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# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous
Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile
Victorians
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00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,000
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,800
# Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,200
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,040
# Romans rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
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00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,040
# Groovy Greek, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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# Gory stories, we do that
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# And your host, a talking rat
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# The past is no longer a mystery
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# Welcome to...
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# ..Horrible Histories. #
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Horrible Histories presents...
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Greetings, mortals!
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I am Raticles!
HE FARTS
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The little-known ancient Greek god
of rats and public toilets.
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TOILET FLUSHES
Ha, ha, ha, ha. Over 2,000 years
ago,
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the ancient Greeks
believed that gods ruled
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over them from a mountain
called Olympus.
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And they told tales of these gods
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in stories called "myths".
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And let me tell you,
these stories were bananas!
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So if you like the sound of
a woman with snakes for hair
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or a god who hurls thunderbolts,
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then buckle up and enjoy the ride.
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You know, there's even a barmy story
about how the Greek gods came
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about in the first place.
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Phew! And that's the
actual Mount Olympus,
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where we believe the
Olympian gods live.
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Ohhhh! The gods are so boring, Dad.
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"Boring"?! These stories
tell us everything!
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Where we came from, how the world
works, how we should live.
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Ugh. Where would your yo-yo
be without Dionysius,
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the god of games, huh?
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Even the sky is a god!
SKY GOD BURPS
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OK, if the gods are in charge
of everything, who made the gods?
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Well, I'm glad you asked,
because I'm going to tell you
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how we believe this
whole world began.
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# First there was nothing,
just a thing called Chaos
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# Not OK... # Ow!
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# Next came Gaia, or
as some would call her
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# Mother Earth
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# Then came goddess Nyx, the night
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# Then from her
Hemera of the day, yah
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# So many deities were
forming to prepare for our birth
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# Then came Pontus, the sea
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# And Uranus, the sky
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# He married Gaia, had 12 baby
Titans
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# What a god
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# I believe the creation myth
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# All the stories come from this
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# I believe the creation myth
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# There's more to add to the list
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# I believe the creation myth
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# Oo-oo-ooh, yeah. #
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Hang on. Uranus?
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I thought Zeus was
the god in charge.
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He is! But before him it was Uranus.
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Then one of Uranus' kids,
the titan Cronus,
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cut off his dad's
dangly bits and took over.
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URANUS YELLS
Chronos then had kids
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who were the gods, including Zeus,
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but Cronus was worried those kids
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would take over from him,
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so he decided to eat them all.
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What kind of story is this?
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I know, right? Anyway,
he ate them all apart from Zeus,
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who Cronus' wife, Rhea, managed
to secretly switch with a rock.
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Wow, it's actually getting weirder!
It really is.
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Then when Zeus was grown up, he came
back and made his dad vomit up
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all his brothers and sisters.
Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh.
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So Cronus had to fight all his kids,
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you know, the Olympian gods Hera,
Hades, Poseidon, etc.
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The kids won and Zeus took over.
Bang!
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Are all the stories
about the gods this bonkers?
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Um, yeah. Pretty much.
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Great! Tell me some more!
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There's a new family at
the top of the mountain,
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the Olympian gods!
APPLAUSE
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Fall in love with Hera,
goddess of marriage.
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And kicking up a storm,
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it's the mighty Zeus, god of thunder
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and king of the gods.
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Zeus, did you put a lightning
storm in the garden?
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What makes you think it was me?
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00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:10,680
THUNDER
What's the big deal?
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00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,720
It's not like I hit anyone
with lightning...
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..this time!
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SHOUTING
Ooh. Sorry!
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Warming our hearts,
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it's Hestia,
goddess of the fireplace.
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00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,760
And ploughing in is Demeter, goddess
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of the seasons and the harvest.
APPLAUSE
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00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,760
Can you make it summer
all year round
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00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,960
so we don't have to
bother with fires?
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00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,840
I could, but then when
would we plant the crops?
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00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,520
And you know I love my food.
