Original subtitles

Good afternoon, everyone. This is your captain speaking.

Sorry for the delay. A few more minutes. Thanks for your patience.

- It's been a half-hour late. - It always happens.

Every time we fly out of New York.

- We better not miss our connection. - We only have two hours.

- Can I help you? - I don't know. Can you?

- May I help you? - Why are we behind schedule?

Just a few more minutes. Can I get you something to drink?

I don't know. Can you?

Right this way.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Hi. I'm Jennifer.

- Wait till the last minute to pack? - Nope. Got my first period.

Good afternoon, everyone. This is your captain again.

We're making our way out and we'll take off shortly. Enjoy it.

Does it gross you out to know that I'm bleeding right now?

- Why should it? It's just biology. - We could have sex right now...

and I wouldn't get pregnant.

- Do you have orgasms? - That's none of your business!

- You're still young. Are you ten? - 12.

- Do you live in LA or New York? - LA.

Me too. My dad ran off, so my mom and I moved to California.

- Your parents still together? - No. Yes!

- What's that mean? - They are getting back together.

- That's great. - Yeah, I have it all planned out.

- You're getting them back together? - I've already talked to my father.

And I'm gonna explain to my mother how the divorce is ruining my life.

- Maybe they're not in love anymore. - You have to work at love...

...if you want it to last forever. - Who says love should last forever?

- They're married! - They're divorced!

They shared vows, made commitment. They have responsibilities!

- Someone needs to remind them! - My mother says, if love is broken...

...you just have to throw it out. - That's what's wrong with grown-ups.

- They're lazy. - You're an idiot!

- You're an idiot! - You're ugly!

Try breathing. Take a deep breath. It'll help you relax.

I'm not not-relaxed.

This is just how I am.

One, two, three, four, five...

six, seven, eight, nine...

Halftime!

That's half time, with the Knights leading the Gophers 14 to 7.

It should come as no surprise that this year's homecoming king...

is the Knights' star quarterback Cameron Fitzgerald.

And what good is a king without a queen? Let's give a royal cheer...

to this year's homecoming queen, Jennifer Burrows!

Bow down to my queen and king!

- Jennifer Burrows? - Gopher!

Do you mock my queen?

I thinketh that you do! And for that you shall die.

Die!

Die, Gopher!

- Run the head over! - No. No, don't!

- Are you all right? - My head.

- You're gonna be okay. - No, my head. Where is it?

How's your head?

Not so good.

I'm so sorry.

You don't remember me, do you?

- No. Should I? - No.

We were on a plane together once.

My God! Ryan?

You're Counting Ryan?

Of course I remember you. Once a month I remember you.

I must have told that period on the plane story, like, a million times.

- Not me. - You wanna go grab a coffee?

What about your boyfriend, the king?

I don't have a boyfriend. Hate commitments.

Why limit yourself when there's a world of possibilities out there?

Maybe all those possibilities distract you from what you want.

- That's why I don't watch cable. - What?

- There's too many choices. - Luckily your school has uniform.

You might have to pick out an outfit, and with all the choices...

you might end up walking out of your house naked.

- That's dumb. - Yeah, you're pretty dumb.

- Don't call me dumb! - Why not? It's true.

You are, you're dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

No. You're dumb!

- So you wanna go? - No!

- Why not? - Because this... us...

- We don't click. - Since when?

Since now. Right now! Does this feel like we're clicking?!

I was only talking about getting a cup of coffee.

- Maybe decaf for you. - It just doesn't make sense to me.

- Fine. - Fine.

- What time is it? - Time for me to leave for the airport.

Impossible. I set my alarm exactly one minute before you had to leave.

I set mine three minutes before, just to be sure.

- I love you. - I love you.

- Gopher boy? - What's wrong?

- Nothing. - It is you.

I don't believe it. Are you going to school here?

Yes.

- This is Betty. Betty, this is... - Jennifer. Hi, how are you doing?

- Gopher boy and I go way back. - Please stop calling me that.

Okay.

Well, I guess I should get going. It was good seeing you again.

- "Gopher boy"? - It's a long story.

Help! Is somebody there?

A little help here, please! Somebody. Hello?

Excuse me. Hello!

- Are you all right? - I'm fine.

- You're Ryan, right? - Yeah.

I'm Hunter, your roomie.

- What were you doing in the trunk? - Right.

Well, I got to the room first here before you...

and I thought it would be funny if I popped out and surprised you.

Surprise! And the rest is history.

We haven't even known each other for 20 seconds...

and already we have a story. This is gonna be great.

- So, how are you gonna tell it? - Tell what?

Our story. I know.

You'll say I was gasping for air, and you saved my life.

- Well, I... - That's a great way to tell it.

Chicks love drama. You're good, man.

- Thanks. - Really good!

I'm gonna have a hard time keeping up with you. Come here.

Man!

Four years.

So is she your high-school sweetheart?

- As a matter of fact, she is. - Good for you.

- Where's she going to school? - Seattle.

- God. Long distance. - So?

- Good luck. - We don't need luck.

We have a strong relationship. We weren't together over the summer...

and everything was fine.

- What was she gone? A month? - Six weeks, two days.

You visited back and forth maybe 3 times, called each other every night?

- Right. You have to put in the work. - I've seen it happen a hundred times.

Last year, every long-distance relationship in my dorm...

was over by the second semester.

- Just keeping it real. - Next in line, please.

- So where are you living? - Herman Hall.

- I can give you some tips. - Do you live there?

No, but I do have friends there. I live off-campus with my boyfriend.

