Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love-- life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It's floats back to you.

Love boat-- soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

Excuse me.

I'm Arlene cort.

This is my first cruise.

Do I register with you?

Right down to my toes.

Now, I mean do I check in with you?

What's my cabin?

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, Arlene, your cabin is on fiesta deck, cabin 208.

Why, thank you.

Oh, hey, has Billy boy bodine come aboard yet?

Billy boy bodine?

Now, who's that?

Who's that?

Why, he's just the greatest thing since Elvis.

Oh yes, 20 other girls have said exactly the same thing.

Well, y'all can tell them they don't stand a chance,

because I'm a country girl, and I know what

country boys are hungry for.

Well, city boys have appetites too, you know.

Well, that's not what i'm talking about, you know.

I brought some secret weapons along.

In that case, I'm afraid i'm going to have to search you.

Well, if there's any searching to be done,

I want Billy boy to do it.

They all want Billy boy.

I never should have sold my guitar.

You're right.

The way you played, you should have never sold it.

You should have given it away.

[Music playing]

[Screaming]

Ok, Billy boy, flash those pearlies.

Great.

Thank you.

All right, now, move along, young ladies.

Crown prince of country music's got to get his rest.

Leave him alone, pretty ladies.

[Groaning]

Boy, she was right cute, huh, cappy?

Cute enough, Billy boy.

But she'd probably just break your heart

like all them others.

Yeah, maybe.

I got a feeling I'm going to meet

a girl on this cruise who's going to knock my socks off.

Well, I hope so, Billy boy.

You've been having worse luck than a Turkey on Thanksgiving.

Hello, captain.

I'm Valerie Frazier, the interior designer.

And I'm Simon ashford, the interior designer of the world.

And you know what shape the world's in.

Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing.

This is my daughter, Vicki.

How do you do?

How do you do, Vicki?

Mr. Ashford and miss frasier are

two of the best in their field.

They're competing for the assignment for redecorating

all our cabins.

Ah, definitely a cover shot.

That's it.

For the ship's paper. - Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

And you seem very friendly for people who

are competing for the same job.

Believe me, there is no competition.

Simon, don't give up already.

You're still good for a laugh.

When you see her work, you'll know what I mean.

Well, I'm sure this will be a very spirited competition.

My crew is available if you should want anything.

Thank you.

Enjoy your cruise.

Be careful, darling.

There's sharks in the ocean.

And sometimes worms on the deck.

Your cabin is down the corridor to the right.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Judy McCoy, the cruise director.

I don't believe it.

Oh, I really am.

It couldn't be.

Adam bricker.

Buzz mclaine.

Hey--

whiskey and rye, blood in your eye, delta ro pi till the day

I die.

I think they know each other.

If not, they're hitting it off pretty well for strangers.

You look great.

So do you.

Judy, I'd like you to meet the infamous buzz mclaine.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Buzz and I were fraternity brothers in college.

Even though he was a lowly junior when I was a senior,

he was still the second biggest ladies man on campus.

Oh?

Who was first?

Nice meeting you.

Thank you.

Buzz, it's great to see you.

How's Linda?

We've been divorced seven years now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I really am behind the times.

Hi.

I'm Adam bricker.

Hello, Adam.

Adam, this is Jim Dolan, my cousin.

Jim, nice to meet you.

Well, that's great, buzz.

That makes you buzz 'n cousin.

Adam was also the corniest man on campus.

Look, just as soon as you gets settled,

we're going to let the good times roll.

- All right. - Just like the old days.

Sounds great.

Cousins?

Welcome to the family.

[Foghorn]

[Cheering]

[Music playing]

Oh, [inaudible].

Oh.

[Music playing]

Howdy.

Hi.

Howdy.

If that's your secret weapon, I don't think

Billy boy stands a chance.

Thank you.

But you haven't seen my secret weapons yet.

I don't need to.

I surrender already.

Stop.

See you later.

So long.

Hi.

Well, hi.

