Original subtitles

- [Narrator] Tonight, on Wiseguy.

- Wake up Lynchboro, Vince Kozak's comin' to town.

Get out!

Back off!

I'll beat your damn heads in.

- Am I gonna find out somethin' you don't want me to know?

- Probably.

- He's a cop.

He was the best back up I ever had.

- [Stem] You want to get back into uniform?

Welcome to Sheriff's Office Deputy.

- How are you?

_ Everybody this is Kozack.

- They bought it, you're inside.

- I feel like Barney Fife here.

- Give me a call Barney.

- So long Frank.

(dramatic music)

- You're late, McPike.

- I was reading your composition Corbridge.

- Do you know, that pizza costs $25 in this town?

- That's why I had you pick it up, Frank.

- So what's the big new story you have for me?

- This is a collection of articles

published by small newspapers across the country.

Take a look at page 26.

- [Frank] "One Man, No Vote."

- Lynchboro, Washington.

It's a company town.

And the company's run by one man.

- Volchek?

Does it say here Old Man Volchek?

- Yeah, an Old Man Volchek

has run things there for nearly 100 years.

Lynchboro's a throwback

right out of the wild west.

There's mining, there's logging,

and there's prostitution and gambling.

- Sure.

This is a small time.

- Generations of people living in futile times.

A small pocket of the Middle Ages right here in America.

The hell with them.

- Listen, I have to have some other reason

that these people are stupid enough

to live under this guys' thumb.

- What's the mob, Frank?

- (laughing) There are four officers

on a Sheriff's department.

- There used to be six.

They lost two men

because of an accident.

- Jack, come on.

This is not exactly the hot bed of organized crime.

- Of course not.

Most of these people are Polish.

If they were Italians,

the OCB would be organizing a task force.

- You know, doesn't your self righteousness

get enough exercise on the Opinion page?

You're spoiling my appetite. - They're gonna publish it.

Sunday magazine, cover story

in six weeks.

You know what happens then?

- One of the major networks picks it up

and somebody I'm supposed to report to

wonders why we haven't.

- But it's too late.

- Because Old Man Volchek's pulled in his horns

until the heat dies down.

- He's worth probably about quarter of a billion dollars.

How how many cop-botatoodie-coppers can you say that about?

- Quarter of a billion.

- Well,

wake up, Lynchboro.

Vince Kozak's coming to town.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

Need a hand?

- Yeah, sure do.

Put it by the cash register for me, will ya?

- Sure thing.

How you doin'?

- Morning.

Know what you want?

- Hi.

Yeah, I know what I want, Vivian.

But in the mean time, I'll have three scrambled,

double order of bacon, order of toast,

and a glass of milk, okay?

- Hey, Vivian.

- Morning, Rogo.

Hey, where you headed?

- Hamington.

- Oh, you're going right by Warnerville.

- Yeah.

- Would you mind doing me another favor?

Would you drop off a stack of papers for me?

- Whoa, I don't know if I have the time.

- Come on, it's at Laggy's.

It's a convenient store right on the way.

You're going right by there.

- All right.

- They're all in a bundle.

All you gotta do is just drop them out the window.

- Rogo, don't annoy my customers.

- [Rogo] I'm just talking to the man.

- [Vince] No, that's all right, that's all right.

They, thanks for the refill.

- [Vivian] Somebody's at his truck.

- Call the cops!

Hey!

Get out!

Get out!

Back off, back off!

Back off or I'll beat your damn heads in.

- Hey!

Get away from there.

- This is my rig.

- Not anymore.

- Hey!

Hey, guys!

Come on!

- Stay back!

Just get away from the rig.

- This is my rig!

- It is the property of the Union Sovereign Bank,

Pittsburgh, P.A.

Now step away from that door

before I do something I don't want to do.

- You're out of state!

- You're out of luck.

Step back.

(sirens wailing)

- Kill the man with the shotgun, Donny.

What's going on here?

- My name's Vince Kozak, Sheriff.

These guys are trying to steal my rig.

- We've got the proper documents

to exercise a repossession.

- Hey, I'm just trying to earn a living here!

- Rogo, I supposed you wanna give

an unbiased viewpoint too, huh?

