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1
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,849
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
2
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,966
[EXPLOSION]
3
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,807
[BOTH SCREAMING]
4
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,477
[DAG] This is Friday night in my home town.
5
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,525
Those guys behind me
are actually my neighbours.
6
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,231
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
7
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,062
[GROWLING]
8
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,907
[SCREAMING]
9
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:24,366
What is it that you want to be?
10
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,917
I gotta go
11
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,917
It's in a million pieces
12
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,044
I gotta show you
13
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:41,140
[SCREAMING]
14
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,268
[ALL GROWLING]
15
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,853
[SCREAMING]
16
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,482
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
17
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:53,319
[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
18
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,876
Brains.
19
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:15,875
[ALL GASPING]
20
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,423
[DAG] So, why is everybody so mad?
21
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,054
And how did I get stuck
with these two freaks?
22
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,687
Well, the aliens showed up.
23
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,774
Okay, let me back up.
24
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,204
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
25
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,877
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
26
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,423
[SCANNER BEEPING]
27
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,798
[DAG] I'm telling you, this thing with Lorelei
is about to happen.
28
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,420
I can feel it in my bones.
29
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,927
-Bones? Yeah, that would be cool.
-You're not even listening.
30
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,179
You never listen to me.
You're supposed to be my friend.
31
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,055
What? Look, Lorelei
doesn't like you like that.
32
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,432
If she did, she'd have given it up by now.
33
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,356
I'm saying, I think she does.
I feel like we're right on the cusp.
34
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,228
She's been coming over to my house
more and more lately.
35
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,811
That's because she stashes her weed
at your house.
36
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,063
-How did you know that?
-Because her dad's a Christian Scientist
37
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,990
and because everyone calls you
her weed locker.
38
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,156
No.
39
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,780
-People really call me that?
-All the time.
40
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,036
-[SIGHS] It makes me look like an idiot.
-Pretty much.
41
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,743
And what do you say to them?
You back me up, right?
42
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:32,952
No.
43
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,291
-Parminder...
-What?
44
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,873
...that's your job as a friend,
is to make me look good when people...
45
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,674
-Jesus!
-Are you kidding me?
46
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,509
Dude, you're a terrible friend.
47
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,048
Okay.
48
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:47,009
Maybe she has me hold her weed
as an excuse to keep coming over.
49
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,259
-Did you think about that?
-No.
50
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,891
That's probably it. Her body language
has been super cuspy lately.
51
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,895
-Well, if it's been super cuspy, then...
-Hey, hey, Lor.
52
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,646
Yeah, that cuspiness was palpable.
53
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:01,947
Shut up.
54
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,990
[SYNTHPOP MUSIC PLAYING]
55
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,045
-[BOY] Boo.
-[GASPS]
56
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,337
-Oh, God. Hey, Milan.
-Hey, Petra. How's it going?
57
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,717
-Good. How are you?
-Good.
58
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,884
-Tonight's the night.
-Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait.
59
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,758
Your first vamp party. You're going to love it.
60
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,933
Mmm-hmm.
61
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:35,348
So, I heard that vamp parties can be
kind of rough. Is that...
62
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,682
-Hey, that's my locker there.
-Fuck off.
63
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,351
Look, if you're too scared,
we don't have to do this.
64
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,028
What? No, I'm not scared.
65
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:44,698
-That's my special girl. Come on.
-Okay.
66
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,234
-Hey, if I could just get into my locker.
-I said, Fuck off!
67
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,075
[INDISTINCT MURMURING]
68
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,869
-Oh, we should...
-Come on.
69
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,168
Don't ever get in my way again, pussy.
70
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,041
[SYNTH POP MUSIC CONTINUES]
71
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,054
[SIGHS]
72
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:17,894
Come on.
73
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,267
[WHIMPERING]
74
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,190
[KNOCKING]
75
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,905
-Mr. Keller?
-The teachers' lounge.
76
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,409
-What?
-I'm in the teachers' lounge.
77
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:31,574
Teachers' lounge.
78
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,910
Teachers' lounge.
79
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,579
Teachers' lounge.
80
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:43,632
For the love of Pete. If you finish a pot
of blood, please put another one on.
81
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,460
Can we all do that? We can all do that.
82
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,262
Look at this.
83
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,886
Mr. Keller, I just had one quick question
about my paper.
84
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,684
I think there's been an error in the grading.
85
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,761
Oh, let me guess. You think there's
been an error in the grading
86
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,563
because in your mind,
you wrote a wonderful essay
87
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,981
yet you still received a failing grade.
Is that it?
88
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,692
That's correct. Um...
89
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,769
And I'd like you to change it.
90
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,402
Don't you get it, Ned? Not everything
in your life is under your control.
91
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,109
Sometimes people don't do
what you want them to do.
92
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,779
Sometimes you vink at them
and they don't vink back.
93
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,999
-What's a vink?
-It's a cruel world is my point.
94
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,789
It's best you learn that now
before you get the wrong idea. Okay?
95
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:25,207
And the doughnuts are gone?
The doughnuts are gone? Huh?
96
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:29,048
We couldn't save one doughnut?
Not one doughnut?
97
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,887
No, I don't want your quarter of a doughnut!
I want a full doughnut!
98
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:38,350
Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare!
99
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,856
Unbelievable!
100
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,895
Come on, man! For the love of shit!
101
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,071
God damn it.
102
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:55,909
So, you were saying something
about deliberately misgrading my paper
103
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,243
to teach me a lesson?
104
00:06:58,585 --> 00:06:59,666
[CLEARS THROAT]
105
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:04,292
Ned, I'm so sorry. It's just that
most of the kids that go to this school...
106
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,874
I would love to chain all of them
to their lockers
107
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,298
in a manner that would make sure
that they would not escape.
108
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:14,131
And then just roll sticks of dynamite.
Like, old-fashioned dynamite.
109
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,263
Just roll it down the hall
and blow up the school.
110
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,346
And then I would spare a couple of faculty.
Not this motherfucker.
111
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,349
I should fucking eat you!
112
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,768
But you, you're amazing, Ned.
113
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,862
You're possibly the best student
I have ever had
114
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:33,443
in the 97 years of teaching at this
godforsaken shit-stain of a school.
115
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,571
Wow.
116
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:38,163
And that's the reason that I...
117
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:42,117
I have to just strangle your dreams
and break you as a being.
118
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:43,960
I don't understand.
119
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:47,039
This essay is a masterpiece, Ned.
120
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:52,462
It should be framed and put in some museum
that's dedicated to great essays.
121
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:58,976
And I can't tell you how much joy it gives me
that there's an ♪ there.
122
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,928
That F stands for Fun.
123
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,139
My fun.
124
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:09,524
Dude, it's crazy. Look, when she's looking
into my eyes, it's like time stops.
125
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,900
She never looks into your eyes.
126
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,074
Look, man, you need to just
shut the fuck up and do something about it.
127
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,743
-Okay, like what?
-I don't know. Go caveman on her.
128
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,911
Just club her over the head,
129
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,113
drag her back to your cave,
and just... Argh!
130
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,330
You're so violent.
131
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,829
All right, well, then next time you see her,
just grab her thigh.
132
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,919
-[DAG] Just grab her thigh?
-Enjoy your riblet.
133
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,498
This is Lorelei, okay?
I'm not just gonna grab her thigh.
134
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,504
You know what? Last weekend,
I grabbed Kathy Murch's thigh.
135
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,586
She sat on this face, bro.
I gave her a nose job.
136
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,344
Okay, number one,
I don't even know what that means.
137
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:41,928
Number two, Kathy Murch is a slut.
138
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,138
Man, stop judging people
139
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,765
Unless you like her.
140
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,521
-I kind of do.
-You like her?
141
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,318
Can I get some gazpacho?
142
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,360
There's no brains here.
143
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,617
Would you look at that?
144
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,199
Oh, Jesus.
145
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,911
Oh, yeah! I'm definitely hitting that.
146
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,837
We're playing you B-squad bitches today.
147
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,796
I'll probably go yard at least twice
and chicks dig the long ball.
148
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,716
Hell, I'll probably go three times
if Coach puts in that bitch, Parminder.
149
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,296
I'm sitting right here.
150
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,633
[GROANING]
151
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,638
Hey, Petra. I hear you're going
to the vamp party tonight.
152
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,598
I've always wanted to go to a vamp party.
153
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,808
That's because
you're a total wampire, Leonard.
154
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,143
Am not.
155
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,021
Can I come with you?
We can take my dad's Kia.
156
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:37,070
Yeah, I would,
but I'm actually kind of going with Milan.
157
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,243
-Shut up. Milan Pinache? That's huge.
-[GIGGLES]
158
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:43,489
Oh, my God. Look at her face.
She's totally going to fuck him.
159
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:44,872
Yeah, you better yummy up.
160
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,494
If you actually knew him,
you'd realize Milan's really sweet.
161
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,828
[CRASHING]
162
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,587
Cock block me again
and they'll never find your body.
163
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,678
Your brother is such a dick bag.
164
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,054
I know.
165
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,348
-Thank you.
-[GROANING]
166
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,437
The first pitch I'm throwing to Chaz, fastball.
167
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,360
-Burn it in.
-Oh, shit!
168
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,062
-What?
-Rick's here.
169
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,189
-Yeah, he's sponsoring the team this year.
-[GROANS]
170
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:21,277
The fuck bag fired my mom and every time
I see this asshole, he brings it up.
171
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,782
Come on, man.
172
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,704
Whatever. He probably
won't even recognize me.
173
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,448
[RICK] Here you go, son.
174
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,784
The Malphasta Corporation
welcomes you to the Wolves.
175
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,118
Congratulations.
176
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:34,081
Hey! I know you.
You're, uh, Peg Parker's boy.
177
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,299
-Bug? Bag? Tag?
-My name's Dag.
178
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,047
-Doug. Yes, right.
-Dag.
179
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,631
Your mom was such a spark plug.
Peg Parker. What's she up to nowadays?
180
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,806
Oh, she's good. She's just around the house.
181
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,475
Oh, how long has she been unemployed?
182
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,929
[INHALES SHARPLY]
Um, since she left the factory.
183
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,931
And why did she leave the factory again?
Wait, wait, I think I have the answer.
184
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,354
-Because I fired her.
-Yeah. You fired her.
185
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,855
She shouldn't have tried
to unionize my zombies.
186
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,311
-Yeah, can I get a uniform?
-That's the whole idea.
187
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,067
-Can I get a fucking uniform?
-[SHOUTING] Parker!
188
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,241
That was uncalled for.
189
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,234
Come here, son. I want to talk to you.
190
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,615
[SIGHS]
191
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:08,164
Come here. Listen.
192
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,791
I understand.
193
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,416
You know, I remember what it was like
to be in high school. It's tough.
194
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:18,839
Especially for a big, tall,
freaky motherfucker like you.
195
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,303
-I'm fine with it.
-Okay, okay.
196
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,921
-I like my body.
-All right.
197
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,472
Let me help you out. A word of advice.
198
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,343
Stop concentrating on the negative.
All right?
199
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:31,271
Look at the bright side.
You get to spend more time with your mom.
200
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:38,480
And I have a new secretary
who I have sex with.
201
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,107
-With my penis.
-[DAG GRUNTS]
202
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,452
Lots of people have sex with their penises.
203
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,620
[RICK] Seeing as how I paid for this field,
204
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,452
Coach Pulcifer asked me to come down
here today and say a few words,
205
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,457
so here I am.
206
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:01,127
I want you to look into the eyes of the boy
sitting next to you. Go ahead, do it.
207
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,803
And repeat after me.
208
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,348
You are not my teammate.
209
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,012
[ALL] You are not my teammate.
210
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,556
You are not my friend.
211
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,308
[ALL] You are not my friend!
212
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:15,390
You are my enemy
213
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,852
and must be destroyed.
214
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,403
You are my enemy and must be destroyed!
215
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,571
Chill, dude.
216
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:25,492
Winners and losers, boys.
That's what makes America great.
217
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:29,822
Look at me. When I first came to Dillford,
the meat plant was underperforming
218
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:34,160
and I drove an '04 Ford Taurus.
219
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:40,757
But now the riblet is the crown jewel
of the Malphasta Corporation
220
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:45,387
-and I drive a red Porsche Boxster.
-Whoo!
221
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:50,017
How? I fired the dead weight
and brought in cheap zombie labour.
222
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,186
Why? Because I came here to win.
223
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,306
Out of the 25 boys seated here today
224
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,689
23 of you will go on to lead
completely inconsequential lives.
225
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,819
For the other two boys,
it'll be a different journey.
226
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,898
One of them will just drop dead
for no reason. Poof. Nobody knows why.
227
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,026
Heart attack, aneurysm,
stabbed in the heart in a mall parking lot.
228
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,361
Bang, gone.
229
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:12,531
But the other boy,
whoever that chosen boy is,
230
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:16,577
he will be a shining fucking star like me.
231
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,253
-This guy.
-He's so amazing.
232
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,749
-Strike three!
-[MAN] Let's go, let's put one in play.
233
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,968
Wow. Parker's got a rocket for an arm, huh?
234
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:28,555
Yeah. The best I've ever seen.
Too bad he's shit under pressure.
235
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,052
[BOY 1] All right, let's go!
236
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,388
-It's on.
-[BOY 2] Come on, put one in there.
237
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,977
[PARMINDER] Come on, man.
Damn it. Dick.
238
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,902
Pay attention, Lor.
I'm about to teach this bitch a lesson.
239
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,654
Teach him gently, baby.
That boy's my neighbour.
240
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:54,285
Okay, nice boy, bring the cheese home.
241
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,751
It better be Swiss because I'm holy, baby.
I'm holy, baby.
242
00:13:58,254 --> 00:13:59,619
[BOY 3] Looking good, Dag.
Looking good, man.
243
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,959
[MAN] Find the zone, Dag!
244
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,081
[EXHALES]
245
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,466
I'm going to rape you.
246
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,477
[GRUNTS]
247
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,100
-[GROANS]
-[ALL EXCLAIMING]
248
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,310
-Oh, Jesus.
-[GASPS]
249
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,274
-[PULCIFER] Oh, my God. Say something.
-[LAUGHS]
250
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,776
Dag, what did you do?
251
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:30,108
Are you okay? Oh, gosh.
Okay, we need to get him ice.
252
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,447
-Dag!
-[CHAZ JR. SCREAMING]
253
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,614
[PULCIFER] Oh, my God! Okay, okay!
Okay, okay! Okay, okay!
254
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,619
-It's going to be okay.
-[CHAZ JR] Rick, I'm still number one!
255
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:39,996
[ALL CHEERING]
256
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,790
[BOY 1] Yeah! All right.
257
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,713
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]
258
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,292
-[BOY 2] I went out and got wrecked.
-It's in the car.
259
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,886
-Wait, should we go back to the party?
-No.
