Original subtitles

Previously on So Help Me Todd... Chet and I are having another baby.

Oh, baby!

Patty, you are on a date with a murderer.

Again?

I rest my case.

All right, thank you, Bailiff.

If you would escort the jurors to the deliberation

room, we appreciate your time on this case.

Thank you.

It looks like closing testimony wrapped at 4.47.

I'm telling you, this is the hard part.

The waiting.

But you were brave and articulate.

We have a good chance.

Thank you, everyone else.

Thank you all.

This concludes the final day on this case.

My whole life is in those 12 people's hands.

But the jury's deliberations have just begun.

You gotta choose every second of every day to be a detective.

You gotta think about how you spend your time.

How you live your damn life.

Are you gonna be an idiot?

Hey, Todd!

You going home?

What are you doing tonight?

There is a fireworks thing at Oaks Park.

Yeah, sorry.

I actually got a big family dinner, so... Oh, well, maybe this weekend.

Laser Floyd and the OMSI Planetarium.

No.

No can do.

I'm just focusing on work, zeroing in on some career goals.

Oh, right.

Portland's number one PI.

Yeah, I saw your flyer in the trash can at the Rose Gardens.

Anyway, thank you for the invite.

Another time, maybe.

Okay.

Or maybe not.

There can be no distractions.

No distractions.

Nice claws.

What's it doing?

Thanks.

Strong closing remarks. Yeah.

But was it enough?

Which way do you think they'll go?

I don't know.

Your client is sympathetic, but I think I have stronger evidence.

It could go either way.

Maybe.

You know, he came to me first.

I know.

And I'm surprised you didn't take him on.

I didn't like him.

He's got deep pockets, if what I'm hearing about your firm is true.

I guess my pesky moral has gotten in the way again.

And Jillian, oh, I felt really strongly about her case.

I've had those moments, too.

You have a good night. - You too, Dorothy.

You do?

Hello?

Are you Margaret Wright?

Yes.

I... I'm here to testify.

I'll do it.

Testify for what?

Who are you?

I got your letter about the Oregon Senate College case, and I'll do it.

About Jillian's case?

But the trial is over.

We're done. We just finished.

The jury is...

All right. Okay.

Wait.

Wait.

What is your name?

When did you get my letter?

No.

No, no, no. Never mind.

Thank you.

It was the strangest thing, and I have no idea who she was.

Do you think she has any information about the case?

Well, even if she does, it's too late.

The jury is in deliberations now, and it's practically impossible to reopen a trial.

Sorry, this is the college defamation case with the Gross professor?

Yeah.

He offered her an internship in exchange for inappropriate favors.

Quid pro Gross.

She reported the incident.

No one believed her, of course.

So she bravely called him out on TikTok, and now he's suing her for defamation.

I mean, it's just... it's awful.

Oh, I don't know.

I wouldn't say that TikTok is awful.

I just opened my own account, pattyjam6005, lowercase b.

And what I'm seeing on all my little feeding streams

is one video of one woman making one ham sandwich.

Is that all TikTok is?

No, no, no.

There's more one section of TikTok.

There's, like, a bunch more.

And I heard that the college barely investigated her claims.

They just tried sweeping it under the rug.

In the meantime, her scholarship, her bank

accounts, and her future career are all in jeopardy.

So he's claiming that her TikTok defamed his public image.

So that's what TikTok is about, defaming?

So then that one woman is defaming her ham sandwich?

That's... no.

Oh, look who it is.

Mr. Robot.

Welcome, Lawrence.

Hello. - Hi, Bobby.

Hi, Clem.

What is this ominous balloon for?

Oh, it's real.

Okay.

I thought my retina had detached.

It's a gender reveal balloon.

I'm sorry, it's a what?

Ah, for the baby.

Seriously, a balloon?

I thought for gender reveals you're supposed to, like, burn down a farm.

This is so bougie and heteronormative.

Allison, try not to belittle your brother.

I'm not belittling him, that's just saying.

Okay, we wanted to share this information with

you all in a fun way, like a normal couple would.

You and Chad are a normal couple.

Chad is normal.

Wait, but do you know what it is?

Okay, then just tell us, rather than... I'm going to pop this now.

