Original subtitles

Do you know how people get their money these days?

90 percent of them get married, live a quiet life.

Bust their asses 8, 9, 10 hours per day

to get some money to pay the taxes, subscriptions and loans.

You work for months just to buy your lady those fucking earrings

while your son needs his 2 bucks a week to

"buy a book" - in the end it's just drug money.

Then we have the 5% who either inherit or make their

money due to their talents. The ballers, playing those hoops 24/7

The actors who don't know shit about acting.

And the politicians, full of crap.

But they're all loaded!

And then there's another 5%. The Mob and the businessmen.

They're the only ones handling the money.

And who the fuck are you!?

CONE

C'mon, for 5 bucks! 5, not 2, man! - Yeah, right!

This ain't worth shit! Not even for half a joint!

Are you serious? - Looks enough to me.

Cut the crap, man! - It's enough! Enough for 5 bucks

Screw you!

Do you have it or not? - Tomorrow, I swear! Tomorow!

Anybody home?

What's that fucking smell?!

The dude's just pissed in your car. Better get yourself a fan.

No way! Get the fuck out!

Sorry, man! - Can you believe it?

Which one do you like better? - This one looks just fine

Ok.

If you ain't paying tomorrow, don't even think

about wetting my wheels again! Got it? Got it.

BUDDHA

Take a look at this slim bitch!

Whatcha doin'? - You know his name, right?

Sure I do! Buddha!

Well, do you know what it means? - Yup, it's the... statue... thing...

What?? What's so funny? It's the statue... like this...

The lights ain't all on up there, eh?

ORTHO

Damn! Lost it all.

Heey! C'mon!! C'mon!! No. No... don 't...

C'mon!! Go, go! Who's your daddy!

Show me the money!! Come on!! Showtime!!

That's right!!!

This baby thought she could outsmart me.

Where's my dough, punk, huh?

TURK

Crap! How I am supposed to get a job in this town.

With nothing but primary school. I'm gonna snap!

What am I, a born confectioner?

Gonna make a living baking croissants, cakes, donuts,

fucking apple-pies. No way! I'm just gonna snap!

Culinary High School Presents Adnan Turkansanovic

With a diploma in culinarics.

Three, two... Three, four... now! Go!

Bon apetit!

"Cook with us!" Adnan Turkansanovic and Klemen Bucan

HERE AND THERE

Fuck, I'm tired of being broke all the time...

I visited my cousin in Ljubljana this morning.

You know, the truck driver, Turkey-England!

Small guy, giant moustache, love rug...

The bum from the slum? - Yeah, that's the one.

The dude has just smuggled a whole load of Japanese goods.

Dvds, mobiles, crap like that.

You mean he smuggled the Japanese ware from Turkey

to Slovenija so that he can take it to the UK now?

Anyway... We sell the stuff for let's say

200 grand. I can get it for 100.

What are we supposed to do with it?

How much cash do you have, Ortho?

Got something...

Retard!

What? - He doesn't care how much dough you have. He's suggesting

we buy the merchandise. - Exactly!

But still, let's say you have the 100 grand

who are you gonna sell all that stuff to?

Don't tell me no one's gonna buy a dvd-player

for 500 or a badass Nokia for loose cash!

Look, I get 300 DVD players for 250, 125 Nokias for 200.

The only catch is we have to buy it all at once.

Hey, suppose we bump the guy off instead?

Yeah, sure! First of all, the guy's my kin.

Not to mention we don't have the balls or the brains to do it.

Especially some of us.

I can get us 100 grand, but we gotta give back a little more.

Howcome? - Shove it!

Who from? - Frankie.

Are you out of your mind?

He's gonna get medieval on us if we don't return the money!

He's gonna get medieval on you, cause you're gonna go ask him!

And if we can't give him the dough back,

we'll just provide him with the goods.

I don't see no problem.

What do we have to lose? We rot here all the time anyway!

Ok, could someone PLEASE explain this to me once more?

Dumbass. We buy one grand worth Japanese shit from the kin

and we sell it in a couple of days for 200 grand.

And we get the money to start with from that dickhead...

Frankie - who is definitely gonna waste us if

we don't give him his money back. Simple, ain't it?

Put that away, man. - Hick!

Who you callin' a hick!? - You!

Don't make me smack you! Cut it out! - Give me that!

The only thing is I don't know when I can get the dough.

Two weeks, ok?

Two weeks, man? You gotta get it now.

As a matter of fact, tomorrow morning, then he's off.

Till when? - To-morrow! When?? - To-morrow!

Not now... please, not now... Yes? - Just a little more...

Yeah, I can be there in 5 minutes, ok. Bye!

What's the matter with you?

I gotta go pick something up! - Fuck!

Do you plan to do at least one thing right in your life or at least try to?

I 'll be back in 10 minutes, we'll finish it then!