260
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,430
I'm great right here.
261
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,811
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
262
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,190
Wait.
263
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,072
Is it going to hurt?
264
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,233
A little, at first.
265
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,202
But then ecstasy.
266
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:15,866
Yeah?
267
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,620
[SHRIEKS]
268
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:26,376
-What are you doing?
-What do you mean, what am I doing?
269
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,047
You said you wanted to go all the way
with me.
270
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,429
I thought you meant sex, not that.
271
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,552
Are you kidding me?
272
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,396
I thought you were cool, Petra.
273
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:46,856
[SIGHS]
274
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,605
But why don't you want to be with me
my way?
275
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,029
I already went down that road with Lorelei.
276
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,454
You slept with Lorelei?
277
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,204
Don't you get it?
Lorelei had me for 17 minutes.
278
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,415
I'm offering you forever.
279
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,706
Do you really mean that?
280
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,418
Do you have any idea
how long I've waited for a girl like you?
281
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,807
Centuries.
282
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,017
[GIRL WHOOPING]
283
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,198
Honey, you're staring again.
284
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,495
The doctor said it would be off
in a year or two, tops.
285
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:43,166
Two years?
If you were a dog, I would put you down.
286
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,750
Out of love and kindness. A mercy kill.
287
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,292
Do you not get it? You've got nothing
to live for. This is what you had.
288
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,669
-His life is over.
-Okay.
289
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,672
He's not a creature of the mind.
He's physical.
290
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,974
We're done. We're done, God, you hear me?
291
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:01,843
We're done.
292
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,056
I know you're probably thinking
about killing yourself. I don't blame you.
293
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,188
But don't do it because you might get better.
If you don't get better, go for it.
294
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,648
May I be excused, Mom?
295
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,608
Uh, honey, I know that you're upset
about Chaz Jr.
296
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:17,363
but it's important that we stay together
as a family right now.
297
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,610
I didn't say I was upset about Chaz.
298
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,364
Mr. Keller gave me an ♪ on my paper today.
299
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:27,248
Whoa. Nerd Boy's getting F's
and hanging out with zombies.
300
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,453
Zombies?
301
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,415
I wasn't hanging with zombies.
She was just helping me with my gazpacho.
302
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,625
Why can't you just eat a riblet
like everyone else?
303
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:37,967
For the millionth time, I'm allergic. Besides,
do you have any idea what's in a riblet?
304
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:42,475
-Tiny ribs.
-Hormones, stimulants, tetrafluoraxipan.
305
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,554
It's a chemical compound
otherwise known as TXP.
306
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:49,895
Okay, Mr. Wizard, enlighten us.
What's so bad about TXP?
307
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,977
-Leading cause of liver failure.
-Who cares?
308
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,812
-Prenatal scoliosis.
-So what?
309
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,238
-Diabetes.
-Doesn't matter.
310
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,157
Pain in the ankles.
311
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,155
Yeah, that would be hard
for sports and whatnot, yeah.
312
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,987
-Also, puff tongue!
-Puff tongue?
313
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,404
-Yeah, puff tongue.
-Puff tongue?
314
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,614
-Puff tongue.
-Pfft.
315
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,620
Oh, oh, oh. How terrible.
316
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,920
Just think of all those little kids
with puffy tongues. What?
317
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:15,842
If this TXP stuff was really so unhealthy
318
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,465
they wouldn't put it in the riblets,
now would they?
319
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,014
It's what Saturn is made of.
Do you know Saturn?
320
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,174
I know Saturn, a classy economy car.
321
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:27,429
I'm so sorry about the ♪, honey.
You'll get them next time.
322
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,398
There's no next time. Do you know
what an ♪ does to my transcript?
323
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:31,561
No.
324
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:34,686
-I can kiss my scholarship goodbye.
-You can kiss college goodbye.
325
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,146
What?
326
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,857
I'm sorry, but let's cut the shit, people.
We're in deep trouble here.
327
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,867
Do you have any idea
how much this crapola costs?
328
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,575
-Doesn't insurance cover that?
-Insurance is for suckers, Ned.
329
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,916
From now on, when you're not in school,
I'm going to need you down at the car lot.
330
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,206
Dad, dick bag gets to sell Hyundais
and I don't?
331
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,084
Oh, I think that's a fantastic idea.
332
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,627
-I'm going to my room.
-This one.
333
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,091
Why do you think he left the room?
It's because he doesn't want to talk.
334
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,889
Do you got a minute?
335
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:13,729
Ned, listen, I know that at times it seems
like it's awkward between you and I.
336
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:17,730
I'm excited that the two of us are going
to get to spend more time together.
337
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,315
-You don't mean that.
-Yes, he does.
338
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,487
Yeah. I do. I really do.
339
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,910
I mean, if you want,
you can start coming to competitions.
340
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,364
There's Mathletes on Saturday
and then there's Odyssey of the Mind.
341
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,870
And there's father-son NASA,
which I think that you would really like.
342
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,453
No, no, no. You're overthinking this.
You overthink everything.
343
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,500
Maybe just the father-son NASA.
You don't have to...
344
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,842
Look, right now I need you down at the lot.
345
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,760
With the extra hours, if we're lucky
346
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,429
maybe Jr.'s dream of making the pros
still has a chance.
347
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,264
What about my dreams?
348
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,844
What dreams?
349
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:53,140
Uh, well, for starters,
I want to be an engineer someday.
350
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:57,018
Son, how many times do we have to
go over this? No one rides trains any more!
351
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,945
You gotta stop living in the clouds
and get real.
352
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,820
If it's not the lot, you can work at the riblet
plant, be a meat bleacher like your mom.
353
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:06,115
I did 10 years on the ammonia hose
and I regret nothing.
354
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:10,790
I don't want to work the ammonia hose
or be a stupid freaking Hyundai salesman.
355
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,077
Whoa! Slow your roll, tiger.
Leave the Hyundai Corporation out of this.
356
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:17,505
Stop telling me to slow my roll!
Chaz Jr. doesn't have to slow his roll!
357
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,795
How come I'm the only one around here
who has to slow his roll?
358
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,843
Listen, I understand we're all upset
about Chaz Jr.
359
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,679
-Fuck Chaz Jr.
-Fuck Chaz Jr.?
360
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,674
-Yeah. Fuck Chaz Jr.
-Nobody fucks Chaz Jr.!
361
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,017
[MRS. MOSELY] Ned, don't go! Chaz!
362
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:33,684
Don't point your finger at us!
Point it at your old friend, Dag!
363
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:37,480
He's the one who threw that pitch!
He's the one who ruined our lives!
364
00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,491
Hmm. Mmm.
365
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,914
I just love your waterbed. [CHUCKLES]
366
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,158
It's the best.
367
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:58,580
-You know, I'm surprised you're still around.
-What do you mean?
368
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,883
I mean that stunt you pulled today
on the baseball field.
369
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:07,013
We were all set to win State
and Chaz Jr. was going to get scouted.
370
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:08,931
Yeah.
371
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,009
What were you thinking?
372
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:14,016
I don't know. I guess...
373
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,393
I sort of... I wanted to...
374
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:19,858
Like, impress you.
375
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,437
-Really?
-Yeah.
376
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:24,860
That's so sweet.
377
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:30,536
-Why would you want to impress me?
-What?
378
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:36,877
I said, why would you want to impress me?
379
00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:41,581
Lorelei,
380
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,754
I think I might be in love with you.
381
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,050
[LAUGHS]
382
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:53,392
Dag, you are the weirdest,
funniest boy I know.
383
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,887
I don't know what I would do without you.
384
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,471
-[GIGGLES]
-[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
385
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:01,605
[GROANS]
386
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:04,946
-Sweetheart, you know I'm saving myself.
-[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
387
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,652
[DAG] Be right there.
388
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,780
Are you leaving?
389
00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:12,574
Yeah, all this talking about sex
is making me really hungry. So...
390
00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:15,039
-Yeah. Me, too.
-I'm going to go to Burger King.
391
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,240
Yeah, a Whopper sounds good.
392
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,541
-Right?
-Yeah, let's do it.
393
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,993
-I'll smell you later.
-Okay.
394
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,328
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
395
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:21,667
Yeah?
396
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:24,757
Ah...
397
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:28,419
Uh...
398
00:22:28,514 --> 00:22:29,629
Oh. [CLEARS THROAT]
399
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,259
[CLEARS THROAT]
400
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:42,354
Dag, your mother and I
don't want to encourage pot smoking.
401
00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:46,480
But we want you to know that
402
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:49,277
we completely understand it.
403
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,901
-It's actually not my weed.
-Very good.
404
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:53,953
-Okay. Well, Dag...
-We get it.
405
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:58,579
That's what we're saying.
It's Lorelei's and if it wasn't
406
00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:00,626
well, whatever, whatever, whatever.
407
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:03,171
Okay, thank you for being so understanding,
408
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:06,212
but in this case
you're not understanding correctly.
409
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:10,720
Okay. Your mother and I understand
what you're saying.
410
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:14,140
It's hard to express how much we understand
411
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,017
on a daily basis.
412
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:21,473
Really. Like, even 15 minutes ago,
we totally understood.
413
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:22,682
-We got it.
-Really?
414
00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,729
I didn't know that you understood that much.
415
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:26,652
-[COUGHS] Twice a day, at least.
-[PEG] Well, whenever.
416
00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:29,484
We're on an understanding plane.
417
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:31,657
-Look at that. Look at that.
-It's like an ice skating rink.
418
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:34,657
-Look at this. I'm getting trails.
-[PEG] Wow.
419
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:38,743
Morn, is there anything else
you wanted to talk about?
420
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,040
-No.
-No.
421
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:41,287
Oh. [CLEARS THROAT]
422
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:44,416
We wanted to talk to you
about some of the changes
423
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:47,210
that happen to your body as you get older.
424
00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:50,677
-Don't do that talk.
-The thing is, the men of the Parker clan...
425
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:54,097
Um, well, we change relatively slowly.
426
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:58,510
But, now don't be frightened,
when the change comes, it is...
427
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,011
-Enormous.
-Enormous.
428
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:02,471
No, no, no.
429
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:05,308
A lot of girls will be frightened.
430
00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:09,020
In fact, it took me a while
to get used to it, but it's big.
431
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:11,446
-It's a big change.
-Wow. And it's...
432
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:13,574
-[MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND]
-Whoomp, there it is.
433
00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:15,864
No, no. I can't talk right now with you.
434
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:19,289
I'm sorry. You know, everything's in order.
So...
435
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:20,906
-That's fine.
-[PEG] We just wanted to talk about it.
436
00:24:21,043 --> 00:24:24,081
-Later, alligator.
-Okay. Bye, Dad.
437
00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,329
We'll just leave you to your marijuana, okay?
438
00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,539
I'm about to get so high.
439
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:31,337
Oh, my little frowny clowny.
440
00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:32,759
[MAKES BEEPING SOUND]
441
00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:36,722
BOTH: Beep!
442
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:37,844
I love you.
443
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,391
-You are...
-All right.
444
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:42,891
[ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
445
00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:50,778
[MUMBLING]
446
00:24:57,413 --> 00:25:00,121
Gazpacho boy.
447
00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,244
Oh, hey.
448
00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:04,492
You remember me.
449
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,581
Sure. Lunch.
450
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:10,085
Yeah. It was real cool of you
to help me out today. Thanks.
451
00:25:10,259 --> 00:25:11,294
Uh-huh.
452
00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:13,919
-Is that your family over there?
-Yeah.
453
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:18,431
Dad, Mom, some guy called Steve.
454
00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:21,846
It seems like you guys all get along.
455
00:25:22,438 --> 00:25:25,851
They're good. They share brains.
456
00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:27,769
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
457
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:33,274
Now, what's it like being a zombie?
458
00:25:34,992 --> 00:25:36,198
Do you get sad?
459
00:25:36,285 --> 00:25:38,777
Basically, I eat brains.
460
00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:42,451
-And it tastes yummy.
-That must be nice.
461
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,782
Think fast, you zombie fuck!
462
00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:46,284
[GRUNTS]
463
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:51,042
[BOY LAUGHING]
464
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,840
So, that didn't even bother you?
465
00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:55,630
-What?
-That asshole just hit you with a slushee.
466
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,254
-He did?
-Yeah, he did.
467
00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,383
Oh...
468
00:25:59,850 --> 00:26:01,306
Did he? [CHUCKLES]
469
00:26:01,643 --> 00:26:02,724
[CHUCKLES]
470
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,348
You don't feel anything, do you?
471
00:26:09,318 --> 00:26:11,184
Okay, go ahead.
472
00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:14,819
Take a bite.
473
00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:18,199
What? Brains, not foot.
474
00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:20,571
Well, there's a brain in the foot.
475
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:23,529
-Brain in foot?
-Yeah, I put them in there for you.
476
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:25,831
Foot brain for me?
477
00:26:26,043 --> 00:26:29,161
Bite it before they...
I can feel them, they're going to leave.
478
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,537
-Foot brain?
-Just bite the brain foot, okay?
479
00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:33,209
-Brain foot.
-Hurry!
480
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:36,668
[NEW WAVE MUSIC PLAYING]
481
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,261
[GROANS]
482
00:26:57,491 --> 00:27:00,574
I know you're antiseptic
483
00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:03,619
Your deodorant smells nice
484
00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:04,911
[GROANING]
485
00:27:05,082 --> 00:27:07,995
I'd like to get to know you
486
00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:12,204
You're deep frozen like the ice
487
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:16,132
She's a germ free adolescent
488
00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:18,129
[GASPS]
489
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:22,214
Cleanliness is her obsession
490
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,388
Ugh.
491
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,965
Cleans her teeth ten times a day
492
00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:26,141
[RETCHES]
493
00:27:26,228 --> 00:27:27,218
[COUGHS]
494
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:28,473
Scrub away scrub away scrub away
495
00:27:28,564 --> 00:27:31,397
The S.R. way...
496
00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:38,946
You may get to touch her
497
00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:40,022
[GASPS]
498
00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:44,327
If your gloves are sterilized
499
00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:46,700
Rinse your mouth with Listerine
500
00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:47,825
[SNIFFLES]
501
00:27:47,916 --> 00:27:48,906
Blow disinfectant...
502
00:27:56,258 --> 00:27:59,967
-Petra, is that you?
-Hey, Kathy, how are you?
503
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,758
I actually don't need that magazine.
That's fine, thanks.
504
00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:04,092
I think I'm going to just leave.
505
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:08,259
Oh, sorry.
506
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:11,516
Whoa. I never pegged you for a vamp, Petra.
507
00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:12,938
I'm not.
