Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[CHUCKLING]

LOOK WHAT BYRNE'S

WRITING ON THE BOARD.

SUDDENLY, IT'S NOT SO FUNNY.

SO, REMEMBER, EVERYONE,

PAPERS DUE TOMORROW

ON THE WAR OF 1812.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT - ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT.

- THERE'S NO WAY - I CAN WRITE 20 PAGES

IN ONE NIGHT.

- I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING - ABOUT THE WAR OF 1812.

SHE'S NEVER EVEN TAUGHT IT!

- I'M TURNING IN - THE PAPER I DID LAST YEAR.

ONE OF THE BENEFITS

OF REPEATING A GRADE.

WHERE DID I PUT MY GLASSES?

THEY'RE IN YOUR HAIR.

I DON'T SEE THEM.

THEY'RE STILL IN YOUR HAIR.

WHERE'S MY HAIR?

[GLASSES CRUNCH]

OH, NO.

I GUESS YOU WON'T BE ABLE

TO READ OUR ASSIGNMENTS,

WHICH I TOTALLY DID.

POPPYCOCK.

I STILL HAVE MY READING GLASSES,

AND MY HELP-ME-FIND

MY-READING-GLASSES GLASSES.

- MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY - AND BYRNE WILL BE SICK TOMORROW.

I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT.

SHE'S BEEN AROUND SO LONG,

SHE'S BUILT UP A RESISTANCE

TO EVERY DISEASE KNOWN TO MAN.

SHE'S NEVER MISSED

A DAY OF SCHOOL.

- SHE'S NEVER EVEN - TAKEN A VACATION.

NEVER TAKEN A VACATION?

THAT'S AWFUL.

- NOT FOR THE PEOPLE ON - THE BEACHES AROUND THE WORLD

- WHO'VE BEEN SPARED - THE SIGHT OF HER IN A TANKINI.

[♪♪♪]

♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER

HELLO, FALL ♪

- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING - TO GET HERE ♪

♪ SINCE WE BOTH

WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLIN' KID?

WHO YOU CALLIN' KID? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLIN' KID? ♪

♪ CAN CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT

BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD ♪

♪ WHERE I AM HERE ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLIN' KID? ♪

[♪♪♪]

ADAM, DO YOU

KNOW ANYONE

- WHO COULD LOOK AFTER MY HAMSTER, - MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ?

I WAS GOING TO SEND HIM

TO THE RODENT HOTEL,

BUT THAT PLACE

IS CRAWLING WITH RATS.

I'LL DO IT.

- I'M GOING - TO MY AUNT'S HOUSE

FOR A COUPLE OF NIGHTS,

AND I CAN'T BRING HIM.

- HE HATES HER COOKING, - AND HE'S A TERRIBLE LIAR.

[SQUEAKING TOY CARROT]

- REALLY, - I'LL DO IT!

I'M MATURE, DEPENDABLE, CARING,

AND I'LL MAKE A GREAT

HUSBAND AND FATHER SOMEDAY,

AND WHY CAN'T I STOP TALKING?

- YOU REALIZE - LOOKING AFTER A HAMSTER

IS A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY.

I'M A TEACHER.

- I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR - THE WELL-BEING OF MY STUDENTS

EVERY DAY.

I'M BASICALLY AN ADULT.

YES!

SNICKERDOODLE!

PLEASE PASS YOUR WAR OF 1812

ASSIGNMENTS IN.

ONE SEC.

ALMOST FINISHED.

NOW, ON TO

AN EXCITING NEW TOPIC.

WHO HAS HEARD OF

THE WAR OF 1812?

- TELEGRAM - FOR MRS. BYNE!

I'M MRS. BYNE.

"DEAR MADAM.

"STOP.

- "I AM PLEASED TO INFORM YOU - THAT YOU HAVE WON

- "AN ALL-EXPENSES PAID - TROPICAL CRUISE.

STOP."

I DON'T REMEMBER ENTERING A...

"THE SHIP LEAVES PORT TODAY.

"STOP.

- "SO, IF YOU'RE COLLECTING - ASSIGNMENTS, STOP.

STOP."

SO EXCITING!

I'VE NEVER WON ANYTHING BEFORE.

CAME CLOSE WITH THAT BALLOON

RACE AROUND THE WORLD?

81 DAYS.

HERE ARE YOUR TICKETS

AND ALL THE DETAILS.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE

I'M OUT OF HERE.

