Original subtitles

- [Frank] Tonight, on Wiseguy.

(sultry music featuring saxophone)

(crowd chatters)

- How dare you come here like this?

You're remarkable, you know that?

You're tearing my heart out!

- Is there some reason why we can't deal

with these things without fighting?

- You're not gonna sit down and sort

through this with somebody.

- Whoa, what are you talking about?

Therapy?

- We have spectacular sex.

- Maybe you should stop having it.

(tuts)

- What?

- Doctor Rose said no sex.

- God, I hate therapists.

("Wiseguy" by Mike Post)

(baby cries)

(police siren wails)

(car engines growl)

(baby cries)

(knocking)

- I got it.

(clattering)

Hey, Vince.

- [Vince] Hey, Frank.

How are you doing?

- All right.

- Hey, son!

- Hey, Uncle Mike.

What, are you running a library here or what?

Hey, it smells terrific in here.

You need any help?

- No, no, no.

Everything's under control.

- Frank, you want a beer?

- No, I'll have one with dinner.

- Okay.

(sighs)

How many of these have you read?

- Oh, I guess most of the ones that aren't reference books.

- I got one for 20 points.

What is A-ACK?

- [Mike And Vince] Ancient East Asian Music.

- Well, that's the first definition in there, Frank.

I got a set of those at home too.

Everybody knows that.

- Everybody knows that?

- Mm.

- Suddenly I feel very left out.

- Why is the feeling sudden?

- All right, soup's on.

I need some help in here now.

One of you guys grab this pot.

Grab some beer.

I got the hot sauce.

(clanking)

- Come on!

(clanking)

(coughs)

I really like this place.

- You know, I stayed cooped in that loft for weeks

at a time, so I gotta come home

to something a little different.

And I love reading.

- Hey, you know, you're not bad in the kitchen either.

How are you with the laundry?

Maybe we can work something out.

(sighs)

What?

All right, here it comes.

- Hell, I'll say it.

Vinnie,

Frank and I had a long talk.

Now, this comes with a lot of care and affection

and about 40 years experience between us.

- Yeah?

(sighs)

- Time has come for you to hang it up,

as far as field work goes.

- Vinnie, you're a great player in a dangerous game.

The game takes its toll.

When you lose your edge, the consequences can be fatal.

- But I'm at the top of my game right now.

- That's the time to get out.

This is not a sport where you overstay your welcome.

Your stats drop, you overstay your welcome,

then you drop, and you know that.

- I can't get out now.

- Why?

- What else would I do?

Put on a suit and sit at an OCB desk?

- It's not that stifling.

You track surveillance.

- Yeah, I'm gonna sit on my butt and listen to wire taps.

- You investigate data.

You build a case on hard evidence.

- Yeah, I'm gonna sit on my butt

and wade through the subpoena documents.

I don't think so.

- You know, you really could do some good training new guys.

- I'm not ready to be called coach yet.

(sighs)

Come on, Frank.

We're being honest here.

Come out with it.

- You want honest?

- Yeah.

- Honest is, it sucks.

But you sleep with both eyes closed.

When's the last time you got a good night's sleep?

- You're right.

You're absolutely right.

But it's not finished for me.

I can't stop as long as I got that feeling

that things are left undone.

- What's undone?

Everything you do is done.

You finished your last case successfully.

It couldn't have been more important to you.

Now, what's undone?

- I don't know, I don't know!

It's an internal feeling.

I can't explain it.

- Or maybe you can't face it.

Maybe what's undone is your personal life.

- [Mike] Still undone with Amber?

- Yeah, I guess so.

It's weird, you know?

That relationship didn't end.

It was just kind of cut off.

A lot of things never got said.

- Well then go say it!

- I can't.

I can't!

It's gonna be painful for her to see me now.

(siren wails)

I don't know.

Maybe in her mind it's over.

Maybe she's got somebody else.

I don't know.

- You know, if this was your work,

you'd be on it like a hawk, you'd be bearing

right down on it, but it's not.

It's personal, so you keep vacillating.

(car engine growls)

(clanks)

- You're right.

You're right.

- Yes I'm right.

That's why I'm the boss.

