Original subtitles

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

- Smell what a delicacy! Now that's perfect, "Shatush". - Chatù...

With this calamari of paccheri the fourth no one takes our hats off!

Here I am! Sorry for the delay. What should we do?

Nothing! You don't have to do anything at all

But today?! Now that I'm in the mood to create...

With these hands, dear, my love, I create, I create...

No! You don't do it with these hands nothing at all, understand?

- Because over there is Gianfranco Vissani, the food critic. - The great Vissani?

But be smart, right? He uses my magic touch, please, I'll do something for you...

Hands off! In this kitchen Today you must not touch anything, do you understand?

But why?

My Gualtiero, my "panzarottiello", you will also be a great chef but people don't understand you.

Gualtiero, you are an inc... misunderstood, you are misunderstood.

- Because you make dishes that are too imaginative. - (in incorrect Italian) Just "assholes".

"Assholes"? So you know what? Go ahead you with your dialect cuisine. It's disgusting!

Without my international dishes, with mine inspiration, you'll never get the fourth hat!

And when I say never it's never! Did you understand? I tell you never!

- "Ciatox"! - It's Chatù... - Throw away the paccheri!

- Cook them for 9 minutes, plate and take to Vissani's table. Listen to me! - Okay.

(CHATU' HUMMS)

(in incorrect Italian) Stop, stop! The lady said you must not touch.

But get out of the way, Madonna's little Indian!

I will turn this sauce into a delicacy, in a treat! Come away!

Ninth! You have to pass over my body! You don't have to touch!

Look at a donkey flying! Look how it flies! There it is! Eh! How it flies... Here, take it!

I did it dry.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

Doctor Vissani, I hope that my calamarata of paccheri is up to her refined palate.

If it's like last year, the fourth hat is certain.

I still remember how good it was. But hasn't that changed anything?

But let's not really joke! It is not nothing changed, not even an ingredient.

Dark chocolate! Ah, funds, funds... Unripe persimmon powder extract.

Persimmons, persimmons... Marron glacè, marron glacè... Why, right? Touches, touches...

Sprinkle of ginger!

With just a few touches this banal calamarata has become a "gualtiemarata"...

Food of the gods... fantastic, exquisite!

(in Neapolitan) Madonna of Carmine! Go away, go away...

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

- (Gualtiero) "Et voilà", taste. - (Beata) Take it away! Take away!

(softly) - Wait... Be good... - Wretched man!

- What rubbish! What is it? - Wait, I can explain everything to you!

Forget the fourth hat! Poisoner!

Gualtiero!

Busy!

- Have you seen the technology, "Pikachu"? - No, it's Chatù...

The lady is very clever she sets the burglar alarm for her husband.

By force! Otherwise that will cause some more trouble.

Come here. Look at this masterpiece, a work of art! Look at those "tracchiulelle"!

- In half an hour this married soup will be perfect, "Sciador". - It's Chatù!

This time we do it to Gianfranco Vissani think again... So he gives us the hat back.

- Hey, "Sartù"! - It's Chatù!

- Are we sure that Gualtiero hasn't been seen around? - I didn't see him.

Careful, because that he is able to always slip in.

Gualtiero is like a sewer rat! Yes slip in quietly and you won't even notice!

- Here there is only THE hat. - (Beata) Then let's go.

(TOILET FLUSHING NOISE)

I'm a Transformer! From toilet to chef! And what a cook!

But making a cup is a shitty job.

Now I'll fix you up... I'll fix you up!

A little mussel juice...

Some molasses, molasses... Molasses or no molasses?

Molasses or Don't Leave Me? No, not molasses, not molasses.

A sprinkle of guacamole. Guacamole...

Honey from Val di Non.

(in French) A little, a little, a little...

(with a French accent) It takes a lot little to add flavor.

(Gualtiero) Here it is! Ready for Vissani!

Other than giving it back to you I take my hat off!

Gualtiero!

Busy!

- Take the mussels, "Caucciù" - Chatù! - It's the same thing.

Enough! What a humiliation! What a shame!

A crazy humiliation! I will resort to Masterchef!

- For extreme evils, extreme remedies! This is how you "learn". - "I learn", "I learn"...

- Let's go, "Dudù"! - Chatù!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

(Gualtiero) They want to stop my creative genius?

But I'm a great chef from head to toe.

To make this dish more delicious...

The berries! The berries! We need the berries, here they are.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Here... Anise.

Eh, anise is needed, it is needed.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Ah! Coffee. We needed decaf, but I have to make do with what there is.

That's it, that's it! Ah!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

A nice "ravanatina"...

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

But the scent isn't the best... Ah, no, well, it's the feet.

You need to check the salt.

Yummy! Neither savory nor salty. Fantastic! Ah! Vissani will go crazy!

Ma'am, I'm giving you one last chance.

Shiva, Shiva, San Gennaro, take care of it! Shiva, Shiva, San Gennaro, take care of it!

(VERSE OF DISGUST BY VISSANI)

Gualtiero!

Busy!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

I would have thought about creating some strawberry suppli and ginger or crazy water lasagna, eh?

Look, dad, you've caused too much trouble. You must not set foot in here. Never.

- But you even hired me! - Certain.

But I only did it to turn the business into a family business. Accountant tricks.

Gualtiero! For goodness' sake, do it for my love! Swear you'll quit this chef vocation.

But if I made you a calamarata of paccheri very good, very tasty, very tasty!

No! You "caught" the squid a paccheri", it's different!

- But what will you do without me? - We'll do it, we'll do it...

But do you even talk?! Well, do you know what I'm telling you? I'm quitting!

(GUALTIERO SPITS)

- Thank you, San Gennaro! - Yes! Yes!

(Gualtiero) Here's my hat reserve. I will find someone who appreciates me!

Finally things they are going in the right direction.

No! No! That verse is wrong, no. This is the true performance of the company.

At the peak?! We are ruined...

- But we are not bankrupt. - Ah! That's better!

But only because I don't answer to suppliers for months.

Because otherwise, instead...

Luckily there's a catering competition of the G7. If we win the contract...

- We are even more ruined! - Moreover? And why?

Why to organize the G7 catering there he wants a lot of money and who advances it to us?

And why are you laughing, you idiot? Laugh!

- "Hello"! - Oh, mom! - Ah! - What is it?

- How did you get together? - Like Melania, Trump's wife.

Love, when we go to the G7 I'll make you look great.

Because, his wife knows nothing of this situation?

No, on the contrary, she wants to do a website about the company.

- Does your wife understand computers? - It's the only thing he understands.

By dint of shopping online she became better than Zuckerberg.

Here, thanks.

- Good morning! I'm a famous chef! - Yes, I imagined it.

Sixth sense? I'll never part with it!

I would have brought some with me of my most famous dishes to taste...

in case you need it of a starred chef.

Here I am. And here is also the business card.

Yes, leave it here, I'll get them to Dr. Galli, it is he who decides.

- They are so good, I can hardly put them down. - Do as you like.

Here! (THE GIRL SCREAMS IN PAIN)

Ubaldo will be happy. So he will remain the only one competitor competing for the G7 catering.

And he laughs, the idiot. What's so funny Always? (CELL PHONE RINGING)

- Eh! - It has antennas! - No, he really has horns!

Oh mama! I hate this asshole.

Ubaldo dearest! How are you?

Hello, Furio! I'm in Riva del Garda, I'm marrying an American couple.

He's a billionaire and she... a "whore"!

(in English) - Do you like cake? - Yes! - Yes!

So, how are we going Fulvio? You're ready for the race? Who did you hire as your chef?

- Shoot, shoot, shoot! - I'll shoot myself.

- I abandon the race. - How do you abandon the race?!

Don't pretend you're sorry.

You win the contract for the G7, without having to challenge my catering.

If you don't participate they will say that there is a "mix-up", which we agree with.

They open an investigation, Cantone arrives and goodbye "contract"!

No, listen, Furio, listen! No, listen to me, Furio, you have to participate!

I can't participate. Shut up! I don't even have the money to make breadsticks.

No, Furio! Furio, listen, listen to me: If you participate, I will pay off your debts.

- Everyone? - Everyone!

Yes! But look at his face!

But you have to lose!

And of course I lose! I'm hiring the worst chef ever!

She will be the mother of all defeats!