Okay, he wants to do this. - Please.

This is fun.

Is it?

It's green.

Which means... You're having a frog?

It would seem they gave me the wrong balloon.

Oh, babe.

My mashed potatoes are full of gender reveal.

And the baby?

Well, Clem?

I get the little brother!

Boy, I've always wanted a boy.

What?

Oh, Clem, having a baby brother is the absolute best thing in the whole world.

Oh, it's the clerk at court at this hour.

I should take him to the bedroom here, Todd.

Yeah, yeah.

Congratulations.

Okay, I am going to defrog myself in the bathroom.

Hey, Clem, you're going to be a big sister just like me.

We should have a sleepover to celebrate.

We can watch Frozen.

Or do some nails?

Or we can do nails and we can make a volcano and we can blow some stuff up.

Wouldn't that be so fun?

And where would you do this?

I don't know.

I guess at Todd's.

No, Clem isn't going near Todd's.

She hasn't had her final vaccinations yet.

Okay, well, I'm sure Mom would let me do it here.

Why are you resisting this?

I'm offering a babysit.

It's just that I'm not sure that your...

I'm not sure that your current lifestyle is appropriate for Clem to be around.

My current lifestyle?

What does that mean? - We can discuss it later.

Maybe.

Clem, hey, let's go show Daddy what you made.

Okay.

Oh, wow, pal.

I'll have a girls' night with you.

Just two sexy ladies with some catalogs and some milkshakes.

Woo-hoo!

But I won't watch Frozen.

No.

It's too real.

Too close.

Can't do it.

They were deliberating this late?

And they have questions.

Okay.

No, all right, all right.

I'll be at the courthouse first thing in the morning.

All right.

Okay, thank you.

Hey.

What the... Lawrence.

What is going on?

Why are you turning on all...

Are you gonna kill me?

Is it true that you're now operating a private

detective agency within the mother's law firm?

Yes.

And your business is separate from hers?

You don't report clients or income to anyone there?

Yes.

And you can keep your work confidential?

Yes.

Well, I have a job for you.

Find out if he's gay.

What?

Thank you for coming.

I know it was somewhat short notice.

The jurors were here till 9.45 last night, and they have some requests.

Juror number seven is requesting an early release.

It's her daughter's wedding tomorrow.

Juror number seven, I'm inclined to say no.

Margaret, come on.

Her daughter's wedding?

She's gonna turn on you if you keep her.

All right.

Yes.

Yes.

Release her.

And the jury has asked to have Hank Jennings' testimony reread to them,

which I'm inclined to grant.

Thank you, counsel. That's all.

Tough break.

I think you had juror number seven, but the alternates...

They don't like me or Jillian.

I can tell from the looks on their faces.

And rereading the lab partner's testimony doesn't bode well.

All right, you two take care.

How'd it go?

What happened?

We're losing.

I'm losing?

My God.

Why am I the one getting punished when I didn't do anything wrong?

Jillian, nothing happened yet.

We are not losing.

You know what?

Let me make a quick phone call.

Mom.

Todd, this may be pointless, but I want you to

look into that mysterious girl from yesterday.

Well, I thought that case was closed.

Also, I'm in the middle of something, so I can't.

In the middle of what?

A nap, a meal, a disaster.

My contract with you allows me to take on

outside clients, and this one is confidential.

Confidential?

I don't remember agreeing to confidential.

Then I am setting some healthy boundaries, and this is a private matter.

Call Lyle. Goodbye.

Hey, Lawrence.

Are you following me?

Yes, it was very easy.

Turns out you're the only lumbering robot on this street.

Do you have an answer for me?

Not yet, but what is going on with this situation?

Are you trying to get with this guy?

You're using me to have some sort of affair?

Because, look, you got very lucky with Chet.

I'm not.

Okay.

Okay.

Great.

Not cheating.

So I did some preliminary digging, and he's a local judge.

Which I assume you already knew, but why do you need to know if he's gay?

Can't you just ask him?

What's the big deal?

No!

Do not ask him if he's gay.

Absolutely not.

That's the one thing you cannot do.

Okay.

Wow.

All right.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Look, if you can't help me, I will find a real detective who can.