- Rogo says, these three men here, they're thieves.

I don't care what kind of documents they have.

- Check the clipboard, Sheriff.

- Look, I gotta do 10,000 miles a month to stay even.

I was short a couple months, that's all.

- You signed a contract.

You gotta live up to it, deadbeat.

- Shut up.

Who's Sedan is that?

- It's the bank's.

We work for the bank.

- I didn't ask you who you work for.

Donny, cuff these two men together

and have the big mouth drive you to the station.

- [Donny] That arm and that arm.

- You.

You come with me.

Let's go.

- [Donny] Go.

- Hey, hold out your hand.

Hold our your hand!

- You know, I got my personal stuff in there.

- [Sheriff] Shut up.

- [Vince] Don't let them take my personal stuff.

(smooth Western music)

- You, in the chair.

Rest of you on the bench.

Donny, get their IDs.

(polyphonic music) Don't leave the radio on

when nobody's in the office.

- Come on.

- Okay.

That's a pretty old picture.

All right.

Where you from, Kozak?

- Ketonic, Pennsylvania.

- Well, I'm sorry but

they are within their rights.

- You know how many Polaks it takes

to drive an 18-wheeler?

Just one.

To pay his bills.

(straining)

- Kozak.

Donny, put him in a cell.

Put him in.

- [Donny] Come on.

- Donny, let 'em take the rig and its haul

but not Mr. Kozak's personal belongings.

- We're authorized to take the rig

and the contents within.

- Bring back his belongings.

- [Donny] Yes, Sir.

Come on, boys.

- I'm sorry for all the trouble.

- Me too.

You're in some dire straits.

- Yeah, I guess so.

Well, thanks for not letting those bastards take my stuff.

How long are you gonna hold me here?

- I gotta run a check on you.

- Why?

Why don't you just let me go?

I'll grab a bus outta here.

Isn't it bad enough I lost my rig?

- You got any money?

- What do you mean?

- Well, there's no cash in here.

No credit cards.

- Let me see, let's see

what I got here.

Got what, 10, 20.

I got $35.

- How do you pay for diesel?

- Got a gas card from the shipper in a cab.

- Guess the repo man got the gas card now.

- Yeah.

Why don't you just drop me off at the bus station?

You can do that.

You got no reason to hold me here.

- You're a vagrant.

I think I better run a check on you.

Am I gonna find out something you don't want me to know?

- You mind?

- [Sheriff] No.

- You want one?

- No, thanks.

- Thanks.

- Kozak,

am I gonna find out something about you

you don't want me to know?

- I don't know, Sheriff.

Probably.

(suspenseful string music)

- What do you want, Rogo?

- I'm here to interview Mr. Kozak.

- Well, maybe Mr. Kozak doesn't wanna be interviewed.

- [Rogo] Mr. Kozak?

- Yeah.

- I'm Ed Rogosheske.

I publish the Lynchboro Times.

- Lynchboro Trash.

- [Rogo] Can I interview you?

- [Vince] Why?

- [Rogo] Why not?

- Look, I just lost my business

and I don't feel like having it announced to the world.

- How'd you lose it?

- To the bank, where else?

- [Rogo] How many payments were you behind?

- [Vince] Just a couple of months.

I was just coming out of a slump too.

They don't care.

- [Rogo] No, they don't care.

(buzzing)

- Ketonic Police.

Hold please.

- [Woman] I'm sorry.

He's not in right now.

Maybe I transfer your call?

Operater, may I help you?

- Ketonic Police.

- Your chief there?

- Chief Brows?

Who shall I say is calling?

- Sheriff Matthew Stemkowski.

Lynchboro, Washingston Sheriffs Department.

- One moment.

(phone ringing)

- Yeah.

- A Sheriff Stemkowski's calling.

- Yeah, all right.

Put him through.

- [Operator] Yes, Sir.

Here's your call.

- This is Chief Burroughs speaking.

- Chief, this is Sheriff Stemkowski.

Lynchboro, Washington.

- What can I do for you, Sheriff.

- I'm running a check on a guy we're holding here

and it came up on the computer that I should call you.

- [Burroughs] And who is it?

- Vincent M. Kozak.

- Oh no, is he all right?