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Mama like.
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00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,440
OK.
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00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:45,280
Making a splash, it's Poseidon,
God of the ocean.
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00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,400
APPLAUSE
And he's a bit of a downer,
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it's Hades, god of the underworld.
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00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,360
Why do I have to live
in the underworld?
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00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,880
Well, you are the god
of the underworld. Ma, ha!
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00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,680
Why couldn't I have been
god of the cake shop?
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00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,120
Now the gods are here,
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Ancient Greece is about to become
a whole lot more interesting.
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Listen, guys, shouldn't we use our
powers to HELP the people of Greece?
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Eh.
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Or we could just keep messing
with them. Yes, please!
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SHOUTING
Sorry, dude!
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The Olympian Gods!
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Heaven knows what these guys
are going to get up to next.
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APPLAUSE
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Most Greek myths are either
about the gods or the stuff
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they got up to when they were
toying with the human mortals
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below on Earth.
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Sometimes the mortals would go
on epic adventures
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where they faced terrible
ordeals designed by the gods.
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These brave people were called
"heroes"
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and it's fair to say
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that many of their stories
are not exactly bedtime
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story material. I might hide behind
the sofa for this one. Mm-mm.
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00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,320
It's nearly bedtime
here at YeBeebies,
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00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,160
So for all of you little heroes
heading off
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to adventures in dreamland, we've
got a special guest
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who's going to share some
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00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:16,160
amazing stories about his family,
the Greek gods.
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Hello, Mr Zeus!
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It's actually King Zeus, but fine.
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00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,840
Hello, children! Would you like to
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hear some stories about animals?
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Oh, yes, please! We love animals.
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Once upon a time, there was a
giant called Argus
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with 100 eyes.
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And he was guarding the
most beautiful cow, Io.
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00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,720
Cows go, "Moo!"
COW MOOS
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Well, this cow was
secretly my girlfriend.
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COW MOOS
What? So, one day,
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I went to one of my sons,
the god Hermes,
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to put Argus to sleep and kill him
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with a big rock.
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CRASH, SHOUTING
Now the giant's eyes
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decorate the peacock's tail.
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Um, peacocks go, "Ahh, ahh."
BIRD CAWS
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Well, happy times.
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I was now free to run
off with Io the cow.
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00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,160
OK! How about a different story?
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00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,200
Ah, here's one about my daughter,
the goddess Artemis.
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00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,640
She was bathing in a river
when a hunter saw her in the nuddy.
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She was so angry, she
turned him into a deer,
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and the hunter's own dogs...
DOG BARKS
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..tore him to shreds.
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Dogs go, "Woof, woof."
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It was more like, "Ra, ra, ra,
ra, ra! Ahhhhhh! No, noooo!"
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OK! OK. Sort of the pack of them.
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Have you got a nicer story?
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Maybe one about a brave Greek hero!
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I've got just the one.
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The tale of
Theseus And The Minotaur.
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A monster that's half-man,
half-bull.
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BULL BELLOWS
Once upon a time...
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Oh, that's more like it.
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..there was a monster
eating children.
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I've actually got some pictures
here. Oh, no, no, no.
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Have you got anything in there
that's suitable for children?
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Let me have a look.
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Ate his children...smashed by
rocks...monster, monster, monster...
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Oh, yeah.
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Icarus, yeah.
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His dad made him some
wings out of wax and feathers.
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Ooh, and did he go on a lovely
adventure with his new friends,
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the seagulls? Initially,
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then he flew too close to the sun,
and the wax melted,
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and he crashed into the sea
and drowned horribly.
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SPLASH, SEAGULL CAWS
Bluh! Bu-luh, bu-luh, bu-luh.
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Ha, ha, ha. OK, a-and that's
all we have for today.
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Goodnight, children. Sleep well.
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And, remember, monsters aren't real.
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Oh, they are.
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Very real.
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00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,240
Hi, I'm the Greek hero Herakles,
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or as the Romans called me,
Hercules.
