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Dingy castles, daring knights
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Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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Punishment from ancient times
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fierce and toothless
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Mean and measly Middle Ages
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Horrible Histories presents...
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This summer,
Brothers Grimm Musicals presents
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your favourite fairy tales
as they were originally written.
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Including...
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BIRDS TWITTER
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HUNTSMAN HUMS A TUNE
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Ah! Huntsman!
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Hey, hon
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it'll be no fun
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eats your liver and your lungs.
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Wait, what?! That's right.
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Just like in the original book,
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this queen wants to eat
Snow White's lungs and her liver.
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Uh...this is a family film, right?
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Yeah... I mean, the stories
do still have happy endings,
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like when Snow White
gets the better of the evil queen!
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until I'm dead
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dancing, dancing till I'm dead!
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Right, are we...are we totally sure
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these are the right vibes
for a musical?
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Can we please not
have a debate about this?!
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My feet are on fire! Ow!
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And next year,
Brothers Grimm Musicals presents...
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..Cinderella!
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Oh, well, at least you
can't go wrong with that!
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Um...sure, if you say so.
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will fit this slipper
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RECORD SCRATCH
Foot first!
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Featuring The Ugly Stepsisters.
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cut off our heels
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gorillas, bloodily, gorilla grim.
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I'm going to have nightmares
for the rest of my life.
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sleep because of the cries
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peck out our eyes...
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Whoa. Too much. Too much.
CROW CAWS
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The Brothers Grimm Musicals based on
their original book of fairy tales...
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Fairy tales?!
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More like scary tales!
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RATTUS LAUGHS
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Anyway, I'm trying to decide
on my World Book Day outfit. Shh!
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Ah! What are the chances?
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It's comedian and author of the
brilliant Amazing Edie Eckhart books,
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Rosie Jones!
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Yes...
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..and I'm trying to read!
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Not any more!
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I've come here to the library
for some outfit inspo,
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and you're going to help me!
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I'm busy!
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I can give you half a chocolate bar.
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I'm in!
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Brilliant.
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What do you think of this one?
HE GRUNTS
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Ta-da!
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A rat with some big ears?
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I'm Peter Rat-bit!
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Obviously.
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Well, once you know how
Beatrix Potter
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learned how to draw
the animals in her books,
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you might want to
wear something else.
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Ooh...
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Ah! Oh, stop pulling,
you naughty little sausage.
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Oh, my gosh, I think
that's Beatrix Potter. Ah!
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Oh...
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Excuse me.
SHE LAUGHS
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We're such big fans of
Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny.
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They're so cute!
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And the drawings
are just so accurate -
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you really made us believe
that a rabbit could wear clothes.
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Oh, well, I do love animals.
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I'm an award-winning sheep farmer.
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SHE GASPS
Little baa-lambs.
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So cute!
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I don't suppose I could get you
to sign one of your books, could I?
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Oh, if you've got a copy
of Benjamin Bunny there,
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he can sign it for you himself.
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Oh, my goodness!
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Is that the real-life
Benjamin Bunny?
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And you take him
for walks on a little lead.
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Oh, he's so adorable. Yes,
Benjamin is such a good bun-bun.
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BEATRIX LAUGHS
You let me draw you for my books,
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don't you?
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BOTH: Aw!
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When I first got paid for my books,
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I bought him lots and lots of treats
to say thank you,
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and the silly billy gobbled
them all up and made himself poorly.
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BOTH: Aw!
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Yes, luckily he got better,
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so I didn't have to cut him up
like all the other rabbits.
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Aw!
SHE LAUGHS
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What? Well, of course I get
the accuracy of my lovely drawings
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by peeling off the skin of
dead wild rabbits with my big knife.
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Don't I, Benj?
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You skin all
the little rabbits?!
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Well, I have to study their anatomy
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in order for the
illustrations to be accurate.
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And then of course
I boil off their flesh...
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HE GROANS
..so I can study their
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wittle wabbity skeletons.
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Anyway...
SHE LAUGHS
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..we probably shouldn't keep you.
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Oh. Run for it, Benji!
Run for the hills!
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For the hills?
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Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
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There'll be lots more
bunnies for us to study there.
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Won't there, Benjamin?
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Thank you.
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Goodbye.
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WHISPERS: I guess it's
like they say...
