Original subtitles

[Music - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

Love boat soon will making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

Yes, love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

I'm stockton.

Cabin?

Uh, let's see.

Mr. Stockton-- that is promenade deck, cabin 344.

Thank you.

And I'm Judy McCoy, the cruise director.

Now, if there's anything you'd like to know

about the ship's activities--

I didn't come on for that.

I've got enough work here to keep me busy for two cruises.

I'm here to get away from phone calls and distractions.

Moving the office to the high seas?

You said promenade 344?

Yes, sir.

Let's see, miss banes.

You are on the fiesta deck, cabin--

oh, Mr. Stockton?

Yes?

I believe these belong to you.

Well, these are my tranquilizers.

Where the devil did you--

You know, doc, I haven't seen gopher

this excited about seeing a lady in a long time.

Is she here yet?

No, but we're just getting ready to send

out a search party.

[Laughs]

What's with you?

Ok.

All right.

I admit, I am a little overanxious

about Janet coming on board.

I just don't want anything to go wrong.

Hey, relax, gopher.

Nothing's going to go wrong.

Ah.

That can go wrong, right there.

What that?

What, what, what?

Don't call me gopher.

Janet is a big time advertising executive.

She only knows me by my real name.

So call me burl, all right?

Not gopher.

You got it.

Whatever you want, buddy.

Janet!

Burl!

Oh!

[Laughs] Burl.

I've been counting the days.

Oh, you got off easy.

I was counting the seconds--

5 million of them.

Janet, I would like you to meet my two best friends Isaac

Washington and Adam bricker.

Nice to meet you.

Janet: How do you do?

Hi.

Burl has, uh, told us all about you.

Well, not everything, I hope.

Oh, uh, that's my luggage.

Excuse me a moment.

Hey, she seems real nice.

Mm-hmm.

You, uh, notice how I called you, uh, burl?

Yeah.

If my man wants to be known as burl, then burl it is.

All right.

All right, gopher.

Wait a minute.

Just please be careful, all right?

Please?

Please?

Thank you.

I'm so used to calling him gopher.

Yeah, I know.

Telling us to call him burl is like your mother saying to you

on your 16th birthday, ok, from now on,

I want you to call me Chuck.

- Excuse me? - Yes?

I'm Barry singer.

We talked on the phone.

Oh, yes, Mr. Singer.

We've been expecting you.

I'd like you to meet mayor Frances Hardy.

Congratulations on the election, madam mayor.

Oh, thank you.

It was close.

The Lincoln-Douglas debates were close too.

But honest Abe went on to become one

of our most revered presidents.

I was just elected mayor, and he already has me president.

Now you know why he's my campaign manager.

The only thing Lincoln had on this beautiful lady

was a few inches in height.

But she wears cuter hats.

[Laughter]

Well, anyhow, it's an honor to have you on board, your honor.

Oh, thank you.

What a charming thing to say.

Is she old enough to vote? - Ah.

Touche.

Excuse me, captain.

May I get a picture of all of you with mayor Hardy?

Would you mind?

Of course she wouldn't mind.

Getting her picture taken is part

of what politics is all about.

Oh, I thought it was about serious issues,

like shaking hands and kissing babies.

[Laughs]

All right.

Here we go.

Big smile.

No, that's it.

Great.

Thank you. Enjoy your cruise.

Thank you.

- Well, we'll see you around. - All right.

Enjoy the cruise.

Thank you.

Have fun.

Thank you.

Oh!

I am so sorry.

I-- Phil Haines?

I thought you'd be in hiding since the election.

No, just a little vacation.

Then I'll be getting ready to put the city back

together, after her honor plays mayor for the next few years.

Oh, I like good loser.

I wouldn't have lost if it hadn't been

for you and your dirty tricks.

Our dirty tricks?

You're the one who tried to sell the voters a bill of goods.

But it didn't work.

And we won.

[Horn blowing]

[Music playing]

Are you sure I can't see you until tonight?

Even for a few minutes?

I'm sorry.

I'm on duty, love.

After all, I am the purser around here.

Well, I don't really understand what a purser does.

Oh, well, the purser is an incredibly important job.

