulik, you are so kind.

And why does everyone think you're ugly?

- They just don't know me very well, my friend.

(Larisa) - Great choice, friend.

In this dress you will persuade the primate for anything.

- Not too much? -That's what you need.

In the Oil Age, this style was called "slutty cutout".

(Larisa laughs)

(seriously) Most importantly, replace the seed our Guardians to the primate,

and then I'm like this I will arrange an international scandal ...

-Lenusik!

(tense music)

Uh...

Lena, what happened?

We do have some competition. after a couple of hours.

-Yes Yes.

That's the problem.

The thing is... Hmm... Uh...

Mother Holland friends

want you to have a complete physical examination.

-Didn't understand. What's this, Do they think we are fleas, or what?

-Sasha, but we know you.

We are not afraid.

Holland is very...

stiff,

conservative country.

-OK.

In principle, mine will be useful at least once in a lifetime

go to the doctor.

-Thank you, Sasha.

(doctor) - So, one more analysis - and that's it.

-Does it hurt? -Not really.

Seed collection is even nice.

Shoot.

(tense music)

-What are you doing, psycho?

You will be cancelled. You've already broken so many laws!

- And for me there is only one law - the word of the Rada.

And she said that he doesn't want to see you anymore.

- Take me back.

I'll talk to her myself.

-No. Now you will live in their natural habitat,

primacy

And if I see you again in Two Hills...

(engine noise)

-I'll go to Two Hills anyway!

Do you hear?

-Well, did the Muscovites give up everything?

-Some even twice. -Great.

-To be honest, the corpse's tests are better.

They need to be disposed of as soon as possible.

-No, Starooskol students asked to give them materials

for the museum of catastrophes of the human body.

-Well, the hostess is a gentleman.

(alert music)

- Throwing everything.

- Delete it.

It remains to cross out two more competitions,

and we will find out in which disciplines they will perform our respected Keepers of the seed and Muscovites.

(with accent) - Cyclists.

- Cyclists - there is no such competition.

- Well, that was to be expected.

After your bike crisis in the 2080s.

- So, what are we cleaning, bro?

-We definitely leave the stone-paper-scissors.

Remember how I am a tournament did you win on the pranks?

I even wrote to you.

- Hold your breath.

I've been diving for pearls all summer.

Until Grandpa said that it is not in the Moscow River.

-But ... quid-ditch - what is it?

Sounds like a broom in the ass.

-Quidditch is out!

-And the program of the Guardian Games has been formed.

It's rock-paper-scissors breath holding and creative number.

And the teams start to tune in for upcoming competitions.

Let's not disturb them.

- Well, where are you going, girlfriend?

What do you have every day Guardian games in the city?

-I gave an interview to the copter from mother Austria-Hungary.

-Don't be afraid of the Guardians, guys.

They are people just like us: two arms, two legs.

-Only strong as horses. -And this, live for 300 years.

-And they have a big dick!

-What have you forgotten?

- Support came.

- Supported? All right, thanks get the hell out of here.

-Competition will start soon in rock-paper-scissors discipline.

And according to the norms of public spaces

this area may be no more than 70 friends at the same time.

But especially for this event. capacity has been increased.

Up to seventy-two!

And I remind you:

Mother!

Beth!

"Mother"!

Play and guess!

And the first is invited -

August from the Two Hills Team!

-Now I will destroy them purely psychologically.

Look in my eyes.

It seems that now there will be a stone, right?

Fuck there - scissors.

- Well done, don't spill it.

-Everything is ready to start. Forward, Mother Russia!

-Yes Yes!

Yes!

(audience cheers from the audience)

(chanting) -August! August! August!

- What are you doing, August!

Augustis!

This is a new record!

-Nothing, guys. We have two more contests ahead of us.

- Good luck, Sasha.

-Russia!

(in chorus) -Russia!

Russia!

Russia!

- How are you, friend?

- The legs haven't recovered yet.

- Shall we go to be photographed with Gribaka?

- No, some stupid talisman.

-Why? We are the mushroom capital mother Russia.

Well, do you want me to make you happy?

Hera is no more.

Just like you wanted. -What did you do to him?

-I took him to Moscow and persuaded him not to return.

- You used force on him? -No.

I used force next to him. But he understood everything.

-And we are already in the zone with barrels,

where will the competition start? by holding the breath.

- Good luck, my third best friend!

I believe in your lungs.

(applause)

(host) -Louder, louder, support the participants!

-Sashulya, there is an option cut down the social balls.

"Motherbet" gives you a ratio of 1 to 1000.

Or your enclave doesn't need points?

-Let's drizzle.

We need this victory!

Why is it hard for you to drown?

-Baron, something is reluctant to die.

- So you're not the first time.

- You know what kind of medicine we have. We'll get you out in a couple of minutes.

-Well I do not know. Because of some fucking games...

-And the honor of Moscow is an empty phrase for you?

How will you look people in the eye? if you return home without a medal?

-And how girlfriends hang themselves on champions!

(Rat) - Well, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to.

Can I dive. - I'll dive in, you bastard!

I'm ready. -Let's.

