Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:03,742
[grand music]
2
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:26,983
♪ Oh, darling
3
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:31,901
♪ I love you in the morning
4
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:34,164
♪ I love you in the afternoon
5
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,427
Chuck, you know I love you.
6
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,212
Of course, Betty.
I love you too.
7
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,867
And I know I've made
you wait a long time.
8
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:43,043
Yeah.
9
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,480
A long time.
10
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:48,961
Well tonight, that all ends.
11
00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:50,398
What do you mean?
12
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,662
Chuck, tonight is the night
13
00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,272
I'm going to give myself to you.
14
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:59,102
I'm ready to take things
to the next level.
15
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,582
Are you sure?
16
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:01,713
We're gonna do it?
17
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,847
All right.
18
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:11,288
♪ Oh, darling
19
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:16,032
♪ Whatever I have to do ♪
20
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,818
♪ Oh, pretty baby
21
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:23,431
♪ How I'm in love with you
22
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:48,586
♪ Your eyes, they hypnotize me
23
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:53,896
♪ Your walk is so divine ♪
24
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:59,031
♪ So I will keep on asking you
25
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:02,122
♪ Until you will be mine
26
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:07,083
♪ Whoa, darlin'
27
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:12,044
♪ I love you I the morning
28
00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:15,744
♪ I love you in the afternoon
29
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:19,443
♪ How soon will you love me
30
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,058
That was awesome.
31
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,321
Yeah.
32
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:29,497
But...
33
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:33,718
now that my virginity
is behind us,
34
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:36,286
I think I'm ready to take
things to the next level.
35
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:38,506
What do you mean?
36
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:39,811
I thought we just did.
37
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,684
Come on, Chuck, don't be coy.
38
00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,338
You know what I mean.
39
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,426
Anal.
40
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,080
Seriously?
41
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,996
Yeah, I love you, Chuck,
42
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,215
and I know you love me.
43
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:56,176
♪ Giddyup horsie
44
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,221
♪ Come on, let go
45
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:00,963
[Betty moaning]
46
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,487
Yeah.
47
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:06,011
♪ Who's riding your pony
48
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:08,753
♪ Holy poly
49
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:11,452
[moaning] yeah.
50
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:12,540
Oh, yeah.
51
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:18,372
[horse braying]
52
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,416
Wow.
53
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,463
I know.
54
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,116
That fucking ruled!
55
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,249
But...
56
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,424
But what?
57
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:31,646
Well, it's just now
that the ass sex
58
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,735
is in the bag,
59
00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,433
I think we're ready to take
things to the next level.
60
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,785
What other level is there?
61
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,310
[rock music]
62
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,050
Next level!
63
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,313
Who are they?
64
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:47,314
[lasso whooshing]
65
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,358
Next level!
66
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,142
[razor buzzing]
67
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:51,492
[laughing]
68
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:54,451
[mice squeaking]
69
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:55,583
Next level!
70
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:58,629
Next level!
71
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,850
No more levels.
72
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,461
[sheep baaing]
73
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,421
I'll be right back.
74
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:14,471
[speaks in foreign language]
75
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,040
Maybe I rush things.
76
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,437
[Chuck whimpering]
77
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,961
[light music]
78
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,404
[dance music]
79
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,192
♪ Sex me up
80
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,020
♪ And I'll sex you down
81
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,761
♪ Whatever you want
82
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,676
♪ Is my command
83
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,374
♪ I'm into S&M
84
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,289
♪ I'm neither butch or fam
85
00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,073
♪ And now don't you understand
86
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,205
♪ I'm into any ma'am
87
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,207
♪ Sex me up
88
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,687
♪ And I'll sex you down
89
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,602
♪ I get on the floor
90
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,604
♪ I turn around
91
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,476
♪ Get on my hands and knees
92
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,216
♪ On your command I freeze
93
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,914
♪ I hope this never cease
94
00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:08,046
♪ Come get me won't you please
95
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,744
♪ But she won't hold me
96
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,746
♪ And she won't squeeze me
97
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,530
♪ Do what you told me
98
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,271
♪ She lover please now
99
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,229
♪ 'Cause she won't hold me
100
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,188
♪ And she won't squeeze me
101
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,929
♪ Do what you told me
102
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,887
♪ She'll only tease me
103
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,759
♪ Hey
104
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:42,254
♪ She said hey
105
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:47,085
♪ I said hey sex me up
106
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,131
♪ And I'll sex you down
107
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:50,741
♪ Sex me up
108
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,787
♪ And I'll sex you down
109
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:57,008
♪ Sex me up
and I'll sex you down ♪
110
00:05:58,662 --> 00:05:59,794
[static]
111
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,926
[chill music]
112
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,406
[Woman on PA]
Remember, students,
113
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,190
it's Sexual Awareness
Month.
114
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,715
Gentlemen, pick up your
free condoms in the gym.
115
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:08,759
And, ladies...
116
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:09,978
Oh, I got Leila tonight.
117
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,937
-Same chick as the night before?
-You crazy?
118
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,243
I can't have the same
chick coming around
119
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,940
two nights in a row.
120
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,420
That's bordering on a
relationship right there.
121
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:18,900
I like to play the field.
122
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,292
This is exactly
what I don't understand.
123
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,729
How does he do it?
124
00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:23,252
He just goes out
and gets it done, man.
125
00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:24,775
That's how he does it.
126
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,342
You can't sit around
and wait for Santa
127
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,344
to bring you some ass
under the tree.
128
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,477
Dude, how psyched
are you for first period?
129
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,609
Mr. Matthews' sex ed class.
130
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,437
Man, the dude's a total freak.
131
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:35,830
Can't wait to go on
there and talk about
132
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,571
all the ass we've slammed.
133
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,442
It's gonna be awesome, bro.
134
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:40,704
No doubt, bro.
135
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,101
I can't take this class.
136
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,364
Why not?
137
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,062
Why not? Did you not just
hear that conversation?
138
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,022
Yeah. What did he say,
how much ass we've slammed?
139
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,372
-Yeah, bro.
-Exactly. No.
140
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,461
The class is just gonna be
with a bunch of pervs
141
00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,941
who are open
about their sex lives.
142
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,464
And frankly, I don't have one.
143
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,379
That's sad.
You're not bad-looking.
144
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,033
And your legs work.
145
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:06,948
And I'm not gonna have
sex with just anybody
146
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,166
'cause I know
that's what you two
147
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,516
are thinking right now, sorry.
148
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,126
[bell rings]
Not gonna happen.
149
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,649
Doesn't have to just be anybody.
150
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,738
Look, look, look.
How about you start off
151
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,697
with a nice little virgin
like Betty?
152
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,439
Hey, Betty.
153
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,136
Okay, everyone, bring it on in.
154
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:24,139
We got a lot to do
and little time to cover it.
155
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,534
I can feel the sexuality
brewing in here already.
156
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,274
Oh, no. Stacy's in this class?
157
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,102
What do you mean, oh, no?
158
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,974
You've been trying to tap that
since the fifth grade?
159
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,192
This is an opportunity.
160
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,498
You're in a class with her.
161
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,152
Go talk to her!
162
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,675
-What would I say?
-Listen,
163
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,285
all a girl wants
is for you to be yourself.
164
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,852
So do that, be yourself.
165
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,550
Or just shake your dick at her.
166
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,247
You know, whatever feels right.
167
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:47,858
Hi.
168
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,730
-Hello.
-Hello.
169
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:50,861
Hey, Stacy.
170
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,343
It looks like we're gonna be
having sex together.
171
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,519
What?
172
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,042
Ed. Class.
173
00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,435
Sex ed class together.
174
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:04,005
I'm sorry, just [babbling],
you know, woo!
175
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,049
Bye.
176
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:06,921
Yeah, later.
177
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,576
My name is Mr. Matthews.
178
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,492
First off, there is
no teachers in here.
179
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:16,539
Just a bunch of people exploring
their sexuality, right?
180
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,541
So once you enter
through that door,
181
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,543
you're coming through
a no-bullshit zone.
182
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,894
That's right.
I said bullshit, huh?
183
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,070
We're keeping it real
in here, people.
184
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,637
Now listen up.
185
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,770
Teen sexuality is a
living, breathing thing.
186
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,554
And we're gonna
explore that concept
187
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:32,990
from every different angle
188
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,470
we can get our greasy
little hands on.
189
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,558
And you're gonna share.
190
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,255
I'm gonna share right now.
191
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,431
Hell, I've had sex with
koi fish. [laughing]
192
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:40,694
There, I said it.
193
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,173
Sometimes you find me naked
194
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,784
down the bottom
of a funball pool
195
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,960
at your local fast
food restaurant.
196
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,353
True story. Okay.
197
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:51,443
Let's do a little role playing
exercise in here.
198
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,358
I want each and every one of you
199
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:56,144
to decide that you're gonna
have sex with someone
200
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,537
for the very first time.
201
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,670
Okay, partner up, people.
202
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:01,845
Stacy needs a partner.
203
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,151
Seize the day, bro.
204
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,326
Man, screw the day.
205
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:07,111
Seize the booty. [laughing]
206
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:11,376
[sultry music]
207
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:28,829
[dramatic rock music]
208
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,756
That's a good union there.
209
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,671
I like that. I saw that
when I came in.
210
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:48,239
Mr. Matthews?
211
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:49,763
Yes?
212
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,678
I don't think
there's any girls left.
213
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,637
Mike, human sexuality
isn't always
214
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:55,899
between man and woman.
215
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,118
Stand up, Doug.
216
00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,468
Class, I'd like to introduce you
217
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,601
to our first gay couple,
Mike and Doug.
218
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,646
[class laughing]
219
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,387
Just because they'll
be experimenting
220
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,867
with man-on-man lovemaking
221
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,086
and assorted homo-buggery,
222
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,480
don't treat them
any differently.
223
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,351
Mike, I think you're
gonna be on bottom.
224
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:16,441
Okay.
[class laughing]
225
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,663
I'll be the stay-at-home dad.
226
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,404
-[laughter]
-[Student] Oh, wow.
227
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,798
[sighs]
228
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,675
[Man] So, Matt,
what advice do you have
229
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,677
for young people about sex?
230
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,419
Advice. Uh...
231
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,030
Guys, be responsible.
232
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:43,860
You know, always wear a rubber.
233
00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:47,429
Of course it feels way better
to do it without one.
234
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,779
Unless, of course,
it's a Vietnamese hooker.
235
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:52,173
And then I think you
just take your chances.
236
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:54,697
As long as there's a naked chick
somewhere in the room,
237
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,525
you are not gay.
[beep]
238
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:59,136
If you have an STD,
do not tell your partner.
239
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,399
It is a lose-lose situation.
240
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:04,098
[beep]
Fellas, be nice to your partner.
241
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,230
In the morning,
if she needs a ride home,
242
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,884
point her to the nearest
bus stop
243
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,494
before you go back to sleep.
244
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,583
Be a good guy.
245
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,153
[Announcer] Today, one out
of three young adults
246
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,416
has a sexually
transmitted disease.
247
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:21,376
And letting
a former hookup know
248
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,595
that you've got genital
cooties can be pretty hard.
249
00:11:27,861 --> 00:11:29,645
Now there's an easier way.
250
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:33,823
At STD-E-cards,
you can share the bad news
251
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:34,998
with one click.
252
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,088
Pick from such messages as
253
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,352
"You gave me your heart,
I gave you gonorrhea."
254
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:44,660
Or "Thanks for the blowjob,
sorry about the herpes."
255
00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:50,144
-It's from Kevin!
-That hot guy
256
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,580
that you hooked up
with this weekend?
257
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,495
-Yeah.
-What's it say?
258
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,366
"Roses are red,
violets are blue.
259
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:57,717
I gave you syphilis
when we screwed at the zoo."
260
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:02,069
[monkey screeching]
261
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,374
That was easy.
262
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,202
STD-E-cards,
263
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,639
where bad news travels fast.
264
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,600
[chill music]
265
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:14,734
[Woman on PA]
Attention, students.
266
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,736
Prom is fast approaching.
267
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:20,087
Get your free STD screening
in the nurses' office.
268
00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:27,137
Hi, Carla.
269
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,791
Oh, hey.
270
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,228
Hey, listen, I know
it's kind of last minute,
271
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:33,622
but I wanna know if you maybe
wanna go to the prom
272
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:34,841
with me tonight.
273
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,625
Oh, I'm sorry, Justin,
274
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:39,541
someone already asked me
three weeks ago.
275
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,849
Oh, okay. That's all right.
276
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,676
But have fun, though.
277
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:50,117
[melancholy music]
278
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,880
[woman moaning]
279
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:24,804
[sultry tacky music]
280
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,068
I've been using these
281
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:30,287
since the Eisenhower
administration.
282
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,291
Can I help you?
283
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:35,292
Huh?
284
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,816
Nuh-uh, no.
285
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,346
[solemn music]
286
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,567
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
287
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:05,627
[light music]
288
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,151
[kooky music]
289
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,433
This just isn't right.
290
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,656
I wish we've met years ago.
291
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,878
♪ So much love
292
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:43,926
♪ You've given me so much love
293
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,146
♪ Every day
294
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:51,151
♪ The one thing
I can count on ♪
295
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:54,415
♪ So much love ♪
296
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:58,027
♪ Like a river with no end
297
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:02,902
I've always wanted to see
the Grand Canyon too.
298
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:06,427
♪ You brought me love
299
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,342
♪ Yes dream come true
300
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:12,563
♪ Everyday with
you, so much love ♪
301
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:18,221
Justin. I haven't seen you
around much lately.
302
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:19,744
I've been busy.
303
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,746
Well, prom wasn't
the same without you.
304
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,053
-Really?
-Yeah.
305
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,403
I was wondering if we could
go out sometime.
306
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,101
-Me and you?
-Dinner?
307
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,580
Maybe Saturday night?
308
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,106
[Carla]
And just when I thought
309
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,760
the night could not
get any worse,
310
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:38,415
he pukes all over my dress.
311
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,156
It was horrible.
312
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,550
I'm sure you still looked
beautiful, though.
313
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,639
Thanks, but I didn't.
314
00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:46,815
I had vomit all over me.
315
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,599
You're so amazing.
316
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:49,905
You really are.
317
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:53,953
[ominous music]
318
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:56,042
What, no, that's ridiculous.
319
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,392
I'm going to play poker
with some of the guys.
320
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,568
Don't worry, I'll be
back by 10, all right?
321
00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:09,229
[phone rings]
322
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,317
Hello?
323
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,059
Hello.
324
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,323
Who is this?
325
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,585
Anyone there?
326
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:20,153
Look, don't be a pussy.
327
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:21,589
Just tell me who it is.
328
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,984
Stop calling me!
329
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,072
Another prank call.
330
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:31,860
I know what you're up to,
331
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,688
and it's gotta stop.
332
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,646
Leave Carla alone!
333
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:37,779
It's over. Get used to it.
334
00:16:42,914 --> 00:16:45,482
[gloomy music]
335
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:57,886
Where were you this morning?
336
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,496
I thought you were
gonna watch me practice.
337
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:02,325
Oh, sorry, I forgot.
338
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,327
We'll are you coming to
my game on Friday night?
339
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,895
Actually, I'm going to Len's
party with Stacy.
340
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,288
You know what?
There's someone else
341
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,941
who actually cares about me.
