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"Will & Grace" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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You won't believe this.
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Uh, happy Valentine's Day to you too.
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00:00:10,938 --> 00:00:12,904
No, I loved that text.
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You look so good in those jeans.
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Okay, bye.
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- Your mom?
- No.
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It was McCoy.
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And he sent you flowers?
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Oh, no, those are from my mom.
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Oh. Okay, okay, buckle up.
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Noah is Sylvia De La Croix.
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What?
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You're kidding me.
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That is completely blowing...
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But I don't know who that is.
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What?
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00:00:37,814 --> 00:00:41,994
No, no, no, she's the writer
of those trashy romance novels,
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"The Bodice Chronicles".
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He's her. Noah is Sylvia.
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- Noah writes romance novels?
- Yeah.
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00:00:48,836 --> 00:00:50,669
He's the least romantic
person in the world.
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Oh, I know.
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He wants to spend Valentine's Day
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getting his dog's anal glands expressed.
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Oh... oh, that's the elevator.
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That's him. Okay, do not say anything.
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- Hey.
- Hi.
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Hey, buddy.
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You told him.
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Look, I'm not proud of it, okay?
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But it pays the bills,
so can we please just keep this
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between the three of us?
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Sylvia De La Croix,
as I live and breathe.
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Well, I texted him before I knew
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I wasn't allowed to tell anyone.
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Okay, great, your little group knows,
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00:01:21,786 --> 00:01:23,035
but can we please just keep it
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between the four of us?
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She burst into the decrepit flophouse,
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one bosom heaving in anticipation,
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the other frozen in disbelief.
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I had to. You're her favorite author.
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Karen, I wouldn't have pegged you
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as a fan of romance novels...
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or of reading.
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I've always seen myself
in the character of Aurora.
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Well, I actually just finished writing
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the final book.
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Huh? Wha... kwah?
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What do you mean?
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I'm done being part of the
romantic-industrial complex,
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exploiting people's loneliness
for profit.
55
00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:03,742
It's why I hate Valentine's Day.
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00:02:03,828 --> 00:02:05,494
Oh, Valentine's Day is the worst.
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What? You love Valen...
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I'm killing her off.
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Where did you get another martini glass?
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It's my spare.
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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You don't really need the tracksuits
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to know what team you play on.
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Go ask him.
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Say, Will, Jack is working tomorrow,
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and I know McCoy is out of town,
67
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but I have two tickets to see
the guys from "Queer Eye"
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doing "The Vagina Monologues,"
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if you would like to go.
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I can't, I'm sorry... busy.
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Will would have loved to, yeah,
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but he's got a funeral.
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His aunt just died, you know,
the one he's named after,
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00:03:01,219 --> 00:03:03,686
because they're both
overweight spinsters.
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Toodles.
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Could you for once be a human being?
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What?
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00:03:12,478 --> 00:03:14,029
You just invented my Aunt William
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and then murdered her.
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I had to.
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You hurt the feelings of my male fiancé,
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my "Boy-oncé," if you will.
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I guess that makes you "Gay-Z."
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Sorry, it was there.
Look, I don't wanna go.
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Well, of course you don't,
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because that would require you
to make an effort.
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00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:33,549
As it is, he already thinks
you're standoffish and aloof.
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His words, not mine.
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He also thinks you're a cold bitch.
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My words, not his.
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00:03:39,423 --> 00:03:41,423
Jack, do us both a favor
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and don't do that thing
that you're doing right now.
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Oh... oh, what am I doing right now?
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Being a screeching drama queen.
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Why must you push my buttons?
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Jack, just... just let my relationship
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with Estefan evolve organically, okay?
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Don't try to control it.
Don't come with up schemes.
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Don't tell lies. Just let it be.
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Well, I'll let it be if you promise
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to make an effort with Estefan.
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I will make an effort with Estefan
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if you promise to let it be.
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- Fine.
- Fine.
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Hey... hug?
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Sure.
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I don't hug screeching drama queens.
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You're a fat monster!
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Thanks again for coming in
to sign my books,
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Grace's Boyfriend.
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You can call me Noah.
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This will be much easier
if I don't know your real name.
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What will be easier?
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Nothing.
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Here are the books.
