Original subtitles

Um Big Brother?

Actually...

I only recently learned how to make tea so I'm not confident I can do it well.

Don't worry. That's all right.

Huh. Thinking about it...

Asuka is like a beautiful dainty flower when she's just sitting like this.

Okay. Then our date plan for today will mostly revolve around "sitting and staring".

Uh...

Here you are.

Shucks!

Your tea making skills are astounding!

You've restored this cup perfectly.

My darling has to be hiding among these guys.

But it's going to take all day to check them out by one by one.

New orders! New orders!

The entire sunglasses squad is now on moat-cleaning duty.

What?!

I thought we were providing security for the Young Master's date today.

Well it doesn't matter now. Orders are orders.

Yep.

It's so filthy.

When did we clean it last?

Yuck!

Y-Young Master!

What's going on?

Young Master!

What happened?

Young Master!

Young Master! Young Master!

I can't understand what you mean!

Explain yourself using real words dammit!

Do you hear me?!

My apologies. It's difficult to hear anything inside this costume.

Young Master! The thing is...

Man!

Aw hell! At least tell me what happened first!

I'm scared Big Brother!

Please rest assured!

Listen Miss Asuka! I promise to keep you safe.

Okay?

Oh Big Brother...

Having him around really puts me at ease.

Just look at that kind smile.

You know I might be okay sticking with a Big Brother like him.

Oh no! He's out cold!

And his rib cage is totally shattered.

This is nothing for our Young Master!

It shouldn't take him more than hour to bounce back.

But unfortunately until then...

People puppetry!

Come Miss Asuka! Let me take you on a tour of the gardens.

Okay Big Brother!

Wow that guy is really quick on his feet!

Except his voice didn't sound very familiar...

I couldn't stop myself from checking in on Asuka.

And based on how comfortable she looks right now...

this might be for the best.

Yeah. This is how it should be.

Because no matter how much she adores me I'm still her blood brother.

We can't keep taking baths together and sleeping in the same bed.

Oh my!

Gross!

You disgust me Master Tobimaro!

Ryoko?! What are you doing here?!

I live here.

Was everything you just said true?

About how you take baths together with Lady Asuka?

Quiet!

Don't say that out loud dummy!

People will start thinking I'm some kind of perv—

But you are a pervert!

The very dictionary definition of a pervert!

Is something the matter Miss Asuka?

I must be hearing things.

I could have sworn my brother Tobimaro was talking just now...

Don't raise your voice!

It'll be a disaster if they spot us!

Yeesh where the heck is my darling?

It's just your imagination.

Come Miss Asuka. Let's keep moving.

Okay.

Miss Asuka.

Big Brother.

DARLING!

Shh! Dummy!

Eeek!

Scary man!

What happened to me?!

Wow. You recovered quick.

Moroboshi! What are you doing you bastard?!

What was that?

Oh Young Master!

What are you guys doing?

Why aren't you wearing your costumes?

Well the moat was proving too hard to clean with them on...

What?! I never ordered you to clean the moat!

Huh?

But that's what the sunglasses squad is doing right now...

The entire squad?

Oh crap!

The moat stretches through the whole garden in every direction!

Men!

Uh oh. This is bad.

More men!

I'm scared.

This place is crawling with men.

I need to get out of here fast.

But how am I going to manage that?

My body is so badly paralyzed with fear that I can't move.

I'll help you get out of here!

Oh it's you. From the other day.

I found the perfect thing for you!

Just follow me!

I appreciate your kindness.

See? There it is.

Wow!

Now that looks durable!

You can make your get away with this.

Thank you!

I can definitely put it to good use.

Glad to hear it!

I've never had the chance to use a tank before

so I wasn't sure how to move...

Huh?

Ah! There she is!

Miss Asuka!

Get down!

What's your problem?!

Dumbass! Can't you see what's happening?!

Oh.

It's beyond rude to interrupt a lady when she's in the middle of getting changed.

Indeed.

The only thing we can do right now is...

watch over her intimately.

W-Well that's not what I was expecting.

Her lovely figure has been totally ruined by that bulky armor.

Yeah that wasn't worth watching.

Thanks for your help.