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..never meet your heroes.
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Yeah.
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ROALD LAUGHS
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Oh, hello. It's me, Roald Dahl.
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I'm here writing another of those...
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..phizz-whizzing books
you love so much,
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full of fun words I made up
that make you churgle.
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00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,800
Now, you know, when I was a boy
I loved reading Beatrix Potter.
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I thought her books were...
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I even met her once.
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It was when I was
a jumpsy six-year-old,
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and she said something to me
that I always remembered.
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But what did she say?
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Did she say, A,
"Follow your dreams, young man,"
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B, "Always write what you know,"
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or C, "Buzz off"?
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Well, the answer is C.
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I said I'd come to meet
Beatrix Potter and she said,
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"Well, you've seen her now.
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"Buzz off!"
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I felt quite biffsquiggled.
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She wrote razztwizzling books,
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but if you met her on
the wrong day,
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she could be a fizzwiggling frumpet!
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Know what I mean?
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Halla, Tove Jansson here,
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creator of The Moomins.
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Mythical creatures that
I was inspired to invent as a child
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after a huge row
with my idiot brothers.
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I was so angry,
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I decided to draw the
ugliest thing I could think of...
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..right on the toilet wall.
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SHE GROANS AND TRUMPS,
WATER SPLOSHES
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Don't you write
on toilet walls, though.
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Even if you are inspired
to create characters
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who are loved all around the world.
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SHE TRUMPS
Much better to...
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..carry a notepad with you.
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So, when inspiration strikes,
you can draw in that instead
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and you won't get into trouble.
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SHE TRUMPS AND GROANS
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I think I'm having
another great idea now.
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SHE TRUMPS AND GROANS
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WATER SPLOSHES
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And of course the paper may come in
handy when you're in the toilet.
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It can be a bit scratchy though.
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One great place to
get books from is a library.
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Your school might have one,
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and maybe books aren't
the only thing you can find there
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if you look hard enough.
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Author Charles Dickens...
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Please, sir, can I
have some more of his books?
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..actually has a special secret door
built into a bookcase in his home.
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Shush! This is a library!
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Excuse me?
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I'm the Queen!
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Ooh. Um...shush, Your Majesty?
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Better. Honestly!
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Some people.
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And in here is my secret room.
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In an act of perfect cunning
198
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,840
I've hidden the door behind
a bookcase filled with fake books.
199
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,880
These are all fake?
Fake and hilarious. Look...
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..I've given them all funny titles.
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Life and Letters of the Learned Pig.
CHARLES LAUGHS
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Hoyle on the Turnip!
THEY LAUGH
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That sounds quite good actually,
can I borrow it?
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No, as I said, they're fake books.
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Yes, you did say that. Yeah...yeah.
THEY LAUGH
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Cat's Lives...
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..in nine volumes!
THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY
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LAUGHING: Because of the cat!
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A Carpenter's Bench of Bishops!
HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
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00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,760
I've actually read that one!
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00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,160
No, you can't have -
they're fake books!
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00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,960
Are you sure?
They're all invented...
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..by me. I get it.
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00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,760
Some of these are
quite funny, actually.
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00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,080
"Great Expectations." Ha...OK.
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00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,280
"Bleak House," I mean,
what is that?!
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00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,360
Just a book about sort of
a house that's really boring
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00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,680
because there's nothing in it?!
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00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,840
HE LAUGHS
They're real books.
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00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,720
"A Christmas Carol"?! OK.
221
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,080
What's that, just a book
about this woman called Carol
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00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,720
who just likes Christmas?!
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00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,880
That's so silly! These are my books.
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I wrote them.
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00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,840
"Nicholas Nickleby"!
226
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,840
Now that, I can see exactly
what you've done there.
227
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,880
What?
228
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,800
"Nicholas" as in Knicker-ess"?
229
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,040
That's low-brow, I wouldn't do that.
230
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,200
"Oliver Twist"!
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00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,400
HE LAUGHS
How'd you come up with this rubbish?
232
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,800
Honestly. Right, that's it!
233
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,560
Would you look at that over there?
Oh, what?
234
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,440
Huh?
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00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,080
HE LAUGHS
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00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,880
Mr Dickens!
237
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,080
Hello?!
HE LAUGHS
238
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,440
How'd you...how'd you open
the secret door?