- Well, physically, he's fine.

- Thank God.

Old Kozy.

What kind of trouble is he in?

- He got his rig repo'd.

- [Burroughs] Damn.

- I can't call up a sheet on him.

- (chuckles) Yeah well,

there's a good enough reason for that.

He's a cop.

He used to be anyway.

He was the best backup I ever had.

- Why isn't he on the force, if he's so great?

- Hang on, let me close my door.

Yeah.

We had this candyass waiter.

Lady.

Real freak for the so-called rights of the accused.

Kozak,

he was pretty quick to be firm.

Had some trouble with a college kid around here.

In my book, Kozak took care of business.

But a couple of these kids,

university football types.

They got Daddy's rent-fluence.

You know about that, don't you?

- Oh yeah.

- Those punks jumped him.

He beat the hell out of them with his bare hands,

but Daddy had connections so

Kozak had to go.

What a great cop!

I mean, he had a small problem

being too easy with the local hooker population.

But to tell you the truth,

we only got two when Kozy was into

personal rehabilitation, if you know what I'm saying.

You need bail money.

- No.

- I know that boy doesn't have his own.

He spends his free time at the track

just a little more than he should.

I'll send you the money.

- Nah I just needed to make sure

he wasn't a serial killer or something, you know?

- (laughing) A serial killer.

That is funny.

Hey, you tell him to give me a call, all right?

- Yeah, will do.

- [Burroughs] I'll talk to you later.

- Got your stuff.

This is all of it, right?

- Yeah, thanks a lot.

- Donny.

What's he got in there?

- Old clothes, shaving kit,

bunch of homemade cassettes.

Not much.

Say Stem, your old man wants me

to go over to the bank lunch.

- What about Red?

- Yeah, well the old man sent him and Jeff

down to Seattle to pick up a Corvette.

- Who is working for who?

Eh, go to the bank.

Somebody gave me a Corvette,

I'd find a way to get it myself.

- [Volchek] Gorslava.

- Mark.

This fellow just got dumped in our laps.

- [Rogo] What were you hauling?

- Corduroy.

- Corduroy?

- Yeah, bolts of corduroy.

See, non-perishables are the best haul.

Was a cash job too.

- So you know what they did with it?

- That's all for now, Rogo.

- I gotta write.

- This is police business.

You can talk to him later.

Don't be a pain, Rogo.

- You want me to get you a lawyer?

- No, I'm sure the Sheriff will be fair with me.

- I know a lawyer.

- He doesn't need a lawyer.

I am trying to help him out.

So leave us alone.

- I'll be back, Vince.

I'll be back.

- Journalist.

It's not like you're on death row.

Want a coffee, soda?

- I want my rig back.

- It's long gone.

- Yeah, well, in that case, I guess I'll take a coffee.

- Deputy that just left is Donny Volvak.

Got two others.

Red and Jeff Boyd.

I'm Matthew Stemkowski.

- Vince Kozak.

- Friends call me Stem, Kozy.

- You talked to Chief Burroughs, didn't ya?

- Yeah.

- Well, I'm sorry to put you through all the trouble.

I hate thinking about that.

Was another time.

Bitch Mayor.

I kept my town safe, Sheriff.

It wasn't enough.

Mayor wanted us to be poster boys for the ACLU.

- Doesn't work that way here.

We don't have a Mayor.

Got a city manager and a town council.

Sooner or later, nearly everyone serves on it.

Most trouble we've had this week is you.

And the repo man.

You miss police work?

- I don't miss the politics.

- No politics here.

- Right.

- It's true.

We operate by the golden rule.

Just as long as what you do doesn't hurt anyone, it's fine.

That's the way the old man wants it.

We take care of each other.

Two of our men got lost out on river.

Taken down by a mud wash during storm.

You got a problem with gambling?

- Nope.

Just not very good at it.

- What about women?

- Chief Burroughs talks too much.

- [Stem] Is there a problem with the ladies?

- Well, never had one complain.

- Lynchboro can put that to the test.

- Yeah.

Do you plan on holding me long?

- No, I'm planning on seeing

if you might wanna stay voluntarily.

We need some help here.

I lost my best men.

Donny, Red, Jeff.

