Original subtitles

This is Tomobiki Town.

Home to a boy born on Friday the 13th in one of the most unlucky years

who is burdened by the extraordinary star of suffering...

Ataru Moroboshi.

Hah! What's any of that matter?

And an invader from outer space

the daughter of Oni demons who can channel electricity...

Lum.

Darling!

Time for our date!

After the two of them played a game of tag with the fate of the Earth at stake

they entered into a goodwill marriage.

As if! I never agreed to that!

Darling! Where are you going?!

And thus their endless game of tag continues on to this day.

Praise be.

The principal of Tomobiki High School is

a very easygoing person.

Which is why...

Not you damn clowns again!

Enough is enough!

When are you going to learn to quit causing so much chaos?!

Give me a break!

It's like I've told you a million times before!

I didn't do any...

...you can't blame me for...

...don't care if you're our teacher...

...seriously trying to study...

...dragged me into it!

Dammit! Quit talking all at once!

Yeesh.

It doesn't matter what excuses you try to come up with.

Oh come on!

I said I wasn't even...

...quit yelling when you don't...

...if you're always so one-sided...

...actually paying attention...

...these jerks always drag me into it!

I DON'T CARE!

Now for your punishment.

A month of bathroom cleaning duty?

A proficiency test?

Or maybe...

a full-on suspension?

Just calm down Mr. Onsen.

Mr. Principal!

Let me think.

Whenever he happens across a situation like this...

Cleaning the Principal's Office should be punishment enough!

But sir! They deserve worse!

...he impulsively offers a helping hand.

It was the easygoing nature of the principal...

which ultimately led to this very perplexing incident.

What was that noise just now?

Did I imagine it?

Oh hey.

Where did the principal go?

Mr. Principal!

Wh-What happened?!

Mr. Principal! Mr. Principal!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!

Nee kiite

Tsurainda mou kokoro ga mou tsunaide hanarerarenai

Mitsumeatte mada karamette hodoke

Itomeru made

Ningen nante oroka ne

Souzou de katadotte

Touzen datte omowanai de

Aishite ite

Dandan koishiku naru ne

Hontou no uchi o sarashite

Kakkou tsukete kakushitatte

Bareteru kara

Sono manma de ii

Kawannai de ii

Mou shitteru shi

Tsuyogannaide yo

Sukoshi kurai misete mo ii janai

Demo nanda kana

Sabishii toka tsubuyaitatte

Chakasundesho

Nande motto chanto mitekurenai no kana

Nee kiite

Tsurainda mou kokoro ga mou tsunaide hanarerarenai

Mitsumeatte mada karamette hodoke

Kimochi ni kizuita

Tarinai yo mou futari ga ii

Waraiatte ikitai no

Motomeatte mata ushinatte wakaru

Kore ga watashi no ai da

Todoita kana

Uchinuku koto mo mama naranai keredomo

Saikou janai?

Kimi ni mo sa wasurerannaitte iwasetai no

Sorega nannen saki no mirai demo ii no

Kikeru no nara

Will he be okay Nurse Sakura?

Well there's no risk of death.

He's merely been knocked out.

What do you think you're doing jackass?

Oh nothing.

I didn't mean anything by it.

This is serious so quit screwing around.

She's right.

So...

which one of you did it?

What is that supposed to mean?

Because it sure sounds like you're trying to accuse one of us.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

How dare you slander us like that!

Why would we even do it?

Well there's no denying that we were the only ones in the room.

And it's inevitable for someone to point the finger at Moroboshi.

Here's an idea.

You waited until the principal was distracted and...

Mendo! How could you do something so awful?!

Shut up!

Don't start spreading baseless and stupid theories

while trying to sell it with fake tears in your eyes!

Interesting.

So all of you had your backs to each other when the crime was committed huh?

In other words there are no witnesses to back up your alibis.

Yeah that about sums it up.

Sure but none of us have a motive.

The principal of Tomobiki High School.

He always seems like such a friendly guy

that it's hard to believe anyone would have reason to hate him.