No, I'll chase you away, I have to chase you away.

Doctor Galli, a cook has arrived, with an example of tasting.

But look at this idiot if he had to smash my hand!

Anyway, good news for me they make me hungry.

Let's see a little that this gentleman prepared...

Oh, but! A semifreddo, eh? The look it's not bad... colorful... Let's see...

Here you go.

(VERSES OF DISGUST)

It's the most disgusting thing I have never eaten in my life! Taste.

- (Gentiletti) No, no, no, no! - No! - No... Please, no!

This is the worst chef in the world!

Eat, don't get dirty which can be infectious. Have you seen?

- Mom, how disgusting! - Did you see? - Mom! Mom, how disgusting!

It's a "stink"! This is the worst chef in the world!

She is the greatest chef in the world! I swear!

- Never eaten anything like it. Never. Tell him! - No, never. - Never, never.

Finally someone who understands me! I was born to cook! Thank you!

Leave her! You, Mr. Saporito, will be my chef for the next G7 summit.

- Of the G7? G7? - Yes, it's just a matter of passing the tender, but I'm...

- Wait a minute! It's not like I can do it all alone, sorry. We need staff. - Certain.

I need a cook's help, I need a sommelier, I need a pastry chef...

- Can we find people with his abilities? - With his abilities... almost.

But I'm moved! I'm touched! When do we want to start, right away?

In the next few days there will be a tender...

right in the city that will host the G7, which will be held at Christmas, in Trento.

In Trento, at Christmas. Oh good! Listen to something... for the advance payment?

Um... You say.

- But I think ten thousand is enough. - Ten thousand is fine, yes.

- You advance them for the first few expenses... - How do I anticipate them?!

Don't tell me that a chef of his caliber he has problems for ten thousand euros.

I have no problem with ten thousand euros!

It's just that my wife holds the cash register, a rotisserie...

which she never believed in my qualities.

- And he won't give me the money for the race! He won't give them to me! - He doesn't give them to him. - No...

Ouch! And here... We must find a system, that is... You, I don't know...

She doesn't have some distant relative, I don't know... an aunt...

I only have one grandmother left in the hinterland Milanese, in Rogoredo. Grandma Peppa.

And then you organize the Grandma Peppa's funeral.

But he's doing great! She did the tests last week and they are perfect.

She gets money for the funeral and she doesn't do it.

- And who do I do it to? - To his sister!

(Gualtiero) One, two, three, Peppina makes coffee. Here you are...

One, two, three, Peppina makes coffee. Enough...

- One, two, three, Peppina makes coffee... - Gualtiero, what happened?

Grandma Peppina has died! Grandma Peppa has died!

- It's gone! It's gone! - She Is she dead?

- Has Grandma Peppa died? - Grandma Peppa has died! -How did she die?

She had a "shock"! The blood clot has started. Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy! And she's "shocked"...

- Oh, Jesus, what a terrible thing! - How bad is that? The G7?

- The G7? - Um... Yes...

No, because she as she is dead her while she played naval battle...

- But who, the grandmother? - Grandma! She played naval battle.

- Did grandmother play naval battle? She-she Played naval battle!

When the G7 arrived it sank.

- And now who's thinking about the funeral? - I!

I've already done the estimate. It takes ten thousand euros.

- Ten thousand euros for a funeral?! - Certain!

It takes two thousand euros only for the oven kit.

- But what does the oven have to do with it, Gualtiero? - But we'll cremate her! - Ah!

- And when do you have to leave? - Right away! Immediately. And I'll be gone for seven days.

Seven days for a cremation? But that's exaggerated!

But we cremate it on a slow flame! Very slow fire.

That nice crust must come which she liked so much.

- One, two, three, Peppina makes coffee... - Peppina makes coffee...

So, will you give me ten thousand euros?

- One, two, three, Peppina makes coffee... - Peppina makes coffee...

- Of course golf is a very tiring sport. - Because you're not trained.

Anyway, with the elements I found we will definitely lose this race.

Sure you have found the worst of the worst the worst of what's out there?

Doctor, modestly this is my specialty.

I remind you that I have them introduced his wife.

Ah, no, that's right, you're right. When it's right, it's right, sorry.

- So... here it is... - Who is?

This is the perfect chef assistant for us.

- But doesn't he work in a starred restaurant in Naples? - Yes, he worked.

Then, unfortunately, he fell ill with glossitis and anosmia.

- Terrible. - Terrible.

- I'm so sorry. - Eh, bad things. - What the fuck is this glossitis?

He practically doesn't hear anymore neither the smells nor the tastes. Nothing!

- What are you laughing at, you idiot? It's a tragedy! And laughs! - No, because he...

Perfect! It's him! Bravo!

Have you sometimes even seen an imbecile... Keep my fingers sweating. It's him!

What an unbearable stench!

Here's the pimp.

- A little to you... A little to me... - How disgusting! What are you doing?

It's the force of habit: I have to taste. I don't feel anything anyway.

- Do you want some? - For fuck's sake!

Oh! I see you like it!

- Mr Cacace? - Yes? - Yes...

- They need you at the next summit. - Why are they having a summit on pigs?

No. You will be the official assistant chef of the next G7.

- Health! Is he cold? - No! Here.

- But what are you saying? - Here you are.

- But is it Galli catering? - Exact!

- Ah, G7! - The G7. - But then it's true.

So it's true! Love! Love! Where? Love, let's go to the G7!

- But is his wife in the pigsty? - But what a wife! I'm single.

Here she is! She is Mine!

- Ah! But you bought a little pig! - No! Mia is the pig's name!

Let's go to the G7, love, let's go to the G7! Do you know where we're going? At the G7! Let's go to the G7!

Doctor Galli, as I promised you, here is our sommelier.

- Judging by the nose, this has more wine in the body than in the cellar. - Yes... Yes...

- And what is it? What's laughing? Who is? - Filippo Tosti.

- Filippo Tosti... The name tells me something... - Now he's out of the loop.

Yes, because he came as a result of drinking liver shot and he had to stop.

He only drinks a drop, it remains dry.

But it's "genius"! A sommelier who can no longer drink. - Exactly.

Have you seen? Sometimes even an idiot can...

- Mr. Filippo Tosti is over there. - Let him in.

- Filippo Tosti. - Please, have a seat. - Thank you.

Hello... Good morning... I have the summons that you did to me for the job... What?

- But who is he? But you are not Filippo Tosti. - No, I...

This one in the photograph was my grandfather. We had the same name, it was used in Sicily.

- How did we "have"? - My grandfather died.

Crazy thing. My aunt woke me up the day before yesterday, calls my grandmother and says: "Do you know that..."

- Who cares how he died?! - We have now given his name.

And what do I do without Filippo Tosti? What do I do without Tosti?

- Excuse me, I see you loved him very much. - To whom? - To my grandfather, this one who died.

It's bad news. I lost the sommelier...

Excuse me, I don't want... but since I'm here...

- If you had a job for me I could do anything... - No, I have nothing.

- No, no, it's not what... - Anything...

Apart from the sommelier because I'm a teetotaler, but I would do anything, even...

It's an interesting topic. Namesake of the sommelier... teetotal?

Totally teetotal. That is, I feel It smells like wine, it makes me sick.

- Perfect! I'll hire you as a sommelier! - But I'm a teetotaler...

What an ugly word "teetotal"... Let's say "not drinking", here.

But being a protected category is entitled to the position of sommelier.

Here you are! For desserts I found the right person.

- And does the pastry chef have a suitable profile for us? - She IS a woman.

"She's a woman"... What, women don't have profiles?!

No, she took eight pastry courses and they always rejected it.

It's as bad as she can get in the world of desserts.

Then she withdrew, but she continues to stay in the branch.

Her name is Pearl, but they call her "the pastry chef".

It's perfect! She has a really nice CV!

Yes, yes, that one is really beautiful! Look, look...

- What a great CV! - You like it, huh? - Oh! Stay in your place!

(MUSIC FROM "I WILL SURVIVE" BY GLORIA GAYNOR)

(Whistling and shouting)

(Woman, from the radio) This is headquarters 4040, say.

I'm Becco Felice, Pisa 23.

I would need a replacement. I have to to pick up my wife Perla from work.

(Woman, from the radio) But how? It's midnight! Is your wife working at this time?