He's in charge of almost everything on the ship.

I'm just like the captain, except I don't steer

and I don't go down with the ship, which are two things

I'm not crazy about anyway.

So I'll pick you up just before dinner, all right?

All right.

And don't talk to any strange men.

You'll be the only strange man I talk to.

Hello.

Hi, gopher.

I was just telling Isaac how pretty I think your friend is.

Thank you, Judy.

But please, from now on, don't call me gopher.

Didn't you tell her about this?

What do you mean tell her?

You didn't tell me to tell her!

Why don't you want to be called gopher?

Because of Janet.

It is not just because of Janet.

It's because i'm a grown man and I

want to be called but a grown man's name, like Isaac or Judy.

Fine.

I'll call you whatever you want to be called.

All of us will, goph.

Isaac!

Don't call me goph!

Boy, I've never seen gopher so upset!

[Gasps] You-- you said that word again!

You don't really believe that Phil Haines is on the ship

for vacation, do you?

People do take vacations.

I just wish he hadn't picked the same ship.

Mayor Hardy!

We just saw the picture ace took of us,

so I'll make sure you get some copies.

Oh.

Oh, would you autograph a copy for me?

I'd be delighted.

You know, it is such a thrill to meet a lady mayor.

[Laughs] We are rare.

But I hope you'll be meeting more of us soon.

I hope so.

And I hope they're all up to your standards.

Thanks.

Goodbye.

Have a nice day.

Thank you.

I better get some copies of that picture from ace.

I can send to the news magazines when we get to puerto vallarta.

Barry, relax.

We don't get to puerto vallarta until tomorrow.

You're right.

I'll walk slowly.

Barry.

Hi.

Hello.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what

happened when we boarded.

Fine.

What I mean is, you're the mayor

and I'm the president of the city council.

Now, that means we're going to be working together.

So i-- I think we should Bury the hatchet.

You know, sort of a burial at sea.

It takes two to make a scene--

or in this case, three.

So I apologize too.

Accepted.

And I do wish you good luck as mayor.

Thank you.

Maybe now that we're not running against each other,

we can be friends.

Oh, then why don't we find out over dinner?

All right.

If you think you and Barry can behave yourselves.

Well, I don't know about Barry,

but, uh, I never misbehave--

until after dinner.

See you later.

Uh, excuse me.

Oh, it's you, Mr. Stockton.

Who are you?

Shall we go somewhere and chat?

I don't want to chat.

I want to know who you are and how you got my tranquilizers.

I'm sorry.

I'm Marcy banes.

Marcy banes.

I don't know any Marcy banes.

Do I?

I don't know.

Do you?

Now, look, miss banes, i'm beginning to lose my Patience.

I want to know how you got my tranquilizers.

Shall we discuss it over dinner?

I don't have time to play games!

I have work to do!

Nice meeting you.

Um, would you do me the honor of having

dinner with me tonight?

How sweet of you to think of it.

I'd love to.

Man (over intercom): Attention please.

Main seating dinner is now being served

in the coral dining room.

Champagne, Barry?

Mm-hmm.

Are we still celebrating my election?

I'm hoping we'll have something even

more important to celebrate.

Frances, you know, we've been working

very closely these last few months,

and I've grown very fond of you.

Oh, I've grown very fond of you too, Barry.

I think we make a very good team.

Oh, I think we make a good team in other ways as well.

And not just as campaign manager and candidate,

but as man and woman.

Barry--

I know this is something new, but would

you please think about it?

Good evening, your honor, Barry.

Who-- who invited you?

I did.

Hm, champagne.

What are we celebrating?

Nothing-- nothing that concerns you.

I'll drink to that.

Cheers.

Well, miss banes.

Marcy.

Very well, Marcy.

You said you wanted to have dinner.

Now once and for all, I want to know where

you found my tranquilizers.

Yes, of course.

But why don't we order first?

Everything looks so delicious.

I know what I want.

A bourbon and soda, lobster bisque,

a dinner salad with roquefort dressing,

and the New York steak medium rare.

How did you know I always have that for dinner?

Well, you look like a man who would order a bourbon and soda,

lobster bisque, a dinner salad with roquefort dressing,

and a New York steak, medium rare.