But at the same time

I don't know him well enough to claim that he isn't two-faced.

Two-faced?

Don't doodle on him.

There two faces.

For example...

Pardon me Lum.

We need to have a little chat about Moroboshi.

What about him?

Whisper whisper whisper whisper...

What? He's going to be expelled?!

His grades are awful and his conduct is even worse.

We can't have him around.

Oh no...

Let's make a deal.

What are you doing?!

It's easy. All you have to do is follow my orders.

Okay? Sound good?

And so running out of options Lum took action...

Of course it's only a theory.

Yeah and nothing more than that.

What about if there was some kind of money trouble?

Would that make sense?

Good idea.

What now?

Listen Fujinami. This is only conjecture on my part.

I'm not claiming it's what really happened.

You friggin' shithead!

You're in for a world of hurt this time old man!

All I did was eat the fish off your dinner plate!

That's no reason to get so upset!

Screw you! I was saving it for last!

Well that was stupid of you!

Say what?!

Yikes. I see that you've made another mess of the place.

Ah! Mr. Principal!

Well seeing as you still haven't paid us back for the repairs last time

I'm afraid we might need you to vacate the premises...

Hold on Mr. Principal!

The seaside cafe season is over already!

We'll be doomed to a life of homelessness if you kick us out of here now!

C'mon old man.

Don't cry.

Just let me take care of it. Okay?

And so Fujinami did it for the sake of her dad.

Hold on a damn minute!

I ain't trying to brag but...

never in my life have I gone out of my way

to do something nice for my shithead of a dad!

L-Like I said earlier it's just conjecture...

Ryunosuke!

Forget it! Lying like that won't help you at all!

I know you were only trying to help me

but you shouldn't be committing such awful crimes!

Goddammit! Where the hell you'd even come from?!

I see how it is.

You obviously don't think very much of me do ya?

What she said.

You have to consider every possible angle when investigating a crime

no matter how unlikely!

Fair enough.

But let's not forget one of the important rules of detective work:

The first person to report the crime is always a suspect.

Wh-Why the hell would I do it?!

You've always butted heads with the principal

because he takes it too easy on the students.

Nurse Sakura!

Sounds like you had a motive.

Hey!

Let me guess the principal was too nice...

and never suspected that you'd attack him.

Which is why he never called out for our help.

Oh! What was that noise just now?

Ridiculous!

The principal had already been attacked when I came in!

You got a witness who can prove that?

M-Maybe! Let's ask Kotatsu Cat!

You should have seen everything from start to finish!

Please say something!

You really didn't do it?

Of course not!

Then are you confident enough to look at me straight in the eyes and say it?

Well?

He broke eye contact!

That just makes him all the more suspicious.

N-No! It wasn't me!

Then what are you trembling for?

Just fess up. You did it.

No way! I did no such thing!

Listen getting it off your chest will make you feel better.

It's too late to talk your way out of this.

Go on let's hear it.

Don't make us squeeze you any harder.

We know that you've got a reputation for bitching about the principal!

People told us all about it!

No!

I've never said anything like that!

You can't expect to keep playing dumb with us forever!

I don't know what else to tell you!

You're just making things worse for yourself!

Give it up Onsen.

One truth always prevails in the end.

This pork culet bowl...

is gonna be too cold to eat soon.

C'mon this must be weighing hard on your conscience.

Yer mom back home would hate to see her son like this.

I...

I...

Are you back with us Mr. Principal?

Do you feel okay?

Where did my egg get off to?

Huh? What egg?

My boiled egg.

I had just cracked it open.

Seems like it got eaten.

Well someone's a hungry kitty!

Talk about easygoing.

Darling! The mystery has been solved!

Shhh!

We're about to get a confession out of him.

I...

I...

I'm...!

I'm the one who did it!

Hey Ran!

Shhhhh.

Hey Ran! Hey Ran!

Hey Ran!

Wow!

Those are some pretty flowers!

I know right?

They're called "Vireya Gossipendrons."

Why'd you have that bandage on your mouth?