Fuck you! You've promised to straighten up!

You're selling again, aren't you?

No, I'm not! I'm not! - Get lost!

I 'm not selling, get it? And even if I could

explain it to you, you wouldn't understand!

Wanna know why? Cause you're a woman.

Hello again! It's two o'clock and like always

it's time for the joke of the week.

There were three hunters. The first could blast three does

off with a single bullet. The second could blow three pigs's legs off

with one shot. The third hunter had wooden leg and spent a day in

the forest looking for a snake to bite him. He found one, had it bite

him in the leg and he went home with a pile of firewood!

What's up, Cone!

Well... I need some cash.

Some cash? Why didn't you say so?

How much do you need?

A hundred. - A hundred. Now, was that SO hard to say or what?

Grand.

Grand? What?!? It's the Christmas holidays already?

I 'm serious. -No shit, you're serious? And I ain't serious or what, huh?

You owe those two cocksuckers money again, right?

No, I don't owe anyone anything and I 'm NOT selling again.

Ok. What then? - Why do you need to know the details, Frankie?

Let's just talk like you talk with everyone else.

Alright. Ok. Fine. Like everyone else you say.

You pay me back in two weeks,

and you get the money in one week. Cool?

Nope. - You gotta be kidding me.

Hey, hey, take the left turn over there!

Let me guess, you need the money today? - Yeah.

You gotta be kidding me!

And don't touch the buttons!

Well, well! Not disturbing, are we? Just having dinner? - Nnn...

Who the fuck told you to speak! - Who the fuck told YOU to speak?

Who... - Shut the fuck up!

I 'd ask you where the toilet is, but I 'll find it quicker on my own.

Bingo.

You just sit down, so that you don 't exhaust yourself.

What the hell...

So, you think I 've forgotten all about you? I just can't, you know.

But I have no idea why we keep showing up.

I don't think it's your good looks

- must be either the gravity or the cash!

It was hard finding me!

It was hard for me to lend you the money.

And you're having a hard time returning it!

Now I'm gonna play hardball!

Look, boss, I've found a scale.

Step right up.

Step on it!

That's just how much you owe me...

Wa... wa... wai... - 150 grand!!

Wwait! Wwee saaid 120 gr... grand! - This week it's 150!

Hh.h. How... Shove it fatso!

How much do you have? How much!?

Lii hhave... a hundred aaand fiftteen grand.

Give me the 115 now and the 35 in three days.

Either that, or no more potato chips for you! - Aa... alright!

So what are you still fuckin ' doing here? Get the money!

C'mon, why do yo shout all the time! - Just go get the money!

Damn! How the fuck's a guy supposed to work with all this shouting and all.

Hey, fatass! - Yyyees?

Have I told you the story about the three hunters yet?

You've told me!

My ass. Listen up! There were three hunters.

Yeah... - The first hunter could nail two pigs with one bullet.

The second one was able to shoot a stag

and a doe in the head... er... anklers... with one shot.

The third hunter had a wooden leg. He wandered the

forest all day, looking for a snake to bite him.

He found one, it bit him and he went home with a pile of firewood.

But I can nail all three hunters at once!

O... Ok! Lf... - Ok? It's not ok! It's not ok!!!

No cash in three days and - slash!

...and he went home with a pile of fire-wood.

This was the Joke of the Week.

You can hear it again in two hours on your favourite radio station.

I 'm sure the radio was off before... - Oh, just shut up and drive.

Zoki, zoki... Zoki, drive! Zoki, the gun! Zoki, the door!

Zoki this, Zoki that. It's all up to Zoki. No one else. Just Zoki!

There is one thing, Cone. Now that you want your money

on the spot, there's been little change in the rule-book. Get it?

You get the cash for one week, at a fifteen percent interest-rate.

Can you handle it? - No problem!

No problem? I hope you'll have no problems next week as well!

Ok, here's the money!

And... Cone! Hope to see you next week, right?

What? - Listen up! There were three hunters.

One hunter could nail two does with one shot...

Barbie... Barbie!!

Great.

Hello? Did you get it? He got it! He got it! Turn it up!

Greg?

Are you home?

Greg?

Fuck! Fucking asshole! I knew he was selling again!

No way am I coming back! Never againl! Fuck!

I 'm dying for an ecstasy!

- Ok, I've told you like a zillion times I don 't have any!

Why didn't you buy them from your

Bishop's Town guy, like always!

But he's run out of them.

Well, if he doesn't have them, no one does.

But I really, really want one! - Fuck!

As you make your bed, so must you lie in it.

Then again, I happen to have a batman in the basement.

Really? You have a batman?

Do you have one for... me... just one... - Hell yeah, a big one.

Great! You'll have one, then I'll have one then you'll have a half...

You'll see what the Batman's gonna do to you.

