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# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,000
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
# Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,800
# Horrors that defy description
# Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,560
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
# Punishment from ancient times
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00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,720
# Romans rotten, rank and ruthless
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00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,400
# Cavemen savage,
fierce and toothless
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# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
# Mean and measly Middle Ages
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# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
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# Stuff they don't
teach you at school
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# The past is no longer a mystery
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# Welcome to...
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# Horrible Histories. #
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Horrible Histories presents...
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00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,440
The early Middle Ages
in Europe were called...
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00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,960
..the Dark Ages.
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00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,040
Ancient Greek and Roman teachings
on culture and science
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from centuries before had been lost,
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00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,880
and replaced by fighting.
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It's true. We did kind of
forget about all that old stuff...
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00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,800
..and we love a scrap.
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But that's about to change in...
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00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,440
Italian translator Gerard of Cremona
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00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,960
wants to rediscover that knowledge,
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and he thinks it
can be found...in the East.
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Do you think it's weird that
while we, in the Islamic world,
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looked after all the ancient
Greek and Roman knowledge,
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the people who were actually
in Greece and Italy
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just sort of forgot about it all?
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All they do is fight!
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Turns out the Islamic scholars
kept track of everything!
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It's all here in their works!
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They even improved
quite a lot of it.
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Now, all we have
to do is translate it.
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And so, that work begins.
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Almost 200 years later,
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00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,720
Italian scholar Petrarch
continues the job.
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I have travelled across Europe,
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piecing together scraps
of ancient Roman writings
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00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,840
to help inspire a new
era of culture and creativity.
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00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,080
They'll call it
"the Rebirth of the Ancient World."
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00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,720
Hmm! Or you could call
it something fancy, like
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"The Rebirth," but,
like, in French or something.
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Wait!
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You mean...
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"The Renaissance."
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No. I cannot see that catching on.
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MUSIC FADES AND SLOWS
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Well, give it a chance!
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It's an era that inspired great
artists like Leonardo da Vinci...
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Now that we have rediscovered
the work of Rome and Greece,
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maybe we can build on it,
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creating our own ideas,
our own art, plays and philosophy!
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Yeah, but we
can keep fighting, right?
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I mean...fighting is cool!
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Oh, sure!
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I just had a new idea
for something called A TANK!
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Believe me, you can
kill way more people with this.
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Sweet!
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..an era of mostly creative genius...
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..and a whole bunch of popes!
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Yes, you are right to be excited!
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It's me, the artist Michelangelo,
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painter, sculptor and probably
the biggest star of the Renaissance.
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And I am Leonardo da Vinci,
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I am not just a great artist
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but also an amazing inventor,
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which, according to some people,
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makes me the greatest
Renaissance star.
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What?! Who are these "some people"?
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They're the cool people...
..you wouldn't know them!
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Anyway, you've probably
heard of my painting...
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..the Mona Lisa!
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Oh!
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Who doesn't like
that enigmatic face?!
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Am I right?!
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Just one of the masterpieces
by the person some of the people
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are calling the greatest star
of the Renaissance.
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Mmm... Yeah, I guess it was OK,
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but not as good as
painting a whole chapel.
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I painted the ceiling
of the famous Sistine Chapel.
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It is a massive masterpiece
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by probably the greatest artist
of the Renaissance...
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..me! Ooh, a ceiling.
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So, in a way, you're more of a kind
of painter-decorator than an artist.
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00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,080
DA VINCI SCOFFS
Very funny.
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00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,720
CHORAL MUSIC
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PAINT PLOPS
Argh!
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That's it, I've had enough!
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Stupid ceiling!
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Pope Julius! Michelangelo.
MICHELANGELO GROWLS
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00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,520
OK, I'm sensing a vibe.
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00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,800
I was hoping giving you
the job of painting the ceiling
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00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,280
of the Sistine Chapel would be fun.
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00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,760
You are very good at painting!
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HE FORCES A LAUGH
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00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:33,920
Fun?!
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00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,800
You think painting
the ceiling is fun?!
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00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,840
HE FORCES A LAUGH
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00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,640
Well, I've written a little poem
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00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,400
about just how much fun
I've been having!
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HE BREATHES SHARPLY,
BASS PLAYS
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00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:52,000
I've already grown a goitre
from this torture,
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hunched up here like
a cat in Lombardy.
