Original subtitles

♪ ♪

Wow, really? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's a shit show over there, apparently.

Yeah? Yeah.

Like, advertisers bailing,

my dad is out of it by all accounts.

You know, Gerri Kellman in charge?

Sorry, I mean, Gerri's great, I actually--

I actually love Gerri, you know, but...

Gerri is a time server who's way out of her depth.

Meanwhile, on the upside, the DOJ and I

are in contact about the terms of my immunity deal.

So, yeah.

Does not look good for them. Wow, right.

All that's on background.

Mm-hmm. Um... You know, as we said, a lot of moving parts.

But-But-Yeah, please, let's-let's dive in.

So, you're okay if I record this, right?

Yeah, hey, am I okay? I am--

I am great. Let's record. Great. Thank you.

Open the kimono.

Uh-Oh. Thank you.

So, will this be in the piece?

"Kendall Roy ordered a shaved fennel salad

and picked at it, uh, inquisitively?"

You're quite concerned with how you're gonna come across.

Not really, no.

Am I?

Hell, look, I come from a world of image.

That's the family business.

I mean, did-did you see the Sophie Iwobi monologue?

Um... Yeah, well, she-- she did a bit.

"Oedipussy"?

It's funny, right? Mm-hmm.

But, you know, it doesn't hurt now,

because, uh...

because I am who I am.

And-And-And-- And I wanna plant a flag.

I wanna physically get in and plant a flag,

you know, for that...

inside my family's business.

And in terms of your family business,

one question that people do have is about your siblings.

Mm. So, where are they in this?

Have you managed to stay close with them?

You know, sure. Absolutely.

There-There are issues, but, uh...

essentially, yeah. Hmm.

I'm just really happy in my headspace.

And I hope they're happy in theirs.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, El Presidente.

How's your headspace? You happy in it?

Uh... Yeah. You like the ending?

"Oh, I love my kids.

What are their names again? Blur Face and Who Cares?"

All right. Oh, and let's press go

on that sale, the Israeli machine learning operation.

Okay.

What? What? Nothing. Good.

Let me get into that.

Look at me. No, I am. Hi. I see you.

Action stations!

Strategy meet. Time to go tickle my dad's balls. Yeah.

Wow. Hi, Karolina.

I just hope our acting CEO

isn't getting too fucking acting.

I'll tell you what's a scary story

we should maybe reboot. Pinocchio.

A puppet that comes to life.

Oh, come on. Let's get started.

They can catch up.

Hey, Dad, how's your headspace?

I hear Gerri is looking at the Israeli outfit.

Oh, uh... Pretty insignificant.

No, no, no, no, no. No, I have a shape of things

in mind for that.

GoJo Go, I don't know, streaming.

No. Kill it, okay? Just kill it.

Um... What?

What, are you checking the chain of command?

No. Um...

What does he mean by "plant a flag," huh?

Please, don't fucking hover.

Um... There's talk that, uh,

Kendall's planning to come in.

You're fucking kidding? Mm-mm.

In here? Mm-hmm.

That rat sets one foot inside this building,

I'll punch him in the nose, okay?

Well, I think that's the grown-up solution

that keeps everyone happy.

Find out what this fuck is planning.

I don't need him in my teeth right now.

Uh... I can-- I can scope that out.

I can capture him tonight, if we'd like,

at the journalism dinner.

But, you know, what are we doing to counter?

Yes! Yes!

You should all be out there. Call him out on this.

Uh... Well,

we did discuss the town hall event...

Yeah, I-I like it.

It brings everyone together. Yeah.

Open, anonymous questions, employee-facing.

Yeah, I'm happy to lead it if it's about change.

Oh, you are? Now who's planting a flag?

In terms of getting proactive, Hugo had Frankton's put together

some full-page responses.

Yeah, there were, uh-- there were a couple we liked.

Full page with, uh,

a number of pledges. We can figure out the verbiage.

And the tagline...

"We get it."

I thought it was quite funky.

"We get it," a bit like those ladies

on the cruise ship got it?

Gerri liked it. Yeah, it's a little...

"Yeah, yeah, we get it already, stop moaning about the rapes."

Logan, um...

we have agents on the phone, asking if Waystar is willing

to accept service of a document subpoena?

Tell 'em to fuck off. Oh. Okay.

Kerry, uh... ...hang on. He's kidding.

Dad! Logan.

I'm just wondering, uh,

when we might start to play ball.

I mean, everybody cooperates.

Maybe I don't do that dance.

And how does that feel in regards

to the shareholder meeting?

We don't accept service,

in an hour, there's gonna be two agents here to serve you,

and while they're at it, they could subpoena you

to the grand jury. Fuck 'em.

Logan? Tell 'em to fuck off.

FBI! Hands up! Hey, how's it going?

To be honest, not great, Greg.

It's looking pretty bad with the investigation,

and, um... Logan says we have to take these.

Cyanide pills, the whole team.

It's a mint, you doofus.

Take one. Your breath really does stink.

Hey, can I show you something? Yeah?

Come on.

Gregory, my chief of staff, leggy princeling of ATN,

you deserve a new...

...office. What do you think?

I mean... it's, uh-- it's-it's not very nice.

That's rude, rude boy. It's your new place.

Okay, I see. This is punishment, right?

This is because I'm not taking the company lawyer?