Do I?

Yes, you do.

Why not try ordering something different for a change?

Or are you too set in your ways?

I can order anything I want, whenever I want to.

I'll have the thousand island dressing

instead of the roquefort.

How adventurous and marvelous.

Tonight, thousand island dressing.

Next thing you know, you'll be cliff diving in acapulco.

You know, you have a great knack for changing the subject.

Where did you find my tranquilizers?

Oh, you dropped them on the gangway when you came aboard.

Well, why didn't you tell me that in the first place?

If I had, you wouldn't have invited me to dinner.

[Chuckles]

Uh-oh, here they come.

So remember to call him burl.

Burl.

Evening.

Ah, good evening.

Hello.

You look lovely this evening.

Thank you.

Hi.

So how's it going, burl?

Just fine, doc.

Thank you.

Uh, burl?

Yes?

Would you pass me the croissants?

Oh, I'm closer to the croissants than burl is.

Here you go.

Vicki: Thank you.

Uh, so Janet, how long have you known burl?

Oh, well, not for very long.

But the important thing is, I'm planning on getting

to know him for a lifetime.

That's a start, isn't it?

[Chuckles]

Good evening, everybody.

Evening, captain.

Hi, captain.

Sir, I'd like to introduce Janet Thompson.

Oh, how do you do, miss Thompson?

How do you do?

When gopher said you were lovely,

he certainly didn't exaggerate.

Well, thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Ah, what's good tonight?

Who's gopher?

Gopher is, uh, my assistant.

And he's nice.

But he never comes out of his cabin.

With a name like gopher, can you hardly blame him?

No.

You're a wonderful dancer.

[Chuckles] You're a wonderful liar.

I haven't danced in over 20 years.

I know.

When other men were out dancing, you were out making a fortune.

Exactly.

That's why, today, if I want to, I can buy

a whole chain of dance studios.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Chuckles] It wouldn't be a bad idea.

No.

[Laughs]

You know, they're right.

Politics makes strange bedfellows.

Hold it, Phil.

I think we better stick to dancing.

I didn't mean that.

[Laughs] Now I know why you beat me.

You made the voters think I was saying things I wasn't.

Do you really believe that?

I'll tell you what I believe now.

If you'd have been dancing with me in the voting booth,

I'd have voted for you over me.

You know, I don't think Barry appreciates the two of us

together like this.

Barry means well.

He's just very protective of me.

Oh, well, in that case, he can't be all bad.

Just mostly.

Remember this afternoon when I asked you what a purser does?

Uh-huh.

Well, now I know what a purser does.

What?

He makes all the ladies feel like dancing and like holding

him close all night long.

Oh, I'm sorry, gopher.

Uh, oh, it's you, burl!

Uh, burl, in this light, I thought you were gopher!

[Laughs]

Burl?

Why did the doc think you were gopher?

Oh, it's like I told you, gopher hardly

ever comes out of his cabin, so nobody

knows what he looks like.

Gopher.

[Laughs] Poor guy.

Mr. Stockton asked me to tell you that he

would be down in a minute.

Oh, thank you, Judy.

You know, he sounded so cheerful.

You must be working wonders on him.

You think so?

Oh, I know so.

He is, uh-- well, he doesn't seem to be the kind of man who

takes to new people so quickly.

Well, I don't think he'd take to me so

quickly if he knew the truth.

The truth?

I didn't meet him for the first time on this ship.

I've known him for years.

I'm the switchboard operator in his office.

Hardly the same social standing as the chairman of the board.

[Music playing]

[Humming]

[Gasps] There's a man in my cabin.

[Giggles] I think it is.

[Knocking]

[Knocking]

You better answer that.

Mm.

[Sighs]

Oh, hi, Janet.

Hi.

Um, is burl here?

Janet: Yes.

Come on in.

Um, Mr. Hamilton needs to get into his safety deposit box.

And it seems like it's an emergency.

Yeah, if you give us the keys, we'll take care of it,

and you won't have to bother.

All right.

Ok, yeah.

Hamilton is this one.

Here. - Ok.