What? You have a boyfriend?

- Who? - Michael Winters, he's a musician.

- He's great. - You're living with one guy?

You've made a commitment that prohibits choices in the name of love?

Isn't it crazy what falling head over heels can do to a person?

- Next, please. - That's me.

I came as fast as I could. What happened?

- He dumped me! - Why?

- He fell in love with somebody else! - God. Who?

I don't know who and I don't care! The point is that he dumped me!

How did you find out? I mean, did you catch them or something?

- God. In this bed? - No!

God! No, no! He just told me!

- He told you? - Yeah. We made that whole pact...

that if you meet somebody else you tell the other person.

No one ever takes that seriously. You say it to cover your own ass.

I'm really lucky because my boyfriend is really loyal to his pacts.

- How did you find out? - At the club.

- Did he yell it over the music? - No, no. It was the music.

- No! - Yeah. The same club where we met.

It was the same club where we first decided to move in together.

The same stage where he first sang "Jennifer, This Heart Is Made For 2".

And I'm sitting there, watching him, and thinking how much I love him...

and how I can't believe that I can love somebody that much.

And then he sang this brand-new song, a little something called...

Jennifer, Jennifer You asked me to be true

What can I say? I found someone new

That's horrible.

Actually, it was pretty catchy.

By the second chorus, everybody was singing along.

- What did you do? - Nothing.

I don't think I've ever felt this way before. I'm a complete idiot!

Why didn't I listen to my instincts, you know what I mean?

Hey, look on the bright side. Now you get to move in with me.

I know things look pretty horrible, but it's just gonna take some time.

- That's what my therapist says. - To hell with your therapist, Amy.

Because I just need to feel better. Now!

"Doo doo be doo" my ass!

It's tough out there, man. You don't know how lucky you are.

- Betty and I broke up. - What?

- You're kidding. When? - A couple of days ago.

- Why didn't you tell me? - I don't know.

I guess it's just now kinda sinking in.

This is great news. Now you and "me" can hit the circuit.

- "You and I". - Right.

- I don't think so. - No, believe me.

It's way easier with two of us. You pretend to be my idiot cousin.

All of a sudden, I'm sensitive. You get drunk, come out too strong...

I beat the shit out of you, I'm masculine.

- I don't think I'm ready for that. - We could trade off.

- You can hit me first if you want. - It was two days ago.

- I think I need a little time. - I'm sorry. You're hurting.

- Let's get drunk and see strippers. - I'm not that hurt!

- Please. - I'm fine.

Breaking up was the right thing to do. We were just...

going in different directions.

- Hit me. - No!

- Hurry, before she leaves. - Who?

- You know her? - Kind of.

- Okay, then I'll hit you. - No!

- How you been? - Good. You?

Great.

- So I see you're all settled in. - Yes.

- Did you get Fridays off? - Yes.

- I got Friday nights off. - I'm sure you do.

- Jennifer, this is Hunter. - Hi.

Well, I'd love to stick around...

but I have to go to the station to pick up my cousin. He's an idiot.

My whole family is, actually. Me too.

Yeah, me too. I'm an idiot. I'll see you.

I got dumped.

Music man. Michael. Dumped me.

How's long-distance Betty?

- I don't wanna talk about it. - I just told you about my breakup.

- I mean, it couldn't be worse. - Why do you wanna know?

- Misery loves company. - No, you'll use it against me.

Okay, maybe I might have done that in the past, but I've changed.

I have. I'm scarred now and I look at life very differently.

Okay.

- You were right. - The long-distance thing. I knew it.

But not for me! I was fine with it. I would go there, she would come here.

If I told her I'd call her a certain time, no matter where I was...

- You would call. - ...I would call!

If I told her to call me at a certain time, I would always be home.

I mean, I loved her. None of that ever seemed like work to me.

- But it did to her, right? - Yeah.

This one weekend, I was down there, we were kissing each other goodbye...

and her room-mate came by with her boyfriend, both carrying laundry.

And Betty just started crying.

I asked her, "What's wrong?" She said:

We never get to do our laundry together.

She was right. We never did our laundry together, and that was it.

You broke up because of laundry?

- I send mine out. - Not laundry exactly.

Just all the things that couples do together and should do together.

We didn't have the time anymore. She couldn't handle that.

- Why didn't you move there? - Scholarship.

- She could've moved here. - Scholarship.

- So that was it? - Yeah.

- She needed what I couldn't give her. - No.

There's a lot of other things. Too many differences make it impossible.

Michael and I didn't agree on anything. Ever.

That's what I loved about it. We fought, shouted...

had sex... That's what I miss!

- That doesn't sound very healthy. - But what do you know about it?

- Excuse me? - Who are you to judge me?

- See? I knew this was a mistake! - What?

I'm just saying that you were in an unhealthy relationship.

It isn't about having to like things all the time. It's about surprises!

Love's exciting and it's thrilling and it drives you so insane...

that you think you're gonna explode! That's the whole point.

Then, I guess Michael didn't get the point.

You've never been to her apartment? That's some weird shit.

No, it's not!

She's just being careful. There's no point introducing me into her world...

unless she feels secure in our relationship. I admire that.

What are you doing today?

I've got a scuba diving class at three.

Really?

No, that's a lie. I lied. I can't stop. I'm lying about everything!

It started so I can impress girls. And now I can't stop.

- You should see someone about that. - Yeah, I am.

- No, you're not! - See? I can't stop! I can't!

Tell you what. The next time I catch you lying...

I'll expose you for the fraud that you are.

- You wouldn't. - I would.