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00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,520
Charlie?!
240
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,880
Check me out now!
241
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,320
I'm Ratilda and I can
move things with my mind,
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00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,120
just like in the book.
RATILDA LAUGHS
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00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,840
How on earth are you doing that?!
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00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,400
Don't distract me, Rosie!
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00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,280
HE TRUMPS
Oh!
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00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,400
Oh...
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00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,680
..Rosie!
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00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:58,040
That wasn't me, that was you!
249
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:03,480
And you really shouldn't do that
in the library.
250
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,480
It's a side-effect
from all the concentration.
251
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,760
Anyway, did you know
a lot of famous story writers
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00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,000
didn't just write
amazing fiction stories, Rosie?
253
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,760
Some of them wrote
nonfiction books too!
254
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:21,400
Yeah, but they weren't
always as popular.
255
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,760
True.
256
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,560
Right, shall I try
and float a spoon again?
257
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,040
RATILDA TRUMPS
No.
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00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,120
HE SIGHS
259
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:34,920
Hello and welcome to our Gone Show
World Book Day special.
260
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,800
I hope you're all dressed up as your
favourite book characters at home.
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00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,840
I know I am.
262
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,960
THUNDER CRASHES,
SINISTER ORGAN CHORD
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00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,680
Who are you?
264
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,360
I'm Harry...
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00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:45,400
Never mind.
266
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,280
Who's your favourite
character from a book, Guy?
267
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,680
Dracula!
268
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,560
Why are you wearing a scarf inside?
269
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:56,480
Our first special World Book Day
guest is the author of Dracula.
270
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,440
Victorian horror novelist,
Bram Stoker.
271
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:00,600
Why's he dressed like that?
272
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,920
The vampires in my book, Dracula,
didn't dress like that!
273
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:07,440
So, uh, Bram, you're here
to tell us about your latest book.
274
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,360
Is it as spooky and fantastical
as your last one?
275
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,960
No, actually it's a factual book
about famous impostors...
276
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,600
..like Queen Elizabeth I.
277
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,560
Ooh! How was she an impostor?
278
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:19,920
The Queen...
279
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,000
..was a man!
280
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,880
Sorry... Yes, it's my firm belief
that the real Queen Elizabeth
281
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,760
was swapped for a boy
when she was a child.
282
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,800
Think about it -
283
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,400
why did Queen Elizabeth
never have children?
284
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,200
Why did she wear all that make-up?!
285
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,240
Hmm?!
286
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,480
Um...because she was never married
287
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,440
and she wanted to cover up
her smallpox scars?
288
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,200
No. Because she was a vampire!
289
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,480
No! And I'm not here
to talk about Dracula.
290
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,400
If you're not going to take
my nonfiction writing seriously,
291
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,760
I'm leaving! Right?!
292
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,320
OK. I'm going!
293
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:52,640
Sounds like someone woke up
294
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,800
on the wrong side of
their coffin this morning.
295
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,720
You're still not allowed
to talk about Dracula
296
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,440
even after I've stormed off!
297
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,720
Shush!
298
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,600
Anyway, our next guest
is another Victorian writer.
299
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,840
We might need a clue...
300
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,520
..to detect where he is.
301
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,600
I hope he's in the studio...
302
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,840
..and not at Holmes.
303
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,920
Yeah, well done, Guy.
304
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,440
It's Sherlock Holmes author,
Arthur Conan Doyle.
305
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,920
I'm keen today to talk about
my serious factual work,
306
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,720
so, um, please don't talk about
Sherlock Holmes again.
307
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,280
OK?
308
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,840
GUY SIGHS
Please tell us about your new
309
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,360
factual book, Mr Doyle.
310
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,000
It's about...
311
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,160
..The Cottingley Fairies! The what?
312
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,040
Two young girls in Yorkshire
313
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:40,040
photographed real,
actual fairies in their garden!
314
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,840
So, yeah,
I wrote a book about them...
315
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,120
..The Coming Of The Fairies!
316
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,840
Woo! Right...
317
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,240
And you're sure they didn't just
cut out some pictures of fairies
318
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,400
and then photograph them
in their garden for a laugh?
319
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,440
LAUGHING: No!
320
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,800
It's impossible.
They've been checked by experts.
321
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,280
And the experts said
they were real, did they?
