Original subtitles

When I Was 5 I Killed Myself

Hello. My name is Gilbert Rembrant but everyone calls me Gil.

At night, after everyone's in bed, my horse Blacky comes to me.

He stands under my window. I know he is there!

Because I can hear him,

a noise like the wind, but it's not the wind.

And he smells of oranges.

When I ride on his back,

people think it's a boy on a bicycle, riding in the night.

It's me and Blacky, galloping on...

until there are no more houses...

no more people,

until there is nobody,

no more schools, nothing more.

The first time Blacky came to me...

was when I was 5 years old. The night I killed myself.

Do not worry, little one. People die every day.

It's just like that, nothing.

Those are the rules. Come on now, go to sleep.

Yes, when I was 5 years old I killed myself.

Today I am 8 years, 3 quarters. Almost 9.

I have just arrived at the Pâquerettes Children's Home.

I'm here because of what I did to Jessica.

The first person I met was Madame Cochrane.

So ugly I want to puke!

She wears slacks, even though she's old.

I'm in prison because of what I did to Jessica.

Take your hands out of your pockets.

Ah! Hello, my little man.

Come in. Sit down.

What are you looking at?

Gil?

Ah! You hear the birds?

You'll see there are many here.

Why doesn't young Gil tell me a little about himself?

What is his favorite activity?

What he enjoys most of all?

It's night.

Why'd you say that?

At night is when Blacky comes.

Is the night named Blacky?

At night after going to bed Blacky comes to me,

and I jump out the window onto Blacky's back and ride away.

We eat cookies with milk, I dunk them.

Yes? And then?

I won't talk to you!

I think I can help find what's bothering you,

and help you deal with it.

You're sick,

the sooner you let me help, the sooner you'll feel better,

and the sooner you'll go home. Want that?

I must run away!

And why?

My Dad is here.

But your parents have left.

No! It's not the same, they came to tell me something.

They came to fetch me!

Sit down, please.

Gil! Would you sit down, please!

Tell me, is it Jessica you're speaking of?

Don't think you have to say hello or anything!

Okay. I'll say nothing.

Gil. Jessica is not here.

You want me to put on the seatbelt?

Yes.

It don't hurt me!

Send me Cochrane.

Listen carefully, Gil.

Just say something about the little girl,

and you can return to your wing.

When did you see her the first time?

- In front of my home. - Yes.

There was a lawn.

I wasn't even allowed to walk on it.

If you won't answer my questions, I can't release you to go home.

You risk a very long stay.

- Shut up! - What?

I'm not talking to you!

I repeat - Jessica is not here.

Shut up! Bastard! No!

Let me go!

Let me go! You're tickling me! Let me go!

Take Mr. Rembrant to the Quiet Room...

until he regains control of himself.

- You want help? - No, we will go. Come on!

You know, Madam. I can walk by myself!

Yes, yes, if you want, come on.

The first time I saw Jessica Wilson was during the fire drill.

I'm just telling you that I'm going home.

Jessica, back to your place!

No! I'm going home.

Jessica, come back here at once!

But if there is fire I prefer to be at home with my parents.

So I'm going.

It's not a real fire, Jessica.

It's just a drill.

She had a very nice dress.

You can tell it was soft just by looking at it.

That was the first time I saw Jessica Wilson.

You can watch them for a moment. I'll be right back.

Who's that saying goodbye to himself?

My name's Edouard.

It's not 'goodbye, goodbye,' it's 'hello, hello.'

Why'd you do that? Why'd you do it?

Why'd you do that? Why'd you do it?

It's been a week now that I've been in "The Pâquerettes."

I hate this place. I'd like to kill it.

No, no, no! Don't go!

I was just leaving. Come take my place, my boy.

I'm going.

I am going from one moment to another.

You shouldn't sit on the floor in your Sunday clothes.

You'll be punished.

How true!

And yet so far.

...because he wanted to see time fly...

The new boy Gilbert Rembrant, I don't know if we said,

but I want consistency in his treatment.

I'll take care of him personally.

- This case is, uh, difficult. - Difficult?

I think it is in his interest we must avoid any interference.

Interference?

Listen, it's simple: Don't take care of him.

I hope that in time we shall see things a little more clearly.

- Hello Doctor Valmont. - Hello, beautiful!

You have the folder for Gilbert Rembrant?

You shouldn't do that.

Come on, don't be bad. Ouch!

Wait and see, you little brat!

Shut up!

I really don't understand you.

Push.

Push.

Push.

He just wanted that we push him.

Gil, tomorrow you're going to the dentist.

Why?

For a check up, It's the rule here.

I don't want it! I don't want it!

I'll kill somebody! I'll kill somebody!

- Can I offer you a candy? - No.

Shit!

Don't say bad words.

It's rude.

You shouldn't eat candy either.

But if I didn't chew I wouldn't get cavities.