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Meow!
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My stomach's squashed under my chin,
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my beard's pointing at heaven,
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00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,520
my brain's crushed in a casket,
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00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,680
my breast twists like a harpy's.
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00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,720
Sorry, what's a harpy?
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00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,960
It's a... Well, it's kind of like
a woman, but with a bird's body
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00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,400
and wings... It doesn't matter!
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JAZZY SNARE ROLL
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My brush, above me all the time,
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dribbles paint so my face makes
a fine floor for droppings,
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00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:28,160
because I'm stuck...like...this!
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00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,400
Aw, but that ceiling
looks fantastic!
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00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,040
No!
JAZZY TUNE KICKS IN
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Anyone shoots badly
through a crooked blowpipe.
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HE BLOWS HARSHLY
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My painting is dead.
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Defend it for me...
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..defend my honour!
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I am not in the right place...
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..I am not a painter!
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I don't know about that.
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You're certainly more of
a painter than you are a poet,
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am I right? Eh?
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00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,600
Oh, no. That's very dirty.
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MICHELANGELO GROWLS
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You know, the fact that
painting the Sistine Chapel
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was difficult for you,
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it makes me sad.
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00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,520
Oh...thank you.
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00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,760
Sad that I wasn't
there to see you struggle!
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00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,120
DA VINCI LAUGHS AND WHOOPS
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00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,560
But seriously...
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00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,680
..being an artist in the
Renaissance was pretty challenging.
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00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,360
We started using techniques
like perspective again,
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00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,200
and it all really changed
how we showed the world...
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00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,720
..and the human body.
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00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,840
Now, all these changes
made our work much more realistic
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and detailed than before.
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Like my sculpture,
the statue of David.
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Or my Vitruvian Man.
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OK, I have finished my extremely
lifelike painting of you.
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Brilliant!
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00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,840
I cannot wait to...
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DA VINCI MOANS,
MICHELANGELO LAUGHS
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It's the poo emoji!
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DA VINCI GRUMBLES
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CHORAL MUSIC
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POPE HUMS
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Just going about business.
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Oh, hi Raphael.
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Ah. Come on, guys,
let's give him some space, shall we?
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He's painting a lovely fresco
for me.
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I'm Pope Julius II. This is my
palace and you'll do what I say!
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Right! Remember, Your Excellency,
it's just a painting!
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POPE THUDS
Ooh!
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Every single day.
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Come on, let's get you up.
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Who put that window there?
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Your Excellency,
we talked about this yesterday,
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it's just a painting.
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I painted it using a technique
called perspective.
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It tries to copy how people
and buildings look in real life.
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All of that is just a painting.
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All a painting?
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That is fascinating, Raphael.
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Uh...
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..you've got a bit of the
philosopher Aristotle on your face.
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Here? Other side.
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Oh.
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It's really very simple,
Your Holiness.
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Perspective is a way of showing
the relative distances of objects
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and making a flat image
look three-dimensional,
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using mathematical techniques
developed by the Greeks and Romans
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which we've recently rediscovered.
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You lost me on "simple".
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OK.
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You know how people
further away look smaller?
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Some people who are
further away ARE smaller.
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I know this bishop from
the south of France. He's tiny!
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Yeah, definitely!
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But I mean people you can see.
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Let me show you.
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Ooh, look!
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I'm getting smaller
as I get further away.
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Ah! You see?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you are getting smaller.
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Like those people there.
RAPHAEL LAUGHS
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Again, that's just a painting!
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Yes, I see.
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So...
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..using perspective,
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we can create the illusion
of things being FURTHER away.
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Oh, it's an illusion!
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You are so clever with that.
That's brilliant!
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Your Holiness,
you actually understand it?
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00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,840
Completely. Great.
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00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,760
I'm going to hang out with
that bald guy there. He seems cool.
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00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,800
Say I said hi. I will.
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00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,640
It's the Pope! Hey, how's it
going?!
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HE GROANS
Pope down.
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Hi, I'm William Shakespeare,
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00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,160
and during the late
Renaissance period,
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I wrote my world-famous
plays and poems.
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Probably not.
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00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,280
It's not working.
I'll have to start again.