Right? Am I-Am I getting demoted right now?

In the middle of an investigation? No.

No, this is just part of a totally standard

office rationalization. No!

No, no, no, you do whatever you like.

You know, hang out with Kendall.

Take your own counsel.

I hear you have a really great lawyer.

Is it true you can find him any time, day or night?

Yes. 'Cause he has one of those bowties

that lights up and spins around?

He's actually really good. I'm very, very happy with him.

Listen. On the level, buddy...

On the level, there are a million knives

being sharpened right now. The DOJ's gonna be like

a combine harvester in a wheat field of dicks, okay?

So, I understand, I get it. I see that this is tough.

I have gone Waystar.

I think that's safest, but...

tonight, I'm actually seeing a pal

to get an objective take on my situation,

and if you want,

if you want, I can fold you in. Tonight?

Yeah, I just thought, you know, over a beer,

we could kick back and recall what happened

and make sure that we remember it

exactly the same way. Mm-hmm.

Um... What?

No, it's just Ken-- Fuck Ken.

Yeah, no, fuck Ken, 100 percent,

but-but he's-- But what?

It's... stupid, he's giving me a watch tonight to say thanks,

um, for-so I don't know, I-- You sold your ass for a watch?

I'll buy you a watch, dickwad. Just fucking come over.

Okay, I'll try to come. I wanna come.

Stay.

You know, your dad just wondered,

since the public discourse about your father feels

really one-sided... Yes, we would love your help

getting more dimensions. Mm-hmm?

It would be totally controlled, business interview,

with some softballs at the end.

Yeah, so Shiv, or someone like Shiv,

sharing some memories and feelings about your dad.

Yeah, I see. I think...

I think I'm best placed neutralizing Kendall.

Okay, well, you or...

someone like you.

All right, yeah, fine, fuck you.

I'll go out and say I love Dad. Why not?

I do. So, you know, fuck you. Aw. Look at you.

Cutest cheerleader in high school.

Is it true you let the track team

finger bang you for lunch money?

Stop projecting your memories onto me.

♪ ♪

I like it. I like it, it's a good weight.

Ken, real quick?

Can you-Can you just give me the green light on this?

It's very expensive.

I-I mean, I usually just use my phone

for all my time needs. Yeah, fuck it.

Fuck it, man. You deserve it.

Dude, your phone is a widget. A button.

Every janitor in America has one.

Your watch is a Mona fucking Lisa.

Okay, hey. Shut the fuck up, Reece.

Guys, it is game time. And the game is...

Good Tweet, Bad Tweet!

Oh, shit!

Okay, you crazy fuckers better have these ready

when I call them out, okay? Start it already.

And... Ooh!

Good tweet! Okay. "Allies, uh, don't always

come in the form we like, but what Kendall Roy did

was important and brave."

Boom! Boom, that's the shit.

Hey, that's good!

All right, all right, all right. Bad tweet.

I got it, I got it! I got it!

Bad tweet. Bad tweet. -"Kendall Roy is not a hero, fam."

Uh... "He's bootleg Ross with a daddy complex."

Love it! Love it!

Okay, okay, okay. Good tweet, good tweet!

Okay, keep 'em comin', motherfuckers.

"Maybe it's just 'cause he's murking his shitty dad,

but I kind of wanna fuck Kendall Roy?"

Booyah!

Yeah, girl!

Bad tweet! Bad tweet! Bad tweet!

Okay. "He clearly has mental health issues..."

Right. -"...and crazy guilt, coupled with addiction.

That's all this is, and it's sad."

Boo!

That one sucked!

♪ ♪

Hi. Hi.

Happy crowd.

Kendall Roy!

Should I give 'em something? Yeah.

Fuck the patriarchy!

Whoo!

All right, do we have like a safe word?

Uh-- To get out of here?

Good to see you.

Shiv-fucking-Roy.

Great to see you here.

I always come.

The Committee for the Protection

and Welfare of Journalists.

You're into that, but you like to keep them

protected in hutches, correct?

With the little feeding bottles, kind of like hamsters?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, adorable.

We do keep more newspapers alive and-and employ

more journalists worldwide than any other company,

so I guess we're doing our bit? Uh-huh.

The Soviet Union employed a ton of journalists, too.

Oh, Nate, we got to Stalin so fast?

Is Gil still turning up on Russia Today

by mistake? Hey.

Hey, man. Hey, Ken.

Wow. Good to see you.

It's a family affair.

Yeah, I didn't think you'd be here.

I thought the newly minted president

of Waystar Royco would just be too busy.

I'm on the advisory. Oh, right.

You're the newest attraction at the zoo,

half man, half Nobel prize?

Sure, Shiv. You got me.

Well, well, well, Shiv. Really nice to see you.

Really.

Hey.

Hey.

So, how is he?

Is he all, like, angry hog at the state fair?

Rolling in shit, snapping at kids?

He's fine. He's...

...worried you might come in.

Let him worry.

Okay, well, that would just be dumb, Ken.

We all need for us to win the shareholder vote,

you too, so just-- you know, just wait a week.

And maybe cool it on the interviews

while you're at it. Oh, uh-huh.

That'd be smart all round. Well, yeah, maybe.

I'm not a suicide bomber, Shiv.

Hey, I wanted to say, um...

just... at Rava's?