It gives you cavities.

That's what I said.

But you're not supposed to get cavities.

Really? Why?

Because you shouldn't, that's all.

I want cavities in all my teeth.

Because I want fillings in all my teeth before it is too late.

Too late?

My dentist,

he is going to commit suicide.

No.

And why would your dentist commit suicide?

Because he is a dentist.

So?

Everybody hates dentists,

So his son wouldn't hate him he said he was a football champion.

Now then, I don't believe you.

- It's not true! - It is, I assure you.

He even bought all the equipment, shoes, everything.

But then, when the son went to school nobody had heard of his father,

so he had to own up to the truth.

Since then, his son won't speak to him anymore.

My dentist will soon commit suicide.

It's a matter of days.

I have to go to the dentist.

I know.

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Edouard.

It's dusty in here.

It irritates the eyes.

It causes allergies.

Listen Edouard... I have to go to the bathroom...

it is my belly... there is something wrong.

I'm afraid.

This... I'm afraid of the dentist.

I have to go to the toilet,

but I've never been here before.

I don't know where it is.

I do. Don't worry, I'll show you.

You know, Edouard, I have something wrong inside me.

I'm different from other people.

I hate school, fortunately there was Tignasse.

Tignasse is a bad student.

He writes his own excuse notes.

One day he wrote he had lung cancer!

We are blood brothers.

In life, and in death!

Ouch!

But I'm afraid of needles.

Hey! You all right? Are you hurt?

I wore a bandage for 3 weeks.

And do you know this one?

Q: Why'd the moron throw his watch out the window?

- I don't know. - Cat got your tongue?

- I don't know, yeah! - A: He wanted to see time fly!

That's not even funny!

And this one... know what it is?

- Where did you get this? - I don't know!

- What do you mean "I don't know"? - I don't know!

You will answer me, no?

I don't know what I mean by 'I don't know.'

Oh! You never know, that's it!

I don't know!

Madam Chatel! Madam Chatel! Here!

- Thank you, my dear Anne! - Not at all, Madam Chatel.

Return to your place, my dear.

Now I want silence!

- Tignasse, come here. - Come get me!

Hands back!

What did you do to Tignasse?

If you hurt him I'll kill you!

I swear to God! You hear me? I'll kill you!

Enter!

- Look! That bastard Polaski! - Come on, let's go!

Hi Mama!

But, look at the state you're come in! No! Don't touch, please!

Well, who did you fight with today?

Yeah, and it's because of the Jews.

What are you talking about? What is this nonsense?

You'll tell me the truth, yes?

- Well, I was run over by a Rabbi. - What?

He got out of his car and asked if I was Jewish.

I told him yes but he didn't believe me

so we arm-wrestled and I won, because he was old.

Then a guy showed up and

he said I could be a negro if I'd rather.

I said, ok because I find them negroes nice to have hidden some of them.

That made the Rabbi angry. He pushed me and tore my shirt.

Then I went home and now I'll go see my troops.

Salute!

Gil, come back here right now!

She thinks I have nothing else to do!

Children I have very good news this morning:

the pool is open

Starting today, all residents of "the Pâquerettes"

will take turns in there, and imagine this:

our group is first!

That's fortunate, no? So when you have finished breakfast,

we'll go swimming.

But we must be a good as Angels...

if we want the right to go swimming.

Won't we, Gil?

No! It's cold!

It's cold!

But what's cold, my dear?

- Come on, come on? - No!

- Here we go! - No!

If you don't stop everyone will know you can't swim!

But you risk nothing, you have a life jacket!

Come on, advance, move! A little more.

- You see, you made it! - Don't let me go!

I'm drowning!

You risk nothing, you have a lifejacket!

- Let me go! - Come down!

- Well, what happened this time? - Nothing.

- This piece of shit! - Don't say bad words!

- Who started it this time? - I did.

- And what happened exactly? - Nothing.

- Can I go to the Quiet Room? - No! Out of the question.

Whenever you get upset you go to the Quiet Room,

writing on the walls instead of confiding in me.

I'll never talk to you! Never!

Come on! Hop, sit-up!

You know, the pool's just opened but behave like this and you'll never swim!

I don't care!

I don't care!

I want to go home! I don't care! I want to go home!

I want to go home! I want to go home!

Calm down! Gil, calm down!

Gil enough! Calm down!

One day we went to the zoo on a school trip

I pretended to be high up in a tree to eat my food...

which I had killed with a dagger.

One man saw me and walked to my tree.

He was a white hunter.

- Want some? - Umgaoua!

I thought you might be thirsty.

Umgaoua!

Gil has a girlfriend! Gil has a girlfriend!

Gil has a girl!

You better shut up!

- I'm tired of getting my hands dirty! - Hands? You mean your butt!

How is my Little Sweetie?

- Yes. - Can I do something for you?