- You're not lying. - I'm not.

- What are you really doing today? - Dance class.

So my therapist keeps telling me to expand my horizons...

but with this guy all I did was pretend to be someone I wasn't.

- And I can't handle it anymore. - So you're breaking up with him.

Yeah, but do you think I'm being too cowardly?

My therapist wants me to take more responsibility for my emotions...

but I just don't think this is the right time for that, you know?

It doesn't matter how you do it. Phone, fax, e-mail, song...

it's all the same message: "Adios, amigo".

Okay, but you have to be nice about it.

Amy, are you breaking up with your boyfriend, or am I?

I wouldn't call him my boyfriend. I barely know the guy.

- So don't worry about it. - Yeah, but he just seems so sweet.

- I don't wanna see him get hurt. - I know.

What are you doing here?

I was coming to pick up Amy.

Interesting.

- What are you doing here? - I'm Amy's room-mate.

- Is she here? - We need to talk.

- We're not right together?! - I'm telling you what she told me.

- You shouldn't take it personally. - Why do people say that?

How can I not take it personally? It's me she doesn't like!

- Okay, fine. Take it personally. - Why didn't she tell me?

- She didn't want to hurt you. - And you did?!

No. I didn't know it was you.

I knew it was a Ryan, but I didn't know it was you, Ryan.

- Well, this sucks! - "Noli nuntium necare".

- What? - Latin. "Don't kill the messenger".

You know what? You're having too much fun with this.

I'm trying not to!

Try harder!

Look, it's not funny.

I'm not laughing at you. Chicks love making us jump through hoops.

- This isn't a hoop. We broke up! - No, it's a test.

She's testing you to see how much you really want her.

- You think? - I know.

You've gotta swim across the moat, bust down the castle door...

slay the dragon. No euphemism. And sweep her off her feet.

- You're right! - Of course I am.

You're absolutely right! We were great together. I even made a chart!

- I'm sure you did. - It proved how perfect we were.

Now all I have to do is prove it to Amy.

- What? - You've gotta do more than that.

- You've gotta weep. Openly. - You should've quit while ahead.

Squeeze the lids. Turn on the sprinklers. You need the tears...

of a man who can't breathe another second without the love of his life.

Hold on.

I got just the thing. Here.

- What's this? - Icy Balm.

A little dab under your eyes, you'll sob like a miss America.

Wish me luck. Today I learn second position.

Ladies!

Do you know that they rearranged all the desks in the library?

- No! - Yeah. It's completely different.

I spent 2 hours to find my desk, and if it wasn't for the Diet Coke stain...

I wouldn't have found it at all. They put it on the third floor.

Not the second, not the fourth. The third. Number three.

- And that would be a bad thing? - Please. It's a disaster!

- You wanna hear about the breakup? - I totally forgot. Was it horrible?

- You think we can still be friends? - I don't know. He seemed shook up.

- Poor guy. - Wanna hear the weird part?

- I kinda know him. - You do?

Yeah, we run into each other once in awhile.

Do you think I did the right thing in having you break up with him?

- I don't know. - I do.

It was just putting too much pressure on me.

- Yeah, I can see that. - But maybe that's what I need.

What if that's him?

My God, you're crying! He's crying!

Why are you doing this to me? It's over. Do you understand me?

Ryan? Ryan! It's not so bad. People break up all the time.

I can't see!

I think I'm blind!

Nice patch.

- Thanks. You didn't have to wait. - I'm not waiting.

Can't a girl enjoy a lollipop in front of the Free Health Center?

Who also feels maybe a little bit responsible.

You didn't do anything.

I didn't put the Icy Balm in your eye, but I did break up with you.

- Remember? - Yep.

- Where are you going? - For a walk.

- Try to forget today ever happened. - Can I come?

What for?

Can't a girl enjoy a walk with her ex-boyfriend?

Will the girl continue to refer to herself in the third person?

- Did Ryan Walker just make a joke? - I don't know. Let me ask him.

You know, you're pretty funny when you're depressed.

- Well, get ready for comedy. - Another one!

A few more, I'll take you back to the clinic to fix your busted gut.

- You lost it. - Not funny?

Let's put it this way: anymore of those, and we'll break again.

Come on, this is it! Round arms! Seven! Eight!

- How's it going? - Get ready!

Eleven, ready spiral!

How are you doing?

Other way.

Pull out!

Excuse me. Question: Exactly how far can you bend over?

- Do you come here a lot? - Yeah.

- It's really beautiful. - One of the greatest achievements.

You're the second person to call me that this week.

- You know the only way to build it? - Alien slaves from outer space?

Perfect planning. And doesn't it make so much sense?

You examine a situation, you plan a course of action, you execute it.

And everything works out fine.

But it doesn't.

Well, that's because most things in life just aren't that simple.

Does that look simple to you?

You can't imagine how complicated something like that is to create.

- I thought you used it as a metaphor. - I did.

- For a relationship. - Yes.

- Yeah, that's what I thought. - I mean...

I know I didn't know Amy incredibly well...

but it just felt like everything added up.

- Are you a Math major? - No, Structural Engineering.

- I'm done with it. - Engineering?

Relationships.

They're just too much. It's not worth it.

"Assentior".

- I hear you, brother. Latin. - What is it with the Latin?

- My major. - Latin?

- Yeah. - Why?

- Why not? - What are you gonna do with it?

I'm going to Italy for my graduate school!

And after that?

I don't know.

See? You're amazing. I could never do that.

- You mean not have a plan? - Or something.

But... then again, why would you ever need a plan?