SLAB, I'M PUTTING YOU IN CHARGE.

[CLASS MURMURING IN SHOCK]

ALL RIGHT...

THINGS ARE GOING TO BE

A LITTLE DIFFERENT

AROUND HERE NOW.

WHO HAS HEARD OF

THE WAR OF 1812?

[SQUEAKING]

I BUILT THIS HAMMY-TRAIL

JUST FOR YOU.

GOOD WITH LITTLE ONES

AND HANDY AROUND THE HOUSE,

- SO MAYBE YOU COULD TELL MOMMY - HOW WONDERFUL I AM?

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

OH, MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ.

OH, I SEE.

I CALL MINE "SLAB JUNIOR."

YUP, I SURE DO LOVE MY HAMSTER.

- WHAT CAN I DO - FOR YOU, SLAB?

- CAN I ASK YOU - A QUESTION,

EDUCATOR TO EDUCATOR?

OKAY.

WHEN A STUDENT GETS

THE ANSWER WRONG,

HOW HARD DO YOU HIT THEM?

SLAB, TEACHERS

DON'T HIT STUDENTS.

IN FACT, I'M VERY NURTURING.

SO, IF YOU SEE ECHO,

- YOU MIGHT WANT TO CASUALLY - SLIP THAT INTO THE CONVERSATION.

BEFORE OR AFTER I TELL HER

HER HAMSTER'S DEAD?

WHAT?

- NO, NO, - THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

HE'S NOT MOVING!

COME ON, MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ,

STAY WITH ME!

[ELECTRODES HUM]

CLEAR!

[ZAP]

[ELECTRODES CRACKLE]

CLEAR!

[ZAP]

HE'S GONE, MAN.

HE'S GONE.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

DON'T ASK ME,

I TEACH HISTORY.

- MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ - IS DEAD,

- AND ECHO WILL BE - BACK TOMORROW.

WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL HER?

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

OH, NO.

HI, ECHO!

HOPE YOU'RE HAVING FUN

AT YOUR AUNT'S, 'KAY, BYE!

NO, EVERYTHING IS GREAT.

'KAY, BYE!

YOU WANT TO TALK TO

MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ,

BUT HE'S A HAMSTER.

SQUEAK SQUEAK.

CHITTER CHITTER.

- YEAH. YEAH, - HE DOES SOUND GREAT.

'KAY, BYE!

OH, GOOD, SHE BOUGHT IT.

I WAS WORRIED THAT SOUNDED

TOO MUCH LIKE SLAB JUNIOR.

WHAT AM I

GOING TO DO?

I'D LOAN YOU SLAB JUNIOR,

BUT, CLEARLY, YOU HAVE

NO NURTURING SKILLS.

THAT WOULDN'T WORK ANYWAY.

A REPLACEMENT HAMSTER

- WOULD HAVE TO BE - EXACTLY THE SAME.

[GASPS]

EXACTLY THE SAME.

- THAT'S IT, - I'LL GIVE HER A CLONE!

GOOD IDEA.

- CLONES ALWAYS - CHEER ME UP,

WITH THEIR GIANT SHOES

AND RED NOSES.

SLAB, A CLONE IS

A GENETICALLY IDENTICAL COPY

- OF THE INDIVIDUAL - FROM WHICH IT WAS DERIVED.

I KNOW THAT.

THAT'S WHY SO MANY

COME OUT OF THE TINY CAR!

OH, THIS MUST BE THE DOCK.

WELCOME ABOARD, MADAM.

[SHUTTER CLICKS]

SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL SCHOONER.

- IN HONOR - OF HER MAIDEN VOYAGE,

WOULD YOU CARE TO CHRISTEN HER?

[THUD]

SMASH!

SHATTER, SHATTER!

HURRAH!

ALL RIGHT, PORTER,

GRAB MY THINGS.

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW, MA'AM,

THAT I AM THE CAPTAIN.

I WILL, HOWEVER,

SUMMON THE PORTER FOR YOU.

- [DINGS BELL] - PORTER!

AT YOUR SERVICE, MA'AM!

WHAT'S IN HERE?

- MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE - WRITTEN THAT PAPER.

IS THAT A LOCKER?

WHY, YES.

IT'S DAVY JONES'S LOCKER.

[SHUTTER CLICKS]

- I WISH I HAD - MY GLASSES.

HERE'S YOUR CABIN, MADAM.