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00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,960
So, it wasn't just in Italy
that great artists and writers
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00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,760
were at work during the Renaissance,
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00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,000
but where did I set
15 of my brilliant plays?
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00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,400
Was it A - London...
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00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,680
..B - Italy...
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00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,640
..or C - America?
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00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,280
The answer is B - Italy.
217
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,880
Well, I might be writing in England,
218
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,600
but setting plays in Italy makes
them sound extra cool and exciting.
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00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,640
Now...
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00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,080
..back to the love poems.
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00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,040
LIQUID POURS LOUDLY
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00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,400
I know what you're thinking...
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00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,360
..it's a gift.
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00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,800
So, the Renaissance was
happening all over the world,
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00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,120
and even writers in England
were getting creative.
226
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,360
But the Renaissance
wasn't just about the arts.
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00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,760
Some people were becoming
very rich...and very powerful.
228
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,360
Which was lucky for us,
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00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,080
because one way of showing off
how much money you had
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00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,840
was to commission art.
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00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,080
CASH REGISTER TINGS
And in Italy,
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00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:56,560
the super-rich Medici family were
paying us artists for A LOT of art!
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00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,560
CASH REGISTER TINGS FRANTICALLY
Oh, I like them a lot!
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00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,000
So much Medici love in this room!
235
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,600
The Medicis became so rich
that they had their own bank,
236
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,480
which isn't like the kind of bank
you might know.
237
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,400
In the Renaissance Medici bank,
238
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,520
you could go in
and borrow much more...
239
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,920
BOTH: Than just money.
240
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:14,960
Let me do it.
241
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,240
We could do it together?
242
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,440
No.
243
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,120
I'm really excited to be working at
the Medici family bank, Mr Giovanni.
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00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,160
Oh, yeah, sure.
245
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,520
Um... Of course we're much
the same as the dozens of other
246
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,840
family banks in Florence,
247
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,240
only we're bigger and
we try to find our clients
248
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,480
some of the specialist items
they require.
249
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,920
Is that the Pope?!
250
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,200
Your Holiness, how are you today?
251
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,480
Oh, excellent! Yes.
252
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,160
Thank you for
handling my new tapestry.
253
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,160
It's a bit bigger
than I thought, though.
254
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,760
HE GRUNTS
255
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,920
Yes, should have sent for a cart!
256
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,520
Well, buy whatever you want,
Your Holiness.
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00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,680
Ooh! After all,
258
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,120
he does let us look after his money
and collect his taxes,
259
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,320
which means ka-ching... Ooh!
..for us Medicis.
260
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,560
Wow, I can't believe that Pope John
XXIII is one of your clients!
261
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,200
Yeah, it doesn't hurt
to have customers
262
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,480
who are that rich and powerful.
263
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,320
Where shall I put
this box of saints' toes?
264
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,080
Uh, over there on the shelf between
the fingers and the jars of tears.
265
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,320
OK.
266
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,920
You sell toes and fingers of saints?
267
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,760
Yep...but they'll
cost you an arm and a leg!
268
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,200
No, it was a joke. Joking.
269
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,440
The arms and legs actually
cost much more than that.
270
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,360
We provide everything from
painted wooden panels from Antwerp
271
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,280
to, uh... Oh, wow! ..choir boys!
272
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,160
CHOIR BOYS SING HIGH NOTE
273
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,120
Yeah... Uh, not now, please, guys.
274
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,320
Wow, banking is really
different to what I was expecting.
275
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,320
Yeah. What's the weirdest thing
one of your clients
276
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,360
have asked you to find?
277
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,880
Geraldo.
278
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,720
And what...what does Geraldo do?
279
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,360
Well, licks the ceiling mostly.
280
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,440
Yeah, Geraldo's my name
for our giraffe.
281
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,680
GERALDO GRUNTS
282
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,920
In fact, someone's coming
to pick him up soon,
283
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,080
so, uh...
284
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,920
..just scrub out his stall,
and then when you're done with that,
285
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,840
maybe you can help
with counting the money.
286
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,240
After all, this is still a bank.
287
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,880
Thank you so much for
this opportunity, Mr Giovanni.
288
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,200
Oh, no, no, no, no, no...
289
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,000
..any time.