They're good boys, but they're boys.

I need some experience here.

You wanna get back into uniform?

We'll give this a try for a few weeks.

If you're happy and I'm happy,

well, maybe you found yourself a new home.

- [Vince] I gotta take an oath or something?

- You swear to do what I tell ya?

- [Vince] I swear.

- You've taken the oath.

Welcome to the Sheriff's Office deputy.

- Well, not yet.

I hope this is okay.

- That's a very thoughtful thing.

You look pretty good in uniform.

- Thank you.

- I hope this place is clean.

Short notice.

I don't think anybody's been here since,

since Clackston died.

- Oh man.

What, did he die in this room?

- You noticed.

I'll fix that later.

Rent's included with the job.

- What a deal.

So when am I on the clock?

(beeping)

- [Old Man] Stemmer.

Get over to Gorslava.

I saw Crawl and a dog.

- Right now.

- [Vince] Who was that?

- The Old Man.

- Well, who's Crawl?

- Uh, Sardonakis is his butler.

Some damn horror movie the old man's watching all the time.

Donny, you listening?

- [Donny] Yes, Stem, what's up?

- The old man wants me at the house.

Meet me at the drive.

You know how a radar gun works?

- Sure do.

- Good.

We have two major businesses here.

Volchek logging, Volchek mining.

By some chance, well, it's not gonna happen,

but the problem crops up at either place.

Your job is to keep things calm

until I can get there.

You don't get me, you have to get the old man.

Hit the Recall button, hit number one,

then punch Send.

You get Mr. Volchek.

- Got it.

- This is the Volchek place here.

All right, it's all yours.

Listen, what you do, you go about a mile up the road,

you'll see a Welcome to Lynchboro sign.

Set up a speed trap.

- All right.

- We try not to hurt our neighbors

but a lot of out of towners use this road.

What you get correctly, you get an override one.

In a good week, you make an extra 100 bucks.

- All right.

Is there a quota or anything?

- Well, let's just see how you do.

Oh yeah, the old man.

He's a prince, but he is the boss.

So when he comes flying down the road

in his funny little car, just wave, okay?

- All right.

What kind of funny little car?

- I don't know.

I can't pronounce it.

But I think it's Italian for money.

Go, Donny.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, you freakin morons.

What are you, nuts, driving bikes in weather like this?

You gotta be out of your mind.

(light music)

- Whoa, I love a man in uniform!

- I'm gonna grow old and retire in this uniform

before I make any progress here.

- What?

You been in town a day.

You nailed down a job.

You're moving like lightning.

By the way, you really screwed Mars' leg up

when you kicked him.

- I guess I got a little carried away

convincing these people my livelihood

was being taken away by repo men.

- And they bought it.

You're inside.

- Yeah, and I'm running a speed trap.

I can't shake down people

just to maintain my cover.

I have no idea how to get close to Volchek.

I feel like Barney Fife here.

- Well, give it a couple days.

- That was Volchek.

- You get a good look at him?

- Did I get a good look at him?

You see how he flew by?

I saw a cap.

I mean, he had teeth.

Come on, give me some money.

- Why?

What for?

- Well, I gotta shake down somebody.

- Aw.

You take half my advance.

I'm sitting eating cheese crackers

in a roadside motel 60 miles from nowhere,

waiting for the cellular to ring.

- You know, my apartment still stinks

from the guy who died in it.

- Ew, you know,

every since we started working together,

through the yachts, the private jets, the limousines,

I have wished, nay prayed,

that once, just once, Vincent,

you would experience undercover work as I have known it.

What I have gotten is satisfaction.

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

(laughing manically)

Well, give me a call, Barney.

- Go on, Frank.

Why, you miserable...

(coughing)

Jail cell's better than this place.

(lively music)

- This guy's got grass.

Repo man is drawing down on him with a 12 gauge, right?

"Get away from the rig, get away from the rig."

And Kozak's standing there

with nothing but a Louisville slugger.

(laughing)

Hey, there he is!

Everybody this is Kozak!

(applause)

- Kozy, I'm Max.

Welcome to Lynchboro.

- [Vince] Thank you.

- What'll it be?

- Well, how about a burger and a beer?