No, no, no.

Hey, I could do it.

I can.

Lawrence, I'll find out.

Ah, perfect timing.

All right.

Of the 184 letters we sent out in search of information on Jillian's professor,

36 people never responded, and five of those

were women between the ages of 18 and 25.

One, two, three, four.

No, no. None of those are her.

She was, um, my height, kind of dark reddish hair, very pale.

Uh, uh, the fifth woman, Clara Wilkins, has

no online photos and no Internet presence.

Well, that is unusual for a college student today.

But she does have a P.O.

box in her name in Hillsboro.

Let's just go out there and see what she knows about Jillian's case.

Todd, you've got to be kidding me.

Stealing a judge's trash has got to be some sort of federal crime.

Come on, it's trash.

And why do you need me?

But more importantly, why are we doing this down here?

Secret assignment.

Top secret.

And I need a woman's opinion.

So... Okay, okay, okay.

Empty instant ramen cup, straight.

What?

Popsicle stick, gay.

Why is a popsicle stick gay?

I don't know, summer, tank tops, popsicles, pride parade, crafts.

This is ridiculous and productive.

Believe me, I know.

But I got to start somewhere, okay?

Let's see, um, okay.

Uh, hair, is this hair?

Wait, he cuts his own hair.

Oh, straight.

Wait, no, wait.

These are actually just feathers.

Okay, gay.

From a discarded down jacket?

Straight?

Ugh, this guy's all over the place.

I really have to crack this.

Hey, what's going on over here?

Do I know this woman?

She's giving me a really weird look.

Oh, no. Well, I mean, maybe.

But the googly eyes are for me, not you.

She wants to, uh, date me.

Wait, is that why you brought me down here?

So you can make googly eyes back at her?

No, no, no, no, no.

I am not in that head space right now.

And I'm not interested, okay?

I'm a... Lone wolf.

Yeah, no, I know.

I heard you muttering that in the elevator.

Oh, no, I was alone in that elevator.

No, you were not.

You know, you should go for her.

She's, she's cute.

Hey, you don't have to matchmaker me into a match

just because you are blissfully married and happy now.

Oh, and you will be too someday.

Mwah.

Okay, um, back into the judge's trench.

Okay, here we go.

Candy bar wrapper, dark chocolate, almonds, mint, asexual.

What?

Almonds and mint? - Are you joking?

No, that's three things.

Is it trisexual, the thing?

No, no candy.

Oh, come on, just one, please.

Micah?

No.

Excuse me, Claire Wilkins?

What are you doing here? How did you find me?

Well, it's important.

Do you have something that you want to share about Professor Madden?

Micah, go wait in the truck.

Now.

You said that the trial was over.

I know, I know.

And technically, it is.

But if Professor Madden wins this defamation suit, Jillian will be bankrupt

and it will destroy any future career opportunities that she may have.

She needs all the help she can get.

Would you be willing to just talk to us?

No, no, I can't talk to anyone.

I don't... Clara!

You know something that is integral to this case.

It is your duty as a citizen to come forward.

I could subpoena you and legally you would have... No, don't!

That would ruin my life.

Clara!

I've got her plates.

It should be easy to track her from there.

But Margaret, to what end are we pursuing her?

If the trial is over, then... The jury is still out, Lyle.

It's not over yet.

Miss Francie, court wants you back immediately.

Maybe they've reached a verdict.

Well, this is a delight, Todd.

You're taking your sad old spinster ants out to lunch.

I'm not... Why are we eating at the courthouse?

Well, Mom loves the shrimp salad here.

And there's tons of cute lawyers around.

Maybe you might meet someone.

You never know.

That's true.

I've met a number of incarcerated gentlemen through the judicial system.

Coco, Hammer, Five Knife Lick.

You dated someone named Five Knife Lick?

Oh, he was very, very shy.

And I'm not sure I appreciate your tone.

Who are you currently dating?

No one.

I didn't mean... Okay, but wow.

Hey, there's a cute guy over there.

No, no, no. Not there.

Right there.

Right there. No, no.

Not him. Him.

That guy. That guy.

Yeah, he looks nice and cute.

Why don't you go over there and talk to him, Allison.

