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"Will & Grace" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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[laughing] You won't believe this.
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Uh, happy Valentine's Day to you too.
5
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No, I loved that text.
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00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,845
You look so good in those jeans.
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[chuckles] Okay, bye.
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- Your mom?
- No.
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It was McCoy.
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And he sent you flowers?
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00:00:21,399 --> 00:00:22,522
Oh, no, those are from my mom.
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Oh. Okay, okay, buckle up.
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Noah is Sylvia De La Croix.
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What?
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You're kidding me.
16
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That is completely blowing...
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But I don't know who that is.
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00:00:36,574 --> 00:00:37,740
What?
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00:00:37,814 --> 00:00:41,994
No, no, no, she's the writer
of those trashy romance novels,
20
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:43,746
"The Bodice Chronicles".
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He's her. Noah is Sylvia.
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- Noah writes romance novels?
- Yeah.
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00:00:48,836 --> 00:00:50,669
He's the least romantic
person in the world.
24
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Oh, I know.
25
00:00:51,745 --> 00:00:53,260
He wants to spend Valentine's Day
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getting his dog's anal glands expressed.
27
00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:56,920
[cell phone dings and buzzes]
28
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,260
- [elevator bell dings]
- Oh... oh, that's the elevator.
29
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:01,230
That's him. Okay, do not say anything.
30
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- Hey.
- Hi.
31
00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:03,682
Hey, buddy.
32
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You told him.
33
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Look, I'm not proud of it, okay?
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But it pays the bills,
so can we please just keep this
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between the three of us?
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Sylvia De La Croix,
as I live and breathe.
37
00:01:16,231 --> 00:01:17,730
Well, I texted him before I knew
38
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I wasn't allowed to tell anyone.
39
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Okay, great, your little group knows,
40
00:01:21,786 --> 00:01:23,350
but can we please just keep it
41
00:01:23,121 --> 00:01:24,537
between the four of us?
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She burst into the decrepit flophouse,
43
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one bosom heaving in anticipation,
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the other frozen in disbelief.
45
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I had to. You're her favorite author.
46
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Karen, I wouldn't have pegged you
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as a fan of romance novels...
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00:01:41,139 --> 00:01:43,556
or of reading.
49
00:01:43,641 --> 00:01:47,643
I've always seen myself
in the character of Aurora.
50
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Well, I actually just finished writing
51
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the final book.
52
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[glass shatters]
53
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Huh? Wha... kwah?
54
00:01:54,652 --> 00:01:56,480
What do you mean?
55
00:01:56,118 --> 00:01:58,821
I'm done being part of the
romantic-industrial complex,
56
00:01:58,906 --> 00:02:01,323
exploiting people's loneliness
for profit.
57
00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:03,742
It's why I hate Valentine's Day.
58
00:02:03,828 --> 00:02:05,494
Oh, Valentine's Day is the worst.
59
00:02:05,519 --> 00:02:06,556
What? You love Valen...
60
00:02:06,581 --> 00:02:07,796
[gibbering]
61
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I'm killing her off.
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[glass shatters]
63
00:02:13,171 --> 00:02:14,920
Where did you get another martini glass?
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It's my spare.
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[upbeat trumpet and piano music]
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♪ ♪
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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You don't really need the tracksuits
69
00:02:34,108 --> 00:02:36,358
to know what team you play on.
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Go ask him.
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00:02:38,290 --> 00:02:40,863
Say, Will, Jack is working tomorrow,
72
00:02:40,948 --> 00:02:42,831
and I know McCoy is out of town,
73
00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:45,334
but I have two tickets to see
the guys from "Queer Eye"
74
00:02:45,369 --> 00:02:49,380
doing "The Vagina Monologues,"
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if you would like to go.
76
00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:52,875
I can't, I'm sorry... busy.
77
00:02:53,928 --> 00:02:57,120
Will would have loved to, yeah,
78
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:58,327
but he's got a funeral.
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00:02:58,397 --> 00:03:01,133
His aunt just died, you know,
the one he's named after,
80
00:03:01,219 --> 00:03:03,686
because they're both
overweight spinsters.
81
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,855
Toodles.
82
00:03:07,942 --> 00:03:11,393
Could you for once be a human being?
83
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What?
84
00:03:12,478 --> 00:03:14,290
You just invented my Aunt William
85
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and then murdered her.