Yeah! Don't call me 'Little Sweetie,' okay?

- Why're you limping? - A lion ate my knee.

- Come! - What are you doing? - Shh!

We'll throw my shirt on Polaski

like a net, like with a wild beast and we are the hunters.

Gil! Where is your shirt?

You want to get pneumonia on top of everything else?

Don't worry, it's germs that make you sick, not drafts.

- How do you know? - I read it in a magazine.

Liar! You're too young!

I did! We get them at home.

My father taught high school. He lets me do whatever I want.

You didn't need to toss my cup.

You could say 'thank you!' Now I'm all stained.

I was Tarzan!

You're mental!

It doesn't cost anything to be nice. That's what my Papa says.

- So? - So what?

- So? - So what?

I don't read all the magazines.

Often I just look at the pictures.

I love to see the clothes, they're very elegant.

I never look at clothes! Never!

Liar! You look at Miss Uris's!

That's not true!

Of course. I saw you on the bus, she always sits next to you

and you look at her clothes and when she crosses her legs

you look at her shoes.

- Hi crocodiles! - Gil! Come back here right now!

Don't worry, he knows them. They're his pals!

His name's not Gil, his name is Jules.

You better get out of here right away.

They will kill you and eat you. They are not your friends.

I'll introduce myself: I'm Jessica Wilson!

They don't understand!

It must be Spanish alligators. I once saw a cartoon.

Popeye punched an alligator up into the air

and it came down as suitcases.

- So? - So... nothing!

- Jessica, look out! - My name is not Jessica.

- What's your name? - Contessa.

My Papa calls me that. But you can't.

The Big Hello.

No! You can't look!

It's mine! It's private!

- Not even a little? - No!

Okay Gil, I promise.

And don't you write on it either.

Dr. Nevele said only I could write on it!

I haven't written anything.

Then what is that? Some pudding?

It wasn't me who wrote it.

What's that on your belt?

This?

Hot sauce.

To put in the mouths of children who want to bite.

To teach them not to.

You understand?

What's with you?

Why don't you use it?

I don't like spicy food.

Are you satisfied?

I wanted to show you the result of what I call... your interference.

Excuse me, but I don't see how this involves me.

It was Gil, but it's because of you.

Did you speak to him about me?

Let's be serious, after each meeting with you his condition worsens.

He sinks even more into his silence.

But he talks to me.

If you spoke in line with our authority I would say nothing.

But you offer him complicity, that reinforces him...

in his refusal of any verbal communication.

Listen doctor, I don't understand.

- I've been here a while... - You're here to help us!

and to learn.

You, you offer him complicity.

And you, by your very presence, turn his punishment into a reward.

Not only did you pay no heed to my friendly warnings,

but you took advantage of our trust...

to poke your nose in his case.

So here.

You are officially banned from interfering with Rembrant's case.

Your stubbornness has forced me to go to the Board.

What does this mean?

It means if you keep it up you'll be fired, my man.

Hey!

What will you do for me now?

Come on.

Jessica will write me soon.

Then you'll give them to me, okay?

Sure.

I wasn't talking to you.

All the better for me. I won't talk to you either!

- Who were you talking to? - To myself.

Don't do that.

Edouard, don't do that.

- Would you do me a favor? - What?

I want you to help me. I have to go swimming and I'm afraid.

- You're a sissy! - Thanks. You're right.

Besides, there are many things that frighten me.

Death and swimming. That's why I'm here.

I'm supposed to be in the pool now, dying.

- Not true! - Yes.

That's not true! You lie! You're a liar! Bastard!

Only sissies are afraid to swim! You're a sissy!

I hate it when it's cold.

Ah! It's cold!

The others will think you're a baby.

I don't care what others think.

Only you.

Maybe we could just go to the shallow side.

Stay away! You see I'm scared, no?

Stay away!

Ha! Not as cold, now. Eh?

What do you think? Try to go further?

I'm too short. It's too deep for me.

Well, you know what? I'll take you in my arms

So you won't be too short, and I won't be afraid because you're with me.

Hold me tight!

Don't be afraid, Edouard. I'm here.

You know sometimes it helps to be held.

I don't care what others think.

It helps me, makes me stronger.

Sometimes when I'm afraid I get really angry.

It is the same for everyone.

When we are angry it's because we're afraid.

- There! - You hold me too tight!

Let up a little! Let go! Let me go, go! Let me go!

- Really? - Yes!

Go ahead, kick your feet! Kick your feet!

Come on out! I've had enough. It's only you enjoying this!

- Are you a coward! No! - Enough?

No! Again, again! Let me go alone!

- Hey! Hey! You think? - Yes, it's okay! Let go of me!

Pump your feet! Pump your feet!

- Don't leave me, Gil, I'm afraid! - Don't worry, I have you!

Hey! You're swimming!

You're swimming!

Edouard! Make the Big Hello!

Yeah!