Original subtitles

[♪♪]

[CAMERA CLICKING]

♪ GOODBYE, SUMMER

HELLO, FALL ♪

- ♪ WE'VE BEEN TRYING - TO GET HERE ♪

♪ SINCE WE BOTH

WERE BARELY TWO FEET TALL ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID?

WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

- ♪ YOU CAN CALL ME - WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ BUT I WON'T HEAR A WORD... ♪

♪ WHO YOU CALLING KID? ♪

IVY?

- LISTEN, IF YOU'VE - DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL,

COULD YOU GIVE ME A HEADS-UP?

I'LL ARRANGE OTHER

TRANSPORTATION.

KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON.

- AND I MEAN THAT BOTH - FIGURATIVELY,

AS IN HANG ON A MINUTE,

AND LITERALLY,

- AS IN NO ONE WANTS TO SEE - YOUR PASTY, HAIRLESS CHEST.

- TODAY IS PICTURE DAY, AND I NEED - TO MAKE UP FOR LAST YEAR.

I REMEMBER THAT.

THAT WAS THE YEAR YOU HELPED

SANTA GUIDE HIS SLEIGH.

AND FRESHMAN YEAR

WAS NO BETTER.

- IS THAT WHY YOU - STOPPED EATING SPINACH?

ALL LEAFY GREENS, ACTUALLY.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

- I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE MAKING - SUCH A BIG DEAL

OUT OF SCHOOL PICTURES.

- I HAVEN'T HAD MINE TAKEN - SINCE I WAS NINE.

WELL, FACULTY WILL BE GETTING

THEIR PICTURES TAKEN TOO,

SO YOU MAY WANT TO PUT

SOMETHING NICER ON.

I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.

I ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THIS.

OH, SO YOU KNOW.

- WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT - GETTING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN?

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT

ABOUT

GETTING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN?

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT

GETTING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN?

EITHER YOU'RE REPEATING

MY QUESTION FOR EFFECT,

OR I'M STUCK IN A TIME LOOP,

FORCED TO RELIVE THE SAME

THREE SECONDS OVER AND OVER.

I THINK I'LL JUST

SKIP THE PHOTO.

YOU CAN'T!

- WITHOUT A PHOTO, - YOU'RE A NOTHING, A NON-ENTITY,

A JESSE THOMAS.

WHO'S JESSE THOMAS?

EXACTLY!

JESSE MISSED THE PHOTO

LAST YEAR.

WHO IS HE? OR SHE?

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHAT GENDER JESSE IS.

IS THAT WHO

YOU WANT TO BE, JESSE THOMAS?

I THINK PEOPLE KNOW

WHAT GENDER I AM.

DO THEY, HAIRLESS CHEST?

DO THEY?

OKAY, EVERYONE,

I THOUGHT

WE'D HAVE CLASS OUTSIDE,

SO, IN HONOUR OF PHOTO DAY,

WE'RE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT

PHOTO... SYNTHESIS.

ALTHOUGH, IN REALITY,

- THE TWO EVENTS - ARE COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL

AND THAT JOKE CAME

FROM A SERVICE I SUBSCRIBE TO,

"LAME JOKES FOR SCIENCE

TEACHERS."

NOW, PLANTS ARE

THE ONLY LIVING ORGANISM

THAT MAKE THEIR OWN FOOD.

THEY MAKE THEIR OWN FOOD?

THAT'S AWESOME!

I WISH I COULD DO THAT.

IT GETS TIRING

HAVING TO TAKE LUNCHES

FROM NERDS EVERY DAY.

- PLUS, THEY ALL HAVE - FOOD ALLERGIES.

I'M GETTING PRETTY SICK

OF SOY NUT BUTTER

ON GLUTEN-FREE FLAX BREAD.

WAIT, SLAB.

ARE YOU... ENGAGED?

OF COURSE NOT.

I FIND MARRIAGE TO BE

AN ANTIQUATED INSTITUTION.

NO, I MEAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY

INTERESTED IN WHAT I'M TEACHING?

