All language subtitles for The Cool Kids s01e08 Hank the Cradle Robber.eng

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(grunting)
Ooh.

Ooh. (groans)

(sighs)

How's everybody doing?

(laughs)
What is with that walk?

Well, if you must know,

I was salsa dancing
till midnight.

You were salsa dancing?

You get winded salsa eating.

Late night dancing, smiling--

you've been happy for weeks now.

That's very unlike you.

Well, I guess I need
to let you all in on something.

I'm dating a younger woman.
Felicia.

(chuckles) She's gorgeous

and full of life.

And get this, she's 45. (laughs)

Jailbait, baby!

Damn, you're robbing the cradle.

-(laughing)
-Uh, no, whoa, whoa.

My high fives
tend to be unconvincing.

I'm better with a "hoo, mama."

45-year-old? Hoo, mama!

See?

I mean, there's obviously
something wrong with this woman.

What, does she need
a green card? A kidney?

I'm just trying to figure
what would drive a 45-year-old

to this.

We have a lot in common.

See, we met at this
jazz record store.

I went in there to find
a very rare Miles Davis album,

on which he calls
his bass player

a particularly outdated slur.

And we hit it off.

She's a old soul.
I feel like a teenager again.

Hoo, mama!

And she's, what,
terminally ill?

No. The only thing
she's dying from is Hank fever.

And the only cure
for that is more

Hank, Hank, Hank.

Ask your doctor about Hank.

Side effects include delusion,

overconfidence,
and extreme hair loss.

I knew you were gonna do this.

You just jealous
'cause you not cradle robbing.

I'm not jealous. I might be

a-a little annoyed
at the double standard.

I mean, you never see a younger
man with an older woman.

Uh, I've actually been
with a much older woman.

Well, not recently.

No, I was 18, she was 65.

She was born in 1899.

Anyway...

she's obviously
out of your league.

I'm just trying to get
to the real truth.

Well, Felicia...

and I have a real connection.

Oh! In fact,
she wants to meet you guys.

So you can judge for yourself
that it is real.

FYI, I'm gonna need you all to
lie, tell her I don't live here.

Why? This place rocks.

We got unlimited Froyo.

Well, she's young. She doesn't
want to date somebody

living in
a retirement community.

So I told her my home
is under renovation.

(sadly):
Hoo, mama.

Eh, shouldn't she like you
for you? I mean, we'll play...

All right, great,
let's leave it there, then.

I got it-- she's blind.

Margaret, I'm happy.
Just leave it alone.

-Fine, I will drop it.
-(grunting)

I am not dropping squat.
Something is off, right, guys?

I mean, a younger woman
who is suddenly into Hank?

Oh, he's fine.

I'm just worried he's gonna
humiliate himself

trying to seem younger.

-(phone chimes)
-Ooh!

My wheelie sneakers
just shipped!

*

And then this big hunk of man

just swept me off my feet.

Now, how'd I sweep you
off your feet

when you already
swept me off mine?

Answer is my
athletic youthfulness.

-(laughs)
-Ow.

Yeah, dancing does keep
the body young.

That's, uh,
what I always say, right?

-Always.
-Always. That's what he says.

I feel like you always say,
"My lower back hurts."

You know, it is great to finally
meet all of Hank's friends.

Yep, yep, yep.

We're just his buds
from down the street.

It's a normal street

with separate houses
and outdoor space between them.

He never brings
his trash cans in.

It's ruining the neighborhood.

(laughs)

You guys crack me up,
especially this one.

I just want to put you
in a backpack

-and take you everywhere.
-(laughing)

Well, let's not forget
that I'm a human being.

But that sounds like fun.
You're fun.

Isn't she fun?

Almost like it's too good
to be true.

It's almost exactly like
it's too good to be true.

Hey, Hank, did you confirm
our reservation at Morano's?

-Yes, I did.
-Okay.

Wow, Morano's. Fancy.
And Hank is taking you there?

Mm-hmm.

Did they open up
their dress code

to Crocs and bowling shirts?

No.

Did they?

You know what?
I am gonna hit up that jukebox.

You got any cash, Hanky poo?

Baby, I got you, baby boo.

(laughs)
There you go, madam.