508
00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:17,359
Once I walked a lonely road
509
00:28:20,157 --> 00:28:21,363
[GROANS]
510
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:23,782
I had no one to share my love
511
00:28:25,746 --> 00:28:29,614
But then you came and showed the way
512
00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:35,206
And now I hope you're here to stay
513
00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:38,380
[GRUNTS]
514
00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:42,046
[LINE RINGING]
515
00:28:42,679 --> 00:28:45,171
[MILAN] [ON VOICEMAIL]
Hey, it's Milan. Leave a message.
516
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:47,885
[PHONE CRASHES]
517
00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:52,433
You give me light
You are my day
518
00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:54,308
You give me life
519
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:55,685
Come on!
520
00:28:55,776 --> 00:28:57,358
And that's right
521
00:28:57,861 --> 00:29:04,699
So right, so right, so right
522
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:15,167
What the...
523
00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:42,357
[GAVEL POUNDING]
524
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,862
[RICK] All right. Everybody,
if you give me a couple of seconds
525
00:29:47,953 --> 00:29:50,194
I will explain everything I know.
526
00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:53,748
-Who put you in charge?
-I'm sorry. Do you own a riblet plant?
527
00:29:54,710 --> 00:29:56,166
No. No.
528
00:29:56,253 --> 00:30:00,713
Is that your sexy Porsche Boxster
parked outside? No.
529
00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,714
Sit down and shut the fuck up.
530
00:30:05,887 --> 00:30:07,719
All we know so far
531
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:11,094
is that the spacecraft arrived
around 8:00 p.m. on Thursday.
532
00:30:11,226 --> 00:30:12,261
What do they want?
533
00:30:12,394 --> 00:30:14,556
We don't know
because we haven't made contact yet.
534
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:16,432
So why did they come?
535
00:30:16,565 --> 00:30:18,897
That's just a rephrasing of the question
you just asked.
536
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,565
[STAMMERS] HOW...
537
00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:23,398
When...
538
00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:28,491
Okay, am I just high
or is everyone here suddenly retarded?
539
00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:30,943
Can't it be both?
540
00:30:32,622 --> 00:30:35,489
-I'm going to go smoke up in your car.
-[RICK] Anybody else?
541
00:30:35,584 --> 00:30:36,745
-Really?
-Yeah.
542
00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:38,325
I have a god damn question.
543
00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:42,584
If the vampires haven't made contact,
why aren't there any here?
544
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:44,127
[ALL] Yeah!
545
00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:51,005
But seriously, does anyone in this room
doubt the possibility
546
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:54,433
that the humans brought the aliens here
to eliminate us?
547
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:57,011
[ALL] No!
[MR. KELLER] Nobody doubts that, right?
548
00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:59,187
They've been wanting to get rid of us
for years.
549
00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:01,436
-[ALL] Yeah!
-And now they found a way.
550
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:05,110
How many of you out there
have had your wife or your girlfriend
551
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:08,610
cheat on you with one of these
cold-blooded ecstasy machines?
552
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,158
Raise your hand. Don't be ashamed.
Raise your hand.
553
00:31:11,620 --> 00:31:14,078
Okay, I see about 50 liars out there.
554
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:17,452
They write books about us.
They make movies about us.
555
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:21,206
They dress up like us at Halloween.
They're all wampires.
556
00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:24,046
-Just vampire wannabes.
-[ALL] Yeah!
557
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:25,748
They could do without this planet,
God damn it.
558
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:28,880
They don't need to breathe the air
or drink the water.
559
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:31,132
We're the ones
that need to defend this planet!
560
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,556
I read that they
are putting garlic in our blood
561
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:36,930
and you doubt
that they're working with the aliens?
562
00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:40,979
We're going to go and make
a pre-emptive strike right now!
563
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:44,813
-Are you with me? Are you with me?
-[ALL] Yeah!
564
00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:48,020
We need to pre-empt their pre-emptive strike
565
00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:50,147
with a pre-emptive pre-emptive strike.
566
00:31:50,492 --> 00:31:52,028
[ALL CHEERING]
567
00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:54,826
I thought this meeting
was supposed to be about the aliens.
568
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,700
Aren't you listening, you idiot?
It's all about the aliens.
569
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:01,746
Yeah! Yeah!
570
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:05,166
[ZOMBIES GROANING]
571
00:32:20,230 --> 00:32:22,221
Why isn't he saying anything?
572
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:26,062
About what?
573
00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:29,187
About the aliens.
574
00:32:33,702 --> 00:32:36,694
Hey. Hey, excuse me.
575
00:32:38,707 --> 00:32:40,789
Did you call this meeting for a reason?
576
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:45,294
Brain rations no come today.
577
00:32:45,881 --> 00:32:47,918
[ALL BOOING]
578
00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:50,298
Uh...
579
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:55,801
Do you think that maybe
it had something to do with the aliens?
580
00:32:57,225 --> 00:32:58,465
Aliens?
581
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:03,054
Guys, brain rations didn't come
582
00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:04,889
because nobody gives a shit about you.
583
00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:07,065
[ALL GROANING]
584
00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:08,646
Yeah. Yeah.
585
00:33:08,737 --> 00:33:10,978
Aren't you tired of being dismissed?
586
00:33:11,448 --> 00:33:15,988
Just dismissed. Aren't you tired
of being treated like nothing?
587
00:33:16,286 --> 00:33:17,697
[GROANING]
588
00:33:17,787 --> 00:33:21,451
Yeah? Well, why don't we
do something about it, huh?
589
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:22,990
-[ALL AGREEING]
-Yeah!
590
00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:25,416
[METALLIC CLANKING]
591
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:30,914
Unbelievable.
592
00:33:31,927 --> 00:33:33,668
No wonder you guys are locked up.
593
00:33:33,929 --> 00:33:35,761
[ZOMBIES GROWLING]
594
00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:38,263
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
595
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:42,760
[GRUNTS]
596
00:33:52,656 --> 00:33:54,772
Bloodsucking traitors!
597
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,782
[ALL YELLING]
598
00:33:57,327 --> 00:33:58,362
[YELLING]
599
00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:02,200
Tonight's the night, let's drive downtown
600
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,782
The kids are out can't you hear the sound
601
00:34:04,876 --> 00:34:06,037
[CHAINSAW BUZZING]
602
00:34:06,127 --> 00:34:08,084
They wanna rock all night and day
603
00:34:08,171 --> 00:34:10,913
But the price is steep, can they afford to pay
604
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:13,836
The devil's game is a danger zone
605
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:18,345
God, I fucking hate you!
You're the worst teacher!
606
00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:22,432
I wanna Rock and Roll
I got an Evil Soul
607
00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:24,009
Fuck yes!
608
00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:27,521
What are you doing?
609
00:34:30,402 --> 00:34:31,483
[SCREAMING]
610
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:36,530
-What's cracking?
-Only the end of the freaking world.
611
00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:38,031
That's cool.
612
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,992
I'm not kidding.
The entire town is murdering each other.
613
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:44,242
Oh, in that case,
I guess there's just one thing to do.
614
00:34:44,332 --> 00:34:45,493
God...
615
00:34:47,002 --> 00:34:48,492
Damn, that's a close shave.
616
00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:51,249
I mean, I wouldn't want you to die a virgin.
617
00:34:51,881 --> 00:34:53,167
Sex.
618
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:56,750
We'll go to my house to have sex. Let's go.
619
00:34:56,886 --> 00:34:57,921
[TIRES SQUEALING]
620
00:35:00,390 --> 00:35:01,846
Milan, hey.
621
00:35:03,059 --> 00:35:05,391
-Just give us a second, babe.
-GIRL: Okay. We'll be by the car.
622
00:35:05,604 --> 00:35:06,810
What? Hey!
623
00:35:06,896 --> 00:35:09,888
I think there's something wrong with
your phone. I've been trying you all night.
624
00:35:10,025 --> 00:35:11,982
-Yeah, Petra, look...
-How messed up is this alien thing?
625
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:14,025
I'm like, freaking out.
626
00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:16,687
The truth is, Petra, I'm just not that into you.
627
00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:19,235
You're just not that into me?
628
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:24,195
My soul is undead for all of eternity
and you're not that fucking into me?
629
00:35:24,456 --> 00:35:27,289
-[MUFFLED SCREAM]
-Chill. Or I'll rip your face off.
630
00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:33,041
Just tell me why.
631
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:37,712
Why did you sleep with Lorelei but bite me?
632
00:35:38,553 --> 00:35:42,296
Lorelei's a nasty freak
with the body of a porn star.
633
00:35:43,475 --> 00:35:45,432
I'm having sex with that.
634
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,393
But you said I was beautiful. Right?
635
00:35:49,105 --> 00:35:51,267
When I see veins like that,
I say a lot of things.
636
00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:54,437
It's that pale skin, P.
637
00:35:55,570 --> 00:35:57,152
You're like a walking pop machine.
638
00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:03,905
Come on.
639
00:36:04,913 --> 00:36:06,074
-[GRUNTS]
-[GRUNTS]
640
00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:07,282
[PETRA SCREAMS]
641
00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:09,244
[COUGHS]
642
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:14,287
See, baby? Being a vampire ain't all bad.
643
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,336
You're such a dick.
644
00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:21,592
[CAR ALARM BEEPING]
645
00:36:22,806 --> 00:36:24,217
For fuck's sake!
646
00:36:24,307 --> 00:36:25,672
[CRYING]
647
00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:27,598
[WHOOPING AND SCREAMING]
648
00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:29,847
Oh! No way!
649
00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:31,310
[SCREAMING]
650
00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:36,479
So, are we going to do this? Or what?
651
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:38,189
What?
652
00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:40,778
Oh, dear God.
653
00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:44,316
Okay. Okay.
654
00:36:45,286 --> 00:36:47,448
Yeah. We've got to be quick.
655
00:36:48,123 --> 00:36:49,613
That's probably not going to be an issue.
656
00:36:51,292 --> 00:36:52,532
[MAN SCREAMING]
657
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:56,786
[LORELEI SCREAMING]
658
00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:01,629
[DAG] Lorelei, don't go!
659
00:37:03,304 --> 00:37:04,510
[BOTH GRUNTING]
660
00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:10,972
-Lorelei, come on! Come on.
-Jeez, man, where's the fire?
661
00:37:11,479 --> 00:37:12,640
[BOTH SCREAMING]
662
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:14,475
LORELEI: Holy shit!
663
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:17,065
-No! Lorelei!
-[SCREAMING]
664
00:37:20,321 --> 00:37:21,732
-[YELLING]
-[SNARLING]
665
00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:24,902
[GRUNTING]
666
00:37:26,536 --> 00:37:27,822
[CHAZ SR] Bring it, bloodsuckers!
667
00:37:28,371 --> 00:37:29,736
Fuck you!
668
00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:31,530
Fuck you, too!
669
00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:36,038
Ahh!
670
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:37,668
-[GASPS]
-[GRUNTS]
671
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,084
[BOTH WHIMPERING]
672
00:37:45,847 --> 00:37:49,556
Holy fuck, Mr. Mosely. That was awesome.
673
00:37:49,684 --> 00:37:52,676
Awesome? Hell, I've been training for this
since you were in Huggies.
674
00:37:53,062 --> 00:37:56,521
Bowflex, Soloflex, coed capoeira.
675
00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:58,356
It's all paying off.
676
00:37:58,526 --> 00:38:00,688
Now, come with me if you want to live.
677
00:38:00,862 --> 00:38:03,775
-[ZOMBIES SNARLING]
-Oh, God!
678
00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:05,105
[SCREAMING]
679
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,111
No! Please! Oh, God!
680
00:38:07,202 --> 00:38:08,784
-The zombies are eating me!
-Stop!
681
00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:11,199
-The zombies are eating me!
-No, stop eating him!
682
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:14,539
I'm a zombie all-you-can-eat buffet.
[SOBBING]
683
00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:15,790
Oh, God!
684
00:38:15,877 --> 00:38:18,539
-God, I'm going to be sick.
-Why won't I pass out?
685
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:21,625
-Ugh.
-God, please let me die.
686
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:27,049
He just put some intestines back
and took different intestines!
687
00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:29,174
What the fuck does it matter?
688
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:31,552
-Why are we still watching?
-I don't know.
689
00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:33,179
[GROANING]
690
00:38:33,269 --> 00:38:35,101
They ripped off my arm!
691
00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:37,392
That was my bowling arm.
692
00:38:37,565 --> 00:38:40,102
They're eating my bowling arm.
693
00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:42,601
I'm dying.
694
00:38:44,113 --> 00:38:45,603
This is it.
695
00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:47,822
[VAMPIRE] Humans over there!
Let's get them!
696
00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:49,570
Run.
697
00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:51,743
-[ZOMBIES SNARLING]
-What the fuck?
698
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:54,078
I came back to fucking life!
699
00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:56,039
[SCREAMING]
700
00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:58,742
...porn star, but you're really
all pale and veiny.
701
00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:01,127
Fucking pale and veiny.
702
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:02,371
[EXPLOSION]
703
00:39:02,465 --> 00:39:04,547
You fucking prick. You stupid slut, Lorelei.
704
00:39:04,634 --> 00:39:05,840
[SCREAMS]
705
00:39:06,469 --> 00:39:07,959
Motherfucker.
706
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,803
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
707
00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:11,842
[BOTH SCREAMING]
708
00:39:16,271 --> 00:39:18,057
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
709
00:39:18,189 --> 00:39:20,021
[SCREAMING]
710
00:39:23,862 --> 00:39:24,943
[SIREN WAILING]
711
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,816
Holy shit!
712
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,281
[SCREAMING]
713
00:39:36,624 --> 00:39:38,535
-[BARKING]
-Shh!
714
00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:41,789
-Good boy. That's a good boy.
-Shut the fuck up. That's a good boy.
715
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,166
Quiet.
716
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,706
-[ZOMBIES GROANING]
-[BOTH GASPING]
717
00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:49,964
Brains.
718
00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:56,887
Brains!
719
00:39:57,312 --> 00:39:58,347
[SCREAMING]
720
00:39:58,479 --> 00:39:59,765
No! No!
721
00:39:59,856 --> 00:40:02,018
-[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
-[ALL SCREAMING AND GROANING]
722
00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:07,352
[VAMPIRES SNARLING]
723
00:40:10,491 --> 00:40:11,481
[SHRIEKING]
724
00:40:15,496 --> 00:40:16,657
[SCREAMING]
725
00:40:21,669 --> 00:40:22,830
[SCREAMING]
726
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:31,502
Dag. help me!
727
00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:38,842
-[SNARLING]
-[SCREAMING]
728
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:44,188
[GASPS]
729
00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:47,021
- No!
730
00:40:49,697 --> 00:40:50,858
[BOTH GROANING]
731
00:40:53,952 --> 00:40:55,192
[SNARLING]
732
00:40:56,037 --> 00:40:57,072
[WHIMPERS]
733
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:02,866
[SCREAMS]
734
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:04,701
[SCREAMING]
735
00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:06,915
No!