DID YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS?

SO, THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE

CLASSES OUTSIDE.

SLAB, I GUESS

YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON

WHO DIDN'T LEAVE MY CLASS.

THIS IS WHERE I OFTEN

COME DURING YOUR CLASS.

YOU CAME TO ME.

[HONKING]

MIND IF I PLAY THROUGH?

[SMASH]

FORE!

[SCREAMS]

SORRY I'M LATE.

[SCREAMS]

- QUIT SCREAMING. - IT'S JUST ME.

I KNEW THAT.

A REAL GORILLA WOULDN'T

APOLOGIZE FOR BEING LATE.

ONE OF THOSE

TALKING GORILLAS WOULD.

IF HE WAS RAISED RIGHT.

IF HE WAS RAISED RIGHT,

HE WOULDN'T BE LATE.

- ARE YOU SAYING - I WASN'T RAISED RIGHT?

I'M SAYING YOU SCARED ME.

YOU'RE AFRAID OF GORILLAS?

OF COURSE NOT.

WHAT REASONABLE PERSON

- WOULD BE AFRAID - OF GORILLAS?

I'M AFRAID OF GORILLA SUITS.

WHY?

IT'S A LONG STORY.

WELL, I'M NOT INTERESTED

IN HEARING IT.

THEN WHY'D YOU ASK ME WHY?

BECAUSE I WAS RAISED RIGHT.

BANANA?

DERBY, WHY ARE YOU

WEARING A GORILLA SUIT?

I WEAR A COSTUME EVERY YEAR

ON PICTURE DAY.

THAT'S MY THING.

ARE YOU THE FRONT OR BACK

OF THE HORSE?

NEITHER. I'M THE ROCK.

WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET

TO MATH CLASS.

- MR. BUCKLEY HATES IT - WHEN I'M LATE.

YOU'RE LATE FOR MY CLASS

ALL THE TIME.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS

LATER? MR. BUCKLEY'S WAITING.

HEY, DERBY.

HEY, ECHO.

MIND IF I LEAVE MY CLUBS HERE?

- MR. BUCKLEY DOESN'T LIKE CLUTTER - IN HIS CLASS.

WHAT'CHA GOT THERE?

OH, NOTHING.

NOTHING, JUST THE LAST

SCHOOL PHOTO I WAS IN.

AW, YOU WERE SO CUTE.

BUT YOUR LAST SCHOOL PHOTO

WAS WHEN YOU WERE NINE?

YEAH, AFTER GRADE THREE,

THEY JUST GRADUATED ME.

- BUT THEN YOU MISSED - ALL THE FUN YEARS.

- I DID GET TO GO TO - A FRAT PARTY WHEN I WAS TEN.

MAN, DID I DRINK A LOT OF MILK

THAT NIGHT.

JUST GOTTA STAY LOOKING LIKE

THIS TILL THE END OF THE DAY...

BETTER YOU THAN ME.

THIS IS GOING TO BE

A LONG DAY.

WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S A SWING SET.

WOW, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT BEING A KID.

I MEAN WHY IS IT HERE?

I'M GOING TO RECREATE

ALL THE MAJOR MILESTONES

YOU MISSED GROWING UP...

STARTING WITH AGE TEN,

WHEN BOYS NOTICE GIRLS

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

I'LL BE ON THE SWINGS.

- COME OVER AND JUST - START TALKING TO ME.

I FEEL A LITTLE SILLY.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED

TO FEEL SILLY. YOU'RE TEN.

- YOU'VE GOT THE AWKWARD THING - DOWN PAT.

NOW USE IT.

READY?

- HI, ECHO. - DO YOU WANT...

EW! A BOY!

BUT, I...

GROSS! GET AWAY FROM ME!

BUT YOU...

- I DON'T WANT YOUR - COOTIES ON ME!

SEE WHAT YOU MISSED OUT ON?

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[LAUGHING]

YOU GOT ALL THOSE GIRLS

TO PLAY ALONG?