322
00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,360
No.
323
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,560
One said they were fake,
324
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,400
but two, importantly...
325
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,000
..weren't sure.
326
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,320
Which, now that I've said
that out loud, it does sound bad.
327
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,880
Well, I congratulate
you and Mr Stoker
328
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,560
on your very active imaginations.
ARTHUR SIGHS
329
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,240
Oh, another walk-out.
330
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,080
It's a funny day when Guy's the most
sensible person on the show.
331
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,400
Dumbledore!
332
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,440
Ay, yo...
333
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,000
..welcome to Literary Rap Battle.
334
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,840
And tonight, laying down
the tracks for the title...
335
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,960
..is none other than MY GUY...
336
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,680
..William "The Bard"
Shakspeare-eare-eare-eare!
337
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:38,880
Eare-eare...
338
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,680
And bringing the rhyming challenge,
339
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,000
The Bible! The Bible?!
340
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,720
The King James Bible,
represented by King James himself!
341
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,280
Er... MC KJ in the pa-lace!
342
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,800
Ay! Let's do this!
343
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,520
I ain't scared of you
Stratford-upon-Avon gangstas!
344
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,680
Yeah, well,
you didn't write The Bible.
345
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,560
Hey! I paid for that translation.
346
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,600
My money, my Bible.
347
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,520
And it gave the English language
way more phrases than your work did.
348
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,960
Wait...wait...there's only
one way to settle this!
349
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,400
Oi, Your Majesty,
350
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,960
let's get it started!
BEAT KICKS IN
351
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,680
352
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,520
353
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,840
Mister holier than thou
354
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,000
your mouth but I'd give up right now
355
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,560
an eye for an eyeful
356
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,920
Shakespeare's a trifle!
357
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,800
OH!
HYPE MEN SHOUT
358
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,400
Oi, Shakespeare,
359
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,840
you just got dissed, player!
360
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:32,920
Come on!
RECORD SCRATCH
361
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,920
Shakespeare's in the chair
362
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,080
363
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,760
364
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,200
365
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,240
366
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,720
smells like he farted
367
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,000
368
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,200
and I'm back where I started.
369
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,320
HE LAUGHS
370
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,560
Your Majesty...
371
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,560
..you must be bare incensed!
RECORD SCRATCH
372
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,680
you'll see
373
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,920
this baptism of fire
374
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,280
to my heart's desire
375
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,800
376
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,120
377
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,560
spirit of the law they call Lord
378
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:05,960
379
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,120
and die by the sword
380
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,000
I am adored.
381
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,880
OH!
HYPE MEN CHEER
382
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,320
Shakespeare...stay down!
383
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,280
All right. You're hurt!
You're hurt!
384
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,080
385
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,160
386
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,600
387
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,840
388
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,280
and it's paradise
389
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,800
and that ain't nice...
390
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,640
Ay, ay, wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait, wait, wait...
391
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,840
I think we have a error.
Yeah! I gotcha!
392
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,800
"Fly in the ointment." That's from
the King James Bible, baby!
393
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,520
Check it! Check it!
394
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,360
Mm. Yeah...
395
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,400
Aw!
396
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,960
BELL DINGS,
THEY GROAN IN CELEBRATION
397
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,160
King James wins...
398
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,120
..by lyrical knockout!
399
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,840
Ooh, how the mighty have fallen!
400
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,440
That's one of mine.
Another point for me.
401
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:51,920
Come on, guys, we don't need this.
402
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,360
Let's bounce!
403
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,440
As in let's leave.
404
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,520
BOTH: Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah.
405
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,800
The Bible is one of the only books
we Puritans really like.
406
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:09,520
Many Puritans like it so much
they want to ban the other books.
407
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,480
And it's not just books
they have a problem with.
408
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,160
some early Puritan settlers
in America
409
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,720
decided that you could
be arrested just for reading!
410
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,920
Especially if you're a woman!
411
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,680
SIRENS WAIL
412
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,440
Being in law enforcement
in a new colony is tough.
413
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,920
The folks here in
Massachusetts Bay are desperate.
414
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,080
It does not take much
for them to turn to crime.
415
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,120
The number-one threat
we're dealing with today is...
416
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,040
ARROW BOINGS
417
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,240
..women reading.