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Now, is there anything I can do or say
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or make Grace do sexually
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to get you to not kill Aurora?
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It's already done.
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I just have to add
a few more "probing tongues"
121
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and "throbbing manhoods"
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and send in
the final manuscript tonight,
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then wait for my Pulitzer.
124
00:05:04,508 --> 00:05:06,842
So you haven't sent it in yet.
125
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Then there is still time.
126
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Time for what?
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What the hell are you doing?
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Aurora lives, or the laptop gets it.
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Taxi!
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Taxi!
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Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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That's my cab, lady, sorry.
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Getting my boyfriend a gift.
134
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Not a Valentine's Day gift.
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My boyfriend doesn't believe in that.
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And neither do I, I guess.
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Where you headed?
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I don't know.
139
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Things are good, but we're just
taking it one day at a time.
140
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I meant where am I taking you to?
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00:05:52,871 --> 00:05:55,622
Oh, uh, 15th and Madison.
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I'm getting him an antique pen
'cause he's a writer.
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Oh, but he's good-looking.
144
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I don't know what you were
picturing when I said "writer."
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Hey.
146
00:06:07,753 --> 00:06:08,847
Hey, did you hear what happened?
147
00:06:08,872 --> 00:06:11,054
Someone just attacked
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
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- It's all over Twitter.
- Oh, my God, is she okay?
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- Twitter doesn't know.
- This is awful.
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God, who did this?
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Oh, please don't be someone Jewish.
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No.
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No, some woman on Riverside Drive
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knocked her over, hopped in a cab.
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Wow, fleeing the scene?
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What a piece of sh...
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Did you say Riverside Drive?
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Yeah. I'll tell ya,
when they find this woman,
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she won't be able to show her face
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anywhere in this city.
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Did they say what she looks like?
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No, they I don't know,
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just that she was wearing a beret
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and eating a salad.
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Hurry up, Jack.
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Hello, William.
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How's it going?
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It goes. It is also hanging well.
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00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:05,442
Um, awful what happened
to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, huh?
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00:07:05,527 --> 00:07:09,446
Yes, you know, I had her
on a flight back from Brazil.
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She was very tiny.
172
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She could be her own carry-on
and then fly for free.
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But that would have been in violation
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of international law.
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Okay.
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Hey, you know, Estefan,
just so you know,
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I really do wanna spend
some time with you.
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- Oh.
- You know, get to know each other.
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Mm. Hello, tricep.
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Okay, hush puppy, let's go to brunch.
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Something strange just happened.
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Will was very sweet to me.
He touched my tricep.
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I'm guessing the right one?
That's the good one.
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Because it's the one I use
to point to the exits.
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Did you tell him to be nice to me?
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Because I specifically
asked you not to do that.
187
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That would be humiliating.
188
00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:56,910
Uh...
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00:07:56,962 --> 00:07:58,578
In my village, there is a clown
190
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who performs in the square.
191
00:08:00,415 --> 00:08:02,249
People pretend to like Bobo,
192
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:04,751
but everybody laughs at him
behind his back,
193
00:08:04,837 --> 00:08:08,588
which is the worst
possible thing for a clown.
194
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Don't make me the clown in the square.
195
00:08:12,811 --> 00:08:14,845
Oh, Estefan, I...
196
00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:18,348
I did nothing wrong.
197
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,400
Well, then there is only
one possibility.
198
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We were alone together so he could show
199
00:08:22,321 --> 00:08:23,353
his true feelings.
200
00:08:23,438 --> 00:08:25,605
I think Will has a crush on me.
201
00:08:25,691 --> 00:08:26,773
That's ridiculous.
202
00:08:26,859 --> 00:08:28,358
Will doesn't have a crush on you.
203
00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:30,577
You're not a woman with no boundaries.
204
00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:33,530
Well, it's either that,
or you lied to me.
205
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:35,282
Oh, my God, Will has a crush on you.
206
00:08:38,453 --> 00:08:40,075
Still no update on Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
207
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:41,788
but onlookers describe her assailant
208
00:08:41,874 --> 00:08:44,291
as a red-haired woman in her mid-60s.
209
00:08:44,343 --> 00:08:46,710
What?
210
00:08:48,797 --> 00:08:50,597
Mrs. Timmer, can I help you?