- I'M SURE YOU'LL BE - WANTING TO REST.

HORSE FEATHERS!

I'M ON VACATION.

I WANT TO DO SOMETHING SO CRAZY,

- I'LL WAKE UP TOMORROW - FILLED WITH SHAME AND REGRET.

- WHICH WAY TO - THE SHUFFLEBOARD COURT?

THERE.

GENETICALLY IDENTICAL,

- AND THANKS TO - THE GROWTH HORMONES I GAVE HIM,

HE REACHED FULL SIZE IN ONE DAY.

- I WISH YOU COULD - CLONE ME.

I'VE GOT A STACK

OF MID-TERMS TO GRADE.

YOU KNOW, THE PUBLIC

SCHOOL SYSTEM

- HAS REALLY FAILED - OUR NATION'S YOUTH.

I JUST HOPE ECHO THINKS

HE'S THE REAL...

MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ!

- OKAY, WHAT DID YOU DO - TO MY HAMSTER?

I JUST...

I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM

THIS HAPPY BEFORE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW DO WE KNOW

SHE'S THE REAL ECHO?

[BLOWING WHISTLE AND CLAPPING]

WHOO-HOO!

- LOOK AT YOU, - YOU'RE A PRO!

HEY, MOVE IT!

WHY IS THAT DUMB DORA

- LOLLYGAGGING - IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT?

- ALL OF THIS ACTIVITY - MUST BE WEARING YOU OUT.

PIFFLE!

- ALL I'VE DONE - IS WORKED UP AN APPETITE.

WHERE'S THE BUFFET?

THE WHAT, NOW?

BUFFET!

THESE STEAMSHIPS ALWAYS

HAVE BIG, FANCY SPREADS.

RIGHT, BUT, UM...

- LUNCH DOESN'T START - FOR ANOTHER 30 MINUTES,

- SO WHY DON'T YOU - TRY TO WIN

OUR LIMBO CONTEST?

[♪♪♪]

HEY, ECHO!

HOW'S MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ?

- THE EXACT SAME HAMSTER - THAT YOU GAVE TO ME,

AND I RETURNED TO YOU.

YOU MEAN THIS ONE?

HE'S A LITTLE PLUMP,

BUT DON'T WORRY.

HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE EXERCISE.

[GRUNTING]

[THUD]

[GRUNTS]

IT'S AMAZING

HOW FLEXIBLE I AM

WHEN I TAKE OFF MY STOCKINGS.

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]

BIENVENUE, MADAME!

CAN I INTEREST YOU

IN SOME OSSO BUCCO?

- SOUNDS GREAT, - HASH-SLINGER,

BUT, NO, THANK YOU.

OR PERHAPS YOU'D PREFER

ZE ALASKAN KING CRAB?

HMM.

OR...

[KISSES FINGERS]

ZE BARON DE BOEUF?

OR IF YOU'D RATHER TO SNEAK

OVER TO THE KIDS' BUFFET

FOR MAC AND CHEESE

OR CHICKEN NUGGETS,

I WON'T TELL.

I THINK I'LL SKIP LUNCH.

WHAT? BUT YOU TOLD ME...

I-I MEAN, FRANKIE,

OUR BUBBLY CRUISE DIRECTOR...

THAT YOU WERE HUNGRY.

TRUE,

- BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT - 30 MINUTES BEFORE SWIMMING.

SWIMMING?

WITH THE DOLPHINS!

IT'S IN THE ACTIVITIES BROCHURE.

AH, FRANKIE!

I'M GOING TO CHANGE INTO

MY BATHING GARMENT.

- UNLESS YOU HAVE - AN AU NATUREL POLICY.

NOPE. BATHING GARMENT.

- ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS - ATE ALL THE CHALK?

[HAMSTER GROANS]

[SCREAMING IN HORROR]

[GRUNTING]

EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH, IT'S GREAT!

- JUST, UH, DROPPED - SOME CHALK.

LIKE THIS...

[SCREAMING IN HORROR]

- SO, HOW IS MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ'S - EXERCISE GOING?

HAS HE SLIMMED DOWN?

UH-HUH...

[HAMSTER GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ IS HUGE!

ADAM, WHAT'S GOING ON

WITH THIS HAMSTER?

- HE MUST BE HAVING - AN EXTREME REACTION

TO THE GROWTH HORMONES.

YOU GAVE GROWTH HORMONES

TO MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ?