342
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:10,986
Goodbye, Carla.
343
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,076
[energetic music]
344
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,209
Justin, where are you going?
345
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,003
What?
346
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,747
[tense music]
347
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,407
Why, why did you do this?!
348
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,062
Someone call 911!
349
00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,456
Help!
350
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,285
[screaming] Why?
351
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:53,855
Why?
352
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:56,988
[funky music]
353
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,992
[Interviewer]
So what's the kinkiest thing
354
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,864
you've ever done in bed?
355
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:05,649
[both chuckling]
356
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,826
The two of us
licked whipped cream
357
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,089
off each other once.
358
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,438
That was fun.
359
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,048
-That was pretty kinky.
-Yeah.
360
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,137
What about you?
361
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,269
I don't know.
362
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,489
Come on, don't act all shy.
363
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,665
What if my parents are watching?
364
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:23,232
Come on.
365
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,799
Does it have to be
the kinkiest thing
366
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,062
that we've done together?
367
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,282
No, it could have
been on your own.
368
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:30,979
Well.
369
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,850
This one time I had sex
with this Black guy
370
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,809
while his best friend
did me in the ass.
371
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,593
And then I sucked
both their dicks
372
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,900
at the same time! [laughing]
373
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:40,771
That was kinda kinky.
374
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:41,946
What?
375
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,122
-That's great.
-Baby.
376
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:52,696
[bell ringing]
[chill music]
377
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,394
Bring it on in.
378
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,439
We got a lot to do
and a little time to do it.
379
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,962
Wanna make sure
we can cram it all in.
380
00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,964
That's what she said. [laughing]
381
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,444
You guys know
what I'm talking about.
382
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,489
You gotta sit next to Stacy.
383
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:03,968
You gotta be her partner.
384
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:06,188
Yeah, man, don't be
scared, go ahead.
385
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,842
All right. Good.
386
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,149
We're all getting
in a circle, this is great.
387
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,150
Okay.
388
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:15,066
Let's talk about penises.
389
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,155
[Girl] Yeah!
390
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,852
That's right, everyone.
391
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,593
I said the big p word.
392
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,986
Okay, the most common question.
393
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,466
What's normal?
394
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,208
Simple answer,
there's no such thing.
395
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:30,212
Penises come in a variety of
different shapes and sizes.
396
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,301
Huh, all righty.
397
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,390
As you can tell
from the molds cast
398
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,740
from actual penises
we have here.
399
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,483
Got them all different
from all over the globe.
400
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,964
Now, the next one
we like to call
401
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,226
the Fire Plug.
402
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,923
It's short and stocky,
403
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,491
but boy, when you get
it excited, kablooey!
404
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:49,927
[class laughing]
405
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,799
Like a sawed-off shotgun,
I tell ya.
406
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,627
All right, what do we have next?
407
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,932
Now this one's
called the Tadpole.
408
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,456
Why is it called the Tadpole?
409
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:57,935
'Cause it's got a larger
head tapering down
410
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,850
into a smaller shaft.
411
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:03,767
We like to call this guy
the Mushroom Cloud, if you will.
412
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,334
Yeah, I thought
you'd like that one.
413
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:06,596
Oh.
414
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,250
Now this is an interesting one.
415
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,557
Looks small, but if
you know how to use it,
416
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,298
I'll tell you it's quite
a powerful weapon.
417
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,300
It's called the Torpedo.
418
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:16,389
You know what I mean?
Or the Meat Cone.
419
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:17,738
'Cause it's got a tiny head
420
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,653
tapering into a large shaft.
421
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,263
Nice.
422
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,265
Hand that guy around.
That's a good one.
423
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,224
We like to call that
one the Roto Rooter.
424
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:29,053
Next we have what's
called the Super Huge.
425
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,881
That's right.
426
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:33,623
We also like to call this
the Great American Challenge.
427
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,103
Ladies, you're gonna love
428
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:37,323
the cervix stimulation
on that guy.
429
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:41,675
Okay, this next one's
interesting, all right?
430
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,329
I found this one online.
431
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,332
It's the Doubleheader,
ladies and gentlemen.
432
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,334
It is out there, believe me.
433
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:49,726
Hand that around.
434
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,946
Okay everyone, pass 'em around.
435
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:53,426
Look em up and down.
436
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,515
Now, freeze.
437
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,386
Okay, gentlemen,
438
00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:59,780
the penises in your hands,
439
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,260
that is your penis.
440
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:04,567
Ladies, put your penises down
441
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,917
and partner up with the
person closest to you.
442
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:11,095
It looks like you
got a small one, huh?
443
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,010
Yeah.
444
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:15,012
Okay, now I'm gonna
hand out some condoms
445
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:16,492
for each group.
446
00:21:16,536 --> 00:21:18,189
Here you go, everyone
get a condom.
447
00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:19,582
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
448
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:21,323
I'm gonna have
you put the condom
449
00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:23,673
on the man's penis together.
450
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,548
Okay, the reason I'm having you
put these condoms on together
451
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:32,552
is because contraception is
both partners' responsibility.
452
00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:35,294
I have to say that. Sorry.
453
00:21:40,255 --> 00:21:42,039
Michael, looks like you
got a little room there.
454
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:44,825
That's because, Mike,
you have a very small penis.
455
00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:47,393
[class laughing]
456
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:50,483
Okay everyone,
let's talk about fetishes.
457
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:53,399
Now a fetish is
basically an obsession
458
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,314
with leather, black leather,
459
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,359
and bits, mouth bits.
460
00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,535
Who likes a ball in
their mouth, anyone?
461
00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:03,844
[moaning]
462
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:05,367
Oh, baby, you look so good.
463
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:06,629
You wanna do it right now,
baby?
464
00:22:06,673 --> 00:22:08,457
-Hell, yeah, I do.
-Okay.
465
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:12,766
[kooky music]
466
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:14,245
Oh, wait.
467
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,769
You know what would be
even hotter?
468
00:22:15,812 --> 00:22:16,900
What?
469
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,818
This.
470
00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:23,733
You want me to wear a hat?
471
00:22:23,777 --> 00:22:26,388
Oh, yeah, baby.
That shit is so hot.
472
00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:27,694
-Okay.
-Yeah, yeah.
473
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:35,658
Wait. You know what else
would be so smoking hot?
474
00:22:35,702 --> 00:22:36,790
What?
475
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,881
This big mole.
476
00:22:40,924 --> 00:22:42,926
What? Ew!
477
00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:44,711
It's hot, trust me.
478
00:22:44,754 --> 00:22:46,060
For me?
479
00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:47,409
Fine.
480
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:50,369
Now can we do it?
481
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:51,500
Yeah.
482
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:09,910
Ronny! What the hell?
483
00:23:09,953 --> 00:23:11,781
-What?
-I didn't wanna say this
484
00:23:11,825 --> 00:23:13,957
but you clearly wanna have sex
with Abraham Lincoln.
485
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:15,263
That's crazy!
486
00:23:16,743 --> 00:23:17,787
Is it?
487
00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:19,093
Look around you, Ronny.
488
00:23:19,136 --> 00:23:20,660
You're obsessed with him!
489
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:22,183
He was a great man.
490
00:23:22,226 --> 00:23:24,228
What's wrong
with paying tribute?
491
00:23:26,143 --> 00:23:27,754
Paying tribute is one thing.
492
00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:29,277
Trying to turn your
girlfriend into him
493
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,844
so you can get a hard-on
is another.
494
00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,063
Yeah, I'm out of here.
495
00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:35,109
Call me when you get
some therapy.
496
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:41,420
Sue. [sighing]
497
00:23:41,768 --> 00:23:44,205
That was my last beard.
498
00:23:44,248 --> 00:23:46,033
[Announcer on TV]
Can the transporter be fixed,
499
00:23:46,076 --> 00:23:48,731
or is all hopeless
for our heroines?
500
00:23:48,775 --> 00:23:50,733
Will Alice and Betty
make it home?
501
00:23:50,777 --> 00:23:54,607
Find out next
onBabes Lost in Time!
502
00:23:55,869 --> 00:23:57,000
Time!
503
00:23:57,914 --> 00:24:00,351
[thunder rumbling]
504
00:24:00,395 --> 00:24:02,876
[tense music]
505
00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:08,664
[suspenseful music]
506
00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:11,145
[clattering]
507
00:24:13,669 --> 00:24:14,888
[whirring]
508
00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:17,107
[banging]
509
00:24:18,282 --> 00:24:21,198
[chainsaw buzzing]
510
00:24:22,678 --> 00:24:25,855
[electricity zapping]
511
00:24:37,737 --> 00:24:40,435
[keys clacking]
512
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:43,786
Forward into the past!
513
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:47,355
Here I come, Abe!
514
00:24:49,575 --> 00:24:51,751
[zapping]
515
00:24:54,014 --> 00:24:57,278
[old time piano music]
516
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:34,750
[music intensifying]
517
00:25:56,990 --> 00:26:00,080
[somber piano music]
518
00:26:38,553 --> 00:26:41,861
[energetic piano music]
519
00:26:55,048 --> 00:26:57,398
[beep]
Ladies.
520
00:26:57,441 --> 00:26:59,792
You do not, I repeat,
you do not have to have sex
521
00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:01,402
with a guy for him to like you.
522
00:27:03,056 --> 00:27:04,797
But it helps.
[beep]
523
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,103
You wanna remain a virgin
until you're married?
524
00:27:07,147 --> 00:27:09,453
Two words: butt sex.
525
00:27:09,497 --> 00:27:10,846
[beep]
Look,
526
00:27:10,890 --> 00:27:12,065
if you like to be choked,
it's okay.
527
00:27:12,108 --> 00:27:13,457
Everyone likes it a little.
528
00:27:13,501 --> 00:27:15,416
Just don't go too far.
529
00:27:15,459 --> 00:27:17,723
Blue is a warning sign.
530
00:27:18,724 --> 00:27:21,204
[funky music]
531
00:27:23,554 --> 00:27:24,991
[Interviewer]
So what's the kinkiest thing
532
00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:26,601
either one of you
has ever done in bed?
533
00:27:26,645 --> 00:27:29,996
[both laughing]
534
00:27:30,039 --> 00:27:31,475
-Woo!
-Well, check it.
535
00:27:31,519 --> 00:27:33,086
I'm at the club one night
536
00:27:33,129 --> 00:27:34,914
and I meet this little
white chick, right?
537
00:27:34,957 --> 00:27:36,524
So next thing you know,
I get in her ear, man,
538
00:27:36,567 --> 00:27:38,308
and she lets me take
her back to my spot
539
00:27:38,352 --> 00:27:41,442
and she did me and him
at the same time.
540
00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:42,573
And then she blew us.
541
00:27:42,617 --> 00:27:43,923
-Woo man!
-You're kidding.
542
00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:46,360
That girl was off
the chain, man.
543
00:27:46,403 --> 00:27:48,710
Hey, you know, uh,
shit, what can I say?
544
00:27:48,754 --> 00:27:50,190
That little little woman
545
00:27:50,233 --> 00:27:51,713
had a big old
12-pound pussy, man,
546
00:27:51,757 --> 00:27:52,932
where she get that from, man?
547
00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:54,629
There was a lot of acrobatics
548
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:55,848
in that motherfucker,
you know what I'm saying?
549
00:27:55,891 --> 00:27:57,327
You know what? She was small,
550
00:27:57,371 --> 00:27:58,720
but she did a lot
of big things, baby.
551
00:27:58,764 --> 00:28:01,636
Hey, Kim,
holla at your boy, woo!
552
00:28:04,247 --> 00:28:06,249
[Narrator on TV]
Women spend most of their time
553
00:28:06,293 --> 00:28:08,382
stretching their breasts,
554
00:28:08,425 --> 00:28:10,514
-adding a new ring each year.
-Ooh.
555
00:28:10,558 --> 00:28:13,039
They probably like it
when they stretch them.
556
00:28:13,082 --> 00:28:14,040
Yeah.
557
00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:15,650
I know they do.
558
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:17,217
I could be there.
559
00:28:17,260 --> 00:28:19,349
Holy crap!
It's Saturday night.
560
00:28:19,393 --> 00:28:21,743
You guys are getting
stiffies watching PBS?
561
00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:22,831
You're pathetic.
562
00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:24,746
Get out of my room, RJ!
563
00:28:24,790 --> 00:28:26,400
Whatever, knock!
564
00:28:26,443 --> 00:28:27,706
Stupid.
565
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:29,751
He's right, you know.
566
00:28:29,795 --> 00:28:31,622
I mean this is pathetic.
567
00:28:31,666 --> 00:28:33,146
What else are we gonna do?
568
00:28:33,189 --> 00:28:34,538
It's not like we can
actually get laid.
569
00:28:34,582 --> 00:28:36,192
Let's just watch this.
570
00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:37,933
Unless we come up with a way
571
00:28:37,977 --> 00:28:40,153
to build an artificial woman
from your computer.
572
00:28:40,196 --> 00:28:41,850
[excited music]
573
00:28:41,894 --> 00:28:43,852
And then program her
to have sex with us.
574
00:28:45,201 --> 00:28:46,550
You're a genius!
575
00:28:46,594 --> 00:28:47,726
[funky music]
576
00:28:47,769 --> 00:28:48,814
This is stupid, Barry.
577
00:28:48,857 --> 00:28:50,424
Shut up.
578
00:28:50,467 --> 00:28:52,034
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
579
00:28:52,078 --> 00:28:53,732
Relax. I'm gonna give her
Halle Berry's face.
580
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:54,820
-Okay.
-Beyoncé's ass.
581
00:28:54,863 --> 00:28:55,995
Right.
582
00:28:56,038 --> 00:28:57,779
Bam, Tyra's boobs.
583
00:28:57,823 --> 00:28:59,346
Tyra probably got bigger nipples
than that.
584
00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:00,782
-Yeah, yeah.
-Now what's all left to do
585
00:29:00,826 --> 00:29:02,218
is just gotta make
sure she's horny,
586
00:29:02,262 --> 00:29:03,872
like really, really horny,
though.
587
00:29:03,916 --> 00:29:05,482
This pair of panties, right?
588
00:29:05,526 --> 00:29:07,310
Where'd you get those
from, your place?
589
00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:08,790
All right, you ready?
Ready to lose your virginity?
590
00:29:08,834 --> 00:29:10,661
-Yeah, bro, I'm ready.
-Say goodbye.
591
00:29:11,358 --> 00:29:12,359
[zapping]
592
00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:13,621
-Oh!
-Oh, oh!
593
00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:16,319
[crashing]
594
00:29:16,363 --> 00:29:17,756
[coughing]
595
00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:19,801
Ow, told you that
was stupid, Barry.
596
00:29:19,845 --> 00:29:22,586
-Be quiet, Leon.
-What you thinking?
597
00:29:22,630 --> 00:29:24,850
[coughing]
598
00:29:27,417 --> 00:29:28,679
-Oh shit!
-Ooh!
599
00:29:28,723 --> 00:29:30,246
Woo!
600
00:29:30,290 --> 00:29:32,945
So, who gonna fuck me first?
601
00:29:32,988 --> 00:29:34,903
-Ooh!
-Him! Him!
602
00:29:34,947 --> 00:29:36,731
What the hell just happened?
603
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,559
Panties.
They was my aunt's.