WHAT?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW THOSE GIRLS.

OKAY, HALFWAY THROUGH THE DAY,

AND STILL SPOTLESS.

SLOPPY JOES?

FRIES AND GRAVY?

SPRAY CHEESE?

HOW AM I GOING TO PRESERVE THIS?

WHOA!

I'LL COVER MYSELF UP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS HERE FIRST!

- YOU'RE EVEN HOT - AS A GORILLA.

QUIET.

READY FOR DINNER?

DON'T YOU MEAN LUNCH?

NO, SILLY.

NOW WE'RE TWELVE.

THAT'S WHEN BOYS ARE READY

FOR THEIR FIRST KISS.

YOU'VE TAKEN ME TO A MOVIE,

THEN TO THIS RESTAURANT.

WE'RE ON A DATE.

WE ARE? GREAT!

SO, DID YOU LIKE THE MOVIE?

- I COULDN'T REALLY - PAY MUCH ATTENTION

WITH YOUR HAND ON MY KNEE

THE WHOLE TIME.

I THINK WE'VE COME INTO THIS

RE-ENACTMENT A LITTLE LATE.

- I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME - PUTTING ON LIPSTICK.

- MY MOM WON'T LET ME WEAR - MAKEUP AT HOME.

SHE SAYS I'M TOO YOUNG...

BUT I THINK IT LOOKS NICE.

DO YOU?

I DO.

I DO THINK IT LOOKS NICE.

AND IT TASTES GREAT, TOO.

JUST LIKE CHERRY.

IT'S SO TASTY.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE CHERRY?

MMM.

[SLAP]

- WHAT DO YOU THINK - YOU'RE DOING?

"AGE 12?" "FIRST KISS?"

"HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE CHERRY?"

"MMM?"

WHAT KIND OF GIRL

DO YOU THINK I AM?

MY MOM WAS RIGHT!

BOYS ONLY WANT ONE THING!

KISS THIS!

SEE WHAT ELSE YOU MISSED?

YOU'RE WELCOME.

- I'M SORRY, BUT I NEED - MY GORILLA SUIT BACK.

MR. BUCKLEY HATES IT

- WHEN I SHOW UP TO - CLASS IN MY UNDERWEAR.

I'VE USED UP

ALL MY WARNINGS.

BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED

- TO STAY CLEAN - THE REST OF THE DAY?

WE COULD PROBABLY

BOTH FIT IN THERE.

YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT,

AREN'T YOU?

MR. YOUNG?

SLAB?

- DO YOU HAVE A COURT DATE - OF SOME KIND?

YEAH.

- BUT THAT'S NOT - FOR A FEW WEEKS.

- I'M DRESSED - FOR PICTURE DAY.

IT'S FUNNY.

- I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE INTO - ALL THAT SCHOOL SPIRIT STUFF.

ON THE CONTRARY.

- THIS MEANS - A LOT TO ME.

HIGH SCHOOL IS A VERY TOUGH TIME

FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE,

AND WHEN THEY LOOK BACK,

I WANT THEM TO REMEMBER

THAT IT WAS ME

WHO MADE IT VERY TOUGH.

- ANYWAYS, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU - ABOUT SCIENCE.

SCIENCE?

I TEACH SCIENCE.

YEAH, I REALIZED THAT TODAY.

AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING

ABOUT PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

I SPENT THE WHOLE MORNING

STANDING IN THE SUN,

- BUT I WASN'T ABLE - TO MAKE ANY FOOD.

- WELL, I DID CHEW - MY FINGERNAILS,

BUT THAT'S MORE

OF AN APPETIZER.

YOU CAN'T MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD.

WHAT IF I PROMISE

TO LISTEN IN CLASS?

THAT WOULD BE NICE.

BUT STILL, ONLY PLANTS

CAN DO PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

WHAT DO THEY HAVE

THAT I DON'T HAVE?

LEAVES, FOR STARTERS.

- THAT'S WHERE - CHLOROPHYLL IS STORED.

GOT IT.