I think I'm right-- I-I am right.

But I maybe threw a couple of ugly rocks.

Uh-huh.

I'm just trying to be...

more thoughtful now, so...

Look, I...

I think we have the same aim here, is the truth.

You know, big picture. I'm...

...fucking tired of all this shit too.

And I'm pushing for change.

Like, is there a world where you stop being gross

and throwing stones and we can acknowledge

and rebuild, you know, truth and reconciliation?

You know, and maybe-- maybe we can actually find a way

to fucking fix things from the inside,

which is the only place that anything gets done anyway.

They made you get all dressed up for this?

Or do you not actually give a fuck?

And it's all just ego?

Look at this.

It's you now.

Ladies and gentlemen, to present our next award...

I'm sorry for you, Siobhan.

...a man who is used to owning the news

rather than being in the news. Kendall Roy.

So, thanks for making time and, uh, when we do it,

the first section will just be the South Asian streaming stuff.

Mm-hmm, yeah. We'll have to ask

the shareholder meeting question.

Very confident. Massive optimism.

Great. And then, uh, you know,

I think that you know that there's this idea that everyone...

uh, everyone thought that it'd be really kind of fun

if after everything, we might, uh, open up the door

on some family stuff for a little bit.

No, I know, I know.

And we won't dwell on it, so, uh, we'll just keep it loose

and, uh, it'll be fun to freewheel it. Hmm?

Tell me precisely every single word

they're gonna ask me.

Well, I couldn't disclose specific questions

because of our policies at ATN Business

and that would be ethically, uh, you know...

But it, uh, might be something like...

"Logan seems like a business-oriented guy,

what's something special that you and your dad

enjoy doing together?"

No, next question. Okay, sure.

"What was a time that your dad came to your aid

when you really needed him?" Mm, no. I'm not doing that one.

Right. Um...

"What is your most cherished father-son memory?"

So far, these are bad.

Well, how about, uh-- how about you lead?

Is there some sort of childhood story that you'd like to tell?

I got a memory in the old bankiola. Uh...

Some fly-fishing in Montana, if...

Sure. -...that interests you.

Thank you, Mr. Roy!

Um... Well, I will pass that along.

Hi. Hi.

And I don't want him...

How you're doing? Love and marriage.

I feel another million drain with every cluck

from that hen house.

Did you see him? I did.

Is he coming in? Uh... I don't know.

I don't think so.

I think he gets it. Uh-huh.

Thank you.

You know, every time I don't see you out there

saying something, I think, "Does Shiv even like me?"

Oh, come on, Roman is-- My daughter.

My only daughter.

What is it exactly that you want me to do?

I don't know, draw a circle around him, maybe.

Declare that your old man isn't some dirty bastard.

Tell the truth, maybe.

About him. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

The truth, but horrible. and in public, right?

Do you trust me?

Yes, of course.

Uh... On what?

On all this hullabaloo.

-"Hullabaloo"? Uh-huh.

Uh... Yeah.

I don't...

Yeah.

Can we-I mean, can we talk? Yes, we can talk.

Okay, well...

We're a big company, but... Mm-hmm.

...how bad is-is...

What is the worst thing that could be in those papers? Not all that bad.

I mean... Um...

Health and safety, compliance.

A few bad apples.

What? Well, I know that isn't true.

Come on, Dad. Tom worked in Cruises.

Bill told him everything.

And besides, I know that there were black ops,

and I know that there was targeted intimidation

of victims and whistleblowers.

The NRPI, for fuck's sake.

Maybe there were some salty moves.

You can't just change your story.

I wanna keep you clean.

I put Gerri in, but I can't trust her.

She's optics. I need you.

Listen.

I didn't know about any of this shit.

Well, you're on emails.

Do you know how many emails I get a day?

I don't read my emails.

I get the action points. I know.

Shiv, the world is fucking rough.

We ran a cruise line out of some tin-pot ports

registered in bongo fucking bongo hovels... Oh--

...and we poured millions in. And sure,

did we play rough with the odd fucking union boss

or some Moaning Minnie repeat litigant? I don't know!

It was a quarter of a century ago, a lot of it.

So, yes, I fought for you and your brothers.

But you will not find a piece of paper

that makes you ashamed of me, okay?

Well...

the government does have an unbelievable amount

of leverage at its disposal, Dad.

The law? Yeah, the law.

The law is people.

And people is politics.

And I can handle a people.

♪ ♪

Oh, that is nice.

It's just beautiful, I mean, it's just-it's--

It's heavy. Isn't it?

I've always been self-conscious about my wrists,

so it could address that. It's saffron.

You have normal wrists.

Thanks, that is very nice of you to say.

That is-You--

You have some nice wrists yourself.

Greg, do you think we can figure this out?

You wanna transfer now?

Um-- It's 40k.

Oh, no, no, um, I think this is, uh, like a gift situation.

Hey, Ken! Hey, Ken. Are you buying this?

What? Are you buying him this?

What? The-The watch? No.

No, I just said I'd hook you up, dude.

What is that look? Don't get weird on me.

I'm not your fucking sugar daddy.

Cheapskate.

No, that's-that's all good. I-I-I mean, it's 40...

I'm not buying him a fucking watch.

What the fuck is he talking about?

No, I can't. I'm gonna need to give it back.