86
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I had to.
87
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You hurt the feelings of my male fiancé,
88
00:03:19,904 --> 00:03:22,538
my "Boy-oncé," if you will.
89
00:03:22,573 --> 00:03:24,573
I guess that makes you "Gay-Z."
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00:03:25,710 --> 00:03:27,576
Sorry, it was there.
Look, I don't wanna go.
91
00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:28,608
Well, of course you don't,
92
00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:30,579
because that would require you
to make an effort.
93
00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:33,549
As it is, he already thinks
you're standoffish and aloof.
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00:03:33,584 --> 00:03:34,967
His words, not mine.
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He also thinks you're a cold bitch.
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My words, not his.
97
00:03:39,423 --> 00:03:41,423
Jack, do us both a favor
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00:03:41,475 --> 00:03:43,726
and don't do that thing
that you're doing right now.
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00:03:43,761 --> 00:03:46,562
Oh... oh, what am I doing right now?
100
00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:48,630
Being a screeching drama queen.
101
00:03:48,990 --> 00:03:49,898
[screeching]
Why must you push my buttons?
102
00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:58,730
Jack, just... just let my relationship
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00:03:58,109 --> 00:04:02,911
with Estefan evolve organically, okay?
104
00:04:02,947 --> 00:04:05,698
Don't try to control it.
Don't come with up schemes.
105
00:04:05,783 --> 00:04:08,784
Don't tell lies. Just let it be.
106
00:04:08,836 --> 00:04:10,536
Well, I'll let it be if you promise
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00:04:10,621 --> 00:04:12,370
to make an effort with Estefan.
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I will make an effort with Estefan
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if you promise to let it be.
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- Fine.
- Fine.
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Hey... hug?
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Sure.
113
00:04:21,969 --> 00:04:23,165
I don't hug screeching drama queens.
114
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[screeching] You're a fat monster!
115
00:04:26,387 --> 00:04:28,554
Thanks again for coming in
to sign my books,
116
00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:29,972
Grace's Boyfriend.
117
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:31,640
You can call me Noah.
118
00:04:31,726 --> 00:04:35,144
This will be much easier
if I don't know your real name.
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What will be easier?
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Nothing.
121
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Here are the books.
122
00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:46,155
Now, is there anything I can do or say
123
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or make Grace do sexually
124
00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:51,827
to get you to not kill Aurora?
125
00:04:51,879 --> 00:04:53,462
It's already done.
126
00:04:53,497 --> 00:04:55,247
I just have to add
a few more "probing tongues"
127
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:56,749
and "throbbing manhoods"
128
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,668
and send in
the final manuscript tonight,
129
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,638
then wait for my Pulitzer.
130
00:05:04,508 --> 00:05:06,842
So you haven't sent it in yet.
131
00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,644
Then there is still time.
132
00:05:08,679 --> 00:05:09,978
- Time for what?
- [gun cocking]
133
00:05:11,232 --> 00:05:12,648
What the hell are you doing?
134
00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:16,180
Aurora lives, or the laptop gets it.
135
00:05:16,610 --> 00:05:17,560
♪ ♪
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Taxi!
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Taxi!
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00:05:28,979 --> 00:05:30,745
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
139
00:05:30,784 --> 00:05:32,217
That's my cab, lady, sorry.
140
00:05:32,303 --> 00:05:33,352
[grunts]
141
00:05:33,387 --> 00:05:34,691
Getting my boyfriend a gift.
142
00:05:34,770 --> 00:05:36,436
[camera clicking]
143
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Not a Valentine's Day gift.
144
00:05:39,358 --> 00:05:41,608
My boyfriend doesn't believe in that.
145
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And neither do I, I guess.
146
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Where you headed?
147
00:05:45,698 --> 00:05:46,913
I don't know.
148
00:05:46,951 --> 00:05:50,534
Things are good, but we're just
taking it one day at a time.
149
00:05:50,619 --> 00:05:52,786
I meant where am I taking you to?
150
00:05:52,871 --> 00:05:55,622
Oh, uh, 15th and Madison.
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00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,458
I'm getting him an antique pen
'cause he's a writer.
152
00:05:58,544 --> 00:06:00,260
Oh, but he's good-looking.
153
00:06:00,295 --> 00:06:04,470
I don't know what you were
picturing when I said "writer."