211
00:08:50,632 --> 00:08:52,682
I know it was you.
212
00:08:53,635 --> 00:08:54,801
I don't know what you mean.
213
00:08:54,853 --> 00:08:56,469
I know it was you.
214
00:08:56,521 --> 00:08:57,687
I didn't mean to do it.
215
00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:00,440
It's just that I haven't had
a boyfriend on Valentine's Day
216
00:09:00,475 --> 00:09:01,942
for so long, and I just wanted
to get him something.
217
00:09:01,977 --> 00:09:03,977
But in my defense, I had no idea
218
00:09:04,062 --> 00:09:06,229
that it was Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
219
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:09,616
I thought I was just
pushing down a frail old woman.
220
00:09:09,651 --> 00:09:11,985
Wait, you're the one who pushed down
221
00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:13,820
Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
222
00:09:13,906 --> 00:09:15,989
Yeah, you said you knew that.
223
00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:18,024
No, I know you're the one who stole
224
00:09:18,093 --> 00:09:20,794
my Fresh Direct salad from the lobby.
225
00:09:21,546 --> 00:09:22,996
That was your crime.
226
00:09:23,081 --> 00:09:25,665
You better go to her,
admit what you did,
227
00:09:25,717 --> 00:09:30,420
and beg that tiny national
treasure for forgiveness.
228
00:09:30,505 --> 00:09:33,306
You're right. Okay.
229
00:09:33,342 --> 00:09:35,675
But you won't tell anybody
in the building, right?
230
00:09:35,761 --> 00:09:37,310
Because they would hate me.
231
00:09:37,346 --> 00:09:39,396
They're not so crazy about you now.
232
00:09:40,432 --> 00:09:41,982
I hear things.
233
00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:44,601
I say things too.
234
00:09:49,984 --> 00:09:51,070
Please, please.
235
00:09:51,095 --> 00:09:53,352
That's the only copy
of my manuscript, okay?
236
00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:55,107
If you shoot my laptop,
237
00:09:55,176 --> 00:09:57,943
there may never, ever be a final book.
238
00:09:58,012 --> 00:10:00,713
Oh, I never thought of that.
239
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:02,548
But you can't quit.
240
00:10:02,617 --> 00:10:04,083
You're the greatest romance novelist
241
00:10:04,151 --> 00:10:06,785
since Danielle von St. Lorraine.
242
00:10:06,854 --> 00:10:08,821
Yeah, that's my buddy Steve Metz.
243
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:11,423
Look, Karen, I appreciate
244
00:10:11,492 --> 00:10:14,693
how so very passionate
you are about Aurora,
245
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:16,929
but these books take up
all of my time, okay?
246
00:10:16,998 --> 00:10:19,398
I need to write a real novel again.
247
00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,833
A real novel?
248
00:10:22,136 --> 00:10:24,470
These are real novels to me!
249
00:10:25,306 --> 00:10:27,706
Okay, what do you say we just, uh...
250
00:10:27,775 --> 00:10:29,908
we... we put the gun down
251
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,944
and just talk, you know,
252
00:10:32,013 --> 00:10:34,346
like we're people without guns?
253
00:10:34,432 --> 00:10:36,382
Oh, I didn't even know
it was still in my hand.
254
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:37,850
That's so funny.
255
00:10:38,352 --> 00:10:40,786
Don't worry, it's not even loaded.
256
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,956
Good to know.
257
00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:45,624
Yeah, I don't like guns.
258
00:10:45,693 --> 00:10:47,226
Yeah, I could tell. I saw your face.
259
00:10:47,295 --> 00:10:49,561
You were like, "Wah!"
260
00:10:50,798 --> 00:10:53,499
No, honey, this is the one
that's loaded.
261
00:10:53,567 --> 00:10:54,633
See?
262
00:10:54,702 --> 00:10:56,335
Wha...
263
00:10:58,472 --> 00:11:00,639
Okay, what... what do you, uh...
what do you say
264
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,842
I just take these guns and, uh...
265
00:11:03,911 --> 00:11:06,512
and put them in this drawer...
266
00:11:06,564 --> 00:11:09,048
with all the other guns?
267
00:11:11,952 --> 00:11:14,787
What is this place?