Yes, she is a pastry chef, she prepares desserts for dinners. At private homes.

(Woman, from the radio) Lucky her. Always Better than being here sorting taxis.

It's not a simple thing. Perla works a lot. He works his ass off...

(MUSIC FROM "I WILL SURVIVE" BY GLORIA GAYNOR)

- Hey! "Bombona perchiata"! - She You look at yourself but you don't touch yourself.

Come on... Damn it!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

- Hi love. How is it going? - (Happy) I'm down here waiting for you.

- I have some wonderful news to give you. - Meaning what? - Let me touch the mimosas.

- Hands off! - (Happy) How, sorry?

Hands off the cakes, I wanted to say...

"Kill"! I liked them, huh? As always.

Do you want to see the "mess"?

I'm done, I'll be right down.

- HI! - Hello, "sugar girl".

Here, this one's for you. It's by Furio Galli Catering. It was open and I took a peek.

- And what do they want from me? - Are you ready? - Yes.

Felice Becco's wife will be the pastry chef in the catering tender for...

- For? - For? - For what?

- The G7 summit. - I? - Yes! You're happy, aren't you? - No!

No, I mean this thing is too much challenging. And then what need is there?

In the end we also managed the mortgage to pay it more or less like this, right?

- But you don't want to give up making desserts for the seven most powerful men in the world. - Yes!

- Yes? How, yes?! - Happy, enough, I'm not going! - But why? I do not understand...

Is there something I don't know? It's one thing top secret? A "misunderstanding"?

- No... It's just... - It's just...

- I'm going! I'm a pastry chef after all... - In conclusion? No, you are "the" pastry chef!

And if everyone wants your treats it means you make them very well, tasty.

- And this time I'll accompany you. The taximeter starts. - You don't want to make me pay for the ride?

You're about to become the pastry chef from the G7, You can afford it, right?

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(in Spanish) Ladies and gentlemen, you know the rules.

(in Spanish) Remember that any irregularity...

even if committed by just one of the participants...

will be punished with exclusion from the brigade.

(in Spanish) He will ensure that it is carried out correctly of the race Lieutenant Mariolina Tucci.

My name is Mario Linatucci, not Mariolina Tucci.

(in Spanish) Forgive me, I don't know Italian well.

I understand, but here we are always making excuses!

As you know, the members of the jury are secret.

Do not attempt to discover their identity and above all to corrupt them.

That will be my main task to monitor any irregularities.

"Quisque faber fortunatee suae".

(JOURNALISTS LAUGHTER)

I think I killed a ball. It came back to me! I have a ball and three tonsils!

(in Spanish) May the best win! Shake hands.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

Come on, he seems a little too sure of himself your chef. Are you sure he cooks like shit?

Don't worry, Gualtiero is not a pussy, he is the mother of all blowjobs!

- What a blowjob? - The mother... - What a blowjob?! - Pippa's mother...

- Pippa Middleton, who is the wife of... - Carlo! ...by Carlo... William...

- Ubaldo organized the wedding. - I don't know her! - Who? - This Pippa.

Well, instead... she married her.

- Guys, I'm sure we'll win the race... - (together) We will win!

- Because I have my... - (together) Best!

- He, for example, you can see very well that he has a great face... - Ass!

- He has the face of an ass...-What an ass?! - Hand! As a chef!

- He, on the other hand, has a face like... - Fuck! - From catering!

And the young lady, you can see it immediately which is a great pass...

- (together) A great pussy! - Oh!

Pastry chef! Pastry chef!

And I, on the other hand, have a face like...?

- He's an idiot! - A "badass". - As a driver!

- But who are you? What does she do? - I am happy. - I'm very happy for her too.

No, I'm not happy, my name is Felice and I am Pearl's husband.

Damn it! But she can't stay here! "Evacuate"! "Evacuate", immediately!

I can't help but "evacuate". Yes, there are a lot of them excited, but not to the point of...

Shoo! Shoo! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

I hurt myself! Old!

My team must have no distractions! No girlfriends! No husbands!

No cell phones! No animals! (PIG GRUNTING)

(PIG GRUNTING) No sudoku! No solitaire games!

(PIG GRUNTING) No you porn... What is it?

No, it's me. I have "sharp noses", every now and then I have to "redden" them.

(PIG GRUNTING)

Eh, okay... Ah, here it is... Like the three musketeers.

So... one for all and all for one!

My goodness, what a pain! But what is it?

You mistook my ass for someone sausage?! Damn you!

- Thank you. - Have a nice stay.

- Good morning, I have a reservation in the name... - Micheletti Laura!

- Flavia! - What a pleasure to see you again! - Me too!

It's been since hotel school!

I see you did it to win the golden keys.

- Did you see? And you? Have you become a sommelier? - Shh!

Yes! Even international. Think I'm the judge of the G7!

But no one should know.

Don't worry, your secret is safe.

Here's your room. It's ready in ten minutes. Single.

Yes, because men are like wines:

the best are old and the youngest They have no character, but who knows...

I have to do it, I have to do it and I have to do it.

(VERSE OF DISGUST)

- Are you feeling well? - Wine really disgusts me!

- Oh mama... - But why, aren't you a sommelier?

- Yes, I'm a sommelier, but I'm a total teetotaler. - A sommelier who doesn't drink?

Sorry, that would be like saying my wife she's a pastry chef and she doesn't know how to make croissants.

- And do you know how to do them? - Yes, yes she knows how to do them!

I've never seen it but it's definitely there she knows how to do it. And then you see that she is gifted.

Rather, you I don't see you looking too good for the G7.

The only hope I have is if the judge were a woman.

- But the judges are secret. - Yes, I know, but if she were a woman I would have solved it.

- Holy shit... - If she were a slut even better.

(in Sicilian) I would lick it all over, because women are all the same.

(in Sicilian) - I would have the vote guaranteed. - Women are not all the same.

- Don't you think it's a bit sexist? - But are you Sicilian?

(in Sicilian) Of course I'm Sicilian.

Right right. You're right, she's a chauvinist, though it's the only hope I have to win the race.

- What if the judge doesn't fit? - I think it fits.

And how can you be so sure?

Because, modestly, I have some topics of my own, I would have things of my own...

She's fine, but with the bad luck I have that's a man for sure.

And he, on the other hand, is a woman.

- And who is she? - That one right there.

(in Sicilian) That one? Well, but that woman is a wreck, that is...

She's a lady of age but what's the problem?

The only chance she has is to take her to bed. She said it, didn't she?

Maybe you're right, maybe it's an argument a little too chauvinistic.

In my opinion even with kisses and caresses...

that is, even without going to bed, maybe he'll give me the vote anyway...

- Good luck. - Thank you.

"Shit", what do I have to do...

Beautiful lady! I'm Philip!

I don't feel so good on this side. Come this way, I have braces.

HI! I was saying I'm Filippo!

Ah, good morning. And I'm Lina Renghi, widow.

- But do we know each other, Mr. Filippo? - No, we don't actually know each other.

But I'm here just to meet you, even intimately if...

But what is he saying? I could be his grandmother...

- Lina! Are we still thinking about age? Age no longer matters! - She says so!

When I celebrated my last birthday, the candles cost me more than the cake.

But still this "bullshit" you say? You're so cute!

Lina, I like you very much. I you I want to know, I want to caress you.

When I saw you, I shivered.

Give me a kiss! Give me a kiss! Pretty! I'm crazy about you! I'm crazy about you!

- You're just crazy! Leave me alone! - Come here, Lina!

Arturo, you won't believe it, but one of them courted me.

And not an old man. A nice, young boy.

But don't worry, darling, I would never betray my vote.

(ROMANCE MUSIC)

Arturo, after you there will be no one left.

Help cook! I prepared a Gualtiero sauce which must have a delicious flavour.

Now she tastes it and she tells me what she thinks about it.

- Here it is, here, taste it. - I? - Of course, right?

- And what do I think? - But you weren't hired because you have a refined palate?

- Or am I wrong? - You're wrong. - Oh, am I wrong? - You're wrong!

Because with this palate that I find myself... But she is very good! How did she do it?

- And the perfume? She smells the perfume. - Even the perfume? - I like it.

- What is she like? - Nothing. Nothing to do, you are very good! She smells good... But how does she do it?

- So, chef, how are we doing? - Very good! - But how?