It's not a good time. No, no, no, no.

It has your patina now. No, I don't have patina.

We agreed. No, I shower.

Shit, she-she did me again tonight. Hey, hey, Comfry!

Sophie Iwobi did me again tonight.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Yeah.

What? She did a segment.

Oh, shit. Should we do this tomorrow?

Maybe I could-- -"Oedipussy 2."

I can get you some bullet points. It looks like she tore me one.

Come on, fuck that. We gotta-We gotta watch this.

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

Guys, I'm gonna put on Sophie Iwobi.

Looks like she-- she tore me one.

Hey, hey, come on, we-- we should watch this,

it'll be fun, here it is.

So, let's turn for a moment to Kendall Roy.

Woo-hoo! -My favorite white man.

-Snitchy Rich.

Or as you may know him, "a jar of mayonnaise

-in a Prada suit." Ha! Okay.

Roy tweeted earlier today...

It's okay, you can laugh.

The fuck is he talking about? Amen.

That's like your dog saying, "Hey, guys, guys, guys,

we have to punish whoever ate coffee grinds

out of the trash and then shit on the sofa."

-Hashtag Sofa Justice.

That's great. Actual progressives

have been embracing this dude. Why?

This is the guy who told Congress like a month ago

that the investigation into his father

was a witch hunt.

-And he's also the fail-bro

who once posed in this photo...

Oh, shit. -...flashing gang signs

-outside of Jean-Georges.

Okay, that is such a reach. You were being tongue-in-cheek. Yeah.

She fucking loves me.

She loves me. -See, the problem is Kendall Roy suffers from a severe case...

This is love, it's all love. -...of what doctors call Caucasian Rich Brain.

Oh!

What happens is genetically inherited wealth

and whiteness cause neural pathways in the brain

to constrict and make the patient believe he's woke,

when he's just a total fucking jackass.

I feel like I should go on. Fuck Kendall Roy. Thank you.

What do you think? Can you touch base? I should go on. I think we should talk to Berry

'cause there's a couple ways to counter backlash,

and it might not be the best-- Backlash? This is, like...

This is not-- This is being in the conversation.

Yeah. This is fucking great.

This is great. Yeah.

Hey.

Shivy! Oh, hi.

Hey. How was your guy?

Did you see him? Yup.

Yeah. When I got in...

uh, Mondale had eaten some of your pantyhose

and I had to pull 'em out of his ass.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

You shouldn't leave them lying around the floor, Siobhan.

Not once the help have gone.

Yeah, I-You okay?

Mondale's not well. Mondale's unsettled.

Is, uh, Kendall coming into Waystar?

I don't think so. Uh...

How-How was your guy?

How was my guy? Mm-hmm.

Well, um...

Well...

Yeah, we-I outlined what might have happened

to a theoretical John Doe,

divisional head. Mm-hmm.

And, you know, we talked about...

if what comes out does come out

in terms of the investigation, and he said...

"It's very difficult to see a world

in which this John Doe doesn't go to jail."

So... Right. Fuck.

Tom, it'll be okay. Um...

And what evidence do you have for that?

I'm curious.

Tom, oh, honey?

I did have one dumb idea.

Mm-hmm?

Yeah. I was thinking, you know, maybe...

maybe it would be good to get out in front of it.

If prison is likely, could I find any...

benefit in that, you know?

You mean cooperate? No, not with DOJ.

Your dad.

I go to your dad and I-I...

offer myself up as the beating post.

Uh... No, honey. You can't.

No.

Honey, you're drunk. Mm.

But it is smart.

Yeah, it's, uh, kind of a...

a win from a no-win.

You think? Yeah. I mean, it's punchy.

I mean...

you know, it's very likely that no one goes to prison.

Uh-huh. Yeah. And...

either way, you bank gold with my dad.

The offer is kinda... genius.

All being well, you know, with a fair wind, I could

be done in less than a year. Mm-hmm.

But no. You can't, Tom.

Jesus. Everyone is doing fucking somersaults for him

right now.

♪ ♪

...guy who told Congress like a month ago

that the investigation into his father

was a witch hunt.

And he's also the fail-bro who once posed in this photo

flashing gang signs outside of Jean-Georges.

Poor Kenny.

See, the problem is, Kendall Roy suffers

from a severe case of what doctors call

-Caucasian Rich Brain.

Hey. Hey, Jess. I'm going in.

Uh-Okay. To the office? Okay? Yeah.

When? Now.

But you said...

Yeah, I said-- That was a false thought.

Uh-Just make sure my office is ready.

I'll ping you before I arrive.

Good? Good? Great.

Greg.

Yo. Hey, I'm going in.

Yeah, I might wanna roll deep, so, uh...

...just keep it on the down-low, okay?

I wanna see the shockwaves.

November just around the corner, very important election...

Hi. -...with Michelle-Anne...

Shouldn't be too long now. Uh-huh.

Yeah, because I've-- I've been, uh-I've been...

I've been thinking, um, about what it is that you...

you might really need right now...

and, um-and how I can help.

Mm-hmm? Yeah.

Yeah, because, you know, if, uh-if things go...

how they could go...

maybe there's no repercussions, but if not...

there'll probably be a cash number.

And there will probably need to be a face or two

behind bars, right?

What's your angle, Tom? No. None.