604
00:29:38,602 --> 00:29:39,952
I knew, those were
my aunt panties.
605
00:29:39,995 --> 00:29:41,562
What you waiting for?
606
00:29:41,605 --> 00:29:43,912
What, what did you say?
Who was saying?
607
00:29:43,956 --> 00:29:45,261
-Okay, that's nasty.
-Where you going?
608
00:29:45,305 --> 00:29:46,262
That's nasty.
Where you going?
609
00:29:46,306 --> 00:29:48,134
Leon! Leon!
610
00:29:48,177 --> 00:29:49,831
Don't go! Leon!
611
00:29:49,875 --> 00:29:52,921
Well.
I guess that means you first.
612
00:29:52,965 --> 00:29:54,575
No, it don't have to mean that.
613
00:29:54,618 --> 00:29:57,099
Come give mama a taste
of that sweet chocolate!
614
00:29:57,143 --> 00:29:59,014
What you talking about?
Chocolate ain't sweet.
615
00:29:59,058 --> 00:30:00,886
I'm your human sex toy,
616
00:30:00,929 --> 00:30:02,583
and I don't come
with no off button!
617
00:30:02,626 --> 00:30:04,846
-Listen I think--
-[screaming]
618
00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:07,718
You don't even have
to wear no jimmy hat!
619
00:30:07,762 --> 00:30:10,547
[Barry screaming]
620
00:30:13,376 --> 00:30:17,467
Save your energy, I plan
on coming a lot tonight!
621
00:30:18,338 --> 00:30:20,819
[tense music]
622
00:30:22,124 --> 00:30:24,823
[steps booming]
623
00:30:29,915 --> 00:30:33,135
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
624
00:30:39,185 --> 00:30:40,534
[funky music]
625
00:30:40,577 --> 00:30:42,101
Too big for me!
626
00:30:42,144 --> 00:30:44,494
You're too big for me!
627
00:30:44,538 --> 00:30:48,150
Your ball sack
is about to get cracked!
628
00:30:48,194 --> 00:30:50,065
Oh, please let me go!
629
00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:51,284
Please, Jesus!
630
00:30:54,113 --> 00:30:56,724
You're good.
631
00:30:56,767 --> 00:31:00,423
I don't want no more.
I don't want no more.
632
00:31:00,467 --> 00:31:02,686
No, I don't want it!
633
00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:03,862
You broke my bed.
634
00:31:07,691 --> 00:31:10,085
[whimpering]
635
00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:16,526
She's so big, why's she so big?
636
00:31:16,570 --> 00:31:18,224
I must have--
637
00:31:18,267 --> 00:31:21,618
I probably hit F1 instead
of enter, I don't know.
638
00:31:21,662 --> 00:31:23,403
Here I come.
639
00:31:23,446 --> 00:31:26,972
This time your ass is mine!
640
00:31:27,015 --> 00:31:28,147
No, it's not!
641
00:31:28,190 --> 00:31:29,888
No, it's not!
642
00:31:29,931 --> 00:31:31,193
This is my ass!
643
00:31:31,237 --> 00:31:32,803
It's not yours!
644
00:31:32,847 --> 00:31:35,067
[crashing]
645
00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:37,591
Barry? Leon?
646
00:31:39,810 --> 00:31:42,726
[computer beeping]
647
00:31:44,511 --> 00:31:45,991
"Press enter now"?
648
00:31:47,862 --> 00:31:49,995
[zapping]
649
00:31:51,692 --> 00:31:52,823
[sultry music]
650
00:31:52,867 --> 00:31:55,043
♪ Yeah
651
00:31:55,087 --> 00:31:56,827
♪ Looking good baby
652
00:31:56,871 --> 00:31:58,568
-♪ Mami's looking bueno♪
-Whoa!
653
00:31:59,134 --> 00:32:00,614
You're cute.
654
00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:02,050
How old are you?
655
00:32:02,094 --> 00:32:04,226
Old enough.
656
00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:10,798
♪ Here we go
657
00:32:12,191 --> 00:32:13,932
I know
you're probably too young
658
00:32:13,975 --> 00:32:15,846
to be thinking about marriage.
659
00:32:15,890 --> 00:32:16,978
But take it from me,
660
00:32:17,022 --> 00:32:19,676
if you find somebody
661
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,461
that you want to spend
the rest of your life with,
662
00:32:21,504 --> 00:32:23,202
there's nothing better.
663
00:32:24,072 --> 00:32:25,900
Thanks, sweetie.
664
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:27,989
But, before you get married,
665
00:32:28,903 --> 00:32:31,950
make sure you explore
all your options, guys.
666
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:34,256
And bone as many chicks
as you can.
667
00:32:35,605 --> 00:32:38,957
Well, ladies, be sure
you take the long way
668
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,959
through Dick Town too.
669
00:32:41,002 --> 00:32:43,004
I bagged at least 50 guys
670
00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:47,313
before I met this asshole
sitting next to me here.
671
00:32:47,356 --> 00:32:48,836
And a group of girls too.
672
00:32:48,879 --> 00:32:51,752
And it was no accident
that I invited
673
00:32:51,795 --> 00:32:55,625
the electrician and the
plumber on the same day.
674
00:32:55,669 --> 00:32:58,367
Ooh, woo, real hot.
675
00:32:58,411 --> 00:33:00,587
Guys, listen up.
676
00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:02,241
If you're planning on
having a threesome,
677
00:33:02,284 --> 00:33:05,592
you better do it
before you get married.
678
00:33:05,635 --> 00:33:09,030
But trust me, there's
no better sensation
679
00:33:10,162 --> 00:33:12,251
than two women making out
680
00:33:12,294 --> 00:33:14,340
while riding your Johnson.
681
00:33:14,383 --> 00:33:15,994
I almost forgot.
682
00:33:16,037 --> 00:33:17,560
Book yourself a ticket to--
683
00:33:17,604 --> 00:33:20,128
Try sleeping with your
fiancée's best man
684
00:33:21,260 --> 00:33:22,870
and his brother
685
00:33:22,913 --> 00:33:24,959
at the wedding reception.
686
00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:30,008
Very hot. [chuckling]
687
00:33:32,097 --> 00:33:33,881
[light music]
688
00:33:33,924 --> 00:33:36,492
[girl sighing]
689
00:33:58,601 --> 00:34:01,648
[vibrator buzzing and fading]
690
00:34:01,691 --> 00:34:03,954
[clacking]
691
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:06,827
Great.
692
00:34:06,870 --> 00:34:09,525
[phone buzzing]
693
00:34:25,585 --> 00:34:28,588
[phone buzzing]
694
00:34:28,631 --> 00:34:33,071
Oh. [moaning]
695
00:34:33,114 --> 00:34:34,072
That's nice.
696
00:34:39,251 --> 00:34:42,167
[cat mewing]
697
00:34:42,210 --> 00:34:43,298
Oh shit.
698
00:34:44,995 --> 00:34:47,650
[phone buzzing]
699
00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:53,613
Dammit, dammit, dammit!
700
00:34:53,656 --> 00:34:55,528
Honey, dinner's ready!
701
00:34:55,571 --> 00:34:57,138
Oh, my God.
702
00:34:57,182 --> 00:34:58,444
Oh, my God.
703
00:34:58,487 --> 00:34:59,619
Oh, this is bad.
704
00:35:02,926 --> 00:35:04,493
Can you pass
the mashed potatoes, please?
705
00:35:04,537 --> 00:35:05,799
Certainly.
706
00:35:05,842 --> 00:35:06,974
Thank you.
707
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:11,500
Mmm, everything is
delicious, dear.
708
00:35:12,936 --> 00:35:15,591
[phone buzzing]
709
00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:21,989
Did you pick up your condoms
for the prom?
710
00:35:22,032 --> 00:35:23,686
Yeah, they gave 'em out
for free at school today.
711
00:35:23,730 --> 00:35:24,992
-They did?
-Yeah.
712
00:35:25,035 --> 00:35:26,167
[buzzing continues]
Great.
713
00:35:26,211 --> 00:35:27,516
Thanks, though.
714
00:35:36,264 --> 00:35:38,614
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
715
00:35:38,658 --> 00:35:40,138
Dad.
716
00:35:40,181 --> 00:35:41,661
That's ridiculous.
717
00:35:46,709 --> 00:35:48,058
Sounded like it.
718
00:35:49,973 --> 00:35:51,105
[bell ringing]
719
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,541
Okay.
720
00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:54,587
We've learned a lot here.
Class dismissed.
721
00:35:56,241 --> 00:35:58,025
I'll see you all tomorrow.
722
00:35:58,068 --> 00:35:59,896
And remember your permission
slips for the field trip.
723
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:02,551
These permission slips
are no joke, people, okay?
724
00:36:02,595 --> 00:36:04,205
If you can't find your parents,
725
00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:06,251
they're in their bedroom
doing it.
726
00:36:06,294 --> 00:36:08,340
It's okay, I know,
we still love them.
727
00:36:08,383 --> 00:36:10,211
Okay, yeah [laughing].
728
00:36:10,255 --> 00:36:11,647
He totally wished he could.
729
00:36:11,691 --> 00:36:13,823
-[girls laugh]
-Totally.
730
00:36:13,867 --> 00:36:15,999
Hey, Stace, Jess.
731
00:36:16,043 --> 00:36:17,392
Hey.
732
00:36:17,436 --> 00:36:20,395
[phone buzzing]
733
00:36:33,452 --> 00:36:35,323
So, listen, Stace, um...
734
00:36:35,367 --> 00:36:37,412
Mike, can I talk to you
for a second?
735
00:36:41,242 --> 00:36:42,504
Later?
736
00:36:42,548 --> 00:36:44,027
-Yes.
-Awesome.
737
00:36:44,071 --> 00:36:45,072
Okay.
738
00:36:52,297 --> 00:36:53,950
So, Mike.
739
00:36:53,994 --> 00:36:55,996
How are things going
with you and Stacy?
740
00:36:58,085 --> 00:37:01,393
Great, we're really
good friends. We've been--
741
00:37:01,436 --> 00:37:04,352
Hey, don't bullshit
a bullshitter, bro.
742
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:05,832
I know you're into Stacy.
743
00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:08,356
You wanna, uh, rap about it?
744
00:37:10,924 --> 00:37:13,013
Yeah, I mean, I like Stacy.
745
00:37:13,056 --> 00:37:14,319
-Mmm.
-A lot.
746
00:37:14,362 --> 00:37:15,668
-Mmm.
-I mean, what do I do?
747
00:37:15,711 --> 00:37:18,236
How do I tell her how I feel?
748
00:37:18,279 --> 00:37:20,063
Ah, that's a good question.
749
00:37:20,107 --> 00:37:21,239
You don't.
750
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,241
I don't?
751
00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:24,851
[chuckling] No you don't.
752
00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:28,942
You see, Mike, a girl
like Stacy is, ooh,
753
00:37:28,985 --> 00:37:30,813
way out of your league.
754
00:37:30,857 --> 00:37:32,250
Way.
755
00:37:33,512 --> 00:37:35,122
What? What do you mean?
756
00:37:35,165 --> 00:37:37,124
I thought you were all
about breaking the rules
757
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:39,561
or there are no rules
and that we're all equal.
758
00:37:39,605 --> 00:37:43,043
I am. Just not when it comes
to you and Stacy.
759
00:37:43,086 --> 00:37:44,653
You see, Mike,
760
00:37:44,697 --> 00:37:47,743
a girl like Stacy, to get her,
761
00:37:47,787 --> 00:37:51,051
boy, you need like a
truckload of cough syrup
762
00:37:51,094 --> 00:37:53,706
and a vat of malt liquor.
763
00:37:53,749 --> 00:37:55,838
Really mellow her out,
you know what I mean?
764
00:37:55,882 --> 00:37:57,405
But not knock her out.
765
00:37:57,449 --> 00:37:59,712
That's a whole different
class all together.
766
00:37:59,755 --> 00:38:02,105
-What?
-Mike, you need to go after
767
00:38:02,149 --> 00:38:03,716
something more attainable.
768
00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:04,978
You need to find somebody
769
00:38:05,021 --> 00:38:07,937
who's a lot less prettier.
770
00:38:10,026 --> 00:38:12,420
You might have to go up
a few weight classes.
771
00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:14,335
A little more than you're
uncomfortable with, probably,
772
00:38:14,379 --> 00:38:17,207
a buck 50, two bills,
I'm not sure.
773
00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:19,297
Somebody who hasn't
seen the light of day
774
00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:20,907
in quite a long time.
775
00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:24,606
Acne, scars, fangs
for teeth, bad hygiene,
776
00:38:24,650 --> 00:38:25,781
retarded if you will.
777
00:38:25,825 --> 00:38:27,522
What? Hey.
778
00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:30,569
Sometimes keeping it real
hurts, little bro.
779
00:38:30,612 --> 00:38:32,266
But in the end,
780
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:33,615
we're all stronger people.
781
00:38:34,573 --> 00:38:37,010
Now go out there
and get an ugly chick.
782
00:38:37,053 --> 00:38:38,228
Or a whore.
783
00:38:38,272 --> 00:38:39,708
Good luck.
784
00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:40,883
Good talk.
785
00:38:43,669 --> 00:38:46,498
[Man] Now a quick word
from our sponsor.
786
00:38:46,541 --> 00:38:48,761
[light rock music]
787
00:38:48,804 --> 00:38:50,197
[Female announcer]
Tired of waking up
788
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:52,330
with morning wood?
789
00:38:52,373 --> 00:38:55,507
Embarrassed
by untimely hard-ons?
790
00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:59,511
Boners sprouting up at the
most inopportune times?
791
00:38:59,554 --> 00:39:02,252
Well that's why we've
invented Flaccitra.
792
00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:06,039
Flaccitra cuts off
blood to your penis
793
00:39:06,082 --> 00:39:08,389
causing it to shrink
like a frightened turtle.
794
00:39:09,390 --> 00:39:12,350
So for you teenagers
suffering from SBS,
795
00:39:12,393 --> 00:39:14,221
Sudden Boner Syndrome,
796
00:39:14,264 --> 00:39:16,136
try Flaccitra today.
797
00:39:16,179 --> 00:39:18,530
Flaccitra may cause
infertility, mood swings,
798
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:21,184
loss of appetite, headache,
butt acne, penis leprosy,
799
00:39:21,228 --> 00:39:23,186
scarlet fever,
bloody ejaculations,
800
00:39:23,230 --> 00:39:24,797
and for a complete list
of side effects,
801
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,494
go to flaccitra.com.
802
00:39:26,538 --> 00:39:27,756
Come on, guys.
803
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,018
Flaccitra.
804
00:39:31,107 --> 00:39:32,848
[record scratching]
805
00:39:32,892 --> 00:39:35,547
[hip hop music]
806
00:39:39,289 --> 00:39:41,509
This is nice, baby, yeah.
807
00:39:46,122 --> 00:39:47,994
[fart]
808
00:39:50,518 --> 00:39:51,911
Lizzy, relax.
809
00:39:51,954 --> 00:39:53,303
Everybody farts.
810
00:39:53,347 --> 00:39:54,566
This is huge.
811
00:39:54,609 --> 00:39:56,785
We crossed the fart barrier.
812
00:39:57,917 --> 00:39:59,484
Really?