I'm sure you've always had all you wanted, whether you knew it or not.

You know, that's true.

The first time I really wanted something and went for it...

it was Michael. And it turned out great!

I just figured you being a junior, you'd have it all figured out by now.

- That's what you think, huh? - No, but I'm dumb. Isn't that right?

And uptight. And ugly, if I remember correctly!

No, I said all of that before I was on Prozac.

- You're on Prozac? - I wish.

It's a joke.

It's okay.

I should go. I still have some more studying to do. Finals.

Me too. I'm gonna stay.

All right.

- So I'll see you around. - Yeah.

I'm sorry about Amy.

It's okay.

- Did you get all your classes? - All but one.

- The elusive one. - Yes.

- So did you have a good summer? - Yeah.

- I just went back to LA. You? - Stayed here.

Learned how to butter bagels for a living. It's surprisingly easy.

- You swipe it once back and forth. - I take mine plain.

- Of course you do. - No regulations for the Internet!

- So summer was good? - Yeah.

Everything's good. It's good.

Jennifer, are you okay?

I pushed him away. I literally did everything in my power...

...to make sure that he dumped me! - Obviously, you didn't like him.

No, that's the thing. I thought it was just a summer fling...

but I actually started to like him!

Then why'd you push him away?

I don't know. I just...

- It's just such a pain in the ass! - Yes. Yes, it is.

What about you? Did you get any this summer?

- Well, I... no. - You've got the right idea.

You know, we should do this again sometime.

Not the whole crying thing, but, you know... this.

Sure.

Good.

Just another law suit.

- Hello. Wanna go do something? - No!

- You haven't heard my proposal. - It's the beauty of our friendship:

I don't need to hear your proposal to know that my answer is "no".

I am the beauty in our friendship.

- I'm hanging up now. - You can't.

- Give me one good reason! - 'Cause...

I've rigged an explosive device to your phone, and your place will blow.

Well, I've been burned before, so...

Come on. I can't study anymore.

I'm getting too smart. People will start shunning me.

- Only if you beg me. - I just did.

In Latin.

Come on!

- You weren't gonna go. - I was too!

- You weren't going! - Ladies first.

Okay. Fine.

Why don't I count for you?

- Okay. - All right.

One.

Two.

- Three! - Three. Here we go.

- You know, I can't help you. - You can help me at the bottom.

Do you think I'd look good with a goatee?

No.

Wait! This is crazy! I'm not a natural dancer.

- No one in my family is! - Just move. Have fun!

We're here to have fun. You, me and that pubic hair on your chin.

Just follow him and do what he does!

Where are you going? It's this way, man!

- This isn't so bad. - Good!

Come here.

You've never been with a woman before?

I've lived with the monks my whole life. Until yesterday.

I walked into the monsignor's office, turned in my rosary beads and collar...

got my deposit back, and now here I am...

playing this strange game of sticks and balls.

- It's called pool. - Pool.

- I have so much to learn. - I'll teach you.

Here. Okay.

No, put your...

- Don't hurt him! He's a priest! - I'm a priest!

How would you like to have a religious experience with that cue stick?

Please.

Run, father, run!

So, do you wanna come up and dry off?

- I don't know. Is Amy there? - Probably.

- No, I think I'm just gonna go home. - Gotta write in your diary?

- Something like that. - Okay.

As much as I hate to admit this...

...I had fun tonight. - Me too. It was good, clean fun.

Maybe we could go there once a week and do our laundry.

It's cheaper than the place I take mine to.

More alcohol.

What's up?

- Did you kids go swimming? - Yeah.

That's great. So what's going on now?

Because my plans kinda fell through.

I invited Ryan up, but he's going home to bed.

Really?

- I'm tired! - He's tired.

Yeah.

I'm kinda... tired myself.

Actually, we should get outta here.

Good night.

You coming?

I gotta hand it to you, man. Very cool back there.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

She begs you to come up, and you hold back. She's going nuts right now.

- I don't think so. - Did you hear how she said "bed"?

- You can almost smell the linens! - You're way off on this one.

- No, I don't think so. - Are you in a hurry?

- No. Why do you ask? - That's him! Get him!

Come on!

- Let's go! - Better start praying, father!

- Who the hell was that? - I have no idea.

Listen, best thing for you to do is just forget it ever happened.

- Forgotten yet? - No!

- How about now? - Man, no.

Jeez, you're like an elephant.

Great. You're just in time for cookies!

- They look good. - No. Not those.

I thought it'd be nice to have a snack when you got home...

but I didn't know when that'd be, so I guessed and made a batch around 8...

but they burnt. So I did another one around 9:30, and then they burnt.

So I waited a little longer before the third batch, and now you're home.

It's perfect. They'll be ready in about two minutes.

- Why are you wet? - Ryan and I went dancing.

- Are you in love with him? - What?

- Are you? - No.

- I don't believe you. - What? We're just friends.

- Yeah, but he's in love with you. - Actually, no. I don't think so.

Then what do you do all the time that you're together?

I don't know. We do stuff. We talk about stuff.

- Why? You have me for that. - It's nice to have a guy's opinion.

About who has the best pizza and who has the best tits?

Gino's Pizzeria, Susan Sarandon. Why are you acting so weird?

You're the one who's acting weird. You're the one spending...

all your time with a guy that you're not even interested in.

My therapist thinks that you may have some issues.

- You're talking to her about me? - Of course I am. I worry about you.

Listen, if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

- I left her number on your pillow. - Whose?

My therapist's. Good night.