154
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:06,466
[cell phone ringtone playing]
155
00:06:06,552 --> 00:06:07,718
Hey.
156
00:06:07,753 --> 00:06:08,847
Hey, did you hear what happened?
157
00:06:08,872 --> 00:06:11,540
Someone just attacked
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
158
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:14,224
- It's all over Twitter.
- Oh, my God, is she okay?
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00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:16,309
- Twitter doesn't know.
- This is awful.
160
00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:18,311
God, who did this?
161
00:06:18,397 --> 00:06:21,314
Oh, please don't be someone Jewish.
162
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,399
No.
163
00:06:22,484 --> 00:06:23,650
No, some woman on Riverside Drive
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knocked her over, hopped in a cab.
165
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Wow, fleeing the scene?
166
00:06:27,823 --> 00:06:30,323
What a piece of sh...
167
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:32,492
Did you say Riverside Drive?
168
00:06:32,544 --> 00:06:34,161
Yeah. I'll tell ya,
when they find this woman,
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00:06:34,213 --> 00:06:35,462
she won't be able to show her face
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anywhere in this city.
171
00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:39,166
Did they say what she looks like?
172
00:06:39,251 --> 00:06:40,333
No, they I don't know,
173
00:06:40,419 --> 00:06:42,169
just that she was wearing a beret
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and eating a salad.
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♪ ♪
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Hurry up, Jack.
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00:06:53,515 --> 00:06:54,514
Hello, William.
178
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,682
How's it going?
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00:06:55,734 --> 00:06:58,652
It goes. It is also hanging well.
180
00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:05,442
Um, awful what happened
to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, huh?
181
00:07:05,527 --> 00:07:09,446
Yes, you know, I had her
on a flight back from Brazil.
182
00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:11,114
She was very tiny.
183
00:07:12,284 --> 00:07:14,868
She could be her own carry-on
and then fly for free.
184
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,169
[laughs]
185
00:07:16,205 --> 00:07:18,371
But that would have been in violation
186
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of international law.
187
00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:23,126
Okay.
188
00:07:23,962 --> 00:07:25,545
Hey, you know, Estefan,
just so you know,
189
00:07:25,631 --> 00:07:28,387
I really do wanna spend
some time with you.
190
00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:30,324
- Oh.
- You know, get to know each other.
191
00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:32,302
Mm. Hello, tricep.
192
00:07:32,387 --> 00:07:33,603
[both laugh]
193
00:07:35,557 --> 00:07:38,141
Okay, hush puppy, let's go to brunch.
194
00:07:38,227 --> 00:07:40,227
Something strange just happened.
195
00:07:40,279 --> 00:07:43,363
Will was very sweet to me.
He touched my tricep.
196
00:07:44,233 --> 00:07:46,700
I'm guessing the right one?
That's the good one.
197
00:07:46,735 --> 00:07:49,486
Because it's the one I use
to point to the exits.
198
00:07:49,571 --> 00:07:51,872
Did you tell him to be nice to me?
199
00:07:51,907 --> 00:07:54,207
Because I specifically
asked you not to do that.
200
00:07:54,243 --> 00:07:55,659
That would be humiliating.
201
00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:56,910
Uh...
202
00:07:56,962 --> 00:07:58,578
In my village, there is a clown
203
00:07:58,664 --> 00:08:00,380
who performs in the square.
204
00:08:00,415 --> 00:08:02,249
People pretend to like Bobo,
205
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:04,751
but everybody laughs at him
behind his back,
206
00:08:04,837 --> 00:08:08,588
which is the worst
possible thing for a clown.
207
00:08:08,674 --> 00:08:11,391
Don't make me the clown in the square.
208
00:08:12,811 --> 00:08:14,845
Oh, Estefan, I...
209
00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:18,348
I did nothing wrong.
210
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,400
Well, then there is only
one possibility.
211
00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,269
We were alone together so he could show
212
00:08:22,321 --> 00:08:23,353
his true feelings.
213
00:08:23,438 --> 00:08:25,605
I think Will has a crush on me.
214
00:08:25,691 --> 00:08:26,773
That's ridiculous.
215
00:08:26,859 --> 00:08:28,358
Will doesn't have a crush on you.
216
00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:30,577
You're not a woman with no boundaries.
217
00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:33,530
Well, it's either that,
or you lied to me.
218
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:35,282
Oh, my God, Will has a crush on you.
