Original subtitles

[birds chirping]

[moaning]

Hi, handsome.

- How are you? - Good.

You slept here.

- Oh, I spent the night? - You did.

- We got to do less of these sleepovers. - Why?

Because it makes us think that we're boyfriends again.

And that means--

It's a sleepover. It's fine, baby.

Don't call me "baby."

Call me "Evan."

- I'm Evan. - You're not just "Evan" to me.

You're "baby," you're my baby.

We just let ourselves float back into being boyfriends.

- Where is the hole? - It's there...

And we're gonna be boyfriends again,

and then guess what's gonna have to happen--

we're gonna have to break up again.

- You're good. - Thank you.

You're not gonna be able

to find a real relationship

if we keep doing this.

I can't just be complacent in my own life.

Shut up, rude. Being with me

is the only exciting part of your life, remember that.

You are very interesting.

Do you have a clean toothbrush?

I don't want to use yours again.

Baby, I literally spat in your mouth last night.

Remember?

That's different bacteria.

[laughs] You remember.

Don't go.

Let me give you head.

I have to go.

Wait. Kiss.

Hello? I love being your boyfriend.

- Okay. - Bye.

♪♪ Kyrie eleison down the road ♪

♪♪ That I must travel ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison on a highway... ♪

[Evan] Siri, text Malcolm.

"No, I don't have your Apple Watch.

"I don't know when you would've even left that at my place.

I'm always at your place, honestly--"

[gunfire echoes]

[gunshots]

Wha-- Mr. Marquez, no-- What the fuck?

- Yo, what? Chill, queen. - [yelps]

[whispering] Put your phones on silent. Get down.

Is this gay panic?

[Evan] Lay flat, lay flat.

Lay flat. What are you doing?!

What are you doing?

Mr. Marquez, that's not a shooting.

It's gun club.

- What? - [Jeff] Chill the F out.

Gun club?

Yeah, Coach Hillridge started that shit back up.

[breathing heavily]

Why is...?

Why is there a gun club?

To...

shoot guns?

[Becca] You should change that shirt.

I have a crop top in my locker.

Do you want it?

♪♪ My heart is old ♪

♪♪ It holds my memories ♪

♪♪ My body burns a gem-like flame... ♪

Fire! Fire!

Barrels down.

♪♪ Soft machine is where I find my-- ♪

[gunshot echoes]

We have to talk about the list. Have you seen the list?

No, but whatever that is, I have something way more important.

Gwen, I thought I was gonna die this morning.

Is it the tonsil? It's getting bigger.

[inhales] I'm sorry.

- Let me look, let me see. - No... it's not that.

- Gun-- I heard gunshots. - Oh, wait.

- Markie-- - [gasps] He shot people?

He's shooting people? He's hunting people?

- No. - Evan, Gwen,

please with the distractions.

I'm low blood sugar right now.

- Do you need an apple? - Psst.

Ev, do you need a shirt?

I got some at home.

I have shirts at home, too.

- [Rick laughs] - [Grant] Okay, so,

if you have any more ideas to contribute,

just talk to Lacey by 4:00 p.m.

on Friday or forever hold your peace.

And that is the last item on my godforsaken agenda.

Okay, anything else? No? Thank you, great. All right--

Hi! Hello.

No, Evan, no, please, we're already running late.

This morning I was involved in a shooting.

- [all] What? - At least I thought

it was a shooting, okay? It was actually

Markie's new gun club.

[all groaning, murmuring]

My life flashed before my eyes.

To hear the sound of gunshots

in a school environment in this day and age--

Are you gonna say triggered?

[Grant] Thank you, Evan, for expressing

your feelings about this.

We all understand, we all hear you.

I thought I was gonna die at work.

Do you guys fucking get it?

People are being gunned down in America

- every day... - Yes.

...and I thought it was gonna be us today.

Okay, it felt so real.

We need to shut this gun club down.

Not happening, buddy, seriously.

The firearms safety program,

it was shut down in the dark days of '99, okay?

I am not about to let it

- get railroaded again. - Okay, fine. So actually

we can just wait for one of your little gun protégés

to walk through that door with a semiautomatic--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, that is not--

Evan, it's a firearm safety program.

Safety.

It's designed to protect, man.

It's all about teaching these kids

how to do the right thing with these guns

that are already out there. This is Texas.