268
00:11:14,855 --> 00:11:17,790
Listen, can't you just
269
00:11:17,858 --> 00:11:19,458
rewrite the ending,
270
00:11:19,543 --> 00:11:21,126
let Aurora live?
271
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:22,628
I need her.
272
00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:25,164
We've been through a lot
of hard times together,
273
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,166
especially this last year.
274
00:11:28,102 --> 00:11:31,737
This is my first Valentine's
alone in a very long time.
275
00:11:32,973 --> 00:11:36,575
I think Aurora always
finding love gives me hope
276
00:11:36,644 --> 00:11:39,211
that I can too.
277
00:11:40,381 --> 00:11:43,315
Karen, these books aren't about love.
278
00:11:43,384 --> 00:11:47,753
Real love is sharing a bathroom
and suppressing your rage
279
00:11:47,822 --> 00:11:50,622
and putting up with
the other person's damage.
280
00:11:50,691 --> 00:11:54,360
All right, this crap's
ridiculous and embarrassing.
281
00:11:54,395 --> 00:11:56,295
Being ridiculous and embarrassing
282
00:11:56,364 --> 00:11:57,930
is what love is.
283
00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:00,499
It's standing in front of someone with
284
00:12:00,584 --> 00:12:03,769
a dumb drugstore balloon and saying,
285
00:12:03,838 --> 00:12:06,445
"Here I am, fully exposed."
286
00:12:08,008 --> 00:12:09,808
And you're afraid of that.
287
00:12:09,877 --> 00:12:11,810
I'm not afraid of love, okay?
288
00:12:11,879 --> 00:12:14,213
I'm a little afraid of you.
289
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:15,224
Oh, yeah?
290
00:12:15,249 --> 00:12:16,949
Well, then ask yourself this:
291
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:19,885
why are you here with me
instead of being with Grace
292
00:12:19,954 --> 00:12:21,754
on Valentine's Day?
293
00:12:21,822 --> 00:12:23,622
Besides the ten guns?
294
00:12:24,592 --> 00:12:25,858
Because Grace doesn't care
295
00:12:25,926 --> 00:12:28,560
about any of that Valentine's stuff.
296
00:12:28,629 --> 00:12:30,763
Oh, come on, she acts that way
297
00:12:30,798 --> 00:12:32,431
because she loves you.
298
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:36,235
But inside, she's as soft and squishy
299
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,171
as a bird in a microwave.
300
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,474
Oh, yes, that old saying.
301
00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:44,810
You're blowing Grace off today
302
00:12:44,879 --> 00:12:47,346
for the same reason
that you're killing Aurora:
303
00:12:47,415 --> 00:12:51,016
because embracing romance
makes you feel foolish.
304
00:12:51,085 --> 00:12:53,986
Huh, that was actually
kind of insightful.
305
00:12:54,054 --> 00:12:57,456
Well, I had a maid who had
a master's in psychology
306
00:12:57,525 --> 00:12:59,625
from her home country.
307
00:12:59,693 --> 00:13:03,362
Brilliant woman,
but her swan napkins were crap,
308
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:04,930
so...
309
00:13:07,491 --> 00:13:08,500
Okay, listen to me.
310
00:13:08,525 --> 00:13:09,601
Estefan's right behind me,
311
00:13:09,670 --> 00:13:10,702
so no time for questions.
312
00:13:10,771 --> 00:13:11,860
You have a crush on him.
313
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:13,705
It explains why you've been
such an ice queen.
314
00:13:13,774 --> 00:13:15,941
What? I have a crush on him?
315
00:13:16,010 --> 00:13:17,409
You'll admit it.
I'll say, "Get over it."
316
00:13:17,478 --> 00:13:19,111
You'll tearfully promise to change.
317
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:20,646
Problem solved.
318
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:24,082
So you actually want me
to pretend to be into Estefan?
319
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,267
Yes.
320
00:13:25,352 --> 00:13:28,287
Well, then I will pretend
321
00:13:28,355 --> 00:13:31,056
to be into Estefan.
322
00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:32,224
Don't know why
you're saying it like that,
323
00:13:32,249 --> 00:13:33,258
but I appreciate it.
324
00:13:34,495 --> 00:13:38,697
Will, is there something,
perhaps, we need to talk about?
325
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:41,500
You know what? There is.
326
00:13:41,569 --> 00:13:45,530
I'm embarrassed to say this
in front of Jack, but, um...
327
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:47,366
I have feelings for you.
328
00:13:49,543 --> 00:13:51,176
I always wondered why there was
329
00:13:51,245 --> 00:13:53,061
a painting of me on the wall.
330
00:13:54,315 --> 00:13:56,548
Yes, yes, and I... and I know
331
00:13:56,617 --> 00:13:57,685
there's nothing I can do about it.
332
00:13:57,732 --> 00:14:01,420
I just have to learn
to live in a constant state
333
00:14:01,489 --> 00:14:04,122
of tortured, unexpressed longing.
334
00:14:05,159 --> 00:14:07,442
Yep, that's pretty sad. Let's go.
335
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:11,864
Or is there a way
to diffuse the tension,
336
00:14:11,932 --> 00:14:14,099
to quench the desire?
337
00:14:15,124 --> 00:14:17,591
Uh, there is not.
338
00:14:18,939 --> 00:14:20,939
Jack, this is your best friend.
339
00:14:21,008 --> 00:14:23,473
How do we deal with
Will's unfulfilled desire?
340
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:26,578
He'll do what he always does
with his unfulfilled desire...
341
00:14:26,664 --> 00:14:28,080
go to his room and Google pictures
342
00:14:28,148 --> 00:14:30,449
of Barack Obama windsurfing.
343
00:14:31,285 --> 00:14:33,852
That won't work this time.
344
00:14:33,921 --> 00:14:35,587
I think the only way to deal
with these feelings
345
00:14:35,656 --> 00:14:38,624
is for me to share
a passionate kiss with Estefan.
346
00:14:41,562 --> 00:14:44,196
For who to kiss how with Este-what?
347
00:14:44,265 --> 00:14:45,597
Yes, this makes perfect sense.
348
00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,966
Sexual tension will always exist
349
00:14:48,035 --> 00:14:49,801
in the prelude to a kiss.
350
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:50,869
Once you have the kiss...
351
00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:51,904
It is gone.
352
00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:52,804
Yes.
353
00:14:53,674 --> 00:14:55,274
It's like when you're at Panda Express
354
00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:57,743
and it all smells so good
and you just want everything
355
00:14:57,811 --> 00:14:59,678
and then after one bite,
you never, ever want
356
00:14:59,747 --> 00:15:01,113
that taste in your mouth again.
357
00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:03,782
So in order for Will to release me,
358
00:15:03,851 --> 00:15:06,518
he must have me in his mouth once.
359
00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:10,022
That's beautifully said.
360
00:15:10,090 --> 00:15:13,292
Um, no bueno, señoritas.
361
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,460
I'm not gonna stand here
and watch you two kiss.
362
00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:16,595
You're right. You're right.
363
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,739
- That would be super inappropriate.
- Exactly.
364
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,482
Let's go to my bedroom,
where Jack can't see it
365
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,167
and has to fill in the details
with his imagination.
366
00:15:22,236 --> 00:15:23,702
If that is the only way
to save my marriage.
367
00:15:23,771 --> 00:15:25,637
Stop it!
368
00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:28,507
I lied, okay? I lied. I lied.
369
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:31,510
Will doesn't have feelings for you.
370
00:15:31,579 --> 00:15:34,780
I did ask him to be nice,
and the whole thing blew up.
371
00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:37,487
You lied to me?
372
00:15:37,518 --> 00:15:40,886
Jack, this is exactly
what I asked you not to do.
373
00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:42,921
Okay, until further notice,
374
00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:44,790
there is going to be a velvet rope
375
00:15:44,858 --> 00:15:47,433
in front of my first-class area.
376
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:54,924
Hey, happy Valentine's Day.
377
00:15:55,018 --> 00:15:56,543
Valentine's Day sucks.
378
00:15:56,628 --> 00:15:59,034
It's a dumb holiday
that only leads to sadness
379
00:15:59,104 --> 00:16:01,548
and the possible fall of democracy.
380
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,231
I get it. You're single.
381
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,085
I'm not...
382
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:06,636
Forget it.
383
00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:08,839
Mount Sinai Hospital.
384
00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:11,016
Going to see Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
385
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,738
'cause I'm a good person,
386
00:16:12,798 --> 00:16:14,831
no matter what everyone's saying.
387
00:16:14,917 --> 00:16:16,758
You're certainly better
than that piece of crap
388
00:16:16,835 --> 00:16:18,258
that knocked her to the ground.
389
00:16:18,303 --> 00:16:20,086
Oh, here's an update.
390
00:16:20,138 --> 00:16:22,505
Going to Justice Ginsburg live now,
391
00:16:22,591 --> 00:16:24,090
who's going to give a statement.
392
00:16:24,142 --> 00:16:25,675
Hello, everyone.
393
00:16:25,761 --> 00:16:28,261
I want you to know I'm okay
394
00:16:28,313 --> 00:16:30,063
and I'm headed back to D.C.
395
00:16:30,098 --> 00:16:31,598
Oh, thank God.
396
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:34,150
And to my so-called assailant,
397
00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:35,602
I forgive you.
398
00:16:35,654 --> 00:16:37,771
I've been a New Yorker my whole life,
399
00:16:37,823 --> 00:16:41,191
and when it comes to cabs,
it's every woman for herself.
400
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,367
I know.
401
00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:43,994
Plus, you were rushing to get
402
00:16:44,079 --> 00:16:45,578
a Valentine's Day gift.
403
00:16:45,614 --> 00:16:47,113
I was.
404
00:16:47,165 --> 00:16:50,166
I know what it means to love someone
405
00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:54,120
and the crazy things
we do sometimes to show it.
406
00:16:54,172 --> 00:16:57,791
I do wanna show him I love him, Ruth.
407
00:16:57,843 --> 00:16:59,843
15th and Madison.
408
00:16:59,928 --> 00:17:02,095
I'm gonna get my boyfriend
a Valentine's Day gift,
409
00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:04,931
because even if he doesn't
believe in romance,
410
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,633
I do.
411
00:17:06,685 --> 00:17:08,268
Aw, that's sweet.
412
00:17:08,303 --> 00:17:10,804
And when you say "boyfriend,"
you really mean "cat," right?
413
00:17:10,856 --> 00:17:12,639
No.
414
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:20,074
415
00:17:23,735 --> 00:17:25,652
Estefan said I should come over
416
00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:27,570
and make things right with you,
so I was like...
417
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,625
I told him, "You're not the boss of me."
418
00:17:32,661 --> 00:17:35,295
And then he showed me the wheel,
419
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:39,666
which said this week,
he is, in fact, the boss of me.
420
00:17:39,718 --> 00:17:42,002
Please never tell me
what else is on that wheel.
421
00:17:45,007 --> 00:17:47,757
I guess this is the part
where I say things.
422
00:17:47,843 --> 00:17:49,576
Yep.
423
00:17:50,595 --> 00:17:51,678
Okay.
424
00:17:52,814 --> 00:17:54,230
Can you tell me what they are?
425
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,683
I think you know.
426
00:17:58,737 --> 00:18:00,653
Okay.
427
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:04,941
I'm a liar and a schemer
and a great big drama queen.
428
00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:06,076
And?
429
00:18:06,745 --> 00:18:08,945
And you're attractive
430
00:18:09,031 --> 00:18:10,830
in certain light.
431
00:18:10,866 --> 00:18:12,582
And?
432
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:15,085
And I know your hair is real.
433
00:18:16,288 --> 00:18:18,004
- And?
- I'm not gonna say it.
434
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,122
Say it.
435
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:20,290
Fine.
436
00:18:22,177 --> 00:18:23,593
I weigh more than you.
437
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:25,261
This is the worst Valentine's Day ever.
438
00:18:27,215 --> 00:18:30,216
Jack, I just wanted you to admit
439
00:18:30,268 --> 00:18:31,935
that you're a liar and a schemer
440
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:32,993
and a big drama queen.
441
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:34,070
That's the first thing I said.
442
00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:36,022
Yes, but if I'd stopped you,
443
00:18:36,058 --> 00:18:37,891
we'd never have gotten
to the essential truth
444
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:40,572
that my body's better than yours.
445
00:18:41,363 --> 00:18:43,063
But your enormous lollipop head
446
00:18:43,115 --> 00:18:44,781
throws off all your proportions.
447
00:18:46,368 --> 00:18:47,700
You just don't look right.
448
00:18:49,654 --> 00:18:51,738
- Jack.
- What?
449
00:18:51,790 --> 00:18:53,239
I promise to make more of an effort
450
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:54,908
to be friends with Estefan.
451
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,127
I love you. He makes you happy.
452
00:18:57,212 --> 00:18:58,745
Hence I love him.
453
00:19:01,416 --> 00:19:02,882
Actually, that's really nice.
454
00:19:05,337 --> 00:19:06,886
Would you write our vows?
455
00:19:07,923 --> 00:19:10,090
- I'd be honored.
- Okay.
456
00:19:10,142 --> 00:19:11,925
But you have to tell people I wrote them
457
00:19:11,977 --> 00:19:13,927
and get really jealous
in front of all the guests
458
00:19:13,979 --> 00:19:15,428
because I'm a better writer than you.
459
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,347
"Why can't I be as smart as Jack?"
460
00:19:17,432 --> 00:19:19,015
Ha-ha! I've learned nothing!
461
00:19:24,489 --> 00:19:26,823
Here it is, the new ending.
462
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,825
Aurora lives.
463
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,777
She seduces Cowboy Nick,
464
00:19:30,829 --> 00:19:33,113
who unties her from the nuclear warhead.
465
00:19:34,666 --> 00:19:37,083
It was either that
or do something stupid.
466
00:19:37,869 --> 00:19:39,953
Thank you.
467
00:19:40,005 --> 00:19:43,089
And quit using Aurora as an excuse.
468
00:19:43,125 --> 00:19:45,208
You have plenty of time to write
469
00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:47,844
important books that no one will read.
470
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:50,713
I guess.
471
00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:52,799
Yeah, maybe I had been blaming this gig
472
00:19:52,851 --> 00:19:54,486
on not writing my second novel.
473
00:19:54,511 --> 00:19:55,484
Mm.
474
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:56,500
You know, part of me thinks it's bec...
475
00:19:56,525 --> 00:19:57,804
Ah-bup-bup-bup-bup.
476
00:19:57,856 --> 00:19:59,939
Not your therapist.
477
00:19:59,975 --> 00:20:02,058
Now, quit your yapping
and get out of here
478
00:20:02,144 --> 00:20:04,394
while it's still Valentine's Day.
479
00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:06,362
That's right. It's not over yet.
480
00:20:06,448 --> 00:20:08,031
It's not too late.
481
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:11,901
Who are you, anyway?
482
00:20:11,987 --> 00:20:13,164
What do you mean?
483
00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:16,239
Are you the crazy woman
who holds a gun to my laptop,
484
00:20:16,324 --> 00:20:19,325
or are you the sanest woman
I've ever met?
485
00:20:19,377 --> 00:20:21,327
Oh, honey,
486
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:24,714
can't I just be someone
who's bored of this?
487
00:20:32,807 --> 00:20:36,059
"As Aurora stepped out onto the ledge,
488
00:20:36,144 --> 00:20:39,929
"her dress billowing
in the hot Arabian winds,
489
00:20:40,015 --> 00:20:43,016
"she felt a calm wash over her.
490
00:20:43,068 --> 00:20:45,518
"And in that moment, she realized
491
00:20:45,554 --> 00:20:47,220
"that jumping off that building
492
00:20:47,305 --> 00:20:49,138
"wouldn't be half as scary
493
00:20:49,224 --> 00:20:52,025
as allowing herself to fall in love."
494
00:20:55,313 --> 00:20:57,780
Happy Valentine's Day.
495
00:20:57,866 --> 00:20:59,365
Happy Valentine's Day.
496
00:20:59,401 --> 00:21:01,818
"But the thing that scares you most
497
00:21:01,903 --> 00:21:04,237
"will be the thing that sets you free.
498
00:21:04,322 --> 00:21:06,489
"And with a small secret smile,
499
00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:09,042
"she stepped back off the ledge
500
00:21:09,077 --> 00:21:14,156
and into the arms of her one true love."
501
00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:16,480
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
501
00:21:17,305 --> 00:21:23,694
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