Now I have a solid set of armor to wear.

Uh yeah that's great.

Miss Asuka.

Oh Big Brother!

You have nothing to fear now that I've arrived.

Okay? So just take that silly thing off.

But I...

I'm worried that I might get separated from you again.

And I'll be too scared to move without this armor.

It's going to be all right Miss Asuka.

Of course! I'll make sure you're never left alon—

Man!

Hey wait!

Where am I now?

It's too quiet.

But maybe that means I won't run into any men here.

Who's there?!

Have no fear.

We are Kuroko servants.

Kuroko servants? Is that so?

Please come this way.

We'll provide you a place to hide.

Oh! How generous of you!

We've brought Lady Asuka.

Let her in.

Oh my! Lady Asuka!

What are you wearing?!

Pardon me but who are you?

You can consider me a friend.

A friend?

Oh! You poor thing.

I'm afraid that you've been tricked.

T-Tricked?

Um what do you mean by that?

Well it has to do with Shutaro Mendo.

The truth is that...

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Big Brother!

Ryoko! What nonsense are you trying to plant in Miss Asuka's head?

As if you need to ask.

I'm going to tell her the truth.

Come here for a second.

What for?

Just do it.

Seriously?

What do you hope to accomplish by telling Miss Asuka that I'm not her real brother?

Because trust me when I say it's not going to help her at all!

Huh?

Goodness!

I had no idea you were gracing us with your presence today Master Moroboshi.

Eeek!

Man!

Thank you.

I was finally able to get loose because of tha—

What's going on in here?

Mother!

Dearie me Asuka.

What a quaint set of armor you have on.

Thanks! I put a lot of effort into making it!

Wipe that smile off your face missy.

This is very upsetting.

I came expecting to find you on a proper date

but you're just up to your usual tricks. Unbelievable.

W-Well I'm sorry Mother...

Time for a change of plans.

Change of plans?

What do you mean?

You there.

Ataru Moroboshi at your service!

As I understand it Asuka's fear of men all started

when you assaulted her out of the blue Master Moroboshi.

Uh that's news to me.

So we'll fight fire with fire.

Learning to deal with Master Moroboshi

will leave her with nothing to fear from other men!

Is that so?

Well if you insist that's the best method...

Then so be it! I'll do my part to help Miss Asuka!

Uh darling? She's spitting in your face.

No way! That's too risky!

Setting her up on a date with Moroboshi is only going to end with

Miss Asuka having a breakdown from overwhelming fear and disgust!

Well that's just the nature of the beast.

In the worst-case scenario

I'll simply go down with Asuka under the ruins of this house!

But this is my house...

Okay. Come along Asuka.

P-Please forgive me Mother.

Are you refusing to listen to me?

This is a line that I won't cross even if you order me to.

And I'll defeat you if I must.

You should probably make a run for it!

Come on Asuka.

I'm sorry!

Whoa no way!

Unbelievable!

Her power and speed are even greater than Miss Asuka's!

Who do you think I am?

I raised Asuka myself.

Don't do it.

Asuka if you even try to shatter those chains...

Bring in the hostage!

Big Brother!

Please no!

Sorry but that's the deal Asuka.

My life is in your hands now.

If you make any attempts to run away they're going to kill me.

No not my Big Brother!

Forgive me Asuka.

We have to put on this farce

or you'll never try to seriously overcome your androphobia.

This is what happens if you try to run.

Hey! You just hit me with full force didn't you?!

Do I look like the type to joke around?

There's no way around it.

We'll just have to bite the bullet and go on a da—

Watch it Asuka. I warned you once.

Oh no Big Brother!

I don't know what to do!

My body just reacts even if I don't want it to!

He's not that scary if you can't see him.

Y-Yeah. This is actually helping a little.

Way to go Lum!

I'll tag along and make sure my darling doesn't do anything weird.

Gosh! You really are considerate!

Okay then.

Let's do this thing.

Right...

This is a bad idea!

Common sense doesn't work with Moroboshi!

It's impossible to know what he might pull in this situation!

Life is all about trials.

Tell me something Lum.

How would you define the word "date"?

When a boy and a girl hang out over drinks or something

and get to know each other better!