-Grab a fistful.
-Hey, hey.

Sid, I think I know
what's going on.

The 20 for the jukebox,
Morano's--

I think maybe "baby boo"
is a gold digger.

I'm gonna go see
what I can find out.

(clears throat) I think I'm
gonna go hit the jukebox, too.

See if they have any Mozart.

Hey, there.

Son of a... Sorry,
you scared me. (chuckles)

Oh, nothing to be scared of,

unless I'm catching you
doing something wrong.

Am I?

(laughs)

So have you, uh, have you ever
dated an older man before?

-Older men are kind of my type.
-Interesting.

It's a pattern.
You kind of target them.

Yeah, that's not exactly
what I'm saying.

Uh, older men know themselves.

They don't play games.
They're more mature.

Really? That guy?

(laughter)

Oh, my God, he is so funny
and so nice.

Really? We're s-we're still
talking about Hank, right?

Oh. Okay. Yeah.

I see why you came over here.

You have feelings for him.

(laughing):
What?

Whoa. Hank? No.

Ooh, never. Ew, gross.

Yeah, but I thought
that maybe...

Yuck. Gag. Puke.

(shivers)
Nasty.

Okay. I'm just gonna
head back to the table now.

Hey, Hanky poo, why don't we
hit Morano's early?

It was nice meeting you guys.

Margaret, I hope you
find happiness.

You know what,
I've had a few drinks.

-Mm.
-So, let's Uber. Ooh!

Maybe we'll be bad and Uber XL.

-Do they have a Uber XXL?
-(both laugh)

Nice girl.

I don't know why she just wants
Margaret to find happiness,

but, uh, nice girl.

Nice girl? Come on, Charlie.

She's taking Hank
to the cleaners.

Margaret thinks that Felicia

is gold digging Hank.

I know she is. You think about
what's going on here, guys.

He's flashing cash at
the record store, the Uber XL.

He bought us a round.

Hank has no gold to dig.

Yeah, Sid's right, Margaret.

Most of Hank's wealth
is in baseball cards.

Well, that proves my point.

Rich guys know to look out
for a gold digger.

It's the pathetic schlubs like
Hank that never see it coming.

She's gonna fleece him and
move right on to the next guy.

I think she may be
on to something.

I am. Hank is our friend,

and somebody's trying
to take advantage of him,

and we can't let that happen.

I ain't saying
she's a gold digger,

but she ain't messing
with no broke...

Well, y'all know the song.

(vocalizing)

All right, here he comes.

We're gonna tell him
the truth about Felicia

and we're gonna do it
together, okay?

-Yeah. Yeah. You got it.
-I got your back, girl.

(scatting)

What happened to the limp,
lover boy?

Well, I stole some
of Larry's muscle relaxers.

That fool is relaxed
enough as it is.

(mouthing)

So, uh...

what's up with y'all?

We, uh, we all have something
that we want to tell you.

Yeah.

But it's mostly
Margaret's thing.

Yeah, you're gonna be
pretty pissed, but...

Tell him, Margaret.

-It's about Felicia.
-Oh!

Speak of the devil.

I'm on my way to meet her
at the roller rink.

When's the last time
you went roller skating?

Well, not that long ago.
I guess about, uh...

47 years.

But I'm gonna do it for her.
You know, for the first time,

I'm not even thinking
about my ex-wife.

Felicia is just fantastic,
and she's funny, too.

She just makes me feel alive.

So, uh, y'all wanted to tell me
something about her?

-She's... We're happy for you.
-She is great. Great gal.

I got to lock this one down.
Well, I'm off to the rink.

Okay.

(quietly): Ow.

So what if we are wrong
about Felicia?

We could ruin
a really good thing for Hank.

In the small chance
that I am wrong--

the small, small, small chance--

we have to get some evidence
before we confront him,

and we better do it quick.

I mean, you heard him,
he's gonna lock it down.

I just need five minutes
with her phone.

It'll have bank records
and clues from her past.

I know what I'm doing.
(chuckles)

I worked with
the Watergate burglars.

They are famous for literally
nothing besides getting caught.

Yeah.

They got caught.

Well, if it's Felicia's phone
that we want,

we know exactly where
it will be: at the roller rink.