Oh you noticed?

You have to cover your mouth if you're cultivating Vireya Gossipendrons!

Huh?

The thing is...

although they look beautiful these flowers have a terrifying secret.

Imagine that one day...

I wet the bed! I'm Ten the bedwetter!

...you said something like that.

Then the wind picks up the flowers and spreads them all over the place.

I'm Ten the bedwetter!

Bedwetter!

Ten! Ten!

Bedwetter! Bedwetter!

They propagate and spread whatever you said like gossip.

That's one terrifying example!

So Ran...

What inspired you to import these flowers from home?

Huh? Because they're super pretty!

That's it?

That's it!

Shucks! What a relief!

I was afraid that...

you were planning to use them to spread all sorts of awful rumors about me again!

Heavens no! Don't be silly Lummy-poo.

That's actually a friggin' great idea!

Whoa! Hold on!

When Lum was little she was a meanie who wet the bed and then pinn—

...pinned all the blame on me!

Yeah well when Ran was in grade school

she totally crushed our teacher's precious bonsai tree

as revenge for getting scolded!

Gimme a break.

What're you bringing up an old story like for?

Because now we're even.

Just think about it.

If word of this spreads around then your cute and innocent reputation is doomed.

Let's call a truce!

Sounds good!

Wow. These are flowers you don't see every day.

Ah how elegantly they fly.

"Just like flowers in a storm

life is full of..."

I wasn't done yet!

We gotta hurry and get them back!

This is a disaster!

Bonsai meanie...

Pinned the blame!

Bonsai meanie...

Pinned the blame!

Dammit!

I can't believe they're making me come to school on a Sunday

to prepare for a stupid speech contest.

They treat us class reps like slaves I swear!

Ran was totally crushed!

Ran got crushed?!

Ran was totally crushed!

Oh no Ran! Just hang on baby!

I'm coming to save you!

Revenge for... Lum!

Aw jeez. These things are so obnoxious!

Lum! Lum! Lum! Lum!

Revenge for...

Shinobu!

Those flowers...

Oh dear! You got some stuck on you too?

They won't come off no matter what I do!

Grade school grade school...

Pinned the blame!

Well shoot. She seems just fine.

Ran! Ran!

Lum! Lum!

This sucks!

I can't show my face at school with these weird talking flowers stuck on me!

Revenge revenge.

Crushed.

Revenge.

That's how we do it!

Crushed.

They're late!

Slackers the whole lot of them!

I can't believe not even one student has shown up yet.

Gosh maybe asking them to come on Sunday was a bad idea.

I can imagine that making the students pretty upset.

Good point.

Especially considering it's the usual jokers...

Teacher teacher teacher teacher.

Where is that coming from?

I don't know.

Totally crushed for revenge.

Teacher totally crushed for revenge.

Totally crushed.

Teacher totally crushed for revenge.

Yeah picking Sunday was a really bad idea.

I get the helicopter we usually take to school is out for repairs.

But come on...

there must've been something a little better to ride than this!

I believe this has a certain charm that reflects well upon you sir.

A certain charm? Really?

Why hello there Miss Shinobu!

Oh hey Mendo!

This is unusual.

Whoa nelly.

You're hardly ever late for school.

Well it's a little embarrassing.

You see this morning I actually...

Wet the bed!

M-Mendo...

Explain it one more time.

Why were you late for school?

W-Well it's because I...

Wet the bed!

Wet the bed!

Wh-What the hell is this thing?!

Wet the bed!

No! It's not true Miss Shinobu!

Please calm down!

This flower just suddenly—

Stop it!

I don't want to hear your excuses!

Moroboshi did you...?

Wet the bed!

Quit repeating yourself dude.

Don't give me that!

You know it's the flower talking!

You're not fooling anybody Mendo!

That flower isn't the problem right now.

It's the fact you're a bedwetter!

I AM NOT A BEDWETTER!

Wet the bed!

NO I DIDN'T!

WET THE BED!

That sucks kid.

Goodness me.

And at that age too...

Wet the bed!

