All language subtitles for The.Hollywood 1980

ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]:
Hey, gang, it's Surf Sam on KBLA.

We're just hours away
from Halloween night, 1965.

Oh, I see that the hangout for the
Hollywood Knights, Tubby's Drive-In,

is coming down tonight.

Fellas, don't get bummed out.
Remember:

A friend with weed
is a friend indeed.

3:29, Beach Boys time.

[THE BEACH BOYS'
"FUN FUN FUN" PLAYS]

Man, she saw it. That's great.

Hey, what are you
doing over there?

I'm doing Dr. Eisner's
new facial exercises.

Oh, it's wonderful.
It keeps your skin circulating.
It keeps you young.

It's great.
It's a bear-lion. You go:

Aah. Mmm. Aah.

Doesn't that stretch your skin out?
Oh, no, it's circulation. It's great.

It keeps you young
and youthful, gorgeous.

I'm gonna tie my bathing suit
here to the chair.

But I don't know why
you're doing that.

You know, last time I did that,
my tits got... They peeled so much
I went from a size B cup to an A.

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

What's that clicking noise?

WOMAN 1: You hear it.
WOMAN 2: It's a camera.

WOMAN 1: Camera!
You little creep!

What is that? What are you doing?
WOMAN 1: Camera! Camera!

What are you, crazy?

I'll sue you
for trespassing!

Clark, we got a couple of party boys
here that love to scare old ladies.

You don't have to work for
Scotland Yard to know about this.

A potato?
This was in the tailpipe

of the chief's car
last week.

CLARK: Get down!
Clark, look what we got here.

Empty egg carton.
That tell you anything?

You boys making omelets?
What are you laughing at, huh?

You know what I'd like to do
to you now, Newbomb?

I'd like to kick the crap out of you,
that's what I'd like to do!

What's the problem, officer?

Oh, we got it taken care of, sir.
Thank you very much.
Everything's fine.

No problem.

Just got some punks out here,
and that's it.

Wake up, Bimbeau. I want you
to get something straight.

I don't need the captain
all over my butt about
some rinky-dink drive-in.

Do me a favor, Bimbeau.
Don't aggravate the situation.

Everything's under control,
sarge. It's okey-dokey.

BIMBEAU:
Besides, sarge,
as a matter of fact,

if any of those little assholes
get out of line, I'll personally
kick the shit out of them.

That's exactly what
we don't want, Bimbeau.

The drive-in's coming down.

They'll all be gone tomorrow.

We don't need police brutality.
Got it?

Hear that?
Right. Yeah.

Bimbeau, what in
the hell is that?

No, no. Here!

CLARK:
Woo-hoo. Woo-hoo.

Oh, not that house.
People have been bad there.

Mooning!
Mooning!

Mooning, Mr. Katzenberg.
Absolutely.

We've all had these
disgusting experiences

with these Hollywood Knights,
and I give you my word,

tonight is the last night
the Hollywood Knights

will ever be
in Beverly Hills again.

Isn't that wonderful? Oh.

I want to send my husband Jack's
apologies to all of you.

He was real sorry
he couldn't be here tonight.

Anyway, he'll be at the pep rally
later giving the awards,

and of course, we'll see him
at the dance. Well...

What's the song
he's got now? The, uh...

"Tijuana Taxi."
With the horn honk,

the "beep, beep"
at the end of it.

What the hell is that
supposed to be?

That's popular music.

Where the hell is the story
in a "beep, beep"?

Yeah.
Tell you what popular music is...

I know what popular music is.
You don't know.

I do.

Starting tomorrow,
today will be history...

BIMBEAU:
Horseshit!

Nevans, there's some distracting
noise in the kitchen.

Could you see what that is?

That's the Beverly Hills
Police Department.

They're out there with Juanita.
BIMBEAU: Bullshit!

Take care of it.

I'll see if I can't
quiet those people down.

JACQUELINE:
Anyway, Tubby's Drive-In,

this social disease
of our neighborhood,

well, it's enjoying its last night
of residence in Beverly Hills.

[GUESTS APPLAUDING]

I knew you'd all be pleased
because all of our...

[PLAYS PIANO]

JACQUELINE: Thank you.
And one year from today,

this beautiful office complex

[CROWD SIGHS]

Will be standing
in the old Tubby's Drive-In's place.

I assure you that you
and none of the rest of you

have to worry about
the Hollywood Knights any longer.

We won't be hearing
from them again.

Go, go, go!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

They're out of...
Excuse me. Juanita's busy.
I'll get the door.

It's fine.
No, really, I...

Well, all right.
We'll both get it. Why not?

I need you.

[SCREAMS]

Watch it. Stand back. Stand back.
Nevans!

Get it! Get it out!

It's dog shit!
It's dog shit all over you!

Mrs. Friedman!

I'll kill you!
I'll kill all of you!

Shit. Shit.
Juanita! Juanita, get out here!

[THE BEACH BOYS'
"BARBARA ANN" PLAYS]

They finally come.

Nice to see you.
Nice of you to make it.
Nice of you to come.

Where is everybody?
Where is everybody?

Hey, no problem.
I spoke to Wheatly, and
he'll be here in a minute.

Hey, I was talking to Red.

He's pretty bent, man. They've
been here for about 21 years.

Said he's been thinking about
moving to New Jersey.

You know, this is compliments of
the Beverly Hills Asshole Association.

Everybody showing up tonight.
All the flatheads forever
are showing up tonight.

Wheatly. Mr. Wheatly,
nice of you to join us tonight.

How you guys doing?
What's going on?

Hey, Wheatly, where you been?
I was kicking some ass.

You were kicking ass?
He was kissing ass.

Hey, listen, we got all
our cars here tonight.
Except one.

Yeah, Simpson, when you
gonna bring your rail job?

I mean, this is
the last night.

NEWBOMB: Where is this
Flying Purple People Eater
you keep talking about?

Relax, relax. I gotta wait till
my old man goes to sleep
so I can wheel it out.

Maybe you want me to follow
you home. You know, you might
be a little bit nervous.

Everybody is showing.

You know, there is gonna
be a ton of lead sleds
in the block tonight.

Yeah, that's great. You know what?
Everybody'll think we're a bunch of
'50s queers when they come in here.

Hey, how long you got
your brother's car for?

For as long as I like.
Yeah, sure.

Hey, Newbomb,
I saw your brother.
He's a monster.

Do I look worried?
Do I appear worried?

[SINGING JACK BLANCHARD AND
MISTY MORGAN'S "YOU'VE GOT
YOUR TROUBLES (I'VE GOT MINE)"]

Bimbeau.
Bimbeau. Bimbeau.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
What?

How do you think I'd look
in a mustache, huh?

Think I'd be better-looking
than I am already?

Perfect. Perfect jerk.
Good... Jerk? Good-looking.

Just like the guys
we bust every night.

No, that's perfect
for you.

♪ Lawrence
Lawrence of Arabia ♪

♪ He's an English guy
He came to fight the Turkish ♪♪

Okay, Clark, right there.
That's what I'm talking about.

"Lawrence of Arabia"
doesn't have any lyrics to it.

Doesn't have any words.
What do you mean?

It's music. It's music.

Hey, I've seen the movie four times.
And there were no words to it.

There are no words to that!
Did you hear what
I was saying earlier?

Somewhere, I know that
somebody, I think, wrote
lyrics to this song.

Horseshit. There are no words.
Horseshit?