None, just-just, uh...

I'm probably in the firing line. And I just wanted you to know...

if you need to strategize...

I can be that guy.

I'll-I'll step up and go down.

That's it?

You don't mind? Nope.

No, that's just there. If you need it.

I won't wriggle.

Just clonk the trout on the head and put it in your pouch.

It won't come to that.

But...

thank you, Tom. Thank you.

Not a problem.

...helping us to get our message out

to Latino voters, who've really come around

to the President's message

and, you know,

we saw Boyer on your program a few nights ago.

Absolutely. Very much with the president, so...

Bergman, Hendon, and Weiss.

Uh... Hello. Uh... Hi. Uh... I was given your number

by a friend of mine and I-- I was wanting to, um--

I would like to...

schedule an appointment with Rex Hendon.

This is for a consultation?

Uh-huh. That's right.

Excuse me, can you hold the line one second?

Greg, talk fast. What is it?

Hey, so-so... I'm busy.

...I have something that you guys might wanna know.

Hey! How you doin'? Great. Are you...

What are you doing down here? Mark, isn't he just

the fucking greatest? Sure, yeah.

As ever. Great to have you contribute.

Could we do five on what we need to do here?

Sure.

So, how are things? Look at you, the tough guy.

You wouldn't even take service of a subpoena, right?

Yeah, my son stands up, waves his dick in the air,

and the rest of the world is meant to rearrange itself

according to his liking? I don't think so, right?

I see. But are you gonna get more cooperative...

Oh! It's a witch hunt. -...now that you've set the table?

The prosecutors are gonna regret any time

or money they spend on it.

What does the old man think? Not fucking much.

No, he's got-- he's got poll numbers

dancing in front of his eyes morning, noon, and night.

So, someone shits in Wisconsin,

he's worried it'll float down the Mississippi

and hurt his numbers in Iowa.

Relax. We've got his back.

Yeah, well...

That's great. I guess...

you know, when this thing broke,

the whole thing was, "Logan Roy is going down."

But then you got this thing, some of our folks are like,

"There's no way Roy is going down.

The President's gonna protect him,

the system is broken."

People have no idea.

They have these paranoid fantasies.

Yeah.

I don't want you to do anything.

Right. What I want is-is nothing.

Normal consideration,

not to become the focus of some bullshit.

Right. Not favors.

Right. Right, right, right, right, right...

What?

The fact is, I don't want anything from anyone.

That's not the way I operate. But I would like to know

that no one's gonna shit their pants if I hang tough.

Facebook is full of photos of you and the boss

at CPAC and Davos.

All the nice things you've said about each other?

It hits a demographic we have to worry about.

If that raisin hangs me out to dry,

I'm quite willing to do the same to him.

Well, if we're gonna be real...

maybe the President has not been feeling

like your coverage has been very helpful

or truthful lately.

It could get a lot fucking worse.

We have the same interest here.

Can you lower the temperature? And I'll see what I can do.

Sure. That's all I need.

Excuse me.

So, we asked everyone to submit concerns and questions

anonymously via the Intranet...

...which has some drawbacks, as you know,

and we wanted you to be aware, Shiv,

if you're gonna be up there. So, we plan to put these

on, um, a screen. What are they asking?

Well, uh, the general tenor is,

"What the hell's happening here?" Uh...

A lot of those. Uh... Also, "I'm embarrassed to say

to my mother I work at Waystar. Any advice?"

Yeah, fuck your mother. -"Please tell us anything at all

about what is happening here."

Oh, my God, did they write these questions in crayon?

I mean, I have my speech all set.

Do we even really need to have questions?

Well, we did say we wanted to answer questions,

so... Yeah.

Okay, well, Dad can't see this one,

or this one.

Oh, fuck, no.

This'll make him shit his Pop-Tarts. No, no.

I think there's, like, three here we can use. Okay.

Three is all we need. This is just fucking rude.

I mean, it's not even really a question.

I mean, I don't think people should even be thinking this

that work here. You're right.

Can we get different questions?

Like, less questiony questions? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

'Cause these are just fucking horrible.

We can. Okay, well, Hugo and I

did prepare a set of questions... Something else.

...that are more of the sort of things

that people would actually wanna know.

Yeah. I mean... Great.

...these, we feel, are people's real questions, okay?

We've got a problem. Logan wants to see you

in his office. Now?

Hello? Lisa.

Lisa! The Regal Legal Eagle.

Kendall, I hear you're going in. What the fuck?

Yeah, I can't let him dominate the battle space, Lisa.

My sister's making moves, I can't just watch it happen.

What-What-What-- What's the story on my immunity?

I'm figuring out a "Queen for a Day" situation, Kendall.

-I have to have control here. Yeah, but we're losing the momentum.

Can we get a raid? What about a raid?

Can we get a raid? We can't "get" anything.

No, sure, but really? I mean, we hit the right buttons.

"Has the government gone soft-cock on Big Corp?"

I'll call you in 40, Lisa. You're the boss here. Bye.

And let's commit to Iwobi. Yeah? Let's do it. Reach out.

Call Noah and get me some jokes.

Not jokes. Like, funny as fuck shit,

but not in a stupid jokey way.

Is it true? He's on his way? Fucking rat.

I'm gonna jam a Montblanc down his fucking throat.