I prepared a Gualtiero sauce to garnish dishes.

I put vinegar, milk, Caribbean lime, chopped lard...

peanut cream, pineapple, honey and a grating of Southern Parmesan.

- Meaning what? - Pecorino! - Ah!

It looks great.

- I tasted it too! - Ah, if he tasted it then...

- Do you want to try it too? - No! -She's good, she's good.

No... I've already eaten unfortunately. Too bad, otherwise I would have eaten it...

- Eat it "daddy"! Eat it "daddy"! - No, no... - And eat it "for dad"!

- "To dad"...- No, what "to dad"? I do not want. Ninth... - "To dad", go, go. Come on, come on, come on.

(Furio) she smells good, I'm tempted, Too bad I'm full.

- (Furio) I almost swallow it in one bite. - But what is it?

- (Furio) Very good! - It's a pimple, what do you want her to be?

- (Tony) A pimple? - (Gualtiero) A little pimple.

It looks like Vesuvius! It couldn't have been the sauce...

Because I have some doubts I have it on the ingredients.

Absolutely no sauce! I ate it the whole thing, I even ate the bowl.

- Maybe it's juvenile acne. - "Youthful"?!

- But I'm fifty years old! I'll die soon! - So it's posthumous acne. It's acne anyway.

And it seemed like it! Look how it stinks!

What color is this "melted"? What did this dog eat, markers?!

And then this pimple sooner or later it will go away.

My God, another bubo?

Here it is! The usual Neapolitan. Always exaggerated. "Another bubo!"

- Why, where is the gentleman from Bergamo Alta? - Vomero Alto.

Oh yes? I would say more Vomero... low!

- Did he make the height joke? - (Tony) Because he's short...

- But do you want to end this "camurria"? And that's it! - Yes, chef!

- I told you no! - No...

- Can I come to the kitchen with you? - No, you heard the chef.

- And do you already know what you will cook? - No! - Well, at least tell me the ingredients. - No!

Look, smart girl, I can seem a naive man, but that's not the case.

- Because I know perfectly well what I have here! - You have nothing...

Nothing? In fact, I have two.

Very big!

Great ideas for your treats.

Happy, go for a ride please? I do it alone. Let me work.

You sound just like my poor grandmother. I was so proud of her, you know?

She made donuts... she made them all of Pisa! And everyone was satisfied.

And then there was my grandfather, progenitor of the Becco family. First Beak.

- Go! - I go.

Thank you, Mr Galli.

- Mr Galli! Excuse me, can I talk to you for a moment? - Say.

- Look, I can't do it. - To do what? - Making desserts.

I'm going out of cakes. She can't find it a competent pastry chef?

But who? He just doesn't talk about it!

We have already given his name and it can no longer be changed, sorry.

- But with me you will certainly lose. - Precisely! - How exactly?

Exactly, I say, something will be invented.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

(Gualtiero) he found the herb for the gasket? Lazy!

- (Gualtiero) But she weighs like a beast! - And don't swing!

But look what this makes me do to get some chives! Darnit!

Chef! But we couldn't go to the supermarket?

An international chef like me he finds the ingredients on site!

Zero centimetre. "Head"!

"Zero centimeter"? Here we are 20 meters away! Darnit!

Listen, take the blue one, the one with the blue leaves.

Here they are! I got it!

There's a wasp that's bothering me, that's annoying me here.

- And "scam her"! - What does "scamazzi" mean?

- Crush it! - Should I crush her? Wait a minute... here!

Our Lady of Mount Carmel!

Everything is fine?

What an ass! I touched it!

It didn't ruin my leaves, eh?

Think of the chives! Damn the poverty!

(in Neapolitan) I risked my life for this shitty weed!

(in Neapolitan) Chef! 'Fuck you and this shitty weed!

(TONY GRANS IN PAIN)

- Pull up the rope too because it's not mine! - But fuck you!

(THE SHEEP FART)

Here are the olives that fell from the trees!

- But go! Are they ripe? - If they fell it's because they're ripe, right?

You smell them!

They smell good! But they are "flies"!

- Try them! - Of course I'll taste them!

- What are they like? - I do not know.

But they are strange, they are already pitted.

It's like an olive pâté.

Even if I eat shit it's the same thing.

(Gualtiero) For the recipe, after olives serves us milk. And here it is.

There are some goats there that do a delicious milk. We need it a lot!

Chef, I don't even have a euro. The wallet I didn't bring it, it was so empty.

But we don't have to buy it, we have to milk them ourselves, it's cooler that way!

- (Tony) Chef, slow down, I'm out of breath. - (Gualtiero) And heavy too!

(Tony) I still have them olives on the stomach.

Let's milk the one that's the biggest! Beautiful!

- Why, do you know how to milk a goat? - A great chef can do everything, my dear.

He can draw blood from a turnip and milk from a goat.

- Therefore I will never become a chef... - Come on, come on, come on, come on.

(Gualtiero) A nice milking and make the little goat happy.

Now she holds on tight, that I milk it. Understood?

(GOAT BLEATING)

What a loud voice this little goat has! For me she doesn't agree, she seems nervous to me.

She is nervous for sure, but as soon as she will hear the expert hands of the chef calms down.

Certain! Now I'll show them. At that time, they take their breasts in their hands, like this...

(Gualtiero) Ah, what beautiful mamelons!

(Tony) What strange breasts! Don't they have nipples?

(GOAT BLEATING)

A good squeeze and you're done!

(THE GOAT BLEATS AND TONY SCREAMS)

- Holy Madonna... - It's her fault! She made me nervous!

Hey! "Bombona perchiata"! Perla, the pastry chef!

Sorry, I don't know you and then I'm in a hurry...

Yes, you know me! We went to the party of Pio's stag party, your friend!

- I got the tattoo. Do you want to see it? - No! I don't even remember Pio!

But how? You came out of the cake full of cream! You were "good" as hell! Pearl!

I'm in Trento for my cousin's wedding. That guy's getting married to a "pedal toilet."

Let's organize a nice stag party, one of the ones you do, huh?

- Thank you very much, but I stopped. - Come on! I'll give you all the money you want!

It's not about the money. I don't have that thing I do more. And then I don't have the cake with me.

And what do you think I'm doing here? I have a confectionery company!

A fake cake I'll do it in two seconds, Pearl!

- Do you have a confectionery company? - Certain! The best in Italy.

So let's make a deal: I'm coming and I don't even want to get paid...

but she makes me have a real cake, the best I've ever made!

- You tell me where you want me to take it and I'll take it to you! - Hotel Excelsior.

Hand?! The same hotel as mine? Go, Pearl! "Bombona perchiata"!

(Man, from the screen) Countess, I finally find you. But you are cruel...

This is the perfect opportunity. Today they also show a nice romantic film.

And then in his time we went alone to make out at the cinema.

Okay, let's go make out...

- Philip! - Oh! - What do you do at the cinema too?

I'll explain it to you later. And why isn't she in the kitchen?

The film lasts two hours and forty, just enough time for cooking Gualtiero-style capitone.

See you later, I'll take care of a little thing.

- Hello, Lina. How beautiful you are... - With all this place, right here?

But then you didn't understand that I like you?

But what... leave me alone! But what does he want from me?

I want the vote from you.

The vote? But what does my vote have to do with it?

It has something to do with it. You give me something, I give you something.

But what is he saying?! Voting is one thing serious! There's no talking about it at all!

There's really no talking about it... I'll lick you all over!

Ouch! Help!

(LINA SCREAMS)

- Oh God, I swallowed something. - Where is my hearing aid?

Did I swallow the device? In fact, not...

(HEARING AID HISSES)

- Spit it out! Spit it "to daddy"! Spit it out! Spit it out! Criminal, she was... - No!

- She was killing me the sommelier! - Help! Help! Gendarmes!

(INDISTINCT VOICE)

Gualtiero, I only did it to have the vote. That's the wine judge over there.

Now because of you we will be disqualified and goodbye G7! Goodbye!

We have to invent something.

At that time? Why did you bother that old lady?

- Lieutenant, I... - But because she is in love!

But tell him you're in love, right? He's in love, he's very much in love!

In love?

That is... in the sense... he... that is, if a la you really see... it's a nice "stick"...

She showed me her little leg, like this... In short, the man is not made of wood, lieutenant.