418
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,320
That and the locals
who don't want us here.
419
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,640
We've received intel
420
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,480
that there is a gang
of women readers
421
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,640
operating from
inside this house.
422
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,480
It looks just like
an ordinary house.
423
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,040
It's not.
424
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,120
It's a book den.
425
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,720
Makes you sick!
426
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,760
Word is the leader's a woman
called Anne Hutchinson.
427
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,960
Apparently she organised the book
gang on the boat over from Europe.
428
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,920
Some of the women get in so deep...
429
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,680
..their lips don't even move
while they're reading.
430
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,400
If that's not witchcraft, what is?
431
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,240
The Puritan General Assembly
here in the Massachusetts Bay Colony
432
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,800
have outlawed the book gang,
and that's why we're here today.
433
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,840
We're hoping that
the ringleader, Hutchinson,
434
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:18,960
will be in there herself,
435
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,880
teaching with her books.
436
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,600
Ha. Well, not on my watch.
437
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,000
They're going down.
438
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,200
You go in, I'll cover you.
439
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,240
Yeah.
440
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,920
And then in chapter five
we see that...
441
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,240
Go, go, go, go! Oh!
442
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,520
This is a book raid!
443
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,320
Put the book down and step away!
444
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,440
But I'll lose my page!
445
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,600
STAMMERING: All right!
Put a bookmark inside the book,
446
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,480
then put the book down,
then step away!
447
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,120
We got a runner!
448
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,120
Stop in the name of the Puritan law!
449
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,520
Book launch! Argh!
450
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,120
Argh! I'm hit!
451
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,760
HE GROANS AND WHIMPERS
452
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,160
You're going to be OK, buddy.
Argh...
453
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,640
..I think it was a hardback.
454
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,320
The scars are just part of the job.
455
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,480
I mean, look at this one.
456
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,480
Paper cut.
457
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,560
I feel all cold.
458
00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,920
Hey, hey, hey,
don't speak like that!
459
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:01,440
Look at me! Look at me!
460
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,360
It's a reminder of what we
face out there every single day.
461
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:05,840
Officer Scratcher here...
462
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,880
..is going to read you your rights.
Hang on.
463
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,240
STAMMERING: Why am I
going to read them?
464
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,400
Well, you've got the card, so...
465
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,440
Yeah, but...
466
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,680
..I can't read, can I?
Well, I can't read either.
467
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,440
What do you want me to do,
just make it up? Uh, 'scuse me.
468
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,160
Mm? Would you like me
to read the card for you?
469
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,080
You know, some of the days are hard,
470
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,240
but if we can do a little good
here and there
471
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,640
like preventing women from reading,
472
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,200
then it'll all have been worthwhile.
473
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,280
"You..." I "..have the right
to remain silent.
474
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,320
"Anything you..." I "..say,
475
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,320
"can and will be
used against you." Me.
476
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,880
Oh, we really appreciate this.
477
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,360
Mm-hm. I mean, obviously we will
have to add you reading this
478
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,800
to the list of charges, but...
479
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,400
..Puritan law's the Puritan law.
480
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,640
Check out my latest Book Day outfit.
481
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,880
I'm Pooh!
482
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:58,880
Well, yeah, that does
explain the smell.
483
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,320
What? No! I'm Winnie-the-Pooh!
484
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,200
Look, I've got a jar of honey!
485
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,720
I'm always playing
Pooh sticks in the sewer.
486
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:09,800
You're throwing sticks
in the sewer?!
487
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,440
Um, yeah...
488
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,720
..they're not exactly sticks.
489
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,120
Aw, no!
490
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:21,680
Well, at least you've
got a good taste in books.
491
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,760
Oh, yes!
492
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,280
I love getting my teeth
into a good book.
493
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,400
CHOMP!
494
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:33,280
Yeah, well, get your teeth
into your own book next time!
495
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,560
Sorry about that.
496
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,680
But I do love a good story,
497
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,840
and the more fantastic,
the tastier, uh, better!
498
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,960
Some of the most famous tales
feature in one collection of stories
499
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,000
that come from
Middle Eastern folklore.
500
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,280
WINGS FLUTTER
501
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,240
Monsieur Diab, just the man
I've been looking for.
502
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,040
Ah, Monsieur Galland,
how is your translation
503
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,720
of One Thousand and One
Arabian Nights coming along?