Horseshit. There are no words to it.
Hey, Bimbeau. Bimbeau. Bimbeau.

Kiss my ass. All right?

Do the fake mustache
and mark off another spot,
and that'll be your ass.

Hey, you want me
to put an X on my ass?
You can find it that way.

Pull over here. I gotta
take a squirt. Will you?
Give me a break.

NEWBOMB:
Hey, these guys are lucky.
We're leaving them in Watts.

Last year we left them
in a bad neighborhood.

WHEATLY:
These guys are punks.

When I got into the Knights,
I had to climb a greased pole
and they put eggs up my butt.

NEWBOMB:
I know. You should suffer,
you know?

Let's go, guys. Out, out, out.

Everybody out.
It's initiation time. Let's go.

Come on, man.
Let's go.

This is not a party. You want a party?
Come back after initiation.

Get against the car.
Out of sight.

Okay, drop them.
PLEDGES: What?

Get your clothes off!
Strip, man! Let's go.

You should be proud to be Knights.
Don't give me that look.

You're lucky. We used to
tar and feather the pledges.
You know what I mean?

Wheatly, look at that.
That looks like a penis,
only smaller.

Hey, listen,
go in the back there.

I want the tires out of the truck,
I want your clothes in.

Tires out, I want the clothes in.
What are we gonna do with the tires?

Here's the plan of action.

I want to see you and the tires
back at Tubby's at 2:00.

If you are not back by 2:00,
I do not want to see you
back at all.

Because at 2:00,
gentlemen, I expect to hear
the dedication over the radio

that you've delivered the message
to the DJ at the record store.

Are we set there, gentlemen?
Are we ready? Very, very, very good.

Gentlemen, goodbye,
good luck. And think of this
as a great adventure.

WHEATLY: It's Halloween, jackoff.
Let's go, let's have some fun.

Take off your shorts!

Come on. Come on, man.

Hey, guys, watch out for
a cougar with rabies!

[MAN YELLS]

You mean they're gonna leave us
naked in Watts?

Where's the record store?

SURF SAM: Hey, come on down
and see me, I am broadcasting live

from Music City
in the heart of Watts tonight.

Hey, guess who's coming in now.
It's time for Dr. J., all right.

KBLA and Surf Sam
getting up and making way
for who else but Dr. J.

Thank you, my man, Surf Sam.

Hey, Dr. J., KBLA,
Halloween night, 1965.

The funkiest you have
ever heard.

And I'm gonna
hit you hard with "Sherry" by
The Four Seasons right now.

What time is it?
Eight-thirty.

Maybe the chicks aren't coming.
Hey, you guys, shut up!

[THE FOUR SEASONS'
"SHERRY" PLAYS]

SALLY:
This is our secret spot.
Nobody knows about it.

Now, will you stop worrying?
We're alone. Nobody knows
we're here. I'm telling you.

I can't believe we're doing this.
If my pop ever found out

that I was changing into this outfit,
he would just die. He would die.

My God. I can't believe...

Don't forget to take
your bra off. You too.

I read about a new bust exercise.
Really? Where?

SALLY:
In the Vogue magazine.

Especially from Europe.
I paid $6 for it.

Ooh, does that feel good.
Freedom at last.

You think I should wear a bra?
I'd hate to get caught without
a bra in a car accident.

Oh, is this exciting.

My pants are too tight.
Take your underwear off.

What's wrong with you?
Just hurry up and get changed
before somebody does come.

I'm ready. Come on.
We gotta hurry to the pep rally.

Watch out!

Oh, my God!
What are you doing there?

[LAUGHING]

Get out of here! What are you, crazy?
I don't believe it!

Get out of here!
I can't stand you, Turk!

You're so immature!
You're such a putz!

NEWBOMB: Hey, that's real great.
Here comes Bimbeau. Get up, man!
Here he comes, man.

I wanna tell you buttholes
something.

This shit is way
out of line.

And you squirrels better have
some nuts in your mouth,

or you're going downtown.

[LITTLE ANTHONY'S
"GOIN' OUT OF MY HEAD" PLAYS]

What the hell's
the difference, huh?

I gotta have a nighttime job
so I can be free during the day.

Yeah, I almost forgot.
You're gonna be
a famous actress.

That's what pisses you off, isn't it?
That I might become somebody.

I think you're somebody right now.

Oh, shit, come on.

Look, I gotta start looking
after tonight anyway.

You know, I think you're right.
You should go out and find a job right
away so you don't starve to death.

What do you want me to do?

You're gonna start college
in January, you got a part-time
job here at Smitty's.

Right. Hey, it's not my fault
you're a carhop.

Do you think I like all them jerks
making wiseass cracks about
my old lady all night?

You don't like it? Look, I'm
the one that's gotta put up with it.

Look, I gotta get in there.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

If I can't get off early,
are you gonna wait for me?

[WHISTLES]

I gotta tell Red.
I don't know.

Shit.

Hey, that's the car
James Dean drove, man.

Bitchen.
He had two of these.

Hey, man, these things
handle real well. You can
take a corner outrageous.

Probably gonna take
the coast road up too.

All curvy, beautiful.

It's a '57.

BIMBEAU:
Try using the handle, Clark.

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Okay, Wiener schnitzels.
Hey, hey, it's just a cop.

Let's get these overpriced
sewing machines out of here!

Just a cop that likes to bust balls.
What's that, Newbomb?

I said, you guys stand tall.

We stand tall.

Okay... You can listen too.
I wanna tell you something.

If I smell any
rubber tonight...

Benedict Canyon,
anywhere around there.

- Your ass is grass,

and I'm the lawn mower.

You got it? You punks got it?
You got that, boys?

His ass. Okay?
Yes, sir. Yes, officer.

Let's go.
Move it out!

Come on, go.
Go! Go!

I gotta take a squirt.
Good night, Officer Clark.

Good night, Officer Lawn Mower.
CLARK: Come on.

Ooh! Ooh!

Come on! Right here!

Hey, Brenda, listen.
Hey, I enjoyed last night.

Good God.

No, it's okay. I'll have a Big One
and a Cherry Coke.

Make it two Big Ones
and two Cherry Cokes.

You want the Big One?
I've got the Big One.

Oh, God, he is so gross!

Hey, hey, hey,
you two girls want a thrill?

I'm not paying any attention.
Hey, Iron Box,

I'm talking to you
and your girlfriend.

Very funny.

Hey, have you ever heard
my version of that song?

Oh, my God,
we have to get out of here.

Why?
He's gonna fart the song.

He's gonna what?
He's going to fart the song.

You're gonna love it.

Stay there.
Let me warm up.

Hey, look,
there's that red Dodge!

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Jimbo.
What do you say, Jimmy?

Hey, Jimmy, kind of cold
on that thing or what?

Colder than a witch's tit.

Ah, hey. Here.
What's this?

Go on, keep it. You'll need
something to read on the bus.
I'll pick up another one.

Jimmy, you know,
I was thinking, if you
have to go overseas, man,

I'll collect all those magazines
from the guys and I'll send them
over to you.

Thanks.
I never thought of that.

But I probably won't be going over
to Vietnam. The only people
they're sending over is advisers.

Hey, I thought last month,
when Dee Dee was late,
I wouldn't be going.

They ain't taking anybody
with babies.

That's a tough break.

You're gonna get
the experience of a lifetime.

I remember the first time
I ever saw you two guys.
Do you remember that?

You came rolling that bicycle
in here with two flat tires

and a broken chain
and the bent handlebars.