GERALDO GROANS
290
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,640
GERALDO TRUMPS,
POO SLOSHES
291
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:54,680
Ooh...
292
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,720
Think you're going to need
a bigger bucket.
293
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,440
GERALDO GROANS,
POO SLOSHES
294
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,240
Ciao, it's-a me,
Catherine de' Medici,
295
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,560
daughter of Italy, Queen of France,
296
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,200
back with another
Medici Teaches Mum Hacks.
297
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:12,880
Hashtag...
298
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,640
..cos I'm just-a like-a you!
299
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,720
HORN BLARES,
COINS TINKLE
300
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:18,760
Anyways!
MAID SCREAMS
301
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,160
Be careful with my crowns!
302
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:24,800
Today we are talking about something
that all we mammas struggle with,
303
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,480
what to do when you are worried
about your family
304
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,120
keeping its power
in European politics.
305
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,560
Eloise!
ELOISE GASPS
306
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,680
So, what you have to do
is take one of your kids,
307
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,200
a boy or a girl,
308
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,840
I'm using my son, Francis,
309
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,520
and my daughter...
310
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,240
BUZZER BLARES
..Elisabeth,
311
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,760
but any prince or princess
you have lying around will do.
312
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,760
And you simply marry them off
313
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,880
to the king or a queen
of another country!
314
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:55,080
So, you see, Elisabeth has
married King Philip of Spain...
315
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,680
SPANISH GUITAR STRUMS
316
00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:00,160
..and Francis has married
Mary, Queen of Scots.
317
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,040
BAGPIPES SKIRL
318
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,480
And just-a like that,
319
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:07,160
that's two countries added
to your list of political allies.
320
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,120
Eloise! I don't know why...
321
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:13,800
..more people don't marry their kids
off to monarchs for political gain.
322
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,920
And so, join me next time when,
323
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,600
here on Medici
Teaches Mum Hacks,
324
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,160
I will be showing
you how to make a bed
325
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,520
with only three servants
to help you.
326
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:28,880
And when one of them
is absolutely useless.
327
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,800
Be careful, Eloise!
328
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,920
Don't forget to like
and-a subscribe.
329
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,960
CROW CAWS,
POPE GROANS
330
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,840
Help! The Pope needs a doctor!
331
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,280
Oh, no. I came as soon as I heard.
332
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,400
Tell me, what's the matter?
333
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,440
He's got a very sore trunk!
334
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,400
I'm sorry, did you say
the Pope has a sore trunk?
335
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,560
Not me, my elephant.
336
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,720
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
337
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:53,760
HE YELLS
338
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,920
I'm sorry, I thought
I was here to treat the Pope.
339
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,040
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
340
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,640
No! You're here to treat
Hanno, my darling elephant,
341
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,080
gifted to me by
the King of Portugal himself.
342
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,120
HANNO TRUMPETS
343
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,160
But...I'm a human doctor.
344
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,800
POPE CHUCKLES
Hanno is better than a human.
345
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,840
He does tricks for
the people in the Vatican.
346
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,960
Show him, Hanno!
347
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,120
HANNO TRUMPETS,
POPE CHUCKLES
348
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,200
Yes!
349
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,240
So good!
350
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,560
Is...that it?
351
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,760
HE GRUNTS
352
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,200
Nope, he also does that.
353
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,720
You must save him, doctor!
354
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,120
He's one of my
favourite exotic pets!
355
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,680
Uh, how many
exotic pets do you have?
356
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,120
Oh... One or two. Hmm, well,
357
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,720
if it was a person,
I'd test his urine.
358
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,560
So...let's start there.
359
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,200
Yeah, you're going
to need a larger jug.
360
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,560
Oh... Poor Hanno.
I think he's backed up.
361
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,440
He hasn't pooped for days.
362
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,320
HANNO TRUMPETS
Ah, well, I can help there.
363
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,680
I'll give him a laxative,
364
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,440
a medicine to help him poo.
365
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,320
Hmm, it's one or two pills
for people,
366
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,920
but for an elephant...
Oh, better safe than sorry.
367
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,480
No, Your Holiness! That's too many!
368
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:55,920
Those laxatives act fast!
369
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,320
Oopsie.
370
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,840
HANNO'S STOMACH RUMBLES
371
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,320
HANNO TRUMPS AND TRUMPETS
372
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,480
Oh...