219
00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:38,368
♪ ♪
220
00:08:38,453 --> 00:08:40,750
Still no update on Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
221
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:41,788
but onlookers describe her assailant
222
00:08:41,874 --> 00:08:44,291
as a red-haired woman in her mid-60s.
223
00:08:44,343 --> 00:08:46,710
- What?
- [elevator bell dings]
224
00:08:46,795 --> 00:08:47,878
[scoffs]
225
00:08:48,797 --> 00:08:50,597
Mrs. Timmer, can I help you?
226
00:08:50,632 --> 00:08:52,682
I know it was you.
227
00:08:53,635 --> 00:08:54,801
I don't know what you mean.
228
00:08:54,853 --> 00:08:56,469
I know it was you.
229
00:08:56,521 --> 00:08:57,687
I didn't mean to do it.
230
00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:00,440
It's just that I haven't had
a boyfriend on Valentine's Day
231
00:09:00,475 --> 00:09:01,942
for so long, and I just wanted
to get him something.
232
00:09:01,977 --> 00:09:03,977
But in my defense, I had no idea
233
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:06,229
that it was Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
234
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:09,616
I thought I was just
pushing down a frail old woman.
235
00:09:09,651 --> 00:09:11,985
Wait, you're the one who pushed down
236
00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:13,820
Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
237
00:09:13,906 --> 00:09:15,989
Yeah, you said you knew that.
238
00:09:16,410 --> 00:09:18,240
No, I know you're the one who stole
239
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:20,794
my Fresh Direct salad from the lobby.
240
00:09:21,546 --> 00:09:22,996
That was your crime.
241
00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,665
You better go to her,
admit what you did,
242
00:09:25,717 --> 00:09:30,420
and beg that tiny national
treasure for forgiveness.
243
00:09:30,505 --> 00:09:33,306
You're right. Okay.
244
00:09:33,342 --> 00:09:35,675
But you won't tell anybody
in the building, right?
245
00:09:35,761 --> 00:09:37,310
Because they would hate me.
246
00:09:37,346 --> 00:09:39,396
They're not so crazy about you now.
247
00:09:40,432 --> 00:09:41,982
I hear things.
248
00:09:42,170 --> 00:09:44,601
I say things too.
249
00:09:49,984 --> 00:09:51,700
Please, please.
250
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:53,352
That's the only copy
of my manuscript, okay?
251
00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:55,107
If you shoot my laptop,
252
00:09:55,176 --> 00:09:57,943
there may never, ever be a final book.
253
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,713
Oh, I never thought of that.
254
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:02,548
But you can't quit.
255
00:10:02,617 --> 00:10:04,830
You're the greatest romance novelist
256
00:10:04,151 --> 00:10:06,785
since Danielle von St. Lorraine.
257
00:10:06,854 --> 00:10:08,821
Yeah, that's my buddy Steve Metz.
258
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:11,423
Look, Karen, I appreciate
259
00:10:11,492 --> 00:10:14,693
how so very passionate
you are about Aurora,
260
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:16,929
but these books take up
all of my time, okay?
261
00:10:16,998 --> 00:10:19,398
I need to write a real novel again.
262
00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,833
A real novel?
263
00:10:22,136 --> 00:10:24,470
These are real novels to me!
264
00:10:25,306 --> 00:10:27,706
Okay, what do you say we just, uh...
265
00:10:27,775 --> 00:10:29,908
we... we put the gun down
266
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,944
and just talk, you know,
267
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:34,346
like we're people without guns?
268
00:10:34,432 --> 00:10:36,382
Oh, I didn't even know
it was still in my hand.
269
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:37,850
That's so funny.
270
00:10:38,352 --> 00:10:40,786
Don't worry, it's not even loaded.
271
00:10:40,855 --> 00:10:41,920
[gun clicking]
272
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,956
- [chuckles]
- Good to know.
273
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:45,624
Yeah, I don't like guns.
274
00:10:45,693 --> 00:10:47,226
Yeah, I could tell. I saw your face.
275
00:10:47,295 --> 00:10:49,561
You were like, "Wah!" [laughs]
276
00:10:50,798 --> 00:10:53,499
No, honey, this is the one
that's loaded.
277
00:10:53,567 --> 00:10:54,633
- See?
- [gunshot]
278
00:10:54,702 --> 00:10:56,335
Wha...