(jazzy big band music)

(crowd chatters and shouts)

(knocking)

(knocking)

- All right, all right!

Oh, love the retro fit, doll!

Enter and sign in.

- No thanks, Arlene.

- Ooh, we have a mystery guest!

(sultry music featuring saxophone)

(slams)

- You bastard!

How dare you come here?

(sighs) You're tearing my heart out!

I got a room full of people out there

and you think you can just waltz in like,

what?

(thudding)

(noisy kisses)

(moans)

(gasping)

Yeah.

(moans)

(crowd chatters)

- Okay, okay, come on now,

we're gonna move the party to my place.

Come on!

Chop chop.

- What are you talking about?

- Love blooms, darling, but not in this room.

- Where's Amber?

- Seventh heaven.

Come on, I'll break out the bubbly.

Cristal for all!

Come on!

(people murmur and laugh)

(clicks)

(cars honk)

(shattering)

(rattling)

(melancholy orchestral music)

(sobs)

(clanking)

(cars honk)

(sighs)

- Good morning!

We both really needed last night, didn't we?

Hm?

- Yeah, and I need this morning like a hole in the head.

(sighs)

Why'd you come back?

- Well, we never said goodbye to each other.

We just,

kind of stopped seeing each other.

I can't accept that.

(sighs)

- I made my adjustments!

- No you didn't!

- Yes I did!

- No you didn't!

If you did, then last night would never of happened.

- I had too much to drink last night.

- You did not.

- Yes I did!

- You did not!

- Yes I did!

- You did not!

You've just been surrounding yourself with these freaks

and filling your social calendar up with enough distractions

so you don't have to think about us.

Come on!

- You've got nothing else to do.

You're between gigs, so I suffer, right?

(sighs)

That's a really big gesture on your part, Vinnie.

Nobody to arrest, so let's go beat Amber.

Like I haven't got feelings!

Like I don't carry this heartache around

while you're going out playing Deputy Dog!

And these freaks?

These freaks care enough about me to be here for me!

- Mm-hm.

- To keep my occupied through being lovesick for you

and terrified about what that means!

They're my friends, but of course I can't expect you

to understand that because you haven't got any friends!

You've got that macho cadre that bevel whacks

any place you hang your hat, and what am I supposed to do?

Sit around in a shroud and count rosary beads?

Where are you going?

- I'm gonna make some coffee.

- Oh, no you're not!

- Yes I am!

- No, you're not!

You're gonna make an exit out of here.

I don't need this, Vinnie.

I don't need this in a really big way.

- Well you know something?

I don't need it either, but it's all we got.

- No.

I can't live like this,

with what you are.

I can't even begin to comprehend this.

I want you out of here, and then the thought

of you leaving makes me sick.

You really stink, you know that?

(sighs)

- I stink?

- [Amber] Yes!

- Is there some reason why we can't deal

with these things without fighting?

- Yeah, there's a reason!

We're addicted to each other at this primal level,

but beyond that, I don't think either one of us has a clue.

If I accept that, your professional life is gonna rain

down on me in ways I won't be able to survive,

and you're not man enough!

Oh, excuse me.

You're too much of a man to really deal with that.

- I am not!

- [Amber] Yes, you are!

- I am not!

I can deal with this just as sensitively as you can.

- Professionally?

You're not gonna sit down and sort

through this with somebody.

- No, wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about?

Therapy?

- Yeah!

- No, I don't think so.

It's--

- See, you're not gonna sit down and have any kind

of meaningful dialog with a third party

when half your life is on a confidential,

need-to-know basis!

It's not gonna happen!

- You really want me to do this?

- Yes!

- All right.

If you want me to do it, I'll do it.

Okay?

You happy now?

- Yeah!

- This is real normal.

Being in a relationship with someone who works undercover

carries a fairly consistent set of dynamics.

It's a burden both partners have to bear.

For your relationship to be healthy,

Amber has to accept that your work is a big part

of who you are, and Vinnie has to understand the difficulty

and sacrifice in that acceptance.

- You know, this sounds like a pre-programmed spiel

on behalf of the OCB.

- It is.

It is also the truth.

Well, now we've gotten that out of the way,

let's separate what works from what doesn't work.