My name's Arlene.

I have something for you.

Don't tell me.

You've written a song, and you want me to record it.

Nope.

What I've got for you is so good,

you're going to be wanting to write a song about it--

homemade watermelon rind pickle.

You're kidding.

And homemade muscadine jelly.

Boy, you sure know the way to a man's heart.

Mmm.

Sit down here, little lady.

You've got some [Inaudible] to do.

[Music playing]

Hi, miss frasier.

Enjoying the sun?

I'm an interior designer.

I despise the sun.

Where's the cabin i'm going to decorate?

Oh, let's see.

You'll be redoing cabin 352 on the aloha deck.

Mr. Ashford is working on 355 right across the passageway.

He's that close?

I'll have to watch out for landmines in the passageway.

When you're competing with Simon ashford,

you have to be prepared for everything.

Hm, he didn't seem like that type of man.

Oh, you don't know him.

I mean, there's nothing he won't stoop to.

Listen, Judy, do you think you could give me a hand?

Oh, of course.

What can I do?

Find out what's in ashford's cartons.

You want me to spy?

Spy is an ugly word, but an accurate one.

Well, I'm afraid I can't do that.

It seems so underhanded.

Seems underhanded?

Don't be ridiculous.

It is underhanded.

Sorry.

You'd think they put in air conditioning out here.

Have a good day.

Bye.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Enjoying the scenery?

Oh yeah.

Not bad.

Wait till you see what I've got lined up for us tonight--

two real knockouts.

Adam, you didn't have to go through that trouble.

Hey, no trouble, my friend.

This will be like the old days, or shall I say the old nights?

Sounds good.

Oh, by the way, Jim, I told gopher to keep

an eye out for a date for you.

Well, thank you, Adam.

I think I'll need all the help I can get.

See you later.

So long, Adam.

I hope gopher knows my type.

Mr. Ashford, this is my first time shooting

an interior designer in action.

Well, just stay in focus.

It could mean a layout in a trade magazine for you.

Oh.

Well, that's odd.

I don't remember ordering a shipment this big.

You want some help opening the cartons?

Later.

I consider it good luck to open the first one myself.

Gads.

What is that?

A lamp, I think.

It's interesting.

Interesting?

It's atrocious.

I didn't order that.

That looks like something from the best

little you-know-what in Texas.

Well, maybe your shipment got mixed up.

Yeah, or sabotaged.

What?

Looks like Valerie's up to her old tricks again.

Oh, that mata hari.

That-- that jezebel.

That-- that Bonnie without a Clyde.

Sneaky she-snake in the grass.

Listen, I'll--

I'll let you unpack.

Enjoy yourself.

[Music playing]

(Singing) Muscadine vines and watermelon rinds--

that's what pretty girls are made of.

Billy boy, that pretty little girl

has not only affected your mind, she's affected your talent.

Come on, cappy.

Sit down, have a pickle, and relax.

How can I relax?

You know how long it's been since you

had a song in the top 10?

Hey, don't worry about it.

I'm going to write me one on this trip.

(Singing) Arlene, Arlene, Arlene.

Gopher (on loudspeaker): Ladies and gentlemen,

please join us now for dinner in our coral dining room,

where we're proud to recommend our chef's

special-- flaming shish kabob.

[Gasping]

According to Adam, buzz, you two were the college

casanovas of your day.

He was my protege.

Doc said you two really had some wild times together.

We've listened to doc's version.

Let's hear the truth.

Well, that was a long time ago.

Test your memory.

Remember that semester we dated only twins?

Don't remind me.

Why only twins?

Well, it was purely a psychological experiment

to study sibling revelry--

sibling rivalry.

We double dated and took out every set of twins

within a 100-mile radius.

Well, it was in the name of science.

Yes, and as I recall, it was the only science

class you ever got an a in.

Doc and buzz certainly seem to have a good time.

Yeah.

You must come from the quiet side of the family.

You don't talk much.

