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Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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Dingy castles, daring knights
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Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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Punishment from ancient times
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Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
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Mean and measly Middle Ages
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BOTH:
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Horrible Histories presents...
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Hi-yes!
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Welcome to one of the rowdiest,
riotous and most dangerous times
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in our history.
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Oh! Oi, be careful where
you're pointing that cannon!
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MAN: Sorry!
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Welcome to the English Civil War,
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and let me tell you, it is intense.
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It's a war between King Charles I,
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who believes the King should be able
to do whatever he likes,
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and Parliament, who want to limit
King Charlie's powers
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and stop him from just raising taxes
whenever he wants to.
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But Charlie says
he's going to do it anyway,
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and that means this country is
heading towards an all-out civil war.
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Ooh!
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Your Majesty,
just because you are the king
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does not mean you can do
whatever you like.
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You can't just tax people
willy nilly.
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HE LAUGHS
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On the contrary.
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DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
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God gave me the right
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with his might
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the green light
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and my kin
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that I am the boss
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wouldn't be a great loss
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ADVISERS:
but we still think that
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to just advise you
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I'm the one to make laws
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but the power's not yours
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I'll rule on my own
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in a decade or so
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to buy lots of boats
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way up to John o' Groats
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to raise some money
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cash to me
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across the whole country
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let's have a boogie
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there should be some limits
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00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,400
It's 1640 and, unbelievably,
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Parliament's now been closed
for 11 years thanks to Charles.
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It's no wonder MPs like John Pym...
Hello!
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..and Oliver Cromwell are furious.
I'm furious!
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And now the Scots
are invading England.
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Yikes!
HORSES WHINNY
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00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,960
Looks like Charlie's going to need
cash for an army to fight them.
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CHARLES: I need cash for an army
to fight them!
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See? Told you.
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00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,080
Unfortunately for him, there's only
one way he can raise that money,
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and that's by Parliament
agreeing to a tax,
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which means reopening Parliament.
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00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,080
But after being shut for 11 years,
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00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:02,080
I don't think they're going to be
in much of a mood to help the king.
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00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,560
Hey, gang, it's your boy,
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00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,840
King Charles of England,
Ireland and Scotland.
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Yeah, that's right. I said Scotland.
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What's up with those guys, anyway?
Why have they invaded England?
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00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,400
Grr!
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00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,760
I'm going to raise a load of tax
and pay for an army to sort you out.
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00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,160
Lord Stafford?
BORED: Yes?
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00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,640
We're going to go down to Parliament
and tell THEM to raise the tax.
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00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,720
But they are not there, remember?
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00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,480
That's the wife.
French princess. Standard.
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00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,920
You sent them all home 11 years ago,
Your Majesty.
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I believe you said you didn't need
those WASTE MEN...
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..holding you back.
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LOL. What am I like?
HE LAUGHS
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That's fine.
I'll just bring them back.
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00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,400
Parliament open for business!
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English Parliament refused
to order a tax,
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so I sent them all back home again.
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00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,920
AIR HORN BLARES
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00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,760
They were here for so little time,
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00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,600
they're already calling it
The Short Parliament.
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00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,960
Parliament closed for business!
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00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,360
Well, there's more than
one way to raise a tax.
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00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,840
I am the King of England.
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00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,880
If only you were king of another
country, too. Wait...
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00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,840
I'm the king of Ireland as well and
they've got their own parliament.
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00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,600
Let's just get the money from them!
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Time for war!
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00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,760
So, I raised the money for my army,
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00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,440
and then my army got its bottom
kicked by the Scots...
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00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:19,840
BAGPIPES PLAY
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..so I had to call
English Parliament back.
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Parliament reopened for business!
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Not only did they refuse to raise
the tax,
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but then they started passing laws
to limit my powers.
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HE IMITATES EXPLOSION
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Newsflash, guys - you can't limit
my powers cos I'm the king!
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So, guess what? I'm going to put on
my big boy king pants,
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and then I'm going to
come down there
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and arrest all of the ringleaders!
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OK, I went down to arrest Pym
and the other ringleaders,
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but the birds had flown.
CHICKEN CLUCKS
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There's people arming themselves
outside.
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London is not a chill city
right now.
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00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,360
They would not go to war
with their own king.
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You are appointed by God.
