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Welcome to Sheffield!
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00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:56,064
The beating heart
of Britain's industrial North!
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00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:59,856
The jewel in Yorkshire's crown
is home to over half a million people,
4
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:04,904
and thousands more
flock here daily to shop and to work.
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00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:09,995
All this is built on Sheffield's
primary industry, steel.
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00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,448
The city's rolling mills, forges,
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00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:15,455
and workshops employ some 90,000 men
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00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:19,789
and state-of-the-art machinery
to make the world's finest steel.
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00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,589
From high-tensile girders
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00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:26,133
to the stainless cutlery
for your dining table.
11
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:29,215
But it's not all hard work
for the people of Steel City.
12
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,138
They can spend the day
lounging by the pool,
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00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,936
watching one of our top soccer teams,
14
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:38,057
or browsing in the shops.
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00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:44,821
But when the sun goes down,
the fun really starts
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00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,740
in the city's numerous
nightclubs and discotheques.
17
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:51,863
Yes, Yorkshire folk know
how to have a good time!
18
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,619
And it's good times
for the city's housing, too!
19
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,038
Sheffield leads the
way in town planning.
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00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:01,918
Victorian slums have been cleared
to make way for the homes of the future.
21
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,343
Thanks to steel,
22
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:10,927
Sheffield really is
a city on the move!
23
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:34,030
Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder?
24
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,410
- Come on.
- Dad, it's stealing!
25
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,118
No, it's liberating, love. Liberating.
26
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:41,336
Gaz, hang on.
27
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:46,713
Ten years we worked in here. Now look.
28
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,841
- What if we get caught?
- You don't get a record till you're 16.
29
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,134
- Just don't tell your mum.
- Hey, listen.
30
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,975
Music.
31
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,144
Bloody hell!
32
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:11,784
- What are they doing?
- It's the works band. It's still going.
33
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,862
About only thing round here that is.
34
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,825
'Ey up!
Security guards back.
35
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,961
"Won't take a minute,"
he says.
36
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,137
"Won't take a minute." Now what?
37
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,340
Shut up. I'm thinking.
38
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,511
Cam we do normal things sometimes?
39
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,637
This is normal!
Isn't it, Dave?
40
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,769
Oh, aye.
Everyday stuff, this.
41
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,896
I think this bugger's sinking.
42
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,859
Pick it up, and try and slide
it across other side.
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00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,197
That's it.
44
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,280
Oh, fucking hell, Nathe!
45
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:59,115
They're 20 quid each, them!
That were your bloody maintenance!
46
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,291
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, nice one.
47
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,164
Nathe!
48
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,711
Nathan!
49
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:07,539
- Fucking hell!
- Come 'ere, come 'ere!
50
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:10,217
Jesus! Stay still.
51
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,386
Stay still, stay still.
52
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,222
All right.
53
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:20,015
What's your initiative got to say
about this, then, bog eyes?
54
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,602
'Ey up, there's someone coming.
55
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,394
- All right?
- Aye, not so bad.
56
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,064
"Not so bad"?
57
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,616
"Not so bad"?
That's not much of a chuffing SOS!
58
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,740
All right,
don't get a benny on.
59
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,999
Shit!
60
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,965
Me jeans are bloody soaking!
61
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,917
You should have taken your kit off.
62
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:57,052
- What's up? Are you shy?
- Don't! Shut it, all right?
63
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,131
'Ey up. Dave.
64
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:00,309
- All right, babe?
- Dad!
65
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,978
What do you reckon, Dave?
Eight? Maybe even a nine.
66
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,393
You can never tell till
you see their tits.
67
00:05:06,419 --> 00:05:07,003
Dad!
68
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,482
- What's all this?
- It's them Chippendale efforts.
69
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,857
You what?
70
00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:14,235
Them dancers.
Mum were going on about it.
71
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,784
Oh, you're joking!
She must be getting desperate.
72
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:21,159
- You all waiting for me, then?
- Yeah! To go home.
73
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:24,082
You know where to find me
when you tire of them poofs.
74
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,751
- Dad!
- Come on, Gaz, I'm freezing.
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00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,546
"Women only"?
76
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,545
Cheeky buggers!
It's a bloody working-men's club!
77
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,002
I mean, look at the state of that!
78
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,883
What have you got to smile about?
79
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,714
He's got no willy, for starters.
80
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,892
Nowt in a gym'll help
you there, mate!
81
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,720
No decent woman would
be seen dead in there.
82
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,601
Jean would.
83
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,775
Oh, Dave, what's going on?
84
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,102
It's her money, innit?
85
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:55,460
Fucking hell! You'll let some poof
wave his tackle at your missis?
86
00:05:55,486 --> 00:05:56,761
Where's your pride?
87
00:05:56,815 --> 00:06:00,279
She's already got you hoovering!
I saw it and I let it go!
88
00:06:00,305 --> 00:06:01,596
But this?
No, no, no.
89
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:04,702
- Get her out of there.
- It's women only.
90
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:10,124
Hurry up, will you?
Me feet have gone numb.
91
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:14,379
That's gratitude for you! We're riding
into Alley of Death for you, you fat git.
92
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,677
It's not my fault I
can't fit through.
93
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,180
Right, then.
I'll wait 'ere and keep guard.
94
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:24,726
Find Auntie Jean and tell her
Uncle Dave wants a word outside.
95
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,224
- Do I have to?
- Good kid. On you go.
96
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,459
Off! Off! Off!
97
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,589
I'm not waiting in that
bloody queue.
98
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,175
I always wanted a nosy
in the men's toilets.
99
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,352
Phwoar!
Them bloody muscles!
100
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,431
It's not their bodies, Bee.
It's what they do with 'em.
101
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:14,563
I don't know what you're worrying about,
with you-know-who on your tail.
102
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:18,693
Frankie!
Do you want my body?
103
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:24,404
Frank don't fancy me and I don't
fancy Frank, right? So give over!
104
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,081
Do you think he might,
though?
105
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:34,587
No.
Couldn't do that to Dave.
106
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:37,337
Not even if I wanted to.
107
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,635
But... you know' it's
like he's given up.
108
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,010
Work. Me. Everything.
109
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,012
Ah, love.
110
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,014
'Ere, love. This'll cheer you up.
111
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:59,654
I weren't in Girl Guides for nowt!
112
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,043
Gaz!
113
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:20,296
Gaz!
That were our Jean, weren't it?
114
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:23,925
No, no. Just a couple of old tarts.
I'm going back in for Nathe.
115
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,020
You're in big trouble.
116
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,139
What about Auntie Jean?
117
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,395
Auntie Jean's busy.
118
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,741
I don't feel well.
119
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:53,542
Of course you don't! You've got a
hangover. Take a day off. Stay at home.
120
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:56,832
Your house is messy.
And it's cold.
121
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,289
Come down job club.
That'll be a right laugh.
122
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,919
Mum's house is
always warm.
123
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,593
I can't always
have the red carpet out for you.
124
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:08,174
Anyway, it's not your mum's house.
It's whatshisname... Barry's.
125
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:12,102
Tell you what. Next weekend
I'll have a big tidy round. I promise!
126
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,724
Even go and see a footie game.
127
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,394
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Sunday League down the park.
128
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,437
There's some right good players.
129
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,019
United are playing Man U,
aren't they?
130
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,196
You know I cant stretch to that.
131
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,571
You're always making me do
stupid stuff like last night.
132
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,739
Other dads don't do that.
133
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,496
Don't they?
134
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,699
- Aye.
- Aye.
135
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,665
Nathe!
136
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,419
We could try and sneak into Man U.
Terry said...
137
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,586
No!
138
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,460
All right! I'll...
I'll get tickets! I will!
139
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,922
Ooh! Aah! Cantona!
Has to wear a girlie bra!
140
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,393
We'll stuff 'em, Nathe.
141
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,102
Fuck!
142
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:07,282
I want the application letters finished
by the time I get back.
143
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,780
Any problems, I'm outside.
144
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:21,080
I tell you, when women
start pissing like us, that's it.
145
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,339
We're finished, Dave.
146
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,508
Extincto.
147
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,756
Yeah, I mean...
148
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,180
How? You know...
149
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,223
- How?
- Genetic mutations.
150
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,390
They're turning into us.
151
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:38,472
A few years and men won't exist.
Except in a zoo or summat.
152
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,849
We're not needed no more,
are we?
153
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,776
Obsolete. Dinosaurs.
154
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,479
Yesterday's news.
155
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,991
Like skateboards.
156
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,821
Button it!
Some of us are trying to get a job.
157
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,492
And it says no smoking in 'ere.
158
00:10:55,613 --> 00:11:00,915
Aye, and it says job club up there. When
did you last see one of them walk in?
159
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,339
You forget, Gerald,
you're not our foreman now.
160
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,253
You're just like the rest of us.
161
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,506
- Scrap.
- Shut it, right?
162
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,093
Hang on, though.
163
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,723
Why were all them women
int' working-mews club int' first place?
164
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,725
Now then! Cos of us. Men.
165
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,023
You call them Chippendales men?
166
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,687
Degrading, that's what it were.
167
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,527
How many lassies were there, though?