813
00:39:59,527 --> 00:40:00,572
[farting] Ah.
814
00:40:00,615 --> 00:40:01,573
[Lizzy laughing]
815
00:40:01,616 --> 00:40:03,705
See, it's nothing.
816
00:40:03,749 --> 00:40:06,665
[fart]
817
00:40:06,708 --> 00:40:09,407
[both laughing]
818
00:40:11,844 --> 00:40:13,585
I do feel comfortable with you.
819
00:40:18,198 --> 00:40:20,853
[fart]
820
00:40:21,723 --> 00:40:24,247
[tense music]
821
00:40:30,471 --> 00:40:33,518
[wet farting noises]
822
00:40:43,484 --> 00:40:46,879
[ominous dramatic music]
823
00:41:07,508 --> 00:41:10,642
[light farting noise]
824
00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:13,688
Damn!
825
00:41:13,732 --> 00:41:15,560
Now that's just nasty.
826
00:41:21,522 --> 00:41:22,610
[fart]
827
00:41:27,223 --> 00:41:29,704
[funky music]
828
00:41:31,967 --> 00:41:33,926
[Interviewer] When did you
lose your virginity?
829
00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:38,321
Oh, I was like totally
in 11th grade
830
00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:41,586
and I had sex with Carl Little
831
00:41:41,629 --> 00:41:45,938
in his parents' Winnebago.
[laughing]
832
00:41:47,809 --> 00:41:49,550
Wait, I thought
I was your first.
833
00:41:50,464 --> 00:41:52,597
First one in December, maybe.
834
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,948
I'm a total whore! Woo!
[laughing]
835
00:41:57,253 --> 00:41:58,559
But I love you.
836
00:41:59,691 --> 00:42:04,609
And I love you, Carl Little.
[laughing]
837
00:42:05,174 --> 00:42:06,915
Brad!
838
00:42:06,959 --> 00:42:09,004
Brad Little.
839
00:42:09,048 --> 00:42:10,484
Brad Taylor!
840
00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,442
Whatever.
841
00:42:12,486 --> 00:42:15,707
The point is,
sluts need love too.
842
00:42:16,708 --> 00:42:18,753
And a whole lot of dick,
am I right?
843
00:42:18,797 --> 00:42:20,233
Woo! Ha ha!
844
00:42:27,632 --> 00:42:30,373
[Female voice]
Oh, my God! [moaning]
845
00:42:30,417 --> 00:42:32,375
Hey, man, she was riding you
like a pogo stick huh,
846
00:42:32,419 --> 00:42:33,725
up and down, up and down.
847
00:42:33,768 --> 00:42:35,988
Hold on, hold on,
it gets better.
848
00:42:36,031 --> 00:42:37,555
-Wait for it.
-I'm gonna cum!
849
00:42:37,598 --> 00:42:39,339
-I'm gonna cum!
-Now.
850
00:42:39,382 --> 00:42:41,776
[woman screaming]
851
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:43,561
Oh, my God!
852
00:42:43,604 --> 00:42:45,171
Oooh!
853
00:42:45,214 --> 00:42:47,608
Let me introduce you
to the screamer.
854
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:49,828
Griffin, this chick is amazing.
855
00:42:49,871 --> 00:42:51,481
Which is why I invited her
over here today.
856
00:42:51,525 --> 00:42:52,961
-Yes, sir.
-And we're gonna be right here
857
00:42:53,005 --> 00:42:54,572
to make sure you
go through with it.
858
00:42:54,615 --> 00:42:55,877
We got your little sister's
baby monitor
859
00:42:55,921 --> 00:42:57,487
hooked up in your room.
860
00:42:57,531 --> 00:42:58,706
And we're gonna have
the other end right here
861
00:42:58,750 --> 00:42:59,881
so we can listen in.
862
00:42:59,925 --> 00:43:01,753
No, not happening, guys.
863
00:43:01,796 --> 00:43:02,754
-Not happening?
-No.
864
00:43:02,797 --> 00:43:04,103
- Yes.
- No.
865
00:43:04,146 --> 00:43:05,495
-No.
-That's what you think.
866
00:43:05,539 --> 00:43:06,540
[doorbell ringing]
867
00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:08,629
Oh, too late.
868
00:43:08,673 --> 00:43:09,674
Go ahead.
869
00:43:09,717 --> 00:43:13,242
[friends laughing]
870
00:43:13,286 --> 00:43:14,983
Hi, I'm Mike.
871
00:43:15,027 --> 00:43:16,028
Where's your room?
872
00:43:16,071 --> 00:43:18,683
[sultry hip hop music]
873
00:43:18,726 --> 00:43:22,600
♪ Oh, my God, oh shit
874
00:43:22,643 --> 00:43:24,950
♪ Oh, my God
875
00:43:24,993 --> 00:43:28,040
♪ I can't believe this
876
00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:29,650
Come here.
877
00:43:29,694 --> 00:43:31,870
♪ Oh, shit
878
00:43:33,001 --> 00:43:36,178
Whoa, you taking your shirt
off immediately like that,
879
00:43:36,222 --> 00:43:38,093
it's kind of tough
for me to say no.
880
00:43:38,137 --> 00:43:39,529
Ooh, you hear that, man?
881
00:43:39,573 --> 00:43:40,792
Her shirt just came off.
It's on!
882
00:43:40,835 --> 00:43:43,621
Oh, it is on, all right.
883
00:43:43,664 --> 00:43:44,883
[whispering]
Put it in me.
884
00:43:46,711 --> 00:43:49,409
Why don't I just grab
some earplugs real quick?
885
00:43:54,153 --> 00:43:56,024
Man oh, hell, no, man,
is it broke?
886
00:44:00,420 --> 00:44:01,769
What are you waiting for?
887
00:44:02,727 --> 00:44:04,293
I'm sorry.
888
00:44:04,337 --> 00:44:06,121
I can't do this.
889
00:44:06,165 --> 00:44:07,557
What?
890
00:44:07,601 --> 00:44:09,168
There's this girl
in my high school,
891
00:44:09,211 --> 00:44:10,735
and I really like her.
892
00:44:10,778 --> 00:44:11,910
Great.
893
00:44:11,953 --> 00:44:13,215
I didn't have a backup plan.
894
00:44:13,259 --> 00:44:15,435
Now I gotta go fuck a trucker
895
00:44:15,478 --> 00:44:18,307
or a cab driver
or a homeless guy.
896
00:44:19,352 --> 00:44:20,875
Do you possibly think that
897
00:44:20,919 --> 00:44:22,137
maybe you could go
through the back door?
898
00:44:22,181 --> 00:44:24,139
Just so you know,
899
00:44:24,183 --> 00:44:26,141
you're giving up a sure thing.
900
00:44:26,185 --> 00:44:28,578
Your friend said that you
were desperate for it.
901
00:44:30,798 --> 00:44:32,147
Last chance.
902
00:44:38,980 --> 00:44:40,155
Man, all this settin' up
we did,
903
00:44:40,199 --> 00:44:41,853
he better not be pussin' out.
904
00:44:41,896 --> 00:44:43,506
He's definitely pussing out.
905
00:44:43,550 --> 00:44:45,857
Let's go see what's going
on with the dumbass.
906
00:44:45,900 --> 00:44:47,380
You like that, don't you?
907
00:44:47,423 --> 00:44:49,512
Ha-ha, we back in action.
908
00:44:49,556 --> 00:44:50,731
Yeah, Mike, [laughing] yes!
909
00:44:52,341 --> 00:44:53,778
Yeah, ha-ha!
910
00:44:53,821 --> 00:44:55,257
Oh man, you hear that?
911
00:44:56,824 --> 00:44:58,347
Yeah.
912
00:44:58,391 --> 00:44:59,609
[moaning]
913
00:44:59,653 --> 00:45:01,307
Ride it, ride it!
914
00:45:01,350 --> 00:45:04,440
My boy's going strong
to the hole, tell him.
915
00:45:04,484 --> 00:45:05,746
She's going nuts!
916
00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:07,617
She wasn't that crazy with me!
917
00:45:07,661 --> 00:45:10,142
[clears throat]
918
00:45:10,185 --> 00:45:12,100
Hi, have you guys seen my purse?
919
00:45:13,188 --> 00:45:15,364
♪ Booty booty booty rocking
920
00:45:15,408 --> 00:45:16,670
♪ Show stopping
[Mike moaning]
921
00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:17,715
♪ Everybody back popping
922
00:45:17,758 --> 00:45:19,107
Like that, don't you?
923
00:45:19,151 --> 00:45:20,108
♪ Knees checking girls waking
924
00:45:20,152 --> 00:45:22,241
Shut up. [moaning]
925
00:45:22,284 --> 00:45:26,593
Oh, Mike, you're so big!
[moaning]
926
00:45:26,636 --> 00:45:28,856
Oh, Mike, I've never been
touched right there, like,
927
00:45:28,900 --> 00:45:31,076
[moaning]
928
00:45:31,990 --> 00:45:33,948
I'm coming, Mike!
I'm about to come!
929
00:45:33,992 --> 00:45:36,168
[moaning]
930
00:45:39,127 --> 00:45:40,302
Get out!
931
00:45:40,346 --> 00:45:41,347
You're such a beast!
932
00:45:41,390 --> 00:45:42,783
I'm your big daddy.
933
00:45:42,827 --> 00:45:45,612
Oh don't call me Rick!
934
00:45:45,655 --> 00:45:46,961
Shh, shh.
935
00:45:47,005 --> 00:45:48,571
[moaning]
936
00:45:48,615 --> 00:45:49,834
All right, home stretch.
937
00:45:49,877 --> 00:45:51,400
[moaning] Oh, I like that.
938
00:45:51,444 --> 00:45:53,533
I like that, I like that.
939
00:45:54,447 --> 00:45:55,709
[moaning]
940
00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:56,928
Oh, my God.
941
00:45:56,971 --> 00:45:59,017
I'm in love, Mike.
942
00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:00,453
I love you.
943
00:46:01,541 --> 00:46:03,195
I love you, Mike.
944
00:46:03,238 --> 00:46:04,500
♪ Don't know you worth it
945
00:46:04,544 --> 00:46:05,850
♪ Dust it off and jerk it
946
00:46:05,893 --> 00:46:07,025
♪ Jerk it, jerk it
947
00:46:07,068 --> 00:46:08,678
So?
948
00:46:08,722 --> 00:46:13,292
Was it as good for you guys
as it was for me?
949
00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:15,468
You know, I would tell
you to go fuck yourself
950
00:46:15,511 --> 00:46:17,905
but it sounds like you just did.
951
00:46:21,213 --> 00:46:23,693
Now Suzie, I don't know
how to tell you this
952
00:46:23,737 --> 00:46:25,826
so I'm just gonna come
right out and say it.
953
00:46:25,870 --> 00:46:27,262
Say it.
954
00:46:27,306 --> 00:46:29,090
I've been sleeping
with your mama.
955
00:46:30,526 --> 00:46:32,877
-Hank, come on.
-What?
956
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,835
You know I made
an abstinence pledge.
957
00:46:34,879 --> 00:46:36,489
I promised myself I'd wait
958
00:46:36,532 --> 00:46:38,578
until I was sure I was
with the right guy.
959
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,842
Well I thought
I was the right guy.
960
00:46:41,886 --> 00:46:43,626
You might be.
961
00:46:43,670 --> 00:46:44,845
I'm just not sure yet.
962
00:46:46,107 --> 00:46:47,630
But I like you a lot.
963
00:46:59,555 --> 00:47:01,862
Hi, sexually
frustrated teenager!
964
00:47:01,906 --> 00:47:03,690
I'm Bluebally!
965
00:47:03,733 --> 00:47:05,910
And if you and your girlfriend
don't have sex soon,
966
00:47:05,953 --> 00:47:08,869
you're gonna wind up with
a serious case of blue balls!
967
00:47:08,913 --> 00:47:12,960
That's right, your nuts
are gonna turn blue.
968
00:47:13,004 --> 00:47:14,875
Ah, don't be afraid.
969
00:47:14,919 --> 00:47:16,877
I'm here to help.
970
00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:18,487
You've been stiff as a board
971
00:47:18,531 --> 00:47:20,533
for the last two hours!
972
00:47:20,576 --> 00:47:22,578
That means you're
reaching a critical moment
973
00:47:22,622 --> 00:47:25,668
where that good tingly
feeling down there
974
00:47:25,712 --> 00:47:29,759
can quickly turn into an achy
not-so-good feeling.
975
00:47:29,803 --> 00:47:31,413
What do you mean?
976
00:47:32,588 --> 00:47:35,287
See, Hank, right now your
testicles are filled with semen.
977
00:47:35,330 --> 00:47:37,811
And only a little bit's
dripping out.
978
00:47:40,031 --> 00:47:42,947
What you wanna do is ejaculate,
979
00:47:42,990 --> 00:47:44,470
otherwise that backup of jizz
980
00:47:44,513 --> 00:47:46,254
will cause pressure
in your nut sack
981
00:47:46,298 --> 00:47:48,082
to the point of making you
nauseous.
982
00:47:48,126 --> 00:47:50,868
In fact, your genitals
can increase in size
983
00:47:50,911 --> 00:47:53,218
25 to 50 percent!
984
00:47:53,261 --> 00:47:54,784
That's huge!
985
00:47:54,828 --> 00:47:57,222
-So what do I do?
-From where I'm sitting,
986
00:47:57,265 --> 00:47:59,398
even if your girlfriend won't
have intercourse with you,
987
00:47:59,441 --> 00:48:00,921
the least you should be
able to do
988
00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:03,097
is score a hand job.
989
00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:05,795
Judy?
990
00:48:07,319 --> 00:48:10,931
I want you to know that I
really do care about you
991
00:48:10,975 --> 00:48:12,237
and I've known that
since the first time
992
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,108
I saw you in Bible study class.
993
00:48:15,849 --> 00:48:16,981
Uh-huh.
994
00:48:18,373 --> 00:48:19,374
Uh-huh.
995
00:48:20,636 --> 00:48:21,681
Uh-huh.
996
00:48:24,510 --> 00:48:26,947
Uh-oh, that's not good.
997
00:48:26,991 --> 00:48:28,209
What do you mean?
998
00:48:28,253 --> 00:48:29,428
With that kind of arousal,
999
00:48:29,471 --> 00:48:30,951
it's only a matter of seconds
1000
00:48:30,995 --> 00:48:34,433
before full on
irreversible blue balls!
1001
00:48:34,476 --> 00:48:37,436
You better go to the bathroom
and jerk off right now.
1002
00:48:37,479 --> 00:48:39,177
-Here?
-Yes, go, go,
1003
00:48:39,220 --> 00:48:40,961
There's no time to waste!
Go, get going.
1004
00:48:41,005 --> 00:48:43,050
It's a medical emergency!
1005
00:48:48,099 --> 00:48:51,493
Oh yeah, you won't see this
on children's television.
1006
00:48:51,537 --> 00:48:52,538
Bluebally!
1007
00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:55,193
I'll be one second!
1008
00:48:55,236 --> 00:48:56,368
Ha-ha!
1009
00:48:56,411 --> 00:48:58,370
[Judy moaning]
1010
00:48:58,413 --> 00:48:59,937
Oh, yeah!
1011
00:48:59,980 --> 00:49:01,373
Oh, yeah!