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00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:59,040
Yeah, that doesn't seem to be
ending the argument
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00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,320
like it used to any more.
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00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,040
Might be worth checking the weapon
and gunpowder stores in Hull,
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00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,800
just in case.
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00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,000
And, er...probably best not to let
Parliament know we're doing that.
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Shh.
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Hiya, love.
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00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,640
Yeah? Are you the mayor of Hull?
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I am, yeah. Why?
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Then open up in the name of
the King.
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The King?
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These are dangerous times,
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what with the King and Parliament
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00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,680
being ready to go to war
with one another.
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One's life could be in danger
for saying the wrong thing
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00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,120
to the wrong person.
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If you let me finish,
what I was going to say is
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"open up in the name of the King"
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is the sort of thing a chap might
say if he were loyal to the king
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and wanted you to let him in.
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00:06:55,560 --> 00:07:00,400
I wonder, what sort of thing
might you say to a person like that?
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00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,640
He wants to know
if you're loyal to the king.
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00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,880
Stay out of this, Nosy Sarah. Fine.
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00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:08,520
So, are you loyal to the king?
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00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,800
Mmm...I don't know.
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00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,280
Are you loyal to the king?
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00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,640
HIGH-PITCHED: Uh...
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Anyone want to know
if I'm loyal to the king?
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MEN: No.
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00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,560
Fine by me. Make yourself useful.
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00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,600
So, tell me, who are you?
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Um... He's the Earl of Newcastle.
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HE SCOFFS
I'm not.
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00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,200
Why would the Earl of Newcastle
be visiting Hull?
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00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,960
If I had to guess, I'd say
that the king wants to know
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if all the ammunition
stored here in Hull
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is likely to end up in the hands of
his enemies
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when civil war breaks out.
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I...am...Sir...
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..John...
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..Savage.
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He's the Earl of Newcastle.
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Look! That pub's named after him.
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Oh, come on.
What are the chances of that?
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Right, listen, Sir John Fake Name.
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I don't know what's going on here.
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But I am trying to make a smoothie
in there
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and we are mostly
supporters of Parliament here,
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so I suggest that you leave.
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Fine. I'll go. I'll go.
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Right. Well, I spoke to the council.
It is private...
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HIGH-PITCHED: Oh! Hello there.
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I am a weary old washerwoman,
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hoping to wrest her withered
old legs upon a weapons store.
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No. Oh, for goodness sake!
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Timewaster!
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I'm not sure that was an old woman.
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It's 1642 and both sides,
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King Charles and Parliament,
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have recruited 20,000 soldiers.
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Neither side is backing down,
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and now dodgy old Charlie
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is about to declare war
on his own parliament.
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What could possibly go wrong?
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VOICEOVER: Welcome to
Civil War's Been Framed,
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the show that proves that kings
and queens can get stuff wrong, too,
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and nothing interferes
with trying to start a war more
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than when you've got trouble
with wind.
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00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,760
Couldn't we use a smaller flag,
Your Majesty?
196
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,080
No. What's wrong with this one?
197
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,200
It's massive!
That's what's wrong with it.
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00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,920
Sire, we need 20 men
to put it up properly.
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00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,520
LAUGHTER
Told you. Nonsense.
200
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,960
Outside in this field
is the best place to declare war.
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THUNDER CRASHES
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00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,080
Yeah, not any more, mate.
LAUGHTER
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00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,200
But I guess kings are used to
REIGNING. Ha!
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On the bright side, it's not
a complete declaration fail.
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Lead on, Herald.
Hang on, hang on, hang on!
206
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,240
Er, I just want to make
a couple of changes to the wording.
207
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A last-minute rewrite in the rain.
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What could possibly go wrong?
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00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,520
OK. Loud and proud.
LAUGHTER
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HE CLEARS THROAT
On this day,
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00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,560
the 22nd of...
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00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,680
..augh-ah-ah...
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00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:48,080
..1642... August! It says August!
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00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,160
Sorry. The rain smudged the print.
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00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,240
MOCKING: The rain smudged the print!
216
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,760
Carry on, Herald. I'm sure you're
through the worst of it.
217
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,760
I, Charles Stupid,
King of England...
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00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,480
Charles Stupid? Yeah, maybe not.
219
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,120
Why would I have written that?!
220
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,280
Charles Stuart, King of England.
Come on!