What keeps bringing you two together?

- Um...

(giggles)

- We have spectacular sex.

- Come on!

- Vinnie?

(sighs)

Vinnie?

- Yeah, the sex, it's pretty good.

- Great sex.

- Yes!

- Yeah, yeah, it's great.

It's great.

- Good.

Well, then maybe you should stop having it.

- Excuse me?

(laughs)

- We shouldn't view Vinnie's job as solely responsible

for the problems in your relationship.

Your career too, Amber, is remarkable and admirable.

But the consumption of your energies,

as with Vinnie's job, leaves little time

for anything but the need for release.

Naturally, falling into bed is axiomatic.

But, it's also avoidance.

It's not dealing with the problem.

- And what does that mean, exactly?

- I think you two need to deal with one another as people,

free from the outside pressures of your careers.

I'd like to recommend the following.

Isolate yourselves for a period of time.

A week,

a long weekend, with no distractions,

in a quiet place.

Deal with each other as people,

as thoughtful individuals who don't have to touch to feel.

Can you do that?

- Well,

yeah, I got this buddy of mine

who's got a cabin up in Vermont.

We could probably use that.

- Oh, that would be nice!

- Yeah.

- No sex?

That would be like,

no kissing, or--

- You know what I mean.

- No sex?

(roaring)

(birds sing)

(gently splashing water)

(motor putters)

Beautiful, isn't it?

- Mm-hm, it's great.

- You're Fred?

- Fred Titan.

You're Mr Terranova and this is--

- Amber--

- Terranova!

I got your car all gassed up and ready to go.

- Okay.

- I just need you to sign this and to see your license.

You want collision?

- Is there anybody here to run into?

- No, but it's an extra three bucks a day

and I could use the money.

- Yeah, fine.

That's fine.

- Personal liability?

- Every day.

- Pardon?

- Nothing, no thanks.

- Follow me!

You asked for a convertible.

I hope this is okay.

It's the only ragtop available.

- Yeah, that's okay with you, Mrs Terranova?

- (giggling) Yeah!

Looks like fun.

- Sign here, Mr Terranova.

- Where?

- Right there.

That's a beautiful name.

It means "new earth", you know that?

- Yeah, I like it.

- Can I help you with anything else?

Generators, hurricane lamps, stereo, widescreen TV?

- No thanks.

We came here to get away from all of that.

- You sure?

How about a VCR?

Adult movies?

(Amber giggles)

- Fred, really!

- Sorry!

They're usually pretty popular with the married couples.

- Yeah.

(engine starts)

- You folks have a nice day!

- Thank you!

- You too.

Bye now.

(engine growls)

(bird caws)

- What, are we all right here?

- Yeah, I think it's,

I think it's flooded.

Probably just the float stuck.

(sighs)

(metallic clanking)

All right, get over there and turn it

over when I tell you to.

(clanking)

All right, go ahead.

(engine chugs)

Hold it, hold it.

(clanking)

All right, do it again.

Hey, Amber,

what's the matter?

- Listen!

- What?

(clanking)

(wind rushes)

I don't here anything.

- Right.

- It is nice, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Wanna go for a walk?

- Yeah.

- Come here.

(peaceful acoustic music)

Here you go.

(sighs)

(sighs)

- You know Vinnie, maybe you ought to hold on to this.

- Why?

I want you to wear it!

- Well, maybe you should see

how your mother feels about that.

I mean, this has been in your family.

- Amber, my mother has jewelry

from family she hasn't even met.

Now, why do you wanna pack me a parachute?

- I just don't want you feel compelled to work this out

because you asked me to marry you.

That's all.

- I don't feel compelled to do anything.

(frogs croak)

(clanking)

Okay?

- Okay.

(crickets chirp)

(clattering)

- Hey!

- Hi.

- [Vince] I cleaned some vegetables

and there's some dip in the refrigerator.

- Oh, this place feels good!

Maybe we should buy it from your friend.

- I don't think it's for sale.

Wanna play some Scrabble?

- You can spell?

- Well, yeah,

single syllable words, anyway.

- Be quick when you shower.

This place has the world's smallest water heater.

Maybe we should have seen if Fred

could rent us a larger one.