Fuck! I've overslept! I 'll be there in a sec.

Shit!

Where the fuck's Cone!! - Take it easy, he'll show up!

Here he comes. - Take your time, Cone, we're in no hurry at all.

And where's the money? Don't tell me you forgot it.

There is no money.

Watch it, will ya?

Ok, could you repeat that please?

I told him to watch where he throws his ball!

Not you! Cone, where's the dough!!

We don't have the money. I got 100 grand,

put it on the bed and now they're gone.

Wow! You sure hid it well! You put it on the bed!!

What if Barbie took the cash? - She didn't.

The door was open anyway.

They were WHAT?

I fell asleep on the doorway. - How did you manage to do that?

I was a little wasted... so I fell asleep on the doorway.

Dumbass. Now you've killed us all.

Ok, first of all! If we don't get to Ljubljana in

the next 30 minutes, the deal is off

- and if we don't pay Frankie back his 100 grand...

- 115 grand. - 115 grand. - In 7 days.

We're fucked!

Hey, chill... we can get the money. - Chill?!

I just knew this Frankie business ment nothing but trouble!

Do you know what he did to Boris,

the guy that borrowed the cash for the bar?

Yeah, we all know. He killed him.

He didn't just kill him, he took him to the quarry.

The biggest rocks, the biggest slope.

Took his clothes off, made him fetch

this stone from the bottom of the quarry.

We've all heard it Buddha, ok??

And he went up and down, until he had found the right stone.

Then Frankie shot him. - Nobody liked Boris anyway.

Screw you, Cone! You're gonna go rob

the nearest exchange office!

And if that's not enough, you'll go rob another

and another until we get our money back.

No, no, he's not going anywhere!

The fuck he ain't! - You're in this just like

me and Cone and Buddha! - Fuck you!

I could phone Barbie, maybe she knows something.

Barbie? She knows about this? Have you told her?

No, I didn't. That's why we got into a fight yesterday.

No wonder she left. Like she wanted to a

hundred times before, dating a loser like you.

Not available. - A true idiot!

Fuck Barbie, fuck everything.

Let's just think how we are gonna get those 115 grand.

In one week? - Yeah, Ortho, in one week!

Any idea how we are going to get the cash back, smartass?

Beats me! I can sell my Renault.

Sure. You'll only have to sell it at least 50 times.

So? We steal it and sell it all over again! - That's it! We sell it

steal it. Sell it again and we get at least 4 grand!

So we just have to find another 111, right?

I guess I could go and see Grim and Whiskers.

What if we started selling ecstasy?

What? - Ecstasy! I spoke to a friend yesterday

she said she was buying them off some big dealer in Bishop's Town.

Yup, and she said he's all out of them! - Exactly!

And if he can't get them... how can you, Buddha?

PHARMAC Y

Hello there! May I help you? - G'day, 'mam.

I would like to know if you guys eat around here.

I beg your pardon?

If you eat around here. I 'm leading a survey on education...

I mean... alimentation so I 'd like to know if you have a lunch break.

Yeah, from one till two pm.

Thank you very much!

GIVE YOUR SOAR THORAT HELL WITH CEPACOL!

Aren't you going to write it down? - No, no, I memorise everything!

Don't you want to know what we eat?

Today we had barley porridge, dumplings, grapes...

Damn! I've caught a cold again! I feel like the Niagara falls!

So what? Some people are invalids for life!

And what's that gotta do with me?

I 'm just trying to tell you there are worst things

than this common cold you got.

I know what you mean. I went for this hillbilly ride

the other day and my car breaks down.

The horror. I call the tow-away service. No sign of them.

No sign of them all day. I bet they couldn't find it.

Anyway, I can't blame them.

You can't imagine how forsaken that place was!

So, I know I gotta take the bus and I step up to this granny.

Was she an invalid? - Man, fuck you and your invalids!

Why d'you have to treat me this way, Whisk?

I got feelings too! - Sorry bro', my bad!

Anyway - I step up to the granny

and ask her when the next bus leaves.

She looks at me like a retard and says, you know what she says?

"Mister, it's July, the bus doesn't arrive till January!"

January, get it? They've got calendars, not bus schedules!

Unbe-fucking-lievable! - Look, here comes Cone!

Hey, Cone! D'you want a cone, Cone?

Where the hell were you? I 've spent the week looking for you!

Check out this major deal. The dude needs one pound of weed.

He's loaded, we make easy money. What d 'you say?

You just give me a pound, I take it to him in a couple of days. Bam!

And why do we get the money only after a few days?

Cause the guy lives far away and I got no car. That's why.

Have I ever screwed you? - Cone! Have WE ever screwed YOU?

Fuck, I'm serious! Look, if I don't bring you the dough

you can shove a whole pine tree up my ass, ok?

And if I do bring it, it's for the old times' sake. Ok?