221
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,040
Sorry, your handwriting's all
scribbly when you changed it...
222
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,240
Oh, so it's my fault?
223
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,200
I'm not having a go.
I just can't read it.
224
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,920
OK, so, apart from the weather -
and the words -
225
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,480
I think that went pretty well.
226
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,360
At least the flag didn't fall down.
227
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,040
Oh! Spoke too soon.
228
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,320
Well, if just declaring war
goes that badly,
229
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,640
imagine how well the rest
of this is going to go.
230
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,040
We should use a smaller flag.
See you next time.
231
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,320
Great idea.
232
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,920
So, the Civil War has started,
people.
233
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,240
It's on, and everyone's got to
pick a side.
234
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,200
It's so hard to choose.
What do you reckon?
235
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,080
Should I support the King
and be a royalist Cavalier,
236
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,680
or would I be better off as
a parliamentarian Roundhead?
237
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,360
Hmm. Choices, choices.
238
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,800
And even if I can pick a team,
how will I know who else is on it?
239
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,680
I might end up fighting
the wrong person
240
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,600
cos, frankly, on the battlefield,
241
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,920
all the soldiers
are basically dressed the same.
242
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Hmm!
243
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,440
Don't move!
244
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,240
Are you friend or foe?
245
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,640
Er...
246
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,040
I mean...it's hard to tell. What?
247
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,000
Well, we're wearing similar clothes,
so I don't really know.
248
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,080
All right, just...just tell me
what side you're on.
249
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,000
King or Parliament?
250
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,680
Why don't you tell me which side
you're on? I asked first.
251
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,480
I fight for the English.
252
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,720
We're all fighting for the English,
mud-for-brains.
253
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:26,200
Hey! I'm not going to let
anybody speak to me like that.
254
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,480
On the other hand, I probably would
let somebody on my side say it
255
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,280
cos then it would just be
friendly banter... Banter, right.
256
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,920
Tricky. Yeah.
For the English! Ugh!
257
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,480
This is really confusing.
258
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,640
All right,
our side favours wearing red.
259
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,400
It's not going to work.
Both sides like red. Oh.
260
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,000
Our lot, we're all wearing, like,
a white piece of paper
261
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,320
in the top of our hat, so we can
sort of see who's on our side.
262
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,520
We also have white paper...
Oh, that's promising!
263
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,800
..and our secret battle code words
are...
264
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,240
BOTH: "God with us"!
265
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,480
Hey! We're on the same side! Royals!
266
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,520
Huzzah for Parliament!
Huzzah for us Roundheads!
267
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,720
Oh, Roundheads?
I'm a royalist Cavalier.
268
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,160
Oh, my gosh.
269
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,120
Wait, are you telling me we both
chose the same code words
270
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,240
and the same white paper
for our hats?
271
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,520
What are the chances? It's mad.
I can't believe it.
272
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,640
Should we, erm, do the...?
Yeah. Go on, then.
273
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,360
Probably should.
274
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,440
God with us.
275
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,400
You want to tell him or shall I?
276
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,080
Forget it.
277
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,480
Hi, royalist fans!
278
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,960
God save King Charlie. Whoo, whoo!
SHE LAUGHS
279
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,560
I'm Charlotte Stanley,
Countess of Derby,
280
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,960
and I'm here with some more tips
on how to communicate
281
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,600
during a civil war.
282
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,080
It's time for another...
283
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,400
Take that, parliamentarian swine!
284
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,160
Nathaniel, is that really
more important
285
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,560
than me talking to my followers?
286
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:44,400
Well, we are under siege.
No, it isn't.
287
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,400
That's my sidekick and soldier,
Nathaniel.
288
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,120
He's just shooting at the Roundheads
who've surrounded my castle...
289
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,920
EXPLOSION
290
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,080
Nathaniel, can you please
clean that up?
291
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,960
Welcome to your number one guide
for the latest tips and tricks
292
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,600
on how to pass messages
during a civil war.
293
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,600
NATHANIEL SCREAMS
Oh! A message has arrived.
294
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,200
Oh! Ah!
295
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,440
Firing arrows through windows can
be dangerous for the people inside,
296
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,520
but it is a great way
to send a letter in secret!
297
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,800
LadyInTheTower242 asks...
298
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,000
ROUNDHEAD: Ow!
299
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,440
Oh, girl! I got you.