Or Patty. Or anyone.

What is going on?

Are you prostituting us?

You're prostituting us?

This is gross and weird.

I'm leaving. Try your skeevy shenanigans with some other nutcase.

Hello.

Is this seat taken?

Oh, I love your lunch.

What a day, huh?

So many courts.

So many rulings.

People being executed.

It's so exciting.

Try something else.

Entice him. Beguile him.

You know... I happen to own an island.

It's off the coast in the Pacific.

It's Magic Crystal Island.

It's full of beautiful waterfalls and badgers.

What are you saying?

It's like a nicer Ecuador.

Hi.

Hello there.

I'm new here.

And this courthouse is so big.

And I was wondering if you could maybe show me to the jury room?

I'm not allowed to speak to jurors.

Oh, oh.

Are you a judge?

I'd love for you to render my verdict.

No?

Celine Dion?

Let's get that guy.

Hey, do you know anything about that guy?

Oh, yeah. Judge Spinks?

He thinks he's so cool because the governor wanted to talk to him.

Big deal.

Yeah.

Big deal.

After two days of deliberations, I've been

informed by the jury that they are deadlocked.

11 to 1.

Now.

Is that 11 to 4 or against me?

They don't tell us, which is good.

There will be no mistrial.

I am not wasting this court's time or money.

You will keep deliberating.

There is no deadlock, no gray area.

You must pick a side.

Either guilty or not guilty.

Now, I will send you back into the jury room.

And if you need any testimony... You want to find a way to reopen the case.

Yes.

We are going to subpoena Clara Wilkins.

So, it would seem our friend, Adam Spinks,

is up for a state supreme court appointment.

Uh -huh.

Thank you very much for trusting me with that information.

Now, tell me why it matters if he's gay.

There are seven judges in the state supreme court, and two of them,

by complete random chance, happen to be gay.

Then the Honorable Edna Lewis recently became a lesbian.

What? Like through magic?

Now, the governor has to fill a vacancy on the court, and her more conservative

constituents... - Oh, I hate that word.

It sounds like voters with stitches.

...are concerned that if the new judge is

gay, then the gay agenda will have a majority.

And will do what?

Make cool-lots and square-dancing mandatory?

The governor is up for reelection.

Okay, so now is the perfect time to start discriminating, or

reverse discriminating, or reverse, reverse discriminating?

Last year, the governor appointed a very

moderate judge to a different court in Ashland.

And that judge took a hard right turn and began

supporting extremely homophobic legislation.

And then, of course, got caught on a gay hookup site.

Oh, I remember that.

His username was Chamberlord.

He was humiliating for the governor.

And if I want to stay in her good graces and get her endorsement when she retires,

I need to fully vet Spinks.

No surprises this time.

Okay, yes, look, so I can get your answer, but I need to borrow your car.

Yes, to tail Spinks.

And your car is...?

Allison took it. Her's got booted again.

What is going on with her? - I know.

She's just spiraling into a chaotic black hole.

We're the good ones now.

Can you believe it?

No, I wouldn't go that far.

Okay, so give me your car.

No, no way.

I drive a government-sanctioned vehicle.

Okay, well, if you want me to go out and out your judge, I'm gonna need some wheels.

You're making this very difficult.

You are the one who's working against your own kind.

I mean, if he's gay and he doesn't get the job, isn't that precisely homophobic?

It's not homophobic.

It's politics.

Well, do you think he's gay?

I mean, don't you have, like, gaydar or whatever?

I'm... I'm not even really gay.

Just forget this whole thing.

This can't be where Clara lives.

In an old community center.

Could be a nonprofit.

Can I help you?

Ah, yes.

I'm Margaret Wright.

I'm looking for Clara Wilkins.

Is she here?

Is she in trouble?

Clara!

Yes, mother?

These people are asking for you.

Why?

What's going on?

Clara Wilkins, you have been...

Selected as a winner for a beauty makeover from your local radio station KOLP.

Congratulations.

We don't allow cosmetics in our community.

Micah!

Stop playing with the girls!

Ah, well, we're so sorry.

We had no idea.

We'll just show ourselves the way out.

Is this the way?