168
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,692
Thousands.
Baying for blood.
169
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:32,659
Ten quid to watch some fucking poof
get his kit off! Ten quid!
170
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:37,410
Times ten quid by a thousand, right?
And you've got...
171
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,412
Yeah, well, a lot.
A very lot.
172
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:44,086
10,000 quid.
173
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:49,259
- How much?
- 10,000 quid.
174
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:56,258
'Ey, now, Dave, I mean...
It's worth a thought, though, innit?
175
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:02,147
Little And Large prancing round
Sheffield with their widgers out!
176
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,974
That would be worth ten quid!
177
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,435
Don't be so bloody daft.
We were just saying...
178
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:11,648
- Widgers on parade! Bring a microscope!
- I don't see why the chuff not!
179
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:16,612
Because you're fat and he's thin,
and you're both fucking ugly.
180
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,788
Bastard!
181
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,716
What's all this about
sole custody?
182
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,095
You know what. If you want
joint custody, you pay your share.
183
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:37,866
700 quid.
184
00:12:37,892 --> 00:12:40,494
I'm ont' dole, in case
you hadn't noticed!
185
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:45,057
- Get a job! I'll gi' you a job!
- £2.50 an hour in Black Hole of Calcutta!
186
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,857
No, thank you.
187
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:51,734
If you want to play your games, do that,
but Nathan's gonna have two parents now.
188
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,861
And your live-in lovers gonna do that?
189
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,614
Abracadabra, here he is!
Evening, Barry.
190
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,283
That'll be for t'court to decide.
191
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:03,454
No, it won't. Nathan's yours and mine.
He's fuck-all to do with him!
192
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:08,876
- As if you've ever given a toss.
- Face it. He don't like staying at yours.
193
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,255
Course he bloody does!
Ask him!
194
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,505
Ask him!
195
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:16,087
Oi, Nathe!
We have a laugh, don't we?
196
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,219
- Gary! Don't!
- Is he in?
197
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,051
Is he in?
198
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,602
Nathe!
199
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:27,227
He can't hear you through your...
triple bloody glazing.
200
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,275
He can hear all right.
201
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,691
This... This is all wrong, this is.
202
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:36,149
It's all to fucking cock.
I'm his dad, and you...
203
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,651
You're nobody.
204
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,823
Goodnight, Gary.
205
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,384
Night, Nathe!
206
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,470
See you, kid!
207
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,559
No. Not doing it.
208
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,812
- I'm not stripping.
- They're taking him away.
209
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,270
All I need is 700 quid
and they've got nowt on me.
210
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,857
- Gaz, no.
- Dave, he's me kid!
211
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,654
I suppose there's nicking cars.
212
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,737
- No!
- Well, then?
213
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,868
Look, I'll help' all right?
I'm running, aren't I?
214
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,741
But I'm taking nowt off.
Final.
215
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,918
Come on, Dave.
Don't stop now.
216
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:32,338
- Keep up, you fat bastard!
- Gazza, you tosser!
217
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,182
Do you need a hand?
218
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,735
Yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon.
219
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,530
Give it a go at that.
220
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:08,199
Didn't you work at Harrisons
afore it shut down?
221
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,252
Ah! I thought I clocked you!
222
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:14,964
I were ont' floor with Gaz.
Him up the road.
223
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,633
How's it going, then?
224
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,381
You got any work?
225
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,719
No, there's not a lot about.
226
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:27,928
Well, like I say,
get some new ones when you can.
227
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,396
No, no, my chuffing pleasure!
228
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,576
Dave?
229
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:57,006
- Are you all right, kid?
- You bastard!
230
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,297
'Ey! 'Ey!
231
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,937
You could shoot yoursen.
232
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,444
Where's he gonna find
a gun from round 'ere?
233
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,577
You wanna find yourself
a big bridge.
234
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:32,000
Yeah. Like one of them bungeejumps,
only without the bungee bit.
235
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,369
I can't stand heights, me.
236
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,303
Drowning.
Now there's a way to go.
237
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,341
I can't swim.
238
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:52,972
You don't have to fucking swim,
you divvy. That's the point.
239
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,477
You're not very keen, are you?
240
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,809
Sorry.
241
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,360
I know.
242
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:05,200
Stand in the middle of froad and get a
mate to drive smack into you right fast.
243
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,570
Haven't got any mates.
244
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:14,160
We just saved your fucking life,
so don't tell us we're not your mates!
245
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,166
- Yeah?
- Yeah, me an' all.
246
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:21,170
I'd run you down soon as
look at you.
247
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,593
Oh, cheers.
248
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,512
Ta.
249
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,676
Thanks a lot.
250
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,115
- What are you doing, Mum?
- Where have you been?
251
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,117
Driving.
252
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:55,746
- Driving where?
- Just driving.
253
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,162
I thought you'd gone.
254
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,458
Security guard in 'ere?
No wonder he wants to kill himself.
255
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:08,388
Well, at least one bloke got a job
out of this place being shut down.
256
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,807
What did you tell him for, anyroad?
The kid's a nutter.
257
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,305
He's a bugle player.
258
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:17,764
Could come in right handy.
Might need a bit of music.
259
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,233
He's got a car. Somewhere to practice.
260
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:25,772
Besides, it's good whatsitsname
for the lad... Therapy.
261
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:29,366
Oh, aye!
Jiggling about in the buff. Therapy!
262
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,286
I tell you, he won't be the only one
trying to top himself
263
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,455
if you carry on wi' this caper.
264
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:37,041
Dad, I'm hungry.
265
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,244
'Ey up!
266
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,919
'Ey! Lomper!
267
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,927
- Where's me rice?
- Try the cylinder head... tubby.
268
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,593
I don't like Chinese.
269
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,020
'Course you do... Don't you?
270
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:02,771
- Let's see his records.
- What have we got, Dave?
271
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,944
"The Floral Dance."
272
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:09,281
- "Marching With Hepworth"?
- Jesus Christ!
273
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,031
Ah, Hot Chocolate! Now we're talking!
274
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,407
I believe in miracles
275
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,205
Since you came along
276
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,203
You sexy thang.
277
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,705
Stick it on, Daverimo!
I'm there.
278
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,805
Dad! Dad, don't.
279
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:41,264
It's all right, Nathan. It's right,
is this. I've seen 'em do it.
280
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,896
- Good evening, shoppers...
- Dave!
281
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,068
All right, all right.
282
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,898
"You Sexy Thing." One, Mo...
283
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:44,581
- I need an audience.
- You need a doctor.
284
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:53,302
I tell you,
there's summat up wi' that kid.
285
00:20:57,214 --> 00:21:00,138
- Did you check the whole top end?
- Yeah!
286
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,311
There's no point. He went out.
287
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,889
- You what?
- I seen him go.
288
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,104
There's the beggar.
289
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,028
Oi, Nathe!
290
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,026
Nathan!
291
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,574
Nathan.
292
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,699
Hell-fire!
293
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:23,249
- What are you doing out here, kid?
- Nov-vi. Walking home.
294
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:26,419
It's miles home! You know that!
295
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:28,997
Why did you run off like that?
296
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:34,002
You're embarrassed,
aren't you?
297
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:37,258
You think your own dad's a dickhead.
298
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:41,934
We're not doing this for a laugh,
you know.
299
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,182
I'm trying to get some
brass together
300
00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:48,107
so as you and me can keep
seeing each other.
301
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:51,402
They're trying to stop us,
you see.
302
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,275
Oh, well, I may as well
not bother.
303
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,448
Except I'm your dad.
304
00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:01,112
It counts for something, don't it?
305
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:07,126
I like you.
306
00:22:09,203 --> 00:22:11,297
I love you, you bugger.
307
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,635
All right, kid?
308
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,810
- All right?
- Yeah.
309
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,065
You nutter.
310
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,700
- Well, you said dancing.
- It were a great idea, kid.
311
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:45,869
Just not the right sort of dancing.
312
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,618
Gaz! 'Ey, look 'ere.
313
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:51,875
Oh, my God!
314
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,590
Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be
famous down job club.
315
00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:56,417
He's not bad for a bastard, is he?
316
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,379
He's dead, that's what he is.
317
00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:08,221
You said you wanted a dance teacher.
318
00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:10,097
Gerald? Go get chuffed!
319
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:14,481
He'd tell every bugger!
We'd be laughed out of Sheffield.
320
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,779
'Ey up, lads.
Bandits at six o'clock.
321
00:23:20,024 --> 00:23:21,901
Ah, come in, Torvill.
322
00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,949
Park your sequins over 'ere.
323
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:27,532
- You've had your laugh. Now piss off.
- It's a free country.
324
00:23:27,615 --> 00:23:30,960
- You were rather good. Nifty footwork.
- Gerald!
325
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,086
Oh, hello.
326
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:39,677
- Gerald, you're missing the rumba.
- Sorry, I just met some pals from... work.
327
00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:43,723
- Not thinking of joining our class?
- Funny you should mention it...
328
00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:47,893
- I think we'd better be getting back now.
- Well, goodnight.
329
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:52,690
You get back to your rumba.
See you later, Gerald.
330
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:55,143
At work.