THANKS, MR. YOUNG.

YOU KNOW, THIS STUFF

IS REALLY INTERESTING.

SOMEONE SHOULD TEACH IT.

ADAM! I WANTED

TO GIVE YOU THIS.

AN INVITATION TO SENIOR PROM?

- THE FINAL MILESTONE - YOU MISSED

- WHEN YOU SKIPPED - ALL THOSE GRADES.

OH, I DIDN'T MISS IT.

- MY MOTHER TOOK ME OUT - FOR A MILKSHAKE.

WE EVEN RENTED A LIMO.

THAT DOESN'T COUNT.

- YOU NEED TO HAVE - A REAL PROM.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M STILL TRYING

- TO GET THE LAST MILESTONE - OUT OF MY NOSE.

- COME ON, - THERE'S NO MOMENT

MORE SPECIAL

THAN PROM NIGHT.

- IT'S THE NIGHT - GIRLS BECOME WOMEN

AND BOYS BECOME MEN.

I'D LIKE TO BE A MAN.

AND THEY CALL MY BROTHER

THE GENIUS.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

THAT WOULD BE ME.

I'VE COVERED MY ENTIRE BODY

IN COW MANURE.

OOH, I HEAR

THAT REALLY OPENS THE PORES.

UNFORTUNATELY,

IT ALSO LETS THE POOP IN.

I'M USING IT AS FERTILIZER.

I ALSO COVERED MY BODY

IN SOIL AND SEEDS.

HEY! CAREFUL WITH THAT!

NEVER MIND.

WATER AWAY.

NO, THAT'S ENOUGH.

I DON'T WANT TO GET ROOT ROT.

NOW TO SOAK UP SOME RAYS

AND READ A LITTLE MORE

ABOUT PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

- PHOTOAUTOTROPHS - BEGIN THE PROCESS

BY ABSORBING ENERGY FROM...

[SNORING]

WOW!

WOW!

THIS WAS THE ONLY TUXEDO

THEY HAD LEFT IN MY SIZE.

WELL, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T SPEND

YOUR WHOLE POT OF GOLD ON THAT.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SET THIS - ALL UP FOR ME.

- OH, IT WAS - NO TROUBLE.

- I WENT HOME AND - CHANGED INTO THIS.

I WANT TO LOOK NICE

FOR MY PICTURE ANYWAY.

THEN I BORROWED ALL THIS STUFF

FROM DERBY.

- HE EVEN OFFERED ME - A HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE,

- BUT I DIDN'T THINK - IT WAS WORTH $40

TO GO AROUND THE SCHOOL ONCE.

ACTUALLY,

IT'S A BREATHTAKING EXPERIENCE,

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MOONLIGHT

HITS THE FLAGPOLE JUST SO.

ANYWAY, THIS IS FOR...

YOU'RE ALREADY

WEARING A CORSAGE?

- YEAH. - I GOT IT FROM TOBY.

IS HE YOUR FLORIST?

NO, HE'S MY DATE.

HEY, BABE.

SO, WHERE'S YOUR DATE?

MY DATE?

YOU DIDN'T ASK ANYONE?

TO SENIOR PROM?

[COUGHS] LOSER.

I GUESS YOU COULD HANG OUT

WITH TOBY AND ME.

IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU?

OOH, I LOVE THIS SONG.

LET'S DANCE.

[♪♪]

[SLOW DANCE SONG PLAYS]

ADAM, YOU'RE SO SHY.

I MEAN, IT WAS CUTE

WHEN WE WERE TEN.

- YOU SHOULD ASK - SOMEONE TO DANCE.

DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?

THAT IS SO RUDE.

YOU KNOW I'M HERE

WITH TOBY.

- I MEANT - ASK SOMEONE ELSE.

- YEAH, THERE MUST BE - A PIXIE OR A GARDEN GNOME

AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

SORRY I'M LATE.

- I HAD TO TEND - TO THE HORSES.

- DID I MISS - THE WHOLE PROM

[SCREAMING]

[CRASH]

DERBY!