I'll point them in the right direction.

I'll be right back, mother.

Thank you, spy.

Clara, I am so, so sorry.

Had we known that you were part of such a strict community, we never would have...

If anyone finds out that I've been taking college classes, I'll be disowned.

Education goes against your beliefs?

For girls, it does.

What do they think you are when you go to school?

The market, groceries, laundry.

My family wouldn't understand my choices.

Not even your mother?

She wants...

They all want a very specific life for me.

I know how that feels.

Clara, I am very sorry.

We will find another way.

Thank you.

You're right about Professor Madden.

He's a bad person.

I was reading in a private room when I heard him ask Jillian to touch him.

He said that he would give her an internship, and she said no.

And then he tried to block her from leaving the room.

Oh, Clara.

And he said bad things to me, too.

So when I got your letter, I...

You wanted to help Jillian, but the personal risk is too great.

And yet you came down to that courthouse that day to find me.

Jillian is still in danger, and we have very

little time left before this trial is truly over.

We cannot let Professor Madden win.

Clara, you are going to school now.

You are studying things.

You are improving yourself.

Maybe.

There's a part of you that wants to be out of this life.

Could I, um... Could I talk to the judge without anyone knowing?

You would do that?

Yes.

I'll see what I can do.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hey, you didn't have to come with me.

I'm not leaving you alone to eat snacks in my car.

They're Funions, okay?

They're Fun Onions.

Which store are we watching?

Well, he's parked right here, so he's likely over there in the Outback

Steakhouse, or the American Girl Doll store, or Hooters, or Calico Corners

Fabric Shop, or, you know, down at Home Despot.

If you had been quicker in the bathroom, we would have seen him.

And it's Home Depot.

No, no.

They changed it to Home Despot, like, six months ago.

That seems like a big marketing mistake.

What did you mean when you said you're not really gay?

Well, all I do is work 17, 18-hour days.

And when I'm home, if I'm home, I'm doing laundry.

Clem has, like, 600 socks, and none of them have a match.

And Chet and I are too tired after work for any kind of... You could skip that part.

So what about this life is gay?

How am I gay?

Why does it matter if I have that label?

All I am is a working, busy, tired father.

Who sleeps in bed at night with a man he's married to.

You're gay. - Well, I don't feel gay.

I'm not skipping around or listening to Metallica or wearing lederhosen or going

to Croatia or driving around in a convertible

with bubbles flowing out over the tower.

What? What are you saying?

Bubbles?

What?

Lawrence, being gay isn't only one thing or one way of life.

Gay could be anything.

I mean, you could be you gay, you could be Croatia gay.

Gay can be anything.

Then isn't it nothing?

Who cares if anyone is gay?

Aren't we beyond labels now?

Why do I have to be gay?

The whole thing is pointless.

I mean, all I care about is Chet and Clem's health

and happiness and paying the utility bills on time.

It's Mom.

No, don't answer.

Should I not? - No.

Well, why don't I just... Do not answer.

Yeah, I'm gonna answer.

Don't answer. - Hey, Mom?

Todd, I found her.

She's part of a fundamentalist religious sect in Hillsborough.

Is she gonna help you?

I think so.

I'm working on it.

But Todd, I'm having doubts about pushing her into something that could destroy her.

Todd, let me ask you something.

I didn't ruin your sister's life, did I?

Wait, am I the reason that Allison is flailing?

No, she's just...

Look, Allison is in transition.

You know, she was in one life that she was maybe forced

into, and now she's changing lanes, and that's bumpy.

She never wants to see me.

She shows up at the opera dressed like an inebriated yoga teacher.

I think she's seeing someone, but she won't tell me who.

Yeah, you know who else is a mess, Lawrence.

Be kind to your brother.

He may not be as bright as you or your sister, but he means well, although I do

have to talk to Chad about the way he dresses.

Oh, some of those communist suits are so stiff.

Oh, oh, oh.

Who is that? - Oh, my mama.

I gotta go. Fire.

There's a fire.

Once again, if you'd been focused on the task at

hand, we would have seen which story he came out of.

You know, you think you're so cute with all that, but you're

not quite as bright as me, are you, in your communist suit.

Wait, what is he doing?