He provoked it, understand? She provoked him this shameless girl, understand?

"Shameless"? No, I say, but have you seen it? But what do you want to do with someone like that?

Lieutenant, what am I doing? First I make out, then if I see that he indulges himself...

(in Sicilian) I take her by the back of the neck like lions do, I hold her still...

(FILIPPO MIAGOLA)

(in Sicilian) "I bang" her and I make it worse than a dirty rag.

But certainly! Sex and love they are one. So, so I am.

With that ruin? To go with that devi asks for permission from cultural heritage.

Well! Then we clarified everything. Best wishes and sons!

But what sons! If this one has a child, they arrest the stork! But aren't you ashamed?

- I can't stand you anymore! You disgust me! Go away! - Thank you, very kind. - Go away!

I get it, but you shouldn't laugh. There's nothing to laugh about, okay?

How many times do I have to tell you? HI. Who is?

(in Japanese) Good morning.

My goodness, I just can't get used to it. Did you dress like this for the Japanese prime minister?

- Do you like me? - In short...

Yes. And I also put a photo on Facebook. And you don't know the "likes"!

- I have a lot of "followers" and I'm thinking of asking for "crowdfunding". - And does it cost a lot?

- Hand! It's a way to raise funds on the web! "Funding". - Well.

- Ah! And I auctioned off a lock of Trump's hair! - You know how happy he will be...

(in Japanese) Goodbye.

- Doctor! - My God!

How scary! But you're killing me like this! But what is it? The ambushes.

- Sorry... I was disturbing you... the... the wreck... the wreck... - Who is she? - The... the toilet...

- (Fillippo) The... - (Furio) The old lady? - The old lady... - Ah! The wreck...

- I discovered that you are the wine judge. - That one over there? - Then I...

- What are these moves? I do not understand. - In the sense that I'm courting her.

- And she's in? - No. - Ah! - But... - But?

But she's hesitant... so... do what you want...

- But in my opinion in the end the vote will be ours. - No! It's a tragedy! - Why not?

For her! It's a tragedy! She won't want it sacrifice yourself for the cause! No, no, no!

- You were the only one, the first to believe in me, I owe it to you, doctor. - No...

- Goodbye. - No... But what is all this gratitude?

- Yes, tell me, Furio. - Ubaldo, I need 500 euros in cash.

No, listen, Furio, sorry... No, like that it's not good. He said to himself: the money later.

- Ubaldo, do you want to win? - Yes. - Then you have to give me 500 euros!

Allow me, ma'am?

Furio Galli.

- Very pleased, I am Lina Renghi, widow. - Condolences. - Thank you.

- I can? - Please. - Yes...

- Ma'am, I'm a practical guy and I would get straight to the point if... - Tell me, Mr. Furio.

Well, I saw that there is a young man, Filippo, who courts her.

I understand that she might be tempted, meat is meat.

But what did he have in his head? Voting is voting.

This is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.

Wait... What is it? It's just that it doesn't come out...

There... there!

If you forget the question of voting, these are from you, ma'am.

- But in this hotel you are all crazy! - Please take them. - No!

- I'll put them in her bag, so she... - No! No! - Yes, yes!

- With those big eyes, say yes! Please... - No!

- Yes! She has to say yes to me! - No! - Say yes, please! - No!

No! Don't tell me no! No, ma'am! Ma'am, tell me yes! Lady!

- Good morning. - Good morning. - I'm the lieutenant... - Mariolina Tucci. - Still!

- Mario Linatucci. - Mario Linatucci. - Do you know what my role is in this race?

I saw him trying to give money of course to that lady. What's underneath?

Eh... I wanted to give you 500 euros for... to have a night of love!

- She too? And, I say, 500 "euros"! - 500, yes!

- What will you do if you take them back? - And what do I do, leave them to him? She said no.

- She wanted more! - Moreover?

I can't understand what's wrong This old woman is so special.

You are the second person here, sorry the metaphor, which wants to "get it"!

Bravo. I want to "get it"...well done! She can't understand... she can't understand.

No I don't understand! That's a mummy!

If you undress her, in contact with air it crumbles!

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

Grandma's beauty! Marika! What a beautiful quiff you have! Pretty!

Mom! I went to the bank and found out that the ten thousand euros that dad withdrew...

- For Grandma Peppa's funeral. - No, for a luxury hotel. I saw the bank transfer.

- In Rogoredo? - No, in Trento.

In Trento? But what are you saying? Your father in Trento? He goes Well, let's call him now so we can check.

- Already tried, he doesn't respond. - Of course we can't call grandma Peppa.

- Instead she answers. - Grandma answers! A miracle!

- On the phone. She is not dead. - Grandma isn't dead? -She's healthy as a fish.

Money, lies, luxury hotels... I think dad has a lover.

But who takes care of your father? At that age? But have you seen it?

You can see that vintage is in fashion.

- But do me a favor! - Some people like "frollo"!

- Ready, "Ragù"! - (Chatu) Chatù!

It's the same thing! Prepare the car that we have to go to Trento.

- (Chatù) And the rotisserie? - And what do I care?!

You know I don't have a driving license!

My! My sweetie! I brought you some of potatoes to eat! "Yum, yum"!

My... Where are you? My?

Oh, my goodness! My sweetie? Where did you end up? My!

Darnit! The cleaning lady she left the door open! My! My! My!

- Oh! What happened, did you lose anything? - Have you seen a slut?

A slut? At the hotel? Here it's full of pork, it's a bustle!

If you want, I can introduce you to someone.

Ninth! Mine is a real slut, dwarf!

Nana! She likes dwarfs! I have one measuring one meter and twenty-seven... a Moldavian!

Ninth! Mine is a Neapolitan slut. But who is this?!

(Gualtiero) Now I'll put some oil on you... But how good you are! But how tender you are...

- (Gualtiero) What a beautiful little pig! Pretty! - No! Stopped! - What is it?

Don't touch it! You can't eat the pig!

But what are you eating! Can't you see I'm giving her a bath?

I found her wandering around the kitchen to eat something...

And then I took her and adopted her.

- But what adopted?! Mine, it's mine, Mine! Mine is mine! - Huh?! - Mine is mine!

- But what does he do, gargle? - What gargles! Mine is mine.

- The little pig is called Mia. - Ah, is the pig called Mia?

- It's a nice name. - I put it there. - I like.

So, Mia, look at me here, here I present to you your dad, I'm your new dad.

But what a new dad! The pig is mine!

If she belonged to her it should have been called her. And her name is Mia and therefore...

- Do you see that you agree too? Find another animal! - And where can I find it?!

- There are many... An iguana? - What is an iguana?

- The iguana is what she does... - My goodness, it's impressive! No, I don't like it.

- You don't like iguana? - No. - Then find another one.

I don't know, take a parrot, a hamster, a little turtle, a lion, a platypus...

Come on, let me wash the pig.

- But let's do a little at a time. - Like a little for one?

As long as, when he sleeps at her place, I stop by to kiss her goodnight.

To me? But I turn all red.

- To her? What, I kiss her? Do I kiss the chef? - Precisely. - My! She!

I believe this thing happened to me with Lina served as a lesson to me.

Ah! It's a pleasure to hear you say that!

I thought courting was enough a woman to get something from her.

- But no. - Exact.

- I must say that it is very hard to admit this, but I understand. - Good.

- I understand that I will have to go to bed. - What are you saying? She even reported you!

She did that to save face in public.

She tonight, as soon as I "pack" her... Tie! No! Yes! No!

Look, I think it's here time to tell you something.

I found the room number myself, Don't worry.

Actually, I'll do one thing, I'll go to change immediately otherwise I'll be late.

Tonight I'll disintegrate it and then I'll tell you, I'll tell you. No!

Hi, love, I'm going to cook. Don't wait for me tonight.

- Don't worry, darling. Pretty! How beautiful you are! - Thank you.

(Happy) No, I was telling the car. I had it polished and a nice tire change.

However, you are beautiful too. Indeed, you are beautiful! HI!

Thank you. HI.

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC)

- Thank you. - I am sorry.

- Good evening. - Yes?

(in Venetian) Excuse me if I'll bother you...

- The semi-axle? Eh, they're dicks. - No, the van.

- I broke the van and I have to bring a cake to a party. - Sorry, I'm not from the area.