736
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:15,887
[GRUNTS]
737
00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:17,214
[SNARLING]
738
00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:26,931
[SCREECHING]
739
00:41:37,245 --> 00:41:38,235
[POLICE SIREN WAILING]
740
00:41:38,913 --> 00:41:39,948
[TIRES SCREECHING]
741
00:41:41,416 --> 00:41:42,781
[CRASHING]
742
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:54,084
Brains!
743
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:57,929
-[DAG] Bring it, fuckers.
-Really?
744
00:41:58,182 --> 00:42:00,469
Bring it, fuckers.
That's the line you're going with?
745
00:42:01,185 --> 00:42:02,516
-[GROANING]
-Shut up!
746
00:42:17,827 --> 00:42:19,784
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
747
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:21,619
[MAN SCREAMING]
748
00:42:29,672 --> 00:42:30,878
Holy...
749
00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:32,455
...fucking...
750
00:42:33,551 --> 00:42:35,007
...brains.
751
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:38,882
[PETRA GASPS]
752
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:41,306
I'm getting the hell out of here.
753
00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:46,803
Mrs. Miller! Are you in there?
754
00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:48,980
-How did you know this was here?
-This is my piano teacher.
755
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:53,643
-[KNOCKING]
-Mrs. Miller, please open up! They're coming!
756
00:42:53,738 --> 00:42:55,900
Hey, this is Stuart Miller, her son!
757
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:59,483
And I know they're coming! I've been
predicting a vampire attack for 10 years!
758
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:02,743
Stuart, hey, it's Dag. It's not the vampires.
759
00:43:02,830 --> 00:43:06,039
It is the aliens.
Open up the god damn door, Stuart.
760
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,706
It's aliens?
761
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:12,208
Okay, listen. Has anyone tried
singing to them or playing a song
762
00:43:12,381 --> 00:43:13,997
and then maybe they play a song back?
763
00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:16,550
[DAG] They don't seem open
to any kind of music or anything like that.
764
00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:20,386
Has anyone stayed around long enough
to see a bowel movement?
765
00:43:20,515 --> 00:43:24,679
Maybe we get processed through their body
and then they crap us out as higher beings.
766
00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:28,854
It would be disgusting to us, but for them,
that could just be a cultural norm.
767
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:31,022
Open up the god damn door, Stuart!
768
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:33,817
Wait a minute. How do I know that you're Dag
769
00:43:33,903 --> 00:43:36,861
and not an alien wearing Dag's skin
as some kind of meat suit?
770
00:43:37,698 --> 00:43:42,113
Um, my mom's name is Peg. I have dark hair.
I really like, uh, miso soup.
771
00:43:42,245 --> 00:43:44,828
Meep, map, morp, I'm an alien.
That's what I'm hearing right now.
772
00:43:44,914 --> 00:43:46,905
-I'm speaking English.
-Listen, hey! Pop quiz.
773
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:48,406
What was the memorable thing
that happened
774
00:43:48,543 --> 00:43:51,706
during your sixth grade piano recital
when you were halfway through
775
00:43:51,796 --> 00:43:53,707
Erik Satie's Gymnopédies No. 3?
776
00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:56,961
All right, I shit my pants! And you said
you had never seen a boy shit so much!
777
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,209
The Dillford Shitter. It's him.
778
00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:01,628
-[DOOR OPENS]
-Oh.
779
00:44:02,223 --> 00:44:05,181
-Come on, come on. Let's go.
-Thank you for believing me.
780
00:44:05,268 --> 00:44:06,633
-Come here. Come on, come on.
-It's great to see you.
781
00:44:06,727 --> 00:44:07,762
Okay. Dude.
782
00:44:07,854 --> 00:44:08,810
Oh, oh! Whoa, whoa!
783
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:11,058
-No, no! It's good. It's all good.
-I'm Petra.
784
00:44:11,149 --> 00:44:15,234
Nah-uh. No. If I'm going to have a succubus
and a shambler in my command bunker
785
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:18,232
we're going to set a couple
of ground rules, okay? I'm alpha dog.
786
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:23,233
Nana is alpha female. You're number three,
then the girl, then the retard.
787
00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:24,408
Great. Good order.
788
00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:27,328
Okay. I feel very uncomfortable saying this,
789
00:44:27,415 --> 00:44:29,326
but, um... [CLEARS THROAT]
790
00:44:29,417 --> 00:44:31,499
We may have to breed.
791
00:44:32,003 --> 00:44:33,084
Oh.
792
00:44:34,589 --> 00:44:35,624
Is he looking at me?
793
00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:37,588
-Son, did you lock the trapdoor?
-On it, sir.
794
00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:39,507
Let's go! Assholes and elbows!
795
00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,802
-Code Blue, Nana. Code Blue, Nana.
-[NANA WHIMPERS]
796
00:44:43,764 --> 00:44:45,254
[PANTING]
797
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,432
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
798
00:44:47,768 --> 00:44:48,803
[DOOR LOCK CLANKING]
799
00:44:49,478 --> 00:44:53,847
Hey, Mrs. Miller, after all this is done,
I'd love to start taking lessons again.
800
00:44:54,025 --> 00:44:56,517
-What the shit? What? No, no, no.
-Oh. Oh.
801
00:44:57,862 --> 00:45:00,524
-Sorry.
-Sorry? You ate the Millers.
802
00:45:00,823 --> 00:45:03,781
Yeah, I know. They were just standing there.
We were like, Should we?
803
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:05,032
[ROARING]
804
00:45:05,286 --> 00:45:06,868
Dag, don't be ridiculous.
805
00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:09,321
I'm not being ridiculous.
You're being ridiculous.
806
00:45:09,457 --> 00:45:10,788
You killed my piano teacher.
807
00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:15,285
That was then.
This is two minutes from then.
808
00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:17,211
You killed Lorelei, too.
809
00:45:17,298 --> 00:45:19,756
Well, guess what? We're all you've got now.
810
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:23,255
It's just you and me and him.
If one of us dies, we all die.
811
00:45:23,346 --> 00:45:27,305
-He's still eating my piano teacher.
-Oh, shit. Ned, drop it.
812
00:45:27,683 --> 00:45:28,969
-Drop it.
-[GROANING]
813
00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:37,816
This is so fucked.
814
00:45:40,321 --> 00:45:42,232
[DISTANT GROWLING]
815
00:45:56,212 --> 00:45:57,828
-[MAN SCREAMING]
-Jesus.
816
00:45:58,756 --> 00:46:00,087
What do you think they're doing up there?
817
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:04,880
That's okay, I can talk.
818
00:46:06,055 --> 00:46:08,171
Do you remember the last time
we were in a basement together?
819
00:46:09,350 --> 00:46:10,385
[SCOFFS]
820
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:14,887
It was sixth grade. Uh, Greg Sheffler's party.
Remember?
821
00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:19,182
We played seven minutes in heaven.
You told everyone you touched my boobs.
822
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:22,986
I don't think that that happened, per se.
823
00:46:23,072 --> 00:46:24,654
I probably did touch them.
824
00:46:24,740 --> 00:46:27,607
No, you didn't! You just walked around
calling yourself The Titty Whisperer.
825
00:46:27,702 --> 00:46:29,864
-I don't call boobs titties.
-Of course.
826
00:46:29,954 --> 00:46:31,695
So where did they get it into their minds
827
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:34,281
that you had whispered to any boobs
or any titties?
828
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:38,994
Because we had to whisper downstairs and
everybody assumed there would be titties
829
00:46:39,088 --> 00:46:42,922
because you are the girl and I'm the guy
and usually the girl takes her titties out
830
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:45,257
and the guy usually touches them.
That's how it goes.
831
00:46:45,386 --> 00:46:46,717
Do you want to know
what everybody called me?
832
00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,386
-What?
-They called me a slut.
833
00:46:48,806 --> 00:46:52,299
Do you remember that? Hello?
Do you remember that or not?
834
00:46:52,393 --> 00:46:53,428
Petra, I'm sorry.
835
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:57,475
It was sixth grade, I didn't know
what I was doing, and I'm sorry.
836
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:01,974
It's fine.
837
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,606
I probably didn't have any titties
to whisper to anyway.
838
00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:10,108
Nobody did.
839
00:47:10,453 --> 00:47:11,488
[PETRA CHUCKLES]
840
00:47:15,082 --> 00:47:17,164
It was dark in that laundry room,
but I remember something.
841
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,286
[PETRA LAUGHS]
842
00:47:20,921 --> 00:47:22,252
So, who are you these days?
843
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,457
I don't know. How do you even answer
a question like that?
844
00:47:26,260 --> 00:47:27,967
-Are you a jock?
-Hardly.
845
00:47:28,346 --> 00:47:31,634
All I know about you
is that you grew six inches one month.
846
00:47:32,350 --> 00:47:34,307
Yeah, that hurt my knees.
847
00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:39,103
-Are you a stoner?
-Not really. That was Lorelei's thing.
848
00:47:39,273 --> 00:47:42,482
Right. Because it must have been
so tough for her to get through the day
849
00:47:42,610 --> 00:47:45,523
with her mermaid hair and her gumdrop ass.
850
00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:49,648
Lay off her. You killed her. Isn't that enough?
851
00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:53,277
-You really cared about Lorelei?
-Yeah, I did, actually.
852
00:47:54,497 --> 00:47:57,740
-So, why did you hesitate?
-Hesitate?
853
00:47:57,833 --> 00:47:59,949
On the stairs.
When I grabbed her, you hesitated.
854
00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:04,083
I didn't hesitate. You're thinking about the
moment when I have to process the whole...
855
00:48:04,173 --> 00:48:06,756
Look. All I'm saying is that
when you really care about somebody
856
00:48:06,842 --> 00:48:08,708
you don't hesitate or process.
857
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:09,918
You just jump right in.
858
00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:11,127
Oh, just jump right in?
859
00:48:11,222 --> 00:48:13,839
I guess that's how you made
the genius decision to become a vampire.
860
00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:17,011
I don't want to talk about that.
861
00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:18,430
Oh, you don't want to talk about that?
862
00:48:18,521 --> 00:48:21,604
I guess we were having a pretty good
conversation, we were really getting it going
863
00:48:21,690 --> 00:48:24,022
and then you just don't want
to talk about it? Okay.
864
00:48:24,151 --> 00:48:26,017
All right. Well, then I'm just going to talk
to the Millers then.
865
00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:28,603
Are you guys doing okay?
866
00:48:28,697 --> 00:48:31,860
Can I get you, maybe,
a milkshake or a bowl of cereal?
867
00:48:31,992 --> 00:48:33,482
[CHUCKLES]
868
00:48:35,162 --> 00:48:36,698
[INDISTINCT RADIO STATIC]
869
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:40,239
[NED GROANING]
870
00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:41,499
Oh.
871
00:48:45,005 --> 00:48:46,837
[DAG LAUGHING]
872
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:52,089
[DAG] Are you seeing this?
873
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:53,214
[CHUCKLES]
874
00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:56,176
-You're the worst.
-What?
875
00:48:57,935 --> 00:48:59,175
[GRUNTING]
876
00:48:59,603 --> 00:49:00,593
[POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
877
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:02,554
- No.!
878
00:49:02,690 --> 00:49:05,307
-Oh, I love this song.
-I hate this song. Please.
879
00:49:05,401 --> 00:49:07,733
-You hate this song? Who hates this song?
-Turn this off.
880
00:49:07,862 --> 00:49:09,193
Look. Even Ned loves this song.
881
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:12,489
No. This song makes me think of my
parents when they go into their bedroom
882
00:49:12,575 --> 00:49:14,691
to smoke weed and probably have sex.
883
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:17,743
Your parents smoke weed?
Wow, that's really cool.
884
00:49:17,872 --> 00:49:20,990
It's not cool. You probably only think
it's cool because your parents don't.
885
00:49:21,083 --> 00:49:24,417
Yeah, but my parents are dead, so they can't.
886
00:49:25,713 --> 00:49:28,250
Oh, don't sweat it.
It happened a million years ago.
887
00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:29,998
Mmm.
888
00:49:30,092 --> 00:49:31,378
Parents.
889
00:49:31,552 --> 00:49:33,884
-Did he just say Parents?
-It's the brains.
890
00:49:34,722 --> 00:49:36,053
If he doesn't eat them, he gets smarter.
891
00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:38,806
I took Bio of the Undead last year.
892
00:49:39,727 --> 00:49:41,559
-Stupid parents.
-No, no.
893
00:49:42,646 --> 00:49:44,887
His parents are kind of a sore subject.
894
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:47,895
I didn't know you guys were friends.
895
00:49:49,945 --> 00:49:51,435
Oh, I get it.
896
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:54,397
Like you used to be friends, right?
897
00:49:54,492 --> 00:49:55,732
-[SCOFFS]
-What happened?
898
00:49:57,995 --> 00:49:59,906
We just drifted apart.
899
00:50:00,456 --> 00:50:01,867
Mmm-hmm.
900
00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:03,413
You got cool and decided to ditch him.
901
00:50:05,294 --> 00:50:07,581
That's not what happened. I wouldn't do that.
902
00:50:07,755 --> 00:50:09,996
Well, at least you lucked out
in the parents department.
903
00:50:10,132 --> 00:50:13,090
I didn't luck out. My parents are insane.
904
00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:17,258
They're like perfect parents.
My dad's a child psychologist.
905
00:50:17,598 --> 00:50:21,341
My mom's just a parent,
doesn't do anything but care about her son.
906
00:50:22,186 --> 00:50:25,178
They do guitar duets and they want me
to sing along to them.
907
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:27,604
We make our own ice cream every Sunday.
908
00:50:27,691 --> 00:50:29,773
-We have to have family yoga on Saturdays.
-Pure hell.
909
00:50:29,860 --> 00:50:31,066
-A lot of families do that.
-Yeah.
910
00:50:31,153 --> 00:50:32,894
-That's super normal.
-[CHUCKLES] Oh.
911
00:50:32,988 --> 00:50:34,228
Boo-hoe.
912
00:50:34,323 --> 00:50:36,564
-[NED] Boo-hoe.
-[PETRA CHUCKLES]
913
00:50:36,659 --> 00:50:40,618
-Oh, it's a joke?
-No. You were just listing beautiful things.
914
00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:43,366
You know something?
My parents are probably dead now, too.
915
00:50:51,715 --> 00:50:52,796
I'm sorry.
916
00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:56,171
No, I'm sorry.
I'm losing my mind in here a little bit.
917
00:50:56,303 --> 00:50:58,340
-I've been in here way too long.
-I know.
918
00:50:58,472 --> 00:51:01,590
Can I ask you a personal question?
How long can you go without blood?
919
00:51:01,684 --> 00:51:06,269
I have no idea. But hey, while we're
being honest with each other,
920
00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:09,564
I should probably tell you, I keep
wondering why it is I don't just drink you.
921
00:51:09,692 --> 00:51:12,480
-Because I'll spear you in the tits.