Sid, we are not going
to a roller rink

so you can go skating.

It is not that, Margaret.

I want to help Hank.

Do you think they'll have
the hokey pokey? Ooh!

I got to go get my wheel wax.

*

(dance music playing)

All right. We got Mitch
on the tunes tonight,

so expect a lot of bangers.

Skittle machine's on the right.

Claw machine
is the tightest in Tucson,

so don't waste your time.

I mean, I've never
been here before, but...

Usual skates, Mr. Delacroix?

Yes, clerk who somehow knows
my name.

(quietly):
Be cool, Terrance.

Sid, we're not gonna skate.

We're here on a mission,
and we can't

let Hank and Felicia see us.

(both giggling)

BOTH:
Ooh!

The secret to black ops
is speed.

We find her purse,
get her phone,

I leave a Monopoly token
because that's my calling card,

and then we exit unnoticed.

I just wish we had air support.

Why?

I just wish we did.

All right, someone has to keep
an eye out for Hank.

On it.

How did he get those skates on
so fast?

Well, if we had air support,
we'd know.

There you go, okay, you got it.

-Here, I'll catch you.
-Oh, you're always trying

to get your hands on me,
aren't you, cutie?

-Whoa! Ooh!
-Oh!

(panting):
I got... I'm okay.

I feel like Kristi Yamaguchi
up in here.

We don't have to do this,

since, you know,
you're not very good at it.

Well, I'm more
of a speed skater,

and that's really not what
this rink is set up for.

Ah.

But you go ahead on.
I'm-a catch up to you.

Go, go, go, go, go.
(chuckles)

Go.

Okay, her purse is
in there somewhere.

Yeah, I got this.
Follow my lead. (clears throat)

There's a corpse
in the bathroom.

MARGARET:
Yeah, uh,

a-a big old corpse.

The kids are playing on it.

Maybe a heads-up if you're gonna
take it to "bathroom corpse"

right off the bat?

Heads-up for life. I always take
it to "bathroom corpse"

right off the bat.

Let's just find this purse.

I need a size seven.

(quietly):
Seven.

-Aren't you gonna spray them?
-Uh...

Uh, sorry, sweetie,
it's my first day.

I can tell,
'cause you suck at your job.

Oh, really?

Ugh!

Move.

Who do you think you're talking
to, little missy?

We're about to do
the limbo here.

Well, do it someplace else.
I'm putting in work.

You're old.

I have lived a life.

You are gonna marry
your first boyfriend

and die within six miles
of this rink, sweet pea.

Ugh, this has got to be
the smelliest black op ever.

-Charlie, wait.
-What? What?

This could be our girl's.

Look, "I Heart Jazz" keychain.

Oh, yeah, it's definitely her.

(chuckles)
Her picture's on the phone here.

I'm gonna try to hack in.

One, two,

three, four.

Nope. I'm out of ideas.

Well, we're gonna
have to dig deeper.

Sid's still on lookout, right?

(cheering, applause)

Okay, Gramps,
you're pretty good.

Well, I ought to be. I lived
most of my life on the down-low.

(laughs)

You'll get it
when you get older.

And this one definitely will.

All right, here we go.

Two, two, three, four.

No.

I'm gonna try my birthday.

Why would she use
your birthday as her code?

-Exactly.
-(scoffs)

Charlie, look.

Holy guacamole.

(exhales)
It's worse than we thought.

What the hell
are you two doing here?

Is that Felicia's purse?

Wha... Damn it.
Great looking out, Sid.

* Da, da, da, da, da, da *

* Da, da, da, da,
da, da... *

Oh, Hank,
I hate to have to tell you this,

but Felicia's been lying to you.

Damn it, woman,
I told you, stay out of this.

Let me be happy.

We found this sonogram
in her purse.

She's pregnant, Hank.

She's trying to trap you
with the baby

and take all your money.

Oh, my God.

Hey, lady, I said seven.

These are nines.

Get it together, Margaret.

I can't believe
Felicia's pregnant.

I just had to date
a 45-year-old.

Well, Hank, if you're gonna fly
that close to the sun,

you got to wear sunscreen.

CHARLIE: Well,
you should have come with me

the day I got snipped.
(chuckles)

They were doing two-for-one.