He'll eat up any drama, Dad. Kerry!

Look, why don't we just let him come on in and ignore him?

Get us Colin, get us building services.

If he comes for me, I want him fucking cuffed.

Okay. He's fired!

HR is discussing him stepping down from his duties.

But firing, you would be handing DOJ a gas can.

Yeah. It would be a PR disaster.

Want me to get outside counsel on the line?

Front desk says he's pulling up.

I don't want people seeing him.

Keep him the fuck out! Okay.

♪ ♪

How are you?

Sir, I'm-I'm sorry. Yeah.

Just-Your key card has expired.

Expired? That's weird.

Hi, Kendall. Uh... Bit of a crazy morning here.

Oh, is it? If you like, we could head over

to 43 North and I can fill you in.

Might be a little bit more comfortable there.

Yeah, not going to the satellite office, thanks.

Uh... My card doesn't work, so I'm just gonna

hurdle the gates and have Remi film it.

What? No, who's-- How about we go up with you?

We go up together? We'll swipe you in.

You guys wanna sync up? 'Cause they-they--

He can't go up. No, he can go up.

They've told us he can't go up.

Sorry, who's "they"? We can't authorize that.

I can authorize that. I am authorizing that.

We probably can't keep him out of the town hall, correct?

You can discourage him from attending

in light of his position.

Can we discourage him with a taser shot

directly to his peni or scrummage sacking?

He's headed for the freight.

Fine. Bring him up in the dumbwaiter

like a fucking hamburger.

All right, what's up, bro? Hey.

Doing the heavy lifting? Yeah.

Is he there? I don't see him yet.

With his stupid walk. Tom, get Sam and Ray and IT,

and make sure he doesn't get fucking cute with IT.

Hey, man.

♪ ♪

Good to see you, man. Hey, man.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Kinda weird, right? It's pretty weird.

But, you know, yeah. How's it going?

Yeah, life goes on, you know, yeah.

Buddhists? Hmm.

Nice. Life does go on.

So-So, what's going on back there in my dad's office?

He got any back-channel White House contacts in there or what?

I'm joking. You can't tell me that. Right. Right, right.

And do you have an immunity deal with DOJ?

Do you?

It's good we can kid around

like this. Yeah.

But look, man. You're actually in a difficult spot.

You know, it's-it's no fun being the last fucking eunuch

in the forbidden city.

I'm doing fine.

Well...

I like you.

And I have no beef with you, Tom.

Another life is possible, brother.

He's trying to kiss or nibble Tom.

Let's just not turn this

into the Invasion of Normandy, okay?

Okay. Okay. Locked out?

Does it feel cold to you in here?

Right? It-Is it?

You gotta be kidding me.

Yeah. Yeah, they've-they've-- they've hacked my AC.

I think-I think, this is, uh, 68? You like it?

Sixty-eight? This isn't 68. No fucking way, this is like...

sixty-five, sixty-two.

Definitely feels a little cool.

Okay, Remi. Yeah?

I'm airdropping you a little shopping list.

You gonna come back stat? I can do that.

What time does the town hall start?

Um... Two o'clock. Yeah. Two o'clock? Okay.

Yeah?

What?

Just checking in.

Okay? Yeah, I'm just...

I know you.

♪ ♪

So, if you're ready. Will my dad be there,

undermining my authority?

He'll be nearby, emphasizing your authority.

The live feed will be streaming through the whole building

and to all major offices globally.

And anything you need, I'll be here.

Congratulations, by the way.

I was always pushing for you to be brought in,

in my own little way.

And now, please welcome our new Domestic President,

Siobhan Roy.

-♪ ♪

Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you, Karolina.

Okay, so I will keep this straightforward.

A senior executive at Waystar,

who also happens to be a senior brother of mine,

I think I can legally say that,

has made some very serious allegations.

And, as we take those allegations seriously,

there is, you'll understand, a fair amount

that we can't talk about, legally.

However, this is still a family operation in spirit,

and you are all a part of that family.

So, as much as we can tell you, you know, we want to tell you.

I'm Siobhan Roy, Waystar's new President of Domestic Operations.

And I'm paying particular and specific attention

to corporate responsibility.

I know that some of you have concerns.

And I'm here to tell you, we get it.

If mistakes have been made historically at Cruises,

we are going to identify them, and implement--

♪ ♪

What's more, uh, personal accountability

is one of the four core...

-♪ Rape me ♪ -...pillars of the... ...Waystar philosophy--

Hugo? Yeah. Yeah.

We got that. Yeah.

Thank you. Uh... Some people might think

this issue is a joke, but we assure you,

we take it very seriously. Just--Thank you.

Go and find out what the fuck is going on.

So, we are going to ensure that those who engaged in any actions

that went beyond mere mistakes...

-♪ ♪ -...to more purpose-- purposeful-uh--

-♪ I'm not the only one ♪ Can we get that sorted?

♪ Ah I'm not the only one ♪

I assure you, we take this issue very seriously,

even if someone here does not. -♪ ♪

-♪ Rape me ♪ -♪ Rape me ♪

-♪ ♪ -♪ Rape me ♪

-♪ Rape me ♪ -♪ Rape me ♪

Uh--

-♪ Rape me ♪ -♪ Rape me ♪

-♪ Rape me ♪ -♪ Rape me ♪

-♪ Rape me ♪ -♪ Rape me ♪

-♪ Rape me... ♪ Fucking...