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YELP
Bull's-eye!
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They're always bull's-eyes.
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I'm a demigod.
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Being a demigod means
that I was the son of a mortal,
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my mum Alcmene, and the son
of a god, my dad Zeus.
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Butt out, Dad! This is my story.
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Sorry, Son!
Mum wasn't married to Zeus.
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He already had a wife called Hera.
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Hera was so angry when she
found out that I was Zeus' son
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that she got King Eurystheus
to give me ten impossible tasks
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called Labours.
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00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,720
She hoped that one of
them would kill me.
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Instead, I aced the lot
and became a legend.
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The king even gave
me two extra tasks
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because he said
I cheated.
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So which of these was one of
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the 12 Labours of Herakles?
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00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,600
Did I have to...
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BIRD CAWS
Ow!
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DOG BARKS
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COW MOOS
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And the answer is...
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..all three.
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Yep. I even have to muck out the
huge stables belonging to King
Augeas.
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COWS MOO AND FART
Ugh! And they haven't been cleaned
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for 30 years!
COW FARTS
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00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:47,280
You know what?
There's piles of this stuff.
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00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,520
It'd be quicker to just divert
a river through the whole building
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and wash it all away.
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Actually, I might just do that.
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Whoop!
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Ohhh. That's disgusting.
215
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,040
OK, guys. Listen up.
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00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,160
Hi, I'm Jason.
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00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,560
OTHERS: Hi, Jason.
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00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,880
Herakles, looking strong. Oh,
thanks.
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00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,840
Orpheus, looking dashing. Likewise.
220
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,560
And Atalanta. Oh, divine. I know.
221
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:16,200
I, too, am feeling very well,
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00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,640
in case anyone was wondering.
Thanks, Castor.
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00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,280
And thank you all for agreeing
to help me to my rightful place
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on the throne of Thessaly.
225
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,040
The plan is simply to sail
from Greece to Colchis
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to find the Golden Fleece.
SHEEP BAAS
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The Golden Fleece.
Oh, so much talking!
228
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,080
Can we not just go and get
the stupid rug and come back?
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00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,360
Thanks, Atalanta.
There's just one or two things
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I want to prepare my Argonauts for.
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00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,640
What's an Argonaut?
Yeah, is that like a peanut?
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00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,320
Because I'm allergic, you know. No.
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Our ship is called the Argo.
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Therefore, you guys
are the Argonauts.
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Mm-mm. There she is.
236
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,920
Lucky the ship wasn't called Coco.
HERAKLES CHUCKLES
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00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:51,960
Coconuts.
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00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,280
QUIETLY: Just forget it.
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00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,440
OK, first stop... Yeah.
..is the island of Lemnos.
240
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,240
Lemnos. That's an island
populated by single women.
241
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,640
Oh, yeah! All right, yeah. Come on!
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00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,200
They're single because the goddess
Aphrodite cursed them all!
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00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,480
I knew it was too good to be true.
244
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,880
And they all killed their lovers.
That an optional stop?
245
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,840
After that, we'll stop at Bear
Mountain, where there are giants
246
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,200
with six arms called the Gegenees.
Gegenees! There he is.
247
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,720
Sure that's not just three people
248
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,960
standing behind each other?
249
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,480
We'll also be stopping off
250
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,160
in Thrace, where it'll all be
251
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,720
parties, parties, parties.
CROWD CHEERS
252
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:22,840
And Harpies.
253
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,760
Wait, what was that last one?
Harpies.
254
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,680
CASTOR CAWS
They're half-women, half-birds,
255
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,760
with big old bird claws.
256
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,800
They're extremely violent.
CASTOR CAWS
257
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,040
It still seems like a
lot of work for a rug.
258
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,240
So after the massive rocks
that smash ships to pieces
259
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,520
is when things get tricky.
260
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,880
Oh, right. That's when
things get tricky, is it?
261
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,120
Oh, yes. We'll be facing
fire-breathing cows...