300
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,480
Just our men are at war
doesn't mean you can't woo your boo.
301
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,840
Come here, you!
302
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,720
Nathaniel? Yeah? Read.
303
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,400
Yeah. I can't, it's gibberish.
Exactly!
304
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,440
Tip number two is write in code.
305
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,840
In that way, it can't be read
even if it falls into enemy hands.
306
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,680
Roll your message up in wax or lead
307
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,440
to the size of a musket ball
like this.
308
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,640
Don't shoot it, eat it!
309
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,600
Then, once Nathaniel finds
your beloved,
310
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,480
he simply drops his trousers
and poops out your message.
311
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,280
Argh! Not doing that.
Well, then, Nathaniel,
312
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,040
I think we might have to
resort to tip number four.
313
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,200
Stick your message
in an oozing, infected wound.
314
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,360
Even if Nathaniel's
arrested by the Roundheads,
315
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,360
there's no way they'll go poking
around in a stinky scab factory.
316
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,080
You're not sticking your letter
in my arrow wound. Yes, I am.
317
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,440
Remember, smash the like,
and I'll be back next time
318
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,200
with more tips and tricks on
Message In A Battle!
319
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,560
God save the King!
320
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,040
Nathaniel, come here.
321
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,680
You leave my bum wound alone!
322
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:27,400
It's 1645 and the war is starting
to swing our way.
323
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,680
Yes, Parliament! Get in!
324
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,600
We're beating the king's forces,
325
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,080
and it's mostly thanks to
General Fairfax
326
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:39,080
and his ultra-professional
and super organised New Model Army.
327
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,160
Right, I'm off to join up!
CANONS FIRE
328
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,920
Yeah, it's, er...the other way.
329
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,120
There's a new fighting force
in town.
330
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,040
It's hard, it's professional,
331
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,960
and it's going to blow
the silly goatee
332
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,720
right off of King Charles's face.
333
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,000
Ooh! See? I'm General Fairfax,
334
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,880
and I'm here to tell you that
if you want to be the best,
335
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,920
then you need to join
the New Model Army.
336
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,720
Model? Great! I love toy soldiers.
337
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,440
It's not that kind of model army.
338
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,760
We're the first
professional army in England.
339
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,080
We pay a regular wage
340
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,560
and we only use the most modern
of warfare techniques.
341
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,040
Our soldiers travel
all across the country
342
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,960
to fight against King Charles
wherever he may be.
343
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,960
Quite a shouty man, aren't you?
344
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,720
You get to do all the things
a modern soldier loves,
345
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,800
like horse riding,
hand-to-hand combat
346
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,240
and most of all...praying.
347
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,120
We'll pray all day if we have to!
348
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,760
So, if you like...
349
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,720
..and mostly...God,
350
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,000
then you should join
the New Model Army.
351
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,120
When do we get to play with
our toy soldiers?
352
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,160
SHOUTING: It's not that kind of
model army!
353
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,240
Wow. I've just seen
the New Model Army
354
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,360
in action at the Battle of Naseby.
355
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,280
They absolutely smashed it.
356
00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,040
But I'm not surprised.
They haven't lost a battle yet.
357
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,800
Things are going so well
that the king surrendered
358
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,000
and he's being locked up,
359
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,800
although keeping him
locked up hasn't been easy.
360
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:12,000
He's already escaped from
house arrest at Hampton Court.
361
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,040
Still, what are the chances
he'll try it again?
362
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,240
Hmm...
363
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,480
Going well, is it, Sire?
364
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,680
Oh, sa-weet freedom!
365
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,280
My liberty is nigh, I can feel it!
366
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,880
Maybe trying to escape through the
bars wasn't such a great idea, Sire.
367
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,800
Nonsense. Why would you say a thing
like that?
368
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,200
It's just that you've had
your head stuck for some time now.
369
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,240
That is such a glass-half-empty way
of looking at things, Ashburnham,
370
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,840
because you could say that my head
is completely free from the prison.
371
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,160
Mm, yep, but a lot of your body's
still inside the prison, Sire.
372
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,560
Yes. Right, new plan.
373
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,680
Like the greasy sausage,
we shall slip through their hands.
374
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,320
We will head to the New Forest,
375
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:55,240
moving so fast that they'll be unable
to keep a hold of us. Ha-ha-ha!