-Yeah? He'll eat your brains.
922
00:51:12,653 --> 00:51:14,519
-Brains?
-Chill out! No.
923
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:19,066
All right, look, we gotta go to my parents'
house and I want to see if they're alive.
924
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:21,654
I can't go anywhere until I eat.
925
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,244
Then we'll go to the high school.
It's on the way.
926
00:51:24,331 --> 00:51:26,993
We'll get food and we'll get blood there.
And then we'll go to my house.
927
00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:30,748
Okay, fine, great. So we do that
and your parents are alive. Then what?
928
00:51:31,589 --> 00:51:33,751
There's still an alien apocalypse going on.
929
00:51:36,510 --> 00:51:40,219
Ned. Look, if we starve him of brains,
he'll get smarter.
930
00:51:40,347 --> 00:51:42,509
So we stay alive long enough
for him to figure out
931
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:45,592
how to get rid of these aliens
and save everybody's lives.
932
00:51:45,686 --> 00:51:47,268
That's a plan, right?
933
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:50,688
I mean, it's, uh... It's plan-ish.
934
00:51:57,698 --> 00:52:00,406
-What do you see?
-Nothing. I think we're clear.
935
00:52:02,036 --> 00:52:03,117
[WHIMPERS]
936
00:52:04,913 --> 00:52:07,075
-What did you see?
-It's one of them. It's one of them.
937
00:52:07,207 --> 00:52:09,073
-Okay, did he see you?
-Yeah. No.
938
00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:10,708
-[THUDDING]
-[PETRA SCREAMING]
939
00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:12,535
[DAG] Back door! Go, go!
940
00:52:13,422 --> 00:52:16,414
-No. Fuck, it's locked!
-[DAG] Just use your vampire strength.
941
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:18,966
Are you 12? There's no vampire strength.
942
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:20,755
[GRUNTS]
943
00:52:20,888 --> 00:52:22,629
Okay. Go! Ned, come on!
944
00:52:24,433 --> 00:52:25,594
-Okay. [GASPS]
-[SIZZLING]
945
00:52:25,726 --> 00:52:28,058
-What?
-Oh, shit. I'm a vampire.
946
00:52:28,562 --> 00:52:29,802
-[SCREAMING]
-Whoa, whoa!
947
00:52:29,897 --> 00:52:32,480
-Oh, my God!
-It's okay. It's okay.
948
00:52:33,651 --> 00:52:34,891
[ALIENS SCREECHING]
949
00:52:36,153 --> 00:52:37,564
Cover your head. Cover up!
950
00:52:39,448 --> 00:52:42,236
Aliens.
951
00:52:42,743 --> 00:52:44,609
Aliens.
952
00:52:44,745 --> 00:52:47,658
Okay. Okay. I'm okay.
953
00:52:48,916 --> 00:52:51,123
Okay. Don't you wear underwear?
954
00:52:51,335 --> 00:52:54,828
-Shut up. It bunches.
-Aliens!
955
00:52:55,464 --> 00:52:57,580
Whatever happens, we meet back
at the high school, okay?
956
00:52:57,675 --> 00:52:58,961
[PETRA] Okay. Ned!
957
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:01,004
[CHOKING]
958
00:53:02,346 --> 00:53:03,586
[PANTING]
959
00:53:10,521 --> 00:53:11,977
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
960
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:16,106
[PETRA GROANING]
961
00:53:18,987 --> 00:53:20,193
[PETRA] Dag?
962
00:53:21,782 --> 00:53:22,943
Dag?
963
00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:24,990
Shit, he should have been here by now.
964
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,202
-[GROANING]
-Are you okay?
965
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:31,368
I think I might be having withdrawals.
966
00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:33,953
-Withdrawals from brains?
-Yeah.
967
00:53:34,128 --> 00:53:35,710
Ugh. That's messed up.
968
00:53:38,716 --> 00:53:40,252
-[BANGING]
-[SHRIEKS]
969
00:53:40,342 --> 00:53:42,299
-Help! Open it!
-Oh, shit.
970
00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:46,008
Damn it. You scared the shit out of us.
971
00:53:46,849 --> 00:53:49,056
It's nice to see you, too.
972
00:53:49,226 --> 00:53:51,638
Can I have my clothes back
before an alien spikes my asshole?
973
00:53:51,812 --> 00:53:53,143
Yeah.
974
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:57,181
Ugh. I wish I would have had this earlier.
975
00:53:57,317 --> 00:54:01,686
So, what happened?
I thought maybe the aliens got you.
976
00:54:01,822 --> 00:54:04,484
No, it was weird. They were all around me
977
00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:07,901
but they just kept passing me by
like they couldn't see me.
978
00:54:18,046 --> 00:54:22,040
They couldn't see you
because you were naked, dumb-ass.
979
00:54:22,426 --> 00:54:23,587
What?
980
00:54:25,888 --> 00:54:27,253
[CHAIR SQUEAKING]
981
00:54:29,391 --> 00:54:32,679
It's highly likely their vision
can only detect inorganic matter.
982
00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:35,599
That's my theory, anyway.
983
00:54:36,356 --> 00:54:38,017
[PETRA] Oh, Ned.
[DAG] We need to eat.
984
00:54:40,903 --> 00:54:42,519
[NED] I've got to get me some brains.
985
00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:45,108
Now, what happened to you, Ned?
986
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:47,861
I mean, how does the smartest kid
in school get bitten by a zombie?
987
00:54:49,036 --> 00:54:51,198
It's pretty easy, actually.
988
00:54:51,914 --> 00:54:53,279
You got bitten on purpose?
989
00:54:55,250 --> 00:54:56,285
[SLURPS AIR]
990
00:54:56,877 --> 00:54:58,709
Why would you do that?
991
00:54:58,796 --> 00:55:01,413
You know, I used to worry
about everything, you know?
992
00:55:01,882 --> 00:55:04,123
Getting straight A's, my dad.
993
00:55:05,427 --> 00:55:07,384
Now I just slow my roll, you know?
994
00:55:07,638 --> 00:55:10,801
You just threw it all away to space out?
That's weak.
995
00:55:11,558 --> 00:55:13,014
It's funny.
996
00:55:13,101 --> 00:55:17,686
We haven't talked in years.
Suddenly he gives a shit that I'm a zombie.
997
00:55:17,773 --> 00:55:20,185
What was I supposed to do,
spend all of high school with you
998
00:55:20,275 --> 00:55:22,937
playing Minecraft
and hacking the school's servers?
999
00:55:23,070 --> 00:55:25,277
Oh, as I recall, you thought hacking
was pretty cool!
1000
00:55:25,405 --> 00:55:27,897
Yeah, Minecraft
and freaking DoS attacks were cool!
1001
00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:29,573
-Yeah, so cool.
-In seventh grade.
1002
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:30,866
We're hackers, Ned.
1003
00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:34,742
But I'm not going to spend all of high school
getting my ass kicked in Loserville! All right?
1004
00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:37,581
Where are you going?
1005
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:40,747
-Come on, don't be an asshole.
-You're an asshole!
1006
00:55:42,506 --> 00:55:44,497
-I'm an asshole?
-Yeah.
1007
00:55:45,801 --> 00:55:47,087
[CRASHING]
1008
00:55:49,096 --> 00:55:50,336
Asshole.
1009
00:55:51,431 --> 00:55:52,637
What...
1010
00:55:55,143 --> 00:55:56,258
[PETRA] Dag?
1011
00:55:58,355 --> 00:55:59,845
Dag, are you in here?
1012
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,599
Hello?
1013
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,435
Hey.
1014
00:56:07,614 --> 00:56:09,025
What are you doing in the old boiler?
1015
00:56:10,284 --> 00:56:11,524
Nothing.
1016
00:56:12,661 --> 00:56:13,822
Okay.
1017
00:56:16,456 --> 00:56:17,787
No, wait.
1018
00:56:19,209 --> 00:56:21,291
Great. Now we're both stuck in here.
1019
00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:23,289
-Aw. [CHUCKLES]
-Cool.
1020
00:56:25,507 --> 00:56:27,623
-Is this funny to you?
-Yeah, a little.
1021
00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:32,090
I was coming in here to thank you,
1022
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:36,014
you know, for saving my life
back at the Millers'.
1023
00:56:38,312 --> 00:56:39,643
Well, you're welcome.
1024
00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:41,846
[SIGHS]
1025
00:56:43,317 --> 00:56:44,523
And...
1026
00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:49,028
I'm sorry for killing Lorelei.
1027
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,443
Thank you.
I mean, what am I supposed to say to that?
1028
00:56:55,537 --> 00:56:57,904
I don't know, Dag.
I'm trying my best here, okay?
1029
00:56:57,998 --> 00:56:59,079
Okay.
1030
00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:04,286
Hey, maybe you could admit that
Lorelei was sort of a raging bitch.
1031
00:57:04,379 --> 00:57:07,542
Yeah, I mean, she was a little bit of a bitch,
but I really liked her.
1032
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:09,881
I did.
1033
00:57:10,344 --> 00:57:11,505
Fuck.
1034
00:57:14,181 --> 00:57:15,967
You know, while you were busy
really liking her,
1035
00:57:16,058 --> 00:57:17,924
she was busy really fucking my boyfriend.
1036
00:57:21,063 --> 00:57:22,224
But she was a virgin.
1037
00:57:22,356 --> 00:57:23,346
[SCOFFS]
1038
00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:24,892
Wow.
1039
00:57:25,943 --> 00:57:27,399
Yeah, that's perfect.
1040
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:32,362
So, Lorelei screws Milan
and ends up the coveted virgin,
1041
00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:35,316
but I get bitten and I'm a slut for life.
1042
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:38,027
That's not what I meant. I'm sorry.
1043
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:42,373
[CRYING] That's why I bit her, okay?
I saw her and I just snapped.
1044
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:45,417
I know I shouldn't have done it,
but I did and I'm sorry.
1045
00:57:45,545 --> 00:57:46,910
Okay, Okay-
1046
00:57:48,715 --> 00:57:52,879
I can't believe that I'm that girl for eternity.
1047
00:57:53,637 --> 00:57:55,048
No, no, no. You're not.
1048
00:57:56,431 --> 00:57:57,546
[SOBBING]
1049
00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:00,637
You're not.
1050
00:58:00,769 --> 00:58:01,975
[SNIFFLES] I am.
1051
00:58:09,111 --> 00:58:10,727
[WHISPERS] It's dark in here.
1052
00:58:11,321 --> 00:58:15,155
It reminds me of
Greg Sheffler's laundry room.
1053
00:58:17,953 --> 00:58:19,114
So,
1054
00:58:20,497 --> 00:58:22,454
the only question is,
are you going to chicken out?
1055
00:58:30,966 --> 00:58:32,001
Ow.
1056
00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:37,924
-Okay.
-It will be all right.
1057
00:58:40,642 --> 00:58:42,098
-Wait, wait.
-What?
1058
00:58:42,811 --> 00:58:43,846
I've never done this before.
1059
00:58:44,104 --> 00:58:46,971
You mean the Titty Whisperer's a virgin?
1060
00:58:47,274 --> 00:58:48,264
So am I.
1061
00:58:49,818 --> 00:58:51,525
Don't say, Really?
1062
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:53,101
I was going to say, Really?
1063
00:58:58,785 --> 00:58:59,866
Wait, wait.
1064
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:02,119
Shh...
1065
00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:03,946
-What's happening?
-[GROANING]
1066
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:06,658
I did it. I did it. Oh, wait.
1067
00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:08,955
[PANTING]
1068
00:59:09,046 --> 00:59:11,162
-Oh.
-Shh... [EXHALES]
1069
00:59:12,340 --> 00:59:14,672
-I get you that excited?
-Yes.
1070
00:59:16,344 --> 00:59:17,550
Come here.
1071
00:59:25,687 --> 00:59:27,974
-Are we continuing?
-Oh, yeah.
1072
00:59:30,525 --> 00:59:32,857
-Do you want me to do anything?
-No, just shut up.
1073
00:59:32,986 --> 00:59:34,317
[PETRA MOANING]
1074
00:59:44,581 --> 00:59:46,822
-[MOANING]
-[WHIMPERS]
1075
00:59:47,167 --> 00:59:48,202
What?
1076
00:59:49,544 --> 00:59:51,000
Did you get me?
1077
00:59:51,171 --> 00:59:52,832
No, I don't think I did.
1078
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:56,166
No, no. It's okay.
I was scared I might have gotten...
1079
00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:58,630
-No, I would never do that.
-Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
1080
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,178
-No, no. This was a mistake.
-Petra, I'm fine.
1081
01:00:01,264 --> 01:00:03,471
-No. You are a coward.
-Look, I'm fine.
1082
01:00:03,558 --> 01:00:04,673
-No!
-I'm fine!
1083
01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:07,009
Petra! Wait!
1084
01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:10,520
You could jump out this whole time?
1085
01:00:11,691 --> 01:00:14,729
She could jump out this whole time.
I'm such a dick.
1086
01:00:15,737 --> 01:00:18,104
-[NED] I totally agree.
-Ned?
1087
01:00:19,199 --> 01:00:22,191
Yeah. Wow. First guess.
Very impressive.
1088
01:00:24,371 --> 01:00:25,953
How much of that did you hear?
1089
01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:28,864
Just enough to know you're still a virgin.
1090
01:00:30,252 --> 01:00:32,038
Have fun being a virgin.
1091
01:00:32,963 --> 01:00:34,795
-Fuck off!
-All right.
1092
01:00:35,215 --> 01:00:39,584
Do you need me to get you some
clean underwear while I'm fucking off?
1093
01:00:49,062 --> 01:00:50,052
[GASPS]
1094
01:00:51,273 --> 01:00:53,640
[DAG] Petra? Petra!
1095
01:00:55,402 --> 01:00:56,767
Petra. Hey.
1096
01:00:57,821 --> 01:01:00,358
-Listen. Can we please talk?
-Don't touch me.
1097
01:01:00,448 --> 01:01:01,938
-Please.
-Look.
1098
01:01:02,242 --> 01:01:04,904
[NED] Yeah.
That's what I came to tell you guys.
1099
01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:08,408
It seems like they're searching
for something. We have to leave town.
1100
01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:11,490
No. No, we're going
to my parents' house first.
1101
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:12,954
Wait.
1102
01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:16,454
The aliens can't find us if they can't see us.
1103
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:18,585
Right?
1104
01:01:20,927 --> 01:01:22,008
What?
1105
01:01:33,106 --> 01:01:36,770
FYI, my dick is bigger than yours.
1106
01:01:37,194 --> 01:01:40,186
-Come on, Ned. You're such a dick.
-Hmm.
1107
01:01:40,780 --> 01:01:42,270
We said we weren't going to look.
1108
01:01:42,991 --> 01:01:44,277
I lied.