I-I can't even believe other people are okay with this.

- You all support this? - [others murmuring]

It's not a democracy! It doesn't matter who's okay

with it and who's not okay with it.

What matters is that it is legal and it's

school board approved and that is the end of this conversation.

And for God's sakes, change your fucking shirt.

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to use the f-word.

I'm so sorry. Please, Gwen.

Can I have that apple now, please, all right?

Dismissed, go. Inspire young minds, please.

Oh, my God, I got to go.

My mom and dad are getting back together.

- Marquez? Evan? - What?

Are you serious in there, man?

Every time I try and do something important

at this school,

it's like you want to get it shut down.

I can't even talk to you about this, Markie.

This is not a discussion.

This is not some cute thing that you're doing wrong.

- This is people's lives. - Well, hold on, man.

You're hot and bothered right now.

And where do the false equivalencies

- end with you? - Where did you learn that expression?

I'm doing, like, a Harvard Extension

- online thing, I'm-- - I'm so impressed!

I did UT online. I'm so in debt.

There's no false equivalency, Markie. A gun is a gun.

You give a kid a gun, you're giving a kid a gun.

And now everybody actually thinks

you're a piece of shit, so...

You are adorable when you're angry.

I am giving them an education. I'm an educator, okay?

Save this activist thing

- for Facebook. - Nobody's on Facebook, Markie.

How old are you? I'm shutting it down.

[scoffs] I'm your age.

No, you're not!

Can we talk about the list now?

There's a list online

of the hottest teachers ranked.

What? And what, you're number one?

- I'm 26. - What?

- That's crazy. You're so hot. - Yeah.

You must be reading it ba-- Maybe 26 is the highest number.

No, I know. No, but I'm not reading it wrong. I'm 26th.

It's insane, I'm going insane.

- Where did you find this? - The student Discord.

Rick texted it to me. He's on there under,

- like, a fake student name... - He should not be doing that.

- Anyway I'm just shutting it down. - You're gonna shut it down

- 'cause you're low on the list. - No, for feminist reasons.

This is terrible.

Not because you're number 26?

No, why would I care about that?!

How do you shut down a list that you're not even supposed

- to know about? - No, that's the question now.

Listen, this gun stuff, I'm serious.

Like, you, me, all of these kids,

we could be dead right now.

34 years old, that would be it.

Yeah, I switched to saying

I'm 32 recently, but yeah.

I'm not just watching this stuff

happen on the news anymore, okay?

I'm not gonna be a statistic.

I'm doing something about this.

Wow, that's good. You say that,

and I'm, like, I'm on your side.

I'm not gonna let you guys become statistics.

I'm doing something about this.

Yeah, I'm gonna do something about this dick.

That's what you got out of that, Frank? Come on, man.

I mean, it's a gun safety course, Mr. Marquez.

You think shutting that down's gonna

do anything about gun violence?

- It's the principle of it. - He's trying to take a stand.

[Evan] I am taking a stand, Jeff.

I'm taking a stand, okay?

I don't care if you guys get it.

Of course we get it.

We've been doing drills our entire lives.

We're used to it.

You shouldn't be used to it!

That is so depressing.

- It's not that depressing. - [Hartman] Mr. Marquez,

I'm with you. I'm super anti-gun.

Hartman, we know you're anti-gun.

Your parents are, like, hippies.

They are, like, anti-electricity.

They're not anti-electricity, they're pro-wind turbines.

Look, I get that you guys have gotten used to this,

but you shouldn't be used to it, okay?

To me, if I grew up in this environment,

I would feel insane.

Like, you are probably having levels of cortisol

in your body that you don't even realize are there.

What's cortisol?

There's really nothing we can do about it.

It's like a... it's like a shark attack.

It's like a force of nature kind of thing.

It's not a force of nature.

This is what I'm saying.

This is a completely preventable problem.

But it's not preventable if we can't get the government

to do anything about it.

The gun lobby's too powerful.

They killed my stepdad.

Oh, my God, Jeff, that's crazy.

This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about.

Nah, I'm just playing with you, but you know the vibes.

Jeff, you have trauma.

- From being so cool. - Who said you're cool?

I mean, safety-wise, there's that one door

that has metal detectors.

Becca, nobody goes through that door.

You can't bring metal through it.

No, you can go through it, it just beeps.