279
00:10:58,472 --> 00:11:00,639
Okay, what... what do you, uh...
what do you say
280
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,842
I just take these guns and, uh...
281
00:11:03,911 --> 00:11:06,512
and put them in this drawer...
282
00:11:06,564 --> 00:11:09,480
with all the other guns?
283
00:11:11,952 --> 00:11:14,787
What is this place?
284
00:11:14,855 --> 00:11:17,790
Listen, can't you just
285
00:11:17,858 --> 00:11:19,458
rewrite the ending,
286
00:11:19,543 --> 00:11:21,126
let Aurora live?
287
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:22,628
I need her.
288
00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:25,164
We've been through a lot
of hard times together,
289
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,166
especially this last year.
290
00:11:28,102 --> 00:11:31,737
This is my first Valentine's
alone in a very long time.
291
00:11:32,973 --> 00:11:36,575
I think Aurora always
finding love gives me hope
292
00:11:36,644 --> 00:11:39,211
that I can too.
293
00:11:40,381 --> 00:11:43,315
Karen, these books aren't about love.
294
00:11:43,384 --> 00:11:47,753
Real love is sharing a bathroom
and suppressing your rage
295
00:11:47,822 --> 00:11:50,622
and putting up with
the other person's damage.
296
00:11:50,691 --> 00:11:54,360
All right, this crap's
ridiculous and embarrassing.
297
00:11:54,395 --> 00:11:56,295
Being ridiculous and embarrassing
298
00:11:56,364 --> 00:11:57,930
is what love is.
299
00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:00,499
It's standing in front of someone with
300
00:12:00,584 --> 00:12:03,769
a dumb drugstore balloon and saying,
301
00:12:03,838 --> 00:12:06,445
"Here I am, fully exposed."
302
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:09,808
And you're afraid of that.
303
00:12:09,877 --> 00:12:11,810
I'm not afraid of love, okay?
304
00:12:11,879 --> 00:12:14,213
I'm a little afraid of you.
305
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:15,224
Oh, yeah?
306
00:12:15,249 --> 00:12:16,949
Well, then ask yourself this:
307
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:19,885
why are you here with me
instead of being with Grace
308
00:12:19,954 --> 00:12:21,754
on Valentine's Day?
309
00:12:21,822 --> 00:12:23,622
Besides the ten guns?
310
00:12:24,592 --> 00:12:25,858
Because Grace doesn't care
311
00:12:25,926 --> 00:12:28,560
about any of that Valentine's stuff.
312
00:12:28,629 --> 00:12:30,763
Oh, come on, she acts that way
313
00:12:30,798 --> 00:12:32,431
because she loves you.
314
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:36,235
But inside, she's as soft and squishy
315
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,171
as a bird in a microwave.
316
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,474
Oh, yes, that old saying.
317
00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:44,810
You're blowing Grace off today
318
00:12:44,879 --> 00:12:47,346
for the same reason
that you're killing Aurora:
319
00:12:47,415 --> 00:12:51,160
because embracing romance
makes you feel foolish.
320
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:53,986
Huh, that was actually
kind of insightful.
321
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,456
Well, I had a maid who had
a master's in psychology
322
00:12:57,525 --> 00:12:59,625
from her home country.
323
00:12:59,693 --> 00:13:03,362
Brilliant woman,
but her swan napkins were crap,
324
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:04,930
so... [blows raspberry]
325
00:13:04,999 --> 00:13:07,466
♪ ♪
326
00:13:07,491 --> 00:13:08,500
Okay, listen to me.
327
00:13:08,525 --> 00:13:09,601
Estefan's right behind me,
328
00:13:09,670 --> 00:13:10,702
so no time for questions.
329
00:13:10,771 --> 00:13:11,860
You have a crush on him.
330
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:13,705
It explains why you've been
such an ice queen.
331
00:13:13,774 --> 00:13:15,941
What? I have a crush on him?
332
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,409
You'll admit it.
I'll say, "Get over it."
333
00:13:17,478 --> 00:13:19,111
You'll tearfully promise to change.
334
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:20,646
Problem solved.
335
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:24,820
So you actually want me
to pretend to be into Estefan?
336
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,267
Yes.
337
00:13:25,352 --> 00:13:28,287
Well, then I will pretend
338
00:13:28,355 --> 00:13:31,560
to be into Estefan.