I have to go to this party and I can't get enough of one any taxi, I need one as big as his.

- Like mine? - Yes - Woh! And what kind of cake is it?

- This. - Executioner! What a cake!

I have to arrive in time for a farewell to celibacy, don't make me look bad.

- Stag party? - Yes.

- The one where there are half-naked women? - The "putele"...

No, no, whores no, no, no, no.

I've never been there anyway at the stag party, I'd love to!

- Look, you're taking me there... - Yes... and I'll let her into the party.

(DISCO MUSIC FROM SPEAKERS)

- Madonna, how "good" she is! It's really a "bomba"! - A "perch"!

- Excuse me, may I? - Certain.

The face cannot be seen but she really is a great "mouse".

- It's killing me! It's killing me! - Excuse me.

And then he has an exaggerated ass!

It's killing me! Madonna! It's killing me!

Hey, young people! Enough is enough! Come on, you're going blind, come on!

- I just took a peek... - Yes, they all say that. Move.

"Bombona"! It's your turn! Come on, beautiful, come on!

- (Nicola) Come on, sweetheart! - (Man) It's killing me! - (Nicola) "Bombona perchiata"!

Pearl knew it!

(together) Pastry chef! Pastry chef! Pastry chef!

(MUSIC FROM "I WILL SURVIVE" BY GLORIA GAYNOR)

- It's killing me, it's killing me! - Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- It's killing me! - Yes, I understand that you like it, I understand.

- The heart... Do you have a car? - No, I have a taxi.

- Take me to a hospital! - Just now that the "mouse" has come out?

- What, I have to die for a "slut"? - I understand, but...

If he doesn't take me I'm reporting her for failure to provide assistance.

No, no, who cares about the whore.

(MUSIC FROM "I WILL SURVIVE" BY GLORIA GAYNOR)

- Everything is fine? - In short... - It's better that way.

(MAN GRANS)

(MAN SCREAMING) Excuse me!

- Mom! - (Happy) Sorry for the rush, I don't want to miss the striptease!

- How are you? - Nurse! You're killing me! You're killing me!

I have to see it with my own eyes, otherwise I won't believe it!

- Who can have the courage to be with my husband? - You, ma'am, are fine.

What does it have to do with it? I'm the wife, it's different. This is "dirty" to us, do you understand?

- Oh, "paisa"! - Where are you going, "Sciampù"? - (Chatu) Chatù!

(CONVERSATION IN INDIAN)

He is my cousin. He's an elevator operator here. I have 68 cousins ​​in Italy.

- What do I care? Listen, "Sartù"... - Chatù! - Yes... Go to "Sitar". - Chintan!

Yes, okay, what's it called, Ask what it is Gualtiero Saporito's room.

Mrs Renghi, sorry for the inconvenience, but it will only be for tonight.

Unfortunately the plumbing...

- Look, apart from the pillow, can I leave everything in the room? - Of course.

- Thank you. - Here you are.

- Good night. - Good night.

Laura!

When Filippo finds me in his place of Mrs. Lina, he will take a beating.

And he will finally understand the what a fool he made.

But where did you put Mrs. Lina? Since the hotel is full?

In that of Ulla Waisteiger, the pastry chef of the other team. He's not sleeping in the hotel tonight.

- Ah! You remained a "paracula". - You too.

Just because you handed me your homework at the time of the hotel industry.

- Excuse me, the 118? - There. - Thank you.

Remember that you are Sicilian, Don't make me look bad.

Anyway let's hope she doesn't open. Damn, it's open!

I have to do it... I have to do it!

I can't do it.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Have you ever seen how he helps me this time?

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Ta-ta! Surprise!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

There he is!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Surprise!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Surprise!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

(FILIPPO GRANS)

Hate! I end up like my poor grandfather. I'm about to die.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Oh God, it's all my fault! She drank to get courage... This is killing me!

(ROMANCE MUSIC)

(Gualtiero) Eh, no! Tonight he sleeps with me!

(Gualtiero) I washed it, perfumed it and I bought her slutty panties.

- The little pig took off her pajamas! - (Tony) How beautiful she is!

Eh! She can't wait to go to bed.

- Listen, but do you suck it too? - Only at the tip. - Ah!

Do you think that by sucking me, he extended it to me!

But we had agreed that today it was my turn. And that's not good!

All right, have fun. But tomorrow the slut will be all mine.

- Mom! - I'm not a mother! - Only mum gave me these slaps!

- I am the wife! - Mother's wife? Are you a dad?

- Dad sent you this! - Ah! Oh, mom...

- Hey! Will you give me your ass? Huh? - Where's the pig?

- Blessed! But what are you doing here? - Gualtiero! Tell me where that big slut is!

But what a "great" one! Mia is a dwarf! Because it's easier to handle, you take it...

Pervert! You even took it nana!

Well, if you don't mind, I would take it home.

At home?! You are crazy! From my house you can go you and this slut you're having sex with!

But we let her sleep in the Latvian, in the middle.

Then let's put her to sleep in Lorenzo's room.

- So where do we make her sleep? - Where is this "slut"?!

You scared her! You scared her!

Hey! "Gouged"! Where are you? Get out now! Where are you? Hey, "zompareta"!

Come out, do you understand? Then go out alone, because if you go out alone I won't do anything to you.

Aggressive! Aggressive!

- But this is a real pig! - She's a little pig. Her name is Mia.

(POP MUSIC FROM SPEAKER)

- Shall we put it in your taxi? - What, in the taxi? Is the show over?

Holy shit thief!

Excuse me.

(POP MUSIC FROM SPEAKER)

Pearl! What are you doing here?

I told you I cooked. I came to make all these pastries.

- Ah, the pastries, yes... - What are you doing here? - I? Nothing.

I mean, I accompanied a guy to bring the stag party cake. Yes, yes, yes...

And then? What did you do?

I? I left. You know I don't look at naked women.

Good! Good! What a creaminess! All buttery! All creamy!

This meringue is tough, tough, tough! How delicious! All natural! My Lady!

Thank you! Thank you! I am the husband. Nice to meet you, Becco. Happy Beak. - Just happy!

I'm really lucky to have a wife like that. Lucky and proud.

- Do you think they want her at the G7. - You understood these politicians!

Happy go get the car while I change into my... cook's clothes.

(POP MUSIC FROM SPEAKER)

- Listen, where is my cake? - Don't worry, Pearl, everything's fine.

It's in the kitchen, in the hotel.

Come, I'll show you the cake that I have prepared for tomorrow.

No...

- What the fuck! - No, it's a girl. A gilt.

It's your fault, little bastard, that you made her escape!

- Chef! That one escaped secretly! - What an escape!

Here it is!

Finally! Did you like the cake? Was it good?

- She ate it all! - All of it.

- This was my cake. - You'll do another one. What do you want it to be?

- Oh, yes, of course! You make it easy, chef! - Look, you can do it. - Shut up!

- What a bad temper. - (Pearl) And then I don't have time.

My goodness, how scary! I thought they had it kidnapped! Let them never kidnap her!

- What if we kidnapped the other team's pastry chef? - What are you saying?

But yes! No pastry chef, no cake. No cake and no competition, right?

- You do one thing, bake another cake. - No. - Yes.

Make another cake and if you don't make in time we won't win, but maybe we'll draw.

Good evening. I have a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to Mrs. Ulla Weisteiger.

- The German pastry chef from the G7 competition? - Yes, her.

- You can leave them with me, and then I'll send them up to your room. - No!

I have a birthday card. Vocal. Listen...

(in German) the pastry chef called.

(in German) sweets you must have seven things...

- She's German. - It's room 116. First floor. - Thank you.

(in German)

(MUSICA SUSPENSE)

Pearl! Have you seen Mia? She ran away again.

- No, it's not here. - Isn't there? - No.

But what are you doing, the cake? No, look at that you have to make a nice cake, not this one.

Make a cake the way you know how to make it, a beautiful cake.

Maybe there's no need. Felice had a brilliant idea.

But is Mrs. Weisteiger deaf?

(KNOCKS ON THE DOOR)

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

(KNOCKS ON THE DOOR)

- Can I help you? - Yes, I can't find the key.

And if I don't find it, I can't get in and if I don't come in, I'll do it in the corridor.

- No, for goodness' sake, otherwise I'll have to clean up. Please. - I would be sorry...