I don't know, I just feel like when I was your guys' age,

like... if we wanted to change something,

we would do something about it, we would speak truth to power,

you know?

Like, about what?

Like, we would protest, like,

Bush getting re-elected.

We were trying to get Kerry in office.

[Jeff] Did it work?

- [sighs] - [Becca] Oh, my God!

I just thought of something. I'm a genius.

What if we did a protest?

But, like, to show that we disagree with the gun club.

Right, well, that is what I've been saying this whole time.

- But, yes, sure. - Okay, but if we're gonna do a protest,

it needs to be inside, because my hair will get insane.

Oh, my cousin just did a drunk-driving protest

at her school, we could try to do something like that.

But I wouldn't know how to organize that.

What is it hard to organize?

You guys are on all these group chats, right?

I'm not in any group chats.

I'm a one-on-one guy.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dude, is this one of those drunk-driving things?

It's an "anti-getting killed by guns" protest.

The kids are making their voices heard, I'm joining them.

That's good, I'm so anti-death.

So I'm, like, so on board.

Ghosts, the duality of life and death.

Día de los Muertos.

It's an anti-gun club protest.

Oh, it's not reading like that.

What is going on? You look like Erin Brockovich.

- I always look like this. - [Rick] Lies.

She's doing it because of the list.

No! But, seriously, who is making that list?

Right? Because we know who is making the hot list.

Who makes it?

- Who is it? - Um, I don't know.

- Damn it. - [Evan] Nobody knows who makes the list.

♪ ♪

- What the hell... - Oh, God.

...is this?

Just a little protest. Yeah, that's right.

Some of the kids in my program heard about

what y'all were up to, and decided they wanted

to make their voices known, too.

You're doing a protest? What are you protesting?

Protesting y'all for bullying us.

- Bullying you? - Yeah.

Trying to bully us out of having guns.

If we can't have guns, then we can't protect ourselves.

Protect yourselves against what, Markie?

People with guns.

You're saying if you can't protect yourself from guns,

then you're dead, so guns are the problem.

If there were no guns, there would be no problem.

Are you starting to see that?

I'm starting to see that you're the problem.

You don't understand that we already live in a world

- where guns exist, Evan. - [Grant] Mr. Marquez, Coach Hillridge!

We already live in a... Guns are already here.

Coach!

- What? - What?!

- What?! - Let's go.

- [sighs] - [Markie] Yeah, we're not even meeting

- on school grounds! - You are promoting death.

- I am not promoting death. - You are promoting death.

Please, please, just try to be civil.

- Civil, civil, civil. - [Markie and Evan arguing]

[Evan] What does a gun do other than kill people?

Uh, protects people! It protects people!

- From what? - From people who are...

- From people who have guns... - ...who don't know how to use--

- ...to kill people! - You know, Evan, man,

I'm trying to do something for the kids.

I'm trying to give 'em a skill, a lesson.

Yeah, but the problem is, when you do something like that,

it doesn't work 'cause you're an idiot.

[Grant] Markie, Markie,

Markie, Markie, M-Markie.

Oh, God, Evan.

Oh, God, I feel bad for saying that.

Look...

...politically, I agree with you.

You're anti-gun?

Eh, you know. But, you know.

See, I can't track your politics.

I do it on purpose.

I can't. So you have to, mm.

Look, I can't do anything about it.

The-the rules are very clear,

and, uh, I just have to stay out of it

in every possible way.

- I just have to. - That's your favorite thing to do.

Basically, yes.

All right? So the club stays.

Unless there's an active threat, which there is not.

What constitutes an active threat?

Evan, do not do anything stupid.

What? I wasn't even thinking of doing anything.

I'm literally asking, what's an active threat?

Now I'm thinking something.

Hello?

Crime and Punishment.

An incredible book, but what if that were you?

What if you were Raskolnikov

and you could get away with anything?

- [chuckles] - We all have this

voice inside of us that's kind of dark and weird and scary,

and society tells us to push that down.

I say, "Eff you, society." Right?

We got to express ourselves.

That's what our friend Fyodor did.

Worked out pretty well for him.

And this book sold a lot of copies.

Guys, this is English class, okay?

This is a safe space for you to say anything,

no matter how scary, how dark.

I want you, when you write in here, to forget

anything that anyone reading this might think

about what you're writing and just write.

You're talking about creative writing?