339
00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:32,224
Don't know why
you're saying it like that,
340
00:13:32,249 --> 00:13:33,258
but I appreciate it.
341
00:13:34,495 --> 00:13:38,697
Will, is there something,
perhaps, we need to talk about?
342
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:41,500
You know what? There is.
343
00:13:41,569 --> 00:13:45,530
I'm embarrassed to say this
in front of Jack, but, um...
344
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:47,366
I have feelings for you.
345
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:49,475
[sighs]
346
00:13:49,543 --> 00:13:51,176
I always wondered why there was
347
00:13:51,245 --> 00:13:53,610
a painting of me on the wall.
348
00:13:54,315 --> 00:13:56,548
Yes, yes, and I... and I know
349
00:13:56,617 --> 00:13:57,685
there's nothing I can do about it.
350
00:13:57,732 --> 00:14:01,420
I just have to learn
to live in a constant state
351
00:14:01,489 --> 00:14:04,122
of tortured, unexpressed longing.
352
00:14:05,159 --> 00:14:07,442
Yep, that's pretty sad. Let's go.
353
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:11,864
Or is there a way
to diffuse the tension,
354
00:14:11,932 --> 00:14:14,990
to quench the desire?
355
00:14:15,124 --> 00:14:17,591
Uh, there is not.
356
00:14:18,939 --> 00:14:20,939
Jack, this is your best friend.
357
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,473
How do we deal with
Will's unfulfilled desire?
358
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:26,578
He'll do what he always does
with his unfulfilled desire...
359
00:14:26,664 --> 00:14:28,800
go to his room and Google pictures
360
00:14:28,148 --> 00:14:30,449
of Barack Obama windsurfing.
361
00:14:31,285 --> 00:14:33,852
That won't work this time.
362
00:14:33,921 --> 00:14:35,587
I think the only way to deal
with these feelings
363
00:14:35,656 --> 00:14:38,624
is for me to share
a passionate kiss with Estefan.
364
00:14:41,562 --> 00:14:44,196
For who to kiss how with Este-what?
365
00:14:44,265 --> 00:14:45,597
Yes, this makes perfect sense.
366
00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,966
Sexual tension will always exist
367
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:49,801
in the prelude to a kiss.
368
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:50,869
Once you have the kiss...
369
00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:51,904
[smooches] It is gone.
370
00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:52,804
Yes.
371
00:14:53,674 --> 00:14:55,274
It's like when you're at Panda Express
372
00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:57,743
and it all smells so good
and you just want everything
373
00:14:57,811 --> 00:14:59,678
and then after one bite,
you never, ever want
374
00:14:59,747 --> 00:15:01,113
that taste in your mouth again.
375
00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:03,782
So in order for Will to release me,
376
00:15:03,851 --> 00:15:06,518
he must have me in his mouth once.
377
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,220
That's beautifully said.
378
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,292
Um, no bueno, señoritas.
379
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,460
I'm not gonna stand here
and watch you two kiss.
380
00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:16,595
You're right. You're right.
381
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,739
- That would be super inappropriate.
- Exactly.
382
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,482
Let's go to my bedroom,
where Jack can't see it
383
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,167
and has to fill in the details
with his imagination.
384
00:15:22,236 --> 00:15:23,702
If that is the only way
to save my marriage.
385
00:15:23,771 --> 00:15:25,637
Stop it!
386
00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:28,507
I lied, okay? I lied. I lied.
387
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:31,510
Will doesn't have feelings for you.
388
00:15:31,579 --> 00:15:34,780
I did ask him to be nice,
and the whole thing blew up.
389
00:15:34,848 --> 00:15:36,140
[sighs]
390
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:37,487
You lied to me?
391
00:15:37,518 --> 00:15:40,886
Jack, this is exactly
what I asked you not to do.
392
00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:42,921
Okay, until further notice,
393
00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:44,790
there is going to be a velvet rope
394
00:15:44,858 --> 00:15:47,433
in front of my first-class area.
395
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:54,924
- [sighs]
- Hey, happy Valentine's Day.
396
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:56,543
Valentine's Day sucks.
397
00:15:56,628 --> 00:15:59,340
It's a dumb holiday
that only leads to sadness
398
00:15:59,104 --> 00:16:01,548
and the possible fall of democracy.
399
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,231
I get it. You're single.