I looked at you and said, "Get that
thing out of here. We fix cars."

Yeah, fix cars. Thirty minutes
later it was fixed,
and we were riding it.

You know,
I can't believe it, man.

You know there's only
four pledges this year?

I remember when I was
in junior high school,
everybody wanted to be a Knight.

I just don't know
anymore, man.

Everything changes.
Remember that.

Nothing stays the same.

[PHONE RINGS]

I got it.

Look, I'm telling you,
Barbara does not put out, okay?

She do. She do.
No, she doesn't.

She's a tramp. She's a tramp.
She do. She do.

[THE DIAMONDS'
"LITTLE DARLIN"' PLAYS]

Shorty.

Wheatly, that girl's looking at me.
What?

That girl right there is looking at me.
What girl?

SHORTY:
That girl right there with the
red scarf. She's checking me out.

Hey, look, she's not checking
you out. She's looking through
you to get to me.

Uh-uh, man, she's looking right at me.
Where?

Right there with the red scarf on.
Hey, are you looking at him?

He thinks you're looking at him.

Man, you asshole!

You just blew it for me!
I'm sorry.

I can't believe you, Wheatly.
I can't believe you sometimes.

God!
I'm sorry, all right?

Don't get bent.
How's it going?

Hey, watch the car, all right?
What are you talking about?

Hey, listen, Moosie,
cut your hair, okay?

I gotta go practice now.

Hey, hey, hey,
you're into fine food.

What do you get when
you cross a donkey
with a slice of Bermuda onion?

I don't know. What?

A piece of ass
that brings tears to your eyes.

You're boring, Turk.
You're very boring.

This dork?
This dork is better, right?

This dork, huh?
Hey, dork.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, butt breath.

What the hell did I tell you
about your sidewalk surfing in public?

Do you remember
that conversation?

Huh? I told you to hang ten
in your neighborhood.

What do you got in your pocket?
A pack of cigarettes.

Pack of cigarettes.
You're a minor. What are
you doing with them?

They're for my mother.
Give them here.

Come on, get them out.

For his mother.
For your mother.

You're lying to me, kid.
You're lying to a police officer.

You little son of a bitch.

CLARK: You just remember
what we said about sidewalk
surfing in public, all right?

Now, take off.

[JAN & DEAN'S "SURF CITY"
PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Hey, what's up, squirt?
"Surf City."

Beaver patrol!
Beaver patrol!

Calling all beavers!

Dawn! Hey, Dawn!
You see these pictures?

Dawn! I always thought
you were a natural blond.

Shut up, you idiot! You idiots!

Have you seen these pictures,
Dark? Dark, you gotta
see these pictures of her.

SALLY:
You know, that's so stupid, Turk!

Keep the pictures.
I'll take the real thing.

Hey, Dawn! Great tits!

Newbomb,
that's your brother's car.

You parked next to a fire hydrant.

Big deal.
It's Halloween.

Okay, fine. I'll see you guys
in the parking lot, all right?

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you all.
It's a wonderful-Iooking
crowd tonight.

I'm glad to see you all
come out and support us this way.

And we're gonna get
those Panthers, aren't we?

Well, I'm looking forward to seeing
all of you over at the dance tonight,

which is what I have to do right now,
is go over and take care of some
last-minute details over there

with the help of Mr. Nevans,

so I'm gonna turn the evening over
to my husband, Mr. Jack Friedman,

and our good friend
Mr. William Thornwell,

who, of course,
we all know as Thorny.

So I'll see you
over at the dance later.

Thank you very much.
This is "Thorny" Thornwell.

What a joy it is to be here

at the very spot where
I first dreamed of becoming your
Channel 9 weatherman.

I've got a few announcements
to make this evening. We've got
some real treats coming up.

[THE CHIFFONS' "HE'S SO FINE"
PLAYS ON CAR STEREO]

Hey, what are you doing, man?

SIMPSON:
You look good, Newbomb.
Maybe you'll get a date.

It's an improvement.

NEWBOMB:
Hey, Riding Hood,
wanna be eaten by the Big Bad Wolf?

Fuck you, Newbomb.

You told her, didn't you?
You told her, didn't you?

You set me up, didn't you?
We didn't set you up.

What time does
Dudley get here?

Relax, he'll be here
in a few minutes, okay?

[BOTH SINGING
"IF I WERE A RICH MAN"]

Mother, please.
What is it?

I have to practice that.
That's why I'm singing it.

Yes, but your singing in no way
corresponds with my fingering.

Oh, well.

Now, you'll receive
the check at the rally.

I know.
They just wanted you to come by

and say "thank you"
in person.

I know.
After all, $500

covers a full year's tuition.

Mother, I know!

Yes. Now we're gonna stop
for a little cherry pie.

No. I'm not hungry.

Yeah, well, you need
a little quick energy.

Mother, they always laugh at me
at that restaurant when
I'm dressed like this.

[MOANING]

This is so crazy.
Oh, Nevans.

And now it's my great pleasure
to introduce

the president of the Beverly Hills
Residents' Association

and a great American,

Jack Friedman.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Thank you, Thorny.
What's the weather like up there?

Well, I'm sure we're all gonna
have a good time tonight.

And I'm not going to make
any long speeches.
I'm just going to, uh...

All right.

I'm just going to start off

by introducing a wonderful
organization of fine young people.

The Beverly
Marching Band!

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

Get it up!

Take it up! Where's
the security, goddamn it?

Do the other thing.
The other thing?

You know.

Come here.

The other thing?
Yeah.

[JACQUELINE MOANS]

Heavens, Nevans!

DUDLEY:
Mrs. Friedman?

Mrs. Friedman.
Is that you?

What are you doing
here alone?

I had some thinking to do,
Dudley.

It's fortuitous that I found you
here alone because I wanted
to ask your advice

on which magic trick
I should do for the
talent contest.

Oh, Dudley, I'm not a good
judge of magic tricks.

I was thinking of doing
my big illusion, producing
a rabbit from an empty box.

Abracadabra,
and here it is.

Oh, it's a cute little rabbit.
I call him Squeakums.

I think the audience
will find him amusing.

I think they will too.
Do that trick.

Or else I could do...
They're waiting for you inside.

This is called
my three-ball trick.

You put these balls in between
your fingers, and you make a magic...

Oh! Oh!

I'm sorry.
That's all right.

I'll get them.
They're down here somewhere.

Oh, thank you very much.

Mrs. Friedman,
what are these?

Are these yours, Mrs. Friedman?
Yes, they're my husband's pants,

and I'm taking them
to the cleaners.

Then it's a lucky thing I dropped by
because I can feel a wallet
and keys in the pocket.

Dudley, put the pants down, please.
Yes, ma'am.

[HORN HONKING]

Did I do that?
I'm sorry!

Dudley, please leave!

Please just leave! Thank you!

The horn is stuck.
Jesus!

The little son of a bitch.

Excuse me, ladies, did you hear
about the guy with the five penises?

His pants fit
like a glove.

Oh, you piece of trash.
Disgusting.

Great joke. Great joke.

Turn that song up, man.
That's my favorite song.

Wait a minute, man,
wait a minute.

I want you guys to look at me,
all right? Who do I look like?

I have no idea.

Yeah? Look at me,
all right?

I'm depressed.
Who do I look like?

You look like that asshole
at the car wash.

Why don't you bite my weenie, man?
I look like James Dean. Don't I?