376
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,760
Brilliant idea, Your Majesty. Yes.
377
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,760
You might be forgetting one thing -
your head is stuck in a window.
378
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,560
Will you stop being
such a negative nelly?!
379
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,280
Everyone knows that if the head
can pass through a space,
380
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,640
then the rest can follow
381
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,240
because the head is
the biggest part of the body.
382
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,240
So, here we go.
One time, no thought. Here we go.
383
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,360
CHARLES GRUNTS
384
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,040
Gah!
385
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,760
Yee-ee!
386
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,560
Ta-da! Ow.
387
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,360
I think that just applies to mice,
sire.
388
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:25,160
Why didn't you say anything, then,
Ashburnham?! I did.
389
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,440
My shoulder's stuck now
390
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,520
and I'm in a huge amount
of physical pain!
391
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,280
OK, right, plan C, plan C.
392
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,480
Earlier today, I took the precaution
of summoning a man servant,
393
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,520
whose outrageous clothing will
distract from his face.
394
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,000
I'm talking a big wide hat,
395
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,320
a big beard and a wig
and a big great coat.
396
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:47,400
Hmm, yeah. So all I need then do
is disguise myself as him and, ah...
397
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,640
You mean this bloke?
Yeah, we spotted him immediately.
398
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,840
You're not going anywhere.
399
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,920
Now here's my plan, you go
back to bed and you stay here,
400
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,920
locked up and ready to be executed.
401
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,680
Pfff, tell them, Ashburnham.
402
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,240
It's a good plan, guard, if it
weren't for one inescapable fact.
403
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:06,400
Head in window! I'm stucko, bucko!
404
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,520
HE LAUGHS
405
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,480
You're not very stealthy.
406
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,600
Chestnut?
TUTS
407
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,160
I don't know how you can eat
408
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,520
at an execution, Sarah,
409
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,400
I'm much too excited!
410
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,680
Down with the King!
411
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,320
Hey! Stop pushing!
412
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,680
Haven't we had enough fighting
over the last few years?
413
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,760
Isn't it time
we put an end to the violence?
414
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,240
Let's all watch the King getting
his head chopped off together.
415
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,640
I actually hope they don't kill him.
416
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,280
I quite like the King.
417
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,920
You can't say that,
you'll get us killed!
418
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,800
Anyway, it's too late,
the Parliamentarians
419
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,480
have already signed his
death warrant.
420
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,920
FANFARE PLAYS
There he is.
421
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,880
King Charles is coming out!
CROWD BOOS, CHEERS
422
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,000
Wooh!
423
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,800
CROWD GOES QUIET
424
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,000
Sorry.
425
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,200
Die!
426
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,440
CROWD BOOS, CHEERS
427
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,800
Right, here we are,
the grand finale, the big chop!
428
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,520
Ah! Hankies ready, Alice?
429
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,880
Hankie ready, Sarah.
430
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,240
Oh, it looks like the executioner
is about to do it.
431
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,960
THWACK, SPLODGE
432
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,400
I got it, I got it, I got real
king's blood on my hankie!
433
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,080
Yeah, I got some, too!
434
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,240
I'm going to give this
to my warty uncle Kenny
435
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,600
cos they say the King's blood
can cure all sorts.
436
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,880
I've had such a lovely day!
437
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:18,200
It's not often you get to see
a real live king onstage.
438
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,080
Or a real king dead onstage either.
439
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,720
BLOWS NOSE
440
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,360
Oh, mate.
441
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,400
Got a bit of king on your face.
442
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,560
Have I?
443
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,000
No, get your own!
444
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,600
RIP, King Charles I,
445
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,600
the only English king to
ever be tried and executed,
446
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,560
he'll be sadly missed.
447
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,040
Although,
448
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,040
obviously not by a lot of the people
who were fighting him.
449
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,120
So, who's going to rule now?
450
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,640
Parliament or a new king?
451
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,960
I mean, I am available
if there's a vacancy.
452
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,040
CACKLES
453
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,560
If it is a king, the most likely
candidate is King Charles's son,
454
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,600
who he rather originally named
455
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,080
Charles. Oh!
456
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:04,280
The Scots like him so much they're
already calling him King Charles II.
457
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,240
This new Charlie even raised an army
458
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,520
to fight the Parliamentarian army
459
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,160
and their new leader,
Oliver Cromwell.