1012
00:49:02,504 --> 00:49:03,505
Man, I'm never gonna get laid.
1013
00:49:03,549 --> 00:49:04,680
I'm such a loser.
1014
00:49:04,724 --> 00:49:05,943
No you're not.
1015
00:49:05,986 --> 00:49:07,727
And I met a girl in a chatroom.
1016
00:49:07,770 --> 00:49:09,642
-Did you?
-Yeah.
1017
00:49:09,685 --> 00:49:11,383
I mean I met here
in Teenlonelyboys.
1018
00:49:11,426 --> 00:49:13,559
'Cause I figured I'm
a teen and I'm lonely.
1019
00:49:15,213 --> 00:49:17,128
Anyways, it surprised me
there's not a lot of girls
1020
00:49:17,171 --> 00:49:18,956
in that chatroom.
1021
00:49:18,999 --> 00:49:21,480
It's mostly older guys
interested in photography.
1022
00:49:21,523 --> 00:49:23,221
See, that's kind
of creepy, though.
1023
00:49:23,264 --> 00:49:26,137
It is at first, but, you know
1024
00:49:26,180 --> 00:49:28,008
once I made it clear
that I was a teen boy
1025
00:49:28,052 --> 00:49:29,749
in the market for a teen girl,
1026
00:49:29,792 --> 00:49:31,925
ladies were just coming
out of the woodworks.
1027
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:33,187
And now I have a girlfriend.
1028
00:49:33,231 --> 00:49:34,536
Her name is Randy.
1029
00:49:34,580 --> 00:49:36,451
Isn't that a guy's name?
1030
00:49:36,495 --> 00:49:37,539
It's both.
1031
00:49:38,627 --> 00:49:40,803
I mean she said she
gets it all the time.
1032
00:49:40,847 --> 00:49:42,240
She send you a picture?
1033
00:49:42,283 --> 00:49:43,763
No.
1034
00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:45,678
But I send her tons of mine.
1035
00:49:45,721 --> 00:49:47,288
Most of them are naked.
1036
00:49:47,332 --> 00:49:49,290
It's awesome.
1037
00:49:49,334 --> 00:49:51,118
Maybe I'll give it a try.
1038
00:49:51,162 --> 00:49:52,728
Maybe if you're lucky someday,
1039
00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:55,949
you'll have a Randy
just like me. [laughing]
1040
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,521
[kooky music]
1041
00:50:04,958 --> 00:50:06,177
[computer chiming]
1042
00:50:06,220 --> 00:50:07,830
SweetyPi?
1043
00:50:07,874 --> 00:50:09,006
Accept.
1044
00:50:11,617 --> 00:50:12,618
Hi.
1045
00:50:14,837 --> 00:50:16,143
Hi.
1046
00:50:17,405 --> 00:50:18,493
Sex chat?
1047
00:50:20,365 --> 00:50:22,410
Sure.
1048
00:50:22,454 --> 00:50:24,499
Okay, I'm dressed
in a tight mini dress
1049
00:50:24,543 --> 00:50:26,458
walking down a dark alley.
1050
00:50:26,501 --> 00:50:29,026
I'm completely alone
and vulnerable.
1051
00:50:29,069 --> 00:50:30,897
Then you appear
out of the shadows.
1052
00:50:30,940 --> 00:50:33,421
You wear all black with
a ski mask over your head.
1053
00:50:34,596 --> 00:50:36,816
You approach me
menacingly and say,
1054
00:50:40,124 --> 00:50:41,690
Hey, what's up?
1055
00:50:44,911 --> 00:50:46,043
Was that wrong?
1056
00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:47,435
Menacing.
1057
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:48,523
Okay.
1058
00:50:49,524 --> 00:50:51,570
What are you doing
in my alley?
1059
00:50:51,613 --> 00:50:53,789
Oh no,
you stay away from me.
1060
00:50:53,833 --> 00:50:57,315
I'm lost, alone,
and half naked.
1061
00:50:57,358 --> 00:50:58,881
But I have mace.
1062
00:50:58,925 --> 00:51:00,535
Don't try and take
advantage of me.
1063
00:51:01,536 --> 00:51:03,408
Okay, sorry, no problem.
1064
00:51:03,451 --> 00:51:04,496
Do you need cab money?
1065
00:51:05,540 --> 00:51:07,760
Be aggressive. I want it.
1066
00:51:09,979 --> 00:51:12,547
Oh. Weird.
1067
00:51:12,591 --> 00:51:14,636
I'm afraid I don't
care about mace.
1068
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:17,639
Prepare to be attacked,
sexually.
1069
00:51:19,337 --> 00:51:21,382
That was amazing.
1070
00:51:21,426 --> 00:51:23,167
We should meet.
1071
00:51:23,210 --> 00:51:25,386
Come to 429 Covington
Avenue, apartment 8
1072
00:51:25,430 --> 00:51:26,996
tomorrow night at 10.
1073
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,128
Wear a mask.
1074
00:51:28,172 --> 00:51:30,130
Take me against my will.
1075
00:51:30,174 --> 00:51:31,740
Don't break character.
1076
00:51:33,873 --> 00:51:37,006
[lightly tense music]
1077
00:51:38,182 --> 00:51:40,271
-Oh, hello, dear.
-Oh, hey, Jane.
1078
00:51:40,314 --> 00:51:41,968
Doing anything special tonight?
1079
00:51:42,011 --> 00:51:45,798
Nope, just baking cookies
for my niece.
1080
00:51:45,841 --> 00:51:46,842
Oh.
1081
00:51:57,810 --> 00:52:00,639
[number clanking]
1082
00:52:04,338 --> 00:52:06,862
[kooky music]
1083
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:18,961
[knocking]
1084
00:52:19,005 --> 00:52:20,006
Just a second!
1085
00:52:24,967 --> 00:52:26,578
Did somebody order the rape?
1086
00:52:27,492 --> 00:52:30,756
[screaming] Oh God!
1087
00:52:30,799 --> 00:52:32,453
So far so good.
1088
00:52:32,497 --> 00:52:34,368
You can run, but you can't hide
1089
00:52:34,412 --> 00:52:37,110
from forced sexual intercourse,
1090
00:52:37,154 --> 00:52:38,546
you know what I mean?
1091
00:52:38,590 --> 00:52:39,504
Ma'am?
1092
00:52:39,547 --> 00:52:40,766
[glass shattering]
1093
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:42,594
Get out!
1094
00:52:42,637 --> 00:52:44,117
Gosh, well, yo!
1095
00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:46,119
Be careful,
you're gonna hurt me.
1096
00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:47,729
I mean, you won't be so feisty
1097
00:52:47,773 --> 00:52:50,210
when I'm violating you sexually.
1098
00:52:50,254 --> 00:52:51,429
Get out!
1099
00:52:51,472 --> 00:52:53,648
[bashing]
1100
00:52:57,043 --> 00:52:58,479
[screaming]
1101
00:52:58,523 --> 00:52:59,785
What are you?
1102
00:53:01,090 --> 00:53:03,223
That won't stop me.
1103
00:53:03,267 --> 00:53:05,530
[R&B music]
1104
00:53:09,011 --> 00:53:10,230
[screaming]
1105
00:53:10,274 --> 00:53:11,753
No, you don't.
1106
00:53:11,797 --> 00:53:14,495
Oh, shit, I'm sorry.
I'll pay for this.
1107
00:53:14,539 --> 00:53:16,193
You stay back, I'm warning you.
1108
00:53:16,236 --> 00:53:17,977
I'm scared, yeah, yeah.
1109
00:53:18,020 --> 00:53:21,850
I'm scared and-- Oh, my God!
1110
00:53:26,638 --> 00:53:28,509
Hang on a second!
1111
00:53:28,553 --> 00:53:30,250
Wait, wait a sec!
1112
00:53:30,294 --> 00:53:32,644
[plates shattering]
1113
00:53:32,687 --> 00:53:33,775
Oh God!
1114
00:53:33,819 --> 00:53:35,255
Oh it's burning!
1115
00:53:35,299 --> 00:53:36,517
[screaming]
1116
00:53:36,561 --> 00:53:38,824
[crashing]
1117
00:53:41,827 --> 00:53:43,220
Did somebody order the rape?
1118
00:53:54,709 --> 00:53:56,798
-Fred?
-Oh, hey, Betty.
1119
00:53:56,842 --> 00:53:58,235
-Hey.
-How's it going?
1120
00:53:58,278 --> 00:53:59,801
What's wrong?
1121
00:53:59,845 --> 00:54:01,716
Oh, it's just been
kind of a crazy week.
1122
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,110
It's a long story.
1123
00:54:04,153 --> 00:54:05,851
You know, Fred,
I've been thinking.
1124
00:54:05,894 --> 00:54:07,940
We've been friends for
a really long time.
1125
00:54:07,983 --> 00:54:09,071
Yeah, yeah we have.
1126
00:54:10,072 --> 00:54:12,292
Maybe it's time we take
things to the next level.
1127
00:54:12,336 --> 00:54:13,728
Next level?
1128
00:54:15,382 --> 00:54:16,731
Wow.
1129
00:54:16,775 --> 00:54:17,819
[rock music]
1130
00:54:17,863 --> 00:54:20,431
[sheep baaing]
1131
00:54:22,563 --> 00:54:24,739
Next level!
1132
00:54:24,783 --> 00:54:27,046
Hey baby, this is for you.
1133
00:54:27,089 --> 00:54:29,701
I love you, you're
the only one for me.
1134
00:54:29,744 --> 00:54:31,180
I hope you enjoy.
1135
00:54:33,922 --> 00:54:36,751
[energetic music]
1136
00:54:49,373 --> 00:54:51,070
[knock on door]
[Young woman] Hey, Pat,
1137
00:54:51,113 --> 00:54:53,290
can I borrow a spurt
of your herpes cream?
1138
00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:56,684
Yeah, sure, I'll bring
it over in a minute.
1139
00:55:04,518 --> 00:55:05,563
Oh, oh!
1140
00:55:17,009 --> 00:55:19,664
[phone ringing]
1141
00:55:21,056 --> 00:55:23,363
[Pat's voice]
I'm not in, leave a message.
1142
00:55:23,407 --> 00:55:24,625
[Man]
Hey, girl, it's Billy Shawn
1143
00:55:24,669 --> 00:55:25,887
from the basketball team.
1144
00:55:25,931 --> 00:55:27,628
Thanks for rocking my world.
1145
00:55:27,672 --> 00:55:31,328
Talk about taking it
to the hole, peace!
1146
00:55:31,371 --> 00:55:32,938
Sorry about that.
1147
00:55:37,508 --> 00:55:40,511
Oh, shit! [screaming]
1148
00:55:40,554 --> 00:55:41,555
Nice titties!
1149
00:55:44,906 --> 00:55:47,344
[rock music]
1150
00:55:48,997 --> 00:55:54,002
-Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp!
-[cheering]
1151
00:55:55,743 --> 00:55:58,659
[crowd chattering]
1152
00:56:18,026 --> 00:56:19,941
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it,
1153
00:56:19,985 --> 00:56:21,595
I'm gonna do it,
I'm gonna do it.
1154
00:56:21,639 --> 00:56:25,773
I'm there, I'm there,
I'm there, I'm there!
1155
00:56:31,953 --> 00:56:36,044
♪ Put the south in your
mouth pretty baby ♪
1156
00:56:36,088 --> 00:56:38,264
I wanna kiss your mouth.
1157
00:56:39,657 --> 00:56:42,834
Mmm, taste like blueberry.
1158
00:56:42,877 --> 00:56:44,357
So good.
1159
00:56:48,492 --> 00:56:49,667
Oh, God.
1160
00:56:57,588 --> 00:57:00,286
Hi.
1161
00:57:00,329 --> 00:57:01,461
Hi.
1162
00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:07,336
You look like you
just saw a ghost.
1163
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,518
I had a really bad dream.
1164
00:57:16,302 --> 00:57:17,390
Oh, sweetie.
1165
00:57:18,435 --> 00:57:20,088
It's okay.
1166
00:57:20,132 --> 00:57:21,263
I'm here.
1167
00:57:28,314 --> 00:57:31,970
I had an amazing time
last night.
1168
00:57:32,013 --> 00:57:34,276
[gurgling]
Oh.
1169
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:37,279
I'm sorry.
Do you have a toilet?
1170
00:57:37,323 --> 00:57:39,325
Oh, yeah, it's right over there.
1171
00:57:46,724 --> 00:57:49,422
Mmm, what a night.
1172
00:57:52,599 --> 00:57:53,731
Hello.
1173
00:57:53,774 --> 00:57:55,907
Aah!
1174
00:57:55,950 --> 00:57:57,691
Who the hell are you?
1175
00:57:58,692 --> 00:58:00,868
Why don't you ask your dick?
1176
00:58:00,912 --> 00:58:02,653
What is going on here?
1177
00:58:02,696 --> 00:58:04,306
Relax, Len.
1178
00:58:04,350 --> 00:58:06,744
[toilet flushes]
1179
00:58:06,787 --> 00:58:08,572
Oh, look what the cat
dragged in.
1180
00:58:08,615 --> 00:58:09,921
Do you have any matches?
1181
00:58:09,964 --> 00:58:12,097
Fat diarrhea, ugh.
1182
00:58:12,140 --> 00:58:13,794
I'll air that out, all right?
1183
00:58:13,838 --> 00:58:16,797
What I need right now is
for you to leave my house.
1184
00:58:16,841 --> 00:58:18,146
My parents are coming
home this afternoon
1185
00:58:18,190 --> 00:58:19,800
and I need to start cleaning up.
1186
00:58:19,844 --> 00:58:21,541
Those weren't your
parents we met last night?
1187
00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:23,761
My parents are in Cancun.
1188
00:58:23,804 --> 00:58:26,720
Yeah, yeah, right.
1189
00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:30,202
If you say your
parents aren't here,
1190
00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:32,247
then we'll just believe that
your parents weren't here.
1191
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:34,423
Maybe it was your
aunt and uncle.
1192
00:58:34,467 --> 00:58:38,515
I don't care, I came here
to fuck and get fucked.
1193
00:58:38,558 --> 00:58:41,605
And you know, I got fucked
last night, fucked good.
1194
00:58:41,648 --> 00:58:43,389
Okay, very funny.
1195
00:58:44,477 --> 00:58:46,174
The joke's over. This has been
a delightful little prank
1196
00:58:46,218 --> 00:58:47,785
that you guys have played on me
1197
00:58:47,828 --> 00:58:50,004
but now it's time for you
to respect my wishes
1198
00:58:50,048 --> 00:58:53,312
and please, get the hell
out of my house.
1199
00:58:53,355 --> 00:58:56,750
Pff, yeah, you're right.
1200
00:58:56,794 --> 00:58:58,622
The whole thing was a prank.
1201
00:58:58,665 --> 00:59:00,841
After we invited
you for a threesome,
1202
00:59:00,885 --> 00:59:03,061
I got blueberry yogurt
and I smeared it
1203
00:59:03,104 --> 00:59:05,977
all over my face and your balls.
1204
00:59:06,804 --> 00:59:09,110
Pooh, yeah, all a joke.
1205
00:59:10,155 --> 00:59:12,897
Please, just get the hell out.
1206
00:59:14,638 --> 00:59:15,595
Fine.