- You can get a sausage and beer.

- Well, that'd be fine.

- Uh, that's Red.

- [Vince] Hi Red.

- And this is Jeff.

They're the other two deputies.

- Hey, you're a real head banger.

- We're gonna love having someone

on the force we can learn from.

- Well, I don't know.

I might be a bad example to you all.

(laughing)

- You fit right in.

- Mr. Kozak.

I talked to your old chief.

You like to beat up on college kids.

- Oh come on, Rogo.

- You have it going with that

working class martyr crap.

You're a fascist.

The water seeks its own level.

Soon you'll grow old and die.

- Give him some slack, will you, Rogo?

- It's all right, Max, it's all right.

Rogo here obviously knows my whole life story.

You know, I don't know too much,

but I do know one thing.

I been around enough of these guys

to know that a good reporter is a bad citizen.

When was the last time

you wrote something good about this town?

- My job is to report problems of the town.

- A lot easier to tear down than to build up, ain't it?

Well, you go ahead.

You be a sourpuss, Rogo.

Makes the stink in my apartment smell sweeter.

- (laughing) Stem put him up in Clackston's place.

(laughing)

- Vince,

sausage and beer.

- Well, thanks Max.

What do I owe you?

- On the voucher?

- Sheriff's deputies get $100 credit a month

at the Tree Tap.

That's the way the old man wants it.

But don't use it for gambling.

- Is that normal?

- Yeah.

Give a big tip.

- Max, put it on the voucher.

- He's gonna kill her.

Please!

- Where?

- The Corvette Club.

Please.

(daunting music)

- No!

No!

- You slut!

I'm gonna kill you, slut!

- No, let me go!

- Bobby.

Stop it.

Let her go.

- I will kill you too.

- Hey!

I got your mother out here.

I say I got your mother.

Donny.

Get him to a hospital.

- We don't have a hospital.

- We have a doctor?

- [Donny] Yeah, right.

- All right, bring him to the office.

Red, go get my car.

Jeff, take the kid and put him in a cell in the office.

Come on, move.

- Old man isn't gonna like this.

- Just keep moving.

You all right?

- Thank you.

(intense orchestral music)

- My head hurts so bad from him pulling on my hair.

I'm really nervous.

- I know.

I know.

Everyone is the first time.

- All the girls that have Corvettes

got them from the old man.

Cherise is getting hers tonight.

- Oh yeah?

- Trial by far for you tonight, huh Kozy?

- You can say that again, Stem.

Here.

It's speed trap revenue.

- Oh, that's pretty good.

- Thanks.

- Put it in the book, Donny.

- Yes, Sir.

- All beautiful again.

A little lipstick patter and paint.

Stem, we're running very late.

- I know.

Getting your Vette tonight, eh, Cherise?

- Yes, Sir.

- Your new deputy sure knows how to handle himself, Stem.

Come on, honey.

Let's go.

- Have a good time.

- [Vince] Bye bye.

- Bobby, you all right?

- Yes, Sir.

- Bobby, you're not in high school anymore.

Neither you nor Cherise.

She's 18, she makes up her mind.

Do you understand that?

- Yes, Sir.

I'm sorry.

- [Stem] It's hard growing up.

- [Bobby] Yes, Sir.

- You're gonna be in any more trouble?

- No, Sir.

- Come here.

I don't think this is such a good idea.

- He'll be fine.

- Yeah, but he's holding a lot inside.

- He'll be fine.

This kind of thing happens all the time.

Especially with a high school jocks.

It's a real shock for them to step into the real world.

- Yeah.

- No trouble, Bobby?

- No, Sir.

- I don't know about this.

- Eh, he'll be fine.

You had a good first day.

- Yeah, but if you don't mind,

I could use some sleep.

- Good night, Kozy.

- Thanks, Stem.

Donny.

(engine purring)

(light music)

- [Doctor] I have asked not to be disturbed.

- [Butler] Are you making progress?

- [Doctor] Perhaps.

- [Butler] I saw Crawl and a dog.

- [Doctor] You'll see many such dogs before I'm finished.

- [Butler] Doctor, are you preparing a cure or a poison?

- [Doctor] Sometimes they're one and the same thing.