What is he... What is... What is that?

What is he wearing?

What is he putting on?

Is that... Is he putting that on his head?

What is that?

What is he doing with that?

You need to relax. - That is disturbing.

But what is going...

That is disturbing.

Follow that milk carton.

And that's when I went to go find Ms. Wright.

Thank you, Clara, for sharing your story.

I appreciate you coming in.

Good job.

Okay.

So, off the record, I think we can all agree this

guy's has come back, but what are we gonna do about it?

The testimony should be admitted.

This courageous young woman is putting her well-being on the line.

She's risking being disowned by her community to do the right thing.

That is awful.

But the law is the law.

Opening the case, adding in a witness at this midnight hour would place an

inordinate amount of weight on Clara's testimony for the jury.

Why are we here if not to defend the truth?

Dorothy, Melanie, the truth just walked in

that door, and we're going to turn a blind eye?

How is that upholding the law?

We cannot fail.

These two young women, we have to reopen the case.

It's not without precedent.

And, of course, I want to do it.

If you say no, and I lose, I'm just gonna file a motion to appeal.

The brief is right here, and we will all end up right back here in a few weeks.

But next time, I will have Clara as a witness, and I will win.

So, it's your choice now or later.

You decide.

I can't throw my client under the bus.

I'll leave it up to the court's discretion.

What is Clara studying?

Robotics.

Clara, the judge has agreed to reopen the case and include your testimony.

But she's denied our request for anonymity.

She wants me to get on the stand in front of everyone?

Yes.

And it would be tomorrow.

So, you need to go home tonight and think about this.

And maybe talk to your family.

This is a costume party?

For courthouse employees only.

I need wristbands to get in.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Hey, I'm on undercover assignment.

This is my manservant, Lawrence.

What are you doing here?

I'm moonlighting for extra cash, you know.

Are you guys trying to get inside?

Yeah.

I think I can help you.

Who is this?

Judy.

She's... I work with her.

Well, I work above her.

She's interested in me, but I am not.

I'm busy with my career.

Trying to remain focused, like a wolf.

Wolves are not focused.

Most wolves are starved to the point of delirium.

They kill and eat indiscriminately because they have to.

Huh.

I didn't know that.

These should help you with your mission.

Should you choose to accept them.

All right. See you inside.

There he is.

Okay.

He seems very friendly with that piñata.

There's someone inside that costume.

Ah, yes. Good point.

Thank you.

Let's just wait and watch to see who's inside.

Oh.

Thanks.

They're an item, but at some point that piñata is going

to have to come out of that costume to pee or breathe.

I mean, how is it drinking that drink?

I don't even see a mouth opening.

Hey.

How many jello shots have you had?

What?

Oh, my God. You're drunk.

No, these are just jello.

No, they are jello shots full of grain alcohol.

Didn't you have parties in military school?

No, I wasn't invited.

But I think you're pretty no matter what anyone says.

Wow.

Hey.

Are you having fun?

Yeah. - No.

Uh-uh.

Not this room. No.

That bad?

Yeah. - Okay.

You're watching that piñata?

Yeah.

We need to know what's inside the piñata.

I think it's usually candy.

Hey, hey, hey. It's moving.

It's moving.

It's going to the bathroom.

Hey, Lawrence.

Lawrence!

You're a robot and a pirate.

But I'm okay with it.

You know, I'll go check it out.

Okay, we need to know if it's a piñata or a piñato.

Gotcha.

Okay, let's go, drunky.

Wait.

I was talking to him.

Okay, let's get some food in you, huh?

What about these cupcakes?

I hear the shrimp are pretty good.

Oh, my God.

It's Albert Einstein.

Are you dating Gail King?

I'm very sorry for my robot idiot brother, but big fan of both of your work.

I'm a robot and a pirate at the same time.

Oh, my God.

No luck.

Unisex restroom.

The line was long and the piñata gave up.

Great. Now the milk is nowhere to be found.

This is ridiculous.

Can we just rip off that piñata's head and find out what's inside?

Pretty sure you need a bat to destroy a piñata.

Someone you say manservant?

Just my brother, my idiot bat brother.

Hey, bat! Spill it!