262
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,320
Hang on.
263
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,840
I'm taking notes. OK.
264
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,080
And also the dragon
that never sleeps.
265
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,920
How do we deal
with the dragon?
266
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,040
The plan is to
put it to sleep.
267
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,840
So we put the
sleepless dragon...to sleep.
268
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,480
I didn't say it was a good plan.
269
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,280
Once we've got the Golden Fleece,
it's a simple journey, back
270
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,560
past the deadly sirens to Thessaly,
where my uncle will make me king.
271
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,200
CRASH
That's your idea of simple,
272
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,040
is it? Yeah, seems pretty doable.
Sir, you're forgetting to tell them
273
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,840
about the Talos. The what now?
274
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,640
It's a big metal man hurling
boulders and doing this...
275
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,400
No, no, no, no. It's still
too much work for a rug!
276
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,720
Look, they sell the same
ones down the market.
277
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,040
I've seen them. Right, new plan.
Let's go to the market.
278
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,520
Do any of you have any money?
279
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,160
Noooo! Fine! I'll go with Jason.
280
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,400
And the Argonauts!
281
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,160
Oh, Argo-NAUTS.
282
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,880
Right. Come on. Guys, wait for me.
283
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,760
Argonauts, assemble!
284
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,800
Oh, hey, guys. It's me, Zeus.
ZEUS QUACKS
285
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,000
I've transformed myself into a
goose. ZEUS QUACKS
286
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,440
Yeah, Zeusy-goosey, baby! Ha, ha.
287
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,800
The myth said that we gods
could disguise ourselves
288
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,200
by transforming into animals.
289
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,400
And I like nothing better
than a bit of shapeshifting,
290
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,440
especially when I was
trying to romance people
291
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,680
I had a crush on.
292
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,880
Zeus-Goose, out.
ZEUS QUACKS
293
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,400
Going on a date can be a
stressful event for anyone,
294
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,280
so imagine what it feels like
295
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,720
to be going on a date with a god.
296
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,480
Let's do this!
297
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,040
Roxi, a nurse from Margate,
has arrived for her first
298
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,280
date with Zeus.
299
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,000
I'll be honest, dating a god
300
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,240
is a step up for me.
301
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,280
I usually date DJs.
302
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,920
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
There's a giant ant on the table.
303
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,120
This is your date.
This is the god, Zeus.
304
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,880
HIGH-PITCHED: Well, hello there.
305
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,560
Uh... Have fun. Thank you. Enjoy.
306
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:31,440
Yeah, that was me.
307
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,680
I like to make an effort,
dress up for a date.
308
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,960
I turned into a cuckoo to woo
the goddess Hera, a half-goat man
309
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,920
for the princess of Antiope,
310
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,320
swan for Leda,
another swan for Nemesis,
311
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,160
and today an ant.
312
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,360
Yeah, chicks dig ants.
313
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,160
I'll be honest.
314
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,160
An ant is a disappointment.
315
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,160
Can you imagine introducing
an ant to your parents?
316
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,360
They were angry
enough about DJ Terry.
317
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,760
Roxi has been to the ladies'
room to text her friend, Sherry.
318
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,000
It's not all she was doing in there.
Aw, that stinks!
319
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,240
You OK? Ambrosia went
right through me.
320
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,080
So sorry, I know the feeling.
321
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,720
Take a seat. Oh, hey, babe.
322
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,760
Oh! Oh! Wait, no!
GASPS
323
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,040
That was your date! That was Zeus!
324
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,920
No! Yes!
325
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,160
I mean, I knew he'd appeared
326
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,600
as a fire to date Asopus
but, still,
327
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,040
you don't expect it!
ROXI SCOFFS
328
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:27,360
Things are looking up for Roxi,
as Zeus has now transformed himself
329
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,280
into an ancient
Greek shepherd.
330
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,000
So, have you been
married before?
331
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,480
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Seven times,
332
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,560
including to two of my
aunts and two of my sisters.