1109
01:01:44,659 --> 01:01:46,115
-[THUNDER RUMBLING]
-[BOTH GASPING]
1110
01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:47,617
Oh, great.
1111
01:01:48,622 --> 01:01:50,408
Okay, let's go.
1112
01:01:50,498 --> 01:01:52,114
[DAG] Let's go, let's go. Run!
1113
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,954
-Ned, come on! Come on!
-[PETRA] You guys, hurry!
1114
01:01:56,338 --> 01:01:57,703
[DAG] Go, Petra.
1115
01:02:00,133 --> 01:02:01,794
Come on, come on.
1116
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:07,053
Mom?
1117
01:02:09,184 --> 01:02:10,299
Dad?
1118
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:13,973
Mom?
1119
01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:15,729
Dad?
1120
01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:16,976
-[THUDDING]
-Ah!
1121
01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:19,483
Mom, it's Dag!
1122
01:02:20,654 --> 01:02:22,395
Are you guys here?
1123
01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:24,070
Mom?
1124
01:02:24,491 --> 01:02:26,323
Come out. Please come out.
1125
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:29,818
[THUNDER CLAPPING]
1126
01:02:31,831 --> 01:02:33,321
[INDISTINCT TALKING ON TV]
1127
01:02:34,417 --> 01:02:36,158
-Do you hear that?
-Where?
1128
01:02:36,253 --> 01:02:38,335
The basement. Wait.
1129
01:02:38,421 --> 01:02:39,877
Dad! Guys.
1130
01:02:41,549 --> 01:02:44,166
[MAN] [ON TW But it appears
as if the alien forcefield,
1131
01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:46,468
in addition to blocking the town off
from all aid...
1132
01:02:46,554 --> 01:02:47,669
[PETRA] I'm sure they're alive.
1133
01:02:47,764 --> 01:02:49,755
[DAG] They're not. They're not.
1134
01:02:50,225 --> 01:02:51,340
[GASPS]
1135
01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,058
[ALIEN SCREECHING]
1136
01:02:59,734 --> 01:03:00,769
[LIGHT BULB SHATTERS]
1137
01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:11,944
[SCREAMING] No! Ned! No!
1138
01:03:13,373 --> 01:03:14,579
[NED SCREAMING]
1139
01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:24,586
[ALIEN SCREECHING]
1140
01:03:26,094 --> 01:03:27,209
Are you all right?
1141
01:03:27,595 --> 01:03:28,710
[SNARLING]
1142
01:03:32,100 --> 01:03:33,431
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
1143
01:03:34,436 --> 01:03:36,393
No! Ned!
1144
01:03:36,479 --> 01:03:38,061
-[PETRA] Get out!
-Ned!
1145
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,101
-[SCREAMING]
-Ned!
1146
01:03:41,151 --> 01:03:42,391
No!
1147
01:03:42,902 --> 01:03:44,233
[PANTING]
1148
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:48,605
He's gone.
1149
01:03:56,249 --> 01:03:57,990
[THUNDER CLAPPING]
1150
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:18,268
He tried to save me. That's why he's dead.
1151
01:04:18,355 --> 01:04:20,437
I don't even have the guts
to talk to him at school
1152
01:04:20,523 --> 01:04:23,481
or help him out
when some asshole trips him.
1153
01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:26,193
Hey, come on. That's not your fault.
1154
01:04:27,614 --> 01:04:29,355
That's high school.
1155
01:04:30,283 --> 01:04:31,364
No.
1156
01:04:32,619 --> 01:04:34,201
You were right.
1157
01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:38,280
We didn't just drift apart. I ditched him.
1158
01:04:40,460 --> 01:04:43,452
His dad used to force Ned to be on the team.
1159
01:04:43,963 --> 01:04:47,627
Back when he was trying
to mould him into a new Chaz Jr.
1160
01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:51,460
And so Ned finds himself out there,
1161
01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:56,135
deep left, last inning, last game.
1162
01:04:56,976 --> 01:05:00,719
And I'm on the mound
and I serve up this meatball.
1163
01:05:01,648 --> 01:05:04,015
And the kid hits the snot out of it.
1164
01:05:04,150 --> 01:05:07,063
It's like this thing has eyes
for where Ned's standing.
1165
01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:10,987
And right at the moment of truth,
it's about to hit Ned's glove
1166
01:05:11,574 --> 01:05:15,909
and boom, Chaz Jr. just obliterates him
1167
01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:19,037
and grabs the ball like it's nothing.
1168
01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:21,031
Game over. Mosely Auto wins.
1169
01:05:22,585 --> 01:05:24,167
Everybody mobs Chaz Jr.
1170
01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:27,541
And I remember looking out
into the outfield grass
1171
01:05:28,550 --> 01:05:30,587
and Ned's still there,
1172
01:05:31,594 --> 01:05:33,881
just looking for his glasses.
1173
01:05:35,682 --> 01:05:38,014
That's the thing. He didn't...
1174
01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:41,347
He never got a chance.
1175
01:05:41,855 --> 01:05:44,597
It's not like he dropped it.
He never got a chance.
1176
01:05:44,691 --> 01:05:45,852
Yeah.
1177
01:05:50,905 --> 01:05:52,361
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
1178
01:05:53,700 --> 01:05:56,863
I never really knew Ned
until he was a zombie.
1179
01:05:58,121 --> 01:05:59,782
But he was kind.
1180
01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:02,414
And he was brave.
1181
01:06:04,043 --> 01:06:06,034
And he had a huge cock.
1182
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:11,586
Ashes to ashes.
1183
01:06:13,428 --> 01:06:14,463
We'll miss you, Ned.
1184
01:06:14,554 --> 01:06:17,137
Nice speech, douchebag. I preferred Petra's.
1185
01:06:17,223 --> 01:06:19,430
-Ned!
-[SHRIEKS] Are you okay?
1186
01:06:19,559 --> 01:06:21,721
Oh, my God! Sit down, here.
1187
01:06:22,270 --> 01:06:24,978
-Shit. We thought you were dead.
-I wasn't dead.
1188
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:28,398
I was dematerialized and reassembled.
1189
01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:30,101
Is everyone alive? Are my parents alive?
1190
01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:33,649
I don't know. You must have killed the alien
before it could send me to the right place.
1191
01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:35,071
So, instead of going
where everyone else went,
1192
01:06:35,158 --> 01:06:37,240
I ended up at the Little Caesars on Lakeview.
1193
01:06:37,327 --> 01:06:38,863
-What?
-What do we do now?
1194
01:06:38,953 --> 01:06:41,741
We give the alien what they came for.
1195
01:06:42,123 --> 01:06:43,739
Think about it.
1196
01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,328
[GRUNTING]
1197
01:06:45,418 --> 01:06:49,582
Why would they pick Dillford?
What's the one thing our town's known for?
1198
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:51,500
You're around it every day.
1199
01:06:51,591 --> 01:06:53,002
Wait, riblets?
1200
01:06:53,301 --> 01:06:55,417
They flew a billion miles
for a great sandwich?
1201
01:06:55,762 --> 01:06:57,844
They want what's in the riblets.
1202
01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,631
-Little ribs?
-Tetrafluoraxipan.
1203
01:07:00,767 --> 01:07:01,757
What the hell is that?
1204
01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:06,846
It's the chemical that Malphasta uses
to make horse cartilage taste like real meat.
1205
01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:09,432
-That's what they want.
-What? How are you so sure?
1206
01:07:09,526 --> 01:07:11,187
-Because look.
-[PETRA] Oh, my God.
1207
01:07:11,319 --> 01:07:12,525
[GASPING]
1208
01:07:12,654 --> 01:07:15,863
Why is that so gross?
My face has been melting for a day.
1209
01:07:15,949 --> 01:07:18,441
-There's pus. Ned!
-Oh, my God, that's horrible.
1210
01:07:18,535 --> 01:07:20,151
[DAG] Oh, God.
[PETRA] Ned, please put it away.
1211
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:22,948
It's an allergic reaction
from when the alien grabbed me.
1212
01:07:23,039 --> 01:07:25,781
-And do you know what I'm allergic to?
-Tree nuts?
1213
01:07:26,125 --> 01:07:27,160
Dairy?
1214
01:07:27,293 --> 01:07:28,454
Ragweed?
1215
01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:29,580
Tarragon?
1216
01:07:29,671 --> 01:07:31,662
Tetrafluoraxipan, guys.
1217
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:33,667
I thought I was spoon-feeding you, guys.
1218
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,666
-I really thought it was easy.
-Yeah.
1219
01:07:35,802 --> 01:07:39,545
Look, all we gotta do
is give the alien this chemical,
1220
01:07:39,889 --> 01:07:42,051
and they'll leave us alone.
1221
01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:51,682
Come on. Get over here.
1222
01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:55,652
[INTERCOM BEEPING]
1223
01:07:55,738 --> 01:07:58,150
-Rick, are you there?
-[RICK] Dougie, is that you?
1224
01:07:58,741 --> 01:08:01,733
Yes. Rick, yes, it's Dag. Please let us in.
1225
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,944
[RICK] How do we know it's not an alien
pretending to be him?
1226
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:08,123
[WOMAN] I got it. What happened to you
at the Harvest Carnival five years ago?
1227
01:08:08,209 --> 01:08:09,699
Fucking hell.
1228
01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:14,372
I shit myself in the dunk tank.
1229
01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:15,668
[RICK] What?
1230
01:08:18,177 --> 01:08:20,760
I shit myself in the dunk tank!
1231
01:08:21,180 --> 01:08:23,046
Oh, it's him. Let him in.
1232
01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:26,174
I thought you shit yourself
at your piano recital.
1233
01:08:26,269 --> 01:08:28,681
It was a bad week, okay? Come on!
1234
01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:34,566
So, let me get this straight.
You're telling me that these aliens
1235
01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:36,776
can't see you if you're naked.
1236
01:08:38,197 --> 01:08:40,780
Then how did you three morons get here?
1237
01:08:40,867 --> 01:08:45,156
Well, these clothes are organic cotton,
so they're no different from our skin.
1238
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:47,078
Right. I forgot your mom's a filthy hippie.
1239
01:08:47,206 --> 01:08:48,867
Your blood, darling.
1240
01:08:48,958 --> 01:08:50,039
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
1241
01:08:51,210 --> 01:08:53,042
Thank you. Will you check
on the zombie kid for me?
1242
01:08:53,921 --> 01:08:55,537
-[DAISY] Mmm-hmm. I will do that.
-[KISSING]
1243
01:08:56,215 --> 01:09:00,379
So, you ladies would have me believe
that a bunch of aliens packed themselves
1244
01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:04,805
into spaceships and flew a zillion miles
to Earth just to get some riblets.
1245
01:09:05,058 --> 01:09:06,548
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1246
01:09:06,726 --> 01:09:08,558
Did they say how much they would pay?
1247
01:09:08,978 --> 01:09:10,468
Rick, please.
1248
01:09:10,772 --> 01:09:13,104
Just give them what they want.
1249
01:09:13,232 --> 01:09:16,770
You'd be a hero.
They'll probably make a statue out of you.
1250
01:09:16,903 --> 01:09:19,315
Do you realize the entire town
is being held captive somewhere?
1251
01:09:19,405 --> 01:09:21,646
Probably having probes
shoved up their assholes.
1252
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:23,778
Right. Statue.
1253
01:09:24,577 --> 01:09:25,658
Mmm-hmm.
1254
01:09:25,745 --> 01:09:27,452
And meanwhile, Daisy and I are fine.
I wonder why.
1255
01:09:27,538 --> 01:09:30,451
Oh, that's right. Because we didn't run
into the middle of town with pitchforks,
1256
01:09:30,583 --> 01:09:32,119
trying to brain our neighbours.
You know what?
1257
01:09:32,251 --> 01:09:34,288
Those people are maniacs,
and as far as I'm concerned,
1258
01:09:34,420 --> 01:09:36,161
the wider and deeper the probes, the better.
1259
01:09:36,255 --> 01:09:37,837
Hey, those are my parents
you're talking about.
1260
01:09:37,924 --> 01:09:41,258
Well, I guess there's going to be shorter lines
at the Parker family bathroom this year.
1261
01:09:41,344 --> 01:09:43,255
-What did you say?
-Oh, I think you heard me.
1262
01:09:43,346 --> 01:09:45,007
-You motherfucker!
-[DAISY SCREAMING]
1263
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:46,304
-Daisy!
-Hey!
1264
01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:49,800
-[PETRA] Ned!
-Oh, fuck! Ned, no.
1265
01:09:50,645 --> 01:09:53,262
-[DAG] Wait. No brains.
-You ate my Daisy, you fuck!
1266
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:55,938
-Oh, dear God in heaven.
-[DAG] Oh, shit.
1267
01:09:56,109 --> 01:09:59,477
-God, we're really sorry, Rick.
-You're sorry? I loved this woman.
1268
01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:01,569
[DAG] Can we just talk? Oh!
1269
01:10:01,656 --> 01:10:03,272
Please! Don't do this!
1270
01:10:04,283 --> 01:10:05,773
[PETRA] We need help.
1271
01:10:08,287 --> 01:10:10,278
-That's it.
-What?
1272
01:10:11,332 --> 01:10:12,493
[DAG] Yeah.
1273
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,616
I'm having an idea.
1274
01:10:14,961 --> 01:10:18,295
-[ALIENS SCREECHING]
-[PETRA] This isn't an idea. This is suicide.
1275
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:21,628
Look, Ned did it and he's fine. Kind of.
1276
01:10:21,843 --> 01:10:25,336
If we hadn't killed that alien, it would have
sent him where it sent everybody else.
1277
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:26,802
Are you fucking insane?
1278
01:10:26,889 --> 01:10:29,506
The three of us alone can't do shit.
1279
01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:33,301
We need help. Come on, let's do this.
1280
01:10:35,481 --> 01:10:37,563
We're still a team, right?
1281
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:41,268
Ugh. Let's do it now.
1282
01:10:41,362 --> 01:10:42,477
[EXHALES]
1283
01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:46,522
[DAG] I love you guys.
1284
01:10:50,079 --> 01:10:51,319
[SCREECHING]
1285
01:10:53,374 --> 01:10:54,580
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1286
01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:57,249
[DAG] Come and get it! Come and get it!
1287
01:10:58,713 --> 01:11:00,329
[ALL SCREAMING]
1288
01:11:02,717 --> 01:11:03,878
[DAG SCREAMING]
1289
01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:05,591
[PETRA SCREAMING]
1290
01:11:06,554 --> 01:11:07,669
[GRUNTS]
1291
01:11:08,222 --> 01:11:09,838
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
1292
01:11:12,185 --> 01:11:13,346
Mom?
1293
01:11:13,436 --> 01:11:14,551
[ZOMBIE CONVULSING]
1294
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:16,890
Dag!