373
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,480
POPE YELLS
Move, move, move!
374
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,080
HANNO'S STOMACH RUMBLES
375
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,000
HANNO TRUMPS AND TRUMPETS
376
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,560
POO SLOSHES,
POPE GASPS
377
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,200
Will he be OK, doctor?
378
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,640
Well, the smell will be bad
379
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,200
and you'll need to throw away
his clothes,
380
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,960
but if you hose him down,
381
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,520
you'll be able to see
his face again.
382
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,000
Ugh... I meant the elephant.
383
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,200
Oh, I see.
384
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,280
Well, he does seem happier.
385
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,640
HANNO TRUMPS AND TRUMPETS
Ooh!
386
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,480
Better stay up this end, though,
387
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,920
just in case.
388
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,160
HANNO TRUMPS AND TRUMPETS
389
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,480
HE SIGHS
390
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:36,000
Hey, Leonardo, I think
elephants are really cool.
391
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,480
You know why? No, why?
392
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,800
Because they have...
393
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,040
..ear conditioning!
394
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,760
BADUM-TISH!
395
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:42,840
Ay-oh!
396
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,520
MICHELANGELO LAUGHS
397
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,280
You know? Ear like "air,"
so it's cool.
398
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,000
That elephant joke
would be best locked...
399
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,520
..in a trunk.
BADUM-TISH!
400
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,880
DA VINCI WHEEZES
401
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,360
That is so good.
402
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,280
During the Renaissance
here in Italy,
403
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,680
how you presented yourself
was hugely important.
404
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,160
There were even books that
even tell you how to behave,
405
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,360
like Castiglione's
Book of the Courtier.
406
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,200
One of the things
that the book tried to teach
407
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,200
was the art of being
amazing at everything...
408
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,760
..while appearing not
to put in any effort.
409
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,480
An effect they called
"sprezzatura".
410
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,840
Are you interested in learning
411
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:24,960
the exciting new Renaissance way
of behaving called sprezzatura?
412
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,440
Yes. Are you prepared to work hard?
413
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,240
Yes. Do you care how hard people
know you work?
414
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,120
Yes, of course.
Then you have failed...
415
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,120
..The first test of sprezzatura!
416
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,280
Wait, what...? What just happened?
417
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,400
Walk with me.
418
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,200
Sprezzatura...
419
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,520
..the art of being awesome...
420
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,400
..while looking like you're
making no effort whatsoever.
421
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,880
What, this? Pfft...
422
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,080
..it's nothing.
Took me, like, five minutes.
423
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,400
He's got...
424
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,040
How long did it really take?
425
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,520
Months!
426
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,280
I can hardly feel my hands!
427
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,680
TING!
428
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,520
Sprezzatura...
429
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,960
..is the perfect attitude to have
430
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,200
if you want to look good
in the Renaissance.
431
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,240
I guess I'll just do...
432
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,240
..this...or something?
433
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,480
THEY GASP
Oh!
434
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,320
Oh! Is that check mate?
435
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,400
HE WHIMPERS
I don't know,
436
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,920
I've never really played before.
437
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:20,960
She's got...
438
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,320
CHESS PLAYER WEEPS LOUDLY
439
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,640
HE hasn't.
440
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,000
How long did it really take
for you to learn this game?
441
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,360
I haven't slept for four years.
442
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,760
I'm so tired!
443
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,720
I may be dreaming right now.
444
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,040
TING!
445
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,680
So, are you interested in learning
446
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,760
the exciting new Renaissance
way of behaving?
447
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,120
I will study your book...
448
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:46,200
..night and day. And, uh, what
are you going to tell the people?
449
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,040
"I never even opened the book,
450
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,160
"I just use it as toilet paper."
451
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,160
Finally, you got...
452
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,840
I'm joined by the man of the hour,
453
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,160
legendary Italian
Renaissance painter...
454
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,240
..Caravaggio.
455
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,400
Now, Cara, you're best known
for works like
456
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,920
Death of a Virgin and Bacchus,
457
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,720
but today's been all about tennis.
458
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,520
And what an extraordinary
match you've just had
459
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:15,240
with a young Italian
called Ranuccio Tommasoni.