I'll give get this right back to you, ok?

Uh, tomorrow morning will be fine.

Right.

Oh, yeah!

Uh, see you in the morning, gopher!

I told you to come in for a complete physical!

His eyes are going.

He thinks you're gopher!

Yeah, uh, well, good night, whoever you are.

[Laughs nervously]

Uh, burl?

All right.

Ok.

My real name is burl, but my friends have always called me--

gopher.

It's a silly name.

I know, silly.

No, no.

I don't think it's silly at all.

It's not a silly name.

Ok.

Mm-mm.

Then where were we?

[Giggles]

What's the matter?

Tickle.

Ok.

[Laughs]

What, are you laughing my name now, or what?

No.

Um, what name?

[Chuckles]

[Laughs] Gopher!

I'm really sorry, burl.

I guess I just never thought I'd be kissing a gopher!

Good night.

Oh, god, gopher--

I mean burl.

Burl, I'm sorry!

Oh.

[Giggles]

You know, it must be ages since I

took time to look at the stars.

[Chuckles] Do they still have a milky way?

Yes, they do.

Some things in the universe go on

without your personal attention.

[Chuckles] Oh, Marcy, I don't know how to thank you.

For what?

You opened my eyes to things I haven't seen it done in years--

dancing, now the stars.

And don't forget thousand island dressing.

Oh, I could never forget thousand island dressing.

John, there's something that i-- that I have to tell you.

Yes, what is it?

It's that, uh, I'd like you to kiss me again.

You know, I can't think of a good reason not to.

What's so funny?

I was just thinking, the folks back home

would never believe the two of us together like this.

[Laughs] What did the newspapers say?

Candidates Frances Hardy and Phil

Haines, locked in a bitter struggle to the end.

I'd like to think we're just beginning.

Perhaps we are.

Now let's begin the struggle I like to be locked in.

Doc, i-- I hope I didn't mess gopher up with

Janet by calling him gopher.

Oh, no, you didn't do it on purpose.

It's, uh, a habit, like me calling him gopher

when we were all dancing.

Hey, there you are, just the two guys I'm looking for.

- Hey. - Hey.

Doing all right?

Hey, hey.

Just great.

Ah.

You remember that girl, that Janet,

you know, who came on the cruise with me?

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Ok, well, I'll tell you, one of the fantasies that I had

was that Janet and I would come out on this very

same deck right here--

mm.

--And look up and see that very same full moon up there.

And then we'd go back to her very

same cabin for a night of--

[giggles]

Yeah, an evening of thrilling romance, right?

[Giggling]

And it almost came true, except, thanks to you,

Janet is now in her cabin by herself,

laughing her head off over some silly fool named gopher.

Oh, come on, go--

burl.

Isaac didn't mean any harm.

Anybody can make a mistake.

Yeah.

You're right.

And I think I made one when I thought you

two guys could do something simple

like call me by my right name.

Ok.

Ok, listen.

We will all knock ourselves out to remember

not to call you gopher for the rest of the cruise.

Not for the rest of the cruise--

for the rest of my life!

I don't want to be called gopher ever again!

Never call him gopher again?

You know something, Isaac?

Gopher's beginning to act like a real jerk.

No, gopher's is a nice guy.

Burl is a jerk.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Our breakfast buffet is now being

served on the starlight deck.

Well, mayor Hardy, as president of the city council,

I hope this is just the first of many breakfast meetings

together.

I'll second that.

It's funny.

I never thought of you as a woman,

only as a political opponent.

And now?

Now I like to think of you as a very

lovely political opponent.

[Chuckles]

Good morning, Mr. Singer.

Oh, hello, captain.

Oh.

Looks like the mayor is putting politics aside for the moment.

Actually, captain, that man is Phil Haines, the one

she beat in the election.

I'd say he's making a comeback.

Morning, Frances.

Good morning.

Well, actually, it's much better than a good morning.

It's a lovely morning.

I have some news that may change your mind about that.

I just got a very interesting phone call.

Oh?

Do you remember how we revealed

Phil's secret deal to lease his downtown

property to those developers?

Yes, of course.

It's how I won the election.

It was a clear conflict of interest.