Well, you know what they say--

you have to watch out for us quiet ones.

Well, I sure am lucky.

It's not every girl on this ship that has two handsome men

to have dinner with.

True enough.

But the handsomest has got to go make some telephone calls.

Now, you two enjoy yourself.

Thank you, cappy.

We will.

Bye-bye.

Oh, miss Arlene.

Now, you be sure and leave Billy boy some time

to write some songs, yeah?

I don't think cappy likes me.

Well, don't mind him.

I'll like you enough for the both of us.

Now, is that you talking, or the pickles and the jelly?

It's me.

Talk some more.

I like it.

I better watch it.

I kind of rush things sometimes.

I'm not about to slow you down.

[Music playing]

Mind if I join you?

Yes, I do.

But sit anyway.

Oh, val, I miss that gentle wit.

Shall we Bury the hatchet?

Do you mean it?

Well, we were close once in every sense of the word.

Yes, we were.

But you were insufferable.

Granted.

And you were stubborn.

True.

But we did have our moments.

Would you care to relive some of those stubborn,

insufferable moments later?

We used to dance pretty well together.

Yes, we did.

I'd like that.

Good.

Maybe you do have some taste, after all.

To taste.

[Music playing]

Hey, cappy, where's Billy boy?

Oh, I asked him to autograph some of his pictures

so that I could talk to you alone for a minute.

All I can tell you is that I got the feeling Billy boy has

taken a strong liking to me.

Well, the stronger, the better.

It's working out just how you planned it.

Yes sirree, Bob.

Now that you got him hooked, I want you

to break his little old heart.

Oh, what are you talking about?

You said you were bringing me here to make him happy.

Right.

You've got him sky high.

Now I want you to knock the pins out from under him.

I want you to make him unhappy.

But why?

I don't get it.

It's for his own good.

Look, darling.

Some songwriters can't write good songs if they're happy.

They got to be miserable.

The best songs Billy boy ever wrote,

he wrote right after some little gal broke his heart.

And you provided the gal?

Just doing what I could to help his singing career.

Just like you're doing this to help your singing career.

You are rotten, cappy.

You know it?

Now, is that any way to talk to the man

who is trying to get you a spot on the next Kenny

Rogers special?

Me on a Kenny Rogers special?

Are you kidding?

All you gotta do is break Billy boy's heart.

Oh, but how?

You'll find a way.

[Music playing]?

[Chatter]

Well, if you two will excuse me,

I'll be dropping by the cabins tomorrow to see

how the decorating is coming.

Oh, fine, captain.

Mr. Ashford should be here soon.

I'll tell him.

Thank you.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

I wonder where Simon is.

He was supposed to meet me here half an hour ago.

Oh, well, i'm sure he'll be here.

I'm so glad that you two are getting friendlier.

So am I.

And I know Judy hated spying.

Who asked her to spy?

Oh, that's right.

I did.

And Mr. Ashford wanted ace to get the key to your cabin.

Why, that dirty double-crosser.

Oh.

What did I tell you?

Can this guy dance?

He's got gifted feet.

What Adam wants me to say is that he

taught me everything I know.

Yeah, it wasn't easy.

He kept wanting to lead.

Oh, doc and your cousin are really enjoying themselves.

Yeah, well, once fraternity brothers,

always fraternity brothers.

Right.

Guess, you better take a backseat.

Brothers are closer than cousins.

Yeah, looks that way, doesn't it?

[Applause]

What do you say we show these ladies the origin of what

they now call boogieing?

Maybe later.

What I need right now is a drink and some rest, not necessarily

in that order.

All right.

[Inaudible]

Oh, all right.

[Music playing]

Hello, cousin.

I'm beginning to feel like your long lost cousin.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I forgot my key.

That's all right, sir.

Thank you.

This should take care of your trouble.

Thank you--

but it won't take care of yours.

This isn't his cabin.

It's mine.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

Well, one cabin looks like another.

Here, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, val.