333
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,120
Oh, and I ate my first wife.
334
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,040
You ate your wife? Uh-huh.
335
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,600
Ooh! I think Zeus has transformed
into a pile of gold.
336
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,440
I think I can work with this.
Ha, ha!
337
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,120
Uh, looks like he's paying.
CHUCKLING: Yes.
338
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,160
CRASH, MOOING
339
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,160
He just turned into
a bull, didn't he?
340
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,440
He did.
MOOING CONTINUES
341
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,240
Honestly, I've been on worse dates.
342
00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,680
C'est la vie.
343
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,520
I wonder why Zeus never
chose to turn into a rat.
344
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,200
I have a good mind to have
a word with him about it.
345
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,160
I mean, we can be
symbols of romance, too.
346
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,200
Here, listen. Music, please!
HARP PLAYS
347
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,480
# Roses are red, violets are blue
348
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,720
# I live in a sewer
surrounded by... #
349
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,360
Yeah, you know what? Forget it.
He was probably right about us.
350
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,200
And besides, it's best
not to bother him.
351
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,000
You don't want to get on the
wrong side of a Greek god.
352
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,640
They had terrible tempers
and the punishments they dished out
353
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,240
were eye-watering.
354
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,680
Arrrrgh! Argh.
355
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,880
Ughhh! Arrrrgh!
356
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,080
Arrrgh... Gaaah!
357
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,760
Ooh, no! Not again!
358
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,200
Arrrgh! Arrrr.
359
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,640
All right? All right.
360
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:53,440
I'm King Tantalus. Sisyphus.
Aaargh! Yeah, listen.
361
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,640
You couldn't keep the
screaming down, could you?
362
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,120
Oh, sorry about that.
363
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:02,560
It's just the rock's really
heavy and... Arrrrgh! Ooh.
364
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,280
Oh, I can't believe I've got
to do this for eternity.
365
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,840
They said if I pushed a
rock to the top of the hill,
366
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,960
I could live forever!
But I never quite make it.
367
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,320
SISYPHUS SIGHS
What'd you do to deserve that?
368
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,720
Well, I tricked the god of death.
369
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,560
Heh! He tried to tie me up,
370
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,360
but I tied him up instead.
GOD OF DEATH GROWLS
371
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,440
Oh, I remember. Yeah!
372
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,560
No-one died because the god of
death was tied up. Woohoo!
373
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,120
Mm-mm. I was sent to the land
of the dead as punishment.
374
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,640
But I got sent back to
the land of the living,
375
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,880
because I told my wife not
to bury my body properly.
376
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,440
Mm-mm?
377
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,720
Whoa... Gaaah! Why'd you do that?
378
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,720
So they'd send me back to
tell her off. And that worked?
379
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,560
Yep. Lived to a ripe old age.
380
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,840
But Zeus was annoyed
381
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,600
so, as punishment,
he's made me do this.
382
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,320
Yaaah... Yes! I'm going to do it!
KING TANTALUS GASPS
383
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,320
Waaah. Ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow! Gah!
384
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,520
Whoa. Phew!
385
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,160
You're punishment doesn't look bad.
386
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,800
Having a paddle and nibbling fruit?
387
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,520
Oh, yeah? Watch this. Ooh! Oh.
388
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,760
This time? Argh... Oh, no!
389
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,840
That is tantalisingly close!
390
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,320
Yeah, well, actually that's
where the word comes from.
391
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,880
My name is Tantalus.
392
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,520
And there's this.
393
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:14,600
Ugh!
394
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,080
I haven't drunk
or eaten anything
395
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,360
since I've
been here.
396
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,640
Still, could be worse.
397
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,560
Could be King Phlegyas.
All right, Phlegyas? Mm-mm.
398
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,080
Buried in rock and unable
to reach a wonderful feast.
399
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,360
Poor bloke. Yaaargh.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
400
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,680
Puh, owww! I'm up for
swapping if he is!
