Original subtitles

The Mizunokoji Family is in the midst of dealing with a problem.

It's something...

that everyone is loath to speak of.

Milady!

Please stop!

Oh crap.

Big Brother! Let me join you!

What's wrong?

It's such a risqué problem that it is beyond depiction.

Oh my. Something must be wrong with the fountain.

I'm afraid it's not the fountain.

That was actually the sound of Master Tobimaro's nose bleeding.

I believe he just expelled about 2/3rds of his blood.

Oh dear.

That's not good at all.

Big Brother?

What's the matter? Please snap out of it!

Big Brother...?

Oh no.

Big Brother! You can't die on me!

I don't want to lose you!

Stay alive Big Brother! Don't die!

Please Big Brother!

Okay that's enough.

You have to live!

Come on now!

Big Brother!

Ton you dirty dog. This is deplorable.

How could you lay your hands on your own sister?

He can't hear you milady.

He's out cold.

Yikes.

His entire ribcage has been shattered.

I must say...

any normal person would have died from this.

Well this is embarrassing.

Okay my work is done here.

Thank you kindly Doctor.

We'll move your car around front for you sir.

Allow me to see you out.

Asuka is becoming a real pain in the neck.

I'm sorry about what happened earlier Big Brother.

How long have you been there?!

I was really scared when you started spraying all that blood.

You must be in very poor health Big Brother.

So I'll keep watch by sleeping next to you tonight!

Enough Asuka! Just listen to me!

Huh?

You and I are siblings related by blood!

I know that! Silly Big Brother!

And blood siblings can't get married to each other.

Of course!

So like... that's why you gotta stop.

We can't take baths together or sleep in the same bed okay?

But why?

Because you should only do that kinda stuff with a man you love!

Well I love you Big Brother!

Men frighten me too much.

Oh come on! That's not what I mean!

Dear me! What's the matter now Big Brother?

I'm afraid I don't understand what you're trying to say.

We must figure out how to solve this problem.

Mother!

Swing batter batter!

Bring it on!

Focus up!

Foul!

Huh?!

How is that fair?

What the hell even is that thing?

That's the episode title dude!

My goodness.

How should I know!

There's nothing but men...

I'm so s-scared!

Do you understand Asuka?

An errand?

Exactly.

I need you to deliver this to Master Mendo at Tomobiki High School.

And you must do it by yourself.

It's too risky milady!

You know that Lady Asuka has never

set foot outside of this estate ever since she was born!

On top of that

there's no doubt a high school will be swarming with all sorts of young men.

Yeek! Not men!

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Listen to me Asuka.

Men are nothing to fear.

But...

Being fixated on your big brother all the time

will rob yourself of a future.

You must try interacting with various men out in the real world.

And with any luck...

you might even meet the perfect man for you.

Okay?

I'm not so sure that a "perfect man" for me really exists.

That's what he said. Can you believe it?

Seriously? Yuck.

Ah! I see some fellow girls.

Excuse me. May I ask you a question?

Do you know where Master Mendo is?

Oh wait!

What made them run away like that?

Shoot! I was so happy to come across some fellow girls.

You saw a weirdo?

Yeah that way!

You there!

What do you think you're doing?

Yeek!

Scary men!

I recognize that voice...

It's Asuka!

Men!

Intruder on campus!

Stay away!

Don't let them escape!

Stop!

Catch them!

Noooo!

Noooo!

Friggin' old man.

Making me watch the stupid shop.

Wh-Who the hell're you?

Another man!

Eeek! Scary man!

What's her goddamn problem?!

Get your ass back here!

Anybody seen the weirdo in armor?!

They're still somewhere on campus!

That sounds like Miss Asuka.

Oh no!

Yeeek! Stay away!

Hey! You got any friggin' idea what you've done?!

You crash land into me destroy the store and worse yet...

I apologize for destroying the store!

So please stop chasing me!

Ya dumbass! The REAL problem is what happened after that!

Cuz I'm a...

Man!

Ryunosuke?

I'm a WOMAN dammit!

I know that. Ryu my sweet.

Get your friggin' hands off!

Eeek! Scary men!

Miss Asuka! Please calm down!

It's me! Mendo!

Big Brother!

Miss Asuka!