331
00:24:15,496 --> 00:24:17,669
He's got gnomes.
332
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:21,002
Aye, he bloody would have.
333
00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:25,472
Things looking up?
334
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,387
You know, love,
I think they just might be.
335
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:28,763
Good.
336
00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:30,719
You've been working too hard.
337
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:34,808
You should let a colleague
do the lion's share for a change.
338
00:24:34,932 --> 00:24:38,607
- I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald.
- Oh, well. Mustn't be late.
339
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:41,815
- So it's all right if I...
- Oh, Linda, love...
340
00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:45,443
Oh, don't be so mean!
Things are looking up. You said so.
341
00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:47,620
You'll love skiing.
342
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,328
Linda...
343
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:57,963
It don't matter. Bye.
344
00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:06,131
'Ey, Gaz.
345
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:16,056
- Off to the office, Torvill?
- Yes, I bloody am!
346
00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:18,234
Put that back.
Put it back!
347
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:23,439
See that? Interview.
In the bloody bag. Mate from Harrisons.
348
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,900
I could do the job
standing on me head.
349
00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:28,202
I won't have
to look at your ugly mugs again.
350
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,912
- Come on, we just need some help.
- Sorry.
351
00:25:30,988 --> 00:25:33,366
There's nothing I can do to help you.
352
00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:35,618
Just wanna know about dancing.
353
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:38,705
Dancers have coordination, skill,
354
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:41,750
timing, fitness and grace.
355
00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:44,551
Take a long hard look in the mirror.
356
00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:47,387
Now, I'm busy.
357
00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,882
Don't be late for job club, lads.
358
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:53,348
Bastard!
359
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,688
Starting at £16,000,
plus the pension scheme.
360
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:04,614
It'll be a relief to get back to work.
It's not been an easy six months.
361
00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:07,783
I'm up to date with
the latest industry developments,
362
00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:10,577
and I've kept meself...
363
00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:16,242
busy, you know.
364
00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:19,916
Well, all the qualifications
are there, obviously.
365
00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:23,382
And we go back further
than I care to remember.
366
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:26,585
Sorry?
367
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:35,140
What we're asking, Gerald, is...
368
00:26:35,219 --> 00:26:40,316
after such a long lay-off,
do you think you're up to the job?
369
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:46,651
You...!
370
00:26:46,730 --> 00:26:48,732
- Bastard!
- Fucking hell!
371
00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:54,617
'Ey, Gerry, mate...
372
00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:58,830
- You didn't get it, then?
- Get out the way! Come 'ere!
373
00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:01,913
Bastard!
That were mine, that job!
374
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,832
You don't give a toss!
You're kids!
375
00:27:04,915 --> 00:27:08,715
It's different for me! I've got
a standard of living! Responsibilities!
376
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:11,764
I were on me way up!
I am on me way up!
377
00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:17,519
It were me first interview
in months!
378
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:21,940
I could've got me first month's in
advance. She'd never have known.
379
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,437
Now what?
380
00:27:23,517 --> 00:27:26,111
She's still got credit cards, you know.
381
00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:32,819
She's out there now, ont' High Street,
with a fucking MasterCard, spending!
382
00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:34,991
Why can't you just tell her?
383
00:27:35,112 --> 00:27:39,288
How can I tell her
after six months?
384
00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:43,462
A woman who wants to go skiing
for us holidays!
385
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,460
Skiing, for fuck's sake!
386
00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:55,220
Why did you do it?
It was my job!
387
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:58,894
It had to be my... job!
388
00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:42,062
Cam you just leave me alone?
389
00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:56,736
We stuck it with superglue.
390
00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,954
You can't hardly see t'join.
391
00:29:05,202 --> 00:29:07,296
- Go on.
- Oh, yeah.
392
00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:12,251
We got this int' jumble,
like, to say sorry.
393
00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,884
Wheels go round and everything.
394
00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:23,062
It's for your gnomes, really.
Not you.
395
00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:25,355
I...
396
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:28,058
I don't know...
397
00:29:29,977 --> 00:29:32,230
It's marvelous, this.
398
00:29:37,401 --> 00:29:38,823
We were thinking...
399
00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:41,701
you can maybe put it next to...
wishing well.
400
00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:43,908
Make a bit of a...
401
00:29:44,574 --> 00:29:47,077
- Feature.
- Yeah.
402
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,254
What do you reck?
403
00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:55,920
Ta, lads.
404
00:29:57,504 --> 00:29:59,598
Ta very much.
405
00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:05,311
Cigarette me, for fucks sake.
406
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:10,563
Think any of them could dance?
407
00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:14,488
You're not still on about
this Chippendales malarkey, are you?
408
00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:17,949
A Yorkshire version.
Them buggers can, we bloody can.
409
00:30:18,025 --> 00:30:21,029
- You can't dance.
- We know, Gerald.
410
00:30:21,111 --> 00:30:25,617
- Gaz, niner on its way.
- Why do you think we're trailing you?
411
00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:28,669
It's not my kind of dancing.
It's all arse wiggling.
412
00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:30,628
I've got a degree in arse
wiggling, mate.
413
00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:34,004
You learn us dancing,
I'll learn you the rest.
414
00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:37,674
Gerald, for once, I'm dead serious.
I need your help.
415
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:41,719
What if someone spots me? What if
Linda finds out? I've got standing, me.
416
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,345
You've an overdraft an' all.
417
00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:43,114
I'm sorry. Sorry.
418
00:31:44,778 --> 00:31:46,576
I thought I'd give it a go.
419
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:49,745
I got a bit desperate.
You know how it is.
420
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:53,120
I can't even take my kit
off properly, can I?
421
00:31:53,203 --> 00:31:56,298
You're all right, Reg.
There's some tea if you like.
422
00:31:56,373 --> 00:31:58,421
No, thanks.
The kids are outside.
423
00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:00,340
Bring 'em in.
424
00:32:00,419 --> 00:32:02,092
No.
425
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:04,882
This is no place for kids.
426
00:32:14,224 --> 00:32:16,272
This is crazy.
427
00:32:18,728 --> 00:32:22,907
So, it's Mr. Horse.
428
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,615
Horse.
429
00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:26,952
Yeah, well...
430
00:32:27,070 --> 00:32:30,074
Just a minute. Mr. Horse.
My colleagues on the panel...
431
00:32:30,157 --> 00:32:32,956
Ask him why he's called the Horse.
432
00:32:34,327 --> 00:32:37,877
You bloody ask him!
It's not cos he does the Grand National.
433
00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:40,209
That's all very well,
but a big wanger is no use
434
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:42,886
if you need a zimmer
frame to tout it in.
435
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:45,009
I mean, he must be
50 if he's a day.
436
00:32:45,088 --> 00:32:48,433
So, Horse,
what can you do?
437
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:51,887
Dunno, really.
438
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,894
Let's see, there's the...
439
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,520
There's the bump.
440
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:00,104
The stomp. The bus stop.
441
00:33:00,187 --> 00:33:02,485
Me breakdancing days
are probably over.
442
00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:05,450
- But I do the funky chicken.
- Now you're talking!
443
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:08,495
- All of 'em?
- Well, yeah. I think so.
444
00:33:08,612 --> 00:33:12,207
Well, it's been a while, mind.
And I've got this dodgy hip.
445
00:33:12,282 --> 00:33:13,909
Yeah.
446
00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:16,871
Well, stick it on, Nathe.
Do your worst, pal.
447
00:34:00,997 --> 00:34:05,093
My favorite film's "Singing Int' Rain".
That walking-up-wall thing is ace!
448
00:34:05,168 --> 00:34:08,172
He knows me. He plastered
our bathroom a while back.
449
00:34:08,255 --> 00:34:10,132
- Get rid of him.
- You'll be fine.
450
00:34:10,215 --> 00:34:12,638
- He'll blow my cover.
- Shut up!
451
00:34:12,717 --> 00:34:15,721
- What walking-up-wall thing?
- I'll show you.
452
00:34:15,845 --> 00:34:17,939
I'm Donald O'Connor, right?
453
00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:23,023
That's the wall.
454
00:34:34,948 --> 00:34:37,042
Oh, well...
455
00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:39,753
It's better than that in the film,
you know.
456
00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:44,420
So... you don't sing?
457
00:34:44,541 --> 00:34:46,259
No.
458
00:34:46,376 --> 00:34:49,971
- You don't dance?
- No.
459
00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:54,722
Hope you don't think I'm being nosy,
but... what do you do?
460
00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:56,895
Well...
461
00:34:56,970 --> 00:34:59,064
There is... this.
462
00:35:08,898 --> 00:35:12,448
Gentlemen, the lunchbox...
has landed.
463
00:35:19,075 --> 00:35:20,201
Chuffing Nora!
464
00:35:20,285 --> 00:35:22,754
All right, Gerald?
I didn't see you!
465
00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:25,256
I did his bathroom.
466
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:29,302
Hello, Guy.
467
00:35:29,419 --> 00:35:31,137
Nathe...
468
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:33,473
Nathan!
469
00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:40,271
- I say, Jean!
- Yeah?
470
00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:42,441
Ever been out with a black bloke?