Shall we? - One pound!

You got a deal.

Ok, Cone. You wanna sit in the back or in the "back"back?

Hi, Tina! That's you, right? - That's me!

I 'm Ortho. And this is Turk. My homeboy. - Turk.

So, these are your wheels?

Yup, it's a beauty, eh? I mean, it's the best Renault around here!

Really! Just feel this body-sheet. Can you feel it?

Nothing orange-like, not a single bump or anything!

Oh, oh - and check this out! Do you know what this is?

This is when they made this car, they said:

"This car's gonna be the coolest around!"

And it was the coolest that month.

Really! And the way the doors open, eh? Smooooth. Like butter.

And the windows - like a Benz, you know, electric. Buzzzzz!

Ok, let me get this thing running for you. See?

Awesome sound, just like Formula1! It's a great carburetor.

And look at the mileage!

No funny-business, no turning back the meter with a screwdriver,

no driving backwards, no nothing! Plus, I'll give you a spoiler,

so you can race around these villages here.

Here's an AG tag. It means you can drive your car in

Afghanistan as well, no green card required.

Now see here, this side's just the same as the other one.

Well, it's red and all. This here is the only difference.

It's additional equipment, it shouldn't bother you.

And I 'll throw in the radio with four speakers

so you can really turn up Dolly Parton

Dixie Chicks and Tele-tubbies!

Whatever you desire. So, you see, it's a mean machine!

Why are the colours so various?

What? No, no, haven't you heard of the "three weather taft"

Well, it's the same thing here.

Rain, sun, wind, snow - anything - and it's still the same red Renault.

Rain, sun, wind, snow - anything - and it's still the same red Renault.

Now that was cheeky! Can you imagine her saying it's my fault

those drugs weren't purchased?

I 'm not gonna put up with that! No way!

So... I can blame it on you or what? Do you know what I mean?

I think I'm gonna file a complaint. Really! Enough's enough!

Just like the real thing!

So, where was the wedding?

They married twice. Once in the church and once at the registry.

I fancied the church. We were in there for three hours.

It was swell. And the wedding toll was great!

What's that?

That's when they block the road

and the groom has to pay for the bride!

And in the evening we had a party.

The Merry Men of Woodington had a gig!

They were great and we boogied all night long.

Sounds like a ball to me! - Yup.

G'day. Could I speak to Barbara please?

I see. When's she coming back?

When is she done with the surveys?

I don't know, three pm, eight pm?

Do you happen to know where she's at?

NOTARY

That's all, Tina. Oh, here are the car keys! Hope you like it!

Sure thing! I 'll take good care of it. Well...

Ehmmm... Don't you have the spare key?

This IS the spare key, I lost the original

one year ago. I 've told you that before.

Ok, it doesn't matter. I 'll have one made anyway.

20 bucks won't kill me. Especially now that I got me a new car.

Heh, you won 't have it for very I...

Ok, thanks! - See you some time!

Now show me the fuckin' paper before I rip your dumb head off!

Reeding, 1 h

G'day, mister. Did by any chance a young lady stop by for a survey?

Yup, there was this nice missus, but she had already gone!

Thanks a lot! - Can I help you with anything?

No...

Or... Mister!

I 've been wondering - did my colleague

Barbara, mention our new product?

Not a thing!

I see. Well, our company has discovered a new sort of vitamin in

India, in the Amazon. Vitamin C 19 +. And we started soaking our

first class tobacco in this vitamin.

The result was a life-prolonging medicine.

Reaally?? - And not only does it prolong your life -

it's such a spice to your sex life it's hard to describe.

Really? Well, give me one then.

Not that there's anything wrong with my

sex-life, but it would be nice to live longer. - I dig you, mister.

Now - this bag would cost you 500, bought in a drugstore.

Whoa, that's something! I can sell it to

you for 100 bucks, the purchase price.

Wel... ehm... - Look, mister. Money is money.

But health, sir, health! For your health 's sake!

Ok, then give me one, and another one for my wife.

She's on her deathbed as well, you know and I'd like to ease her pain.

Excellent! Thank you very much! - You're welcome.

Enjoy! - Thanks!

Yes? - Hey, it's Buddha... - Bu-who?

You know, the "basement-guy"! - Hey! What's up?

Huh, I've got your favourite stuff!

I want some!! You really got it?

Yeah, but in large quantities and I was wondering if you could set

me up with that dealer from Bishop's Town who handles the ecstasy!

Oh, Butch? Yeah, sure, are you gonna write it down?

Nope, I'll memorise it. I memorise everything.

Ok! 041567890, got it? - Got it! Thanks! Bye!

Ok! Bye!

Yeah? Who is it? - Hey, it's Buddha!

And who might you be to disturb me?

Oh, no one. I just wanna go watch the X-Files with you!

I get it. How big's our company gonna be?