- Here you are. - Thank you, these are for you. - Thank you. - Please.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Now you'll see what a nice nap you get with this chloroform...

Ms. Weis... Weist... Weist... ma'am.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Where? Where? I don't see it! I don't see it!

There it is! Gotcha!

Filthy filthy beast of misery! Where do I put it?

- So, where is the pastry chef? - It's here, safe.

Safe here... But you're crazy! But you're crazy! They disqualify us! Did you understand?

- Nobody saw me! - Put it back!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

Put it in the cake!

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

(Mario) Stop for a moment...

(LINA SCREAMS)

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

- Good evening, Mariolina! - Still?! Mario Linatucci!

(Happy) Good evening.

- But what to do with that cake? - Which cake? - Which?

- This cake! - You tell him? - No, better you, come on.

- No, come on, you tell him. - You! - You tell him. - You tell him, come on.

Hey, Chip and Dale! What, are you kidding me?

Oh mama!

- But who is your mother? - No...

- And what is he doing inside the cake? - It's grandma's cake!

Look, "escape from Alcatraz", do you want to be funny with me?

- No, we were carrying her... - Yes! ...at a bachelor party.

- Celibacy, yes. - Yes.

The old one?! At a stag party? In a hospice!

But what does he do? Do you lap dance while attached to IVs?

She likes it. It may not seem like it but she likes it. But I like it a lot! Here's how you like it!

If only you knew how hard it would be to avoid let everyone put their hands on her.

That is, you want to tell me who pay this one for...

Handsomely! Please update. The "tards" they are in fashion! Look at Macron's wife.

I can't understand. But why Is everyone mad at this poor old woman?

Because there is nothing more divine, that "suck" the granny.

- (Happy) And in ten years... - (Gualtiero) she will be even more "good"!

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

Here you are! A nice "ravanatina" and it's ready.

What do you think, will I win over Trudeau?

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

Look at me dressed like this, I already have grabbed ten thousand views.

- And the advertising banners go up. - Did you see...

- Come on, come on! - Ravano me.

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

And now the chef will present us the menu Christmas for the challenge. They are test dishes.

- I was looking for you! - But who are you? - She's my wife! - Oh, sorry!

So, as a first course, the traditional ones Christmas lasagna, corrected by me.

With molasses, dark chocolate, guacamole, shelled bananas and peanut butter. Huh?

- Looks good! - Yes, good for garbage! - Blessed!

Don't listen to her! Certain, the combination is a bit brave but...

And it is a delight for the palate.

Then as a second course capitone stewed, to which I added:

sour cream, raw buffalo sausage and gooseneck chopped fine, fine, fine, fine.

- Interesting combination. - Are you joking?!

Interesting for whom? For a psychiatrist?

Alas, I love this rubbish Unfortunately I'm used to it.

But what does she know? Supplì and rice ball, that's it...

You give this stuff to the G7 people you can't give it!

- But what do you know about the G7? Rotisserie! - Well said!

You can't eat this stuff! It's "inedible"! It's a "key"!

Enough is enough! Fuck her!

Hey! You can't talk like that, do you understand?! To my wife! She can't talk like that!

Even if she doesn't understand shit of haute cuisine, she does nothing!

Because she is my wife and she loves me! Just as I love her, okay?

Do you know why I did all this? Because I want take her to the G7 as she wants to bring her wife.

So now she apologizes to mine ma'am or I'll get the fuck out!

No! For God's sake! And where can I find someone else like her?

Ah! You hear us from these ears! You hear from these, huh?

(ROMANCE MUSIC)

Holy shit...

(ROMANCE MUSIC)

What a fuck I had with this one old! She took my life away! I'm devastated!

If my grandmother's friends were alive... who knows what we would do! What the hell...

(ROMANCE MUSIC)

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

- I apologize. But do you know that the old woman does stag parties? - Lina?

Still with this story? My name is neither Lina nor Mariolina!

- No, I repeated the name like lovers do. - Even in love!

- Don't tell me you slept with him? - Why, is it a crime? Do you go to jail?

With minors you go to jail, with old women you go to a mental hospital!

No, I say, but did you get a good look at it? That when she went to school, she sat at the desk with the befana!

But how can you like someone like that?

Look, I honestly don't remember anything. I just know it was a crazy night.

- I also have a photograph - As well? - I'll show it to her so she understands.

Here... Tiè!

- What an ass! - I was lucky. I don't know how... she took herself...

No, I say, what an ass the granny is! "Kill"! It keeps well, look at that stuff!

Old, but with the ass of a "little girl"!

In fact, I was expecting it too which was a mummy made of parchment.

Well, to be in a doggy style, it's in a doggy style! Almost like a sheep...

- Give me the phone! - What are you doing, are you leaving? You send it to me on WhatsApp, right?

A strong coffee.

(ROMANCE MUSIC)

- I didn't think I would find the man of my life like this. - Did you see? Well.

- I had a wonderful night. - Really? Me too.

- It was all so unexpected... - For me too. Crazy!

But who would have ever expected it such a "fuck"!

It really wasn't just sex. I believe so having found something that lasts forever.

- I'm happy for you. - Why, for you, not?

Okay, but "forever" is a big word. Let's see how old age lasts.

- But what old age? - The wine judge. Yesterday I fucked her.

I destroyed it! I sent her home in the ambulance!

- I think you're wrong. - I don't remember anything, but I have proof.

That will give me the sure vote!

Are you "dumb"? I tell you who I am happy for you and you take me to "tumbulate"?

You have to have more respect for women, understand?

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

Let's see the base.

Ok, it needs to stay in the oven a little longer, Therefore...

Then I continue whipping the cream.

But... was it two or three tablespoons of sugar?

Ouch! But damn it!

Oh, Madonna!

(PEARL SCREAMS)

I can't take it anymore! I can't take it anymore! I'm going home!

And instead of laughing he finds a solution, that's what I pay you for!

Oh, I'm not paying you? And you don't have to laugh anyway!

- Ole! - Oh mama! But you want me dead.

What do you say? Will the Spanish Prime Minister like me?

- But Spain is not in the G7. - Ah, she was eliminated?

But what are the World Cups? There is no Spain.

Then I'll show you the Bavarian one for Merkel!

No!

- Why don't we go to the G7. - But why?

Because we lose, you're the only one who didn't understand it!

Whatever that chef cooks becomes garbage. So, we don't win the contract.

Take these four rags, make a blaze and set it on fire!

- I want to go to the G7! - Oh, yes?

When the Ciociaria join a united Europe!

- Hey, handsome! - Damn! I only have these coronary arteries, I don't have any others.

Sorry, because you hired my husband anyway knowing that his kitchen is a "key"?

- Shh! Because I have to lose. - Must he lose? - I don't have the money for catering.

- But in what sense? - I'm ruined, understand? I don't have a euro!

- But if I lose my debts, that's it. - Oh, no!

She deluded him into being a great chef and instead she makes him look bad in front of everyone.

And who cares?

- But do you really want to go back to making sweets at parties? - It's what I know how to do.

- I tried, but it didn't go well. - But everyone at the party was crazy about your sweets.

- Come on, go back, give it another try. - Happy, I'm not a pastry chef!

In what sense? How are you not a pastry chef? Is there something I don't know?

Yes!

Yes... Yes...

- You're right. I am "the" pastry chef. - Yes! - Yes!

- Friends, today is the big day. - Yes, chef! - I want you loaded! - Yes, chef!

- Convinced! Winners! - Yes, chef!

- I want you aggressive! Like the All Blacks. - Yes, chef!

- Let me hear the shout of the Mahori warriors! - (together) Yes, chef!

(VERSE OF THE MAHORI WARRIORS)

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

- Here she is with the cake! - Yes. I'm going. - And I'll accompany you.

No, no, no, no, no, no! It's forbidden. You wait for me over there.

Yes, yes.

(SUSPENSIVE MUSIC)

- Raspberry in wine? - Yes.

- At least I can taste it without feeling sick. - Ah! Good, good.

(in Sicilian) Just to smell This rubbish makes me want to vomit.

I didn't understand shit.

(Spanish accent) Finished the presentation of the dishes from Ubaldo Cerri's catering...

after a short pause, it will be the turn of Furio Galli's catering.

- Here it is. In my opinion it's perfect. - It's a work of art, chef!