Creative writing. That's what we're doing.

Three pages of creative writing, and the subject is:

If you could get away with any heinous act,

what would you do?

Really get into this one, guys.

Go wild.

It's gonna be fun. I want to hear

some nasty stuff, okay?

And if it's a little bit of this...

you know, I don't want to say the word for this,

but if these are involved,

maybe a little bit of extra credit.

Question. Is this for a grade?

Just pass/fail, yeah, and as long as it's

violent and heinous, it's a pass.

So, like, is this double-spaced or...

I don't care.

So, I don't get it.

Like, you want someone to write an essay

- about killing you? - No, it doesn't need to be about me.

It just has to be something, like,

- threatening for the school. - Mm.

- Yo, where's Nick? - He's at Buffalo Wild Wings

with his work friends. Or his ex-work friends,

'cause they still work there, but he got laid off, obviously.

Glad I don't have a day job.

- Hi. - [Rick] Malcolm.

- [Gwen] Come on in. - Oh, God.

[Malcolm] Oh, my fucking God.

Wait, what happened to your yard?

Were you bombed? It looks horrible.

No, Nick's building a pool.

By hand?

Why is that what everybody focuses on?

Pay, pay people to do that.

Malcolm, check it out.

I found these rocks in the hole. They look like teeth.

- Oh, those are teeth. - What?

[whispering] You invited him?

Yeah, he said you guys are back together.

We're not back together.

What? He sent me a picture of you in bed.

- [Malcolm] Gwen? - Yeah?

This look, very sexy. I love it.

- It's a new for you, right? - I knew you'd like it.

- You usually look kind of not sexy. - Okay.

- [Malcolm] No, it looks nice. - She's doing it

because she fell six spots down the list.

- [Gwen] No, I'm not. - Oh-oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What, what? What?

- Active threat. Active threat. - What?

Active threat.

[Evan] Th-This is it. This is the one.

This is... this is...

really intense. I mean, this is concerning, maybe.

- Like, how? - Like look at this. He goes,

"They'll pay. They'll pay with their lives."

That doesn't seem bad.

"This is me talking. This isn't fiction anymore.

"I've got an unslakable thirst

that can only be quenched by blood."

Blood? It could be a vampire.

Ultimately compelling. I mean, like, I'm hooked.

This is gonna work.

- We're shutting it down. - Incredible. Shut it down!

As you all know, an active threat

was found in our community last night.

A number of measures have been taken.

Of course, the student in question,

who will not be named here,

will be entering immediate evaluation.

Also, metal detectors

will be installed at the remaining entrances

throughout the school.

This is awful news.

And I suppose this part goes without saying,

but effective immediately, the gun club...

Firearms safety program.

...will be suspended indefinitely.

- [sighs of relief] - [woman] What? No...

- There it is. - Okay.

And that's how gun club dies again,

not with a bang but with a whimper.

Taken out back and just

George and Lennie. Just that's it, we're done?

Markie, if... please. If you make a speech,

- then Evan has to make a speech and... - Yeah, sure, sure.

- No speeches while I'm speaking, okay? - Okay, fine, fine, fine.

I shouldn't have to say that. All right.

Anyway, gun thing is canceled.

Okay?

However,

per the district's instructions,

thanks to Evan here...

Whoo-hoo! Evan's our guy.

...we will now begin immediate

firearms training for all faculty.

- What? - I'm sorry, what?

Never mind, that's bad.

Each classroom will now have a gun in a lockbox

to be accessed in case of a threat.

- Okay, I'd like to opt out of that option. - Too bad.

Firearm training starts tomorrow,

and Markie will lead it.

Oh. You're all in good hands.

Okay, you know what? You know what?

[clears throat] I have something to say.

Is this not a speech?

I don't think this is all bad,

even though, you know, we all have to

learn how to use guns now, because the kids

no longer have guns,

and that is really what this was all about to me,

and it should have been about that to you all, too.

- So a success was achieved. - [Rick] Legendary.

Nice one, buddy.

[Grant] And last but not least,

free writing assignments will now be banned.

- Yes. - That's terrible.

That is good, actually,

with how this all shook out.

Hey, Jeff. Hey.

What's up, Ms. Sanders?

So, you like making lists, huh?

How do you know about that?

I know about it 'cause I've been working on this all week.

And Becca literally just told me that it's you.