- Hey, Amber, we're out here communing with nature.

Smelling good is optional.

R-I-N-D.

Rind.

Five points plus double word, that's ten big ones.

- That's not bad for one syllable.

- Thank you.

(playful jazzy music)

Amber, come on!

It's a game, not a summit meeting.

- Grind.

(clears throat) Eight points.

- Grind?

(groans)

(scoffs)

All right.

Let's go to bed.

- Okay!

(flapping noise)

(giggling)

(passionate orchestral music)

(noisy kisses)

(tutting)

- What?

- Doctor Rose said no sex.

- What?

- Remember?

(giggles)

- Yeah.

Yeah, right.

That's right.

Yeah, I forgot.

(sighs)

(inhales)

Well, goodnight.

- [Amber] Mm-hm, goodnight.

(sighs)

(sighs)

God, I hate therapists.

(owl hoots)

(howling and chirping)

♪ Here I stand, head in hand

♪ Turn my face to the wall

♪ How can I even try

♪ Feeling two foot small

(knocking)

(sighs)

- Come in.

(slams)

Hello, Sheila.

- I want him out of the cabin.

- No.

- It is half mine.

I have plans to use it.

- It'll wait.

- I'll get a court order and throw him out.

- Oh, a court order from Ms Woodstock!

Whatever happened to peace, love, and understanding?

What, did you just hold on to the wardrobe?

- I don't wanna hear your snide, fascist comments.

The cabin is half mine!

- You got the house, I got the cabin!

I let you use it 'cause I'm a nice guy,

and you take advantage of that!

You always have.

(sighs)

This time, it'll just have to keep.

(groans)

- You ruin everything.

I had plans!

You ruined my weekend.

You ruined my life!

You never consider me.

You never did.

Maurine and Terry are at my house right now

with their bags packed, ready to go up there,

and what the hell do I do?

I end up fighting with Bill because of you!

- I don't like Maurine and Terry

and I don't want them in my cabin.

What you do with Bill, that's your business.

- Lauren knows what a bastard you are.

- You think that because you once let me

into your womb and you bore me a child,

that means you have some special privilege

to come take a piece out of me for the rest of your life!

And here you are in my face a decade after the divorce.

I guess it does mean that.

Well, let me tell you.

I got some special privileges too.

I have suffered your venom and I can deal with that,

but if you ever again try to poison my daughter against me,

if you ever try to pour your hatred of me

into her heart again, I swear to God,

I will put you into the system!

Eh?

Tomorrow!

The IRS will begin to seriously doubt the veracity

of your tax returns.

The DEA will wonder about your connection

with the Columbian drug cartel!

And if you complain about my abusing power, it will fall

on deaf ears, because I am part of a brotherhood,

and my brother is in my cabin right now!

Try me, Sheila!

Go ahead!

And I will beat you to death with the system!

(slams)

(thuds)

(thuds)

(groans)

(clanks)

(sighs)

♪ How can she say to me

♪ Love will find a way

♪ Gather 'round, all you can

♪ Let me hear you say

♪ Hey!

- Miserable bitch!

- Vinnie?

- What?

- Who was that that called before?

- You know the guy that lent us the cabin?

- Yeah?

- His ex-wife calls out and says she's got friends

that wanna use the place.

They haven't been married for ten years.

She's calling up, screaming at me and him,

saying how we ruined her life.

Why can't women take anything at face value?

(thud)

- First of all, it's a mistake to try and figure out

why other people don't get along.

(thudding)

And what's at face value doesn't apply to men.

(thudding)

- [Vinnie] Well, what does that mean?

- Well, who can even see them, Vinnie?

I mean, you're always wearing masks.

I mean, right from the beginning,

getting what you want means hiding behind a mask.

You roar, you beat your chest, you think if you go

out the way you are, you're gonna come home empty handed.

Nothing to eat, no one to love.

- [Vinnie] Uh-huh.

- Well, it may have been like that in 500 BC,

but men haven't changed much.

I mean, look at what you're doing.

- What?

- Honey, we have plenty of firewood!

- Yeah, but this isn't firewood.

It's the female philosophy.

(thud)

- Oh.

(sighs)

- Yeah, you're right.