SID:
Apologies.

I got pulled
into some rink drama.

Avery's a good egg,
but she's lashing out

because-- surprise, surprise--
there's trouble at home.

Sid, Felicia's pregnant.
She's baby-trapping Hank.

Oh, Hank. I am so sorry.

Can a 45-year-old
even have a baby?

I don't know a ton
about pregnancy.

Yes, it is absolutely possible.

Mm.

And I assume the baby
comes out older, too?

-No?
-This can't be happening.

I can't have my golden years
filled with crying and fussing.

Well, think about it, Hank.

When the kid is old enough
to go off to college,

you'll only be... 86.

That is so old.

I knew deep down
she was out of my league.

I mean, why else
would I be fronting to her?

I'm a fool.

A sad, fertile fool.

Just out here, putting babies
all up in people.

Go ahead, Margaret, say it.
You were right.

I'm sorry, Hank.
This really sucks.

Hank, we want you to know
we're here for you.

Well, I just need to hear
Felicia own up to this.

I'm-a march
right across this room

and give her a piece of my mind.

(grunting)
Whoa. Well, forget that.

Hey, Felicia!

Hey.

W-What are you guys doing here?

(stammers)
Me... You...

Problem... Diapers?

H-Hank, take a deep breath.

You know you babble
when you get too mad.

(panting):
You took a skate scamming.

What... How often? Never?

Hank, are you okay?

Wait, what is she doing
with my purse?

What the hell?

I know you're pregnant.

You never cared about my heart.

All you cared about
was my bank account.

Are you insane?

Oh, so that's the plan.

You're gonna have me
declared insane.

And guess who gets
all my baseball cards?

Suddenly, who's sitting
on a pile of mint condition

Ken Griffey Jr.'s,
I'm on Shutter Island.

I don't know, Felicia.
You tell me.

Am I insane?

Yes!

This is my dog's sonogram, Hank.

Yeah, nice try. Dog sonogram.

What's next? What, seagulls
getting their blood pressure?

(whispers indistinctly)

I have, uh, just been informed
that dogs do get sonograms.

Yeah.
I had to take my dog to the vet

because he ate
a pair of cuff links.

Cuff links that I bought
for you.

Just to be clear,
I did say there was a small,

small, small chance
I could be wrong.

Good, you're still here.

Of course I am.

I can't get out
of these stupid skates.

And do you know why there's
a Monopoly token in my purse?

So, we cool?

No, Hank, we are not cool.

How could you think
I was scamming you?

Well, look at me,
and look at you.

You're smart, you're sexy.

You could have any guy you want.

Hey, for the record,
I genuinely like older men.

Single guys my age are obsessed

with their careers
and sports cars.

Well, the good news is
I don't have a job

and I drive a golf cart.

Look, I'm sorry my friends
got me all riled up

and I jumped to conclusions.

The truth is

I can't dance,
I can't roller skate

and I live
in a retirement community.

And I really like you.

And I really like you, too.

I don't care about
where you live.

Listen, I'm sorry
I screwed things up.

Do you think
you could forgive me

and we could give this
a fresh start?

Sure.

-But this time, let's be
honest with each other. -Mm.

-And I'm still taking
your old ass dancing. -(laughs)

Well, just long as you
ice me down the next day.

(both laugh)

Oh, and your friends are crazy.

Yeah, we're never hanging out
with them again.

Here's to single Hank.

-Ha, ha!
-To single Hank. -(laughs)

I kind of thought you guys
were gonna work it out.

I can't believe
you broke up with her.

I don't need Felicia
to make me feel young.

That's what
I got you freaks for.

(chuckles):
Yeah. Bye, Felicia.

-No new friends.
-(laughs)

Kristin said trampolines
are stupid.

Girl, Kristin wishes
she had a trampoline.

That skank can
just shut her mouth.

Hoo, mama.

That's pretty good.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

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Buckle up, buttercup.

It's real, and it pulls
people together.

-* We're breaking waves
shooting star * -(siren wailing)

* We live for glory
not forever *

MAN: Touchdown!

* Reach out *

* Make this right here
right now *

* Stand up *

* Here right now *

That sounds like fun.

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