Old habits are hard to break.

But old necks aren't.

What happened to all that romantic talk at dinner?

It's still available if you're still interested.

I am.

I'll get a wrap and meet you on the promenade deck.

I'll be the one wearing a look of eager anticipation.

[Music playing]

Arlene, do you remember me telling you that sometimes I

kind of rush things?

I remember.

And you said it was all right.

I know I did, Billy boy, but, well, I've been thinking maybe

you shouldn't rush things.

Well, I can't help it.

When I love someone, I got to tell 'em.

And I love you.

I'm sorry, Billy boy.

I'm already in love with bubba baker.

Bubba baker?

He's a boy from home.

And we've been sweethearts since third grade.

I guess you remind me of him so much that I thought for a while

I could love you too.

Yeah, well, maybe you do, Arlene.

Or you could learn to.

Arlene, I can give you everything in the world.

Well, that's the trouble, Billy boy.

You have everything.

All bubba's got is me.

You're the noblest girl I ever met.

That bubba baker's a right lucky man.

I could give cappy rotten lessons.

[Music playing]

Just as I figured.

Trying to steal my ideas.

That would come under the heading of petty theft.

What happened to recapturing our old romance?

That went out the porthole when

you try to sneak into my cabin.

I just did that so I could see what you were

planning to do and save you.

You could commit designer suicide with your bad taste.

My bad taste?

Good, we agree.

You egotistical charlatan.

You haven't had a new idea since I left you.

Incompetent.

Fraud.

Oh, so we continue the battle.

Forget the battle.

This is all out war.

I had a very nice time, Jim.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Buzz has been so busy with Adam, I thought I'd have

to spend the evening by myself.

Well, it's part of my job to see

that passengers make friends.

Of course, the really nice passengers

I make friends with myself.

Well, I had better be turning in.

Some of us have to work tomorrow.

Well, I'm glad I'm not one of them.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Jim.

I didn't expect to see you so soon.

Well, I sort of cut the evening short.

Does that mean you told Adam?

No.

I tried.

Really, I tried.

Every time I'd try, there he was with another Martini,

another story about the old days.

Buzz, I know you're in a ticklish spot.

And I know you're upset.

I know that.

But don't you see?

It's easier for you.

Your generation understands these things.

Adam and I are from the old school,

and I think Adam is still back there.

Well, I hope I don't have to look

forward to an entire cruise watching you

and Adam chase women.

[Music playing]

Hey.

Is this the new queen of country music

that's going to be on the next Kenny Rogers special?

Where-- where's your smile?

Where's Billy boy?

Just where he ought to be--

singing at the top of his broke heart in his cabin.

I feel awful.

Why?

You've done him a favor.

This may be his best song yet.

See, the worse his heart is broke, the better he sings.

But I feel so guilty.

Cappy, I'm going to see him.

Remember, darling, if you have second thoughts

it's bye bye, Kenny Rogers.

[Music playing]

[Whistles].

I'm afraid you're too young to see this one.

I think I've already aged just looking at this one.

Well, Mr. Ashford, I think I've done all that I can do.

I'll see you later.

Thanks, Vicki.

Keep this under your hat, will you?

I'll work on it.

This is the first cabin I've seen that should be x-rated.

What are you going to do now?

I may have a way to get back at her.

You still believe that Valerie frasier sabotaged you?

I'll bet my last bolt of shantung on it.

Oh, I can't believe that she would stoop to this.

I mean--

don't be naive.

I would have done it to her if I'd thought of it first.

[Music playing]

Gopher (on loudspeaker): Ladies and gentlemen,

we will be docking in beautiful acapulco in one hour.

Tours of this south of the border paradise

can be arranged in the purser's lobby.

Mr. Ashford-- just the man I was looking for.

I'm always in demand, captain.

I'll be dropping in to check the progress in the cabins.

I assume miss frasier told you last night.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, when would that be?

Oh, just before we leave acapulco this evening.