See that guy there? He's the kind of guy who walks with his feet...

if you know what I'm saying.

- Come on, you do it. - Okay.

- She likes crackers in her soup. - No.

- What do you mean, no? - That's wrong.

- No, it's not! - Yes, it is.

- Why? - It's a judgement.

- Some people don't eat crackers. - Exactly.

No, the point is to judge where there's no judgement to be made.

- It's a non-judgmental judgement. - No, no. That's stupid.

No, it's not. It's funny. I'm laughing.

Yeah, 'cause it's stupid!

Wanna hear something even more stupid? I'm going on a date tonight.

- Really? - Do you think I'm nuts?

- No, I think it's great. - Really?

- Yeah. - You should bet back in the saddle.

No, I'm the kinda cowboy that doesn't like to ride.

- See? That one's not funny. - Yeah, I know.

Ladies. How are we doing?

Hey, it's beautiful out, huh?

No, I'm not good at that kinda thing. You should call Hunter.

After investment banking, I decided to do something for myself.

I sell for ten years. I reached a point in my life, I said...

"I don't wanna do all the work".

Jen! Thank God you're here, sis!

Billy, what's wrong? Kurt, this is Billy, my brother.

- Billy, this is Kurt. - Nice to meet you, Billy.

- I was telling her about my boat. - There's no time for boats!

- Why? What happened? - It's mother. She's sick!

My God. What happened?

- I just told you. She's sick! - Sick how?

Yeah. Sick how?

You know! Sick like the last time!

No, I wasn't there last time. Explain it to me.

There's no time for questions! Mother is sick. We have to go!

Sorry.

- Are you insane? - You were great!

"Sick how?" I felt like such an idiot!

Ryan, you were great in there. Really!

Thanks.

Thank you.

Man!

You know, next time I was thinking about trying it with a limp.

Baby steps, Ryan. Baby steps.

- Tonight? No, it's tomorrow night. - No, they changed it.

- Who did? Ryan? - No.

- Well, I can't go. - Why not? What are you doing?

Staying in! I was planning on staying in.

I was gonna give myself a manicure, a pedicure and do a conditioning.

- Can't you do all that this afternoon? - No, because I have class.

I have to talk to my professor about my paper due on Monday...

that I was gonna finish while my nails were drying and proof later!

So that everything would be done before the party.

- Can't you do all that tomorrow? - No.

Tomorrow I'll be rushed and tired, and I have to get everything done!

- I can't believe they changed it! - It's Friday. You got all weekend.

What's that supposed to mean?

That's like on Monday saying you've got all week.

Yummy.

- What do they want? - Who?

They. The chiquitas.

I'm busting my ass trying to fit into their mold...

of what makes an interesting guy. I cannot figure out what they want.

What do you want?

I don't know. Get laid. Have fun. Have someone love me for who I am.

And who is that exactly?

You're absolutely right. What's wrong with being from the country?

A simple kid raised on fresh eggs and good values who had to get up...

at the crack of dawn every morning with a dog named Lucky by his side...

...to help his pa with the cattle. - Hunter...

you're not from the country.

Jeez, Ryan, what do you want me to say?

"Hi, my name's Steve. I grew up in the suburbs with two working parents...

two sisters and a two-car garage. I have no real identity...

nor do I have a clue what I'm doing or what I wanna be. Wanna go out?"

- Your name is Steve? - The whole point of college...

...it's where you reinvent yourself. - It's where you define yourself.

- Your name is Steve?! - Yes.

And I'm not so crazy about Steve. Why would anyone else be?

- That's who you are! - Really? It's just that easy?

Then drop the cool guy act and go tell Jennifer how you really feel about her.

What?

But you'd better do it quick, before she leaves with that guy.

I don't feel that way about her.

Seeing her with that guy right now doesn't bother you?

No. She goes on dates all the time. We talk about her dates.

- And you're fine with that? - Yes!

- Honestly. - Yes.

Okay, then how come you're here all by your lonesome, huh?

If you're waiting for a girl to do all the work, you are mistaken.

- They don't do things that way. - Excuse me. Is your name Ryan?

- Yeah. - You're in my Statistics class.

Nice.

What are the odds?

You're Engineering, right? I'm Electrical.

Not me. My major.

Can you believe how much work they give us? But I like it...

because many people float like negative ions with no place to go.

I'm a laser. I know what I want and I go straight for it.

I feel like there's an armature spinning in my head.

- You wanna sit down? - Sure.

Actually, I was just leaving.

- It's because I'm too forward? - No. Not at all.

There's just these two assignments that I've been putting off.

I told my girlfriend that I would meet her twenty minutes ago.

- You have a girlfriend? - Yes, I do.

- Now I feel really so stupid. - You're not. I really have to go.

Hey, sis!

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm great. Thanks, Billy.

So I'm gonna take off, then.

- Okay. - See you, bro.

- So, how did you get rid of him? - We fooled around for a while.

- Then I said I had an early class. - Wait. You fooled around?

Hold on. When we're talking about fooling around...

are we talking about fooling around or...?

We're talking about... fooling around.

- It's not like we had sex. - I didn't say that.

- Couldn't find a condom. - You would have?!

Yeah. Probably.

I have midterms coming up. I gotta relieve the stress somehow.

- That's amazing! - What?

That on any given date the possibility exists that you'll have sex with a guy.

Isn't that the point of dating? Possibilities?

It's not like I know what's gonna happen in advance. I don't.

Sometimes it'd be a whole lot easier to have sex than have to sit there...

...and think of something clever to say. - Okay, granted.