YOU RUINED MY DRESS!

SORRY.

HE SCARED ME.

- YOU'RE AFRAID - OF LEPRECHAUNS?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WHAT REASONABLE PERSON WOULD BE

AFRAID OF LEPRECHAUNS?

I'M AFRAID OF LEPRECHAUN SUITS.

[CRYING]

DERBY, I KNOW I SCARED YOU,

BUT DID I REALLY MAKE YOU CRY?

IT'S NOT DERBY.

- I MADE DERBY - GIVE ME THE SUIT

WHEN HE RUINED MY DRESS.

IT WAS A NICE DRESS,

BUT THAT LOOKS GREAT TOO.

IT'S NOT THE DRESS.

TOBY DUMPED ME.

- HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT - TO DANCE

WITH ANYONE WHO HAD

A HAIRIER CHEST THAN HIS.

LUCKY FOR YOU,

I DON'T HAVE THAT RULE.

YOU'RE NOT AFRAID

OF THE GORILLA SUIT?

NOT ANYMORE.

[SNORING]

ALMOST TIME FOR MY PICTURE.

GUESS I'D BETTER

UNWRAP MY DRESS.

UH-OH. HELP!

I'LL HELP.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

LEAFY GREENS!

STAY AWAY FROM MY TEETH!

WHERE'RE YOU GOING?

I THOUGHT YOU

WANTED HELP!

- LEAVE ME ALONE! - SERIOUSLY!

THANKS, ADAM.

I FEEL BETTER.

AND I'M SURE

- WHEN THE TIME COMES - TO GO TO YOUR REAL PROM,

YOU'LL END UP GOING WITH A GUY

WHO DOESN'T CARE

HOW HAIRY YOUR CHEST IS.

YEAH.

I GUESS THERE'S NO RUSH.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS

ABOUT BEING A KID TEACHER

IS I'LL GET TO EXPERIENCE

ALL THE BIG MOMENTS

OF HIGH SCHOOL

WITH YOU...

GUYS.

YOU GUYS.

YOU KNOW, YOU AND DERBY

AND... THE GUYS.

THAT'S TRUE.

AND SO WHAT IF YOU MISSED

STANDING IN A SCHOOLYARD,

HAVING A GIRL SAY,

"GROSS! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

AND SHOVING YOU TO THE GROUND?

GROSS!

GET AWAY FROM ME!

WELL, I GUESS

THIS JUST PROVES

NO ONE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL

ON PICTURE DAY.

COME ON, EVERYONE.

YOU DON'T WANT

TO MISS YOUR PICTURE.

DERBY, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

OOPS! NICE CATCH.

A PRINCESS WOULD NEVER

WEAR A CALCULATOR WATCH.

SHE HAS PEOPLE

TO CALCULATE FOR HER.

HE MEANS THE DRESS.

- WHERE DID YOU - GET THE DRESS?

FROM MY LOCKER.

I ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP COSTUME.

- THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU - LET ME WEAR THAT

- INSTEAD OF GIVING ME - THIS GORILLA SUIT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

THE QUESTION.

[♪♪]

[MUNCH]

OW!

THIS IS AN AMAZING SALAD.

YOU LIKE IT?

I MADE IT MYSELF.

A FOUR-LEAF CLOVER.

THIS IS MY LUCKY DAY.

THERE HE IS!

GET HIM!

- GOTCHA, YOU LITTLE - LEPRECHAUN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

QUIET!

WE'LL HAVE NONE OF YOUR

LEPRECHAUN TRICKS.

[ADAM]:

BUT I HAVE TO GET TO ME CLASS.

I MEAN, MY CLASS.

ECHO, TELL HIM I'M NOT A

LEPRECHAUN.

OH, WE KNOW THAT.

WE JUST DON'T WANT TO STUDY

FOR TOMORROW'S SCIENCE TEST.

HELP!

LET ME OUT!

COME ON, PLEASE?

- I'LL GIVE YOU - ME POT O' GOLD!