Nine thousand folks. - That's quite a crowd. The ticket?

Let's say four bucks.

5 Downing Square, Bishop's Town. You know where that is?

I have no idea but I'll find it. - High noon - and don't be late!

Sure. Of course I'm gonna be on time. No problemo!

I 'm never late! I got this badass watch. I've had it for six years.

May my dick fall-off if I ain't on time!

Hey... Hey!! Fuck...

REEDING 1 H

Dammit, unavailable cunt.

Catch my groove.

What d 'you want! - We got exctasy.

Really? No shit!! You want the whole town to hear you or what?

Get in so we can talk business.

The boss is busy.

Wait here.

Man, if Frankie don't get us...

this guy will, for sure!

Frankie. Frankie sent you? THE Frankie?

Welllll... Frankie, yeah.

Frankie sent us. That's right.

Show me what you got.

Here, there's 100 pieces in a bag and I got 90 of those.

What if he finds out they're fake? - It doesn't matter, just take it easy.

C'mon, take the money and let's go! Hey... let's go.

Ehm... could we get the money because we really have to go.

Could we get the money, cause we have to get going?

Here, have some.

What the fuck, Buddha!

Buddha!

We still have something to do, remember...

What's the matter with you! Let's go! These guys are wack!

Do you hear me!?! - Chill, man. - Let's go!!

Shut up, will you?

And would all of you please stop yelling!

Didn't you see what he did to that guy who screamed!

Besides, I can 't concentrate with all this yelling!

We have the money. Let's go!

My backpack!

Let's go! - Wait, the door!

The drugstore kicks ass!

Man, I was with this babe the other day.

I paid her drinks and all and then she wouldn't even do me...

What the fuck's the matter with you?

Are we there yet?

Cause I feel like being in the Lila Pause commercial.

You know, purple cows, the marmot with the chocolate!

Save it, Ortho, save it, ok?

Damn, it's freezing out here!

Mountains, snow... I bet the rooster still wakes 'em up around here!

The realm of the abominable snowman.

Now keep an eye out while I do my thing! Ok?

You're gonna break in? - Yeah!

You're gonna BREAK IN?? - I saw it in a movie!

You're gonna break in? Go, go... just step aside!

You're gonna do it?

Get lost! Get lost! Please! Just go home, man, just go home!

Oooh, you have the key, that's right!

Buddha!

...he had the key. Just like that.

Damn this car smells!!

I 'm telling you, man, all the dung and the cows and Malizia...

What's the matter with this chick, what a stench!!

Open the door! We're never gonna ventilate this shit!

And she fucked up the lock, fucking cow!

And all the dead hens, sheep... rotting...

those road kills and stuff ...and crazy mushrooms...

What?

Whoooaaaa!

How did she squeeze him in?

What's up, fatass!

Ffffatass yourself!!

Who are you calling fat, cunt! - Who's fat now, huh? Huh?

ZZ... Zoki... what are you doing here?

Yeah, it's me! What am I doin' here?

Hahah, he's stammering. - Told you you're gonna love him!

Say: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck...

I. I... I can't!

Hell you can't! Say it!

No, nnono, no. - Motherfucker! You can't? SAY IT!

I can! - You can? Come on, say it!

H h h how mmmuch wood wwwould a a a...

Come on! He's just fuckin' with you!

I... l... I know! - Haha! He knows!

Joke, right?

Joke?? Joke? You just give us the money and we get lost!

Frankie s... said... tomorrow!

Frankie said tomorrow my ass!

Tomorrow? What tomorrow?

I don't h... h... have it yet. - What do you mean you don't have it yet!?

Damn! - I can't believe this.

Have you lost your mind? You killed the man!

His problem! He made me snap!

HIS problem? How can HE make you snap?!

He irritates me with his stammering!

So what? Do you have to pop him right here for that?

Frankie said: No money, no mercy!

So what! Did you have to shoot him here?

You just shoot wherever you go!

What am I supposed to do with him? Look at him!!

Who's going to carry him outside?

He's humongous alright.

Grab him.

Keep standing there. Grab him! - Ok, calm down...

Fucking pig! What did this guy have for lunch?

Behemoth.

Now what?

Go, go! Move it! In the car!

What in the car? - We'll put him in the car!

What if we put him in that Renault over there?

How are you gonna stuff this mammoth in there?

You said you didn't want his guts all over the car!

It's expensive, the cleaning and all.

It does look like a coffin on wheels! Ok! Let's go!

Here goes! One! Two! Two, three!

He must've eaten the Stonehenge!

What? What?? - I can't do it!

You can't do it? Go fetch something from the house!

Fetch what?

Fetch what? Fetch what? You always have to ask me, right?

Go and get us something useful. There's gotta be something.

You ate all day through, huh? Fat pig!