401
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,200
GROANING AND GRUNTING
402
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,320
Hi. I'm Pandora.
403
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,160
Zeus had me moulded from clay
404
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,400
to bring temptation and ruin to men.
405
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:45,240
The legend says I had a box which,
when opened, would release terrible
406
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,120
suffering into the world.
407
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:51,640
Or at least that's how you might
hear the story told in school.
408
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,160
But in the original story,
409
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,880
there was something different
410
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,600
about Pandora's box.
411
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,800
Was it...
412
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,280
FART
413
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,800
Or C, that the box...
414
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,080
The answer is...
415
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,560
..B, it wasn't a box at all.
416
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,800
It was actually a jar.
417
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,480
The famous 16th-century writer
Erasmus
418
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,840
made a mistake in his translation,
419
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,120
and people have wrongly
called it Pandora's box,
420
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,880
instead of Pandora's jar, ever
since. SHE CHUCKLES
421
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:33,280
Amazing really to think
that all the plagues and evils
422
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,680
in the world could fit
into a little jar like that.
423
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,880
Right. Uh, yeah.
424
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:44,200
That's...definitely broken. Um...
425
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,440
Run away.
426
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,520
One of the most famous Greek myths
is the story of Troy, the city
427
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,960
that had a ten-year war with Greece
until the legendary king Odysseus
428
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,520
came up with a clever way
of sneaking a Greek army into Troy
429
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,480
just when the Trojans thought
the fighting had finished.
430
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,160
# Fall in love
431
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,920
# Hold me close
432
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,800
# Fall in love
433
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,480
# Hold me close
In the moment. #
434
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,640
Hey, Deiphobus? Oh, yeah. Hey,
babes.
435
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,000
You know how, like, the Greeks
have gone and the war is over?
436
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,960
I really want to talk
about our relationship.
437
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,040
Basically, I just... I want
to know where your head is at.
438
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,000
Sorry, babe. I'm, like,
super focused
439
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,520
on this massive
wooden horse right now.
440
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,680
OMG, I actually can't
believe you're talking
441
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,200
about horses right now.
This is so not OK.
442
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,200
It's just, like, super weird that,
like, a giant wooden horse turns up,
443
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,040
like, literally the day
after the Greeks leave.
444
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,400
Can we please talk about the
massive elephant in the room?
445
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,960
No way, there's an elephant too?
Wow.
446
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,840
SHE SCOFFS
Bro, she's pouring her heart
447
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,320
out down there.
448
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,400
OK, is it just me or did that
massive wooden horse just speak?
449
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:04,040
And did it not, like, sound
like the Greek hero, Diomedes?
450
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,640
WHISPERS: Diomedes, you're supposed
to be hiding! Yeah. Sorry, bro.
451
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,720
I'll be quiet. Just shush!
452
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,840
OK. Is the horse now
arguing with itself?
453
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,640
DIOMEDES NEIGHS
454
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,240
It's making horse noises, Deiphobus.
455
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,000
It's a horse. Get over it.
456
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,680
No, no. Like, I hear that.
I hear that.
457
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,800
It's just, like, should a wooden
horse be, like, making any noises,
458
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,720
like, at all?
459
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,000
WHISPERS: This is why
I said to be quiet!
460
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,160
I don't know, Deiphobus!
461
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,360
I'm not, like, a horse expert.
462
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,240
I'm just someone trying
to have a convo with her hubby.
463
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,280
No, no, no.
Like, I hear that. I hear that.
464
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:43,040
But it's just, like, this wooden
horse could be full of, like, enemy
465
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,920
soldiers or something.
466
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,600
And, like, letting
them into the city
467
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,000
would be, like, serious yikes.
468
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,280
You will do anything to avoid
talking about your feelings,
469
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,800
won't you? What's next?
470
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,320
You're going to tell me my ex-hubby
471
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,000
Menelaus is in there too?
472
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,440
Yeah. Hi, hon.
WHISPERS: Sh, guys!