I think we got enough of them back not to worry anymore!

Thank heavens it didn't turn into a big fiasco.

All's well that ends well!

Hey! Open the gate!

You're the ones who made us come on a Sunday! So what the hell?!

You punks won't get away with it!

WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!

What are you talking about?!

Teacher totally crushed for revenge.

Don't play dumb!

Are you telling us we came all the way to school for nothing?!

We're gonna get revenge by totally crushing you jerks flat!

Bring it on!

Listen to me!

WET THE BED!

Yuck! Stay back you dirty bedwetter!

This is too much for me!

But I...

Wet the bed!

NOOOOOOOOOO!

Kaminari no naru kono machi mo sakura mau

Nee nee atashi kimi no koto

Suki de suki sugite shouganakute

Hana o mitsumeru yokogao ni futo samishiku natteiku

"Aishiteru" mo "Daisuki" mo ato nankai darou

Nee mata nando kimi to onaji haru o mirareru no kana

Hana yo hana yo mada chiranaide

Kono haru yo mada owaranaide

Sukoshi demo nagaku atashi kimi to

Wagamama demo issho ni itai yo

Hana yo hana yo mada chiranaide

Isso jikan goto tomatte shimae

Nante negattemo hi wa kureru

Hanafuu ni fukare asu e yuku

"Rainen mo mata koyou ne" sou itte kimi ni waraikaketa

I'm dog-tired...

and hungry as heck...

But I have to keep moving...

Hello is anybody ho—

What are gonna do?!

All this nice and crispy tempura that we made is gonna go cold at this rate!

That would be a shame.

I guess you and I will just have to eat it all.

Mr. Onsen sure is late.

That's insane!

And after we made all this extra food...

You know we're not young enough to stomach that much oily food!

Then let's go sell them around town.

I can't take it anymore! Let's eat!

It's just about dinnertime anyways.

Okay.

What? But selling tempura door-to-door is unheard of!

Is that... tempura I smell...?

Then we'll just have to be the pioneers of it!

Don't worry it's all going to work out.

I'm so hungry...

After all with our powers combined

H-Hello is anybody home...?

we've made the world's best tempura!

Huh? Did you hear a voice outside?

Hello is anyone home?

Isn't it just the TV?

Can I interest you in some delicious tempura?

Hello is anyone home?

Hello is anyone home...?

There's still tempura left over.

We can't let it go to waste so eat on up.

Phew! I'm stuffed!

Your teacher could have at least called if he wasn't able to make it.

Told ya he was an irresponsible jerk.

Stupid home visits...

I regret ever coming up with them...

Huh?!

On the next episode of Urusei Yatsura!

I'm not a fox I'm Shinobu!

Tomobiki Town

The principal of

Tomobiki High School is

a very easygoing person.

Principal

Not the Principal

Which is why...

Class 2-4

Blah

Blah

Blah

Blah

Blah

Huuuuuuuuush

Blah

Blah

Blah

Blah

Blah

Whenever he happens across

a situation like this...

...he impulsively offers

a helping hand.

It was the easygoing

nature of the principal...

which ultimately led to

this very perplexing incident.

Principal's Office

The Case of the Battered Principal

Principal's Office

KASPLOOOSH!

KASPLOOOSH!

SCRIBBLE

WHISPER

School Supplies

WAIL

BLUBBER

SOB

SWOOP

POW!

WHACK!

Principal's Office

TREMBLE

Case Closed

PLONK

SWHOOP

PLONK

SMACK!

The Secret Flower Garden

RUSH

WOOSH

YEEEEEK!

WET THE BED!

CHATTER

CHATTER

TEACHER

TOTALLY CRUSHED

FOR REVENGE

WET THE BED!

CHATTER

CHATTER

The Home Visit Blues:

Hellish Moroboshi Edition

GROOOWL...

GROOOOWL...

To be continued in the

"Mark Onsen Goes to Space"

L♥vely Darling in Danger!!

Foxes in the Moonlight

The Home Visit Blues:

Mark Onsen Goes to Space