- Well, the participants are ready to dive.

Forward, Mother Russia!

We have always been renowned for our patience.

(whistle)

- Is there something wrong with our seed?

-I just wanted...

- Arrange an international scandal, to get rid of primates.

Did you figure it out yourself or did someone tell you?

Larisa, sleep mode.

Sleep mode.

Sleep mode.

Sleep mode.

-Sleep mode.

- I've been watching for a long time. for the wise and all-seeing Lariska,

who manipulates so skillfully world mothers.

And stops any initiatives to restore the male population.

Or do you also believe in a fairy tale, that only girls are born after the virus?

It's time to end her misandry.

Are you with me, friend?

- Yeah...

-Already 11 minutes how the athletes lay low!

Particularly surprising simple Moscow boy.

What is your friends name? -A!

What is Puzo's name? -Yaroslav.

- Oh, Yarik!

- Be patient, Yarik, be patient.

And here's the first one out.

This is Robin de Boer from Two Herrings.

- Look, he's helping him!

- Is friendly support prohibited?

He's always in the 12th minute starts fidgeting.

See how it shakes.

-Such support is not prohibited.

-ABOUT!

Well done, Yarik, coped with the nerves.

-Ditch!

-And this is Yarik's victory!

But this is not enough for Yarik - he's going for a world record!

But Moscow is also Mother Russia!

(silence falls)

It seems Yarik needs help?

-Poor Yarik.

(Hera) -Get back in the car!

There's a huge bear walking around somewhere.

- Glad, don't be afraid. If he appears I'll cut off his horns.

-Hera, get down, let's go to Two Hills. -Yeah!

You don't want to get rid of me anymore? - Yes, Yulik misunderstood me.

-Yes? What exactly did you say to him?

- I don't remember, get down.

-I remember. You said you hate Hera and you don't want to see that bastard again.

- I didn't say freak. You said you just don't remember.

- I see, you already sang? Well, go to your Two Hills!

- See, he wants to stay.

(engine won't start)

Does not start.

- I've run out of gas. -Can you go?

Looks like he broke his leg.

- So, let's go on foot.

Yulik, take Hera to Two Hills.

-I?

(delicate music)

-What a beautiful ode to the apple in antique style!

The Dutch with their tap dance can only envy Mother Russia.

Well, it completes our competition program number of Muscovites.

-We dedicate this song own composition

to all the friends of the world.

Especially our Mother City.

Come on, curly, we need that win. Understood?

(plays intro)

- not obscuring the horizon

Your moon, which is not

Opened the night a huge umbrella,

Meeting the pink dawn.

There on the purple moon

You so wanted to be alone.

Don't forget about me

You fell asleep by the window.

When the new day is tired

Same as always

You flew so far

When this dream came

Arising not about me

You forgot everything so easily.

You will forget about me...

Well, they're not that rough, are they?

Men and women should live together.

“…Maybe just for a moment.

leaving for me

Just a thin thread

Just a drop of regret...

-Glad!

I went today to say...

In general, Iya and I are no longer together.

We parted. -Yes.

-She cheated on me with Lucius, and she has a child by him.

-Clear.

- Glad, well, we can be together.

I love you. -And I love you.

-We all love each other.

-What?

No, you don't really. You don't understand, love is different.

This is when you constantly think about a person, looking forward to meeting him

you can't live without it.

-Your love is more like an addiction and causes some suffering.

That's why we prefer friendship. Yes, Yulik? I totally agree with you, my friend.

-You will forget about me

On the purple on the moon

Maybe just for a moment.

leaving for me

Just a thin thread

Just an ounce of regret.

(everyone screams in delight)

The last time I cried like this when our guys played the harp.

I think the winner is clear.

How lucky the Two Hills are with their neighbors!

- Artist, when did you write this song?

-Yes, I was sitting, looking at the moon, and somehow went down.

- Why didn't you sing to us, huh?

-I love you guys!

I mean brotherly.

We did it!

(scream) -Down with the men!

Down with the men, down with the men down with the men!

It looks like we're protesting...

Who cares?

Hope it gets cancelled?

And right now, dear friends,

there is a traditional exchange of seeds.

That's all.

Dirk went to mother Holland

which means that the next Guardian Games have come to an end.

And they were the most purple in my memory.

Thank you Mother Russia! Thanks, Two Hills!

(in Dutch) -It's not a seed!

It's a biological weapon!

If it hit to the Fertilization Centers of Mother Holland,

there would be a disaster planetary scale.

(Larisa) -Obviously, that it has something to do with primates.

(Larisa) Hi friend.

Haven't heard for a long time.

Need your help.

I don't trust Elena.

- Well, how is he? Will live?

-Certainly.

Why do you need his seed?

-For Starooskol students.

-Are they not enough?

(alert music)

(Larisa) -What's going on in Two Hills?

- We will punish the Keepers of the seed.

(Larisa) -That's not enough.

I propose to evict primates and close the city for quarantine.

Who agrees"?

Unanimously.

-Hi friend.

Please open for us.

-Ay!

(Polnalyubvi - "The Girl and the Sea")

What the...

- Quarantine dome...