460
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,200
Yeah, well, look, I feel like
I've been in a battle, all right,
461
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,480
um, but a win's a win.
462
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,240
I've got to give it
to the lad, Tommasoni...
463
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,600
HE SNIFFS
..put up a great fight,
464
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,960
but it just wasn't his day
out there on the tennis courts.
465
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,680
Look, Cara, we are going
to have to talk about
466
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,960
what happened out there today.
467
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,400
What happened? Are you talking
about that rally in the first set?
468
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,760
Look, the ball looked out to me,
469
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,360
but these things
happen in the game...
470
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,880
No, no, I'm talking about where
you argued, took our your sword,
471
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,640
and started fighting with Tommasoni.
472
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,680
Look, I'm a Renaissance artist,
473
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,440
passions always
run high with me, Crissy.
474
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,960
But at the end of the day,
I feel like we can just sit down
475
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,040
and have a drink and
shake hands afterwards.
476
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,320
Well, you can't.
477
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,360
He's dead.
478
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,880
Well, look, it was a close match.
479
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,240
He drew his sword too,
got me with a good one actually...
480
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:56,600
..but that's tennis.
481
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,520
We had a bit of a disagreement
during the match,
482
00:18:58,520 --> 00:18:59,800
a few harsh words were spoken,
483
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,960
so naturally, I just
drew my sword and I killed him.
484
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,000
It happens all the time.
485
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,360
But at the end of the day,
486
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,840
I'm here to talk about
a great game of tennis,
487
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,640
and potentially even a rematch.
488
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,360
Well, maybe not.
Well, rematch or not,
489
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,400
there are a couple
of soldiers just over there
490
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,360
that'd like to talk
to you about the murder,
491
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,600
so, uh, good luck with that.
492
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,000
Oh, cripes. Oi!
Come here, you! Ooh!
493
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,160
Nearly forgot me sword.
494
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,440
See you later, Crissy.
495
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,800
Caravaggio was one of the bad
boys of the Italian Renaissance.
496
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:29,880
Bad boy!
497
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,120
But the good news for him
498
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,640
is he's not remembered
for tennis or murder,
499
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,800
but for art,
500
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,600
and that's why we're here, guys.
501
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,920
Yes, it's all about the art for us.
502
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:39,960
And that's good,
503
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,560
because it's fair to say that
we created a lot of the best stuff.
504
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,720
Like...
505
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,600
..my Mona Lisa!
506
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,080
Painting brush drop!
507
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,040
I mean, it's good,
but what's going on with her face?
508
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,840
Is that a smile or not?
509
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,280
It's a half smile,
for the last time!
510
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,400
I'm not surprised,
she was probably furious
511
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,520
when she found out
it was you painting her!
512
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,440
People liked me painting them!
513
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,960
I was brilliant at it!
514
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,000
People, animals...
515
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,240
..people holding animals.
516
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,440
Were the animals
smiling weirdly too?
517
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,680
Oh!
518
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:14,160
So, Leonardo, in this painting,
519
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:18,120
I want to look noble, kind,
a little bit regal,
520
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,240
and really, really fit.
521
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,360
Well, Cecilia,
it will not be difficult.
522
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,040
You are a sweetie.
523
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,000
No, I mean it will not be difficult
for me because I'm a genius.
524
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,800
For anyone else it
would be a nightmare,
525
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,720
because you possess
none of these features.
526
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,080
Oh...charming.
527
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,760
So, for this painting, I'm thinking
that we get you to hold something,
528
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,560
to spice it up a little bit!
529
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,640
Ooh, nice! Like what?
530
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:39,880
What do you think about...
531
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,080
..cow's eyeball?
532
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,280
Ugh, that's disgusting!
533
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,200
Well...got lots of other bits of
cow if you think they'd be better.
534
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,080
What you got all them bits for?!
535
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,600
Because I dissect cows.
536
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,200
And I dissect monkeys,
birds, frogs, sheep, bears.
537
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,280
It's so I can see how they move,
and I can paint them better.
538
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,640
What about a monkey tongue?!
539
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,920
No! I don't want to be
painted holding all them bits!
540
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,520
It'll create the wrong impression.
541
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,160
People will think I'm a farmer!
542
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,680
LEONARDO GASPS
I know...