Hey, I gotta take a leak, okay?

[BRUCE CHANNEL'S "HEY BABY"
PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Hey, aim away
from the car, weenie.

DUDLEY:
On behalf of
my mother and my father,

I'd like to thank the Beverly Hills
Residents' Association

for their generous award
honoring my...

[BOTH YELLING]

[NEWBOMB HOWLING]

DUDLEY:
Help me! Help me! Help me!

Relax. It's me, it's Newbomb.
It's okay. Everything's copasetic.

May I have my puffer, please?
Give him his puffer.

Give me his coat.
Thank you.

Please don't hurt me.
I think I'm a bleeder.

Mama! Mama!

I won't tell anybody.
Just don't hurt me.

NEWBOMB: It's me. It's me.
SIMPSON: It really is.

I would like to introduce now
three fine young ladies.

The Beverly Hills cheerleaders,
with their rendition
of "Razzle Dazzle."

[BAND PLAYING]

You forgot your
underwear!

Your underwear!

No underwear on.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

BIMBEAU:
Clark, this is so fine.

That's Newbomb's car, isn't it?
Yeah.

And that's a fire hydrant, right?
Oh, yeah.

So that means all this area
here is a tow-away zone, right?

All of it.

This is Car Three.

We've got a tow-away out here
in front of the Beverly High School.

A '65 El Camino, silver-gray...

What the hell's going on?

We're gonna need some help here.
We've both been assaulted by eggs.

MAN:
♪ Lawrence
Lawrence of Arabia ♪

♪ He's an English guy
He came to fight the Turkish ♪♪

All right, we've had
some bad luck this evening,

but here's something
that nobody can ruin.

This is the young man
who has won our $500 award.

His name is Douglas...
Dudley Laywicker.

Let's show him how proud we are
of him. Let's get him up here.

Dudley, we're very...

That's Newbomb Turk!

Go, Newbomb, go!

Hey, that's not Dudley!
That's Newbomb Turk!

[SINGING BOBBY RYDELL'S
"VOLARE"]

[FARTING]

Oh, come on!
That's funny!

Stop him! Stop him,
goddamn it! Stop him!

Get that piece of crap
out of here.

Lock it up,
will you?

Officers! Officers, there's a guy
in there in a major-domo outfit

farting all over the place.

Farting.
Farting?

Yes, farting.
Oh, Christ.

Farting? What do you mean?
Farting. Farting.

SIMPSON:
Newbomb, would you hurry up!

Come on! How'd it go?
How'd it go? How'd it go?

I was great. It was just swell.
Hey, that's really good. We gotta go.

The cops towed your
brother's El Camino away.

What?! What?!
Would you relax?

What? No!
I'm a dead man!

I'm doomed! No! No! No!

I hope you're satisfied.

I, for one, surely am not.

CLARK:
Little ass-wipe
doesn't have any pants on.

Hello. I don't know what you're
thinking, but I'm perfectly normal.

I was walking down the parking lot
today, and out of the shadows
something strange happened.

I don't think I saw their faces,
but I think they were some
people who went to...

You punk! You stupid punk!

I ought to beat
the living crap out of you!

Bimbeau,
what are you doing?

This guy farted all over the stage.
CLARK: Give him air.

Who are you?
School photographer, sir.

Bimbeau. Put that way.

This is the young man who was
supposed to get the scholarship.

He's not your man, sergeant.
Bimbeau, put it away!

My puffer. My puffer.
My puffer.

Bimbeau, give him his puffer.
My puffer.

I'm having a little difficulty...
Help him up.

Oh, Christ.
Oh, God.

Come on.
These are great.

Now we don't have to
walk around nude.

[MOAN]
Did you hear that noise?

MAN:
Oh, yeah!

That's some old man
poking his old lady.

Are you sure?
Take my word for it, okay?

Shit.

Shit. Goddamn it.

I wish Froggie would hurry up.
Shut up and watch the front.

Oh, God.

That your Halloween costume?
Yeah, kid.

The fool ain't got no dick, Earle.

Get out of here, kid!

Hey, check us out.

Put this on.
Great, you assholes.

Do you know where we're at?
I forgot.

MAN:
Oh, shit, Martha! The Ku Klux Klan's
outside the window! Get my gun!

Take that off!
Let's get out of here!

[GUNSHOT]

Wait a minute, honey!

[SINGING SMOKEY ROBINSON
AND THE MIRACLES'
"THE TRACKS OF MY TEARS"]

Sing it pretty.
Sing it.

MAN:
Talking about you, baby.

We can't get out of here
until we get in that record store.

They only take dedications
in person.

Hey, man, we're up shit's creek.

I'm telling you, my brother was
a Knight, and my uncle was a Knight,
and I'm gonna be one too.

Why don't you use the phone booth
and call your cousin
to get us out of here?

What, are you dense, man?
You go in the phone booth,
shut the door, the light goes on.

You think I'm gonna be standing
out here naked in the middle of Watts

on Halloween night?
You need a lobotomy.

We'd better do something,
that's for sure.

We gotta get clothes, we gotta
get into that record store,

make a dedication,
get back to Tubby's at 2:00.

We should've joined
the swim team.

You got Dr. J.,
ofay but okay,

as Motown strikes again!

Suzie.

[THE SUPREMES'
"BABY LOVE" PLAYS]

Hi. Want a drink?

Cold, huh?
Yeah.

How about a free kiss?
That never cost you anything.

Oh, yes, they did.
I started getting used to them.

Gets kind of dangerous.

What do you wanna do?

I wanna be rich and famous.
I'm already good-looking.

Is this your first beer?
Yeah. I'm a cheap high.

So am I.

So, what's your plan?

Plans don't always...
Suzie.

You got an order up there.
Okay.

So, what do you
wanna do?

I don't know what I wanna do.
I just know what I don't wanna do.

I mean, maybe that's what I'm
asking for, is just a little time
to figure it out.

A place to do it,
somebody to do it with.

I was thinking about Venice.

A little apartment down there
about a block from the beach.

You're asking me to just walk away
from it for some pipe dream.

Pipe dream? Talk about a pipe dream.
Tell me what acting is.

Hey, you wanna go to the
beach with me tomorrow?

Duke, you know I have
my screen test in the morning.

Yeah. I forgot.

See, that's what it is.
You're there, and I'm here.
We're in two different places.

Well, you just go in there tomorrow
and knock them dead.

Why do you have to be so sarcastic?
Can't you give me a little support?

MAN [ON LOUDSPEAKER]:
Suzie, pickup, please!

[SAM THE SHAM & THE PHARAOHS'
"WOOLY BULLY" PLAYS]

Hey, there's Newbomb.
He went home and got his pie wagon.

Gentlemen, I am here.
You can start.

You know that chick Barbara?
You're right. She does put out.

Hey, you guys want a menu?

Only if you're on it.
Only if you're on it.

Hey, Newbomb,
your brother's out front.

Shit.
What?

Stay here. You didn't see me.

You never saw me.
I don't even know you.

You don't know me.
You never knew me.
You never will know me.

I don't wanna hit you. Why?
Try and hit me.

How you doing?
Hey, you seen Newbomb?

Mom said he had my El Camino.
No, I haven't seen him.

If he messes up my El Camino,
I swear I'm gonna strangle his ass.

I'll tell him you're looking for him.
Yeah.

Hey, have you seen my El Camino?
SHORTY: No, I haven't.

This is his pie wagon.
Where is he?