1295
01:11:17,231 --> 01:11:19,848
Petra. Oh, God! You look great.
1296
01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:23,690
Look, let's not beat around the bush.
You've had blood.
1297
01:11:23,905 --> 01:11:26,272
-Hook a vampire up.
-Are you serious?
1298
01:11:26,365 --> 01:11:29,403
Petra, please. Now's not the time
to get all periodic on me!
1299
01:11:31,537 --> 01:11:32,698
Thanks.
1300
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:34,203
-[GRUNTS]
-[GROANS]
1301
01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:38,033
Go fuck yourself. And you were right.
Being a vampire isn't that bad.
1302
01:11:39,045 --> 01:11:40,285
[MILAN GROANING]
1303
01:11:40,379 --> 01:11:41,540
Bitch.
1304
01:11:42,256 --> 01:11:43,542
Son!
1305
01:11:45,051 --> 01:11:46,792
Son!
1306
01:11:50,598 --> 01:11:52,214
Dad?
1307
01:11:52,391 --> 01:11:55,975
Yes, Ned. It is I, your father!
1308
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:58,219
I have been a terrible parent.
1309
01:11:58,731 --> 01:12:00,722
I never paid attention to you.
1310
01:12:00,817 --> 01:12:03,400
I blew your college fund on OxyContin.
1311
01:12:03,486 --> 01:12:06,820
I don't even sell Hyundais. I sell Kias.
1312
01:12:06,906 --> 01:12:08,738
Kias?!
1313
01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:10,566
Shameful, I know.
1314
01:12:11,452 --> 01:12:12,567
Point is,
1315
01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:14,994
I've got major issues.
1316
01:12:15,414 --> 01:12:20,159
But I love you. Now and forever.
1317
01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:25,087
I love you too, dickwad.
1318
01:12:26,092 --> 01:12:27,457
[ALL CRYING]
1319
01:12:28,344 --> 01:12:29,459
Mom?
1320
01:12:30,096 --> 01:12:31,257
Dad?
1321
01:12:32,306 --> 01:12:35,014
-Dag! Dag. Oh.
-Hey.
1322
01:12:35,101 --> 01:12:37,843
My sweet, little frowny clown.
1323
01:12:37,937 --> 01:12:41,555
Hey! Oh, you got all that time-slime on you.
1324
01:12:41,649 --> 01:12:42,684
Wow.
1325
01:12:42,859 --> 01:12:44,600
Oh, hey, look who we found.
1326
01:12:44,986 --> 01:12:46,272
Lorelei.
1327
01:12:46,821 --> 01:12:49,939
Hi. [GROANS]
Oh, what the hell is that thing?
1328
01:12:50,449 --> 01:12:52,611
Ah, it's some kind of alien forcefield.
1329
01:12:52,702 --> 01:12:55,660
It separates us from
the vampires and the zombies.
1330
01:12:55,788 --> 01:12:57,745
I call it the firewall.
1331
01:12:57,832 --> 01:12:59,118
[CRACKLING]
1332
01:13:00,710 --> 01:13:03,042
At this point, fuck it, right?
1333
01:13:03,462 --> 01:13:04,668
-Dag! Hey!
-Hey.
1334
01:13:04,797 --> 01:13:06,162
-Petra.
-Oh.
1335
01:13:06,299 --> 01:13:08,210
I haven't seen you since you murdered me.
1336
01:13:08,467 --> 01:13:10,299
[EXHALES] Yeah. Um...
1337
01:13:11,220 --> 01:13:13,302
Look, I'm really sorry about that.
1338
01:13:13,514 --> 01:13:16,973
No, don't apologize. I mean, look at my tits.
1339
01:13:17,059 --> 01:13:19,642
-They're, like, twice the size now.
-God damn.
1340
01:13:20,354 --> 01:13:22,140
-Ned! Hey, how are you doing, buddy?
-[PETRA] Ned!
1341
01:13:22,231 --> 01:13:24,313
-Is that Ned Mosely?
-Oh.
1342
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:26,892
-Oh, God, he looks terrible.
-Ooh.
1343
01:13:26,986 --> 01:13:28,226
[DAG] Okay, here's the deal.
1344
01:13:28,321 --> 01:13:30,528
I don't care how messed up
these brains make you,
1345
01:13:30,656 --> 01:13:34,490
I need you to think how we can
bring this thing, this forcefield, down.
1346
01:13:34,702 --> 01:13:36,443
Help us get out of here, Ned,
1347
01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:38,744
so we can give them what they want
and get rid of them.
1348
01:13:38,831 --> 01:13:40,868
[PETRA] Come on, Ned.
Come on, you can do it.
1349
01:13:41,000 --> 01:13:42,991
-You can do it, Ned.
-[DAG] Push through.
1350
01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:46,836
[CRACKLING]
1351
01:13:52,178 --> 01:13:53,293
Hurry UP-
1352
01:13:53,387 --> 01:13:55,424
Just one more line of code.
1353
01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:56,846
Done.
1354
01:13:56,933 --> 01:13:58,219
[MAN] Wait, what just happened?
1355
01:13:58,351 --> 01:14:00,342
No, no. Shut it down. Shut it down.
1356
01:14:01,687 --> 01:14:02,722
Shut it down now.
1357
01:14:03,022 --> 01:14:05,184
-You're awesome, Ned.
-Shut it down.
1358
01:14:05,524 --> 01:14:07,390
Shut it down now!
1359
01:14:10,237 --> 01:14:11,602
[SCREAMING]
1360
01:14:16,869 --> 01:14:18,030
What?
1361
01:14:18,204 --> 01:14:19,615
[BABBLING]
1362
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:23,748
But why do they think he has the brains?
1363
01:14:23,876 --> 01:14:26,743
He doesn't even seem like
he has any language skills.
1364
01:14:26,879 --> 01:14:28,540
[BABBLING]
1365
01:14:29,590 --> 01:14:31,456
[LAUGHS] Oh, that's not a word.
1366
01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:35,088
[GROANING]
1367
01:14:35,888 --> 01:14:37,845
-Sog attack?
-DoS attack!
1368
01:14:37,932 --> 01:14:40,924
-DoS attack! DoS attack!
-[PETRA] DoS attack! DoS attack!
1369
01:14:41,060 --> 01:14:43,176
This is what we used to do
back in junior high.
1370
01:14:43,270 --> 01:14:45,432
We used to overload the servers
to bring them down.
1371
01:14:45,564 --> 01:14:47,475
We hit this thing together, we'll short it out.
1372
01:14:47,566 --> 01:14:49,477
-Yes!
-[WOMAN] Are you nuts?
1373
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:52,981
Let the vampires do it.
They're so god damn immortal!
1374
01:14:53,489 --> 01:14:55,526
Oh, yeah, just like a human.
1375
01:14:55,616 --> 01:14:58,734
Put it all on the undead. Pussies!
1376
01:14:58,828 --> 01:15:01,035
You're a pussy, bloodsucker!
1377
01:15:01,122 --> 01:15:02,954
-You know what?
-Hey, hey. Everybody!
1378
01:15:03,082 --> 01:15:07,417
What is it going to take for you idiots
to stop fighting and work together?
1379
01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:11,997
Mr. Zimmerman, your daughter,
she's a vampire, right? And you love her?
1380
01:15:12,591 --> 01:15:14,958
Yeah, you do. How could you not?
1381
01:15:15,761 --> 01:15:18,674
Mrs. Franklin, your son is a zombie.
1382
01:15:18,764 --> 01:15:22,928
We've always known. Not a real doctor.
Let's quit pretending that he is.
1383
01:15:23,269 --> 01:15:25,010
All the aliens want
1384
01:15:26,147 --> 01:15:27,228
are the riblets.
1385
01:15:27,314 --> 01:15:31,273
Now, I don't know about you.
I don't want to die in a Palway.
1386
01:15:31,777 --> 01:15:34,895
If we just work together,
we can tear this wall down.
1387
01:15:34,989 --> 01:15:38,072
We will get out of here,
we'll convince Rick to open up the gates
1388
01:15:38,159 --> 01:15:40,617
and we'll save our shitty town!
1389
01:15:41,162 --> 01:15:43,028
Now, what do you say?
1390
01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:50,376
USA! USA!
1391
01:15:50,463 --> 01:15:53,455
[ALL] [CHANTING] USA! USA!
1392
01:15:53,549 --> 01:15:59,135
USA! USA!
1393
01:15:59,221 --> 01:16:00,507
Whoo!
1394
01:16:02,224 --> 01:16:03,305
[DAG] All right!
1395
01:16:04,143 --> 01:16:05,633
Is everyone ready?
1396
01:16:05,728 --> 01:16:08,220
Three, two...
1397
01:16:08,981 --> 01:16:10,062
Fuck it, just run!
1398
01:16:10,649 --> 01:16:12,014
[ALL YELLING]
1399
01:16:13,402 --> 01:16:14,767
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
1400
01:16:14,862 --> 01:16:15,977
[EXPLOSION]
1401
01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:18,153
[POWER SHUTTING DOWN]
1402
01:16:18,908 --> 01:16:20,524
[ALL COUGHING]
1403
01:16:22,995 --> 01:16:24,030
Hey!
1404
01:16:24,497 --> 01:16:26,329
Let's get those riblets!
1405
01:16:26,832 --> 01:16:28,994
Come on! Come on, let's go!
1406
01:16:29,085 --> 01:16:30,371
[ALL SHOUTING]
1407
01:16:30,503 --> 01:16:31,993
-Rick! Rick!
-[GUNSHOTS]
1408
01:16:32,379 --> 01:16:35,292
-Oh, shit.
-[WOMAN] No, no!
1409
01:16:35,382 --> 01:16:38,170
[RICK] The next asshole who steps closer
gets one in the chest!
1410
01:16:38,719 --> 01:16:40,050
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
1411
01:16:40,179 --> 01:16:42,887
We need you to give the aliens
the riblets! It's the only way!
1412
01:16:43,015 --> 01:16:44,005
[GUNSHOT]
1413
01:16:44,350 --> 01:16:45,761
[RICK] Isn't that nice?
1414
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:50,679
You know what? From day one, nobody
in this town ever involved me in anything.
1415
01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:53,185
Not the bowling team, not the book club.
1416
01:16:53,275 --> 01:16:55,516
Shit, I paid for the god damn baseball field,
1417
01:16:55,611 --> 01:16:59,070
and I still can't get the drink I want
after the game at the bar.
1418
01:16:59,198 --> 01:17:00,939
A Rick-itini's not a drink!
1419
01:17:02,034 --> 01:17:03,524
It is to me!
1420
01:17:03,619 --> 01:17:07,203
I deserve to belong, man.
I deserve to belong.
1421
01:17:07,289 --> 01:17:09,030
Yes, you're right.
1422
01:17:09,792 --> 01:17:11,328
You do deserve to belong.
1423
01:17:11,418 --> 01:17:14,251
I want to believe you, Diggie,
but I think you just want me to save you.
1424
01:17:14,797 --> 01:17:17,630
Do you want the truth? Here's the truth.
1425
01:17:18,551 --> 01:17:20,633
You have been a huge dick!
1426
01:17:21,720 --> 01:17:23,711
But I've been one, too.
1427
01:17:26,225 --> 01:17:28,387
And we both deserve
to be a part of this town.
1428
01:17:28,936 --> 01:17:30,472
[CROWD] [CHANTING] Rick! Rick!
1429
01:17:30,771 --> 01:17:35,481
Rick! Rick! Rick!
1430
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:36,933
Rick! Rick!
1431
01:17:37,069 --> 01:17:38,810
-Rick.
-Rick! Rick! Rick!
1432
01:17:38,946 --> 01:17:40,937
-Rick! Rick! Rick!
-Rick. Rick.
1433
01:17:41,073 --> 01:17:44,737
Come on, what's it going to be?
They're coming! We need you!
1434
01:17:45,661 --> 01:17:47,072
All right.
1435
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,155
Bring it, fuckers!
1436
01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:51,330
[DOOR BUZZING]
1437
01:17:52,084 --> 01:17:53,074
[DAG] Come on, come on.
1438
01:17:53,169 --> 01:17:56,082
Come on, come on!
Everybody in! Everybody in!
1439
01:17:56,589 --> 01:17:59,081
-Go, go! Go! Come on!
-[MAN] Run!
1440
01:17:59,925 --> 01:18:01,165
[ALL GASPING]
1441
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,342
Creatures from the great beyond,
1442
01:18:10,436 --> 01:18:12,677
behold the riblet!
1443
01:18:13,439 --> 01:18:14,679
[MACHINE BEEPING]
1444
01:18:17,276 --> 01:18:18,482
[MACHINE BEEPING]
1445
01:18:23,449 --> 01:18:24,530
[ALL] Ugh.
1446
01:18:24,617 --> 01:18:26,779
Jesus, that's what riblets are made of?
1447
01:18:26,869 --> 01:18:30,157
-[COUGHS]
-How come no one ever told us?
1448
01:18:32,958 --> 01:18:34,119
-[RETCHES]
-[WOMAN GASPS]
1449
01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:04,486
Oh, my God!
1450
01:19:06,075 --> 01:19:07,315
[CHIRPING]
1451
01:19:10,496 --> 01:19:11,486
Ew.
1452
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:15,698
-[ALL] Ugh.
-Oh! Oh!
1453
01:19:18,337 --> 01:19:19,498
[CROWD GASPING]
1454
01:19:22,549 --> 01:19:24,005
What are you doing, aliens?
1455
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,671
Holy shit.
1456
01:19:28,430 --> 01:19:30,012
Wait, what's happening?
1457
01:19:32,518 --> 01:19:33,553
[PETRA GASPING]
1458
01:19:33,852 --> 01:19:35,058
What is going on?
1459
01:19:35,187 --> 01:19:38,555
He was wrong!
Your genius zombie friend was wrong!
1460
01:19:38,941 --> 01:19:41,353
They took our riblets
and now they're going to kill us all!
1461
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:42,684
[ALL SCREAMING]
1462
01:19:43,862 --> 01:19:44,943
[WHIMPERING]
1463
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:49,528
[ALL COUGHING]
1464
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:54,196
Beings of Earth, do not cower in fear. Rise.
1465
01:19:54,915 --> 01:19:56,201
It's...
1466
01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:57,660
. . . beautiful.
1467
01:19:57,751 --> 01:20:00,163
As our planet's ambassador,
1468
01:20:00,254 --> 01:20:03,963
we would like to thank you
for giving us a precious chemical
1469
01:20:04,049 --> 01:20:05,585
that sustains us.
1470
01:20:05,718 --> 01:20:08,927
-Why does it have a German accent?
-I was going to ask the same question.
1471
01:20:09,221 --> 01:20:10,711
But before we go,
1472
01:20:10,806 --> 01:20:14,094
we need to talk about what happened here.
1473
01:20:14,226 --> 01:20:18,641
We came all this way
to essentially borrow a stick of butter.