543
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,360
..I'm going to paint
you inside of a sheep,
544
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,000
surrounded by its guts!
545
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,560
You what, now? I think I could
get you right in there, too!
546
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,440
I once inflated a sheep's guts
to the size of a room!
547
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,120
CECILIA YELPS
Ah, sorry, it's, um...
548
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,960
..bit slippery.
HE LAUGHS
549
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,000
What about...a dragon?
550
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,760
Oh, you've got a dragon,
have you? Well, no.
551
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,680
I, uh, sewed some wings to
a lizard so it looked like a dragon.
552
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,160
But it's escaped. Ah!
553
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,080
Well, I'm not surprised.
You're nasty.
554
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,160
ERMINE TRILLS
Oh! What about an ermine?
555
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,520
Pfft! Ermine?!
556
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,160
What, a stupid long white rat
thing?!
557
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,440
How's that better than a dragon?
558
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,360
It's real, and we haven't lost it.
ERMINE TRILLS
559
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,800
ERMINE CHOMPS, LEONARDO YELPS
560
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,880
You make a strong argument.
561
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,800
And anyway, it's not a rat,
it's like a small white otter.
562
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:45,920
It's regal, innit?
563
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,720
LEONARDO CHUCKLES
It's also the symbol
564
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,160
that you might be pregnant,
565
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,560
so it'll create an air
of scandal and mystery.
566
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,760
I like it!
567
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,560
Let's do it!
There's just one problem...
568
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,280
Oh, what's that, then?
The ermine has escaped
569
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,960
and is presently climbing up
my trouser leg.
570
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,560
ERMINE CHOMPS, LEONARDO SQUEALS
571
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,160
LEONARDO SCREAMS, ERMINE TRILLS
572
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,400
LEONARDO GIGGLES
Ooh, it's a wriggly one!
573
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,400
Hi, I'm Henry VIII, King of England,
and royal Renaissance cool dude!
574
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,320
Now, a top-drawer Renaissance king
like me needs to look the part,
575
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,600
so I made the famous artist
Hans Holbein
576
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,320
my own personal court painter.
577
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,640
He's painting me right...now.
578
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,920
Try and keep still, Your Majesty.
579
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,080
You'll keep still
when you've got no head.
580
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,120
Feel free to move around,
Your Majesty.
581
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:27,160
Yeah...
582
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,280
Well, I'm in the market
for a wife again.
583
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,800
Wife number four,
and this one will be a keeper.
584
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,920
So tell me, how is Hans Holbein over
there helping me with the search?
585
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,640
Is it A - he's painted a picture
of me that's so handsome
586
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,240
a dog licked it?
DOG WOOFS
587
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,840
B - he's dressing up as me
588
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,080
and going on blind dates
on my behalf?
589
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,920
Or C - he's been travelling
Europe painting all the princesses
590
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,240
and duchesses so I can
have a look at all my options?
591
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,560
The answer is C,
592
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,520
he's been painting
all the princesses.
593
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,800
Yeah, and, uh, I've got
a bunch of them here.
594
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,800
No.
HE LAUGHS
595
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,880
HE SQUEAKS
Maybe...maybe.
596
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,000
Wow! Gorgeous!
597
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,040
We have got a winner!
598
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,400
Uh...that's you, Your Majesty.
599
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,920
Oh?!
600
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:11,960
So it is!
601
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,960
Ooft, rugged devil.
602
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,520
Right, well I guess
we'll go with the...
603
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,200
..the maybe, then.
604
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,760
Anne of Cleves,
my fourth and final wife.
605
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:21,800
Probably.
606
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,960
I mean, that's kind
of a weird use of art,
607
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,400
but...OK.
608
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,640
Well, that's the Renaissance.
609
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,560
An explosion of ideas and creativity
in everything from science
610
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,280
to politics, to money, to thinking.
611
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,440
And of course...
612
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,600
..to art.
613
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,960
People's paintings,
drawings and sculptures
614
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,400
became more realistic than before,
615
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,760
more flamboyant than before.
616
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,200
And in our case,
617
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,240
just more brilliant than before.
618
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:53,360
To finish with, here is what just
might be our greatest work ever,
619
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:56,720
a song about how amazing we were.
620
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,640
To use the language
of the Renaissance...