Uh, him and Simpson are working
on Simpson's rail job.

Oh, okay.

WHEATLY:
Hey, Turk.

Your car looks really bitchen.

Hey, listen, you see him,
you tell him I'm gonna nail his butt.

You got that?
Yeah. Yeah.

Take it easy.
All right.

See you guys later.
Really bitchen car.

MOOSIE:
Hey, Newbomb, he's gone.

Hey, Newbomb,
that was your brother.

He's gonna kick your ass.
He's looking for you.

He's looking for me?
He's looking for me?

That pussy's looking for me?

You do the windup.

[SINGING THE SUPREMES'
"STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE"]

BRENDA:
What'd you think about
the Rolling Stones last night?

SHIRLEY:
They were so dirty.

I mean, that guy's teeth.
Did you see them?

His skin was even worse than that.
But it was a great song.

Great song.

Goddamn these machines.
They never work. What are
we doing here anyway?

SHIRLEY:
What are we doing here?
We are looking for cute guys.

BRENDA:
Cute? Like that Newbomb Turk?
I bet that's cute.

SHIRLEY:
Can you imagine
having to kiss that face?

Did you see Thunder Thighs
over there with Sally?

What a slut.

Speaking of sluts,
did you hear about Jean Friedman?

What?
She had an abortion in Tijuana.

That doesn't surprise me.
I heard she gave half
the football team the clap.

They played like they
still had it last week too.

Hey, that was Brenda and Shirley
Weintraub, the Iron Box Twins,

coming to you live from
the ladies' room here
at Tubby's Drive-In.

[IMITATES TV NEWS CHIME]

You asshole!
You schmuck!

[THE BEACH BOYS'
"SURFING U.S.A." PLAYS]

Nookie wagon! Here it comes!
Here comes the nookie wagon!

How you guys doing, man?
What's happening?

Not much, not much.
She's starving.

Ready to order?
BOTH: Yes.

We want three hamburgers

and three orders
of onion rings.

And I want a vanilla shake.
And I want a Coke.

Got it.
Thank you.

What are you doing, man?
Not much. Hanging out at the beach.

Heard about Tubby's and everything.
Thought we'd come check it out.

I want a Big One!
I'm so sick and tired
of those shitty Ding-Dongs, man!

I know, you gotta lay off
that surfer food.
It'll do you in.

Hey, you should talk.

Hey, why don't you guys come
down to the beach sometime?
I'll show you a boss time.

No, thanks. Sticking my head
in a bunch of seaweed

is not my idea
of a bitchen time.

Try it sometime.
Might do you some good.

Hey, this is Jane,
and this is Cheetah.

Wait a second.
You're Jane, you're Cheetah.

And what are their names?

Eyes off.
Hey, dummy up, man.

And my name is Newbomb Turk.

Hey, Turk!
How you doing, man?

Good, good. Okay.

TARZAN:
Hey, where's
the Duker and Jimmy Shine?

Who knows? Who cares?
SHORTY: Where's your deuce coupe?

TARZAN: It's at the old man's shop,
all covered up. I'm thinking
about selling it.

WHEATLY: What for? You've been
working on it for about three years.

TARZAN: But I've just been
hanging out at the beach,
crashing in this woody.

SHORTY: What do you do for money?
TARZAN: Old man takes care of me.

He's giving me all the money
I want so long as I stay away
from the house.

He thinks I do more damage
if I show up there.

What?

Need a pair of pliers
for those?

Just got my damn shirt
caught in it.

Hey, pencil dick,
what time is it?

Time to eat!

[THE SURFARIS' "WIPEOUT"
PLAYS]

Okay. All right.

Chinese bandits,
2 o'clock!

Bounces pretty good, pal.

[ENGINES REVVING]

Duke might've got whupped
by them almond-eyes guys,

but I'm going home to get my rail job,
and I'm gonna leave them...

I'm with you, man.
You know the power of that car.

Those Chinese assholes.
They sneak up on you.

That Cobra ain't shit anyway.
Hey, he came in second.

"But he came in second."
Ha! Thanks a lot.

I see you guys are having
a good time tonight, huh?

And it's gonna get
a lot better later.

Okay, asshole, pull this yellow
piece of shit around
the corner here. You got me?

Hear that? Move it.

Right now, asshole.

TARZAN:
Hey, Officer Clark,
are you lost or something?

Bitchen.
Do me a favor.

Jimmy Shine's going off
to Vietnam tomorrow,

and you're worried about
the beach is bitchen.

Who's got the burger?
I got a burger.

CHEETAH:
What are you doing, Newbomb?

Get your...
I was just getting some burger.

Oh, you were getting
some burger, huh?

Well, you want a little shake
to go along with your burger?

Hey, watch out, man!

You know what? I think the
guys are weenies for not
letting us in the dance.

But I could care less, man. I didn't
want to go to that stupid dance.

I think dancing's for queers anyway.

[FRANKIE LYMAN & THE
TEENAGERS' "WHY DO FOOLS FALL
IN LOVE" PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

This song is bitchen.
Check this song out.

Look, I'm telling you, man.
The Knights are not
breaking up, all right.

Suppose Jimmy Shine
doesn't come back from Vietnam.

Oh, man, don't worry
about Jimmy Shine.

There's not even a war going on.
He's going over for training.

What about Duke?
Duke can take care of himself.

And Shorty, man.
Shorty's going to college.

Look, don't worry about Shorty.
We're gonna stick together, all right?

You can cruise with me, man.
All right?

Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of you.

Come on, man.
Let's get this stuff
out of here, you know.

What do they have in this?
They got the punch in here.

Gentlemen, are you from the caterers?
Yeah.

Of course you are.
Is that the punch?

Uh-huh.

Oh, no, no. Please put it down.
You're going the long way. Take the
shortcut. Cut right across the lawn.

Go right across the lawn
through the nice hibiscus.

I don't think the gardener's
gonna like that
come Monday morning.

They're gonna re-landscape
Monday morning.
They're having a new library there.

The Newbomb Turk
Memorial Library.

Newbomb Turk.
You've heard of him.

Oh, yeah,
I know that guy.

You heard of him?
Yeah, sure.

I assure you, there's nothing wrong.
You can leave the punch here.

Uh, garçon! Garçon. Boy, boy, boy.
Take this punch down there.

It'll be our pleasure to take care
of this. Anything happens,
give them my name.

It's okay. Fine.
Have a nice time.

Thanks a lot for taking care of things.
My pleasure, my pleasure.

[SINGING DION & THE BELMONTS'
"RUNAROUND SUE"]

Come on, come on,
come on.

Come on.
This one is for Tubby's.

Gentlemen,
let's spike the punch.

[ZIPPERS OPENING]

Hey, can I help you?

This is the punch for the Beverly
Hills Residents' Association.

Name?
No name. Just punch.

Don't drink the punch.

Hey, don't drink the punch.

Don't drink the punch, man.

You little son of a bitch.

Hey, you thirsty?
Why don't you have some punch?

Stay away from the punch.

Like some more?
No, thanks, it's fine.

Well, trick or treat.

You're already a treat.

You're already a trick.

This doesn't taste right.
Yeah, it's good.

No, it's not right.

My dick is in the punch!

I've had this taste in my mouth before.
It tastes all right to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, hi.

Little bastards.
I'm just gonna ignore them.

I'm not paying attention to them.
There's a young man out there.

My dick! My dick!

I believe he's looking
for somebody called Dick.