471
00:35:42,515 --> 00:35:46,190
- You know I haven't, Dave.
- But...
472
00:35:46,269 --> 00:35:48,772
if you were ont' lookout
for a new fella, right?
473
00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:51,153
If you were, just saying,
474
00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:53,322
would you think about it?
475
00:35:53,443 --> 00:35:55,491
What's got into you?
476
00:35:56,821 --> 00:35:58,949
No, would you, though?
477
00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:01,826
I might do. Yeah.
478
00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:04,295
Is that all right?
479
00:36:04,371 --> 00:36:06,840
- So it's true.
- I've bloody had enough of this.
480
00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:08,799
What's true?
481
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:11,378
What they say about black blokes.
482
00:36:11,461 --> 00:36:13,509
They've got great bodies and that.
483
00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:15,678
Some of 'em. Yeah.
484
00:36:17,634 --> 00:36:19,887
And?
485
00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:22,560
Nothing.
486
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:28,020
David... I don't care if they're black,
white, or bloody rainbow-colored.
487
00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:31,364
I'm married 10 you.
Remember?
488
00:36:31,481 --> 00:36:33,529
Yeah.
489
00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:39,331
Night.
490
00:36:42,575 --> 00:36:45,078
Why would I want anyone else?
491
00:36:46,037 --> 00:36:48,165
Big man.
492
00:36:53,169 --> 00:36:55,592
Jeanie,
493
00:36:55,672 --> 00:36:57,766
I'm all in.
494
00:37:00,009 --> 00:37:04,389
It's amazing how tiring it
is doing nowt, you know.
495
00:37:34,627 --> 00:37:37,005
They're just messing, Dave.
496
00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:39,216
- Do you reckon?
- 'Course!
497
00:37:39,299 --> 00:37:41,393
Just Jean, innit?
498
00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:46,977
- Got any of them mint chocolate jobs?
- You're on a diet.
499
00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:51,311
- Don't you start an' all.
- How much you got, then?
500
00:37:53,146 --> 00:37:56,150
22... 27 pence.
501
00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:59,953
£4.99, special offer.
We're still a fucking fiver short.
502
00:38:00,069 --> 00:38:02,993
You know what this means, Dave?
503
00:38:03,072 --> 00:38:05,166
Oh, no! Come on, Gaz.
Why me?
504
00:38:05,241 --> 00:38:08,871
You've got an innocent face.
I've got serial killer written on mine.
505
00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:11,877
If you won't dance,
you can do something useful.
506
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,334
Jean'll throw an eppy!
She's only over there!
507
00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:18,593
She's miles away!
See you later. Good luck.
508
00:38:18,671 --> 00:38:22,847
- Give us a pear drop, you.
- They're not paid for.
509
00:39:16,396 --> 00:39:18,398
Hey, what's this?
510
00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:21,906
I didn't go on the nick in Asda
for some chuffing women's DIY video.
511
00:39:21,985 --> 00:39:24,488
It's Flashdance, Dave.
She's a welder.
512
00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:27,541
I hope she dances better
than she welds!
513
00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:30,627
- Look at that! Her mix is all to cock.
- Shut up, Dave.
514
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:34,332
- What do you know about welding?
- More than some chuffing woman!
515
00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:37,008
It's like Bonfire Night.
Too much acetylene.
516
00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,131
Them joints won't
hold fuck all.
517
00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:42,430
For Christ's sake,
we're looking for dancing.
518
00:39:42,505 --> 00:39:44,382
He's got the hump
about Asda.
519
00:39:44,507 --> 00:39:47,181
'Ey, cop a load of that.
520
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,729
What did I tell you?
She's nifty on her pins.
521
00:39:57,186 --> 00:40:00,281
That, gentlemen,
is what we are looking for.
522
00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:04,532
Oh, aye. I can just see him doing
all that twizzling-about bollocks.
523
00:40:04,611 --> 00:40:09,082
It's souped-up tango, is that. Teach
any bugger in a week. Even you, mate.
524
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:11,451
Even a fat bastard like me?
525
00:40:11,534 --> 00:40:14,378
Yeah, I know what I am,
so don't take the piss.
526
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:18,796
All right. Two weeks.
527
00:40:19,584 --> 00:40:21,712
Straight up.
528
00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:31,855
I dunno, Gaz.
Jean reckons...
529
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:34,649
I should take that security-guard job
at Asda.
530
00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:37,068
Jesus! Security?
531
00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:38,770
You're worth more than that.
532
00:40:38,895 --> 00:40:40,943
She don't think so.
533
00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:44,193
I reckon summat's going on
with her and that bloke.
534
00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:45,902
The juggling bugger?
535
00:40:45,985 --> 00:40:48,113
No. No way.
536
00:40:48,237 --> 00:40:50,285
It's not as if I'd blame her.
537
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,454
You could show her, Dave.
538
00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:56,955
Nobody tells them Chippendales
to do security. Raking it in, they are!
539
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:01,802
Two weeks. That's what the man said,
and he's not taking the piss.
540
00:41:01,918 --> 00:41:03,761
Aye, it's a thought.
541
00:41:03,836 --> 00:41:05,804
It's more than a thought.
542
00:41:05,922 --> 00:41:09,927
Think of Jean's face when
she sees you dancing like Flashdance.
543
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,730
Two weeks?
Just like flashy tits?
544
00:41:13,805 --> 00:41:15,933
It's what your man said.
545
00:41:16,933 --> 00:41:20,938
'Ey... loan weld better
than her an' all.
546
00:41:23,272 --> 00:41:25,320
Stop! No, no! Stop! Stop!
547
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:29,196
- What?
- You stay still!
548
00:41:29,278 --> 00:41:32,282
And you... go forward, OK?
549
00:41:32,365 --> 00:41:34,288
- OK.
- All right, Nathan.
550
00:41:39,122 --> 00:41:43,127
No, no, no! Jesus Christ!
551
00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:47,510
All I want to do
is get you in a straight bloody line!
552
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:49,553
What do I have to do?
553
00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:51,851
It's the Arsenal offside trap, isn't it?
554
00:41:51,968 --> 00:41:55,222
- You what?
- The Arsenal offside trap.
555
00:41:55,304 --> 00:41:57,432
Lomper here is Tony Adams, right?
556
00:41:57,515 --> 00:41:59,438
Any bugger looks like scoring,
557
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:04,114
we all step forward in a line
and wave our arms around like a fairy.
558
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:05,815
That's easy.
559
00:42:06,816 --> 00:42:08,409
OK!
560
00:42:08,484 --> 00:42:10,578
Nathan!
561
00:42:15,825 --> 00:42:17,919
Ref!
562
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:20,747
Perfect.
563
00:42:20,830 --> 00:42:21,831
Perfect.
564
00:42:21,914 --> 00:42:23,507
Well, you should have said.
565
00:42:28,337 --> 00:42:30,681
Come on. Get in quick,
and wipe your boots.
566
00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:37,765
- Put that back. You'll break it.
- I'm just looking.
567
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,724
Bit posh, innit?
568
00:42:39,849 --> 00:42:40,975
Right, then.
569
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:44,689
- Are we right?
- Right for what?
570
00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:47,820
Taking us kit off.
571
00:42:47,899 --> 00:42:50,152
I thought you were turning me
into a fancy dancer.
572
00:42:50,234 --> 00:42:52,362
Ladies, we are strippers, aren't we?
573
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:54,539
What, here? Now?
In this house?
574
00:42:56,699 --> 00:43:00,749
- This is a good area, this is.
- Gaz... I dunno.
575
00:43:00,870 --> 00:43:02,964
If we can't get us kit off
in front of ourselves,
576
00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:05,918
what chance have we got
in front of lasses?
577
00:43:06,042 --> 00:43:07,885
Tops off.
578
00:43:12,256 --> 00:43:14,133
Come on!
579
00:43:16,761 --> 00:43:19,731
Well, no looking.
And no laughing, you bastards.
580
00:43:28,064 --> 00:43:30,613
I used to have a proper job, me.
581
00:43:32,235 --> 00:43:35,079
I ask you, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
582
00:43:44,914 --> 00:43:46,791
And the kecks.
583
00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:07,858
- Horse by name, horse by nature, eh?
- Oh, shut it, you!
584
00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:11,487
- How come you're so brown?
- No reason.
585
00:44:11,607 --> 00:44:17,205
- Someone's got a sunbed, Gerald!
- It's Linda's, and no, you bloody can't!
586
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,453
What am I gonna do about this?
587
00:44:19,532 --> 00:44:21,751
It's not too bad.
588
00:44:21,826 --> 00:44:23,373
From the front, like.
589
00:44:23,452 --> 00:44:26,456
Fat, David, is a feminist issue.
590
00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:28,633
What's that supposed to mean?
591
00:44:28,708 --> 00:44:31,632
I don't bloody know, do I?
But it is.
592
00:44:32,545 --> 00:44:35,219
I try dieting.
593
00:44:35,298 --> 00:44:37,676
I do try!
594
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:41,225
It seems I've spent
most of me fucking life on a diet!
595
00:44:41,304 --> 00:44:43,477
The less I eat,
the fatter I get.