621
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,720
..it's a proper banger.
622
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,000
SOMBRE PIANO
623
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,400
# Renaissance
624
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,440
# Every now and then
I try to picture the art
625
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,920
# in the Dark Ages
before changes began
626
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,560
# Renaissance
627
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,360
# Nobody was listening to new ideas
628
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,200
# Said they like things
just as they stand
629
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,480
# Renaissance
630
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,920
# But studying the classics
from Rome and Greece
631
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,200
# gave us thoughts
we'd not had before
632
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,840
# Renaissance
633
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,680
# An explosion of creation
634
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:38,600
# Music, sculpture in the nude,
paintings and more
635
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,840
# Renaissance art guys
636
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,800
# Every day is like a brand-new start
637
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,760
# Renaissance art guys
638
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,840
# Every day we revolutionise art
# Renaissance
639
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,040
# Everybody knows
that Florence is the place
640
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,440
# arty-farty types really should be
641
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,920
# Renaissance
642
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,280
# Masaccio, Donatello,
true artists created visions
643
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:05,160
# so lifelike that they looked real
# Renaissance
644
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,160
# The Medicis have the wonga
645
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,560
# The Pope pays us
to bling the Vatican
646
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,160
# Renaissance
647
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,080
# Raphael masters oil
648
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:18,360
# Botticelli's Venus is careful
to cover all the bums
649
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,240
# Renaissance art guys
650
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:26,640
# Every day is like a brand-new start
# Renaissance art guys
651
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,720
# Fighting with our brushes
to make art
652
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,240
# And now you all can see
653
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,560
# My technique is getting better
654
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:40,000
# And if our patrons pay their fee
655
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,840
# Our legacy will last forever
656
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,560
# Study anatomy
to make the right body
657
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,640
# Cos before they looked shoddy
658
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,400
# Together, light and dark
make these people look 3D
659
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,400
# Cos we all have shadows on us
660
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,040
# Look at me
661
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,680
# No, look at me
662
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,280
# Perspective gives us depth,
our backgrounds come alive
663
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,240
# We study nature
and oil paint brings it to life
664
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,480
# I really think this will last
665
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,080
# History will remember my art
666
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,080
# No, history will remember my art
667
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:18,240
# Once upon a time,
your paintings moved me to tears. #
668
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,040
Mm.
# Yours always just made me laugh. #
669
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,880
MICHELANGELO LAUGHS
670
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,520
# What can we say?
671
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:29,040
# We totally eclipsed the old art
672
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,040
# Sistine Chapel
673
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,800
# The Mona Lisa
674
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,760
# Totally eclipsed the old art
675
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,920
# Statue of David
676
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,040
# Sketch of an helicopter
677
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:43,880
# Totally eclipsed the old art. #
678
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,440
LEONARDO SINGS NOTE
679
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,720
Held the last note
a bit longer than you.
680
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:56,320
People, animals, holy things,
animals, you name!
681
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,000
CREW LAUGHS
682
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,480
Ooh, don't have one of them yet.
683
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:00,880
CREW LAUGHS
684
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,120
We're not here for a party.
685
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:04,160
SHE SNEEZES
686
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,560
Sorry!
CREW LAUGHS
687
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,680
And what an incredible match you had
out there with young Italian...
688
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:10,960
..Thomas...help.
689
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,160
CREW LAUGHS
690
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,520
Ooh!
HE LAUGHS
691
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,120
Ooh!
692
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:16,400
Ooh...ooh!
693
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:17,600
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
694
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,520
CREW LAUGHS
695
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:20,680
Aha!
696
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,240
Sorry, I'm a little bit confused by
what was happening out there. Yeah.
697
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,600
And when I get out,
I want you to take my body...
698
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,040
Of course, Father.
FATHER BREATHES DEEPLY
699
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,240
..and boil it
until the flesh comes off.
700
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,840
They're loving this.
701
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:36,360
I'm making what it feels like
to be going on a date with a god.
702
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:39,000
HE MUMBLES,
CREW LAUGHS
703
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,000
It's hard for us to be promoted!
704
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,760
We...we...we...we...we...
705
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,520
# The past is no longer a mystery
706
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:46,880
# Hope you enjoyed
707
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:51,000
# Horrible Histories. #
51749
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