I haven't been in that situation in a long time...

but I just can't sleep with somebody unless I like them.

- So you think I'm a slut? - I didn't say that!

- We're just different. - Yeah, you sleep with no one.

- So? - "So"?

Do you know any other single 20-year-old college guys...

who never sleep with anyone? Who don't even try?

- Maybe you're trying too hard. - Ryan, you don't try at all.

I just think that it might be making things weird between us.

What are you talking about?

Are we friends? I mean, am I your friend...

or have I just become your girlfriend substitute?

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

It's like, with me in your life, you never have to try.

It's the beauty of our relationship. You'll just never get hurt again...

as long as you pretend I'm your girlfriend.

Yeah.

Maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore.

Ryan!

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.

- Yeah, you did. - No!

I love hanging out with you. You're my favorite person in the world.

- I don't wanna change anything. - Maybe you're right.

No, I'm wrong! You're just waiting for the right girl to come along...

and you don't take sex lightly. I think that that's a great quality.

No, I think I am hiding behind you or us.

- There was this girl at the party... - A girl girl? You didn't tell me.

- I just blew her off! - Why?

I don't know.

- I should have given her a chance. - Yeah. You should have.

Well, you still can. And why not, right?

Yeah. Why not?

- So, is she cute? - Yeah, I guess.

- Is she cuter than me? - No!

She's thinner.

Let me get this straight. You think that's totally normal?

Yes!

I have the exact same top. How come it looks better on her?

Because she's anorexic, has fake boobs and a personal trainer.

Are you saying I should get my boobs done?

- Yeah, totally. - Okay. Come on!

- You can't say this ain't fun! - No, can't I?

When's the last time we did this? Just you and me. It's nice.

- Amy, of course it's nice. - I have an idea.

What if you had to, you know, fail a couple of classes and move back?

Would that be so bad?

I mean, it's just that Italy's so incredibly far away!

Yeah, that's the beauty of it.

What about me? What am I supposed to do next year?

Nothing. Just like you did this year.

Maybe with me gone, you'll get off your fat ass and have some fun.

I don't wanna do nothing without you. And I don't wanna have fun.

- And I have a great ass. - You do. No, you have a great ass.

- What are you doing? - I'm kissing you.

God. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know why I did that. I just really wanted to kiss you.

- My God! I'm such an idiot! - Amy? Amy, it's...

Hey, buddy, watch this.

It's like a bridge.

It is a bridge.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

- Is Katie coming? - She's gonna meet us at the bar.

Really? This is great. This is great!

- She'll experience the new me. - This ought to be good.

No, I'm serious. No more lies. It's like you said, buddy.

I don't need to pretend for someone else to like me.

- That's good! - What you see is what you get.

Hunter unplugged.

Don't you mean Steve unplugged?

- So Megan seems nice? - Yeah, she is.

That Paul guy... didn't you go out with him a couple times before?

- Yeah. It's working out. - Good for you.

Jen, Megan here has never been to the automotive museum.

Imagine that.

Did you read how the zoo animals tried to reorganize their cages...

in alphabetical order? Apparently the aardvarks started it.

That's right. But the zebras vetoed it.

- Yeah. How did you know? - I don't know.

- I don't get it. - Me neither.

So, Katie, how are you liking Berkeley?

- It's a bit overwhelming, you know? - Katie's a double major here.

- I don't know how she does it. - How do you do it?

I can barely juggle napping and sleeping.

This may sound weird, but I spend a lot of time with the elderly.

- That doesn't sound weird. - It sounds a little weird.

When you're sitting with someone who's been through two wars...

marriages, kids, grandkids, money problems and disease...

getting a B on a Biology exam just doesn't seem like a big deal.

I think we should do what the Eskimos do:

kick the old people out of the igloos, leave them for polar bears and storms.

The minute they can't go on the big hunt, you gotta get rid of them.

I mean, otherwise they'll just suck us dry. Bastards.

- You're kidding, right? - No, not at all.

And take away their driver's license too while you're at it.

What?

So you're not allowed to have an opinion anymore? I did what you said!

I wasn't just agreeing for the sake of it, I wasn't just...

making things up so it would look like we had something in common.

I did what you said. I was being honest.

Yeah, but you don't have to say everything that comes in your head!

So now I'm being too honest? I don't know what you want from me.

I don't know what anyone wants from me.

So, what happened?

The whole beauty of Paul is that he was never going to settle down.

Then he fell in love with me. Nothing worse than a bad boy gone soft.

- Don't I know it? - He stopped drinking, taking drugs.

- He even stopped cheating on me. - No wonder you dumped him.

It just wasn't working out, you know?

- What's up with what's her name? - Megan.

- Whatever. - It's okay.

- That's it? - What am I supposed to say?

Well, do you like her? Is she the one?

I don't know. I'm working on it.

- You're the one who wanted to go. - I thought I would feel better.

- And? - I don't know.

- It's such a lot of bullshit! - Bullshit?

Show me a movie that takes place 6 months after they get together...

...when everything falls apart. - Jennifer...

It's just that I don't think that any of us know who we really are.

So how are we supposed to know who Mr. Right is?

How do you know he's Mr. Right? Is it because you wear black...

drink cappuccino, you both have tattoos?

Who here has ever been dumped?

And who here has dumped someone?

We've all been in love. But we never know that it's not true love...

until it's over. What if there's no "one"?

Or "two", or "three", or "four" or "five"?

What if there's no such thing as true love...

but we're too afraid to admit it, so we keep on dressing up?

We keep on pretending to be something that we are not?