Is there a Dick here?

I've got it, Nevans. It's spiked.
They've spiked the punch.

NEVANS:
Thorny, get those officers.

JACQUELINE:
Now, I know this taste.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dick.

What seems to be
the problem, ma'am?

Officer, taste this.
Taste this.

Tell me what you think.

Does have a little wang in it.
Good, though.

Excuse me.
Mind if I have some more?

No, no, please.
Thank you.

Help yourself. Come on, Nevans.

Try and get a piece of fruit there.

You've gotta be
very careful, Dudley.

You're a marked man.
I'll be fine.

They're envious of you.

Which trick should I do?
They're all so good.

Well, stick to your music, dear.

[BOTH SINGING]

Watch the road.

After the talent contest,
I want you to go right home.

I'm gonna drop you
at the rear entrance.

ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]:
With more atomic power,
"In the Midnight Hour."

[WILSON PICKETT'S
"IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR"
PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Man, this sure is a funny place
to build a library.

Yeah.
Newbomb Turk.

You know what?
I think I heard of that guy before.

He had something to do with
something in Beverly Hills
or something, man. Yeah.

Maybe he's the one giving
the money to build the library.

Yeah, you're probably right.
Hold it, man. Don't drink all that beer.

I got you covered. Just come on.
What should we do?

Just drive the truck through here.
I would like to get home tonight.

Well, here goes nothing.

That... That... That car!

I told you not to come in here!
You killed my flowers!

That man in the parking lot
told us to come down here.

The man that's having
the memorial library built.

Oh, no!
That rich guy over there.

Who did this?
Told us about Newbomb Turk.

Newbomb Turk did this!

I know!
Newbomb, that asshole!

[WHISTLING]

JANE:
Oh, Dudley.

Dudley, come here.
We want to show you
something.

I... I... I...
CHEETAH: Dudley, come over here.

Come on.

Dudley, I want to
show you something.

Come here, Dudley.
I want to show you something.
Come here.

[PANTING]

JANE:
Dudley, look.

[GASPING]

Dudley, are you okay?

Oh, yes.
Oh, good.

It's gonna be all right.

Newbomb, is that you again?

Yeah, Dudley. Sorry.
Nothing personal.

I understand, I think.

Please be careful with the cape.
I will.

It's rented.
TARZAN: Have a beer, buddy.

I hope you win the contest.

Thanks, Dud, that's sweet.
Watch your head, bye.

Well done, ladies.

[SINGING DION & THE BELMONTS'
"I WONDER WHY"]

Uh-uh, I...
Hey, hey, hey.

You can do it.

I can do it.

My boy.

Hello? One, two?

SHIRLEY [ON TAPE]:
Did you hear about Jean Friedman?

She had an abortion in Tijuana.

They're talking about
my daughter!

BRENDA: I'm not surprised.
I heard she gave half the
football team the clap.

SHIRLEY:
They were playing
like it last week too.

NEWBOMB: That was
Brenda and Shirley Weintraub,
the Iron Box Twins,

coming to you live from the
ladies' room at Tubby's Drive-In
this Halloween night.

But I cannot function
without my glasses or my puffer.

Dudley, would you
just relax and stay put?

I'll be back in a few minutes
with my rail job.

Don't forget me.
I won't forget you.

Just stay put.
Because I'm a little scared.

There's nothing
to be scared of. Stay put.

So let's welcome, please, um...

He's a wonderful one-armed...

Uh, one-armed violinist.

Mr...

Mr. Sasha Du... Da...

Mr. Sasha Dabinsky, the one-armed
violinist. Let's welcome him.

I presume that must be...
Well... The one-armed violinist.

[PLAYING PIANO]

[PIANO AND VIOLIN PLAYING]

It's impossible!
He grabbed it with his dick!

JACK:
Stop applauding! Stop applauding!

Stop applauding!

Making fun of handicapped people...
Excuse me.

Making fun of handicapped people
is not my idea of a joke.

There may be people laughing,
but I'm telling you, we can fight.

They may be laughing now,
but they'll be laughing out the other
side of their faces in the morning

when we start tearing down that
social disease of Beverly Hills!

Tubby's is gonna be torn down!
He grabbed it with his dick!

I beg your pardon, sir.

[MOANING]

JACQUELINE:
I miss your big Buick.

[LOUIE ARMSTRONG'S "HELLO
DOLLY" PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Oh, that's great.
Here.

Oh, I love it.

God, you feel great.
Don't mess my hair up, though.

NEVANS:
Honey, I didn't touch your hair.

Oh, shit.
Hello?

Hello. Oh, hello. Excuse me,
I'm lost. Could you show me
the way to the dance?

It's way over there.
Yes, over that way.

Mrs. Friedman?
Mrs. Friedman!

Oh, Dudley, you...
DUDLEY: Hello.

JACQUELINE: Get my clothes.
Oh, shit.

Look. We're all in our underwear.

You know, I'm a real nice girl.
I've got the best reputation
in our high school.

I heard about
your reputation.

[SINGING ROSIE & THE ORIGINALS'
"ANGEL BABY"]

WOMAN:
Mike, I can't do it.

SHORTY:
That's all right.
You can't get pregnant this way.

WOMAN: I'm not that type of girl.
SHORTY: You can't get pregnant.

WOMAN: Okay. Okay.
SHORTY: Right there.

How's that? How's that?
SHORTY: Faster! Faster!

Oh, God!
It's caught in the zipper!

No! Get away!

Oh, don't touch it!
Don't touch it! Let it go down!

I gotta wait.
No, I just gotta wait till
the swelling goes down!

Dark, you are like a dead putz.
I mean, this is a party.

We're supposed to have fun, music,
pastrami. What's wrong with you?

Turk, come over here. Now, he
happens to be very hysterically funny.

I put him right up there
with Steve and Eydie.

He has more talent in his little pinkie
than you have in your whole pinkie.

Why don't you just go blow?
I mean, you make me nauseous.

High school girls.
I should have known better.

Humpf.

You know, you have
impeccable taste.

Listen, I'm having
a party at my house. Uh...

You wanna take me?

To the pie wagon.

DR. J. [ON RADIO]:
On a beautiful Halloween night,
1965, with Dr. J. On the burner!

[PEGGY MARCH'S
"I WILL FOLLOW HIM" PLAYS]

Go. Go.
Okay.

Oh, Turk. Turk.

Oh, Turk. Turk, I'm ready.

Come here, Turk.

This is just like
in the movies.

Oh, I'm wearing my mother's
musk-scent perfume.

Oh, Turk. Turk,
come back here.

Come on, before I lose
the feeling, Turk.

Turk, come on.

Turk? Turk?

Come on, Turk. Come back here.

Come on.
Um...

Come on, Turk.
What?

It's not right.
What?

It's not right.
What's not right?

The mood's not right.
What do you mean?

What do you mean? I'm in the mood!
I'm ready. I'm hot. I'm ready to go.

Come on! I'm all hot and bothered!
Are you kidding me?

Turk! Did you come?

Turk. Turk.

What?
Did you come?

A little.
A little?

What do you mean?
Either you came or you didn't!

Did you come or not?
I came.

Oh, my God. I'm so embarrassed.
I came. I came.

Give me my shirt back. Oh, my God!
You came! I can't believe it!

You are so immature.
I am not immature!

I came. It happens.
I'm sorry it happened.

Who does it happen to?
It's all very personal.

I'm glad I came. You know that?
I'm glad I came. I really am.