I just called the office, and I found out that he's

going ahead with it anyway.

He can't put an office complex there.

I promised the people a park.

That's why they elected me.

Well, I guess you'll just have to talk

to your friend Phil about that.

When we get to puerto vallarta,

I'm going to buy you anything you want.

I'll buy the whole town, wrap it up in a big red bow.

I don't want anything.

Though I would like a big red bow.

Well, maybe I'll buy this ship and put a ribbon around it

to remind you of where we first met.

Although I have a feeling we met before this cruise.

You do?

Yes, i-- I think we met in another life.

We probably loved each other for hundreds of years,

and we have hundreds more to go.

I'm sorry, John.

I can't go into town with you.

This relationship is all a mistake.

A mistake?

What are you talking about?

Please, John.

It's-- it's just not going to work.

Woman (over intercom): Buenos dias, ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to festive puerto luck

vallarta, Mexico's most colorful resort.

Whether it's basking on the beach at banderas bay

or shopping for folk art, puerto vallarta is the soul of Mexico.

I'm really sorry that I giggled at your name

last night.

That is perfectly all right.

Gopher happens to be a very funny name.

I'm the first one to admit it, which is why I don't want

to be called gopher anymore.

Just burl, ok?

Ok.

But I just want you to know that I think that you're sexy

no matter what your name is.

Thank you.

Gopher.

Yeah, but, you know, really, though, that's--

that's what I don't want to be called.

Just burl from now, ok?

You Janet, me burl.

[Chuckles]

Then why don't you take me back to your cave, burl?

Ah, now you're talking.

[Chuckles]

We're going to have so much fun--

- mm. - --Gopher

now-- now, wait.

No.

I told you, you Janet, me burl.

Me Janet, you crazy.

Me alone.

[Knocking]

Hi.

You ready for town?

Hey, if we're going sightseeing, you better

put on your walking shoes.

No, I think you better put on your walking shoes.

And what's that supposed to mean?

I've made a fool of myself trusting you.

That's what that means.

You've already leased out that downtown property, haven't you?

Ugh.

I am going to fight you on this, Phil, you and your greedy land

developers.

Frances, we need those greedy land developers

to revitalize our city.

And your bank account.

That's not true.

You don't care about the city or the people,

and certainly not about me.

You're wrong.

And I do care about you.

As much as kickbacks and paved-over city parks?

I was right to expose you the day before the election.

And now, I am joining the voters, Mr. Haines,

and voting no on you.

Last night, we were kissing in the moonlight.

This morning, she tells me it's over.

[Chuckles] Is that normal?

One thing I've learned about love-- it's never normal.

She won't talk to me.

I brought her roses.

She won't even let me in.

Did you ever try putting roses under a cabin door?

Why is she acting like this?

John, you have to be patient.

I'm sure Marcy will tell you what's

upsetting her when she's ready.

She said I was missing life, working so much.

Now, she won't even talk to me.

If this is what love is about, I'm going back

to working myself to death.

[Sighs] Here.

So he said he was going to work himself to death.

Some people drink to forget.

I-- I guess John just works.

I had to run away, Judy.

We didn't have a chance.

Well, he thought you did.

Well, that's because he doesn't know who I am.

Don't you think he's entitled to know why you ran away?

Well, I can't tell him that he's fallen in love

with his switchboard operator.

Well, he'd feel like a fool.

Marcy, John is not nothing to be ashamed of what

you do for a living.

Besides he couldn't feel much worse than he does right now.

You may not think so now, but you'll get over it.

The thing that gets me is that I trusted him.

The one thing you learn in our business

is, never trust a politician.

Wait a minute.

I'm a politician.

Then watch yourself like a hawk.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Oh, Barry.

Oh, what would I do without you?

I hate to think about it.

Hm.

I would like you to think about something.

What?

What I started to talk about last night at dinner

when I ordered the champagne.

About our being more than mayor and campaign manager.

Why not?

We think alike.

We're both in politics.

We'll have a wonderful life together.

Barry, marriage isn't like running for mayor.

I know.

I'm trying to promote you into a lifetime office.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Hello.

What's wrong?

Are you three still fighting with gopher?