I could be at home watching a movie, but no, I have to put up with this!

Here! Fancy, huh?

What the fuck's that?

A fork!

Oh, of course! A fork! And where's the rest of the kitchen set?

What set? - What set?! The knife, the spoon...

What knife? - ...the napkin, the plates...

It was on the table! ...the table cloth...

He was eating, what?

Why didn't you bring the rest? Put it on the table, we got a picnic!

I 'd bend this one in, that one out...

Like MacGyver with the swiss army knife, see?

MacGyver? Victorinox? I need something to open this shit!

Ok, Zoki, it seemed the only useful thing!

The only useful thing? - He was eating, what??

It's always up to me. You can't do shit! Fuck!

All by myself. Mr. Fix-it!

Always me... Zoki this, Zoki that...

You're the man, ok?

Let's go.

Made to fit.

Do you really have to go? - Yeah, I feel kinda sick.

Do you need a ride home maybe?

I'll manage, you go and have a blast, don't make me spoil the party!

Hey, no problem at all!

Some other time, how about that?

Ok, can I call you? - Sure, you do that.

Bye!

Man, that's some wacko bitch!

How did she squeeze him in anyway?

I 'm starting to like this babe more and more!

What's up, Cone! Forgot about us, huh? Where's our money?

We've heard you've been dealing big time, huh?

I 'll give it to you when I have it! Beat it!

Yeah, beat it! - You ain 't got it??

Chill man, chill! Easy! We can work this out, right?

Yeah, you can take the wheels instead!

Yeah, take the Renault! - The Renault!

Your friends ain't as dumb as they look, Cone!

But the car seems a little fucked up!

Fucked up? This one's as flawless as they get! Just feel this!

Do you see any rust, bumps, scratches, anything?

Nothing! The doors open like butter, like they were fucking automatic!

And these as well!

This shit ain 't even got five gears!

One, two, three, four, five... and the rear - six, see? It's almost

like a Land Rover and saves you a shit-load of gas! Now check the

lights out - turn them on at night and it's like a sunrise!

And then the flies come crashing in the windshield.

Anyway, it's a French car and the French know their wheels.

Got you! - Whiskers!

Anyway, the car's worth more than that fuckin' weed of yours!

Hey, heeey! - Slow down!

What motherfucking weed? The weed you gave to Cone.

So, it's a little-used machine, this grandma had it, holidays only.

And she didn't even know how to shift in the fifth gear!

Did you see that?

I mean... have you ever seen a Renault 5 with an automatic trunk

windows, doors and all... and you don't have to shake it.

It's a fine car, trust me on this, ok?

Looks fine to me! - Ok, the keys please!

Turk, give him the keys! And make it snappy!

You take it for a ride, I'll get mine and I'll meet you up on the garages.

Ok! Be careful with these guys!

Cone! Did you piss in this one as well??

What's so funny? - Nothing.

Hi, Tamy! Did I wake you up?

I don't know what to do. Cone's been calling me but I haven't

picked up. Now I 'm afraid he's not gonna call anymore.

Do you think I should ring him up or leave him...

No, I'm not calling him.

You think so?

Maybe you're right.

I know, he really is such a looser.

I don't know why I'm still with him.

I 'm not calling him anymore. Sorry I woke you up.

I 'll call you tomorrow, ok? Ok, bye!

I 'm SO not calling him again!!

Never again.

Turk, man, you REALLY don't know how to walk!

What do you mean? - Really, you walk like a penguin!

Hey! - Like a toad.

Well, all the babes tell me they recognize me by my hot walk!

They do, huh? - Look, they do recognize you by your walk...

...but not because it's hot! - Screw you!

Hey! Turk, wait! No, really. Your feet should point out.

Like that, yeah. And pull back your shoulders.

That's more like it! Now, if anyone asks

you anything, you just raise your head like Bruce Willis.

Yeah, like someone's tickling your balls! That's it!

No try to stay like that! - There! You can do it!

Fuck you!! Donald Duck maybe, not Bruce Willis!

A beef burrito, please!

What will you have? - I'll have a chicken burrito.

Cheddar and beans! - Chicken, with ketchup!

One beef, one chicken, one cheddar and beans.

And one chicken with ketchup!

How can you eat that? - Ketchup rules.

To the Finnish maybe... - You can't eat a ketchup burrito.

You can have a hot dog with ketchup, but not a burrito!

Yeah... but... - Nope.

But... - No way.

But if... - No.

Turk, I 've changed my mind.

Too late. Here!

Man, burritos rock.

Look, I've been thinking... We still need to find most of the

money. And we got only two days left.

This week went by like the Orient Express.

Stop it, asshole.

It's not cold. It's well-done!

It's cold! - But I 've just made it! - Don't you like me or what?

We like you, we really do.

I 'm going to call the police... I mean... those guys...