400
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,850
I'm not... [scoffs]
401
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:06,636
Forget it.
402
00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:08,839
Mount Sinai Hospital.
403
00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:11,160
Going to see Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
404
00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:12,738
'cause I'm a good person,
405
00:16:12,798 --> 00:16:14,831
no matter what everyone's saying.
406
00:16:14,917 --> 00:16:16,758
You're certainly better
than that piece of crap
407
00:16:16,835 --> 00:16:18,258
that knocked her to the ground.
408
00:16:18,303 --> 00:16:20,860
Oh, here's an update.
409
00:16:20,138 --> 00:16:22,505
Going to Justice Ginsburg live now,
410
00:16:22,591 --> 00:16:24,900
who's going to give a statement.
411
00:16:24,142 --> 00:16:25,675
Hello, everyone.
412
00:16:25,761 --> 00:16:28,261
I want you to know I'm okay
413
00:16:28,313 --> 00:16:30,630
and I'm headed back to D.C.
414
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:31,598
Oh, thank God.
415
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:34,150
And to my so-called assailant,
416
00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:35,602
I forgive you.
417
00:16:35,654 --> 00:16:37,771
I've been a New Yorker my whole life,
418
00:16:37,823 --> 00:16:41,191
and when it comes to cabs,
it's every woman for herself.
419
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,367
I know.
420
00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:43,994
Plus, you were rushing to get
421
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:45,578
a Valentine's Day gift.
422
00:16:45,614 --> 00:16:47,113
I was.
423
00:16:47,165 --> 00:16:50,166
I know what it means to love someone
424
00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:54,120
and the crazy things
we do sometimes to show it.
425
00:16:54,172 --> 00:16:57,791
I do wanna show him I love him, Ruth.
426
00:16:57,843 --> 00:16:59,843
15th and Madison.
427
00:16:59,928 --> 00:17:02,950
I'm gonna get my boyfriend
a Valentine's Day gift,
428
00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:04,931
because even if he doesn't
believe in romance,
429
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,633
I do.
430
00:17:06,685 --> 00:17:08,268
Aw, that's sweet.
431
00:17:08,303 --> 00:17:10,804
And when you say "boyfriend,"
you really mean "cat," right?
432
00:17:10,856 --> 00:17:12,639
No.
433
00:17:12,691 --> 00:17:17,270
♪ ♪
434
00:17:23,735 --> 00:17:25,652
Estefan said I should come over
435
00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:27,570
and make things right with you,
so I was like...
436
00:17:27,656 --> 00:17:30,657
[mumbling]
437
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,625
I told him, "You're not the boss of me."
438
00:17:32,661 --> 00:17:35,295
And then he showed me the wheel,
439
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:39,666
which said this week,
he is, in fact, the boss of me.
440
00:17:39,718 --> 00:17:42,200
Please never tell me
what else is on that wheel.
441
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,757
I guess this is the part
where I say things.
442
00:17:47,843 --> 00:17:49,576
- Yep.
- [sighs]
443
00:17:50,595 --> 00:17:51,678
Okay.
444
00:17:52,814 --> 00:17:54,230
Can you tell me what they are?
445
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,683
I think you know.
446
00:17:56,735 --> 00:17:58,685
[sighs]
447
00:17:58,737 --> 00:18:00,653
Okay.
448
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:04,941
I'm a liar and a schemer
and a great big drama queen.
449
00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:06,760
And?
450
00:18:06,745 --> 00:18:08,945
And you're attractive
451
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:10,830
in certain light.
452
00:18:10,866 --> 00:18:12,582
And?
453
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:15,850
And I know your hair is real.
454
00:18:16,288 --> 00:18:18,400
- And?
- I'm not gonna say it.
455
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,122
- Say it.
- [sighs]
456
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:20,290
Fine.
457
00:18:22,177 --> 00:18:23,593
I weigh more than you.
458
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:25,261
This is the worst Valentine's Day ever.
459
00:18:27,215 --> 00:18:30,216
Jack, I just wanted you to admit
460
00:18:30,268 --> 00:18:31,935
that you're a liar and a schemer
461
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:32,993
and a big drama queen.
462
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:34,700
That's the first thing I said.
463
00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:36,220
Yes, but if I'd stopped you,
464
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,891
we'd never have gotten
to the essential truth
465
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:40,572
that my body's better than yours.