Open up! Come on!

Wrong bat! Wrong bat!

Oh, uh, you should go.

I'll take care of him. - Thank you.

Yes.

Hey, Derek. Hi.

Come on. Let's go, Batman.

So sorry.

So sorry.

Bye!

Bye, everyone.

Goodbye. - Thanks again.

Give me the keys.

Give me!

I want the candy inside of that piñata.

Go back.

Todd?

Lawrence?

Mom!

Jell-O!

What is going on?

He's been doing Jell-O shots.

Every color of the rainbow.

What is happening here?

Mid-gay life crisis.

What are you doing downtown?

Oh, I was at the courthouse, but...

we need to get him home.

No, but I can't... Chet's mom is here.

I'm gonna take him to my place.

Your place is so great.

Mom says it's a dump.

What?

You call my place a dump?

Not now, Todd, but yes.

She says it's a dump.

Wheels on the bus go round and round.

Come on, let's go.

Lawrence, honey, you have to walk.

Hey, hi, everybody.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Oh, we're surprising Allison with a little girls' night.

I think she could use some female bonding and guidance.

This is from you? - Yes, me.

I've got some face masks, hummus, bath salts.

Not the kind that turn you into a zombie, and I don't really recommend those.

Can you just once is pretty heavy.

I'm not heavy, I'm your brother.

Come on.

Lawrence, you are hooking my bra right now.

I saw this in the movie once.

Oh, my God.

Allison!

Dick?

Mom?

Tony!

Feliz Navidad!

What?

Oh, my God, he hit his head.

Daddy, get some ice.

You said you had an all-night steak.

What are you wearing?

What am I wearing?

What are you doing in my bed with him?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is this your wife?

This is my sister, and you told me I had to be a lone wolf.

No distractions.

No girls, no boys.

So what is this?

What can I say, Tyler?

I love her, man.

What? - Oh, my God.

Listen, she's not going to be around long, right?

You know she's a cop, so she's going to die a lot of duty any day now, quickly.

I am a doctor.

I was your doctor.

Okay, doctor, feel good.

What do we do about this injury?

Just sit him up.

Keep the ice on his forehead.

Is he disoriented?

Barry.

And so are you, by the way.

Allison, this is very disappointing.

Why?

I am a grown single.

I am a single woman.

I don't think marriage is in the cards for us, Ben.

Stop talking.

Also, what do you care who I sleep with?

You told Lawrence that it doesn't matter who we love.

Oh, you love him?

Him?

Doesn't matter.

Gay or straight, we can all make terrible life choices.

Okay, this is ridiculous.

Can everyone please just get out right now?

What? I live here.

This is my apartment.

Dick?

It's me.

Oh, dear God, Patty, is that you?

You know my aunt?

I thought you were dead.

No, no, no, not yet.

Dick, I waited for your call for many, many years.

Oh, my God.

Hey, listen, Patty, you know, I think you're a great gal.

We had some great times together, right?

But I'm a lone wolf.

I live in the shadows.

I got garbage down my pants.

I can stay warm in them.

That's you, by the way.

The garbage in his pants, that's you.

Todd, you're your own garbage in your pants.

I'm not really sure that makes any sense.

And you are such a fraud, by the way.

I wanted to be just like you, a great detective.

But look at me now.

Yeah, you're a terrible detective.

Couldn't even involve my little gay case.

Wait.

Your confidential client is Lawrence?

Yeah, he failed me.

You're fired.

I'm a failure, too.

I'm probably going to be fired.

I vetted that judge they found on Grindr.

It was me.

I don't have gaydar.

I don't wear espadrilles.

I hate Metallica.

Is Metallica a gay band?

Oh, yeah.

Duh.

You are not a failure.

And of all my children, he what?

Oh, he's the favorite. I knew it.

We're letting you down and he's not?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Listen up, everybody.

I've had a really great time.

I like most of you.

But right now, I'm having a heart attack.

It's because someone called me a 911.

Oh, Claire, hi.

I'm so sorry I'm two minutes late.

It was a strange night.

Are you ready for this?

Did you talk to your family?

No, let's just go in and do it.

So remember, all you have to do is tell the truth.

Is he taking photos?