Exactly right!

So go away.

Not on your life.

How is this supposed to be a date if Asuka and I are never by ourselves?!

Well what kind of date are you planning?

Here's an idea.

First we do this.

Then make sure you can't use your right hand either.

And finally hide your face!

That would help make sure you two

have a decent date with no funny business right?

Uh-huh.

Wow. I have to hand it to Miss Lum.

Not even Moroboshi can pull any of his usual stunts when he's like that.

Hey Asuka!

Yes?

You cutie-pie!

Whoa! He still found a way!

Oh no watch out!

There's a...

building in the way.

Stop right there Asuka.

Keep running away and your precious big brother is...

going to suffer.

And suffer.

And suffer some more.

Do you understand?

I'm warning you.

Hello? Asuka?

And you call yourself my mother?!

Clippity-clop.

How awful!

Master Tobimaro will end up dead before long!

We're finally by ourselves.

But on the downside I still can't use my hands.

Which means my lips are all I've got!

Ugh. What am I supposed to do?

My big brother is facing hell because of me!

And I just keep running away!

I'm so mad at myself.

Why am I so pathetically weak?

Why? Why?!

WHY?!

You have to fight your way out.

Lady Ryoko?

Lady Asuka.

Please fight back and rescue Master Tobimaro.

No way!

I can't fight against my mother!

She's impossible to beat!

Okay then would you prefer to continue your date with Master Moroboshi?

There's only one way out of this.

She's right.

And that's dating me baby!

Running away won't work ya know!

Lady Asuka! Have courage!

Be brave!

Brave?

Oh! It's Miss Asuka!

I can't escape from this hell unless I grab my big brother and run for it.

She's out to kill.

Rocket Punch!

Cheeky little brat!

Here I come again!

Big Brother?

What are you doing?

Why did you stop me?!

Come on that should be obvious!

For shame Master Tobimaro! I cannot believe you!

Lady Asuka was fighting with everything that she had to try and free you!

Hold up Ryoko!

Ryoko! You really need to stop interfering!

Listen if we let Miss Asuka and Ton slip away from us now...

...it would mean permitting them to get married!

M-Married?!

That's what I said!

How the hell did the subject turn to marriage?!

Master Tobimaro...

How could you when you already have me?!

You've got it wrong!

Master Tobimaro! You're disgusting!

Ton. Is what they just said true?

I have no idea!

This sucks!

Just forget him. He's not worth it.

You're not marrying your sister. I won't allow it.

I'm heartbroken!

Quit taking that idea seriously!

What is everyone talking about?

It's too difficult for me to follow.

Let's use this chance to run away.

Oh right.

I have to escape.

Farwell Mother.

Asuka? What do you think you're doing?

Get down here.

I'm finished being your obedient little girl!

Oh?

Goodbye!

Pardon.

Will you do the honors?

M-Mother?

I dare you to say that again.

But Mother...

Go on do it.

Say what you just said to me one more time!

Um I...

I beg your forgiveness!

I promise not to be scared of men anymore!

Eek!

Scary man!

Welp. That didn't work.

After putting in all that effort

Stay away!

we're back to square one with nothing to show for it.

Sigh.

However could it truly be possible for someone to sacrifice so much

and not gain anything at all?

Big Brother...

Enough! You depraved siblings!

The answer to that question is yes

How many times do I have to tell you

which is very exasperating.

to quit trying to get it on with your own sister before you stop?!

It's not my fault I swear!

What a headache.

On the next episode of Urusei Yatsura!

Fiancé my ass!

A Stormy Date: Part 2

WHAMO!

CRACK

SQUEEZE

WIBBLE

WOBBLE

WIBBLE

WOBBLE

WHACK!

WHACK!

WHAMO!

Overhead View

Man

Man

Asuka

Man

Man

SMOOSH

STAAAAAAAAAARE

WHAMO!

RUB RUB

WHAMO!

WHAMO!

CRACK!

PLOP

WHAMO!

RUB RUB

BIFF!

SMACK

STREEEEECH

SIZZLE

THWACK!

POW!

I'm sad

Nagisa's Fiancé

The Fairy's Parasol