God, are you
something!

SMITTY:
This is the engine of the future.

In a VW.

Funny.

MAN 1:
There's only six of those
in the country.

MAN 2:
Yeah, but Nader's gonna stop
all this. There won't be no more.

MAN 1:
Yeah, I'm afraid you're right.

If that's Sharon, tell her I've gone.

Guys, let's do this another night.
JIMMY: Kiss my ass.

SMITTY:
He's already gone.

You sure you
wanna see this?

What, are you crazy?
Come on.

TONY:
Let's do it.

[ALL MURMURING]

Is this piss yellow?

That's Tony Nancy
yellow.

Hey, Jimmy, check this out.

Laz was over here today
rubbing this thing out.

His back went,
and Al came in and finished it.

Hey, he did a good job.

Phew. Man.
Hey, who put the tune on it?

MAN 1: Fiasco.
MAN 2: Boy, does it run sweet.

Tony, what about
that other thing?

TONY:
What other thing?

You know. The thing.

Hey, what's the deal?

It's a little going-away present,
Jim, from the Knights

and the guys here at the shop,
they all chipped in.

Junior put it in.

[THE MAMAS & PAPAS'
"CALIFORNIA DREAMIN"'
PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

Ahead of the headlines, this is
the 1 a.m. Edition of KBLA News,

presented by the car
of the future, Studebaker.

MAN: Come on, come on.
Let's get those tires in the van
and let's split, brother.

[♪♪♪]

We'll never get back by 2, man.
Forget it.

Damn, look at your car.
Where the hell are my tires?

Get them!

[THE BYRDS' "MR. TAMBOURINE
MAN" PLAYS ON TV]

Why do these guys singing
rock 'n' roll have to wear
those kind of glasses?

God, it's gonna be weird
living back in New York.

What's wrong, Suzie?
Duke getting you crazy?

I don't know.

He go to the dance
without you?

I guess so.
That's the way it goes.

Yeah. He'll probably be back later
when I close the place
and have a beer.

Guy's being tough
on you, huh?

What time's the screen test
tomorrow?

Seven.

Don't let it bother you.
Be good tomorrow.

Thanks.

SMITTY:
Hey, Jimmy, what time do you
have to leave tomorrow?

I gotta be up at 6.

Dee Dee's waiting for me.
I gotta get over there.

She's cooked a roast. We're gonna
drink a bottle of champagne.

We'll go to Santa Monica pier
and watch the sun come up.

SMITTY:
Hey, that sounds like
pretty romantic stuff to me.

Hey, I remember one time,
I was in Okinawa.

Me and this buddy of mine
named Grease...

Best damn mechanic
I ever seen.

Anyway, me and Grease took this
Thunderbolt engine out of a crate,

modified that son of a bitch
and put it in a little jeep.

I mean, they was having
a parade that day.

I mean, MacArthur and his whole
hot-damn staff were there, man.

Anyway, me and this Grease
got in that jeep

and we blew by that parade.
Oh, shit, man.

It must've been 150 miles an hour.
MPs are still looking for us.

They found the jeep.
They only suspected it was us.

What happened
to Grease?

That son of a bitch got drunk
and drove a command car
into an ammo dump

and the whole thing went up,
and they never did find nothing.

War's funny, huh?

Hey, listen. I wanna
say something. Um...

If something happens to me
while I'm gone...

I don't know,
anything.

- I don't want that the car should...

Well, Dee Dee wouldn't know
what to do with it and...

I want the car should go to the club.
You know, all the guys.

Hell, that was the big one.

Vietnam's nothing like that.

I know, I know, I know,
but I'm just saying,
just in case.

Hey, listen,
nothing's gonna happen.
Let's get some beers.

[THE MAMAS & PAPAS'
"CALIFORNIA DREAMIN"'
PLAYS ON CAR RADIO]

This is Dr. J. On KBLA,
the boss with the hot sauce.
I'm gonna tell you something.

This is for lovers only.

This is for everybody
up on Mulholland Drive.

I want you to do me a favor.

I want you to put one hand
on the radio

and the other hand
wherever you feel it should be.

And that's exactly where you're
putting me on Halloween night, 1965.

For lovers only.

[THE DRIFTERS'
"UNDER THE BOARDWALK" PLAYS]

[WHISPERS]
We'll never make it back.

It's after 1:00.

[SINGING
"UNDER THE BOARDWALK"]

Hey, how you doing?

See if they'll help us.

How you doing, Mrs. Johnson?
Maybe these guys will help us.

Hey, let's ask them.

Hey, what's going on?
We need you guys to do us a favor.

We're trying to get into
this car gang in Beverly Hills.

They dropped us here,
took our clothes and left us
four spare tires.

We gotta get to Hollywood by 2:00.
It's an initiation.

But we need a dedication in that
record store from the disc jockey.

You guys gotta do us a big favor
and make a dedication.

Okay. What you want?
PLEDGE: The song is "Heat Wave."

Gotta get it on by 2:00, and if you can,
try to get him to say something like,

"To anyone who
ever cruises Tubby's."

Right.
Tubby's, huh?

Tubby's, all right?
"Cruises Tubby's," all right?

My brother Willy T. Here has the best.
PLEDGE: We kind of gotta go.

If you're ever in the neighborhood,
come on over for lox and bagels.

You cats smoke any of
this shit before?

Oh, yeah, we smoke
that stuff all the time.

Check this out, man.

WILLY T:
That'll put a hem in
your dress. You'll love it.

It is a killer.

PLEDGE: Hold it in, right?
Hold it in.

It's a killer, isn't it?

[COUGHING]

[SINGING
"UNDER THE BOARDWALK"]

[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Give me a hit of that, man.

DR. J. [ON RADIO]:
From the desert to the sea, soulfully.

[THE FOUR SEASONS' "BIG GIRLS
DON'T CRY" PLAYS ON SPEAKER]

Please let me hold you.
No, I'm all right.

No, you're not. What you need is
a good hot sauna and a massage.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

And you're not mad no more?
No. No, I'm all right.

SCHROEDER [ON POLICE RADIO]:
One more call about those Knights,
your ass is in the meat grinder.

Listen, I don't know what
you've been doing all night,

but you're gonna have the lieutenant
all over your butts tomorrow.

There was a kidnapping
at the pep rally.

And somebody farted their way
around the gym at show time.

Then you two end up assaulting
an honor student.

Then the lawn over at
the country club dance was torn up.

Somebody urinated
in the refreshments,

played a lewd recording
over the PA.

Then somebody went on-stage
and stuck his finger out

in place of his dick or something.

I've never seen anybody
as asleep at the wheel

as you two have been tonight.
Now, wake up!

You get it?

[HORN HONKS]

Hey, Newbomb,
where's your El Camino?

Asshole.
That guy is such an asshole.

[HONKING]

BIMBEAU:
What the hell did you say?

What the hell did you say?!

I said, "It's cold. Brrr.
Real cold."

That son of a bitch.

He usually goes to the can about now.
I got an idea.

I got an idea. I'm gonna
get this asshole.

Shorty! I'll really
get this asshole.

Tarzan. Tarzan,
come here for a second.

Listen, go to the head.
Take a roll of toilet paper.
Shove it all the way in.

Stuff it up.
I don't want anything
coming up.

You got your screwdriver? Got it?
Yeah, I got it.

Go to Brother Earle's
and get a potato,
an unpeeled potato.

Hey, dumb-ass,
get over there!