473
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,520
DIOMEDES NEIGHS
Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.
474
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,840
It's a wooden horse!
It doesn't neigh or clip-clop!
475
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,680
Just... Fingers on lips.
476
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:09,920
OK, fine.
477
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,920
I'm going to do impressions
of all the Greek captains' wives,
478
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,040
and if they're in there,
they'll have to reply.
479
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,280
That's amazing.
Let's do it.
480
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,280
"Hello, Odysseus.
It's your wife, Penelope.
481
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,640
"How are you in there?" Oh, gee.
Odysseus, your wife's outside.
482
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,040
WHISPERS: Fingers on lips! But I...
It's a trap!
483
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,200
DEIPHOBUS AND HELEN CHUCKLE
Cracking impression, babe.
484
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,680
OK, OK. My go, my go. OK.
485
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,920
I'm going to do Menelaus' wife. OK.
486
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:36,720
NASALLY: "Um, like, um, eh...
Menelauuus. I am your wiiife,
487
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,280
"like, ah." Hang on.
488
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,560
I was Menelaus' wife. Uh...
489
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,000
That's a really hurtful
impression, actually.
490
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,360
Is that really how you think I
sound?
491
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,480
Um... N-No.
492
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,920
It is. It's totally how you sound.
493
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,480
OK, fine.
494
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,920
I'll settle this.
495
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,680
Menelaus, are you hiding in there
with a bunch of Greek soldiers?
496
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,320
Um...
497
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,560
..no.
498
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,800
There! See? OK.
Well, I can't argue with that.
499
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,760
Better take it inside the city
and leave it unguarded all night.
500
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,440
Fine, I'll get him some hay.
501
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,120
See you later, Helen.
502
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,480
Gah! I give up.
503
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,760
After the war, Odysseus returned
home on a journey that was described
504
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:25,360
in an ancient poem called
The Odyssey, written by me,
505
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,640
the Greek storyteller, Homer.
506
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,520
CAT MEOWS
Ooh! His trip took ten years
507
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,320
and was filled with terrifying
508
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,520
encounters with mythical beasts
like the siren of the sea, a deadly
509
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,720
creature whose singing
voice no-one could resist.
510
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,600
It's just like me when
I'm singing in the shower.
511
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,760
People can't resist...
512
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,840
..shouting, "Put a cork in it,
Homer. You're scaring the donkey."
513
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,720
DONKEY GRUNTS
Charming!
514
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,560
# Ah, ah, ah... #
515
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:57,440
She was the most enchanting
creature in the sea,
516
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,920
The Little Siren.
# Ah, ah, ah... #
517
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,920
Half-woman, half...
518
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,320
..bird?
519
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,960
Well, fish would be silly.
520
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,000
Yeah, I guess.
521
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,000
# Ah, ah, ah... #
She dreamt of being with people.
522
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,640
# Ah, ah, ah...#
Well, being with them
523
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:12,880
while eating them.
524
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,440
When they hear me sing
they can't resist my voice,
525
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,720
so they jump off their boats.
Ha, ha!
526
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,680
# Ah, ah, ah... #
You sound too beautiful...!
527
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,440
SPLASH
A voice so beguiling,
528
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,320
men would die for it.
529
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,520
Do you do requests? Ah!
SPLASH
530
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,960
Starring Odysseus, the Greek hero
531
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,600
on his way back from the Trojan War.
532
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:38,400
I, Odysseus, am too strong and
heroic to be tempted by your song.
533
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,440
But I have asked my men to
tie me to my boat just in case.
534
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,480
Men?! Protect your ears.
535
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,520
# Ah, ah, ah... #
He's the hero who survived
536
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,080
by being tied to his mast
537
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,160
so he couldn't jump overboard.
# Ah, ah, ah... #
538
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,400
And who told his men to
fill their ears with rags
539
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,360
so they didn't heed the siren's
call.
540
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:56,000
Gaaah! The tunes!
541
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,560
They're just so banging!