Oh, that soon?

Well, I'm very interested to see how it's all coming.

Well, there's no problem.

Good.

You'll tell miss frasier I'll be by this evening.

Yes, thank you.

Night must fall.

Judy: Oh, I'm sure you can find what you need acapulco.

I just don't know if i'm going to have the time.

The captain wants to see our cabin sometime today.

Hi, Simon.

You look pretty relaxed.

I hope you're as calm when the captain inspects

our handiwork tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning!

Oh, that's fantastic.

That'll give us time to go into acapulco.

Oh, right, and I know just the shops

where we can find those extra little Mexican touches you

wanted.

Oh, terrific.

Can I pick you up anything?

Yes, as long as you're wearing a blindfold.

I know you're taste.

Oh, come on.

(Singing) Oh, my--

oh, my-- oh, my, my, I'm going to die.

Bring on the whiskey.

Bring on the wine.

A cucumber's no pickle if it dies on the vine.

Bring on the whiskey.

Bring on the wine.

A cucumber's no pickle if it dies on the vine.

Oh, bring on--

what's the matter, Arlene?

I've made Billy boy unhappy.

Well, it looks like he did a pretty good

job of making you unhappy too.

Billy boy: (Singing) A cucumber's no

pickle if it dies on the vine.

But not that unhappy.

Ok, I'll tell you what.

We'll take a little walk.

You tell us about it.

It's going to have to be an awful long walk.

Well, walking and talking is our long suit.

Billy boy: (Singing) --Of my mind.

Gopher (on loudspeaker): Buenos dias, ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to sunny acapulco, the heartbeat of amigo country.

Thrill to the daredevil divers on la quebrada

cliffs or meditate on the brilliant sunset

at pie De la cuesta beach.

Whatever you do, acapulco will make it magic.

[Music playing]

Jim, I spoke to Adam this morning at breakfast.

I told him I want to talk to him later.

Buzz, look.

I've been thinking.

I could understand how you feel and how

uncomfortable it's making you.

Why don't you just play his little game?

The cruise would be over with before you know it.

I don't know.

You don't have to tell him anything.

You've known Adam for a long time.

And maybe old friends are better left just that-- old friends.

I hate to admit it.

It would make things a lot easier.

Thanks for being so understanding.

Hey, that's what cousins are for.

[Music playing]

Hmm, I thought something strange

was going on when you decided not to go into acapulco.

Strange?

It's right out of "believe it or not."

Why did Simon change the signs on the cabins?

Because he knows that I'm better than he is.

Oh, you did a lovely job.

Thanks.

You know, know one's even going

to miss those little things you didn't pick up in town.

Oh, do you want me to help you switch the signs back?

No.

No?

No.

Mr. Ashford wants to make this cabin

look like he decorated it.

Well, let him have it.

Just find me a couple of real husky stewards fast.

Stewards?

Then I have to go into town for a bit.

I'm planning a surprise party for Simon ashford.

Come on, Judy.

[Music playing]

I think I really do love Billy boy.

Oh, I don't want to hurt him.

But all my life, I've dreamed about making it as a singer.

I've got the talent.

I knew you had something first time I saw you.

All I need is cappy's connections.

He could make me another Dolly Parton.

Well, not physically, but I could be as big as her

in other things.

And my folks-- they'd be so proud of me

if I was a big success.

I'm sure your folks would be even prouder of you

if you did the right thing.

Speaking of the right thing, here comes the wrong thing.

- Which makes us the gone thing. - Hey, fellas.

Hi.

Little lady, I take my hat off to you.

You have done it.

Yes, sir, you have done it.

Don't remind me.

No, I mean it.

Billy boy is going to remember you long after he's

forgot them other girls.

Really?

Really.

Billy boy's going to love you.

Well, tell me.

Sugar, when other girls broke his heart,

Billy boy just wrote one song.

You, however, have broke his heart

so bad he's wrote two songs.

That's awful.

Ain't it though.