The inspection, yeah!! They'll show you giving out cold hot-dogs!

The nerve! Here! Feel it! Feel my weener!

There's nothing wrong with it. It's hot!!

It's fucking COLD!! Give me another one! No, no, fuck you!

Give me my money back. Three fifty, please.

Stop it, shithead! What's wrong with you?

Motherfucking cold-burrito mob!

Goodbye! And don't show up no more!

Can you believe this shit? I 'm coming here more often!

What am I supposed to do with this burrito now?

It's cold anyway. Take it back, they'll change it for a fresh one!

Ok, stop goofing around. I was serious.

Does anyone have any ideas how to get the dough in two days?

Do YOU have any idea how to get the money?

We're gonna sell everything.

The burrito as well?

Yes, the burrito as well. We're selling everything today.

All that we have. And the burrito, Ortho.

We have 44 grand.

Dammit, man, we were almost there!!

We still have a day to sell something.

Come on, Ortho sold his golden chain, you sold your skateboard,

Cone and I sold everything we had. What else can we sell?

We can steal it again, sell it, steal it again...

I 've got it. You'll go to the casino and come back with 115 grand.

Why me?

Cause you're the only one who can gamble.

But I don't gamble with such amounts!

If you have a better idea, let's hear it!

What if I lose it all?

I 'll rip you a new asshole and Frank will rip me one.

And if Frankie won't, Butch will for sure.

Or the cops or Grim and Whiskers.

Ok, ok!

Just tell me what to play.

You can play everything, just stay away from poker!

When d'you want me to go?

You wanna take a nap, right?

I wouldn't mind.

I suppose you'd fancy me bringing you an orange, peel it

and take out the seed, right? NOW!!

Hey! - What? - Good luck.

Red, right?

Let's hope so. Good luck.

The bets are off.

Zero, niente, Nichts.

This is all your fault, Turk! - Who told you to play the roulette.

I just said you shouldn't play poker

because it's by far the dirtiest!

I didn't tell you to play just the roullete.

Now tell me you layed red bets only.

What? There's another colour?!

Fucking dimwit!

C'mon, red like ketchup, what else!

Cool. - I 'm gonna motherfuckin' waste you!

Oh yeah? Go get it, Turk-boy.

Cool it, guys! Do you remember what you said one week ago?

We're all in this together! - Well, this was not what I had in mind.

And it wouln't be like this, if this shithead hadn't fucked it up!

Who are you calling a shithead, asshole! - How could he!

Look, Frankie would understand

if we brought at least 44 grand, he'd have

given us more time maybe.

But now, we ain't got nothing to give and we

can't even tell him the truth, because no one

would believe this shit.

He's gonna have us for dinner, Cone,

and the only thing on my mind is to

strangle that idiot over there! - Come and get some, you pussy!

Shut up or I 'll let him kill you! You laid just red bets shithead!

I can take you both down! - Quiet!

And you shut up as well.

It could 've happened to you too, if you hadn't

blamed everybody else for everything!

First, I had to get the money, then he had to double the

sum and now everybody's to take the heat but you.

Can we just calm down now, please?

Sure... - What?

Sure, we're gonna die. All of us. Red!!

We could emigrate to my aunt in Munich!

Shut up or you'll get it. - What??

Frankie's gonna kill us all.

Not if we kill him first.

We don't have the money anyway, so that

leaves us with two options.

Either Frankie nails us or we nail him.

The second one sounds better.

How do you plan to kill that mastodon?

And he has those thugs all over the place.

Buddha's right. We have to kill him before he kills us.

After all, we've borrowed 100 grand. That's no pocket money.

Ok, Buddha. You're so smart, tell us the masterplan, please.

I 'd take this suitcase...

I can't believe this! You'd switch the money with slips of paper.

Oh, and before that, we'd smoke them out with a gas bomb.

Then me and Ortho would chase those

200 pound gorillas around with a cord

and a knife, right? - Or I could ring my homeboys up!

Let's just emigrate to your aunt in Munich!

At least we're here. They can't find us here so quick, right?

Anyone got a joint? - We're gonna die and you want a joint, man?

So what if we die. Just one before I go, right?

If I die, i'll die high!

C'mon, Cone, let's blast a joint.

Frankie, Frankie!

Whatever.

Just move aside for a moment, ok?

What's up, fellas! Run out of time? Guys, go keep an eye out!

Now, where were we.

Do you know how people get their money these days?

This is gonna get ugly. - What's gonna get ugly?

Those kids. They're ok, I 'd hate to see them go.

They're ok, yeah. Ok. It's their fault. Ready money...

...works great cures! - That's right.

Damn, Burim! Stop spitting all over the floor.

Why? - We're not outside. - So...? - Well, don 't spit on the floor.

What's the difference? -lt's disgusting. - What's disgusting about it?