What the hell...?
I want to get a chip.

You got this crap
all over me.

You want a chip?
Here's a damn chip.

Hey, Iron Box!

Don't you think I'd look good
in a mustache?

Yeah. You'd look better
than good.

You'd look perfect,
like a perfect horse's ass.

You're just jealous,
that's all.

I'm gonna go take a whiz.

Just make sure you wash
your hands, all right?

Just don't slam the door, okay?
You're gonna spill my milk.

[THE DEL-VIKINGS'
"COME GO WITH ME" PLAYS]

Clark...

Oh, shit!

Holy shit.

Come on, hurry. Hurry!

This one's for Tubby's.

"Where's your El Camino?
Where's your El Camino?"

Officer Bimbeau!

Oh! Oh...

Oh, shit! Hey, Clark!

Clark!

Hey!

Clark! Clark!

Bimbeau? Bimbeau!
BIMBEAU: Clark, come on!

I'm in here!
What's going on? What?

I'm locked in here!

Okay. All right.
Get back, Bimbeau!

[GUNSHOTS]

Clark! Clark!

Clark! You asshole!

Clark!
Get up there.

What's the matter with you?
What the hell were you doing?

I gotta get my shoe!
Get your shoe!

Look at my new shoes!

WHEATLY:
You look wonderful.

NEWBOMB:
That was funny. That was real funny.

It was wonderful. It was just...
It was great.

[CHATTERING]

Help! Help! Help!

Get back! Give him air!

Shut up! Shut your mouth!
This punk is drunk!

Get your ass up!
He's not drunk.

He's the honor student.
He's having an epileptic fit!

Do something!
A fit? Put something in his mouth.

He'd swallow his tongue.
Shove the nightstick in his mouth.

No! No! No!

No! No! No!
I'm fine. I'm all right.

He's up! It's a miracle!

[SINGING "SWING LOW,
SWEET CHARIOT"]

Your lights. Your lights.
You didn't turn on your lights.
Your lights. Your lights.

Now look what you did.
Look what you did.

What? What in the hell
are you talking...?

Why are you riding shotgun for?
I'm not driving. You are.

You go to sleep in the back seat.

You're supposed to be watching out!
Let me drive!

[♪♪♪]

Blow him away.

Go!

[THE CHIFFONS'
"HE'S SO FINE" PLAYS]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Way to go, weenie!

JIMMY:
Hey.

Take care of this
until I get back home, okay?

For me?
Well, you earned it.

Put it on, man.
Thanks, man.

What about the pledges
we left in Watts?

What about those guys?
Where are they?

It's 2:00 in the morning.
Maybe we should go get them.

Wait. We're...?

We're going to go to Watts

at 2:00 in the morning?

Let's go.

Ah, what the hell. Hey, everybody!
Beer's on the house!

What are they gonna do,
close us down, Smitty?

[THE SUPREMES'
"I HEAR A SYMPHONY" PLAYS]

How was the dance?

I don't know. I didn't go.

Where you been?

Out there.

How was it?
It's okay.

Don't shut me out.

Hey, you know, I can handle
blowing the screen test...

as long as I don't
blow it with you.

I just gotta say
I was there.

I'm just asking you
for a chance to fail.

Listen...

I'm not afraid
of you failing.

But, uh...

I guess what I'm
really afraid of is,

if you make it,

I won't be good enough
for you.

I love you.

Crystals, baby, and "Uptown."

This is your brother Dr. J. On KBLA,
approaching the 2 a.m. Hour.

Dr. J.
DR. J: What's happening?

This is June Bug, Willy T.
How you doing?

Hey, man. What's up?

We got this dedication.
Some pledges on the corner...

Right here?
Yeah. Right there.

They want this on the radio?
Yeah.

You got it.
They requested it for a car club.

Okay, okay.
I'm gonna take care of it.

There's a place over there
on Wilshire Boulevard.
Everybody knows it.

It's called Tubby's Drive-In.
And you know what? Tonight is
the last night it's gonna be around.

They're busting it down.
Can you believe it?

Here's the request. There's a group
of guys out there, they got a car club.

They more or less own the place.

And it's called
the Hollywood Knights.

Tonight they had a bunch of pledges
come down here to get a request
on the radio, right here,

at exactly 2 a.m., and that's
what I'm gonna do for them.

I can't think of
a better way to end this show
on this Halloween night, 1965,

than with Martha & The Vandellas
talking about "Heat Wave."

[MARTHA & THE VANDELLAS'
"HEAT WAVE" PLAYS]

Look, the little
sons of bitches made it.

Kiss my ass.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

JIMMY:
See you in spring.

Look out after
my old lady, huh?

Listen, I'm doing the right thing.

Be careful, huh?

Take care of yourself.
Don't forget to write.

You all right?
Yeah.

I'm a little scared.
Hell, who isn't?

You've been like a dad to me.

Hey, listen,

I don't want you
hot-rodding any jeeps.

[HORN HONKING]

That's Dee Dee.

I gotta go.

Take care.

Hey, I'll send you
those magazines.

Hey, Wheatly.

Halloween's over.

Why don't you take off the mask?
What?

Why don't you
bite my weenie, chump?

I don't know what's gonna be.
Soon I'll be going away to college.

I'll probably never see you again.

Hey, you're going
to UCLA.

WOMAN: Hello?
Hello, Mother?

This is Dudley.
Dudley!

Mother, I'm calling to inform you that
I'm going to be out rather late tonight.

You're not in bed, dear?
In fact, I might not be home at all.

Mother, I have an assignation
with a young lady tonight.

I am going to explore
the boundaries of my manhood.

I see, dear.
Mother, I'm going to get laid.

You're going to be a little late.

Not late, Mother. Laid. L-A-I-D.

The past participle
of the verb "to lay."
I'm going to screw someone.

Now I've got to find out how.

[MOANING]

[BURPS]

Excuse me.
Honey, are you okay?

I got a little heartburn.

You know, I think that somebody
did put something in that punch.

There was something in it.
Yeah, I think you're right.

Now I feel a little funny myself.
That taste keeps coming up.

[SINGING "YOU'VE GOT YOUR
TROUBLES (I'VE GOT MINE)"]

Let's go, pretty boy.

I guess we finally got rid
of those little pissants.

You bet. We really whupped
their ass tonight.

NEWBOMB:
Bimbeau!

Kiss his ass!

Bullshit!

Look out.

It's okay. It's okay.

Honey, I don't feel safe here.

Your husband is right
in that house. Right there.

Don't worry about a thing.
He's dead drunk. He's passed out.

It'd take an earthquake to wake
him up. Don't worry about him.

Don't worry about anything.
I'm not.

Don't worry.
I don't even care anymore.

[SIRENS WAILING]

NEWBOMB: Rock 'n' roll!
WHEATLY: Rock 'n' roll!

JACQUELINE:
Get out! It might explode!

That son of a bitch
hit this son of a bitch.

Clark! You're supposed
to be riding shotgun!

You're supposed to look out for me!
I'm looking!

Jacqueline? Bob?
NEVANS: Jack...

Honey, the strangest thing
just happened!

We were talking and...

They knocked my pants off,
and...

I'm going for the police
now and...

JACQUELINE: We were just... -
We were talking in the car.

Don't just stand there!
Do something!

I can't believe that this shit
has happened to me tonight.

Mrs. Friedman!

You assholes!

[BROOKLYN DREAMS'
"HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS" PLAYS]