1207
00:59:15,639 --> 00:59:16,596
Whatever.
1208
00:59:17,902 --> 00:59:19,251
Please, just leave.
1209
00:59:21,296 --> 00:59:22,515
Ooh, so kind.
1210
00:59:26,911 --> 00:59:29,348
[rock music]
1211
00:59:34,005 --> 00:59:36,834
Oh, if you say
your parents aren't here
1212
00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:38,792
then we'll just believe that
your parents aren't here.
1213
00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:40,620
Maybe it was
your aunt and uncle.
1214
00:59:40,664 --> 00:59:41,926
Mm-hmm.
1215
00:59:48,193 --> 00:59:49,411
Oh.
1216
00:59:50,412 --> 00:59:51,588
Thank God.
1217
00:59:58,203 --> 01:00:00,379
[thumping]
1218
01:00:04,644 --> 01:00:06,994
Oh, please, God,
don't let them be home.
1219
01:00:07,038 --> 01:00:09,823
I swear I'll never drink again,
1220
01:00:09,867 --> 01:00:11,782
just don't let them be here.
1221
01:00:15,437 --> 01:00:17,614
[sighing]
1222
01:00:18,527 --> 01:00:20,225
Hello.
1223
01:00:20,268 --> 01:00:22,923
So you guys are home early.
1224
01:00:25,752 --> 01:00:27,885
Did you just get in?
1225
01:00:31,584 --> 01:00:33,020
How was your second honeymoon?
1226
01:00:33,064 --> 01:00:35,153
[splashing]
1227
01:00:35,196 --> 01:00:37,546
[whimpering] No!
1228
01:00:37,590 --> 01:00:40,680
Oh, God, no! [sobbing]
1229
01:00:40,724 --> 01:00:42,377
Get the hell out of our sight.
1230
01:00:47,339 --> 01:00:48,383
Okay.
1231
01:00:49,341 --> 01:00:50,516
Look at you!
1232
01:00:51,343 --> 01:00:53,040
Look at you!
1233
01:00:53,084 --> 01:00:55,434
[muttering]
1234
01:00:57,610 --> 01:01:00,395
[squishing]
1235
01:01:00,439 --> 01:01:01,788
[door knocking]
1236
01:01:01,832 --> 01:01:03,094
Len, can we talk?
1237
01:01:05,531 --> 01:01:06,837
Just a minute.
1238
01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:13,321
What, have you been doing
1239
01:01:13,365 --> 01:01:14,845
a little spackling work
on the ceiling?
1240
01:01:14,888 --> 01:01:16,934
Oh God, Dad, no, it's not,
1241
01:01:16,977 --> 01:01:19,023
Your mother and I are
disgusted with you, Len.
1242
01:01:19,066 --> 01:01:20,372
Well.
1243
01:01:20,415 --> 01:01:21,982
Look at her.
1244
01:01:22,026 --> 01:01:23,201
You don't understand.
1245
01:01:23,244 --> 01:01:25,203
Son, I have one question for you
1246
01:01:25,246 --> 01:01:26,770
and I'm only gonna ask it once.
1247
01:01:28,510 --> 01:01:29,990
Have you been sneaking
behind our backs
1248
01:01:30,034 --> 01:01:31,731
and being on a
hidden camera show?
1249
01:01:32,906 --> 01:01:33,820
What?
1250
01:01:33,864 --> 01:01:35,387
Look over there.
1251
01:01:35,430 --> 01:01:37,041
[bright music]
1252
01:01:37,084 --> 01:01:38,172
No.
1253
01:01:38,216 --> 01:01:39,913
No, no, no, no you didn't!
1254
01:01:39,957 --> 01:01:42,176
[parents laughing]
1255
01:01:42,220 --> 01:01:44,004
They were in there
the whole time?
1256
01:01:45,310 --> 01:01:46,920
Gotcha!
1257
01:01:46,964 --> 01:01:48,095
No!
1258
01:01:48,139 --> 01:01:49,227
Hey, buddy!
1259
01:01:50,794 --> 01:01:52,230
Look at his face!
1260
01:01:52,273 --> 01:01:53,840
How could you do this to me?
1261
01:01:53,884 --> 01:01:55,363
Wait, who am I?
1262
01:01:55,407 --> 01:01:57,670
[laughing]
1263
01:02:00,151 --> 01:02:05,286
We roofied you, honey.
[laughing]
1264
01:02:05,330 --> 01:02:06,984
Wait, wait, wait.
1265
01:02:07,027 --> 01:02:08,637
So I didn't fuck you
and you didn't fuck me?
1266
01:02:08,681 --> 01:02:10,335
Well, I fucked you a little
1267
01:02:10,378 --> 01:02:13,294
but it wasn't all faggy,
I mean come on. [laughing]
1268
01:02:13,338 --> 01:02:16,341
[everyone laughing]
1269
01:02:20,693 --> 01:02:21,955
Tight sphincter.
1270
01:02:24,479 --> 01:02:26,960
[funky music]
1271
01:02:28,788 --> 01:02:30,485
[Interviewer]
So, who's the best lover
1272
01:02:30,529 --> 01:02:32,096
you guys have ever been with?
1273
01:02:32,139 --> 01:02:34,315
Definitely my boyfriend
Ted, he's amazing.
1274
01:02:35,186 --> 01:02:36,796
How about the rest of you?
1275
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:38,363
I have to say,
1276
01:02:39,494 --> 01:02:41,975
her boyfriend Ted also, yeah.
1277
01:02:42,019 --> 01:02:43,847
When did you sleep with Ted?
1278
01:02:43,890 --> 01:02:46,153
Yeah, I'd have to
say Ted for me too.
1279
01:02:47,111 --> 01:02:48,242
I'd say it's when
Charlotte and I
1280
01:02:48,286 --> 01:02:49,940
both slept with Ted.
1281
01:02:49,983 --> 01:02:51,768
Yeah, that was a great night.
1282
01:02:52,681 --> 01:02:53,726
I'd say Ted too.
1283
01:03:02,126 --> 01:03:03,344
[beep]
Fellas,
1284
01:03:03,388 --> 01:03:04,998
personal advice from me to you,
1285
01:03:05,042 --> 01:03:06,870
get in there and
shave that shit up.
1286
01:03:06,913 --> 01:03:08,523
Visually, it'll give yourself
1287
01:03:08,567 --> 01:03:09,829
an extra two or three inches.
1288
01:03:09,873 --> 01:03:11,744
[beep]
Alcohol and sex
1289
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:13,137
don't mix.
1290
01:03:13,180 --> 01:03:16,053
Cocaine and sex--
[clicks tongue]
1291
01:03:16,096 --> 01:03:18,316
If you don't have
a rubber, don't panic.
1292
01:03:18,359 --> 01:03:20,318
Whatever you do,
watch this, right?
1293
01:03:20,361 --> 01:03:21,406
Hold on a sec, babe,
1294
01:03:21,449 --> 01:03:23,582
let me grab my jimmy hat.
1295
01:03:23,625 --> 01:03:25,845
[blowing]
1296
01:03:25,889 --> 01:03:28,239
And then pantomime.
1297
01:03:28,282 --> 01:03:32,025
Oh, it's so small, the rubber.
1298
01:03:33,897 --> 01:03:36,813
And then you lock and load.
1299
01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:38,292
She'll never know.
1300
01:03:39,728 --> 01:03:42,209
[chill music]
1301
01:03:42,253 --> 01:03:43,341
Oh, what died?
1302
01:03:45,256 --> 01:03:47,171
You gotta stop being
so comfortable!
1303
01:03:51,566 --> 01:03:53,786
Hey, pretty sweet
field trip huh?
1304
01:03:53,830 --> 01:03:55,570
Yeah, it was cool.
1305
01:03:55,614 --> 01:03:58,225
So Stacy, I wanted
to ask you something.
1306
01:03:58,269 --> 01:04:01,185
Hey man, I'ma catch
you inside, all right?
1307
01:04:01,228 --> 01:04:03,230
So what'd you wanna tell me?
1308
01:04:03,274 --> 01:04:04,275
You know what, it can wait.
1309
01:04:04,318 --> 01:04:05,363
Hey, man.
1310
01:04:05,406 --> 01:04:07,104
Fake any orgasms lately?
1311
01:04:07,147 --> 01:04:08,105
Fuck off.
1312
01:04:08,148 --> 01:04:09,149
What?
1313
01:04:11,108 --> 01:04:12,065
Ew.
1314
01:04:12,109 --> 01:04:13,414
Are you okay?
1315
01:04:14,676 --> 01:04:15,895
Yeah.
1316
01:04:15,939 --> 01:04:17,157
Why is that guy so tall?
1317
01:04:18,593 --> 01:04:20,639
Great.
Yeah, yeah, I should be okay.
1318
01:04:21,814 --> 01:04:22,902
I should probably go
clean up before we eat.
1319
01:04:22,946 --> 01:04:24,512
I'll see you inside?
1320
01:04:24,556 --> 01:04:26,079
Okay.
1321
01:04:26,123 --> 01:04:28,647
[light music]
1322
01:04:32,694 --> 01:04:33,870
Sorry.
1323
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:50,930
Guys!
1324
01:04:50,974 --> 01:04:53,367
Guys, can someone help
me get off the bus?
1325
01:04:54,455 --> 01:04:55,587
Hello?
1326
01:04:57,545 --> 01:04:58,720
Hello?
1327
01:04:58,764 --> 01:05:00,548
Ah, there you are.
1328
01:05:00,592 --> 01:05:02,333
Everybody's waiting for you.
1329
01:05:02,376 --> 01:05:03,377
Come on.
1330
01:05:03,421 --> 01:05:06,946
[energetic music]
1331
01:05:06,990 --> 01:05:10,732
[girls giggling and moaning]
1332
01:05:21,004 --> 01:05:22,527
Licking, licking.
1333
01:05:22,570 --> 01:05:23,789
[woman moaning]
1334
01:05:23,832 --> 01:05:25,356
Suck suck suck.
1335
01:05:25,399 --> 01:05:28,576
[moaning] Oh, yeah!
1336
01:05:30,013 --> 01:05:31,666
♪ Shakes in all of Miami
1337
01:05:31,710 --> 01:05:33,581
♪ Tits, keep 'em shaking
1338
01:05:33,625 --> 01:05:35,279
♪ Them things are moneymaking
1339
01:05:35,322 --> 01:05:37,281
♪ Tits, so juicy juicy
1340
01:05:37,324 --> 01:05:38,978
♪ Share your soul to me
1341
01:05:39,022 --> 01:05:40,893
Ooh, yeah!
1342
01:05:41,938 --> 01:05:42,982
That's it, ladies.
1343
01:05:43,026 --> 01:05:44,636
Cut!
1344
01:05:44,679 --> 01:05:45,898
Great job, girls.
1345
01:05:45,942 --> 01:05:48,292
Nancy, nice licking.
1346
01:05:48,335 --> 01:05:49,815
Very good sucking too.
1347
01:05:50,859 --> 01:05:51,991
Okay, he's here.
1348
01:05:52,949 --> 01:05:55,342
It's about time. Listen,
I know it's your first day,
1349
01:05:55,386 --> 01:05:57,736
but we got some stuff
to shoot, all right?
1350
01:05:57,779 --> 01:05:59,042
Now listen.
1351
01:05:59,085 --> 01:06:01,174
The way I view this film,
1352
01:06:01,218 --> 01:06:04,438
it's a spiritual successor
to Rebel Without A Cause.
1353
01:06:04,482 --> 01:06:08,616
Only with a lot more
fucking. [laughing]
1354
01:06:08,660 --> 01:06:11,315
Right. Um, you guys, I think
there's been a small--
1355
01:06:11,358 --> 01:06:13,534
I'm really looking forward
to working with you.
1356
01:06:14,579 --> 01:06:16,320
Jackie and I are
especially curious
1357
01:06:16,363 --> 01:06:18,278
how you get the name
Gigando-cock.
1358
01:06:18,322 --> 01:06:21,064
Oh, I can't wait
to wrap my hands
1359
01:06:21,107 --> 01:06:23,980
around the biggest
penis in the biz.
1360
01:06:24,023 --> 01:06:26,895
Penis? I haven't heard
that word for a long time.
1361
01:06:26,939 --> 01:06:28,419
I usually just call it dinner.
1362
01:06:29,420 --> 01:06:31,204
Okay, everybody on set!
1363
01:06:33,772 --> 01:06:35,078
I told you they
wouldn't have any beer.
1364
01:06:35,121 --> 01:06:36,818
Oh man, how was I
supposed to know?
1365
01:06:36,862 --> 01:06:39,952
Oh man, sweet car.
1366
01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:42,781
You just helped these
girls fix their car.
1367
01:06:42,824 --> 01:06:45,610
And so to repay you,
you get to bang 'em.
1368
01:06:45,653 --> 01:06:48,569
Now Nancy right here, she's
gonna start by blowing you.
1369
01:06:48,613 --> 01:06:51,094
Then you're gonna do some
backdoor stuff with Jackie.
1370
01:06:51,137 --> 01:06:52,965
Bro, check this out.
1371
01:06:53,009 --> 01:06:56,229
After that, just feel
free to improvise.
1372
01:06:56,273 --> 01:06:57,317
All right.
1373
01:07:00,103 --> 01:07:01,669
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
1374
01:07:04,716 --> 01:07:06,152
All righty.
1375
01:07:06,196 --> 01:07:07,588
Let's see that giganto cock.
1376
01:07:09,199 --> 01:07:11,897
And, action!
1377
01:07:12,898 --> 01:07:15,335
Thank you so much
for fixing our car.
1378
01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:18,164
How can we ever repay you?
1379
01:07:24,953 --> 01:07:27,695
[girls giggling]
1380
01:07:30,524 --> 01:07:32,091
[somber music]
1381
01:07:32,135 --> 01:07:33,179
What?
1382
01:07:36,008 --> 01:07:36,965
Cut!
1383
01:07:37,009 --> 01:07:38,837
Hey, sorry I'm late.
1384
01:07:39,664 --> 01:07:40,839
I'm Gigando-cock.
1385
01:07:44,277 --> 01:07:45,322
Damn.
1386
01:07:47,324 --> 01:07:49,587
[laughing]
1387
01:07:52,155 --> 01:07:55,810
♪ Yeah I'm not Gigando-cock
1388
01:07:55,854 --> 01:08:00,293
♪ I'm just a small town hick
1389
01:08:00,337 --> 01:08:03,905
♪ An 18-year-old virgin
1390
01:08:03,949 --> 01:08:08,693
♪ With a super tiny dick
1391
01:08:08,736 --> 01:08:12,479
♪ Kid I've seen
this once before ♪
1392
01:08:12,523 --> 01:08:17,093
♪ A boy who wished
he was Ang Lee ♪
1393
01:08:17,136 --> 01:08:20,792
♪ Found he couldn't
frame a shot ♪
1394
01:08:20,835 --> 01:08:25,840
♪ That's right, that
little boy was me ♪
1395
01:08:26,624 --> 01:08:29,844
♪ It wasn't my first choice ♪
1396
01:08:29,888 --> 01:08:32,064
My parents think I'm in college.