Gopher or burl or whatever he's

calling himself at the moment.

You know, if he can act childish,

we can act childish too.

Yeah.

Hello, Vicki.

Judy, these are for you.

How you doing, sport?

My name is not sport.

Not good sport, anyway.

How about if we call you pruneface?

Because a pruneface is what you've been acting like.

Well, if it'll make you happy to call me pruneface,

then please, call me pruneface.

They're just trying to show you how silly this whole thing

has become.

Yeah, they're-- they're just doing

it because they're your friends, gopher.

Now, you're doing it too!

Do you happen to know what a gopher is?

A gopher is a burrowing American land tortoise.

Do I remind anybody here of a burrowing American land

tortoise, or a land tortoise from any country

for that matter?

Now, either call me burl or don't call me anything!

[Knocking]

Come in.

John.

Marcy.

I have to talk to you.

Well, that's what I've been trying to do-- talk to you.

I know.

I, um-- I owe you an explanation for this morning.

John, you're a dear man.

And the time we've had together has been wonderful.

But you should know why you and I together is just impossible.

Nothing is impossible.

Whatever is troubling you, we can work it out.

Well, I wish it were that easy.

Close your eyes.

What?

Just close your eyes.

Good evening, Mr. Stockton.

I have your call to Mr. Gerard in Paris on the line.

Go ahead please.

Marcy.

We may not have met before, but we've

talked thousands of times.

I'm sorry, John.

[Sighs]

[Knocking]

- You wanted to see me, sir? - Yes.

Have a seat.

I understand you've been reacting

rather violently to the way the crew has been addressing you.

Who told you?

Nobody told me.

I overheard you in the purser's lobby.

In fact, if I was standing on shore,

I could still overhear you in the purser's lobby.

I didn't see you there, sir.

Captain stubing: Nobody did.

I didn't want to embarrass you by dressing you

down in front of your friends.

What friends?

Ever since I've been carrying on about my name,

I've got no friends.

I've got no friends.

I've got no girlfriend.

And if you don't stop carrying on, you'll have no captain.

You're thinking of leaving, sir?

[Chuckling] No.

I'll be here.

Ah.

Well, sir, it's just that when I was a kid, I just--

I hated the name burl.

And gopher was all right then.

But now, I'm a mature adult.

Well, how would you like to go all the way through school

with the name merrill?

I like the name merrill, sir.

That's a great name.

As a matter of fact, when I was in grade school,

my best friend was named merrill.

Sat right across from me--

blond hair, blue eyes.

Pretty girl.

Oh.

[Sighs] Well, you have the right

to be called whatever you want.

And I want you to know that I am here

to help you to straighten out the situation with the crew

if you want me to.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate that.

By the way, I also had a nickname when

I was in the maritime academy.

Really?

Yes, I've, uh, never been able to say it out loud.

Really?

[Sighs]

[Laughs] I'm surprised you even whispered that one, sir.

Well, I only told you because you're a good friend.

In fact, that's why I called you in here.

Don't you know that we're all your very good friends?

Thank you, sir.

[Snickers]

Woman (over intercom): Ladies and gentlemen,

we hope you've all enjoyed your stay

in wonderful puerto vallarta.

Just because we're leaving Mexico doesn't mean the fun's

over.

Join us on the lido deck for some late dancing

under the stars.

This is just the beginning, Frances.

The mayoralty is your first baby step.

From there, it could be governor Hardy, senator Hardy.

Who knows?

You could even be president someday.

Barry, you're getting carried away.

Well, someday, there will be a woman president.

Why not Frances Hardy?

And I could be first gentlemen.

Well, if anybody can get me there, it's you.

You know how we told the voters

about Phil's real estate scam the day before the election?

I'd known about it for months.

You had?

Mm-hmm.

Why didn't you tell me about it sooner

so we could announce it soon?

And give him time to reply?

No way.

Timing is what elections are all about.

Barry, that's as unethical as what Phil did--

maybe even worse.

All's fair in love and war.

I don't know if what we have here is war.

It certainly isn't love.

Marcy, I just want you to answer one question.

Why did you follow me on this cruise?