Asuka baby!

Listen here you!

Eeeek! More men!

Please Miss Asuka!

Oh right! I can just go home after I give this to him!

Big Brother! Catch!

Okay Big Brother! It's all yours now!

Goodbye!

Is your little sister a cyborg or what?

She's not actually my sister.

But a lot happened and now she thinks I'm her older brother.

What's this?

Asuka's mother here.

Hello. I'm sure there will have been

a lot of chaos when this letter eventually reaches you.

I decided to send my poor Asuka to your high school in spite of her androphobia

out of motherly concern for her.

Please find it in your heart to keep my daughter safe.

I believe you are the only one who can help cure her.

I see...

Such a caring mother. Who knew she had such confidence in me?

NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU!

Andro-friggin'-phobia?

That's the last straw!

I'm gonna catch that stupid girl and make her see that I'm a woman!

Any sign of her?

Seems like she passed by here.

Where'd she disappear to?!

I finished my errand

but there are too many men for me to escape.

Oh I know you...

Shush.

You can hide here for a while.

I really appreciate your help.

Oh? So she told you to interact with a bunch of guys?

Yes.

My mother said there was a chance

I might come across the "perfect man" for me.

But it's been nothing but a nightmare.

I can't take it anymore.

You're covered in sweat and breathing so heavily...

No duh wearing armor under a kotatsu would overheat anybody.

Listen. I'm not a...

Eeeek! Man!

Noooo!

H-Hear me out dammit!

I'm a WOMAN!

You're lying!

Dumbass! Can't you tell from how I look?!

Stay away!

Please don't treat me like an idiot.

Even I know how to tell the difference between a man and a woman!

You sure about that?

Then keep those eyes open and take a good friggin' look!

I'm a...

Eeek! Men!

Hey wait! Get back here!

I told you to look! I'm totally a...

Gosh he's trying so hard to show me something.

What could it be? I have no idea.

Take a good look at my chest!

Miss Asuka!

Asuka baby!

Please save me Mother. Big Brother.

Asuka.

You mustn't run away Asuka.

Hang tough Asuka.

Mother! Big Brother!

Men are nothing to fear.

I'm always watching over you.

Even as figments of my imagination they're still cheering me on.

No we actually swung by to check on you.

We were getting worried.

Mother!

Have you come across any men who left a good impression?

Huh?

Yes there was one.

He was chasing after me so desperately.

I got the feeling he was different from the rest somehow.

Well this might be destiny at work!

Destiny?

Actually... he had an urgent look in his eyes

as he tried to plead with me about something.

And he mentioned "his chest".

"Come and lay your head on my chest"!

Huh?

I'm sure that must have been what he was saying.

This is your big chance Asuka!

Y-You really think so?

Which one is he?

The one next to Big Brother Shutaro.

Oh my!

That is one fine young man.

How do you feel about him?

Do you feel like laying your head on his chest?

To be honest...

I'd prefer laying my head on your chest Big Brother.

You better not be blushing while you say that.

Come on! Get serious girl!

I am being serious!

Take a good look.

This is what your brother's chest is like.

He still hasn't fully recovered from being crushed by your hug.

My big brother's chest...

As far as I'm concerned the only chest that you should be trying to lay on

is that one right there.

Good luck Asuka!

Miss Asuka!

There you are!

You better listen close this time!

Are you really sure it's okay for me to lay on your chest?

Uh sure whatever.

Come on then!

Here I go!

I'm a WOMA—

Ryu my sweet! Look out!

Who the hell said anything about you laying on my chest dammit!

Get off me jackass!

I've had enough of you!

Why do you keep running away?

Please wait!

Back off!

But why?

You're gonna kill me!

All she could do before was run away

I just want to lay my head on your chest!

but now Asuka is mature enough to chase after her own gentleman.

Yeah and that's the problem!

Hold that thought.

Master Mendo.

That's a woman?!

Not a fine young man?

It's nothing to smile about ma'am!

This is my surprised face.

Here I go!

I had no idea.

Laying down on the chest of man...

feels just like...

floating on a cloud.

Y-You're actually...!

You finally figure it out?

I can't believe it!

After I thought I'd finally found the perfect man for me!

Asuka.