NO!

TO HIS CLONE.

CLONE?

WHERE'S MY HAMSTER?

DEAD.

[SIGHS]

WAY TO SOFT-PEDAL IT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I'M A TEACHER,

NOT A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GONE.

I LOVED THIS HAMSTER.

[SQUEAKING]

[BOTH]: HE'S ALIVE!

ZOMBIE HAMSTER!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- HE WAS IN - THE HAMMY-TRAIL.

- HE WASN'T MOVING, - HE WASN'T BREATHING.

OVER THERE?

- BY THE AIR - CONDITIONING VENT?

YES.

THEN HE WASN'T DEAD.

HE WAS ASLEEP.

SUDDEN DROPS IN TEMPERATURE

- CAN MAKE HAMSTERS GO INTO - SPONTANEOUS HIBERNATION.

[SPLUTTERS AND LAUGHS]

- I CAN'T BELIEVE - YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YOU'RE A SCIENCE TEACHER.

YOU KNOW, I'M SICK OF OUR UNION

PROTECTING DUDS LIKE YOU.

HEY!

- I CREATED A MONSTROUSLY - GIANT HAMSTER.

THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

- I'D BE MORE IMPRESSED IF YOU'D - TAUGHT HIM HOW TO STAY.

OH, NO!

HE'S GONE!

WAIT, DON'T LEAVE ME

ALONE WITH THE ZOMBIE!

- I REALLY THOUGHT WE'D - FIND THAT GIANT HAMSTER

AT THE BUFFET.

- CAN'T BLAME HIM - FOR NOT BEING THERE.

THAT SALAD BAR

WAS DISAPPOINTING.

THIS, ON THE OTHER HAND...

WHAT IS THAT?

OKAY, SO I SNUCK

A CRAB LEG...

NO, THAT!

IT'S A NEST.

"THE WAR OF 1812 BEGAN...

[SCREAMING IN TERROR]

THERE!

- THEY MUST HAVE - SEEN THE HAMSTER.

WHY ELSE WOULD THEY

BE SCREAMING IN HORROR?

[♪♪♪]

- [SQUEAKING - LIKE A DOLPHIN]

- THEY'RE SO GRACEFUL - AND MAJESTIC!

EEE! EEE! EEE!

[FISH SLAPS]

AND INTELLIGENT!

ALMOST HUMAN.

EEE! EEE! EEE!

MERMAIDS!

- I'LL HAVE QUITE THE STORY - TO TELL TONIGHT IN THE LOUNGE!

THE WHERE?

I MEAN...

EEE!

THE LOUNGE!

THEY ALWAYS HAVE

GREAT ENTERTAINMENT.

I'LL BET THE HEADLINER WILL BE

SOME SERIOUS MAN CANDY.

EEE...

[GRUNTING AND SNUFFLING

[APPROACHING]

I THINK I HEAR

THAT OVERGROWN BEAST!

OVERGROWN BEAST?

ACCORDING TO THIS BEAST CHART,

I'M ACTUALLY ON THE SMALLER END

OF THE SPECTRUM.

SLIGHTLY LARGER THAN THE OGRE,

- BUT SMALLER THAN THE MINOTAUR - AND THE YETI.

SLAB, THAT FOOD

IS FOR THE HAMSTER.

- WE'RE STILL - TRYING TO FIND IT.

WHY DON'T YOU LOOK

RIGHT BEHIND YOU?

[SCREAMING IN HORROR]

[SNARLING AND GRUMBLING]

OKAY, DON'T WORRY.

I HAVE A PLAN.

SEE YA!

[CHUCKLES PLACATINGLY]

NICE HAMSTER.

[SNARLING]

REMEMBER ME?

DADDY?

[SCREAMING IN TERROR,

[HAMSTER ROARING]

HEY, NO RUNNING

IN THE HALLS, MISTER!

NOT MUCH OF A TURN-OUT.

EVERYONE MUST BE

AT THE CASINO.

LOW-LIFES.

LADIES AND GERMS...

[CHUCKLES]

HE SAID "GERMS"

INSTEAD OF "GENTLEMEN!"

[LAUGHING]

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

FOR THE VOCAL STYLINGS

OF THE ONE, THE ONLY,

APOLLO BIGGS!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE A GREAT-LOOKING - AUDIENCE,

ESPECIALLY YOU.

[GIGGLES]

OKAY, CATS.