♪ ♪

Sorry, Pinky.

Now do you see? Huh?

♪ ♪

Hey, Ken. Hey.

Thanks.

Are we close? What time is it?

Oh, what time is it? Oh, it's, uh--

it's like the 18th century or something,

when watches didn't work. Doesn't work?

No. Why did you get it?

Why did I get it? You encouraged me.

You don't remember this? You shrugged at me

like it was reasonable. This one's good.

Not if it doesn't work. It's-It's fine,

it's okay. I-- I'm a humble custodian now.

A piece like this will often have to go

to Switzerland for six months.

So, I have this funny bit about how for the special

committee of the board... Hmm.

...and the-the white shoe firm that will handle

the investigation, how my dad's putting pressure

to hire a firm that will help them cover up.

Do you hear anything? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

I don't think its broken. -...Cover Up--

Cover Up "R" Us. Hmm.

Like Toys "R" Us.

-"Cover up our ass." Yeah.

No?

I don't know. No?

But I think that the Love Boat vids are good.

Yeah, Love Boat...

Hey, uh, because we pushed taping for you,

we're still filling up the audience,

but shouldn't be too long.

Cool. Do you guys need anything?

We're great, thank you. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. He's just jerking off

his invisible friend.

No. Hey, so, where are the writers at?

Um... Generally, writers and guests--

Oh, no, generally, but I knew a guy at the Lampoon who knows Dylan.

Can I just find him to say hi? I might pitch a couple of areas for the gigglebots?

Oh, well, we don't really have time.

We gotta kind of get up there. It's cool, I'll find him.

Hey, Rome! How you doin'?

I've just been on TV,

waxing lyrical about me and Dad out murdering trout

and singing sea shanties around the old marshmallow hole.

Have you read this thing? Now, I talked Dad down.

He wanted us all to appear on a talk show.

Get the fuck outta here.

Sitting on a couch together, I thought would be very gauche.

So I drafted this to land and to end debate.

He wants us all to sign it. Man, this is quite a rich brew.

Well, I think a formal response

really draws a line under it.

I'm sure you're being asked, so this is just us

very clearly saying that we're not a part

of Kendall's thing. Mm-hmm. Uh...

What? You would have to say it's accurate.

Yeah, accurate like Oswald was accurate.

I want us all to sign it for release to media tonight.

Ooh! Um...

I mean, it's kind of...

It's kind of a greeting card from hell.

What?

It's a Times New Roman firing squad.

Yeah, it's... pretty horrible, you know.

Well... ...it's all, basically verified, so--

Well, yeah, drug addict, serial liar, absentee father.

History of his own problematic relationships with women.

Which of those isn't true?

No, it's accurate, you know,

but this would be out there. Like, forever.

You know, PGN pulls up that photo of me with a ponytail

any time they wanna make me look untrustworthy.

Okay, look, Kendall is on a mission.

And he's not going to stop unless we take his legs out.

And did Dad want for all of us to do this?

It's more powerful if it comes from all three of us.

Oh, you're full of shit. Um-- What?

I'm-I'm not signing this. Roman! Why not?

Because I don't want to. It makes me feel unwell.

He taught me how to aim my pee-pee in the toilet.

The fuck? That's not a reason, Roman.

Take me to reason court and fucking sue me.

Roman, we all have to do things we don't want to sometimes.

I-I just don't-This is not in my best interests, so, no.

Connor?

Well, I don't want to be a bitch,

but my signature is valuable real estate

and I'm not giving it away for free.

Okay. What do you want?

I would like some consideration.

I would like some suck-suck on my dicky-dick.

Oh, my God. Same.

I'm feeling brutally un-suck-sucked right now.

You're babies!

Take my name off, please.

Ooh. Fine, I'll do it myself.

Thanks for all the fucking help as always.

Um... It's so good to see so many of you

here to-tonight, uh, our amazing advertisers,

and, you know, we'd be nothing without you,

and I just wanna say to you all, whatever is happening

up in the clouds, where the gods

play a little rough and tumble,

down here, it is very much, uh, business as usual, so...

Here's to you. Here's to weathering the storm.

Yeah, like, that's-- that's closer to the idea...

Here they are!

Oh. The geniuses at work!

Clickety-clack, clickety-clack.

Okay. Hello. Dylan.

Yeah? Yeah, hey, I-I knew Pat at the Lampoon.

Oh, okay. He says you're, like,

a super funny dude. Oh, well...

Yeah. No, you are. I mean, hey, I-I just wanted to drop by

and let you guys know you do awesome work,

very smart, very satirical.

Cool. Thanks, man. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I just-I just-- Listen, I want you guys

to hit me. Yes.

Just Rickles the fuck out of Oedipussy here.

I can take it. Well, it's just the show, so.

Yeah, yeah. It's the show.

Hey. Hey.

Ken, could I grab you for a second? These are the writers.

Hi! Dylan, my man.

Oh. Hurt me!

Fucking hurt me. Ken! Ken! Please.

Jesus Christ.

I'm not sure how... What's up?

...wide this has gone, I'm just seeing it now, but...

Okay. -...you should...

Whoa! Uh... Okay.

Yeah. So...

So, wha-wha-what do I-- what do we do with this?