You're right, you're right.

(thudding)

My father went out as himself.

What he brought back embarrassed him.

Just enough to put something on the table

and something on our backs, that was it.

He led a simple, honest life.

And when he died, he had nothing to show for it.

(bird caws)

The guys in the neighborhood, they wore 400 dollar suits

and drove flashy cars.

They wore a mask of power but they never

understood what it meant, and they got their riches.

They got their riches by sniffing out weakness

and sucking it out of hard working, honest people.

My dad was always afraid I'd end up like one

of those people, 'cause I was always around that stuff.

I can remember,

overhearing them talk a couple times.

You know what they said?

They called my father a sucker.

Made my blood boil.

Men and their masks.

(birds caw)

You were right, Amber.

Most of us ain't worth a damn.

(melancholy orchestral music)

- Your father never knew about your work, did he?

- No.

I guess it's kind of ironic, you know?

To think I do what I do because of him.

I was only 17 when he died, and I was always a troublemaker

and my brother was about to become a priest, so,

he died figuring he raised heaven and hell.

(laughs)

I spent my whole adult life,

trying to live up to his expectations.

Just trying to mete out a little justice

to the guys who corrupted the neighborhood.

'Cause it was guys like them,

that drove my father to an early grave.

- Vinnie,

if you do what you do to honor your father,

why don't you take off your mask?

Why don't you lead a simple, honest life?

What about it?

Look, I'm worth a fortune.

We could spend the rest of our lives sipping champagne

on some exotic beach and brushing the sand

out of interesting places.

- You mean to tell me that you're gonna sell the company?

You're just gonna sell the business,

lock, stock, and barrel forever?

- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Now, don't you wish you packed that parachute?

(metallic scraping)

(sighs)

You ready to eat?

- Yeah.

Stop, stop, stop!

- What?

(sighs)

We're eating out.

No, I mean, we're going out to eat.

- Why?

- 'Cause I'm not gonna spend another night

just getting worked up just so I can stare

at the ceiling again!

I wanna go someplace where I can stare

at simple hard work and schlubs.

- Is there some place to eat around here?

- Yeah, there's some place to eat around here.

It's a lot of flaid and plannel and very little flesh.

- Flaid and plannel?

- Now go!

Would you go, please?

Go!

- Yes!

- Flaid and plannel.

(metallic clanking)

(engine growls)

(crickets chirp)

- [Amber] Popular spot?

- It's the only spot.

(gravel crunches)

Fred?

- Submitted for your approval, Mr and Mrs Terranova,

a quiet couple taking a quiet weekend in the country.

They expected to find a sanctuary.

What they didn't expect to find

was a dimension beyond sight and sound.

What they didn't expect to find

in their pastoral sojourn was, The Twilight Zone.

(rockabilly music)

- Yeah, okay, Fred.

Good seeing you again.

- It's 50's night!

Look, it's Kent Wilson!

- [Vinnie] Who?

- Kent Wilson, from the Five Os Thunderbirds.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- [Waitress] Ten dollars each.

- Now I'm gonna crank up one of my personal favorites,

and I hope it's one of yours.

("Who Do You Love" by Bo Diddley)

♪ I walked 47 miles of barbed wire ♪

♪ I use a cobra snake for a necktie ♪

♪ I got a brand new house on the roadside ♪

♪ Made from rattlesnake hide

♪ I got a brand new chimney made on top ♪

♪ made out of a human skull

♪ Now come on, take a little walk with me, Arlene ♪

♪ And tell me, who do you love? ♪

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ I've got a tombstone hand and a graveyard mind ♪

♪ I'm just twenty-two and I don't mind dyin' ♪

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ I rode around the town and use a rattlesnake whip ♪

♪ take it easy Arlene don't give me no lip ♪

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ The night was dark and the sky was blue ♪

♪ Down the alley the ice wagon flew ♪

♪ Hit a bump and somebody screamed ♪

♪ You should have heard just what I seen ♪

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Who do you love?

♪ Ooh, baby!

(audience cheers and applauds)

- We're gonna take a short break, then we'll be right back.

(audience cheers and applauds)

(rockabilly music)

- [Amber] Congratulations on a new video!