- Damn. - Listen,

Jeff... [sighs]

I just, I-I just want to know, like,

why am I low on the list? Just out of curiosity.

I don't actually care, just I'm curious.

You want the truth?

Yeah, of course. Yes.

Well, ever since I saw the list was

affecting how you dress,

I started manipulating you.

Sick. What?

What? No, no. Like, I want you to dress well.

Elegant. You're a 34-year-old woman--

- 32. - You still have nearly half your life ahead of you.

- You think I'm gonna live to 60? - You don't have to wear plain dresses

all the time just because you have a tough job

and you're boyfriend's going insane.

What?

Look, I actually put together

- some looks for you. - You put together some looks?

Oh, wow, that's... Okay.

What do you got here?

I like that blazer. That's good.

I like that belt, too, that high. That's good.

God, I like these shoes, though.

Looks cute with the... with the wedge.

Those are Giuseppe Zanotti.

"Zaseppe" Zanotti?

No. Stop. Okay.

Email this to me, but seriously,

this is wrong, Jeff.

You know what? I'm gonna give you detention

'cause you shouldn't be manipulating teachers.

You shouldn't be o-objectifying teachers.

Okay, I'm just saying you look good in teal.

Shut up. But thank you.

What the fuck, Mr. Marquez?

Oh, Pablo, hey. I-I'm so sorry about

all this,

but th-that was really a particularly violent essay.

What's wrong with violent? I was inspired by

the concept of murder.

You were what?

I was inspired by the concept of murder.

Well, look, I mean,

it's all gonna be fine.

You're under 18,

this is not gonna go on your permanent record,

and I even wrote a letter for your file

taking full responsibility for

the assignment. You'll be fine.

Now I have to go to therapy three times a week.

Yeah. I mean, people pay a lot of money for therapy, right?

You're getting it for free. [chuckles]

I guess now I know

who to talk to about my intrusive thoughts.

What intrusive thoughts do you have?

Just stuff about buying a new car.

Right. Exactly.

So we can call it a win-win, right?

- Okay. - I guess we're cool.

Don't get on my list, though.

I can't believe we have to get firearms training now.

Markie's gonna fucking shoot us.

It's fine, we'll just get through it.

You're just saying that 'cause it's your fault.

I was trying to do something good.

What if we all get into gunfights, like, every day now?

Yeah, that would suck.

Well, at least we get to be outside. We're together.

See, this outfit is working.

I know! Ah!

All right.

The only thing stronger than a bad guy with a gun is...

A girl with a gun.

...a good guy with a gun.

Which one are you?

Listen, Evan. I know, man.

I know you're pissed at me,

I know you think you won something.

I did win, okay?

In my own way because, no,

I didn't end gun violence,

but I got some guns

out of some kids' hands, and that is good, Markie.

- I made the world a better place. - I don't care

how much shit you give me, we're on the same side,

okay, buddy? Seriously,

we're the good guys here, man.

Think about it like this.

You've worked your whole life to become a power bottom,

now you get to be a power bottom with a gun.

You think I'm a bottom? After this whole week?

- [Markie] Honestly? - He's only bottomed, like, once.

Can we please shoot, please?

Evan, can you... can...?

Markie, please.

Here we go. This is what

- we're here for. Aim-- - Markie.

- What? - I don't need your advice.

I know you need my advice.

- Please back up. - Buddy--

This is very straightforward.

- It's not very straightforward. - There's the bull's-eye,

here's the gun, I'm doing it.

- Back up. - No, it's called recoil.

- [shouts] - [Rick] Oh, shit, man! Whoa!

- Okay. You okay? - [Gwen] Did you break your wrist?

- [Markie] Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- You okay? - I don't know. I don't know.

Actually...

Hey, look at that. Bull's-eye.

Huh? Look at you.

Feel that power, buddy.

Oh, hell yeah.

♪♪ Kyrie eleison down the road that I must travel ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison through the darkness of the night ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison, where I'm going, will you follow? ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison on a highway in the light ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison down the road that I must travel ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison through the darkness of the night ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison, where I'm going, will you follow? ♪

♪♪ Kyrie eleison on a highway in the light ♪

- ♪♪ Kyrie eleison down the road that I must travel ♪ - ♪♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪♪ Yeah, yeah, will you follow? ♪ - ♪♪ Kyrie. ♪

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