Listen that's actually a...

I already know.

This person is...

actually my big brother!

How the hell am I your big brother?!

Well...

because you've got the same chest.

Huh?

Oh my what a disaster.

Mother! Just how many big brothers do I have?!

Friggin' hell! How badly did you raise this kid?!

What a waste of time.

Morning already huh?

That's weird. My right arm feels numb.

I must have practiced too hard yesterday.

What do you think you're doing?!

Everyone's gonna assume the worst again if they catch us together!

Wake up!

Oh Big Brother...

Good morning.

Ton...

How dare you lure your own sister into bed you dirty dog!

It wasn't me! Asuka showed up uninvited!

Huh? Mother?

Gosh that's strange.

I could have sworn that I went in Big Brother's room...

Did I make a mistake because it was dark?

I understand now.

Asuka is the problem here.

And it looks like she won't learn anything unless I teach her the hard way.

I won't stand by and let you punish Asuka. Let me take her place!

That was already my plan.

Huh?

You want me to go on a date with Miss Asuka?

Correct.

Although Asuka suffers from androphobia

you're the only man around that she doesn't seem to fear.

So we have no choice but to ask you for help.

All right.

Then I accept!

Dammit Moroboshi!

Quit showing up for no reason!

He had a reason.

For you see Master Moroboshi was invited... by me.

This is my issue to deal with Ryoko!

Mind your own business!

Involving my darling in this will only make things worse!

Why're you here Lum? Nobody invited you.

Like you're one to talk!

In the event that your date with Lady Asuka actually goes well...

We move straight into the wedding phase!

I can't stand the thought of losing my brother to another woman.

So I say...

Noooooo!

You knew I was going to do that didn't you?

I've already figured out all the typical moves you make.

What's so funny?

I'm crying because I'm envious.

It seems like all the other siblings out in the world

are bickering with each other like normal.

Well the fighting between these two is more on the extreme end of things.

Have no fear!

I swear to you that I will teach Miss Asuka

the thrills of true romance without fail!

What?!

You set her up on a date with Shu?!

Oh my with Big Brother Mendo?

There's no way in hell I'm letting Shu get his mitts on Asuka!

It's better than her being stuck with

a hopelessly barren future of loving her own brother!

Are we clear Asuka?

You're going to the Mendo Estate next Sunday for a date.

No ifs ands or buts.

Okay Mother!

Good. Then it's time for bed.

Well good night.

Huh?

SLEEP IN YOUR OWN ROOM!

She's such a handful...

Sunglasses squad! Suit up!

Why do we gotta wear these costumes?

Apparently the lady the Young Master is dating today

has a strong aversion to men.

Lady Mizunokoji has arrived!

Open the gate!

Welcome and thank you for coming!

Of course.

I'm happy to say that Asuka has been very excited for your date today.

We've arrived milady.

No signs of fear.

Big Brother!

Miss Asuka!

Big Brother!

It's wonderful to see how attached she's grown to you.

Such monstrous strength.

There's no doubt that my brother will end up dead

from going on a date with her.

And if he's doomed to die at the hands of some hussy...

then it's better if I just kill him myself.

W-W-Well then Miss Asuka. T-T-Time for our date.

The poor Mendo kid looks scared out of his pants.

I haven't seen her before.

Must be a newbie.

I know for a fact that my darling is hiding here somewhere.

I'm going to pin him down before he does anything crazy.

P-P-P-P-Please come this way.

Okay!

I'm counting on you Master Mendo.

Just you wait Asuka baby!

On the next episode of Urusei Yatsura!

We'll fight fire with fire.

SPLOOOSH!

CRACK

SQUEEZE

WHACK!

Asuka Returns

Asuka Returns

LOOM...

BADUUUMP!

School Supplies

WHAM

WHAM

CRASH!

SMACK!

KER-SNAP!

SMOOSH

CRUSH!

WHAP!

BUHWAP!

BUHWAP!

BUHWAP!

BUHWAP!

BUHWAP!

BUHWAP!

UWAAAAAAAAAAH!

CRACK

SQUEEZE

GOOD MORNING

WHACK

A Stormy Date: Part 1

FWOP!

And so on the day of the date

To be continued

A Stormy Date: Part 2