Because i-- I knew that you were working yourself to death.

When the travel agent called with your cruise reservations,

i--

I borrowed some new clothes and I put

myself in hock for the fare.

I just thought I should try and save your life somehow.

Isn't it a little presumptuous for the switchboard operator

to think she can save the life of the chairman of the board?

Look, Mr. Stockton.

Just because I'm a switchboard operator

doesn't mean that i'm not as good as you are.

Oh, so now you're as good as I am?

Yes, I think so.

Well, I think so too.

I just had to get you to see it.

Marcy, it doesn't matter what you do.

What matters is what you are.

And you are the wonderful woman who opened my eyes

and showed me that there's more to life than just

grinding away behind a desk.

Marcy, I love you.

You're never getting away from me again.

It won't work.

You're-- well, you're still chairman of the board.

That's right.

I am chairman of the board.

And what I say goes.

And I say you're going to marry me.

Will you?

Yes, Mr. Chairman.

[Sighs] So what did you want to talk to me about?

Well, first, I'd like to say that, after what I said

to you the last time that we met,

it's gracious of you to even agree to see me.

You're right.

But then you're always right.

Apparently, not always.

Some city administrations have scandals--

some sooner, some later.

My administration seems to have had a scandal

before it even took office.

And what was that?

I just found out that Barry withheld the information

about your conflict of interest until the last minute

so you couldn't respond.

I apologize for my part in that.

Why apologize?

You obviously didn't have any part in it.

But may I respond now?

It's unnecessary.

The election's over.

Not really.

I think I'm still running for nomination

on the Frances and Phil ticket, or better yet,

the Phil and Frances ticket.

Maybe we could discuss that in a smoke-filled room,

or a room of any kind.

[Sighs] And now do you want to hear my response to your press

conference charges?

Not really.

Well, here it is anyway.

I signed a dollar-a-year lease for all my property,

because our city needs all the jobs that downtown

complex will bring.

Why didn't you tell me that before?

Because I was too angry with you to even talk to you.

And since we're still political opponents,

it probably won't be the last time.

You're right.

So why don't we make up for our next 50 fights right now?

Captain, you're the captain and you tell us what to do.

But none of us want to see him.

That's right, merrill.

We can work with him, but that's it.

I just want you to talk to him.

Captain, we have tried that.

Over and over.

And then over and over.

Well, you'll try it again.

[Knocking]

Well, he's not here.

Let's go.

[Clears throat] Maybe he's sleeping.

After you.

Surprise!

What?

What is going on here?

Burl's having a welcome home party.

Oh, really?

Who's the guest of honor, burl?

I am.

[Laughter]

Since I took an adult name, I have behaved like a child,

right? - Right.

- Yes. - Yeah.

All you people are my friends.

You may call me anything you want.

But I prefer gopher.

You got it, burl.

[Laughter]

See, Marcy, I told you everything would work out.

Mr. Stockton, you look like a new man

since you've taken a cruise.

He is.

You're looking at a recovered workaholic.

That's right.

And from now on, I'm a "love-aholic."

Oh.

Oh, well, mayor Hardy, good luck

with your new administration.

Oh, thank you, captain.

Frances?

Do I still get to ride home in the mayor's car?

Oh, of course, Barry.

You're the one who got me the car in the first place.

Phil, no hard feelings.

No hard feelings, Barry.

I came on this ship a loser and wound up winning everything.

Oh.

Captain and Vicki, if you're ever in our city,

please come and see us.

Oh, we sure will.

Maybe I can even arrange to give you the key to the city.

Why, thank you.

And if you're not there when we arrive,

just leave it under the mats.

[Laughter]

Janet, I am so sorry that this stupid business about my name

almost ruined our cruise.

[Laughs] Are you kidding?

Don't you remember last night under the welcome home banner?

Oh, yeah.

Gosh, I almost forgot about that.

[Chuckles] Well you better not forget about that.

Because the next time I see you, I want everything repeated

in exactly the same way.

Gopher.

[Growls]

Any of you eavesdroppers care to know

what the captain's nickname was at the maritime academy?

Ooh, yeah, I do.

Me too, what was it?

[Theme music]