We keep turning our lives upside down, losing ourselves...

in something that we hope is better than what we think that we are?

What if that something that we're looking for...

just doesn't exist?

- Are you okay? - Yeah, fine.

I was just working on my fear of public speaking.

Why does everything just have to be so...

...just so? - I don't know.

- You're shaking. - You let me drink all that caffeine.

- I don't know what's wrong with me. - Maybe you're getting your period.

Yeah, maybe.

Wait a second...

No.

- Where are you going? - Class.

No, you're staying right here. Where I can see you.

- I really have to go. - You never go to class.

- I know. That's why I have to go. - Wait. I'll make us breakfast.

It's okay. I'm late.

I'll see you later.

Is this about Megan?

No.

I'm gonna tell her.

Maybe you shouldn't.

We'll talk about this later. Okay?

Yeah, okay.

Stay as long as you like, and you know where everything is.

Jen!

Jen!

- I have to talk about what happened. - Amy, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. But it is okay, because I've been thinking about it...

and I think what happened is that you're my best friend and I love you...

and I got jealous when you were spending so much time with Ryan...

and then with you graduating. And then I think in a weird way...

I was trying to keep things the way they were, and I did that...

because I was afraid of losing you. Isn't that amazing?

Yeah, without therapy! I came up with it on my on.

I was thinking about all the time we spent together, then it hit me:

by kissing you, I was trying to prevent change.

But maybe change isn't always catastrophic.

Before we met, I didn't know you at all, right?

- Right. - That was a change.

That was a great change! I loved that change!

Who knows? Maybe I'll kill myself by midterms next year...

but, then again, maybe I won't. Maybe it'll be okay.

That's the beauty of change. You never know how it will work out.

- So everything's okay? - Yeah, never been better.

- You know Ryan's in your bed? - Yeah.

- You know he's naked, right? - Yeah.

- You know I'm curious, right? - Yeah.

So? What happened?

I think I was afraid of losing him.

Megan!

I'm the one who told him to start dating, and then he did.

I didn't get to see him much, then the thing with Paul happened...

...and seeing him with Mary... - Megan.

Whatever. I just wanted to be with him.

It was a huge mistake. Huge, big, fat mistake.

We're friends. We're great as friends.

- What are you gonna do about it? - I have no idea!

He takes this so seriously, and the last thing I wanna do is hurt him.

Go to hell, Ryan! Go to hell!

What if I'm in love with her?

- Are you? - I don't know. Maybe.

- What does that mean? - I don't know. I just...

don't want things to be weird with us.

Buddy, if you're looking to me for answers, I'm flattered...

but you've come to the wrong place.

If I just pretend nothing happened, I'll be lying to myself...

about feelings I might be feeling.

But if I tell her how I am feeling, she'll run. That's what she does.

I know that better than anyone. That's the last thing I want.

Being yourself, not being yourself. Welcome to my world.

- Does this feel weird to you? - Yes!

- Maybe we should talk about this. - I think that would be good.

Things might get strange between us because of what happened last night...

...and I don't want that to happen. - Me neither.

'Cause we're too good together to let that come between us.

- It was a mistake. - You think so?

- Yes. - I think you're right.

I think that we just got carried away in the moment and...

...you know. - Yes.

Last night was really special to me, because you're really special to me.

But that's all it was. It was an incredibly special night.

I got worried that maybe we'd give it more importance than we should.

No. I'm totally with you.

Great.

- You didn't tell Megan, did you? - No, no.

- It's probably better not to. - Yeah.

- I feel so much lighter. Do you? - Yes.

- You wanna go fill up on vittles? - Sure.

Actually, I shouldn't. I'd like to, but I still have some studying to do.

- Really? - Yeah. It's pretty important.

- Okay. You call me? - I will.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

This is Ryan. Leave a message.

Hey, it's me.

Where have you been? What's going on?

Okay. You know the number. Bye.

- This is Ryan. Leave a message. - Hey, it's me again.

Guess I thought I might catch you at home. Is everything okay?

Would you call me back, please? All right, bye.

Ryan Walker, where the hell have you been?

- Where have you been? - Studying.

What's going on? How are you?

- Good. Busy. - Yeah, me too.

I'm all done. It's "Goodbye, Berkeley" and "Hello, real world".

You wanna go do something?

No. You know, I should really get back to studying.

Okay.

- So I guess I'll see you around. - But I'm gone in a few days.

Guess you won't have time to plan my "bon voyage" party.

- Yeah. Italy. - Yeah.

- You must be excited. - You know me.

Any excuse not to shave under my armpits.

- I'll be here. - Yeah? When is your last exam?

- Do you wanna go celebrate? - No, I'm leaving right after it.

Okay.

I guess we'll talk.

- What's going on? - What?

- What? This. What is this? - I don't know. Nothing's going on.

Really? I ran into Megan, and she told me that you broke up with her.

Is that what this is about? I told you not to tell her anything.

Yeah, I know.

- Well, are you upset? - No.

- So what's going on? - I don't know! Things are different!

But I thought we talked about that.

I thought that we said that we didn't want anything to be different.

I thought we said that having sex was just a huge mistake.

It was weeks ago now. I thought we'd go back to being just friends.

- Why was it a mistake? - What?

You and me. Why was that a mistake? I'm curious.

We've already talked about it. You wanna go over it again?

No, you wanna talk? Let's talk!

Was it a mistake because anything like real intimacy freaks you out?

Or just that I'm not good enough for you?

Ryan, you kissed me, and I responded...

but I wouldn't have done it if I thought it was going to end our friendship.