- Listen... do you want to have a taste? - I came on purpose.

Come, Mia, come. Put yourself here and eat too, ah! Here you go.

- Last taste. - Come on, come on, come on! As?

(in Neapolitan) - But it's the end of the world! - The end of the world!

- Take away, take away, take away! Go, go. - Slowly, slowly, don't shake them.

(Tony) Not the "scutuliate".

(Gualtiero) As the southerner says, not them "scutuliate". My artwork, slowly, slowly.

- Chef, here we go! - Oh, yes we are! - Go, go, go, go, go!

- What happened? - He "pinned up". - What does "Pinned" mean-he Stopped!

- Did he stop? - Eh! - Sabotage. - Sabotage?

- Sabotage! - Did they sabotage us? - Sabotage!

- "Cofoo"! - Chatù! - "Tam Tam". - Chintan! - Go!

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(BUZZ)

- Well? - He's gone again, chef! - No! - Yes!

Well done, Chatù and well done, Chintan!

(CHANGING)

- What a beautiful thing, chef! - We did it!

Oh, little one! Mia, what happened? It is you Has all the flour ended up on you?

(MY FART)

- She let out a nice fart, though, eh! - She must be excited. - Eh, excited...

- It's just like me. Me too when I get emotional... - Do you fart too? - Eh!

Yes, but smell it! What a smell! What a stench! Madonna!

- My goodness, what is this smell? - It's the smell, it's the smell.

- Did I say "it stinks"? - Yes. - I heard, I said it! - I said it too.

I mean, I smell it! I can smell it! I feel it!

Look how it stinks! Listen!

But this isn't stink, this is poetry!

But isn't my taste back too? I have to taste it!

I'm excited!

Oh, mother! Oh, mother!

(TONY VOMITS)

- But what is this "key"? - "This shit"? - Eh!

(in broken Neapolitan) But how, earlier you said it was the end of the world!

- Chef, we will lose for sure. - Us?! - Eh! - But go away, go, into the pan!

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

And here are the proposals by chef Gualtiero Saporito.

Which from what I see has changed at the last moment his first course...

subjecting to your judgment a calamarata of paccheri.

And now the wine pairing.

A juxtaposition proposed by sommelier Filippo Tosti.

"Et voilà"...Shit!

The smell is actually very good.

- What are you doing here? - Please address me as "lei" since we don't know each other.

- But... - Ah! Lambrusco?

Twelve and a half degrees... A wine by big drinkers. He can go to your head.

- Are you sure about this choice? - Very sure! I'm a sommelier, so...

Now let's taste...

"Et voilà"!

The perfume is...

One moment! I would like I too can feel the bouquet of this wine.

- Ah, why, do you want to taste it too? - Certain!

I didn't think there was also tasting...

Okay, I confess, um... The...

Lambrusco from Sorbara!

The best grape variety! An enchanting and sensual "cru".

Sublime choice, congratulations! She has my vote.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you!

Let's now move on to the tasting of the second course...

that our chef has changed, by offering us supplements over the phone.

- Can you explain to me why you sent me to bed with the old woman? - Haven't you figured out it was me yet?

Really?

That's why the second time I went As I got older I didn't like it at all.

Come on, I'm joking, my love! "Sugarade".

- (Judge) Everything was delicious! - Exceptional! - Well yes.

- But... where's the dessert? - Well, who knows... Um...

(MUSIC FROM "I WILL SURVIVE" BY GLORIA GAYNOR)

You should have lost! You should have lost! You're a cheater!

But who could have imagined it that these people liked lasagna...

with chocolate molasses, bananas and peanut butter!

- You won't see a single cent from me! - Calm down! Calm down!

We won!

(together) Gualtiero!

- (Gualtiero) We won! - (together) Gualtiero!

We won! We won! We won!

(in Neapolitan) I am the best chef in the world!

The judges understood this, they have a refined palate. You, on the other hand, never understood me! Never understood!

You're right, Gualtiero! You are great chef. You are the greatest chef in the world!

Gualtiero, sorry if I hadn't figured it out yet!

- Let's go to the G7! Let's go to the G7! Let's go to the G7! - Yes!

- Yes! Yes! Yes! - (Gualtiero) Let's go to the G7! Let's go to the G7!

No!

- We're not going to the G7. - Why don't we go?

Because I don't even have a single euro left to organize the event.

I'm ruined. Failed. I am sorry.

(crying) No! But I want it go to the G7, understand? Because I won!

(crying) So I want to go at all costs! I deserve it! And I'm going!

And I want...

- Well, let's take a collection! - Let's hope!

- I have 2000 euros. - Furio, listen!

- I'll ask my aunt for them, maybe she'll give them to me. - Fury! - Make them talk!

- We have some problems with the mortgage. - But one little thing...

- Listen to me! - Shut up!

- And... And you, ma'am? - I have 600,000 euros! - You have to shut up!

She seems the wealthiest to me...

- 600,000 euros?! - Yes.

And why didn't you tell me before that you had all this money?

- But I didn't have them before. I collected them little by little. - In installments?

On the net. With "crowdfunding" I managed to raise 600,000 euros.

My love!

Let's go to the G7!

(together) At the G7! At the G7! At the G7! At the G7!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Imagine the envy of my colleagues when I tell them that my wife will make donuts for Donald Trump!

It's an honor...

(MARIO INHALES DEEPLY)

I don't understand why she had me picked up by the guards and has been interrogating me for hours.

But he wants to explain to me what does he want from me?

Eh, what do I want from her? I want that thing that only she seems to have.

But what? I do not understand...

(HAPPY MUSIC)

Fantastic, I know I don't earn much, but I could draw from my savings.

And if she gave herself to me, I would be willing to give you even 600 euros.

We just need to do it now.

I want to ruin myself! I also take a fixed "rate" mortgage!

I won't hide from you that you are not indifferent to me, also because she reminds me of my poor husband.

I would also be tempted to dissolve the vote.

But we are identical! That's me with the beard!

But then what's the problem? Come on, let's do it now!

Eh, no, eh! You marry me first!

Of course I'll marry you. So during the journey of wedding we will add two chapters to the Kama Sutra!

My beautiful kitty!

(IMITATES A ROAR)

(TG5 Acronym)

Good morning and welcome to TG5. It started today the G7 in the Buonconsiglio castle in Trento.

It was there before the work began the presentation press conference...

which will be followed by the usual photos and a breakfast behind closed doors...

during which gods will be served surprise dishes from a well-known Italian chef.

And now let's move on to domestic political news.

(SOLEMN MUSIC)

(Caterina) Donald! Angela! Emmanuel!

What do you do? Ninth! Leave me! Another photo! Another photo!

Cooking eighteen courses was it for me a very heavy commitment. Very burdensome.

- Oh, but also taste them, chef! - But what?!

- For me it was an honor, master! - (softly) Thank you.

Chef! But... his lady? Where is she?

I got it out of the way, she wanted to contaminate my creations.

(together) Ah...

- Never mind, eh? - Too bad, too bad, chef.

Gualtiero! Gualtiero! Open the door!

Gualtiero! You're crazy! Open up, what do you do? World War III breaks out!

"Pupunzita", sorry, I don't understand why I have to dress like this to bake cakes.

Love, it seems it's the ceremony. Juncker wants it.

The ceremony.

Pearly, fragrant bouquet... I don't understand...

- A '53 Cherub! - Remove this rubbish! It's as old as the "pereto".

It's an excellent year. This is great for Macron!

Yes, it's the same vintage as the wife.

They must have just finished tasting my pearly risotto...

with sour cherry jam, suet, caviar and anise.

Anise.

(ACOUSTIC SIGNAL)

(VOMITING)

(in English) Damn it!

(in English) Poor stomach!

(INAUDIBLE WORDS BY SHINZO ABE)

- (Merkel) Gentiloni! - (May) Gentlemen!

(Merkel, in German) Get out! Bait!

(Gentiloni) Go away, big ass!

(Merkel, in German) Open the door!

(May) "Exit", Gentiloni!

But it doesn't seem like the time to talk about Brexit.

(VOMITING)

(MACRON'S INCOMPREHENSIBLE WORDS)

No! It's Beata's fault! Don't arrest me! Don't arrest me! It's Christmas! It's Christmas!

It's Christmas at Chef's!