1474
01:20:18,731 --> 01:20:21,814
And before we even got a chance to ask,
1475
01:20:21,900 --> 01:20:23,686
you went bananas.
1476
01:20:23,777 --> 01:20:26,439
We had to lock you all up in the Palway
1477
01:20:26,572 --> 01:20:29,405
just to protect you from yourselves.
1478
01:20:29,742 --> 01:20:34,282
As one of your great philosophers
so eloquently put it,
1479
01:20:35,414 --> 01:20:39,783
We didn't start the fire.
1480
01:20:41,253 --> 01:20:43,460
It was always burning.
1481
01:20:43,589 --> 01:20:47,082
Since the world's been turning.
1482
01:20:47,301 --> 01:20:50,839
But when we are gone, will it still burn on,
1483
01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:53,591
and on and on?
1484
01:20:53,682 --> 01:20:54,763
You are fucking kidding me.
1485
01:20:54,850 --> 01:20:57,842
-But that's a song.
-It's a song about burning.
1486
01:20:58,312 --> 01:21:00,644
Here is the point. Look at us.
1487
01:21:00,773 --> 01:21:04,141
We are 90 feet of intergalactic awesomeness.
1488
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:07,143
-Look at you. You guys are a mess.
-Huh?
1489
01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:10,442
Have some dignity, for shit's sake.
1490
01:21:10,532 --> 01:21:12,114
And you're welcome.
1491
01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:13,783
Hey, wait a second.
1492
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:14,984
Yes?
1493
01:21:15,704 --> 01:21:16,944
-Fuck you.
-[ALL GASPING]
1494
01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:18,404
-Oh, whoa.
-No, no, no.
1495
01:21:18,499 --> 01:21:20,581
You come here in your ship,
1496
01:21:20,667 --> 01:21:22,533
you scare the living piss out of us,
1497
01:21:22,628 --> 01:21:25,996
and then you lecture us
with a Billy Joel song?
1498
01:21:26,131 --> 01:21:31,046
But our research indicated an abiding love
for Billy Joel.
1499
01:21:31,178 --> 01:21:32,794
-[ALL GROANING]
-[GROANING]
1500
01:21:33,222 --> 01:21:34,257
Freak.
1501
01:21:34,348 --> 01:21:37,136
Please, let's keep this civilized.
1502
01:21:37,684 --> 01:21:38,890
[GRUNTS]
Ow!
1503
01:21:38,977 --> 01:21:41,639
-What the fuck?
-She's right!
1504
01:21:41,730 --> 01:21:45,394
Go fuck with somebody else's planet,
you self-righteous douchebag. Fuck you!
1505
01:21:45,526 --> 01:21:46,982
[ALL GASPING]
1506
01:21:47,486 --> 01:21:50,854
Fine. Have it your way, bitches.
1507
01:21:52,074 --> 01:21:53,109
[MAN SCREAMING]
1508
01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:54,361
[ALL GASPING]
1509
01:21:54,493 --> 01:21:55,983
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING]
1510
01:21:57,413 --> 01:21:58,824
[ALL SCREAMING]
1511
01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:11,919
[GRUNTS]
1512
01:22:12,886 --> 01:22:14,672
-[ROARING]
-[SCREAMING]
1513
01:22:16,098 --> 01:22:17,179
[ROARS]
1514
01:22:22,062 --> 01:22:23,678
-Are you all right?
-What is that stuff?
1515
01:22:24,857 --> 01:22:26,018
Ammonia!
1516
01:22:26,108 --> 01:22:29,476
The ammonia's melting it!
Ammonia! That's it!
1517
01:22:29,570 --> 01:22:31,937
Mrs. Mosely, the ammonia hose! Quick!
1518
01:22:32,030 --> 01:22:35,239
Way ahead of you, Daggy! Let her rip, boys!
1519
01:22:36,034 --> 01:22:37,524
[SCREAMING]
1520
01:22:38,704 --> 01:22:39,739
[ALIEN SCREECHING]
1521
01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:43,409
[LAUGHS]
1522
01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:50,371
[PETRA SCREAMING]
1523
01:22:52,468 --> 01:22:53,549
[CHOKING]
1524
01:22:53,635 --> 01:22:57,378
You uppity little bitch, I've done
a lot of slumming in my life, but you...
1525
01:22:58,432 --> 01:22:59,638
-[CHUCKLES]
-[CHOKING]
1526
01:22:59,725 --> 01:23:01,386
You might be my biggest disgrace.
1527
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:02,721
Yeah!
1528
01:23:02,811 --> 01:23:04,097
[ALL CHEERING]
1529
01:23:09,943 --> 01:23:12,526
[PETRA] When you really care
about somebody, you don't hesitate.
1530
01:23:12,613 --> 01:23:13,978
You just jump right in.
1531
01:23:14,072 --> 01:23:15,153
Don't touch her! [GRUNTS]
1532
01:23:15,824 --> 01:23:17,235
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1533
01:23:19,745 --> 01:23:20,735
-[GRUNTING]
-[SCREAMING]
1534
01:23:23,749 --> 01:23:24,784
[ALIEN SCREECHING]
1535
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:26,081
Ahh!
1536
01:23:26,919 --> 01:23:27,954
[GROANING]
1537
01:23:32,132 --> 01:23:34,248
In a way, I envy you.
1538
01:23:34,927 --> 01:23:36,838
About to see a world I'll never know.
1539
01:23:36,970 --> 01:23:38,176
[CHOKING]
1540
01:23:40,265 --> 01:23:41,255
[GASPING]
1541
01:23:48,440 --> 01:23:49,771
[DISTANT HOWLING]
1542
01:23:53,946 --> 01:23:56,278
SHOOTER. When the change comes, it is...
1543
01:23:57,324 --> 01:24:00,862
[PEG] Enormous.
[SHOOTER] Enormous. It's a big change.
1544
01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:02,367
[PEG] Wow.
1545
01:24:06,792 --> 01:24:07,953
[BONE SNAPPING]
1546
01:24:08,627 --> 01:24:09,867
[SCREAMING]
1547
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:11,368
[ROARING]
1548
01:24:14,508 --> 01:24:15,623
[GROANING]
1549
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:16,962
No.
1550
01:24:18,845 --> 01:24:19,880
[GROWLING]
1551
01:24:23,183 --> 01:24:24,218
[GASPS]
1552
01:24:26,478 --> 01:24:27,968
[BOTH YELLING]
1553
01:24:31,316 --> 01:24:33,353
I said, Don't touch her.
1554
01:24:35,654 --> 01:24:36,689
[SNARLING]
1555
01:24:37,489 --> 01:24:38,979
-[YELLING]
-No!
1556
01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:49,248
It's sticking out of my back, isn't it?
1557
01:24:49,334 --> 01:24:50,369
Mm-hmm.
1558
01:24:52,337 --> 01:24:53,372
-[GASPS]
-[SHRIEKS]
1559
01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:55,746
Are you okay?
1560
01:24:55,882 --> 01:24:57,338
[ROARING]
1561
01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:01,585
-Did you hear that?
-It's him.
1562
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:04,091
Our boy is growing up.
1563
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:05,388
[EXCLAIMS]
1564
01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,064
Oh, shit.
1565
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:28,074
[GROANING]
1566
01:25:32,628 --> 01:25:33,743
Fuck this.
1567
01:25:33,879 --> 01:25:34,869
[GROANING]
1568
01:25:35,047 --> 01:25:36,082
[ALL YELLING]
1569
01:25:56,109 --> 01:25:58,020
What the hell is that?
1570
01:25:58,111 --> 01:26:00,478
Sub-atomic fusion explosive.
1571
01:26:00,989 --> 01:26:03,230
Parting gift, motherfuckers.
1572
01:26:06,620 --> 01:26:07,826
[ALL GASPING]
1573
01:26:32,521 --> 01:26:33,602
[SHRIEKS]
1574
01:26:33,689 --> 01:26:35,271
[ALL CLAPPING]
1575
01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:51,153
[LAUGHING]
1576
01:26:51,373 --> 01:26:52,454
Ned! Ned!
1577
01:26:59,464 --> 01:27:01,375
Give him the high cheese, Diggy!
1578
01:27:04,136 --> 01:27:05,171
[GRUNTS]
1579
01:27:08,807 --> 01:27:10,093
[ALARM BLARING]
1580
01:27:10,183 --> 01:27:12,641
Wait, that's not supposed to happen.
1581
01:27:30,328 --> 01:27:31,489
[LAUGHS]
1582
01:27:31,621 --> 01:27:33,703
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1583
01:27:51,183 --> 01:27:57,020
There's a time to remember, a time to forget
1584
01:27:57,105 --> 01:28:01,850
The world out there, just shoot her down
No time for the quit
1585
01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:05,860
-Guess who.
-Lorelei.
1586
01:28:06,531 --> 01:28:08,693
-[BOY] Yo, Dag, what's up?
-Yo, what's up, man?
1587
01:28:08,784 --> 01:28:11,617
Look at you. Hey, you want to eat
at my table today?
1588
01:28:11,912 --> 01:28:14,574
Um, I'd love to,
but I kind of got some other plans.
1589
01:28:15,415 --> 01:28:18,749
Oh, well, that's cool, because maybe
after school, we could hang...
1590
01:28:19,753 --> 01:28:21,585
Uh, nothing. I'll just...
1591
01:28:22,214 --> 01:28:23,545
-Hi.
-Hey.
1592
01:28:24,216 --> 01:28:25,832
Should we go find Ned?
1593
01:28:25,926 --> 01:28:28,463
No, it looks like
he's bonding with Chaz Jr. today.
1594
01:28:28,553 --> 01:28:29,884
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1595
01:28:33,225 --> 01:28:34,386
Oh.
1596
01:28:34,601 --> 01:28:36,308
That is my thigh.
1597
01:28:48,573 --> 01:28:49,563
[THUDDING]
1598
01:28:49,825 --> 01:28:50,906
So, what should we do?
1599
01:28:51,743 --> 01:28:53,029
I don't know.
1600
01:28:53,119 --> 01:28:54,735
Maybe we should
1601
01:28:54,830 --> 01:28:56,241
make out under the bleachers.
1602
01:28:56,581 --> 01:28:57,571
Huh.
1603
01:28:58,667 --> 01:29:00,408
Bring it, fucker.
1604
01:29:00,585 --> 01:29:01,575
[EXHALES]
1605
01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:03,414
I am so into you.
1606
01:29:07,425 --> 01:29:12,670
I don't care about tomorrow
when I feel like this today
1607
01:29:13,932 --> 01:29:15,468
So, who are you these days?
1608
01:29:17,102 --> 01:29:19,514
-I'm Nick Braun.
-[CREW MEMBERS LAUGHING]
1609
01:29:20,105 --> 01:29:23,314
What do they look like?
Is it like Spielberg or more Giger?
1610
01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:24,806
[DAG] Who the fuck is Giger? I don't know.
1611
01:29:24,943 --> 01:29:27,435
H.R. Giger. He designed the aliens in Alien.
1612
01:29:27,779 --> 01:29:29,269
[STAMMERING]
1613
01:29:29,364 --> 01:29:30,399
Who's pitching it to me?
1614
01:29:30,490 --> 01:29:32,356
Did you ever see the movie Schindler's List?
1615
01:29:32,617 --> 01:29:34,654
You know,
he wanted to save all these people...
1616
01:29:34,786 --> 01:29:36,777
Save all these lives
that were worth saving, right?
1617
01:29:37,038 --> 01:29:39,325
Well, you're like my opposite Schindler.
1618
01:29:39,457 --> 01:29:41,448
This is really going to fuck you up.
1619
01:29:41,710 --> 01:29:42,791
[WOOD CLUNKING]
1620
01:29:42,961 --> 01:29:44,372
I dropped my weapon. Hold on.
1621
01:29:44,462 --> 01:29:46,794
[CHOKING] Are you ready to give up yet?
1622
01:29:46,882 --> 01:29:48,372
DIRECTOR: Say it more like you're choking.
1623
01:29:48,466 --> 01:29:51,800
I am choking, though.
That's why it's hard to say this shit.
1624
01:29:52,470 --> 01:29:53,960
[GROWLING]
1625
01:29:58,310 --> 01:29:59,800
[SCREECHING]
1626
01:30:00,645 --> 01:30:04,809
-We're understanding parents.
-Yeah. Right.
1627
01:30:05,191 --> 01:30:07,558
-You do the other quote.
-Yeah, all right.
1628
01:30:07,652 --> 01:30:09,893
You guys understand too much.
1629
01:30:09,988 --> 01:30:13,697
Maybe a little too much some days.
When we have to drive.
1630
01:30:13,825 --> 01:30:16,317
We should all do it
sometime together or something.
1631
01:30:17,162 --> 01:30:19,654
-Oh, no. Not important to do that.
-No.
1632
01:30:19,748 --> 01:30:21,659
-It's a... Yeah.
-Generational.
1633
01:30:21,917 --> 01:30:23,749
What, did I stutter?
1634
01:30:25,170 --> 01:30:26,501
-No!
-[MAN] A little bit.
1635
01:30:26,588 --> 01:30:28,670
You did stutter a little bit.
1636
01:30:29,591 --> 01:30:32,925
My jaw is half gone. Way to make fun of me.
1637
01:30:33,887 --> 01:30:37,346
-[MAN] I didn't mean that. Sorry.
-Class act, this guy.
1638
01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:38,513
[LAUGHTER]
1639
01:30:39,017 --> 01:30:41,008
-It's not going to get better, so just...
-[MRS. MOSELY] Got it.
1640
01:30:41,102 --> 01:30:43,969
I'm going to take a key.
I'm going to stick it in my mouth,
1641
01:30:44,064 --> 01:30:45,520
and I'm going to turn it
and I'm going to lock it.
1642
01:30:45,607 --> 01:30:47,314
-But you're still talking.
-Yep.
1643
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:50,893
No-one can stop ya if you truly believe
1644
01:30:51,029 --> 01:30:56,399
It just fixiate to cut you
There's no place for the weak
1645
01:30:56,493 --> 01:31:01,829
People sad collect dodges
Wait for someone to break
1646
01:31:01,915 --> 01:31:06,580
It's all right, it's okay
1647
01:31:06,670 --> 01:31:12,962
You can be anytime you want to
1648
01:31:13,051 --> 01:31:18,217
Take your time, walk away
1649
01:31:18,306 --> 01:31:24,473
You can come back if you're supposed to
1650
01:31:24,562 --> 01:31:32,562
Ooh-la-la, ooh-la-la
1651
01:31:57,345 --> 01:31:59,336
Ooh-la-la
1652
01:31:59,431 --> 01:32:07,431
-It's all right, it's okay
-Ooh-la-la, ooh-la-la
1653
01:32:31,963 --> 01:32:33,749
It's all right...
121590
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