Because this is actually really sort of nothing.

Well... I think.

Yeah? Uh...

No, I wouldn't say it's nothing.

Wow, that's below the belt.

Is the world seeing this, or-or just... basically us?

Yeah, the whole world. Uh-huh?

Mm-hmm.

Can we ask them not to use it tonight?

Will they mention it? I think they'll--

they'll probably mention it. But they-But it's private.

I feel like-- Yeah, but it's not private.

No. Okay. No.

I mean, can I still go on? I feel like I still go on,

right?

Yeah, no, I think it's--

I think it's fine. Yeah.

It's just the kind of thing where we just maybe steer away from it.

Uh-huh? Uh-- You know, we--

Here. Um... Right, so...

My concern is that it might-- Yeah.

It might be weird if we don't mention it.

Sure. Uh-huh. Absolutely.

Okay, good. Look, it is big of you to come here.

We wanna be fair. Totally.

And I'm game.

Okay, that's great. Yeah, there's just, uh,

you know, a possibility, with all the legal of it

that I might have to bow out, but-but we're good.

We're good. Right.

Um...

We tape in 15 minutes.

Sure, no, and I'd help with that, obviously.

Right, how-- how would you help with that?

Uh... I know people.

You You're gonna what, call Jay-Z?

And-And get him to do the show in 15 minutes? Yeah.

A name. I can do that. No, no...

I think you're overthinking this.

It's a comedy show. We're gonna--

We're gonna have fun and--

Sophie is tough, but she's fair. And-And--

You're-You're a guest. No, I know. You're right.

Yeah. So, we're-we're good?

Okay, yeah, no, for sure.

Okay. Okay.

Great.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey!

Hey.

What are you in for? Uh... Me? Just...

running some numbers with Gerri on, you know,

the fucking... getting the distribution deals

for these-- Fuck it, it's murder.

Good kid. Yeah. Uh-huh. Um...

But sorry about the letter or whatever, I--

Keeping your nose out, huh? Well, I don't know, I guess.

Smart cookie, huh?

Smart little fucking cookie, eh?

Well, you know.

I, uh, saw your little interview.

Oh, right, yeah, we don't have to--

"Ooh! I wuv my daddy."

Yeah.

I never figured you for a faggot.

Oh, wow.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I know.

So, what's this, uh... fishing thing?

I don't remember.

Oh, yeah, that was, uh, Connor, actually.

Connor took me on that. But, you know...

single, multi-use, happy childhood memory,

so, yeah.

Oh, my God. Such sad news. Guess what?

We're down a guest.

-Oedipussy has ghosted my ass.

Yeah, and I'm like, heartbroken, because I had so many names

I was going to call him. Wokestar Royco.

Benedickhead Arnold.

-Paranoid Kendroid.

But honestly, nothing could be as brutal

as the open letter his own sister released.

"I am deeply concerned for the wellbeing

of my brother.

Our entire family has supported him

through his many attempts at rehabilitation

for his multiple addictions.

But the events of the last days have made it clear

that our hopes for his recovery were misplaced.

I've now been a direct witness to his misogynistic rants

and comparisons to world historical figures

that were suggestive of grandiose

and disordered thinking.

And I would ask that people give my brother

privacy and consideration during this difficult time."

And that's from his sister,

and she's the fucking nice one.

The FBI is downstairs. What?

Yeah. Tell them to fuck off.

Yeah, these are the ones who don't fuck off.

This is a search warrant.

What do they do at the front desk?

What are we doing? They're at the gates.

Uh... Can we call southern district? Get Leo! Get, get, get, get, get!

Okay, okay, okay.

Can we stall 'em? Shall I call Michelle-Anne?

No, I think that the Deputy Attorney General

got spooked by you talking to Michelle-Anne.

Well, what the fuck did Michelle-Anne do?

She's got no fucking acumen!

Well, I guess the Government isn't a fucking Pez dispenser.

You don't push a button and something pops out

the other end. Yes, I am well aware.

Apparently, there's about 20 of them down there.

Why don't we just ask them if they can come back tomorrow?

Logan, they are coming up. And if you don't open the door,

they will kick it in.

And if you don't open the filing cabinet,

they will pull out a crowbar. This is a show of resolve.

And there are cameras outside, and they do not need

to see the FBI meeting any resistance.

What do we say?

-♪ ♪

Cooperate. Oh.

Open up. Let them in.

Okay, I will call down and I'll ask to talk

to the lead agent, and we'll work something out.

Okay.

We're cooperating. We're cooperating.

Get the special committee. Shift the legals.

We're cooperating.

People watch our channel for so long,

we had to animate our logo,

because it was burning into people's screens.

I mean, that is how loyal

the viewers are.

And, you know, we will survive this whole episode,

because-- because of our strength,

because of our depth of talent,

and because of our values, our true values. Yes?

The FBI is raiding...

Um... Guys, just a little heads-up.

And this is not something

I want us to get out of proportion or spoil the evening,

but it would seem that some agents of Federal Law Enforcement

are raiding the premises right now.

So, if you see them, uh, that's what that is.

It's fine. It's fine. Just fucking leave it.

As you can see, the FBI is currently raiding

the Waystar headquarters in lower Manhattan

in a further twist

in the ongoing Waystar Royco Cruise scandal.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