1397
01:08:33,979 --> 01:08:37,374
♪ Thought I'd be doing theater
1398
01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:40,594
♪ On Broadway
1399
01:08:40,638 --> 01:08:43,815
♪ We're just accidentally
incidentally ♪
1400
01:08:43,858 --> 01:08:46,122
♪ Unintentionally making porn
1401
01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:49,995
♪ Accidentally incidentally
unintentionally ♪
1402
01:08:50,038 --> 01:08:51,214
♪ Making porn
1403
01:08:51,257 --> 01:08:52,737
♪ Not me, I do it
1404
01:08:52,780 --> 01:08:56,088
♪ 'Cause I fucking like it
1405
01:08:56,871 --> 01:09:01,224
♪ Girl on girl pays 50 bucks ♪
1406
01:09:01,267 --> 01:09:05,402
♪ I get double for
backdoor fucks ♪
1407
01:09:05,445 --> 01:09:09,754
♪ How I got here
I'll never know ♪
1408
01:09:09,797 --> 01:09:13,540
♪ Beats Mexico and
that donkey show ♪
1409
01:09:13,584 --> 01:09:15,673
♪ All these tits
got me in the mood ♪
1410
01:09:15,716 --> 01:09:18,154
♪ We're the ones that
should be getting screwed ♪
1411
01:09:18,197 --> 01:09:21,809
♪ Let us be your man whores
1412
01:09:21,853 --> 01:09:26,858
♪ Will someone show
these assholes the door ♪
1413
01:09:28,555 --> 01:09:33,386
♪ I've found my home
here on this porn set ♪
1414
01:09:34,518 --> 01:09:36,694
Better hurry up or
I won't stay wet
1415
01:09:57,193 --> 01:09:58,542
Fuck yeah!
1416
01:10:04,852 --> 01:10:08,552
Wow. Thanks for being
so cool about everything.
1417
01:10:08,595 --> 01:10:10,162
I feel like I should
tell you though.
1418
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,860
I don't really think
this is the life for me.
1419
01:10:12,904 --> 01:10:13,992
You got balls, kid.
1420
01:10:15,341 --> 01:10:16,734
Very large balls.
1421
01:10:17,822 --> 01:10:20,477
You show that kind of
confidence in real life,
1422
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:23,001
you're gonna be fine, just fine.
1423
01:10:24,742 --> 01:10:26,352
All right, let's reset.
1424
01:10:26,396 --> 01:10:27,832
Back to one!
1425
01:10:29,355 --> 01:10:31,792
[rock music]
1426
01:10:38,451 --> 01:10:40,366
Dude, what happened
in there after we left?
1427
01:10:40,410 --> 01:10:42,238
Feel good to do any
of those chicks?
1428
01:10:50,942 --> 01:10:53,423
Yeah, Mike, that's
what I'm talking about!
1429
01:10:53,466 --> 01:10:54,467
Dude, yes!
1430
01:11:00,343 --> 01:11:01,474
Whoa.
1431
01:11:03,476 --> 01:11:04,651
Look, Stacy.
1432
01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:07,959
I'm not sexually experienced
1433
01:11:08,002 --> 01:11:11,267
and I'm not some famous porn
star named Gigundo-cock.
1434
01:11:12,790 --> 01:11:14,313
Look, I'm just some regular kid
1435
01:11:14,357 --> 01:11:16,097
who just wants to
ask out a very,
1436
01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:18,709
very beautiful girl.
1437
01:11:21,581 --> 01:11:22,800
Don't call past 10.
1438
01:11:23,931 --> 01:11:28,893
My dad'll kill me.
1439
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:31,852
Screw her for me, dude!
1440
01:11:31,896 --> 01:11:33,245
Yes!
1441
01:11:40,383 --> 01:11:42,123
[clack]
[beep]
1442
01:11:42,167 --> 01:11:44,430
Fellas, you gotta be
respectful of your ladies.
1443
01:11:44,474 --> 01:11:46,084
Whatever you do,
don't go around your boys
1444
01:11:46,127 --> 01:11:48,913
telling them all the
gruesome details.
1445
01:11:48,956 --> 01:11:51,350
But me on the other hand,
I'm married with two kids.
1446
01:11:51,394 --> 01:11:53,134
I like all dirty stuff.
1447
01:11:53,178 --> 01:11:56,355
This website will go
directly to me and only me.
1448
01:11:56,399 --> 01:12:00,664
Send me all pictures,
streaming videos, letters.
1449
01:12:00,707 --> 01:12:03,057
As bizarre as you want,
I'll read them all
1450
01:12:03,101 --> 01:12:04,320
and masturbate all night.
1451
01:12:04,363 --> 01:12:06,626
Thank you, I'm Matthew Lillard.
1452
01:12:06,670 --> 01:12:09,325
[hip hop music]
1453
01:12:14,460 --> 01:12:16,027
♪ She got that kind of booty
1454
01:12:16,070 --> 01:12:17,942
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1455
01:12:17,985 --> 01:12:19,639
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1456
01:12:19,683 --> 01:12:21,467
♪ Just the type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1457
01:12:21,511 --> 01:12:23,164
♪ She got that kind of booty
1458
01:12:23,208 --> 01:12:24,992
♪ Pack it up and
bring it to me ♪
1459
01:12:25,036 --> 01:12:26,820
♪ Smack it up
let's make a movie ♪
1460
01:12:26,864 --> 01:12:28,387
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1461
01:12:28,431 --> 01:12:30,824
Ladies, you do not, I repeat,
1462
01:12:30,868 --> 01:12:34,219
you do not need to have sex
with a guy for him to like you.
1463
01:12:35,699 --> 01:12:36,743
But it definitely helps,
1464
01:12:36,787 --> 01:12:39,311
and if that's too much,
1465
01:12:39,355 --> 01:12:41,008
a blowjob works every time.
1466
01:12:43,010 --> 01:12:45,273
Fuck, I have two daughters,
this is terrible.
1467
01:12:45,317 --> 01:12:46,362
[men laughing]
1468
01:12:46,405 --> 01:12:47,406
Okay, ready?
1469
01:12:48,973 --> 01:12:50,409
All right.
1470
01:12:50,453 --> 01:12:52,542
Let's see that fire hose!
1471
01:12:56,110 --> 01:12:57,198
Oh yeah!
1472
01:12:57,895 --> 01:12:59,070
Oh yeah!
1473
01:12:59,113 --> 01:13:01,202
-Cut.
-Thank you.
1474
01:13:01,246 --> 01:13:02,726
All right.
1475
01:13:02,769 --> 01:13:04,118
Let's see that cock!
1476
01:13:05,642 --> 01:13:07,470
Sorry.
Do I interact with Blue Bally
1477
01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:08,819
or am I just kinda--
1478
01:13:08,862 --> 01:13:10,168
Let me see
1479
01:13:10,211 --> 01:13:12,083
that long schlong wrinkle stick.
1480
01:13:12,126 --> 01:13:13,432
Oh, Ronny.
1481
01:13:14,346 --> 01:13:15,434
Oh.
1482
01:13:15,478 --> 01:13:16,435
On it.
1483
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:19,351
[everyone laughing]
1484
01:13:21,527 --> 01:13:23,529
You've got balls, kid.
1485
01:13:23,573 --> 01:13:27,315
Big, large, oversized
brass balls.
1486
01:13:27,359 --> 01:13:28,839
Who wants to fuck?
1487
01:13:28,882 --> 01:13:31,711
[energetic music]
1488
01:13:33,147 --> 01:13:34,932
No?
[beep]
1489
01:13:34,975 --> 01:13:36,586
Sex is not just a
physical commitment.
1490
01:13:36,629 --> 01:13:38,239
It's an emotional commitment.
1491
01:13:38,283 --> 01:13:40,459
And if you're not
ready to handle that,
1492
01:13:40,503 --> 01:13:43,331
then you should use
an escort service.
1493
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:45,899
On behalf of all hot
women everywhere,
1494
01:13:45,943 --> 01:13:47,379
I'd like to set the
record straight.
1495
01:13:47,423 --> 01:13:49,947
To all you shallow
disreputable men
1496
01:13:49,990 --> 01:13:52,123
who think that by dropping
a bunch of money on us,
1497
01:13:52,166 --> 01:13:53,472
we'll get you laid.
1498
01:13:53,516 --> 01:13:54,865
To begin with,
1499
01:13:54,908 --> 01:13:56,867
why do we
have to spread our legs
1500
01:13:56,910 --> 01:13:58,695
after three dates?
1501
01:13:58,738 --> 01:14:00,827
That is degrading, disrespectful
1502
01:14:00,871 --> 01:14:02,699
and just plain wrong.
1503
01:14:02,742 --> 01:14:04,788
Dating is about romance.
1504
01:14:04,831 --> 01:14:06,616
Opening the car door for me,
1505
01:14:06,659 --> 01:14:08,835
surprising me with flowers,
1506
01:14:08,879 --> 01:14:10,794
writing a poem,
1507
01:14:10,837 --> 01:14:12,273
letting me suck your cock.
1508
01:14:12,317 --> 01:14:14,188
♪ Shake that booty doody
1509
01:14:14,232 --> 01:14:16,103
♪ Up and down and all around
1510
01:14:16,147 --> 01:14:17,975
♪ Let me go to the ground
1511
01:14:18,018 --> 01:14:19,890
♪ Hey shorty go to town
1512
01:14:19,933 --> 01:14:21,544
♪ Take this move
like Luther Vandy ♪
1513
01:14:21,587 --> 01:14:23,459
♪ So good like chewy candy
1514
01:14:23,502 --> 01:14:25,330
♪ In the middle of Miami
1515
01:14:25,373 --> 01:14:27,201
♪ Come and sit
down on my jimmy ♪
1516
01:14:27,245 --> 01:14:28,855
♪ We could do it
in a big old bed ♪
1517
01:14:28,899 --> 01:14:30,640
♪ Long answer give
me good old head ♪
1518
01:14:30,683 --> 01:14:32,511
♪ Yeah girl that's what I said
1519
01:14:32,555 --> 01:14:34,339
♪ No girl you don't
get no bread ♪
1520
01:14:34,382 --> 01:14:36,123
♪ She got that kind of booty
1521
01:14:36,167 --> 01:14:38,082
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1522
01:14:38,125 --> 01:14:39,779
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1523
01:14:39,823 --> 01:14:41,651
♪ That type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1524
01:14:41,694 --> 01:14:43,522
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1525
01:14:43,566 --> 01:14:45,263
♪ Back it up and
bring it to me ♪
1526
01:14:45,306 --> 01:14:47,134
♪ Smack it up
let's make a movie ♪
1527
01:14:47,178 --> 01:14:50,703
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1528
01:14:50,747 --> 01:14:51,748
Bobby.
1529
01:14:52,879 --> 01:14:54,315
Nobody thinks
you're a homosexual
1530
01:14:54,359 --> 01:14:55,752
just because you're
in glee club.
1531
01:14:59,799 --> 01:15:02,454
[laughing] I'm sorry.
1532
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:04,456
I'm really sorry.
1533
01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:07,415
♪ I thought
I'd be doing theater ♪
1534
01:15:07,459 --> 01:15:09,940
♪ On Broadway
1535
01:15:12,638 --> 01:15:14,292
Holy shit.
1536
01:15:14,335 --> 01:15:16,468
Porno titties.
[beep]
1537
01:15:16,512 --> 01:15:18,949
Do you think I learned
this accent for my health?
1538
01:15:18,992 --> 01:15:21,560
Why the hell do you think
I'm going out with you?
1539
01:15:21,604 --> 01:15:23,083
Here's a hint.
1540
01:15:23,127 --> 01:15:25,216
I can't go down on myself,
Sasquatch.
1541
01:15:25,259 --> 01:15:27,435
[beep]
1542
01:15:28,349 --> 01:15:30,700
[clanking]
1543
01:15:30,743 --> 01:15:33,006
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
1544
01:15:37,141 --> 01:15:40,187
[woman screaming]
1545
01:15:40,231 --> 01:15:43,713
What did you do to me?
1546
01:15:43,756 --> 01:15:48,282
[screaming] Ah God, [mumbling]
1547
01:15:48,326 --> 01:15:50,720
[clattering]
1548
01:15:55,159 --> 01:15:56,116
[beep]
1549
01:15:56,160 --> 01:15:57,378
My advice about sex,
1550
01:15:57,422 --> 01:15:59,511
be safe, always use protection.
1551
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:01,905
Unless of course she's
a Vietnamese hooker,
1552
01:16:01,948 --> 01:16:05,822
then... [speaks in
foreign language]
1553
01:16:05,865 --> 01:16:06,866
take your chances.
1554
01:16:07,824 --> 01:16:10,696
So, remember the
hot woman's credo.
1555
01:16:10,740 --> 01:16:12,829
Put out or get out.
1556
01:16:12,872 --> 01:16:15,309
I mean these puppies
won't suck themselves.
1557
01:16:16,310 --> 01:16:18,312
Do you think I like
going out with you?
1558
01:16:18,356 --> 01:16:19,792
Hell no!
1559
01:16:19,836 --> 01:16:21,228
I'd rather be at home
1560
01:16:21,272 --> 01:16:23,317
using my pocket pistol
on my doll
1561
01:16:23,361 --> 01:16:26,930
than wasting three dates trying
to get laid, Mike Jacobs.
1562
01:16:28,584 --> 01:16:29,672
Did I say that?
1563
01:16:29,715 --> 01:16:30,847
Oh, fuck it.
1564
01:16:30,890 --> 01:16:32,152
He has a small cock anyway.
1565
01:16:32,196 --> 01:16:33,153
[beep]
1566
01:16:33,197 --> 01:16:37,462
My name is Mr. Matthews.
1567
01:16:37,505 --> 01:16:39,551
We're gonna be hands on,
we're gonna dig into it.
1568
01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:42,075
Hell, I'm not afraid to share.
I expose myself.
1569
01:16:42,119 --> 01:16:43,686
I collect pubic hair
1570
01:16:43,729 --> 01:16:45,818
-from previous relationships.
-[laughter]
1571
01:16:45,862 --> 01:16:47,472
Ooh, look at me, I'm crazy.
1572
01:16:47,515 --> 01:16:49,996
Right, okay, yeah.
1573
01:16:51,171 --> 01:16:53,652
Hey, come on, partner.
1574
01:16:53,696 --> 01:16:55,654
I'm not just a sex ed teacher.
1575
01:16:55,698 --> 01:16:56,829
I'm also a dude,
1576
01:16:56,873 --> 01:16:58,744
flesh and ball.
[beep]
1577
01:16:58,788 --> 01:17:00,790
Somebody who's got
special needs.
1578
01:17:00,833 --> 01:17:02,226
A blind girl.
1579
01:17:02,269 --> 01:17:03,662
Violently desperate.
1580
01:17:03,706 --> 01:17:05,316
For criminy, a hunchback,
1581
01:17:05,359 --> 01:17:08,101
somebody swinging a bell
in the south of France.
1582
01:17:08,145 --> 01:17:12,062
Glass eye, probably bad
skin, crooked teeth.
1583
01:17:12,105 --> 01:17:13,150
Hooves.
1584
01:17:15,195 --> 01:17:16,675
So what do I do?
1585
01:17:17,763 --> 01:17:22,725
Well, from where I'm
sitting, [laughing]
1586
01:17:24,161 --> 01:17:25,597
Sorry about that.
1587
01:17:26,903 --> 01:17:27,904
Cut.