504
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,680
Actually, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
505
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,760
I have a slight problem.
How is that possible?
506
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,720
It's such a rich
and ancient collection
507
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,040
of Middle Eastern stories.
508
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,640
Oui, but the collection
I'm translating isn't complete.
509
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,720
It doesn't have enough stories,
510
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,440
certainly not 1,001.
511
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,880
Uh, you're from Syria.
512
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,240
I don't suppose you know
any other tales from home I can use?
513
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:22,160
Ooh, well, I suppose I could tell
you the tale of Aladdin.
514
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,600
He was a poor boy
in the Ottoman Empire.
515
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,800
"Aladdin was a poor boy in China."
ALADDIN YELPS
516
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,000
China? No, no,
I'm talking about the Middle East.
517
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,160
Yes, but a lot
of my European readers
518
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,760
think that everywhere east of Greece
is basically China.
519
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,720
ALADDIN GRUMBLES
O-OK.
520
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:41,960
Trapped in a cave, Aladdin found
a lamp containing a magical genie
521
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,440
who helped Aladdin
become rich and powerful,
522
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,160
marrying the Sultan's daughter.
523
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,640
They were the toast of the
bazaars of the caliphate. Mm.
524
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:53,120
Bazaars and caliphate sound
a bit confusing for my audience.
525
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:56,800
Uh, OK, well, I could
always Frenchify it for you.
526
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,080
Let's say "palaces" and "markets".
527
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,840
In fact, imagine the
thing is essentially set
528
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,360
at the Palace of Versailles. Happy?
529
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,720
So, an Ottoman princess
is in a French palace
530
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,040
in a country I'm calling China.
531
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,240
I see no problem with that.
532
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,360
And I have plenty more stories
where they came from.
533
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,840
Excellent! I need wild,
adventurous stories!
534
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,720
Ooh, how about the tale of Ali Baba
535
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,960
who steals the treasure
of forty thieves?
536
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,040
Open sesame.
537
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,680
Oh! Sounds brilliant!
538
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,080
This is the stuff I need
to fill the holes in the book!
539
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,840
Real, authentic stories from China.
540
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,640
Syria. Ah, same thing.
541
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,000
Mm, it really isn't.
Well, to my readers it is.
542
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,960
OK, anyway, happy to help!
543
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,840
I just hope we won't have
to argue about which of our names
544
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,880
is biggest on the front cover
of the book.
545
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,280
Don't worry, we won't.
546
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,280
Your name won't be on it at all.
547
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,080
Thanks for the stories!
Wait, what did you say?
548
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,000
Gallant out! Come back! Hey!
549
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,040
HE GROANS
550
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,200
That guy...
551
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,320
It's Monday morning
and headteacher, Ruth Thomas,
552
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,480
has had to find a replacement
for French teacher, Mrs Morton,
553
00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:00,880
who insists on using French time
and always leaves an hour early.
554
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,120
Welcome to Historical Educating.
555
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,440
I'm so excited.
556
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,160
Class 7F are going
to be taught
557
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,440
by one of my all-time
favourite authors.
558
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,360
He wrote The Hobbit...
559
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,440
..and The Lord Of The Rings.
560
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,560
He's also a professor
of literature and language...
561
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,040
..at Oxford University.
562
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,240
So French ought to be no problem...
563
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,840
..or pas de probleme...
564
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:24,880
..as they say.
565
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,280
Class 7F's new French teacher
is JRR Tolkien.
566
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,720
Good morning, class.
567
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,960
My name is
John Ronald Reuel Tolkien,
568
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,920
JRR Tolkien,
569
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,560
but you can call me...Mr Tolkien.
570
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,880
ALL: Bonjour Monsieur Tolkien.
571
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,480
Bonjour?
572
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,800
They're French!
573
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,360
I'm not teaching them!
574
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,960
Mrs Thomas, a word!
575
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,440
I can't stand the French!
576
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,200
Mr Tolkien, perhaps
you should have mentioned
577
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,040
your feelings about the French
578
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,240
before you agreed
to do a French class.
579
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,200
It's fine!
580
00:22:58,200 --> 00:22:59,800
I'll just teach them Elvish instead.
581
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,320
One of the languages I invented.