- Yeah, thanks for the Louie the Thirteenth.

Classy lady that sends a 700 dollar bottle of brandy

to a guy that's not even on her label.

- Get out of here.

How are the boys?

- Tired.

We just came off tour and I came back east

to hang out and play with a few old buds.

- Right!

Sounds great, guys.

- You ought to hear some of their original stuff.

- Hey, I'm not gonna frustrate myself listening

to other label's artists.

- Would you believe that's not a problem?

- Oh what, as in, you're not signed with anyone?

- Here she goes!

Excuse me.

So you're Amber's Brooklyn boy, huh?

- Yeah.

- You're running on the fast track now.

- Oh yeah?

So how well do you know Amber?

- Well, you can't be in this business and not know her.

It's in her blood.

She'll be doing deals 'til the day she dies.

(drum roll)

- Okay!

All right, the moment no one has been waiting for.

Settle down!

I've got the Fifties Night winners!

(applause)

First place for best fast dance couple goes to,

Chuck Adams and Anne Michelle Mann!

(applause)

Better get that one!

The winners for best slow dance,

Donna and Harvey Rosin!

(applause)

Harvey, you devil!

(laughs)

For best costume that embodies the true spirit

of the fifties, a warm round of applause for the newcomer,

Mr Vinnie Terranova!

(applause)

- I wanted that one, man!

(applause)

(murmuring)

- Hm?

- Thank you.

(Fred laughs)

(cheering and applause)

- Okay folks, back to the bash!

(50's rock music)

- All right, it's nice to meet you.

Take care of yourself.

And you,

I'll catch up with this tour in Boston, okay?

- Yeah.

- All right.

- Take it easy!

- You too.

Where's Vinnie?

(crickets chirp)

(creaking)

There you are!

What a great time!

I think I signed a new act tonight.

- Yeah?

- Those guys are incredible!

What?

- Nothing, nothing.

- What?

- Nothing!

- Aw, do you think if we ignored our therapist's advice

that would put a smile back on your face?

- Nah.

Kind of tired all of a sudden.

I'm glad you had a good time though, okay?

(engine starts)

(peaceful acoustic music)

- Hi.

- Hey.

- I'm sorry I ignored you last night.

- Well, you didn't exactly ignore me.

You forgot I was there.

That's all right, it's okay.

I had a good time anyway.

- This isn't gonna work, is it, Vinnie?

I was deluding myself into thinking

I could actually give it up.

It makes me sad.

- Why?

One of the reasons I love you is

because you're self-reliant.

Because you act on your instincts,

every day, ten times a day, and you win!

That's nothing to apologize for.

- Yeah, except when you have to hang it all up

and then you're left alone.

That scares me.

I mean, we shouldn't allow ourselves to be led

by the fire in our guts.

- But I understand the pump you get from your work.

And to walk away from it or alter it just

because it interferes with something else

that might be good is not an easy thing to do.

- No.

- It would be a monumental mistake if I quit my job

or if you sold your company.

You know why?

Because we wouldn't be doing it because we wanted to,

but just to prove a point.

- Well, like last night, I loved talking to that band.

I wasn't even thinking about it!

It was like this involuntary reflex.

Just felt great.

- Yeah, I could see that.

Yeah, who knows if we'd even like each other

if all we did was sit around and drink margaritas all day.

- I love that edge you've got, Vinnie.

I needed it so much when I was widowed.

Off balance.

I don't wanna lose that.

- We've got friendship, remember?

That's not going anywhere.

- What?

- You know, all my life,

my best friends were guys named Nick

with great turnaround jump shots,

and now all of a sudden it's you.

How the hell did that happen?

- Vinnie.

(noisy kissing)

I'm gonna miss the sex.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

(inhales)

What the hell?

What are friends for?

(laughing)

(heartfelt orchestral music)

- Take care of this.

You might wanna give it back to me one day.

Okay, bye.

(roaring)

(birds sing)

(50's doowop music)

- Hi!

- Hi.

- You won the costume contest last night, didn't you?

- Yeah, I guess I did.

- Congratulations.

- Yeah, thanks.

Hey, come here.

Wanna dance?

("Wiseguy" by Mike Post)

(exciting orchestral music)