And neither would I.

Ryan, if I could take it all back, I would.

Take it. It's yours. Put it on the shelf with all your other one-night stands.

Why are you doing this?

That night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you...

but being with you is like going to a place I had never been before!

Then, after you fell asleep, I just laid there, staring up...

at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling...

and after awhile they just started forming a pattern...

this weird pattern that linked together our entire relationship.

And everything seemed clear to me, like one logical progression.

We're the greatest plan ever made, and I had nothing to do with it!

You made me feel that maybe I didn't have to keep planning anymore...

because it felt like I was actually living...

and that for once I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy.

That it could just happen.

Nothing will ever hurt me as much...

as your reaction to that same experience.

- Ryan... - What? What?

You wanna go to the library and pretend like nothing happened?

I can't do that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.

Look, you don't have to say anything.

I have to go. Have fun in Italy.

- I'm gonna miss you so much! - I'm gonna miss you too.

E-mail me about anything, okay?

You know, school, food, tall dark handsome Italian guys.

- I want to know everything. - Okay. You gotta stop crying now.

Yeah, you stop crying.

I'm the one looking down the barrel of a very lonely final year.

Jennifer?

Jennifer.

- Where are you going? - Italy.

- Right now? - Miss!

- How are Ryan's exams going? - Good. They're going good.

- He's doing okay? - He's doing great. He couldn't...

That's a lie. He's in love with someone who's not in love with him.

- How do you think he is? - Are we gonna go?

I love you.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Are you a friend of Jennifer's? - Yeah. I'm Amy.

Amy? Yeah, I've heard of you, of course. Nice to meet you.

And your name?

What's your name?

My name?

Yeah. You know, it's...

it's Steve. My name is Steve.

It's nice to meet you, Steve.

Going to Europe for the summer?

- Yeah. I just graduated. - Congratulations.

- Thanks. - In what?

- Latin. - Latin? How interesting.

What are you gonna do with that?

I have no idea.

Don't worry. I spent four years at college studying English.

- I didn't have a clue. - Really?

Really. Now I run my own company.

You'll figure out what you want.

Why was it a mistake? Was it because anything that gets close...

to real intimacy freaks you out?

- Stop the van! - What?

- Could you please stop the van? - I can't pull over!

- Pull over, I'm getting out! - I can't. We're in the freeway!

Ryan?

Nothing will ever hurt me as much...

as your reaction to that same experience.

Am?

- What are you doing here? - I don't know.

What's wrong? What happened?

I don't know. I just... I just can't...

Is somebody here?

- Yeah. - Who?

It doesn't matter. Just tell me what's wrong.

Amy, who's here?

- Hunter? - Hunter?!

- Hunter! - It's a long story.

- Hunter, where's Ryan? - He's on his way back to LA.

- He was catching the 4:00 shuttle. - 4:00?

- Which airline? - Sky Southwest.

Thank you.

Hunter?

You can call me Tiger.

Good afternoon, folks. Sorry about the delay.

We'll be headed out for the runway in just a minute.

- Can I help you, sir? - I don't know. Can...

you bring me a glass of water, please?

I'm sorry, sir. You're gonna have to wait till we're airborne.

It will just be a few minutes.

"Te amo."

"Te amo", Ryan Walker.

- I think she's talking to you. - Please, you have to take your seat.

Did you hear what I said?

I love you and I'm not going to Italy. I'm staying here with you.

- It's too late. - No.

Everything that you said about that night, I felt it too...

and it scared me. I was scared to lose you.

But I was even more scared to let myself love you...

because every time I let love in, somebody takes it away...

and it just hurts so bad. But I'm tired of being afraid.

Ma'am, I need you to turn around and put your seat belt on.

I just made the most important decision in my entire life...

and you want me to put on the seat belt?

Yes, I do.

Okay.

What about six months from now? How do I know you'll be happy then?

How do I know you'll be happy? How do we know anything?

- The plane isn't gonna crash? - We're gonna crash?

I'm not asking you again. You're required to fasten your seat belts!

I need you. That's a really hard thing for me to accept...

but it's a whole lot easier than imagining my life without you.

I wanna do laundry with you, Ryan.

But you send your laundry out.

- Not anymore. - You wanna switch?

Yeah!

Will you two please sit down?!

- What? What is it? - The laundry thing is a metaphor?

Don't worry. I'll show you how.

- One, two, three, four... - Try breathing. It'll help relax.

...eight... - Trust me.

That's lovely. My mother wears the same scent.

Looking for something in particular?

I got it.

So sorry. I'm really...

Actually, I was in the market for some cheetah pants.

My God.

You're all Victoria's Secret supermodels.

- What are you doing in our room? - All the other rooms were full...

and I had to change, so...

- This is where we get changed. - Right.

Don't let me stop you!

You're funny. And we love funny guys.

Have you ever been with four women before?

Once I had lunch with my mom and her three sisters...

but I don't think that counts.

Thank you.

What?

- No, that's not me! I swear! - We know. It's us.

- Supermodels fart? - Yes.

How do you think we stay so thin?

Does it turn you on?

Yeah.

- You do it. - What? Fart?

Yeah.

- Don't you wanna turn us on? - Yes.

Yes, I do.

Okay.

Fart.

My uncle died this way. He shot an aneurysm and...

Less talk, okay?

- More fart. - More fart, come on.

What? Where are you going?

Didn't I turn you on?

And there you have it. Every night for the last week, same dream.

So, what do you think it means?

I don't know. Were you breast-fed as a child?

I knew this was a mistake.