You spit on the floor, in the basement, everywhere.

I got too much slobber, what?

You can't spit inside. - Why not?

Because you can't! Spit outside, dammit!

Isn't it the same shit if I do it inside or outside?

It's not the same shit, get it?

Outside there's the rain, the wind, the sun

mother nature takes care of it! The spit is gone in a flash!

Have you ever seen a spit when you went for a walk?

Loads of them. - Yeah, you saw your own spits!

Those as well, yeah. - How about someone else's?

Have you ever seen my spit outside?

It doesn't say whose spit it is.

It doesn't matter, because it vanishes outside.

But inside, it stays on the floor. Have you ever thought

of what's gonna happen to your spit?

Well? - It's gonna dry!

My ass! Do you know what's gonna happen?

This guy will go fetch the potatoes from the basement and he's gonna step

right onto your spit with his shoes. The spit is gonna stick to his soles

and he's gonna bring the spit straight into his living room because

the idiot won't take his shoes off. The spit's gonna be in his living room.

Then his little six months old baby girl is going to crawl right into the

living room with her rattle and she'll throw it right on that spit.

And then what? Six months old babys put everything they get their hands

on into their mouths and she's gonna have your spit in her mouth.

How do you like that, a little kid having your spit in her mouth?

Maybe you'll have a baby one day. Would you want her to have some pig 's

spit in her mouth?

To me, every spit's the same. - No, it's not!

Saliva... - It's all the same to you!

Do you know what saliva is? It's a body-fluid.

A body fluid. Saliva's one of them. Do you know how many are there?

Would you want to have my cum on your hands, eh?

No way!

Why not? All the body fluids are the same. You said so yourself.

Imagine having my sperm on your palms. Just a body fluid, right?

Do you know what I think? - What?

You're a fag. - What?

You're a faggot. - I ain't no fag, fuck you!

Burim? - Sorry, Boss!

I mean... Saliva, sperm, it's all the same to you.

It's not the same, sperm and spit.

Hell it's not! - Is not!

Is not! - Is too!

Ok then. - Ok.

Hold this, will you? - Ehm...

Keep it now, ok? - You keep it!

Burim, keep it!

Why the fuck do I have to do everything.

Everytime, every single time...

Burim... Burim!! - What?!?

Easy now.

Selling us Alka-seltzer, huh?

The Mob and the businessmen.

They're the only ones handling the money.

And who the fuck are you?

Ok, shit, what the fuck's just happened here?

I don't know.

Cone, open the door, I gotta go sit down and think a little.

Cone, open the door, I gotta go sit down and think a little.

Hi!

It was her! I 'm gonna kill her! Bitch!!

Take it easy, ok? What the fuck's the matter with you!

I wanted to turn you in, but I care too much about you.

Here's your money.

Directed by MITJA OKORN

So, are we gonna spend the cash or what?

We just sit around all day long.

No! -Let's buy a little heater.

You want some coke? - No, get lost.

What about you? - Beat it, Buddha! - More for me then!

You know what we ought to do with this money? Make a movie.

Yup, a porno.

That'd be cool too, but I thought we'd make a movie about the shit that

happened to us. - Yup, porno!

How are you gonna do the movie if everyone's dead.

Frankie's dead, all of them.

Stupid! You don't play yourself in a movie!

Actors do it, it doesn't even matter which.

Dumbass.

That's true. I don't know... have I ever told you about my cousin?

The mean mother?

Yeah, that's the one. Tall, skinny, no moustache. He gets around.

He knows all the filmmakers, like Quentin. Quentin could play Frankie.

Get the fuck outta here!

And Uma Thurman can play Barbie and I 'm gonna be fucking

her like a madman on the washing machine, right?

Exactly, Cone, exactly! - Sure, Turk!

Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino, that would bring down the house!

My cousins are serious. Consider it done.

Ortho's dad could act too, and he could lend us his Audi.

He could do that, yeah!

The Audi would make us look serious.

Would anyone understand what Ortho's dad is saying?

Look who's talking!

Of course they would! - Who would be the director then?

Rocco Siffredi! He's the bomb!

Who the fuck!? - Let's keep Siffredi out of this!!!

What about Ritchie? - You mean that billionaire kid?

I didn't know he's in the movies business.

Retard! - Guy Ritchie, not Richie Rich!

I told you to stop watching Cartoon Network, dude...

Ritchie will want loads of money! - Who's gonna directionalize it then?

What about that guy, you should know him, Buddha -

- The one that made all those skateboard movies?

Man, he's a nervous wreck, he just yells all the time

That guy is so tense he's gone half-bald.

But it wouldn 't cost us much. - Yeah, he's from Slovenia.

Who would be dumb enough to go see this movie anyway?

Porno!

Porno!

!? Lost in translation!? PETER ZARGI

!? Lost in translation!? PETER ZARGI