596
00:44:43,556 --> 00:44:47,561
- So stuff yourself and get thin.
- Oh, shut up, saggy tits!
597
00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:50,112
They're not.
598
00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:54,238
A mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff
put on her at this health club.
599
00:44:54,317 --> 00:44:57,366
She lost stones.
Il were like magic.
600
00:44:57,486 --> 00:44:59,159
Oh, what's it called?
601
00:44:59,238 --> 00:45:01,741
Anyway, it's like clingfilm.
602
00:45:01,824 --> 00:45:04,452
- I've heard of that.
- Clingfilm?
603
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:07,209
I'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald.
604
00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:11,836
- You wrap it round, reduce the fat...
- She swears by it!
605
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,639
- You can't just take stuff.
- Sorry, mate.
606
00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:22,812
But I only owe him 120 quid.
607
00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:26,983
- That's all these'll fetch second-hand.
- They're not second-hand.
608
00:45:27,058 --> 00:45:29,186
They are now, mate.
609
00:45:30,937 --> 00:45:33,861
- Put down and piss off.
- Fucking hell!
610
00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:42,373
I think there's been a mistake.
We'll check with the office.
611
00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:46,581
- Cheers, lads.
- It's not bad, this stripping lark.
612
00:45:58,631 --> 00:46:00,759
Dave and Lomps, up the wing.
613
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:03,432
One, two, three, four.
614
00:46:03,552 --> 00:46:06,146
Left touchline, three, four.
615
00:46:06,222 --> 00:46:08,566
Right touchline, three, four.
616
00:46:08,641 --> 00:46:10,894
Offside trap. One, two,
617
00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:13,981
Three, four. Now the belt,
618
00:46:14,063 --> 00:46:16,191
three. Now the shoes,
619
00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:18,743
three, four.
Now the socks...
620
00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:21,822
- Hang on, I can't...
- Carry on!
621
00:46:26,158 --> 00:46:28,160
- That were crap.
- Give us a chance!
622
00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:30,997
I bet even Madonna has difficulty
with her shoes.
623
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,174
- You could've had me eye out!
- Sorry.
624
00:46:33,249 --> 00:46:36,469
What are you doing?
They're borrowed!
625
00:46:36,585 --> 00:46:38,428
We can use 'em for the show.
626
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:40,506
It's what them
Chippendales do.
627
00:46:40,589 --> 00:46:43,342
They put Velcro down the side,
and then...
628
00:46:43,426 --> 00:46:45,474
All is revealed. I'll sew 'em back up.
629
00:46:45,594 --> 00:46:47,892
Where did you learn
to be an ace sewer?
630
00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:49,519
Prison.
631
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:54,649
Cheers, Nathe.
632
00:46:58,524 --> 00:47:00,618
Come on, Al, it's me!
633
00:47:00,693 --> 00:47:04,493
Which is precisely why
it's 100 quid up front. Half-price.
634
00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:07,287
If I give you t'club for nowt
and you don't turn up,
635
00:47:07,366 --> 00:47:10,210
I've got an empty bar on a Friday night.
636
00:47:10,286 --> 00:47:14,291
'Course we'll turn up!
I haven't got 100 quid!
637
00:47:15,291 --> 00:47:18,670
If you tell me what you're up to,
it might help.
638
00:47:19,628 --> 00:47:21,722
I can't. it's top-secret.
639
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,968
Sorry...
640
00:47:39,482 --> 00:47:41,826
- All right, love?
- Hi, Mum.
641
00:47:41,901 --> 00:47:44,154
- What do you want?
- All right, Mand?
642
00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:46,534
I'm gonna get you all your money.
643
00:47:46,655 --> 00:47:51,126
Our money. Nathan's.
You know, for definite this time.
644
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:55,002
- Yeah, right. That all?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
645
00:47:56,165 --> 00:48:01,046
Well, no. The thing is, Mand, you have
to speculate to accumulate, in business.
646
00:48:01,170 --> 00:48:02,783
I'm not sure I'm hearing this.
647
00:48:02,809 --> 00:48:05,496
I'll get you it all. I
just need a tiny bit.
648
00:48:05,549 --> 00:48:07,972
- You want some money?
- Yeah!
649
00:48:08,052 --> 00:48:11,397
Right. I need someone
int' packing section.
650
00:48:11,514 --> 00:48:15,269
£2.50 an hour. You can start now,
if you like. Are you coming?
651
00:48:17,395 --> 00:48:18,863
Come on, Dad.
652
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:23,241
Nathan.
653
00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:26,078
You can't do this, kid.
It's your savings.
654
00:48:26,195 --> 00:48:29,620
I can. I just need your signature.
It says int' book.
655
00:48:29,698 --> 00:48:31,666
I'd like to take my money out, please.
656
00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:33,369
Well, you bloody well can't.
657
00:48:33,452 --> 00:48:37,377
- You're all right, love. It's sorted.
- It's my money!
658
00:48:37,456 --> 00:48:38,799
£100, please.
659
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:42,674
When you're 18,
you can walk in and get it yourself.
660
00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:45,802
- You said you'd get it back.
- I know!
661
00:48:45,881 --> 00:48:48,179
But you don't want to
listen to what I say.
662
00:48:48,259 --> 00:48:51,638
You said so.
I believe you.
663
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,640
You do?
664
00:48:54,723 --> 00:48:55,724
Yeah.
665
00:48:58,894 --> 00:49:00,737
Blimey, Naihe!
666
00:49:13,492 --> 00:49:16,416
Come on, come on!
One, two!
667
00:49:27,006 --> 00:49:29,429
And one for luck!
668
00:50:23,812 --> 00:50:25,814
Yeah!
669
00:50:40,412 --> 00:50:42,005
It's not straight, Lomps.
670
00:50:42,081 --> 00:50:43,879
Give over, it's only a poster.
671
00:50:47,378 --> 00:50:49,847
Christ al-bloody-mighty!
672
00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:52,599
All right, sweethearts?
673
00:50:54,677 --> 00:50:56,850
Gary the lad!
What are you up to, then, shifty?
674
00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:59,853
Bit of this, bit of that,
bit of the other.
675
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,979
- Just advertising for some mates.
- Oh, aye.
676
00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:07,440
And who's gonna come and see
your mates?
677
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:10,242
We had the real thing up here
the other day.
678
00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:12,703
Well, us mates are better.
679
00:51:13,362 --> 00:51:16,741
- Better? How's that, then?
- Well...
680
00:51:18,951 --> 00:51:20,828
This lot go all the way.
681
00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:24,461
- Don't they, lads?
- The full monty? You lot?
682
00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:29,053
Hell-fire! That would be
worth a look!
683
00:51:29,128 --> 00:51:31,722
- See you there, then.
- Ta-ra.
684
00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:37,178
- Keep your hair on.
- No way. No and never. In that order, kid.
685
00:51:37,261 --> 00:51:41,266
Excuse me, no-one said anything to me
about the full monty.
686
00:51:41,390 --> 00:51:45,520
You heard 'em. We've gotta give them
more than your average ten-bob stripper.
687
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:49,449
- Yeah, but... me willy. I mean to say...
- Your willy?
688
00:51:49,565 --> 00:51:52,535
- My willy!
- A laughing stock. Totally!
689
00:51:52,610 --> 00:51:53,827
Well, they're coming!
690
00:51:53,902 --> 00:51:56,530
With a pair of scissors!
They know it's us.
691
00:51:56,614 --> 00:52:01,085
By closing time, every bugger in Sheffield
will know it's us whether we do it or not.
692
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,004
We can forget it,
go back to fucking job club,
693
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:06,707
or do it and just maybe get rich.
694
00:52:06,790 --> 00:52:08,542
And I tell you,
695
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:12,096
folks don't laugh so loud
when you've a grand in your pocket.
696
00:52:12,755 --> 00:52:16,140
Now, are you in...
or are you out?
697
00:52:19,345 --> 00:52:23,270
...all sorts of problems
for drivers on the Pennines.
698
00:52:24,099 --> 00:52:27,319
So, please avoid the
area if possible.
699
00:52:27,436 --> 00:52:31,282
The good news is that the outlook
for the rest of the week is much better,
700
00:52:31,357 --> 00:52:36,033
with the storms clearing
to leave the weekend warm and sunny.
701
00:52:36,111 --> 00:52:40,491
Now, back to the music. Here's
another disco classic from the 70s.
702
00:52:40,616 --> 00:52:42,368
It's Donna Summer with...
703
00:52:42,451 --> 00:52:43,998
"Hot stuff".
704
00:53:43,512 --> 00:53:45,389
No.
705
00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:48,188
Gerald, come on, mate.
Just an hour!
706
00:53:52,062 --> 00:53:54,690
You've got some fit birds in there.
707
00:53:56,859 --> 00:53:59,157
Nah. Tits are too big.
708
00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:00,362
Yeah?
709
00:54:00,446 --> 00:54:02,244
Didn't know they would be.
710
00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:07,328
Anti-wrinkle cream.
711
00:54:07,411 --> 00:54:09,539
Can fellas use this an' all?
712
00:54:09,621 --> 00:54:11,715
Do you mind, you!