466
00:18:41,363 --> 00:18:43,630
But your enormous lollipop head
467
00:18:43,115 --> 00:18:44,781
throws off all your proportions.
468
00:18:46,368 --> 00:18:47,700
You just don't look right.
469
00:18:49,654 --> 00:18:51,738
- Jack.
- What?
470
00:18:51,790 --> 00:18:53,239
I promise to make more of an effort
471
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:54,908
to be friends with Estefan.
472
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,127
I love you. He makes you happy.
473
00:18:57,212 --> 00:18:58,745
Hence I love him.
474
00:18:58,797 --> 00:19:01,381
[chuckles]
475
00:19:01,416 --> 00:19:02,882
Actually, that's really nice.
476
00:19:05,337 --> 00:19:06,886
Would you write our vows?
477
00:19:07,923 --> 00:19:10,900
- I'd be honored.
- Okay.
478
00:19:10,142 --> 00:19:11,925
But you have to tell people I wrote them
479
00:19:11,977 --> 00:19:13,927
and get really jealous
in front of all the guests
480
00:19:13,979 --> 00:19:15,428
because I'm a better writer than you.
481
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,347
"Why can't I be as smart as Jack?"
482
00:19:17,432 --> 00:19:19,150
Ha-ha! I've learned nothing!
483
00:19:19,101 --> 00:19:24,437
♪ ♪
484
00:19:24,489 --> 00:19:26,823
Here it is, the new ending.
485
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,825
Aurora lives.
486
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,777
She seduces Cowboy Nick,
487
00:19:30,829 --> 00:19:33,113
who unties her from the nuclear warhead.
488
00:19:34,666 --> 00:19:37,830
It was either that
or do something stupid.
489
00:19:37,869 --> 00:19:39,953
Thank you.
490
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:43,890
And quit using Aurora as an excuse.
491
00:19:43,125 --> 00:19:45,208
You have plenty of time to write
492
00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:47,844
important books that no one will read.
493
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:50,713
I guess.
494
00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:52,799
Yeah, maybe I had been blaming this gig
495
00:19:52,851 --> 00:19:54,486
on not writing my second novel.
496
00:19:54,511 --> 00:19:55,484
Mm.
497
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:56,500
You know, part of me thinks it's bec...
498
00:19:56,525 --> 00:19:57,804
Ah-bup-bup-bup-bup.
499
00:19:57,856 --> 00:19:59,939
Not your therapist.
500
00:19:59,975 --> 00:20:02,580
Now, quit your yapping
and get out of here
501
00:20:02,144 --> 00:20:04,394
while it's still Valentine's Day.
502
00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:06,362
That's right. It's not over yet.
503
00:20:06,448 --> 00:20:08,310
It's not too late.
504
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:11,901
Who are you, anyway?
505
00:20:11,987 --> 00:20:13,164
What do you mean?
506
00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:16,239
Are you the crazy woman
who holds a gun to my laptop,
507
00:20:16,324 --> 00:20:19,325
or are you the sanest woman
I've ever met?
508
00:20:19,377 --> 00:20:21,327
Oh, honey,
509
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:24,714
can't I just be someone
who's bored of this?
510
00:20:32,807 --> 00:20:36,590
"As Aurora stepped out onto the ledge,
511
00:20:36,144 --> 00:20:39,929
"her dress billowing
in the hot Arabian winds,
512
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:43,160
"she felt a calm wash over her.
513
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,518
"And in that moment, she realized
514
00:20:45,554 --> 00:20:47,220
"that jumping off that building
515
00:20:47,305 --> 00:20:49,138
"wouldn't be half as scary
516
00:20:49,224 --> 00:20:52,250
as allowing herself to fall in love."
517
00:20:52,930 --> 00:20:55,228
[tender music]
518
00:20:55,313 --> 00:20:57,780
Happy Valentine's Day.
519
00:20:57,866 --> 00:20:59,365
Happy Valentine's Day.
520
00:20:59,401 --> 00:21:01,818
"But the thing that scares you most
521
00:21:01,903 --> 00:21:04,237
"will be the thing that sets you free.
522
00:21:04,322 --> 00:21:06,489
"And with a small secret smile,
523
00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:09,420
"she stepped back off the ledge
524
00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:14,156
and into the arms of her one true love."
525
00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:16,480
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
34828
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