582
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,640
STAMMERING: Mr Tolkien,
583
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,560
there isn't a GCSE Elvish!
584
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,040
So, who here speaks Elvish?
585
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,040
No? Khuzdul,
the language of the dwarves?!
586
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,120
Conversational Goblin?!
587
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:16,840
Ah, good. What's your name?
588
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,320
Jean-Claude. Is that a French name?
589
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:20,480
Uh, maybe.
590
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:21,640
DESCENDING WHISTLE
591
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,800
JRR GROWLS
592
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,680
Mr Tolkien, what are you doing?!
593
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:27,800
I'm sorry,
594
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:31,120
but I've never forgiven the French
for giving us William the Conqueror!
595
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,320
HE ROARS, STUDENTS SCREAM
596
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,680
I always wished he had finished
his sequel to Lord Of The Rings.
597
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,240
It was called The New Shadow.
598
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:39,560
Such a brilliant mind.
599
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,200
Stop saying bonjour!
600
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,400
Do excuse me.
601
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,960
Mr Tolkien, a word!
602
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,920
It was a joke!
603
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,360
I chased my neighbour
dressed as an Anglo-Saxon warrior
604
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,840
and he was fine about it!
605
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,520
I'm afraid I've already
found your replacement.
606
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,560
HE SCOFFS
And his CV...
607
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,560
..is just as impressive as yours.
608
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:00,640
CS Lewis?
609
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,400
He wrote The Lion, The Witch
and The Wardrobe.
610
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,200
Hello, Tolkien. CS.
611
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,640
JRR.
BOTH: BOOM!
612
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,160
Wait, you two know each other?
613
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,720
Yeah, we're bezzie mates.
614
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,800
We're in a book club
called The Inklings together.
615
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,760
Yeah, I've actually got
your bear suit in the car
616
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,520
if you want to drive
straight to the party?
617
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,640
Ooh! Right, out! Both of you, out!
618
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,760
Bear boys! Woo!
619
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:19,960
SHE EXHALES SHARPLY
620
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,040
Here's my final outfit,
621
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,560
The Rat in the Hat.
622
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,640
And as far as this show goes,
623
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:23,960
that is that.
624
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:29,080
We've seen how
brilliant books can be,
625
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:34,920
and you've spent some time
with him and me.
626
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,240
To have Rosie here has been a treat.
627
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,000
Aw, thanks, Rattus,
628
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,600
that's really sweet.
629
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,880
Yeah. But now it's time
to say so long.
630
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,920
I'll miss you, Rattus,
631
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,320
but not your pong.
632
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,200
RATTUS TRUMPS SQUEAKILY
Hmm, there.
633
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,800
BASS GUITAR PLAYS
634
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:57,880
Shh!
635
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,920
find them throughout history
636
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,880
or stories full of mystery
637
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,240
to a whole new world
638
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,520
639
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,360
Follow Alice into Wonderland
640
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:15,080
but he was really a man
641
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:18,560
a professor who wrote books on maths
642
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,160
643
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,600
644
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,520
645
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,280
to Neverland's shores
646
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,160
want to meet some munchkins
647
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,800
got its name from some drawers
648
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,680
let it take flight
649
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,560
in your bedroom
650
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,800
or learn to train your dragon
651
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,640
a book for you...
652
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,680
ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYS BRIDGE
653
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,840
SNARE ROLL BUILDS
654
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,680
you can read about almost anything
655
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,720
who eats every single thing
656
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,120
almost named Willi Worm
657
00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,480
658
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,240
introduce you to a brand-new place
659
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,200
starring Moonface
660
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,320
cos she wrote 10,000 words in a day
661
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,560
well, they could take you
662
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,400
The Worst Witch isn't scary
663
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,080
if you like magic schools
664
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,200
Pippi Longstocking
665
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,880
the grown-ups look like fools
666
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,640
will make the time fly by
667
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,640
a fighter pilot and a spy?
668
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,840
to glass elevators
669
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,960
670
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,680
671
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,720
somewhere you never go
672
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,480
673
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,240
674
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,120
wimpy kid's diary will charm you
675
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:53,760
is sure to make you laugh
676
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,920
try a Mary Norton
677
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,480
make themselves at home
678
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,400
give you a few frights
679
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,400
will shine its magic on you
680
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,560
this is really lorey
681
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:12,320
47396
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