GIVE ME A GROOVE

- I CAN SHAKE - MY MONEY-MAKER TO.

BUT WE JUST JOINED

JUNIOR ORCHESTRA.

SO, PLAY A SCALE

OR SOMETHING.

[BAND SHAKILY PLAYS A SCALE]

♪ DO-RE-MI... ♪

AND BY "MI,"

I MEAN "YOU AND ME."

IN FACT, FROM NOW ON,

IT'S GOING TO BE, "DO-RE-US."

♪ DO-RE-US ♪

♪ FA-SO ♪

♪ LA-TI ♪

♪ DO! ♪

I LOVE THAT SONG.

I HAVEN'T HEARD IT

SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

[DOORKNOB RATTLES USELESSLY]

[HAMSTER GROWLING]

[ROARS]

OH, NO.

OKAY...

NICE HAMMY.

WHY AM I SO COLD?

AM I ALREADY DEAD?

[HAMSTER SNARLS, FABRIC TEARS]

OW!

WELL, AT LEAST I KNOW

I'M NOT DEAD.

[SNARLING]

[ROARING]

[THUD]

TOLD YOU I HAD A PLAN.

I FOUND THE MAIN CONTROLS

- FOR THE SCHOOL'S - AIR CONDITIONER,

AND BLASTED IT.

IT MAY BE BLASTING

FOR QUITE SOME TIME.

- SO THE HAMSTER'S - HIBERNATING?

ECHO, YOU'RE A GENIUS!

WELL, NOT LITERALLY.

"GENIUS" IS

A VERY SPECIFIC TERM,

THAT APPLIES TO ONLY .001%

OF THE POPULATION,

BUT STILL, GOOD WORK.

THANK GOODNESS,

- YOU WERE ABLE - TO REVERSE THE EFFECTS

OF THE GROWTH HORMONES.

AND NOW MR. TICKLESCHMOOTZ

HAS A LITTLE FRIEND.

- IT'S AMAZING THAT YOU'RE - ABLE TO CLONE AN ANIMAL.

- COULD YOU DO THAT - TO A PERSON?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

OW!

DERBY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M TURNING YOUR - SCIENCE LAB INTO A SAUNA.

WHEN AM I GOING TO FIND TIME

TO FINISH MY HISTORY PAPER?

- YOU KNOW ALL THE - ASSIGNMENTS WERE DESTROYED

BY THE GIANT

HAMSTER, RIGHT?

A GIANT HAMSTER?

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

THERE YOU ARE, APOLLO!

THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF

THE BEST NIGHTS I'VE HAD

IN MORE THAN A CENTURY.

MMMM-MMM!

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU,

FOXY LADY.

YOU WON'T HAVE

A CHANCE TO.

I'VE DECIDED TO USE

ALL OF THE VACATION DAYS

- I'VE SAVED UP - OVER THE YEARS

AND EXTEND MY CRUISE.

WHAT?

- I HEAR THE SPA HAS - COUPLES' MASSAGE.

WHY HAS IT GOTTEN

SO COLD IN HERE?

UH, BECAUSE

OUR INCOMPETENT CAPTAIN

HAS DRIFTED OFF COURSE,

- AND WE'VE ENTERED - ARCTIC WATERS.

IN FACT...

ICEBERG, DEAD AHEAD!

OH, NO!

NOT AGAIN!

[PLAYING AN OUT-OF-TUNE SCALE]

GOODBYE, APOLLO.

I LOVE YOU.

NO.

DON'T SAY YOUR GOODBYES.

DON'T YOU GIVE UP.

I'M SO COLD.

I CAN'T FEEL MY BODY.

[MUTTERING]

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.

PROMISE ME THAT

YOU'LL SURVIVE,

THAT YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP,

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

PROMISE ME NOW,

- AND NEVER LET GO - OF THAT PROMISE.

I PROMISE.

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

I WILL NEVER LET GO.

[WINCING] LET GO.

[SOBBING]

I'M DROWNING...

[SOBBING]

OH.

HERE ARE MY SPARE GLASSES.

HUH.

I'M DROWNING...

HELLO, DERBY.

DID YOU HAND IN YOUR ASSIGNMENT?

- ACTUALLY, ALL THE ASSIGNMENTS - WERE DESTROYED

BY A GIANT HAMSTER.

YOU CAN'T FOOL ME THAT EASILY.

[♪♪♪]