Of people in there?

No.

Is he getting them in the papers?

Because if my family says if they send me away, then what will happen to my brother?

He's and they won't...

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I'm not going to ask you to do this.

I... Your safety is the most important thing.

Um, what happens if I don't... Jillian will lose, but will appeal.

I am not going to trade her future for yours.

So I'm just going to go inside and tell them it's not going to happen.

I keep thinking that I'm ready and then I just get scared and then I...

Claire, I'm going to go inside and if you're ready, you'll join me.

While you wait here, either one is okay.

You do what's right for you.

Ms. Wright, is the witness here?

Your honor, unfortunately.

Yes, your honor, she is ready now.

Will the defendant please rise?

In the case of Richard Madden versus Jillian Gibbons,

the jury finds the defendant not liable for defamation.

Congratulations.

You are so brave, Jillian.

He will lose his job and he is not a threat to you anymore.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

Are those from that party?

Yes.

I am upcycling.

There is so much waste in the world.

I just wanted to come by and say thank you for all your help last night.

I mean, it was fun.

And you're really... Do you want to have dinner sometime?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

I really do.

Oh, and by the by, I figured out the gender of your little piñata friend last night.

What? You did? How?

Bad shrimp.

Oh.

You know, there was a little flap in the neck and I just...

I delivered that bad shrimp right on in.

I had to remove the head to get to the toilet.

It's probably still throwing up somewhere.

So, who was inside?

Was it a man or a woman?

How did it go?

Well, they're still talking to me for now.

But I am leaving.

Okay.

The college has agreed to house you as part of their work study program.

And what about my brother?

Clara.

Should you need to bring Micah with you, we will find a legal way to make that happen.

He'll be okay.

That first day when I saw you at the courthouse, I

thought that you were just a lawyer helping Jillian.

I didn't realize that you would help me too.

Thank you.

I... Honestly, I don't know how to thank you enough.

Thank you.

Thank you.

If you want to take a seat right here, I will find time for you.

Okay. Thank you, Susan.

It's really great seeing you, Lawrence.

Great seeing you too.

Oh.

Thank you.

Who's this?

That is my husband Chet and our daughter Clementine.

She's at the movies today with her aunt Allison.

So... you're married to a man?

Yes.

Lawrence.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey.

I didn't know you were coming in today.

I'm here to see Todd.

Okay.

Come on.

Thank you.

Thanks.

You'll get some paperwork for your sister's college.

Oh, hello.

Walk with me, won't you?

Todd, I wanted to come by.

Oh, sorry.

Is this in an official capacity?

Because you fired me.

So now anything you say will be emailed directly to CNN, and the FBI, and TMZ,

and CBS, and KFC.

Ha, ha, ha. Listen.

I'm sorry about the other night.

I have never done jello slaps before.

Oh, boy.

And some of the things I said were maybe misguided.

Yeah.

Like, I'm not really gay because you weren't drunk for that.

I am gay.

Of course.

My connection to that community may not be very strong.

But perhaps there is value in embracing the label.

Yeah.

And I have decided to recommend Adam Spinks for the position.

He is extremely qualified.

Oh, okay. Damn.

So you don't want to know anymore?

Because I figured it out.

You did? - Yeah.

With some help from my friend, Dorothy.

And I have something for you.

What is this?

This is a sexual orientation reveal balloon.

Just pop it and the confetti inside will tell you which team the judge plays for.

Seriously?

Why can't you just tell me?

I mean, what color is... You'll know.

Just pop it.

But not in here, because it'll make a big mess and mom will get mad.

But take it outside and pop it.

Does pink mean or is blue?

Just pop it.

You'll see.

You did it.

Nice work.

I'm proud of you, too.

Poor sweet Alison.

She's turning into someone else, isn't she?

She certainly is, but who?

Thank you.

Hello.

Jerry's still out on that one, but I think it'll be okay.

Let's just wait and see.

Although, you know who she reminds we have at this age?

Lester.

Lester?

Was Lester acting out rebellion in his thirties?

He shaved his head and then hijacked that little train at the zoo.

Remember?

Father was furious.

Dear God, is Alison turning into Lester?

I need to talk to her.