460
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:17,160
It looks like we've got another
massive Civil War on our hands.
461
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:21,160
But, oh, no, wait, there's been one
big battle and it's over.
462
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,920
Charlie II's been defeated and he's
on the run, just like his dad was.
463
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,600
Let's hope he has better luck, hmm.
464
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,200
Oliver Cromwell
and his Parliamentarians
465
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,840
are now focused on the capture
of the new Royalist leader,
466
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,560
Charles II,
to put an end to the Civil War
467
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:39,880
once and for all.
468
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,480
This is our target, King
Charles's son, Prince Charles,
469
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,360
crowned King Charles II
by the Scots.
470
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,040
He's on the run and we can assume
he's running
471
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,640
to France.
472
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,160
And it won't be easy to find him,
473
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,120
he's likely to be wearing some
brilliant disguise.
474
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,920
Charles II is blending in seamlessly
475
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,560
in his disguise as a peasant.
476
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,680
TRYING TO SPEAK IN COCKNEY:
Hello, hello, missy.
477
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,640
Cor, love a duck, or, erm,
possibly a pheasant.
478
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,800
Erm, all right, cool,
disguise is sorted.
479
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,040
Erm, shall we pop me in the
royal carriage?
480
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,480
Ah, yes, er, no, I'm afraid
we're going to have to walk
481
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,880
because peasants don't have
carriages.
482
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,560
Really?
483
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,000
Pchhhh!
484
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,040
OK, guys, new intel.
485
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,560
Now we think he's somewhere in
Shropshire,
486
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,200
so we need to send teams
to search the houses of any
487
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,880
known Royalist sympathisers
in the area.
488
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,640
Among the houses
to be searched is Boscobel House,
489
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,600
where the King is said to be hiding.
490
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,800
We searched the house
but there's no sign of them.
491
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,440
I really thought we had them
this time.
492
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,560
BOING!
Ow!
493
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,720
Sorry!
494
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,320
No problem.
495
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,360
Grr! Where could he be hiding?
496
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,680
You're doing a great job!
Thank you.
497
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,040
He was up the oak tree
for a whole day!
498
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,360
All they needed to do was look up,
499
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,360
and now I hear there's Royalist
sympathisers
500
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,280
thinking of naming their pub
The Royal Oak!
501
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,400
Like I need reminding.
502
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,480
Since the incident with the oak
tree, Charles has been moving from
503
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,280
house to house in what has become
a massive game of hide and seek.
504
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,160
Your Majesty, it's...
it's time to move,
505
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,200
we're heading south for
a boat to France.
506
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,280
Who are you talking to?
Ahh!
507
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,480
Your Majesty, I... I thought you
were hiding in the priest hole.
508
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,200
Yeah, but I got bored
and popped out for a spot of lunch.
509
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,440
Have you thought about putting
a harpsicord in there?
510
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,840
It might liven the place up a bit.
511
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,680
You don't think the noise
might be a problem?
512
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,960
Yeah, true, when
they're played badly they are awful.
513
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,240
Hmm, no, I sort of more meant that
people searching for you
514
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,480
might be able to hear it.
515
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,840
Oh, yeah, right, that too.
516
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,840
OK, well, I'll pop on my travel
crown and let's go.
517
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:56,200
Ah! Yeah, maybe let me
choose the disguise, Your Majesty.
518
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,520
Fine.
519
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:58,720
Take off the crown.
520
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,800
I'm not going to take off the crown.
521
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,120
Although the Royalists
must now accept defeat
522
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,720
and the Civil War is finally
officially over,
523
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:09,520
Charles II has somehow managed to
escape to France by boat.
524
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:10,960
Ha-ha, I'm free!
525
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,920
I outsmarted all you idiots.
526
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,120
I can finally take off this
disgusting disguise.
527
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:18,360
Oh, you're the King?
528
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,520
Well, then, this trip will cost
you 200 quid extra.
529
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,000
I should have seen that coming.
530
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,320
Seriously, cough up.
531
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,000
So Charles II fled to Europe,
the Royalists were defeated
532
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,760
and we Parliamentarians
533
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,040
had won!
CHEERING
534
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,600
Eventually it was decided that
we needed one person
535
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,680
to take over as the head of the
country, but definitely not as king.
536
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,680
And the person they decided on...
537
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:44,920
..was me!