542
00:23:58,560 --> 00:23:59,840
I must go to you,
543
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,320
even though I'm married
and you're mostly seagull.
544
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,520
We could make it work!
545
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,280
Also starring legendary hero Jason
546
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:08,800
and his Argonauts.
547
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,560
Another ship full of Greeks
for my collection. Heh, heh!
548
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,360
But in Jason and one of his
crewmates, she had finally
549
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,880
met her musical match.
550
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,200
# La, la, la, laaa
551
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,920
# La, la, la, la, laaa
La, la, la, la, laaa... #
552
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,520
Who is that?
553
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,800
# La, la, laaa... #
Orpheus, keep playing your song.
554
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,680
Orpheus, who the myths say,
555
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,160
with his lyre, drowned her out
556
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,360
with the most beautiful
song in the world.
557
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,200
# La, la, la, la, laaa... #
558
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,360
The Little Siren -
nobody can resist her charms.
559
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:40,720
Except Odysseus,
Jason and Jason's mate Orpheus,
560
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,960
and any other Greek who wanted to
show they could outsmart her,
really.
561
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,960
Whatevs. I don't fancy
Greek for lunch anyway.
562
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,800
The ancient Greeks really did
believe
563
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,000
in all these gods and their myths,
564
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,240
and these stories are still
everywhere you look today.
565
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,520
They're in our books and films,
566
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,560
and they live on in the stars
567
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,560
of the night sky.
568
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,720
Oooh!
569
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,600
Something ancient astronomer Ptolemy
570
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,280
has a little tune about.
571
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,520
# Up there's a sky
572
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,880
# Up there's a sky full of myths
573
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,800
# I'm Ptolemy
574
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:21,960
# I wrote them down in a list
575
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:29,360
# If you look high
and screw your eyes up a bit
576
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:36,080
# You will see all the myths
577
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,200
# Lyra's there
578
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,160
# It was played by Orpheus
579
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:54,200
# Pegasus and Perseus toooo
580
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,440
# That one's a bull
581
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,840
# That we call Taurus
582
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:07,160
# That bull is Zeuuuuus... #
583
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,840
Just think of constellations
like big dot-to-dots, man.
584
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,000
That one's Hercules -
585
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,960
or Herakles, if you're
saying it properly.
586
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,360
There's Cancer, the crab that bit
587
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,440
Herakles' foot... Ow!
588
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,640
..Leo, the lion that Herakles
killed,
589
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,200
Triangulum, the...triangle.
590
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,040
Well, they can't
all be great stories.
591
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,080
# Over there
592
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,720
# That load are Cassiopeia
593
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:40,520
# The Great Bear's up there toooo
594
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:45,480
# Because in the sky, the Greeks,
we put all the myths
595
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:52,240
# All our stories on vieeeew. #
596
00:26:55,320 --> 00:27:00,720
I wrote down 48 constellations
in my 150AD book, The Almagest.
597
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,160
Sorry, what does it mean?
598
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,760
Oh, the greatest.
599
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,080
Is that referring to me or the
stars?
600
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:07,440
You decide.
601
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,360
I think you know the answer.
602
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,600
# Look up there
603
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:18,000
# Everywhere, you see stars
604
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:24,080
# Well, if the clouds
are blown throooough
605
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,760
# Up there's a sky
606
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,880
# Up there's a sky full of myths...
#
607
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:39,480
Oh, yeah!
# And the mooooon. #
608
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,560
They're half-birds
with big bird claws.
609
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,600
Big bird claws.
610
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,160
They're extremely
violent, vicious
611
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,160
and cru...
CASTOR SNORTS, LAUGHTER
612
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,040
CRASH
Ooh, dear!
613
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,440
LAUGHING: What was that?
614
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,120
It's Zeus!
LAUGHTER
615
00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:56,600
# The past is no longer a mystery
616
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:57,840
# Hope you enjoyed
617
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,680
# Horrible Histories. #
46983
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