713
00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:18,257
Well, I just pray they're a bit more
understanding about us, that's all.
714
00:54:18,380 --> 00:54:20,428
You what?
715
00:54:21,467 --> 00:54:24,846
They're gonna be looking
at us like that.
716
00:54:24,928 --> 00:54:29,559
What if, next Friday, 400 women say:
"He's too fat, he's too old,
717
00:54:29,641 --> 00:54:32,565
and he's a pigeon-chested
little tosser."
718
00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:35,818
- They wouldn't.
- Why not? He said her tits are too big.
719
00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:38,572
That's different. We're... blokes.
720
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:40,323
Yeah. And?
721
00:54:40,402 --> 00:54:42,621
I think she's got nice tits.
722
00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:46,413
I never said owt about her personality.
She's probably quite nice.
723
00:54:46,492 --> 00:54:48,995
They won't say nowt
about your personality.
724
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:51,296
Which is good cos you're a bastard.
725
00:54:51,413 --> 00:54:55,509
Bollocks to your personality!
This is what they're looking at.
726
00:54:55,584 --> 00:54:57,427
And I tell you summat, mate.
727
00:54:57,503 --> 00:55:03,101
Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but
anti-fat-bastard cream, there is none.
728
00:55:03,175 --> 00:55:05,098
Here... lads.
729
00:55:11,433 --> 00:55:13,106
Oh, mother!
730
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,145
Bloody hell!
731
00:55:15,229 --> 00:55:17,857
Gaz said he wanted
something a bit flashy.
732
00:55:17,940 --> 00:55:21,285
- It's top of the range. Real leather.
- Yeah, but...
733
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:23,909
- You don't get much.
- What day is it?
734
00:55:23,987 --> 00:55:26,866
- Monday.
- When are we on?
735
00:55:26,949 --> 00:55:30,123
Friday. Dress rehearsal tomorrow.
736
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:35,044
I think I'm gonna be sick.
737
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:44,925
How can I read the instructions?
There wasn't any.
738
00:55:45,008 --> 00:55:48,137
No?
Well, maybe there's a part missing.
739
00:55:48,220 --> 00:55:51,770
Yeah, I got that.
If that's what you call it.
740
00:55:51,849 --> 00:55:56,229
Well, if it's all there,
how come it's not working?
741
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,653
What do you mean, in what sense?
742
00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:04,578
It's not working
in the sense that it's not working.
743
00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:06,326
No, I can't speak up.
744
00:56:06,405 --> 00:56:10,660
Nothing's happening, you know
what I mean? Nothings getting bigger.
745
00:56:10,742 --> 00:56:12,995
Well, this is an emergency,
is this.
746
00:57:03,712 --> 00:57:05,760
What's the matter, big man?
747
00:57:09,384 --> 00:57:11,432
I'm sorry.
748
00:57:18,769 --> 00:57:20,897
Dave...
749
00:57:24,650 --> 00:57:26,744
Dave.
750
00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:42,259
You're ahead.
751
00:57:42,626 --> 00:57:44,594
Give us a break!
752
00:57:47,923 --> 00:57:49,971
All right, kid.
753
00:57:52,427 --> 00:57:53,644
Tell us straight.
754
00:57:53,762 --> 00:57:56,356
We're not making the biggest arses
of ourselves in the known universe,
755
00:57:56,431 --> 00:57:58,308
are we?
756
00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:10,139
Dave, mate.
757
00:59:10,213 --> 00:59:13,433
Can I have a word?
In private, like.
758
00:59:15,010 --> 00:59:17,308
Yeah. I suppose so.
759
00:59:17,387 --> 00:59:20,436
Dave, you won't tell anyone,
will you?
760
00:59:20,515 --> 00:59:23,940
No, your...
Your secret's safe with me.
761
00:59:26,354 --> 00:59:28,607
When I were about 12,
762
00:59:28,690 --> 00:59:33,036
our school took us for...
for swimming lessons.
763
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:35,159
Mixed classes.
764
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:37,741
You know' boys...
765
00:59:37,866 --> 00:59:39,539
and...
766
00:59:40,869 --> 00:59:42,416
and girls.
767
00:59:46,208 --> 00:59:49,678
It were terrible, Dave.
I were there
768
00:59:49,753 --> 00:59:51,881
standing at t'side of t'pool
in me trunks
769
00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:55,684
with all these pretty lassies
around in bikinis!
770
00:59:55,759 --> 00:59:57,932
And... Well, I...
771
00:59:58,053 --> 01:00:00,147
I got...
772
01:00:05,727 --> 01:00:08,071
I got a stiffy!
773
01:00:08,814 --> 01:00:11,658
- What did you do?
- I jumped into t'deep end.
774
01:00:11,733 --> 01:00:14,452
I nearly fucking drowned!
775
01:00:14,569 --> 01:00:16,116
What if it happens again?
776
01:00:16,238 --> 01:00:18,582
Think of that?
In front of 400 women!
777
01:00:18,657 --> 01:00:21,001
Gerald,
778
01:00:21,076 --> 01:00:23,750
you're talking to t'wrong man.
779
01:00:30,252 --> 01:00:33,176
- You said it were just your mum.
- It's family.
780
01:00:33,255 --> 01:00:36,634
- What can you do?
- Who the hell-fire's that?
781
01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:40,804
Oh, no.
782
01:00:40,929 --> 01:00:42,602
It's Beryl.
783
01:00:42,681 --> 01:00:45,184
Me niece!
784
01:00:45,267 --> 01:00:46,439
Where's Dave?
785
01:00:52,274 --> 01:00:54,242
'Ere, Dave!
786
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,069
Dave!
787
01:00:56,153 --> 01:00:58,155
- What are you doing?
- What does it look like?
788
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,750
We're on in three days' time!
Where the fuck are you?
789
01:01:01,825 --> 01:01:04,749
I'm 'ere, working! Earning!
That's where.
790
01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:06,876
Not pissing about!
791
01:01:06,955 --> 01:01:08,798
End of chat.
792
01:01:10,792 --> 01:01:12,339
Dave.
793
01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:15,054
- Come on, Dave.
- No.
794
01:01:15,130 --> 01:01:17,132
All right, then.
795
01:01:17,215 --> 01:01:20,310
- Very nice.
- Gaz, please, don't.
796
01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:22,353
Come on, Mr. Security Guard.
Do your job.
797
01:01:22,429 --> 01:01:23,430
Gazza!
798
01:01:24,389 --> 01:01:27,518
Horse, go out and tell
'em there's a delay.
799
01:01:27,642 --> 01:01:29,019
They won't wait forever.
800
01:01:42,741 --> 01:01:44,914
Keep up, you fat bastard!
801
01:01:49,206 --> 01:01:51,834
Don't ever call me a fat
bastard, all right?
802
01:01:51,917 --> 01:01:54,670
- All right?
- We need you, Dave.
803
01:01:57,547 --> 01:01:59,675
I can't.
804
01:02:03,011 --> 01:02:06,015
I just can't. All right?
805
01:02:07,682 --> 01:02:12,233
Listen, just think of the most
boring thing you can come up with.
806
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:15,233
- That should keep it well in order.
- Like what?
807
01:02:15,357 --> 01:02:18,736
- Double-glazing salesmen.
- Gardening. The Queen's speech.
808
01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:20,828
A Dire Straits double album.
809
01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:24,283
- Nature programs.
- I like nature programs.
810
01:02:24,366 --> 01:02:27,916
Aye, but they don't give you
a hard-on, though, do they?
811
01:02:28,036 --> 01:02:29,663
Do they?
812
01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:30,440
Blimey...
813
01:02:30,466 --> 01:02:33,241
Oh, shut up! It's not funny.
It's medical.
814
01:02:39,089 --> 01:02:40,762
He's not coming.
815
01:02:42,759 --> 01:02:43,726
We can do without him.
816
01:04:27,697 --> 01:04:30,667
So your daddy dances
in from of you?
817
01:04:30,742 --> 01:04:33,416
When he's rehearsing.
818
01:04:38,917 --> 01:04:42,012
We were dancing
all right then, an' all.
819
01:04:42,087 --> 01:04:44,010
My feet are freezing.
820
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:46,763
Right. Name.
821
01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:48,935
Gary Schofield.
822
01:04:53,056 --> 01:04:55,400
- Gerald Arthur Cooper.
- What?
823
01:04:55,475 --> 01:04:57,569
Gerald Arthur Cooper.
824
01:05:00,230 --> 01:05:03,200
- Barrington Mitchell.
- Barrington?
825
01:05:03,274 --> 01:05:04,696
Yeah.
826
01:05:04,776 --> 01:05:06,870
- Is that one R?
- Two.
827
01:05:29,717 --> 01:05:32,596
Told you. Rubbing pipes' that's all.
828
01:05:32,679 --> 01:05:33,805
Gary, my friend,
829
01:05:33,888 --> 01:05:36,607
no bugger robs pipes in the buff.
830
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:38,151
We do.
831
01:05:38,226 --> 01:05:40,228
Don't get your clothes dirty,
do you?
832
01:05:40,311 --> 01:05:46,990
Oh. Well, don't fret, gents. There's a
right good laundry in Wakefield prison.