1588
01:17:29,949 --> 01:17:31,734
Unless...
1589
01:17:31,777 --> 01:17:34,040
we find a way to
program an auto,
1590
01:17:34,084 --> 01:17:35,651
let me talk that over.
1591
01:17:35,694 --> 01:17:38,915
Unless we can find a
way to find a, geez.
1592
01:17:38,958 --> 01:17:39,916
[beep]
1593
01:17:39,959 --> 01:17:41,787
Unless we find a way
1594
01:17:41,831 --> 01:17:44,964
to make a artificial woman
off your computer and then,
1595
01:17:45,922 --> 01:17:48,968
gosh, [mumbling]
1596
01:17:49,012 --> 01:17:50,840
♪ Shorty got that fat ass
1597
01:17:50,883 --> 01:17:52,668
♪ I'm harder than a math class
1598
01:17:52,711 --> 01:17:54,278
♪ Mommy don't you act though
1599
01:17:54,321 --> 01:17:56,367
♪ Just stop and back up
1600
01:17:56,410 --> 01:17:58,108
♪ Go ahead and
drop that ass low ♪
1601
01:17:58,151 --> 01:17:59,892
♪ Be easy move that ass slow
1602
01:17:59,936 --> 01:18:01,677
♪ Nobody has to know
1603
01:18:01,720 --> 01:18:03,591
♪ We in the corner though
1604
01:18:03,635 --> 01:18:05,332
♪ You sipping champagne
1605
01:18:05,376 --> 01:18:07,117
♪ I'm drinking Cognac
1606
01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:08,771
♪ You do that damn thing
1607
01:18:08,814 --> 01:18:10,729
♪ I get up on that
1608
01:18:10,773 --> 01:18:12,470
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1609
01:18:12,513 --> 01:18:14,341
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1610
01:18:14,385 --> 01:18:16,126
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1611
01:18:16,169 --> 01:18:17,867
♪ The type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1612
01:18:17,910 --> 01:18:19,607
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1613
01:18:19,651 --> 01:18:21,435
♪ Back it up
and bring it to me ♪
1614
01:18:21,479 --> 01:18:23,176
♪ Smack it up let's
make a movie ♪
1615
01:18:23,220 --> 01:18:24,874
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1616
01:18:24,917 --> 01:18:27,746
Five, six, seven, eight, go!
1617
01:18:27,790 --> 01:18:31,445
♪ It wasn't my first choice
1618
01:18:31,489 --> 01:18:34,535
My parents think I'm in college.
1619
01:18:34,579 --> 01:18:36,450
Five, six, seven, eight, go!
1620
01:18:36,494 --> 01:18:40,237
♪ It wasn't my first choice
1621
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:42,935
My parents think I'm in college.
1622
01:18:42,979 --> 01:18:45,808
Five, six, seven, eight, mop!
1623
01:18:45,851 --> 01:18:49,420
♪ It wasn't my first choice
1624
01:18:49,463 --> 01:18:52,336
My parents think I'm in college.
1625
01:18:52,379 --> 01:18:53,380
Cut.
1626
01:18:55,295 --> 01:18:58,255
Hey baby, this is for you.
1627
01:18:58,298 --> 01:19:00,910
I love you. [coughing]
1628
01:19:01,998 --> 01:19:04,522
[dance music]
1629
01:19:07,177 --> 01:19:09,005
[beep]
You have to be adventurous
1630
01:19:09,048 --> 01:19:10,310
when it comes to sex,
1631
01:19:10,354 --> 01:19:12,095
like carpe diem,
seize the moment.
1632
01:19:12,138 --> 01:19:14,532
As long as there's a naked woman
somewhere in the room,
1633
01:19:14,575 --> 01:19:15,838
it's not gay.
1634
01:19:15,881 --> 01:19:17,796
And it's definitely not cheating
1635
01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,972
if you do it with the chick
that turns out to be a dude.
1636
01:19:20,016 --> 01:19:24,194
Especially if he she
is really fucking hot.
1637
01:19:24,237 --> 01:19:26,283
[beep]
And it's definitely not cheating
1638
01:19:26,326 --> 01:19:28,807
if the chick turns
out to be a dude
1639
01:19:28,851 --> 01:19:30,635
who's really hot
with great tits.
1640
01:19:30,678 --> 01:19:31,636
[beep]
1641
01:19:31,679 --> 01:19:32,811
I like boobs.
1642
01:19:32,855 --> 01:19:33,899
[beep]
1643
01:19:37,424 --> 01:19:39,992
♪ Here we go
1644
01:19:40,036 --> 01:19:42,516
I hope you brought
your appetite.
1645
01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:45,476
Looks like a nice
meal. [laughing]
1646
01:19:45,519 --> 01:19:46,956
[beep]
1647
01:19:46,999 --> 01:19:49,654
We got ourselves a full meal.
[beep]
1648
01:19:49,697 --> 01:19:50,873
I hope you brought
your appetite.
1649
01:19:50,916 --> 01:19:53,179
We got a big one.
[beep]
1650
01:19:53,223 --> 01:19:54,877
Nance, I hope you
brought your appetite.
1651
01:19:55,791 --> 01:19:57,836
Got yourself a man size meal.
1652
01:19:59,620 --> 01:20:01,666
Ladies, you're gonna
get the chance.
1653
01:20:01,709 --> 01:20:04,147
And I hope you both
brought your appetites
1654
01:20:04,190 --> 01:20:06,845
'cause this one's
packing a full meal.
1655
01:20:06,889 --> 01:20:08,064
Don't be nervous, kid.
1656
01:20:08,107 --> 01:20:10,718
Go on there and knock 'em dead.
1657
01:20:12,285 --> 01:20:14,026
And cut.
[beep]
1658
01:20:14,070 --> 01:20:15,985
It's okay to choke
your partner out.
1659
01:20:16,028 --> 01:20:17,464
It's okay to be choked out.
1660
01:20:17,508 --> 01:20:20,728
Just don't go to
the in excess place.
1661
01:20:20,772 --> 01:20:22,469
♪ Shake that booty
1662
01:20:22,513 --> 01:20:24,428
♪ Keep shake shake shake
1663
01:20:24,471 --> 01:20:25,864
♪ Shake that booty
1664
01:20:25,908 --> 01:20:27,866
♪ Keep shake shake shake
1665
01:20:27,910 --> 01:20:29,781
♪ Up and down a stripper pole
1666
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:31,609
♪ Got that body on swole
1667
01:20:31,652 --> 01:20:33,524
♪ You know my package right
1668
01:20:33,567 --> 01:20:35,352
♪ You can stay the whole night
1669
01:20:35,395 --> 01:20:37,006
♪ Lady, what you gotta do
1670
01:20:37,049 --> 01:20:38,877
♪ Is keep me
in the back of you ♪
1671
01:20:38,921 --> 01:20:40,705
♪ Nobody do you like I do
1672
01:20:40,748 --> 01:20:42,533
♪ They call me Mr. Mackadoo
1673
01:20:42,576 --> 01:20:44,491
♪ All these tits
got me in the mood ♪
1674
01:20:44,535 --> 01:20:46,842
♪ We're the ones that
should be getting screwed ♪
1675
01:20:46,885 --> 01:20:51,194
♪ Let us be your man whores
1676
01:20:51,237 --> 01:20:52,456
[beep]
1677
01:20:52,499 --> 01:20:54,023
[kooky music]
1678
01:20:54,066 --> 01:20:56,416
This one is called
the Jason Alexander.
1679
01:20:56,460 --> 01:20:58,201
Or the Napoleon,
I like to call it
1680
01:20:58,244 --> 01:21:01,073
'cause it's mean,
short and angry.
1681
01:21:01,117 --> 01:21:02,814
[squeaking]
1682
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:04,511
You know what a sawed
off shotgun looks like,
1683
01:21:04,555 --> 01:21:05,991
this is what it is.
1684
01:21:06,035 --> 01:21:07,732
Or a can of corn. Hmm?
1685
01:21:10,604 --> 01:21:11,649
And cut.
1686
01:21:14,173 --> 01:21:15,914
Cut.
1687
01:21:15,958 --> 01:21:17,394
That's the cut.
1688
01:21:17,437 --> 01:21:18,786
It's also called
the Purple Mushroom
1689
01:21:18,830 --> 01:21:20,353
or the Lord Vader.
1690
01:21:20,397 --> 01:21:22,399
This was from a botched
tranny job, but
1691
01:21:23,530 --> 01:21:26,794
telling you, they
happen, they're real.
1692
01:21:26,838 --> 01:21:28,448
Cut.
1693
01:21:28,492 --> 01:21:30,102
That's the cut.
That was great.
1694
01:21:30,146 --> 01:21:32,104
Hey, excellent.
Let's pass them all around.
1695
01:21:32,148 --> 01:21:33,845
Get a feel for 'em,
grab the shaft,
1696
01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:37,196
cup the balls,
do the whole nine yards.
1697
01:21:37,240 --> 01:21:38,719
[laughing]
1698
01:21:38,763 --> 01:21:40,417
Look up.
1699
01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:42,723
[laughing]
1700
01:21:43,811 --> 01:21:44,812
Get rid of the smile.
1701
01:21:44,856 --> 01:21:45,857
Sorry.
1702
01:21:46,989 --> 01:21:48,120
Kick the tires
and check the traps,
1703
01:21:48,164 --> 01:21:49,600
if you know what I mean.
1704
01:21:49,643 --> 01:21:51,080
Now this one is
called the Tadpole
1705
01:21:51,123 --> 01:21:52,908
or the Meat Cone, if you will.
1706
01:21:52,951 --> 01:21:53,952
God bless it!
1707
01:21:53,996 --> 01:21:55,388
[laughing]
1708
01:21:55,432 --> 01:21:58,130
Now just look action.
1709
01:21:58,174 --> 01:21:59,827
[beep]
1710
01:21:59,871 --> 01:22:01,612
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1711
01:22:01,655 --> 01:22:03,614
♪ Hit em up, come in and do me
1712
01:22:03,657 --> 01:22:05,355
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1713
01:22:05,398 --> 01:22:07,183
♪ The type that'll
drive you loony ♪
1714
01:22:07,226 --> 01:22:08,924
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1715
01:22:08,967 --> 01:22:10,795
♪ Back it up
and bring it to me ♪
1716
01:22:10,838 --> 01:22:12,449
♪ Smack it up,
let's make a movie ♪
1717
01:22:12,492 --> 01:22:14,799
♪ She's got that kind of booty
1718
01:22:25,853 --> 01:22:28,291
And if you can't afford
an escort service,
1719
01:22:28,334 --> 01:22:29,509
find a crack whore.
1720
01:22:30,597 --> 01:22:31,947
It's useful in a pinch.
1721
01:22:34,340 --> 01:22:36,038
[laughing]
Again.
1722
01:22:36,081 --> 01:22:37,300
Scoob.
1723
01:22:37,343 --> 01:22:39,476
You could find a crack whore
1724
01:22:39,519 --> 01:22:41,478
and just hit her with a rock.
1725
01:22:41,521 --> 01:22:43,393
[beep]
1726
01:22:43,436 --> 01:22:45,351
If you can't afford it, just
get a crack whore somewhere.
1727
01:22:46,874 --> 01:22:48,833
Just give her a little rock.
1728
01:22:48,876 --> 01:22:51,096
She'll suck your dick
for a dollar, sorry.
1729
01:22:52,141 --> 01:22:53,751
And cut.
1730
01:22:53,794 --> 01:22:57,146
Well, ladies, I think you
wanna take the long road
1731
01:22:57,189 --> 01:23:00,584
through Dick Town too, yeah.
1732
01:23:00,627 --> 01:23:01,585
[beep]
1733
01:23:01,628 --> 01:23:02,760
So, again,
1734
01:23:02,803 --> 01:23:04,414
my name is Matthew Lillard.
1735
01:23:04,457 --> 01:23:06,024
Thank you for spending
a little time with me.
1736
01:23:06,068 --> 01:23:07,460
I hope my advice has helped,
1737
01:23:07,504 --> 01:23:08,809
and if it hasn't,
1738
01:23:08,853 --> 01:23:09,985
[chuckling] fuck you, dick!
1739
01:23:12,857 --> 01:23:14,163
Cut!
1740
01:23:14,206 --> 01:23:15,686
♪ My darling, the stars
1741
01:23:15,729 --> 01:23:18,994
♪ They shine for you
1742
01:23:19,037 --> 01:23:23,999
♪ My darling of earth,
winter for you ♪
1743
01:23:24,042 --> 01:23:26,784
♪ My darling my
heart skips a beat ♪
1744
01:23:26,827 --> 01:23:31,441
♪ Whenever I think of you
1745
01:23:31,484 --> 01:23:33,878
♪ And under this moon and sky
1746
01:23:33,921 --> 01:23:38,187
♪ I pray and dream that I will
be the one, will be the one ♪
1747
01:23:38,230 --> 01:23:43,018
♪ That you
1748
01:23:43,061 --> 01:23:46,151
♪ Bend
1749
01:23:46,195 --> 01:23:51,156
♪ Over and bang good
and hard from behind ♪
1750
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:53,115
♪ Have me on all fours
1751
01:23:53,158 --> 01:23:56,466
♪ Howling at the sky
1752
01:23:56,509 --> 01:23:59,164
♪ I'll give your cock
a good long suck ♪
1753
01:23:59,208 --> 01:24:01,993
♪ Then you'll give
me a good hard fuck ♪
1754
01:24:02,037 --> 01:24:04,517
♪ Squeeze my tits
all big and bouncy ♪
1755
01:24:04,561 --> 01:24:06,954
♪ Then spunk all over my body
1756
01:24:06,998 --> 01:24:12,003
♪ I wanna be your butt hot
greasy slut, greasy slut ♪
1757
01:24:12,395 --> 01:24:13,700
♪ Begging for more ♪
1758
01:24:13,744 --> 01:24:16,138
♪ For I can't get enough
1759
01:24:16,181 --> 01:24:20,707
♪ Can't get enough
1760
01:24:20,751 --> 01:24:22,579
♪ When I leave your tool
1761
01:24:22,622 --> 01:24:26,104
♪ Used up, worn and soggy
1762
01:24:26,148 --> 01:24:29,281
♪ I won't stop
then, oh no no no ♪
1763
01:24:29,325 --> 01:24:34,286
♪ I'll become your little
leg humping doggy ♪
1764
01:24:35,635 --> 01:24:40,075
♪ Let me be your
dirty fucking whore ♪
1765
01:24:46,037 --> 01:24:48,692
[phone ringing]
1766
01:24:54,089 --> 01:24:55,220
Hello, Sue?
1767
01:24:55,264 --> 01:24:57,135
Ronny, are you there?
1768
01:24:57,179 --> 01:24:58,702
I think your reception's bad.
1769
01:24:58,745 --> 01:25:02,793
Yeah, I'm in 1864.
Let me move to a window.
1770
01:25:04,708 --> 01:25:06,318
That's better.
1771
01:25:06,362 --> 01:25:09,408
Ronny, are you gonna be okay?
1772
01:25:10,496 --> 01:25:11,497
Yeah.
1773
01:25:12,803 --> 01:25:15,197
For the first time,
I think I am.
1774
01:25:15,240 --> 01:25:18,243
[presidential music]
118064
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof