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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,679 --> 00:00:13,774 UBALDA, ALL NAKED AND WARM 2 00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:25,045 Water ! 3 00:04:00,144 --> 00:04:04,863 Stop,or I'll send you to meet your boss in heaven ! 4 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:09,345 Soldier,what do you want ? Can't you see my holy habit ? 5 00:04:09,436 --> 00:04:13,664 Don't you get it ? This is a robbery ! 6 00:04:13,668 --> 00:04:17,559 Give me your bag or your life... I'd prefer the bag. 7 00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:22,945 Ok...but stop waving that huge sword around ! 8 00:04:22,988 --> 00:04:28,117 I don't have much money. I can give you the alms box... 9 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,741 Is it Easter already ?! 10 00:04:41,711 --> 00:04:46,378 Sure,you're right... I understand,my son. 11 00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:51,525 Six months of war, homesick,desperate... 12 00:04:51,548 --> 00:04:56,319 ... but you shoul never have attacked a minister of God. 13 00:04:56,322 --> 00:04:59,798 I was hungry. I've been starving for four days ! 14 00:05:00,037 --> 00:05:03,794 All I found was water.. I was so hungry ! 15 00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:07,877 One night a soldier bit my nose and ran off ! 16 00:05:07,899 --> 00:05:12,245 - Did you recognize him ? - Sure,I had his ear in my pocket ! 17 00:05:12,285 --> 00:05:15,231 That's no way to do things ! 18 00:05:15,339 --> 00:05:19,900 We must love the Lord and all His creatures... 19 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,387 All His creatures.... 20 00:05:39,418 --> 00:05:42,252 I got it... 21 00:05:51,348 --> 00:05:53,958 What's that,bean wine ? 22 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,996 - Your health,father ! - Yes,health matters most.... 23 00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:01,521 - Where did you say you were going ? - With the war over... 24 00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:04,297 ...I'm going back to my hometown. "Watch-the-hole". 25 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:08,303 Where you left your wife... tell me,is she beautiful ? 26 00:06:08,351 --> 00:06:13,626 - She's more than "beautiful"! - Have women always fallen for you ? 27 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:18,218 - They died for me ! - For your charm ? 28 00:06:18,331 --> 00:06:21,525 No, I had an infectious disease, but I'm better now. 29 00:06:21,628 --> 00:06:24,699 So,you were a conqueror... 30 00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:28,242 - Do you know how they call me back home? - "The asshole". 31 00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:30,343 How did you guess ? 32 00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:33,262 You left your wife alone to go to war ! 33 00:06:33,317 --> 00:06:36,026 Not really "alone",father... 34 00:06:36,124 --> 00:06:39,591 Do you know Deodato the blacksmith of "Watch-the-hole"? 35 00:06:40,002 --> 00:06:43,689 Master Deodato ? I've heard of him... 36 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:47,779 - ...he's the smith who makes... - ...chastity belts ! 37 00:06:48,084 --> 00:06:52,659 He made one for my wife, wich starts here... 38 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:57,204 ...and goes all round, a net of iron ! 39 00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:00,325 And this is the key... 40 00:07:00,424 --> 00:07:05,675 In war I could lose an arm,a leg, my head...but this never ! 41 00:07:05,696 --> 00:07:10,086 Without this,no one's going to get into my wife ! 42 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:16,066 Experience has taught me that fidelity is one thing... 43 00:07:16,079 --> 00:07:20,074 ...and keys are another. Take advices... 44 00:07:20,097 --> 00:07:23,177 get home as soon as you can... 45 00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:28,242 Now let's rest... we'll get going again when it's dark. 46 00:07:28,862 --> 00:07:34,210 Tomorrow morning you'll be in your wife's arms and... 47 00:07:44,746 --> 00:07:49,498 Sleep,father... we'll catch something here for sure ! 48 00:07:50,705 --> 00:07:55,999 This one won't have a club like yours ! Maybe that's what she's looking for ! 49 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:14,472 Freeze and tramble ! 50 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:19,050 Where are you hiding ? I only see a timid bottom ! 51 00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:22,479 I beg you,take everything, but don't kill me ! 52 00:08:22,492 --> 00:08:25,185 We'll see... 53 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:30,029 Stand still... I can't take these head-butts ! 54 00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:33,215 My brain's in a bad already ! 55 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:36,518 What do you want ? 56 00:08:36,692 --> 00:08:40,063 I have nose for these things... 57 00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:45,458 You dummy! These coins are no longer in circulation . 58 00:08:45,479 --> 00:08:49,556 They were my grandpa's, I'm no good with... 59 00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:52,781 I am,my dear ! 60 00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:56,209 Have mercy,sir ! 61 00:08:56,282 --> 00:09:00,345 I've lost everything in the war but my honor ! 62 00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:03,800 You mean you're still a virgin ? 63 00:09:04,491 --> 00:09:08,858 - Yes,stil... - Then it's time ! 64 00:09:08,892 --> 00:09:12,433 Your purse is worthless, so if you want to save your life... 65 00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:15,183 ...what else can you give me ? 66 00:09:17,127 --> 00:09:21,319 Come here.I'll introduce you to the saint of lovers ! 67 00:09:21,415 --> 00:09:25,725 - Who's he ? - Saint Shaggy ! 68 00:09:27,203 --> 00:09:29,546 What do you want now ? 69 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,806 Nothing,take me and be done with it ! 70 00:09:32,819 --> 00:09:36,698 No one risist my beauty ! 71 00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:41,547 Ah...this armor has to come off first... 72 00:09:42,521 --> 00:09:45,022 So,do you want me or not ? 73 00:09:45,082 --> 00:09:49,866 I do,but i need a hand with this scrap iron ! 74 00:09:53,539 --> 00:09:57,303 - See how big I am ? - Big nothing,it's the pitchforck ! 75 00:09:57,350 --> 00:10:00,796 Damn,I keep screwing up ! 76 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:05,808 - Do you like it ? - Yes,I love it ! 77 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:10,905 This is nothing,now you'll feel my famous masterstroke ! 78 00:10:11,562 --> 00:10:14,097 Has the war started again ?! 79 00:10:14,106 --> 00:10:17,687 I started it, you filthy pig ! 80 00:10:17,757 --> 00:10:22,954 First you want to rob me,and now you want to rape this poor girl ! 81 00:10:24,182 --> 00:10:27,215 You've committed a sin against God ! 82 00:10:27,277 --> 00:10:32,860 But I didn't even finish ! 83 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:37,775 You're taking the wrong road ! If you don't get your stuff... 84 00:10:37,842 --> 00:10:42,961 ...and flee far from temptation, I'll breack your head ! 85 00:10:43,028 --> 00:10:47,368 Damn,you look like the devil ! Take this ! 86 00:10:47,377 --> 00:10:50,655 Are you giving me the horns ? 87 00:10:50,735 --> 00:10:55,044 Did you think you'd stay faithful for life ? 88 00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:59,334 Damn,I keep screwing up ! 89 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:03,904 My child,what did that sinner want ? 90 00:11:03,995 --> 00:11:08,647 I don't know,he jumped on me and began touching me... 91 00:11:08,653 --> 00:11:12,000 That brute... touched you here ? 92 00:11:12,073 --> 00:11:17,470 - Yes,and behind... - That pig ! And you ? 93 00:11:17,805 --> 00:11:21,341 I was scared, so I let him ! 94 00:11:23,095 --> 00:11:26,646 - Did he touch these too ? - No... 95 00:11:26,675 --> 00:11:30,144 - No ? - He kissed them... 96 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:38,001 He was dragging you to hell ! I'll take care of you,my child... 97 00:11:38,709 --> 00:11:41,951 - What must I do ? - I'll purrify you...! 98 00:11:42,004 --> 00:11:45,624 I'll cancel your sisns with my holy body ! 99 00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:49,432 Yes,father... I'm so happy ! 100 00:11:49,646 --> 00:11:52,917 - Purify me ! - I'll purify you...! 101 00:11:56,628 --> 00:12:01,108 One,two,three,four, even five times ! 102 00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:04,476 I want to become a dove ! 103 00:12:04,919 --> 00:12:07,925 Instead of acting the fool, why not go to war ? 104 00:12:07,973 --> 00:12:11,301 What ? I just got back ! 105 00:12:22,564 --> 00:12:27,180 I can't belive it , finally I'm home ! 106 00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:32,691 Giovanni,it's me... Olimpio ! I'm back from the war ! 107 00:12:32,908 --> 00:12:37,213 - Who gives a fuck ! - Right, a touch of human warmth... 108 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:54,442 Argo ! Let's see if you recognize me ! 109 00:12:56,459 --> 00:12:59,976 Wow what a memory ! He recognized me ! 110 00:13:02,446 --> 00:13:05,578 Pour my water... 111 00:13:12,403 --> 00:13:17,391 Beautiful...you're so beautiful ! 112 00:13:17,568 --> 00:13:21,824 - Do you mean it ? - Yes,but no one enjoys your beauty . 113 00:13:22,156 --> 00:13:26,237 You fool of husband went off to war ! 114 00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:29,128 Midwife ! 115 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:37,453 What's that noise ? Go and look... 116 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:47,368 Lady Fiamma a soldier's coming ! 117 00:13:47,384 --> 00:13:49,857 I can't see his face ,but... 118 00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:53,818 - Is it my husband comiing back? - Yes, it's him ! 119 00:13:53,863 --> 00:13:58,003 It seems the war gave him a holly thrashing ! 120 00:13:58,122 --> 00:14:03,183 - Quick, I'll get ready to receive him ! - What a sainted lady you are ! 121 00:14:03,184 --> 00:14:07,179 Rather than receive him. I'd slam the door in his face ! 122 00:14:07,224 --> 00:14:09,820 Midwife... 123 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:14,757 Fiamma ! 124 00:14:15,169 --> 00:14:17,982 Did you narrow the door's ? 125 00:14:18,076 --> 00:14:20,642 My lord ! 126 00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:24,048 My god, what a mess ! 127 00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:27,004 Have you had another bath ? 128 00:14:27,084 --> 00:14:29,514 Did you take one when I left six months ago ? 129 00:14:29,547 --> 00:14:32,585 I wanted to be beautiful for your return... 130 00:14:32,636 --> 00:14:35,670 Who told you I was coming back ? That old witch ? 131 00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:38,303 - Damn you ! - Does she still bite ? 132 00:14:38,325 --> 00:14:42,194 Of course not,my love... Given the state you're in... 133 00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:46,213 ...you should take a bath too. 134 00:14:46,371 --> 00:14:49,524 If the water doesn't mind ! 135 00:14:49,541 --> 00:14:52,661 - My lady , I'm off... - Me too ! 136 00:14:52,707 --> 00:14:58,645 - I'll leave the show to you... - Get back in your cage ! 137 00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:03,308 To think how much I prayed that she'd die ! 138 00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:09,921 Your armor isn't easy to open... 139 00:15:10,002 --> 00:15:14,127 It's been falling apart for six months...and now it won't open ! 140 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:18,652 Relax... wait , I'll help you. 141 00:15:22,081 --> 00:15:26,955 - Wait, I've got just the thing... - Go get it ! 142 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:36,460 The sladge hammer ? Are you going to beat me to death ? 143 00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:40,316 How you become an "armor wrecker"? 144 00:15:41,049 --> 00:15:44,280 Do I look like a nail to you ?! 145 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:49,344 Careful ! It's sheet iron ! 146 00:15:49,387 --> 00:15:52,744 It gets red hot under the sun ! 147 00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:56,348 Once it got so hot... 148 00:15:56,398 --> 00:16:00,429 ...that everyone cleared off rather than burn ! 149 00:16:00,548 --> 00:16:05,881 Our captain fried two eggs on me ! 150 00:16:07,329 --> 00:16:10,297 - Come here ! - That's done... 151 00:16:10,396 --> 00:16:12,947 ..now I'll get you a towel... 152 00:16:12,979 --> 00:16:16,501 The water's all yours... 153 00:16:19,337 --> 00:16:22,768 Do I have to drink it all ?! 154 00:16:24,429 --> 00:16:28,394 - Darling ! - My love, I'm burning with desire ! 155 00:16:28,452 --> 00:16:32,555 - You must flee,my husband's back... - Can't we see each other again ? 156 00:16:32,589 --> 00:16:36,530 I'll let you know ,now go... 157 00:16:36,539 --> 00:16:39,896 - Ah, the key ! - Where's yours ? 158 00:16:41,163 --> 00:16:46,383 - Right... so whose is this ? - Don't worry, go. 159 00:16:55,335 --> 00:16:58,413 Fiamma, at last ! 160 00:16:58,473 --> 00:17:01,862 At last nothing ! My husband's back from the war ! 161 00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:06,340 - Didn't they kill him ? - Hurry Falco, save yourself ! 162 00:17:06,842 --> 00:17:10,010 I'll see you in a few days... 163 00:17:10,082 --> 00:17:12,618 - Bye.. - Bye ! 164 00:17:21,004 --> 00:17:24,134 Hi there... 165 00:17:28,301 --> 00:17:31,602 Serafino... it's me, Fiamma ! 166 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,441 I was counting the minutes ! 167 00:17:34,516 --> 00:17:36,759 - Calm down ! - What's happend ? 168 00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:39,462 The saddest thing in the world... my husband's back ! 169 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,450 I knew it ! I'll wait for you here... 170 00:17:42,458 --> 00:17:45,436 What next ?! 171 00:17:56,385 --> 00:18:00,253 - Done already ? - Washed, wrung and dried . 172 00:18:00,341 --> 00:18:04,142 - And your massage ? - Right now, my darling ! 173 00:18:04,145 --> 00:18:08,348 You're so firey ! Your appetite scares me... 174 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:14,145 Appetite ? This is hunger! Six months of abstinence... 175 00:18:14,217 --> 00:18:18,096 - I didn't even get a goat ! - I was the same for me. 176 00:18:18,168 --> 00:18:21,559 Your return is a dream, my love ! 177 00:18:21,603 --> 00:18:24,954 Your dream will come true ! 178 00:18:25,334 --> 00:18:29,870 - Ow! Is that iron down there ? - Forgive me, darling... 179 00:18:30,005 --> 00:18:35,841 - ... you hit the chastity belt. - Oh , of course ! 180 00:18:35,919 --> 00:18:39,718 Get the key , and you'll be fine... 181 00:18:39,777 --> 00:18:44,362 - I want to be free of this prison... - I'll get it immediately ! 182 00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:48,922 Missed you that time... 183 00:18:51,288 --> 00:18:54,013 Here it is ! 184 00:18:55,037 --> 00:18:58,744 Where's it gone ?! The key... 185 00:18:58,795 --> 00:19:04,011 Where's the key ? Where are yoy key ? 186 00:19:04,037 --> 00:19:07,318 The key's gone ! 187 00:19:07,503 --> 00:19:11,092 We could use the sledgehammer ! 188 00:19:12,266 --> 00:19:15,695 No, my love,what are you doing ?! 189 00:19:15,703 --> 00:19:18,987 What am I doing ? I'm going to crack your iron panties! 190 00:19:19,021 --> 00:19:23,283 Yes, but the tresure inside might suffer ! 191 00:19:23,343 --> 00:19:26,693 And, actually... 192 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:31,096 ... I have something important to tell you, come... 193 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:35,011 Let's hear it... 194 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,599 You have the time to talk with master Deodato, the blacksmith... 195 00:19:38,691 --> 00:19:43,154 When you left the war, I made a vow to Saint Fertility... 196 00:19:43,175 --> 00:19:46,663 If you returned safe and sound... 197 00:19:46,681 --> 00:19:51,138 ...we wouldn't make love an this bed two weeks. 198 00:19:51,201 --> 00:19:54,830 - Then let's use another bed ! - Yes, Olimpio... 199 00:19:54,910 --> 00:20:00,611 But what are two weeks, compared with a lifetime ? 200 00:20:02,698 --> 00:20:07,421 Saint Fertility, huh? Must be one that can't mind his own business ! 201 00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:09,773 And, what's more... 202 00:20:09,862 --> 00:20:14,568 ... if in two weeks we have a son, he'll be born with red hair... 203 00:20:14,639 --> 00:20:19,088 - Why ? - Because I'm getting rusty! 204 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:24,270 In two weeks your love will be at the peack of strength... 205 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:28,465 ... for your stisfaction and mine... 206 00:20:28,554 --> 00:20:31,051 Yes... 207 00:20:33,261 --> 00:20:37,634 Can't we just have a quickie ? 208 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:46,986 Sometimes when I'm tired I get sleepy , how come ? 209 00:20:48,635 --> 00:20:52,299 It must be a physical defect ! 210 00:21:19,828 --> 00:21:22,714 Fertility ! 211 00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:28,476 Fertility... come here, I've something to tell you ! 212 00:21:28,967 --> 00:21:31,905 Are you there ? 213 00:21:32,155 --> 00:21:34,997 Fuck off then ! 214 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:53,995 What way of eating is that ? 215 00:21:54,096 --> 00:21:57,479 Ok...I'll change ! 216 00:22:01,082 --> 00:22:03,839 - Do you like it ? - What is it ? 217 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:06,981 Toad soup... 218 00:22:08,990 --> 00:22:13,010 You might have killed first ! 219 00:22:14,825 --> 00:22:17,840 I'll stuff a lemon in her mouth and put her in oven ! 220 00:22:17,863 --> 00:22:21,975 - Please, she saw me born... - And now she wants to see me die ? 221 00:22:22,024 --> 00:22:25,762 Let's change the subject honey... Now the war is over... 222 00:22:25,790 --> 00:22:28,669 ... you must make peace with our neighbor. 223 00:22:28,747 --> 00:22:32,065 You mean the miller, Oderisi ? He's too bitter... 224 00:22:32,137 --> 00:22:36,488 Try yo understand, the stream that run throught our properties... 225 00:22:36,519 --> 00:22:41,074 ...servs both of us, he for his mill, and us for our fields... 226 00:22:41,165 --> 00:22:45,407 It's time the dispute was resolved peacefully... 227 00:22:45,445 --> 00:22:47,759 He's too bitter... 228 00:22:47,797 --> 00:22:51,072 It was so hard for me when you went off war... 229 00:22:51,114 --> 00:22:55,416 Take the notary's counsel, he's a valiant man of law... 230 00:22:55,444 --> 00:22:59,312 - ... let him do it ! - As for doing it... 231 00:22:59,368 --> 00:23:03,257 Something needs doing here ! I'm going crazy... 232 00:23:03,259 --> 00:23:07,023 No, I beg you, don't tempt me... I vowed to Saint Fertility... 233 00:23:07,074 --> 00:23:11,226 I dreamt of him last night... he said, "Your wifels vow... 234 00:23:11,235 --> 00:23:15,177 ... got lost. I'm busy and can't find it..." 235 00:23:15,204 --> 00:23:17,979 So,it's no longer valid! 236 00:23:18,074 --> 00:23:23,459 Please, resolve things with Oderisi. 237 00:23:23,492 --> 00:23:25,623 He's too bitter . 238 00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:29,520 But no... after being widowed, he married Lady Ubalda... 239 00:23:29,591 --> 00:23:35,656 She's a sainted woman who, I'm sure, has been able to change him... 240 00:23:43,437 --> 00:23:47,046 She called her father ! 241 00:23:51,504 --> 00:23:54,781 I learned lots of langueges in war ! 242 00:24:46,654 --> 00:24:48,785 Ubalda ! 243 00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:51,590 - Your husband ! - Right, at such a beautiful moment... 244 00:24:51,627 --> 00:24:54,120 ...who else could it be ? 245 00:24:54,219 --> 00:24:58,570 - Hubbie, what do you want ? - Open,the doctor's here ! 246 00:24:58,613 --> 00:25:02,139 One moment, I'm here with my hairdresser.. 247 00:25:02,197 --> 00:25:05,306 I'm almost naked, let me dress . 248 00:25:05,358 --> 00:25:07,943 I know how jealous you are ! 249 00:25:08,010 --> 00:25:11,428 Who cares if you're naked. I'm your husband ! 250 00:25:11,431 --> 00:25:14,426 The doctor doesn't notice this things ! 251 00:25:14,514 --> 00:25:17,796 You're right, but I don't want him to see me naked... 252 00:25:17,799 --> 00:25:22,529 You know how shy I am ! 253 00:25:22,578 --> 00:25:27,731 True, but this doctor could be your grandfather. 254 00:25:27,779 --> 00:25:30,011 Come on,open... 255 00:25:30,079 --> 00:25:35,415 Right, now you'll see that I'm almost naked and get jealous... 256 00:25:36,109 --> 00:25:39,398 No wise man could be jealous of this doctor. 257 00:25:39,485 --> 00:25:42,307 Please, come in... 258 00:25:42,414 --> 00:25:45,674 - Here is my sweet consort. - Your servant,my lady. 259 00:25:45,753 --> 00:25:48,767 Your welcome, master... 260 00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:51,694 I've never seen this hairdresser... is she new ? 261 00:25:51,713 --> 00:25:56,484 Yes... she was recommended to me, she's very shy,but also very good... 262 00:25:56,485 --> 00:26:00,793 - ...unrivalled in her profession. - Too kind, my lady . 263 00:26:00,886 --> 00:26:04,783 Well done, but now go, the master must concentrate . 264 00:26:04,797 --> 00:26:08,263 - I'll be back later... - So, what's wrong with the lady ? 265 00:26:08,318 --> 00:26:11,879 - She never wants to make love! - Please, I'll explain... 266 00:26:11,941 --> 00:26:17,796 - Master,it's a delicate issue... - Feel free to tell me . 267 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:22,834 Master, my husband is unable to fornicate with me . 268 00:26:22,933 --> 00:26:28,651 Unable? Let me see those balls. They dont look sick, a little puffy. 269 00:26:28,714 --> 00:26:31,303 I want to, I try ! 270 00:26:31,361 --> 00:26:36,465 Traing isn't enough ! Every time we're in bed... 271 00:26:36,486 --> 00:26:42,742 I start to swon . I feel a great fire than I faint. 272 00:26:42,836 --> 00:26:45,414 - Do you think it's serious ? - I'd say so... 273 00:26:45,429 --> 00:26:49,469 ..a female like her is made for love. Strip so I can take a look... 274 00:26:49,512 --> 00:26:52,029 - Naked ? - Yes, naked. 275 00:26:52,343 --> 00:26:57,191 - Does she really have to be naked? - Of course ! 276 00:26:59,363 --> 00:27:05,330 Now, breath deeply while I put my ear your breast . 277 00:27:05,417 --> 00:27:09,593 - Oh, how wonderful ! - Stop ! I'll do the ear bit . 278 00:27:09,668 --> 00:27:12,916 I'll lean, listen and report . 279 00:27:16,316 --> 00:27:19,228 Is that your breathing ? 280 00:27:19,251 --> 00:27:23,552 No, him . He always does that, but besides sighing that's it . 281 00:27:23,554 --> 00:27:29,454 This is no good . Jelous husbands are yhe ruin of medical science ! 282 00:27:29,512 --> 00:27:32,889 - Of cuckolds, if anything ! - A shame on you ! 283 00:27:32,970 --> 00:27:38,440 Are you more worried about your wife's health or your own ego ? 284 00:27:39,892 --> 00:27:44,615 What do you say, Lady Ubalda? Will you do as the doctor says? 285 00:27:44,953 --> 00:27:49,654 Yes, dear husband, let's humor him . 286 00:27:49,731 --> 00:27:53,411 Come, Cerusico, ear to boob ! 287 00:27:53,651 --> 00:27:57,349 I'll put my hand here, to get confortable . 288 00:27:57,465 --> 00:28:02,073 What a strong heart this woman has. 289 00:28:02,188 --> 00:28:04,971 - Get other here ! - Are you joking ? 290 00:28:04,982 --> 00:28:08,305 No, doctors don't joke, not even at Carnaval ! 291 00:28:08,386 --> 00:28:12,621 I order you to leave becouse your presence is a hindrance. 292 00:28:12,889 --> 00:28:18,879 - She does't want to be alone with you ! - Let's ask her . You decide . 293 00:28:18,902 --> 00:28:21,385 ...him or me ! 294 00:28:21,396 --> 00:28:26,175 Dear husband, try to understand, leave alone with the master, 295 00:28:26,587 --> 00:28:31,586 I've overcome my shyness, and I know I can trust him . 296 00:28:31,599 --> 00:28:36,393 Allright, I'll be outside the door. But hurry, I'll give you 10 minutes. 297 00:28:36,435 --> 00:28:39,586 10 minutes is enought for me ! 298 00:28:47,484 --> 00:28:52,204 - What are you doing ? - Underssing, he gave us only 10 minutes. 299 00:28:52,429 --> 00:28:55,571 But grandpa, one month won't be enough for you. 300 00:28:55,646 --> 00:28:58,463 Your wife is right, Master Olimpio... 301 00:28:58,517 --> 00:29:01,795 ... disputes are costly, and justice takes time . 302 00:29:01,869 --> 00:29:05,298 You should reach an agreement . A feew well-pleced words . 303 00:29:05,407 --> 00:29:09,977 All this used to be my father's... he sure was a happy man ! 304 00:29:10,046 --> 00:29:12,917 - To think, he hung himself . - Out of sorry ? 305 00:29:13,088 --> 00:29:17,406 No, by the neck ! That's it should hang Odersi ! 306 00:29:17,497 --> 00:29:23,194 Olimpio, be prudent. It seems to me your blood is boling ! 307 00:29:23,380 --> 00:29:27,849 Can you tell? My wife has left my whistle dry for a week . 308 00:29:27,894 --> 00:29:31,662 My son, as if this was your only problem ! 309 00:29:31,761 --> 00:29:34,869 If you need a good time, couple with your servant... 310 00:29:35,755 --> 00:29:41,058 - The one in my house ? - Does that trouble your consecience ? 311 00:29:41,820 --> 00:29:45,520 No... it turns my stomach ! 312 00:29:45,631 --> 00:29:51,350 Then try having a good time with the boys... 313 00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:54,612 Notary ! 314 00:29:54,726 --> 00:29:58,009 Well... you might be surprised ! 315 00:29:58,025 --> 00:30:02,575 I have a wonderful time with my boys... 316 00:30:03,589 --> 00:30:06,438 You mean you... 317 00:30:08,313 --> 00:30:10,900 Who'd have thought ! 318 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:15,252 Why do you keep stopping ? You have a bad vice. 319 00:30:17,468 --> 00:30:20,896 Look who's talking ! 320 00:30:29,364 --> 00:30:32,220 Welcome ! 321 00:30:36,183 --> 00:30:38,691 Is the master Oderisi's wife ? 322 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,651 Yes, he landed a beauty ! You're not envious, are you ? 323 00:30:42,733 --> 00:30:46,497 Not in the least... 324 00:30:48,315 --> 00:30:53,694 Relax, Olimpio... Has she really smitten you ? 325 00:30:54,698 --> 00:30:59,840 I can already see her with nothing on... except me, of course ! 326 00:31:01,318 --> 00:31:06,963 My Lady, it's not I who speak, but my soul... 327 00:31:08,463 --> 00:31:11,461 By wthat name is this beauty called ? 328 00:31:11,516 --> 00:31:15,774 - My name is Ubalda . - And the ather one ? 329 00:31:15,857 --> 00:31:19,992 My name is Lady Ubalda . What can I do for you ? 330 00:31:22,331 --> 00:31:25,332 Who knows, I like the lot ! 331 00:31:25,415 --> 00:31:28,824 We're here to discuss boundaries, my lady... 332 00:31:28,830 --> 00:31:32,126 - Where is your husband ? - Here, notary . 333 00:31:32,162 --> 00:31:35,041 Ah, you're here too... 334 00:31:35,165 --> 00:31:39,290 Have you come to waste my time ? Damned soldier ! 335 00:31:39,375 --> 00:31:42,180 You're back without booty ! 336 00:31:42,641 --> 00:31:47,042 Pusillanimous, tongue-wagging, armless incompetent ! 337 00:31:47,130 --> 00:31:49,441 Too bitter ! 338 00:31:49,455 --> 00:31:51,942 Good day, master Oderisi ! 339 00:31:52,071 --> 00:31:57,197 It's not a good day, with this filth in my house ... 340 00:31:58,369 --> 00:32:03,741 The parties being present before me, notary Adone Bellezza... 341 00:32:05,357 --> 00:32:08,454 My lady, leave us . 342 00:32:12,396 --> 00:32:16,524 Let's try to resolve this dispute with civility and respect... 343 00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:21,244 - I won't talk with that man. - Very well, I'll talk... 344 00:32:22,956 --> 00:32:25,085 Therefore... 345 00:32:25,155 --> 00:32:28,792 The border between the lands of Master Olimpio... 346 00:32:28,833 --> 00:32:32,481 and those of Master Oderisi, the miller... 347 00:32:32,530 --> 00:32:37,734 ...is in dispute over the stream named "Aqua Viva".... 348 00:32:37,823 --> 00:32:41,477 ...which both parties mantain is their property. 349 00:32:41,497 --> 00:32:44,660 Ask him what he's looking at over there... 350 00:32:44,698 --> 00:32:49,497 Master Oderisi asks what you are looking at over there... 351 00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:53,067 - Buttoks... - Huh ? 352 00:32:53,632 --> 00:32:57,646 The above-mentioned stream which runs along the border... 353 00:32:58,106 --> 00:33:02,859 - ...between the lands of... - Excuse me a moment... 354 00:33:07,271 --> 00:33:10,263 Did I catch a connection ? 355 00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:21,063 Enough, ok ! 356 00:33:21,231 --> 00:33:24,348 Give it a break ! 357 00:33:28,261 --> 00:33:32,821 What's that, the "soldier's slap"?! 358 00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:39,150 Why do you keep hitting the same spot ? 359 00:33:44,651 --> 00:33:48,054 Master Oderisi, are you feeling ok ? 360 00:33:48,084 --> 00:33:51,197 You look a little pale ! 361 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,861 I'll give you the change later ! 362 00:33:56,174 --> 00:33:59,611 "...free of malice and cowardice... 363 00:33:59,703 --> 00:34:02,314 ...all this in honor of common sense... 364 00:34:02,356 --> 00:34:06,685 ...rendering noble and content men of goodwill," 365 00:37:40,110 --> 00:37:44,285 Where are you going ? Come here . 366 00:37:45,506 --> 00:37:48,484 Closer... 367 00:37:49,486 --> 00:37:52,724 Let me feel... 368 00:37:53,194 --> 00:37:55,834 Let me...aaaah ! 369 00:37:55,911 --> 00:37:58,250 What happened ?! Is a trap ? 370 00:37:59,941 --> 00:38:02,422 A mousetrap?! 371 00:38:02,460 --> 00:38:06,544 To keep you away from temptation, my husband... 372 00:38:06,577 --> 00:38:10,608 You could at least add a little cheese ! 373 00:38:11,767 --> 00:38:14,932 Again ? Has that friar come back ? 374 00:39:21,613 --> 00:39:25,571 Enought! At this I'll have the washing hung by sunset! 375 00:39:25,631 --> 00:39:27,484 But I'm helping you. 376 00:39:27,516 --> 00:39:30,313 Nu, you're making things harder. You're jealous ! 377 00:39:30,390 --> 00:39:33,211 It's your fault... hanging clothes in front of the workers! 378 00:39:33,311 --> 00:39:37,983 It's the sun's fault! Do you want it to dry at night? 379 00:39:38,457 --> 00:39:44,418 Damn them, hugging those sacks thinking of your things! 380 00:39:44,531 --> 00:39:48,335 Husband, what irreverent language ! 381 00:39:48,411 --> 00:39:53,122 If you're that jealous, order them to stop working... 382 00:39:53,202 --> 00:39:55,383 until I've gone inside . 383 00:39:55,425 --> 00:39:58,289 I would, but this work is urgent. 384 00:39:58,334 --> 00:40:03,790 Instead I order you to go inside and not come out till they're done! 385 00:40:03,869 --> 00:40:06,470 Go on, hurry ! 386 00:40:06,474 --> 00:40:09,879 And you, get working! Work, you bums! 387 00:40:09,963 --> 00:40:14,310 And stop hugging those sacks! 388 00:40:22,730 --> 00:40:25,754 Hey, come and look! 389 00:40:26,519 --> 00:40:29,177 Who is it ? 390 00:40:29,428 --> 00:40:32,389 Look at him ! 391 00:40:32,467 --> 00:40:36,501 Next time you go out, wear appropriate clothes. 392 00:40:36,992 --> 00:40:41,035 - Armor, for example? - Not a bad idea . 393 00:40:42,822 --> 00:40:48,438 Stop being so jelous... Your wife loves and respects you. 394 00:40:48,443 --> 00:40:52,737 I'll prove you it with the clothes I wear to go out. 395 00:40:52,770 --> 00:40:57,642 - Why, where are you going? - To town, it's market day. 396 00:40:57,647 --> 00:41:00,292 Nu, not the market! 397 00:41:00,328 --> 00:41:02,655 That loafer Olimpio is always out... 398 00:41:02,682 --> 00:41:06,453 ... now that his wife won't entertain him in bed, everyone's talking about it! 399 00:41:06,522 --> 00:41:09,874 Now you're ridiculous! I can't bear being stuck inside! 400 00:41:09,947 --> 00:41:13,925 Tou should thank me, your virtue is safe here! 401 00:41:13,942 --> 00:41:16,513 What are you doing? Aren't you tired of looking? 402 00:41:16,607 --> 00:41:18,638 No, boss... 403 00:41:18,651 --> 00:41:22,683 That is, yes... a certain Cantarano da Nola is here to see you... 404 00:41:22,695 --> 00:41:25,943 - Who's he ? - A great master painter... 405 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,673 All eys on me ! 406 00:41:34,435 --> 00:41:37,253 I'll scratch anyone who moves... 407 00:41:39,685 --> 00:41:44,774 Miraculous angel, perfection of perfection... 408 00:41:44,798 --> 00:41:49,694 - Fabulous ! - Wizard, have you done ? 409 00:41:50,478 --> 00:41:54,221 I need to know what Venus is this ? 410 00:41:54,437 --> 00:41:58,486 What Juno, what Minerva ? 411 00:41:58,548 --> 00:42:01,926 What son of a bich sewed this outfit ?! 412 00:42:01,970 --> 00:42:05,158 While I need to know who sent you here... 413 00:42:05,472 --> 00:42:09,017 It is fate who sends me... 414 00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,521 I have circled the globe... 415 00:42:11,549 --> 00:42:15,888 ...known kings and qeens so rich they are bored... 416 00:42:15,967 --> 00:42:19,805 ...like that German prince Von Fuck ! 417 00:42:19,928 --> 00:42:25,440 What rights do you have over this celestial creature ? 418 00:42:25,487 --> 00:42:29,568 What rights ? She's my wife ! 419 00:42:30,825 --> 00:42:35,804 What a fool not to realize you are the husband ! 420 00:42:35,903 --> 00:42:40,943 The forehead of a poet, eyes of a thinker of an emperor... 421 00:42:40,979 --> 00:42:47,636 ... chest of a warrior, a knight's hands, strong and kind... 422 00:42:48,201 --> 00:42:52,718 Becouse I love nature, I love to live outdoors... 423 00:42:52,763 --> 00:42:56,279 - ...drink toasts, play cards... - Whist ? 424 00:42:56,374 --> 00:42:59,137 Uh... no, pederast . 425 00:42:59,833 --> 00:43:06,610 I'm here by order of your lord. ... Duke Guazzone da Vellentri. 426 00:43:06,967 --> 00:43:13,052 He said, "Go, paint Lady Ubalda, whose beauty... 427 00:43:13,924 --> 00:43:17,215 ... is fabulous!" 428 00:43:18,130 --> 00:43:22,638 But the duke didn't tell me about you, so cute and good-looking... 429 00:43:23,013 --> 00:43:26,834 Si, sir, it is with you that I shall retire... 430 00:43:26,912 --> 00:43:30,331 ... to paint you naked ! 431 00:43:30,446 --> 00:43:32,870 Have you gone crazy ? 432 00:43:32,905 --> 00:43:38,264 - Do you dare disobey the duke ? - No, but he told you to paint Ubalda! 433 00:43:38,322 --> 00:43:40,157 True... 434 00:43:40,203 --> 00:43:42,810 - Do you dare disobey the duke? - Never... 435 00:43:42,815 --> 00:43:45,753 - Then have yourself painted... - No. 436 00:43:46,151 --> 00:43:48,876 - No ? - No ? 437 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:54,260 No. No man other than my husband may see me naked! 438 00:43:54,335 --> 00:43:57,256 Man ? 439 00:43:58,374 --> 00:44:01,386 As you wish, husband... 440 00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:04,284 - The key... - The key ? 441 00:44:04,359 --> 00:44:08,339 - If I have to be naked... - She's not naked with the chastity belt! 442 00:44:08,867 --> 00:44:12,557 Ok... here you are. 443 00:44:12,926 --> 00:44:15,468 Bye, sweetie... 444 00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:39,509 Hey, come and look! The painter's taking her up to strip naked! 445 00:44:40,327 --> 00:44:42,728 Come in... 446 00:44:49,663 --> 00:44:52,263 Will you be comfortable here ? 447 00:44:52,359 --> 00:44:54,663 On the floor ? 448 00:44:55,174 --> 00:44:57,870 Very comfortable! 449 00:44:57,937 --> 00:45:00,905 - Whenever you wish, master... - Not yet. 450 00:45:01,191 --> 00:45:04,352 I can feel paralysis setting in! 451 00:45:04,388 --> 00:45:06,841 Oh, mother... 452 00:45:07,518 --> 00:45:10,411 Guard her well... 453 00:45:10,904 --> 00:45:14,133 I'll get my things... 454 00:45:15,974 --> 00:45:20,595 My lady, what are you waiting for ? Don't upset the painter... 455 00:45:58,687 --> 00:46:02,222 - What are you doing, master? - I've locked it. 456 00:46:02,230 --> 00:46:05,915 Why? I'm on guard out here! 457 00:46:06,188 --> 00:46:09,142 - No one must enter, not even you. - Why ? 458 00:46:09,169 --> 00:46:12,916 So you don't break my... inspiration. 459 00:46:17,734 --> 00:46:21,077 - Who's that ? - Who? It's me! 460 00:46:47,158 --> 00:46:51,841 Let me through, I got the ladder and I'll climb it! 461 00:47:27,419 --> 00:47:31,732 You care me, why are you looking at me like that? 462 00:47:33,738 --> 00:47:38,220 A painter has eyes like of a doctor... 463 00:47:39,725 --> 00:47:42,785 ...crazed... 464 00:47:48,219 --> 00:47:51,293 Let me up, let me up! 465 00:47:55,354 --> 00:47:58,180 Let me up! 466 00:48:02,067 --> 00:48:04,618 Go on, let me up! 467 00:48:07,134 --> 00:48:10,097 Come on, out of the way! 468 00:48:10,152 --> 00:48:12,265 Let me look to! 469 00:48:12,288 --> 00:48:14,419 It's my turn! 470 00:48:15,364 --> 00:48:18,926 Master, why can't I hear your voice any more? 471 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,079 Odd, I talk constantiy! 472 00:48:22,143 --> 00:48:25,649 Sorry, but I hear nothing... maybe I'm going deaf. 473 00:48:49,314 --> 00:48:53,808 Master... is inspiration coming or not coming? 474 00:48:54,449 --> 00:48:57,044 Nearly... 475 00:49:00,091 --> 00:49:03,172 Hold still, don't push! 476 00:49:09,917 --> 00:49:14,458 - What are you waiting for? - Give me time, I'm confused... 477 00:49:14,686 --> 00:49:17,449 ... with all this acting gay... 478 00:49:29,802 --> 00:49:32,684 - I'm a real macho, uh? - The key... 479 00:49:32,715 --> 00:49:35,438 Right... the key! 480 00:49:39,973 --> 00:49:43,070 Ok,I'm opening it! 481 00:49:43,323 --> 00:49:47,307 I told you to go away! 482 00:49:49,941 --> 00:49:53,661 Courage, master... 483 00:49:54,581 --> 00:49:58,939 I'm scared I'll break it! I mean, 'tear the canvas'... 484 00:49:59,727 --> 00:50:03,092 The painting canvas, of course! 485 00:50:07,140 --> 00:50:10,169 - Careful! - Careful, we'll fall! 486 00:50:12,871 --> 00:50:15,694 What happend? 487 00:50:17,075 --> 00:50:19,865 But... what happened? 488 00:50:24,278 --> 00:50:28,549 You dirty peeping toms! 489 00:50:29,274 --> 00:50:32,096 Take this! 490 00:50:32,155 --> 00:50:36,345 - What's going on? - They were spying on my wife naked! 491 00:50:36,373 --> 00:50:40,793 Oh... beat them, without mercy! 492 00:50:41,150 --> 00:50:43,671 I will, and some! 493 00:50:46,212 --> 00:50:50,253 Olimpio De' Pannocchieschi?! I'm gonna kill you! 494 00:50:50,554 --> 00:50:53,939 I'll disembowel you, tear your heart out! 495 00:50:54,014 --> 00:50:59,634 I'll feed you to de pigs! You filthy brute! 496 00:51:01,189 --> 00:51:03,541 He's coming! 497 00:51:04,930 --> 00:51:08,460 He's very angry... lord knows why! 498 00:51:09,346 --> 00:51:12,880 Open, you dirty worm! 499 00:51:12,915 --> 00:51:18,156 Open or I'll kill you! You too, lady, open up! 500 00:51:19,221 --> 00:51:21,372 Help! 501 00:51:21,388 --> 00:51:26,366 Help me, husband! The painter has pulled out his "brush"! 502 00:51:26,420 --> 00:51:29,612 He's trying to rape me! 503 00:51:29,694 --> 00:51:34,419 Don't open! He'll break both our butts! 504 00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:39,790 How did you guys get down? 505 00:51:49,156 --> 00:51:54,173 - I'm out of here! - Go, go... my dog will catch you! 506 00:52:17,962 --> 00:52:20,415 Sorry... 507 00:52:56,491 --> 00:53:00,268 Quick, take me to him! 508 00:53:22,181 --> 00:53:25,716 An ambush, another thief! 509 00:53:27,128 --> 00:53:30,037 Hush! 510 00:53:39,402 --> 00:53:44,534 Do you always take the same road? Don't you ever pass for "fuck off"? 511 00:53:48,151 --> 00:53:51,291 Where have you taken me? 512 00:53:57,751 --> 00:54:01,196 Here I am, father! Did you call me? 513 00:54:02,433 --> 00:54:05,530 Are you a fag too? 514 00:54:06,057 --> 00:54:09,899 Sorry. Your boss hasn't gone, has he? 515 00:54:09,940 --> 00:54:13,261 He was giving me advice, but I fell asleep... 516 00:54:13,293 --> 00:54:16,197 ...after all those knocks! 517 00:54:16,235 --> 00:54:21,494 There he is! Look at that feast... grapes, chicken, bread... 518 00:54:21,519 --> 00:54:24,804 When he's not hitting, he's eating! 519 00:54:29,122 --> 00:54:32,417 May I, father? What's the food like? 520 00:54:32,469 --> 00:54:35,615 - Like your own home... - Then I'm leaving! 521 00:54:35,655 --> 00:54:40,242 What a fuss! You must accept all that heaven sends... 522 00:54:40,257 --> 00:54:44,281 ... as I accept this morsel of penitence. 523 00:54:45,423 --> 00:54:48,689 By the way, are you at peace with God? 524 00:54:48,740 --> 00:54:51,987 Yes, we say hi, but we don't really talk... 525 00:54:58,327 --> 00:55:01,018 - Do you serve chickens? - We serve anyone... 526 00:55:01,111 --> 00:55:03,858 She recognized me on sihgt! 527 00:55:05,464 --> 00:55:10,823 - What's your name, my child? - My name is Candy, but call me Handy... 528 00:55:11,384 --> 00:55:15,693 - Where's your father? - I'm orphan. 529 00:55:15,897 --> 00:55:19,021 - Brothers? - None... 530 00:55:19,558 --> 00:55:24,565 - Don't tell me you don't have a fiance! - I don't... 531 00:55:24,575 --> 00:55:29,140 - I live sad and alone... - Don't worry, my child... 532 00:55:29,187 --> 00:55:34,208 ... one's never alone in life, if you want... 533 00:55:45,458 --> 00:55:49,172 I forgot... I'm a poor friar, so you pay the bill. 534 00:55:49,249 --> 00:55:52,587 - Don't you have any money? - I've have renounced all... 535 00:55:52,591 --> 00:55:55,298 You sure haven't renounced eating! 536 00:55:55,753 --> 00:56:00,581 That advice I asked for, you still haven't given it... 537 00:56:00,630 --> 00:56:04,615 Right, but tell me... 538 00:56:04,627 --> 00:56:07,579 ... who is this female driving you so crazy? 539 00:56:07,678 --> 00:56:12,398 Lady Ubalda, the wife of master Oderisi, the miller. Do you know him? 540 00:56:12,488 --> 00:56:14,866 For sure! 541 00:56:14,949 --> 00:56:20,344 That skunk sold me two sacks of flour full of worms! 542 00:56:20,413 --> 00:56:23,692 He wants to steal the water from my fields! 543 00:56:23,701 --> 00:56:26,134 - Can't we fuck him? - What ? 544 00:56:26,156 --> 00:56:29,725 I mean, how can I get to cuckold him? 545 00:56:31,521 --> 00:56:36,653 With great cunning... you must play the "painter ploy". 546 00:56:36,729 --> 00:56:41,093 Again? I told you how well that went already! 547 00:56:41,104 --> 00:56:45,880 Hush, let me speak... I mean a real painter. 548 00:56:45,942 --> 00:56:49,115 Do you know the famous master, Caterano da Nola? 549 00:56:49,182 --> 00:56:53,839 Yes, Duke Guazzone's painter! That's who I played... 550 00:56:53,914 --> 00:56:56,984 - Then you understand everything... - Sure... 551 00:56:57,056 --> 00:57:01,223 I've understood nothing! I'm inteligent, but not very... 552 00:57:01,277 --> 00:57:04,240 And with all these knocks... 553 00:57:04,270 --> 00:57:08,558 ... it feels as if two bats are arguing in my head. 554 00:57:08,601 --> 00:57:14,081 Go rest, then. I'm going to console that poor girl... 555 00:57:14,165 --> 00:57:18,499 - We'll talk more later. - Yes, later... 556 00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:22,139 ...after she got Handy on you! 557 00:57:30,515 --> 00:57:33,373 This is a sin, my child... 558 00:57:33,449 --> 00:57:36,750 ... I explained it so you can avoid it... 559 00:57:36,798 --> 00:57:39,605 - Have I been clear? - No... 560 00:57:39,633 --> 00:57:41,602 No? 561 00:57:41,673 --> 00:57:45,774 But I eplained it twice! 562 00:57:46,779 --> 00:57:52,172 You live in the country, but you're hard-headed! 563 00:57:53,714 --> 00:57:56,592 Maybe I didn't explain myself properly? 564 00:57:56,650 --> 00:58:02,176 No, you explained very well, but I'd like to know more... 565 00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:07,412 More? Alright. I'll explain one last time... 566 00:58:08,467 --> 00:58:11,340 ... but is the last ! 567 00:58:13,306 --> 00:58:16,523 - Friar's hideout! - What do you want? 568 00:58:16,553 --> 00:58:19,138 Can I have a ride too? 569 00:58:19,143 --> 00:58:22,209 Haw you dare? Can't you see I'm doing a panance? 570 00:58:22,245 --> 00:58:25,267 I just wanted the advice I asked for... 571 00:58:25,296 --> 00:58:27,798 If not, I'm not moving... 572 00:58:27,834 --> 00:58:30,324 You won't leave? 573 00:58:32,445 --> 00:58:35,358 - Will you listen, my son? - Yes, sure! 574 00:58:35,469 --> 00:58:39,567 But hurry, or your penance will get cold... 575 00:58:40,432 --> 00:58:44,588 You must stop the painter at the Castagnaccio Pass... 576 00:58:44,654 --> 00:58:49,308 With confidence, you tell him, "I come in the name of Duke Guazzone!" 577 00:58:49,446 --> 00:58:55,474 When you say "Guazzone" It must be like lightning from a clear sky! 578 00:58:55,483 --> 00:59:00,793 "He orders you to go to the mill of master Oderisi... 579 00:59:00,865 --> 00:59:03,666 ... to take the beautiful Lady Ubalda." 580 00:59:03,686 --> 00:59:08,418 Once taken, you must conduct her to the duke's castle. 581 00:59:08,592 --> 00:59:11,598 She must be the model for the great fresco... 582 00:59:11,676 --> 00:59:15,559 ... that will adorn the walls of the banquet hall. 583 00:59:15,642 --> 00:59:19,184 Master Deodato, does this chastity belt work? 584 00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:24,469 It's my masterpiece. None but I can open it without a key! 585 00:59:24,532 --> 00:59:28,548 - Is it good against painters? - Good against all artist... 586 00:59:29,635 --> 00:59:31,728 - Boss. - What is it? 587 00:59:31,814 --> 00:59:34,842 - The master painter is back. - Again? 588 00:59:36,390 --> 00:59:38,994 Step aside, peasant! 589 00:59:39,012 --> 00:59:44,334 I am Caterano da Nola, famous painter and great talent... 590 00:59:44,497 --> 00:59:47,955 By order of Duke Guazzone da Viterbo... 591 00:59:47,987 --> 00:59:52,039 ... I have come to take your wife, miller. 592 00:59:52,123 --> 00:59:55,586 Why, master? 593 00:59:55,477 --> 01:00:00,191 To take her to the castle, where I can paint her at ease... 594 01:00:00,238 --> 01:00:04,042 I'll paint you, you son of the beach! 595 01:00:04,182 --> 01:00:11,165 - Now I'll fix you! - Calm down,stop! Halp! 596 01:00:11,306 --> 01:00:16,513 Quick, stop him, or Duke Guazzone will have his head off! 597 01:00:17,930 --> 01:00:23,042 Quick, or the duke's rege will fall on us! 598 01:00:27,918 --> 01:00:30,749 - Oh, mother! - Stop, stop... 599 01:00:35,476 --> 01:00:40,614 Master Oderisi, what have you done?! The duke's rage will be great! 600 01:00:40,792 --> 01:00:45,277 - It is he who sent the painter! - What painter! 601 01:00:45,300 --> 01:00:49,614 This is Olimpio, that fucking whoremonger! 602 01:00:51,131 --> 01:00:54,320 The duke will make you pay! 603 01:00:54,583 --> 01:00:57,557 Help! Help! 604 01:00:57,630 --> 01:01:02,371 Tell the duke I'm innocent, I didn't mean to offend. 605 01:01:02,651 --> 01:01:04,919 Calm down, won't you! 606 01:01:05,003 --> 01:01:08,478 Can't you see he's sleeping? You'll wake him up! 607 01:01:35,519 --> 01:01:38,166 Hey move! 608 01:01:41,524 --> 01:01:45,317 If we're late it'll be your fault! 609 01:01:46,047 --> 01:01:51,485 I was framed, I'd never lack respect for the duke! 610 01:01:52,483 --> 01:01:55,030 Can you prove it ? 611 01:01:57,097 --> 01:01:59,316 No? So? 612 01:01:59,358 --> 01:02:02,151 It's the truth, I'm innocent! 613 01:02:03,258 --> 01:02:06,860 This guy was innocent too... or at least said he was. 614 01:02:06,997 --> 01:02:10,957 - Doesn't justice exist? - Sure it exists... 615 01:02:11,030 --> 01:02:14,623 - But it takes money, and if you have any... 616 01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:20,246 ... I have a lawyer friend, an eminent jurist... 617 01:02:20,325 --> 01:02:23,532 - Shall I call him ? - Well, if he's eminent... 618 01:02:52,963 --> 01:02:55,808 Didn't scare you even just a bit? 619 01:02:55,859 --> 01:02:58,842 - No... - Then I'll try again... 620 01:03:04,420 --> 01:03:08,240 - Better this time, right? - Just come and eat! 621 01:03:08,930 --> 01:03:11,921 I can't, I've a commitment... 622 01:03:11,973 --> 01:03:14,854 I'm escorting a procession touring the mills to ask for flour.... 623 01:03:16,002 --> 01:03:19,862 - A procession of what? - Uh... they're lepers... 624 01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:26,034 Hey, where are you going? 625 01:03:26,050 --> 01:03:29,047 They're not bad guys! 626 01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:33,843 It's me who's the smartass! 627 01:03:34,554 --> 01:03:38,800 Lady Ubalda, what now? 628 01:03:56,278 --> 01:03:59,219 - What's that noise? - Oh, come on... 629 01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,233 - No, one moment... - You always say that! 630 01:04:02,277 --> 01:04:05,515 Can't you hear it? Maybe the miller's back! 631 01:04:05,707 --> 01:04:09,050 My jealous husband! 632 01:04:20,643 --> 01:04:23,541 -Open up! - Who is it? 633 01:04:23,621 --> 01:04:27,331 I'm the hard one that heals! 634 01:04:27,331 --> 01:04:31,454 That is. I'm love personified... Well, whatever... 635 01:04:31,642 --> 01:04:34,552 - 50 florins, sir... - Fuck! 636 01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,288 - I'm sorry? - I said, "justice is expemsive"! 637 01:04:37,358 --> 01:04:40,419 Miller, is your head worth less? 638 01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:43,925 No, but I was adding it up... 5 to the soldier who called you... 639 01:04:44,268 --> 01:04:48,680 ... 10 to you, that's 15... who gets the other 35? 640 01:04:48,691 --> 01:04:52,270 Duke Guazzone... who else hands out justice? 641 01:04:59,857 --> 01:05:03,340 But you are Olimpio! You're not my husband! 642 01:05:03,374 --> 01:05:05,964 Why, is he the only one with a prick? 643 01:05:06,967 --> 01:05:09,826 It's not my husband! 644 01:05:09,896 --> 01:05:13,181 - It's not my husband! - Have you seen me in profile? 645 01:05:13,236 --> 01:05:17,332 - You gain in the excenge! - It's nou my husband! 646 01:05:17,354 --> 01:05:20,765 Why scream? There's only us two here! 647 01:05:21,515 --> 01:05:24,723 It's not my husband... 648 01:05:55,689 --> 01:05:58,552 He's dead... 649 01:06:19,318 --> 01:06:22,960 Giannetto, what have we done? I'm scared... 650 01:06:23,084 --> 01:06:27,525 Let's stay calm, Ubalda. Olimpio was a weird guy... 651 01:06:27,591 --> 01:06:31,062 They'll think he's gone on some trip, without telling anyone... 652 01:06:31,149 --> 01:06:34,351 Don't worry, we're in no danger. 653 01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:37,326 - Are you sure? - Of course... 654 01:06:37,444 --> 01:06:39,830 ... and anyway, who's going to look in a cesspit? 655 01:06:44,866 --> 01:06:47,166 Lady! 656 01:06:47,243 --> 01:06:50,118 Who's armor is this? 657 01:06:50,268 --> 01:06:54,081 Have you lain with that pig Olimpio? 658 01:06:54,951 --> 01:06:58,742 - Have wanted to... - I know very well, damn! 659 01:06:58,975 --> 01:07:02,330 That's why I ended up in that cage! 660 01:07:02,418 --> 01:07:06,693 - You think I gave in? - Actually, I do. 661 01:07:08,230 --> 01:07:10,908 How you dare?! 662 01:07:10,925 --> 01:07:14,875 I'm a timorous and faithful woman.... 663 01:07:15,508 --> 01:07:19,539 When Olimpio tried to possess me... 664 01:07:20,132 --> 01:07:25,004 ... I heat him with this club! 665 01:07:25,234 --> 01:07:29,148 - Like this! Like this! - Hey, stop it! 666 01:07:29,245 --> 01:07:33,354 - Do you believe me? - Sure I believe you! 667 01:07:34,100 --> 01:07:37,074 - And... I believe he's dead. - Dead?! 668 01:07:37,083 --> 01:07:39,973 Saint Cerusico, virgin and martyr! 669 01:07:40,016 --> 01:07:42,372 What did you do with the body? 670 01:07:42,448 --> 01:07:45,516 I threw him where he deserves... in the cesspit. 671 01:07:45,532 --> 01:07:47,709 The cesspit? 672 01:07:47,807 --> 01:07:50,683 Then, we have to get rid of this srmor. 673 01:07:50,695 --> 01:07:54,378 - We should bury it... - Yes, but not close to the house. 674 01:07:54,429 --> 01:07:58,037 Help me, I'm going to bury it in the countryside. 675 01:07:58,110 --> 01:08:01,405 Excellent idea, take care you're not seen... 676 01:08:13,190 --> 01:08:18,690 Olimpio De'Pannocchieschi, you tried to trick me, but you're dead. 677 01:08:18,799 --> 01:08:23,683 When I've got rid of this armor, no one will suspect me... 678 01:08:24,154 --> 01:08:29,600 Yes, but... why bury it? I could use it to get revenge... 679 01:08:30,314 --> 01:08:33,514 Of course... how stupid! 680 01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:37,006 It's unique opportunity... 681 01:08:41,646 --> 01:08:46,286 Darling Uguccione, give me more... 682 01:08:49,686 --> 01:08:53,927 - Lady, did you hear anything? - I'm not made of stone! 683 01:08:54,326 --> 01:08:57,569 I feel everything! 684 01:08:57,967 --> 01:09:01,014 I clearly heard footsteps! 685 01:09:01,728 --> 01:09:04,870 Saint Fertility, my husband's back! 686 01:09:04,952 --> 01:09:08,614 Ouick, under the bed! - It always ends like this! 687 01:09:09,064 --> 01:09:11,981 I'll open, husband dear. 688 01:09:12,205 --> 01:09:15,627 In your absence, I preferred to lock myseif in... 689 01:09:19,506 --> 01:09:23,639 What happened? Why don't you speak? 690 01:09:26,614 --> 01:09:30,907 What's wrong? Are you angry with me? 691 01:09:34,410 --> 01:09:40,131 You did well to come back, my penance ends at midnight... 692 01:09:40,185 --> 01:09:45,336 I see your desire and I'm ready to please you... 693 01:09:57,484 --> 01:09:59,948 But... 694 01:10:00,116 --> 01:10:02,819 - But you're not my husband! - No! 695 01:10:02,885 --> 01:10:06,771 - Help, it's not my husband! - Hush! 696 01:10:06,857 --> 01:10:09,368 Shut up! 697 01:10:43,241 --> 01:10:46,366 Are you sure the miller was dead? 698 01:10:46,383 --> 01:10:49,349 If he wasn't, he will be down there... 699 01:10:49,426 --> 01:10:54,917 Lady, I'm not a killer, but... better master Oderisi than us. 700 01:10:55,234 --> 01:10:58,812 Yes... better him. 701 01:11:02,074 --> 01:11:03,915 Where am I? 702 01:11:03,972 --> 01:11:07,972 Don't worry, master Oderisi, we're both in deep shit! 703 01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:11,508 - Weren't you dead? - Did your wife tell you? 704 01:11:11,513 --> 01:11:14,246 - Did she tell you about her lover? - What? 705 01:11:14,291 --> 01:11:16,391 You're a cuckold, master Oderisi... 706 01:11:16,482 --> 01:11:21,334 You filthy rogue, look who's talking! I'll show you who's the cuckold! 707 01:11:21,971 --> 01:11:24,828 Who do you take me for? 708 01:11:25,168 --> 01:11:28,097 Your wife has a lover too! 709 01:11:28,172 --> 01:11:31,231 - So you had a go as well! - Yes, but I got nowhere. 710 01:11:31,292 --> 01:11:33,602 Me neither! 711 01:11:33,955 --> 01:11:37,115 In that case, it's time we talked... 712 01:11:37,334 --> 01:11:41,587 - Yes, let's talk... - At last... 713 01:11:42,721 --> 01:11:46,589 Take that,shitface! 714 01:11:47,437 --> 01:11:50,273 - Get out, if you've got the balls! - It's not easy! 715 01:11:50,294 --> 01:11:52,882 I'll help you. 716 01:11:53,274 --> 01:11:56,285 Lost your tongue, huh? 717 01:11:57,100 --> 01:11:59,897 Oderisi, take this! 718 01:12:00,356 --> 01:12:03,554 I got you there,didn't! 719 01:12:04,168 --> 01:12:06,283 Ugly moron! 720 01:12:06,356 --> 01:12:09,723 Ugly maybe... moron for sure! 721 01:12:10,408 --> 01:12:12,908 Duke Guazzone! 722 01:12:14,037 --> 01:12:17,220 Got you! What a head butt! 723 01:12:17,294 --> 01:12:20,398 Who knows what's in my head?! 724 01:12:27,290 --> 01:12:31,045 - Come here... - What's my name? Who am I? Did it rain? 725 01:12:35,338 --> 01:12:39,247 Enough, Oderisi! We're clean now, aren't we? 726 01:12:48,435 --> 01:12:53,204 - Stop, I've lost my thirst... peace? - Peace. 727 01:12:55,515 --> 01:12:59,523 However, according to me your wife's an easy lay! 728 01:12:59,617 --> 01:13:04,622 She's a bit of a slut, but yours is no joke either! 729 01:13:04,689 --> 01:13:09,435 There's a proverb that says, "Wives and oxen are found at home!" 730 01:13:09,438 --> 01:13:12,772 We found wives, but it hasn't worked out! 731 01:13:12,774 --> 01:13:16,059 Does that mean next time we'll try with oxen?! 732 01:13:17,052 --> 01:13:20,327 Speaking sincerely, Olimpio... 733 01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:24,783 - Do you like my wife, Lady Ubalda? - Fuck! 734 01:13:25,037 --> 01:13:29,591 - Fuck yes or fuck no? - What a question... fuck yes! 735 01:13:29,898 --> 01:13:31,827 Ok... 736 01:13:31,904 --> 01:13:37,248 ... and I confess that I like your wife, Lady Fiamma. 737 01:13:37,877 --> 01:13:41,833 Am I wrong, or are you proposing we swap horns? 738 01:13:42,546 --> 01:13:46,560 I'm just saying that neither of us wants others to enjoy our wifes... 739 01:13:46,655 --> 01:13:50,129 - Correct. Excuse me... - Thanks. 740 01:13:54,636 --> 01:13:58,051 In other words, our fun is our bussiness! 741 01:14:00,759 --> 01:14:03,879 How come they did't drown in the cesspit? 742 01:14:04,135 --> 01:14:09,580 Men like that have the devil on their side. 743 01:14:09,675 --> 01:14:13,255 When they got home, did they forgive their wives? 744 01:14:13,299 --> 01:14:18,328 Not only, but they confirmed a vile exchange agreement! 745 01:14:18,395 --> 01:14:21,105 You mean, each sleeps with the other's wife? 746 01:14:21,127 --> 01:14:24,264 Who knows how they'll be after this sin! 747 01:14:25,165 --> 01:14:28,780 What times! The end of the world is really coming... 748 01:14:28,893 --> 01:14:31,605 Oh mother! 749 01:14:42,476 --> 01:14:45,674 All in embroidered silk, a real dream... 750 01:14:46,062 --> 01:14:50,339 You're right, I myself have seen the duchess wear that dress. 751 01:14:50,432 --> 01:14:53,833 - They say it comes from France... - The French have wanderful tailors... 752 01:14:53,902 --> 01:14:56,895 ... but I find that dress truly scandalous! 753 01:14:56,900 --> 01:14:59,642 - Do you think it is too short? - Very short! 754 01:14:59,737 --> 01:15:02,591 To think it even shows your ankles! 755 01:15:02,681 --> 01:15:06,044 Heavens, where will this fashion lead us? 756 01:15:06,098 --> 01:15:09,215 They'll say that we're easy! 757 01:15:09,280 --> 01:15:14,070 So, will you give me your chastity belt key? 758 01:15:14,201 --> 01:15:17,723 Even though the word 'chastity" doesn't suit her... 759 01:15:17,786 --> 01:15:21,223 - Here! - I suppose you want mine... 760 01:15:24,405 --> 01:15:29,408 But don't fall in love... and re-lock it asa soon as you're done. 761 01:15:31,748 --> 01:15:34,836 Do you think they'll ask questions? 762 01:15:34,919 --> 01:15:37,211 What questions! 763 01:15:37,278 --> 01:15:39,477 At most they'll scream a little... 764 01:15:39,966 --> 01:15:42,884 - Gentlemen? - Here! 765 01:15:42,948 --> 01:15:46,009 This is a nice spot, no? 766 01:15:46,078 --> 01:15:48,348 Perfect, I'd say... 767 01:15:48,381 --> 01:15:53,049 It's a marvellous day, for eating and making love... 768 01:15:53,926 --> 01:15:56,425 Here, my lady... 769 01:15:57,435 --> 01:15:59,758 Here we are! 770 01:15:59,943 --> 01:16:04,465 Olimpio, do you prefer eating or making love? 771 01:16:05,573 --> 01:16:10,139 I prefer making love, but I'm not slouch at eating either! 772 01:16:12,267 --> 01:16:15,103 - And you, ladies? - Loving... 773 01:16:15,197 --> 01:16:19,125 - ... because eating makes us fat... - ... and therefore unattractive... 774 01:16:19,171 --> 01:16:21,725 Well said 775 01:16:29,882 --> 01:16:33,561 Fiamma, I hope you haven't forgotten the onions... 776 01:16:33,767 --> 01:16:37,749 Onions? But you don't like them... 777 01:16:38,189 --> 01:16:40,712 ... you say they're heavy... 778 01:16:40,718 --> 01:16:44,546 Well, once I killed a heard of buffaloes with a single breath... 779 01:16:44,734 --> 01:16:48,479 ... no offence to present company, you understand... 780 01:16:47,562 --> 01:16:50,312 But master Oderisi likes onions... 781 01:16:50,364 --> 01:16:52,267 Me? 782 01:16:52,317 --> 01:16:54,453 Oh, yes... of course! 783 01:16:54,464 --> 01:16:57,467 Impossible, you've always hated onions! 784 01:16:57,518 --> 01:17:02,262 I adore them! But at home I don't want my breath to bother you. 785 01:17:02,266 --> 01:17:06,325 You can eat a cart-load here, it'll all evaporate. 786 01:17:06,688 --> 01:17:10,888 Fiamma, remember that vegetable patch near here? 787 01:17:10,926 --> 01:17:13,899 - Why not go and get a few onions? - As you wish... 788 01:17:13,905 --> 01:17:17,106 ... since it gives you pleasure... I'll go and get some onions... 789 01:17:17,215 --> 01:17:20,130 I'll escort you... 790 01:17:20,247 --> 01:17:22,882 If my husband agrees... 791 01:17:22,951 --> 01:17:27,011 Oderisi is like a brother... the stupid one, that is! 792 01:17:27,643 --> 01:17:34,235 - Well then, I'm off... - Yes, go, I'll wait for you here. 793 01:17:58,154 --> 01:18:00,457 - Sir... - My lady? 794 01:18:00,504 --> 01:18:03,537 - What are you waiting for? - What am I meant to do? 795 01:18:03,548 --> 01:18:08,565 Cuckold the miller, given that you're both in agreement! 796 01:18:08,580 --> 01:18:11,114 But nobody knows... 797 01:18:13,219 --> 01:18:17,086 Who could forget! Lord that's a lot! 798 01:18:21,306 --> 01:18:24,006 - My lady... - Yes? 799 01:18:25,352 --> 01:18:29,923 - Do you really want get onions? - But we're getting them for you... 800 01:18:30,140 --> 01:18:34,751 - Do you want like them? - Yes, but I prefer apples... 801 01:18:34,888 --> 01:18:38,790 - Sir... - Not to mention melons... 802 01:18:40,104 --> 01:18:42,512 - Shameless! - Yes. 803 01:18:42,577 --> 01:18:46,674 - So you, I'll undress... - And the key? 804 01:18:46,753 --> 01:18:49,569 Yes, the key... 805 01:18:50,430 --> 01:18:53,345 Here it is... 806 01:18:59,589 --> 01:19:02,757 Sir, I mean... 807 01:19:03,078 --> 01:19:05,867 ... are we doing this or not? 808 01:19:05,869 --> 01:19:08,166 Of course we are, I'm nearly there! 809 01:19:08,242 --> 01:19:11,436 Holy shit, does this key work or not? 810 01:19:16,196 --> 01:19:19,245 It won't open! 811 01:19:19,251 --> 01:19:21,313 It won't open? 812 01:19:21,501 --> 01:19:24,554 - Can I try? - Sure, go ahead... 813 01:19:32,249 --> 01:19:35,076 Son of a fucking bitch! 814 01:19:35,240 --> 01:19:38,713 Olimpio De' Pannocchieschi, key facker! 815 01:19:39,433 --> 01:19:43,435 Master Oderisi, that's the last time you screw me! 816 01:19:43,443 --> 01:19:47,435 I'm going to butt your belly till you burst! 817 01:19:47,487 --> 01:19:51,544 Get ready, death is night! 818 01:19:51,912 --> 01:19:54,438 Oh, sorry... 819 01:19:54,481 --> 01:19:57,065 Master Oderisi... 820 01:19:57,134 --> 01:20:01,997 Don't ask for mercy... Oh, I thought I was stronger! 821 01:20:03,063 --> 01:20:05,551 - Not fair,I'm down! - True... 822 01:20:05,592 --> 01:20:08,178 - Peace? - War! 823 01:20:10,336 --> 01:20:12,921 Thanks, I didn't know how to stop... 824 01:20:14,051 --> 01:20:17,054 What? Has the sun gone down? 825 01:20:17,113 --> 01:20:19,849 My ass isn't tender! 826 01:20:19,994 --> 01:20:23,597 Oderisi, are you hugging me? Do you want to dance? 827 01:20:29,103 --> 01:20:33,185 Don't try to get away, I've got you! 828 01:20:33,825 --> 01:20:37,525 What are this? Spring rolls? 829 01:20:38,560 --> 01:20:42,910 You know, you're heavy... why not try a diet? 830 01:20:44,376 --> 01:20:47,928 Woms would work great! 831 01:20:48,647 --> 01:20:51,755 Peace? - Peace... 832 01:20:53,018 --> 01:20:57,052 - Had enought? - I'm a punch short, but it's too risky. 833 01:20:57,285 --> 01:21:00,639 - Do you still want Ubalda? - And, you Fiamma? 834 01:21:00,700 --> 01:21:03,434 - Me, sure... - Do you think I'm stupid? 835 01:21:03,480 --> 01:21:07,355 Then let's exchange keys, but the right ones... 836 01:21:07,486 --> 01:21:10,287 No jockes! 837 01:21:12,852 --> 01:21:15,615 - I've lost it! - Me too! 838 01:21:15,673 --> 01:21:18,748 - But we did't hear them fall! - Let's look... 839 01:21:18,849 --> 01:21:21,672 Yes, let's look... 840 01:21:22,292 --> 01:21:26,270 The keys aren't here! But there's a lot of chicory... 841 01:21:45,399 --> 01:21:48,215 Move! 842 01:21:53,655 --> 01:21:56,263 Come on! 843 01:21:58,220 --> 01:22:01,546 Ladies, what a lovely surprise! 844 01:22:01,621 --> 01:22:04,937 The plesure is all ours, father... 845 01:22:04,997 --> 01:22:08,362 What brings you out here, so far from town? 846 01:22:08,413 --> 01:22:12,106 Just an innocent picnic with our husbands... 847 01:22:12,279 --> 01:22:15,717 Master Olimpio and Oderisi together? 848 01:22:15,795 --> 01:22:21,013 Don't be surprised, our husbands have reached an agreement... 849 01:22:21,183 --> 01:22:24,079 ... they're firm friends now. 850 01:22:24,790 --> 01:22:31,216 How wonderful, at last my desires have come true! 851 01:22:32,593 --> 01:22:34,926 But where are they? 852 01:22:35,097 --> 01:22:37,309 Her husband is in the fields gathering onions... 853 01:22:37,335 --> 01:22:42,397 - Hers went for apples and melons... - Great, I'm so happy! 854 01:22:42,856 --> 01:22:46,900 Field work makes a man strong and vigorous! 855 01:22:48,191 --> 01:22:50,534 Please... 856 01:22:50,546 --> 01:22:55,685 My ladies, why don't we dedicate this rest to meditation? 857 01:22:56,589 --> 01:22:58,926 You guide us, dear monk... 858 01:22:58,964 --> 01:23:02,992 Everyone say's you're a master at talking to souls... 859 01:23:03,647 --> 01:23:06,665 Yes, everyone does, won't you teach us too... 860 01:23:06,944 --> 01:23:11,126 - Does the abyss hide many sins? - Hundreds... 861 01:23:11,430 --> 01:23:15,815 - How can a woman defend herself? - By fleeing temptation... 862 01:23:15,920 --> 01:23:20,466 - And how does one flee? - With will power, my children... 863 01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:23,713 And what must one do to avoid the precipice? 864 01:23:23,789 --> 01:23:25,816 Apply will power... 865 01:23:25,853 --> 01:23:28,667 Help us find the keys to happiness... 866 01:23:28,675 --> 01:23:32,446 - You have them... - All of them... 867 01:23:34,750 --> 01:23:41,474 ... which always works! 868 01:23:50,047 --> 01:23:52,709 - I haven't found mine! - Me neither! 869 01:23:52,777 --> 01:23:56,136 Damn whoever invented chastity belts! 870 01:23:57,277 --> 01:24:02,190 Modestly speaking, I believe I'm one of the greatest inventors... 871 01:24:02,288 --> 01:24:07,155 ... of chastity belts and a similar protective devices. 872 01:24:07,424 --> 01:24:11,961 I have just the right device for you... 873 01:24:12,099 --> 01:24:14,510 How do you find inspiration? 874 01:24:14,539 --> 01:24:17,864 In a flash, like now... 875 01:24:17,900 --> 01:24:24,263 I feel my mind move, and snakes all over me... 876 01:24:24,355 --> 01:24:27,633 - Are you throwing them at me? - Oh, sorry. 877 01:24:28,189 --> 01:24:30,776 - Here are my latest finds... - Why, did you lose them? 878 01:24:36,285 --> 01:24:41,231 Under whatever circumstances, a true chastity belt... 879 01:24:42,191 --> 01:24:47,044 ... protects a husband's honor with extreme defence devices. 880 01:24:48,436 --> 01:24:51,950 This one's called "The Demon's Claw"... 881 01:24:52,690 --> 01:24:56,699 I'll show you how it works... Here... 882 01:24:57,313 --> 01:25:00,316 ...proceed... 883 01:25:05,969 --> 01:25:07,981 See? 884 01:25:08,042 --> 01:25:12,632 No cucumber escapes "The Daemo's Claw"... 885 01:25:13,374 --> 01:25:19,017 Now let's look at "Sulphur of Satan"... 886 01:25:19,115 --> 01:25:22,749 Diabolic and infallible... 887 01:25:24,730 --> 01:25:27,392 Hand me a cucumber... 888 01:25:30,337 --> 01:25:33,355 Observe! 889 01:25:36,404 --> 01:25:39,236 Sulphur of Satan! 890 01:25:39,263 --> 01:25:42,586 No cucumber fails to scorch! 891 01:25:42,741 --> 01:25:46,054 But what if it scorches my wife's peach? 892 01:25:46,082 --> 01:25:50,332 - Don't you have anything less drastic? - Sure, my masterpiece! 893 01:25:50,503 --> 01:25:53,471 A cucumber, please... 894 01:25:53,490 --> 01:25:56,042 Here it is... 895 01:25:56,054 --> 01:26:00,668 A last caress... totally silent! 896 01:26:00,697 --> 01:26:04,934 It's a belt with one entry and free access... 897 01:26:05,597 --> 01:26:08,125 Cucumber... 898 01:26:08,303 --> 01:26:11,619 - And now? - When you least expect it... 899 01:26:13,261 --> 01:26:16,261 Did I scare you? 900 01:26:16,278 --> 01:26:19,038 - Does noise weigh? - No... 901 01:26:19,095 --> 01:26:20,987 Then I shitted myself! 902 01:26:21,029 --> 01:26:24,030 Shall I warp it, or will you take it with you? 903 01:26:24,039 --> 01:26:27,353 What? Oh... send it to my house... 904 01:26:33,591 --> 01:26:35,708 Master Deodato, may I? 905 01:26:35,799 --> 01:26:40,285 - Oderisi, what brings you? - Can you keep a secret? 906 01:26:41,000 --> 01:26:44,890 Like a charm! An inventor is like a confessor... 907 01:26:46,470 --> 01:26:50,211 I need a device... 908 01:26:52,168 --> 01:26:57,184 ... that allows free access and looks innocuous... 909 01:26:57,551 --> 01:27:01,002 But at the right moment... SNACK! 910 01:29:38,673 --> 01:29:44,582 Adaptare Dvix Cristiano Ferocci 911 01:29:44,662 --> 01:29:48,134 THE END 71397

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