- I warn you. - Put it down, Bobby.

- [Butler] Ah, what a charming tableau.

Sir Robert.

- [Sir Robert] Crawl informs me

that today a dog seemed to survive your injection.

- [Doctor] Crawl is a reliable informant.

- [Sir Robert] Then the extract of the poisonous plant

has been--

(daunting music)

- What's going on?

- He was gonna shoot you.

I'm with the Lynchboro County Sheriff's Office.

- I know who you are.

Were you going to shoot me, Bobby?

- Yes, Sir.

- Get him out of here.

Get rid of him.

- Sir.

- You've done too little already.

You've let him on my property,

right up to my door with a rifle!

If you wanna keep your job,

you will get him out of here.

Get rid of him.

Go on!

- Yes, Sir.

All right, hurry.

Let's go, out.

Move!

Come on.

In the back.

- [Frank] Whoa!

No, no, no.

- [Vince] Go on in here.

Watch your head. - Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Frank, come on, come on.

- What are you doing?

- The kid's Bobby Lambert.

He's 18 years old.

Now, his high school sweetheart

just got initiated into the Corvette Club.

That's a local brothel.

Volchek gives Corvettes to all the new girls

if he wants to try them out.

Bobby tried to kill Volchek tonight.

- Well, why are you giving him to me?

- 'cause Volchek told me to get rid of him.

- What am I gonna do with him?

- Look, he thinks you're gonna kill him.

He'll be relieved just to be interrogated.

Now, you put him in a safehouse.

You do whatever you wanna do.

You just keep him out of Lynchboro.

- Why?

What are you gonna do?

- I wanna get close to Volchek

and I don't have a lot of time.

(engine roaring)

- I don't wanna die, Mister.

- Oh, stop.

You're not gonna die.

I'm gonna die from earning a living like this.

(daunting music)

(flames howling)

(doorbell ringing)

- I need to see Mr. Volchek. (woman screaming)

Well, where is he?

- [Woman] Who are you?

(woman screaming)

- What's happening to her?

Who's in there with her?

- [Doctor] Poor girl.

Perhaps it was a shock, seeing him for the first time.

- My reminder of - My reminder of

earthly greed and earthly greed and

immortality. immortality.

My nemesis. My nemesis.

My demon. My demon.

My father, My father,

whose grave I defiled. whose grave I defiled.

Damn you, Sardonakis. - Damn you, Sardonakis.

Damn you to eternal hell. Damn you to eternal hell.

You have no decency. You have no decency.

And you've no human feeling. No human feeling!

- I love this movie!

You have to watch it.

Mr. Sardonakis.

Is Bobby put away safe where he can't bother me?

- Oh yeah.

He won't bother you anymore.

- What's this?

- Bobby!

- Bobby what?

- It's Bobby.

You told me to get rid of him.

- You mean, that's Bobby?

You killed him?

- Hey, you wanted me to take care of him.

I took care of him.

- And he's dead right there in that pot?

- Right here, Mr. Volchek.

- I wanted him put away for me!

I didn't mean...

There's risk!

But...

You took initiative.

That's good, Kozak.

I need men to take the initiative.

- Yes, Sir.

- Bring that thing with you?

- You betchya.

- Just bury it in another county tonight

and I'm gonna call Lacey and double up

on your free visits.

I like initiative.

And tonight,

this thing, it's just between you and me.

- All right.

- Next time, if we have a next time,

let's be very specific about words.

About what words mean.

I mean, to get rid of somebody

means, to me, to remove them from my personal space.

To you, it obviously means something different.

Let's say if I want somebody

to no longer be here, as in the

expiration of their mortal existence.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

- Yeah.

You mean dead.

- Ssh.

We won't use that word.

The word we'll use is

marak.

If I say to you,

we'll let marak handle this.

It'll mean, you know,

like Bobby.

- Marak.

- Marak.

It's a name in the movie.

You'll come and watch it.

- Yeah, sure.

- Thank you,

Deputy Kozak. - Okay, okay.

- And,

no more marak.

- Yeah.

The old man, huh?

I'm gonna have fun taking you down.

- [Man On TV] Not like this!

Not like this!

Not in the dark!

("Wiseguy Theme")