You know what he's calling the second song?

"How can you be so mean, Arlene."

We make a great team, little lady.

This calls for celebration.

I'm going to get me a drink.

Here.

Have mine.

[Music playing]

I'm very anxious to see your work, Mr. Ashford.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be more than, satisfied captain.

[Music playing]

I hope I didn't rush you by my wanting to see your cabin.

Not at all.

Perhaps I do need a little more time.

You see, you see, you were right, captain.

There's no time like the present, Simon.

I agree.

I'm sure it will look wonderful.

Excuse me.

[Music playing]

Bed on the floor--

what's the meaning of this?

Well, it must be a mistake.

I don't understand it myself.

Oh, don't be modest, Simon.

Mr. Ashford's style of decorating is basic simplicity.

But there's no dresser, no drawers.

Where are the passengers supposed to put their things?

Well, they can always hang them from the pinatas.

I don't understand this.

I'm shocked, Mr. Ashford.

I totally agree, captain.

I'm sure there's no reason to even look at the other cabin.

I mean, Mr. Ashford has obviously lost the competition.

Ordinarily, I'd agree.

But after seeing this, I think I better take a look anyway.

[Music playing]

Judy (on loudspeaker): Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you've

enjoyed your day in acapulco.

Now enjoy delicious food, great music,

and a romantic evening under the stars as we set sail for home.

That was great tennis today.

You really had your backhand going.

I never saw you play better.

You had me running all over the court.

Ok, buzz, what's bothering you?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Well, you could have fooled me.

Come on.

Talk to me.

I feel like a coward, ashamed that I

haven't told Adam about us.

I thought we'd settled all that.

You know, I wish you'd just forget it.

I can't.

Today I enjoyed one of the best days of my life.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I can't tell anyone about it.

I can't tell anyone it was a great day

because I spent it with you.

Well, maybe it's that just you and I know it.

Not if I have to go on pretending

and deceiving people, especially an old friend.

I'm going to talk to Adam, and I'm going

to explain everything to him.

Buzz, you don't have to do that for me.

I know that.

I have to do it for me.

[Music playing]

I'm sure you both understand that I can't

recommend either of your redecorating efforts

to the cruise line.

Yes, I'm afraid so.

But there were extenuating circumstances--

something I did that I'm not proud of.

And I was a bit underhanded myself.

I'm sorry.

I can only judge what I saw.

And what I saw was--

deplorable.

Disgraceful.

Good choice of words.

And as the captain of this ship, I am going to make a decision.

I always liked those cabins exactly the way they were.

[Music playing]

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the truth.

To get you to write songs, cappy bribes

girls to break your heart.

I broke it to be on a Kenny Rogers show.

No.

He couldn't do that.

I'm sorry.

Billy boy, now whatever she told you, it's all a lie.

Well, you can either believe him, or you can believe me.

Billy boy, I just did it for your career.

Oh yeah?

Well, maybe it's time I started doing something for my career.

You're fired.

Fired?

Dr. Bricker: Hey, buzz.

Hi.

Dr. Bricker: How are you doing?

You got that minute?

Yeah, sure.

You want to sit?

Stand?

Well, what's on your mind?

Adam, ever since I came aboard ship, I've been deceiving you.

What?

What are you talking about?

After Linda and I were divorced,

I found out something about myself that's changed my life.

Yeah, I'm listening.

This is difficult.

B-- buzz, how could it be difficult

for you to tell me anything?

We've been friends for years.

I know.

That's why it's difficult. Jim isn't my cousin.

Adam, I'm homosexual.

[Music playing]

Now this--

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

Just wanted you to know.

[Music playing]

I don't believe you, val.

I expected more of you.

That's why I put my name on your door.

Well, this raunchy rumpus room that you decorated in my name

isn't exactly what I would call class.

You brought it on yourself.

You sabotaged my shipment.

No, I didn't.

You mean this junk here that was shipped to me

wasn't your doing?