833
01:05:50,613 --> 01:05:53,207
Security-camera tapes off the from desk.
834
01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:54,626
What happened to the security guard?
835
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,465
You're always ahead there.
836
01:06:08,548 --> 01:06:10,971
You're always bloody behind,
more like.
837
01:06:11,050 --> 01:06:15,851
Look... Excuse me,
can I borrow this for a second?
838
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:18,524
Look, shut up, will you? Watch.
839
01:06:22,395 --> 01:06:24,068
He's right.
840
01:06:24,147 --> 01:06:26,400
- You're ahead.
- Oh, go... bollocks!
841
01:06:49,422 --> 01:06:50,924
Be quiet!
Me mum'll hear.
842
01:06:51,007 --> 01:06:53,931
I've always wanted to meet your mum.
843
01:07:03,561 --> 01:07:07,532
What do you mean, I can't see him?
He's me son! I haven't been charged!
844
01:07:07,607 --> 01:07:09,701
Ask Smiler in there! No charge!
845
01:07:09,776 --> 01:07:13,326
Sorry. Social Services have requested
an interview with you.
846
01:07:13,404 --> 01:07:16,078
Have to make an appointment.
847
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:23,419
- I've come to pick up my son.
- Oh, right...
848
01:07:23,498 --> 01:07:25,500
Just a minute.
849
01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:27,927
He's fine.
We've not been charged or owt.
850
01:07:28,002 --> 01:07:31,757
So this is your great money-making
enterprise? Pornography?
851
01:07:31,839 --> 01:07:34,137
Don't be daft!
We're getting your money.
852
01:07:34,217 --> 01:07:36,561
My money? Nathan's money!
853
01:07:36,636 --> 01:07:38,730
- Here he is.
- All right' Dad?
854
01:07:38,805 --> 01:07:42,025
- All right, kid?
- Yeah, fine. Hi, Mum.
855
01:07:42,100 --> 01:07:43,568
Come on, love.
856
01:07:43,643 --> 01:07:45,316
We're going now.
857
01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:47,489
- Come on, Mand!
- Unemployed,
858
01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:52,070
maintenance arrears of £700'
and now an arrest for indecent exposure.
859
01:07:52,151 --> 01:07:54,825
- Still think you're a good father?
- He is trying.
860
01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:57,703
- See?
- A bit late for that.
861
01:07:57,782 --> 01:08:01,082
- Hang on a minute!
- Look at yourself, Gary!
862
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,538
Just look at yourself.
863
01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:41,584
All right, mate?
864
01:08:42,327 --> 01:08:44,671
So.
865
01:08:46,331 --> 01:08:49,335
And this has been
going on how long?
866
01:08:52,420 --> 01:08:54,297
About six months.
867
01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:03,477
I can cope with losing the sunbed.
868
01:09:03,556 --> 01:09:05,650
Car. Television.
869
01:09:06,517 --> 01:09:10,317
I can even cope with the shame
of everyone watching this.
870
01:09:10,396 --> 01:09:13,821
But six months!
Six bloody months!
871
01:09:13,900 --> 01:09:16,028
And you wouldn't say to me,
872
01:09:17,195 --> 01:09:19,448
to your wife.
873
01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:26,455
I thought you liked them.
874
01:09:26,537 --> 01:09:28,710
No, Gerald. I've never liked 'em.
875
01:09:54,107 --> 01:09:57,532
They've taken me sunbed.
They've taken bloody everything.
876
01:09:57,610 --> 01:10:00,659
- Kept hold of your chips, though.
- House repossessed.
877
01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:02,615
Wife thrown me out.
878
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:05,293
Guess what.
879
01:10:05,368 --> 01:10:07,746
I've just been
offered that job.
880
01:10:07,829 --> 01:10:09,752
Congratulations.
881
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,553
- All right, kid?
- Hiya!
882
01:10:19,632 --> 01:10:22,636
- Fancy a kick-about int' park?
- Yeah.
883
01:10:25,096 --> 01:10:26,188
Nathe.
884
01:10:26,264 --> 01:10:28,107
Hiya. All right, love?
885
01:10:28,182 --> 01:10:29,775
You shouldn't be here.
886
01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:32,855
- Says who?
- Read the lawyer's letter, why don't you?
887
01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:37,488
We're going swimming, Dad.
Do you wanna come?
888
01:10:40,319 --> 01:10:42,822
I can't, kid.
889
01:10:42,905 --> 01:10:45,033
Haven't brought me trunks,
have I?
890
01:10:45,116 --> 01:10:48,620
- We can go get 'em. Can't we, Mum?
- I can't, love.
891
01:10:48,703 --> 01:10:51,081
Why?
892
01:10:51,164 --> 01:10:53,258
I just...
893
01:10:54,959 --> 01:10:56,836
I just can't. Sorry.
894
01:10:58,087 --> 01:11:00,681
He's not allowed, is he?
895
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:06,680
Come on, love.
896
01:11:45,092 --> 01:11:46,389
Dave!
897
01:11:46,469 --> 01:11:48,767
Oi, you deaf Mai!
898
01:11:48,846 --> 01:11:51,349
What do you want now?
I told you, I'm finished with you.
899
01:11:51,432 --> 01:11:53,526
We're all finished, Dave.
900
01:11:53,601 --> 01:11:55,979
I'm a bloody marked man now.
901
01:11:57,814 --> 01:12:01,114
Sorry about your Nathan.
It's a bad one, that.
902
01:12:01,192 --> 01:12:03,286
Aye.
903
01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:05,705
It's about Lomper.
904
01:12:05,780 --> 01:12:08,249
What's that pasty-faced
chuff er want?
905
01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:10,418
His mum died two days ago.
906
01:12:13,496 --> 01:12:15,544
Poor lad. Sorry.
907
01:12:15,623 --> 01:12:17,546
Could you borrow us a
jacket for t'funeral?
908
01:12:17,625 --> 01:12:18,717
Gaz...!
909
01:12:18,793 --> 01:12:22,923
Come on, Dave!
It's not for me, it's a funeral!
910
01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:27,181
What color?
911
01:12:29,053 --> 01:12:30,521
Orange.
912
01:12:30,596 --> 01:12:33,520
- Orange?
- Black, for fuck's sake!
913
01:12:33,599 --> 01:12:36,318
All right.
Look, I'll meet you by t'doors.
914
01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:50,458
- Nice one.
- Come on, then.
915
01:12:50,533 --> 01:12:53,207
- Have you got some time off?
- Nah.
916
01:12:53,286 --> 01:12:55,539
Fucking pick'n'mix
were driving me crazy.
917
01:12:55,621 --> 01:12:57,498
Besides, it's a funeral.
918
01:12:57,582 --> 01:13:00,711
- Are you ready?
- Ready when you are.
919
01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:13,206
They bloody are, you know.
920
01:14:13,282 --> 01:14:14,909
They're holding hands.
921
01:14:14,992 --> 01:14:17,962
- They're never.
- Straight up.
922
01:14:18,913 --> 01:14:21,666
I never even hold hands
with ruddy lassies.
923
01:14:21,749 --> 01:14:23,467
Maybe I should.
924
01:14:24,919 --> 01:14:28,048
Ah, who'd have ruddy thought it, eh?
925
01:14:29,715 --> 01:14:33,140
Ah, well.
There's nowt as queer as folk.
926
01:14:34,762 --> 01:14:38,608
I said,
"There's nowt as queer as folk"!
927
01:14:38,683 --> 01:14:41,527
Shut up, Dave.
It's supposed to be a bloody funeral.
928
01:14:41,602 --> 01:14:43,775
I'm sorry.
929
01:14:53,114 --> 01:14:55,742
- Look! Who's that?
- It's that guy!
930
01:14:55,825 --> 01:14:57,919
Show us your pecs!
931
01:15:02,081 --> 01:15:03,628
They were together in the paper.
932
01:15:08,629 --> 01:15:12,133
Have you been actively seeking work
over the last fortnight?
933
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:13,350
Yeah.
934
01:15:13,426 --> 01:15:17,306
Have you done any work, paid
or unpaid, over the last fortnight?
935
01:15:17,388 --> 01:15:18,890
No.
936
01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:23,231
That's not what I've heard.
937
01:16:11,901 --> 01:16:13,448
Right, come on, you lot!
938
01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:19,458
"Slaidburn."
939
01:16:23,287 --> 01:16:25,665
One, two, three, four.
940
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:07,756
- Go get snagged!
- Get your knickers off!
941
01:17:12,753 --> 01:17:15,256
Oh, fuck!
942
01:17:15,339 --> 01:17:17,933
Hey, Patricia the Stripper!
943
01:17:18,008 --> 01:17:21,103
- Bugger off.
- Where have you bloody been?
944
01:17:21,178 --> 01:17:25,684
What's going on? I had to buy 20 barrels!
I've had no word from you!
945
01:17:25,766 --> 01:17:27,894
I hope they're sale or return.
946
01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:30,230
You're joking!
You're bloody famous!
947
01:17:30,312 --> 01:17:32,610
Yeah, don't remind me.