538
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,840
No, no, no, no, no, not as king.
539
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,760
I'm... I'm not a king.
540
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,200
Pretty cool office, Dad.
541
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,240
Thank you, Richard.
So what's it like being king?
542
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,440
Right, we've been through this,
I am not the king,
543
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,640
I'm Lord Protector,
it's very different.
544
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:03,760
No, of course.
545
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,920
It's just
this whole palace gives me real
546
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,400
kingy vibes, I like it.
547
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:08,440
Huh!
548
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,120
Well, whatever the vibe may be,
549
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,720
I'm not the king.
550
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,240
What about your throne?
Throne? I haven't got a throne.
551
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,600
You had one at your coronation.
It wasn't a coronation.
552
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,880
Are you sure? I was being
inaugurated as Lord Protector.
553
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,320
And that throne you sat on.
554
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:26,440
It wasn't a throne!
555
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,840
Wasn't it used during Edward I's
coronation 400 years ago?
556
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,440
And don't kings normally sit on...
557
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,520
It wasn't a throne,
I'm not the king!
558
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,880
The decorators need your colour
selections for the revamp,
559
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:37,920
Your Majesty.
560
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,960
He's not the king. Uh, right.
561
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,360
I mean, er, not Your Majesty.
562
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,680
Why are you redecorating, Dad?
Well, it's just nice
563
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,200
to have something different
after the last person moved out.
564
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,360
And who was the last person
565
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,440
to live in Whitehall Palace
before you again?
566
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,400
Urgh... King Charles.
567
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,120
Look, it's just a house, where the
person who leads the country lives,
568
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,160
it doesn't mean I'm the king.
569
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,400
Ah, royal blue, good choice.
570
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,760
Ah.
571
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,880
Must be nice having staff
in a palace.
572
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,600
A bit like being a... Don't say it!
573
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:12,280
Your sceptre is back from
the menders, Your Majesty.
574
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,440
Oh, Your Highness.
575
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,000
Your Lowness?
576
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,360
Your Nobleness?
577
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,160
Squi-ahhhh! Just give it to me.
578
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,440
I tried. Thank you.
579
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,760
It's funny, with that sceptre
you really look like...
580
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,520
..Lord Protector.
581
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,120
CHUCKLES
582
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,880
Definitely not the king.
583
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,360
SIGHS
584
00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,120
I mean, it does suit me.
585
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,040
GLASS SMASHES, CAT SQUEALS
And there you have it,
586
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,880
that's the story
of the English Civil War -
587
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,720
an extraordinary time
of turmoil in British history.
588
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,720
The only time a king has been
tried and executed,
589
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,360
and the only time we've had
a Lord Protector.
590
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,080
Good times!
591
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,920
For a while anyway.
592
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,720
What happened then,
after I took charge?
593
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,000
Well, someone thought the best way
to tell you about that
594
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:05,960
was to do so in a jaunty song,
sung by me.
595
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:07,000
You're welcome!
596
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,200
597
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,320
Huh!
598
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,120
599
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:15,240
600
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,680
601
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,000
Huh!
602
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,920
603
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:23,920
604
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,400
605
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:27,640
606
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,400
607
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,480
for the cause
608
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,760
and reformed laws
609
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,440
610
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,880
611
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,800
the crown and sceptre
612
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,520
what we were called
613
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,000
"Peace Through War"
614
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,400
615
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,040
Huh!
616
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,360
617
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,040
618
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,600
619
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:54,800
Huh!
620
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,520
621
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,640
622
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,200
into 12 little bits
623
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,400
had to call that quits
624
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,000
king would be the solution
625
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,200
with a new constitution
626
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,000
death was my fate
627
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,040
plate
628
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,320
the great dictator
629
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,080
out a year later
630
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,120
631
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:21,280
Huh!
632
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,000
633
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,040
634
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,520
635
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:29,680
Huh!
636
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,920
637
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,520
638
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,960
I've been in exile
639
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,360
640
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,480
641
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,480
642
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:51,440
643
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,120
From Civil War times
644
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,840
645
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,240
646
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,280
and put my head on a spike
647
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,640
648
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,360
Huh!
649
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:06,720
650
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,840
Don't get me started!
651
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:12,520
652
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:13,920
Huh!
653
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,440
654
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,920
Right, now where's the party?
47408
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