I didn't have anything to do with it.

Then they really did ship me the wrong order?

Oh.

Oh, val.

You know that I really have always admired your taste.

It's almost on a par with mine.

It's better.

I'll admit to equal.

There were a few moments last night

that were like the old days when we worked together.

It was kind of nice, wasn't it?

Perhaps we should consider resuming our relationship

on a partnership level.

On a personal level too?

In the language of our trade I'm suggesting a melding

of elegance and sophistication.

With an acceptable balance of personalities

assembled in an eclectic fashion that achieves

a full density of feeling.

Leading to a peaceful ambience and a cohesive sense of worth.

And love.

Oh, the sweetest word in any language.

[Music playing]

Arlene?

Billy boy, I want you to know how sorry I am.

I made a mess of everything.

No, I didn't come here for an apology.

I came to tell you something.

You are the nicest girl I ever met.

Don't you mean the rottenest?

No.

If you really were rotten, then why did you blow your chances

with cappy just to help me?

Maybe because I'm crazy.

Maybe because there ain't no bubba baker.

And maybe because I really do love you.

[Music playing]

Oowee.

From now on I'm only writing happy songs.

I already got me a title.

"Broken heart surgery--

love won't bypass me again."

[Music playing]

Buzz.

About what you told me before--

it's all right, Adam.

I didn't really expect you to understand.

Well, you're right.

I don't understand.

I don't understand that after knowing each other all

these years you didn't trust our friendship enough

to tell me from the start.

But Adam, I came--

and you let me make a complete idiot of myself

for the entire cruise.

When I think of all the stupid things

I've been doing and saying.

I guess times have really changed a lot since we were

back at the old frat house.

You can say that again.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't give you credit enough

for changing with the times.

You do understand.

Of course I understand that you found yourself,

and you're happy.

It doesn't make any difference to our friendship?

Not in the slightest.

Really?

What am I saying?

It does make a difference, but we all

have to do what's right for us, so long as it doesn't hurt

anybody else, even though it might make

a difference to some people.

How much of a difference does it make to you?

Well, it changes some things.

But most important, we're still friends.

That's what's important to me.

Frat brothers forever, huh?

Frat brothers forever.

[Music playing]

- Judy. - Ace.

Hi

oh, well, well.

You two caused quite a bit of excitement on this trip.

We caused quite a bit for ourselves last night.

I bet you're world beaters when

you really try to decorate.

We'll find out soon.

We're back together again, in every sense of the word.

Oh, I took some pictures of the model

cabins you did decorate.

What did you do with the pictures?

I burned them.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Come with us again. - Bye-bye.

- Thank you. - Bye-bye.

- Goodbye. - Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Hope you enjoyed your cruise.

Oh, we did.

Goodbye, Adam.

I can see why you were buzz's best friend in college.

Thanks, Jim.

It was really nice meeting you.

It was great seeing you, Adam.

I'm just glad that this cruise hasn't changed our friendship.

Oh, but it has.

Before, our friendship was based on remembering.

Now it's based on understanding too.

All the best, my friend.

You too, Adam.

Captain: Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Thank you for sailing with us.

Well, I really liked your friend, Adam.

Me too.

It must have been fun seeing him after all these years.

Yeah.

Has he changed much?

No, not really.

He's still the same great guy he always was.

Well, Billy boy.

It's an honor to meet the crown prince of country.

Thank you, Isaac.

Pleasure meeting the crown prince of bartending.

Well, gopher.

I was going to give you a great big kiss goodbye.

But I've decided to give you something even better.

Right here in front of Billy, well.

Right here in front of me.

Here you go.

Oh boy.

How did you know I was down to my last pickle?

I told her.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

So long.

So long, Billy boy.

Hey, I see you got a jar of Arlene's pickles.

She gave me the recipe.

I'm going to make millions on it.

You know something?

I bet you will.

Count on it, son.

Always remember this-- you can't keep a bad man down.

[Music playing]

[Theme music]