948
01:17:32,690 --> 01:17:35,785
- I've sold 200-odd tickets!
- How many?
949
01:17:36,443 --> 01:17:38,662
Well done, Gerald.
All the best.
950
01:17:38,737 --> 01:17:41,616
Hey! Example for you there!
951
01:17:45,452 --> 01:17:48,376
- Nice suit, Gerald!
- Yeah.
952
01:17:48,455 --> 01:17:50,549
Well, I'd best be off.
953
01:17:50,624 --> 01:17:54,595
You never know, there might
be a job in it for you boys.
954
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,468
- All right, lads?
- All right, Gaz?
955
01:17:56,547 --> 01:18:00,142
- Gareth.
- We're on.
956
01:18:00,217 --> 01:18:01,343
We're bloody on!
957
01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:02,196
You what?
958
01:18:02,222 --> 01:18:05,298
We've sold 200 tickets.
That's two grand!
959
01:18:05,347 --> 01:18:08,942
It's a bit late for all that, Gaz.
I mean...
960
01:18:09,018 --> 01:18:11,396
I mean fresh start, you know.
961
01:18:11,478 --> 01:18:13,071
One more time, Gerald.
962
01:18:13,147 --> 01:18:16,947
You got the rest of your fucking
life to wear a suit!
963
01:18:17,026 --> 01:18:18,778
- Gerald...
- Aye, go on!
964
01:18:18,861 --> 01:18:20,408
Come on, Gerald.
965
01:18:24,283 --> 01:18:25,956
- Just once.
- Yes!
966
01:18:26,035 --> 01:18:28,879
That's all. Just tonight.
967
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:33,588
How about it, Dave?
968
01:18:33,667 --> 01:18:36,716
Haven't you grown
out of all that yet?
969
01:18:36,795 --> 01:18:39,173
Come on, mate.
970
01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:41,850
Nah. Sorry, lads.
971
01:18:50,392 --> 01:18:52,360
Jean?
972
01:18:54,438 --> 01:18:55,985
Jean, love!
973
01:19:03,405 --> 01:19:05,499
There you are.
974
01:19:10,955 --> 01:19:14,459
I should have guessed when
you started wearing totty lotion.
975
01:19:14,541 --> 01:19:16,919
You never put it on for me,
did you?
976
01:19:17,002 --> 01:19:19,255
- Jean?
- Or this?
977
01:19:20,839 --> 01:19:25,015
I never had you down
for this sort of caper, David.
978
01:19:25,094 --> 01:19:27,563
It explains a few things,
at least.
979
01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:30,357
No, look. ..
I know it don't look good.
980
01:19:30,432 --> 01:19:33,026
You're bloody right it don't.
981
01:19:33,936 --> 01:19:36,689
All those nights you were late back
982
01:19:36,772 --> 01:19:41,027
and stupid cow here thought
you were out looking for a job!
983
01:19:41,110 --> 01:19:42,828
Well, no wonder.
984
01:19:42,903 --> 01:19:45,122
No bloody wonder.
985
01:19:45,197 --> 01:19:48,576
- It's so obvious.
- No, I were with Gaz, honest.
986
01:19:48,659 --> 01:19:52,880
Oh, right! She's one of Gaz's
little tans, is she?
987
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:54,753
Well, that makes sense.
988
01:19:54,832 --> 01:19:58,962
She'd have to be
to put up with this kind of shit!
989
01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:05,055
Just listen, will you? It's nowt
to do with any fucking women!
990
01:20:07,678 --> 01:20:09,806
I'm---
991
01:20:09,888 --> 01:20:11,561
I were a stripper, right?
992
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:13,563
Me and Gaz and...
993
01:20:13,642 --> 01:20:17,397
some fellas thought we'd make a bob
or two taking us clothes off.
994
01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:21,609
Strippers?
995
01:20:21,692 --> 01:20:24,070
All right, all right, I know.
996
01:20:24,153 --> 01:20:27,407
You... and Gaz?
997
01:20:27,489 --> 01:20:29,162
Strippers?
998
01:20:29,241 --> 01:20:31,335
We weren't that bad.
999
01:20:33,579 --> 01:20:35,798
Only I couldn't, could I?
1000
01:20:36,373 --> 01:20:38,967
Why not?
1001
01:20:39,043 --> 01:20:41,011
Well, look at me.
1002
01:20:43,130 --> 01:20:45,224
So?
1003
01:20:46,383 --> 01:20:50,183
Jeanie,
who wants to see this dance?
1004
01:20:51,847 --> 01:20:53,941
Me, Dave.
1005
01:20:55,059 --> 01:20:57,153
I do.
1006
01:21:21,502 --> 01:21:23,095
Women only, you tosser!
1007
01:21:23,170 --> 01:21:26,765
Women only! It's on all
t'posters, for fuck's sake.
1008
01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:29,639
No, nobody told me.
1009
01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,846
All the blokes from t'pub are in there.
1010
01:21:31,929 --> 01:21:32,780
Bastards!
1011
01:21:32,806 --> 01:21:36,209
You'll be all right
once you're on stage.
1012
01:21:36,266 --> 01:21:37,734
Once I'm on stage?
1013
01:21:37,810 --> 01:21:43,283
I'm going nowhere near the fucking stage!
It's suicide! That's what it is! Suicide!
1014
01:21:52,032 --> 01:21:54,831
Come on, come on!
Come on, come on!
1015
01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:57,504
Come on, come on!
Come on!
1016
01:21:58,330 --> 01:22:00,549
Shit! I'll give the money back.
1017
01:22:00,624 --> 01:22:02,342
Alan, announce it, please.
1018
01:22:02,418 --> 01:22:06,389
To 400 horny punters?
Ask me another one, kid!
1019
01:22:06,463 --> 01:22:07,464
By 'eck!
1020
01:22:07,548 --> 01:22:10,677
Our old dinner lady's
ont' front row!
1021
01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:13,888
- We'll get torn to pieces!
- You will if you don't go on!
1022
01:22:13,971 --> 01:22:16,815
Ever seen a zebra brought down
by a pack of wolves?
1023
01:22:16,890 --> 01:22:19,985
These nature films.
Aren't they marvelous?
1024
01:22:20,060 --> 01:22:21,403
Brilliant, aren't they?
1025
01:22:21,478 --> 01:22:24,482
- They are, aren't they, Gerald?
- Oh, pack it in!
1026
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:27,739
- Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz?
- Dave!
1027
01:22:27,818 --> 01:22:30,742
There were nowt on telly
so I thought I'd give it a go.
1028
01:22:30,821 --> 01:22:34,576
- I found this wandering about outside.
- They wouldn't let me in.
1029
01:22:34,658 --> 01:22:37,662
What the hell are you doing 'ere?
Your mum'll go mad!
1030
01:22:37,744 --> 01:22:40,793
- She's out from.
- Is she?
1031
01:22:40,873 --> 01:22:42,250
Is Barry with her?
1032
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:44,460
She wouldn't let him come.
Said it were women only.
1033
01:22:44,543 --> 01:22:48,798
Right! I can't hold them any longer!
It's now or never!
1034
01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:53,978
We're bloody on.
Go get your jacket on.
1035
01:22:56,346 --> 01:22:59,395
Can't we leave us G-strings on, Gaz?
1036
01:22:59,475 --> 01:23:00,897
Perhaps you better had.
1037
01:23:00,976 --> 01:23:03,070
No, we better hadn't.
1038
01:23:03,145 --> 01:23:06,900
Listen. If we're doing this,
then just this once,
1039
01:23:06,982 --> 01:23:09,451
we're doing it right.
1040
01:23:09,526 --> 01:23:10,618
Now, come on.
1041
01:23:12,196 --> 01:23:14,665
Come on, put your hands together
1042
01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:17,038
and welcome Mr. Dave Horsefall!
1043
01:23:26,627 --> 01:23:30,097
OK, ladies and gents...
and you buggers up the back there!
1044
01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:32,466
Get on with it!
1045
01:23:32,549 --> 01:23:34,267
We may not be young,
1046
01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:37,062
we may not be pretty,
we may not be right good,
1047
01:23:37,137 --> 01:23:39,265
but we're here.
1048
01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:41,726
We're live, and for one night only
1049
01:23:41,808 --> 01:23:44,778
we're going for the
full monty!
1050
01:23:46,230 --> 01:23:48,653
You can't miss it,
not after everything.
1051
01:23:49,775 --> 01:23:53,279
- Come on, Gaz! Hurry up!
- Sorry, lads.
1052
01:23:55,948 --> 01:23:57,495
Good luck, eh?
1053
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:31,233
Listen. I'm gonna get
really annoyed with you.
1054
01:24:31,316 --> 01:24:33,660
They're cheering out there.
You did that.
1055
01:24:33,735 --> 01:24:35,988
Now get out there
and do your stuff.
1056
01:24:36,255 --> 01:24:38,657
God, is there anyone
I don't get bollocked by?
1057
01:24:38,740 --> 01:24:40,834
Oui!
1058
01:26:33,480 --> 01:26:35,574
Off! Off! Off!
1059
01:26:59,464 --> 01:27:02,092
Off, off, off!77705
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